#and also now that several of the dykes have discussed i do think it's weird that they so avoid saying lesbian

[fappellmoan]

btw just in case i seem callous abt the whole dating situation i was just being rather swoony over (god forbid i try to romanticize this bleak ass life) i want to bring up that this person made me carry a heavy fuckin camera case which. did not care to do that. and then sat while i tried to figure out how the fuck to put the rig and everything together and like. once again did not care to be fucking around with it that was honestly just soo irritating. like they were trying to just have one little moment of feeling better abt themselves lmao maybe im being evil idk and then also they brought up their ex for the zillionth time bc apparently all of their hobbies are tied up w her. shocker. anyway i think they think they can fix me

[snowangeldotmp3]

mean girls (2024)

fine. FINE. it is time to discuss mean girls (2024) bc i can't stop thinking about it and i had a severe mean girls the musical phase in 2018 and 2020 two separate times. and also i took notes watching the movie last night. so now you are all subject to hearing them. spoilers, obvi. (under the cut, of course)

i think it should be noted here that i also have Thoughts and Feelings on the bway musical. so if anyone wants to know those... moving on.

it's a movie-musical adapted from the stage musical adapted from the 2004 movie adapted from a BOOK called Queen Bees and Wannabes released in 2002. now that that's out of the way:

the good:

the sets are so much fun in the movie. the musical is like. a few desks and tables and a bed that all move and then. screens. i missed real sets. so much

opening the musical with janis and damien recording the video in the garage and having their narration work like that worked sooooo well. and then of course ending in the garage was very fun.

speaking of janis and damien, these are my favorite versions of janis and damien. auli'i and jaquel KILL IT as janis and damien.

angourie's cady (acting-wise) is really good. really cute and naïve and it feels authentic as a transition from new kid cady to plastic cady.

i also don't mind the changes to apex predator. i think auli'i and jaquel killed it and i think it works! i like the choreo too where everyone is acting animalistic (re: this is Girl World in the og movie) except regina.

avantika and bebe wood are also really great as gretchen and karen. this might be my favorite version of karen. ily karen shetty.

LOVE this version of someone gets hurt. i love regina controlling the atmospehere around her and literally becoming the apex predator. the partygoers don't move unless she allows it, and even planning cady's reaction (which is. gayer than expected) is so good.

CONTROVERSIAL TAKE? i prefer the story behind the pyro-lez thing. i never liked the space dyke story in the musical and i thought it was weird (though i prefer them calling her a space dyke because it's supposed to be mean. ya know)

im saving this for this bullet point bc every other bullet point would've been about but i've been a fan of renee's regina for forever now, so being able to see it outside of broadway and outside of shaky bootlegs is a blessing.

after regina eats shit at the talent show, during the social media montage, you can briefly hear the intrumental version of world burn, and i think thats cool.

SOMEONE GETS HURT (REPRISE) you will always be famous. i am so sorry they didn't put you on the soundtrack

damien on the jazzy will forever be funny. it's better than the og movie. i will stand by this.

also the background/looming beat of world burn like a second after janis gets done singing + the looming threat of regina's revenge is very cool.

OH world burn is very awesome in this bc. duh. of course it is. but what really stands out to me is that it's like apex predator again where everyone is acting like animals and reginas above it all (bc she did this lmao). another thing is the transition between one of the high notes to regina fake crying in mr duvalls office. that was so slay.

the reginald joke is my fave in the whole musical and im so glad they kept it. it makes me giggle every time.

canon lesbian janis imi'ike i love you.

the bad:

i miss all of the songs. give me back It Roars, Where Do You Belong, the entirety of Meet the Plastics, the What's Wrong with Me reprise, FEARLESS! and Whose House is This, More is Better, and Do This Thing!! GIVE THEM BACK TO ME!!! PLEASE!!! OH my god and Stop. jaquel would've blown this out of the water i just know it.

i miss the jokes about mrs george and her boob job. that shit was hilarious.

i don't care for cady's pov in revenge party in this one. those who have seen it Know.

i also miss the "NO! THEY'RE BOTH IN THE COSTUME!" that shit killed me. absolutely hilarious.

the musical (bway edition) actually did cut some of the iconic scenes from the movie, but i think this movie would've benefitted from adding them back in. give me the "we should totally just stab caesar!" line.

i hate Rockin Around The Pole. so fucking much. i hate it in the broadway version and i hated it in this. i hate this song so fucking much.

chris briney. that's all. he's got about as much personality as a wet piece of paper. get a different aaron.

even the broadway musical is like, actually mean. it still pales in comparison to the og movie. this movie could have done a little more to stand out from the actual musical and the og movie. idk. it could've said something. but if you walked into this movie and expected it to say something then that's on you. sorry.

this isn't something that needs to be categorized but i miss cady's inner monologue. it's very obvious in the movie but she's even got these cute little asides in the musical that i WISH they would've kept. like: "it seems kinda bad to spy on someone, but they're the first friends i've got, and i don't want to have none." is so much fun and gives cady so much character and i love it so much. erika henningsen is my favorite variation of cady. she's believable as both nerdy cady and plastic cady. also she's so, so funny. (honestly i think they should've brought her back for cady's songs in this musical. sawry. i don't think they should've replaced angourie bc i really like her cady But.)

another cute and quirky thing that i like from the musical that isn't in the movie (because it would be really hard to pull off) is that mrs heron/mrs george/mrs norbury are all played by the same actress.

anyway that's all i have to say about mean girls (2024). in my (completely unprofessional) opinion, they should've literally just adapted the actual musical script if they wanted to make this so bad. or released a pro-shot with renee as regina and this cast or something. they should've gone all out campy musical with this one instead of trying to market it as a remake bc it's not Really a remake. like it Is but it's Not.

if u read this whole thing thank you. if you saw this post and went "jesus christ" im sorry. i wish i could stop thinking about it, too.

[warmbeebosoftbeebo]

I've thought this for a while. It's pretty clear to me that most of these twitter, tumblr, etc accounts that largely revolve around hating B would've been the ones bullying B throughout his teens as a "faggot" 15-22 years ago. What makes this ironic is that these same generally also claim to be pro-lgbt & anti-bullying (largely dependent on if they see the bullied as members of groups they deem as sufficiently oppressed. Also a tendency to think oppression confers virtuousness, nobility, inability to be bad. therefore, sufficiently innocent and not deserving of it).

Bullying has a lot to do with in groups vs outgroups and conformity vs standing out. In these online enclaves, and real life spaces, the in group are those who follow specific politics and rules (that will also likely change within a few years, and previously Right On things will become Forbidden, as some already have). (although diff spaces will follow diff rules based on who forms/leads them, what patterns, thoughts take hold, and there's still broadly much similarity in these, I'm thinking of the ones aligned with these enclaves I'm discussing.) including ones of groupthink (only one way of thinking allowed, only set beliefs allowed, rumour milling), punishment (eg for disagreement, liking the wrong person, not joining pile-ons, having the gall to like or read or listen to something/someone everyone must hate and not engage with in any good faith way), exclusion (often under the banner of being kind, inclusive in the last several years).

It seems to me that these kids (teens, young adults) would be seeking the homophobic, sexist, gender enforcing in group in a homophobic environment when faced with a gender nonconforming, awkward, anxious, attracted to both sexes boy being frequently bullied by others. The others who are the "cool kids", the "in group" they wanted to or felt they had to join.

After all, who wants to be the odd one out when it's met with punishment? Who doesn't want to fit in, find community, bond with others over shared interests and beliefs, even when it is dependent on demeaning, harming those who don't, who are too weird, bad, wrong, gay to be part of the in group? Too the wrong kind of gay/bi. I've repeatedly seen this about B: he's the wrong kind of bi/pan/gay? They they are actually Right On. He is just so x, y, z he is nothing like them, not a non-het worthy of protection let alone simply being left alone, exempt, the hated out group. This is what I think enables them to treat him thusly while proclaiming they are the opposite of homophobic, are actually against bullying (when they don't think it's deserved). It enables them to somehow pretend the shit he got as a teen didn't happen. Seriously, he was even beaten repeatedly by two guys in particular, and physically bullied by others. Or wasn't actually homophobia, or was actually karma happening early. (Provides excuses to the bullied then and now: see, they know he deserved it.) At best, he didn't deserve it then, but he sure does now. And it's totally nothing like homophobia now, even as we call him the wrong kind of gay, and therefore nothing can be wrong. Get him! (Cue fantasies of beatings, even murder...) Righteousness also plays a huge role. If they were in a space where the popular thing, the Right On thing was picking on the "fags", "spazs", "sluts", "homos", "dykes", "sissies," fat girls, poor kids, the kids who couldn't defend themselves, the kids who didn't gender conform, the kids who likely were same sex attracted... that's what they'd be doing, mostly gleefully, eagerly. With a sense of righteousness, of righting wrongs.

Bullying is about conformity, of the bully and the bullied, and I think a desire to conform, to belong (usu through conformity) is what drives it. Conformity, a desire to conform and make others conform too, is often actually profoundly cowardly (even if also often both a response to & a manifestation of authoritarianism).

Tldr: the accounts focused on the online in thing of hating Brendon, most of whom also claim to be pro-lgbt & pro-social justice & anti-bullying, would've been bullying Brendon for homophobic, gender enforcing reasons because he was a picked on weird gender nonconforming "faggot", as that was the in thing through his teens.

(Has fandom forgotten or never learned about how mostly other boys treated him in his teens? How commonly he was called homophobic slurs? The beatings? Maybe the not knowing also helps them feel righteous. Helps in demonizing him.)

[delightful-mystery]

ALIEN: motherhood, masculinity and the original Bechdel Test

“Last film I was able to see was ALIEN”: how does the original marker of the Bechdel test hold up 41 years later?

Alien (1979) is a particularly important film for this blog. As you can see from the comic below, it was the original marker which Alison Bechdel used as an example in her comic, Dykes to Watch Out For, in the episode which pioneered the Bechdel Test (for recap; Alien is therefore a film which includes more than one named female character, and these characters have a conversation together about something other than a man). For its time, the issues surrounding gender that were raised and debated in Alien were pretty forward-thinking and controversial. And, since it is totally up for debate whether the bar has been at all raised since then, I would argue that these issues are still completely relevant in 2020.

Namesake of this blog, Alison Bechdel’s Dykes to Watch out For

Written in its original draft as entirely gender-neutral, all the crew members of Alien were given androgynous names and the bare bones of their personalities were built as gender-blind. It’s an innovative way to make a film, but it is not only this which lends to the film’s excellent portrayal of what it can be like to be a woman growing up under the thumb of patriarchy. As a side note, what’s also worth noting is that it’s confirmed in ALIENS (sequel) that Lambert is in fact a trans woman, confirmed in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment when biographies of the deceased flash up on a screen. This is more used as an extra detail of backstory than a main aspect of the plot, but still, this may be the first appearance of a trans character in a major blockbuster. Gender is both at the forefront and at the core of this film, in its main themes and smallest details in equal measure.

Horror films are fascinating because we can learn so much from them about what a culture fears. From Alien, we can tell that the culture was afraid of… A lot. Technological advancements. The unknown. The idea that we may not be alone in the universe. And, overwhelmingly, birth and the loss of bodily autonomy. What happens when motherhood, something so revered and mystified even now (how many times have you heard the phrase “the miracle of life”?), is perverted and twisted to become something evil and wrong. Pregnancy is twisted into a form of body horror in Alien, something which not even the cis men of the film can escape.

I honestly don’t think you even want this image in higher quality.

Let’s talk about mothers. The two examples of actual mothers we see in this film are the spaceship Nostromo and its AI, actually called Mother, and the alien herself – a character design which actually smacks of some weird combination of both a penis and a walking, dripping vulva. These two characters are inextricably linked by appearance, with the alien hiding in amongst the ship’s crevices and walls at several points throughout the film. The alien is large and unknowable and unfixed; so is the ship (especially during the self destruct section, where nothing is where it should be or behaving in the right way). The alien is wet and slimy (yup, we���re going there), and so is the ship – and all the shafts where the alien lives and moves are profoundly yonic (bandname?).

The two are also linked in their shortcomings. Both examples of motherhood fall short in the expected role of a nurturing maternal figure. Instead we see the ruthless queen bee of an alien species determined to do whatever it takes to help her species survive, and the cold robotic voice of an AI under strict orders that its crew is expendable. The linking of these two characters culminates towards the end of the film where the alien lays its eggs in a room of the ship, and traps the near-death victims of the crew amongst its spawn. It’s a perversion of the children of the ship, in the crew, and the children of the alien, as the eggs laid inside them.

Fear of the unknown in Alien manifests as fear of impregnation and motherhood. Long has horror been an outlet for the maligned genders of society to explore their frustrations, fear and as a way to lend them strength. Motherhood is a subset of this. Motherhood is a subset of the ways in which horror movies provide an outlet for the maligned genders of the world. Women have been able to explore their frustrations, fear and strength in final girls, femme fatales and in this instance, fear of rape, forced impregnation or just fear of forced motherhood in general. Alien provides this outlet to perfection, illustrating the fear of rape and body invasion through its presentation of the invasive nature of the alien and the perversion of motherhood as a whole.

Next let’s discuss masculinity in Alien. Specifically let’s talk about Ash, a manufactured version of masculinity in the form of an undercover android, tasked with making sure the alien life form is brought back to Earth at any cost, including the lives of everyone on board. Ash is the true villain of the piece – more so than the Alien, whose objective is just the survival of her species. It’s interesting to note that this true villain is a manufactured version of masculinity, under the directions of a nameless and faceless corporation, The Company who prioritise scientific advancement over human life. This characterisation means that we have Ripley, a woman, fighting not only against losing control of her body and against being invaded/raped/impregnated by the alien, but also against masculinity itself (and also against corporations. Ridley Scott said down with capitalism) – and also against traditional gender roles and the expectations of motherhood.

And here is a picture of Ripley being attacked and smothered with a literal porn magazine. It’s kind of heavy handed as a gender commentary but in this instance we have no choice but to stan.

So why is this 1979 film still so acclaimed, important and relevant today?

All in all, Alien encompasses many timeless themes. The issues of gender, fear of motherhood and rape are all too relevant now compared to then, and are explored and played out in perfect metaphor. The reproductive rights of people with wombs are still, somehow, under attack. It’s still “men” (or capitalistic robots, lol) widely in charge of these decisions. There’s a known rapist in the white house (at least, there is at time of writing…) Alien is something of a call for solidarity and strength for anyone who has ever felt like their body is not their own, who has ever had their autonomy or physical safety threatened. Oh, and yes, it passes the Bechdel test.

I like that this exists

Thanks for reading!

xo, The Bechdel Bitch

from ALIEN: motherhood, masculinity and the original Bechdel Test

[werevulvi]

I just did a sound recording of me randomly rambling as part of my regular voice training routine, and that got me rambling about my facial hair. It made me realise something important about why I'm so on and off about whether I want it removed or not, and finally figured out what I think is causing a lot of my hesitations: I don't want it entirely removed, I just want it reduced a lot. I would strongly prefer laser, but it seems my country only offers electrolysis.

The problem with that (for me) is that not only is electrolysis far more painful, more time-consuming and has more risks, it's also a lot more permanent. Laser, however, I feel would be perfect for me. It works the best for people with light skin and dark hairs like me, and because it can't remove blonde hairs, I'd then easily keep my 10-20% of hairs that are blonde, but get rid of most of the rest. It's a bit weird, but yes I actually have a two-coloured beard: dark brown and light blonde, and around 80-90% of it is dark brown. It doesn't matter to me if I'd keep 10% or 30% of my facial hair, or where the remaining hairs would be located. I also don't care if the result with just a few hairs left would look bad.

The thing is that I don't want to look fake and super smooth. I don't want to have to choose between "all or nothing." I want to have the option of either being a little fussy on some days or completely smooth on other days. I want to get rid of my beard shadow, which is caused by that my facial hair is very thick, dark and compact. Because basically whatthe shadow is, is the dark hair follicles/roots under the skin showing through the outmost layers of skin when the hairs are shaved off as close to the skin surface as possible. Where my beard is sparse, on my cheeks, I don't get a shadow. So sparsing it all out a lot would make no such shadow show up anymore.

I'd be fine with needing to shave to be smooth, but having to spend an hour of lots of pain every day to get it smooth and keep it smooth is an entire literal hell and doesn't work long term. It is only a short term solution. I want to have just a few hairs that are easily maintained and would look natural for an otherwise very hairy woman to have. Because I want to keep my body hair, including my chest hairs, getting my face entirely smooth would feel off. I'd feel weird about such a huge contrast between my face and my body. I'd feel the best if I had much less facial hair, but I'd feel wrong about BOTH being entirely smooth on my face AND about keeping all of my facial hair.

When I think about what I want with it, I keep thinking about what I want right now as my life is right now, and then it doesn't hugely matter to me if I have it or not. Because I can manage like this as I only have to leave my apartment once or twice a week, except I'm constantly not a fan of the beard shadow and I do worry about my face stubble being uncomfortable for my girlfriend when snuggling or having sex. It does get very, very sharp and that's physically uncomfortable even fror myself. But aside from that discomfort and that I struggle to pass the few times I leave my house, I feel like this is managable.

However... what about my future? I want to get a job someday (currently am very curious about the lumberjack profession, but also similar types of jobs: working with machines, not people), I want to practice karate again someday, I want a richer social life and I most definitely want to move on and away from this trans-detrans hell I'm currently stuck in. I just wanna be a normal woman in a tiny little lesbian paradise with my girlfriend, and not be constantly haunted and tormented by my past transition. I'm fine with being forever detransitioned, but I'm not fine with seeing my horrible medical mistakes in the mirror every single day. I want to pass as female, at least most of the time. Although I don't wanna chase a perfect passing ideal, I do want to strive towards a reasonable passing possibility. I want to be able to use womens bathrooms and locker rooms again without fearing getting tossed out or yelled at. I want to feel safe and be welcome in my own fucking spaces. I want to be able to go to all women's events and to not feel like a threat among other lesbians. I want to look like a woman; not like a trans woman, and I do not want to look like fake barbie. I cannot fit a beard into that kinda future that I want for myself.

I guess I want to go for an in between. The beard equivalence of a breast reduction instead of a full mastectomy.

To have just a few hairs on my face, but very severely thinned out, I think I'd pass just fine. A lot of women have a few hairs on their faces without constantly getting mistaken for men. I would most likely be insecure about having just a few hairs on my face as well, but I still feel like that would be a lot better, and a lot more ideal, than getting it all removed.

Because I can compare it to my body hair: I'm insecure about being very hairy neck down, and I do feel more confident and relaxed in public when I'm all shaven smooth, however... I also feel fake, plasticky, propped up and cut down, I don't feel natural or genuine. I then feel like a feminine stereotype instead of an actual woman. And that feeling is actually also very uncomfortable. No matter how bad I feel when strangers see my body hair, I'd much rather keep it because then at least I feel genuine and natural. It's their opinions that get to me, not my actual hairs.

Which is why I stopped shaving my body hair neck down, because I don't actually want to get rid of it. That doesn't mean I'm having a jolly fun, easy peasy time with it in public, but it does mean that removing it is NOT the solution: working on my confidence is. And I tackle that insecurity by wearing low cut tops that show my chest hair, shorter skirts during summer that show my leg hairs, and I go swimming in a bikini that shows off... well all of my body hairs except from most of my pubes and some of my chest hair. It is actually working, slowly but surely, and I feel a lot better and more proud of my fur now than I did a month ago, or 6 months ago, or a year ago. I used to think I feel entirely different about my facial hair, but upon a closer look, it's not so different.

The difference is that I can't pass with a full on beard or shadow, but I can pass just fine with a hairy chest and stomach, hairy legs and armpits. Because my goal is to look female, but not like a plasticky stereotype, my facial hair is a bigger hurdle because it makes me instantly look male. What is the same about my facial hair as is with the rest of my body hair: I would feel just as relaxed publically about my facial hair if it was all gone - but I would also feel just as fake and awry about it. And if I had just a little of it I would feel more genuine and natural, but also needing to work up confidence about it, like I'm currently doing about my body hair. I would have more choice then. It would make my agonising shaving experience a walk in the fucking park, and far less of a pressing need to be able to pass.

In a future when I might have to be out and about 4-5 days a week, I'd have to shave every day considering the current state of my facial hair. It would mess up my skin a lot, because shaving already messes up my skin and the more I do it, the worse it gets. But if I had just a few hairs, I'd be granted a freedom much greater than this current mess. I'd be able to get away with shaving maybe just once or twice a week, and for probably just a couple of minutes. And I could also possibly even skip shaving altogether and still occasionally pass as female.

THAT is what I want and it would be fucking perfect. But I fear that the gender cult therapists would not accept me taking such a middle ground as my goal.

I worry they'd say it just means I'm still having doubts and that I'm not really ready for getting any sort of hair removal. They'd probably start harping on about me being nonbinary again (my gender is "hairy dyke who fucks with your concept of normal" now leave me alone about it.) That the biggest reason I want laser is because it's not working as well, might be considered suspicious motives. But I strongly feel that I need to do SOMETHING about my facial hair, because this is not working in the long run, and I feel that a more or less permanent, big reduction is exactly what I need; not a near total removal. I also worry that the trans clinic can't/won’t offer laser at all. I don't doubt there must exist some technician in Sweden who does laser, but it is my impression that the trans clinic doesn't refer their patients (in this case, usually trans women and other kinds of male trans people) for laser and thus I can't get that covered either.

Because of course, as a detrans woman, what they can offer me for my reverse dysphoria, is only what they can offer their MtF patients.

In theory I could find a laser technician on my own and pay for it out of pocket, but problem with that theory is that I'm a broke ass, mentally disabled social case living on bare minimum welfare and my kind parents' money, so there is no way I could ever save up some 500-1000 euro for a few laser sessions (it's taken me 3+ years to save up just under 50 euro, alright) and I want that shit done before putting my currently unemployable ass up on the job market. Because I need to reduce as much of my stress-factors in life and have as much of my current issues in order and recovered, before I can even possibly consider my mentally disabled ass stable enough to handle having a job (yes, even part-time) and getting the education that I will need to qualify for it, and my facial hair is a huge stress-factor.

I will try to discuss it with my gender therapist, and also perhaps try to talk with some Swedish trans women if they know anything about getting laser covered instead of electrolysis.

Hopefully my worries about them only covering electrolysis are wrong. Or maybe they can at least in rare cases cover laser instead, hopefully. Another solution could be getting sloppily done electrolysis with fewer sessions, but eh I dunno about that. But either which way I think I'd definitely aim at getting fewer sessions than what's usually recommended. I don't know any Swedish trans women though, so I would have to holler out into some random trans groups and hope for the best, I guess. I just think they'd be the kinda of people who would be the most likely to have that kinda knowledge, I mean.

Because yeah, it's different with the US so unfortunately US focused (and other EU countries) advice about that is totally useless for me. Sweden has an entirely unique health care system and the trans clinics follow those standards, but also not every clinic does the exact same thing, or offers the exact same stuff to all of their patients. It is possible to go private here too, but it's insanely expensive and it's not feasible for me, as I said. I'd only go that route if I had absolutely no other choice what so ever, but then it would also take probably 10+ years before I could afford it, or I could maybe afford one laser session ever third year lol. I think that was a very important realisation though, and the closest so far that I've gotten to understanding what I really feel and want about my facial hair.

But also, I know that not even electrolysis is guaranteed to remove every single hair, and most people who do that kinda procedure do end up with a few stubborn whiskers left. But because I specifically don't want it all removed, it just feels like laser would be an all around better, and safer, option for me. Electrolysis is generally intended to remove as much hair as possible, while laser is a much better method for specifically wanting a reduction because it can be used for that goal much more easily. Also, I've had these thoughts before, about possibly favouring a reduction, but not in such great depth as I did just now.

I still feel some vague hesitation within myself, but this is great for me to know.

Because now I can give myself time to really consider if a facial hair reduction might be what I actually, truly want, instead of a near total removal. And my instant feeling about it is quite a lot of relief, actually. I think that says something. Like it would be tons better than my current beard situation, and also favourable over a near total removal. It feels like I might actually want this. I just need to think it through properly to make sure that I'm not rushing into anything. If anyone has any input on that I’m considering this kinda middle ground route, I'd love to hear it. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

[a-room-of-my-own]

Have you ever been emotionally harassed at school or at work? 

yes, a lot

Were you a “tomboy” as a child / young teen?

yes. The first time i asked my parents if i could ever become a boy i was like 4 or 5.

Was it well accepted by your family?

mostly untill puberty, then my mom started to force me to be feminine

Are you a lesbian, or bisexual?

bi but recently questioning if i may be a lesbian since all women with the same experience as me turned out to be lesbians

If yes, were you out to your family? Was it accepted?

not out, didn't know yet. But I got a lot of homophobic comments froom my parents like "you're going to be a dyke" (said in a mocking or judgmental way) which made me consciously avoid looking at women too much so i would not "become a lesbian"

Did you have an early puberty and / or was your puberty sudden (fast growth spurt, you got “a woman’s body” in about a year)

no

Did it make you feel uncomfortable? If yes, why?

puberty made me uncomfortable because I wanted to be a boy and untill then there was no difference between me and boys apart from genitals and the way i was treated so i believed that  when i grew up i would just need a "penis transplant" (thought that's how transexualism  worked) and then there would be no difference between me and men.

People would also mistake me for a boy 100% of the time and when my parent's weren''t around i could pretend to be one. When puberty hit i was stuck with the reality of womanhood.

Are you a victim of any kind of sexual abuse (sexual harassment at school or in the workplace, sexual assault, rape, csa) ?

yes but not when i was a child

Do you suffer from any professionally diagnosed mental illness (hyperactivity, depression, anorexia / bulimia, bipolar disorder, borderline disorder)?

no

When and how did you become aware of the gender  theory (let’s call it GT)? How old were you?

probably 13 or 14, on the internet.

If you were a minor, was it a subject discussed in school? With other students and / or teachers?

no

Why were you drawn to that theory? 

because it gave me an explanation to why i felt like" a boy stuck in a girl's body". Before that I daydreamed that someday they'd find out I had a disease or a genetic mutation of some sort that meant i had been a boy all along and they would start treating me like one.

I must precise that it was at a time when the theory was still : "there is sex and there is  gender,  gender can be different from sex, transgender people are people of one sex who feel like the other sex and transition to change it accordingly " and not "sex doesn't exist and you are whatever you say you are". Also the options were men, women, both or none, all the fancy shit they claim now wasn't around.

That was american content. I was also reading mainstream french ressources at that time which nowadays would be called "transmedicalist". To me gender identities were different from transexualism.

So it was a bit different from the positions they hold now :  I never believed i was LITTERALY a man. I believed i would become one when i transitioned. I considered myself a "future transexual" and "identified as agender" because it was my way to "opt out" of womanhood without claiming i was a man because i didn't considered myself to be one yet.

Were you supported in your transition? By whom?

not directly but since it seemed to be the only alternative besides becoming feminine i still had some for of pressure.

Were you, at any point, encouraged to cut from you life the people who didn’t support your identity? Did you do it?

no, but i wasn't in contact with any activist. There were none in France at that time and i wasn't in online communities.

Did you consult a healthcare professional?

No. Teachers repeatedly advised i see a psychologist for the sole reason i was androgynous (they were not preocuppied with me because i was harassed, only because of my appearence.  I want to add that one of them bluntly asked my mom "why is she making herself ugly?" and to this day i still don't understand how you can say that about a fucking 12 years old)

but my parents never took me to see one because they believed that wearing boy clothes was weird but not to the point where i should be sent to therapy.

Were you, at any point, warned about potential side effects of “gender affirming” treatments / procedures ? 

Only went as far as binding and was aware of the risk.

I knew of some of teh risks of transition from the begining because i was reading the french medical ressources that used to show up on the first page of google. It's probably far behind the  queer-related search results now. I was not upset at the perspective that i would need to see doctors and psychologists and that it would be a long procedure,. It seemed normal to me that you couldn't just ask for HRT and get them.

How did you come to doubt your “identity”?

Started doubting my need to transition thanks to radical feminism and detransitioners

When you started doubting your “identity”, did the people who supported you accepted your doubts? Were questions, in general, accepted?

was only out to few friends,  they accepted.

How long have you been “re-identified”?

I would say there was a very first step  looong before radical feminism. It was when i realized  phalloplasty don't give you a real penis. I was devastated to learn you can't change your sex. But i tried not to think about it and convinced myself i'd be a man if i passed as one even though deep down i knew transition would never be enough. "changing sex" was the main goal for me and transition lost most of its interest when i found out this wouldn't happen.

I also stopped bindinng 4 years ago but it was not linked to re-identifiying.

I really "re-identified" later, upon discovering radical femininism and detransitioners. From then it was a process:  I started seeing being a woman as a mere biological fact that would  never be changed even if i transitioned.That was about 3 or two and half years ago. I  stopped being called he in private about a year ago (don't really remember), am 100% sure about not wanting hormones since...several months? and am 100% sure not to want a mammectomy only since like two days ago.

I still sometimes do conscious things to make my chances to pass as a male higher in order to avoid harassement from men but I think about it as being some sort of "survival cross-dressing" like women have always done through history. I only do it occasionaly when i'm going somewhere where i don't feel safe and without monitoring my behaviour or putting too much effort into it. I don't care if i really do pass or not as long as i don't get attacked.

How do you feel today?

A lot less dysphoric, happier, mad at liberal feminism

Add anything I may have forgotten

I think it's obvious from what i said but i didn't "feminize" myself after desisting. I'm a "masculine" woman, currently exploring the possibility to occasionaly larp as a dude for mere safety purpose.

[malewifeharrystyles]

An Essay on My Sexuality

For 17 years of my life I thought I was straight. I was raised by straight people and surrounded by straight people my entire upbringing. The first time I met an out lesbian, I was 15. She was a classmate, a friend my age, and it was then that I realized two things: I realized that not every girl that liked girls were butch, and I realized that kids my age were starting to realize these things. I never questioned whether or not I was straight because I knew that I liked boys, and I had grown up thinking gay girls were all dykes who played with monster trucks when they were little and grew up to wear flannels and cut their hair short. I don’t think I even realized Ellen DeGeneres was gay even though she came out three years before I was even born and I watched her show all the time. So to find out this girl that I’d become friends with and sat next to in French class had a girlfriend was almost like culture shock to me and my heteronormative life.

I knew boys were gay. My parents were friends with a gay couple, David and Jason, who’s cottage we went up to one summer and who gifted me a teddy bear and took me boating. They were flamboyant and wore scarves and one of them was an interior decorator. When boys in my class growing up were labeled “weird” or weren’t into sports, they were called gay. To me, that’s what a gay man was. Flamboyant, feminine, not into sports. In grade four, it was a common thing for the popular boys in my class to fake hump each other or pretend to want each other sexually, just to get a laugh out of the class. And it worked, too. We all thought it was hilarious. If you were gay, you were either weird or you were kidding.

Girls liking girls wasn’t ever really talked about. It was normal for girl friends to be affectionate and hug or say that they loved each other. If you dressed masculinely, played sports or hung out with guys, you were just a tomboy. Liking girls romantically was just never talked about. The first time I’d heard any of my classmates say the word lesbian or talked about liking girls, I was in grade seven and it was an accusation, an insult. The girls I considered my friends were playing a fun game where every time I went up to them, they’d run away or ignore me. I didn’t find this very fun, and I’d chase them or try to talk to them repeatedly. Eventually, one of the girls said, “Why are you so obsessed with us? What are you, a lesbian?” The other girls thought this was hilarious, and they moved on from ditching me to saying I was a lesbian. “It’s alright, guys, Lucinda’s just a lesbian.” “Come on, Lucinda, don’t deny it. We all know you’re a lesbian.” “Don’t go getting a crush on me, okay Lucinda? I’m not a lesbian like you.”

I was near tears trying to deny it. I was so angry. I wasn’t a lesbian, I just wanted them to stop ditching me. I’d always felt out of place among my friends. The town I grew up in was very rich and very white and very mean. All the girls I considered friends were blonde and mean, constantly back stabbing and making fun of others and creating new allegiances trying to block others out. I was at least a head taller than all of them, I was lanky, I was just starting to grow boobs, and I stood out like a sore thumb. I was also the only nice one of the girls I was friends with, the only forgiving one, and they used this to their liking. They would hurt me and immediately I would forgive them because to me at the time, that was better than not having any friends. This new accusation of being a lesbian was just another case of them picking on me in a way that was supposed to be in good fun.

In grade 8, I moved to a new province and started going to an all girls private Catholic school. Sometimes it was mentioned as a joke that girls who went to an all girls school would always end up lesbians, but none of the girls I went to school with actually were, at least to my knowledge. It was the opposite, really. They would take any chance they could get to interact with the all boys school we were affiliated with. Because it was a Christian school, being gay was a topic completely avoided so as to not stir up any controversy.

Then two years later I went to high school and moved back into public schooling, and I met my first real life lesbian. So the rumours were true. They did exist.

I never cared that this new friend of mine was gay. If anything it was a relief, because she was close with a boy I thought was cute and this meant she wasn’t competition. Sometimes she’d make jokes about being gay, and I would be surprised at how easily she’d talk about it. Then one of my sisters longest friends and someone I’d always been close with too, got a girlfriend, and I almost felt like I didn’t really ever know her. Then my best friend of 12 years came out to me, and by that point I was no longer surprised. A few months earlier, this friend had confessed to me that she drunkenly made out with one of her friends who’s a girl, like it was some big secret when I knew drunk girls made out with their drunk girl friends all the time. The fact that she’d told me the way she did, like she was testing the waters, made me see it coming when she came out. Now I knew three lesbians, and none of them were butch, and I quickly became used to the fact that lesbians existed and that some of them were my friends.

At this point I was also growing up. I was 15, nearing 16, and I was becoming more and more aware of the world and the people in it. I was becoming aware of issues in society and the things that were going on around me. I no longer saw everyone as automatically straight. I started caring about homophobia and racism and sexism.

The summer I was 16, I went to a Christian summer camp back in Ontario. I’d been there a few years already as a camper, and my sister had gone for several years and been a counsellor there too. That year, I was to be a Leader In Training. Two weeks of leadership workshops, a four day canoe trip, and then two weeks of being a counsellor. In one of the leadership workshops, we had a discussion about sexuality and the bible. They beat around the bush, telling some bible story that had nothing to do with the topic, before we really realized what they were saying: to them, the bible says that being gay is a sin. Homosexuality was not allowed at camp. Gays are going to hell. If a camper asks, that’s what you’re supposed to tell them, and in order to work at camp we’re supposed to sign a contract agreeing with this. Hearing this, and thinking about it now, created a pit in the bottom of my stomach. This camp was my favourite place on earth, did they really enforce that? Did all the leaders at camp, whom I’d grown to look up to, believe this? A lot of my fellow LITs were upset, and two of them, one a lesbian and the other an ally, went home early. I felt guilty for not joining them, for barely even speaking up. I thought this was just the company that owned my camp, InterVarsity, I thought it wouldn’t actually affect the part of the camp where I’d be spending my time. So I let it slide.

When I was an active counsellor at Girls’ Camp, things were different. I still had an amazing summer, but all the staff were there for their last year, talking in hushed tones to one another and not sharing anything with me. I found out after the summer was over that InterVarsity had been pulling aside staff members and asking them to go over the contract again to double check that they all agreed to this. The majority of them said no, and were fired for it. They fired the camp director, the co-directors, a lot of the leadership team, before they changed their terms. They wouldn’t have to go home right away, but this would be their last summer at camp. I was so upset. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to go back until they changed their policy, which I knew they’d never do. This camp where I thought everyone was so welcome, had been overtaken with homophobia.

When I tried discussing this with my best friend from camp, I found out that she agreed with them. She tried to tell me that being gay was a sin, she started quoting bible verses at me and talking like someone I’d never met before. I was appalled and shocked, and after sending her a long essay about how wrong she was, I never talked to her again.

That was when I first started really caring about LGBTQ+ issues. It wasn’t until it affected me directly did I realize the extent of how it affected anyone in the first place. I knew a bunch of girls from camp who were coming out as gay in light of what had gone down at camp. Before it was announced that America had officially made gay marriage legal, I didn’t even know it wasn’t legal. I had been so blissfully unaware.

From there I grew, and I started caring more and more about the issues around me. I was a strong ally in LGBT issues and I started learning more about racism, and I grew in the feminist that was already inside me. I started appreciating the sisterhood I had with my close knit girl group of friends, and appreciating the women who’d raised me. None of the women in my life were really that vocal about their feminism or femininity, so I started turning to celebrities for role models to base my feminism off of. I was actively seeking strong actresses to look up to, I was letting the amount of women in a movie affect my opinion of it over all, I was becoming less and less interested in the voices of the white men I’d been hearing my entire life and was looking for the voices that had been neglected throughout history.

When I was newly 17, I was comfortable in the fact that I loved women for their strength and their femininity and their sisterhood with one another. I loved how naturally beautiful they all were, I loved girls who were good at makeup and I loved girls who went all natural and I loved the curves of their natural rolls and their breasts and their hair and their smiles. I loved all of these things because I was a feminist and I knew that all women were wonderful and fighting the world just by being who they are. I didn’t think I loved women romantically, though, until I had a dream.

My dream was about that friend I met in my first year of high school, the first lesbian I’d ever met. I woke up feeling the traces of her on my skin that were never even there in the first place, I felt the warmth in my gut that she’d caused. I realized then that I could appreciate women not just with words but with touch, and they could appreciate me back. Shortly after this dream though, I started dating the friend of her’s I thought was cute back in tenth grade.

My relationship with this guy was predominantly physical, and while I was comfortable in my knowledge that I liked that with him, I also became aware that there was more. To put it frankly, I knew I liked dick, but I realized I would be okay without it. But during that summer with him, those thoughts didn’t matter to me just then, so I pushed them aside.

When the summer ended and I stopped seeing that boy, I came into my sexuality pretty quickly. I started realizing that I was actually also attracted to a lot of these female celebrities that I looked up to so much. My appreciation for women was also an attraction. I realized I wanted to kiss the softness I loved about women, I wanted to run my fingers through their long soft hair, I wanted to hear their delicate laughs and know I’d caused them. And not only did I want a physical relationship with a girl, but I wanted to have the close relationship that only came with romance. I wanted to fall in love with a girl, have her be my partner. I wanted to hold her hand in public and I wanted to tell the world how much I loved women. I was almost reluctant in the fact that I was still attracted to men.

I started coming out as “a little bit gay” to my friends, and they’d ask, “So you’re bisexual?” Yeah. I supposed that was the term you’d use for someone attracted to both guys and girls. I’m bisexual. My two lesbian friends were excited, and all my straight friends couldn’t have cared less. When I told one of my straight friends I liked girls, her response was, “Fair enough.” It was invigorating. I started slipping in gay jokes here and there, I started expressing when I thought an actress was pretty, and started sweating less and less each time I did it. I started reading gay poetry and gay written novels with gay stories within them. I started reading books written by gay writers about their experiences as gay people, I started watching more movies about being gay or directed by gay people. But I still hadn’t told my parents.

I was afraid to tell my parents because they were family. I could get new friends if they didn’t like who I was, but I could never get a new family. It became this big secret I had, when I grew up telling my parents everything. The more politically aware I’d become, the less I idolized my parents. I started seeing the flaws in the way they’d raised me and in the things they’d say, and I’d started calling them out for it. They’d be casually racist or homophobic or sexist, and they wouldn’t understand why I cared so much. They’d get mad when I’d tell them they couldn’t say the n-word in songs, or that they couldn’t use the word “tranny”, or that something wasn’t just meant for boys. My parents weren’t a fan of the language used in the hip hop music I liked to play, and they’d tell me to stop playing that “n- music”. They kept asking if my friend was actually gay or just confused, or they’d tell me about a “tranny” they’d seen on the street. When they found out I smoked weed, they were confused because they thought that was a guy thing. So naturally, I was afraid to tell them I was bisexual. With good reason too, it seemed.

When I did tell them, it was after yet another discussion about my friend’s sexuality even though she’d been out for two years now. They never discussed the sexuality of someone straight. I didn’t comment on that though, instead I said, “I’m pretty gay too, you know” and I waited for their reaction. There was a pause, and then a stare. I clarified and told them again that I’m bisexual and my mom asked things like, “How long have you thought that?” and the use of the word thought wasn’t lost on me. For proof, because for some reason I needed it, I told them about the girl I had a crush on. My mom said you can appreciate someone as a friend without it being gay, like this was news to me. She implied that boobs are fine, but did I really like vagina? And then she spent the rest of the night in an angry silence. My dad, trying to prove that he was okay with it, started making jokes by asking if I could still share clothes with my sister or if I had to dress butch now, or asking if I could still have sleepovers with my friends. For Christmas that year, even though by this point they’d gotten a little more used to it, I got a toolbox to keep my paints in. They said it went with my “whole new gay thing”.

I argued with them for a week or two, and it was awful. I was hurting so much, and I could see how differently they looked at me. For a while I wished that I’d never told them. Even now, though it’s been months, they still avoid talking about it. My mom always expresses how she wants me to bring a nice boy home, or asks if there are any cute boys I like, but she never mentions any girls.  She also told me I should make sure one of my close friends knows I’m not trying to hit on her when I ask her to see a movie. She told me to “not scare her off” with my gayness. She says I shouldn’t call myself gay publicly so boys know I’d still be interested. After I made a gay joke to my sister, she told me she was annoyed with all my gayness and to tone it down. When a girl asked me out on a date, my mom and sister both expressed disgust with how butch she was. My dad forcibly never mentions it. My brother couldn’t care less.

Realizing I’m bisexual was hard to come into because I was confident that I liked boys, and it never occurred to me that I could like both. For a long time I was afraid of the word bisexual because of the connotations that the word brings. It made me feel dirty and promiscuous and like I was labelling myself as confused when I’m not. Since coming out, things have never been clearer for me. I’ve found my voice and with each day I know more and more how to use it. I’m finally entirely myself, the last piece of the puzzle has come into place. It’s like a fog has lifted, like I’m finally home.

A Litany For Survival by Audre Lorde

For those of us who live at the shoreline standing upon the constant edges of decision crucial and alone for those of us who cannot indulge the passing dreams of choice who love in doorways coming and going in the hours between dawns looking inward and outward at once before and after seeking a now that can breed futures like bread in our children’s mouths so their dreams will not reflect the death of ours

For those of us who were imprinted with fear like a faint line in the center of our foreheads learning to be afraid with our mother’s milk for by this weapon this illusion of some safety to be found the heavy-footed hoped to silence us For all of us this instant and this triumph We were never meant to survive.

And when the sun rises we are afraid it might not remain when the sun sets we are afraid it might not rise in the morning when our stomachs are full we are afraid of indigestion when our stomachs are empty we are afraid we may never eat again when we are loved we are afraid love with vanish when we are alone we are afraid love will never return and when we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard nor welcomed but when we are silent we are still afraid.

So it is better to speak

remembering

we were never meant to survive.

[recentnews18-blog]

New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/homophobia-isnt-funny-so-why-do-liberal-comics-keep-using-it/

Homophobia Isn't Funny. So Why Do Liberal Comics Keep Using It?

Last week, Sacha Baron Cohen, while in disguise on his new show, got the notorious Joe Arpaio ― the former sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona, and a loyal supporter of President Donald Trump ― to say he’d accept an “amazing blow job” from the president.

The stunt illustrated, as it was meant to, how far some Trump backers might go in supporting the president (though Arpaio later said he “couldn’t understand” Baron Cohen’s question). The absurdity of it draws a laugh, even from many of us who are queer.

But the joke nonetheless rests on the tired premise that gay sex is one of the most grotesque things anyone could possibly do. It anticipates a certain amount of shock on the part of the audience at the thought of two men engaging in a sex act. If the roles were different ― if Arpaio were an openly gay man who was being asked if he’d go so far as to have a female politician he supported perform oral sex on him ― the joke wouldn’t work. It would likely be seen as degrading to the woman to even raise the question, but Arpaio wouldn’t be the butt of the joke.

Baron Cohen could just have easily asked Arpaio if he’d clean Trump’s toilet with a toothbrush or eat maggots from a bowl if the president asked. But for many people, those actions wouldn’t be as funny as Arpaio receiving a blow job from Trump, and that says something about our popular culture.

Casual homophobia ― the perpetuation of anti-gay tropes and language ― persists in our society, including among those who consider themselves supporters of LGBTQ equality.

It appears more glaring in the Trump era. We’ve seen well-meaning liberals and late-night comedians, from Jimmy Kimmel to Stephen Colbert (and, more recently, even the New York Times editorial page), come under fire for joking that Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin are sex partners, often with Trump in the submissive role. Trump is Putin’s “cock holster,” Colbert cracked last year.

Chelsea Handler attempted to demean Attorney General Jeff Sessions a few months ago by calling him a “bottom.” She’s also joked that Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) ― who’s long denied rumors that he’s gay ― must be a victim of blackmail, with someone holding a “dick sucking video” over his head. “Wouldn’t coming out be more honorable?” Handler asked.

Queer people have certainly joked about Graham and the rumors. I have myself. But Handler’s tweets about these Republican men, coming from a straight liberal within a particularly mocking context and using gay and bisexual men’s sexual slang, comes off as an attempt to humiliate the target by associating them with gay sex.

Holy, fuck fuck. I just the video of trumps bipartisan “meeting” yesterday. Hey, @LindseyGrahamSC what kind of dick sucking video do they have on you for you 2 be acting like this? Wouldn’t coming out be more honorable?

— Chelsea Handler (@chelseahandler) January 11, 2018

In fact, bottom shaming is a running theme. Kimmel, feuding with Sean Hannity on Twitter in April, asked Hannity whether Trump prefers him to “bottom,” trying to ridicule him in the same way Colbert tried to ridicule Trump with his “cock holster” line. Over the past decade we’ve seen similar kinds of jokes in Seth Rogen’s films and films by director Judd Apatow. Yet both men ― like Kimmel, Handler and Colbert ― are progressive Hollywood champions of LGBTQ rights.

Tolerating casual homophobia opens up a space for more blatant forms of bigotry. Thus, in 2018 we still see comedians imitating gay men with stereotyped, effeminate, high-pitched voices, something Dave Chappelle continually works into his routines. Another classic smear persists as well: calling someone gay as an insult in retaliation for something offensive he or she did. The most prominent recent example was Kim Kardashian’s slap back at Tyson Beckford for fat shaming her in discussing her body. “Sis we all know why you don’t care for it,” Kardashian tweeted, followed by teacup, frog and nail polish emojis.

The use of anti-LGBTQ epithets by people who otherwise position themselves as supporters of LGBTQ rights ― or at any rate, who don’t pose as enemies of LGBTQ equality ― is still commonplace. Rapper Cardi B and her fiance Offset, while defending a song where Offset raps “I cannot vibe with queers,” claimed in February that they didn’t know the term “queer” has been used to refer to gay people, let alone its history as a slur. (Offset argued that the dictionary defines “queer” as “odd” or “weird,” which seemed pretty weak.)

In recent weeks, we’ve seen the resurfacing of racist and homophobic tweets from three Major League Baseball players, all of them white. Atlanta Braves pitcher Sean Newcomb, for example, used “fag” in tweet after tweet while in college. All three players issued apologies, and other players spoke out against the language. Sean Doolittle of the Washington Nationals tweeted out a terrific and powerful thread that went viral. 

It’s been a tough couple of weeks for baseball on twitter. It sucks to see racist and homophobic language coming from inside our league – a league I’m so proud to be a part of that I’ve worked really hard to make a more accepting and inclusive place for all our fans to enjoy.

— Sean Doolittle (@whatwouldDOOdo) July 30, 2018

“There’s no place for racism, insensitive language or even casual homophobia,” he said. That Doolittle felt he had to say “even casual homophobia” was a telling indication that demeaning LGBTQ people is widely considered acceptable in a way that demeaning other groups isn’t ― at least in the male sports world. Doolittle also likely wasn’t aware that when he said it “sucks” to see racist and homophobic language, he was, ironically, engaging in bottom shaming. After all, what exactly are people talking about sucking on when they derogatorily say someone “sucks”? The truth is, many of us unknowingly use language every day that subtly stigmatizes.

The website NoHomophobes.com, a project of Canada’s University of Alberta, tracks homophobia on Twitter, tallying the numbers daily and listing tweets that include the terms “faggot,” “dyke,” “no homo” and “so gay,” each adding up to thousands per day.

“Homophobic language isn’t always meant to be hurtful, but how often do we use it without thinking?” the website asks, leaving it to readers to judge the tweets in context.

Don’t break a nail trimming those roses faggot

— tinn (@thecrack_man) August 7, 2018

Why are we speaking out more about casual homophobia now? My theory is that it’s not because of how far we’ve come ― it’s actually because of how far we’ve realized we haven’t come.

We accepted casual homophobia among liberals, particularly comedians, just a few years ago. We seem to have thought it was all right for them, in specific contexts, to use anti-gay slurs and make gay jokes, since they ― and much of America ― were supposedly so much more enlightened in the Obama era.

An example of this was Louis C.K. and his “faggot” monologue in 2011 that received millions of views on YouTube and elsewhere. In the routine, C.K. uses the word “faggot” over and over again, but he jokes that he isn’t referring to gay men or men who have sex with one another. He just means guys who are a particular kind of annoying ― feeble-sounding guys with high-pitched voices who say “faggy” things like “People from Phoenix are Phoenicians.”

Partly due to his talent, but mostly due to the time we were in ― in which we thought full equality had arrived, and a seemingly enlightened straight man could throw this word around ― a lot of people bought that. Those who criticized C.K. were considered overly sensitive, or were accused of not getting the joke. Of course he wasn’t being homophobic, defenders said. And yes, they said, he could use that word.

But looking at the clip now, given the accusations of sexual harassment several women have brought against C.K. ― which he confirmed were true ― and the onset of the Trump era, it’s pretty cringeworthy. Misogyny and homophobia are interconnected (bottom shaming, for example, is both sexist and anti-gay), as both emanate from anxiety about masculinity. 

Comedian and author Guy Branum, who is gay, sent the 2011 clip to his followers on Twitter shortly after the sexual harassment allegations against C.K. went public. “Just a reminder he did this a few years ago and you guys were still declaring him the greatest comic alive,” Branum wrote. Someone replied, “I have had so many straight dudes use that routine as a justification to say that word.”

Indeed, giving a pass to any public figure promoting anti-gay tropes or language ― including those considered well-meaning allies ― allows homophobia to flourish throughout the culture.

This Sunday, Sacha Baron Cohen was back with a new episode of “Who Is America?” where he tangled with a gun rights advocate. The punchline? He tricked his target into simulating oral sex with a dildo. Hilarious.

Michelangelo Signorile is an editor-at-large for HuffPost. Follow him on Twitter at @msignorile.

ALSO ON HUFFPOST OPINION

Source: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/opinion-casual-homophobia-comedy-trump-jokes_us_5b698a50e4b0de86f4a5143d