#and anyway it's new years! 2024 is almost over! we should be celebrating! bangtan year is upon us! we made it bitch!

[sunsetsover]

i hope yall can forgive me but i just need to be sappy for a minute

2024 for has been a really, really difficult year for me personally. tbh, the reason i started watching bls was because i desperately needed an escape from reality and romances always do that for me regardless of format. (and like tbh how was i supposed to resist a live action omegaverse show be so fr) and tbh it was only supposed to be one or two but i really ended up liking them and then i found not me which led me to finding the eclipse bc of first and then there was never any going back.

i contemplated coming this blog for a while before i actually did. i knew my old fandom was dead and i knew i wasn't going to be actually interacting with anyone much bc i was watching shows that were a year old minimum and no one would really be talking abt them anymore. plus i thought i was too old to be in a fandom if im honest. but i ended up doing it anyway partially bc i just had too much shit to say about the untamed and the eclipse and i needed somewhere to say it, but mostly bc i really just needed somewhere to be normal. like everywhere else in my life i felt like i needed to be On all the time or walking on eggshells and i just needed somewhere where i could just be, yknow? where i could just be lauren and have fun and not worry about how it might be perceived or how im supposed to be acting, even if i was just talking to myself

anyway sad as it might sound coming back here has probably been the highlight of my year. actually no watching the eclipse for the first time was probably the highlight of my year but this is a close second. especially since the heart killers has started airing. tbh i was genuinely having fun talking to myself in the tags but interacting with people and having people interacting with me and being able to over analyse this show like i used to and reading other people's analysis posts and tags has been so much fun and reminded me how much fun being an active part of a fandom can be, and for that i am so grateful.

i know this may seem like such a silly post to make esp considering this blog is tiny and only a handful of people actually interact with me but i need yall to know that the little interactions have honestly meant the world to me over these past few months. like you guys cant possibly know how nice it feels not only to have this space to just exist without having to think about all the other stuff going on in my life, but to have people actually respond? like my posts? leave nice tags? idk i just think i needed that. like dramatic as it sounds it was kinda like ok you do still exist. you're still here. we haven't lost you yet.

anyway the point of this post was to just say thank you for giving me this little bubble and for making me laugh and for being so kind and funny and talented and being a light in the world. because you are. every one of you. and that i love you. even if we've never spoken or interacted with each others posts, i love you. and i want to say that i'm proud of you all. from the bottom of my heart. i know it's hard out here. i know when i suffer i don't suffer alone. i know many of you have your own problems you're likely running away from here just like i am. and so i wanted you to know that i love you and i'm proud of you even if all you manage is to wake up in the morning. i'm proud of you all for getting through it even when it's hard and you feel aimless and pointless and don't know what to do. i know i'm just some random person on the internet, but if i can type words that make you smile and you can type words that make me smile, isn't that enough? to know that we both have so much value here despite how it feels sometimes?

so i pray that whatever has been difficult and heavy this past year can be left in 2024, and that 2025 will be kinder to all of us. i hope that we all find the strength to get through what we can't leave behind yet. and above all, i hope you're safe, and i hope you keep finding happiness where it is, which is often not some far off place but right here and right now.

lots of love, auntie lauren xoxo