#and also didnt leave the lab for 4 days straight

[quinnoct]

Leo come get Donnie -- he's delirious

[kaz11283]

Fire and Ice: Chapter 4

Chapter Summary: you get to meet mor of the team members and you get adjusted to your new life in the tower. Loki is still giving you the cold shoulder.

Loki Masterlist

~~~~

Thor showed you the rest of the tower before leading you down to the living room where the rest of the team was.

"Lady y/n, this is the living space. Most of the time this is were everyone is together. Meet the avengers." You gave a slight wave to everyone that was there. You notices Nat and Clint sitting together toward the back of the room and smiled, Bucky and Sam were having some sort of disagreement while Steve just laughed shacking his head. When he notice you he stood walking over to greet you.

"You'll have to ignore those two. If theres something to disagree with they'll find it. Steve Rodgers ma'ma, pleasure to meet you." He stuck his hand out shacking yours.

"Nice to meet you too Steve. I've heard a few things about you. My roommate is a big fan." You smiled. Looking around you noticed Loki sitting by one of the windows staring straight at you, you felt your heart flip a few times before smiling at him. He rolled his eyes and went back to reading whatever he was reading. "See Thor, he absolutely hates me." You whisperer.

"Hes just trying to adjust." Thor placed his hamd on your lower back guiding you through yet another door. This one lead to a high tech lab where Tony and Bruce were at.

"If it isnt the man who completely uprooted me, brought me to a undisclosed location, and didnt take no for an answer. Its a pleasure to meet you Mr. Stark." You smiled sticking out your hand.

"Now in my defence I didnt bring you to an undisclosed location. I think everone knows where the tower is located. But after the compound is built no one is gonna be able to find us." He laughed taking your hand, you noticed him looking you over. "Your smaller than I would have imagined. Complete opposite from what I had compared you to. Not as .... Ummm... Pointy." He made a weird jester with his hands. You could only assume he was comparing you to Loki.

"Well as they say Mr. Stark, I do have horns holding up this halo." You laughed.

"I like her. Lets just get rid of reindeer games and keep her." He said pointing a screwdriver at you smiling. "Oh, heres this, state of the art Stark Macbook and Stark Phone. Online classes start for you Monday, you have all your normal classes. They will just be broadcasted to you on here, yes you can go back and rewatch them but you do still need to be there for the live feed also. If you need the book heres a card, use that for you. No limit." He handed you a black Mastercard.

"I truly appreciate it, really, but I cant take this." You tried handing it back.

"You can, you will. Everyone in the tower has one, no limits. Well Nat and Pepper have limits, I swear between those two i would be broke in no time. Anyways, not the point, you'll also need training gear. Use it for that if nothing else."

"Thank you Mr. Stark. Really for everything." You said grabbing the dtuff he had given you an slipping the card into your back pocket.

"Stop calling me that, Mr. Stark was my father. Tony will be fine." He said getting back to what he was working on.

"I call him Man of Iron." Thor said placing his hand on your lower back leading you out.

"Dont, for gods sakes, dont call me that." Tony yelled after you.

"Everyone is meeting in the living room for a movie of you would like to join us." Thor asked. You were completly drained from your firdt day at the tower, had it really just been this morning since you were in your own room? It felt like eons ago.

"No Thor, I just want to go take a shower, adjust to everything going on, and unpack my stuff. Maybe look for somethings to decorate my room, but thank you." You turned walking back to your room in silence.

On your way to your room your mind was all over the place, how did you not know that you were from Asguard, had your parents not really been there your whole life? Did your parents even actually exist or was it some made up something or other like a dream? You had just talked to your mom yesterday, maybebit was just some mind control thing making you beleive you had been talking to her. You placed your hand on the bridge of your nose rubbing it as you leanes aginst a wall trying to collect your thoughts.

"You seen very troubled." His voice ws like silk, you had only heard it once before but you knew when you looked up you would see him standing there in his usual green and black. You knew this man didnt like you but something inside of you drew you to him. When you looked up he was leaning aginst the wall directly in front of you, looking like he was trying to figure out an answer to a ridiculously hard question.

"I just want to know why this is happening? Are my parents even real? Do I have powers? What are they if i do. I just want to know. Why do you hate me?" You sighed leaning your head back aginst the cool wall. You heard his breath catch, before you knew it he was directly in front of you, hands on either side trapping you there. Your heart lept, not from the danger that you were in, but the closeness.

"I do not hate you, I could never hate you. You do not realize this but we were ment to be together, two parts of a whole. You can not stand here and tell me you do not feel drawn to me as I am you. I have loved you from the day we first met so long ago, playing as kids in my mothers garden. It simply pains me that you do not remember us, what we had, our past. Darling trust my words when I say that if Odin wasnt dead I would surly kill him for taking you from me and making me beleive you dead for all these years." He leaned down breathing in your scent and gently leaving a kiss on our cheek before turning around and walking off leaving you even more confused and jittery than you were.

~~~~

Chapter 5

~~~~~

Tag list:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@high-functioning-lokipath

[judehayward]

lady gaga voice slowly fadin in: ju-Das juda-ah-ah… this depressed goblin bastard is honestly my fav male muse like i dnt typically stick w male muses tht long i struggle bt................. i’ve played him the longest of them all n always seem to return to him. jst cnt stay away. way 2 attached to this absurd little man. it’s nai btw!!!! (josefine on the main). launches right in to jude’s intro without further adieu..... (u can also find his playlist here) 🧙‍🎨

「douglas booth & cis-male」⇾ hayward , jude, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he is a pisces and 23 years old. he is studying ART, living in moris and can be protective, laidback, nonsensical & apathetic. when i see him i am reminded of wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects, lead marbles instead of eyes. ⇽「nai & 23 & gmt & she/her.」

he pinterest:

me in the voice of a card magician performing on the street: round up round up pick a pinterest any pinterest!

ta-da it’s aesthetics:

lead marbles instead of eyes, a stolen hearse careening down the wrong lane, wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, bags under the eyes that are so big they could pack enough clothes for a three week vacation, a cigarette wobbling from your bottom lip as you squint against the sunlight, passing out on a stranger’s rooftop, placing sunglasses over the eyes of a biology lab skeleton, gangling around the place like shaggy minus his scooby snacks, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects

about tha Bitch:

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot

jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t fully Bad bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans. pretty absent n irresponsible. they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they properly knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care the way parents shd. they lost his birth certificate n dnt remember what they put as his middle name so he’s jst kind of like hmmmm............. n gives himself a diff one every time ppl ask. past variations hv included: jude pauly hayward, jude maureen hayward, jude van winkle hayward. says all of these w a very straight face

despite this he does hv some nice memories w them. usually he definitely sees them fr holidays. frm being rly young their christmas tradition hs been to get a bunch of chinese food like a Banquet Feast n spend all day smoking n drinking into the early hours. perhaps not the healthiest or most responsible bt 😔 jude rly likes it it’s kind of the one time of yr he feels he has a proper family

they r both suuuuper into the arts. rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a successful gallery in sheffield n san fran

(trauma tw) as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws being responsible n looking after someone. tbh some of his parents friends were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed bt he also??? has some gd ones..... it was a strange environment bt he’s a survivor

(death n grief tw) he hd to do community service bc he kind of… hd a bit of a breakdown before the funeral of his elderly neighbour who bsically raised him bc her kids rly didnt care abt her they jst wanted her inheritance?? so he… stole the hearse w her casket still in it n ws jst like… drivin around the place sort of… tryin nt to cry…..KJJFHSFKJGHKFG i mean. it isnt funny its actually sad bt :/ in a very bizarre n jude way. he gt caught n taken in fr questioning bt her son kind of realised hw… broken up abt her death jude ws n had a heart n didnt press charges. regardless he stil hd to do community service bc it ws like taken seriously even tho it ws his first proper offence. doin it rly exhausted n depressed him so when he wsnt doin tht he ws just hibernatin in his room……. this ws like 4 months ago nw............ just some fun lore fr u all

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing he’s jst going fking wild on the keys in a trance...... i mean he’s gd bt… chill

he’s rly sarcastic n so deadpan like he’ll say smthn completely ridiculous bt he’ll say it w his whole chest so sincere.... it’s rly hard to tell when he’s joking or serious honestly. has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably secretly draw them. does NOT share these drawings w the person he hates being openly sentimental. at heart he is jst a very Sad Boy w lots of repressed issues like depression genuinely just does NAT giv him a single break bt he plasters over this w wise cracks n never discusses his emotions ever. he’s actually p decent or at least tries to b. he’s kind of like tht bit in superbad where michael cera gets rly drunk n makes a toast to women like tht energy...........

he has rly bad insomnia so he like never sleeps idk how he’s Alive straight up. please go to bed sir............. he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot

ANYWAY that aside he’s at radcliffe doing art, focusing on fine art like painting is............... the thing he luvs most...... his style is kind of.......... taking normal things n painting w surreal colours.... he likes A LOT of colour in his paintings which is kind of a stark contrast to his personality bc his world’s so.... washed out n grey............ lovs art n philosophy n literature n photography n music.... 

ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges on all his clothes. wandering the streets in plaid pj bottoms n dr martens eating frm a cereal box without care in the world. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a laidback time....... doesn’t rly like when ppl take themselves too seriously........ likes strange ppl thinks the world is mde richer by them n likes when ppl can jst bounce back jokes at him without being like erm. u dont make sense mate. bc frankly he can come up w some strange stuff sometimes.............. talking to him cn b like navigating a dark n bendy road without a flashlight....... 

(drugs tw) once did shrooms n woke up naked in the woods curled up in a pile of leaves. to this day he recounts this as his werewolf transformation. hs no idea hw he ended up there n when ppl r like are u not. concerned jude. tht is so strange? he jst shrugs like.............. dunno....................... suppose i’m jst a werewolf upon occasion. so casual abt it. jst truly does Not care abt most things at all..... almost to the point tht it’s concerning (sometimes way past the point tht it’s concerning too :/)

this is the desc on an aesthetic i mde of his style once n sums it up well!! ‘additionally: too many pairs of trousers, a hideous amount of white t-shirts all somewhat stained with charcoal, a jumper so thinly knit it almost looks sheer, chipped teale nail varnish, a cream corduroy jacket with a cigarette hole singed onto the cuff, vintage wiry reading glasses he almost never wears, a freshly rolled cigarette behind his ear, a thrifted t-shirt with a warped bart simpson wearing a stethoscope with the caption ‘bard knwos cardiology’ and two crops hacked that way with kitchen scissors that he sometimes wears to paint.‘

EXPERT at rolling spliffs like jst. mkes them so precise n neat....... it’s his super power. his fav thing to smoke frm is banana flavour papers.................... linking 2 this he’s like. bad w emotions bt he does try..... once his friend (maggie) ws sad so he brought her a spliff wrapped in grape flavoured paper bc it’s her fav fruit n jst like. wordlessly gave it to her. it’s the thought tht counts.....

PLOTS!!!!!

plays bass in a band which cld b a fun connection to get together??? i picture the music being like surf rock type like........... mac demarco...... bt he also luvs elliott smith n glass animals n the cure n metronomy n neutral milk hotel n talking heads n radiohead n mazzy star n wolf alice...................... idk jst like.... within tht ballpark i suppose i imagine it being................

mayb ppl he shares classes w?????? i’d like someone tht does a similar course n they hang out tgether when it comes to trips fr the module to museums or exhibits or wtever................ they both stand in front of paintings analysing it rly wrong n saying stuff like hmmmmmmmmm....... i do declare i see a, uh..... large phallus protruding from the centre of this image...... moves something in me.......... n some elderly person looking at it besides them is like Ergh. sickened n disgraced. leaves w a brow severely furrowed

someone he smokes w on the moris rooftop late at night when he cnt sleep??? mayb they’re up n cnt sleep either fr whtever reason n it’s become an unspoken kind of ritual where they always clamber out n find each other there n jst wordlessly keep them company

jude is kind of like. protective almost to a fault sometimes........... mayb some guy he’s punched......................... if they hurt someone he cares abt........... typically it wld hv been a girl he ws kind of like. affected by his first relationship bc she had a bad home situation n ever since jst wnts..... to Protect it’s kind of like an automatic instinct ingrained in him nw 😔 all sounds very noble n well bt sometimes it cn b a bit of an escalation i wnt lie

perhaps a few hook-ups??? jude doesn’t tend to sleep w ppl he rly knows bc he just..... likes it to b an impersonal thing doesn’t like getting attached fr various reasons so mayb they only kno each other via this OR mayb he bent his rules a bit..... cld either work seamlessly or hv added drama if one side hs mre feelings or whtever

currently living in moris w 2 roommates bt i’d love some neighbours perhaps..... mayb someone tht lives directly nxt door to his room n is like ://// bc he plays music loud n weeds always drifting frm his window n mking their room smell if theirs is open too................. or mayb they get on..... mayb there’s a rly mean seagull tht lands on a branch n poos on pedestrians n they both commentate on it frm their windows like david attenborough...... they’re like he’s at it again. they’ve named him n everything

HONESTLY anything if u have an idea hmu i’d love 2 hear it.......... rubs my hands tgether in excitement to plot up a storm w u all

[anastasiaskarsgard]

so theres my masterlist for previous chapters. Here is the newest part of 

HIS QUEEN

4

NSFW 18 + mention of death, butchering, sex, some stuff that may freak ya out. its Roman Godfrey 

DESCRIPTION***** Briana could tell Roman Godfrey was trouble from the start, but he eventually got under her skin and broke her heart. Just when she feels like she’s moved on, his lawyers show up and tell her shes his sole beneficiary. with pryce and the board dead too, what serets does the white tower hold?

                                                         4 The reality of the shit show that apparently had gone down in the past month in Hemlock Grove,  was starting to sink in as they made their way down to the underground levels. The Godfrey Institute without any Godfreys', and no Dr Pryce, seemed an impossibility. Bri had a lot of respect for the late doctor, but the man was ruthless, with little to no sympathy for the dead. A lot of people said they were afraid of him, but she felt that wasn't the proper emotion dr pryce inspired. Fear wasn't the right word if she were honest. He was charming and charismatic, but it was all superficial. Uneasy was the best way to describe how he made her feel, even though she had counted him as a friend.

The doors opened to Basement three which was the lowest level of the underground floors, and was essentially an enormous freezer. When you stepped out of the elevators there was a great hallway stretching to your left and right, as well as straight ahead. There were five aisles of freezers, each varying levels of cold storage from near freezing temperatures for keeping medications and organs, freezing temps for cadavers of people and animals, all the way down to a cryogenic freezer cooled with pure liquid helium. The fact it even existed was mind boggling to Bri.

This wasn't the first time she had been down there. she'd been down there several times, but she never had turned right, so when Blitzkey turned right and proceeded all the way down to the furthest aisle, she was elated. She'd never been allowed to go right, and she'd always been curious what was so forbidden, especially when she thought about the crazy things she'd been allowed to see.

Dr Pryce had some deal with a few hospitals to get the bodies that are given up for science by family members, or those that were never claimed. It was actually shocking the amount of cadavers they processed and were used in Dr Pryces' controversial macabre experiments. Bri often wondered if the families of these corpses would be mortified if they discovered what had happened to them. She couldn't refer to them as loved ones, or even people or she felt sick.

She had to figure that out after a few times dealing with "processing." She'd always been very respectful of the dead. Handling them with extra care and consideration, because they had once had hopes and dreams. They had family and friends somewhere that were most likely mourning them, the least she could do, was be reverent. Since the bodies they received weren't ever going to be seen again, and there was little to no accountability with how they were treated, they would be hacked to pieces like a cow in a  butcher shop. Sometimes they might only need a certain part, and send the rest through the shredder. There'd also been more than one occasion where the deceased was obviously murdered but showed no signs of an autopsy. That was what had lead Bri to discover Romans secret.

From the first day she met Roman, she had known there was something about him that wasn't human. She was thinking it was a severe personality disorder like psychopathy or he was one of those people that had special genes that made them have  super powers. She had read that some people only require two or three hours of sleep a night, or there are people that have unbreakable bones, or even those that have super hearing or eyesight. She thought Roman was super attractive, and it just fucked up his personality somehow.

       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dr Pryce had mysteriously received a body quite late in the day, and asked her and a lab teh to take it down. Bri was shocked when she touched the person and they were still warm, but she rolled the body to the elevators, keeping an eye out to avoid Roman. She'd asked her partner to warn her if she spotted him so she could hide. She felt ridiculous, but she knew he was trouble, because for whatever reason if he wanted to talk to her, she couldn't say no. even when he asked her out, over and over and she said no, for some reason, she couldn't walk away until he had given up. her partner spotted him when they got down to the freezers, so in Bri's panic, she hid on the shelf under the bed they were rolling, hidden by the hanging sheet. Roman walked right up and offered to take the body from there. Bri found it entirely unusual for the spoiled CEO to be so helpful, but was reassured business was as usual when her partner tried to refuse, and he called her a fuckwit and made her go back upstairs. Bri wasn't freaked out, but more annoyed with what an asshole he had been, but she figured she would just climb out from under there, when he left.

When he rolled the body in the freezer, she assumed he would leave, except he didnt. He closed the door and removed the sheet, now leaving her totally visible if he were to step away and look below.  She was trying to think of a reasonable explanation, when she heard a grotesque chomping, wet slurping sound. The possible causes of these sounds raced through her brain, and none of them made any sense. Her fear melted away, transforming into morbid curiosity so she crawled out from under the bed and turned to see what he was up to.

The breath in her lungs hitched and her stomach did back flips when she beheld Roman Godfrey, the Beautiful Boy Billionaire sucking someones blood. His eyes were closed, so he hadn't noticed her yet, as he was clamped down on this persons neck and sucking the blood out. It was the most puzzling amazing thing she had ever seen. He was absolutely drinking this persons blood and she had so many questions.

Romans bright green eyes lazily opened, before noticing a figure standing in front of him, causing him to leap back in complete panic;  eyes wild, blood dripping down his chin, frantically back peddalling until slamming into the far wall.

Bri glanced at the body and then carefully approached Roman, avoiding looking in his eyes since she read that you don't do that to predators. And there was something funny about what happened when he wanted her to do something.

"Its not what it looks like," he whined.

"Oh Roman, it's exactly what it looks like. Are you a vampire?"

"Are you a fucktard? There's no such thing as vampires."

"I did notice that you ate raw pork once and you didn't get ill. I found that strange. All the meat you eat is raw, and I wondered how you never appeared to fall ill."

"Look me in the eye Bri."

"oh no no Dracula. I finally get how you somehow talk me into shit that I don't want to do! You have that vampire razzle dazzle bullshit."

"are you hearing yourself right now?" Roman scoffed as he walked over to Bri,

She tried to appear confident and was surprised that she felt no fear, but somehow she KNEW he would not hurt her. He put his finger under her chin, attempting to make her look at him, but she shut her eyes. "Just answer some of my questions Roman. for science for fuck's sake!"

"You are so weird. Aren't you afraid I'll eat you if I am a vampire?" he spit with such venom, that Bri just started swinging, with her eyes shut. "what the hell? your eyes aren't even open!"

"I don't like your bitch ass tone!" she steamed

If she had had her eyes open, she would of seen the big grin on Roman's face.

"How are you still a brat? Most people would be having a fucking shit fit, but you wanna play twenty questions."

"Oh my fucking god, I get twenty!? Ok ok ok. I'm ready!"

"I don't mean literally twenty questions, that's an expression. Why should I answer any questions for you, what do I get out of it?"

"I will go out with you, but you have to promise to be honest or I will be able to tell and I'll never speak to you again."

"What makes you think you'll even leave this room if I'm a vampire and now you know?'

Bri opened her big beautiful eyes, looking deep into Romans emerald orbs and said with complete conviction "You'd never hurt me."

Roman was so enchanted by the way she seemed to be looking at his very soul, that he forgot to try and compel her, before she remembered to close her eyes again.

"OOOOHHH! You almost got me with the mind ninja shit!"

Roman laughed and shook his head, he was so drawn to this woman, she was almost like a drug to him. He'd never wanted someone or something as bad as he wanted her so he threw caution to the wind. "Ok. First question."

"Are you some sort of vampire?"

"I'm actually an Upir which is like a vampire."

"ok, two, How can you walk in the sun?"

"The sun doesn't bother us, I think thats just bullshit."

"three. How old are you really?"

"I'm really eighteen."

"Four. Are you going to get old and die like me?"

"No. We live a very long time?"

"Five. How did you become this?"

"I was born with it and I took my own life?"

Bri frowned, she hadn't been expecting that. It turned her stomach and made her want to comfort him. She reached out blindly trying to find him but he moved just out of reach. "Dammit Roman where are you?"

"Im right here, what are you doing?"

"trying to comfort you, What does it look like? Give me your hand." she huffed.

Roman complied and interlaced his fngers with hers.

"Ok. Six--"

"you mean eight."

"What?How?"

"there's eight and nine. six you asked where i was. seven you asked what does it look like. eight you asked what, and nine you asked how."

"you are fucking impossible. I can feel you smirking too so stop it.' she said squeezing his hand as hard as she could.

"you're so cute when you're mad babe."

"Ok ten! Did you know killing yourself was gong to turn you into this?"

"No."

"Eleven.... Why would you ever do that Roman?"

"I felt like it was the only way to beat my mother. She wanted me to do the unthinkable, so rather than listen to her, I thought I'd fuck up her plans and die."

"Is she an Upir?"

"She is."

"Thirteen. I gotta keep track here. Did you know she was one?"

"No i Did not."

"How am I already at fourteen? FUCK!"

"Number fifteen..."

"Dammit! Ugh. OK only five more. Must not be dumb ok. Fifteen. Have you ever killed anyone?"

"yes."

"Did bitch have it coming?"

Roman let out a belly laugh and said "Yes always."

Bri Smiled. "If I open my eyes, are you going to mind ninja me?" silence. "Roman if i have to repeat the question, it still only counts as one."

"I mean I have to Bri. I cant have you knowing this about me and then just act like its ok. And you're right, I won't hurt you so I have to make you forget."

"Please don't Roman." She said pulling Roman into an embrace. "I want to kiss you, but you have blood on your face."

"You are the weirdest fucking girl in the entire world."

Bri Giggled, "Why? And holy shit its cold!"

"Ok this is number eighteen. Because I have had lunch with you a million times, bought you a bunch of gifts, wrote you notes, listen to you talk about shit I do not give a flying fuck about and even be nice to people, i mean i literally did for you what i didnt think i could do, and you won't give me the time of day, but all of a sudden I am literally eating someone and you wanna kiss me. Fucking unbelievable!"

"Its because I feel like I can trust you now. Why didnt you just mind ninja me into going out with you or maybe even fucking you, I dont know the limits of this power."

"Because I want it to be genuine and i want you to remember it cuz i want you to..." silence.

"You want me to....." Bri whispered feeling his hot breath on her face. She looks up into hs big green eyes, and notice the extra moisture there. Its downright comical, that he somehow looks vulnerable with blood all over his face.

"I want you to love me."

"This is all you're fault Roman Godfrey!

"Whats my fault?' He brought his lips close to hers, as his breath ghosted along her lips, causing the shivers to run down her spine. She leaned forward and their lips met, making her feel relief and revulsion simultaneously. Roman responds with a low growl and turns his head to take the kiss deeper. He sucks on her lower lip, causing a needy moan to escape Bri as she rakes her hands through his hair. Roman grabs her by her shoulders and spins her around so now she is pinned against the wall. He kisses along her jawline, to her ear and she can't help but to hold her breath when she feels his wet tongue drag down her throat. He pulls her shirt down taking her nipple in his mouth as he looks up at her and she can't think of a time she ever wanted someone more. "This is dangerous."

"You'd never hurt me. But real talk, I'm fucking freezing."

With a great amount of effort, Roman pulls himself off of her out of breath, and nearly mad with need. "Go straight to my office. I'll meet you up there."

She runs for the door, realizing she is violently shaking without Romans warm body pressed up against her. She opens it, looking outside to make sure no one is in the hall. Coast is clear for her to hustle into the bathroom, just as she hears the elevator doors open. She looks in the mirror and surprisingly is fine with her reflection. Blood is all over her face, neck, and blouse and her hair looks like someone took it half apart. She had his large handprint on her arms and the entire side of her head. She knows this should be freaking her out, but she keeps looking at his bloody hand prints, and decides then and there, she is his.

                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She realized she had been holding her breath when she walked in the cooler, and startled Blitzky when she finally expelled it. Roman hadnt been put away, and was on a stainless steel table, completely nude, with what appeared to be his heart (or what was left of it) on the table next to his head. His throat had been ripped open and there was a large chest wound where his heart had been ripped out, before being chewed and spit out. He had suffered some type of skeletal breaks as well, since his position appeared unnatural.

He was really dead, she was alone. she could feel the tears streaming down her face, making no effort to hide it. Every second feels as though she's losing touch with reality. Pure panic setting in.

"Wow this is really not fixable is it?' she shrieks, in a voice she doesn't even recognize.

"There's actually something else we could try that not exactly ethical, and i"m not sure that he will still be himself, but will not judge you, no matter what you try. I will assist you, I just can't make the decision." Blitzky said, hands visibly shaking like a dog shitting peach pits.

Bri's heart flutters and she calms instantly, hope reignited in her "Anything."

" Well I am sure you are aware there are three levels to the basement."

"Obviously."

"Except its not. there's four levels."

"What is he hiding down there?"

Blitzkey looked like he was having a minor panic attack and couldn't hold still or catch his breath. Bri walked over comforting him, and rubbing his back trying to get him to get it under control. she allowed him to embrace her as she tenderly rubbed his back. She wanted to know what the fuck was down there, but he had been through a lot, so she tried to be as empathetic as possible.

"Its his stock." he whispered.

Bri felt her stomach twist in a knot. A chill ran up her spine, and she wanted to believe he wasn't talking about live donors, but she couldn't think any other type of stock that required top secret secret locations.

"When you say stock, do you mean donor parts or experimental projects?"

Blitzky laughed uncomfortably, reaching up and itching the back of his neck. In the time she had spent with him before, she recognized it as his nervous tick. "I mean donors are the best way to put it, although all these donors are still alive. Dr Pryce liked to have live subjects for some projects. He was also very interested in becoming an Upir himself so he'd never die and was determined to figure out how to turn a human. He has several of them down there still and i have no idea what to do with them now. They're all criminals and not the types to let out into the world. He made sure they were all loathsome beings. The humans are easier to deal with than the Upir. One of them looks like he's just a beautiful teen boy, but hes a psychopath that's killed hundreds if not thousands. Let me just show you. I'm rambling," "Please do." Bri said, gesturing for him to lead the way. She couldn't believe how calm she was being over this. Why was she not surprised? "Do you think we could rebuild Roman?"

Blitzkey motioned for her to follow him as they walked all the way ro the farthest right corner, where the cryogenic freezer was. I had heard there was one somewhere in the building, but it was kind of a myth no one saw and here it was. I was trying to ascertain how the liquid helium was cycled through the system, when Blitzkey typed a code in it, revealing it was in reality an elevator in disguise.

"That's kind of disappointing. I thought it was a real cryo cooler." Bri said. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine! Are you ok?"

"I'll let you know when we get down there."

[smallgirl10101]

My 3Below OC

Hi!

I'm no good at art but at least I'm good at writing or descriptions!

So that's what I'm here to do!

_______________________________________________

So Ania, yes I used my name I am quite aware, is a human that lives in Arcadia Oaks.

Shes 15 years old and works at the coffee shop, the record store, and any other job she can find. She lives with her uncle. She is American on her fathers side and Russian on her mothers side. While she does not speak in a Russian accent she can speak Russian very fluently.

When she was around ten years old her parents and her little sister were killed by a home invader. Her uncle, her fathers older brother, was the only living relative that could take her in. He didnt like that fact that she was living in his house for free so he made her take multiple jobs at a young age.

She is selfless, kind, protective, and fiery. She would be the adult in the group, making sure everyone was taken care of. She would also be the one lecturing someone if they made a mistake. She is home schooled but the main subject she focuses on is English Literature. Shes a fantastic writer and loves to show her work or say her opinion through speech.

She has short brown hair with bangs on the right side of her face, emerald green eyes, and 5,1. Shes extremely short for someone her age and shes sort of on the chubby side. She wears a dark purple blouse, a black pencil skirt, and black high heels. She also wears a silver rose necklace, and black rose ear rings that belonged to her mother, with big round glasses in her face.

One day as she was having her break she saw a boy she had never seen before walk in front of the coffee shop. Her boss/uncle told her to offer him a sample of their new coffee, since there weren't many people in that day. She obeyed and offered it to the boy. He was... weird. Not funny weird just... weird. He acted as if he had no clue what she was talking about. He was a teenager who didnt know what coffee was, which was pretty rare. She took him into the shop where she gave him a cup... that he spit all over the floor. She was kind to him non the less, even though she had to mop up the coffee and got yelled at by her uncle later. She offered him a seat at her table since she was still technically on her break.

The boy introduced himself as Krel Tarron. 'Strange name for a kid. Maybe hes from another country?' Through out the rest of the evening they talked, laughed, smiled, and over all had an amazing conversation for a good 3 hours. That was until she saw something in his eyes... they were... black? And glowing? She asked him about it and all the boy could say was, "Kleb!" Before he rushed out of the shop.

Over the next few weeks the boy had come to the coffee shop to talk to her or just see her. They had become close friends and knew almost everything about each other.

She had to admit he was rude at times, quite full of himself, but she knew he meant well. He was her only friend really. Since she was homeschooled and her uncle didnt exactly let her out of his sight she didnt have time for friends.

She would show him her stories and he would show her his inventions. They were pretty impressive. They looked like something right out of a sci-fi movie.

While Ania was indeed a very intelligent girl she was also extremely clueless. Krel didnt realize his feelings for her until the day her uncle allowed her to attend public school.

They both had language arts together and apparently there was a short story paper due. Even though she was new and just attended school that day she was the first to raise her hand. She always kept her journals in her bookbag and they were filled with different stories. When the teacher called on her she rushed to the front of the room with a smile on her face.

Krel rolled his eyes and chuckled to himself watching her so excited. He leaned back in his chair and listened. His eyes got wider and wider with each sentence she read, with such passion and excitement. He gulped as he felt his core suddenly warm up. "What is this feeling?"

Weeks went by and he acted differently around Ania then he usually would. His face would warm up spontaneously, his hands would shake, and he was ruder then usual. He didnt know what to do. He was so confused and frustrated. He ran straight home after his hang out with Ania hadnt gone as he had hoped. He thought he might be sick. Aja was listening in on her younger brothers conversation with the mothership. She screamed as she ran over and spun her brother around. "AJA! PUT ME DOWN AT ONCE!" "A CRUSH!" "... What?" "YOU HAVE A CRUSH LITTLE BROTHER! YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ANASTASIA!" "... What? No! That's impossible! Shes a human! I could never find humans attractive! Of course, I do believe Anastasia is quite intelligent and witty and humorous and she is enjoyable to talk to and shes the only human on this mud ball that I see as an equal but that doesnt mean I- ... kleb."

Even though it was extremely obvious that Krel had feelings for Ania, she didnt even notice. It was painful to watch. Especially when Aja and Steve would help Krel get Anias attention, giving her compliments or gifts, and she would usually say, "Awww! Thanks Krel! Stop being such a sweetheart will ya?" Steve once had to hold Aja back from just blurting it out or more or less screaming it out.

The day Ania learned what they were was an eventful day for everyone.

She was locking up the coffee shop, like every night, when someone was thrown above her. They landed in an ally way in a pile of garbage.

Being the curious and worried person that she was she slowly walked toward them.

"H-Hey... um... are you ok?" She could see something glowing from under the trash.

"D-DONT COME ANY CLOSER!"

"Look I'm not gonna- Krel? Oh my God are you ok!?"

"UM Y-YES! PERFECTLY FINE! I DO NOT REQUIRE ASSISTANCE! YOU MAY LEAVE!"

"... Krel you were just thrown across the street. I'm pretty sure you'll need some assistance. Is that your phone or-" She went for his hand- hands? "What in the-"

He tried to cover himself with the trash but the bag had ripped and trash was scattered everywhere.

She looked down at her friend, well who she thought was her friend, he was... she had no idea what he was. Her eyes widened.

Krel slowly stood with his four arms up, "Ok. Do not freak out. I have a perfectly normal and nonbizzare reason as to why I look like this."

She took a step back, "Wha- How- What are-" She fainted. He caught her with his four arms.

He sighs. "Great." He threw down his serrator and it turned into a overboard. He jumped onto it and flew to the mothership.

When she woke up she was greeted by three big blue... things. She screamed and backed up. "WH-WHO ARE YOU!? WHA-WHAT ARE YOU!? AM I DREAMING!? DID I ACCIDENTLY DRINK THE ALCOHOLIC COFFEE!?"

"Sweet Saklos stop screaming! Your fine!"

"... Krel?" She looks at the other two. "... Aja? ... Mr. Vex?"

"THE HUMAN KNOWS TOO MUCH! SHE MUST BE DESTROYED!" Vex turns his serrator into a sword.

Aja stands in front of her. "We are not killing her! She will not tell anyone!"

"Tell anyone what!? Can SOMEONE explain to me what's happening!? What are you guys!?"

The three look at each other. The big one, whom she assumed was Mr. Vex, groaned and put down his weapon. They explained to her what they were, who they were, and how they got here. Her eyes grew wider with every word. By the end of it she was in a state of complete shock.

"Please do not start screaming again." Krel rubbed the back of his neck. "You... do not fear us... do you?"

Ania, surprisingly, threw her arms around Krels neck and pulled him into a hug. She laughed.

"ARE YOU KIDDING!? I JUST FOUND OUT MY BEST FRIENDS ARE ALIENS FROM ANOTHER PLANET! IM THRILLED! I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!"

Krels face has never been brighter. His core warmed up quickly and he was stiff as a board. He didn't know what to do at that moment. He chuckled and slowly wrapped his four arms around the small round girl.

She snickered after a few moments. "... Krel? You, heh, you can let go of me now."

His eyes widen and he quickly pulled away. "Y-Yes well. I'm sure you will not see us the same."

"Hmmm... I don't know. Awkward, check! Dorky, check! Intelligent, check! Cocky, check! Kinda full of himself, check!" She let's go and stands on top of the couch. She ruffles his hair. "Poofy hair, check!" She cups his face. "Adorable facial features, double check!" She smiles. "I'm describing Krel Tarron just as I would describe Prince Krel Tarron of Akiridion-4 or 5 or whatever! Your still my best friend!"

Krel smiled widely. He couldnt help but stare.

"Pfff what are YOU staring at? I'm not the one with four arms and glowing blue skin Mr. Tarron."

His eyes widened and he stood back so her hands were no longer on his face. He glared. "I am not STARING! I would never stare at YOU! You were the one that decided to cup my face!" He groaned. "Now I smell of coffee and lavendar! Ugh! Disgusting!" He stomped to his lab.

She raises an eye brow. "What was that all about?"

_______________________________________________

And that's it! I know its not as good as others I'm sure you've seen but hey... at least I tried!

~ Anastasia

[the-little-red-noodle]

10/11/18 7:47

okay, lets talk. 

Ive had an emotional 24 hours. I’ve been anxious, i’ve been insecure, i’ve been angry and sad and hurt and manic and crazy and i need to get it out so i can fucking cleanse and move into my weekend.

It started with spencer, what like, 2 nights ago now? i dont remember when it was, but i was getting insecure and noticing how i was affecting him. it was yesterday, cuz it was wednesday. i was insecure and didnt want him to leave my room and i think i really stressed him out because i just wanted him to stay and say the things i wanted to hear, but that isnt reality. he cant read my mind, he cant know what i need to hear, thats why i need to communicate and not just suck into myself and away from him, but i didnt want to do that because i didnt want to be crazy, but then i got crazy and i made him kinda late because he dropped by at 3:30 and only expected to stay till 4 but he left at 6:27 as i needed to go to my 6:30 lab.. so i feel bad but i just agh i couldnt let him leave when i didnt feel good..

i didnt feel good because we talked about politics. he got me going on the wage gap, so i got heated talking about the misconceptions and he was (respectfully) arguing with me because he is suuupperrrr super liberal, very very left, very socialist, and he’s a politics major, so he’s well versed and i get that going in, but i also wanted to share my side because im fairly moderate; i dont believe in a lot of feminist rhetoric, or the wage gap stuff. i read the study, and it bothers me that people misuse the statistics to say that women get paid less for the same job, because that is NOT what the study found. The point was that women take different kinds of jobs than men and tend to work less hours and have less education and qualifications. THAT is the ‘feminist’ issue, not paying women less for the same job because thats illegal and cant happen. 

Heres the thing. I know there are sexist issues in our society. i know that it is harder for women than it is for men. but frankly, i feel better ignoring it as much as i can. i feel like if we keep telling women than they shouldnt be scientists because its a man job, or that society tells women that they need a leg up, because then we start believing it and internalizing and thinking we are less than men. i feel like if we just stopped talking about it, i wouldnt know that there was a gender discrepancy and id feel totally normal getting into stem. i dont want to feel like im some anomaly. and frankly yes, i notice sometimes. i notice the gender divide in stem. of fucking course i see it. i know that there are men in my neuroscience lab who think i dont know shit. im not blind, i know the STEM field is misogynistic. i know it is. but i dont like to subscribe to the feminist thing that im so held down and its because im a woman. but thats just me

anyway, my babe is very liberal and he was listening of course but also making sure i knew that the problems im ignoring are still there, which i appreciate but i also get kinda irritated with hyper liberal men because it sounds kinda guilty? like listening to a straight white man say that straight white men are the problem, annoys me. like yes thats true, but also ugh its annoying. i hate the men shame that feminism encourages.

so we kinda went back and forth for a while, which like, good that we can have real conversations, and politics is something that will inevitably come up, but as the conversation went on, i started getting insecure and anxious because confrontation scares me. not that he was really even confronting me? like spencer is such a sweet man, he’s gentle and kind and supportive and so sweet to me, and i know politics is literally his thing, and im glad that he’s super liberal as opposed to the other end. cuz like ya i am a queer woman and im glad that he seems like a strong advocate for minority groups like that, so like im glad, but i also started to feel like he was frustrated with me for like being ill informed.

 heres the thang tho, im not really ill informed. ive done my research, i watch the news, and im a big fan of shoe0nhead which admittedly is very moderate bias media, but its content i agree with. and i was telling him that im fairly moderate, and he was like ya i can tell, and i was like and politics isnt really my thing, and he was like ya i can tell. but i didnt mean that like i didnt understand politics, i meant it as like i try not to really get into the conversation (partially because of sarah lawrence)

no wait i did tell him that. i told him how involved i was in social justice stuff in new york, that i literally led the anti Trump protest in NYC after he was elected. and when i told him that, he got all dreamy eyed like it was so attractive that his girlfriend was an activist, which is cute n whatever, cuz everything he does is cute..

the point is, that after this conversation i was insecure because i felt like he would be mad at me (he wasn’t) or that he would hate me (he doesn’t). and i know that logically of course, but still... ugh idk, the conversation just got me riled up and then he had to leave town for the whole weekend and i was feeling like we wouldnt have enough time to resolve it

but he kept saying everything was fine, that he wasn’t mad, that he might disagree, but still loves me duh. and i know he meant it, but u know when you get in your head and youre like shit i said too much, and now he will never look at me the same because we slightly disagree about politics, like my moms dating a republican and they reallllyyy disagree on politics, like i will be fine! whats yer issue self?

but ya so i just felt insecure, and i know he was trying to comfort me even tho i didnt let on thaaat much that i was hurting. i feel like when people i love get confrontational with me (which again, he wasn’t) i get upset and my heart feels heavy and it hurts and i want them to leave and i would have just ended our hangout because we both had places to be and whatever we’ll deal with it later, but i knew he was leaving tonight and was gunna be busy and we couldnt deal with it so i was scared and when my attachment feels insecure, i get SO insecure. hahahaaaa i was thinking this relationship would be any different? gurl.

but heres the thing, he is.. he’s fine. he doesnt think anything is wrong and he’s still my sweet pea boyfriend. and i know that now, because i did get to say goodbye in a good re-establishing way tonight.

i knew he was leaving after his class at 6:30 tonight and i was nervous because i knew he was gunna be busy with packing up and everything.

i ran into him walking to class and we were fine and kissy and cute and i love him but as we were parting i was like can i say goodbye before you leave, but i dont think he heard me cuz he didnt really respond because we were diverging and he was giving me his sweet boy eyes with an outstretched arm as we parted and i was like shit im still insecurrrreeee

so i texted him during the first class like “hey i meant cant i say goodbye before you hit the road but sounds like yer gunna be busy so have a great weekend baby i love you!” and i meant it, i wanted to end on a good note but then he didnt respond all day, and my anxiety was mounting and i spent the rest of today in my room doing nothing but stressing about him. stressing about a boy, nothing new for me.

but eventually i got really tired and took a real nap, i had accepted that i wouldnt see him again.. sad.. i woke up at like 7:15 and i was like hmm let me see if his car is still here, ya know, cuz im crazy. i went downstairs to fill up my water bottle and his car was still in the parking lot. so ya know, i text him, cuz im crazy. and i was like drive safe babe <3 and then as i got back to my room there he was outside my door with bags in his arm to pack up his car and i was so effing relieved to see him. we hugged and kissed and he seemed genuinely happy to see me and i was so happy to get to have a moment with him before he left.

i walked him down to his car, and filled up his water bottle for him and once everything was in his car, he just kissed me.. and i know im a hopeless romantic, but i was so happy to just kiss him and feel his lips smiling and feel his arms around me and hear him giggle and be adorable.. 

my heart still hurts, but it’s different now. my heart hurts because I miss him. i already miss him even though he only just left. he’ll be gone until monday night and i might not even see him then because he’ll be exhausted, which is fair. but now im sad because ill just miss him. i know he’ll be camping and among friends and nerding out on his larping camp vacation is fresno. of course ill miss him.. because i love him..

as we were kissing by his car i was like be safe (cuz his larping thing is basically nerd war with foam weapons) and he was like “yeah i will, cant wait to see you when i get back”, and i was like yeah babe ill be here to patch you back together when you get back, and he kinda laughed at me and was like “i dont think that’ll be your intention when i get back” implying that ill probably just want to rough him up immediately when i see him like i usually do. which made me really really happy to hear cuz it was like acknowleding that everythings still good and we’re still crazy about each other and we’ll just want to fuck as soon as he’s home which is sweet to me, like to me thats such a sweet sentiment. and i just got so happy that he in his own way reminded me that like we’re still on a good track, and we’re still happy, and he still loves me, ya know?

and also as we were hugging and kissing i started scratching his back how he likes and he sorta moaned and was like “ugh im really gunna miss this.. like im gunna miss you of course, but im gunna miss your back scratches” and that made me happy.. 

he just makes me happy.. i really love him and i’m really grateful that i got to have this brief reconnection with him before he left town till monday.. 4 days without him is gunna suck, but i know he’s gunna be busy and probably not have service and be off the grid so we won’t talk unless he reaches out. but i will manage. he managed for 4 days while i was camping, so i can manage while he is nerd camping

omigod that reminds me how much i love him, again. he’s nerd camping. ugh i adore him

he was like babe you gotta come next time so we can get drunk and fight together and he was all smiley like he really wants to show me off at his nerd event which is so sweet.. and as he walked me back to the dorm entrance cuz i forgot my key, he called me his girlfriend, and even though its small, its something.. i’ll take it. 

i needed that brief little reconnection. the next 4 days i will have to detox. i have events planned like every day, so i’ll be fine. im gunna see my friends tomorrow and saturday night and i have chapter on sunday and should probably spend some time alone writing and detoxing and getting back to myself and feeling independent. 

i want time to shower and braid my hair and brush my teeth and feed my body good food and watch youtube and write. i need to stay writing. i need to keep journaling because i know how much it helps me. i need to get my emotions out and analyze why the things that upset me get to me. whats the root of the problem and how to get through it. i need that.

i was and still am so frustrated with myself that i got so insecure over one political conversation with spencer. like... thats a problem, ya know? 

and at least now that he’s out of town for the whole weekend, i dont really have an excuse for being anxious about seeing him? cuz he just drops by and i never know when cuz he doesnt text me first. like literally tonight as we were kissing outside my room he was like i came by earlier but you werent home, and i was like oh shit i was taking a nap and i slept through him coming to visit me :(( which is like oh my god that would have been so sad if i didnt get to see him on his way out because i was literally asleep! 

his dropping by, while its the cutest ever because it just like him wanting to see me, its also kind of stressful because i never know when its gunna happen, so whenever im home, im kind of anxious because he could drop in at any second, and of course i get happy when he does because then i get to see my baby, but alsoooooo it means i cant really indulge in my personal space because it could be interupted at any moment, and as i found out tonight, i cant take naps because then i could miss him :(

thats probably something we should discuss at some point, because it creates anxiety for me that is related to spencer, and i want to eliminate any bad vibes from my relationship

relationship.. he’s my boyfriend.. ohmigod wuuuuuuut im still shocked that he wanted to boo me up this much.. he’s so sweet and cute and nerdy ugh

i love him.. i need to get over this dumb insecurity that comes from mild confrontation? that wasnt even confrontation??

so lets remember the things to look forward to about this relationship

he loves me. he claims me proudly as his girlfriend. he wants to bring me to belegarth events, even this day one in san diego where he’d bring me home and introduce me to his home friends which is pretty huge.. he’s sweet, he likes spending time with me and he drops by frequently and stays for hours.. we’re good, and i know i sound crazy needing to convince myself, but thats because i dont want to bug him to validate me, especially not when he has this big event that he’s so excited for. and i want him to be excited for his event and feel secure with me, because of course i love him and want to be with him.

10:53pm i keep taking breaks from the journaling, i get distracted really easy, watching youtube and texting people.. trying to be social, its hard for me. also trying to bury my spencer texts, just cuz i know im crazy and i want to try to not think about him..

do i go walk down to the cooler to get food? or should i just subside on whatevers in my fridge.. also i really should fill up my tank.. and calculate the gas so my friends can reimburse me.. sigh

anyway, i think im feeling mostly better after yesterday. like obviously im still gunna think about it, and ill always worry if spencers as invested as me, but i gotta take it with the context that he was the one who pursued me and crushed on me from day one and wanted to date me and wanted to be exclusive with me and wanted to call me his girlfriend.. he says he loves me and he comes to visit me all the time and spends his free time with me.. he’s a sweet pea and i shouldnt be insecure about it

and not to be cryptic, but what am i even worried about? part of me was reluctant to even get into a relationship, and was supposed to be single and focusing on myself and if anything, dating women. i accidentally caught feels for an amazingly sweet nerd man, and believe me im happy about it. i love spending time with spencer and loving on him. but to be cryptic for just a second.. worst case scenario? he’s just not interested anymore and we break up. sooo? ya that would suck, and i would be heartbroken, but i would also be okay because i have good friends and the whole point of breaking up with ryan was to be single.. so..

anyway, i should probably wrap up this journal entry cuz its long and all over the place

omigod he just texted me

aww he’s letting me know that he got to his thing safely and he loves me

seeee he’s a sweet bean, yall are fine, can you chill now? he’s so into you and you dont need to be insecure about this right now

and wow i sound crazy writing this much, i’ve literally been writing for hours. i know i need to journal more, and this is literally just stream of consciousness for hours and hours.. alright, ima end here and do hw maybe..

stay grateful. stay happy. life is good, you are blessed. friends are good. boyfriend is good. school is good for now kinda haha but i need to stay positive! yes i have bad days, yes i have low points, yes i get insecure and sad and upset and lonely. but i am so very lucky to be alive and to be surrounded by support and love and to feel and give love freely. i am lucky to have found friends i can trust. i am lucky to still have my close friends from beyond this year of oxy. i am beyond lucky to have an incredible man in my life. and also its halloween season which means lots of fun family stuff and so many fun parties on and off campus and looking forward to showing off my jessica rabbit costume and seeing spencers cowboy beebop costume and just drooling over each other ^-^ 

it is going to be a great rest of this month, and after this is november, which means thanksgiving and family stuff, and better fall weather hopefully and that means getting spencer to wear more sweaters.. mmmph and then after that is december which means holiday season, and more family stuff, and of course, finding a time to see spencer and be cozy and watch christmas movies and again, get him into more sweaters.. mmmmmmmph yes babe

there is so much to look forward to!! events and planning christmas presents for people omigod im gunna start that note on my phone, theres so much to do!! cuz i also have so many new great friends for this holiday season which means more presents for people which im always excited about :) and getting to watch my puppy grow up and see my family and take in the quality time together <3 

i am loved. i am blessed. i am grateful. i want to spread love and positive vibes and happiness and love! so much love :)

okay. that’s all for tonight. shower, brush teeth, go to sleep. take care of yourself. LOVE

[shytiff]

July 2021

1 - the toners i bought from sociolla arrived yay. loll i got into portal’s hall of fame somehow. usual day at magang. slowww progress of that sympo 1 ppt hhh. went back home and its raininggg yall. this week my hygiene habits and isya prayer was screwed. i cant bring myself to DOOOO things. i basically only get stuff done outside.

2 - started 2nd ppt (i know!!! super slow aaaaa). bought dough lab OG cookies and cookie monster since it was discounted at grab’s PI outlet. bought matcha mcflurry w juan when going back to AR. ate roti canai, the whole mcflurry, and tried the cookies. the sugar, bruh. all this time, im not lacking energy. im lacking sugar lol. watched two set and played marapets lol

3 - binged twoset violin. cant bring myself to do ppt. Finally managed at night.

4 - dayslept. Not sleepy but cant bring myself to do anything. Supernova technical meeting at 1 pm and some gmeet with iship wa group and suddenly its maghrib,,, did like 2 slides of ppt

5 - went to post office to get str and arrived 8 sharp. No one was there. Anjeng. They said wait until 9. went to tax office. Closed. Off to rscm. Ugh the traffic!? Surprise of kiara "internship" that on the very same day was cancelled

6 - its a struggle to reach rscm ugh. tried to go through sudirman but the toll exit was closed. so we went through tebet. gajah 2 was also sealed. while waiting for juan i bought snacks in indomaret. lol, got no cash. liqo with kak kartika and fell asleep halfway through lol,,,

7 - this time we’re going through kemayoran lmao and exited the toll at rawamangun. bought saladstop caesar salad just bcss they have this collapsible bowl bundling, together 140k (after added grab promo) lool. 

8 - today i didnot went to gastro since its off day due to a gastro staff getting covid. went to RSF for operan with dr dedes. took pictures with dr vera and we made heart using hand lmaooooo my koas soul felt scared doing that. tried the sushi mom bought at lotte mart. she also bought milk buns and it was good! like a marriage between bread and mochi. my stomach felt super bloated to a point where it hurts so i ate paldo wet ramyeon except i put too much water and the seasoning was diluted. 

9 - im supposed to do ppt but i cant bring myself to do it. i lazed in my bed literally all day. bingeing two set. reading webtoon. playing marapets. felt like utter shit. thought that id start my day after maghrib but nah. ended up sleeping

10 - still feel like shit and cant bring myself to start my day. And didnt do anything lmaoo

11 - cant bring myself to start my day~ ended up starting work like after maghrib. Its more difficult with things where u actually have to think bcs u need a certain headspace. Got sbux matcha and that shit rly helps me feel "normal".

12 - intern as usual. The 4 ppts are "finished" and i contacted the prof after mustering some strength. Zoom call with prof to check on the ppt. Bought a delicious es jeruk somewhere along the way to AR. Talked to mom abt picking wahana. The list was finally out and it was jakarta fair. Ara called, her grandpa passed away and shes afraid to go back and potentially harming her familys health. Showered but slept right after without doing anything meaningful 😔

13 - today is the 2nd "special batch" of internship idi. Followed along the war as a practice time. Theres a lot of vacant spots. And that scared us wanting to go national lol. I hope everything will be fine. Another zoom call with Prof, ughh theres so much to reviseeeeeee and i havent made any word material

14 - its only nessa and me today at dept. Picked rs krakatau medika together w nessa. Clara told me abt how her mother is sometimes toxic. Cant rly focus on work today bcs of internship stuff. Had headache ec lack of sleep that lasted from 2-6 pm. Immediately slept like a log after isya

15 - turns out nessa also want to pick rskm loll that makes 7 ui peeps in rskm. Did some good progress by alienating myself in Prof's cubicle. Moral message: whatever time you think youd make the ppt, it will be more. Bought martabak tipker orins yum. Its like lekker on steroids. I still prefer martabak pizza more.

16 - did 1 word for the ppt. Bought jco donuts w nessa bcs my mouth was lonely. Sent 1 completed topic to Prof and pamit.

17 - cant bring myself to do anything~ felt like shit~ played marapets and watched tiktok and youtube

18 - pembekalan iship today

19 - more pembekalan iship. Medical checkup today at labkesda. Met nessa mendel adita regen clara agung. Ate kfc together at nessas place. Went to dinkes jakbar for sppd. No ppt progress aaaaaa

20 - packed my stuff. Originally planned ti leave at 2 pm but theres a lot of uncertainty so i decided to leave tomorrow. The real certainty came at like 9 pm.

21 - off to cilegon 05:30 ish. Filled the gas. Arrived 07:15. Moved my stuff. Went to pkm with mom et al and ness mendel. Swab. Back to palm wates. I felt sad when mom had to leave. She must be tired, but she keeps supporting me with everything that she has. I know its always been like that but sometimes distance makes you see things (?) maybe its bcs im outside ar right now. Bought food. Printed stuff at a place 600m away. Did ppt work accompanied by mocca goodday (that i just knew was good lmao)

22 - zoom orientation today. Still managed to laze out and not do my work -___- tri was out so i was alone. Ate gold chick for brunch. That stuff is oil mixed with food. Finally did some work. The night orientation with dr Selfie was pretty shocking, but it was rly informative and i think she did it out of love.

23 - puskes 1st day. Orientation and turns iut we headed straight to poli lol. Had my very first poli umum with the kind dr arief. My first patient had bee sting :) the second was breast lump :) its rly a slap in my face to go study. Stayed in nessa's for a bit to do some work, except i felt rly tired and gave up at like 4 pm. Bought kebab around the corner (15k). Unremarkable. Kanayam for dinner, w some for breakfast 2mrw

24 - slept early so i woke up early. Tri also. We did some working at like 3 am til subuh. Poli was not too crowded since it was saturday. Helped mendel irrigate his ear in the puskes ER. Waited out the 2 pm standby. We ended up driving to merak except for esa lol. Bought kanayam again lol. Ended up sleeping early again

25 - nasi uduk 88 for breakfast. Some ppt work. my family came bringing motor hehe. Moved to mess. Met dr Ine. Learned how to use washing maching. More ppt work. Bought nasgor just in front of the mess

26 - vaccine post today. Zoom with IDI cilegon. Nessa cooked macaroni and meat. Talked a bit and then suddenly its half past 10. No significant ppt progress today. Im rly sorry Prof 😭😭😭

27 - MTBS poli today. Bu ningrum gave me cimol and jantung pisang and sayur and salad buah hehee. Some orientation. Did the last ppt for Prof. Can finally rest (??) nah the words still not finished. Overall mood today: ☺️

28 - poli usila today in bp with mendel. Injected mendel with his 3rd sinovac. Went to dinkes for SPPD.

29 - vaksin with mendel. lots of patients. porridge for bfast. talked about love life lmaoo. tried sate bebek h. syafei. quite good but sate klathak still holds the first place in my heart. finished the 3rd word doc and sent it. just as i was about to sleep, i saw the notif of jk going live. hes basically dancing around in his pjs at 1 am lmaoo <3

30 - paldo jajangmen for bfast. BP. shoot a video for e-promkesline. soto for lunch. bought kopi soe goela merah and croffle. the croffle was not as hard and crunchy and thick as social affair’s. the choco-nut topping was so so. the coffee was bitter like tuku, but not as smooth and creamy (?), not too acidic. did ppt of ecmocard data an hour before the zoom sesh.

31 - vaccine with dr anggi. went back early. bought some stuff in indomaret. lunch was abon, rice and leftover veggies. finished the last word manuscript for Prof along with kopi soe and sent it. vcalled w mom. had simba pillow mixed with sport muesli for dinner. 

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In town for a bit on business, he wants to have some casual fun. 5 inches and THICK- his emphasis. Hes at the top end of length for my preference, but self describing it as thick got my attention. Sometimes theres just an instant connection or chemistry, drawing you in so fast with a new person you just kind of dance around the usual screening process.

Described his cock as 7. Average height, better than average build, green eyes. Hes my age, 31, but with the right combination of personality and body- I can look past it. Gimme that thick dick. This Ginger was respectful and straight to the point from the get-go on Plenty of Fish. Hes former Army- he had a pic up in his dress uniform. He sends me his number, we text briefly, and make the plan to meet that same day.

I appreciated his ability to be direct without being rude or vulgar. I like em young and hung! Also, I give it a 95% hes well endowed- orange is the new Black. At no point did he ask for nudes, or ask endless intimate questions- I give it a 50/50 chance of being a satisfactory encounter given our lack of communication beforehand, but I cant resist a Ginger to save my life.

He passed with flying colors. Im telling you, this isnt rocket science. I feel my lady business respond immediately. In our very brief texting we went over our Dos and Donts, as well as both agreeing we like aggressive AND passionate sex. Dont ever forget that.

The way hes kissing me I can already tell this will likely be a very good encounter. " Its early afternoon, what a great way to spend it. Upon his arrival I am freshly showered, bed is made, and Im wearing t-shirt that says "MEETS OR EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS. He sits next to me, we awkwardly exchange hellos, and then he moves right in to kissing me. Not overly eager, not sloppy, makes you want it right meow.

Hes not pushing my body down while shoving his tongue down my throat. He starts lifting up my shirt after pawing me and groping for the goodies- having discovered my nipples are pierced and briefly sucking them, its time for layers to come off.

He peels his layers off as Im taking mine off and comes right back to mauling me so expertly I couldnt resist. Hes kissing me like hes excited to see me, and hes real good at it. Hes maneuvering me onto my back while he takes a top position.

Moving his head lower he pulls my panties off but with such reckless abandon theyre still on my left leg. Good kissers are also known to be good lovers, from my observation. Youre taking your clothes off, too. I dont recognize the alphabet hes writing, maybe its Spanish.

The moment he kisses my thighs its all over. His eagerness to put his mouth on my slit is palpable. He didnt just dive face first into my nonsense salad- first he ran his tongue up my outer labia on both sides and it felt soft and gentle and GIVE ME MORE. Fuck God sounds totally different when Im cumming and yelling nonsense. Right around now is where I learned Im actually bilingual, but whatever language I was stuttering out can only be whispered or shouted; theres no in between.

Oh my god hes licking my asshole- I have sex Tourettes. Do you think Jesus and God can tell youre not swearing AT them? he pushes my legs up and licks up and down, then just down. I can barely take it, stretched to maximum capacity for comfort, and even then hes mildly uncomfortably large. And it consists mostly of very short, hostile sounding 4 letter words.

DONT STOP, DONT STOP, DONT STOP. Once he was done tracing and teasing I felt the warm, wet touch of his whole mouth open around my clitoris, moving his tongue in ways I cant imagine or describe. Holding my body close to his and pushing his hips up into me, my limbs instinctively wrap around him like a slutty octopus. His length is perfectly spot on- any longer and he just wouldve www.abby winters.com been too much.

GOD DAMN YOU HAVE A BIG DICK. Pushing my limits for size, I question if my lungs have enough room to inflate fully while hes all the way inside. Id put him right around 7 inches in length, my preference being 6.

With my pelvis lifted to the right level, hed shove his tongue in me as my insides start to contract with the orgasm. Literally cumming on his tongue. For sure hes wearing the biggest condom commercially manufactured, or a trash bag. My hips would buck but his arms would find their way around them and hold them in place, while my legs stretched upward trying to walk on the ceiling. We didnt transition out of missionary, he sat up and spread my legs wide while plunging into me with force and conviction.

He rolls on a condom and pushes himself inside me- my eyes rolled back so far I saw memories from my childhood. I sound maybe like a dying rabbit as my fingers pull his short hair and hold his head firmly in place. I didnt keep count, I was much too busy screaming his praises to the Gods.

He gets his and we collapse away from each other. As soon as I begin to cum, back go the legs, down goes the head, and hed ride my climax on his face. When I would start to climax, hed withdraw quickly and push my legs up around my head. He puts his underwear back on and Im guessing hes leaving now, sad times, but then he hops back onto the bed and I take the opportunity to snuggle up into his armpit and touch on his body while I bask in the afterglow.

He does this for every single orgasm. Im wrapped around him and mostly content. I cant get my mouth around it right, my hand doesnt wrap around it. Its awkward to handle, do I need a license? I feel like my certs are out of date because this newfangled cocktraption is just outside of my scope of experience.

Good Lord, who taught you to do that? I gift him my mouth because hes more than earned it. I could definitely go for more, but hes not some 20-something with endless stamina. He pounds away at me from different positions, I like him behind me because I like his stroke and how he braces himself by holding my hips down. Clearly he gets most of his satisfaction from pleasing his lady.

Im not going to argue, and somebody has been listening to my thoughts and dreams again because this man was made in a fucking lab just for me. The sun goes down around 4pm right now so thats not a good indicator either. what even is time, man. Im amused I come across that way- Im all about those afterglow cuddles.

Between our rounds we break for cuddles and snuggles- he confesses he assumed, from my profile on PoF, that he was to go after the first round and I wasnt much for affection or cuddling afterward. He enjoys the cuddles too, and doesnt like to just leave after a hookup unless thats her preference. Please me you thick dick Georgia peach!

Take care of your partner after you fuck them. He enjoys my head game but it just makes him want to fuck me. He gets off twice more and I have no idea how much time has passed. HOLD MEEEEEEEEEEE, pet my hair and tell me Im pretty. Fool I dont get to round 3 very often with men in their supposed prime, so whos more thrilled! Hes an intuitive partner and he reads my cues very well, plus he just wants to bring me all the pleasure.

Apparently he doesnt get to round 3 very often, and hes kind of thrilled about it. His size is intimidating and hes more shaped for vaginal feel goods. I like how he lays it down, and I like anal with the right partner. He admits hes never been able to have anal successfully, and I can understand why.

The way hes shaped, getting the head in is not the hard part- he gest wider towards the middle and base, like a fucking road cone. I dont doubt that hell follow my lead and respect my signals if things get too intense. The last time things started heating up Im on my belly and hes pressing the head of his monster cock on my asshole- Im doing word problems in my head about the likelihood of this being a good idea or not.

He apologizes for cumming too soon- I had to hold back my school girl giggle. He flipped me over and fucked me hard up until I told him to say my magic words. What a dear, sweet lover. He actually thought he owed me an apology after our FOURTH consecutive romp. Tell me you love fucking me. Ive got shit to do as well. 10/10 would fuck again.

I tell him point-blank Id like to see him again before he leaves, he happily agrees. We were unable to make it happen, he was just too big and we didnt do enough warmup, but I took about half of him before tapping out. He texts me asking what my plans are for the evening, as hed like abby winters galleries to grab a couple of beers and a late dinner.

Fast forward 24 hours. When posed with options like this, I always ask WHY NOT BOTH? I tell him Im going to shower and meet him at the restaurant bar near his hotel, he instructs me to bring my lube. I dont really do compromises. Or I could come over to his hotel room after and he could just fuck my brains out all night.

Maybe Id like to join him? In the time it took me to excitedly shower and keelhaul the warts off my body, my phone starts showing notifications of other interested men folk. The words fall out of his mouth and he explodes seconds later, to his own surprise. why end with a OR when theres always an AND?

He tells me I cant miss him at the restaurant bar- hes wearing a cowboy hat. (You thought that hyperlink went to the movie reference, didntcha? CANT TALK NOW, THICKEST DICK EVER WANTS TO TAKE ME TO POUND TOWN! Oh goody, I know what Im wearing later. Can honestly say hes a good one.

Test me, Ive got true grit. ) The company was great, hes fun to talk to. Cleaned up, its time for him to go he has things to do. As were leaving I ask how many Magnum XL condoms he has- he says 4. He confesses he doesnt generally have his lady spend the night because hes very affectionate and waking up next to someone hes spent the better part of the night pleasing, can lead to him having feelings.

We need to buy more, STAT. I feel like a teenager again. We talk about our kids, divorce, he tells me about his previous military experience, and what hes doing now. Rolling into Wal-Mart at that hour, with giant shit-eating grins on our faces, buying only condoms.

You think youre big, you aint big until you must have custom condoms. I get what youre saying, were gonna fool around and then I gotta GTFO. Sexy Ginger man with a good head on his shoulders and giant cock, somebody please snatch this man up quick haha or dont, and let him keep sharing that beautiful endowment with all the ladies.

Back to the hotel room, we barely make it to the bed and hes on me. Details from here are fuzzy, but he went down for ages and we fucked around in every position. Dont get it twisted; theres approximately 10 million condoms in my purse, but they wouldnt fit him. Remember, if youre hard to size on either end of the spectrum theres a UK company called TheyFit that you can enter your measurements into and theyll get you fitted with one of their 66 sizes.

We took a smoke break before trying www.abby winters yoga abby winters.com (linked site) again, and he tells me hes half Mexican. This perfect Ginger man is also a beaner. He was made just for me. While he was behind me licking and sucking my clit, shoving his tongue inside my pussy and my asshole, I hear the top of the lube bottle click. At some point I wore his Stetson when we come back inside, naked.

He positions himself at the backdoor and gently adds pressure until I whimper or tense up. Working together slowly, gently, following my vocal cues I take him to the base. Pushed to the hilt we pause. Its more than mildly uncomfortable, but if we take it slow itll feel great.

I can feel it cold and slippery, then hear him stroking it on himself. I swear to Kylie Minogue I cant make this stuff up. Im a little drunk- 3 drinks on a mostly empty stomach, Ill sit on your lap and call you Daddy if you want. He picks up the pace, we start talking dirty to each other. I have not been quiet at all during any of this, but now Im incapable of controlling the primal animal noises Im bleating into the bedding.

He was having some performance issues but was bound and determined to make sure I enjoyed our time as much as possible. I can feel him shaking a bit, hes going to cum soon. Its late, the booze and orgasms are sedating me.

Hes down close on me, wrapping his big hands around mine, entwining our fingers, crossing arms under my chin as he grinds into me. I tell him to withdraw slowly. I wake up hazily to roll over and his arms find their way around me again, hes a perfect big spoon. After several loud, amazing orgasms, he gets down close and pushes himself inside me all at once.

Rocking into me Im wrapped around him in my koala hug. Hes holding me and Im lost in it. I awake fully to him sliding down the bed, tossing my right leg over and burying his face in my morning pussy. Digging my fingers into his back and pulling his short hair, I dont want it to end. Im cold and reach for a sheet, he covers us immediately and Im back out like a light.

He slows down but hes plunging into me with the kind of force and quivering body that lets me know its now. Pushing my skirt up, pulling my panties to the side, he takes my box in his mouth and I hold on for dear life, staring up at the mirrored ceiling I get to watch myself almost cum in his mouth.

Morning sex was more passionate, and a bit briefer. Hes even kissing me with my dragon breath. We havent even hit the floor button yet. When we get to the ground floor we smoke together outside, recap our enjoyment with each other. My back hurts from how he so violently throws my legs back to eat my pussy while Im cumming, both my pussy and asshole are recovering from their respective stretching and beating, and Im walking on a broken toe.

We get dressed together, and he goes to walk me out but as soon as the elevator door closed he dropped to his knees. He tells me after two days with me, he wont be able to fuck for a week. God damn that was good. He reaches up, hits L, and continues his works. 10/10 would fuck any time. I am completely satisfied. This will happen one week from now, when he has free time again.

I scamper home to sit on frozen bags of peas, pound water, and cuddle all my pillows. tt/2i9A4Cy /u/DDfnord Link is directly to this story http://ift. This entry on my sex blog has hyperlinks, if youd like to see it in full I write on WordPress and the blog name is All The Dicks.