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1eeminho · 4 years

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so I'm a bisexual trans man and i have a lot of internal struggles about who I'm "allowed" to be attracted to. my brain is often transphobic to me, and i tell myself that since my body isn't "male" i can't be attracted to gay men. i feel scared to ever foster feelings for gay men because what would they say to me when they found out I'm a "woman"? but at the same time i feel like gay men definitely want a partner with a penis which is valid but that furthers my brain's statement about my "womanhood." but if i think about other trans people, i don't exactly hold the same views. obviously they are valid in their identity. but my brain always tells me I'm not really a man. since i don't look like a cis man, I'm not counted as a man in the eyes and attraction of others. likewise, if I'm interested in a woman my brain tells me those are gay feelings. idk, i just don't know how to fix this. partly i blame the internet, I've been seeing a LOT of transphobes, a lot of jk r*wling. the rest of it is just that I'm confused and mean to myself

hi anon its really good of you to talk about this okay thats so important and im happy you feel save enough to do it here with me <3 since I'm not trans i can only speak from the view of a cis bi woman but I will share my thoughts and maybe some of my trans followers see this and have something to say to help you! so, first of all, as long as the people you are attracted to aren't for example children, you are allowed to be attracted to anyone. attraction is something we cannot control, it just IS, no matter what gender that person has or what gender we identify as. you're allowed to just let yourself be interested in people. second of all, you said right at the beginning of this ask that you are a bi trans man and to me that says it all, you're a man. your brain might tell you otherwise sometimes, but you have obviously consciously considered this and realized that you are a man, no matter the body you have been born in. so you are man, full stop. I can imagine that it must be very difficult to live with this doubt tho! Our brains are very complex of course so when we have internalized ideas and values from society over the years, its very hard to get those out of our heads and they will turn up again and again especially when we try to go against them. You said you saw a lot of transphobic shit especially online and its hard to not let that stuff get to you and get into your head, especially if its something that concerns you personally! but please know that those thoughts, that you're not really a man or that you aren't allowed to be attracted to gay men bc of your body parts, those thoughts are only products of societies narrow-minded and outdated views on what gender and attraction is supposed to be like. having these thoughts doesn't mean they're true, our thoughts don't define us. they just come and go. but! you can consciously let go of these thoughts and not give them any attention. there's a lot I could say about unwanted and intrusive thoughts but it would be too long here rn but talk to me again if u wanna know more! anyway, you're a man, a bisexual man and you're allowed to be attracted to anyone you're attracted to. now, what the other people do is not something you can influence. of course there will be people who prefer one kind of sexual organs over the other but tbh I dont think thats most of them. there are a lot of gay lesbian bi whatever people who just don't really care about genitals. it really depends on the person! and you not having been born into the body of a male sex doesn't mean you're not a man, it simply means you have a different body than a lot of men but at the same time there are a lot of men who have the same body parts you do! so, where im going with this is this: if you identify as a man you're a man and you're allowed to be attracted to anyone, gay men included. what those men feel for you in return depends on them and thats nothing you can influence but it also doesn't invalidate who you are! I'm gonna stop talking here bc this is already so long and I'm not sure I got my point across but do feel free to talk to me again if you feel like it!! you will be okay 💗

#i only had one hour of sleep i hope this makes sense hhh #mail💌#anon #lgbtq

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