#and as I’ve emphasized repeatedly: sam is the heart of this thing. the writing is so hollow when he’s sidelined

[ardentpoop]

unpopular opinion I don’t really like 11.04 “baby”

robbie thompson’s character writing/dialogue is simply nowhere near good enough to hold my attention for long - there are scant Crumbs of intrigue in that episode.

like I know why it’s a fan favorite (nostalgia + perspective shift) but it has extremely low rewatch value for me. unfortunately the visual appeal cannot carry it.

[pinknerdpanda]

Quarantined

Word Count: 1,368

Characters: Bucky x Reader (kinda), Steve, Sam

Warnings: Fluff, Quarantine shopping, Petulant!Bucky, Bickering Sam and Bucky, Exasperated!Steve, language (obvi)

SSB Square Filled: “I’ve Knocked Out Adolf Hitler over 200 times.” (bolded below)

Requested by: @princessmisery666: “Drabble request - Steve, Sam and Bucky shopping for quarantine supplies!! Let the games (arguments) begin 😘.”

Beta: @shy-violet-soul - you are da bomb dot come, Vy. I loves you! 

A/N: I loved this request. I feel like we could all use a little levity given the current circumstances. This is the first time I’ve written Sam or Steve, and only my second time writing Bucky. I hope this makes you smile. Feedback is greatly appreciated! If you’d like to request a drabble (which will decidedly not be a drabble because, words) - see this post.

x

Quarantined

“Infiltrate, extract and then get the hell out of there.” Steve’s voice was stern as he continued. “Everyone clear?” 

The trio before him nodded solemnly, all of them feeling the dregs of weariness creeping in before the mission even began.

“Any questions?” 

Bucky squinted at a small scrap of paper clenched in one hand as he raised the other. Steve sighed, but nodded at his friend.

“What the hell is a ‘Clorox wipe’ and why do we need so goddamn many of them?” 

Sam choked on a laugh, earning him a terse glare from the former assassin. 

“What’s so funny, Big Bird?” Bucky grumbled.

Grinning, Sam clapped a hand on his shoulder, his palm stinging slightly from the contact with the metal. 

“Man, sometimes I forget just how damn old you are. But then you come in here with all that,” Sam waved a hand in front of a scowling Bucky and continued. “And it all comes rushing back.”

Steve groaned as Bucky launched into a diatribe of curses and insults aimed at Sam. Y/n shot Steve a sympathetic look before a particular string of four letter words made her clamp a hand over her mouth to keep from giggling.

“Alright, enough. We don’t have time for this. I know this isn’t our usual job, but given the current situation, we don’t exactly have a choice. We are the ones imposing on y/n and she wasn't exactly prepared for us to be staying with her during a quarantine."

Their first reaction to the social distancing mandate had been fraught with eyerolls and grunts of protest. Yes, the serum made Bucky and Steve immune to the virus, but there was no way to know if they could still be carriers. And then there were Sam and y/n who did not have the benefit of super immunity. In the end, they'd all decided it would be best to comply if for no other reason than to be an example to the public. If Captain friggin America was doing his part to stop the spread of the disease, then everyone else should to. 

"We should pair off," Steve began. "Bucky - "

"I call dibs on y/n!" Bucky shouted, cutting him off. 

"Dibs? Really, Tin Man?" Sam groaned, exasperated.

"Yes, dibs. It's better than having to look at your ugly mugs for the next however-long-this-shit-takes. It's bad enough I have to be stuck in a house with a friggin pigeon -" Bucky jabbed a finger in Sam's direction before aiming it at Steve, “and Mr. ‘I’ve Knocked Out Adolf Hitler over 200 times’ until this thing blows over."

Sam and Steve opened their mouths to protest, but y/n cleared her throat, drawing the gaze of three pairs of guilty eyes.

“Alright, children. If you’re finished, can we please get this over with? Bucky, I’m overlooking the fact that you called ‘dibs’ on me like I’m some kind of possession, solely because I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let you and Sam pair up. You two are the actual worst when you’re together.” Y/n plucked the list from Bucky’s fist and a disinfectant wipe from the container beside the door before wiping down the cart and heading inside without sparing another look in his direction.

Bucky sighed. “I swear I’m gonna marry that girl some day.”

“Bold of you to assume she’s into geriatrics with scrambled brains,” Sam groused.

Bucky flipped him off, metal finger gleaming in the sunlight before hurrying inside after her.

-----

“This place is amazing!” Bucky marvelled, gazing up at the towering shelves and running his hand over a 50 pound bag of rice. “Whoa! Look at how huge this is!” 

Y/n looked up from her list just in time to see him dump a gallon of ketchup into the cart. 

“We do not need that much ketchup, Buck. We have a list. We need to stick to the list.” 

Bucky frowned, removing the ketchup and placing it back on the shelf. “You’re no fun, sweetheart.”

Ignoring his whining, y/n proceeded down the aisle in search of the next item on her list: peanut butter. As she perused the options before here, Bucky's attention was drawn to something else.

"Holy shit!" He exclaimed.

Y/n turned to find her companion gazing longingly at a five pound bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips. She sighed as he directed a pleading look at her. The man was the former Fist of Hydra; a goddamned ghost story until a few years prior. And here he was, in the middle of Sam's club silently begging her for chocolate like a three year old child.

She sighed again. "Go ahead." 

Bucky's eyes went wide with excitement as he scooped up two bags and all but flung them into the shopping cart.

"Bucky we do not need 10 pounds of chocolate chips. Put one of them back."

He frowned. "But y/n…"

Holding her hand up, she cut him off. "No buts, James Barnes. Put. One. Back."

Bucky regarded her for a second, his mouth puckered to one side as he chewed the inside of his cheek. She met his petulant stare with one of her own as an elderly couple maneuvered their cart around them. Bucky groaned, stomping his foot and snatching a bag from the cart and tossing it back on the shelf.

"Come on, you big baby. Let's get this over with," she chuckled, tipping her head toward the next aisle.

Falling in step behind her, Bucky grumbled under his breath. "I bet this place doesn't even have any plums."

-----

Thirty minutes and two full shopping carts later, the teams reconvened at the front of the store. Steve's usually tidy hair fell haphazardly over his forehead as though he'd been running his finger through it repeatedly. Sam crossed his arms smugly and leveled Bucky with a teasing glare.

"How'd you do old man?" Sam beamed. "You didn't forget the prunes, did you? You're looking like they could come in handy right about now."

Bucky ground his teeth together, only suppressing a searing reply because he felt y/n squeeze his arm in warning. He raked his gaze over Sam and Steve's cart and balked. 

"How come Sam gets a giant box of fruit snacks?" Bucky growls, starting at Steve accusingly.

Steve groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes closed. "Dammit, Sam. I told you no fruit snacks."

Sam shrugged, unrepentant. Y/n grimaced, shaking her head sympathetically at the exasperated Captain.

"If Sam gets fruit snacks, I'm getting that gallon of ketchup." Bucky flung his arm behind him, vaguely gesturing toward the condiment aisle. 

Y/n jabbed a frustrated finger into his chest, lifting her chin to look him in the eyes, fury darkening her features. 

"You have no idea how tempting it is to leave you here." She emphasized each of her words with a corresponding jab to his pectorals.

Behind her Sam snickered and she whirled on him "You too, Bird Man. Look at what you've done to him." She pointed at Steve, his shoulders slumped and his face drawn.  "He's supposed to be your friend, you idjits. And now look at him!"

Sam looked at the floor and Bucky scuffed the toe of his boot against the worn tile beneath him.

"Apologize and then Steve and I are leaving you two to check out while we go get pizza and ice cream at the cafe. Frankly we deserve it for having to put up with you two today."

Steve perked up a little at her words. Sam and Bucky shared a look but y/n ignored it and tapped her foot impatiently.

The two men mumbled a half-hearted apology and y/n smiled, satisfied.

"Come on Cap," she tucked her arm in his and began leading him away. "My treat."

Sam and Bucky gaped at the pair's retreating backs. Bucky sighed.

"I think I'm in love, Sam."

Sam chuckled, gripping the handle of one cart as Bucky took the other. Taking their spot in line, the men stood in silence until Bucky cleared his throat.

"Sam?"

Sam hummed in response.

"She called us 'idjits'. What the hell does that mean?"

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