#and also i found one of the greatest aaron hotchner fics of all time and what am i supposed to do like why is it happening before my exams

[daenysx]

it's my best loverboy's birthday but here i am studying history for the midterm (shame on me, i love you james)

[jjsmaybank20]

hear me out, would you be interested in writing a fic where reader hasn’t told the team (bau) a lot about themselves and they’re in a band and one of the girl in the team had a crush on them. It can be any girl but if it could be jj i’d be happy :)

Out of My League

Jennifer Jareau x Fem!Reader

Summary: You weren't an open person. But maybe a certain blonde (Not Garcia) can break down those walls? Or when Garcia does her thing and finds out you have a band.

Warnings: Language, Innuendos, mostly just fluff

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: I'm honestly pretty proud of this one. Lmk what y'all think!

navigation   criminal minds masterlist

---

You were a guarded person by nature. Honestly, it worked out well for you because of the career path you chose.  

Your childhood wasn’t the greatest, and as you got older you developed trust issues. You promised yourself that you wouldn’t fully open up to someone unless you deeply trusted them so you wouldn't get hurt again.

Only a small number of people had broken through your solid barriers. Your bandmates were among the few, along with your best friend, SSA Derek Morgan. 

When you were transferred to the BAU, both you and Derek were ecstatic. He was so excited to introduce you to the team that was like his found family. 

---

“Derek! Quit yanking on my arm! Your like a fucking toddler.” You snap playfully at your best friend. He laughs at you before continuing to pull you towards your new place of work.

Once you get in the elevator, Derek turns to you. “I know you’re a very private person, so I haven’t told them all that much about you. I also haven’t told them that you are joining the team. I’m telling you this so that you can prepare yourself for an onslaught of questions, especially from Penelope and Reid.”

“Penelope and Reid… Babygirl and Prettyboy?” You ask, poking fun at Derek’s nicknames for his favorites on the team.

He nods his head happily before slinging his arm over your shoulder. You exit the elevator and enter the bullpen. 

“Alright, Jagger, I’m going to go put my shit down at my desk. You go up to Hotch’s office to get the basics.” Derek states as he separates from you. You nod at him before making your way up to the big office at the top of the stairs in front of you.

Looking into the office, you see a middle-aged man sitting at a desk. Knocking on the doorframe, the man looks up before saying, “You must be Y/N. I’m Aaron Hotchner, but everybody just calls me Hotch. Come on in, close the door behind you.”

You do as he says before walking over and shaking his hand. You take a seat across from him and he starts briefing you on what working at the BAU would be like. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the team has gathered outside in the bullpen. They whisper to each other, trying to figure out who you are and what you are doing in their boss’s office. Derek stands off to the side, smirking to himself.

Finally, Emily looks over at him and notices the look on his face. “Do you know something we don’t, Morgan?”

Derek just shrugs and smiles to himself. The rest of the team turns to him and starts badgering him with questions until the office door opens and you and Hotch step out. 

You thank Hotch before realizing that the rest of the team is staring at you with a variety of facial expressions. 

Penelope with excitement, Rossi and Emily with slight confusion, Reid with slight understanding, Derek with a smug look, and JJ with her jaw slightly dropped.

You can’t help but spend a little more time staring at JJ. She was the most gorgeous woman you had ever seen. You quickly shake yourself out of your stupor, and move to go stand by your best friend.

He grabs your head and shakes it while saying, “I missed you, Jagger.”

You snort before quietly exclaiming, “It’s literally been 10 minutes.” He laughs at that and puts his arm around you.

The whole team with the exception of Hotch watch the interaction with confusion. 

Hotch then clears his throat to get everyone's attention. “This is Y/N Y/L/N. She’s the newest member of the BAU. Please treat her with respect. I will let you all get acquainted now.” He then walks back into his office to continue his paperwork.

Almost immediately, Garcia descends on you. “How do you know Derek? Where did you guys meet? How long have you known each other? Why are you transferring to the BAU? Do you have any pets? Siblings? Why’d Derek call you Jagger? I need personal details!” 

You chuckle nervously. “Um, Derek and I went to college together. So we’ve known each other since we were both 18. Uh, I have a dog, and um, no comment on the last two.”

Morgan quickly interferes, steering you away, and moving towards the kitchen. Garcia trails behind, still firing questions at you.

 Emily approaches JJ, who is still staring at you. She taps JJ’s chin before teasingly saying, “You got a bit of drool right there.”

JJ smacks her hand away, blushing. She can’t help but drool over you. Your Y/H/C hair falling gorgeously over your face, that button up shirt clinging to your muscles perfectly so she can see everytime you accidentally flex, your tall stature that towers over even Morgan.

“Oh, my god! You’re totally into the newbie!” Emily gushes. JJ goes to deny her statement, but completely loses her train of thought when she catches sight of you picking Derek Morgan up and holding him bridal style, your back flexing making her mouth go dry. 

All of her is focused on your taunt muscles, so much so that Emily has to wave her hand in front of her face multiple times to get her to snap out of it. 

“My new goal is to get you two together as soon as I can!” Emily all but squeals. 

---

A few months have passed, and honestly, you couldn’t love your job more. The team is amazing, and you get to see your best friend and the woman you have developed a crush on almost every day.

During the time in which you have worked at the BAU, you and JJ have gotten significantly closer. You started to bond over pictures of your dog and an 18-year-old Derek Morgan on the plane ride home from a case. 

Even with the newfound closeness with the team, you still let barely anything be known about your personal life. You were fine with them knowing next to no deep details about yourself.

After getting to know Garcia, you should have known that nothing would be a secret for long. You slip up one time and say something too specific, and Garcia is off and deep diving.

That’s what leads to her bursting into the bullpen at 7 in the morning, and practically screaming at you, “You're in a band?!”

You bang your head down on your desk, muttering something about it being too early, before realizing what she said. Your head immediately snaps up and you look at her in shock. 

“Wha- bu- how… Did Derek say something? If he did, I’m going to kill him!” You splutter out. Garcia quickly shakes her head.

“No, no! It’s just, you mentioned the other day that he calls you Jagger because you play an instrument, so out of curiosity, I searched up Y/N Y/L/N music, and lo and behold, you have a whole ass band!” She exclaims.

At this point, the rest of the team gathered around, curious about the loud disruption to their mornings. 

JJ couldn’t help but imagine you playing guitar, sweat dripping down you, intensely focused on what you are playing. Oh god, did that mental image make her feel something.

She was snapped back to reality when you start answering some of the questions that the rest of the team has for you. You had honestly given up on keeping information on your band a secret.

“Yes, I’m in a band. No, we don’t play jazz, Rossi. We mainly play indie and rock. The band name is Clash Compact. We have a couple originals, but we usually do covers. And yes, we do have an upcoming gig.” Just then, Derek walks into the bullpen.

“Ah, did Garcia find the band? Yeah, y’all are playing over at Shaw’s on Thursday, right?” You desperately signal for him to stop talking, but he plows through until he reveals when and where you're playing.

You sigh in resignation. Finally, you nod your head. JJ then pipes up, saying, “What if… I mean we don’t have to if you don’t want us to… but I mean… we could come see you play?” 

You look over at her and see the hope in her gorgeous eyes. There is no way you can say no to her. “Fine. If y’all want to come, have Derek text you the information.”

You then walk away, missing the excitement and slight lust at the thought of seeing you perform in JJ’s eyes. 

---

When Thursday comes around, the team gathers outside of the bar Derek had told them to meet at. You and Derek were already there, so when you spotted them, you welcomed them inside warmly.

You quickly introduced them to your bandmates, who were happy to meet the people you talked about almost constantly. 

The bassist of the band and your good friend, Fay, pulled you to the side. She pointed out JJ and asked, “Is that the one you won’t shut up about?” When you nod your head, she grins at you. “She seems nice. Very pretty.”

You smile at her, and pull her into a side hug. You are distracted enough that you don’t notice JJ jealously glaring your way. Derek makes his way towards her. 

“So how's your crush on Jagger fairing? Asked her out yet?” He teases. She glares at him before frustratedly replying, “Does the whole team know? Also, clearly, not well. She’s totally into Fay.”

Derek laughs loudly at that. “Oh my god! You think she’s into Fay? JJ, they dated a couple years ago, decided they were better as friends, and then Jagger set her up with Rocco. Also, we are profilers, and you are very obvious. The only one who doesn’t know is Y/N.”

JJ looks at him confused. “Wait, who’s Rocco again?”

Derek then moves to point out your bandmates to her. “Ok, so the one you are insanely jealous of is Fay, who is dating the brunette over there, Rocco. He’s super cool. That person over there with the colorful hair, the one who is intensely flirting with Reid, that’s Malik. They’re awesome. We dated for a little while, but our lives got too busy, so now we’re just friends.”

JJ nods in understanding and relief. She can’t help but want you all to herself. 

Soon, the bar is packed. You know you will be going on soon, so you go to say goodbye to your friends.

Playing in front of a lot of people always makes you anxious. You were nervous, but confident. The feeling was good.

You smiled at the encouraging looks from Derek in the crowd as you nodded at him in farewell before moving to the back of the bar and walking toward the stage.

Grouping up with your bandmates, you go over how the night will play out. Soon, you guys were told you were on next. 

Rushing to grab the guitar you had left stored at the back of the stage earlier, you hang the instrument on your torso, and walk to the stage after being announced by the clerk.

Most of the people who have filled the bar are regulars, so they knew your band pretty well. Still, even the general crowd seems excited to see you guys play.

You nodded slightly as your group got adjusted to the equipment on stage already. Raising your hands, you move the microphone in front of you to be level with your mouth.

“Good evening, everyone.” You repeated the standard greeting for all introductions. “I hope you are all well. For those of you who don't know who we are, I’ll introduce us. I’m Y/N, our drummer is Malik, our bassist is Fay, and our keyboardist is Rocco. We are Clash Compact.”

As each of your bandmates is named, they wave at the audience. 

“Today we’re going to start with one of my favorites, and then we’ll take your requests. This goes out to the women I’ve discovered I am really into. I’m pretty sure she’s here tonight! I hope y’all enjoy it.”

You smiled at the applause and looked at your bandmates before you began. Out of My League by Fitz and the Tantrums had become one of your favorite songs over the past few weeks, and because of its rapid popularization, many of the people in the bar recognized the melody and the first few verses quickly, letting out exclamations of excitement.

You smiled shyly as you sang, keeping your eyes closed to enjoy the music better.

When you risked looking into the crowd, you almost hit the wrong notes.

The woman you had been crushing on these past few months was standing almost front row, and your gaze met hers immediately. 

She looked just as beautiful as she did the day you met her, now with a ponytail that left her neck exposed. You shouldn’t think about this now because you were playing in front of one hundred people, but you can’t help it.

Your gaze stayed on her until the song was over, and you knew your legs were shaking because she looked back the whole time.

On the last note, you gave her a wink and she rolled her eyes with a smile, and because of the distance you didn’t notice the redness in her cheeks.

When the music requests began, you could no longer find her in the crowd. Searching for her, you noticed that she had moved to the bar and was standing with her back to the stage, appearing to chat animatedly with a man you didn’t recognize.

---

Once your set is over, you quickly make your way off the stage, jealousy coursing through your veins. Almost the entire time you were playing, JJ was talking to this man.

Moving through the crowd, you approach her at the bar. You greet her quickly with a peck on the cheek that makes her turn bright red, which in turn makes you smirk. 

“Hi! I’m Y/N. And you are…?” You say to the man in an overly friendly voice. “I’m Will! Nice to meet you! You guys were great.” You shake his hand and thank him before putting your hand on the small of JJ’s back, causing shivers to run down her spine.

Will then turns to JJ, and says it was nice to meet her, and that he would love to grab a drink some other time.  You quickly lace your fingers together and practically snap, “Sorry, she’s taken. You seem like a nice guy, though.”

He quickly apologies, and moves away as fast as he can. JJ turns your head towards her, and asks with a little smile on her face, “Girlfriend? Really?” Realization then dawns on her face and she inquires, “Were you jealous?!” You go to deny, but as soon as you look into her eyes, you know you can’t lie to her.

You sigh in defeat. “Yeah, I guess I was. He took all your attention away for the whole damn show! And I really like you, and I wanted to impress you. I even sang a song and dedicated it to you! I mean, I hate sharing things about my life, but you make me want to share everything about me. I want to tell you about my siblings, my pets growing up, my traumas, my everything!”

You finally stop to take a breath. Suddenly you are pulled into a kiss. You quickly melt into it and wrap your arms around JJ. When she finally pulls back, she looks at you softly before quietly stating, “I like you too, you dork. I’m happy you trust me enough to want to share stuff with me.”

You smile at her before pulling her back into a kiss, this one much sweeter than the one before. “Would you want to be my girlfriend?” You shyly ask. She nods her head vigorously. 

Suddenly you hear Derek yell, “Get it, Jagger!” He then gasps, looking to the right of you, before exclaiming, “And Prettyboy! Damn, son!” 

Looking to your left, you see Malik and Reid really getting into it. Laughing with your friends, you look around and realize there is no other place you’d rather be. You are so grateful for these wonderful people in your life.

---

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[bauslut]

as you are | ii.

word count: 4.938k

warnings: cursing, discussion of sexual assault, discussion of murder, blood, gore, references to rape, profiling, lots and lots of tears

a/n: so this is the second chapter of my aaron hotchner fic! (sadly criminal minds lives in my head rent free, so does thomas gibson at the moment) the first chapter will be linked below. let me know if you want to be added to a taglist! enjoy :)

| i. |

(i do not own this gif)

“here you are,” jj bore a kind smile as she slid a manila folder towards the brunette, “here’s your official welcome to the bau.”

“she’s sitting in my spot,” rossi chuckled, “but i don’t mind.”

“are you sure?” rowan stammered, a rosy blush painting her cheeks, “i-i can get up and move--”

“don’t sweat it,” rossi nodded curtly, “there are plenty of open seats.”

“hey babygirl,” a wide, jovial, grin painted morgan’s lips as a woman entered the room, her blonde locks intricately woven into an up-do, “don’t you look delicious today?”

“as always,” the woman scrunched her nose, her glasses slipping down the bridge of her nose, “how are you this morning baby-cakes?”

“hey there!” a chirp startled rowan, “i’m emily, but around here, i’m referred to as prentiss--”

“i am afraid we do not have time for introductions,” a stern voice echoed through the space, “we are fbi agents, not kindergartners. we can have icebreakers or whatever it is you’re doing on the jet.”

rowan choked back a sharp retort as hotch strode towards a whiteboard, his spine straightened, chest puffed out slightly. sliding into her seat, her hands settled on the armrests, a puff of air exhaling from her lips. morgan sat on her left, munching on a bag of chips ahoy, while prentiss was on her right, sifting through the papers in the folder.

“cookie?” morgan rattled the bag.

“not right now, thank you,” rowan whispered, lips curving into a small smile.

“i’m about to begin discussing the case,” hotch shot rowan a glare, words barbed with venom, “so listen up.”

he pinned several images on the board, bile rising in rowan’s throat as her focus transitioned to the pictures. prentiss sucked in a shaky breath, while morgan muttered a strand of incoherent mumbles.

the images progressively became more grotesque as they spanned across the board. mangled, beaten, and bloodied corpses were presented, the bile approaching the back of her mouth as she realized the age range.

the bodies were children, their jugulars slashed, lacerations and bruises littering their tiny frames.

“there has been a surge of murders in the rural farm town of homer, illinois. in the past week, there have been a total of five. all of the victims were children, with no specific physical attributes,” hotch cleared his throat, “however, all of them bear one aspect in common.”

“they’re all boys,” reid murmured, “from the images it appears as if they’re about ages eleven or twelve.”

“then they are pre-pubescent boys,” rowan’s voice was clear, pairs of eyes falling on her as she spoke, “i’ve seen something like this before, when i was working in columbus. we had a ring of traffickers who preferred this age range.”

“and?” morgan arched a brow, “why pre-pubescent boys?”

“hotch,” rowan nearly trembled as the supervisor’s cold gaze shifted on her, “i-if i may ask, were there any signs of assault or rape?”

“the severity of sexual assault varied on each victim.”

“you said that they have no physical attributes in common but looking at these photos,” reid shook his head slightly, “the brunettes are the only ones who have lacerations covering their entire bodies. the blondes, the only sign of violence demonstrated is the murder itself, the incision along the jugular.”

“could it be that our unsub has something against brunettes?” morgan inquired.

“potentially,” rowan blinked, scanning over the text, “it also says here in the autospies that the only boys who were sexually assaulted were the brunettes. i may be going on a whim here, but i think our unsub is lashing out on the brunettes for a reason. it could be power, dominance, you name it.”

rossi whistled, “look at you, rivers. already building a profile and we’ve only met for five minutes.”

“sadly i’ve seen a lot of this before,” rowan let out a sigh, rustling through papers, “it also says here that the bodies were all found at homer lake forest preserve. i have a strong premonition that our unsub is male.”

“and what makes you say that?” hotch countered.

“women don’t like getting their hands dirty,” rowan shrugged, “would you want to drag the body of a child out into the woods at night?”

“how were the bodies discovered?” jj bit her lip, a trace of fear glimmering in her icy blue depths.

“they were found by a new fisherman every morning around dawn, in the same location. they were located about half a mile from the entrance of the preserve,” hotch tossed the file onto the table, “our unsub is bold.”

“he wanted the bodies to be found,” rossi added, “he’s arrogant.”

“or he’s sloppy,” rowan remarked, “he could be killing just on that need burning within him, with no remorse or any sort of emotion within him at all--”

“we need to get to homer as soon as possible,” hotch interrupted, glancing at his phone, “it’s ten o’clock in the morning. it’s only a matter of time before another body is found.”

“where’s the closest airport?” jj folded her arms across her chest.

“willard airport in champaign-urbana,” reid piped up, “other than that, the other closest one is in bloomington-normal.”

“and how do you know that?” morgan’s eyes widened.

“champaign-urbana is the home of the university of illinois,” reid swallowed thickly, “i’ve been there a few times. it’s an exceptional school for engineering, truly one of the greatest in the country--”

“all right, all right,” morgan stuck out a hand, “you answered my question.”

“wheels up in thirty,” hotch announced, plucking the file off the shiny wood.

rowan followed the others in suit, filing out of the space. trailing reid, she was the second last to leave the room, hotch right behind her, deep, smooth, voice filling her ears.

“i need to speak with you agent rivers.”

“yes?” she swiveled on her heel, facing the supervisor, folding her arms across her chest.

“i hope you packed a different pair of shoes in your go-bag,” every single word was brimmed with a firmness, as if it wasn’t a statement, but more of an order.

“i did not.”

“i don’t believe you’d want to get a single drop of blood on them,” fury bubbled up within rowan as he spoke, chestnut eyes as icy as ever, “i know how much they are. they’re expensive.”

“can you just let it go?” rowan spat, “i’m wearing the fucking shoes whether you like it or not. it’s such an insignificant matter compared to what we have ahead of us.”

“you realize you’re speaking to your boss, with this tone, right?”

“i don’t fucking care,” tears brimmed rowan’s eyes, “they’re not mine.”

“excuse me?”

“t-they’re my sister’s,” rowan stumbled over the words, “i haven’t seen her in six months. please, just let me have a piece of her with me.”

for just a moment, hotch’s tough exterior cracked, a flicker of sympathy flashing in his gaze, “okay.”

“just okay?”

hotch paused, inhaling a deep breath, “i was going to write you up, but those boots are better than a necklace or bracelet getting caught on a branch or piece of furniture. just make sure you tuck the laces in.”

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“gotta love the midwest,” morgan placed his hands on his hips, chest rising and falling.

“you love it?” reid’s lips curled in disgust, “it smells like manure.”

“it smells like home,” rowan giggled, shouldering her way through the men, “c’mon, let’s go.”

“well she’s eager,” rossi chuckled, turning to hotch, “where are we setting up?”

“there’s the local p.d. in homer,” hotch slung his bag over his shoulder, “the station is only about four miles from the forest preserve.”

“i was doing some reading on the village of homer,” reid stated, “there’s only about one thousand people who live there. it’s such a tiny place, and as hotch mentioned, it’s only four miles from the preserve, surely the unsub lives there.”

“or he lives close to the lake,” rowan pointed out, “there are so many homes out there surrounding the lake in the countryside. well, i would say cornfields.”

“why do you say that?” reid breathed, “d-do you have--”

“it’s just an assumption,” a slight smirk crept onto her lips as she shoved her bag into the back of the suburban, “you don’t need to have insane intelligence to predict something like that.”

stepping into the vehicle, rowan slid into the back seats, figuring that hotch would take the wheel, while rossi would sit shotgun. yet, curiosity buzzed in her mind as rossi took the wheel, while reid settled into the passenger seat.

“you’ve got to be shitting me,” she muttered as hotch thrust open the door, “rossi, are you usually the one who drives?”

“typically, no,” in the rearview mirror, rowan snorted when she noticed the shit-eating grin plastered on the agent’s face, “but i figured that you and hotch would love to get to know one another on the way there.”

“can i pick the station?” reid bounced in the seat, hands flying to the knobs and levers.

“pick something good, find an oldies station or something. maybe they’ll play back in black,” within seconds, the suburban was in motion, rossi revving the engine, “i plan on racing morgan, jj, and prentiss to the station. whoever loses has to buy dinner.”

“this is ridiculous,” hotch rolled his eyes, the vibration of his phone piquing rowan’s curiosity.

“by the way,” reid turned in his seat, facing hotch, “who’s been calling you so frequently today?”

“haley,” rowan tilted her head as the name spat from hotch’s mouth, “it’s not important.”

haley. from the sound of it, she was hotch’s significant other, girlfriend, fiancee, even a spouse, maybe. rowan’s eyes drifted downwards to his lap, where his hands rested on his knees. in the light, a golden band gleamed on his left ring finger.

so, hotch was married. he had a wife.

but there was something in his tone that was unsettling. were they fighting? having the typical lover’s quarrel? maybe that’s why hotch was so distant and cruel, he was constantly dealing with his marriage.

“so tell us a little about you, rowan,” rossi was far ahead of the other suburban, shades resting on the bridge of his nose, “i never got an icebreaker.”

rowan scoffed, fidgeting in the leather seat, “there’s not anything too riveting, i can spare you guys the details.”

in the corner of her eye, rowan felt his eyes pierce through her, digging deeps within the confines of her psyche. he was profiling her, desperate to get some sort of read. perhaps he was well aware of how uncomfortable she was by rossi’s query. the way her palms were slick against her pants, sweat prints clinging to the fabric. the way her cheeks were tainted pink, her jaw tightened, throat dry.

“didn’t you go to ohio state for undergrad?” reid licked his thumb, scouring through some novel or book.

“yeah,” she nodded, “i’m from a tiny town in ohio, called tiffin. i went to ohio state for an undergrad in psychology, along with a few minors in criminal justice, linguistics, spanish, so on. i stayed there for grad school since i loved the city, and the university. from there, the bureau picked me up from the academy, and i was thrown into the infamous case.”

“the child sex-trafficking bust,” hotch murmured, “i remember glancing over that in your file.”

“how long did that case go on?” rossi turned the radio dial, lowering the volume.

“a while,” rowan brought a hand to her temple, a dull pain seeping into her skull, “hey, does anyone have ibuprofen?”

hotch’s eyes softened, concern painting his features, “i think i have some in my briefcase. hang on.”

rowan brought a bottle of water to her lips, sipping as hotch placed a couple of pills in her open palm. as he set them in her hand, skin grazed skin, her heart skipping a beat.

for someone as rough and callused as hotch, his hands were so utterly soft.

“thank you,” she whispered, “i appreciate it.”

“of course,” he murmured, “do you usually get frequent headaches?”

“yeah,” rowan admitted, a new wave of blush spreading, “i’m just prone to them i guess.”

“the humidity is also high today,” reid remarked, “and from the way the wind just picked up, along with the darkness of the clouds, i think it’s going to storm. your headache could be from the low pressure.”

“fantastic,” rowan threw her head back, squeezing her eyes shut, “you know reid, that’s kinda a myth.”

“actually research has been inconclusive.”

“how many did you take?” hotch nudged rowan, inflections of concern within his inquisition.

“six.”

“jesus christ,” rossi’s lips pursed, “are you trying to kill your liver?”

“we’ll see about that,” a giggle bubbled up in rowan’s throat.

as the suburban sailed down the interstate, her lashes fluttered, sleep threatening to pull her into its clutches. she blinked, rubbing soothing circles onto her temple, lips falling to a frown as a dull pain seeped into her forehead.

biting her lip, she fought back tears, inhaling a shaky breath. this was no place to show any weakness.

not with him around.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“good afternoon, chief sellers. i’m supervisory special agent hotchner with the fbi,” hotch stated, his voice ringing with authority as he shook an officer’s hand, “and these are my colleagues.”

“thank god you’re here,” the officer’s voice was hoarse, wavering as he spoke, “it’s been a living nightmare these past few days.”

“i can only imagine,” jj murmured under her breath, “there’s someone out there killing little boys.”

“he looks so shaken up,” prentiss exhaled, folding her arms across her chest.

“we had most of the state p.d. flock out here once the second body was discovered,” chief sellers cleared his throat, his focus directed on hotch, “we’re all doing the best we can, but of course, as other duties call, we tend to be short-handed at times.”

“we’re going to do everything in our power to help,” rossi’s words were warm, brimmed with sincerity, “we’ll catch this guy, i promise.”

“and we’ll help you all in every way we can,” chief sellers nodded curtly, “anything you folks need, let us know.”

“should we start by heading out to the crime scene?” hotch inquired, “it might also be best to split some of us up.”

“of course,” chief sellers strode over to a pair of state officers, “these men will escort you to the scene. what else do you need?”

hotch’s eyes flickered over to his team, “i want morgan, reid, and rossi to go investigate the scene. prentiss and jj, would you speak with some of the locals? we need to gather as much information as possible in order to rule out anyone or gain essential details about our unsub.”

“what about me?” rowan coughed.

“you’re staying with me here at the station,” he commanded, “and you’re going to answer every phone call we get from garcia.”

“good luck,” rowan rolled her eyes as morgan teased her, his breath hot against her ear.

“you might want to listen to morgan,” rossi shot her a wink, “you’re going to need it.”

“thanks,” the reply was a deadpan, the agent’s shoulders slumping as hotch approached her, “putting me on a short leash, are we?”

“you’re the one who understands the profile of our unsub the best,” he retorted, “and before you fire back with another verbal assault, think before you speak. you’re a profiler now, after all.”

“don’t you think it’s interesting that the unsub stopped killing?” hotch murmured a few words of gratitude to an officer who handed him a coffee, cocking his head as he took a sip.

“do you think that there’s a reason behind that?”

“possibly,” rowan shrugged, denying the same styrofoam cup, “hey, where’s the closest gas station?”

“about half a mile away,” the officer replied coolly, “would you like a ride? a few of the guys and i are going to pick up pizzas for lunch.”

“i’m okay,” she paused, running a hand through her hair, “thank you, though.’

“you don’t like hot coffee?”

“i prefer iced,” the agent set her bag on a bare desk, “i assume they cleared some space for us?”

“indeed,” hotch huffed, “if your phone rings, assume it’s garcia.”

“i feel like i’m at columbus p.d. all over again,” the brunette slid into the seat, rolling a few inches as she plucked the file out of her briefcase.

“well this is nowhere near that,” hotch rolled his eyes, leaning against the wooden surface.

“well it sure feels like it,” his throat tightened as her eyes drifted upwards, locking with his, “it sure fucking feels like it. now, if you don’t mind, i’m going to look over the file.”

“would you like some company, agent rivers?”

“i’m sure you have ‘supervisory special agent’ matters to tend to,” the words were barbed, hot and venomous as she spat them out, “hovering around your new recruit like she’s some child is quite ridiculous don’t you think?”

“i should have you turn in your badge right now.”

“you haven’t figured me out yet,” rowan muttered, her head snapping up to meet hotch’s glare, a smug smirk enveloping her lips, “that’s why i get on your nerves. grind your gears, whatever the fuck you want to call it. the sheer fact that you have yet to profile me correctly is what sets you off. so, until that moment comes, i know you won’t terminate me. plus, you just went through all of that paperwork to get me here. do you really want to go through all of that again?”

“you piss me off.”

“good,” she puckered her lips, “you should engrave that on a plaque with my name on it.”

hotch’s jaw clenched, prepared to retaliate, yet the vibration in his pocket distracted him momentarily, the shrill ringtone piercing through the air, “yes?”

biting her tongue, rowan glanced back at the file, bringing her hand to her cheek. part of her was wailing, screaming and kicking, fighting the urge to study those horrid images. but the other part was driven, adrenaline coursing through her veins, pumping into her body.

even the slightest detail that she hadn’t noticed initially would be immensely helpful to building the profile, piecing together who this deranged individual was. flipping through the photos, rowan’s eyes narrowed.

although the team held a short briefing before departing from headquarters, there was one minor aspect about the way the bodies were laying in the shrubbery. the boys were all on their backs, dried blood coating sliced flesh. not a single article of clothing framed their bodies, just the thin layer of briefs or boxers.

her heart lurched as one arm was pressed tightly against their sides, while the other was raised. right hands pointed upwards, three fingers: the index, middle, and ring. yet, the pinky connected with the thumb, almost as if the children were purposely holding up three fingers.

“garcia called with an update,” his voice floated into her ears, “with the bits and pieces fed to her from jj and prentiss, we still have a lot of ground to cover. are you up for a drive?”

“wait,” rowan held up a hand, “hotch, were you ever a member of the boy scouts?”

his brow furrowed, confusion settling across his features, “what?”

“just look,” she huffed, gesturing to the images, “look at the way the unsub left their bodies. it’s a clear message, almost like how he dumped the bodies in clear sight. his arrogance blinded him, goading him to taunt us. but little did he know i would see right through his bluff.  i think he stopped the killing spree because he knew we’d be looking for him. it’s like he wants us to find him.”

leaning over, hotch’s chest hovered above her shoulder blade, a hand settling on the desk. the ghost of his badge hung over her cheek, a speck of white in her peripheral vision. a hum rose in his throat, “you’re onto something here. let me call garcia.”

“did i make a break case?”

“perhaps,” the supervisor brought his phone to his ear, “hey, garcia, i need you to run something for me. how many boy scout troops are in champaign county?”

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“you up for some drinks tonight?” prentiss giggled, wrapping her jacket around her shoulders, “it’s all on me, especially since we should be celebrating your first case with the bau!”

“i’m fine,but thank you,” rowan beamed, “i still have a forty minute drive ahead of me. i shouldn’t stay out too late.”

“oh come on,” jj groaned, “we won’t be out for long. just a couple rounds.”

“pleaseeee?” garcia practically pranced over to rowan, jutting her bottom lip out, “we don’t know a single thing about you. hotch had you under his watch all day.”

“okay,” she exhaled, “a few drinks, and then i need to get to my apartment. i’ve barely finished unpacking so i’ll have to rummage for my towels and pajamas when i get back.”

“you have an apartment?” prentiss queried, “do you have a roommate or do you live alone? did you bring a boyfriend with you, by chance?”

rowan blinked, “uh, no. i live alone.”

“good thing you’re a fbi agent huh?” garcia winked, “c’mon, we know the perfect bar.”

“maybe we’ll get you loosened up and you can spill some secrets,” jj chuckled, the sound airy and light.

“sometimes,” rowan felt the corner of her lips tug into a wide grim, “sometimes i truly wonder what i’m getting myself into working with all these other profilers.”

within hours, rowan’s vision was hazy, shapes and objects a blur as she drove down the dimly lit street, the lamps bright and intense, piercing right through her skull. grimacing, she maintained her speed, with one destination buzzing in her mind.  

after the unsub’s address was located, the bau swooped in, arresting the leader of the boy scout troop, located in homer. his time with the boy scouts explained his familiarity with the forest, along with the victimology. hotch appeared less than pleased of rowan’s hesitations to work alongside the team, but he seemed satisfied that they didn’t have to stay the night.

on the flight back home, the team was a flurry of chatter, firing anything and everything at rowan. whether it was the name of her first pet, or her favorite coffee shop, even the name of her high school, the team was eager to know it all.

yet, rowan was careful, not delving too deep into the answers. besides, she didn’t want to get too comfortable. not with the fact that aaron hotchner was shooting her a glare every single time she piped up.  

who knew if she was going to be welcomed back the next morning.

putting the car in park, rowan slithered out of the seat, grumbling as she fought with the seat belt. perhaps she had downed a few too many shots, yet it was oh so relieving when the pain dissolved in her temple, practically disappearing. she was also desperate to keep up with jj and prentiss, who were far ahead of her in terms holding their liquor.

the lights of the bau were dim as she entered the empty space, her footsteps echoing off the walls. step by step, she made her way to her desk, slinging her briefcase over her shoulder, tears streaming down her cheeks as she surveyed the room.

“did you forget something?”

“holy shit--” a hand gravitated towards her chest, clutching the fabric over her heart, “what the fuck are you doing here?”

“i was working,” he was calm and collected, “what are you doing here?”

an aura that he maintained with ease.

“getting my things,” the words were slurred, “who knows if i’m going to be back.”

“who said that?” his eyes narrowed, practically gleaming in the shadows.

“you did,” rowan snorted, exasperated.

“i never said a single thing about terminating you. i only mentioned it once when you were misbeh-- acting out of line,” he shot back, “by the way, i can practically smell the fireball from here.”

she was guarded, the same uniform donned on her frame from hours ago: tight, black dress pants that tapered at her ankles, a white button up, and a black blazer. the same worn doc martens on her feet. even though she was given some height in the boots, hotch towered over her by a few inches. the brunette hair that was brushed and smooth, falling to her shoulders, was frizzy and disheveled. in the low light, her eyes blazed with scorn, glittering a harsh flint grey. a stark contrast from the warm blue depths he first encountered.

“good for you.”

“did you drive here?” a hand glides through his hair, in an effort to hide the growing concern, “because if you did, i’m not letting you go home like this.”

rowan’s heart raced, thudding against her rib-cage as he took a step forward, the light illuminating his chiseled features, “i-i did drive here.”

“then it looks like i’m adding an extra forty minutes to my commute home.”

“why are you so fucking concerned about my safety and well-being?” rowan sprang forward, strands of hair plastered to dried tears, cheeks flushed, “one minute you’re actually a decent human being while the next you don’t want to even hear me speak. and i don’t understand why you hate me so much but i was leaving a place where i was brutally torn apart by two men and a woman. i couldn’t stand a single second there any longer. i came here for refuge, away from that damn city, and you act like i’m some speck of dirt on your shoe.”

“rowan,” her name was delicate, so soft and quiet as it tumbled from his lips, “what did they do to you? you don’t have to tell me.”

her lip quivered, tears pooling, threatening to spill over once more, “i got hurt really bad. um, they were officers at the columbus p.d. they.. uh, um, they weren’t very kind to me down there. we were about halfway through the investigation, as we had our pool of suspects. i was younger at the time, a lot more naive and dumb--”

“you are nothing of the sort,” hotch interjected, “you are not dumb nor naive.”

“but i let it happen,” the words were a broken wail, “i let them hurt me. all of that training, all of that learning, just disappeared that night.”

“rowan,” he was only about a few inches away from her now, his tie hanging loosely from his neck, suit jacket no where in sight, “it wasn’t your fault.”

“i was stabbed with a pen six times. and she clocked me in the temple with her baton. i don’t remember a single thing after that. the only thing i hear are my pleas for them to stop. they haunt my dreams at night, the memory happening over and over and over again.”

“rowan,” her name was so grounding as he repeated it, keeping her steady, “c-can i give you a hug?”

biting her lip, she nodded, hotch engulfing her in his embrace. his arms were strong, biceps rippling underneath the thin fabric of his button-up as he scooped her into his chest. a hand sprawled across her back, gliding up and down. his chin rested on the crown of her head, throat vibrating as he spoke.

“no one is going to hurt you ever again. not within the confines of these walls. not in the parking lot. not on a case. not ever. i promise you that.”

and in that moment, she nearly collapsed.

“god,” he exhaled, the breath faltering, “rowan, i am so sorry.”

“are you crying too?”

“a little bit,” his voice was so small, “i noticed your apprehension to talk about columbus, whether it was for college or your previous work. also, you recoiled when the officer handed you a coffee. i shouldn’t have misjudged you or your attitude.”

“aaron, my head hurts.”

“did you just call me aaron?” hotch swallowed thickly, nearly melting as she nuzzled her head into his chest, clinging onto his shirt.

god, was she so vulnerable in this state. far from the hot-headed, witty, personality that shone only hours before. part of aaron hotchner wondered if he preferred this. her softer, more gentle side, where she didn’t want to let go of him. where she didn’t spite him just to send fury spiking, pissing him off like no other.

they had only met under twenty-four hours ago, and she had upset him more times than his entire team did in years. typically, aaron hotchner was smooth, collected and poised. but right now, in this moment, he was in shambles, scrambling to process it all.

desperate to find why he gravitated towards rowan adaline rivers.

“i--” she pulled away, her cheeks stained crimson, “i am so sorry.”

“please,” hotch placed a hand on hers momentarily, aching to pull her in one more time, “please stop apologizing. you don’t have to be sorry for anything.”

her shoulders slumped, lips parting, “y-your hands, they’re nice. a lot softer than you.”

“rowan,” he coughed, “you’re inebriated and i have a wife and son at home. let me get you back to your apartment, and make sure that you’re safe, okay?”

“okay,” her lips stretched for a yawn, “i’m really tired and my head hurts so bad.”

“you’re going to have to wait this one out without any meds sadly,” hotch offered the brunette his elbow.

“come on, let’s get you home.”

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

tagged: @sapphicstars​​ @colorlessfl0wers​