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impalaanddemons · 8 years ago

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Good Girl - Part 7

Summary: Werewolf!Reader Story. Readers a young doctor and uses her skills to keep her condition hidden, until she transfers to the Enterprise and tries to deceive a certain grumpy Doctor

Bones x Reader

Wordcount: 2130

A/N: Another long one. I rewrote the last part two or three times, bc I wanted to get McCoys Character right. There is some medical BS in there I suppose, but I tried to be as accurate as possible. (I had a beautiful couple of hours reading about mauling incidents). So pls bear with me :)

This could be AOS and TOS

Warnings: Language, slight Body Horror, Blood, Injury

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 5 PART 6

„Doctor M’Benga, what’s our status?“ - it was the special power of anyone who worked on call, not just werewolves, to get ready, dressed and cleaned of any bodily fluids within about 10 minutes if necessary. That’s how you stormed into the sickbays operation room A - the blue shirt slightly disarranged, hair still damp from a very short shower. You slid into the scrubs on auto pilot to get a look at the scenery.

„Ensign Bancroft was found 15 minutes ago. Mauling incident. Don’t ask me how. GCS 10. Lacerations on the face and his arms. Heavy blood loss due to injury at brachial artery, ligated now.“ Holy lord. You stared at the young mans face - or what was left of it. It was not the first time you saw these kind of injuries, but it was the first time that you … were the reason. Fear shot through you. They would incarcerate you for this, if they ever found out. Guilt crept upon you. Sneaked it’s tiny hands around your chest and squeezed it. God. You needed to concentrate, needed to work, now. Be professional. If you lost your cool now, you’d never forgive yourself. You’d never work as a doctor again. You pushed the thought away, leaving only place for professionalism and the now stretching itself out before you. „Chapel, irrigate those wounds on his face with anti-bacterial solution 23“ - „Let’s patch him up“, M’Benga asserted grimly.

Where there was a surgery going, McCoy was usually nearby. There were jokes going around the medic team that he had persuaded Scotty to patch his Communicator and his PADD so that whenever there was an emergency surgery, he’d be commd, no matter if he were on call, duty, or otherwise. He was not satisfied with reports alone, he had to be there. This time you seemed to have dodged the bullet, at least as nightshift slowly descended into Alpha. No Bones. Yet. You patched that poor boy up the best you could. This was the most delicate, best suture you had ever delivered. Guilt seemed to propel your abilities to new heights, you thought bitterly to yourself. M’Benga and you had already discussed that that boy would’ve to stay for some time under the dermal regenerator. He’d also get preventive medication against everything you thought feasible in the situation. You were pretty sure to not carry any deadly diseases, but neither could you tell anyone what you knew, nor were you entirely sure how anything wolf in you reacted with a human. There had never been an accident. Talking of… Still in your scrubs you watched Ensign Bancroft being carried out to his biobed in a private bedroom. Would he … change? You knew of no precedent. Were you now Patient zero to a werewolf epidemic? That would be… disastrous. No cure to that, being what you were. Not as far as your knowledge went, at last. You pulled off your bloody gloves and threw them in the sanitizer, following that you left the OR. Ah. Doctor McCoy. A smile crossed your weary face but he didn’t notice. Of course not - he probably fumed about not knowing about the surgery sooner and was extracting every bit of information from M’Benga he could. Luckily you had left a minute after him, or Bones would quiz you just as relentless as anyone else here. No special treatment for the person he happened to share his bed with. „Are you well…?“ Chapels blue eyes grazed your face. „Just a bit tired“, you smirked and shrugged. Shrugging hurt. You had almost forgotten about your own injury and tried to not pull a face at that. „Got the thing for you“ Chapel grinned and lifted a mug with steaming hot coffee. You would swear by your ancestors that the stuff replicated in medbay was at least 50% stronger then what you got anywhere else on the ship. Sometimes a coffee addict from Engineering sneaked in to replicate himself a mug. That’s how good the stuff was. „You’re an angel. I’d not know what we’d do without you.“ you shot her a big honest smile. „You better be awake, it’s gonna be a long Alpha for you today until M’Benga comes back from his beauty sleep.“ Christine paused and watched the two Doctors, standing next to you. „Assuming Doctor McCoy will ever let him leave.“

You usually covered Beta as second to M’Benga, but occasionally took over nightshift or assisted the big man himself on Alpha. Since Alpha was the busiest time on the Enterprise you’d usually be too busy to chat with McCoy. Not that you did not chat - you chatted with nurses and patients alike, but you and him were usually occupied with your own work, apart from five minutes for yet another coffee. That was all that kept you awake right now, anyway, as you’d technically not slept at all. There was a Security officer with a broken rib you’d tended to as Alpha drew to a close. He was a hearty fellow, joking during the whole procedure (which meant prescribing him something for the pain and making sure he’d restrict himself for the next weeks). He was a good flirt and seemed happy to test his skills at you. You didn’t mind but the disgruntled look Bones shot him near the end was about the funniest thing you’d seen in a while. „Thank you, dear Doctor“ the man grinned, running a hand of his through military styled short blonde hair. „Just be careful, it needs to heal. If you can’t rest, I’ll confine you to the sickbay.“ you said and closed his file on your PADD. Still grinning he clapped you on the shoulder, which made you draw a sharp breath. „I’m sorry, Doctor. Everything okay, Doctor?“ he asked, clearly shocked. „Yeah“, you grimaced at him and forced your eyes back into a smile. „Sport incident. Just be on your way.“ lazily waving your hand and forcing that smile a bit more, he nodded - not one hundred percent convinced - and left. You turned around, wanting to check Bancrofts biobed once more, only to see McCoy watching you with narrowed eyes. He’d seen.

„Shirt off.“ Unless your ability to interpret human sound hadn’t left you miraculously last night, that was no question. You were at Bones quarters - he had finished reading the reports on Bancroft so far, you had taken to the chance and eaten as much as humanly possible to add some substance to the amount of coffee you’d already had that day. „I’m …“ you began but he clicked with his tongue, expression stern. „I’m either doing this here, as your partner that happens to be a Doctor - an excellent one at that - or we’re going straight to medbay.“ A moment of silence stretched between the two of you. „Shirt. Off.“ he reiterated and from the tone of his voice, how gravelly it was, how close to a growl, you knew he was serious. Begrudgingly you grabbed your shirt and pulled it over your head, leaving your skin exposed to the cooler air. The bruise was still covering your shoulder - all dark blue and red and violet, expressing the colors of the rainbow. The barely healed gash was still there, of course. Red, thin skin stretching over your muscles. His face was unmoving as if carved from solid rock. He stepped closer to you. „Turn around.“ You did, turning your back to him and staring at the opposite wall. Feet shuffled, he moved closer, slowly letting out a previously held breath. Then his soft fingers touched the skin on your back - carefully, a lot deeper down then you had expected. Maybe you should’ve checked how far down this injury went. „Turn to me again“, said the Doctor and his voice was barely a whisper. Turning to face him again you slowly examined his face. His beautiful eyes had the cold glimmer of a distant star in them. There was no hot rage, but something else below that silent surface of his. The cold fury of clashing emotions. You could feel it raging, could see how it turned him upside down. His fingers traveled the gash. „Lift your arm.“ he said and you lifted your arm. It hurt and your face stiffened. „Hurts? Can you move it backwards for me?“ you did as he told you and followed through with a few other motions until he told you to lower the arm again. „How did this happen, Y/N?“ now his eyes searched your face. „It .. was an accident. In the gym.“ He snorted at that, something grim tracing the lines around his eyes and mouth now. „Let me rephrase that, darlin’.“ there was something dangerous in his voice and you felt it was not directed at you. „Who did that?“ You shuffled uncomfortable at the question. How could you tell. What would you tell him. You didn’t know. Hi Len, I was a wolf at that time and somehow don’t remember? Yeah. Good luck with that, girl. „I … cannot tell you, Len. I am so sorry. Please believe me.“ you hated the way your voice sounded like it was begging. Gritting his teeth he backed up and left you for a second to grab his medical tricorder. „Fine“ he decided then: „The moment you remember, you tell me.“ that was no question either. You had never seen him so … possessive? Or was defensive the right word? „Now sit down for a moment, I’ll check you through.“ You opened your mouth to disagree at that but quickly closed it again when you saw his face. Concerned. That was the word you were looking for. He was concerned. And professional. He would not have acted any different, were it anyone else on this ship. This was his crew and he felt responsible for the health of everyone. Being his significant other only gave him more edge in this matter. He stood in front of you, putting the tricorder to your face - given any other situation you’d have enjoyed the view and him, ordering you around in his bedroom. Now you waited for the whirring of the tricorder to stop. „You’re readings are off, Y/N“ the tone of his voice dropped once more and now his eyes searched yours again. He pressed his left middle and index finger at your carotid. His lips moved the tiniest bit while counting, focused. „Way off.“ - „It was a very long and exciting day.“ you offered as a heartfelt, but poor excuse. It had been a long day and you got a feeling that those that followed would only become longer. „We’ll check this regularly now. I don’t want to see you at work tomorrow, you’ll need bed rest. I don’t know how you got this gash on your shoulder, but this will be checked regularly too.“ „Doctors orders?“ you smirked as you tried to ease the tension. „Are you teasing me for being concerned for your well being?“ he shot back but the tension did ease somewhat. Those lines around his eyes softened as he watched you now, the gruffness of his face smoothed as a smile tugged at his lips. You smiled back, still looking up at him, and carefully leaned your forehead on the fabric of his blue shirt. You felt his fingers touching your neck, wandering through the tiny hairs on your neck. How his heart beat faster then usually. „I promise you, Len“ you mumbled and lifted your face now to watch him „I’ll tell you, okay? It was an accident, don’t be worried.“ It was true. You would. Somehow. He nodded reluctantly. It was obvious that he wasn’t content. And he would put you in a biobed next thing in the morning. He didn’t need to tell you, you knew. If your shoulder hadn’t been so mobile, the gash not healed as good as it was, he’d have probably scooted you off to medbay in an instant. You got up from the bed and stretched yourself to brush a kiss on his lips. You wanted this to work out. With him. „There’s no dodging me any more, young lady.“ said the Doctor. You pouted a bit, at which he nabbed at your lower lip with his teeth. „No amount of pouting and batting your eyes at me will change my decision. Or keep me from performing your exams myself anymore.“ his whisper had a raw quality to it. „You come to me, when you are wounded. I …“ he stopped and drew closer, pulling you into his arms, very careful not to put pressure on your shoulder. A strange sensation spread in your chest, warm and fuzzy. „Yes, Sir.“ you said mockingly. „Good girl“ he pressed his lips on yours and brushed a strain of hair out of your face.

READ ON

TAG LIST. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK :)

@webhoard @rayleyanns @elenawrit @star-trekkin-across-theuniverse @to-pick-ourselves-up-7 @fridgebiscuit @newhappiness430 @theleonardmccoy @ha-tep @daughterofthebrowncoats @frostingsfics @imaginativefanatic @pan-da-sexual-oreo @engineeringtrashcan

#bones x reader #leonard mccoy x reader #mccoy x reader #leonard mccoy #doctor mccoy #bones

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bloojayoolie · 5 years ago

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Being Alone, Benadryl, and Bones: A Social Butterfly, Playful Lad, Adorable Dumpling & Affectionate Babe Ceve MAXX ID# 47064 1 yr old and 68 adorable lbs Waiting for you @ Manhattan Animal Care Center INTAKE DATE: 07-17-2019 ADOPTED AS A PUPPY AND RETURNED JUST A FEW MONTHS LATER - MAXX IS STILL JUST THE CUTEST DUMPLING and SOCIAL BUTTERFLY! WHAT IS NOT TO LOVE ABOUT MAXX? ** A $500 stipend will be offered to the New Hope partner that pulls Maxx 47064. Please note that in order to qualify for the stipend, the animal cannot go to a boarding facility. ** A volunteer writes: MAXX is an adorable little big guy, just a plump baby at 1 year of age! He is so cute, tumbling down the yard, all excited, his mouth open, wagging his tail, flopping his ears and running after a ball. A silly and naive pup, full of expectations and belief that life is a huge bowl of fun! Maxx loves company: he calls for attention, lands on laps with his giant paws, licks faces, gives standing hugs and kisses, mouths gently and plays with the leash. Forgive me, forgive me, I am just a little one! Of course, who would be upset at you, you are so endearing! Maxx does sit on command, takes treats gently and seems to like very much other dogs, in particular the little ones. Well, he lived with a pretty ShihTzu girl and just adored her! What's not to love and like about Maxx? He is the cutest dumpling, a social butterfly, a playful lad, an affectionate babe and he loves other dogs! In a nutshell, Maxx is a great young pooch who will make your life lively, fun and sweet! Ask to meet Maxx at the Manhattan Care Center. They so want to be yours! MY MOVIES: Current Stay: Bella and Maxx in Playgroup https://youtu.be/rdiTVcbMt_o First Stay: Endearing puppy Maxx https://youtu.be/RpMwiMF0XKk MAXX, ID# 47064 1 yr old, 68.8 lbs Manhattan Animal Care Center Large Mixed Breed Cross, White / Brown Brindle Neutered Male, Owner Surrender Reason: owner surrender due to personal circumstances Shelter Assessment Rating: LEVEL 1 No young children (under 5) Medical Behavior Rating: BEHAVIOR NOTES Means of Surrender: 7/17/2019, Owner surrender, second stay in the care center (See original profile from first stay) SAFER ASSESSMENT: Date of assessment: 17-Jul-2019 Summary: Leash Walking Strength and pulling: Moderate Reactivity to humans: None Reactivity to dogs: None Leash walking comments: Sociability Loose in room (15-20 seconds): Highly social Call over: Approaches readily, soft, active Sociability comments: Handling Soft handling: Seeks contact, loose, jumping up Exuberant handling: Seeks contact, loose, jumping up Handling comments: Arousal Jog: Follows, loose Arousal comments: Knock Knock Comments: No interest Toy Toy comments: Minimal interest PLAYGROUP NOTES - DOG TO DOG SUMMARIES: SECOND STAY: 7/19/19: When introduced off leash to a female dog, Maxx engages in bouncy play. 7/20: Maxx greets politely but mostly displays anxious behavior, barking and seeking handler attention. FIRST STAY: 11/13/18: When introduced off leash to dogs, Maxx engages in soft play. INTAKE BEHAVIOR: Date of intake: 12-Nov-2018 Summary: Loose body, allowed handling, jumped up socially MEDICAL BEHAVIOR: Date of initial: 12-Nov-2018 Summary: Active, allowed handling ENERGY LEVEL: Maxx is described as having a very high level of activity. He is a young, enthusiastic, social dog who will need daily mental and physical activity to keep him engaged and exercised. We recommend long-lasting chews, food puzzles, and hide-and-seek games, in additional to physical exercise, to positively direct his energy and enthusiasm. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION: Level 1 Behavior Asilomar H - Healthy Recommendations: No young children (under 5) Recommendations comments: No young children (under 5): Due to Maxx's overall exuberance, we feel he may be best set up to succeed in a home without young children at this time. Potential challenges: Basic manners/poor impulse control Potential challenges comments: Basic manners/poor impulse control: Maxx jumps up a lot in a social manner. It is recommended that default behaviors such as "Leave it", "Sit/Stay", "Down" are reinforced to substitute any frustration and teach him to control his impulses instead of simply reacting; proper management is also advised. Force-free, reward based training only is recommended MEDICAL EXAM NOTES 18-Jul-2019 Progress Exam HAD MALESAB BATH 18-Jul-2019 DVM Intake Exam Estimated age:1-2y Microchip noted on Intake? yes History : owner surrender due to personal circumstances Subjective: BAR Observed Behavior -Wagging tail and jumping on everyone in room. Allowed all handling with wiggly backside. Evidence of Cruelty seen - no Evidence of Trauma seen - no Objective T = P =wnl R =wnl BCS 6/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: mild dental tartar, dental disease stage 0/4 PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: male neutered MSI: Ambulatory x 4, generalized partial alopecia, crusts and pustules, no masses noted CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: normal external Assessment: generalized demodicosis overweight Prognosis: good Plan: dose afoxolaner for weight simplicef 200mg 1 sid x7d recheck skin in 4 weeks SURGERY: neutered -------------------------------------------------------- NOTES FIRST STAY / Intake: November 2018 MAXX, ID# 47064, 7 mos old, xx lbs, Manhattan Animal Care Center, Large Mixed Breed Cross, White / Brown Brindle Male, Owner Surrender Reason: Shelter Assessment Rating: Medical Behavior Rating: CAME IN WITH: Paris 47065 (small female dog, Maxx and Paris were very bonded and loved each other. Sadly they were adopted to different homes - Paris is still adopted.) OWNER SURRENDER NOTES 2018: Maxx came in to our facilities as an owner surrender due to his owners both recently having big surgeries that have severely inhibited their capabilities to care for Maxx and Paris 47065. Maxx is a white and brown brindle large mixed breed neutered male who is 7 months old. His previous owners had him since he was about 30 days old and got him six months ago. He previously lived with 2 adults. Around strangers, Maxx is friendly and outgoing. He will play excitedly with adults. Maxx has been around children ages 2 and 15 years old, respectively. Around them, he is relaxed, respectful, and playful. He will play exuberantly with children. Maxx has never been around cats before. Maxx has no resource guarding behaviors. He has never bitten another animal or human. He is housetrained and his previous owenr describes his energy level as very high. Other Notes: Paris has also lived with birds and she was described as getting along peacefully with them. Maxx is not bothered if held or restrained, if disturbed while sleeping or resting, or if given a bath. Maxx will allow his nails to be trimmed and to be brushed. He is friendly towards strangers that approach his family and he will bark if he hears someone in the hallway. Has this dog ever had any medical issues? Yes Medical Notes: Maxx currently presents signs of an allergy. After going to the vet once, a diagnosis was not able to be reached. For a New Family to Know Maxx is described as being friendly, affectionate, playful, pushy, and excitable. He likes to follow you around when you are home but will also stay away if you tell him to stay in one part of the room. He likes to play with bones. He does not play any games. He has been kept indoors only. He slept in a dog bed that was located in the living room. He was fed one can of wet food in the morning and one at night with dry food in between. He also ate chicken and vegetables. He prefers the small bite variety of dry food. He is very house trained and does not have accidents. He will use the bathroom on any surface outside, as well as on wee wee pads. When left home alone, he is well behaved. He has never been left alone in a yard. He has been crate trained and will do well for 1-2 hours. He knows the command sit. Due to both owners' declining health, he has not been walked outside as often as of late. He pulls very hard on the leash. His favorite thing to do is play with Paris 47065. The owners' favorite things about Maxx are how active, close to his owner he is, and how loving and affectionate he is. INTAKE BEHAVIOR - DATE OF INTAKE: Upon intake, Maxx was very energetic and often leapt up at counselors and other staff. He was very upset when separated from Paris 47065 and began to whine and howl. He had a loose, wiggly body and a wagging tail. He allowed all handling including collaring, scanning for a microchip, and taking a photograph. BEHAVIOR NOTES Means of surrender (length of time in previous home): Owner Surrender, 1st stay in the care center Previously lived with: Adults Behavior toward strangers: Friendly and outgoing Resource guarding: None reported Bite history: None reported Housetrained: Yes Energy level/descriptors: Maxx is described as friendly, affectionate, playful, pushy, and excitable with a very high level of activity. MEDICAL EXAM NOTES 12-Nov-2018 DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: 7m Microchip noted on Intake? yes Microchip Number (If Applicable): 985112010540149 History : owner surrender Subjective: BARH, unremarkable appetite or defecation Observed Behavior - very energetic, will howl when not in sight of bond mate Evidence of Cruelty seen - no Evidence of Trauma seen - no Objective P = wnl R = wnl BCS 5/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears warm and pink, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: unremarkable PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: male neutered, no leakage or discharge MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat, multiple areas of alopecia with reddened skin and scale with lick associated abrasions CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: visually normal Assessment dermatitis unspecified allergies Prognosis: good Plan: simplicef 10 mg/kg SID for 14 days benadryl 75mg PO BID for 5 days *** TO FOSTER OR ADOPT *** If you would like to adopt a NYC ACC dog, and can get to the shelter in person to complete the adoption process, you can contact the shelter directly. We have provided the Brooklyn, Staten Island and Manhattan information below. Adoption hours at these facilities is Noon – 8:00 p.m. (6:30 on weekends) If you CANNOT get to the shelter in person and you want to FOSTER OR ADOPT a NYC ACC Dog, you can PRIVATE MESSAGE our Must Love Dogs page for assistance. PLEASE NOTE: You MUST live in NY, NJ, PA, CT, RI, DE, MD, MA, NH, VT, ME or Northern VA. You will need to fill out applications with a New Hope Rescue Partner to foster or adopt a NYC ACC dog. Transport is available if you live within the prescribed range of states. Shelter contact information: Phone number (212) 788-4000 Email [email protected] Shelter Addresses: Brooklyn Shelter: 2336 Linden Boulevard Brooklyn, NY 11208 Manhattan Shelter: 326 East 110 St. New York, NY 10029 Staten Island Shelter: 3139 Veterans Road West Staten Island, NY 10309 *** NEW NYC ACC RATING SYSTEM *** Level 1 Dogs with Level 1 determinations are suitable for the majority of homes. These dogs are not displaying concerning behaviors in shelter, and the owner surrender profile (where available) is positive. Level 2 Dogs with Level 2 determinations will be suitable for adopters with some previous dog experience. They will have displayed behavior in the shelter (or have owner reported behavior) that requires some training, or is simply not suitable for an adopter with minimal experience. Level 3 Dogs with Level 3 determinations will need to go to homes with experienced adopters, and the ACC strongly suggest that the adopter have prior experience with the challenges described and/or an understanding of the challenge and how to manage it safely in a home environment. In many cases, a trainer will be needed to manage and work on the behaviors safely in a home environment.

#funny #lol #humor #memes #meme #memehumor #dank memes #funny pics #rolf #lmao #Being Alone #Benadryl

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kagedyams · 7 years ago

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Tag thing

uh so I got tagged by @nikiviki so i guess????

The last 

1. drink: Vanilla Coke (i hate it but i bought it by accident and im not a quitter)

2. phone call: My cousin FaceTimed me like a week ago?

3. text message: “I want to ride Lightning McQueen”

4. song you listened to: Rainbow by Kesha !!!!

 5. time you cried: I was watching Kyoukai no Kanata last night so that

 6. dated someone twice: Haha i have a bad habit of getting together with exes. So yeah, I went on a date with a creepy ex I broke up with about a year ago last month!

7. kissed someone and regretted it: Maybe? Not that I remembered really

8. been cheated on: Naaaahh

 9. lost someone special: I lost a close friend to drugs in 2014.

10. been depressed: Ongoing crisis m’dude

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: like a week ago right outside my house which was a trip

3 favourite colours

12. Light blue

13. Crimson

 14. Minty pastel green

In the last year have you

15. made new friends: When I went on a summer college program I did! and some weirdass mysme cult thing???

 16. fallen out of love: I guess? Still on the edge abt my feelings for someone?

17. laughed until you cried: Nicole said smth funny when we were rabbiting and I died??

 18. found out someone was talking about you: Pfft ohhhh yeah

19. met someone who changed you: I guess people have made me saltier in general?

 20. found out who your friends are: i mean they’re friends???? they gon stay my friends homeslice

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: pfft whats a facebook

General

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: bruh

23. do you have any pets: My two baby westies!! Comet and Shasta (after the drink they serve in hospitals lolol)

24. do you want to change your name: Maybe to Quinn or smth??

25. what did you do for your last birthday: I don’t really celebrate, so i kinda just sat at home and slept.

26. what time did you wake up: 4pm :P

 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Binging Kyoukai no Kanata

28. name something you can’t wait for: Death

 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: idk I saw her passed out on the couch snoring like 5 hrs ago so then?

31. what are you listening to right now: It’s been Rainbow since it came out man

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: I’m sure I have but my memory is literal crap

33. something that is getting on your nerves: Small children and mom pressuring abt college. ALSO PEOPLE WHO MOW LAWNS WHO TF DOES THAT ESPECAILLY AT NOON THAT IS SO ANNOYING LET ME SLEEP

34. most visited website: Youtube??

35. hair colour: Dark brown

36. long or short hair: It’s pretty long, like titty height?

37. do you have a crush on someone: Idk feelings are complicated. I think I’ve had this crush but literally who knows so??

38. what do you like about yourself: Oh man its gotta be the tiddies. Papaya juice has healing powers.

39. piercings: I got some on the ears. I always wanted a second hole or a naval piercing.

40. blood type: O positive!!

41. nickname: i mean I jokingly get called Paybae. Used to get called Paytron the Sex Machine a lot??

42. relationship status: Single but willing to cuddle almost anyone?????

43. zodiac: Taurus

44. pronouns: She/her 

45. favourite TV show: Mekakucity Actors! Avatar: the Last Airbender and Noragami are p close seconds.

 46. tattoos: Damn can some people pull them off. I’m probs too wuss to get one, but i’d like a small thing on my wrist or thigh or neck or smth.

47. right or left handed: Right handed

48. surgery: Never!

50. sport: Tennis but I succ

51. vacation: I’ve always wanted to leave the country!

52. pair of trainers: Never catch me without these damn fake converse got for $10.

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: Like my fav food or do I like eating?? Bc I like to eat yes but I love mint ice cream.

54. drinking: Umm man I like Coke and Dr. Pepper.

55. I’m about to: finish writing this list and play Fire Emblem: Heroes

56. waiting for: V’s ROUTE HOLY DANG

 57. want: to enter the void and also maybe get more than 16 hours of sleep?

58. get married: Would like to one day but lack the emotional conviction hahahaha.

59. career: Bish I’m like 12 but probably something to do with International Studies and Service

60. hugs or kisses: I crave affection, so both. But kissing can be weird, I’d much prefer a big hug and cuddle.

61. lips or eyes: Eyes! Everyone has pretty eyes, I love seeing them!!

62. shorter or taller: I’m a fuckn shrimp at 5′2. I like tall people tho!

63. older or younger: I usually attract younger people, but I’ve only dated people who are my age? If i had to pick, older, but not by much right now!

64. nice arms or nice stomach: Ooh, I’d really like a nice stomach. But Michelle Obama can crush me with her arms.

65. hook up or relationship: Depends on the mood. I prefer relationships, but hookups aint bad.

66. troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant af

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: I mean, is it a stranger if u know their name?

68. drank hard liquor: I stole my friends strawberry svedka last week. It makes my ears feel warm?

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I’ve had the same pair of glasses for 3 years. Never lost them.

70. turned someone down: I have such a problem with saying no to people.

71. sex on the first date: Sex has cooties

 72. broken someone’s heart: I’m sure I did somewhere along the way

 73. had your heart broken: In a relationship? Not really, but other things have.

74. been arrested: Kinda? I mean I was escorted to a police station but it was bc i was a baddie 12 y/o

75. cried when someone died: I mean who doesn’t cry when someone dies? Yeah, my dad and my friend

76. fallen for a friend: Hooooooooo boy yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: Only as far as I can throw myself.

78. miracles: no way Jose

79. love at first sight: I mean basic attraction ye? but the rest is strictly for my klance loving ass

80. santa claus: bish who else coming down my chimney ; ))))

81. kiss on the first date: Pfft I’d cuddle the shit outta someone on a first date yeehaw

82. angels: Anna is the purest angel so yes.

OTHER:

84. eye colour: like some greenish-blue color

85. favourite movies: 10 Things I Hate About You and Mulan!

so i guess i’ll tag @ttimemachines @hkqs @sleepybot-risianna and anyone else whos up for it

#me #about

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2-d-ents · 8 years ago

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1-100 >:)

DAMN WEL THANK U OMG this is going under a read more after some bc damn this is a lot i love u thank u

1. the meaning behind my url

2d! stuart pot! 2 dents in his wee head!

2. a picture of me

the face behind the mask of tons of pics of 2d and noodle

3. how many tattoos i have and what they are:

none :( my parents wont help me pay for college if i get any facial piercings or tattoos, so i’m being patient. i’ve got a jar full of coins that i’ll some day exchange for money and use that for tattoo funds!

4. last time i cried and why

yesterday night after telling my dad i can’t come up with the money in time to pay my medical bill lol

5. piercings i have

just my ears i’m so boring lol

6. favorite band

i really like the band SALES, they are very calming. but i also like gorillaz (obviously), lullatone, K.I.D, best coast, the smiths, and the velvet underground

7. biggest turn offs

shoes???? this sounds stupid and idk why i do this but i dislike wearing tennis shoes on the daily. on a lighter and more understandable note i dislike people who are full of themselves even in the slightest? confidence is like really important and is completely different that conceitedness.

8. top 5 (insert subject)

i’m doing gorillaz songs bc why not.

faust

slow country

out of body

el manana

on melancholy hill

9. tattoos i want

already answered!

10. biggest turn ons

LEGS. like nice legs. idk what kind they are (short, skinny, plumpy, long) they are just GOOD u know u look at them and ur like GOOD. they are just aesthetically pleasing sometimes i guess more of like nice for the eye than a turn on. i like choking. ngl.

11. age

i’m 19, 20 in february next year!

12. ideas for a perfect date

planning one now actually! in october i have my one year with my boyfriend so we’re going to rent a hotel in chicago and go around the city for shopping, museums, and plays!

13. life goal

already answered!

14. piercings i want

MY SEPTUM

15. relationship status

dating a really weird hippie kinda dude named jacob lol

16. favorite movie

already answered!

17. a fact about my life

i weirdly own a lot of things with stitch from lilo and stitch on them and gudetama. i told my aunt when i was like 5 that i liked stitch and for some reason in japan there is a lot of stitch stuff like notepads and water bottles. same with gudetama. she just won’t stop sending them.

18. phobia

already answered!

19. middle name

maura. lol. my mom is mad all her kids have middle names bc japanese people don’t have them

20. height

5 foot 2. i’m sadly kinda short.

21. are you a virgin?

nope

22. what’s your shoe size?

women’s size 5!

23. what’s your sexual orientation?

already answered!

24. do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?

occasionally drink beers with just my dad, not too much of a party drinker

25. someone you miss

my sorta grandma in japan who passed away recently. my real grandma died before i was born so this lady is my mom’s sister’s husband’s mom but she lived with my aunt so i saw her a lot. she like to make lots and lots of crafts and give them to me!

26. what’s one thing you regret?

spending so much money before i found out i had to pay a 400 dollar medical bill lol

27. first celebrity you think of when someone says attractive

already answered!

28. favorite ice cream?

already answered!

29. one insecurity

my thighs :(

30. what my last text message says

“then stop textin bihhh!!!” to my sister when she said “stop distracting me”

31. have you ever taken a picture naked?

no, but someone has taken a picture of me naked lol

32. have you ever pained your room?

not myself no :(

33. have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?

yes!

34. have you ever slept naked?

only after sex so like, napping

35. have you ever danced in front of your mirror?

all the time omg all the time

36. have you ever had a crush?

duh? i am dating boy

37. have you ever been dumped?

like once or twice, i doubt three times.

38. have you ever stole money from a friend?

i think accidentally once? she left 20 in my car and i thought it was mine but i’m pretty sure thinking back on it it was hers but i hate her now so yeah that 20 got spent on a good trip to the cinema

39. have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?

too many times this month to count

40. have you ever been in a fist fight?

thank god no. i would lose so fast

41. have you ever snuck out of your house?

surprisingly no? my parents never ask where i’m going and never really have all my life. i would walk to taco bell in middle school at like three in the morning at times and in the morning they would be like “oi how was the quesadilla”

42. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

now what kind of person would i be if i went through 13 years of general schooling and didn’t have an unrequited love?

43. have you ever been arrested?

nope! never plan to be lol

44. have you ever made out with a stranger?

NOPE NEVER WANT TO

45. have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?

this is a vague question that i feel is meant to be like shocking. yeah, i met up with me boyfriend at subway earlier does that answer the question

46. have you ever left your house without telling your parents?

like. every single day lol they don’t seem to care

47. have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?

nah all my neighbors are antisocial

48. have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?

in senior year i left school in the first hour to drive to canada and drink the day away with friends

49. have you ever slept in the same back with a member of the same sex?

another question that’s meant to be shocking. i slept in my sisters bed last night

50. have you ever seen someone die?

no but does a cat count

51. have you ever been on a plane?

too many times

52. have you ever kissed a picture?

i swear i have but i can’t recall of when or of what

53. have you ever slept until 3?

yeah, even 5

54. do you love someone or miss someone right now?

my boyfriend i suppose? i’m used to technically living together and sleeping in the same bed every night so yeah i miss him right now

55. have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?

it’s a game called “find the dick in the sky”

56. have you ever made a snow angel?

when i was really young i only remember bc we have pictures

57. have you ever played dress up?

i was a tom boy when i was younger so no

58. have you ever cheated while playing a game

THIS MAKES ME FEEL GUILTY WHO HASNT

59. have you ever been lonely?

what kind of question is this of course i have felt a basic human emotion

60. have you ever fall asleep at school/work?

only at school never at work

61. have you ever been to a club?

no, i don’t really party

62. have you ever felt an earthquake?

yeah, living in japan makes you like never worry about them lol

63. have you ever touched a snake?

get that away from me its cute to look at but no way

64. have you ever run a read light?

only by accident

65. have you ever been suspended from school?

almost once but no

66. have you ever had detention?

saturday detention for dress code once

67. have you ever been in a car accident?

only when others are driving

68. have you ever hated the way you look?

all the time?

69. have you ever witnessed a crime?

i used to sit on the arm of my dad’s computer chair while he used to burn dvds we rented

70. have you ever pole danced?

ONCE there was one in my friends apartment and i gave it a whirl i love it

71. have you ever been lost?

my sister hates relying on technology so once it took us an hour and a half to get home from something that was only 20 minutes away

72. have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?

yep! went to nevada and arizona once.

73. have you ever felt like dying?

can we not lol but yeah

74. have you ever cried yourself to sleep?

what teenage girl doesn’t

75. have you ever sang karaoke?

its a big thing in japan so definitely!

76. have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldnt?

duhhhhh one of those things was to never have sex

77. have you ever laughed until something came out of your nose?

yeah its uncomfortable dont do it

78. have you ever slept with someone 5 years older or younger?

no no no no ew

79. have you ever kissed in the rain?

yeah! not too special there are better places to kiss.

80. have you ever sang in the shower?

i used to a lot, never anymore

81. have you ever made out in a park?

no :(

82. have you ever dreamed you married someone?

ugh i hate those dreams so much

83. have you ever glued your hand to something?

yes :(

84. have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flagpole?

nope! that’s gross!

85. have you ever gone to school partially naked?

is this a crack at dress code lmao

86. have you ever been a cheerleader?

nope and im ok with it

87. have you ever sat on a rooftop?

when i was little my pal let us climb on her roof and was like “i do it all the time”!!1 and then someone called the cops on us

88. have you ever brush your teeth?

what

89. have you ever been too scared to watch a scary movie alone?

every single one? i am a wuss

90. have you ever played chicken?

YEAH THAT WAS MY CHILDHOOD

91. have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

no and good because that means people are considerate about your phone being on you lol

92. have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?

one time outside a mac demarco concert a pimp would actually not leave me alone and kept asking me to become one of his girls so i guess so? his name was papa schoolboy and he made me take pictures with him on my phone

93. have you ever broken a bone?

NO AND I NEVER WANT TO

94. have you ever been easily amused?

… all the time?

95. have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

yes

96. have you ever mooned/flashed someone?

only my friends mom because she flashed me

97. have you ever cheated on at test?

in high school yes

98. have you ever forgotten someone’s name?

okay who doesnt wtf

99. have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?

mac demarco

100. give us one thing about you no one knows

but if i give it someone knows

#ask #about me

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angelcatsiel · 5 years ago

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I’m answering those questions from the other day bc I’m bored and sick and needed something to do

1. At what age do you feel like you grew up mentally/emotionally?

Still haven’t. I don’t feel like an adult at all. I constantly feel like an imposter.

2. Who did you talk on the phone with last night?

No one, last person I talked to on the phone was my dad yesterday afternoon.

3. What annoys you most in a person?

Any sort of bigotry (racism, homophobia, sexism etc) especially if they refuse to listen to me when I point it out to them. I don’t mind if they just didn’t know or it was an accident, but how they react when I explain to them that it’s harmful is what really tells me what sort of person they are.

4. Have you changed this year?

Pretty sure everyone has. In some ways I’ve changed positively, and some negative. I’m struggling mentally again, but I’ve also discovered how strong I really can be.

5. Are you talking to anyone tonight?

I’ll probably be talking to my boyfriend, that’s it.

6. What are you doing tomorrow?

Editing more of my book, maybe watching some of The Good Place with my boyfriend

7. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?

Yep

8. Are you a type of person who cares what people say about you?

Yes, I try not to care but I can’t help it and it deeply affects me when people say something negative about me.

9. Are you a really understanding person?

I think so. I try to be. Sometimes I struggle with understanding why other people do stuff, though. Like people who are rude, or people who respond differently to me about things, it can be confusing.

10. How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

Like 10? First night I’d slept properly in ages and it was very hard to wake up.

11. How many pillows do you like to sleep with?

Two, plus my little Piglet cushion that I’ve had since I was about 4 years old.

12. Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?

No, which is unusual for me, normally the cat wakes me up.

13. When was the last time you had sex?

Not sure, maybe a few weeks ago?

14. How are you feeling lately?

Pretty down and depressed.

15. How do you wear your hair most of the time?

Normally do nothing with it at all. You’re lucky if I’ve even brushed it. I have a sensitive scalp and a loose hair phobia (trichophobia) so even that is tough for me.

16. Do you have trust issues?

I think I’m a little too trusting of people.

17. What does your handwriting look like?

Usually fairly neat, but it varies wildly depending on the pen I’m using and how fast I’m writing etc. My mum and my dad have almost opposite handwriting styles, my mum’s is big round letters and my dads is small and scrawly, and mine can be either one of those extremes or anything in between.

18. What should you be doing right now?

Nothing really, it’s my alone time right now that I have every morning so I can do whatever I want. I’m currently singing to Kesha, and doing this of course.

19. Do you think any of your neighbours are creeps?

Don’t think so

20. Are you a jealous person?

No, not that much, certainly not in relationships. I get a bit jealous when I see people doing stuff I would love to do but can’t or never have, but it doesn’t last long and it’s not that bad.

21. Does it bother you when your friends bring up your past mistakes?

Yes

22. Is it possible to be single and happy?

Yes, of course. I don’t know if it is for me, but definitely possible.

23. When was the last time you laughed really hard and why?

Ugh, it’s been a while. Probably when my cat got stuck in a big empty crisp bag

24. Do you miss anyone right now?

Many people. I haven’t left Ireland in months and I miss my dad, my brother, my best friend, I’m even starting to miss my mum which is how I know things are bad lmao

25. Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

Yep, never smoked a cigarette, unless you count smoking weed which I’ve only done a few times.

26. What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails?

My nails

27. Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

I don’t think so, but the way my current relationship is going, I will have done soon

28. Do you put ketchup on top of your french fries or on the side?

On the side usually

29. Can you sleep without blankets covering you?

Nope, which is why summer is difficult for me

30. Who did you last go out to eat with?

Oh god it’s been so long. Probably my boyfriend, or it might even have been the meal I had with my dad, his girlfriend, her daughter and my brother, last time I was in England just before the virus kicked off.

31. Are you the youngest person living in your house?

It’s just me and my boyfriend, so yes

32. How many bracelets do you have on right now?

None

33. Where are you located right now?

Home, in Northern Ireland

34. Have you ever liked someone that was in a relationship?

Yes, a few times

35. Would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter or the same height as you?

Not really fussed. If I had to choose, I’d say taller

36. When you’re getting ready for something, do you listen to music?

Yes, I listen to music almost 24/7. Can’t last long without it.

#personal

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anxiousramblingsblog · 6 years ago

Text

a new day, a new week

10-8-18

I went to bed pretty early last night. About 11:15. I was hoping to sleep hard, have relief from my brain and the torment it has been lately. I slept well until about 4:30 when I abruptly woke up and immeediately was filled with anxiety. That familiar tightness gripped my chest. I tried all my usual tricks, squeezed my blankets tighter, cuddled my dogs, played thunderstorm sounds on my phone to help my brain shut off.... but I tossed and turned for over two hours... my brain churning over a million things. Very aware of how much time I had until my alarm would go off for work. I must have finally fallen asleep again sometimes after 7am... my alarm woke me up at 8 and I cried internally as I knew the day was already going to be bad. I thought of excuses I could give to get out of work or go in late, but managed to pull myself out of bed and become functional enough to get ready for work. I got my dogs into the car and stopped for food. Dropped my dogs off at my exes so they wouldnt be alone all day, and headed to work.

I thought about the conversations I had had with my partner the previous day... lets call him Joel for now. I wondered if today would be better or would already be tainted with negativity. I decided not to message him and let him come to me. I spoke a little with a member of my polycule, I will call him Paul. He is not very good with emotions but he usually listens to me as at least offers comfort. He gave me a little insight from his point of view and it calmed me slightly. I did decide to message Joel, just to let him know that I loved him, that I was here for him and I wanted to put all the negative energy behind us and be good partners to each other. I really only want his happiness. Hed already stated he’d be going dark for the day so I know not when he will see my message, nor if he will reply. But I hope it at least touches his heart a little. I truly think everyone deserves someone willing to put up with the tough times and not give up on them when they are working thru their own shit. Thats why I wont give up on him. Thats why I’ll be here through the tough times and wait for the sunshine on the other end. That, to me, is what good partners do. I have yet to find someone willing to put up with my tough times tho, or someone strong enough to not give up on me... but I know what I would want and that’s what I’ll give to him.

For my job, I work with kids. I wont get more detailed at the moment. I got thru my first few hours, very dazed, not really focused on what I was doing. Paul had reminded me that being Poly, I have the ability to go out and meet new people, potential partners. I know this but it slips my mind. I dont like the idea of “looking” for partners. Im not interested in dating to “see where it goes.” I consider myself demi-sexual. I have a hard time pursuing anything that I dont feel strongly connected to. I dont do hookups or casual sex. I hate dating sites bc to me, no one looks interesting. So why would I waste my time? I prefer meeting people naturally, making connections naturally and having things evolve organically. I have had the most fulfilling relationships this way, even if they ultimately ended. However, I decided to put some dating apps back on my phone, just to test the water, see how it felt.

I browsed, half-heartedly. Mostly swiping not interested..but again its so impersonal. Youre asking me to judge people on their looks alone. and thats just not how I work. Im more attracted to a persons personality. But I figured I should make an effort since Im feeling very alone and my partner at this time can not give me as much as I need. Then the messagees start flooding in. I forget how annoying this is. I reply to a few, trying to make light conversation...still attempting. When I get a message from a guy I recognize. It seems everytime I decide to attempt a dating site again, I run into him. He’s very nice but anytime Ive talked to him, hes had a partner who as monogomous. But Im happy to see a familiar face and talking with him in easy. Messages keep flooding, the rate is increasing. I become annoyed and start deleting people. Then I just close the app and continue to talk to Rob elsewhere.

Around this time I also messaged my metamour, Lilly. I asked her for help with understanding our shared partner, Joel. I explain I just want to be a better partner... I am scared to talk to her because I usually do not get a very frendly reply but I am desperate. I make it about him. We both care about him. Its our mutual ground. She explains he’s stuck in his own head, that he’s been having trouble processing since the accident. I explain he never told me about the accident. That he gets mat at me for things he never told me about. She says I cant depend on him for my emotional needs. She explains it took him over a year to open up to her at all. That he will be seeking a therapist. We talk a bit more. It helps to get clear answers. To know a direction to go to in regards to Joel. I thank Lilly and we both return to work.

Im much calmer now. The storm has nuetralized. The tightness has released. I try to focus a little bit on work so I dont feel like ive completely failed my cliients for the day. Ive been completely zoned out and am surprised I havent gotten in trouble or spoken to about phone usage. I really need to get better about this.

Joel returns from darkness and says he is feeling a bit better. He shares a positive experience with Lilly and I. It makes me so happy he is doing well at his job. Hes working hard and it shows. Hes making progress. My heart aches for the pain I know he has inside. But ‘ll be here, for when he’s ready for my love.

I need to be better also. I need to do better. Find ways to stay grounded.

I know my posts are long, but if you manage to stay with me thru it, thank you. I appreciate you.

#anxiety #anxious #anxious thoughts #dark thoughts #depression #polyamory #polyamorous #life #my thoughts #blog #mental health

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facesofopioids-blog · 6 years ago

Photo

Spotlight Sunday

“Fresh Tears”

By: Michelle Cartagena

Here is my story. In Jan of 2011 I started a new job as a nurses aide. On my 2nd day I had a male nurse on my hall. He was cute and he kept staring at me! I was so nervous, brand new nurses aide with a hot guy watching me. Well I heard he was the guy that got all the girls. So after flirting for a month, we go out for drink. That was Valentines Day weekend. He didn’t do anything romantic, but we spent the whole weekend together. We started dating, he was still living with his ex, she had just found out she was pregnant. I probably should have ran after finding all of this out. But I was falling in love, he was this big guy, known for fighting. But what I saw when he was caring for patients, was so much care and compassion. It was amazing the way he cared for people and for me. My daughter was 8 at the time, and they got along at first. She is spoiled, so after a few months they butted heads. Meanwhile his ex girlfriend had moved in with his mom, making a relationship with his family and I impossible. Shortly after I met him he started going to a pain clinic for his scoliosis. He was given large amounts of pain medication. We had been dating only a couple months, when he didn’t come to work and he wasn’t answering my phone calls. I was so worried. Finally he calls me and he said. I have a problem, but will you stand by my side? I said yes. He admitted he was addicted to cocaine. He and I sought treatment, when he realized it was inpatient he got scared. He chose to an outpatient close to home. His family thought he was being ridiculous. He had a baby on the way, how dare he say he is an addict?? Meanwhile he is still taking pain pills, while trying not to use cocaine. Then come September all hell breaks lose. His ex moved to Colorado and had his son, he was devastated. The blame was placed on me. Shortly after he loses his job bc he refused a drug test. He had used cocaine the night before work and he blood pressure was out of control at work. He refused the drug test they demanded. This led to the loss of his nursing license, he was already on restrictions due to a bar fight. So no son, no job, lost his nursing license, he started using pills to numb the pain. In June of 2012 we find out I’m pregnant. We were estactic! The pregnancy was tough I was sick the entire time. He bounced from job to job. He was using pills and falling asleep at work. Once he passed out in the lunch room, they squaded him to the hospital,another job lost. Olivia was born 12-26-12 via c-section. I included everyone at the hospital. His mom flew from Florida where she had moved the previous spring. He was an amazing dad, Olivia spent most of her time sleeping on his chest. He watched her while I worked. But things were spiraling out of control. Around Olivia’s first birthday he started using crack. He would steal my entire paycheck. I was diagnosed with severe PPD. It was actually my life has went crazy depression. In March of 2014 he decided to move to Florida with his mom to get clean. I thought he would be home in a month. Nope. He got in a car accident, injuring both knees. This led to multiple surgeries and large settlement from the insurance company. In Florida the payment rules are different than in Ohio where we lived. Basically he was going to get 2 large pay outs. In late July 2015 he got his first pay out. He stopped calling home very often, and refused to send Olivia and I any money. I was done. I tried to start dating other people. He came home in August. It was so awkward. We tried to spend time together but he was an emotional mess. Then one night things went bad, he literally turned into a monster. We got in a physical fight, the police were involved. Then he got an OVI, he rear ended a car while high. Spent a few days in jail. He had previously signed up for a scholarship for a rehab in California. He received it, he was so scared. I was still so angry from our last fight. I was done again. He called me, his counselor called me. I told all of them “I am done”. Christmas came, we had been talking a little. He graduated in January with no where to go. I told him to come home. My family was so angry at me. He was like a different man. He had a relapse on coke, but had stayed away from the pain pills. In late June of 2016 we found out I was pregnant. He was happy, I was not. I was 35, to old for this. On July 2nd he took a large amount of his adderal prescription. He kept me up all night fighting with me bc he was high on adderal. At 6:30am he fell asleep on his side on the floor. He slept until 8:30pm, when he woke up he said his arm and leg he was laying on were numb. He was screaming and crying at me. I thought he was still high and I left with Olivia. He made it down stairs and called an ambulance, he had compartment syndrome. He almost died, they end up to relieve the pressure in his arm and leg making large cuts and basically leaving them open.This is the most painful wound you can have. So back on pain pills. He came home in August, the dr cut his pain pills off shortly after. Then he tried heroin to stop the withdrawal off the pain pills. He snorted it, so he had no marks from using. Meanwhile in September his court case was finally decided. 5 years probation with a year in prison if he messed up. The same day he went to court, he once again got an OVI only this time he also overdosed on scene. He called me from the hospital and said I need help. Back to rehab and suboxone. He had tried the subs before he left for Florida a few years before. He did great, then in November his probation officer found out about the OVI and put him in the county jail. Our daughter was due at the end of January. I visited 3x a week. I was so heartbroken and lonely. First week of January he goes to his sentencing. One year prison! If he had stayed in the county jail, he could have gotten a furlough for the baby’s birth. He was sent 3 hours away. He missed the birth of Lyla. He got sent to a halfway house in June. He finally met his baby girl. It was so wonderful to see him, sober and happy. Then in August he overdosed, he said he wasn’t using but packaging to sell. I will never know the truth. He went back to prison until November 1, 2017. The he was home. Finally! He stayed home while I worked. He was on the vivitrol shot. In December his mom and I got in a huge fight. He was upset and relapsed on coke. But then things were good again. our baby girl turned one on January 27. When he went to get his vivitrol shot in February, they didn’t have it so they rescheduled him for a week later. He never went back. At the end of February he was starting to act suspicious. But he denied everything. On March 10 my oldest daughter‘s birthday we got a puppy. Nick started training her. On March 15, I went out of town to take my oldest daughter to a specialist with her dad. I talked to Nick about noon, to let him know we made it to Cincinnati ok. My phone only worked with wifi, his mom had shut my service off. We arrived back home at about 4pm. I walked in and he was on the floor, blue, with vomit by his head. I ran outside to have my ex husband call 911. My oldest daughter was with her sisters in the other room. I started chest compressions but I knew. I knew he was gone, it was to late. I lost it, I screamed and begged him to come back. Please don’t leave me. Things were supposed to better, we were supposed to get married. The police and the paramedics came. My home became a crime scene. My 5 year old had been trying to call me, but my phone had no service. She was with her dad for a couple hours before I got home. She kept her baby sister safe. The following week we said our final goodbye. To the man I loved with all my heart. My girls saw their daddy one last time. I was destroyed by my pain. Shortly after his mom started blaming me. I received some threats, On top of everything else. I have cut her out of our lives for now. The truth is I would have done anything to save him. All he had to do was ask. Now all we have are memories and pictures and his ashes. Nicholas George Taflinger 5/10/1982-3/15/2018.

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