#and also should mention im proud of myself for taking the necessary actions to get me here

[fundonboy]

anyways emo time on main but like im just thinking about how taylor will probably never know just HOW MUCH she has impacted my life like from having an escape through her songs when my reality was not great in middle school, and listening to Fifteen every single morning as I walked into high school, and having Shake It Off come out when I was in an adolescents psych ward and it was the only thing that cheered me up, and Safe and Sound being the only thing that calmed my anxiety and i would have it on repeat for hours at a time, and then there was that one magazine cover, elle uk april 2019, and i still remember the day i first saw the pics, and i was on my way to another dreaded uni statistics class, and right then and there i told myself (and texted my sister) that one day i will shoot a magazine cover, and one day i will shoot a magazine cover of taylor swift. and yeah im still a long way away from that, but im finishing my second year of art school studying photography and i couldnt be happier :’)

[starshinewriter]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: DuckTales (Cartoon 2017) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Dewey Duck & Huey Duck & Louie Duck, Louie Duck & Scrooge McDuck Characters: Louie Duck, Huey Duck, Dewey Duck, Scrooge McDuck, Doofus Drake (mentioned) Additional Tags: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brotherly Love, Protective Older Brothers, doofus is the worst, scrooge used to be as well but hes working on it, Episode: s03e21 The Life and Crimes of Scrooge McDuck! Series: Part 10 of Set After Summary:

Louie apologized to Doofus, he isn't sure how to feel about it. (Spoiler alert, he's very sure.)

Notes: 

yes im aware this is another louie-centric story and yes im also aware that i still have to finish the final chapter of AMOM.... that's all i got.

hope you enjoy!

Alternative to Ao3:

The first thing Louie does when he gets home is go up to his room, he thinks his Uncle has some idea of how worn out he is cause he doesn't say anything against it. He knows that he'll have the room to himself since his brothers are still occupied with the gribbles and honestly that relieves him a bit, as bad as that makes him feel he needs to be alone right now. There's also the thing of them knowing whenever something is wrong the moment they see him and will ask questions that he isn't ready to answer yet.

He throws himself on his bed and does everything he can not to think about the day's events but fails almost instantly. So he tries to think about everything except the part that bothered him the most. He fails at that too.

He apologized to Doofus Drake, that was something that he did. And he's supposed to feel happy about it, apologizing is a good thing, but all he feels is everything he always feels with Doofus: dread, terror, the overwhelming desire to get as far away from him as he possibly can- which is about as opposite from good as you can get. He doesn't get it, why doesn't he feel better about this? Why does he feel like he just made a huge mistake? Sure, Doofus is Doofus, but he had gotten him off of his back, which had been his whole goal, he should feel good right now, but all he feels is trepidation.

Trauma, Huey would call it.

All he knows is that he wants it to go away and he doesn't know how to make it, and that might be scarier than actually being scared. What if it never goes away? What if he always feels like he can't let his guard down, ever? What kind of life is that? He buries himself in his blankets and that's where he stays, alone, until the door opens and voices that are talking about something he can't hear pause when they see him. He can practically feel them look at each other and carefully step to the bed.

"Hey, Lou." One of them -Dewey- says. "Whatcha up to?" He doesn't say anything. They look at each other once more. He feels the bed move a moment later- once, twice, and then he's surrounded by the comforting presence only his brothers can give. He stays in the blankets.

"What happened today? Uncle Scrooge gave us a summary but it was mostly about him and what he went through."

"Doofus Drake was there." Is all he says, but it's more than enough, in less than a second arms are encompassing the blankets and grabbing him in a hug. They know what a trigger Doofus is for him.

Huey places his head near where he knows Louie's is, "Do you wanna talk about it?" He feels his head shake and fights back the urge to sigh, of course he doesn't, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't. "We won't force you, but it might help you get your thoughts in order."

"I apologized to him." His brothers share a glance,

"Why?"

Louie shifts in the blankets, his brothers move to make him more comfortable. "To get him to leave me alone, mostly, and drop the case. But I dunno, Uncle Scrooge was apologizing for what he did, so I thought I had to too."

Dewey looks at him with confusion, "But you didn't do anything, not anything that he didn't deserve. Why apologize for that?"

"It felt like the right thing to do."

"Was it?" Louie is silent for a few minutes, that's what's worrying him, what if in making the right decision for the case he made the wrong one for himself?

"I don't know." He finally answers. "I just know I wanted Scrooge and me to be able to go home and I didn't want to have a sworn enemy my whole life."

Huey holds him tighter, "Louie, your relationship with him is not the same as Uncle Scrooge's relationships with his enemies. You're terrified of him! You can't be around him or even think about him without freaking out! He trapped you in his house, he tried to have you killed, he's not your enemy, he's an abuser!" The room falls silent after that and it stays that way until sniffles start to come from the blanket pile.

"I didn't want to do it," Louie admits. "I just did what I thought I had to. But now, now I'm so scared." He breaks into sobs and his brothers quickly pull him out of the blanket and into a hug. "It's not fair, why did I have to be the one to do it?! Why does he get to get away with everything?!" Dewey starts rubbing his back which makes him calm down a bit.

"All I can say is he better hope he doesn't run into us."

"Agreed." Huey replies; Louie lets out a small laugh, yeah he better, but Louie wouldn't feel sorry for him if he did.

____________________________________________________________

His Uncle finds him in the kitchen later and nods at him as he goes to get something from the fridge. "Are you feeling better, lad?" He asks as he sets up a kettle on the stove.

"No." Louie says honestly.

"Ae thought that might be the case." He pours tea into the kettle. "Ae know apologizin' fer somethin' is hard, especially ta someane like that, but sometimes it's just somethin' yew have ta do."

"... What if I made a mistake?" Louie responds without looking at him and his Uncle sighs.

"The only ane that can tell ye that is yew, do yew feel like ye made a mistake?" Louie hesitates before nodding. Scrooge hums, "Necessary evil it's called, sometimes its the only thing we can do. Doesnae make it right, or fair, but look at the positive: at least he'll leave ye alone now."

Louie doesn't say anything to that. Was that positive big enough to negate the negatives? "I wish I didn't." He admits all of a sudden. "Does that make me a bad person?"

His Uncle looks at him sternly, "Louie Duck, you are ane o' the best people ae know. Ye constantly make me want ta be better, and ae know ye do fer the rest o' this family as well. All o' yew kids do. Ae know this situation is awful but ae'm proud o' yew fer being the bigger person, if that counts fer anythin'." Louie nods, it does, it counts for a lot actually.

"Huey said I shouldn't have had to do it, that my relationship with Doofus was different than your's with your enemies. Worse. And that he didn't deserve an apology. I agree with him and I hate that I did it. It didn't make me feel any better, didn't lift any weight off of me, it just made me feel worse. And you know what the worst part is? That I keep thinking that I made him like this, that if I hadn't of gone to see him on Only Child Day he wouldn't be like this, how messed up is that?"  

Scrooge turns back to the stove and removes the kettle then pours himself a cup of tea, "The lad was right, my relationships are nae that the same as yers, and it'll do yew no good ta compare them. Ae'll be honest- that child deserves a lot o' things, but an apology is nae ane o' them. Ae'm sorry yew were forced inta that position, yew should never do things cause someane else is or because it seems like the right thing ta do." He sighs. "It was a sticky situation, and ane ye really shouldnae have been involved in, ae dinnae need Donald yellin' at me ta know that's true." He says with a wry grin. "Ae'm glad yew were there though, ye were a great help." He adds, more sincerely.

Louie beams, "Maybe I should be a lawyer."

Scrooge chuckles, "Maybe." He looks at Louie, "Somethin' ae realized today was that while ae had a hand in creating my enemies and them me, ae ultimately made myself. Anyane can go on and on aboot apologizin' and holdin' people accountable, but at the end o' the day our own actions are the only anes we're responsible fer. Yew didnae make Doofus what he is, he made himself like that."

"That makes sense. Thanks, Uncle Scrooge." Maybe now he can feel better about this situation, between his brothers and his Uncle he's coming out with a much clearer view than before.

"And speakin' o' holdin' people accountable..." Louie looks at him with interest. "Ae'm thinkin' Doofus' parents and ae need ta have a little chat aboot his behavior. He cannae make yew as upset as ye get every time yew run inta him and get away with it." Louie grins at him, okay, now he can really feel better about this whole thing. It won't be right away, but he knows now that it is possible. He'll probably be scared of Doofus his whole life, and will never, ever, be near him again, but he won't always be a source of trauma for him and that's probably the best outcome.

And this point, he'll take whatever he can get.

[vitalmindandbody]

Ellen von Unwerth:’ Let’s photograph girls experiencing life’

Blending old-world charm with a uniquely provocative eroticism, Ellen von Unwerths photographs are a riot of fun and sly subversion. Richard Godwin discovers why it is also necessary go ourselves less seriously

Ellen von Unwerth cant stop laughing. The German photographer, 63, is bouncing all over the Taschen gallery in West Hollywood in her sneakers, attempting to talk through the personas from her recent exhibit and artistry journal, Heimat .

So heimat represents Fatherland or Motherland or where you were born and where your beginnings are, she tells me. Bavaria is not my heimat , but we wanted to make a lampoon of the whole Bavarian thing.

The whole Bavarian stuff, apparently, concerns supermodels frolicking nude in Alpine grasslands, performing suggest routines with sausages, udders and piou innocents, sledging topless, spanking one another in dirndls and generally enjoying the fecundity and strength for which the southern German slopes are celebrated. Oh, ja , its very sex there, even the clothes they push up the breasts and there are lots and lots of sausages, ha ha ha, she clarifies. But you ensure so many likeness that are dark and depressing at the moment. All these pathetic wives being sad! So I figured, lets show girls having fun and enjoying life.

The new Bardot: Claudia Schiffer in Italy, 1989. Image: Ellen von Unwerth

Von Unwerth has a strange endowment for getting famous and beautiful girls( Claudia Schiffer, Madonna, Naomi Campbell, Rihanna, Kate Moss) to remove their restraints and frequently their underwear while retaining power. Her images are often provocatively sexual, but its frequently her topics who are doing the foment. I always give them something to do, she commends. When person not moving I get bored. I take two drawings and I speak: Great, I have it now. But I adoration the body in movement. I like the nude form in movement.

The fashion world adores her for this. You could tell from the raucous launching party for Heimat , where Arnold Schwarzenegger improbably scratched shoulders with Yolandi Visser, and most of the patterns from the kill discontinued up leap in a swimming pool. Von Unwerths Instagram feed is just one of the few that draw style weeks actually gaze enjoyable. On International Womens Day, the fashiony areas of Instagram were awash with honours to her: You accompany fun, seductive, craziness to define. I ever experience pushing my frontiers, hugging my femininity/ virility and of course my personality always raucous and proud when we work together, wrote one prototype, Alexina Graham. Ellen von Unwerths playful and empowering photos are such a rejoice to be a part of and I am so happy she is there to represent women in such a male reigned professing! wrote another, Syrie Moskowitz.

I ever give the prototypes something to do: Ellen von Unwerth. Picture: Steffen Kugler

It is clear that everyone had a whole lot of titters in Bavaria. Von Unwerth actions towards an image of three women topless on a sled: This modeling is Miss Russia and she drew a mint of vodka to the kill. So the latter are drinking behind my back in the snowfall. Von Unwerth is not much given to analysing. When I allude to the male gaze she has no idea what Im talking about. When I find myself comprehending for the word porn she killed back: Have you ever seen a porno? Well, one of your situations does literally illustrate two beings having fornication in a hayloft. Its more motivated by a B-movie sense of camp. I wouldnt tell porno.( After our interview, one of her assistants announces me to make sure that I dont think its indecent .)

Of course, the word I should have reached for was erotic. Or perhaps simply German. Examine at the scandal there was with Janet Jackson over here, she does referring to the Super Bowl nipple decline of 2004. It was a tit! Its something you should be proud of and not obscure. Specially if its neat. Ha ha ha ha! In Germany it is not like this. Even if you go to a park in Berlin in the summer, everybody is naked and playing frisbee. You would get arrested if you did that in LA.

Leg pluck: Bumpy Slide, from Heimat. Image: Ellen von Unwerth

Von Unwerth was accept in Frankfurt in 1954 and grew up in an orphanage and a succession of foster homes. She has no recollection of her parents and not much inclination to reflect on their absence. Its what established my life, she mentions. I was free from force and I was able to take best available from everywhere. I dont really have a heimat . So her heimat is wherever she happens to be? Exactly.

She moved to Bavaria aged 16 to meet a commune and later went to study in Munich. On her first day at university someone announced: Hey, would you like to do a modelling job? And I turned around and never went back to university. That led to a shoot for the German publication Bravo , which in turn led to her being signed by Elite frameworks in Paris. I kind of hated modelling, but somehow I did it for 10 years. I was not really the exhibitionist category. Its hard psychologically to be a model. And largely beings told me not to move when I was posing. I just wanted to be like the girls in my images now.

Your Turn,( Rihanna ), 2009. Photograph: Ellen von Unwerth

It was only in 1986 that she first started taking photograph herself a boyfriend lent her his camera on a fashion make in Kenya and she ventured into a nearby hamlet to film neighbourhood children. I came back home and depicted them to my friends and they were like: Theyre really good, Ellen! Because simulates are supposed to be stupid. I was astounded myself because I wasnt very interested in photography. I had never learnt how to do it.

Her images were published in the French periodical Jill , and she went on to shoot for i-D , the Face , Interview and Vogue , in the vein of her greatest affect Helmut Newton. It was a kill with the then unknown Claudia Schiffer for French Elle in 1988 that acquired both of their jobs. She was a sweet girlfriend and I didnt think so much of it, but when I looked at the pictures, I called my husband[ music producer Christian Fourteau] and spoke: Doesnt she look like Brigitte Bardot? The teeth, the eyes? Soon after we did the Guess jean expedition and it was a jumpstart to my job. She also discovered Eva Herzigov( shes gushing with vitality) and Nadja Auermann, and killed the notorious 1995 Playboy hit that was indicated that Drew Barrymore was no longer the girl from ET . She has remained in demand even though the smartphone age has demeaned the art.

Saddle up: On the high horse, 2015. Picture: Ellen von Unwerth

Its not special any more to be a photographer, she articulates. Even when I take a word-painting, everybody stands next to me and takes the same representation. Five minutes later its on everyone elses Instagram and Im old-fashioned news so Im was necessary to take drawings on my iPhone too.

She tells me she can usually tell the difference between a photograph a gentleman has taken and one the status of women has taken. But I find it crazy how ladies photograph themselves all the time. When I was a girl and looked in the mirror, my stepmother would come in and give me a slap. There was this idea that if you did that, the demon would get in you and plagiarize your temperament. Now everyone does this. I ask modelings sometimes, Do you have to take so many selfies? And “theyre saying”: Merely when I take selfies do I get likes. Its sad! Narcissism is so celebrated in national societies, sometimes people lose interest in other people.

Heimat by Ellen von Unwerth, rate 650, is published by Taschen as a collectors copy of 1,500 photocopies, each numbered and signed by the photographer. For more information, go to taschen.com

Read more: www.theguardian.com

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