#and also i was often having wierd driving dreams at that point in time

[sporksaber]

I was looking through my untitled word docs to see if I'd written down notes on a book concept I'd had awhile ago, and found a summary of a dream I had back in april. It makes no sense. It's full of typos bc I wrote it down at 5am before going back to sleep. And I think it's so funny.

[watahbufala]

these questions are from @classesandaspects and are from this post

Aspect questions:

Which aspect(s) are you drawn to?: well im drawn to a few and i thought i should actually explain them. first off im probably drawn twords void allot just cuz i really love the void aesthetic, like big dark rooms, or like dystopian future style dark almost unimaginably big buildings (theres also the fact ive loved all the void players and thought they were rad), im also drawn twords the space aspect of course. space is something i really like in general, like its this huge dark lonely vacuum thats both comforting and makes me not feel so great about life. im also a creative person who tends to have issues with dimensions, and i love to explore things (i do a bit of urban exploration stuff allot) also the colors would look great with most god tier outfits. im drawn to time as well for its connection to mechanical things and death. i mean i think everyones a bit connected to death but im pretty numb to the idea and such. i dont really get to depressed when people i love die cuz i know its their time and everyone has to pass at some point. i also tend to connect with the heart aspect allot cuz it has to do with self image and such (but i think self image has to do allot with space as well). im also kinda drawn twords breath and mind just because i get breath allot on tests and love the pyropes

What drives you? What motivates you?: this is a big question for me. i tend to think that the future and what it holds motivates me but i think its allot deeper than that. i guess i look at the future as what i can become in the future an how i can like...up my skill?? idk. but i tend to think people motivate me, and the thought of getting things done and not having to stress anymore motivates me. first of all i think everyone could use a friend saying "you can do it!" every now and then. i tend to put out my emotions just to get feedback from people telling me that it will all be alright and that they care about me i guess. theres also the whole getting things done thing, i tend to stress out and just avoid doing things allot. like i just tend to procrastinate. i love to just do talk to people on the internet, read a book or just enjoy a story, and just enjoy doing nothing all day. so i mean getting done with things sorta quick motivates me but i also tend to put stuff off ALLOT. another thing that motivates me is me is like, what i can become in the future. like once i get done with all this i can be the artist of my dreams and be good at art and writing all that. i practice to make myself better i guess. my biggest drive for the last year or so (ive kinda been having depressive episodes) is the fact that one day i could write something that will inspire people and i guess make me important? like maybe make the world better for me and other people. i could write something amazing one day and couple it with amazing art. so uh yea. (all these answers are too long jeez)

How do you view the world?: man. this is kinda a deep question for me, i kinda dont think life has much meaning. like i think the point of life has been cemented in reality as like, enjoying it? thats the main goal people have. i think that we were put on the earth to make a better life for the people coming next tho. like create the new generation of the world and such.

Which aspect matches your personality?: man thats a good question. i would say space but im not sure. i think either mind or space. my personality is kinda wierd imo. cuz on the internet i act allot more analytical and in real life i usually do stuff and act random just to make people laugh. id say im like allot different than almost everyone i know, i have different hobbies and interests, have different sense of fashion, have a different music taste, etc etc etc. like i tend to just be different in general. i tend to do weird things just to make people laugh. like ill scream just to have a reaction. i tend to attribute these qualities to mind sorta? i also act very uncaring and unemotional irl, when online i can easily come out with my emotions and tell people how i feel (this is probs cuz i have more confidence online and think my online friends would listen more). i also think i sorta act motherly? maybe not really. i tend to have like a thing where if someone says "hey im gonna do this stupid thing!" ill say "no stop thats stupid" an nag them about it until they wont do that stupid thing. im also sorta protective. like ive been with someone and i was walking across the street and i almost got hit by a car, but i pushed the other person out of the way so i could take the hit and theyd be ok. but i tend to say i act like a space or mind player. possibly a breath player cuz of my uncaring attitude

Class questions:

How do you relate to your aspect?: personally i think my aspect is space, but its kinda hard to answer this question without being sure. and well i sorta look at space as what i want to be and what i am. like im creative, i love to do art stuff, i tend to deal with allot of problems that have to do with distance that can destroy me emotionally and thinking about them can ruin my day at times, and i like science. but across the board i act differently with different types of space. like i think im better than most creatively and have allot of knowledge on the creative process, i think i deal with allot of shit dealing with distance, and i tend to think im not the best at science (not doing the best in school science but i love science as more of a hobby. like not something i have to be good at. just something i enjoy. like i love allot of science youtubers and thinking about what i know of science). so i think im a bit different all across the board. i think i sorta just do whatever i feel like with space, which is usually just using it or learning how to do it better. like i wanna be the guy that does the space and does all the cool shit, but im not sure if i fit that role perfectly. i think im more of an observer that does things when they feel like it. or just someone that really likes space if that makes sense. so i tend to think i sorta feel the good and bad of space, and use it.

What is your role / archetype / character arc?: uh ive been described as the main character but thats not much of an arch. i think i need to kinda improve in skill an knowledge mostly, maybe i need to learn to be myself a bit more and come out about who i am more and stop sorta following others? im not exactly sure what my character arc is. i probably need to learn to be content with who i am, or maybe grow in skill and knowledge like i said before, maybe i need to learn how to grow in skill and knowledge. i think those are the 2 main things that plague me. 

What do you struggle with?: i think i mostly struggle with internal issues, and insecurities. i also worry about whats to come quite a bit. i struggle with putting things off to the last minute allot. but it mostly comes down to the fact that i think im not the best and need to be better. ive gone through a few aspects and i always think "wow im not really good enough at this to be this aspect" i do the same with space but people tell me i fit it super well. i also tend to be quite depressive and lonely at times. i dont leave my house to go see friends too often and i mostly just sit inside and talk to people on the internet (which i find fun) but it gets me down because i feel pretty lonely. ive also moved allot over the course of my life and left allot of people behind (some without even telling them im leaving) and that really gets me down. when i think about that it can sometimes ruin my days. 

Which class matches your personality?: this is a bit tricky, i tend to say knight because of how insecure i am and how i tend to conceal my emotions irl. but i also think im not insecure enough to be a knight (like dave and karkat had DEEEEEEEEEEP issues). i think im more akin to a seer, rogue, or maybe mage. ive been told i act like a seer a few times by friends. i tend to act a bit like terezi, so possibly. i also tend to relate to the mage characters being stubborn when it comes to space, and sorta having a sollux kinda mood most of the time. i say rogue because i tend to act a bit like roxy but that one is more meh. any of these 4 i sorta act like but im not sure which

(also keep in mind i typed this out pretty quickly if theres any spelling mistakes)

this was a private post. but im making it public cuz someone was using it as an example

also i came out with mage of space by the end of this if your curious

[edibleflowerseu]

SOUNDS

Boyracer / More Songs about Frustration and Self-Hate (1994) [Slumberland]

“It was an embrace of punk's DIY ethics, but also a big "fuck off" to punk's poses: a cute little pop song existing in (and analyzing) a scene that had very little use for such things. This became the core idea of indiepop: In environments where everyone desperately wanted to show strength and style and importance, these bands thumbed their noses and thought hard about kittens.” (---)

___

“You get, in essence, what so much of indiepop has forgotten: That the point isn't just to be sweet and congratulate yourself for it, but to make sweetness powerful, to make it say something.” (---)

...

Twee was the foundation for the indie rock explosion of the 2000s, The stone that built Portland, Oregon (or at least the largest one). While certainly much huger in the UK, it had no shortage of fans in the US (especially the Northwest). Rooted in the same DIY spirit and organization as hardcore and punk, indie-pop concerned itself less with big ideas and more with goofily sincere idiosyncrasies. Not tough-guys dismantling the system but introspective humans who liked books and crushes.

There's few bands that spam the same gimmick but are as consistently listenable as Boyracer. A band that for me lurked in Sarah Record comps, it wasn't until recently that I gave them serious thought beyond “beloved indie-pop legend.” I think the reason I'm so attracted to them and why they seem to maintain their relevance is that they never really sounded much like their contemporaries. A decent amount of songs about crushes, breaking up, and feeling shitty about your ex, but with way more bite than the innocent twee-darlings of the scene. Dude's more pissed, often more clever, and straight up just noisier and harsher sounding than the rest.

Comparisons are made between the band and Guided by Voices (one-man in a rotating line-up spurting out almost-pop-songs at a alarming rate), and I guess they are pretty true. I don't know enough about either to say anything or, at this point, really give a shit. Boyracer is a really good band.

Souls of Mischief / 93 ‘til Infinity (1993) [Jive]

“Infinity is more comforting when it’s immaterial. At 18, limitlessness is its own form of intoxication. By 30, it’s oblivion. In September of 1993, infinity meant marimba samples, maxin’ in the studio, frigid 40s, mediocre cinema, and blunts no ruler could measure.” (---)

___

“Infinity is the condition intuitively understood at adolescence. Souls of Mischief were only 18—rapping with reckless energy, toying with syllables, finishing each other’s sentences, spinning stories with the enthusiasm of telling them for the first time ... Heard again as an adult, it sounds like a flashy delusion. As a teenager, it’s a covenant with no strings attached.” (---)

...

“93 til Infinity” might be the most influential rap song of all time. Today, its definitely gets the most shout outs and covers (Freddie Gibbs, J Cole, Joey Bada$$, Kanye, BIG Krit), you name it. Outkast, Four Tet, and Vampire Weekend cite it as monumentally inspirational to their music and life.

The history of it all is muddy to me. I'm no hip-hop head, and the names, places and chain of events is something I don't really have a grasp on. But from what I read it goes something like the teenage kids in Souls hung out with thugs and drug dealers, but went to multicultural schools and had well-educated parents. The dealers told them they needed to grow up to be the lawyers, not the thugs. So it was drugs, sex, books and dreams for the boys. Members of the Oakland rap crew Hieroglyphics (headed by the undersung Del Tha Funkee Homosapien, cousin of Ice Cube) helped export a distinct Bay rap feel, precedented by Mac Dre, Too $hort, Rappin 4-Tay, and on down the list.

In the still largely underground rap world that was the 90s, the lead single from the album blew up. Similar to the chill-clever clowns in The Pharcyde, the band towed the line between playful and serious in a way that only well-read kids growing up surrounded by drug violence and gangsta culture can do.

But where did they go? Why didn't they blow up right then and there? I dunno. The band, the album and the titular single made its way into skate videos, which in turn made its way into punk and hardcore culture, which became a huge contributor to the mainstream adoption of alt, and so here we are. It's something like that. Either way, “93 til Infinity” is an encapsulation of youth: all the time in the world, and you just wanna chill.

Duster / Stratosphere (1998) [Up]

“A sound akin to Yo La Tengo playing beneath a heavy winter blanket.” (---)

...

Neglected legends seems to be a theme of this post (or maybe my music listening habits). “Lost classics” or what have you.

Duster has slowly made its way into the apocrypha of the emo guitar-rock canon over the past few years. Lodged somewhere between the space-rock of Hum, the slowcore of Codeine or Carissa's Wierd, and the traditional fare of first wave emo, the record is soothingly atmospheric but also hella catchy. For a space-rock album, its quite down to earth. Its a humble record made by regular dudes with guitars, spare time, and an excess of creativity.

Good for driving in the countryside. Or driving in space. If you can pull that off.

Album art looks like something from the colorschemer twitter.

Slint / Spiderland (1991) [Touch & Go]

“In many respects, the story of Slint is an exceedingly familiar one of influence accruing in absentia, of mavericks who were ignored in their time and had to wait years to get their due. Except unlike other members of the criminally neglected alt-rock trailblazer club … Slint didn’t just fail at becoming the world-beating superstars that their record labels and music-critic boosters alike hoped they would be. Through their initial 1986-1991 existence, Slint were obscure outsiders even within the subterranean confines of the American indie-rock underground.” (---)

___

“Spiderland’s volcanic outbursts naturally count as the album’s most bracing, memorable moments. The one drawback is that they occasionally obscured and overshadowed McMahan’s monologues, which remain eminently unnerving for both their delivery (not so much “spoken word” as melody-averse singing imbued with cold-blooded, dead-eyed dread) and their amazingly immersive economy … When Slint do inevitably unleash the noise, it’s less a sonic device than a narrative one, to mark the moment after which, for the songs’ protagonists, nothing will ever be the same again.” (---)

...

Another motif of my listening habits lately have been consistently on the spectrum of post-rock and slowcore. Atmospheric and sparse. Check the other shit I've been spinning if u don't believe for me some reason.

Slint is a famous band with famously zero fans that released a record that slowly became famous and legendary and gave them lots of fans. They were a band outside of an underground scene. Parallels between American Football, narrative-wise. The band broke up right after this record, and after some of their friends like Will Oldham, the Jesus Lizard, and - most notably - Steve Albini gained some traction, slowly did they get their share. The mystery behind the album, its sonic dynamics, and its esoteric, barely-audible, dread-filled lyrics gave it a cult following and now its super famous.

Yves Tumor / Serpent Music (2016) [PAN]

“Through this repetitive unfolding, Serpent Music gestures toward a privation, a scintilla of pain just out of reach, which nevertheless must be approached, again and again. Like The Caretaker, Yves Tumor captures lost feelings and experiences through Freudian repetition, stitching successive moments together to form a mappable, navigable affective tableaux. One is confronted with time’s passage, its intertwining with the plane of experience, its demands on the body and the spirit.” (---)

___

“From warmth to desolation [the album] exists in a state of constant flux. Its ceaseless momentum drives it forward, lightly anchored by shifting rhythms, textures, and affects. This is mood music, flecked with beauty and riven with hurt, a compelling, complex work that extends itself outwards, generously inviting the listener to share in its triumphs and disappointments.” (---)

___

“Yeah, man. I only want to make hits. [laughs] What else would I want to make? I don’t mean in a radio sense. I don’t mean, like, Usher hits. I just mean a track or song that people constantly need to play over and over and over and over again.” (---)

...

Yves Tumor is among the many artists springing up exploring the possibilities that exist at the intersection between black and queer. Work that is obsessed and informed by colonialism, the beauty of the body and soul, and the horrors of the body and soul. Among other things.

I thought he was a staple of the NON crew but turns out he is his own dude, and is only loosely affiliated with those folks, as well as Mykki Blanco through Dogfood Music. Similar artists include AMNESIA SCANNER, Gaika, Chino Amobi, ANGEL-HO, and so forth.

But Tumor does his own thing, and loves to keep an elusive profile. This is less out of an artistic grand vision, as much as it is him not wanting to divulge too many personal details to the music media for fear of obsessed fans being unable to respect the line of public and private worship.

Anyway, this album is like a journey through some dark dystopian urban landscape and everything is made of body parts, or most things are made of body parts.

This Will Destroy You / This Will Destroy You (2008) [Magic Bullet]

“Much like Explosions in the Sky and Mono, This Will Destroy You use their instruments expertly to create a brooding anxiety that threatens to erupt at any moment. They often build in traditional instro-post-rock fashion, starting calm before growing to a dense wall of guitars and cymbals, but they never really feel bound by that formula … But mostly this is an exercise in controlled arrangements. The band employs its fair share of effects, especially delay and reverb, but rarely does the noise spiral out of control.” (---)

...

People fuck to Explosions in the Sky. People don't fuck to this.

OTHER SHIT:

E M O TI O NAL T O K Y O / High in School mix

Especia / Gusto

Don Caballero / What Burns Never Returns

Jeru the Damaja / The Sun Rises in the East

Codeine / Frigid Stars

The Story So Far / Under Soil and Dirt

Kool G Rap / 4,5,6