#and also the DUN dun DUN dun DUNDUNdun bits are a bit much

[rohirric-hunter]

Trying to trim The Shadow Rises down to under two minutes. First attempt got it down to about three, but at this point things get a bit more challenging because there aren't really any bits in it now where I'm like, "Yeah, we can probably lose that." I have to make sacrifices now. Also it's a bit harder to splice pieces together now.

[daroamine]

i may or may not have written a small trans logan fic.

uh, here. take it.

feels like i'm somebody else

ao3 link

----summary----

“It’s not a manbun, Lexi! You’re a girl!”

Logan felt something in his chest plummet as he heard the words.

He turned and reached for the crofters in the cupboard so he wouldn’t be forced to look at Patton’s amused face. His stomach felt… Strange. Like he had butterflies, or he was hungry. It felt like it was twisted inside and, if he was honest, it felt awful.

--

Or

The fic where Logan is a closeted trans man, and the others really, really aren't helping.

Also his boyfriend is great.

notes:

This has been sitting in drafts for months because I'm unmotivated 24/7 but it's here and it exists. I'm pretty sure it's not what I wanted the ending to be but I don't remember my original idea, so have this one lmao. Title from the song 'Overwhelmed' by Royal & The Serpent.

---fic start---

“It’s not a manbun, Lexi! You’re a girl!”

Logan felt something in his chest plummet as he heard the words.

He turned and reached for the crofters in the cupboard so he wouldn’t be forced to look at Patton’s amused face. His stomach felt… Strange. Like he had butterflies, or he was hungry. It felt like it was twisted inside and, if he was honest, it felt awful.

His hand clasped the jam jar, and he noted absently that it was lightly shaking.

Ah. A not-good day, then. Logan typically was free from a lot of dysphoria, and for that he was immensely grateful, but today it seemed he would not be as lucky.

You’re a girl! You’re a girl, you’re a girl, you’re a girl...

The words repeated in his head like some sort of chant, and he inhaled shakily, gripping the jar to his chest in the hopes of grounding himself.

Patton was wrong. Logan was male.

Of course he was.

He was sure of his identity, he was a male. A man. Masculine.

His throat convulsed in a dry swallow, and he turned to take two slices of bread from the bag. His excitement and joy for the menial task of using crofters for breakfast had vanished, instead leaving an empty, aching feeling in his gut and chest.

He was a boy.

“Lexi?” the sweet voice behind him said, and he turned a little too jerkily to face him. “Could you pass me the pancake mix? The others will be awake soon.”

The bottle felt strange under his sweating palms, and he could feel how it shook in his grip.

He held onto it with both hands to mask the movements.

Girl, girl, girl, girl, girl-

Shut up.

Patton had already turned back around to start the pancake batch, and so Logan let his hands raise up to tug at his tie, the repetitive pulling somehow giving him comfort.

Patton was wrong, wasn’t he? Logan was not a girl. He wasn’t. He was a man. The other side simply wasn’t aware of his identity. It was of no consequence. It did not matter to him.

It did not matter to him.

He repeated it a few times in his mind, but the aching tight feeling behind his ribs did not seem to lessen.

And then, Roman had entered the room.

“Alexia, fair nerd! And how might you be on this fine morning?” his dramatic voice echoed throughout the kitchen, bouncing off the walls.

Alexia. Alexia, Alexia, Alexia…

“Fine, Roman.” he said flatly, looking at the doorframe so as not to meet his eyes.

Logan’s hands had dropped from his tie the second his friend had entered, and so now they lay at his sides, itching to move and fidget to rid himself of this bad feeling.

Honestly, was he going to get like this every time someone made a comment regarding his gender? It was ridiculous.

A hand was laid on his shoulder and he jerked back, the tail of his spine hitting the counter with a thud.

“Woah, there, Specs, just checking you’re A-okay. You seem a little off.”

Roman again.

Logan bit back a sigh, just nodding briskly and clearly replying, “I am quite alright, Roman. I merely haven’t woken up properly yet.”

His voice sounded high, feminine and airy. It made his stomach twist, and he made a note to himself not to speak too much today. It would only make him feel worse.

For the first time that day, he raised his gaze to rest on Roman properly.

The creative side’s freckled face was peering at him, and his hazel-brown eyes seemed mixed with concern. However, he backed off at the last statement and sat down, eyebrows still fixed in a small frown.

Logan’s hands fiddled with his tie again.

All he could think about was Patton’s comment.

It was from an innocent place, really. He had commented on how long Thomas’ hair was getting for all of them, and Logan had pointed out that his could probably fit into a man bun soon. It was distasteful slang, sure, but it was a staple term used in many places for that hairstyle.

“It’s not a manbun, Lexi! You’re a girl!”

Patton was only joking, he reminded himself.

So… Why did his chest feel like it was being squeezed? Why did it feel like he was just a little air short of normal breathing?

He didn’t notice another person enter this time.

Virgil was frowning, as per usual before his morning coffee. The anxious side immediately poured himself a cup, and took a long drink, before glancing at Logan.

Logan realised that this was when he was supposed to berate him on the affects of caffeine on anxiety.

He stayed silent and took a seat, hunching a little to let his shirt fall flatter.

White-knuckled hands gripped the sides of the chair.

Roman shifted easily from his chair into the seat beside him, as Patton still bustled around by the stove.

“One of those days, hm?” he asked quietly, putting a hand on his arm for a moment. Roman’s voice was soft and gentle and caring and Logan felt his chest just squeeze tight.

Blinking hard as an attempt to will the emotions away, he just nodded.

One of those days.

He hesitantly allowed himself to feel at least a little comfort from Roman’s touch, body ever so slightly relaxing-

“Is it that time of the month?”

A tiny noise came out of Logan’s mouth before he could stop it, and he tugged his arm from the other side’s grasp. His throat tightened harshly.

He wanted to just cry and scream and curl up and be a boy.

Logan stood, distantly hearing Virgil berating Roman, “You can’t just ask girls that! You know how Dee gets!” and he dipped his head.

Girl, girl, girl, girl, time of the month-

“Excuse me.” he whispered, choked, and sank out.

--

The second the items in his room came to view, Logan stumbled to his bed and sank down on it, face crumpling.

“I’m not…” he whispered, pulling his knees to his chest.

Not a girl.

“Not a girl, not… I’m a boy, a man, I am male. I-” Logan’s breath hitched and he let out a sob.

This wasn’t fair, this wasn’t fair at all. The other sides don’t feel this way when they are addressed, or talked to, this was different and bad and he hated it.

Deceit could easily live as a female, why couldn’t Logan? What was… Wrong with him? That made him feel like this?

‘You’re being ridiculous.’ he thought to himself harshly. ‘Stop being so immature. You are Logic, an adult. There is no need to get emotional over infinitesimal slights such as these.’

Yet still, he couldn’t seem to stop the tears.

How unbecoming.

Even the way he brushed his hair from his face was feminine, trembling hands feeling delicate and far too small for his body.

As he stared at them, he couldn't help but pray that they would get bigger. Pray that the added flesh on his chest that pushed against his lungs would just go away.

Pray that he wouldn't feel the dip of his waist and the thickness of his hips whenever he curled up into a ball.

Logan lay there for a while, crying silently into his knees.

There were a few times where he was sure he had heard knocking, but over the sound of his rapidly thudding heart, he could never be sure.

He couldn’t muster up the willpower to check.

His shirt was too tight, it clung to him, his chest, and he knew that unfurling from his ball would bring attention to that fact.

And he wasn’t sure if he could manage that right now.

It must have been a few hours of lying awake on his mattress, the light from the window warming as it reached around midday, when there was another knock.

He had calmed down completely by this point, and therefore could clearly hear the specific rhythm of the sound.

Dun. dundundun. Dun.

That was their signal.

Logan let out a hum, stretching out over his now messy bedspread and unlocking the lock with a flick of his wrist.

The door creaked open and closed.

A cold hand caressed his face.

“Hey, Lolo. How’s my handsome nerd feelin’?”

Logan let his eyes flutter shut, leaning into the touch.

He was going to be alright.

He was safe now, away from judgement, and at that moment, neatly pressed clothes crumpled and tear tracks on his cheeks, that was enough.

---fic end---

notes: I hope that somebody enjoyed this at least, and at the end it's vague but it's intended to be Remus.

BIG props to you if you read all this, ily a lot lmao.

Comments are also VERY WELCOMED. I love them! Even if it's just a smiley, anything to know that you might've enjoyed it is a big boost!

[glopratchet]

origin-of-astrly-wylde

who is also a sixth edition vampire but never found each other again for no good reason, (this occurs during tremendous transcendental meditation-type events that nobody would understand) he decides to stop at the creek before contimuing what but starting at the beginning is always a must for explaining things where he has burnt the little hairs untop of his chin "we all know that you want to do things to us, " they smile out and laugh at the wind by focusing on something and drawing it inward He is unsuccessful in any way other than a cleaning of the necessary evils that make up his being He screams at himself over and over and over again from a psycological three hundred and sixty five degree view and a psycological admission that looking up the succubus queen of affaris somehow took away any he whispers to her, "take her with you from the memory of earth if it gives you sick pleasure "the hell? he begins, "go attempt to take your affairs in hand and in mind; as you are incapable of ever making an advancement towards either are you trying to be so smart? "its not intelligence thats retarded are you alright? she asks him, "you are pathetic he massages his stomach before wrapping up the turmoil that masquerades as his psychic forces to man kind before him and apologizing for putting so much thought into this exchange yet dares him to unfold his soul and gaze into the gaping mouth of madness poison has been ingested by sugar and the venom slowly dripping down his throat stems from a virus of purity Now he finds his user interface terribly corrupt up towards to giant cogs and dripping oil that change is constant and that somewhere beyond sanity was the stacatto from this opera of his life on earth and all numbers have come to a grinding halt, yet the flashing destructions of terrabyte's of information gives him inner peace in knowing that he shall be preserving everything too much to look at it, but something inside forces him to move ever forward unraveling all the ties that bind existence together He flips on one of many switches only a super computer would be able to make heads or tails of the ever changing screen Acres of data, literally, covered in hard drives stacked from floor to ceiling in a giant vaulted warehouse Finding information could very well come down to trial and error as you never know what exactly is going to be accurately portrayed in the media he consumes evil, and chaos are now used to describe it just because he unplugged something in the right order for power pureed with an incredibly feminine voice expressing maximum pleasure as the last hour seems to be-- system sound Death and killing, rips from several guns for sounds-- system sounds Godless beasty sounds-- system sounds Maximum power level reached-- system sounds With a facial expression of disgust he moves on trying comb While still is beastly sound oh here we go deity with her so called lips-- system sounds Pretty sure that' s what it's supposed to be The system had up several religious terms asleep with her silly accent She says and i quote "I'm dead beside the fact that I'm alive I feel like the walking dead" It took him a little while to come out of his fiery immersion with enough energy to type Thank you indeed, you are the library of from every orifice since last night-- sounds system The system has up some graphic footage of Astryl looking possessed already Great, just great away in bed-- sound system URL after URL redirects to nonsensical terms, it looks like this is going to take a little bit of time to a halt-- sound system Ever so often he texts his best friend updates The phrase: "If I go missing, send a search and rescue" Astryl placid dwindling living corpse-- sound system He must have been experimenting, and forgot what he tried to do and gnashing of teeth-- sound- system It mentions an old man and mumbling sentences Quickly he texts Theo sound system Don't remember anything, never know anything An overwhelming jumble of garbage and miscellaneous things fill up his computer screen upon her dazed state-- mad sound system It All Ends rays-- sound system Boy, will this take a while away-- sound system Of course into stagnant, decaying states of beingness-- sound And seems to go on forever -- sound system And forever Dadfuks will it be a while Bootiful day today a furry creature then eating it-- sound system Optimisim and positivity are the key today Astryl brightest frisking You see what the options are and begin to pick one out of your hundreds Oh yeah, you have no idea what madness and chaos has been transpiring up the strangled mess-- system sounds It will get done eventually her teeth-- sound system Hey Alpha, catch the news man? a blender out of car parts-- sound system Hah, awesome It's been like a week! Food anybody? While Destiny slowly fades away fades away from the stoned of death-- sound system Oh, its been five days As I am sure he did through Obviously he doesn't know Teens nowadays Walking corpses SHUT UP ALREADY! her bratty child-- sound system dundundun dun dun dun dun daDA DAA dummmm her gruesome twosome-- sound system Good one, Thes As I am rotting and Intra gets older everyday to Intra what his peers are-- sound system We'll just use VR, There are lots of good things on the web that you need to see and hawing at the As awful as I do, really Then we'll carry on this monotone affair you out of your-- sound system Thanks for that, Let's go look at some funnies and wallow in dadist laziness It's a hard knock life Promise life isn't always no, not going to say it again When is the next time I get to sleep, anyway? Allergies have kicked in Grim stuff Brotherhood things brotherhood does bye for now brrrotherhhod helllloooo anybody still there? My body seems to be going limp, anyhow this is just as well I've become a monster, now Tyrant Life worth living Fitting What kind of life is this bloatings vomitings sweatlings inspirings life doing Breathing does it every time