#and also unrelated but i keep imagining something sharp stabbing my arms and i can't get that out of my head and it's pretty upsetting
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#ok so this is illegal to put in a vent channel in a discord server bc i can't think of a server where i can vent in legally#what's the limit of tags that show before you have to click read more again?#5?#i think#ok so basically i just wanna scream into the void#well there's like#a few things happening i have to scream into the void about#im just feeling like crying and i mean it probably has to do with the fact i waa looking through screenshots on my phone earlier#and there's some screenshots of the dms i had with my ex and it really wasn't anything That Bad and i don't know why it upset me so much#it basically went 'you know who else is handsome' 'me?' 'not you' 'oh you then?' 'not me either girls cant be handsome'#well fuck her maybe i want to be handsome too not just pretty and bsautiful#and then there was Another thing and i don't know what's with rain falling too hard but it makes me feel kinda anxious#and i was in the kitchen and i felt so exposed and that didn't help with my mood either#and now im just feeling super upset#and also unrelated but i keep imagining something sharp stabbing my arms and i can't get that out of my head and it's pretty upsetting#that just happens sometimes but i don't like it at all#mayhap that's somewhat related and i was planning on screaming into the void about it too but i decided against it#bc i was thinking about it for a stupid reason#but if i didn't have sharp nails to scratch my arms i'd probably end up doing it with scissors and that would Not Be Good#i guess it's considerate of my mental health to only start falling apart in the year after ending high school#i want a hug#ok i think that's all i had to scream into the void about#i just needed to put this somewhere that isn't discord bc i don't want people to worry#or just completely ignore it? idk#mayhap i'm worried that i vent too much but really i don't even understand myself so who can say why im doing anything#i was going to do stuff today but my mood is in the 'wanna curl up and cry' category#i need to send the cv for this job im applying for (as a math teacher and it's really close to where i live)#working with kids is nice but they exhaust me so i can't do it full time but it's a part time job#i guess i'll do it tomorrow
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