#and also im a 3rd year (senior) that knows how we do shit here

[cerealandchoccymilk]

bad thing about the 1st years being useless dicks: theyre useless dicks

good thing about the 1st years being useless dicks: i get to yell at people and the teachers and other students thank me. and im a Cool Sempai now

[pixxiies]

ꨄ MAKE IT UP . 𓂃 ㅤ۫ ㅤ⊹

— c.s. series | part 1 . .

pairing :: chris sturniolo x fem!oc

summary :: in which isabella decantis has to share a dorm room with her high school enemy, chris sturniolo.

word count :: 1,390 k

warnings :: swearing, angst (??), lowercase intentioned, 3rd person, chris is a dick, drinking, throwing up, fluff if u squint, n thats it

a/n :: yall r crazy for getting tense to 800 notes 😭😭 i love u guys all dearly. also the story line is js smth i ended up doing on c.ai and i thought it was realy good so 😁 also credits to maxine for the name she said she wouldnt read this if i didnt give her credits

COLD was what amber-eyed isabella decantis felt while walking down the long hallway. after waiting for weeks and even months, she had finally gotten accepted into her dream college. the brunette girl looked down at the small folded paper to know which dorm was hers. to her surprise, the hallway was empty on move in day. she knew how hard had been working and how much money she paid to get one of the dorms that have a private bathroom. she knew she deserved this.

‘ROOM 617’ was said on the small sign on the door. isabella put her boxes down after struggling to carry them for almost 10 minutes. she excitedly took out the key to unlock the door, but it was already open. bella raised her eyebrow slightly, a bit shocked that her dorm mate would already be here. she opened the door slowly while letting out a soft, “hello?”

her amber eyes met with blue eyes. “uhm.. what the fuck are you doing here?” chris mumbled, getting up from his bed. isabella’s jaw clenched as she looked back down at the folded paper. “this is room 617?” she spoke with anxiety laced into her tone. “are ya’ blind?” the brunette boy spoke coldly. “no because if i was, i wouldn’t already know that im gonna have to be with you.” she spat as she kicked her boxes filled with clothes and other things into the room.

bella picked up the few boxes and placed them on top of her bed. the room now completely silent, she took a box knife that she had in her purse and started to open the boxes up. “cant fucking believe im gonna have to be stuck with you for the entire year.” chris mumbled under his breath, thinking that isabella couldn’t hear him when in reality she did. “well we both wouldn’t be pissed off if you didn’t bully me through all of high school, wouldn’t we sturniolo?” isabella snapped.

“well thats what you deserve for being all slutty n shit when you fucked every guy in school decantis.” he argued back, not even looking up from his phone. bella paused from packing to turn to chris. her hands rested on her love handles. “excuse you! your the one who played every girl in bell borne! remember lizzy? yeah, you fucked around with her for a bit and then you cheated on her with her sister.” she retorted with frustration laced into her words. “but ohhh, no remember that one time when you cheated on her sister with her bestfriend?” bella continued, pissed off that chris was probably not even listening.

“oh please bella! you sent nudes to basically all of the guys during junior and senior year. dont act all innocent and act like you didn’t do anything.” chris finally snapped as he put his phone down. “jesus christ and you fucked how many guys in the bathroom?” he didn’t stop there. “don’t be coming after me sayin shit like im a player when you were a slut too.” he finally stopped. isabella rolled her eyes, turning her back to chris. “oh so now what? when i finally say the truth you stay quiet? is that what hurts you to know bella?” he taunted.

“that’s because its all a shitty humor chris! i didn’t fuck anybody in any bathroom, i didn’t send nu— well i sent nudes to my boyfriend.. i didnt send nudes to any other guy but him!” she defended herself while throwing her hands up with mercy. “for fucks sake chris you’re just like your ex girlfriend. she was such a fucking dick. you know you were nicer in eighth grade but when you started to date her during the summer you became a prick. guessing you also played her then?” bella added, tilting her head to the side slightly while crossing her arms. after a few seconds of awkwardness, isabella knew chris was finally silenced, atleast for now.

bella turned back to her things and continued to unpack everything. she carefully placed things on top of the shelfs next to her bed. her dainty crystals, her box of tarot cards, her little jewelry box, everything that she had loved. but it wasn’t too soon until the silence started to kill her. she then remembered that he had brought her vinyl player along with two or three records. the brunette girl carefully opened the book that held them, then taking them out. happily, isabella plugged in the vinyl player and putting on a mac demarco record on to play. chris groaned quietly as the music started to fill the room. “jesus what is this shit?” he asked while getting up from his bed to turn off the music.

“its music…” bella mumbled, quickly turning it back on. “well yeah it sounds depressing, who listens to that kinda stuff.” chris argued as he turned it back off. the girl pouted slightly. “people who listen to mac demarco?? if its bothering you so much then get out while i finish unpacking.” she shrugged. chris didn’t give her an audible reply, instead just simply putting his shoes on and leaving the room. isabella let out a small sigh of relief, thankful she had the room to herself now for a while.

. . . .

isabella was now in her nicely made bed comfortably. her wired earbuds connected to her phone which played music softly into her pierced ears. she hummed to herself quietly once she noticed the time. 1:03am. the brunette girl couldn’t actually help but feel a little bit worried about where he was. but of course, she quickly brushed it off and enjoyed how cozy she was currently. soon enough, a loud thud hit the door. isabella’s eyebrow raised slightly while lazily getting out of bed.

the brunette walked over to the door, taking out one earbud while opening it. her eyes met chris’ eyes. his hair stook out everywhere and some of it stuck to his forehead, his hand holding a bottle of something, his eyelids droopy, and his scent reeking of alcohol and his cheap cologne. “jesus what did you do?” bella asked while moving to the side to let chris in. “mmmhh” he rather giggled. he belly-flopped onto his bed and wiggled around on it for a while, bella assuming he was trying to get comfortable. “are you.. drunk?” she asked, crossing her arms. “don’t be ridicu-lush.. ‘m not that drunk.” he slurred while continuing to giggle like a baby.

isabella hesitated, but she grabbed the bottle that was in his grasp. “jesus! vodka chris?” she groaned in annoyance. he let out a small hiccup in reply that kinda made her laugh. isabella just watched him wriggle around in his bed before his body shot up. “what now?” she mumbled. “im gonna throw up.” chris groaned as he quickly ran to the bathroom that was connected to the dorm. the brunette girl ran after the boy as he kneeled down in-front of the toilet to throw up. isabella who had emetophobia, was also not doing well. her fingers lightly held chris’ front pieces of hair back with one hand patting his back gently, trying not to look at the throw up.

“there ya go..” she whispered quietly. after he was done doing his thing, isabella grabbed a plastic cup and filled it up with tap water. “here, drink some water.” the brunette said, then flushing the toilet. chris gladly took the cup of water and took little sips. “feel better?” she asked as she leaned against the sink counter, looking down at chris on the floor. “hm, i think ‘m still drunk.” he admitted, putting the cup down. isabella hummed quietly, nodding her head as she stuck out a hand to help chris up. “get some sleep.” she suggested while walking chris back into the room. “m’kay..” he babbled while quickly flopping back on his bed.

the amber-eyed girl turned off the bathroom lights then walked over to her bed. she had also decided to go to sleep. isabella turned off her lamp and put her phone to charge. her body slid underneath her sheets and blankets. she heard chris snore like a truck, “great.” she thought. honestly though, she didn’t mind it that much. after staring at the ceiling for a few minutes, she quickly fell asleep.

a/n ;; STARTING MY FIRST SERIES 🙀🙀🙀 this might be a bit messy for the first part but i do hope u guys enjoyed it!!

taglist :: @espressomads @mattsluttywaist @sturniol0s @luverboychris

[imamuzansimp-oldblog-seoseoya]

alright time to finally get rid of one of my drafts here we go: “fuck you,” “you really want to?”

Modern High Demon Slayer School AU!

Characters: Uzui Tengen, L/N Y/N

Ft. Iguro Obanai, Kanroji Mitsuri, Kocho Shinobu, Rengoku Kyojuro, Human!Kaburamaru

With minuscule appearances from: Kocho Kanao, Kamado Nezuko

CW/TW: Tengen being a menace, science project, performer reader (though it's not really that important, just added it for contrast), popularity, forced proximity (sort of), suggestive if you squint so hard your eyes almost close, pining (brief, from Mitsuri), flirting, insults (like a lot of insults), slow burn, reader called kitten, detailed kiss

WC: approx. 1.5k words

High School!Soccer Player!Uzui Tengen x High School!Fem!Performer!Reader

A/N: the science project is quite literally what I did for my sixth grade science fair. that was hell. even worse, i picked the subject, i put myself in living hell for a month and endured it. be glad you probably will never have to do something like that ever

A/N 2: also yes, i know dating in japanese schools isn’t allowed, but when has fanfic ever been realistic. however i do maintain the name order of family name first~

A/N 3: pls i haven’t written for real in a while be nice if im rusty

~3rd person POV~

It was no secret that you hated Uzui Tengen. The entire school had known since you met in sixth grade. You had just moved to Tokyo from [your hometown]. You were one of the most popular students at your old school for your looks, kind personality, good grades, and charm, especially when performing. You weren’t an ass about it, though, and when you moved to Tokyo you didn’t really care if you were popular or not, just wanting to get settled in first. That all changed when you met Uzui Tengen, a boy who would soon prove to be the bane of your existence. He started off seemingly nice and, like everyone else, you couldn’t deny his attractive appearance. He’d show you around the school and help you get to classes. Shortly after you became acquainted, however, things changed. Tengen began to show his true, asshole, colors. He flaunted his popularity at every chance, used his figure to get girls (and the occasional guy *cough cough his brief stint with rengoku*), and was overall just an undesirable person. To make things even more cliché, he was the best player on the school soccer team. After two weeks of attending the school, his greeting went from “Hey! How was your night?” To: “Hey, I’m not going to walk with you because you’re worthless,” Maybe that wasn’t exactly what he said, but you couldn’t exactly remember. He quickly started treating you like shit, that’s the point. From that day on, you tried to become popular again. You wanted to make Tengen eat his words. Ever since sixth grade, you had been popular not only for your personality and charm, but for your feud with Tengen and being the only one able to get a rise out of him.

~Your POV~

"Either he has a crush on you or he's threatened and an ass. I think it's the first!" Piped Mitsuri as she took a bite out of her salmon onigiri. "You seriously think it's a crush?" You asked. 

"There's no way he'd have a crush on you, he's just a jealous ass," Shinobu said as she peeled her orange. "Don't waste your time on him, Y/N." Junior year had finally arrived, and you were so close to senior year and graduating that you could almost taste it. It would've been an idyllic year if it weren't for Tengen having gotten even more annoying than before, if that was even possible. You were both on top of the popularity chain, him being the captain of the school soccer (football) team, and you being a performer. Starkly different interests for starkly different personalities. "Speak of the devil, here he comes." You say, noticing him and his friends walk into the cafeteria.

"You know what that means, Mitsuri..." Says Shinobu. You hear Mitsuri squeal audibly quietly when she sees Obanai. "Shit, he's coming this way..." You say. Shinobu rolls her eyes and Mitsuri scowls, albeit excited to see Obanai.

As the quartet approaches you and your two friends, you turn back to your food, not wanting to deal with Tengen's antics. You feel a large hand ruffle your well styled hair, and upon instinct bring a hand up to slap his face. "What is with you and my hair? You have your own, don't you? Mess that up, dumbass." You say cooly. You had managed to hit his eye, which he now stood scratching. "And you have your own face that you could hit instead of mine!" He shoots, calm demeanor coming undone from just a simple smack. You smirk, knowing your effect on him is working. "But my face is far too pretty to hit, don't you think?" You quip. 

"I think mine is the one that's too pretty to hit, yours is the plain one, isn't it?" He replied.

"Bitch, I'm not a mirror." You simply say. Cool demeanor never faltering despite the blatant lie you just told. His face was pretty and you knew it, everyone knew it, but there was no way you would feed his ego. Ever. It was far too high already. "You know, Y/N, the most annoying part of you isn't your voice, popularity, or personality. It's the fact I can never seem to be able to get a rise out of you. I can't get you angry, yet you can get me livid with a simple word." He says, bending down to whisper it in your ear. You felt your cheeks heat up. Wait, what? You were... blushing? Over Uzui? No, there was no way, it must've just been the position. Anyone would blush over a blatantly attractive guy whispering in their ear, right? Right? "Uzui, have you heard of manners?" You step on his foot and stand up, cheeks quickly cooling. "OWWWW! That really hurt, Y/N! My ego, wounded..." He feigned pain poorly.

"Uzui, calm down. Your ego needed it." You shoot back before leaving. "Rengoku, Obanai, Kaburamaru... I don't know why you associate yourselves with this piece of shit, but I feel bad for you. It must be hard, dealing with such an annoying guy all the time." A comment meant solely for Tengen to hear. His friends were nice, they just happened to hang out with the wrong guy. And with that you excuse yourself from the cafeteria and head outside to enjoy the rest of your break.

~TIME SKIP TO THE NEXT DAY~

You sat in science class, only half paying attention to what the teacher was saying. She was only collecting homework after all. Suddenly, you hear you name. "L/N with Uzui. Kocho with Shinazugawa. And Kanroji with Kamado. Alright, those are your groups." She says. Shit. You think to yourself. We're doing a project, and I'm with Tengen of all people... "Your assignment is to test how fast light travels through different amounts of water and milk. I expect well written lab reports from all 20 of you by the 5th of next month, so you all have two weeks. Class dismissed." She concluded just as the bell rang. You packed your bag and left the classroom, excited to go home now that 7th period had ended. You rushed to your locker when you felt a tap on your shoulder. Thinking it was Shinobu or Mitsuri, you made the ill-informed discision to turn around. There you were met with Tengen's annoyingly handsome face smiling at you. "What do you want?" You snap.

"Woah, easy, kitten... I'm just here about the science project," He says, the new name not going unnoticed by you. "My name isn't kitten, it's Y/N. You know this, why the sudden new name?" You spit.

"Because otherwise I wouldn't be very flashy, now would I?"

"Oh fuck you and your flashiness." You retort while crossing your arms.

"How your words wound me," He feigns pain.

"I am fully capable of making that pain physical, too, you know."

"You wouldn't dare, kitten, you like me too much!" You stand at a loss for words at the continuous use of the name, heat buzzing through your cheeks, heart racing uncomfortably. "F-fuck you!" You argue, flustered.

"Already used that one, kitten. In any case, when do you want to meet to do the project?"

"Preferably never." You shoot, cheeks still red.

"Oh, but we have to pick a time... how about tomorrow at my house?"

"Fine." You shoot, turning your face away and leaving down the school stairs.

~time skip (sorry)~

The next day, you leave to school unexcited for your meeting with Tengen. Just as you finish walking down the steps out of school, you hear an annoying voice. “hey, kitten!” calls tengen. “uzui. i am above being a furry. stop calling me that.” you say, deadpanning, but walking with him to his house nonetheless. tone betraying the clear blush in your cheeks. "oh, but you're blushing! why should I stop?" He said.

"You're beginning to sound like Doma."

"That might be because we're on the same soccer team."

"Do I care?" You shoot, waiting for a response. Instead of getting one, the tall boy bends down in front of you, placing a hand on your cheek. “you should start caring, kitten, since i’m going to be the one who steals your first kiss~”

“fuck off, uzui!” you say, not fully meaning your words.

“i have a feeling you don’t really want me to, am i right?” you stand at a loss for words, mouth agape slightly, as you reach his house. when you get to the entrance, he pins you up against the wall. “i- erm…” you sputter as tengen places a finger on your lips, silencing you. “be quiet kitten, let’s give those lips of yours something better to do, rather than spewing lies you yourself don’t even believe…”

“tengen… i…”

“shhh… be quiet, babygirl, just focus on me…” he says as he leans in to kiss you. your lips connect, and you feel a spark ignite inside you. his musky scent, like forests and old paper, infiltrates your senses. it makes you crave for more contact. his lips feel so plush and warm against yours, his tongue dancing with yours once he slides it in your mouth. he tastes like heaven, like honey drizzled over a crisp apple. the kiss is perfect and welcomed as you feel his hands go to rest on your hips and it just feels so nice and good and right. your mouths disconnect, tongues untying, as you look into each other’s eyes with love. “so… you seemed to enjoy it~” tengen says, slightly breathless. you look away, flustered. when you look back up, he speaks again. “y/n… i’ve seen the way you look at me… will you go out with me?”

[shes-ddreaming]

the eyes that lost you ➸ lee donghyuck

i.

✧ destination ↬ best friends to lovers + fluff, angst,,, all that jazz yak

✧ a party of two for ↬ lee donghyuck x reader

✧ duration of flight ↬ 2.5k

✧ in stereo ↬ exo - what if

✧ in which your best friend donghyuck decides to pretend to be someone else’s boyfriend, leaving you to confront the only thing you’ve been avoiding your whole life—your feelings for him.

donghyuck had confessed to you a long time ago. and if you only knew that you’d be hurting like this now, you would’ve said yes to him in a heartbeat. but you didn’t; you had decided that your friendship was more important than anything, rejecting your best friend’s confession.

he took your rejection lightly, telling you that your friendship was just as important to him as it was to you. “look, y/n, i love you not because i had any intention of making you my girlfriend, but because... i love you for .. you. and if you’d much rather stay friends, then i’m all for it. i’ll be your best friend—whatever you want me to be, i’ll be.” he was sincere, and you appreciated that more than anything. you were more than grateful that donghyuck understood your reasoning behind the rejection.

and a day later, things went right back to normal, never a moment of awkwardness. he was still the same best friend you’ve had since you came out of the womb. it was as if his confession never happened.

and that’s all it took for you to make lee donghyuck your best friend for life. he was your constant, the one person in your life who has always stayed by your side. so many of your friends have come and gone, but donghyuck wasn’t one of them.

here you were, not even 3 years later, your eyes were on your best friend whose hair has grown a little longer from how it was when he confessed. he’s a lot taller now, standing a good 6 inches or so above you. it seems like a lot about him has changed, and his feelings for you were not an exception. but there was one thing that could never change, and that was you being his best friend.

the object of his lingering glances is no longer you, but it just had to be kang mina. you weren’t surprised—she was annoyingly pretty, smart, and funny. not only that, she happened to be the class president. donghyuck? vice president. everyone called them a match made in heaven. you hated how you felt when he was around her. you hated how your heart would fall every time you caught sight of him stealing glances at her. it wasn’t fair. it wasn’t fair to donghyuck. what right do you have to catch feelings for him when you let him suffer from his feelings for you for so long?

the guilt had eaten you up for a long time. you liked to believe that your suffering now was your way to repay the pain you caused donghyuck for liking you without any reciprocation all those years.

he always reminded you that he was alright with the way you two were, that you rejecting him didn’t hurt him as much as you thought it did, that he was glad you two were best friends. but it was hard to ignore his obvious feelings for you. you knew deep down that you were hurting him by staying friends, but he never complained. he quietly loved you until he developed feelings for someone else.

it was your turn to realize your feelings, only now it’s too late. you’re in love with your best friend but he’s in love with someone else.

however, it probably wouldn’t hurt as bad if he hadn’t been fake dating her. maybe then you wouldn’t see him in so much pain. you couldn’t bear to witness seeing him doing anything and everything for her when she doesn’t even feel the same way, just like he did for you.

“you’re a hypocrite,” mark says as you bore your heart and soul to him. these days, donghyuck sits with mina at lunch to continue to play the little charade they’ve been onto for weeks. mark lee has been your rock these past few months, always quietly listening to you and offering—what he would call—words of wisdom. you couldn’t count how many times you’ve gone to him to talk about your conflicting feelings about donghyuck. “be honest with me. is the fact that you’re no longer the object of lee donghyuck’s desire the driving force of what you think are your feelings for him?”

leave it to mark lee to be brutally honest with his stupid rhetorical questions. you sigh, putting your head down on the cafeteria table. you were a shitty person, a terrible, shitty person. you feel your lunch tray being moved away from your head. “do i have lettuce in my hair?” mark laughs at you, slapping your shoulder in the process.

“you did. but, i took it off of your hair, dumbass,” he softly pats your head like one would do to a crying toddler. “look, i’m sorry if that was a little mean. i hope i didn’t hurt your feelings or anything.”

“nah, it just got me thinking. do you think i’m projecting my desires of wanting a

boyfriend onto hyuck? or maybe i’m friend-jealous and i’m mistaking it for being in love with him?” you once again steal a glance at the boy who has been all over your thoughts lately and your heart disagreed. whatever these feelings were, they’re definitely not friend-jealousy or whatever mark had called it. you knew in your heart that you loved him.

“oh god i wanna die, i want to actually fucking die.”

mark has this amused look on his face as he helps you pack up once the bell rings for 4th period. “stop thinking about it for now, alright? we can get ice cream after school, it’s on me. i think i owe you.” he takes the textbook you were holding out of your hands and carries it for you, as he reaches his hand out for your backpack. you roll your eyes, taking it off and handing it to him. this was beginning to be a routine for you two whenever you’re sad. mark never lets you carry anything and always walked you to class.

“what did i do to deserve a mark lee?” you wonder out loud, followed by a kick to your shin from mark. you immediately took back what you said. “suddenly i don’t remember ever being friends with a kid named mark.” you hear his obnoxiously loud laugh and shake your head.

“shut up, loser!”

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: KDKDKD come heRE

[you questioned: “KDKDKD come heRE”]

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: STOP DOING THOSE REACTION THINGS AND REPLY FJDKDKDKD

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: PLEASE Y/N OH MY GOD

you: WHAT

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: pls come down to my floor rn i need sugar

you: what the fuck

[full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖 disliked “what the fuck”]

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: I PROMISE YOU’LL GET TO HAVE SOME OF THE COOKIES I BAKE

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: I RAN OUT OF SUGAR I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE 😔🙏🏽

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: I HAVE A COUNCIL MEETING IN LIKE 2 HOURS AND I NEED TO HAVE THE COOKIES DONE BY THEN

you: oh shit i just checked i dont have any sugar

[full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖 disliked “oh shit i just checked i dont have any sugar”]

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: god why didn’t apple give the people™ the option to disheart something

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: you had one job

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: ONE JOB

you: KDKSKSKS IM SORRY LMFAO

you: ALSO I DONT EVEN THINK DISHEART IS THE RIGHT TERM FOR IT

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: come to the grocery store w me 🥺👉🏽👈🏽

you: fine 😔

“hey, neighbor!” you hear donghyuck yell from his door as you hold the button that keeps the elevator doors open.

you can already hear mark arguing “you two technically aren’t even neighbors! he lives like two floors below you!”

while donghyuck counters back saying, “yeah but if she lived on my floor then we would live right next door to each other!” you can recall this exact confrontation when the three of you were in 3rd grade.

you and donghyuck have lived in the same apartment building your whole lives—which is also a big reason as to how the pair of you reached best friend status.

“let’s go before the sun starts setting!” he was smiling as he ran towards you and you couldn’t even deny that your heart was doing backflips.

“hurry up before i let go of this button and leave you there,” you threaten him and he laughs, pretending to walk in slow motion. you let go of the button and the elevator doors begin to close in on each other, prompting a loud gasp from donghyuck as he runs as fast as he can to reach the doors before they close completely.

“y/n, what the fuck!” he cries once he reaches the doors and they open back up again. he had his hands on his knees in an attempt to catch his breath and you couldn’t contain your laughter. “i hate you, oh my god! i busted a lung out there trying to catch up to the elevator. i can’t believe you’d do that to me.” you were both laughing now and you watched as he pretended to sob.

the doors of the elevator opened back up once you reached the lobby and donghyuck takes this as an opportunity to run away from you to get to his car before you could beat him there.

he had his payback when he locked the doors before you could even open the door to his car, leaving you there for a good two minutes, yelling “karma, bitch!” before finally letting you in.

“you’re insane!” he just laughs at this, and you two call a truce to stop pulling pranks on each other for the duration of your grocery trip.

“alright, alright. i’ll go drop the sugar off to my house and i’ll meet you at the rooftop,” you nod, waving goodbye to him as he steps foot off the elevator with the grocery bag in his hand and you continue up to the penthouse floor.

you really didn’t know if this was legal. if you were being honest, you had a feeling you were putting your parents’ lease on the line every time you snuck onto the rooftop. you made your way out of the penthouse floor, opening the doors to the fire escape before you were finally met with the stairs that lead up to the rooftop.

you smiled as you looked up to the sky with its various shades of blue, purple, and pink. it was your senior year of high school and you knew you’d miss this once you left home.

you: HURRY UP THE SUN IS SETTING REAL QUICK

you: it’S NOT GONNA WAIT FOR YOUR SLOW ASS

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: FUCK FUCK FUCK WAIT IM PUTTING THE COOKIES IN THE OVEN FIRST

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: TELL THE SUN TO SLOW DOWN 😤😤 damn even the sun has no pATIENCE

you: damn riGHT so if you don’t hurry up you’re gonna miss it 😔

full sun (the best friend) 🌞💖: ALR ALR THEY’RE IN THE OVEN I’M USAIN BOLTING OUTTA HERE

and usain bolt, he did. donghyuck soon opened the doors out of the fire escape, finally getting a glimpse of the sky as the sun started to set. you seemed to have not noticed him, eyes focused upwards onto the sky.

he stopped in his tracks. donghyuck liked to think he no longer had any feelings for you. “not even any residue,” he would tell himself. but he couldn’t lie that there were some moments that he’d wish you had felt the same way as he once did. this exact moment would make it on that list. you looked cute. your small figure was a good ten feet away from him but despite the distance, he just knew there was no other place you’d rather be at the moment.

“finally!” you yell as he made your way towards you. “i was ready to lasso the sun and keep it here until you got your ass up here.”

he was staring at you, a small smile adorning his features. if the word fond could be personified, it would probably be this exact face he was making.

you finally let go of the breath you had been holding when his eyes leave your face and instead focus onto the sky. “god i’m gonna miss this.”

“the sky? i was thinking the exact-“

“no, us.” oh shit. oh shit. oh shit. you couldn’t even look at him. god, you were blushing like crazy and you prayed that he didn’t notice because you knew you were being crazy obvious right now. “i’m gonna miss us sneaking onto the rooftop to watch the sunset, you know? it’s just- i don’t know. senior year ending has made me become more... sad? i don’t think that’s the right word for it. nostalgic? maybe. every moment just has this sense of finality to it and that scares me.”

you were about to reply, but you were immediately cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. “hey, mina.”

and just as icarus flew too close to the sun, so did you heart. and now you felt it falling straight down to the sea. you didn’t bother to listen to the rest of his conversation on the phone. instead, you watched the sun while it painted the buildings a brilliant shade of golden yellow and casted a shadow onto the trees. but the view of the buildings could never compete with donghyuck as his tanned skin glowed in the golden sunlight and his eyes twinkled in a different shade of brown.

“crap, i almost forgot about my council meeting. i have to go pick up mina, too,” he had a small frown on his face and you giggled. lee donghyuck, how could you be so cute? “are you gonna be okay up here? i’m gonna go get the cookies ready. i’ll leave some at your door, as promised.”

you reject donghyuck’s offer of walking you to your door, telling him that you just wanted to stay here for a little while longer.

mork 🤢: damn senior year rly be hitting different 😩😔😫💦

you: MARK WTF JDDJDJ YOUR EMOJIS GTFO

mork 🤢: y/n i have a story omg facetime me #storytime

mork 🤢: i think my life is starting to become a coming of age movie LMAO

you smile as you read mark’s texts, telling him you’ll facetime him once you get back home. he was right though; senior year really did feel different, and it forced you to confront feelings you’d much rather keep buried, especially in the lee donghyuck department of your heart.

hello! if you made it this far, then thank you 🥺 tbh i was reALLY SCARED TO POST THIS IDK I HAVEN’T ACTUALLY WRITTEN ANYTHING IN AWHILE !! this WILL be continued so stay tuned !! 💖 kjdfakjl also aren’t we all just tryna be hyuck’s best friend 😔✊🏽

[switcher666]

First post: ⚠️ 1st warning ⚠️ triggering content “committing not alive” “sharp things” “addiction to things” “harmful” “Sad”

— — — — —

⚠️ 2nd warning! ⚠️

This is going to be emotional to certain people and this is my story. I’ve dealt with a lot so im going to say a lot. Remember on “UnFiltered Depression” there is no filter and your are allowed to speak your truth and admit your wrongs.

Names:

Going through school i was considered the “weird kid”, “Gothic Fag”, “That one asshole”, “The Barcode kid”, “Actual scar face”, “pin cushion”, “Scary dude”, “Austin scissor wrist”, and many.many.many more.

School:

In High school it was not easy for me. I had to keep my head down and never talk because, when i talked i got in fights I win at most of my fights but, not when I’m in my vehicle driving away and a student drives in front of me and 4 people from the car drags me out of my own car. I was gay for a year of my high school life because i was trying to find who i am and right about when i had a boyfriend for a week they break up with me because of rumors which are true. And the rumor was self harm and restoring who i was with pain, suffering, punching things, smoking cigarettes in the parking lot, telling the teachers to quote from quite “Fuck of and burn in hell where you belong.” 😬 not my proudest moment in life but, hey at least i didn’t have to go to weight class haha. I have much more and way more about my high school life but i want to keep this short and i might drop more of my stories if you are interested. And this story is based off my life in high school i graduated in 2021 and this is just a soft story compared to what i have.

Friends:

I had very little friends in my life and high school put together. And when i had my 2 best friends they were just like me all fucked up and broken like me. But I had a friend named shawn im not dropping initials or his last name but, when he was still alive he always told me to “Stay safe,live, and stop the cutting shit.” He was suffering from self harm too just like me but i was worse. I told him EVERY single day of my life “how are you feeling?” “Are you okay?” “Do you want me to help you?”. He vaped just like i did and he always wanted a aegis hero mini kit for salt “nic” and 2 weeks before we

Were about to turn into seniors i got him one from STL (St.Louis mo) and i was excited to give it to him! Then things took a change. He started to show up more limp than usual. Slouched over, eye lids dropping,straight faced, and always wore a gigantic black hoodie even when it was 90 (F) degrees outside (32 C). I know what happened. He “quit” he told me straight faced and not looking me in the eye. I cant tell the rest because im getting emotional just writing this.

He committed suicide,gashes on his wrists/arms,neck,face, and Shoulders. I never got to give it to him the vape is still in my possession and i use it still but im quitting now i only use it every 6 hrs but i stare at it and currently keeping it as a way to remember him by. I miss him everyday.I promised him 2 days before he committed suicide that i would never fight unless i have to

(I have controlled anger issues and adhd etc. and i was in boxing so i can hold my own and i would never cut or use self harm again.) i kept my promises and never broke them. Well i whooped some ass here and there but that’s because people try to gang up on me and i had a crack headish person in stl try to get in my personal space and tried to hit me with a broken plunger with spit and maaaybe shit on it 😬 trust me i 1000% had to. I often look up at the sky and pretend he’s waving at me from the clouds and i wave back like a mad man. Rest in peace my brother continue to party and drink whiskey with the angels and watch over us all.

⚠️ 3rd trigger warning ⚠️

My harm.:

Im getting this out of the way now. Yes I DID self harm but I currently am not because, the one i love with all my physical soul and passion is with me so there’s no more reasons to feel pain anymore. And i swore an oath to my partner. Also my friends who are no longer with us currently that’d i’d NEVER cut or use self harm as a “Comfort” ever again. Im going to list the things I did so you can understand how emotionally damaged i was. And you can use this as a way of looking at yourself and feeling better that your not doing these things. And I’m doing this so we can ALL open up and admit our wrongs and find a way to fix this. Not as a community but as a family. You are not alone anymore, I welcome you to your new family where you wont be judged or insulted.

⚠️ Please do NOT read these if you have a weak stomach or triggered easily ⚠️

-Cut

(face,neck,chest/stomach,shoulders, and hands,wrists)

-starved

(even when i was only 140lbs in high school)

-Punching

(punchingmyself in the face till my teeth were almost crooked and bleeding and my face looked satisfactory to me)

-Headbutting

(bricks,wood,trees, marble counter tops,cabinets. Anything that was around me.)

-Suicide

( once with a gun with no ammo and a rope that i found in my garage and has been worn to hell so it snapped)

-driving

(I left my hand off the wheel and closed my eyes for 10 seconds after i got done counting to 10 i opened my eyes and placed my hands on the wheel and repeated “I guess it wasent my time to go.”)

-Burning

( i held lighters to my skin after 15 seconds of being on them i put the flame out and place it on the most sensitive parts of my body and watched me scream and squirm with anxiety and thrill)

-Free running

(Free running is a hobby i used to do and still do whenever i get time, but back then i would “accidentally” fall off of large platforms and fail “trying” to do a back flip or a hand spring off of something)

END:

Thats it for now. Sorry for making it shortish/long posts. I still have many many many more stories unfortunately. So stick around and get help with what you or a love one needs. Remember! WE are a family and you are apart of it now. You are not alone anymore.

We love you being here and hope we get to see you another day.

MORE INFO:

Go to my snapchat:

I do face to face therapy talks on Snapchat

Monday4:00pm-9:30pm

Wednesday 5:00pm-7:30pm

Saturday 4:00pm-9:30pm

ALSO! My native tongue is only english but i do know a decent amount of Japanese. And im not promising you i know it Fluently but i know enough to help you. 😁

[khaycaprithewriter]

Losing Kathleen

How is one suppose to feel when the person who stood in church and made a promise to go to always protect you, dies? How is one suppose to feel when the person who made you who you are today gets sick and you can't do a fucking thing to change it? How does one feel when yet ANOTHER person is stripping from your life before becoming successful like they always swore you would? I don't know. I don’t really know how I expected to feel, all I knew was that I felt like the whole world was coming to an end. We had all been expecting things to get worse and even when it did it was still a big reality check and shock to us. I remember the day you told me about your cancer, the time you had left and how the next couple months were going to go. It was also the day I found out my mom was gay, but thats a story for another time. Kathleen had come to visit me, I had just given birth to Naomi, my daughter. Naomi was maybe a month old? It was 2015 and we had been trying to make time to meet up so she could get to spend some more time with her. I had been avoiding and dreading having this conversation and pretending that it wasn't real, I was in denial. Sever denial. When she came in the door she gave me a hug and I went to go hand her Naomi and she told me to wait and I already knew what was going down. This was it, the time for the talk. She looked right at me and said “Its really bad, Kris.” She was the only person I was okay with calling me “Kris or Krissy”. Me being me I did my typical “I know everything” attitude said “yeah, I know.” She assured me that I really did not know. “Im not going to be here much longer, the cancer could spread faster or slower. Either way I know I have a few months, maybe a year. But a year would be pushing it.” She started apologizing to me, “I'm sorry I won't be here for any of her birthdays, I might not be able to see you graduate or get married.” I started to cry because reality was finally hitting me, and hitting me hard. How am I suppose to take that? I just gave birth, I was about to start my senior year in high school, just got my first car. These were the things that went through my head, I was only 17. But I instantly felt selfish because here I am worrying about how I am going to get through this and deal with her having cancer, but the real thing I should be worrying about is how is SHE going to handle this? Yes, my life was changing now but HER life was changing completely. Everything was coming to an end for her. How did she feel knowing that she's on a time limit for life now? In all honestly I doubted her and her ability to get through it. It hurts to say but it is true. How on earth could she get through fucking cancer? How is she even able to breathe and not cry while telling her goddaughter that she's dying and there us nothing we can do about it? I know it absolutely killed her on the inside. Luckily though, Kathleen was always good at being honest with me. My whole life was based on a lie, but she always told me the truth. The truth hurts sometimes but whenever she told me something honestly, it just built more of my trust in her and I needed that more than anyone could ever know. To this day I still say that her being honest with me about the whole process and how her cancer is going, kept me going. It kept me sane in times of worry. I needed her to be as honest as possible so I could understand. That day on the couch with her changed my entire life, forever. It is burned into my memory and I will always cherish it. This was our first real one on one together with nobody else around. From that day on I spent every day worrying. But believe it or not that conversation was almost 5 years ago. She lasted 4 years later after that conversation. Let me repeat that, with STAGE 4 CANCER SHE LIVED 4 YEARS LATER AFTER THAT CONVERSATION. 4 whole years of love and laughter and tears. 4 years of concerts and trips and barbecues and dance parties and long talks. Kathleen made it see me graduate, she made it through not only Naomi’s 1st birthday but she made it through, the 2nd and the 3rd. She was alive to see me get engaged to Rasheed. She was able to see me get into college. All the things we swore she would miss because she wouldnt be here, she was here for and then some.I wish I could tell you all about the amazing life lessons she taught me in those 4 years. It was real life shit, real life things nothing was sugar coated. The times I spent with her not only in my early years of life, but as I got older and needed her the most she ALWAYS showed up for me and that is something I will always be grateful for. A few days before she died, it was a very dark and dreary time. I was visiting her as best I could and knew our time with her was coming to an end, and I was prepared for it. She had been preparing me for 4 years for these last couple days. When I went to go see her for the first time in hospice, I was nervous because they had told me that she is not fully there and she's struggling to breath and eat. I was shaking as I walked into the room and she looked at me. “Kristas here”, she started crying. I felt my heart leave my chest and I wanted to collapse and throw up all at the same time because I was so, so sad. But, I made a promise to not let her see me break like she did 4 years ago on that couch. I had to be strong, for once, I needed her to see me be strong. She cried and I held her hand and she kept saying how sorry she was. I assured her that there was literally NOTHING to be sorry about. “I wont be able to see you get married, or have another baby or get a house or graduate college”. But she didn't realize she already had. She was there for me to graduate highschool, give birth to my first child, get into college and see me get engaged. Everything, every milestone, she was there. The last time I saw her, she was very very weak. I knew this was the last time I would hear her voice and see her. She asked me if there was anything I wanted to say. I told her about a very fond memory that was one of the best moments of my childhood. It was january of 2006, my aunt rhonda had recently passed away a few weeks before the new year. I was very depressed during this time. Kathleen always knew music would cheer me up. We were driving in her car and I was silent, still numb from the pain. She said “hey, do you know who Lauryn Hill is?” I shook my head no. “I want you to hear something”. She took out this bright red CD and it was The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill. The first song that played was “Cant Take My Eyes Off of You”. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, it was the mostt interesting and beautiful music I had ever heard. It made me so happy and we started to sing together with the windows down. I smiled and she smiled at me. “Thats what you wanted to tell me before I die?” I said “Well, yeah. It was the best memory I remember because during that time where i thought I could never be happy again and everyone was doing what they could to make me smile, only YOU knew what to do. You played me one song and it just took all the sadness away”. She smiled and I gave her a soft hug and we said “I love you”. As I was getting ready to leave the room she said “Keep in touch, kid” and softly smiled and I smiled back and said “I will”. It was our version of “goodbye”. She didn't like when we said “goodbye”. She passed away a few days later. Losing Kathleen was a hurt I never knew I could feel. But loving Kathleen was an experience and blessing that only those who know her could feel. I wish everyone could've felt that kind of love. The kind of love where someone actually cares about your life. I miss her with every ounce in my body. I feel angry sometimes knowing others miss her just as much as I do when I feel like I'm the only one who deserves to grieve, but thats the selfish in me. If you read this long, I appreciate you. Thank you all for reading my first blog, it means the whole world to me.

I miss you Kathleen, and hope you're somewhere reading my blog and listening to lauryn hill. 

[wndibro-blog]

OKAY HERE YOU GUYS GO. I’M TOO LAZY TO REWRITE THIS AT 12AM SO I’M GONNA DO THAT LATER. THIS WAS THE BIG HEADCANON I HAD PLANNED, BUT INSTEAD OF DOING SO I GUSHED ABT IT W MY BEST FRIEND KAT. ( who u probs know as @hotsaucechrsmscake​ )

below the cut is the long long long chat abt how it all ties together! and “it” is in reference to how the fuck all the ud kids know each other, because i know how high school works and i have no fucking clue how they turned into a friend group lol ....

kat-Yesterday at 11:56 PM

oh trueok so. how would josh and him become friends

just joshin ya-Yesterday at 11:56 PM

thatsa good questionwhat were my hc's aginin howmike ties into the group

kat-Yesterday at 11:56 PM

i kinda see mike as a lowkey third wheel to josh and chris

just joshin ya-Yesterday at 11:57 PM

LOLmike being the junior while josh and chris are seniors lmaobc fuck the whole chris age mix up™

kat-Yesterday at 11:57 PM

???

just joshin ya-Yesterday at 11:57 PM

u remember my rant about how the ages dont make sense

kat-Yesterday at 11:57 PM

about how josh and chris are older?

just joshin ya-Yesterday at 11:57 PM

yEAH

kat-Yesterday at 11:57 PM

or is chris not as old as josh???

just joshin ya-Yesterday at 11:57 PM

CHRISISNTASOLD AS JOSH FOR SOME REASON

kat-Yesterday at 11:58 PM

!!!!

just joshin ya-Yesterday at 11:58 PM

ON WIKIITS LIKE

kat-Yesterday at 11:58 PM

hes really smart right?

just joshin ya-Yesterday at 11:58 PM

HE'S 18-19

kat-Yesterday at 11:58 PM

maybe he skipped a grade!

just joshin ya-Yesterday at 11:58 PM

in 2nd grade lol ?

kat-Yesterday at 11:58 PM

...........loluhm maybe not

just joshin ya-Yesterday at 11:58 PM

they knew each other since 3rd

kat-Yesterday at 11:58 PM

xDhmmmm.........wowi cant believe they fucked that up

just joshin ya-Yesterday at 11:58 PM

continuity ��josh is canon the oldest so it's like idk if the prank happened on febuary 2nd of 2014 and then the reuinion happened on febuary 2nd of 2015

kat-Yesterday at 11:59 PM

i can just see everyone getting josh to buy them booze since hes legal before the rest of them

just joshin ya-Yesterday at 11:59 PM

oF COURSE

just joshin ya-Today at 12:00 AM

bc they're in canada whats the legal age in canada again 

19 

lol so josh definitely is the one who brought the booze on the first party

kat-Today at 12:01 AM

19 ! yes lmaooo

just joshin ya-Today at 12:01 AM

considering every1 was 18 and he was the only 19 year old

kat-Today at 12:01 AM

dude wtf matt is young af

just joshin ya-Today at 12:01 AM

HOW YOUNG IS MATT

kat-Today at 12:01 AM

he was 17

just joshin ya-Today at 12:01 AM

SLKDASKLD;JASKLDJASKLD;JA MATT

kat-Today at 12:01 AM

how the fuck

just joshin ya-Today at 12:01 AM

WAIT THAT THROWS EVERYTHING OFF

kat-Today at 12:01 AM

im so confused WAIT

just joshin ya-Today at 12:01 AM

WAIT THEN EMILY IS DATING A YOUNGER GUY

kat-Today at 12:02 AM

JESS WAS 17 too

just joshin ya-Today at 12:02 AM

ASKLDJAKLDJALSKDJASLKDJALKDJ

kat-Today at 12:02 AM

MASNDAMS LOL

just joshin ya-Today at 12:02 AM

WAIT

kat-Today at 12:02 AM

jess and matt are the same age

just joshin ya-Today at 12:02 AM

SO THAT MAKES JESS AND MATT THE SOPHMORES EVERYONE ELSE THE JUNIORS AND CHRIS AND JOSH ARE THE SENIORS

kat-Today at 12:02 AM

but how did they all become friends im so????

just joshin ya-Today at 12:02 AM

KDASKLDJASKLFJD;ASKLDJASKLDSD;DLKASJD FUCK UNTIL DAWN

kat-Today at 12:02 AM

i mean i guess ppl from different years can be friends

just joshin ya-Today at 12:02 AM

I HATE THIS GAME

kat-Today at 12:02 AM

just

just joshin ya-Today at 12:02 AM

I HATE LIFE

kat-Today at 12:02 AM

so strange LOL IVE BROKE SHAWN

just joshin ya-Today at 12:03 AM

FLIPS THE SPIRIT BOARD POINTER OFF THE BOARD

kat-Today at 12:03 AM

OH GOD

just joshin ya-Today at 12:03 AM

IF YOU THINK THIS IS SUPPOSED TO HELP ME DEAL WITH MY GRIEF IM DONE YOU'RE FULL OF ITI DONT NEED THIS RIGHT NOW

kat-Today at 12:03 AM

oops

just joshin ya-Today at 12:03 AM

SORRY THOSE ARE JOSH LINES WAIT U JUST SAID A JOSH LINE

kat-Today at 12:03 AM

;)

just joshin ya-Today at 12:03 AM

FUCK

kat-Today at 12:03 AM

LOL

just joshin ya-Today at 12:03 AM

FUCK

kat-Today at 12:04 AM

u gunna b ok? XD patpat

just joshin ya-Today at 12:05 AM

kat-Today at 12:05 AM

LOOOOOOOOOOOOL

just joshin ya-Today at 12:05 AM

LETS GET THIS DOWN.OKAY.

kat-Today at 12:05 AM

THATS U AS FUCK

just joshin ya-Today at 12:05 AM

LOOKING AT THE FACTS .DJK;ASKLDJASKLDJALK THATS JUST ME ALL THE TIME OKAY FACTS FACTS FACTS FACTS I WONT BE ABLE TO SLEEP WITHOUT FIGURING THIS SHIT OUT

kat-Today at 12:05 AM

OKOKOK

just joshin ya-Today at 12:05 AM

OKAY JOSH KNOWS CHRIS FROM THIRD GRADE. FUCK THE AGE THEY GAVE CHRIS I DISREGARD IT. SAM KNOWS HANNAH, HER BEST FRIEND. WHICH AUTOMATICALLY LINKS HER TO BETH AND JOSH. SAM IS A BIG PART OF THE GROUP. BETH IS BEST FRIENDS WITH JESS. JESS IS BEST FRIENDS WITH EMILY. EMILY IS DATING MIKE, WHICH BRINGS HIM INTO THE GROUP.ASH LIKES CHRIS, CHRIS LIKES ASH.CHRIS BRINGS ASH INTO THE FRIEND GROUP*ASH HAS NO SIGNIFICANT FRIENDSHIPS WITH ANYONE BESIDES CHRIS, AND SUPPOSEDLY JOSH.BUT SHE KNOWS JOSH THROUGH CHRIS.

kat-Today at 12:07 AM

matt likes hannah??? thats how he fits in???

just joshin ya-Today at 12:07 AM

MATT LIKES HANNAH. HE'S THE SWEET BOY, SHE'S THE SWEET GIRL. THIS IS BECAUSE

kat-Today at 12:07 AM

he and ash seem to be friends!

just joshin ya-Today at 12:07 AM

HANNAH NOTICES MATT FIRST OUT OF ALL OF THEM. WHICH COULD BE TAKEN AS IF THEY WERE CLOSE FRIENDS.AND YES! ASH AND MATT ARE FRIENDS. DUDE

kat-Today at 12:08 AM

LOL

just joshin ya-Today at 12:08 AM

DUDE WHAT THE FUCK

kat-Today at 12:08 AM

IM SORRY

just joshin ya-Today at 12:08 AM

LMAOOOONO THATS HILARIOUS

kat-Today at 12:08 AM

THINK ABT IT

just joshin ya-Today at 12:08 AM

IM COPY AND PASTING ALL OF THIS ONTO TUMBLR THOUGH SO THERE'S JUST GONNA BE A GAP LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

kat-Today at 12:08 AM

ok dont do that move on omgggggggggggg

just joshin ya-Today at 12:09 AM

OKAYOKAYOKAYOKAY

kat-Today at 12:09 AM

about thinking abt it u can copy past idc xD

just joshin ya-Today at 12:09 AM

I WILL THINK ABOUT IT A LOT A LOT

kat-Today at 12:09 AM

FFFFFFok

just joshin ya-Today at 12:09 AM

OKAY SOTO REVISE.SAM + HANNAH = SAM + HANNAH + BETH + JOSH.JOSH + CHRIS = ^ + CHRIS.HANNAH + MATT = ^ + MATT.CHRIS + ASH = ^ + ASH.BETH + JESS = ^ + JESS + EMILY + MIKE.OKAY SO.MIKE FITS IN BC OF WHO HE'S DATING.EMILY IS FRIENDS W JESS AND JESS IS FRIENDS WITH BETH SO THEY ALL TAG ALONG.BUT ALSO MIKE AND CHRIS SEEM TO HAVE A FRIENDSHIP TOGETHERBC OFTHE LINE CHRIS SAYS"LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE HAS A CRUSH ON OUR DEAR FRIEND, AND CLASS PRESIDENT, MICHAEL MUNROE!"

kat-Today at 12:11 AM

AND ALSOMIKE SAYING

just joshin ya-Today at 12:11 AM

SO CHRIS AND JOSH PROBABLY ACCEPTED MIKE AS ONE OF THEIR OWN

kat-Today at 12:11 AM

"DUDE REALLY? YOU SHOULD KNOW ME BETTERTHAN THAT"

just joshin ya-Today at 12:11 AM

KSKALDJASDKJA;DJASKDLJASKLDAJDKLASJD OH MY GOD I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF THAT

kat-Today at 12:11 AM

just joshin ya-Today at 12:11 AM

THATS SUCH A GOOD POINT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BUT ALSO ANOTHER WAY MIKE TIES IN IS BECAUSE HANNAH HAS A HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE FUCKING CRUSH ON MIKE. THEREFOR, JOSH BEING THE AMAZING BROTHER HE IS, FEELS INCLINED TO INVITE HIM MORE OFTEN AND SUCH. MIKE IS OBVI A BIG PART OF THE FRIEND GROUP AS WELL.JESS STAYS DESPITE LOSING BOTH OF HER FRIENDS, ONE BEING DEAD, THE OTHER BEING EM, WHO SHE'S NOW DATING HER EX BOYFRIEND. BUT THATS NOT IMPORTANT THATS A LATER DETAIL okay so who am i missing oh wait how did jess and beth become friends lol considering jess is younger than beth

kat-Today at 12:13 AM

hmmmmmmmmmmmdoing yoga(edited)

just joshin ya-Today at 12:14 AM

probably some high school shit idk

kat-Today at 12:14 AM

or like cheerleading or like

just joshin ya-Today at 12:14 AM

oooooooHH YES OH

kat-Today at 12:14 AM

yeahxD

just joshin ya-Today at 12:14 AM

WAIT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT HOLD UP

kat-Today at 12:14 AM

waits holds up

just joshin ya-Today at 12:14 AM

THE PHONE IS FUCKING RINGING

kat-Today at 12:14 AM

what am i holding up

just joshin ya-Today at 12:14 AM

PICKS UP THE PHONE WHO'S CALLING IS THAT

kat-Today at 12:15 AM

destiny?

just joshin ya-Today at 12:15 AM

CLOSE

IT'STHE BONE ZONE.

kat-Today at 12:15 AM

JOHN CENA

oh

just joshin ya-Today at 12:15 AM

KASJDD;JAKLDJ

JOHN STAMOS

SORRY ANOTHER VINEJOOOOOOOOOOOOOHN CENA BLOWS WHISTLES W NOSE

kat-Today at 12:15 AM

LOL

just joshin ya-Today at 12:15 AM

LMAO ANYWAYANYWAYWNANYWANYWANYWAANYWAY

kat-Today at 12:16 AM

OK WHAT ARE WE HOLDING

just joshin ya-Today at 12:16 AM

JESS HAD A CRUSH ON JOSH

kat-Today at 12:16 AM

OUU DID SHE?

just joshin ya-Today at 12:16 AM

BECAUSE I KNOW JOSH IS LIKE JOKINGLY PERVY BUT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE WAY HE IS W JESS AND THE WAY JESS WAS LIKE!!!!!!!!!! I THINK JOSH WAS FLIRITNG W ME :3 AND THEN MIKE IS LIKE DO U WANT TO INVITE HIM UP W US LOLAND SHE'S LIKE !!!!!!!!!!! :D WAIT REALLY ??????

kat-Today at 12:17 AM

her dream come true

just joshin ya-Today at 12:17 AM

WHAT IF SHE HAD A CRUSH ON JOSH

kat-Today at 12:17 AM

but honestly like m mine too

just joshin ya-Today at 12:17 AM

BECAUSE JOSH IS HER BEST FRIEND BETH'S OLDER BROTHER !!!!!!!!! KIND OF LIKE DARIA W JANE'S OLDER BROTHER SORRY THATS A SHOW

kat-Today at 12:17 AM

idk who those ppl are xDbut OKXD

just joshin ya-Today at 12:17 AM

ITS A CARTOON THINGYAND ITS SO EXACT ESPECIALLY BC DARIA IS A BIT TOO YOUNG FOR JANE'S OLDER BROTHER AND THE OLDER BROTHER IS KIND OF THIS STONER GUY WHO'S SUPER "COOL" AND SHIT AND HE'S LIKE HAHA I MIGHT'VE DATED U IF U WERE LIKE A YEAR OLDER BC HE'S ONLY A LITTLE BIT OLDER THAN THEM SO JESS BEING THE YOUNGER OF THE GROUP AND JOSH BEING THE OLDEST !!!!!!!!!!!!! DARIA HAS PROVEN MY THEORY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okay so.summary time because i'm losing track.sam is han's friend who is the twin sister of beth who is friends with jess, jess has a crush on josh, and josh is the oldest brother of han and beth therefor knowing sam. josh has a childhood friend named chris who he's best friends with, undoubtedly hangs out w him a lot and therefore becomes friends with jess, beth, han, and sam.han is friends with matt, and so he joins the group emily is dating mike, and mike is friends with chris and han has a crush on mike and therefor josh has two reasons to know mike not to mention emily is jess's best friend meaning that mike automatically comes along more often which means beth also knows mike which means han gets time with mikechris is best friends with ash which brings ash into the group, and ash being the nice one #2 after hannah, she is undoubtedly friends with matt as well she treats him kind of like a little kid in the telescope scene now that i think about it THERE WE GO MYSTERY SOLVED I THINK I DID IT I'M SORRY FOR THIS RANTok but jess and josh has suddenly become so cute what have i done KAT ARE U AWAKE

kat-Today at 12:23 AM

yes XDIt all makes sense now

just joshin ya-Today at 12:24 AM

i have literally everything copy and pasted but yes have i done good lmao literally all of this is based on one liners and those dumb stats on the menu

kat-Today at 12:25 AM

LmaoooI say it’s pretty good

just joshin ya-Today at 12:26 AM

i could rewrite this and make it all pretty but  n a h   this is how i do hc's now

kat-Today at 12:27 AM

Lmao omg Oh boy Starring: Shawn! Guest starring: Kat! & a blank that shall not be named

just joshin ya-Today at 12:28 AM

LMAO THE BLANK IS THE BAD JOKE RIGHT LOL

[neutralvlddiscourse]

In defense of Sheith: Power imbalance, brother figure, truth about media influences

Power imbalance is an argument used by Klantis against Sheith. It states that Shiro is 7 years Keith’s senior and his mentor, which warrants it an unhealthy ship. The argument is perfectly logical, but it remains abstract in nature. I will be using the argument in an abstract manner against Klance first, then I will be addressing the theory’s application in reality.

Power imbalance as a argument falls to invalidate Sheith as it will also invalidate Klance. Power imbalance is found in all relations, from friendships to relationships and familial relations. There are also instances of power imbalance in Klance, for example, Keith is known to be a superior pilot compared to Lance, while Lance is known as the sharpshooter of the team. Keith is held in higher regards for his piloting skills, which causes Lance to express some of his jealousy and bitterness through his verbal skills. Keith almost never defend himself against Lance when Lance makes fun of him because 1. Keith can’t be bothered/sees the truth in the abuse that Lance had hurls at him and thus doesn’t fight back (his character studies/metas often cite his insecurities as the reason, so essentially, Lance is poking fun at Keith’s insecurities eg calling him a dropout) 2. Lance often passes off his insults on Keith as a joke and thus other characters (including the audience) believes that it is simply a banter between characters and does not think twice of such incidents. It may seemed like a joke but they stays on Keith’s mind. eg his vlog talking about how he couldnt connect with people

The underlying power imbalance is due to Lance’s wit and the fact that he is pro-social. He knows the Vol-tron cheer because he hangs out with other people (it is a group cheer so one is only introduced to it in a group) while Keith doesn’t and thus he doesn’t know the cheer. Keith’s cluelessness is stemmed from his ignorance of cheering, a people-activity that he had unlikely been a part of, so Lance is more priviledged in that aspect. Keith’s ignorance of said cheer was also the joke in that scene, and Lance had mocked him with “we will work on it” like Keith is an idiot and that he was supposed to know what Lance was talking about. It was a scene where the audience laughed at Keith, and since Keith doesn’t understand what’s going on, he is not laughing along, and that’s a code red when it comes to jokes. One can joke at another’s expense if it is consensual and that everyone is having a good time. Furthermore, it is an issue that Keith brings up probably months after that incident and blamed it on the fact that HE couldn’t connect with people, not because people didn’t bother explaining/teaching him how to better socialise. Lance’s superior wit and social skills had been used against Keith in this simple scene.

(before yall lance stans get on my ass ill let you know that i love lance, but what he did wasnt very nice. yes it is just a kids show, but sheith is being held to a high pedastal while lance isnt. it is just hypocritical to dismiss this incident as a case of abuse due to power imbalance just because you love lance.)

Now onto addressing Shiro’s mentor status and his brotherly role. First of, I believe that it is not the best idea for one to date their mentor/brother figure as it is a breeding ground for grooming, however love also means trusting that said grooming doesn’t happen, love also means to not groom. A simple example, your parents are far wiser than you, older than you, richer than you etc but they don’t use it to groom you (unless they are abusive). People are not passive objects that let theories unfold on them, we make choices to not hurt others. An abled body person has certain priviledges over a physically-disabled person so that does mean that they aren’t allow to fall in love and get married? That is ableist and condescending towards people who are less priviledged.

From a more psychoanalytical POV, dating a brother figure is considered to be rather perverse, but we must be reminded that modern psychology is built on extremely Western values/culture. In Northeast Asian culture, it is perfectly normal and romanticised for a 3rd year high school male student to want to date a 1st year high school female student and vice versa. In my schooling experience, some pre-teens and teenagers have formed pacts where they address each other as a brother/sister and care for each other as such. Some of them also ended up dating their ‘older brother’. This clique behaviour is paralleled in Western alternative culture where wolf-kins form their community and goes around doing stereotypically wolf stuff and treat each other like brother/sister in their pacts. This pattern is believed to aid in teens’ identity-formation and thus normal in puberty, where teens try to find themselves outside of their home/family which could include forming familial ties with other non-family peers. Given Keith’s age, this could explain why he said that Shiro is like a brother to him, it is basic teenage psychology and if you don’t know bat shit about it and assume that Keith thinks of Shiro as a literal brother, then you’d be pretty dense. He could have been just expressing a hyberbole to get his intense feeling across during an occasion where someone he loves is literally leaving him, he’d express his deepest feelings for Shiro to stay.

In Western vocabulary of sexuality, it is often commented upon men that they’re ‘a daddy’, or ‘an uncle’, or ‘a bear’. (okay granted uncle would have been more in niche communities and you might not have heard it before but im just trying to make a point here) It doesn’t mean that someone literally wants to fuck their dad or a bear, but rather the person they’re describing bear attributes to maybe a dad or a bear. One may argue that ‘oh you’re fetishizing bears/fathers’ and no, they’re not, they’re fetishizing a trait associated. I am an Asian woman so I know fetishization and its impact better than most of yall Klantis. I know fully and well the impacts of fetishization but fetishizing bears/fathers have no social cost. (also data on klanti’s overwhelming white demographic: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeNLlB64PD9k0bxG1bw3Crq5DE_VQhY_on_orWtuGIogN9gAQ/viewanalytics)

In Northeast Asian vocabulary of sexuality, ‘father’ and ‘bear’ are unheard of, but ‘brothers’ and ‘sisters’ are. (Feel free to correct me, I got my sources from reality TV shows/dramas lmao media shapes sexuality so it is valid evidence) Nobody wants to fuck their siblings, in fact, they think that it is really gross. It is like watching those sister-centric anime and be like “oh shes hot” but when they think about their actual sister they’d be like “lmao ew wtf my sister is gross af” and they will start listing at least 100 things about their sisters that they hate. Again, people are not passive objects that just swallow whatever media tells them. In fact, media can be used to deter such perversions. Eg if you are a child and you’re watching some serial killing movie, you parents would frown upon and condemn it. This is socialisation, where one sees something and then process other’s reactions to it to cement their beliefs. If you see pedophilia on TV and everyone around you are like eww wtf, you’re most likely to follow it as we are social creatures.

This is why I am fuckin pissed when Klantis attack Asian artists. We have different values/different take on sexuality. Just because modern psychology (with Western roots) says that it is perverse to date a familial-figure doesn’t mean that it is universal. (Therefore I argue that psychology is not an empirical science and the argument that Western Klantis propose are not to be applied to Asian Sheith shippers.) PLEASE LEAVE ASIAN ARTISTS ALONE. Stop forcing your values down our throat under the pretension of ‘progressiveness’. It is fucking insulting, condescending and racist. You have already colonised China, is it not enough? Do you have to force our beliefs to be aligned with yours, whilst disregarding our cultures? Are you seeking to colonise our minds? 

(If you still don’t understand why I am outraged, just read Freud and how psychology came to be, please, stop being so ignorant and harasse people for it. I will be addressing Klanti’s arguments from a sociological POV in my next post)

note: part 2 is justifying power imbalance since i kinda digressed on western vs neasian shippers out of anger 

[perdizzion]

I just happen to stumbled upon ur account and saw that you'll be quitting med school. I have a dilemma that I want to share with someone. Im a newly enrolled first yr med student and classes just started a week before. But I'm starting to form some doubts whether I really want to be a doctor or not. Its not that I cant handle the academics its just that do i really see myself being a doctor in the future and actually feel happy about it.

I dont even know if being a doctor is my dream anymore or just my parent’s.

Hiya! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, anon! I don’t know if my answer will help you or not, but I will try to do my ABSOLUTE BEST to reply!!

Ok so. Med school. Tricky stuff. I’ll tell you a little bit about my background and what I’m up to right now to give you a Good Feel about how things are going after the decision I’ve taken and whatnot.

I got into med school about 4 and a half years ago, and like any student who worked their asses off for their desired universities’ entrance exams, I was beyond ecstatic when I found out that I had gotten in. I started attending lectures, group discussions, student projects, and for the first few years, I felt like hey, I think I can actually do this! The exams were pretty tough, I can’t say I liked pharmacology and neurology, but I passed just fine and so I thought that things were going to be fine.

[Narrator voice] things were, in fact, not fine.

I started having doubts around..3rd year, I think? Everything just started to become so dull no matter how much free time I was using to do my hobbies (drawing and doing art in general) and I think that was when my depression started to really rear its ugly head. I started to miss classes, isolate myself from my friends, stay in bed all day, and the only people that had kept me sane were my family and a few close friends of mine telling me to take care of myself when I was too depressed to do so. I tried thinking about whether I’ll be happy being a doctor in the future, and then I noticed that I couldn’t even imagine myself in a white coat, working in a clinic and talking to a patient.

This is when I finally realized that all this time, my wanting to go to med school wasn’t even because it was my dream. It was my parents’.

I struggled a lot to get through some of the days, but I managed to keep up the facade in front of my uni friends until I finished 4th year and received a “degree”. (In Indonesia, finishing 4th year of med school grants you a “bachelor of medicine” though you can’t really use it for anything yet until you’ve finished 2 more years of clerkship and get a “dr” in front of your name).

Clerkship happened after 4th year. If I had to use one word to describe clerkship, it would be hellish. I don’t know if this is how it works in every country, but in Indonesia, clerkship demands med students to attend hospital shifts with inhuman amount of working hours. We had to do 36 hour shifts every twice a week, and 9 hour shifts every other day. This might sound pretty light to some people, but it was super tough for me what with the amount of additional assignments and exams that we still had to do during our rotations. 

After 2 months of clerkship, my depression grew so much worse to the point where my best friend (bless her heart) had to call me almost everyday to help me sleep at night because the thoughts in my head wouldn’t leave me alone. Finally, I called my sister who lives in a different city to fly to where I was living in to take me to see a psychiatrist. It didn’t help because my doctor was super shitty about my condition (“all med students experience depression at one point because med school is just that hard, don’t worry, I’ve been there”) but I did take the meds. And I was planning to carry on with clerkship, until one day the meds gave me orthostatic hypotension (it was one of the side effects of the drug that I was taking) and I fainted in the middle of a surgery. When my mom (who lives in another city) found out about this, she was livid. She flew to my place right on that exact same day to take care of me, though she hadn’t known about my depression yet at the time.

The next day, I told her everything. Like, everything. About how med school had truly been stressing me out, about how I didn’t feel like med school was the right place for me anymore, about how clerkship had been making me feel like I was a worthless piece of shit because the doctors kept yelling at me, about how clerkship had also been making me realize that I wasn’t good with patients and that their lives are literally in my hands and that a single mistake could lead to their death and how I could never live with that much guilt in my life, about how I was so tired of being too sleep-deprived to properly function everyday, let alone to stitch a patient’s cut-up hand back together.

I told her that I wanted to quit. And so I did.

And you know what? It feels amazing.

I’ve been sleeping regularly for the past few months. I get to draw everyday now, and still make money out of doing commissions. I interact with my family a lot more and I don’t check up on them only when I need them to transfer me some money to buy food. I eat three meals a day like a normal human being and it feels so, so good. I applied for a scholarship so I could earn a Master’s degree in biomedicine abroad (it’s not art school, which is where I actually want to go to, but it’s not med school either so I’ll take it), I passed the first stage and now I’m just trying to do my best to pass the next two stages so I could get a full-ride. 

Things are okay. Things are good.

Things haven’t always been good, of course. People tell me that I was “so close to reaching my dreams!”, that my parents “must be so shattered to hear that you wanted to quit!”, that I am just “wasting away my potential.” My grandparents called me a disappointment a few weeks ago while telling me that I should just give up on my scholarship application and go back to med school. My dad told me that he wished I could “go back to the way I was and be happy again.” My mom cried multiple times. It hasn’t been easy on my mental health, but honestly? Fuck it. Fuck every single guilt-trip that my parents have had to put me through. Fuck everyone at uni who’s been spreading false rumors about how I quit med school because “I got cancer” or “I got knocked up.”

I absolutely hated how the doctors did anything back in the hospital. The rich patients got immediate treatment, and the poor got dismissed. The mentally ill were mocked behind closed doors, and med students were treated like trash. Rooted seniority where the senior doctors hazed junior doctors were still a thing (in Indonesia, at least). Literally everyone in the hospital had a superiority complex and I fucking hated it. Neither my parents nor my grandparents will have to be the ones to experience this on a daily basis for years though, so fuck outta here with your negative comments about my decision.

I quit med school because I did it for me, and only me.

This is by no means supposed to scare you away from med school just so you could jump into my bandwagon, heck no. I’m telling you this because nobody told me that this could be a possibility. Everybody I knew kept telling me that the only thing you’ll need to succeed med school is firm determination and hard work, and while that may be true for some people, I required a lot more than that, like a stable mental health, a good support system, etc. I failed to meet these requirements, and so everything turned into a shipwreck for me. My other friends, however, who were well-prepared with all of these, are managing to continue med school just fine.

That being said, this answer is definitely supposed to make you think about your decision more thoroughly. One of the most often things that people tell me post-med school is that “you should’ve quit earlier if you hadn’t liked it; it would’ve saved you a lot of time.” I hate the fact that I agree with this. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve still had time to search for a school that was more relevant to my interests and start over from a blank slate. If I had quit years ago, I would’ve been able to graduate from a new school and earn an actual proper job by now so I could help my parents out with our finance. Of course, my parents would’ve been way more harsh on me if I had told them that I wanted to quit so early on, but if you own the privilege of having parents that would genuinely and willingly listen to you, please talk about it with them. I had a friend who quit med school around a few months before 1st year ended; he’s in business school now and from what I’ve heard, he’s pretty happy with where he is right now.

Whew, that was long. I swear I didn’t mean for it to be this long!! Let me know if any of that helped or if you just want to talk off anon with me in general! I know firsthand how this kind of dilemma can eat you up whole, and it’s not a fun experience, so just hmu if you want to chat

Have a nice day!!

[prynnehesters]

why i hate college theatre majors, an essay perhaps

ok, so i was in theatre in high school. heck, i was in theatre when i was in 4th grade, but in high school and elementary school, i was an actor, whereas in college i was a techie, so mayhaps that is why my experience is terrible. but here we go:

elementary school was a local theatre which focused on getting children into acting coming to various schools in our district and directing like, 1 show a year. it lasted for a few months and gave 50 kids grades 4-6 (although it changed to 3-5 probably years after i left because our district changed) something to do after school. i never got big parts, but i always ended up hating the director because they sounded fake or were a bitch or whatever and i never got big roles but i mean, whatever. i was honestly in it for the cast parties, but those were regulated too and i couldn’t have all the pizza i wanted (disappointing). idk but like, all i remember from elementary school was kids being mean to me, but me still going back to do theatre, like an abusive relationship

in junior high, my cousin scared me out of doing theatre, so i didn’t do it until 9th grade when i needed more electives since i hated choir and only had sports

in high school, our drama club was majority student run. in previous years (like when i was in grade 7) it was run by an art teacher and there was this amazing student director but they graduated, so then drama club was in a rut, but it got fished out after a year of dealing w this shitty history teacher, and then we had some amazing student directors, but then right before i left drama sunk back into the hole and then got fished out again. idk, we’ve had different periods. i just hated musicals because i never had fun during them and the songs were annoying. also as an actor i hated getting small parts but i loved drama club so much but my parents were discouraging when it came to it and it fell apart my senior year so i decided to study science and went to college w that mindset

i didn’t really interact w theatre kids my first 2 years of college...it was bits and pieces of occasional thtr ppl, and most of the ppl i met were tech ppl and they were chill. i met one actor guy, he was an RA and an asshole

it wasn’t really until my 3rd year at the end of it in thtr 101 but everyone was chill and the proff was chill and i got involved in a big musical and worked backstage w some chill ppl and this one chick who ended up being really bad. her name was a slur and she was just...that annoying cute girl who knows she’s cute so she’ll use it to be annoying to guys...i hate ppl like that. at the time she was a thtr minor, but she changed to major shortly afterwards and i think she’s one of those ppl who wants to be an actor but isn’t good enough imo. idk, she’s a tryhard

and then i jumped full into the world of thtr at my uni after that class

i auditioned for the big musical and i went in there anxious as hell and ran out sobbing because i flubbed my audition. the teacher didn’t even remember me and i had to reintroduce myself 

i worked on a production as a run crew member and that production was awful. like, 2 of the ppl i worked with were ok, but almost all of the actors were trash, the director was trash, and the freshmen backstage workers sucked ass. also the stage manager was an asshole. the only cool ppl were the lead female and one of the freshmen backstage, but i worry about him. one of the freshmen girls backstage gave me the wrong vibes and i think 1 of the guys faded into the void and so did she. 

i took an acting class for funzies and it was fun but so many of the ppl in the class rang fake to me so i couldn’t take it seriously. also there were a lot of assholes. idk i just remember i told a girl i was autistic, but in super vague terms and she just stared at me for what seemed like an hour and then left. i later found out she lived in a single room so...ooop

and because i talked abt shitty thtr kids it made ppl seem to think i was a thtr kid....what the fuck!?!?!?! like, my stem major breatheren are boring af!!! there’s nothing to talk abt there. they’re boring and basic and like beer. that’s it!!!! thtr ppl are drama on wheels...

idk...just actors seem like ass and i felt like i was both butting into their conversations and being actively ignored

a lot of actors were total dicks to me

they just talk like twitter is real life and real life is twitter

what else....????? um, since they’re in college they can’t just enjoy popular theatre, they have to like weird edgy bullshit and the only ppl who come to see shows at uni are ppl who have to and their friends and family

also while working on a show i had to deal w actors who were fake deep and they acted like being an actor was so hard and whatever...like literally so many actors just get plucked off the streets nowadays

the worst theatre kids are the ones who hate movies tbh. like the movie stans are annoying...but those who actively hate movies are on another level 

also i managed to piss off a property designer one time because i was disappointed that she used axe as a lesbian and i think she forgot about the encounter but she was probably the worst techie i met 

actors hate it when they have to act as techies because they’re better than it, or so they think

most techies are fine, but there are those techies

most actors are awful, but then there are some genuine ppl who are alright

i was a prop assistant on a play and their team was too big and they were unorganized and the playwright was an asshole. she’s still writing shitty plays and having them produced by local theatres and i think she sucks and she was one of the most awful ppl who thinks she’s hot shit bcuz she made it to 400 level acting 

just....actors in general because our program is catered to them because they level up essentially every year and techies take like, 1 class, and boom, they’re a stage manager

a lot of the writing they write is “fake deep”. like, i remember one guy was sharing his piece on these research scientists and one of them gets naked for no reason whatsoever and then ppl were talking about how “deep” it was and i was disgusted because the guy who wrote it was like “huh, i haven’t thought of it in that way...but i totally meant it like that”

my playwrighting class in general was a nightmare. so many of those plays were shite. i apparently was one of the best playwrights and the other ones who were “the best” were the girl who basically wrote wolf 359 but in a submarine, some guy who wrote a play about grindr, and a girl who just wrote random shit

i worked in a professional theatre and they were so much nicer...like my tech bros were chill and we got good ass cheese

in conclusion, theatre majors suck. they’re cliquey, they’re stuck up, and they think they’re better than you. im staying away from theatre for a while. i might go and work in event planning and tech stuff, but idk

fuck. college. theatre. majors.

end rant

[morningpages-louise]

september 08, 2018

Hello i am writing from cebu, yup, still here, hanging tight lol its 12:12 wew on september 8, a friday night. i'm home, ofcourse. candy, sweet adorable candy who has just gotten a haircut is sitting in front of me in the black lazy boy we've had for years. i'm enjoying listening to my tunes on my mom's bluetooth beats headphones. it's noise cancelling and the sound is quite impeccable but im quite scared someone will try to sneak up on me and read my thoughts and judge me so im currently trying to balance my laptop perched on my left thigh. I just finished watching a couple of youtube videos, but my mind was racing on other things, such as the stuff i have yet to do. lol im literally the worst.. i literally had 2 weeks to do nothing but these tasks and i have failed. i haven't even watched my darn underwear. so now im feeling the pressure of time and i have to choose between relaxing myself and enjoying my last few moments with my family and my work and professional life huhu its okay. imma try my best to balance it. i recently got work as a transcriber, easy peasy, but i can't even focus on that cause like my priorities man. first its with my fam, then my next priority is time to prepare for my OS in AIESEC. So the job is pretty much my 3rd priority. and then i also have to think about the NYC itinerary. uhm, im okay. im also a shit person for putting these all off. during the start of the break we always think we have more time than we actually have. im sad that i only got the groove of things now, when its too late. SADNESS. pero okay lang. im going to miss mornings where i wake up and can literally just spend hours scrolling through my phones cause like no responsibilities. and im going to miss going down and seeing muffin and candy but alas i might go. i always feel more productive when im in manila. like when im in cebu i feel like im being sucked in a hole of unproductivity cause i want to spend as much time with my family, but when im in manila its just like work work work. it could be the hustle and bustle of the city but its good, at doeses. we should always make sure to find time to deflect and just chill the fuck out. i think i will continue my guava pass next next week, after the wedding because for sure i wont have time to do it while the wedding is going on. i guess that's what makes the fact that im going to manila so soon not so bad, in terms of homesickness. nikki and my mother will be flying to manila next friday for the wedding so that's great. ugh i will also miss ofcourse watching terrace house with nikki and laughing at the characters, especially taishi and yusuke. i will miss spending time with my beautiful mother who i love so dearly. watching cat creature's video vlog of her stay in paris with her mother made me hope that one day i will be fortunate enough to earn a salary and raise enough money to bring my mom to places she's always dreamed of travelling to. ugh that would be beautiful. i cherish my mother even though at times i may not show it. i love her dearly. i love her so much. so yeah im feeling pressured af because nikki is also having the same job as me and she is already working, meanwhile im just trying to live. i also have to think of my mentrep idea. maybe i will just choose not to sleep tonight? lol okay with me as long as im productive lol this toxic schedule i did not really miss. i really need to piss. but yes. maybe i shall end this note with what im grateful for since its been a while since ive shared. honestly i love how relaxed my stay here is but im also excited to get in the groove of things. im excited for a fresh new start once again. this term, i will work hard and give it my all. i will grow. it's like the last leg of the year so let's make it a home run and make it a year to remember shall we? i have a good feeling about the next few months to be honest.. let's do this senior year. omg i just realized. how fast time flies. throwback to my frosh days huhu dani sent me a photo of my frosh self in lpep and im just shookened. by the people ive met, the opportunities ive gotten and where i am now. 3 years ago today, i was a totally confused froshie who didnt know where yuch or sj building was. i wanted to get out of the block system so badly because i didn't feel like i had a solid group at that time. everything was so new. i was dying in college algebra. i was hella homesick. and now im here, wishing i were in manila instead of here because manila has become home. looking back at it now, i feel like im still that same person but maybe its always like this you know. we always feel like we're the same person. it's not until we take a step back and look at ourselves that we see how much we've changed. it's insane. maybe i havent changed as drastically as my friends, aka kris and kathy lol but i know i have changed in some ways. im more responsible. i have a somewhat clearer vision of what id like to do in life. i know what's important to me. its crazy. i wish my present self could meet my frosh 17 year old self and show her just what college will be full of. she could guide her on what to do like study fucking algebra its not that hard, tell her who the people who will fill her life with rich memories are so she doesn't have to waste her time with the wrong people and tell her that it will be fine. everything will work out. it may seem like scary, untouched territory at the moment but goddamnit you will grow so much in the next 3 years. you will figure yourself out more. you will adult, as boring and unexciting as it sounds, it can actually be quite fun. ugh its insane talaga. i guess i am grateful for everything lol so damn vague and broad. i dont know. im grateful that i always have myself to come back to. no matter how tough life may be, im here. i've always been here. i will get through anything as long as i pass through. i am here. i am aware. i am aware of everything i have. all the opportunities i have. all the things that i will one day lose and because im aware, i will not take these things for granted. because i know. i am aware. i just have to goddamn remind myself this quote all the time. i often think too much. i think its a symptom of living talaga. we're all faced with the dilemma of thinking too much and thinking quite unnecessary thoughts at that damn these mosquitoes ruining my mojo but yes. we must learn to roll with life's punches and live goddamnit. revel in happiness and live. flow with life. constant reminders we must always remind ourselves. so yes. im grateful that i am here and i am aware of all that i currently have and will soon have. thankyou. thankyou thankyou. what i am not grateful for is mosquitoes goddamnit.