#and also it's nice to know exactly what your food is going to taste like before you eat it

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

the amount of effort that goes into figuring out what to cook and eat every day is RIDICULOUS. i used to think people were so weird and boring for eating the same thing every single day but it truly does make life so much easier

[katsu28]

slow down, be here

pairing: lando norris x reader

summary: after a long, frustrating day of training, a night in with you is just what lando needs to leave it all in his rearview mirror (2.4k)

warnings: teensy but of swearing, reader is in university but major is unspecified, lando being a certified menace

a/n: i was gonna post this sometime next week but the lando girlies (aka me) need some comfort after today's shitshow. may or may not have been entirely inspired by that video of lando in the white singlet. that look (however fleeting) did things to me okay

You’re sitting at the kitchen counter when you hear Lando’s key in the door, one leg drawn up towards your chest, the other swinging aimlessly as you revise your notes last minute. 

Well, more specifically, when you hear him drop his keys on the floor in search of the correct one right before he inserts it into the lock. You’ve loved him and lived with him long enough to know it’s something he does everyday without fail. Whether it’s because he’s got clumsy hands or he’s Pavloved himself into dropping them at the same spot, you don’t think too much about it. The key drop signals that Lando is home. 

What also signals that he’s home is the way he lets out the strangest sound you’ve ever heard as he lets the door swing shut behind him after he’s let himself in—something between a sigh and a whine mixed with a guttural groan. 

“In here!” You call, taking the cap of your pen out from between your teeth. It only takes a few seconds until Lando emerges from the hallway, socked feet dragging himself towards where you’re sitting with a soft smile aimed at his rumpled state. “Hi, love.” 

He plops down on the stool next to you unceremoniously, hooking his foot under the bar of yours to tug you as close as possible to him on instinct. His chin finds the dip between your neck and shoulder to nestle into, and the deflating sigh he lets out once he’s situated himself to his liking sends a shiver through you. “Hi.” He mumbles, voice muffled. 

“Heard you’ve had quite a day.” You stroke a hand over his curls, smoothing them away from his forehead gently. Oscar had shot you a heads up text a little bit before Lando had arrived, saying that Lando might seem a bit put out when he got home. Something about a handful of tests not going the way they wanted, strategies not working out the way they planned. It sounds like enough to drive anyone crazy, but Lando is the type of person to take things especially hard. 

Lando lets out a vague sound of acknowledgement. You can tell he’s exhausted and frustrated, and you know exactly what he needs to wind down after days like these. “I’ll order takeaway for dinner. You go shower. It’ll probably be here by the time you finish up.” 

He gives a more content sigh this time, pressing a kiss to your pulse point. The tips of his hair tickle your cheek as he does so. “You’re a gem, darling.” 

“Tell me something I don’t know.” You tease, pushing him away playfully. He’s smiling big at you when you meet his gaze, something beyond fondness behind his eyes despite the tiredness as he does. “What?” 

“I love you.” 

“Love you too, stinky. Now go. Wash up before I make an executive decision and order sushi.” 

That gets your boyfriend scrambling to his feet fast, aiming a horrified look your way as he books it down the hallway. “You monster!” 

You chuckle quietly, busying yourself with finding Lando’s favorite Italian spot on your delivery app. Soon enough, the food is ordered and all you have to do now is wait.  

Lando reemerges from the bedroom just as you pull open the front door to grab the food from the delivery person. He figures you’ve got it handled by the way you’re chatting nicely with them, so he busies himself with drinks. 

There’s a bottle on top of the fridge that looks vaguely fancy, and though Lando doesn’t know much about wine, Charles had gifted him the bottle a while ago for his birthday. He trusts Charles’ taste. 

He does his best to sound out the French on the label and shrugs, snagging two wine glasses to go along with it. By the time he finishes pouring a generous amount in each glass, you’ve just closed the door, joining him in the kitchen with a massive bag of food. His brows fly into his hairline at the sight. 

You twist your lips to the side in thought, wrinkling your nose as you study the bulging paper bag. “I might’ve ordered too much.” 

“Good thing I always rise to the occasion.” 

You glance up at him, setting it down on the counter in favor of sidling over to where he is, not even fighting the smitten grin stretching your lips as you maneuver yourself between him and the marble. 

His curls are damp, messily towel ruffled and starting to frizz as they air dry. He already looks more at ease, comfier than ever in a pair of loose black sweatpants and a white singlet. You make a mental note to remind him to wear white more. It makes his tan skin glow, and it makes you not want to take your eyes off him. 

Your fingers skate along the exposed skin of his chest, stopping once to push into those dimples in his cheeks that you love so much before moving up to link around the back of his neck. His hands find their way to your waist at the same time, sliding coyly under the hem of your shirt to rest on your bare skin. 

In one fell swoop, you’re up on the counter, Lando nudging his way between your knees. He kisses you languidly, like he has all the time in the world to explore your mouth; long, slow kisses mixed in with brief pecks until you’re all but melting against him. He’s familiar and solid under your touch, all flexing muscle and warm skin as your hands run along his arms. 

After a while, Lando’s focus shifts to trailing open mouthed kisses down the side of your neck. On instinct, you tilt your head to give him more space to work and he takes it gladly, focusing on that one spot just below your ear that he knows for a fact works on you every time. 

You sigh appreciatively at the pressure of his lips against your skin, the way his teeth nip at that sweet spot but his tongue sneaks out to soothe the sting just as quick. 

Your fingers dig into his biceps as he continues his venture, but when he starts kissing along your shoulder, you squeeze a little harder. As much as you want to continue this, you remember you’ve got food waiting for both of you. He stops immediately, perfect lips pouted, eyes wide when he comes back up to gauge your reaction. 

“Eat first, kiss later.” You explain, peeling him off you (albeit a bit reluctantly) before hopping off the countertop. He whines something unintelligible as you unload the food, but as soon as you push a container of his favorite pasta towards him, he seems to forget his disappointment. 

The silence as you eat is comfortable, both of you seemingly more hungry than you thought you were as the food and wine begin to disappear. All the while, the space between the two of you grows smaller and smaller, until your elbows start to bump each other with each bite you take. 

You’ve mastered the art of enjoying each other’s company without having to say a word. 

“Were you revising earlier? When I came home?” He asks after a while, jabbing his fork in the direction of your notes. A few strands of pasta splatter onto the counter with the action and you tsk, nudging him with your foot. The last thing you want is sauce all over your papers. 

“Yeah, I was. Just some final practicing, see if anything needs tweaking before I have to present my thesis.” 

“I’m sure it’s perfect. You’ve been working on it for ages.” 

You spear a chunk of tomato with your fork, dragging it around in the sauce aimlessly. “I dunno. Everything is there, but it still feels like something’s missing.” 

“Present it to me.” 

“What?” 

“Pretend I’m the university board, or whatever, and present it to me. Maybe you’ll figure out what’s missing if you act like it’s the real thing.” 

“Really? You’d do that for me?” 

Lando scoffs, looking offended. “Baby, I’d do anything for you. Go on, do your little scholar thing for me. I’ll be the best fake board you’ve ever seen.” You gnaw on your lip, unsure. The idea seems silly, but it’ll probably work. “C’mon, bub. You’ve got a genius brain up there in that pretty head of yours, let me see it in action.” 

“Okay. Okay, fine, but you can’t be mean! You have to be nice, ‘cause I’m already freaking the fuck out about having to present next week and I don’t think I can deal with—” 

“First of all, I’m never mean to you. Second of all, get the fuck up there before I take my offer back.” 

You stick your tongue out at Lando whilst you grab your papers at the other end of the counter, feigning swatting him with them as he bounces his way over to the couch. He settles in right smack dab on the middle cushion, grabbing a pillow to hug while you do a quick once over of everything. Then you’re ready. 

You stumble through your introduction a little bit, but the words start flowing a few sentences into the body of your research—days, weeks, months of work having burned them straight into your brain. The longer you talk, the more comfortable you become, which gives you the confidence to set aside your notes for once. Part of you feels like you’re about to clam up and forget everything any second now, but you don’t. You forge on like you were born to. 

All that comes to a halt when you hasten a glance over at Lando, who’s staring at you without a thought behind those gorgeous eyes of his, smiling goofily at you. 

“Lando!” You whine, pouting. “Have you even heard a word I’ve said?” 

Lando blinks a few times like he’s coming back down to Earth, letting a sheepish grin creep its way across his face. “Not really.” 

“Seriously?” 

“I’m sorry! You just look really pretty when you talk about things you’re passionate about. It’s hard to focus on words when I look at you.” 

Well, you can’t exactly be mad at him when he’s sweet like that. Besides, you didn’t think he’d understand half of what you were saying anyways, and you’ve found the answer to your problems. Nothing was missing. Lando was right, you’re fully prepared for your thesis presentation. You just needed to get your nerves out of the way. 

“Worst fake board ever.” You huff. 

“But I just said you look pretty!” 

You prop a hand on your hip. “Flattery will get you nowhere, Norris.” 

“Oh yeah? Nowhere, really?” He rises from his seat, creeping towards you with that glint in his eyes you know far too well. You know what he’s about to do, and you’re about ready to make a run for it. 

He bridges the gap between the two of you faster than you think possible, catching you around the waist right before you can make your great escape down the hallway, hoisting you off your feet with ease despite your wriggling around like a fish out of water, and hauling you over to the couch. He tosses you over the back of it just as easily, following suit before you can scramble away. 

Realistically, you should've anticipated the whip fast reflexes of a professional racing driver. Having a faster reaction time than the average person is part of the job description. 

“Lando, no!!!” You squeal, already breaking into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. 

“Maybe flattery won’t get me anywhere, but I know what might!” He pins you down against the cushions with your knees clamped between his own as he digs his fingers into your sides viciously, ignoring your pleas in favor of grinning wickedly. 

“I give up! I give up, please—” You gasp, squirming under his relentless torture. One of his hands comes up to pin both your wrists down easily, probably so you don't punch him in the face trying to escape. (You’ve done it once before, purely by accident, but Lando’s never let you forget it.) 

“Say that you love me.” 

“You already know I do!” 

“Wanna hear you say it.” He insists, jabbing you in the side threateningly. 

You shake your head frantically. You’re near tears at this point, stomach hurting from laughing so much. There’s no point in dragging it out any longer, especially when sweet, sweet freedom is as easy as telling the love of your life that you love him. “I love you!” 

“What was that?” He tilts his head, brows raising expectantly. 

“I love you, Lando Norris.” You repeat, as steady as you can despite your breathlessness. That seems to satisfy him. 

He gives it up entirely, wedging himself between you and the back of the couch, making himself comfortable as you try to catch your breath. You roll over onto your side so you’re facing him, allowing him more space to nuzzle against you. “You’re a dickhead.” 

“I’m your dickhead, and you love me.” He replies smugly, burying his face into the crook of your neck. His arms worm their way underneath you and link up behind your back, legs tangling with yours. At this point, you’re not sure where you end and he begins, which is just the way Lando always likes it. 

“Against my better nature, I do.” You sigh, dropping a kiss to the top of his head. He hums sleepily, exhaling in deep comfort. “I’m sorry you had a rough go of it today.”

“S’fine. Nothing you’ve got to be sorry about. You’ve already made it better.” He mumbles. He already sounds like he's about to drift off.

“D’you want to talk about it?” 

Lando lifts his head to look up at you, blinking slowly. He offers you a small smile. “Not really. Just wanna lay here with you and forget about it all.” 

“Okay.” You say softly. 

You might not be able to help him with everything in life, but this, you can do. You thread one hand through his hair, smoothing through his curls in that one way you know he loves. Your other hand comes up around his back, fingers scratching a gentle path up and down his spine. 

If Lando was a cat, he’d be purring right now. 

Instead he opts for an appreciative groan, pushing his nose back into the warm nook he’d created. His lips press against your skin—once, twice, a third time for good measure. “Thank you.” 

Whether he’s thanking you for scratching his back or for just being here for him on the days he feels like he’s not at his best, you’re not sure, but either way you give him a tight squeeze and another kiss in lieu of a response. 

You’ll do anything if it means making sure he knows you’ve always got him. 

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[writingouthere]

friendswithbenefits!Sukuna x reader. Your friend Yuuji sets you up on a date with his co-worker to help you get over your recent slump, not knowing that his dear older brother had ended it months ago.

cw: none really, some possessive behavior

"He's really great though, I swear!"

"What does 'really great' entail, exactly?"

"Well he's nice! Like, super nice."

You waited to see if there was any more information and when there didn't appear to be any forthcoming, pushed your friend. "Yuuji, I'm going to need a little bit more than that."

Yuuji seemed to think about this for a second and as he did you snuck some dumplings off his plate. He'd taken more than his fair share of the take out anyway.

You loved Yuuji, he was one of the most genuinely kind people you'd ever met. He just happened to have terrible taste in men, aside from his own boyfriend.

"Well, when I got lost the other day, he gave me directions and they were super helpful!"

"Wait, did you find this guy on the street? Are you setting me up with a stranger?" It wouldn't surprise you, Yuuji tended to adopt human beings the way a normal person might adopt stray cats. You couldn't complain too much since it's how the two of you had ended up being friends, but it didn't necessarily mean that whoever he'd picked up off the side of the road this time was your one true love.

"No, no, he works in the school too. He teaches like history or something. He just teaches in the upperclassmen building, so I don't see him that much."

"So he gave you directions after you got lost in your own place of work?"

Yuuji either doesn't hear your tone or he chooses to ignore it. "Yeah, really nice dude. He's also good friends with Maki, so you know he must respect women."

That was actually pretty persuasive. Maki would never put up with any man who was a piece of shit, maybe there was something here.

"Is he cute?"

Yuuji scratched his head and tried to take some dumplings off your plate while you blocked him with your chopsticks.

"I mean I guess, he always looks kind of sad but you're into that right?" You blocked his attempts at stealing your dumplings with a little more aggression than necessary at that.

"I am not!"

Yuuji hummed unimpressed, chewing on the dumpling he'd managed to snatch away while you argued. Thief.

"He's like a little taller than me, pretty eyes and he's stronger than he looks. He actually beat me in some sparring matches last year when the teachers competed." You listened even as you scowled at the way Yuuji said all this with his mouth still full of stolen food. He swallowed and gave you a mischievous smirk. "He has really nice hands too."

"Yuuji!"

"They're big and his fingers are long but not too skinny, they kind of remind me of Megumi's-"

"Who the fuck are you talking about?"

You stiffened as Yuuji's older brother walked in, scratching his bare midriff since he seemed to have once again forgot that wearing shirts was an expected human behavior. Even though he was only a few years older than you and Yuuji, he always seemed larger than life. Maybe because you had known him for so long.

"Yuuta, this guy I work with," Yuuji said, pouting when his brother stole some of the food off his plate. Served him right. "Hey! I asked you if you wanted anything before I ordered it."

"And I told you, I don't want any of this garbage. I'm just sampling," Sukuna said as he popped another piece of chicken in his mouth.

"Go eat your stupid healthy food then and leave our garbage alone," Yuuji protested pushing the plate out of Sukuna's reach. Naturally, this led to Sukuna shoving Yuuji's head into the table as he reached over and stole more food off the tray in the middle.

"So why are you talking about Yuuta's hands anyway. You and Fushiguro finally call it quits?" Sukuna's tone was casual but you had once seen him knock out a guy for groping Megumi in a club. If the day came where Yuuji and Megumi actually broke up, you think he might take turns knocking sense into both of them.

"Mnat mor me."

"Huh," Sukuna said even as he kept Yuuji's face pressed to the table. You rolled your eyes.

"He's saying that he's not the one interested, he's trying to set me up with him." You tried to push down the guilt you felt as you spoke after all you had nothing to be guilty about.

There was a flash of something in Sukuna's eyes but it was gone before you could identify it and with one last shove that had Yuuji groaning, he let him up.

"That hurt, you bastard!"

"Not an insult, I'm literally a bastard," Sukuna said and Yuuji rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, anyway, back to helping you get laid-"

"Hey!"

"-I'll let Yuuta know you'll meet him at six?"

"Can you make it eight, only old people eat at six." Yuuji nods and goes to type something in his phone. There's an awkward silence that he doesn't seem to notice and you can't help but look at Sukuna who hasn't taken his eyes off you.

"Didn't realize you were so desperate," Sukuna says and Yuuji doesn't look up from his phone before throwing a punch at him. Sukuna dodges, his eyes still on you.

"There's nothing wrong with going on a date," you say and you wonder who you're convincing. "It has been a while since a nice guy took me out."

"Ah right, I forgot you liked nice guys." His tone is too knowing and you feel yourself flush.

"Stop picking on her, Sukuna. Don't you need to be going to the gym, anyway?" Yuuji asks, finally putting down his phone. He seems to attribute the current tension for you and Sukuna's usual animosity. You wonder if that's all there is to it. Sukuna scoffs and walks back to his room. You still weren't sure why he'd even come out in the first place.

"Whatever, you two have fun planning the wedding," he says, his tone making your hackles rise.

"Say hi to Uraume for me," Yuuji calls back, oblivious. "Tell them I still want a rematch after last week."

Sukuna waves a hand before shutting the door to his room. Yuuji turns back to you and the two of you talk about other topics while your mind wanders.

You weren't doing anything wrong. Were you?

You and Yuuji decide to meet up with Megumi and Nobara for a movie before you need to get ready for your date. While Yuuji goes to his room to change, you head to the kitchen to clean up the remains of lunch.

You're putting some glasses in the sink when you feel a warm presence at your back. You can't hold back your sigh as a familiar pair of thick arms comes to wrap around your waist and a pair of lips presses gently against your neck.

"I haven't seen you in forever," Sukuna murmurs, the movement of his lips against your neck sending a familiar pulse of want to your core. You tell yourself not to let the soft gesture get to you. He never did shit like this without a purpose and his usual purpose isn't going to be fulfilled with Yuuji in the next room.

"You saw me last week, Sukuna," you remind him before leaning away from him to close the dishwasher. His hands slip down to your hips and you just know he's staring at your ass. You roll your eyes even as he pulls you back to him once you're standing. His hands pressing into the curve of your hips, putting pressure on them in that way that makes you melt.

"That's too long, princess. I was getting lonely," he teases and you feel him smirk against your cheek. "You must be lonely too."

"Actually I'm just fine," you tell him but you tilt your head so he can kiss the skin of your face, your neck, the parts of your shoulders revealed by the stretched collar of your old t-shirt. You let him lull you into a false sense of security before he reminds you why that's a bad idea.

"Really? I just assumed you felt lonely and that's why you were agreeing to go on dates with losers you've never even met."

There it was. This was why you couldn't let Sukuna get soft with you. He never did it without returning your vulnerability with malice.

"Sukuna," you say and you go to pull his arms off you but he pushes you into the counter, you wince as the cold stone presses against your body. "Let go of me." Your tone is calm even as emotions band their way across your throat.

"I would, but you seem to get lost when I let you out of my sights. I mean you're going to go on a date with some high school teacher?"

"Your brother literally has the same job?"

"Well, are you going to fuck my brother too?"

"For fuck's sake, Sukuna, get off me!"

Sukuna does let you go but only so he can turn you to face him.

Sukuna doesn't get mad the way normal people do. Usually he's just amused, maybe even mildly annoyed, but blatant rage isn't his thing. After your years of-acquaintanceship? light antagonism?-friendship, you recognized this as the stage where he was about to make his insults increasingly personal until you needed to go cry in the bathroom later.

"We are not dating," you tell him and he rolls his eyes.

"Obviously."

"Therefore, I can go on dates with other people."

"I don't give a fuck if you go on dates with other people."

"Great, because I'm going to go on this date tonight."

"Good for you."

"Yes, yes it is good for me!"

"You seem really happy with your choices," Sukuna goads in that tone of his. You hate that tone.

"I am. I don't plan on just accepting whatever scraps some loser will throw me when there are actually decent guys who want a real relationship."

Sukuna narrows his eyes at you. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I wasn't being subtle," you tell him before leaning back against the counter. Going for casual, knowing you're not quite hitting it. "Don't worry, I don't hold it against you. You can't give what you don't have, you know?"

"No, I don't know," Sukuna bites out and if he was anyone else, you would think you'd hurt his feelings but this wasn't anyone else and there was no way something you said bother him.

"You're just not a relationship person and that's-that's fine, I knew that before we started this thing. It's just, sometimes I want more." You soften your tone from earlier but it doesn't do anything to relieve the tension between the two of you.

"And this, Yuka is going to give you that?" He sounds bitter and he's not touching you. You'd been the one to tell him to back off but you couldn't remember the last time he hadn't had his hands on you in some way when it was just the two of you.

"I think his name was Yuuta," you correct before his expression tells you this is the wrong step.

"Right, okay. You know what, you go on your date and have the best time with Yuuta. I got places to be."

He brushes past you and goes back to his room just as Yuuji opens the door to his.

"Geez, what's his problem?" He asks as he makes his way over to you. You shrug your shoulders and he takes your lack of response as just your normal discontent with his brother and wraps his arm around your shoulder. "Don't let him get to you, he's just a dick."

"I know," you tell him and you do. You know Sukuna's true nature better than most.

You two make your way out of the apartment so you can make your movie and you try to ignore the guilt you feel as Yuuji talks to you.

"You know, he's actually been in a better mood the past few months. I think he might actually be seeing someone. Can you imagine who would be crazy enough to actually date that asshole?"

new series? wrote this to get the rust off so we'll see.

[0mnist]

Mars in Taurus notes pt1

More romance focused for our stoner placement here.

Very much into slow burn.

They love physical touch. They’ll enjoy every single moment of touch you get with them (hitting their shoulder when you laugh, accidentally brush past them)

Not huge flirters: While they might not be smooth talkers like our geminis or libras, their flirtation might be more physical (light touches, closeness) or based on acts of service.

They show interest by making time for you, sharing comfort, or even food. They’ll make sure you’re well fed and this can be actually a way of bonding for them (trying new cuisine with you) or just eating your fav comfort foods and putting on a movie. They enjoy your presence.

One big way to figure out if these people like you is look at their overindulgence. These people will usually overindulge in something and when they like you, they’ll try to figure yours out. For example, if you like a certain snack, they might buy it in bulk. OR when y’all have sex, they’ll know exactly how to make you feel good and do it over and over.

Slow n subtle: Mars in taurus mfs take their time. They won’t rush into anything, especially romantic pursuits. If they’re interested, they’ll show it through consistency, not bold declarations.

They value stability: They're drawn to people who make them feel safe, grounded, and calm. Chaos, mind games, or emotional intensity (especially early on) can turn them off.

Off topic but I've seen these people have a love for animals. They are kind to them and even feel protective of them. Might have a lot of pets.

 How to Impress Them

SMELL GOOD. this is their biggest weakness imo.

Have an appreciation for nature, go out for walks. 

Be patient: If you try to rush things, they might shut down. They appreciate the slowness.

Engage their senses: Make them a music playlist or see theirs. It’s incredibly intimate to see someone’s music taste. Mars in Taurus is sensual and notices comfort and beauty.

Foreplay is big for them. Take your time with them, taking in each moment. Touch every part of their skin type of thing.

Praise them. Let them hear how good they’re making you feel / how good they feel.

Hugs, massages, rubbing the yk what

Food play?? Have some whip cream on you, lol jkjk

These people can sometimes release their stress through sex.

Their neck is their sensitive part, any form of touch in general is a nice starter. I've had some friends tell me they enjoy dry humping (yall are HORNY) Oh, and did I say smell good?

Can be vanilla unless they have a scorpio moon or some aries / sag placement. Pay attention to their other placements too. I’d say fire and air might make them more spontaneous while earth and water will keep them more vanilla. 

Quickest way to turn them off is lack of consistency: If you’re hot one minute and cold the next, it confuses and repels them.

More random notes

More athletic side of them might love wrestling, weightlifting, kettlebell exercises? yoga, and boxing.

Hobbies can be very hands on, pottery / ceramics, painting or sketching, woodworking, building shit in general.

Hunting or hiking. Lumberjack vibes.

One of my friends with this placement was so hard to read. She was the calmest when she was upset with me to the point where I didn't even realize. These people can hold grudges for life. But also can be very forgiving.

Very territorial of their belongings.

[reysdriver]

Sunday Roast | R.L.

Remus fixes a plate for you at dinner and it makes your heart melt — remus x gn!reader fluff

warnings: none :)

words: 0.5k

No one could ever go wrong with a nice Sunday roast as long as it was made with care, especially not the house elves working in the Hogwarts kitchen. 

When you walked in with your friends and saw all the food, it looked even better than usual. Now that you were sat down with your best friend Lily on one side and your boyfriend Remus on the other, you were excited to see if the food’s taste lived up to the appearance. 

 Just as you were about to grab some food for yourself, Remus took your plate and placed a juicy piece of chicken upon it. 

You looked over at Lily, who also noticed what just happened, and you both tried to stifle laughs before turning back over to Remus. 

“Um, handsome, I think you stole my plate there.” You informed him, even though you really didn’t care since you could just take his empty plate too. 

“I know.” He responded. “How many sausages do you want?”

You weren’t expecting that reply at all. That doesn’t mean it was unwelcome, but you weren’t really sure how to answer him now. 

“You don’t have to get my food for me, Rem.” You really didn’t want to come off as ungrateful, so you placed a hand on his side and tried your best to say it nicely. 

“I know I don’t, but I want to. You’ve got on a nice top and I know you’d be sad if you leaned across the table and stained it. So, how many sausages?”

If it wasn’t a medical impossibility, you were sure that your heart would have doubled in size at that moment. And if Remus wasn’t already your boyfriend, you would have confessed you loved him right there in front of everyone. 

Remus was the sweetest person you’ve ever met, and this was perfect proof of that. You wished you could say he was just extra thoughtful tonight, but he was always so perfect that it would be hard to pick out one peak moment. 

“Um, two please.” 

It was hard to hide how flustered you felt, but you hoped no one noticed.

“And gravy? On the side, of course.”

“Of course, thank you.”

Finally remembering that you two weren’t the only ones in the whole Great Hall, you turned back to Lily to see if she was watching what was happening. 

It turns out that Lily was observing the scene with an ear-to-ear grin strung across her face. That’s when you knew you weren’t imagining it, and that Remus really was the kindest person you knew. 

“What about veggies, dove?”

“Yes, please.”

You watched as he scooped out roasted veggies from the bowl, carefully trying to avoid the ones you didn’t like so much. 

After your plate was full, he placed it exactly where he picked it up from, and kissed the top of your head as he also filled your glass with water. 

“Thank you, Remmy. Love you.”

He told you that he loved you back as he started to assemble his own plate. 

As you picked up your fork and went to have your first bite of dinner, Lily leaned over to you and whispered the words ‘marry him’ into your ear. 

You chuckled, picking up a piece of cauliflower. “I will, don’t you worry.” You promised her.

[amazinglyegg]

What the companions would make you if they had access to a kitchen:

Cait

I'm thinking a nice stir-fry or rice with a shit ton of vegetables and PROTEIN

Of course she loves her protein

Hmm or maybe a lasagna. Nice and dense.

Whatever she makes, there'll be enough of it to go around

She gives off food insecurity to me so I feel like she prefers to take her food and eat alone most days

But you WILL have a shitton of leftovers!

Codsworth

A nice breakfast spread like what you'd see in movies.

French toast, eggs (sunny side up or your preference if he knows it), bacon, several options of cereal in those little fancy cereal dispensers, pancakes or waffles depending on your preference, fresh fruit laid out...

And of course a glass of orange juice

He wants nothing more than for you (and anyone else you're sharing the meal with) to sit down and enjoy while he cleans the dishes and helps out

Just like old times <3

Curie

Baking time!!!!

Cookies are her go-to

Does that thing where you use your thumbprint to make a heart shape and fills it with jam

They come out perfect every time. She leaves them out on a plate and they're gone within a minute

Just be warned she might eat the cookie dough. Would definitely make edible cookie dough just to eat it raw at like 1am

Danse

He's a protein shake and plain hard boiled eggs type of guy

He wouldn't make you a meal, but would mealprep your entire week for you

(It's just plastic tupperware of boiled eggs and like, one whole carrot)

If he HAD to make an actual warm meal it'd probably look exactly like Brotherhood rations

Mashed potatos, plain crackers, and some vague meat in sauce

Deacon

This man lives like he will be killed via sniper if he ever expresses a genuine feeling

So as much as I'd like to say he'd make a meal that's really important to him, he'd probably just grab the nearest cookbook and pick a random recipe

Not even he knows what it's gonna be like until it's made

He also doesn't want to be associated with a certain meal so he'll only make it once or twice. If you want it again then YOU have to cook it!

If he's completely alone and just making something for himself, then maybe a nice sandwich or sub

I don't know why but he just gives off sandwich vibes

Dogmeat

Can't cook

He would, however, oversee the situation and taste test when needed

Gage

Grill dad

He'd make like, ribs and baked potatoes. Nice and filling and also pretty damn messy

Not too big on vegetable but he'd also grill like, corn on the cob or maybe some skewers

Chicken wings perhaps???

Maccready

Weird food combinations is this man's bread and butter (or bread and ketchup)

He WILL hand you a turkey sandwich with ketchup and potato chips in it. And it will taste good.

Or like, steak sushi. Spaghetti on pizza. Mayo dumplings?

He can make basically anything, but he just has some really weird preferences

If you can get over the strangeness it's actually pretty decent

Nick

Toast and black coffee <3

That's it

I mean like he'll make you tea or something if you don't like coffee

Pre-war Nick always had toast and coffee for breakfast in the morning so it's nostalgic to him

Old Longfellow

"Oh he'd make a fish based meal" NO. He lives next to the water he's probably SO DAMN TIRED OF FISH

Chicken noodle soup maybe, but like high quality chicken noodle soup with some nice spices

Or maybe a pot roast??

Piper

Weirdly enough, as much as she loves sweets I feel like she'd be a much better cook than a baker

She'd make a nice well rounded meal with protein, carbs, 1-2 vegetables. Gotta make sure Nat's eating well

Not huge on spices though. Like your mashed potatoes will be buttery and smooth as fuck but you're limited to like basic box gravy and maybe salt and pepper.

I feel like she can and will make an entire turky dinner. Just out of nowhere. There's like 7 different sides and an apple pie Curie made.

Preston

Oh this man will make a MEAN stew

It's his go-to. He can share it if needed, have leftovers to feed himself for multie days, and it's versatile

I'm thinking either radstag or brahmin meat, or maybe a bone stock, but in the past he's made stews out of basically anything, from bugs to deathclaw meat

He also has a soft spot for campfires and would love to roast marshmallows or cook hotdogs or something around a fire

X6-88

Grabs an apple for himself and leaves.

The Institute eats SUPPLEMENT PACKETS there is NO WAY this man knows how to cook

He's probably a picky eater too, and he only likes those packets

He's gonna be living off a diet of applesauce and ensure for a long while

Honestly he might enjoy taking his food (any food) and putting it in a blender. It fixes the sensory aspect of it.

[lvmimis]

cw: selfship-coded. reader has brown skin and curly hair and it's mentioned in semi-fetishy ways. set in wano arc.

“Like bathed in hojicha,” the old man drones on as a leathery hand crosses the invisible barrier between entertainer and guest and covers your free one. Your natural impulse to shudder is suppressed by your desire to remain polite and coy even, and your other hand steady, you continue to pour tea, resisting the turn of your stomach. A fake smile that doesn’t reach your eyes, but would not be detected by a man so drunk and so improper, spreads across your lips.

He’s petting you in three distinct ways - like an exotic animal, like a precious vase, like a woman he has some odd desire to consume, one that puzzles him himself. You’ve long since forgotten his name - a terrible faux pas on the part of a geisha - but you’re not a geisha, you’re simply pretending to be until the rest of your party arrives in Wano. 

Until your captain arrives.

He pulls your hand further to inspect it closer. You wonder if he’d be so bold enough to sniff it (another patron has, to your shock), but instead he continues to inspect it, rubbing with his thumb as if the melanin will come off.

“My mother was a fan of hojicha actually, when she was pregnant with me,” you say, giggling, your voice an octave higher. He doesn’t notice you pull your hand away due to the musicality of your voice, exchanging it with a warm cup.

“Please drink, my lord.” 

This man is not a good conversationalist in the least, but he seems easily pickpocketed, and by the end of the night, you are able to swipe a few gold coins from him (some not all) and stow them away for safe-keeping. If there’s anything Nami has taught you well, it’s that if there’s an opportunity to steal without consequence, do so.

These men don’t deserve their money anyway.

—

“Honestly, I think I should have gone the kunoichi route with Nami, because this is getting ridiculous,” you start, before taking a bite of Sanji’s noodles. He winks as you take your first bite, and you thank him for the food before scrunching your nose as you look at Robin.

Robin looks beautiful, skin as pale as moonlight and lips redder than the ripest cherry. Your makeup looks just as beautiful, but you know that the two of you draw looks of the passersby in two very different ways - Robin because of her beauty, you because your own beauty is also unexpected. The women doing both your hair and makeup weren’t exactly sure what to do with your abundance of curls, and they fall in a clumped, partially formed mess that manages to frame your face nicely enough to satisfy the tastes of the teahouse’s patrons, and evidently some of the men straggling around Sanji’s stall.

Franky sits closer to the two of you to discourage anyone from approaching the two of you but it doesn’t stop people from looking.

“As long as you don’t directly challenge the Oiran, I think we are okay,” she muses. You’ve heard of her legendary beauty and are reassured that you’re more of a fleeting attraction than a real threat. Even the men that you service will discuss Komurasaki with want dripping from their mouths.

“Absolutely.” Rubbing displaced lipstick from the side of your mouth, you change the subject. “Have you gotten any information on Luffy?”

Robin shakes her head. You pout. 

“For men who claim to have high positions, they also have zero idea what’s going on politically.”

Franky laughs. “You realize here, even if he’s our captain, he’s just another prisoner, right?”

You grit your teeth at the thought. Sanji’s food can never possibly taste bad or even bland, but the warming sensation on your tongue abates with the very thought that Luffy cannot enjoy the same food.

“We’ll hear something when he gets out,” Usopp says, patting you on the back. 

“I hope so because I don’t know how much longer I can tolerate this.”

But the truth is, you can do a lot for Luffy.

—

“I can imagine a well-learned man like you would know a lot about the mines in Udon, am I right?”

Your voice is light, and your fingers work carefully as you tap pressure points in his shoulders and along the neck and spine. If you were a stronger woman, you’d snap it but you have to settle for extracting as much information as you can out of the customer.

Smitten with you, yes. Knowledgeable? No.

“What would a beautiful young woman like you care about those prisoners? I suppose they live and they die. Serves them right for committing crimes.”

You spend a little longer, pressing your thumb a little harder at the top of the cervical spine. He groans in a sound that is too much like pleasure, and you remember you have a role to play.

“Of course. They sound so awfully scary.” Your voice is syrupy sweet. “Have some more tea, my lord.”

You hope Luffy breaks out soon.

—

The shogun and his cronies are too drunk to realize that you have missed a few paces in your fan dance. Food and drink overflows in abundance, sake guzzled down into greedy maws and never satiated bellies while the countrymen continue to starve. You’re pulled and poked at and forced to smile because these men demand nothing less than pleasure and forced joy. 

The top oiran in her beauty hides her disgust well, you notice, her under layers of beauty. The women in the room all do. You meet eyes with Robin and she nods, slipping out of the room first.

You continue to dance.

Everything will come crashing down soon, and you’ll be glad to see it, as long as you trust in your crew.

And your captain, who no doubt will find his way out soon.

Your smile widens, enough to reach your eyes. Orochi and his ministers of course, are far too drunk to see the real joy in it, nor the terror that comes for them.

[sereia4skz]

hey reia,

so the time here’s been quite the ride. The boys are super nice, and it’s been great to see lix again.

I spent time with his friends, Minho, Jisung, and Changbin, this weekend. They’re so cute, we went out to the mall. And I may have gotten to use vibrators on them.

It really isn’t my fault how much i teased them, their reactions were to die for.

We should call soon, miss you girlie!

(Congrats on 1k!! Can this be a dom!reader x brat!Minho, sub!ji and sub!changbin?? I understand if it makes you uncomfortable. Could i also be an anon?)

1k Followers Event | two's company, three's a crowd, what's four?

pairing: cat!minho x bunny!changbin x quokka!jisung x reader

genre: smut

warnings: hybrid au, vibrators, the cuck chair guys, MxM, orgasm denial, voyeurism, dom!reader, brat!minho

event masterlist: #1kShootingStars

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Hey lovie,

Sounds super fun! Maybe you should do something about the brat Minho. 

Knowing you you'll find something fun to do :P

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The food court was packed, filled with the low roar of chatter, trays clattering, and kids screaming over the whirr of smoothie blenders. Every surface gleamed with that fake-clean mall sheen, slightly sticky if you stayed in one place too long. Overhead, fluorescent lights buzzed faintly, like a warning not to get too comfortable.

Minho looked at the long line of people queuing for boba and sighed like he’d just been asked to dig his own grave. “This is going to take forever.”

“You three go,” you offered sweetly, slipping into a plastic chair at one of the bolted-down tables. “I’ll guard our spot.”

“Don’t wander,” Minho said sharply, eyeing you as if he already knew you were going to do exactly that.

You gave him your best innocent blink. “Would I ever?”

Jisung grinned. “She’s definitely going to wander.”

Minho grabbed his ear and tugged. “Come on, snitch.”

As the boys disappeared into the drink line, you waited… for all of about thirty seconds.

Across from your table, just past the magazine and novelty gift store, a different kind of sign glowed. One you hadn’t noticed before. Black background. Metallic red letters, the kind that shimmer under the lights of the mall.

ESCAPE — Adults Only

You tilted your head. From where you sat, you could just make out a few of the displays inside, clean, tasteful shelving, walls lined with velvety paddles and chrome restraints. A mannequin wore a full harness over a sheer robe in the window. Not tacky. Not hidden. Just... waiting.

Well. Maybe you would wander. You stood up, and made your way across the wide walkway, heels tapping quietly against the tile. No one paid you any attention.

The store was surprisingly quiet inside, the heavy glass door muffling the mall noise completely once it swung shut behind you. The lighting was low and warm, casting everything in a soft, gold haze. Shelves were spaced just far enough apart for discretion but close enough to feel intimate, like the whole place was in on a secret.

You let your fingers trail over the edge of a display table. Leather cuffs. Soft, supple, well-oiled. Good stitching. You gave one a slight tug to test the give. Quality.

You wandered a little deeper. Silicone plugs in a dozen colors. Ropes dyed in deep jewel tones. Paddles with words cut into the leather. You picked one up and gave it a little flick of your wrist, light, balanced, with a satisfying swish through the air. You smiled, your imagination playing as you moved to the next aisle. 

The vibrator wall. There was a whole spectrum, tiny bullet vibes, clitoral suction toys, dual-action wands, sleek remote-controlled ones you could wear under clothes. One model caught your eye: slim, matte black, curved with a gentle ridge near the tip. Not too big. Not too obvious. Discreet. Perfect.

You picked it up, turning it over in your hand just as the door behind you opened.

“Are you kidding me?” Minho’s voice was low and tight with annoyance. 

You turned to see all three boys standing there. Jisung rushed toward you first, wide-eyed and breathless. “You weren’t at the table, what if something happened?! You could’ve gotten snatched!”

“I was gone for five minutes. And I'm an adult”

Minho crossed his arms and stalked closer, scolding you with every step. “You’re in a sex shop. In public. In that. With your ass basically out.”

You raised the toy you were holding just a little. “But look how cute it is.”

Changbin hadn’t said a word.

He stood at the edge of the aisle, staring at the toy in your hand with wide eyes, his lower lip caught between his teeth. His tail had gone completely still.

“Binnie,” you purred. “You like this one?”

He nodded, cheeks flushing hot pink.

“I might buy it,” you said casually, watching his ears twitch. “Might even use it tonight.”

Jisung made a little choked noise. Minho exhaled like he was using every ounce of self-control. You grinned.

“She’s gonna kill us.” one of them whispered as you went back to browsing the shelfs

⋆｡°✩

Changbin’s room buzzes with something electric tonight, nothing like its usual gentle, warm energy. The sheets still smell like fresh linen, and the salt lamp glows softly in the corner, but now it’s all undercut with heat, with tension, with need.

He sits on the edge of the bed, legs slightly spread, hands fidgeting in his lap. His tail thumps against the mattress in a slow, anxious rhythm. His ears droop low. Big, brown eyes follow your every move.

You close the door behind you with a soft click, louder than it should be in the quiet.

“Hey, Binnie.”

His head snaps up. “H-Hi.”

You take your time crossing the room, boots clicking softly on the floor. You feel his gaze travel up your legs, stalling at your thighs, catching on the little silk robe you’ve thrown on, barely tied, sheer enough to tease the curve of your hips.

“You remember that toy we saw earlier?”

He swallows hard. “The, um… the vibrator?”

You grin and reach into your bag, pulling it out slowly, matte black, freshly charged. You run your thumb over the button, and it hums faintly, just loud enough to cut through the silence.

Changbin’s thighs twitch.

“You were so quiet in the store,” you say, stepping between his knees. “I think you were imagining this.” You reach down, fingers slipping under the waistband of his sweatpants. “You gonna be good and let me play?”

He nods instantly.

“Words, baby.”

“Yes-yes, please.”

You smile and press him gently back onto the bed, straddling his lap as you tug his sweats down. He’s already half-hard, sensitive and twitching under your touch. You click the toy on again, setting it to a low buzz, and brush it along the inside of his thigh.

His hips jerk.

“You’re always so responsive, bunny,” you murmur, dragging the toy up to tease the base of his cock. “So needy.”

“I-I can’t help it,” he whispers, already breathless.

“I know,” you coo. “You don’t have to.”

You play with him like that, slowly, deliberately, testing each setting, each angle. His muscles tense every time you increase the intensity, breath catching in his throat. He whimpers when you press it flush against him, your other hand cupping his balls, rolling them just enough to make his back arch.

And just as you lean in to kiss his throat–

The door bursts open.

Minho stands there, hand on the knob, Jisung panting behind him, guilt and excitement lighting up his face.

Minho’s eyes sweep the scene. The toy. Changbin’s flushed, leaking cock. Your barely-there robe.

“Oh hell no,” Minho growls, dragging Jisung into the room by the wrist. “You think you get to have all the fun while we sit there listening through the wall?”

You blink. “I didn’t know you were listening.”

“You left the bag on the counter. That toy wasn’t exactly a mystery.”

Jisung’s already kicking off his hoodie, eyes locked on the toy like it might float his way if he stares hard enough. “We deserve to play too.”

Minho crosses the room in two strides, looming over the bed, arms folded, pupils blown wide. “You really thought you’d get away with starting without us?”

You smirk. “Deserve? That’s not really for you to decide.”

“Unacceptable,” Minho snaps.

You tilt your head. “You gonna do something about it, kitten?”

He leans in close, nose nearly brushing yours. His voice drops, sharp and dangerous. “If you’re not careful, I’ll flip this whole scene and make you the one begging.”

“Promises, promises,” you murmur, flicking the vibrator up to a higher setting, right against Changbin’s flushed tip.

Changbin lets out a strangled whine. Jisung climbs onto the bed, already kneeling, eyes wide and greedy. “C-Can I try it too?” He chokes on a breath, flushed all the way down his chest. “Please.”

You look between the two of them, Changbin already squirming, Jisung vibrating with need, and flick your eyes to Minho, who hasn’t moved, jaw clenched like he could bite through steel.

“Take off your clothes,” you order, stepping back and holding the toy up like a prize. “Both of you. Now.”

They obey instantly, fumbling with shirts, pants, underwear, until all that’s left are flushed bodies, eager cocks, and twitching ears. You settle on the bed behind Changbin, pulling him back between your legs like a big plush doll, spreading his thighs apart.

“Come lie against your hyung, baby,” you tell Jisung.

He does, eyes round and glossy. You click the toy on again, medium this time, and slide it between them, nestling it carefully between their cocks, right where their skin meets. The faint buzz starts again, and Changbin gasps, twitching in your arms.

“Now hump,” you whisper in his ear. “Grind on him like you’re in heat. You know how.”

Changbin whines, embarrassed, but you wrap your arm around his middle and give a little push.

Their hips meet with a soft, slick slide of skin-on-skin and silicone. The toy buzzes between them, catching on the underside of each cock as they rutt. Changbin’s head drops back onto your shoulder, and Jisung moans, arms clinging to his hyung’s waist like he might fall apart if he lets go.

“You look so pretty like this,” you coo. “Two needy bunnies fucking like animals. Thought Binnie was the only bunny here.”

The rhythm gets faster, messier, the toy sliding slickly between them. Jisung’s thighs shake, and Changbin pants so hard he can barely speak.

Minho still hasn’t spoken. You look up at him, he’s standing, hands clenched at his sides, cock straining against his jeans. Pupils blown. Lips parted. He looks like he might fall apart from just watching.

“What’s wrong, kitten?” you purr, voice syrup-sweet. “Jealous?”

He glares, but the tremble in his jaw betrays him. “Hannie is mine.”

“Mm. Not right now he’s not.”

You reach forward, still cradling Changbin’s hip with the other hand, and undo Minho’s fly, tugging his jeans just low enough for his cock to spring free—flushed, leaking, untouched.

“Look at you,” you murmur. “So hard just from watching. Maybe if you hadn’t been such a mouthy brat earlier, you’d be the one humping something warm right now.”

He growls, low and shaky. “Please…”

You smile. “No. You’re going to sit. Right there.” You point to the armchair. “And keep your hands on your arms. If you touch yourself, I’ll have to punish you. Understood?”

He holds your gaze a moment longer, then obeys. He sits, legs spread, cock straining up, twitching. You click the vibrator up another level.

Both Jisung and Changbin cry out.

“Good boys,” you whisper, pressing a kiss to the side of Binnie’s neck, licking the sweat there. “Show him how good boys get rewarded.”

Jisung’s hips stutter against Changbin’s, the low buzz of the toy loud in the sweat-slick silence. Their cocks rub together with every desperate thrust, the vibrator pressed snug between them, both of them gasping, whining, their hands tangled in each other’s skin like they don’t know what to hold onto.

Changbin trembles in your arms, head lolled back on your shoulder, mouth open and panting helplessly. His thighs are tense, tail twitching erratically where it curls against your hip. Jisung clings to him like he’ll fall apart if he lets go, rutting desperately with little broken sounds falling from his lips.

You watch them for a moment, utterly entranced, two gorgeous hybrids, bodies flushed, ears low, whining and whimpering like they don’t even know they’re doing it.

Then your gaze shifts to Minho.

He sits where you told him to. His fingers dig into the arms of the chair, knuckles bone-white, chest heaving as he tries and fails to keep his breathing even. His cock twitches, leaking steadily, jumping every time one of the others moans. He looks like he might snap in half from the tension alone.

You smile sweetly. “Poor kitten. Bet your cock hurts, huh?”

He doesn’t answer. He’s too flushed, too locked in place, trembling from restraint. He’s not sulking, he’s suffering beautifully.

“Oh, Binnie,” you coo, resting your chin on Changbin’s shoulder, still guiding his hips forward with one firm hand. “Jisung feels so warm, doesn’t he? So soft on your cock. Such a good little pet to rut on.”

Jisung moans louder at that, his whole body jerking as he chases every slick drag of skin and toy and sweat. “I-I can’t–I'm close, I’m- please–”

You reach between them, adjusting the angle just enough to make the vibrations hit perfectly, direct pressure right under both their cocks. Changbin cries out, his body going taut like a bowstring.

“Ah-ah, fuck- gonna–”

“Go ahead,” you whisper, voice like velvet over glass. “Cum for me. Make Minho watch.”

They break together.

Jisung sobs, clinging tighter around Changbin’s waist. Changbin’s legs kick helplessly as they rut through it, desperate to feel every last spark of friction. Their moans echo, high and messy, and their cum slicks the toy, their stomachs, each other’s skin. You click the vibrator off with a soft snap.

“Look at them, kitten,” you purr, voice thick with heat. “Spent. Messy. So well-used. And you’re still over there. Untouched.”

Minho grits his teeth. “Please- please, I need- I'm sorry–”

You tilt your head and smile, wicked and slow. Then you stand, letting Changbin and Jisung collapse in a boneless heap on the bed, twitching and whimpering through the aftershocks.

Your steps across the room are deliberate. Each sway of your hips is a tease, measured, cruel. You stop in front of Minho, crouching between his legs. Your breath ghosts over the flushed head of his cock, he whimpers, hips twitching instinctively toward you.

But you don’t touch. He whines again, more desperate this time.

“If you really want to earn it…” you murmur, glancing back at the bed, at the slicked-up mess of your two bunnies, dazed and pliant. “Then you’re going to clean them up. With your mouth.”

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taglist: @diekleinesuesse @tillaboo @felixsonlyrealwife @geni-627 @skz8riley @lezleeferguson-120 @pixie-felix @headfirstfortoro @alnex05 @baby-stay92 @encoredesires @androgynouscrownorbit @channiesluvrclub @my-neurodivergent-world @chims-dimple @bookswillfindyouaway @stellasays45 @angel-writes-skz-here @m-325 @0sunshinecryptid0

[bubbles0bop]

Hiii! Can we have some Inumaki, Hakari and Nanami bf headcanons? + Anyone you'd like OFC!! :3

Relationship headcanons with the JJK Men

Includes: Nanami, Hakari, Inumaki, Choso

I like this one, you have good taste. Anddd i did take some liberty of adding choso because i've been feeling like writing him as well

Disclaimers: strong language, no gender specified, mention of smoking

Nanami

He's the type of boyfriend that will be spoiling you goddamn rotten

every month is a new bouquet of flowers trimmed and set in a vase on the kitchen counter

same with gifts. you'll come home to see the outfit you liked at the mall but couldn't afford, probably wrapped nicely in a black box

he's very thoughtful and meticulous, especially with dates

he'll plan for a while and make sure it's something you'll love

since he works such terrible hours, he really likes his quality time so he expects to come home to you and do nothing but cuddle or maybe do something like read together

this is random but i feel like he would be a massive critique for no reason

like "sweetie did you notice how tangy this loaf of bread tastes? do you think we should go back there next time?"

or when you're watching a movie it's not uncommon for him to say something like "ugh, this is so unrealistic, she would never fall for that type of trick."

I also think he would accidentally be really into it if you guys watched a kdrama together

Hakari

he's the type of guy that would say "wear what you want, i can fight." period.

he loves to talk- a professional yapper, if you will- but you love it

he talks your ear off about his hobbies (gambling) and some stupid people he may have had to deal with that day

he's pretty nonchalant in general and doesn't try to stress a lot over trivial stuff which means fights wouldn't last long

i get kind of a vibe that he would smoke some herb from time to time but he wouldn't shove it in your face if you don't want him to

he would love to share a coffee with you in the morning, and would probably order you both breakfast

i feel like with dates he's totally going to go with the flow but he loves new things so there's always something for you guys to do together, whether it's movies, or clubs.

Inumaki

your time together can sometimes be... quiet. 😭

i imagine that he's big on physical touch and doesn't care much about PDA (but he won't go too far)

i think his top two love languages are physical touch and acts of service

he's the type of guy that would become your personal nurse if you are sick or get your period

he's also the type where if you were chilling on your phone or reading a book he would do it with you, enjoying some peaceful silence

the jjk fan book mentions that he likes to do Youtube which brings the thought of what would he do on there if he can't exactly talk like the average person?

i'd say he makes cooking videos or posts the pranks that Panda and him do to their friends

he loves to eat with you, it's your thing. he would cook or bring you out to restaurants so you guys could rate the food

you, of course, have also learned his 2nd language over time and unlike megumi, you sometimes respond just like Inumaki does

Choso

honestly if i were to guess, i think he would show his partner love by telling them. very directly.

He's not too much of a cuddler but he'll do it immediately upon your request

He has a dry sense of humor, so dry that no one really knows if it's a joke or not

i think he is more outwardly protective of you than most- so if he catches anyone staring he'll yell at them to 'fuck off!'

I also don't think he would hold his opinions back just to make people happy so if you ask, "how do you think i look in this?" he'll say exactly how he feels- not really in an a insulting way, ever-more truthfully than hurtfully.

he likes to do things that you enjoy, like shopping and he'll help you pick out outfits

he, himself, would probably suggest dates that are calm and intimate, like picnic dates, stargazing, and maybe going out for smoothies/boba

i feel like he would love to try boba after you tell him about it, because he likes sweet things over bitter (like coffee)

i could imagine him being the type to grab your waist from behind while you're busy doing anything

he also really craves your attention when you aren't near him, even if he doesn't say that.

[w3r3theli0nshunt]

POV: Task 141 + König finds out that you’re autistic

Task 141 + könig x autistic!reader

Okay okay a little self indulgence here. But this is also to somehow spread a positivity regarding the spectrum and also encourage people who feels insecure about being neurodivergent. This applies to anyone, not a specific gender.

And for people who don’t really relate, it’s fine. It’s normal to be different and it’s okay to be different.

There are some sexual themes here, but mostly wholesome fluff MDNI!!!!!!!!!!! - and sum angst as well

❤︎︎So here’s a lil authors note: You can still be loved and appreciated with or without the diagnosis🫶

★He’s definitely got ADHD or is at least on the spectrum, so he doesn’t judge you at all

★He’s a yapper and can’t help it, so when you tell him to stop talking so you can peacefully gather your own thoughts, he stops with a few whines along

★He’s a very touchy type and he loves touching you, and sometimes he forgets to keep distance when you tell him to stop

“Soap! Not today, please. I’ve been stressed”

“Dinnae worry, luv. I’ll try, but I cannae promise”

★He’ll be a little difficult to process your diagnosis, getting used to new habits, having to break old ones but he doesn’t really complain

★He gets really confused and stressed out not knowing what to do when you get (if) you meltdowns

★When you’re on dates, he makes sure to take you to a place that is less crowded so you don’t get stressed out

★When you feel mentally tired from socialising, he tries his best to keep distance and remain quiet so you can recover peacefully

★(If) sometimes you enjoy feeling pressure on you, it’s your way of stimming, he’ll happily lay above your body and fall asleep

★Gets really happy when you finally give him a peck or a kiss, or even a hug

★Sometimes he lets you squeeze his bicep or thigh as a way to stim, sometimes he even lets you try and braid his short Mohawk

★If you don’t like the consistency or taste of food, he’ll get you your ‘safe meal’ that he knows you like

★Sometimes you’re awfully quiet and distant, he takes it as if you’re mad at him and he tends to get worried

“I’m not mad at you if that’s what you think”

“Still cannae help it, I just dannae want ye ta leave me fer being touchy”

★He’ll steal kisses from you, making them quick so you can’t react

★He’ll miss the frequent sex like he used to have with his exes, but he’ll still love you as much.

★Not really familiar with the diagnosis, but he sure as hell do his research

★He’ll almost act like a dad would with his child, telling you to stop stimming with your hair or picking with your skin and place a fidget toy in your hand instead

★He admires your creativity, always flattered when you show off your drawing/sketches with a proud look on your face and enthusiastically explain it

★He can’t stop looking at you with such admiration when you cuddle with a pillow/squish-mallow while being focused on the tv

★He makes you write a list to him of foods you like and how you like them, just so he knows :)

★He’s a fast learner with you and knows how you work

★When you (if) get meltdowns, he knows exactly what to do. Either give you space or tightly putting pressure on your body to help calm you down

★He knows when you don’t want cuddling or sex, so he’ll back off. Just happy that you’re his

★When the places you go to are crowded, he’ll instantly take you to a calmer place

★You two usually have dates at home, but Price is good at making stuff romantic

★He’ll tell his friends about you a lot, telling them to not be too pushy or touchy

★He knows you don’t enjoy meeting new people so he’ll make sure to spare you from doing so as often as he can, but sometimes you have to and at those times he tells the people about you in first hand

“Your friends are nice, but I didn’t expect them to keep distance. Didn’t you tell me that they could be very nosy and pushy sometimes?”

“Well, this man right here turns out to be completely in love with you. And that also means that his friends are gonna have to accept my darling”

★He’s totally accepting of you and he’ll still love you just as much as before the truth came out

★Gaz is a very accepting and patient man, his feelings still stay as strong

★He also does a lot of research to try and understand you more, but also prefers when you tell him yourself as people are different and work differently

★He gets his friends to set up a romantic place that is private so that you can remain calm and relaxed not having a bunch of strangers stressing you out

★He totally understands if you don’t feel like being touched and he’ll back away until you feel like it again

★His soothing voice and compassion always manages to calm you down when (if again) you get a meltdown

“It’s alright, love. I’m here and it’s gonna be alright. Some days are bad, some are not”

“I-I love you so fucking much, man”

★He knows you love animals so he’ll always takes you to zoos, admiring you from afar as you gaze with such enthusiasm at the animals and your hands shaking by excitement and your small jumps

★When you distance yourself and talk less, he’ll always sit you down to talk because he’s worried that you’re mad at him, you’ll assure him that you just need some space and silence to recover from socialising all day, he’ll feel at ease afterwards and refuses to let you apologise for it

“I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like being intimate today”

“Don’t apologise, dear. Take your time, my arms will always be ready for you”

★He’ll happily stand behind and watch while you’re being ✨creative ✨ and he won’t stop complimenting

★Is always gentle with you, with both tone of voice and his affection, takes it slowly as he gives you time to pull away

★Doesn’t mind rewatching movies/series with you

★He’s aware of the diagnosis, knows a lot about it since he may also be on the spectrum as well

★He’ll also be very accepting, more so because he understand as well

★He’s not a very touchy and kissing, so he doesn’t have any problem with keeping a distance and giving you space

★When you have a meltdown, he just stares at you feeling immense guilt for something he didn’t do and his heart aching seeing you upset and stressed

★He doesn’t like going outside in public spaces a lot, so you usually have a date at home where he heats up your favorite meal in the microwave and pours a glass of your favorite soda

★If he spots you stimming in a way that could damage you, he stares at you with his brown eyes and say “quit it, love” before he lets you squeeze his thicc pectoral instead ;) it’s your own fault if he groans and his huge bulge poking at you

★Feels uneasy when you’re silent and distancing yourself, but he always finds a way to lurk around you, almost tip toeing around after you

★When you tell him that you want space, he gives you, but he’ll still linger around you, merely because he wants to make sure that you’re alright and also because of his own selfish reasons

★Quietly admires you when you show of your art to him, having to grab his chest later to make sure that his heart stays in there

★When you’re asleep and haven’t touched him for the whole day, he’ll indulge in his desire, so he wraps his arms gently around you and hug you for a while and then he’ll let go (after like an hour or so)

★He doesn’t really care for sex, but if you want to initiate, he’ll be a fool to decline

★He loves you way too much to just break up because of you

“How can you still wanna be with me? Don’t you want a partner who can be perfectly affectionate towards you?”

“Y/n, don’t even fuckin’ think that way. I’ll always choose you, with or without the diagnosis. And you know why? Because I fuckin’ love you”

★You say you love animals, he’ll buy you your favorite animal (as a pet, a pet friendly one……I hope)

★He has a huge understanding, mostly about the social stuff as he has the same difficulty

★His whole browser is full of ‘how does autistic people work?’ and ‘how to convince an autistic person to cuddle with me?’

“König, I don’t feel like cuddling today”

“But, liebling, how else will I show my love for you?”

★When you want space, he tries to convince you that he doesn’t wanna let go of you and that he’ll be sad if he won’t be able to see you

★Will literally get an anxiety attack being in crowded spaces, while you have to remain calm and try and drag the both of you away

★Whenever you stim, he’ll tell you to touch/squeeze him instead (sort of using it to his advantage to be touched by you)

★Will wrap his arms around and pull you tight against him in the middle of the night, instantly after you’ve falling asleep and play dumb the next morning when you ask him how you’re in his arms

★You two enthusiastically exchanges hobbies and interests

★If you’re sound sensitive, he’ll cover your ears, if you’re sensitive to specific consistencies, he’ll make mental notes to your preferences, if you’re sensitive to light, he’ll always pack a pair of sunglasses with him to give, if you feel the labels on the inside of your clothes poking your skin uncomfortably, he’ll cut them off.

★He steal kisses from you when you’re distracted or asleep

★When you’re quiet, he’ll stare at you to see every detail of your face and if it changes in the slightest, just to make sure that you’re alright

★Sometimes when you’re neutral (not feeling anything specific) he’ll assume that you’re mad at him and he’ll get extremely anxious

“Liebling, what can I do so you won’t be mad at me?! Please, i can change!”

“König, I’m not mad at you. Why would you assume that when you haven’t done anything?”

꧁✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰꧂

[emithecharmer]

Shakespeare's Apprentice

Vampire!Hyunjin x human!reader

Warnings: One swear (kind of), vampires

"Soo.." I bit my lip nervously.

"What do vampires do exactly?" I asked, unconsciously bringing some of my hair over my shoulder.

"Stay out of sight, but you can see how that's going." Hyunjin chuckled, resting his head on his arm, turning to face me.

"Do you sleep?" He shook his head.

"Can you eat human food or-?" His lip curled up at that.

"We can, but it's not good." My jaw dropped.

"So, all of the times I cooked for you-" He perked up.

"Now, that was good. It reminded me of when I was human, your soup tastes like my mom's did." He smiled softly.

"Do you miss her?"

"Every single day. I stayed with her until her dying breath, she was a bit curious on why I hadn't aged, but..She never cared much about it." He chuckled a bit.

"Was it hard?" He shrugged.

"I think what helped was the fact she was my mom. I would hate myself for the rest of my life if I hurt her," He tilted his head to look at you, "or you." My heart fluttered and he smiled.

"Is it hard being around me?" I asked, turning to face him, although it was a bit difficult, due to us being in the car.

"Not at all. You're a breath of fresh air." I blinked, surprised at that.

"You're my mate, which means your blood has no appeal to me, only you do." I frowned.

"So, you wouldn't like me if I wasn't your- mate?" He shook his head.

"It's not that simple. A mate is..someone that we're tied to. It's someone that we protect, and that was..made for us? But not in a weird way..It's like..You know what a soulmate is, yes?" I nodded.

"It's like that."

"So we're soulmates?" He nodded at my question.

"Is it weird?" He asked, a bit self-conscious at the new ground he was treading.

"..Well, I mean, you are kind of a vampire, so besides the obvious, not really." He chuckled at my answer.

"'Kind of a vampire?'" I rolled my eyes at his teasing, gaining confidence.

"You know what I mean." He nodded, smiling.

"Your smile's pretty." I said without thinking.

"You're pretty." He replied, reaching out slowly, as if not to scare me, and grabbed my hand, holding it in his. I noted the temperature difference, but it somehow didn't bother me as much as I thought it might.

"Am I cold?" He asked.

"Yeah, but it's nice."

"You're really warm." He said.

"..Can I ask more questions?"

"Can I keep holding your hand?" I nodded.

"Then yes."

.

"What about kids?" I asked.

"I don't really know, I guess it's not impossible? But I'm not exactly an expert on the subject."

"How old were you when you were turned?"

"18."

"Do you know any other vampires?" He nodded.

"I have a coven."

"A 'coven?'" I tilt my head.

"We're basically a band of vampires." He explained in simple terms.

"Oh, right, duh, 'Twilight.' And a 'band?' Ooh, i'll buy tickets." He snorts at my lame joke.

"I'll get you a backstage pass." I smile.

.

"So, what do you do? I mean..I hope you don't do what the Cullens did." He groaned.

"Heck no, I think we'd kill ourselves doing that. I paint, and sell them online. Chris, our 'sire' or 'leader,' whatever he is, he produces along with Bin and Jisung, all online. Minho sells recipes and Felix does the same, but he's also a masked gamer on Twitch and YouTube. Seungmin is a masked singer, along with Jeongin, but both of them kind of dabble in their interests." I nod, entranced as he talks, and i think he notices based off his smirk.

"Don't make me wipe that smirk off." I warn.

"Don't threaten me with a good time." He teases back, smiling softly as he looked into my eyes. "They're gorgeous," he continues, "your eyes, I mean. The rest of you is beautiful too, but your eyes make me feel like i'm somewhere else..Like i'm," he struggled to find the words, "human."

"Ok, Shakespeare, don't go all poet on me." He laughed, leaning in.

"Forgive me, my love, I must have forgotten how small-minded you are."

"Oh really? I'll show you small minded." He laughed again as I struggled to open the car door.

"You may want to try unlocking it."

"I was testing you."

"Ah, of course." He didn't call out my lie as we both got out of the car from where we were parked in the riverfront parking lot.

"Is this how you change me, drown me and then sink your teeth in me." His eyes widen at my joke.

"I would never! But yes, drowning is typically the way we go." He said, obviously joking and making me roll my eyes. "One of these days, they'll get stuck up there."

"Damn, okay mom." He huffs, smiling, but it soon disappears as he looks up to the sky.

"What is it?"

"It's going to rain soon, we should head back, I'll drive you home."

"....Or..." He turns to me, his brow furrowing.

"What?" He asks as the first few drops fall onto the smooth rocks under our feet.

"..Well, and call me crazy if you must, but uh..We could dance." His face softens for a split second before he smirks.

"Who's Shakespeare now?"

"Uh, still you, babygirl. I'm just super-uber romantic." He smiles, walking to me and taking my hand in his, laying it gently on his shoulder, taking my other hand and interlacing it with his.

"Luckily, i am too." He smiles, and I swear my heart stops as he leans down, pressing our foreheads together.

"I'm glad I met you, Hyunjin." I say as we sway to the music that can only be heard in our hearts.

"I'm eternally blessed that you've chosen to grace me with your beauty."

"Someone call up Italy, cause I got Shakespeare right here."

"I take it back." He says, before kissing me softly.

[evanpeterspeter]

AN: In celebration of me being on my period, (yay being a woman..) I figured, why not there be head cannons of the Evan’s response to you being on that time of the month. It’s something small but why not. Theres also a little bit of NSFW, so fair warning.

Ps. It is my birthday today 😽🫶

TW: Blood, NSFW, oral, fingering, unprotected p in v and stuff

———————————————————————————

Tate Langdon

———————————

Tate would set up a heating pad for you and

Grab you your favorite book to read

.

Play your favorite music and rest his head on your lower stomach, in hopes the weight of him might help the cramps.

.

Would pepper kisses everywhere to help distract the pain

.

He would sit criss crossed on the bed facing you and will rub your clit to help ease the pain, until you finish

Kit Walker

——————————

Kit would kiss your lower stomach and give you a deep massage where your uterus lays

.

Would buy you chocolate and your favorite desserts

.

Would do all the house work and chores for you, whilst you get plenty of rest (He'll be wearing your frilly apron while doing all the work)

.

He would dick you down so good, it'll cure those cramps by how deep he hits in you, completely bottoming himself out

Kyle Spencer

—————————

Kyle would take you out for a nice dinner

.

He would take you shopping and even surprise you with flowers

.

He doesn't know what exactly the difference is between pads and tampons, so he buys them both.

.

He is very respectful when it comes to sex on your period and no matter how horny he is, he'll always respect your boundaries. Which turns you on.. so now you guys are going missionary

Jimmy Darling

———————————

Jimmy would take care of you like as if you were sick

.

His mom would also make you some soup and home baked buttered bread, then he would hand feed you

.

He'd make sure that nothing and nobody would bother you

.

Would finger fuck you so hard, that your legs would shake and quiver afterwards.

James Patrick March

——————————————

James would make everything romantic no matter what

.

Would set up a warm bubble bath with candles, with rose petals on the surface of the water and with a glass of wine on the side

.

Would pamper you and caress you up and down, leaving kisses and love bites all over

.

Would kiss up your thighs and eat you out. Even when it's all a bloody mess, he loves the taste. Especially since it's you

Kai Anderson

——————————

Kai isn't really the kind to pamper you. He thinks it's being vulnerable

.

You're only allowed to skip one meeting for cramps/major discomfort, but you would have to make it up to him later

.

He also gets irritated when you're PMSing, but will soon apologize, not by words but by showing physical touch, such as in hugging behind you, nuzzling your neck and much more

.

Kai's idea of curing your cramps is to fuck you with a vibrator hard and fast. Your whole body and core will be shaking after, and once you finish he'll rail you to the bed. No protection, no towel, he'll leave the blood everywhere to show what mess he created from you

Warren Lipka

——————————

Warren would let you lay in his flannel and will spoon you in bed, placing his warm hands over your lower belly to cradle

.

He would pass you a blunt to ease the pain and to help you relax

.

He's too lazy to cook, so he'll probably make you a bowl of cereal

.

He would let you ride him all much as you wanted. Until of course when he finishes in you.

Peter Maximoff

——————————

Peter would do anything for you, no matter how crazy the request might be

.

Would "buy" you junk food in seconds

.

He would let you sit on his lap while you play one of his video games on the tv, while rubbing your lower tummy in a circular motion

.

Sure he's fast, but you don't know fast until he finger fucks you and using his other hand to rub your tender aching clit like a vibrator

———————————————————————————

Tag list: @evansonlylove @xrag-dollx @warrenlipkaswife

[milkcookiekin]

in honor of Valentine’s Day coming up soon and me wanting to write for other fandoms besides phighting, here’s a treat for the zombie of a fandom we call yakusoku no neverland <3

(of course, this is after escaping to the human world!)

Emma would 100% be the type to take you out on a picnic date. she planned out everything, the scenery with the fairy lights wrapped around the trees, the sunset looks perfect, the food tastes delicious, but it also looks so cute and you feel bad for eating it. she reassured you, and she also just has the cutest little smile on her face while you eat peacefully, she’s just really happy to be spending time with you. you guys end up snuggling as you watch the sunset and just talk about your random thoughts together.

Norman would either take you out on a library or a fancy dinner date, he wants the date to be casual, but also not enough to where he looks like he didn’t put much thought into it. throughout the whole date, he’s happily listening to you ramble about your interests and he makes mental notes so he knows what to buy for you later during the date. though, he’s also very shy and nervous, he doesn’t talk that much throughout it all because he just wants to listen to you, and shaking every time you guys touch even the slightest bit.

Ray on the other hand, is much more comfortable with the idea of having the date be as comfy as possible. he decided a nice date at home on a rainy day was his favorite way to spend Valentine’s Day. he doesn’t really make this occasion a big thing, but he does his best to show his affection. he reads to you with a soothing tone as he plays some soft lofi music in the background, but he’s not actually all that interested in the book, he’s more interested in seeing your reactions, especially as the rain helps lull you to sleep, and he smiles softly. you guys end up falling asleep together all cuddled up with each other.

Don would take you to a big theme park, and you guys go on as many rides as possible before the night rolls around. if you’re afraid of heights, then he’ll take you to an arcade instead, and he actually ends up winning you a lot of prizes and gifts, which is exactly what he wanted, because he wanted to impress you, but you reassure him that spending time with him was more than enough, and he swore he felt butterflies in his stomach for the rest of the night. (he ended up not getting any sleep, he just thought about the date the whole night)

Gilda would most definitely take you out shopping, buying clothes and plushies, and overall just having a fun time. she helps you look for outfits and accessories she knows you’ll love, and has you try them on like you’re on a runaway as she’s complimenting you and cheering you on endlessly! if you’re more self-conscious, she’ll hug you and let you know that you’re absolutely gorgeous, and that nothing could ever change that..

(bonus if Gilda almost gets into a fight with a Karen for being “too loud” while she’s cheering you on)

[demonslayedher]

You might recall I made a comic about Tanjiro's most dastardly Taisho Secret being that he adds charcoal as a secret ingredient in his rice.

EDIT: Please note that charcoal itself is indigestible, and Japanese charcoal is cooked to a very high level of purity. Please do not randomly stuff for lighting a barbecue into your rice, as I cannot make any claims about how safe that stuff is.

@reicchel remembered the aforementioned comic, and when we saw bamboo charcoal being sold with this advertised purpose, she gave me a look that said she wasn't going to let me get away with not putting it to the test. After all, I am kind of passionate about Japanese charcoal and its cultural implications, as well as how that gets used in Kimetsu no Yaiba (see here and here and here). I also usually only bother cooking if I'm doing a Kimetsu Kitchen thing (the posts specifically about the characters' favorite foods are here, but everything KnY-food related is in the tag.)

I have had no chance to even open the package of bamboo charcoal until now. This is partly because I have been busy out of my brains with work and partly because I hate cooking and am therefore loathe to add even one more step. However, this was the easiest Kimetsu Kitchen experiment I've ever done.

Bamboo charcoal is often sold as a natural dehumidifier, odor absorber, and bug-repellent to throw in your cabinets and stuff, but this was sold as clean enough for using in rice cookers and jugs of water for making mineral water (which I haven't done yet, seeing as I was too lazy to even open the package until today).

Speaking of today, I was having Mugen Ressha feels so I decided to recreate Tanjiro's dream meal, which happened to include Rengoku's favorite, satsuma-imo miso soup. That's become one of my favorite Kimetsu Kitchen recipes, though I haven't made it for a while, because I am lazy and busy. I do make a lot of miso soup because once you open a container of miso you have to use it really consistently to have any chance of using it all up, but satsuma-imo miso takes a little extra time and effort to get the potatoes all nice and soft, so lately I just through in some tororo konbu (Iguro's favorite food). I also picked up some nice big yellow takuan to make it closer to the Mugen Ressha meal, and since I was experimenting with bamboo charcoal and Takeo has bamboo in his name, might as well as what dream!Takeo likes to snag from big bro.

So anyway, the charcoal!rice got done.

Since I'm been so busy with work, that means I am in the habit of slamming food quickly instead of taking the time to enjoy it, so I'm just eating quick and easy and not especially enticing food while distracting myself with YouTube videos. This evening, after doing more weekend work, cleaning up the kitchen so I could set up the above photo, and putting aside leftovers, I was pleased with the photo result but then automatically went back to the YouTube video I had been semi-watching as I sat down and started putting food in my mouth without pausing to consider saying something like "itadakimasu."

But then I paused--

----what had I put in my mouth?

Why was it... so heavenly????????

Like, I legit froze with my chopsticks in the air as I started chewing that first little bite of white rice. It was exactly as I had Tanjiro describe it in that silly piece of fanart: "The natural minerals in the charcoal act on the rice to make it soft and fluffy."

Softest, fluffiest rice I've ever had, easily. But it's also exactly as the other Corp members cannot help but exclaim--how is it so freaking good!?

So like... I took my time with that meal. I chewed, slowly, thoroughly, like you're supposed to. The takuan and satsuma-imo miso soup likewise tasted simple and wonderful. It was best while the rice was warm, and I don't know how my leftovers will taste tomorrow, but I'm looking forward to it.

And I'm gonna make some mineral water too. The charcoal enthusiasts sure were not kidding about this rice.

[felassan]

Mass Effect: The Official Cocktail Book (Part 1 of 2)

[you can get the book here]

Drink, food, and other lore blurbs from this book. (The book also contains the associated real-world recipes and photography thereof. This post only contains the in-world lore segments).

this post is Part 1 of 2. Rest of post is under a cut due to length. [Link to Part 2]

If there's a particular drink/food you'd like to see the recipe and or picture for, lmk.

Introduction: Written in 2184 CE by “Ambree T’Sia”, identity classified It’s a big galaxy out there. Numerous planets and their inhabitants, all jockeying for power, prestige, and precedence. With these competing agendas often clashing, seldom mixing, sometimes you need a swig of something stiff to get you to the next Relay. Well, you’ve come to the right place. And me? Nine hundred years (give or take) and a variety of careers and aliases later, I hustle my way through the galaxy by the name of Ambree T’Sia these days. It’s the one fiction that allows me to keep the rest of the story honest – with varying degrees, depending on the situation. What I can share is this: a former asari huntress, I left the military bureaucracy to lead a small covert unit of ex-commandos focused on espionage and assassination outside of official channels. More effective and more fun that way. In my earlier years, I quickly learned that the best way to collect information is to buy a merc a drink or talk to the entertainers. The more I relied on bars and nightclubs to gather intel, the more connections I made with the key players. Not just the ones in the back office, but the ones slinging drinks with closed mouths and open ears. I started posing as a bartender myself and got quite good at it. Enjoyed it, even. I couldn’t exactly stay put for, well, reasons. But among those in the know, I’m still the go-to source for recommendations about the Milky Way’s best bars and nightclubs. After one too many “you should write a book!” jokes, I did. Guns and bribes in this economy? A cocktail guide seemed like an ideal little side hustle to help fund my more targeted activities. With this pen name, I’m free to share my favorite anecdotes about well-known figures across civilizations. I’ve also included a few safety tips for surviving the galaxy, setting your drink on fire, or respecting local drinking ages. (If you’re not legal, close this book up and come back when you are, babe.) I guess I just don’t believe in accidental injuries. For those feeling brave, go ahead and speculate about who I truly am. I’m not worried in the least. Because you won’t guess, and I’ll never tell… -- “Ambree T’Sia”

MIXERS Whether you’re slinging the hard stuff or milder “hair of the FENRIS Mech that bit you” drinks, mixers are the essential building blocks to any good bar. By all means, keep your favorite fruit juices, sodas, and whatnots on hand. But as someone who tends to move around a lot due to my… profession (I’m a master of the Asari Goodbye), I tend to lead a minimalist lifestyle. As such, I keep these mixer recipes on file to prepare quickly, as I need them. Let’s just say that they’ll keep your cocktails interesting.

Blue Thessia

Yes, mama is supposed to love all her babies the same, but this mixer is my favorite for its taste and versatility. (Hmm… sound like any cocktail authors you know?) Named after the asari homeworld, the Blue Thessia is the crown jewel of your bar essentials. You’ll predominantly taste sweet juniper and recognize that bold, asari-blue color. You could make your drinks without Blue Thessia, but that’s programming a Quantum Blue Box type AI and not giving it a sexy voice. What a wasted opportunity! Do be aware that this one contains trace amounts of element zero – nothing to concern yourself about, though, and it does keep things nice and sparkly.

Tuchanka Dry

This is the good stuff and it’s very hard to come by, which is why I make my own. Tuchanka Dry is similar to a fat-washed bourbon, which not only adds the flavor of the fat to the spirit, but also its texture and weight. If you’re making a Full Biotic Kick (page 43), well, this part’s the “kick”. Traditionally made with Thresher Maw fat (I did say it was hard to come by), this recipe started as a krogan rite-of-passage celebratory drink, when leftover fat from the kill was mixed together with alcohol. If you prefer dodging grocery carts over acid spit, you can make your own and get a surprisingly similar taste by substituting bacon.

Horse Choker

I’ve often found fighter pilots to be aggressive and competitive, so it delights me that this recipe I procured from a hot-tempered Alliance pilot named Jeff “Joker” Moreau Is instead indulgent and harmonious. The chocolate and espresso flavors combined with the spiced rum work oh so well together in a luxurious cooperation that especially enhances minty drinks. But don’t take my word for it – if you’re feeling a little spicy and hot-tempered, you might find this mixer helpful when you toss back a few shots of Joker’s Challenge (page 98) with your closest frenemies.

Simple Syrup

An essential building block for cocktails. Any well-stocked bar has a traditional simple syrup on hand. If you’re new to cocktail making and a bit apprehensive, start here – just add sugar to boiling water. See? Simple. As you’ll see, I prefer twice as much sugar to water. It’s on the richer side and your mileage may vary, as they say. Be aware that you don’t want to let too much water evaporate, or the syrup will reduce and cook down to something resembling krogan poetry: thicker and sweeter than expected. (Try to get past one stanza of Blue Rose of Illium without rolling your eyes out of their sockets, I dare you.)

Salarian Salination Solution

Successfully made your way through the Simple Syrup recipe (page 13) but still feel like you need one more easy win? Perhaps a mixer that’s ideal for citrus-heavy cocktails? Make this bartender’s saline next and keep in mind that science doesn’t always have to be complicated. Science is also very useful, and you’ll find this mixer in a variety of recipes throughout this book. (For the more adventurous, the Liquified Turian on page 57 is a must.) Now, if you think adding sea salt to warm water isn’t exactly “science”, then your name isn’t Sel Vass – a double-crossing salarian bartender who fancies himself an “intoxicologist”. I have… thoughts on that, which is why I’ve named this Salarian Salination Solution after him. And if your name is Sel Vass, I’m going to add your kidneys to my next bar menu – preferably with you still alive. (I’ve heard that when the Protheans did this to your ancestors, they found the fear adds “spice”).

Tupo Concentrate

I love a good Tupo Concentrate: it has a delicious balance of mouth-puckering tartness and euphoric sweetness. The only problem? I can never find any berries! Tupari sports drink-makers horde as much as they can to sell “12 trillion bottles per day”, despite only containing 10 percent real tupo juice (goddess only knows what the other 90 percent of that swill is). Fortunately, grenadine is a perfect substitute for when you’re looking to add a beautiful hue and unexpected depth of flavor to your cocktail.

Drell Skin Venom

Like bitters, Drell Skin Venom adds a nice bite, making your cocktail extraordinarily complex with just a few drops. Now, you might think that enough Drell Skin Venom may grant the memory-recall properties of its erstwhile secretor, but it’s more likely that the high alcohol content (which keeps it in heavy rotation at swanky bars like the Silver Coast Casino) will create more plot holes in your life than the salarian extranet drama Dynasty of Stars (with the same amount of nausea - stick to science, you excitable little amphibians!)

Asari Honey Syrup

For the occasions where you’re looking to spice things up, I’d suggest using this honey syrup. It’s just as versatile as its simple syrup sister but adds a bit more flavor. This particular mixer has a spicy little background as well: the original recipe was made in an Ardat-Yakshi monastery and its honeyed flavor is as alluring as its makers. Considering said makers enjoy nothing less than total domination, however, this syrup is unexpectedly collaborative with numerous drinks and flavors.

AFTERLIFE CLUB What is Afterlife? Why, the ultimate in illicit entertainment. Iconic, chic, ready to show you a good time… but mind your manners. Under all that polish, Afterlife is seething with violence just under the surface. A locus of power and secrecy – is it any wonder the glitzy club sports an ethic of violence and greed? And that’s just how this nightclub’s patrons, and its Pirate Queen, prefer things. Aria T’Loak oversees this particular multilevel palace of paradise and perdition on the space station Omega. And yes, its lure entices millions around the galaxy to leave their ordinary lives for extraordinary adventures, so be sure to show her the proper respect. She’s shot people she liked far more for way less. The recipes in this section are her top sellers – perfect for when you’d rather spend the night in than risk getting poisoned by a batarian bartender with a grudge against humans.

The Omega Sling

This cocktail is a personal favorite of mine from Afterlife for a reason. It’s sweet, tart, bitter, fruity, and spicy all at once. A complex little thing, and a single-serving punch that can also pack one. While it’s definitely a drink made to impress (look at that list of ingredients!), for me, it tastes like personal accomplishment. I once led a raid on a CAT6 outpost that nabbed enough high-end military gear to outfit my crew for a long, long time. It was a bastard to plan, just like the Omega Sling, but that only made the victory that much sweeter.

Blue Sun Spritz

Did you know that the Blue Suns mercenary group was founded by a batarian named Solem Dal’serah? That’s the public-facing story they’d prefer you believe, at least. And to celebrate said founding, Solem toasted the group with this hard-hitting wine spritz. The color ends up being a rich deep blue – a little on the nose, maybe, but it lands most satisfyingly on the tongue.

Tuchanka Sunset

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that krogan don’t have a sense of humor. I used to run with a Battlemaster in my early days whose wit was as dry and vast as an Asterian desert. We survived an Eclipse double-cross by the skin of our teeth, and when we got back to our dingy little hideout, he toasted our fortune with a Tuchanka Sunset. His own personal recipe. He claimed the bartenders at Afterlife know how to make it, if you ask. Now, I love a good sunset drink and as such was appalled to watch him dump black rum on top of an otherwise flawless concoction. Sensing my shock, with a wry half-smile he said, “Well, yeah, wouldn’t be a sunset on Tuchanka without a choking cloud of toxic ash to ruin the view now, would it?”

Serrice Ice Brandy

I find human Alliance officers to be particularly dull and single-minded. So new to space, with such a short lifespan, few know how to relax and have fun. Not so with their medical personnel: disgruntled, overworked, and with the romance of military life quickly snuffed out by the harsh realities of combat, they know how to put the Rs in R & R. Serrice Ice Brandy always reminds me of a particular Alliance officer named Karin Chakwas, very posh and put together, who got a little salty after a drink (or several) of the stuff.

Sovak Juice

Have you heard the one about how krogan males name their infants? According to salarian scientist Padok Wiks, they get drunk on sovak juice and hold belching contests. Apparently, whatever sounds most like a word becomes a name. I doubt there’s much validity to this claim (although… Wrex?) but I still remember the young krogan merc I renamed after a night of tossing back these nutty, bubbly little things together. It’s been a while, but I do sincerely hope Urp is doing well out there. [note on recipe: “Garnish: For sovak juice? Come on, now.”]

Noverian Rum Swizzle

Seeing as rum is a liquor made with sugarcane molasses or sugarcane juice, one might associate it with warm, tropical climates. One would also be wrong and very much missing out on one of the finest varieties in the entire galaxy. I refuse to make this drink with anything less than quality Noverian rum (and Asari Honey Syrup, of course). Once you’ve had a taste, you’ll understand why Aria T’Loak was so sulky after Purgatory’s stock of the stuff ran out. Though, to be fair, having her entire empire occupied by Cerberus General Oleg Petrovsky may have also contributed to her sour mood. For that authentic touch of frost, I recommend harnessing biotics to give your stick the right amount of swizzle.

DARK STAR LOUNGE Dark stars, as a theoretical curiosity, could be extremely powerful. Dark Star Lounge, an actual bar, definitively serves extremely powerful drinks. Located on the Citadel one level up from the C-Sec office in Zakera Ward (a convenient perp walk away when patrons get too rowdy), many bartenders are happy to give customers exactly what they ask for… the “usual” being a thumping hangover. If you like your drinks stiffer than a turian’s carapace, you’ve flipped to the right section. Higher-proof spirits with a higher spirit-to-mixer ratio for a higher class of drinker, Dark Star recipes do not disappoint. I trust you can handle it… and if you happen to wake up next to an attractive stranger the next morning whose name you can’t quite recall, I recommend breaking the ice over some Huevos Rancheros à la Vega (see page 12, you charmer).

Batarian Ale Shandy

If you’re not a krogan or batarian, please don’t drink uncut batarian ale. It’s mean, it’s green, and it will leave your insides clean. Instead, use this recipe to make yourself a refreshing and fizzy shandy. Yes, a human Spectre managed to stay on their feet after chugging a glass of the uncut ale – at least that’s what one Dark Star Lounge bartender claims. But ask yourself: Are you really the type? I’m reminded of a naïve bar patron cosplaying in plastic N7 armor he convinced his poor wife to buy him (along with his shuttle-fare off world, understandably). You’re not “truly extreme”. Do yourself a favor: Check your ego and enjoy the Batarian Ale Shandy.

Dark Star Vespertini

No trip to Dark Star Lounge is complete without ordering this signature cocktail, the Dark Star Vespertini, especially if you have a bit of a sweet tooth. I’ve included the recipe here, at great risk to certain of my… relationships… at the lounge. It’s simply too delicious not to share, with a rich chocolate-raspberry taste. Be sure to shake this one well – for the nonbiotics who need to do this task manually, I liken it to the amount of time until you start to worry your arm will fall off. If it feels like you’re giving the tumbler a quick ride in an M35 Mako, you’re doing it right.

Ryncol Cocktail

Listen up, tough guys. I promise you that bartenders are never impressed when you swagger up and ask for “the strongest you have”. In fact, just to make sure you embarrass yourself in front of your friends, they’ll probably slap on a fake smile and pour you a tall glass of krogan ryncol. Never heard of it? They certainly don’t advertise the stuff. But for fun, let’s spitball some potential slogans: “Ryncol! It hits aliens like ground glass,” or “Ryncol! It’s like sipping knives,” or “Ryncol! It’ll set of radiological alarms.” Just ask a certain Commander Shepard. And enjoy your purple prayers to the porcelain goddess…

Paragade Punch

While Tupari sports drinks are all the rage, don’t discount Paragade! Especially in cocktails. By itself, it’s not too good and it’s not too bad, but mixed with alcohol, it’s somewhat of a revelation. This recipe gives you a layered drink that starts out sweetly and ends with a real kick to the quads. Perfect for those nights where you might hold your tongue at one bar only to start throwing chairs at the next. It takes a deft hand to get the blue-purple-red proportions right when you’re making one, and to get the ending you want after a night of drinking them.

Dextro Heat Sink

Like a boilermaker, the Dextro Heat Sink is a great way of making strong alcohol stronger. During his Archangel days, Garrus Vakarian and his crew would slug these like candy as they racked up wins against the Blue Suns, Blood Pack, and Eclipse thugs on Omega. This is a sweet and spicy tequila cocktail (the “heat”) with a dropped shot of Ancho Reyes liqueur (the “sink”). An unlimited amount of these might be fun at first, with the occasional pause to blow some heat off your tongue, but it’s advised to keep them to a finite amount.

Turian Horosk

Considering the rigidity of turians, you’d need a pretty strong drink to loosen them up enough to get the wedgie out of their thermal armor. Enter: Turian Horosk. Another Garrus Vakarian favorite, you’re not going to find this outside of a handful of bars, and certainly not at the posher Silver Coast Casinos of the ‘verse. So, if you’re looking to calibrate your soberness in the opposite direction, here’s the recipe for you. The lemonade flavor helps it go down easy and the spices are optional – the hangover from too many rounds of this, however, is not.

PURGATORY BAR The Citadel is a tourist trap. Humans tend to view this as a disparaging label, but I say it with great enthusiasm. For my credits, there’s no better way to take in the sights than as a lowercase t tourist, and there’s no better place to do that than the Citadel. If you have the time, a bar named Purgatory serves drinks that are especially heavenly. If you like new takes on classic cocktails with a slightly higher mixer-to-alcohol ratio, sip on these before taking in the sights and sounds of the Presidium. And if you’re just not convinced it’s worth the visit, well, at least you can whip up these drinks at home. And do take your Citadel recommendations with a grain of salt when you’re there (barring the guide currently in your hands, of course). Especially ones coming from the hotshot human Spectre making the rounds – that one will endorse anything for a discount.

Frozen Pyjak

The best part about tending bar? The customers. I learn a little about a lot just by listening. The worst part about tending bar? The customers. Sometimes I don’t have to listen too intently, as their volume increases with their alcohol intake. For fun, I used to give my loudest customers a freebie: the Frozen Pyjak. I overheard Samantha Traynor boasting (loudly, ironically) about this and it sounded too entertaining not to try it out: Every few hours, you empty your spill pad into a martini glass and toss a little ice in for presentation. This is a much nicer variation for you to make. All these ingredients go incredibly well together, so you can serve it to people you actually like. [note on recipe: “Garnish: Well now, that would defeat the point.”]

Full Biotic Kick

My curiosity for the Full Biotic Kick was piqued by a charming young Alliance comms specialist named Samantha Traynor who extolled its virtues. Apparently, this was the most popular drink served when she worked “extensively” as a bartender during her university days… for a whole four years. I understand humans consider this quite the span of time – how quaint. I believe the “kick” comes directly from the Tuchanka Dry, and if you’ve ever faced down a biotic krogan Battlemaster (and lived to tell about it), you’ll understand why.

Vodka Skycar

As the Citadel became increasingly populated and its denizens spread across the wards of this colossal space station, they began to rely more and more on a centralized mode of transportation. Enter the skycar, a maddeningly slow shuttle that, though nowhere near as glacially paced as Citadel elevators, redeems itself with some of the most incredible views in the galaxy. When I need to slow down, I make myself a nice Vodka Skycar, get lost in its pretty sky-blue color, and hire an ambling ride around the glittering Citadel Tower. Magical.

Rojo Loco

Everyone loves a good Rojo Loco: C-Sec, pirates, accountants, politicians, hunky Alliance marines who think pull-up contests and cute little nicknames might get you into their beds (full disclosure, they can, and they have… cheers, James Vega). Because underneath all the stories everyone tells themselves about themselves, at the end of the day, all any of us are really looking for is to enjoy a bit of spice and heat. Maybe that’s a firefight. Maybe that’s filing paperwork. Either way, this drink ticks that box and gives you the same warm tingle.

TM88 Smash

I love a good rebrand. TM88 used to be known as “Merc’s Courage,” because drinking enough of the stuff gave one the false sense of strength that often comes with getting absolutely hammered. Salarians especially took a shine to this Earth-based whiskey and swore it had medicinal properties… when really it was the shortest distance between two points to get a person drunk. Ever the opportunists, salarians branded TM88 as a cure-all and “the only alcoholic drink endorsed by the Medical Board of Sur’Kesh.” Alliance officer Kaidan Alenko credits the stuff for his speedy discharge from Huerta Memorial Hospital. So, drink up! Doctor’s orders.

ETERNITY Due to its extreme opulence and high level of security, the asari-run planet of Illium is a preferred tourist destination and (second, third, fourth) home of many of the galaxy’s most well-known celebrities. It’s also under a state of near-total surveillance. You can take their self-congratulatory media touting Eternity as “the sexiest bar in the Milky Way” with a few handfuls of salt (though with Matriarch Aethyta slinging drinks, “sexiest bartender” would be harder to argue with), but don’t sleep on their drink selection. I have a soft spot for asari drinks, as you might expect. I find them to be sweet and mellow and think Eternity gets them right. I’ve collected a few of my favorites for you here. Regarding the Liquified Turian (page 57) backstory, well… who can say if that one’s legit? But seeing as the normally stringent customs laws of Council space on safety and sapient trafficking are relaxed on Illium, I can’t say I’d be too surprised.  

Mystery Drink

I understand mystique. It’s a powerful weapon that can influence your enemies before you ever need to fire a shot. I also understand bullshit and am very good at differentiating the latter from the former. So, when I first heard this Mystery Drink is rumored to come from “the deepest reaches of the Traverse,” distilled on a “shadowy nameless planet” by “specifically adapted Vorcha,” alarms were ringing in my head. Until I had a sip. Deceptively fruity and floral but highly intoxicating with an otherworldly appearance, well, does it matter where it came from, especially if you can get the same fabulous taste using syrup from canned lychees? No. In the case of this delicious little Mystery Drink, it most certainly does not.

Asari Honey-Mead Bellini

Made in an Ardat-Yakshi monastery, asari honey mead is for those with taste. And, let’s be honest, credits. Whoever said “the best things in life are free” was compensating, because this expensive little drink is worth the experience. Ever the one to push boundaries, I prefer to prepare my honey mead with sparkling wine to make an effervescent little bellini, because the sweet and mellow flavor mixed with bubbles positively sparkles – in the glass and on the soul.

Perfection

I once crossed paths with this pretty little human who called herself Miranda Lawson. Despite her formidable intelligence, killer biotic abilities, and, well, let’s just say her “superior physical constitution,” she seemed to be… missing something. She didn’t say and I didn’t press, but we shared a drink whose taste was as excellent as the woman pouring. Asking her what she called it, she gave a sad smile and simply said, “Perfection”. Indeed. To her surprise (and delight, I might add), I sweetened the affair with a shot of strawberry liqueur and told her, “Yes, but there’s always room for improvement, dear”. Hmm. I wonder if she ever found what she was looking for.

Memory Stealer

Ah, Kasumi Goto. The best thief in the business. You don’t remember her and she prefers it that way. She’s so good, she’ll even nick your memory of her ever having been there… along with whatever valuables you had in your pockets. When I do have the good fortune of remembering her, I like to pour this drink made with Japanese gin in her honor. And like the master thief herself, one too many Memory Stealers will no doubt leave you with a hazy recollection the next morning.

Liquified Turian

“Ambree,” you say. “Certainly, Matriarch Aethyta’s story of a krogan drinking liquified turian on a bet is embellished? A tall tale? Urban legend meant to titillate, disgust, and delight?” Maybe. Regardless, it’s one of my favorites, so I made this drink in homage (and to capitalize off the story – your girl is nothing if not quick to make a quick cred). I use a tequila base, with agave being native to a desert climate like you’d find on Palaven. Of course, I use egg white for the smooth texture, plus saline to stabilize this particular choice of “protein”. And the blue curaçao, well, turian blood is blue, after all! Mm, you can almost taste the dextro-amino acids. [note on recipe: “Garnish: No embellishment needed with a backstory this impressive.”]

FLUX

Flux is one of the more recent night spots to open on the Citadel and boasts a casino in addition to a well-stocked bar. The atmosphere is almost as inviting as the volus who runs the place – alternating between owner, cook, and bartender, one wonders where Doran finds the energy. But at some point, you’ll be sure to find this little macaroon from Irune shaking his pressure suit on the dance floor.

The recipes I’ve collected from Flux are, as you can imagine, fun and whimsical. Seeing as Doran spends an equal amount of time in the kitchen as he does behind the bar, you can also find a fair bit of culinary flare in the drink preparation. Enjoy yourself, Earth-clan!

Tupari Blast

Despite the volus being a race not cut out for physicality of any kind, their mastery of trade and commerce has helped Tupari sports drinks conquer the galaxy. It seems like you can’t swing a dead CAT6 without hitting a vending machine of the stuff, and Doran has a particular fondness for it. I’d be remiss to not include it here, both for its delicious taste and because of how well it sells. Its strong fruity flavor makes it a consistent Flux favorite. It’ll give you the courage to get on the dance floor and the electrolytes to stay there until closing time.

Rum Relay

A toast to the Mass Relays! Forgive my (brief, I promise) indulgence in sentimentality, but the Relays have brought together an array of intelligent life whose differences remind us of how we’re all pretty much the same: unsure of our place in the universe, but in our best moments willing to teach and learn from our Milky Way sisters and brothers. No one understands that better than Doran, and what better way to celebrate it than by sloshing a Rum Relay milk punch all over the dance floor as you boogie the night away.

Blasto Sting

This one unironically loves the Blasto franchise. The acting, the writing, the backdrops? High camp, babe. A human essayist, Sontag, wrote, “You can’t camp about something you don’t take seriously. You’re not making fun of it; you’re making fun out of it.”  And what’s more fun than adding cream to grape Pucker? It creates a hanar in every shot. Try my favorite drinking game: gather your friends, fire up Blasto Saves Christmas, and throw back a Blasto Sting every time he says, “Enkindle THIS!”

Denorian Beer Granita

Krogan are not known for negotiation. If you find yourself mediating with one for goddess’ sake do not show up empty-handed. I tried to bluff my way through just such a situation once and you wouldn’t be reading this book if I hadn’t had ingredients for Denorian Beer Granita on hand. I developed a fondness for Denorian beer from Urdnot Wrex, but this cocktail takes it to another level. In a desperate attempt to cool tensions, I offered to make a round of this unique drink with its smooth taste, fun texture, and visually appealing look. The krogan got the recipe and I got to walk away (with a little extra pep in my step from the caffeine). Win-win.

Tasty Tankard

What can I say? I’m a Matriarch with a Maiden’s tastes: I like a pretty young thing on my arm, a warm Acolyte pistol, and a heaping bowl of human ice cream. Chocolate, if you’re taking notes. The Tasty Tankard is essentially a boozy milkshake, and I urge you to ignore anyone who tries to tell you that drinks made in a blender only belong in cheesy resorts. This one goes down dangerously easy, and the recipe makes enough for two… or one krogan with a sweet tooth. If that krogan happens to be Grunt, I advise having enough on hand to fill a large enough container. Perhaps a flower pot’s worth? [note on recipe: “Serves: 2… or 1 krogan.”]

CHORA’S DEN Not for the faint of heart, Chora’s Den on the Citadel is the “livelier but deadlier” choice to stop for a drink. A gentleman’s club owned by a scoundrel (novel, I know), the clientele and drinks lean heavily towards the strong and seedy type. The loud music and low lighting do well to cover the bloodstains and less-than-legitimate conversations, but you’ll have a great time if you mind your business and tip the asari dancers well. Be sure to ask Fist, the proprietor of this fine establishment, about the back room – it’s perfect for your next shady deal. And I’m not one for gossip, but if you’re curious about the smell, I’ve heard Fist has a habit of burying “old problems” under the dancers’ stage. The following recipes evoke the Den’s more… aggressive tendencies.

Tequila Se’lai

Whether you’re human, turian, or salarian, we’ve all got our shared little “catch phrases” we catch ourselves saying: “Embrace eternity” if you’re asari, “Victory or death” if you’re krogan, ★heavy breathing intensifies★, if you’re volus… you get the idea. I quite like the quarians’ “Keelah Se’lai,” or “By the homeworld I hope to see one day.” Tragic but beautiful. This recipe is an ode to their homeworld, Rannoch, with desert and coastal flavors all brought together with a lovely prickly pear syrup.

Elasa

I’m not really a “drown your sorrows” type of gal. I’m more of the “drown you in a hail of incendiary ammo if you upset me” type. To each their own. If you lean more on a shoulder and less on a trigger, you can’t go wrong with an Elasa, aka Sorrow’s Companion. (They’re not joking when they say it serves one…) Pale green with a bitter aftertaste and tangy sweetness, it’s a great way to take life’s lemons and make lemon garnish for your cocktail (or limes, in this case). Fist, ever putting the gentlemen in gentlemen’s club, used to refer to this drink as The Cynthia, a snide reference to Elasa being Alliance Commander David Anderson’s preferred drink during his divorce.

Quad Kicker

Not for the faint of heart, the Quad Kicker will, well, kick you straight in the quad, I suppose. Samantha Traynor is adamant about “no curry powder” in her version, but why take away that spicy mouthfeel? Add that curry simple syrup and let this baby wake you up! It ain’t called the Quad Fondler, so step up and throw down with your friends (or enemies).

Shadowbrokertini

I hope by this point you’ve come to realize that I know everything that’s worth knowing. Yet I humbly admit that, try as I might, I’m still unable to unmask the Shadow Broker. But I am familiar with their agents, including a certain proprietor of Chora’s Den. And even though Fist refuses to confess what he knows (which, I suspect, is even less than I do), he did agree to collaborate on a cocktail worthy of that confidential entity. Dark, shadowy, and with enough caffeine to help keep one sharp in the secrets-trading game, the Shadowbrokertini theatrically uses dry ice to add an air of mystery. I trust you don’t need the Shadow Broker’s services to know that swallowing dry ice can kill you, yes? [note on recipe: “(Note: Some Shadow Brokers prefer it without lime at all.)”]

The Erotic Biotic

I suppose I should start this one off with a warning: Don’t underestimate young asari. Yes, there is a strong drive for at the Maiden stage to explore and experience. Curious and restless, some look for the nearest bar to dance in. But that’s no reason to let your guard down. Many don’t realize their mistake until they’re telekinetically slammed into the nearest concrete wall. Well, that’s just the ratio of risk-to-reward that Chora’s Den captures with this drink. With a winky flavor profile of fruit and cream, finish your Erotic Biotic with Drell Skin Venom to add a tingly bite (for the adventurous types), or with chocolate bitters (for the romantics). I like a bit of both – I may be a Matriarch, yet I’ve never lost that desire to explore and experience…

The Shifty Cow

While I’ve heard just about every maxim in the ‘verse, one rings particularly true: “You can’t trust any animal that can milk itself.” Yes, I’m talking about space cows, with their unsettling, grabby little hands. Turn your back around one and they’ll pick through your pockets. The Shifty Cow cocktail is a clarified milk punch. And that’s partly because it’s fun to separate the milk solids from the drink, but also because I’m reminded of these audacious little cows eagerly separating an unsuspecting fool from their credits. And yes, we do have that in common, which reminds me of a human maxim: “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” You win this round, space cows.

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[you can get the book here]

[amomentsescape]

I would like to know what a slasher relationship would be like with a hybrid fem witch/vampire. Sorry if it makes no sense, English is not my main language

Slashers with a Feminine Witch & Vampire Hybrid

A/N: This a great Spooky Season Request!

Freddy Krueger

He thinks it's hot, of course

Wants you to bite him just for the hell of it

His blood doesn't taste very good though (he's dead) so he tries to make up for it in other ways

Always brings home a body for you

But if that's not really your style, he'll happily come back with a jug of blood instead

Wants to see the types of spells you can cast

He turns it into a competition sometimes

You both go back and forth using your powers to change things around

Secretly wants you to use your powers on his victims with him during his murder sprees

If you enjoy feeding on bodies, he wants to be there to watch

Everything about it turns him on to be honest

Michael Myers

Probably the most neutral of the slashers

He kinda just lets you do your own thing for a while

Is not too sure about you feeding off of him at first, but he secretly loves it now

He thinks your spells are pretty cool too, but he just doesn't show it much

Will definitely take advantage of your powers though if he is having trouble with a victim

He hates asking though since he very much wants to do everything himself

You insist on healing him whenever he is injured even against his objections

As long as you don't intervene too much with his killings, he lets you do whatever for the most part

Just don't kill his target first

Jason Voorhees

Will definitely supply you with enough blood to last a lifetime

He's very giving with everything

You're hungry? He's sure he can find a lost soul in the woods

Need a certain plant for a spell? He'll keep an eye out for it while he wanders around

Likes to sit with you while you learn new spells and listen to you explain everything you're doing

Honestly, you being a hybrid makes him feel more comfortable

He knows that you can take care of yourself while he's gone

And you living within nature where people and animals pass through is perfect

Unlimited food and seclusion to work on your magic is exactly what you want

It's a win win all around

Thomas Hewitt

When he first learns about what you were, he was honestly kinda confused

He had heard of witches, and he had heard of vampires

But only through a fictional sense

And even then, he didn't know that someone could be both

Would need you to sit down and explain everything to him

The whole family is supportive of your taste in food (clearly)

They just use the meat, so they're happy to give you all the blood first before going to work

They're a bit iffy about your spells and powers though

Satanic spells would be a hard no in their books

As long as you use your magic outside of their home, then they all couldn't care less on you being a hybrid

Bubba Sawyer

You eat people? Cool, same.

But the witchcraft thing is going to take some getting used to

He grew up being told that all forms of witchcraft are evil

So you'll need to sit him down and explain everything you do

Has a weird fascination with watching you drink blood

The first time you casted a spell in front of him, he jumped

But just like a little kid in a toy store, he was quick to show his curiosity and want to see more of your spells

Slowly grows to love it

He has never met anyone supernatural before, so having you around is like living in a movie every day

Will go out with you to pick plants and herbs

May even help you set up a little garden out back

He has quite the green thumb

Brahms Heelshire

His family was pretty religious growing up, so the witchy part is pretty concerning to him at first

The vampire thing is also a bit annoying

He wants to be able to sit down and eat a normal dinner with you every night

But your diet is very particular

Living in the middle of nowhere is nice since you can go out and find plenty of animals to eat if needed

But the lack of people and Brahms never wanting to leave the house makes it difficult for you at times

You probably have to venture outside alone a lot which he doesn't like

But when at home, he grows to appreciate your spells more

The home is clean in a snap, his food is ready in just a second

Definitely becomes even lazier and wants you to do everything for him

He's still a child at heart after all

Norman Bates

He's honestly a little scared of you at first

Vampires and witches are in every evil tale, and he grew up correlating them with monsters

But he cares about you too much to let you go completely

Prefers for you to drink blood outside of the home

But if there happens to be a body left in one of the motel rooms, he's fine with you venturing in there and doing what you need

He just doesn't want to see it

You've tried using your powers to help clean the motels rooms, but he honestly prefers to do it the old fashioned way

Avoids telling his mother about you being a hybrid

He knows it will just be her screaming in his head every day if he does

He does show quite an interest in the different plants and herbs you collect however

Billy Loomis

Doesn't really believe you at first

"Prove it"

When your fangs pop out and your spell is cast, he is quick to widen his eyes

"Do it again"

Has a thing for you feeding on him

He finds it quite pleasurable honestly and would rather keep the bite mark than have you heal it up

Likes to join you outside at night and hold you while you conjure up spells

May want you to join him and Stu during their sprees to help them out from time to time

Invites you inside whenever they're done with all their victims so you can eat

Lays in bed with you at night and watches you use your magic to make pretty light shows on the ceiling

Thinks it's sexy

Stu Macher

Also needs you to prove it to him

Gets the biggest grin on his face once you do

"That's hot"

Likes watching you feed from his arm

Wants you to go to every killing spree with him and Billy

If you can't, he brings back a couple containers of blood for you

Watches supernatural films with you and constantly asks if each scene is realistic

"Can witches do that?" "No, that's clearly fake, Stu"

Wants you to use your powers to pull pranks on people in public

Also wants you to use your powers to help him steal things from the store

Buys you cute crystals for your room

Asks you to conjure up a puppy on a daily basis

Eric Draven

Loves the aesthetic of it all

The candles, plants, night time adventures, everything

If you're hungry, Eric may beat up a bad guy and let you finish the job

Just don't kill anyone innocent (or cats)

Doesn't mind if you feed from him

Kinda finds it romantic and always holds you close to him, rubbing his hand down your hair

Likes to see the spells you can cast

The ideal night for you two is sitting out on the roof together, him playing guitar and watching you try out new spells and casting your magic

Likes when you use your powers to send him little love messages in the night while he's gone

Enjoys laying in bed with you and watching you create little images on the wall