#and apparently sperm is one too :D

[unsurebazookacore]

non-newtonian fluids my beloved

[hellsslibrary]

✧･ﾟ:*NSFW Alphabet with Riddle Rosehearts*:･ﾟ✧

DNI : minors.

!!Warnings : switch(mostly sub)!bottom!Riddle, kink for size difference, oral, praise kink, soft sex, teasing, roleplay(King and Queen of Hearts), pet play, male reader.

Trey <————«« Riddle »»————> Jack

Heartslabyul. Riddle Rosehearts.

A = Aftercare (What are they like after sex?)

He is very tired after sex, no matter what the pace was, no matter who dominated, no matter how many rounds and how intense the sex was. He is always tired. He also has a weak throat, I think, so he's always thirsty. So take care of the cute, red-haired boy, okay?

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Well... I guess his favorite body part in you is your eyes. He loves the way they shrink, looking down at him as he lies helpless underneath you, writhing in pleasure. He loves the way you close them when he pleases you. And he just loves your loving, sensual look when you talk about loving him.

His favorite body part in him is probably all parts of his body anyway. He's been very prepared for your first time by reading everything there is to know about two men having sex and... He's probably been doing some practice so somehow he loves everything about him and won't pick out anything about him.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically)

Considering his overly balanced and proper diet, his sperm is probably one of the most perfect. Like the truth, this is the most ordinary sperm, and it is released in a measured, normal amount, absolutely nothing unusual.

As for you, he'd rather you cum outside of him. He just doesn't want to give you the hassle of washing it out of him and himself too. Although he doesn't mind if you want to cum inside, yes.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Mmm, since the beginning of the relationship, he may have had the idea of role-playing the King and Queen of Hearts (Well, she's literally his prototype, so yeah). And, given that the king is much more loyal and kind (albeit still as infantile as his wifey), you would take a more submissive position, and he would, on the contrary, be more dominant and then you would violate one of the rules of the queen and on you would have hung a collar, though very unpleasant and heavy :( .Well, I leave everything else to your taste, imps~.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?)

He's... a total virgin. His mother is clearly "one partner for life", at least for her ideal son, so yes, he is definitely a virgin. Although his mother probably taught how to handle the female body and certain parts of it, apparently confident that her son would not be able to fall in love with a guy.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

Mmm, doggy style? He doesn't really like it when you see his face, although he loves when you play with his body however you want, but in the end he definitely gives up and puts his head on the pillows, exposing half of his face to you.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He is definitely serious. Although if you have the most ordinary relaxed, sensual sex where you just enjoy each other, then he can lower his walls a little and joke here and there, but not much.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Definitely very clean, the hair is just completely shaved off. Like really, how can Riddle of all people not be clean there? Although the color matches, the same strawberry red.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Of course very strongly! For him, sex is primarily a moment of your privacy, a moment where you can enjoy each other without unnecessary factors. He is incredibly romantic, even if sometimes he can be shy about it.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He hardly has time for that, anyway. But I guess he doesn't do it often anyway, he'd rather have sex with you than his hand or anything.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Kink for praise, obviously! I won't even explain it, it's just Riddle. I think pet play. Like why not? He will gladly put himself under your command, knowing that you do not want to harm him. Or he will take command. Depends on your tastes. And I have one thought that maybe he has a kink for tenderness(?). I don't know how to explain it better, but I think it's the caring and gentle handling of him that turns him on during sex.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Within those places where ABSOLUTELY NO ONE can see or hear you. But probably the bed, he's simple enough in his looks.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

I think it fires up surprisingly fast or not at all. Although given his temperament, this should not be surprising. It's just the truth... One moment he'll have a hard-on from a few words whispered in his ear from you, and the next time he won't have a hard-on even after you teasingly rub his cock through his pants.

N = NO (Something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

Sex in public or semi-public places. Too much use of pain. And probably humiliation (albeit in a playful or, uh, romantic way maybe), but if you tease him like that... You better not do it.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He loves to give. After all, he read a lot of books before your first time, like I said before, so he definitely knows what he's doing... Only in his head, of course.

Although he still loves to receive, of course! Blowjob, rimming, eating out, whatever! He likes everything as long as you do it. (Although for some reason it seems to me that he preferred rimming/eating out).

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Slower and gentler tempo. He does not like to rush, he wants everything to be beautiful, cute and romantic. So he definitely prefers this pace.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He... Not a fan of that. Absolutely not a fan of this. One orgasm is probably not enough for him to satisfy himself. But if you or he really wants to fuck, but you don't have too much time, then of course he will agree.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He won't take risks, nope. Experiments of course. But he will not risk your reputation, health, or anything else. But to satisfy your perverted fantasies or offer his own, he is happy to.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Well, it lasts quite an average amount of about 5-10 I guess. Although somewhere around 12, he is already starting to get overstimulated.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He didn't have them. He considered it too dirty and unpleasant. Like who needs toys if there are hands, genitals and stuff? He... Began to treat them neutrally after starting a relationship with you. At least he doesn't mind them, and he'll keep something if you give it to him, but he's unlikely to buy it himself.

U = Unfair (How much do they like to tease)

Riddle will not tease you if you are dominant. He wants to be completely obedient and a good boy for you, although he may tease you a little if it pleases you, but he will immediately finish with any disapproval from you. But he loves to tease you when he dominates. He just finds something sexy in your pleading or in your facial expression when he teases you.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He thought he would be quiet like 1/10. But finished somewhere at 7-8/10. It's loud enough, yes. He doesn't scream though. But it's still very loud and that changes that fact. It's too easy for him to feel pleasure when it all starts, so he just can't handle it.

W = Wild Card (Get a random head canon for the character of your choice)

He definitely has a kink to the size difference, it's true, you can't deny it. He's just tiny, and he's tiny there too. I'm just heading the headcanon for the fact that he has a small dick and has always been shy about it, even at the beginning of a relationship with you (well, I mean you're a guy biologically, if not, grow your dick). But after all, why does he need a big dick if he's the bottom, right? :)

X = X-Ray (Let's see what's going on in those pants, picture or words)

Very slim. Maybe a little muscle, but it seems to me that there are not so many of them. Well, his penis is small in both size and girth, as I said earlier. 3-4 inches / 7-10 cm.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It is very low. I doubt he ever wanted to have too much sex, other than his puberty, of course. But on his own, he doesn't want to fuck very often, so in almost all situations you need to offer it.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fell asleep afterwards)

He... I think he generally has a hard time falling asleep, worrying about something or remembering. But I think next to you and even more so, given that he is tired, I think he will fall asleep quickly enough.

[mckinlily]

Fandom get to know me better!

tagged by @birkholtz. Thank you!

Three ships I like:

Shallura (obvi), LadyNoir, and honestly been having a guilty pleasure in JayDick recently (though I'm picky about what I like).

First Ship ever:

Ha. Uhhhh Jily (James/Lily) from Harry Potter. I was twelve, ok? And my friends were into it and then I got WAY into it.

Last song I heard:

Well "Dance Until We Die" by Madison Rose is currently stuck in my head, so I guess that? lol

Favorite childhood book:

Look. I was a Harry Potter kid 100000% when I was growing up. The books were still coming out, and I had to be bribed to read anything else. I actually didn't believe I could read (long story) until I started reading Harry Potter. I know JKR is like persona non-grata on tumblr these days (for good reasons), but that wasn't the case 20 years ago and the books got me through a lot.

Currently reading:

Tress and the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson.

Currently watching:

Uhhh. Nothing? I'm normally not one to follow shows. Instead I pick one to binge and then let that determine my personality for the next 5-10 years lol

Currently consuming:

Random animal facts and paleontology videos on youtube. Did you know genetic testing recently revealed that orca are not a single species but actually at least two (and likely more) genetically distinct species? Also apparently there's a small group of orca recently observed that kill sperm whales. I love these murder oreos.

Currently craving:

Sweet, loving, emotionally complex lesbian representation…. And breakfast. It's 8am and I'm starving.

Gonna tag @synergetic-prose, @void-tiger, @dxckgrxsonx, and anyone else can claim I tagged them too if they want :D

[memoriofagoldfish]

On this day, one year ago...

Today I was meant to go to a Stardom show. However, due to my own stupidity, I couldn't get to the show - it was too far away, the other side of prefecture. So, I moved up my plans to go to the Peace Park by a couple of days.

I started off my day in Starbucks, got a tea and toastie, and took the latter with me as I walked towards the park on such a beautiful day.

It was... it was an Experience going to the Peace Park. I don't really know how to describe it. Just, knowing that you're THE SITE of one of the most important and tragic events of the 20th Century... the fact the Dome was still so in tact. There even were trees marked as having survived the blast. It was surreal.

The Children's Memorial broke me. I didn't partake in any of the shrine rituals in Japan (no ringing of bells, no offering coins, no doing the clapping and praying ritual), but I made an exception for this one and rang the bell at the memorial and said a prayer, because something like this, it transcends religion and cultural traditions. It was just... I had to go away and have a little cry, I'm not ashamed to say.

At the Dome, there was a Japanese woman there giving talks. Apparently she goes there every single day to educate people. She had a presentation about the bombing, and gave it to me and this other visitor. Her English was perfect. She told the story of how her mother lived in Hiroshima and survived the bombing (it struck when she was 20), and she was still alive to this day (she's now 105). It was a miracle. The presentation was so fascinating and heart-wrenching in equal measure.

In a complete change of pace - much needed after the emotional turbulence of the morning - I went to this Parco shopping centre and Sun Mall in search of a pin badge (I was collecting them for everywhere I went).

When I arrived, I saw a sign for a Moomin pop-up store. I knew how much my mum loved Moomins, so I called her straight away (it was about 8am there) and excitedly told her all about it, taking pictures of things and asking what she would like :D

Afterwards, I had a wander around the shopping center and mall for ages, then went for dinner at a yakiniku place inside the mall.

(Okay this didn't fit the vibe at the beginning, but I actually started off my day calling customer service for one of my hotels trying to change dates so I could spend more time in Kyoto and less time in Tokyo towards the end of my trip, and it couldn't have gone more hilariously if I tried. Have the Discord message I sent my friends...)

But yeah just failed on every conceivable front. I think in the end I didn't lose out too much money, but the important thing was that I wanted to spend more time in Kyoto, which I got :)

Absolute shambles of a phone call though oh my GOSH how am I the sperm that won

2023/04/30

[nerves-nebula]

SSOBBBBINGGG OH MY GODDD AUHGHAGUHA they look so GOOD thank you!!

MIKEY'S HEAD LOOK SOOO GOOD THO like you captured the rounded beak PERFECTLY and your donnie looks ADORABLE AUGHGH they're !!! SO!!! AUGHAGH !!

TBH I'm the kinda guy who watches hours of turtle facts and then forgets most of them. SORRY, most of the facts I already happened to know from watching nature docs when I was younger too so i dont know what counts as like a "funfact" and what's just something everyone already knows.

I personally didn't know turtles didn't have vocal chords tho, so that's kinda interesting! Also sea turtles have weird fleshy tentacle looking things in the backs of their throats called "Papillae" that might freak u out if you look it up but I think it's neat.

oh oh oh!! also Box turtles can fully enclose themselves in their shells, which I thought most turtles did, but apparently most turtles CAN'T actually do that so that's cool. ALSO (this ones kinda NSFW but i think its bonkers enough to be mentioned), female box turtles can store sperm for years after mating so they dont even have to mate every mating season to have fertilized eggs?????

oh and i didnt know this before but maybe some ppl did: apparently turtle piles are REAL. im watchin a quick vid about red eared sliders rn and they will actually sometimes bask in piles on top of each other and thats sOOO CUTTEEE AUGHAG

not a fact but side neck/long neck turtles are adorable i dont care if ppl say they're weird they're beautiful to ME.

oh and one more thing look at this guy :D they're a mata mata turtle

ALSO: yea im doing requests rn and you can definitely ask for one if you want but i am (kinda) busy and might not do it if i dont feel compelled too (I assume that's what u meant, though the wording makes it a bit hard for me to understand sorry hah)

Hyperfixation has gotten to the point where I’ll do a little imitation of a turtle chirp if I am surprised in a good way. Like if I see a positive reply to a post I made or see someone keyboard smashing in my tags I’ll be sitting in my chair like “chirrup!” Like excuse me. What.

Girlies and ghoulies the situation is DIRE out here.

I’ve started watching funfact videos about turtles. Last semester I watched like 4 honey badger documentaries and there are more kinds of TURTLES than there are honey badgers. The possibilities are endless. If I don’t do my homework because I’m watching a turtle documentary, or get called out for writing fanfiction in class, I might have to self destruct.

[effei-s]

What shatter-me Warner would do.

The fastest character assassination I’ve ever seen.

Here’s the thing: Warner from original trilogy had character arch. More important: he was a character.

He was mean, villainous, cold, cruel murderer, with daddy who basically bought him regency (like come on, if it wasn’t for Anderson no one would even think about giving him that position; n for nepotism), but he also was deeply traumatized and abused his whole life and had little to none normal human interactions. I loved that fact that the only good thing he did (killing Fletcher because he was abusing his family) resolved into a complete catastrophe (Anderson killing children and wife) because Warner didn’t think it through. He tried to do the right thing and failed miserably, because he was more concerned with making a spectacle for Juliette. And after that he still had the audacity to paint himself as a hero who saved poor family from terrible tyrant in Ignite me.

I didn’t expect him to act and think like a human being. He didn’t need to act like a normal human. Warner gas lighting Juliette in the first third of ignite me is Warner’s thing to do. Him yelling and throwing tantrums and making scenes in Unravel me is Warner’s thing to do. Him forcing Juliette to do things she doesn’t want and traumatizing her in the process in Shatter me is Warner’s thing to do. Him wanting to torture Adam to death is Warner’s thing to want.

There’s a few reasons for this:

a) he doesn’t know how to communicate with people other than giving them orders or making threats;

b) he truly believes that he’s in the right here (he doesn’t see himself as a bad guy in Juliette story, more like a knight on a white horse);

c) he’s physically unable to be honest with himself and always has someone to blame for his own mistakes and failures;

d) he’s ‘results justify the means’ kind of guy.

Changes for good, with trauma that deep, when you basically don’t have a moral compass, don’t happen over night.

Was his ignite-me arch made sloppy? Yes. Everything was too info-dumpy and too convenient (Juliette forgetting that Warner was going to torture Adam to death; Juliette feeling that she’s the one who needs to apologize; Leila’s entire character used only for a sob story; Adam turned into a douchebag so Warner would look a more suitable love interest, etc). But it still was an arch. And the finale of ignite me was so open I really could imagine that, little by little, in the future, he will start to trust people more and really gonna help Juliette and co to make the world a better place. And his redemption arch wasn’t finished in the slightest, and I would even say that it was only the beginning of it, but it was implied that things will get better from there (the most important part of that being him genuinely wanting to make things right with Adam and James; he’s the one who makes the first step and initiate the bond).

So what went wrong in new three books? Ehm… everything, to be honest. Instead of developing a character that was already there, she decided to give him a new personality. Actually it can be said about every single one of characters, but Warner just happened to be the biggest victim of them all.

Let’s look at Restore me.

Okay, we have his pov, and I never thought I would say it but… Warner is kinda dumb. He’s supposed to be this military strategy genius, someone who knows how RE works from within and… it turns out that he just as clueless as Juliette. More than this, we never actually see him do ANYTHING except fucking Juliette. And for some reasons he never helps Juliette with her work??? There’s so much paperwork and instead of helping her to sort though it he’s… just not there???

Those stupid long monologues about how she’s capable to do anything mean nothing if he doesn’t actually help (as we can see at the end of restore me, when Juliette gets captured).

That fact that he doesn’t immediately check if Castle’s words are true? And instead of helping Juliette with Haider (telling everything he knows about him and his family, preparing her for the dinner) he fucks her??? This is a dumb bitch shit. And maybe you didn’t noticed but Shatter-me Warner wasn’t a dumb bitch.

After all, there’s a simple reason I never wanted the job of supreme commander myself—

I never wanted the responsibility.

It’s a tremendous amount of work with far less freedom than one might expect; worse, it’s a position that requires a great deal of people skills. The kind of people skills that include both killing and charming a person at a moment’s notice. Two things I detest.

Remember shatter-me Warner who wanted power because power meant that he could have control over his life? Remember shatter-me Warner who wanted to work with Juliette as a team to change the world? Yeah that’s him now.

No personal ambitions allowed when you’re a walking dildo, I guess.

Off the topic, but Mafi really enjoys making Juliette stupid as fuck:

“Oh, yes, of course,” she says, remembering. “I’ve gotten a bunch of letters about that. I didn’t realize it was such a big deal.”

Let's continue.

Hurting Haider would be enough to start a world war.

Warner says and then Juliette threatens Haider, a foreign official on a diplomatic mission, and instead of being even a little bit worried and think about possible consequences, Warner thinks this:

But I can only smile at her. I want to scoop her up and carry her away. Take her somewhere quiet and lose myself in her.

Okay, I guess it’s official, there’s sperm inside of his head instead of brain cells. I can’t find any other explanation for this clownery.

Shatter-me Warner would… Shatter-me Warner won’t be in this situation in the first place.

Someone tries to kill Juliette and Warner does… nothing about it. He never goes to check the body of the assassin himself. He thinks that Nazeera hides something and he still allows her to go around and doesn’t even interrogate her when Juliette says that Nazeera was there at the moment of the attack. He doesn’t find it even a little bit suspicious? That guy who had tremendous trust issues in the original trilogy? Remember him? Yeah, that guy. Shatter-me Warner would lock Nazeera and Haider up and demanded answers. Shatter-me Warner would be angry as fuck, and would try to kill Kenji with his bare hands, because Kenji was stupid enough to leave Juliette alone. Shatter-me Warner wouldn’t stop until he had answers (and the head of a person who wanted to kill Juliette on a plate).

New Warner is too busy feeling sorry for himself to actually do anything about it. And after one chapter it’s completely forgotten, like that fact that someone tried to kill her is not important at all.

And then Castle enters the picture with his stupid and sloppy info-dumping (I guess Mafi never heard of ‘show don’t tell’ rule). And says this:

“She can’t lead this resistance,” he says, squinting at something in the distance. “She’s too young. Too inexperienced. Too angry. You know that, don’t you?”

and if that wasn’t enough he also says this:

“It should’ve been you,” Castle says. “I always secretly hoped—from the day you showed up at Omega Point—that it would’ve been you. That you would join us. And lead us.” He shakes his head. “You were born for this. You would’ve managed it all beautifully.”

AND HE’S STILL ALIVE AFTER?

This is a fucking treason right there. And Warner A-OKAY with this.

Shatter-me Warner would strangle him right there. Or better yet, he would go along with this until he has 100% evidences of Castle’s betrayal and then he would kill him. Or he would kill him simply because Castle was withholding important information and earlier in books he put Juliette in a great danger by sending her to Anderson without telling her the truth (unravel me).

But not this Warner. New Warner is far more concerned with fucking Juliette then helping her or looking for a way out of this situation (because now he has dick instead of a brain).

After my father’s revelation, my thirst for information became suddenly insatiable. I needed to know more—who these people were, where they’d come from, how much we’d known—

WHERE AND WHEN DID WARNER IN PREVIOUS BOOKS DISPLAY THIS?

When I say that Mafi simply forgot her own characters this is what I mean. Warner from original trilogy didn’t give a flying fuck about them. He thought that they were weak and stupid.

I will lose her.

And it will kill me.

He said this shit and after he nearly had a panic attack because he imagined her dating someone else? Oh, come on, how more pathetic can he get?

There are words for this kind of behavior: toxic codependency.

Oh wait wait! I know! This is not Warner! This is Edward Cullen disguised as Warner! The mystery is solved!

Oh, he fucks her again. Apparently it’s the only thing he’s good at. What a character! The layers! The complexity!

And then Lena came into the picture.

Until that moment I was more or less okay with Warner. Yes, I was very confused, but I was ready to give Mafi benefit of the doubt. He lost his father and was dealing with grieve. We all can act out of character in the face of a tragedy or drastic changes.

“Why do you keep pressing this? Who cares if I’ve been with other women? They meant nothing to me—”

And there I felt in my guts, I’m not gonna like what next to come.

Haider was exhibiting suicidal tendencies. Self-harming. And I got really scared. I called Warner because I knew Haider would listen to him.” She shakes her head. “Warner didn’t say a word. He just got on a plane. And he stayed with us for a couple of weeks. I don’t know what he said to Haider,” she says. “I don’t know what he did or how he got him through it, but”—she looks off into the distance, shrugs—“it’s hard to forget something like that.

Oh, so Warner's words about how he never had any real interactions with anyone before Juliette were bullshit. About how he doesn’t understand people were also bullshit. About how Juliette was the first person who was not afraid to speak with him freely were also bullshit. Because all of the sudden he can help someone heavily depressed. Someone with suicide tendencies? Someone who harms himself? And now he has an ex-girlfriend who’s ready to beat the fuck out of him and calls him mean words (she clearly doesn’t fear him)?

Now his entire character in the first trilogy doesn’t make any sense. And his excuses don’t make any sense.

Bravo, Mafi! Bravo! This was the fastest character assassination I’ve ever seen.

She says that Lena was in love with him—really in love with him—but that Warner broke her heart, that he never treated her with any real affection and she’s hated him for it.

Oh, so he’s not only stupid and absolutely useless, he’s a fuckboy. And if there’s one thing I HATE, it’s fuckboys.

There’s a big-big-big difference between someone who has one-night-stands and THIS SHIT:

“You’re upset, I understand. But it’s not my fault you feel this way. I don’t love you. I never have. And I never led you to believe I did.”

“She and I,” he says, “it was—we were nothing. It was a relationship of convenience and basic companionship. It meant nothing to me. Truly,” he says, “you have to know—if I never said anything about her it was only because I never thought about her long enough to even consider mentioning it.”

“It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t two years of anything serious. It wasn’t even two years of continuous communication.” He sighs. “She lives in Europe, love. We saw each other briefly and infrequently. It was purely physical. It wasn’t a real relationship—”

So he despised her but used her for sex? WOW. Cool. He can go and trip over a fucking knife or fall out of the window for all I care.

“Everything in my life was different before I met you,” he says. “I was lost and all alone. I never cared for anyone. I never wanted to get close to anyone. I’ve never—you were the first person to ever—”

And how exactly he was able to help Haider with his self-harm then??? If he didn’t CaRe for anyone before Juliette?

This was the moment when Warner from original trilogy died in agony.

Okay, let’s see real quick what we have in Defy Me:

He thinks about escape but never really does anything to escape;

(anderson is the one who opens his cell;

he stands in front of a guy who murdered his mother and doesn’t even think about her, yeah I can see how important she was for him;

/again, shatter-me Warner would probably demanded answers, but not walking dildo, walking dildo cares only about Juliette. his excuse in ignite me 'i did it all for my mom' doesn't make any sense now, because he actually doesn't give a flying fuck about her/

he gets captures one minute after he “kills” Anderson;

nazeera is the one who gets him out of there;

super soldier taught his whole life how to survive, everyone. useless as fuck)

He doesn’t know anything about jewelry.

(super ooc, i know what Mafi was trying to do here: she tried ‘sherlock holmes doesn’t know that earth revolves around the sun’ thing Arthur Conan Doyle did, but the problem is WARNER IS A FASHIONISTA, or he was).

He wants to get married because…???

He sees a woman who tried to kill Juliette and he’s a-okay with staying at her place, because she said that it was actually a message (???).

Castle is still alive.

Nazeera who knew all this time about Anderson and was working for him is also alive and well.

Oh and he doesn’t care about Anderson being alive and being a real threat to Juliette (fucking her is more important for him, as usual).

His complete disregard for Juliette’s safety only makes me hate him more with every new book.

Imagine me.

First and foremost: don’t call imagine-me Warner shatter-me Warner. Don’t insult shatter-me Warner like that. With shatter-me Warner Anderson would have to try very hard to get to Juliette. It would be ‘Warner made 100 back-up plans, but Anderson knew him too well and created 101 plan and that’s how he managed to win’ kind of situations.

But walking dildo is too busy feeling sorry for himself (as usual), he just sits by her bed FOR TWO FUCKING DAYS, doing absolutely NOTHING to make sure she’ll be safe.

Nooira says that Juliette should be killed and she’s still alive for some reason.

He’s entire persona is that he’s rude to people (but not bbc’s sherlock holmes kind of rude, when he’s unbearable dick but he’s actually smart and really gets shit done, so we can tolerate him). He’s just rude.

He doesn't care about Adam or James's wellbeing (remember Ignite me Warner who really wanted a family? Yeah that's him now).

But he has gruppies now, because he’s hot and everyone in the sanctuary wants to fuck him.

Oh and he proposed to Juliette. HE PROPOSED. THEY ENGAGED! DO YOU HEAR ME??? THEY GONNA BE MARRIED! HE PROPOSED TO HER! AND SHE SAID YES! THEY GONNA MERRY!

Because god fucking forbid we forget about it.

(mafi really thinks that her readers have the mental capacity of a golden fish, huh?)

I lost count how many times walking dildo implies that he's gonna kill himself if Juliette is not with him (disgusting).

Then our walking dildo cures Juliette by the power of petting (it’s not power of love, lads and gents; you want to see love go watch defenders on netflix; mafi already copypasted elektra’s arch from that show into imagine-me Juliette, you can do yourself a favor and see how this trope can be executed without borderline on sexual assault petting scene).

18-old girl marries a fucking sociopath believing he’s actually a good person.

(we all know how shit like this ends, people like that don't change; and this 'he's different with me cuz i'm very special and i'm gonna teach him the right way' it's really harmful message considering that the audience of those books are mostly teenage girls).

Trust me, there's nothing revolutionary in this trope, it's tale as old as time.

Here's the thing, good written character always defined by connection to other people: friend, lovers, enemies, family, foes, acquaintances, even some random strangers. It's the easiest way to establish what kind of person they are.

Walking dildo doesn't have any of that because all of his "character" revolves around Juliette. He's not a person anymore. By the end of Imagine me he doesn't have friends (his relationships with Kenji or Haider non-existent), no family connections (no talks with Adam or James), even enemies or foes or even people that don't like him (because everyone wants to fuck him, because being hot is his only character trait).

His only family and friend is Juliette. And you know what? It's fucking boring, overdone and lazy as fuck. And insulting to the character he once was.

No redemption arch, no character arch at all.

Happy end.

[aforrestofstuff]

Bald Boy Chapter 146 Expert Review:

Hewwo owo it’s ya boy fowwest hewe with anothew fucking one-punch man chapter review, let’s get this shit together boys because we have approximately thirty pages of bullshit to cover and I’ve gotta be at work in negative fifteen minutes.

Tatsumaki having no tits is now a plot point.

Okay but for real, what Bomb says during this segment is actually kinda true. Fubuki and Tatsumaki are alike in temper and their way of approaching things (Fubuki parallels one of Tatsu’s lines later this chapter). I would say their only differences are merely components of their power disparity. Tatsumaki is the way she is because she is one of the most powerful superheroes in the world, but I feel if you bring her down to Fubuki’s level, or bring Fubuki up to hers, they would be carbon copies of each other. They’ve got identical personalities, they’re just in different situations.

Also I want to pull Bomb in by his long fuckass mustache and suck his face until he doesn’t remember his own stupid name. Moving on.

What the fuck did you just call that shit.

Sperm Tsunami sounds so fucking gay dude. Shit is like the title to an 80-minute long porno you’d find in 360p on a website that gives you a virus just for typing in the address to. I hate this motherfucker so much. I want to stick Black Sperm in a blender and stir him around with a spaghetti spoon.

We must always know what everyone is thinking at all times for some reason.

Not gonna lie, reading everyone’s internal monologue to their plans in this series is just a really unnecessary way of giving everything away. Garou does it a lot at the beginning of his arc and Homeless Emperor does it here, too. It’s really cheap and kind of goofy to read. My approach to this would be for Homeless Emperor to shut the fuck up and just wait for his plan to be revealed when he actually executes it and not in some unneeded internal monologue that takes up 3 paragraphs and two whole pages. Saves you time and artwork. Bingo bango bongo.

As for the paragraph revealing Black Sperm’s weakness... that just seems apparent. He makes it clear several times during this chapter that multiplying too much spreads him thin (as seen in the dissonance between his clones), so I really think that Homeless Emperor page could’ve been omitted and revealed at a more opportune time without sacrificing any part of the story.

Spring Mustachio is relevant again and turns out he’s really cool.

Not much to say here. I just thought it was worth a mention. Also, I really like that he’s the student to Nichirin, it just makes the Council of Swordmasters and the Hero Association feel that much more connected.

Apparently you can combine power now? Okay.

It seems like sometimes ONE just adds new elements to this universe when it’s convenient and not as, you know, a component to world building. Shit just keeps popping up with little to no prior mention and it feels kinda slapped together and lazy at times. Fubuki is the main catalyst to this. She just materialized healing powers at the most opportune time, and now she can just siphon other people’s power to charge her own abilities like a car battery.

GAROU’S HERE AND HE LEFT HIS FUCKING MOUTH UNDERGROUND (seriously where is his fucking mouth)

Multiple thoughts on this. First of all: holy fuck.

Second of all: I would like to think those openings on his back are for ventilation so he doesn’t overheat like a 2005 Dell desktop.

Third of all: he is 99% naked except for that toilet paper wrapped around his junk. He’s gonna be rocking all these fools with his left nut hanging out and catching the wind like a Pride flag. That makes 4 (if you count Darkshine and his speedo-having ass) naked motherfuckers in this arc. I’m starting to think ONE is having a little too much fun with this.

Fourth of all: HE LOOKS LIKE A JOLTEON :D

In conclusion: stan Bomb.

[writerwithfluffysocks]

BB Fic Rec List

Remember to kudos, like, favorite and review! Authors love that love and support for their work!

Most of these fics are rated T or M so if you're underage or that's not your thing then these probably won't be for you. Fics are broken down into categories to make it easier and each states number of chapters, rating and word count. Enjoy!

/

CANON FICS

A Dream Within a Dream by BlindAssassinUK (M, 25 chapters, 125k words)

Booth struggles to recover from his brain surgery and with Sweets' assessment that his feelings for Bones aren't real. As if this wasn't enough to keep our favourite FBI agent busy, a serial killer comes to town. Mostly written in tandem with Season 5.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5392047/1/A-Dream-Within-a-Dream

A Lotta Heart by nelliesbones (M, 10 chapters, 18k words)

"Bones, she believes in the system." Except that she didn't. Not completely. Not anymore... This is a story about a woman protecting her family. A story about the man who loves her. Spoilerfree, warm-hearted and M for a reason.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8186135/1/A-Lotta-Heart

An Aggregation of Maladjusted Companions by Jazzyproz (M, 43 chapters, 250k words)

Suffering from a declining solve rate following their returns to DC, Booth and Brennan are forced to attend a team-building convention. Neither of them think they need the workshops or exercises, but it's apparent to everyone around them that if they don't do something, the whole team will soon be falling apart. Can they fix their broken partnership?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11132403/1/An-Aggregation-of-Maladjusted-Companions

An Unexpected Outcome by BB-loverr (M, 5 chapters, 8k)

Before she could do anything Booth had her pinned. He made sure most of his weight was on his elbows so he wasn't crushing her. Someone is after Bones & Booth is protecting her. Set in early season 5

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5590619/1/An-Unexpected-Outcome

Becoming One by nelliesbones (M, 21 chapters, 83k) 

He is handsome, she is beautiful, and somewhere in between… they have made a baby. Warm-hearted and M for a reason. Slightly spoiler-y AN's, the story itself is spoilerfree.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7012130/1/Becoming-One

By Any Means Necessary by Heather Wyatt (M, 45 chapters, 433k, DARKER FIC)

When an overseas trip for Brennan leaves her in terrible danger, Booth does what is necessary to save her - even if what he is forced to do has the potential to drive her away from him forever. Set in season 5, pre-100th; Inspired by the movie "Taken".

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11549096/1/By-Any-Means-Necessary

Can You Save Her, Agent Booth? by Jazzyproz (M, 62 chapters, 464k)

Booth receives a disturbing text in the middle of the night aboout Bones - will he be able to find her in time? Or will he lose her forever? Will this guy really kill her, or is it just a bluff?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7723263/1/Can-You-Save-Her-Agent-Booth

Coitus by willgirl (M, 5 chapters, 4k)

After a date, Brennan finds herself unexpectedly at Booth's door. B&B, Rated M for Smut!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4126515/1/Coitus

First a Dream by Firstadream (M, 17 chapters, 53k)

"I don't want you to move on..." Post 5x16 story. What should've happened between Booth and Brennan.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5900783/1/First-A-Dream

For You, I’d Bleed Myself Dry by coffeehelps (M, 1 chapter, 11k)

The night that Booth took a bullet for Brennan in front of that karaoke stage was forever ingrained in Brennan's mind. Every year, on the anniversary of that night, Brennan experiences those volatile feelings all over again… and they help her realize just how much Booth means to her.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13382298/1/for-you-i-d-bleed-myself-dry

Learning to Fly by Shelly (T, 3 chapters, 8k)

It was never his intention to hurt her. And, yet, she was sitting on the edge of the tub, his bathrobe consuming her small frame, tears cascading down her cheeks. He didn't know how to fix this. Post "The End in the Beginning."

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5231358/1/Learning-to-Fly

Recklessness and Repercussions by Nothing But Bones (M, 7 chapters, 29k)

Booth overhears one of his colleagues crudely reliving an intimate rendezvous with Brennan, and his ill-conceived reaction threatens to end their partnership on a permanent basis, leaving their emotions running dangerously high.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4605409/1/Recklessness-Repercussions

This Secret Dance by ALottaHeart (M, 14 chapters, 43k)

But this secret dance, it goes on. This. This is for them, between them, and they're not ready to share that with the world. Not yet. They've waited too long. Booth/Brennan. Spoilers for 100th episode.

CASE FICS

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6062651/1/This-Secret-Dance

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Bone of Contention by Mochi-girl (M, 15 chapters, 33k)

During a murder investigation, a man from Brennan's past returns, and spins her relationship with Booth in a new direction.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5558981/1/Bone-of-Contention

Case File 2010c by lexeb (M, 1 chapter, 40k)

Booth and Bones face their worst case to date. Will our duo catch their man? Dark themes and imagery. Note rating. Written as an episode. Most characters appear.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5789374/1/Case-File-2010C

Crimson Catastrophe by Dangereux (M, 5 chapters, 24k)

Booth and Brennan work a case that pushes them both to their limits, and into each other's arms.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5929308/1/Crimson-Catastrophe

Fear and Faith by Some1tookmyname (M, 35 chapters, 59k)

When a suspicious note is discovered in an unexpected place, Booth and Brennan fight against an unknown enemy to protect the life they've built together.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7981371/1/Fear-and-Faith

Getting Clean by blc (M, 1 chapter, 11k)

Brennan feels soiled after catching a serial killer. Booth helps her get clean again. Long Angst/Romance

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4621793/1/Getting-Clean

Hearts in Overdrive by Christi Whitson (M, 22 chapters, 136k)

After stumbling upon the suspicious deaths of two men from Brennan's past, she is determined to learn the truth about how they died. Booth and Brennan deal with the emotional fallout of their discoveries as the events of S3 unfold.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12190876/1/Hearts-in-Overdrive

The Effects of the Fan by gatewatcher (T, 1 chapter, 9k)

Someone is stalking Brennan. Will Booth be able to keep her safe? What will the effects be from his attempt?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12568373/1/The-Effects-of-the-Fan

The Gentleman in the Club by TheModernLeper (M, 11 chapters, 10k)

The team tracks a serial killer to a popular night club. With Brennan as bait, can Booth and the team keep her from becoming his next victim?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4764864/1/The-Gentleman-in-the-Club

The Remains in the Rain by forensicsfan (T, 45 chapters, 70k)

What starts out as a trip to Seattle to promote Brennan's latest book turns into much more as secrets surface in flood waters and Booth and Brennan find that a few of their own secrets surface in the process.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3934573/1/The-Remains-in-the-Rain

The Two in One in the Park by ShaViva (T, 17 chapters, 80k)

Brennan and Booth are called in to investigate the remains of two victims arranged to portray a killer's twisted vision of a romantic forever. As they close in on the culprit they find themselves closing in on each other as well. AU early season 6. B&B

AU FICS

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6054481/1/The-Two-in-One-in-the-Park

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All My Yesterdays by cardiogod (M, 36 chapters, 134k)

Booth has been taught since early childhood that a wise man builds his house on rock, not sand, but it isn't until the ground starts shifting under him that he realizes he never learned how to tell them apart.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7801702/1/All-My-Yesterdays

Burdens Which Allow Us To Fly by Mis Chi Evous (T, 1 chapter, 9k)

An alternate universe, where Brennan's parents are both killed, and Russ is in the Army with Booth. A study in how some things are meant to be.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6290511/1/Burdens-Which-Allow-Us-To-Fly

Desert Storm by Alonzo Anonymouse (M, 12 chapters, 13k)

Operation Desert Storm: Sergeant Seeley Booth was captured and tortured. His first assignment back is to stand guard over an Anthropology professor and his grad students, sent to identify bodies. One of those students is Temperance Brennan.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6032735/1/Desert-Storm

Hostile Takeover by F.H. Blake (M, 22 chapters, 70k)

Booth is a billionaire businessman hell-bent on buying Bones' club, The Lab. Bones is hell-bent on keeping Booth as far away from her club as possible. The two worlds collide one night over too many shots, and Booth and Bones soon realise that enemies don't constantly want to rip each other's clothes off.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12538952/1/Hostile-Takeover

Killing Two Birds by dmnky (M, 34 chapters, 171k)

After six months in Maluku, Brennan is summoned to Afghanistan to identify remains from a military helicopter crash and assist Sgt. Maj. Booth in investigating the cause of it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7710873/1/Killing-Two-Birds

The Couple in the Alternate Universe by perscribo (M, 12 chapters, 22k)

Booth and Brennan are not who we know them to be. One is on the right side of the law and the other isn't. Their love story under conflicting circumstances.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12583235/1/The-Couple-in-the-Alternate-Universe

His by Athena Alexandria (T, 40 chapters, 99k)

AU. Post The Critic in the Cabernet. Booth struggles with his decision to let Brennan raise their child alone after she uses his sperm to get pregnant.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6660822/1/His

The Opportunity by BtrixMcG (M, 8 chapters, 49k)

AU: Seeley Booth is the CEO of a prominent communications company and one of the most powerful men in the industry. Temperance Brennan is a brilliant young analyst who comes into his employ and gets far more than she bargained for.

COLLEGE/HIGH SCHOOL AU FICS

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6582371/1/The-Opportunity

/

Follow You Down by ButterflyWhisperer (T, 26 chapters, 85k)

The year is 1989 and our favorite group of crime fighters meet 16 years prior to 2005. Temperance Brennan is a lonely foster kid that just moved to D.C while Seeley Booth is battling demons from his past. What happens when this unlikely pair of teenagers & their friends end up trying to solve a murder their favorite teacher was framed for? And will love blossom?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10640406/1/Follow-You-Down

Healing Two Souls by cmol8806 (M, 43 chapters, 146k)

Temperance Brennan is almost eighteen and entering her last foster home after barely surviving her last one. Seeley Booth is just returned from war, with new nightmares. What happens when they meet?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6867582/1/Healing-Two-Souls

Purak: A Less Cheesy Way of Saying You Complete Me by boothaddict77 (T, 35 chapters, 163k)

14-year-old Tempe Brennan, recently abandoned by her parents, moves into a new home with her brother and his friend. Of course, the young man they will be sharing a roof with is none other than Seeley Booth.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7764189/1/Purak-A-Less-Cheesy-Way-of-Saying-You-Complete-Me

White Knight by LordLanceahlot (M, 17 chapters, 52k)

Temperance 'I-don't-know-what-that-means' Brennan. At a fraternity party. Drinking heavily and being mauled by some punk frat boys. Booth scowled at the thought. His freaking forensics tutor. Time to go play white knight.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5785872/1/White-Knight

Beginning of Forever by JulesSC (M, 37 chapters, 301k)

Chicago, 1988. Tempe, 14 year old foster child. Seeley, 16 year old jaded junior. Can these two help each other and change each other's lives?

SMUT HEAVY FICS

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6346762/1/Beginning-of-Forever

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Any Way She Wants It by sleeplessinatlanta (M, 7 chapters, 33k)

When Booth's prodding makes Brennan snap and reveal the extent of her frustrations, he offers to help her out. He thinks, he can handle it, but nothing is ever that simple.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6343873/1/Any-Way-She-Wants-It

Bad Excuses by Pereybere (M, 4 chapters, 7k)

Brennan and Booth are using work stress as an excuse to get naughty.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4134057/1/Bad-Excuses

Breaking All The Rules Tonight by sleeplessinatlanta (M, 25 chapters, 57k)

Brennan tells Booth she has a sex date and he doesn't take it very well. He's determined to show her why she should be his.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5303079/1/Breaking-all-the-Rules-Tonight

Silent Surrender by sleeplessinatlanta (M, 25 chapters, 27k)

Brennan shows up at Booth's house needing only one thing: him. One silent night could never be enough but it's months later and they still find themselves going crazy at night and pretending during the day. How much longer can they keep silent?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5398682/1/Silent-Surrender

Exercise in Self Restraint by sleeplessinatlanta (M, 8 chapters, 30k)

B&B are in an established relationship and Brennan has a naughty proposal for Booth which involves tons of frustration.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5617523/1/Exercise-in-Self-Restraint

Fighting Words by sleeplessinatlanta (M, 26 chapters, 71k)

Collection of one-shots. Some heated words, an argument, and tons of B/B hotness.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5448139/1/Fighting-Words

Hours by Dispatch22705 (M, 25 chapters, 47k)

A look at 24 different sexy times between Booth and Brennan. One post for every hour.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7506156/1/Hours

Colors by Dispatch22705 (M, 12 chapters, 50k)

12 separate one shots: each one based on a color idea.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5845810/1/Colors

Rooftops and Invitations by Space77 (M, 5 chapters, 17k)

You can’t stop thinking about him, you can’t stop looking at him. So do something about it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4516879/1/Rooftops-and-Invitations

Talk to Me by SSJL (M, 31 chapters, 118k)

All he wanted was a moment of honesty from her. All she wanted was to be able to give him this.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3458085/1/Talk-to-Me

Morning, Nooner and Night by Dispatch22705 (M, 1 chapter, 9k)

A 'one shot' so to speak, of a few firsts between Booth and Brennan. He made love to her in the morning, had sex with her at noon and broke a few laws with her at night.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7239541/1/Morning-Nooner-and-Night

Only Between Us by sleeplessinatlanta (M, 100 chapters, 142k)

Collection of one-shots, some really short, others longer. Some funny, some angsty, some sweet. But ALL should be steamy/sexy/sweet. ALL revolving around B/B and their smoking hot dynamic.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5329849/1/Only-Between-Us

Alphabet by OrigamiFlower (M, 15 chapters, 22k)

A whole load of one shots of Booth and Brennan dedicated to the Alphabet.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6088489/1/Alphabet

Alphabet Recurrences by Dr Madness (M, 25 chapters, 51k)

The Alphabet means a lot to Booth and Brennan. It captures every single romantic, hot, steamy and dirty moment between them.

ONE-SHOT FICS

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5666368/1/Alphabet-recurrences

/

A Family Business by nelliesbones (M, 14 chapters, 20k)

A story of one-shots and scenes around the beautiful and highly anticipated season seven of Bones.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7449862/1/A-Family-Business

An Epic Before Bed by eitoph (T, 1 chapter, 3k)

She's written this life and she's lived this life, and now she knows which one she prefers. 4.26/6.22/6.23 and how they all fit together.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7037787/1/An-Epic-Before-Bed

Anything by CupcakeBean (M, 1 chapter, 3k)

“I’ve flown across the country, pulled strings, broken the law, risked my career, risked my life, *lost* my life - all for her." Booth and Brennan realize how much they mean to each other and give in to their attraction.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4961754/1/Anything

Don’t Mess With Booth by Aisho9 (T, 1 chapter, 2k)

Caught in the middle of someone else's battle, Brennan is hurt. The perp is in hot water enough, but now he's got a pissed off Booth to deal with, too.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5869658/1/Don-t-Mess-With-The-Booth

Ferocious Love by rhyme time (M, 1 chapter, 1k)

Booth is feeling possessive of his wife.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9789714/1/Ferocious-Love

Lies and Life by Tadpole24 (T, 1 chapter, 1k)

“I’m not this person who can’t tell if it’s reality or fantasy and I’m not this person who shows up on someone’s door step, crying at 3 am. This is something Bren would do, not something Bones would.”

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5693685/1/Lies-and-Life

Pray for George who offends Booth and Brennan by Hannah Taylor1 (M, 1 chapter, 6k)

A cautionary tale for those who would cross Booth and his lady love.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5890044/1/Pray-for-George-who-offends-Booth-and-Brennan

The Finally in the Holding by carol204 (M, 1 chapter, 5k)

Booth appears in Brennan's house on a rainy night with unresolved issues. She's pushed him too far and now they've reached their breaking point.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6630976/1/The-Finally-to-the-Holding

The Standard by RositaLG (M, 1 chapter, 1k)

"Tell me again." He said, his voice strained with anger and his jaw ticking in restraint. "Tell me that you don't need me."

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7421321/1/The-Standard

We Belong Together by Dispatch22705 (M, 1 chapter, 5k)

While Booth is away, Brennan goes to a crime scene. Booth is furious when he finds out. When he calls her on it, it's in a place he wouldn't have expected, but is all so familiar to both of them. Angsty, angry sex but with a resolved B&B ending in bed

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5846725/1/We-Belong-Together

You With Me by mia101 (M, 1 chapter, 3k)

Takes place after Booth's fight in Vegas. Brennan is tending his injuries and recalling how it felt to watch him fight, wondering what it would be like if she were the kind of woman she's been pretending to be.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4224265/1/You-With-Me

[tomsrebeleyebrow]

Tom getting kicked in his balls by his child and he tries to act brace but runs inside and you give him an icepack😂

A/N: oh my, I had so much fun writing this! 😂😂😂 and i clearly was in a dad!tom mood today soooo enjoy this one! thanks for the request, nonnie and as always stay safe 💖💗

‘Stay safe, Cheer up’ blurb event

“Alright Nathan, grab firmly onto the bat like this” said Tom behind his four-year-old son, trying to adjust his posture. “Great, now lift your elbow a bit- there you go, buddy!”

Meanwhile you were in the kitchen, preparing lunch and watching your two boys messing around in the backyard of the house. After “teaching” little Nat the basics of soccer, Tom wanted to try baseball as you convinced your husband to put any golf related things aside for a bit (but also for your own sanity).

“Now, imagine someone’s throwing a ball at you” explained Tom, gently holding Nathan’s little arm with both hands.

The little boy stared at his dad, carefully listening to him while sticking his tongue out just like him when he was concentrating. Nathan was the spitting image of Tom but with your eyes, a clever and beautiful mix of wild brown curls with big (e/c) eyes and long eyelashes that made you and Tom (and pretty much anyone else) go soft for the little boy. God you loved your son so much, and now you couldn’t help but be scared about him getting hurt. At least, Tom was there to supervise. Kinda.

“When the ball’s coming at you, you get warmed up to hit it with the bat like this.”

Tom showed Nathan the right motion to do by stepping behind him, gently making the boy swing the bat to the back, before bringing it to the front to hit the imaginary ball. He did the same move a few times, getting it quite fast and winning the approval of his dad. You smiled at how invested your little boy was and so decided to prepare more side dishes to reward him.

“You definitely got the move, Nat!” proudly said Tom, “okay now, show me by yourse-”

As Tom was stepping backward to give his son some more space, Nathan apparently got too excited and didn’t wait enough as the top of the bat made direct contact into Tom’s family jewels. The impact cut Tom’s breath instantly, making him bite his tongue at the same time as every muscles in his body contracted, all nerves sending distress messages to his brain.

“Did I do good, daddy?” Nathan’s soft voice asked, the little boy lowering the bat as he turns towards his father.

Tom’s face was as red as a tomato, his teeth biting into his bottom lips hoping to suppress some pain by creation another one. His eyes screaming pain then focused on his son who was obviously waiting for his answer, and maybe wondering why his dad was making such a funny face.

“Y-You did g-good, b-buddy!” exhaled Tom in one breath, a smile way too wide to be natural but Nathan didn’t seem to notice.

“K-Keep practising a b-bit, d-dad’s comin’ back q-quick!”

Not wasting another second of suffering, the brunette rushed through the garden to then enter the kitchen you were in. Hearing him getting close, you turned to propose him and your son some water but just stopped when you saw your husband’s face.

“Are you alright, Tom?” you asked while approaching him with a confused look as his breathing was getting quite loud and pained, like the unusual redness of his entire face.

Tom raised a hand in front of him, slowly catching his breath as much as possible, before gathering enough strength to talk properly.

“I-I’m… okay, love. I-I think…?”

Then your eyes fell lower and noticed how his other hand was firmly covering his private parts. You frowned, getting even more confused before Tom interrupted your thoughts.

“C-Can you please give me an ice pack, darling? Nat hit me in the balls pretty hard a-and I was not expecting our son to be that strong…”

Then all dots connected. And you couldn’t help the laugh escaping your lips, a loud one that actually brought tears at the corner of your eyes. What a blast.

“D-Darling please, the ice pack!!” whined Tom as he leaned on the wall to rest a little.

You slowly calmed down and went to take an ice pack out of the fridge for your husband, whom modesty had suffered enough. Once you helped him sit on a chair, you remembered Nathan was still outside by himself so you walked to the window to see if he was doing fine. And he definitely was, as you watched your little boy running around the yard still holding the bat, swinging it to chase some monsters or villains like he liked to do.

“I’m glad I’ve got you pregnant before this happens” laughed Tom, still holding the ice pack between his legs, the thump slightly becoming a bit swollen.

You turned to face your husband with a fake shocked expression, hands resting on your hips while you made your way towards him.

“Being cheeky, Holland?” you challenged him, raising an eyebrow followed with a smirk. “Careful, I now know a way to scare your male chauvinism away...”

“Jeez woman, ‘mini Tom’ and my sperm cells suffered enough already” chuckled Tom before sliding his free arm around your waist.

He brought you closer and kissed your belly, well your now three-month pregnant belly that will protect your second child for another six months or so. Tom then nuzzled his face against it like a cat, which made you giggle, content. You slid your fingers through his brown locks, brushing some hair back. Then you heard little footsteps coming your way.

“Mama?”

You saw Nathan appearing from the corner of the room, his hands now free from the bat. Tom didn’t move from his spot but followed the sound of Nathan’s voice.

“Where’s papa?”

“Daddy got a bit hot outside and needed to rest a little” you gently replied, smiling at your son’s understanding expression.

“Dad’s doing super fine” Tom added with a huge smile, trying to hide the ice pack he was still pressing against his crotch. “Alright, taking a break from your baseball training. Time to get some lunch, buddy!”

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[dwellordream]

“…there are two distinct things going on here that Mr. Nazi has carried over from the classical and medieval view of sex, which is why I am interested in him at all. The first is the idea that if women do not orgasm they become troublesome. To be fair, this is a concern for both men and women in the medieval period.

After all, the reason why sex work was legal in medieval Europe was the on-going and constant worry that undersexed men would react violently. This is because sex was seen as a way for people to release excess humors in general. Sperm, which both men and women were conceptualised as having under the classical and in the medieval period dominant, two-seed theory of generation, could build up if not released and turn toxic.

This toxicity in women was linked to a condition referred to as prefocatio matricis or a “suffocation” of the womb. The twelfth-century women’s medical manual, the Trotula noted this malady as occurring in “those women who do not use men, especially…widows who were accustomed to carnal commerce. It regularly comes upon virgins, too, when they reach the age of marriage and are not able to use men”.

The symptoms of the condition included what we would see as mental health issues like “upset” but also physical problems like “loss of appetite … syncope [fainting]…” as well as the loss of the use of the voice, contraction of nostrils and lips, and teeth grinding. In other words, if women don’t get a good dicking down on a regular basis they do be acting crazy. Cool.

Similarly, the eleventh-century physician Constantine the African (d. c. 1099) noted that women’s wombs were suffocated by an “abundance of sperm or its corruption. It occurs when women are deprived of union with a man: the sperm increases, becomes corrupt and begins to resemble a poison. … the sperm accumulates and there is born from it a smoke which rises to the diaphragm [and so] … suffocation occur.”

The best cure for the disease was for women to find an acceptable sexual outlet through marriage, have a bunch of sex and put both their sperm and womb to its intended purpose of making babies. It should be noted here that while I am talking about the medieval conception of horny women being impossible to deal with, classical medicine also agreed with this take.

Suffocation of the womb was also advocated by people like Galen (129-c.216), who likened the wombs of women with retained semen to rabid dogs or poisonous scorpions. Similarly, this view was held by the Hippocratic physicians who believed that suffocated uteruses could even cause death if not treated.

So while this is wild, it isn’t like medieval people made it up out of nowhere. As per usual, this medical theory was strongly rooted in the classical medical tradition, which apparently Nazis still believe in. The only difference is that the Nazis now think it leads to women “wanting rights for marganalised communities” and “not being Nazis”. Which is … bad. I guess.

The second thing that is medieval about this take is your Nazi there’s idea that when women have sex with themselves they use dildos to do it. This hinges on the idea that the only way for women to really orgasm, and indeed the only way for them to have satisfying sex, is for them to have something penis shaped involved. So even when a man is not involved in a woman having sex, the way that she would have sex resembles normative sex, and still is one hundred percent focused on dicks.

Medieval writers, both medical and religious, who were often notably dudes, also believed this to be true. Thirteenth-century medical writer Albertus Magnus (c. 1200–1280), for example, described women having solo sex in order to be less cranky thusly: “… if they do not have a man, they feel in their minds intercourse with a man and often imagine men’s private parts, and often rub themselves strongly with their fingers or with other instruments until, the vessels having been relaxed through the heart of rubbing and coitus, the spermatic humor exits … and then their groins are rendered temperate and then they become more chaste.”

Similarly, homeboy Burchard of Worms (c. 950-1050), whose dildo obsession I have written about before, said in his Decretum that priests should ask the women who come to confession if they “[h]ave…done what certain women are accustomed to do, that is, to make some sort of device or implement in the shape of the male member, of the size to match your desire, and… [if they] have… fornicated with yourself with the aforementioned device or some other device?” Solo sex, in Burchard’s very holy mind, is just a mimicry of penis in vagina sex, and therefore requires implements in order to happen.

Comparing both of these dude’s ideas about women’s private sexual behavior, I guess you would say that Albertus comes closer to what most women would argue is the more common option. He gets that solo sex for women is usually external. However, he is certain that even if this is the practice, women still be meditating on that D to make the magic happen.

There is no other way for women to achieve satisfaction other than imagining penises. Sorry, but this is the only option. Meanwhile Burchard’s idea lines up directly with the Nazi who is like, “Yeah no, has to be penetration and a fake dick. That is sex. Women have no concept of any sort of sexual satisfaction outside of what men do to them and therefore fake having a man around when they have sex alone.”

Anyway, suffice to say that if Buchard or the Nazi in question had ever had sex with a woman they might be very surprised to learn that this is not, in fact, how most women relate to solo sex, or indeed sex more generally. It is to be hoped that the rest of us have moved on a bit since the eleventh century, but here we are.”

- Eleanor Janega, “On women having sex with themselves.”

[treason-and-plot]

REPLIES TO BINGO AND TO PROBLEMATIC SPENCE

@streetlightaurora

What timing! 😂

@buckleysims

LOL, Gladys and her Bingo buddies are too cute! :'D Why is he disgusted though? I must have missed something, but what is his problem with Mia? *disappears into your archives*

It’s pretty simple...he thinks Mia is a ‘slut’, and in his mind that equates to someone who is lacking in intelligence, moral fibre and self-respect. Spence is someone who tends to see the world in very black and white terms!

@whyhellosims

Bubblehead?! XD OMG! The disgust, lol!

The disgust is real, lolol!

@pixelcurious

Your comedic timing is perfect at the end. Bingo!

@phoenixfg

So dramatic! She's not naked!

LMBOOOO...but in his defense, he said half-naked, lolol!

@muses-circle

Bahahah Spence calls Mia "Bubblehead". That is too much! LOL

There’s a guy at my workplace who calls one of our co-workers ‘Bubblehead’ and it’s one of those things I just squirreled away for future use :P But it definitely seemed to be a name that Spence would use for Mia. (probably one of the more polite ones, too! LOL)

@sweetnovember77

LOL! Spencer and Julia are a match made in heaven.

@shhhushhh

Ahahahahaha! I love how you set this 😂😂❤❤❤

@simcatcher

On point, Gladys 😁

@dandylion240

Spencer has such a way with words 'sperm dumpster'. He's not wrong but ew

Yeah, Spence, you Neanderthal!

@phoenixfg

WTF??? What's his problem with Mia?

Basically he holds the quaintly old-fashioned view that promiscuous females are lacking in strength of character, morals and brains, and are not worthy of respect. Yes, Spencer can be a very charming fellow. 

@ivorycrayon

That's.. not a phrase I imagined anyone in your story using. Ew, Spencer.

@streetlightaurora

Yikes, Spencer. Mia is fun and she's not in a relationship... If this were Raj, would he be clapping him on the back? 🤔

To be honest, he’s pretty disgusted with Raj too because he thinks he cheated on Cookie...but no doubt he will place the blame squarely on Mia for seducing him! 

@muses-circle

Whoa, that's some hardcore hate Spencer has for Mia.

@wannabecatwriter​

Spence better fix his behavior. We all know what Julia can do to boys who misbehave.

@sweetnovember77​

Spencer has no filter, but i am not surprised. Apparently, men put women into categories, and once we’re in one, it’s hard to get out. A man’s behavior is determined by what category the woman is in.—we do the same with men.

It’s a fascinating subject. The trouble with such categories though is they over-simplify things, and don’t allow for shades of grey. Putting things into categories also makes us less likely to think critically. However it’s largely an automatic process, and an important part of normal human development. It’s how we makes sense of the world.  

@greywardenconsort​

I despise Spencer he can go DIAF or a shark attack, whatev

@shhhushhh​

I actually like what you do with Spencer's character. Like it or not many men (many people too 😂) are like that. His reaction and wording feels very real to me. I'm a bit surprised by his "worshipping" of Cookie but I guess he judges books by the cover, since he probably hasn't read many.

Thank you Beautiful Mirena! He’s a mash-up of a lot of men I’ve known as well... he holds some very out-dated and sexist views, yet there is no arguing that he worships the ground Julia walks on, thought nothing of killing a drug dealer to avenge his sister, made a veritable eunuch of Mia’s attacker, and would do anything for his Gran. He’s a bit of a paradox. I also love that he has a habit of  putting people into boxes, yet is so hard to put in one himself ;=) Your comment about him not having read many books was gold as well. He is very impressed by Cookie...on top of all his other sterling qualities, he’s also a snob.  

@shhhushhh​

I still love him. And, of course, I adore Julia. But if shi ever decides do dump him or kill him or whatever, Ursula and Adam have a friend who would kiss the ground under her slender feet and make her gazzilion babies 😂😂😂

@sweetnovember77​

This is actually human nature. Apparently, the brain maintains connection by constantly attempting to fill in the gaps. Perhaps, Spencer wouldn’t make this grand assumption if he knew what occurred between Raj and Mia. Hopefully, Spencer will keep these personal thoughts between him and Julia.

Hmmm, sadly it might be too spoilery to reply in too much detail! But suffice to say Spencer has never made a secret of his contempt for Mia.

@sweetnovember77​

No one is perfect. I’m sure we all would appear to be assholes if our personal thoughts were on display.

@phyresimblr

Acceptance is hard. Judgement is easy. I am still waiting for that person who will see Mia for who she is and help her get past Luke. It is so sad to see her go through life so brazenly, with everyone assuming she is a fun- first kinda person, but I doubt she really feels alive half the time. Sometimes I wonder if that is why she ventured into “business” with Raj. Without sex and adrenaline to keep her high, Mia is just a pityable husk of a person, suffocated by her grief. And I want more for her!!

Judgement is indeed easy, and I wish Spencer could heed your words. Your touching and insightful comments about Mia made me feel quite emotional. I wish I could say more without being spoilery! But rest assured we both want the same things for our girl. Thank you for being such a beautiful soul.❤️

@shhhushhh​

I actually would like to see how Mia will react if Spencer states his opinion on her in his face. I hardly doubt she would run in tears to Raj or to whomever, but I'm still hung on that "stupid hoe" comment she made.

@wannabecatwriter​

Is Julia sure she wants to stick around with this guy. Not the most modern of men, is he?

Julia is madly in love with Spence, despite his plethora of unattractive qualities! But he does have a lot of good qualities as well. And Julia is very forgiving of his flaws.

@sweetnovember77​

@wannabecatwriter bingo! i believe that most “modern men” are highly sensitive. therefore it’s refreshing to see a man who understands that sex is great, but he will not lower his standards, and beg for sex. What you see is what you appear to get.— spencer may not be perfect, but hell be making no efforts to improve. 🤷🏾‍♀️ to hell with what people think. just be who you are.

well, I don’t think Spence has ever had to beg for sex...and since they came back from SS Julia and he have been zealously ‘trying for baby’ so he’s probably getting more than he’s ever had in his life!

[ryuichirou]

Do you support Eren's genocide? I don't

Hell yeah I do! Stomp everyone, Eren >:D

Ok I probably shouldn’t joke about fictional genocide; for some reason some people overreact about it… Especially those who were sure that Eren is a pure uwu little boy and now mad at the manga because he’s killing people left and right. Not you, Anon, I’m just generalising with this whole answer, as I always do.

(I’m so not sure if it’s clear when I’m joking in these replies….. )

It’s more like an essay, don’t take this reply personally or as a personal attack in case this matter is your burning passion (Anon or any other person reading this).

In all seriousness though, I don’t see a point in taking sides here. Genocide is bad and this isn’t a new idea, it’s surely not a controversial opinion. No one is arguing with this and not a single person who “supports” Eren is pro-genocide irl. Any murder is morally wrong (Katsu: I slightly disagree because I listened to too much irl extremely gruesome, violent murders and I don’t really want people who committed them to live or, worse, to have a normal happy life because they don’t deserve one), any genocide is morally wrong, nothing is ever just, but the manga was never about morally good choices. If another side doesn’t want a compromise and wants to kill you, you can only attack first.

I think the manga gives us an opportunity to look at the situation from different points of view which would be impossible irl. We see Eren’s position, we see Eldians’ position, we see how the rest of the world sees this situation. We see that Eren wanted another option, but it just wasn’t there. We see that all of it was an unavoidable disaster, unless you agree with the first king and is like “hell yeah kill us all we deserve it, even though we have nothing to do with it already”.

If you imagine yourself as a character in a story, you can take different positions. Let’s be honest: it’s not totally unfair for a person from Paradis to want the rest of the world to perish. It doesn’t want to accept the islanders and they don’t want them to live: the world is just that cruel. Choosing between you and your closed ones dying and the rest of the world dying, the choice feels obvious, even if it’s this horrible. Not for everyone, of course, but it’s explainable.

At the same time, if you are a person from outside the Paradis, why  wouldn’t you want a potential threat to be eliminated? Why should I be stomped to death for doing literally nothing just because they had a fight with Marleyans? It’s all about different perspectives, and once again, this manga’s always been about it.

Overall, I don't really care because the only thing I care about is the story being interesting and fun to read, and my input in this matter doesn't really matter. Seeing people getting so worked up because someone says something to them on the Internet is funny though, although we don’t really encounter these people and their conversations. Once again, choosing a side here for no apparent reason other than doing everyone’s favourite “friends – foes” seems redundant and kinda childish. Once again: people are not special for thinking that genocide is bad. Thank you, a random person on the Internet, I would’ve never guessed that, but now that you yelled at me for liking Eren, I clearly understand my mistakes!

Since "supporting" Eren is more controversial, I'll give you some main reasons for it:

1. The world refused to have a conversation with them, thus ending any possibility of coming to a common ground and finding a solution, and, well, that doesn't really solve the problem at hand.

2. The Paradis is still located on that sweet, sweet gas which can make any country rich af. It's so tempting to them, don't you agree?

3. There's no guarantee that the world wouldn't attack them immediately after they cease the Rumbling.

4. Aw I remembered that Eren was disappointed when he found out that other people existed, that was so cute... It means so much in terms of explaining his character, I love it... He’s always been so fucked up... Where was I? Oh yeah, the people inside the walls were used to not having the whole world existing, so nothing would really change for them apart from having a bigger territory without titans.

BUT WHO CARES ABOUT THE RUMBLING AND EREN, WHEN WE HAVE A MORE PRESSING ISSUE AT HAND.

WHY DIDN'T ZEKE JERK OFF INTO A BOTTLE AND FREEZE HIS SPERM FOR THEM TO HAVE MORE ROYAL BLOOD? WHAT'S WITH THAT STUPID PLAN OF MAKING A LITTLE GIRL PREGNANT?

Katsu: Damn you can clearly see which parts of the reply’s been written by me even if I don’t put my name next to them, I’m so salty...

[huntsman-ash]

RWBY LiveThoughts: V8E7

Since I finally have time for it today, lets make sure Im all caught up for the hiatus. 

Before we get fully started, an idea; Its not a war crime if they’re Grimm. Then its just self defense. So break out the napalm, the cluster bombs, the chemical weapons, the fun stuff. Make em regret it, yeah?

And we start off...on a farm. Looks like my moms old farm in South Dakota. Even on Remnant, hay is best used in bales.

Waiiiit. Thats the place the Whale set down isnt it. I see a Sayber running. Ah, and the Atlas military! Surely, the vanguard of a massive force to hold the line! Also Im glad to see a close up of the helmet for once, I want to make my own. Also, the gloves, and the rifle itself. Not sure why it doesnt have a stock, seems kind of silly...

And airships too, so they got some fire support...whats that wall behind them though?

Also it TOOK US 8 FUCKING SEASONS to get a close up of these FUCKING Weapons. 8. FUCKING. SEASONS. Okay maybe more like 5 cause they didnt first appear till 3 or so but come on. Im so picking this shit apart later. 

Pfft, bros got some nerves going on. Come on man, its just some Grimm, you’ll be FINE.

Atlas field harvesters resemble Halo’s JOTUN Farming equipment. As wel as our own. No surprise there.

Alright, bunch of Saybers, not seeing much of a threat here.

Hey, Paladins! Damn, they...look way different than I remember them to be. 

I wont lie, I dont like the Paladin design. Way to much visual noise, I cant tell where anything IS. 

Also that is the most 2D grass I have sever seen in my fucking life. What the hell are they growing here...

Huh, the whale has two sets of teeth. Wait, its just there? And its wpewing out Grimm. So...why isnt the air force firing on it? 

Yeah its not moving, its just raising its head and slamming down and vomiting out more Grimm. Im not sure what the issue is here, just...seal the mouth. 

Oh, huh. Apathys. Let me guess, RTs gonna try and tell us depression is going to kill most of Atlas. Oh for fuck sake. IM NOT IMPRESSED RT. IM REALLY NOT. IM MORE FUCKING ANNOYED THAN ANYTHING

Okay so...I see what this is. Its farm land outside of atlas proper and there’s an additional wall behind them, plus the power lines I guess? Seems like a viable place to make a stand. 

...thats it. Please tell me this is just a single detachment of the Atlas military because there is less firepower here than a NATIONAL GUARD UNIT ASSIGNED TO ONE CITY

Im fairly certain there are more people assigned to ONE UNIT attached to JBLM then I amm seeing here. 

Not to mention this is an OPEN FIELD the Grimm have to run through. This is a literall fucking TURKEY SHOOT. Running across an open field anywhere is a ticket to DYING.

Just ask the poor fucks on D-day.

Also uh...why is everyone in line formation? What is this, fuckin’ 18009s combat Napoleon style?

And did the distance suddenly change, I feel like the whale suddenly got a hell of a lot closer.

Just...I dont get this. This makes no sense. Did Ironwood learn how to deploy forces from a fairy tale book? This is legitimately some fuckin Lord of the Rings shit here.

RIP that one specific trooper hit by that Behemoth though. Dont worry friend, the thing walked next to a Paladin. Its getting its eye blasted out

And cut back to Ironwood. Doing...fuck if I know what.

Staring angrily it seems.

“Dammit, my tactical deployment by line formation and parade ground tactics isnt holding back the Grimm, curses!”

Well MAYBE IF YOUD THOUGHT TO INVEST IN SOME FUCKING AIR SUPPORT...Seriously.

I know people have told me why this is. I understand myself why this is. But it really just...does...not...jibe with me. At all. 

Okay so more details; first, apparently Atlas has a subway. Makes sense, its a big island. Inter-system transits probably a given. Second; Was that Mantis Squad Omega? Some kind of unit maybe...interesting.

 Also I love how this guy just questions Ironwood. Like, bro, if the General says do it, do it.

Hold the fuck up, why is everyone outside? It looks like fuckin’ Cali during our lockdowns...what ever happened to martial law huh?

Also “underground subway stations”. Yes, thats...kind of what a subway IS. I guess maybe they have overhead ones like New York does. Mass transit be weird like that.

I mean HELL the signs on it are almost identical to the ones in NYC too! Even with the colored circles and train cnumbers. 

According to the sign here they’re at Pickens Square Station. 

Oh boy. Ironwood just fed these poor bastards into a meat grinder. Anyone here ever played the Metro game series, or read the books?

Remember the Dark Ones? The Nosallias? Yeah. Tight corridors and monsters only work out well for angry vodka fueled Russians.

Didnt see it very well but I THINK those Mantas had some kind of wing gun. Either thats new, a separate armament setting, or RT forgot what ind of weapons they gave their ships AGAIN.

Cant get the shields back up, yeah, no shit, they DETACHED ONE OF THE FUCKING PILOTS YOU IDIOTS.

Also hah, they arrested Yang, Ren and Jaune. Not surprised.

Beta squads apperently been hitting the whale. ‘Bombs, missiles, we cant make a dent, sir.” ...while Im not surprised by this, I also hear shades of the opening of Halo 2s level Metropolis. “Where’s the rest of your platoon?” “Wasted, sarge. Blew right through us. Rockets, fifty cals, didnt do nothing.”

Honestly they could have SHOWED THAT too. Them just saying it feels like a cop out to me. Take that as you will. But if you want us to see the things hard to kill, show it. 

Not that I figure Atlas’s rockets are much more than Dust in a propellent tank. Not exactly a Hellfire or TOW.

Nice to see proper military talk for...a moment anyway.

Or what I figure RT figures is proper.

Oh so now the whales moving. Okay...huh.

Jaunes commentary is the same as mine. Though I guess the size seems to shift depending.

Ohhh. Its MANTA. As in the gunships. Alright, sure that works. And this guys making a good call. If you cant hit the big one go after the smaller. Of which there seems to be a HELL of a lot. Actually holy fuck that Grimm spew is across like...ahlf the fucking island right now. Time to fuckin torch and burn people.

Ahhhhhh and they get to the proper idea.  If you cant punch it from the outside, hit it from the inside.

I knew a crew...three madmen, names of Keegan, Lahni and Mac. The Hivebusters. Something tells me a Venom bomb would do the trick...if it can rip apart Swarm creatures as big as a Snatcher or a Swarmak and reduce them to green slime, I think it’ll work on Grimm. 

Something tells me RT isnt gonna give em a bomb though. Too obvious.

NEVER MIND. “Science team is putting together a bomb.”

Also I LOVE how Winter’s pupils expand and retract in fear as she realizes what Ironwoods asking her to do.

Awww now shes getting the shakes too.

Salem directing this shit like shes some kind of orchestra leader. I mean it FITS but...I dunno.

Ah so the command deck is directly behind the whale’s glowing nose. Basically inside where the spermacetiy organ would be in a real sperm whale.

What the fuck is Emerald doing there?

Sneaking I guess. Huh. Why’s she sneaking around the whale. Also, huh. guess seeers can get fooled by Emeralds semblance.  Is HE STILL BEATING UP ON OSCAR? Jeez dude. Take a breather.

Honestly if this was TRUE I would be okay with it. Replace the Huntsman with, I dont know, a massively overequipped military for each Kingdom, let them run rampant...stomp the Grimm out or push them back to nonexistence...everyone lives happily ever after

Lets be real here, the idea of the academies? Really really fucking dumb. Its cute. Fairy tale like.

But if theres one thing this show has taught me its that fairy tales SUCK. Reality...tends to be worse.

Ah theres one of those torture hooks they mentioned a few episodes back. Nice of the whale to have a specific interrigation room.

And at last we get some information on how Salem works. Alright so...what happens if you seperate the parts then? Sink one in the ocean, launch one into space.

Sounds like Oz/Oscars telling the fans what we’ve been saying forever, Companion Book be damned; Salem wants to die.

These mind games bore me. Its cute, but I dont like it cause I cant follow that shit. Give me a straight up fight any day, fuck this sublty backroom fuckery

No lies from them both here honestly.

Medical supplies in Atlas seem almost the same as here on earth interestngly. Also, soup. Or...coffee, tea?

Blake with the obvious here. But I mean thats not really saying much cause...well. Not hard to outfight the Atlas military it seems like.  (Long suffering sigh)

Im gonna make a seperate post about my frustrations with that and leave it there. But dont expect me to stop fully complaining about it because everyones gotta have something to bitch about with this show, and I’ll be DAMNED if I start joining the BB whiners.

Good question, Ruby. Might be that YOUR NOT LIVING IN A FAIRY TALE

I’d like to see these people dying in Mantle. I refuse to believe that there isnt SOMEONE in the nation that once brought Remnant to its heel that wont stand and fight. Unless Im wrong about that too...

May backstory? May backstory. Yeah.  Not amazingly complicated but it works. Cant tell if shes Henry though...or was. 

Dramatic lightning flash

Cute you think that Ruby. Theres sides. Always are.

Further proof honestly.

Hazels look of though is amusing. Cant tell if he doesnt believe Oscar, or if his tiny peabrain is runing full bore to think this through.

Coordination between farm boy and professor.

Oh. OHHHH. Plants the seed of doubt in Hazels tiny mind, he uses the last question for himself, sees the truth... Clever, Oscar. Clever.

Hazel peabrain go THUNK

Ah so Mercs going off to Vacuo. Guess that means everyone else is going there next too. Eat that, random Discord person, I called it.

Course, CFVYs there so...maybe we get to see Yats beat up on him.

Oh hi Tyrian. Do you just...randomly roam the halls of the whale waiting to DRAMATICALLY REVEAL YOURSELF and give violent expositon? Im very much okay with that.

Also I love how he just...accepts this. Totally fucking bonkers, totally down with it. 

Oh shit, Tyrian and Mercury going to Vacuo? Damn thats gonna be INTERESTING. I guess Tyrian’ll fit in well enough honestly.

Flying Beringal literally out of the roof. 

I remember back when this season first started and I said those weird bone platforms looked like VTOL launch bays. Guess what? They are.

Merc and Em emotion blah blah DONT CAAARRREEE

Jaune thinking tactically for ONCE IN HIS FUCKING LIFE. An I mean military tactical of course.

Also I like how the Aces say they dont let emotions cloud their shit WHEN THEYVE BEEN DOING THAT THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME.

This ENTIRE PLANET is emotionally run. Thats why the Grimm are such an issue! Makes small note to make Remnant Adeptus Mechanicus cult

Seriously though...

I wont lie though, Hare isnt wrong. Wonder what happened to that Tortuga guy. Tyrian, is my guess. Love how Ren interrupts the moment they almost mention Clovers name.

Expendable, yes. Replacable, no. You should have a talk with squadron leader Grey from Star Wars Squadrons Ren

ANNNNDDD SEMBLANCE EVOLUTION. Or the edibles just kicked in.

This is cool and all but its really fucking dumb and hamfisted. Explain all you want. Mention emotions all you want.

The Aces are fucking huntsmen. HUNTSMEN. FUCKING. SUCK. They always have. Its a dumb idea. Yes, lets stop the hordes of monsters invading this world BY SENDING IN SINGLE OPERATIVES WITH FUCKING MELEE WEAPONS

I’ll make this clear to you, Ren, right here and now. If you faced a REAL elites, you wouldnt have stood a chance. Nor would RWBY. Their bodies would have been three-shot from 20 meters out with a breach and clear and stacked against the wall like cords of wood, one final shot to the dome to make dead sure they were down. None of this stupid flipping and acrobatic crap, none of this clashing weapons and Dust and semblances...no. 

You’d be dead before you knew they were there and they would move on. You’d just be another body to the pile, one more faceless corpse to add to their kill count. A meatgrinder in human form. 

Professionals. Dont. Lose. AND THE ACES ARE NOT PROFESSIONALS!

Because thats not what RWBYs about, never has been.  And that is what annoys me slightly. That and the fact I cant distangle what I know of other universes and our own from RWBY’s. Its hard to hold a universe on its own when everything they make points towards it being like ours, but they change it when they see fit. 

I feel like thats bad writing.

Hehehe. Winter touched Elms boob.

Glad to know that Winters got her priorities right. Course, that bomb probably aint gonna do shit cause its Dust based.

...again, hoping its a chemical weapon...

Wait, the Atlas forces from earlier are STILL FIGHTING? Damn, these Grimm must suck if they couldnt wipe them out in that little time...

Also I cant tell if its getting dark cause of the storm or if its the dawn of the next day.  Or did...they shift time around? I lost track. I SWORE the sun was setting the last time we saw everything.

Also return of the shitty 3D grass...

Marrows gonna defect.

Awww poor Winters got emotions. HEY MAYBE DONT SEND A MENSTRATING WOMAN OUT ON A FIELD OP, ATLAS!

So according to May there’s still front lines. Cool. 

AYYY ITS KLIEN! HES BACK

Oh, I guess hes a doctor too. Oh he MAD.

Ayyy Whitleys being USEFUL for fucking once in his shitty life.

Shes gonna hug him isnt she.

CALLED IT. For fuck sake...whatever. Cute. But whatever.

Oh annnnddd now Grimmquake?

No. It stopped...Bolide?

No. PENNY.

Annnnddd shes leaking coolant. And sparking. And dead.

RIP Penny.

The concept art of the beached whale looks so fucking silly. Seriously, just...detach the whole section there. Drop the fucking thing. 

Oh well.

And thats it for almost two months! Be prepared for me to BULLSHIT MY WAY THROUGH ALL OF IT and continue on with my military fanwank because THATS HOW IM SURVIVING 2020!

[hamiltalian-creates]

Brothers Will Be Brothers 2

Summary: Virgil and Dee meet Remus and Roman at the mall and learn something not so shocking about them. Remus wants to play matchmaker, but Dee isn’t so sure about it.

Pairings: Brotherly Anxceit, Creativitwins, queerplatonic Dukeceit, implied Prinxiety

Words: 2,633

Warnings: Remus is Remus

[Virgil: Hey, Roman, u free?]

[Roman: Unfortunately so. Patton and Logan are binge watching Harry Potter again and they kicked me out for criticizing it as much as I did :(]

Virgil chuckled to himself. Roman never did know when to shut up.

[Virgil: My brother and I are going to hang out at the mall with his bf and I don’t want to just third wheel it, so he’s making me ask you to join.] [Virgil: want to come?]

[Roman: Of course! I finally get to meet this mystery brother of yours]

It wasn’t that Virgil purposefully hid Dee from his friends. It was just easier to distract himself from his worries outside of the house.

[Virgil: Great, I’ll text you in a bit w the time]

Virgil sighed and put up his phone before heading to the shower to rinse out his hair. He hoped Dee wouldn’t embarrass him to death.

[D: Hey, Rem, Virgil wants to officially meet you. Meet at the mall in a few hours?]

[Remus: OF COURSE?!?!?!! IS THAT A QUESTION?!?!?!?!?!]

Dee smiled to himself.

[D: It might be a bit awkward, he’s convinced that we’re boyfriends.]

[Remus: romance... barf.] [Remus: I’ll just explain when I see him! Easy peezy, lemon squeezy!]

Oh, simple minded Remus. When were things ever that simple?

An hour plus a hair wash and conditioning later, the two brothers were off to the mall, their respective “dates” on the way to join them.

“Promise you won’t go full dad-brother and humiliate me?” Virgil asked as he slumped in the front seat.

“Oh, I promise nothing,” Dee corrected. “If he doesn’t love me at my dad-brother, he doesn’t deserve me at my cool brother.”

Virgil groaned. “Stop trying to meme! You’re, like, 30.”

“I’m not even 21 yet!”

“Yeah, but mom and dad would’ve been a little over 40 and since you’re taking their roles, it averages out. So, that actually puts you at mid thirties.”

Dee smiled and shook his head. “Faulty math, but okay.”

Virgil smiled to himself and scrolled through Instagram as Dee drove, feeling relaxed for once.

When they got there, the two headed into the Barnes and Noble and waited, Virgil taking the liberty to wander through the aisles while Dee sat at the cafe and ordered himself a drink.

While he waited, he felt two familiar hands on him, one covering his eyes and one on his neck.

“Guess who? Guess wrong and off comes your head!”

Dee smiled to himself. “Is it Virgil?”

“Nope! You know who it is, Dee-Dee!” Remus pulled Dee into a tight hug and kissed his cheek. “Where is that little emo brother of yours?”

Dee shrugged. “Probably browsing the horror section.”

“I knew I’d find you in the horror section!”

Virgil jumped as Roman appeared behind him, putting away the book he’d began thumbing through. “And I’d find you in the kids section if you were here. What else is new?”

“Uh, I am meeting this brother of yours and, apparently, his boyfriend! That’s new!”

Virgil couldn’t fight back his smile. Roman was always so excitable, like a child on Christmas Day. “Yeah, whatever. We can all meet outside, unless you wanted something from the cafe?”

Roman shook his head. “Me and caffeine in public? Honey, that is a recipe for disaster.” Instead, he grabbed Virgil by the hoodie sleeve and pulled him out of the store. “What’s with the hood? First, we can’t see your hair at school, now not even at the mall, where nobody knows us?”

“I just did something to it.. No big deal.” He pulled down his hood, revealing his new, purple hair, and felt himself get kicked into freeze mode as Roman let him go. “If it looks stupid, blame Dee. He was being all sentimental and wanted to dye it for me.”

“No!” Roman exclaimed, a bit too loudly for Virgil’s liking. “I mean.. No, it looks really nice, Virgil. It fits this edgy thing you have going on.” He vaguely waved at him, gesturing mainly at the patched hoodie and combat boots.

Virgil tutted. “Alright, princey, don’t be weird because I found a look you couldn’t pull off,” he said, a clear joking edge in his voice.

Roman rolled his eyes and laughed a bit. “Fine. Where is this brother?”

Virgil checked his phone. Dee saw his text, so where was-

“You?!” Roman called out as he turned around, mortified.

“You!” Remus called back as he came out with Dee, clearly excited. He went over and pulled Roman into a bone-crushing, not-exactly-reciprotated hug.

“Woah, what’s going on here?” Virgil asked, trying to pry his friend away.

Remus let go and smiled. “Oh! Sorry, I guess I should introduce myself. The name is Remus Duke, half brother to this little drama queen!” He patted Roman’s head, who didn’t seem to quite hate the affection, but he clearly wasn’t a fan.

Virgil felt his mental jaw drop. This was the dumpster fire brother that Roman had described on multiple occasions?

“Oh, you did mention you had a brother, didn’t you?” Dee commented as he joined the three, pulling Remus away from poor Roman.

“Yep!”

“Half brother,” Roman corrected. “Same birth giver-”

“Different sperm giver,” Remus finished.

Virgil nodded. “Remus has his mom’s last name, Duke, and Roman has his second mom’s name, Prince.”

“Well, don’t say it like she’s any less my mama,” Roman added. “Mom and his dad broke up and mom found mama and they had me.”

Dee nodded, trying to keep up. “Well, isn’t this one hell of a coincidence?”

Roman nodded. “Yep.. Remus, I thought you were aro.”

“Still am! Dee’s my bestie, not my boyfriend, Virgil.”

Virgil hid an embarrassed blush behind his pale foundation. Okay, that explained that.

“Queer platonic partner! I finally found a name for what Dee is to me,” Remus hummed as he pulled said partner into a tight hug.

Roman smiled a bit. He and Remus were so different that they didn’t get along well most of the time, but he was still glad to see him this happy. “Well, why don’t we actually walk and talk instead of crowding the path?”

Virgil nodded. “Yeah, come on, you two are making a scene.”

Dee rolled his eyes. “Well, lead the way, then.”

Roman smiled and grabbed Virgil by his hoodie sleeve. “Hot Topic?”

“Hot Topic.”

Dee grabbed Remus’s hand and followed the two younger teens through the mall, stopping at Virgil’s favorite store. He preferred to wait outside, but Remus ran right on in to browse.

“What about that nerd store you like?” Virgil asked as he walked with his friend.

Roman shrugged. “Eh, I can go there later. You invited me, I figured I should ask you first.”

Virgil nodded and looked through a few t-shirts. “Thanks, Princey..”

Roman nodded and watched his friend. He wouldn’t say it out loud, but he’d developed a certain fondness for the emo boy. He wasn’t sure if it was a crush, but it definitely wasn’t what he felt for Logan or Patton, not at all. But he wasn’t sure Virgil would appreciate being put on the spot like that, so he didn’t say anything for now.

“I think I’m going to wait outside. I’m not really interested, but you keep looking,” Roman said after a few minutes, leaving as Virgil gave him a nod.

Remus saw his brother leave and slid right on in beside Virgil. “Hey there, Virgil. I heard you wanted to give me the boyfriend talk?”

Virgil was still mildly mortified by how wrong he’d been. “I didn’t know you weren’t into him like that, you guys just do a lot of couple stuff. I know when he goes over to your place at night, he makes it totally obvious when he comes home in the morning.”

Remus shrugged. “What can I say? I know how to work with what I have.”

Virgil’s nose scrunched up. “That’s so gross.. That is my brother, you know.”

“I know, but what’s the point in hiding it when you basically know everything?” Remus asked, grabbing the shirt that Virgil had been eyeing. “Nightmare Before Christmas? Seems right up your alley.”

Virgil rolled his eyes and stared at the ground. “Yeah, whatever, I’m a dark teenager. It’s just technically still a Disney movie and that’s Roman’s thing. It’s not like I want to accidentally match him, that would look stupid.”

“Aw, I think it’d be cute!” He glanced around a bit before leaning in. “Don’t tell him I told you, but I think he’s got a little crush on you.”

Virgil felt his face heat up as he snatched the shirt from Remus’s hands. “Whatever, that’s so stupid, you’re probably just picking on me, Dee probably put you up to it, I’m just going to go,” he rushed out before starting to leave, only stopping as Remus grabbed his arm.

“Wait, I didn't to embarrass you or anything. I may be aromantic, but I can spy a couple of pining teenager when I see them. Roman’s too much of a geek to ask you outright, so do you like him?”

Virgil hesitated for a second before shrugging. “I mean.. He’s not completely gross or anything. He’s just such a weirdo, I don’t know if I’d ever-”

“So that’s a yes, then?”

Virgil grumbled and sighed. “Yeah, whatever, fine, but if you’re just picking on me, I’ll kick your ass.”

Remus bit back a laugh at that. “Sure you will.”

Outside of the store, Roman nodded at Dee as he sat beside him, only glancing over as the other began speaking.

“So, you’re no good at hiding your crush on Virgil.”

Roman scoffed and laughed overdramatically. “Crush on Virgil? Wow, he’s just a friend. As if I really-”

Dee raised an eyebrow.

“... Yeah, fine, I like him.. But it’s just a crush, I’m not trying to do anything to hurt him.”

“You realize that Virgil’s in a fragile place? That if you were to hurt him, I’d legally have to hunt you down?”

And, honestly, Roman didn’t doubt that he would. “Well... Of course, I’d never even think about hurting him, but Virgil isn’t fragile.. He’s a really tough guy..” And, for the scrawny emo of the group, it was surprisingly true. The two of them bickered like crazy and while Patton always rushed to Virgil’s aid, thinking he’d be unable to handle it since the death of his parents, Roman knew the truth. Sure, maybe some of those comments got annoying, but he could tell that they didn’t hurt him too bad, no doubt due to the fact that he had an older brother.

Dee nodded. Good answer. So this Roman wasn’t just looking to treat Virgil as a damsel in distress. “But he does do very poor in the spotlight, something I feel is quite different from yourself.”

Roman let out the tiniest laugh. “Okay, that is true. But it’s not like I’d force him into drama with me or anything. He can do what he wants and I actually enjoy quiet time with him and our friends. Of course, I’d adore the chance to act with him on stage or to tell the whole school how great I think he is, but I’d keep it toned down, if the idea freaked him out too badly.”

Roman also wasn’t planning on forcing Virgil out of his comfort zone. “One more question: What makes you think I’m going to approve of you as his boyfriend?”

And that one kind of stumped Roman for a second. After all, he has an older brother of his own, but Remus seemed so much less strict than Dee about his little brother. This wasn’t a question he’d ever really thought of, especially since Virgil had been so adamant about keeping his friends and his home life separate. “I don’t know... Honestly, I don’t expect you to, but that doesn’t make me like him any less. If I have to bend over backwards to get your approval, so be it, but I really like him.. Not only that, Virgil is my best friend, I’d never dream of hurting him.”

Dee couldn’t help but smile a bit. Roman was still an awkward teenager, but at least his heart was in the right place. “Alright, fine.. You do seem like a good guy, and you are Virgil’s friend. I guess I wouldn’t have to kill you if you asked him out.”

Roman beamed and let out an awkward laugh. “Thank you.. I promise, I’ll do my best to be a good boyfriend..”

“With your life on the line, I’d hope so,” Dee shrugged.

Roman let out another awkward laugh. “Right... I’d expect nothing less than for a big brother to keep making that joke..”

“Who said I was joking?”

“Dee, are you tormenting my brother? That’s my job,” Remus said as he came out from the store, Virgil trailing behind him.

“This is why I don’t go anywhere with you, you’re more embarrassing than mom and dad ever were,” Virgil grumbled, pulling his jacket hood down over his face with his free hand, the other preoccupied with his Hot Topic bag. “I only have three friends, could you not drive them away?”

“We were just talking,” Dee replied in a far-too-innocent voice. “If he felt threatened by my words, that’s not completely my fault, is it?”

“You are the worst..” Virgil stood beside him and sighed, pushing his hood back down. “Are you done embarrassing me or can we move on to another store?”

Roman smiled and stood up. “It’s fine, Virgil. I have Remus, I get it.”

Virgil nodded. “Right.. Let’s go to that nerd store you like so much.”

“Yes!” Roman cheered, grabbing Virgil by his sleeve and pulling him through the mall, Remus yanking Dee behind them.

Despite the chaos that just came with a friend like Roman, Virgil couldn’t help but have the time of his life. He loved Patton and Logan, but it was great to not have them treating him like he needed to be protected and Remus was there to make sure Dee couldn’t do the same, though he couldn’t be blamed, being an older brother. It was nice to be with someone who didn’t let Virgil’s anxiety define him, even if it meant that Virgil occasionally got overwhelmed. It was nice to have Dee there to help when that did happen. It was just... It was a nice day. A great day, even.

“You’ve been smiling since we got in the car. What happened back there?” Dee asked as the two pulled up at the house.

Virgil tried to shrug it off, but there was no hiding his tiny grin. “Roman asked me out.. And I said yeah.”

Naturally, Dee couldn’t stop himself from feeling at least a little bit of anger, but he hid it. That smile on Virgil’s face said it all, he didn’t need a parent right then, he needed his brother. So, Dee pushed back his protective nature. “I knew he liked you. When’s the wedding?”

Virgil scoffed and pushed him a bit. “You’re such a weirdo. It’s just a date, a first date. We’re talking about it later, though...”

Dee nodded and let them both inside. “Just let me know when so I can clear my schedule.”

“I’d rather date Remus than let you chaperone us, I’m too old for that kind of thing,” Virgil grumbled as he walked towards his room.

Dee chuckled and locked the door behind them, sighing. He didn’t know if it was being a brother or acting as a parent, but either way, Virgil was growing up too fast. And, as much as he hated it, Dee was just going to have to deal with it.

[aion-rsa]

Watchmen Episode 9 Easter Eggs Explained

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The big finale of HBO's Watchmen comes together in episode 9! Here's all the references to the book we were able to catch.

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This article contains Watchmen spoilers.

Watchmen episode 9 “See How They Fly” wraps it all up. And you’d think that after nine time-hopping episodes they might be ready to wrap up all of their homages and references to the original book. You would be wrong. 

But not everything comes from the book. The episode’s title, “See how they fly” is a lyric from The Beatles’ psychedelic masterpiece “I Am The Walrus” which features the sinister/joyful (and Watchmen-relevant) refrain of “I am the eggman.” Now, with that out of the way, let’s get down to business.

LADY TRIEU

- We’re once again back on Nov. 1, 1985...this time to witness the conception of Lady Trieu. Her mother, Bian (who in the future Lady Trieu will clone and raise as her daughter) was one of Veidt’s Vietnamese employees who kept his fortress of solitude, Karnak, running. The verse she recites is apparently from folklore about a Lady Trieu who lived during the third century. 

Incidentally, this is the most we’ve seen of the inner workings of Karnak, including in the book, where we only saw TWO employees. Does this mean he murdered ALL of these people, too? That is dark as fuck.

read more: Complete Watchmen Timeline Explained

- Lady Trieu is sperm sample 2346. That’s 23 x 2. It could very well be a reference to the “23 enigma,” an almost cult-like belief in the significance of the number 23. It was popularized by counterculture icons like William S. Burroughs and Robert Anton Wilson. 

- The fact that Bian crowns her insemination with “Fuck you, Ozymandias” is interesting. Is Veidt, like Dr. Manhattan, a symbol of American imperialism in Vietnam? Pretty likely, right?

- In 2008, when Lady Trieu confronts Adrian Veidt and refers to him as “the smartest man in the world” she’s using the nickname that had been given to Ozymandias by the press. Trieu is, of course, “the smartest woman in the world.”

ADRIAN VEIDT

- This is the filming of the “confession/congratulations” video that Wade Tillman was shown by Joe Keene back in episode 5. It will be presented to Robert Redford on the day he is inaugurated as President on January 21, 1993. You can see the giant squid in the tank behind Veidt while he is recording the message to President Redford, by the way.

- “Untie knot” is the password prompt on Veidt’s old computer. “Untie knot” refers to the Gordian Knot, which Alexander the Great famously solved with his sword. The password is “Rameses II” just like in the book. 

- That’s a portrait of Alexander the Great in Veidt’s office, but as of yet I’ve been unable to identify it.

- We learn in this episode that Veidt has “never given himself to a woman.” The fact that he specifically mentions women and not men could possibly echo Rorschach’s observation about him in the book, that Veidt is “possibly homosexual.”  

- Based on the five year timeline laid out by Lady Trieu here, it would appear that Veidt spelled out “Save me Daughter” on the surface of Europa with the corpses of his servants in 2013.

read more: Watchmen Finale Explained

- Veidt’s line about achieving “everything” having “started from nothing” is a quote from the book, during the chapter when he is recounting his own origin story.

- Veidt catches the bullet from the Game Warden as he did in the comic when Laurie tried shooting him in Karnak.

- Veidt’s philosophy that “masks make men true” seems to echo Oscar Wilde’s “give a man a mask and he will tell you the truth” aphorism. This is refuted later in the episode by Will Reeves who feels quite the opposite about masks.

- “Palestine has become a widow for Egypt.” Veidt is quoting the Merneptah Stele, an ancient inscription detailing the Ancient Egyptian Pharaoh Merneptah’s victories. He ends with “the end is nigh,” which is generally Biblical in nature, but refers in this context specifically to the sign that Rorschach, in his identity of Walter Kovacs, used to carry around in the book.

DOCTOR MANHATTAN

- Joe Keene’s high-waisted undies are a mirror of the ones Dr. Manhattan wore through chunks of his career, before he decided to abandon clothing entirely.

- Lady Trieu refers to Dr. Manhattan as “the big blue cheese.” This is a surprisingly playful reference to Shazam, whose enemy Dr. Sivana routinely calls him a “big red cheese.” Incidentally, Lady Trieu does have a tendency to dress like the Sivana of the comics, who favors all white outfits.

- The 7th Kavalry discovered the existence of Dr. Manhattan on the White Night because Cal teleported “Mike” to Gila Flats, which was the place where Jon Osterman became Dr. Manhattan.

- Laurie refers once again to the thermodynamic miracle, a term taught to her by Jon the day that she discovered that her father was in fact Edward Blake.

- Jon has remained somewhat disoriented since he was “returned” by Angela. Throughout, we see him slipping into the past, specifically into moments from the book. 

- “Janey, are you cold? I can raise the temperature” refers to a Christmas in 1959, the first Jon spent as Dr. Manhattan, when he was still with his first love, Janey Slater. Her “chill” was because she was getting a little scared of Jon and his increasingly distant humanity.

- “There is no situation in Afghanistan requiring my attention,” comes from the final moments of Jon’s talk show appearance in October of 1985, moments before he left Earth for Mars.

LOOKING GLASS

- “Mirror Guy? “It’s Looking Glass” has become the best ongoing joke of this entire series. And as it turns out, Laurie and Wade have more in common than they thought. Wade has a tendency to puke after experiencing Dr. Manhattan’s teleportation, a trait he shares with Laurie.

RORSCHACH

When Angela is interrogating a member of the 7th Kavalry, she starts breaking his fingers, before threatening to move on to other parts of his anatomy. That was a favorite technique of Rorschach to extract information.

HOODED JUSTICE

Will Reeves uses some comic book speak by referring to the Tulsa Race Massacre as “my origin story.” He also says “before my world ended,” both an allusion to the Tulsa/Krypton parallels we have tracked elsewhere in these guides and the way Batman is fond of referring to the night his parents died. Both are appropriate.

NITE OWL

Nite Owl’s old ship, ARCHIE (hence Veidt’s “it’s been a hoot”) is still in Karnak after freezing up shortly after transporting Dan and Rorschach there to confront Veidt on Nov. 1, 1985. Wade would indeed know how to fly it since Dan later licensed his technology to police departments under the umbrella of a company called Merlincorps.

Incidentally, while Dan was only ever alluded to throughout this season, if we do indeed get a Watchmen season 2, then we have to figure he’ll show up to testify at Veidt’s trial.

We wrote more about Nite Owl here.

ANGELA ABAR

Is Angela now a godlike being who can walk on water after consuming that mysterious egg? Well, during their first meeting 10 years ago, Dr. Manhattan did tell her that he could “theoretically” transmit his powers into organic material for someone else to consume. And he DID want her to see him walking on water. But it looks like we may never know for sure.

read more: The Unanswered Questions of the Watchmen Finale

But that ambiguous ending is meant to mirror the final panel of the book, where it was unclear whether the bumbling intern at the offices of the New Frontiersman would reach for Rorschach’s Journal from “the crank pile” for possible publication.

MISCELLANEOUS STUFF

- “As if some cowboy actor could ever become president.” It worked for Ronald Reagan!

- When Lady Trieu tells Adrian Veidt that he “stopped the clock” she’s referring to the Doomsday Clock, which was at one minute to midnight before the squid massacre prevented World War III.

- We once again get Johann Strauss' "The Blue Danube Waltz" on Europa, this time as Lady Trieu's spacecraft lands. The 2001: A Space Odyssey parallels are real, considering that film dealt with a mysterious Monolith appearing on the surface of Europa.

- At the newsstand, there’s a headline that says “Supreme Court Confirmation Hearings Drag On” for John Grisham. This has become something of a running joke on the show since episode 3.

- There’s also a New Frontiersman headline that says “Four Wounded in Saigon Burning” indicating that unrest in Vietnam continues.

- The gentleman in the wheelchair who turns up is Senator Joe Keene, Sr. the man who outlawed masked vigilantes in the first place in the book.

Mike Cecchini is the Editor in Chief of Den of Geek. You can read more of his work here. Follow him on Twitter @wayoutstuff.

Read and download the Den of Geek Lost in Space Special Edition Magazine right here!

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Mike Cecchini

Dec 15, 2019

Watchmen

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[aegor-bamfsteel]

So GRRM apparently said Bittersteel and Calla didn't have children, what do you think about this new information? What could be the reason for them to not have any child? Is it possible for either of them to have bastards? How does this information affect Aegon Blackfyre theory?

These are all fantastic questions, anon, and ones that my very patient followers/askers in my inbox have been waiting for me to talk about! I’ve been out of the loop on new asoiaf info due to feeling a little bummed out with fandom for a few months, so GRRM’s Summer 2018 interview actually slipped under my radar. I didn’t find any print transcripts of it when I did a hasty Google Search, so here’s a reddit thread talking about the revealed information; the only part that’s relevant to my answer is that when asked if Bittersteel aka Aegor Rivers had any offspring, GRRM replied with “No, I don’t think so.”

And now, to answer your questions under the very long and probably wanky cut:

Question 1: What do I think about this new information? Well, what GRRM said is a little different than Aegor and Calla not having children; he specifically said he thinks that Aegor probably didn’t have children. We have to consider whether or not GRRM would give out highly plot-relevant information in an interview years before the possible Big Reveal, so he might simply be lying (although I don’t recall whether or not he has directly lied before in an interview). Yet assuming this is the truth, I’m personally rather disappointed that Aegor probably didn’t have children for a few different reasons. Not because I support a theory with a ton of gaping holes in it that nobody else likes to talk about, but because I like Aegor Rivers as a(n idea of) a character and a lack of a close family life is just another personal tragedy of his.

However, the idea that Aegor never had sons (that reached fighting age/were able to fight) is from my point of view pretty clear from the text of twoiaf. I had pointed out to warsofasoiaf prior to making this account that the fact that Aegor’s sons were never mentioned in twoiaf is a strike against the Aegon Blackrivers theory; we don’t know much about Aegor, true, but we do know about his devotion to the Blackfyre cause and how Blackfyre family members personally fought in the rebellions in Westeros, so it would be out of character for Aegor not to have any putative able-bodied sons take the field. While perhaps they were too young to fight in the Third Blackfyre (especially if Aegor’s wife was in fact Calla, at least 13 years his junior), there is no excuse why they were not mentioned fighting alongside Daemon III or Maelys. The way Yandel describes leadership of the Golden Company is another strike against Aegor having sons or even later descendants; he writes that until Maelys the leadership was held by the descendants of Daemon Blackfyre rather than Aegor Rivers, and if the leadership was as nepotistic as Yandel implies, you’d think male descendants of Aegor Rivers would be the among first ones acclaimed captain-general after 241. But all of the known captains-general were Blackfyres rather than Aegor’s descendants (there was no way Aegor’s descendants would’ve been allowed to take the surname Blackfyre given the fear that he was wielding too much power over the cause, as both Daemon II’s failed Rebellion and Aenys’ arrival in Westeros demonstrates). I find it implausible that if Aegor Rivers had descendants the Golden Company would’n’t’ve known and kept them as safe as possible in anticipation of them at least joining the Company, if not fighting for the throne (certainly older exiles like Harry Strickland use their exile ancestry as a form of seniority over others, and a Bittersteel descendant would surely use his ancestry in Company politics).

But I would’ve liked Aegor to have had daughters. I think it could’ve been a bittersweet parallel to the Bracken sisters; that the sexual violence done to them by Aegon IV would give rise to women proud of their female ancestors who sought revenge on the Targaryens. After Aegon IV tortured and executed Bethany and her father and lover, Bethany’s lover Terrence Toyne was avenged by his biological brothers who killed Aemon the Dragonknight, but who was there to avenge her? She had no biological brothers, only a sister who had a son who grew up to spend his life trying to kill and displace Targaryens. It seemed that nobody cared what had happened to Bethany but Aegor. But if Aegor never had children, that lineage is dead and the cruel injuries done to Bethany and Barba can never be avenged by a direct descendant.

It’s just one more horrible thing that happened to Aegor Rivers, a character whom I admire because of his continued survival despite all odds, and it makes his character less interesting: Just like his mother’s, Aegor Rivers’ life was an unending string of tragedies; a permanent exile from 2 weeks old, at age 6 his aunt and grandfather were murdered by his sperm donor without due process, he was raised close to a disputed territory (the Mother’s Teats) that bore the scars of Targaryen cruelty (Daemon Targaryen’s dragon Caraxes had burned Bracken land in 129), and that’s not even getting into what the Targaryens/Brynd3n Riv3rs did to his chosen family the Blackfyres (they essentially slaughtered Daemon and his descendants like they weren’t human). I’d just like some hint that he could’ve been content; that maybe he was more than just an enemy for the Targs/Brynd3n Riv3rs to beat down over and over, but a character with his own life and loving bonds outside of war and tragedy. The idea that he had a wife and daughters introduced a possible different dimension to him; his descendants would’ve been a physical manifestation of his survival to live on in the face of hardship. Yet assuming GRRM speaks the truth, he was just as miserable in his personal life as he was in his dealings with Westeros.

Aegor Rivers having offspring would’ve further made him a foil for Brynd3n Riv3rs. Not because I don’t think Brynd3n Riv3rs didn’t have offspring (although I do believe he was childless), but because BR is very much associated with death and destruction. Every time he’s mentioned in D&E and aDwD, he is compared to a corpse. Each institution the Powers That Be put him in charge of he utterly ruins or dishonors, whether that be as Hand, Lord Commander of the Wall, or the Last Greenseer. By contrast, Aegor Rivers is shown to be a creator of institutions, founding a mercenary Company unusually known for its dedication to discipline, brotherhood, and honor. If he had had children, it would’ve forced the Aegor=life Brynd3n=death symbolism even harder, as Aegor would have physically created a bunch of children who lived beyond his own lifetime.

It just irritates me that GRRM seems to care so little about Aegor that he might not have even thought about him having children. That’s another interpretation to GRRM’s “I don’t think so” answer; that he put so little thought into the life of one of his more influential historical characters that he wasn’t even sure if he’d sired offspring (this is assuming, as I do, that Aegor’s possible descendants aren’t really relevant to the plot of asoiaf). GRRM has answered with “I’m not sure. I need to check my notes” to some questions about his secondary characters, such as where Oberyn Martell was during Robert’s Rebellion; and as of late he seems to have had trouble keeping his facts straight (he endorsed Elio Garcia and Linda Antonsson writing twoiaf because they apparently knew canon better than he did. Which does not make me hopeful for future book releases), but he doesn’t seem to have even had notes on the subject. And either in the same interview or one shortly before/after, GRRM confirmed that in the face of all logic, Brynd3n Riv3rs was allowed to take Dark Sister with him to the Wall despite being a criminal to the Crown with the only Valyrian sword the Targaryens had in their possession. So not only did GRRM flatten and dismiss Bittersteel’s character, but he further nullified one of the few times Bl00draven ever got comeuppance for his atrocities. There’s no sense of balance to their conflict; everything somehow goes BR’s way while BS is condemned to live a life of misery and fade away into nothing. And, contrary to what GRRM likely wanted, this double standard only makes me pity Aegor more and pray for BR’s painful death.

Question 2: What could be the reason for [Aegor and Calla] not to have a child? We know so little about what happened between Aegor and Calla that I think it’s best to look at what we do know—that shortly before the First Blackfyre Rebellion, Daemon I agreed to wed Calla to Aegor—and then examine possible answers to the outcome of Aegor+Calla being childless. Solutions that I can think of, in order of how plausible I think they are:

The marriage was never consummated: Aegor had a Targaryen sperm donor, sure, but he was raised by the Brackens and spent his life fighting against Targaryen supremacy. The idea that incest (one of the most obvious parts of Targaryens believing themselves above others) disgusted him isn’t impossible. That Calla was at least 13 years his junior and knew him since she was a child could’ve disgusted them both further. Also, Aegor was often away fighting in mercenary companies, which decreased the amount of time the two spent together to consummate. Therefore they could’ve had a sham marriage meant only to bind Aegor and the Blackfyres closer together. However, I consider this the least likely answer because 1) Yandel implies that Aegor suggested the marriage in the first place and 2) Aegor is characterized as being very focused on the Blackfyre Cause to the point of losing many of his scruples by the Fourth Rebellion (referring to his ineffectual alliance with Torwyn Greyjoy, a traditional enemy of his Riverlands home), so he’d hardly balk at uncle-niece incest.

Either Aegor or Calla were biologically unable to have children: If this is true, my money is on Aegor, since female fertility in GRRM-land seems to be passed on from mother to daughter. They stayed married until Aegor’s death in 241, and because Calla was 45-56 at the time, she never had any other children.

Calla died before she could have children, perhaps in childbirth: I hate, hate, hate this possibility since it reduces and then fridges a female character for her ability to bear children, but given GRRM’s track record of killing off married female characters in childbirth, it’s a plausible explanation. Aegor never remarried after her death and so also died childless.

Daemon I only agreed to wed the two; he didn’t even officially betrothe them, let alone had a wedding. Thus the marriage never took place at all because…

Calla died before they could wed. I also hate this possibility for creating and killing off a female character to be a cheap red herring, but again I wouldn’t put it past GRRM. In this instance, there’s a historical parallel in the figure of Princess Louisa Stuart, James "the Old Pretender” Stuart’s sister who died unmarried at age 19 from an outbreak of smallpox that struck both siblings. The same results ensued as in part C.

There was no political advantage for it to occur, so Calla married someone else: If you think Aegor was a bad match for a would-be Princess when he was a landless knight dependent on the charity of the Brackens/Blackfyres, think of how much worse he was as a landless exile in a society where knighthood and birth were largely irrelevant, he was geographically and doubtlessly monetarily cut off from the Brackens, and the Blackfyres themselves were desperate for wealthy allies. Although Calla had at least two other sisters (Calla was the eldest rather than elder daughter, implying that she had more than one sister), Rohanne was not going to waste her marriage potential on a penniless sellsword while the Targaryens were trying to curb her influence in Tyrosh via wedding two of their princes to Kiera. No, Calla and her siblings needed to make matches with powerful Tyroshi or other wealthy Essosi families in order to get the funds, ships, and armies to invade Westeros. Remember that Aegor’s chief strength, the Golden Company, didn’t materialize until 212 when Calla was 16-27 and very likely already married to an aforementioned noble.

Calla had children and her descendants still live in Tyrosh: GRRM’s response doesn’t indicate that Calla never had children, especially since it wasn’t made clear that she and Aegor even married. Bear with my tinfoil for a second, but her name indicates that she did have children. We’re supposed to pay attention to Calla’s name because it’s non-Valyrian, unique in book!canon, and above all, a flower name. GRRM loves his flower significance, most famously with Lyanna’s blue roses (unattainable, mysterious, rare beauty) but also with Jonquils (desire, vanity, a happy marriage) and the white water lilies of Maidenpool (purity, peace, spiritual enlightenment). In Calla’s case, the calla lily is a symbol of peace, Christ’s resurrection, and rebirth in the springtime. It’s also known for being able to survive harsh elements and is an odd misnomer (technically neither a calla nor a lily, but its own genus). Considering the strong rebirth connotations calla lilies have, I believe that Calla is the most likely Blackfyre child to have living descendants. That’s not to say that she is the only child of Daemon I to have them (see section 4.4.1 for further speculation on that front), but the implications of her name plus general Nominal Importance (she’s the only Blackfyre descendant we know of not to die horribly and she’s the only named female) indicate that she’s the person through which the Blackfyres survived.

Question 3: Is it possible for either [Aegor or Calla] to have bastards? If 2b is untrue and both Aegor and Calla were fertile, then it’s certainly possible for them to have bastards. After all, we know little about Aegor and even less about Calla. There are rumors that Aegor was in love with Shiera Seastar, and he was so often away from Tyrosh that it’s possible he had an extramarital affair. As for Calla, it is less likely for her to have a bastard (you’d think that if she did, Yandel would’ve mentioned it to discredit Aegor and the Blackfyres even further), but I guess it’s possible for her to have been like her grandmother Daena in that respect. But is it likely? I don’t think so. Maybe it’s just my headcanons firing away, but my idea of Aegor is someone who’s incredibly insecure about sex/sexuality due to what happened with Barba and Bethany; ergo, I don’t believe he would have recreational sex with a woman not his wife. As for Calla, she was part of a family under a lot of pressure to behave appropriately so as to give neither the Tyroshi nor the Blackfyre exiles cause for complaint. I do believe she had legitimate children (see 2.4.2), just apparently not with Aegor.

Question 4: How does this information affect Aegon Blackfyre theory? Compared to GRRM’s answers regarding other fan theories, this one is a pretty direct NO GO. Granted, it’s somewhat cagey (he simply said he probably thinks Aegor he didn’t have offspring, not any other Blackfyres), but think about how he’s responded elsewhere:

Example 1: When asked about Jon Snow’s death, he responded with a dry “You really think he’s dead, do you?” so he’s not afraid of acknowledging a twist most readers already anticipated.

Example 2: On a more important and impactful theory, R+L=J, he refused to confirm or rebut any useful information; specifically, when asked if any Stark other than Ned had children, he said that Benjen was at the Wall, Brandon could’ve sired Snows, and Lyanna died. That non-answer regarding Lyanna was often toted as evidence in favor of R+L=J until the show confirmed it in Season 6.

Example 3: When asked on his blog whether or not those who believe Sansa Stark and Jon Snow will reunite and get married/rule Winterfell together by the end of the series are right, he responded “Not going to say anymore than I have already” which is not the outright dismissal a supposed crackship (or not so crackship, as he’s outright dismissed more popular ships before) would’ve merited.

Thus: GRRM could’ve chosen to avoid or subtly answer the question like he did in these three examples, but he chose to outright confirm that Aegor likely didn’t have children. Up to this point, the most popular subtheory of Aegon VI’s alternate parentage was that he was a descendant of Aegor and Calla, based on Illyrio Mopatis’ claim that Maelys was the last male-line Blackfyre and the fact that Aegon VI has the support of the Bittersteel-founded Golden Company. Now GRRM’s response seems to have brought that theory down; Aegor had no children, so Aegon VI could not be his descendant.

However, rebutting Aegon Blackrivers is not the same as rebutting Aegon Blackfyre. There are several of Daemon’s children who are not confirmed to have died childless: Haegon had at least three sons who may’ve had daughters, Aenys may’ve had daughters, the two youngest sons of Daemon I may’ve had children, Calla may’ve had children by someone other than Aegor, Calla had at least two sisters who could’ve had children, and Captain Daemon Blackfyre and Maelys could’ve had daughters. The potential candidates for female-line Blackfyres is still rather large. The idea that the Golden Company would allow their king’s descendant to grow up apart from them on a poleboat amidst a bunch of Westerosi exiles rather than in Tyrosh actually learning statecraft from his noble family is a strange one, but I leave those explanations to those who actually believe in the theory. (For my part, I believe Illyrio when he said no Blackfyre will take the Golden Company home, but a Targaryen will. He just may not be the Targaryen Westeros or the readers expected.)

In conclusion, I am disappointed that Aegor Rivers was confirmed to not have had children due to character- rather than theory-based reasons; I would’ve preferred that a character that had faced such adversity had a physical representation of his survival in some descendants, but I can live with the Golden Company being his legacy. There are any number of reasons why he never had any legitimate children, but I like to think it was because he remained unwed and devoted to the Blackfyre Cause while Calla had children with someone else. I’ve read some writings by those who subscribe to the Aegon Blackfyre theory, and I can only hope that this new information teaches fandom to speculate a bit more kindly. If someone disagrees with your theory for whatever reason, never call them delusional or say that they are “just fooling themselves.” Never take any theory as obvious, as everything is speculation until confirmed by canon or Word of G-d. Always consider other people’s arguments and try to build your theory based on the text rather than warp the text to fit your theory. And above all, listen with compassion.

Thank you for your interesting set of questions, anon. I hope that I have done them justice in my response.