#and also to robert chambers for coming up w the poem (tbf im also a fucking sucker for cassildas song :3 )

[theannoyingmosquitoinyourroom]

OMG YESSS i never even considered that!!!!!! i always thought kayne just took the king for the funzies, but ohhh the pain and feelings there would be if the king chose this fate, if he made a deal with kayne just as arthur and john did. he stooped down to their level, not knowing the consequences his actions would have, and he ended up much like john was the first time around. (this assuming i understood your musings correctly that were talking about yellow (or. well. the king))

grr and to think about all the things yellow went through, to think about all the things arthur has forced him to go through, the wys he had punished and blamed him for things he could not remember, but you still had that deep-seated dislike for him, a lingering feeling from that which you have forgotten. a pain you still carry with you (i like to imagine yellow was still in pain) but you cannot see the holes in your body anymore because now there's holes in your mind, too.

"How bad would that sting when he got his memory back? He didn't even want you. He stole from you, he broke your heart, you accepted that, maybe even acknowledged your jealousy, got a little vulnerable and you still get discarded. :(" YEAH EXACLTY!!!!! TO KNOW THAT YOU WERE IN THE SAME PLACE JOHN WAS IN AND YET ARTHUR IS STILL REJECTING HIM AND HE DOESNT KNOW WHY AND HE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY and ohhh it would be so painful if yellow got his old memories when yeeted back into the dreamlands because he is decidedly not the king anymore but he will forever hold onto the scraps of that, hoping forever that he will be able to return to what he used to be but never, never will it be like that. hes seen what john has seen and hes been rejected, the bitter taste of feeling like he was left out, like a toddler trying to play with the older kids but not being able to fit in, not understanding their throughs and views, the kids outright rejecting him and casting him out for breaking a toy out of anger.

to think that the king will remain there with himself having changed much like john has: hes occupied a new form in space, his angels are all different now, beaten and bruised, and in the foreground there's still the hole that john left, and hes still hurting and he still doesnt understand why. he still doesnt understand, and when he asked john "what did you have to offer? why does he care about you?" and john answered "because i care about him" the king does Not Get It because hes never had to care about something because hes always had everything, never never relied on anyone but himself and so hes never needed to care before, but he knows that if maybe he had stayed longer, maybe if he had just been with arthur a little longer, maybe he wouldve understood, and hes regretful hes never had the chance but also hes scared because what if he could never have that? what if he could never not hurt again? what if he could never care? what if caring is what could save him, but he is incapable of doing it? what would he even care about? he cant care about arthur, because arthur cares about john. what else could he care about that is not arthur? he doesnt know because the only other example of him out there is john and hes only been attached to arthur and so the king doesnt know of anyone else.

to my previous point: "he cant care about arthur, because arthur cares about john." we are well-aware a person can care about multiple people at once, but i like to believe that the king doesnt think that way. the only way of caring hes ever known before this is worship, and from his followers-- and theres only one being you worship to. you cannot possily split your worship between entities because that would be blasphemy and so thats the same lenses through which the king views love. one love for one singular entity, and the only entity he believed he should (and was capable of) love is arthur, but he loathes him so and also hes already given his love away to john. so who else is left for the king? who is there to teach him? and even if there was someone, the king is too proud to let himself be taught by anyone. he would 'shoot himself in the leg' and stunt his progress, and he wouldnt even realize it.

What if the King in Yellow wanted to be whole, not just for power, but bc he missed some kernel of self? What if he made choices out of fear and pain just like anyone else?