#and also called me stupid for not doing well on a quiz i literally wasn't there for........

[thotsfortherapy]

i used to be really nervous about going back to my hometown because ‘what if i run into someone i don’t like‘ but like. the few times that has happened the people who have done be dirty have just 100% ignored me/run away from me. even despite me trying to be like heyyy. lol. which i guess means im a lot more confrontational than other ppl....

[heartsoji]

suna rintaro here. my girlfriend, y/n, is being distant today and i don't know why. let me tell you about what happened.

we were supposed to have our separate zooms with her on my lap, but she left to a different room near the very beginning. she tried to play it off with "i have a pop quiz and i need to focus. can't have my grade drop just because i can't focus on your lap with your zoom in the background," but we all know that that is absolute bs. she could've focused on my lap just fine, and we all know that failing a 10-point pop quiz from chiahara-sensei happens to the best of us. and if you're wondering, i am the best of the best.

then, after we both finished our annoyingly long 1.5 hour lectures, (well she claimed hers was in fact a 40-point pop quiz/test but it def wasn't) she refused to cook together. she said something like, "rin, you burned yourself last time, remember? go sit down," but that, too, is bs. yes, i spilled hot water on my sweats last time i tried to make pasta, but it was on my knee, so it wasn't like it was a big deal anyways. i don't know why she kept making excuses.

then, after we finished eating the meal she cooked without me, she had the audacity to get on a zoom call when i didn't have one. and after that terrible offense, she refused to sit on my lap for it AGAIN. she said that inuzuka-sensei was always more strict about what we wore in zooms, and i wouldn't get away with no shirt on like soma-sensei let me. when i told her that her body would block mine, she said that my chest and shoulders would still be perfectly visible. then, she guilted me by saying that she didn't want other girls to see my "perfectly toned abs," as she called them. AND THEN she had the impudence to TEASE ME and LIE TO ME by telling me my cheeks and ears were getting red! couldn't believe her.

then, after all our classes were over, she refused to cuddle with me because APPARENTLY her friend's sister a block down rolled and sprained her ankle, and that it was getting pretty bruised and swollen. she also added that her friend didn't have any advil or experience in injuries, and apparently she was asked to bring some advil, a compression bandage, and a couple ice packs. when i told her that her friend could just buy some and that she could get her own ice pack, she tried to get out of it by telling me that her friend's sister was only 5, was bawling her eyes out, refused to be left alone but also screamed louder when she was picked up, and that we also had a lot to spare because we have a ton of supplies in the closet because of my constant volleyball injuries. again, absolute bs. her friend could just go grab everything herself. what did it matter that the kid was crying? fuck kids! do you know how funny those youtube videos of kids getting hurt and crying are? people enjoy them for a reason. it's because kids are annoying as hell and it's fun to watch them get injured. im subscribed to like 10 of those kinds of channels. her friend is literally getting free entertainment and y/n obviously just wants to watch the free entertainment WITHOUT ME because she'd rather be with her stupid friend than me.

all in all, please help. i don't know why she's so distant today. is she mad? please give me tips!

@.su.rin post made at 4:16pm

comments: @.y/n.l/n: HELP WHAT IS THIS @.y/n.l/n: for the record i got an a+ on that so it was worth it @.y/n.l/n: love u always rin <333 @.su.rin: reply to @.y/n./l/n- ik that u hate me its ok

[autumn-foxfire]

Movie 12! Time for the middle finger at Gosho's decision to try and make Shinichi tone deaf movie! Although he recently realized doing so would mean Shinichi couldn't understand the sound of the phone call so he once again changed his mind. We love a consistent writer.

And it starts off with a bang! Literally!

Shinichi and Ai showing us they have the superior relationship in the series in the introduction, as always.

And of course its followed by the lackluster relationship between him and Ran.

Ran: Do you want to come?

Shinichi: Sorry Ran, I can't go.

Ran: But maybe you can! (and keeps asking when Shinichi informs her again that he genuinely can't)

Shinichi finally: I just told you I can't so please stop meddling in my affairs.

Ran: Oh I'm just a meddling karate idiot am I (he didn't say that), well I'll insult you in turn and then hang up on you.

Such a great and romantic relationship guys! It's not even playful teasing, it's Ran pulling a hissy fit because Shinichi isn't doing what she wants him to do and got upset when he got a bit annoyed she wouldn't take no for an answer.

This is one of my favourite movies just because of the music.

Reiko has no chill. Poor Agasa, he puts effort into those quiz. Though Shinichi also finds them stupid so he can't win anywhere.

I love the Detective Boys, they went to a celebrity singer and asked for her help and somehow got it XD

LMAO Shinichi quickly trying to get in Ai's good books after he told her she was a bit stuck-up like Reiko by telling her he meant she was a pretty as her.

Oh my god Ran, he just told you he couldn't join you and to stop asking him when the answer wouldn't change, there's no reason to take your anger out on Sonoko for it.

Why are they calling it a fight?! It wasn't a fight, Ran was behaving like a brat because she didn't get her way. Don't blame Shinichi for this. He usually is the ass to Ran but this time the fault is all on her. God they really can't resist making their relationship god fucking awful even in movies.

I need them to understand what tone deaf means. You can't have perfect pitch and be tone deaf because being tone deaf means you can't tell the differences in pitch and Shinichi can. He just can't sing, there is a difference.

Genta deserved to be poisoned, really. He's lucky that it wasn't deadly in nature.

Reiko, if you're planning to talk to Genta's parents about how they raised him, she should do the same for all the DCMK parents. Give them the verbal whiplashing they deserve.

I love murder happening as classical music plays. So fancy.

Awww poor Takagi, he got intimidated by Reiko.

Once again I repeat myself, the people don't have to have a link to Shinichi (or Ran) in order for him to want to protect them. This is a boy who will save murderers and serial killers because he views life as precious and I hate when the act like he would need a reason beyond that to protect them (I know they're implying that he only wants to help her because she's the reason he and Ran stopped arguing when in middle school which makes me want to gag).

Shinichi kept the shooting secret too because Reiko wants him too (and also because he's probably interested in knowing why the culprit didn't shoot when he had a great shot).

I love they just let Kogoro accuse a man of serial murder and the police did not ask him for his reasoining and evidence before they took him to the man's home.

Shinichi bonds more with Reiko than he does with Ran. It makes sense, considering how much alike she is to Ai who is a much better friend to Shinichi and him to her than either he or Ran will be with one another (at least how they're written in canon).

Detective Conan is so insane. In no other anime will you have a shrunken teen knock a phone off its reciever and then imitate the sounds of the phone buttons in order to call the police for help. Oh they were stranded in the middle of a lake near a dam I should add. Also for once Shinichi wasn't off tune XD

Shinichi and Reiko are cut from the same cloth, lying to the police to get their own way. And both of them know each other did. Shinichi isn't wrong, Reiko is so much like Ai.

Oh fuck off Shinichi, you don't give as much of a shit about Ran as you like to believe you do and we all know it.

I mentioned in a poll earlier the oldest song I know is Amazing Grace. I am not ashamed to admit it was because of this movie.

I appreciate the movie naming the music that is being played.

And fuck off Ran as well. Don't make this movie about you and your shitty behaviour.

Another great part of this movie, Reiko helping Shinichi stall for time, Ai telling Shinichi about Satou's plan and Satou getting to be the one who stops the criminal from blowing the hall up. For a change, the female characters have their moment to shine in very important ways. Even Sonoko gets a moment. Ran... someone get her better writers.

And it's quite sad that this case was caused by a misunderstanding between two people.

YES. SHE AND SHINICHI ARE PARTNERS IN CRIME.

Shinichi, why are you rewarding Ran's bratty behaviour from the start of this movie. She does not deserve it and needs to learn to accept that Shinichi told her no.

Anyway, a great movie. Remove the forced relationship between Ran and Shinichi, especially Ran's shitty behaviour, and it would be an almost perfect movie for me.

[friendlycursedspaceotter]

OK I FOUND A WAY TO DO THIS

Essentially the mind wipe Ace gets at the end of "Soldier Obscura" goes too deep, leaving her vulnerable to suggestion by outside parties. Which is unfortunate, because after her return to Earth, she gets captured by a homophobic cult that takes advantage of her mental state to, well, you know, make her into the very model of a vaguely capitalistic straight adult woman. Typical "the UK countryside in the 90s" stuff. They try to make her a full-on venture capitalist, but this is Ace we're talking about here. She would never go for it. She's being subtly manipulated this entire time, and no one in her life is in on it. It's just, well, the way she is.

Fast-forward a few years. She's married to a decently nice guy (for the sake of me not wanting to look up names, let's call him Jeremy) and he... he definitely suspects that his wife isn't straight. You see, Jeremy unfortunately keeps dating lesbians, and he thinks that he finally landed the one. Power of the Doctor happens, the cult lets her snap back to her old self, and then undoes it. But, keep in mind, she's essentially recovered from Brax. Their tactics won't work as effectively a couple decades out.

And that cult? They're planning something with some aliens (this is literally me writing out a plot so I don't forget it) to take over the world. And their plan would have worked, if it wasn't for the meteoric rise of Chappell Roan.

Like, Ace is going about normal stuff, surfing radio channels and stuff (I feel like she would feel pretty good about expanding her music taste) and "Good Luck, Babe!" comes on. And it sounds strangely familiar. This would be the part where I draw a tiny little comic about Ace sitting in her car outside the grocery store as the song plays and then googling the "am I gay" quiz. Because Jeremy's nice. He's just not like that.

Two months later, Ace has made a PowerPoint presentation that's a far cry from her usual business meeting reports. It's a simple white title slide with lowercase Comic Sans letters reading "help".

The next slide has a screenshot with the test results that read "we don't know if you're bi or a lesbian dealing with comphet, but you are definitely Not Straight".

Jeremy's face sinks. "Damn it, another one?"

Ace hands him her phone with another "am I gay" quiz on it. He takes it, and lo and behold, Jeremy is fruitier than the whole of the produce aisle. He just thought that "arbitrarily picking pretty women to have crushes on while ignoring the cute boy literally right there" was normal. They quietly get divorced, Ace gets therapy, and a few months later, police start getting reports of a motorcycle-riding vigilante. They then give up because cops are kind of stupid and their jobs were miraculously getting easier. Because yeah, nobody ever wanted to work, but society made them.

Also she convinces Teagen to get divorced, too, and they get married and adopt a couple cats (I'm convinced Nyssa's just living as a local ghost story in the woods because she realized that, wow, if she plays her cards right, she could live a really long time, and also I think cabins in the woods are just extremely gay, and the nearby town thinks she's a witch. But really, she's just doing science in the woods. Normal lesbian behavior.). They also probably adopt half to all of the UNIT custody kids just so they all have a chance at normalcy. Kate gifts them a giant number of child leashes to try and help the situation, but it doesn't do anything.

also rose temple-noble comes by sometimes and just becomes even more awesome because wow, punk work aunt by marriage who teaches rose about the Old Ways (read: looking cool, doing cool stuff, and all the queer codes from the 80s as well as some actual codes that she started to remember from her time in the CIA). i'm also half-convinced that they write each other letters in gallifreyan just to mess with kate and the rest of unit because while ace is a civilian consultant, she still hates the concept of the military and wants to mess with them as much as possible.

Ace really had two really incredible canonical endings (becoming a time lord or becoming a vigilante on a time bike) and the nuwho writers decided to go with the “she became a billionaire ceo” ending instead. Literally the worst one.

[how-do-i-delete-this-acc]

suna rintaro here. my girlfriend, y/n, is being distant today and i don't know why. let me tell you about what happened.

we were supposed to have our separate zooms with her on my lap, but she left to a different room near the very beginning. she tried to play it off with "i have a pop quiz and i need to focus. can't have my grade drop just because i can't focus on your lap with your zoom in the background," but we all know that that is absolute bs. she could've focused on my lap just fine, and we all know that failing a 10-point pop quiz from chiahara-sensei happens to the best of us. and if you're wondering, i am the best of the best.

then, after we both finished our annoyingly long 1.5 hour lectures, (well she claimed hers was in fact a 40-point pop quiz/test but it def wasn't) she refused to cook together. she said something like, "rin, you burned yourself last time, remember? go sit down," but that, too, is bs. yes, i spilled hot water on my sweats last time i tried to make pasta, but it was on my knee, so it wasn't like it was a big deal anyways. i don't know why she kept making excuses.

then, after we finished eating the meal she cooked without me, she had the audacity to get on a zoom call when i didn't have one. and after that terrible offense, she refused to sit on my lap for it AGAIN. she said that inuzuka-sensei was always more strict about what we wore in zooms, and i wouldn't get away with no shirt on like soma-sensei let me. when i told her that her body would block mine, she said that my chest and shoulders would still be perfectly visible. then, she guilted me by saying that she didn't want other girls to see my "perfectly toned abs," as she called them. AND THEN she had the impudence to TEASE ME and LIE TO ME by telling me my cheeks and ears were getting red! couldn't believe her.

then, after all our classes were over, she refused to cuddle with me because APPARENTLY her friend's sister a block down rolled and sprained her ankle, and that it was getting pretty bruised and swollen. she also added that her friend didn't have any advil or experience in injuries, and apparently she was asked to bring some advil, a compression bandage, and a couple ice packs. when i told her that her friend could just buy some and that she could get her own ice pack, she tried to get out of it by telling me that her friend's sister was only 5, was bawling her eyes out, refused to be left alone but also screamed louder when she was picked up, and that we also had a lot to spare because we have a ton of supplies in the closet because of my constant volleyball injuries. again, absolute bs. her friend could just go grab everything herself. what did it matter that the kid was crying? fuck kids! do you know how funny those youtube videos of kids getting hurt and crying are? people enjoy them for a reason. it's because kids are annoying as hell and it's fun to watch them get injured. im subscribed to like 10 of those kinds of channels. her friend is literally getting free entertainment and y/n obviously just wants to watch the free entertainment WITHOUT ME because she'd rather be with her stupid friend than me.

all in all, please help. i don't know why she's so distant today. is she mad? please give me tips!

@.su.rin post made at 4:16pm

comments: @.y/n.l/n: HELP WHAT IS THIS @.y/n.l/n: for the record i got an a+ on that so it was worth it @.y/n.l/n: love u always rin <333 @.su.rin: reply to @.y/n./l/n- ik that u hate me its ok

[belphegorbillickin]

Okay, but I can definitely imagine Barb/Dia doing that. It seems like quite a possibility. But wasn't dying mc's own fault though? Like,, Barbatos did warn,,, unless he knew this was gonna happen and mc was DUMB AND STUPID enough to show up to everyone like: "hi." and possibly be dumb enough to get killed. Idk lol I forgot this part.

But what you said about Beel, I really like that. I think you even mentioned belphie guilt tripping you in your yandere hcs, and trying to make you completely depend on him?? I like those possibilities. Mammon though,, too soft. Like you said, they've robbed him a lot. He could have had so much potential to be a dark character. Similarly Levi omg.

The brothers are the embodiments of the 7 deadly sins, yet, tbh, I haven't seen too much of this side of them. At least, not like how'd I expect. Leviathan, for eg. Envy. I don't recall seeing his sin playing out anywhere except in the TSL Quiz thingy. I mean, it's been toned down a lot for someone who's the literal embodiment is envy. Idk I just don't feel he's like that? As from what I found: Envy (Latin: invidia), like greed and lust, is characterized by an insatiable desire. It can be described as a sad or resentful covetousness towards the traits or possessions of someone else. The struggle aroused by envy has three stages: during the first stage, the envious person attempts to lower another's reputation; in the middle stage, the envious person receives either "joy at another's misfortune"(if he succeeds in defaming the other person) or "grief at another's prosperity" (if he fails); the third stage is hatred because "sorrow causes hatred".[38]

Envy is said to be the motivation behind Cain murdering his brother, Abel, as Cain envied Abel because God favored Abel's sacrifice over Cain's.

They toned him down a little too much?? If this game has actually been inspired by demons and the 7 deadly sins, they could at least make them similar to the demons, at least in some way. I'm not that far into the game yet, but so far that I've played, I haven't seen much. As for a demon who is the embodiment of envy... I wish to see more. Levi is capable of A LOT.

Similarly, Satan. I sometimes wonder why is he even called the Avatar of Wrath when we hardly see it?? The only time I remember is him losing his calm during the whole body swap event. The fact Satan got mad at us refusing a pact actually made me think that he was the sin "wrath", but idk now. And the way it was said that "every smile is an act", I really like that concept too. But I don't think I've paid much attention to see where it played out. Sigh now Satan simps for cats like,,, please show me your dark/evil side sir.

The way you said Barb and Dia took part in a torture dungeon, I want to see more of that too. If they're demons, wouldn't they have caused SOME sort of bloodshed in a way? Especially if they're the strongest demons. Killing humans, eating them, or I even like to think doing the same to their own race. Torturing... Seems like something that every demon's blood would contain lmao, I'm not answering questions bye.

And I believe so too. The human seems like a pawn... I feel the demons would use humans for entertainment and their own purposes, while keeping up the facade of loving them. It's easy, since demons are manipulative. In that case, losing the human whether by their own hands or not would go like: "Oh well, that's unfortunate. Time for another human."

But if they REALLY did love you, I feel they'd still be manipulative. Like you said. Corrupting/spoiling the human so much to the point that they'd just HAVE to depend on them. I feel they'd also have yandere tendencies, or be "protective". Like, then I feel they really wouldn't want to let you go, despite knowing how much it can ruin your innocence.

I also don't like how everyone is after mc like "uwuwu master". The human is still a weakling despite having pacts, plus, the pacts aren't even demanding the human's soul or anything. I don't get why they let mc walk over them when they are CLEARLY much stronger? If I were a demon I'd do the opposite lmao. Making the human seem as if they are controlling me, but it's the opposite. I don't think a mere pact can change the fact that the demon's stronger,,, esp if the pact didn't demand the human's soul/life/whatever.

Also, thank you! Things got better for me :)) and also,

💫✨💕send this to ten bloggers you think are wonderful. keep the game going 💕✨

Ofc you don't have to do this, but I got this, and it really made me happy, so here ^^

Oh btw in lesson...56 I think?? Just gonna tag this as a spoiler, but where for whatever reason Satan was "Sully" and the angel Lucifer asked him whether he liked books, let me just say I haven't even played it that far yet, but Satan going, "...Every book here is precious."

TOUCHED ME SO BAD LIKE. I DON'T KNOW IT REALLY MADE ME SOFT LMAO HE'S JUST SO okay I'll stop 🏃– 🍹

It's been a while since I've thought in-depth about the whole time traveling thing tbh, but couldn't Barbatos generally see the outcomes of the world?

We went back because they wanted to know who opened it, but considering Diavolo's the ruler of hell who turned Lilith human and Barbatos is basically the ruler of time & practically the universe I believe they already knew Lilith did it since it had to be "blood related" basically.

Barbatos also knows he can stitch together timelines and get of "extra" MCs essentially, so I believe he'd take that into account. I'm not saying MC getting killed was 100% part of the plan, but that they didn't care of MC was traumatized because they knew they could bring them back if necessary.

Imo the real goal wasn't to find out who did it, but to avoid breaking the family's bonds and devotion to Diavolo. The way it worked out was incredibly convenient and "coincidentally" a huge upgrade for Diavolo that kept the status quo and made him look good (or at least better) to Belphie and Beel without making Lucifer choose.

We see that kind of repeat later when Diavolo withdraws from the play because he was worried Lucifer wouldn't be as loyal. That's also why Lucifer gets that warning from Barbatos.

I think a huge part of why Levi's characterization is like that is because not enough people like him enough to tolerate it tbh. Even Mammon and Lucifer stans complain about the other characters hogging screen time and a lot of them admit to feeling bad for other fans. Levi is pretty much always second to last popularity wise.

I think he'd actually be more liked if they focused more on the jealously instead of making almost every interaction otaku/Ruri-chan related, but it's a bit too late now. I really, really hate how they just pretend otaku culture always existed and that's all Levi ever was. Like at least make him have an obsessive personality and be hyperfixated on novels instead of talking manga in an era before Japan even existed. It's so unbelievably lazy and really takes me out of the story.

Another problem is we only really see him interact with family or people that could enact severe consequences like Diavolo & Barbatos or people protected by the exchange program. He never gets a chance to shine or be cunning. The closest we get is things like him purposefully trying to ruin Christmas for random people online in his Christmas card. I think if he genuinely got jealous of MC and some random demon he would summon lotan almost instantly.

It's especially painful knowing what we had & being so excited to get more only for all of that to get dropped.

In an early devilgram, Be You, Satan gets jealous and feels bad about not having much unique to him and Lucifer comforts him in his own way when the others make it worse. Mammon is the most empathetic though ofc. They also talk about horror movies and Mammon says he doesn't find them scary (& the way it's framed sounds honest, idk if it's a retcon or a lie,) and Satan says "I'm sure we've all witnessed plenty of real-life horrors worse than anything in the movies."

Then when Lucifer asks for a time when he was really angry Satan first casually then gleefully talks about torturing a family to death because a kid set him up to get scolded by their parents. Meanwhile the brothers act wary of him and worry about him getting out of control while Lucifer tells everyone to take cover for their own safety with a smile. Satan happily talks about them begging for their lives and says he wishes they saw it too.

Levi also says he hates hearing about people being happy, but likes hearing about the negative things. While Asmo and Mammon are freaking out he also calls Satan cool. Which shows at least a little bit of his envy for once. Satan also says just the aura of his rage is usually too much for humans which is also interesting.

But back to Diavolo and Barbatos, I don't hate how the whole torture thing isn't super open, it makes sense imo, but I would like to see hints of them hiding it. Especially if Satan or even attic Belphie was the one you could go to to learn more about it. If anyone would defy Diavolo for that it'd be them trying to bring Lucifer down with them, or even just Satan rewarding the hunt for knowledge and not understanding the human psyche fully.

Imagine if instead of a paper thin lie about being human we got a Belphie manipulating us by pretending he was locked up because he was against hurting humans and the whole exchange program was a scam? Or at least if he told us things no one else would about Diavolo that were true so we wouldn't trust him and etc. That's the angle I'm going with in my fanfiction at least, the original story is just so lazy and boring imo.

Yeah I'm not a huge fan of how they handled pacts either, especially considering they don't even get MC's soul. It's way too one-sided to the point where I don't believe someone like Satan would ever offer it, even if the first offer was a trick and he'd get your soul or something. I agree on the whole manipulation thing too, like how is it partnership if one side has complete control over the other?

Even just making it so that demons can fight against if they really don't want to do something like harming each other and having it corrupt MC would make it a million times better.

And that's so sweet, thank you! You've made my days a lot brighter too. Not much makes me happier than infodumping and complaining about Obey Me rn lol.

I really liked Satan's line there too, although I did wish he had more a reaction to everything tbh. That whole section felt a bit too easy imo though, like I kept waiting for it to all go to shit or something. I am glad they went back into more story-based chapters too. I hope they keep that trend and expand on it.

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.06: “Optimism”

THEN: Starts out pretty ominous, with clock-ticky music, Jack's grace getting sucked out, "this is the end of everything," and Jack considering himself useless. We're reminded that New Charlie exists (aw, Dean looked so pretty in AU Land) and Jack has "the mind of a hunter." Michael hurting people and Dean feels guilty (aw, Sam's Beard of Despair, how I miss you). Sounds like we're in for a real downer of an episode, friends.

NOW: Nebraska. Happy music. A cheerful librarian opens up shop, and she's cute as can be but I wore that blouse in the 80s and it needs to stay there (JUST SAY NO TO THE RUFFLED YOKE, LADIES). Her name is Harper, and she has a kind-of-date with a guy named Winston tonight, though she is clearly Not Into You, Winston. An (apparent) coworker named Miles hears her "scream" and comes to her aid, brandishing a stapler, and is reminded that he needs to mind his own business. Winston leaves, clearly walking on air, and then STAYIN' ALIVE STARTS PLAYING and we focus on Winston's feet just like the iconic opening scene of Saturday Night Fever (if you're too young to remember, watch this, IT'S IMPORTANT CULTURAL KNOWLEDGE and there WILL BE A QUIZ LATER) and y'all don't even know how much I love this song. YOU DON'T KNOW. I can't help it. My mom was a huge Bee Gees fan, partially because she was very into Barry Gibb.

Coincidence?

What can I say? I am my mother's child.

Now, where were we?

(Pretty much where we always are, so could you please just move this along?)

Sorry for the digression. Anyway. Now I suspect this isn't going to be a downer episode after all. (Turns out it was directed by Richard Speight, which would have been a clue if I'd known that earlier, bless him.) While I've been digressing, Winston has happily bopped down the street, only to have a hand cover his mouth and drag him off-screen. There's a record scratch and a squirt of dark goo and a scream, so I guess it did turn out to be a downer for Winston, but not for me.

Title card!

{Sidebar: I didn't realize Saturday Night Fever was directed by John Badham, who went on to direct several episodes of Supernatural.}

Jack's drinking coffee in the bunker. He takes a sip and then pours a huge amount of sugar into it, which immediately makes me think of this scene from The Fly when Jeff Goldblum, who does not yet realize that he is turning into a fly, does the same thing.

(Spoiler alert: Ahem.)

Dean walks in and asks what he's doing, and Jack explains that everything tastes different without his powers, and he can't get the coffee to taste the way he likes it. That's because coffee is nasty, Jack. (And also, thanks to the Continuity Fairy for remembering that food tasted different to Cas when he didn't have grace.) Dean asks if Jack has seen Sam, because that's what Dean does; he probably walked in the door and felt a disturbance in the Force and realized he didn't know where Sam was. From Jack, we learn that (1) Dean went on an overnight run to Mobby's love shack cabin and (b) Sam went on a hunt with Charlie without telling Dean. Is Dean okay with this? Are we gonna okay with this? Couldn't he have at least sent a text message? He's supposed to be setting an example!

"Explain to me again how you just let Sam LEAVE."

I guess Sam had to go himself, rather than send someone else, because this is one of those times when there's no random hunters in the bunker. (And where's Rowena? Did Charlie abandon her in the Southwest? Did they have a fight?) Jack imagines Sam and Charlie are doing something "really exciting."

Cut to Sam and Charlie sitting quietly in a truck outside Memphis, bored out of their minds. Hee! It's the kind of crappy old truck I always want Sam to drive, so I love it. They're staring at a bus stop with an ad for Pete the Pestinator, who seems to be an insect exterminator. (Spoiler alert: ahem again.) Sam confirms that "this is where all those people went missing," although if he's been sitting in that truck long enough to be bored, he really should have nailed that down by now. Charlie says "yep." More silent sitting.

Back to the bunker. Dean seems surprised that Sam left Jack there alone (where's Cas?) and Jack says "Sam wanted someone around when you came back. He's worried about you."

"Yeah, that sounds like him," Dean grumbles, and hello, kettle, the pot just called, and said you're black. Jack offers some encouragement, telling him no one blames him for Michael, and Dean says "Cool. Well, I blame me, so." His self-flagellation is interrupted by Jack's Cough of Great Concern. "Maybe I'm allergic to sitting around doing nothing," Jack snarks.

Dean sits down for a heart-to-heart, and Jack says he's been hunting with Cas and wants to do more. Dean says "No offense, Cas is an insurance policy on those hunts." Jack looks hurt. I don't understand this at all. Why wouldn't Jack already know that Cas is there to protect him? And why would this hurt his feelings? I'm so confused. But I immediately forget it, because Dean says "Sam's just trying to keep you safe, okay? He's a smart guy." AND THEN WE CUT TO THIS.

Bless you, Richard Speight, writer Steve Yockey, bless you both.

I literally did burst out laughing at Sam and his fidget spinner. Charlie is not amused, and Sam puts his toy away with some embarrassment.

Bunker. Jack's found a report on our dead friend Winston, who seemed to have human bitemarks taken out of his corpse. And others have gone missing in the area. We skip part of a conversation, but whatever it was, Dean says Sam won't like it. "Sam's not here," says Jack. Oh, no you don't, Jack. Don't you go ignoring the Chief's directives just because he's not here. Dean says he'll go check it out alone, but Jack suddenly remembers Sam's Law and reminds Dean about the Buddy System.

We can be hunting buddies!

Okay, uh, (a), don't call it that, and (b), YOU'RE gonna back ME up?

Oh, Dean. You didn't do the (1) and (b) thing that I love so much. Jack gets to be the one to bare a little bit of his soul now, telling Dean that he also feels guilty about Michael, because he could have killed him but he was "distracted and stupid." He doesn't want to sit around feeling guilty all day, he wants to hunt.

Looks like that was the right button to push, because we cut to Sam on the phone, clearly not a fan of the plan and telling Dean to be careful. I assume his reluctance is because he doesn't trust Jack to watch Dean's back. But Sam, if you can trust Maggie to hunt alone, you can trust Dean with a novice backup. (I know, I know, Dean is more important than Maggie.)

Sam asks again if Charlie is sure this is the right place, and she says it's where four people disappeared. And while she was scouting around, she found a mason jar full of goo. Is this the same goo we saw when Winston was killed? (Spoiler alert: no.) And now she's trying to figure out what they're hunting, so she's reading. I'd have done my reading before the stakeout, but that's just me. (I'd also have done some reading instead of sitting there glaring at Sam while he enjoyed his fidget spinner, but that's also just me.)

(I also might have thought of more interesting things to do while I was stuck in a car with Sam, but they would have interfered with the stakeout. And they aren't anything Charlie would have been interested in anyway.)

Cut to Dick's Red Rooster Diner (ha ha, I see you, Speight). According to Winston's obituary, he had breakfast here every morning. Jack agrees with me that it's an odd thing to put in an obituary, but Dean says that when someone dies young, you don't know what to put in those things. (Oh, think of 20-something Dean's obituary.) He introduces them to the waitress as Agents Berry and Charles, and the only thing I can think of is Chuck Berry, so if someone has a better idea, let me know. He asks for details about Winston, and the only detail she can provide is that he's dead. Jack dutifully writes that detail in his little notebook. (BLESS.)

This waitress is wonderfully snippy, knows her rights, and isn't the least bit interested in talking to these FBI agents, but when Dean hands her some cash she changes her mind. She says they should should be more interested in Harper, who Winston just started "courting," and Jack is confused.

What's courting?

It's what you do before you start dating.

Ah, and that's the thing you do before the sex.

Sometimes you just have the sex.

Okay, Dean's wrong, courting is what you do instead of dating, but this is still a wonderful exchange. And the next part is wonderful too, cutting between the waitress and some customers explaining that Harper was popular in high school, but her boyfriend ran off, and now all these men connected to her have died, and she's really into romance books, and ending on I've heard too much Dean and I'm confused Jack.

Love this.

Back at the stakeout, Sam's biting his nails, which I also love for some reason, and of course the only time we've ever seen him bite his nails was when he was worried about Dean. New Charlie picks right up on it. She tells him Dean will be fine, and comments that he's got other friends, right? Which I don't understand, because it doesn't matter what other friends he has, he's not hunting with them. He's hunting with Jack. "He used to have a pretty damn good wingman," Sam says, and I think no, Sam, what are you saying, he still has you. She says he should call "that guy" to check on him, and Sam says "that guy was you." Charlie gives him a look. "No, it wasn't." And she's right, Sam. SHE IS NOT YOUR CHARLIE. And also, was Charlie ever really Dean's wingman? I don't think so. Sam, of course. Cas, literal wingman. But not Charlie. Charlie was the little sister.

Sam apologizes, and then says "I'm just saying, I'm not surprised you survived the apocalypse." Which isn't what you were saying at all, Sam. Charlie is surprised she survived, because she was just a programmer at Richard Roman Enterprises (Dick Roman! I wonder what happened to your AU version), living with the love of her life, Cara. My heart skipped a beat because I was so ready, guys, for the love of Charlie's life to be Dr. Cara Roberts from Sex and Violence, but apparently not. {Sidebar fic prompt: Sam. Charlie. Dr. Cara. Three-way.) Charlie's Cara was a baker. Charlie tells a sad story about waiting for help that never came, and Cara eventually being killed by people, not angels. Society falls apart. (Or, as Dean once said, demons I get; people are crazy.) Sam insists society isn't falling apart here, and Charlie says "not yet."

Just like last week, we're getting some needed differentiation between the characters we lost and their AU counterparts, which I appreciate.

I also appreciate pretty, attentive, sympathetic Sam.

Diner. Dean calls Jack "Mighty Mouse," for some reason, and congratulations him on finding a case. He tries to teach him about the importance of pie, but Jack's more interested in courting. He's never been exposed to off-screen romance, unless Gabriel and Rowena counts (Dean assures him it doesn't, but how would Jack have been exposed to Gabriel/Rowena anyway, since it happened while he was in AU Land and Gabriel didn't make it back?) Dean promises he'll give him The Talk when they get back, but right now they need to concentrate on finding Harper. {Sidebar fic prompt: Dean's and Sam's versions of The Talk. Would Dean's be like Dean's speech from Rock and a Hard Place?} Jack speculates she might not be human, and Dean says they're going to find out, and it's going to work like a romance novel. Hmm!

Cut to the library, where Harper is working. Dean enters and identifies himself as FBI, with questions about Winston. She doesn't want to talk, and he pushes. Then Jack shows up, asking for a book about the area's history, and defends her against the big mean FBI guy. Dean says "why don't you back off, kid" and Jack responds "No, you back off, old man" and DEAN'S FACE. This was clearly NOT IN THE SCRIPT. I love it. Dean slinks off, dejected, to examine his gracefully-aging face in the rear-view mirror. {Sidebar: I honestly think Jensen is aging a lot better than Dean is. Dean looks tired a lot of the time, and I'd like to believe Show is doing that on purpose, but I don't think it's the case. Jensen always looks awesome.} Harper is delighted, and apparently smitten, judging by the music. Jack introduces himself as "Jack Smith" and she invites him to her apartment, where she has the perfect book.

Why does this library have those convenience store perp measurements at the door? Does it get robbed a lot? Also, how many episodes have signs in the background with the title of a different episode? Not very many, I'm guessing.

As they leave, Miles the Stapler Guy follows and asks where she's going. It must be close to closing time, because Harper says she'll come back and lock up. Miles, who's carrying a bag of trash, refuses to shake Jack's hand. As Jack and Harper go one way, he stomps off in the other direction. I'm suspicious, and so is Dean, who gets out of the car to follow him. As Miles puts the library's trash in an inappropriately small residential bin, he hears a noise. We then cut to Dean, who hears Miles scream but just keeps walking? But then a trash can is knocked over and that gets his attention. He finds Miles dead, and we get a monster POV shot watching him.

Stakeout. Charlie's still reading. Apparently she brought all the books. She says she hates hunting, which surprises Sam, because she's so good at it. She points out that she's good at it because the alternative was death. "I mean, no offense, but who wants to be a hunter? This job, just a lot of tears and death."

Sam says "you said something like that to me once, long ago, about hunting." He quickly apologizes for once again conflating her with Our Charlie. At first I was annoyed at him, but then I started thinking about how awful Our Charlie's death was for him, with the MoC, and the fear, and the worry, and the guilt, and his brother saying he should be the one on the funeral pyre instead, and you know what? I'm gonna cut him some slack for trying to forget all of that ever happened. A lot of slack, in fact.

Charlie casually drops that she's glad this is her last hunt. Did you give the Chief your two week's notice, Charlie? I DON'T THINK SO. She plans to get away from monsters and people, and "live on a mountaintop or something... as long as there's good wifi." I'm sure Sam can get you set up with his magical wifi, Charlie, if you stay on his good side.

Harper's apartment. She seems to be all about love, with a decorative "amore" sign in the kitchen and a big red heart hanging on the wall. She suddenly realizes it's weird that she brought him to her apartment, though she's thinking "putting the moves on you" weird and I'm thinking "inviting a potential serial killer into your home" weird. But maybe I listen to too much My Favorite Murder.

She leaves the room to get the book (odd that it's not on the stuffed bookshelves in her living room, but they're all full of romance novels). Jack asks why the FBI was "hassling" her, and she tells him about Winston's death as he surreptitiously puts a silver coin on the floor and splashes holy water all over his hands. A call comes from Dean, but he ignores it. When she comes back with the book, she notices the coin on the floor and picks it up. She touches his hand when she gives him the coin and notices that it's wet. I would have put the holy water on the coin, although a wet coin on the floor might be as weird as wet hands. He just laughs weirdly and then does a fake cough AND SAYS CHRISTO. SOMEONE FINALLY REMEMBERED CHRISTO. Oh, my heart. I've been waiting 13 years for this moment. She doesn't react to it, so she seems pretty human. He says he's nervous, so she sits on the couch and pats the seat next to her.

Stakeout. Charlie has found something in the books called a Musca. Sam already knows it's a man-fly hybrid (IT'S THE FLY; OUR MONSTER IS JEFF GOLDBLUM) and that no one's seen them, so if they do exist, they keep to themselves. She's impressed with his Sammy smarts. He says he's read all the books, but if he'd read this one, he'd know that every few hundred years a male Musca can't find a mate and he "abandons his community and starts using people's bodies to nest, binding them together with a viscous goo." Ew.

As they walk, in the background we see a figure approaching the two women who are sitting on the bus stop bench. It's clothed in black, carrying a black briefcase, and it has a giant head. At first I think it's literally a giant fly's head. But when Charlie notices it, we get a closer look, and it's a large black hood, like a beekeeper's outfit. It sits down and then casually scoots closer to the women, who scoot away, and it's hilarious.

Harper's apartment. She asks Jack where he's from, and he tells her he lives in Lebanon, Kansas. NO, JACK. DON'T TELL ANYONE WHERE YOU LIVE. Jack coughs some more and then notices a picture of Harper with her boyfriend, Vance. She says he left town after high school because he wanted to see the world, and Jack seems astonished that anyone would leave her. And that was when her bad luck started, but she tries to stay optimistic. "Me too," Jack says. "I had some not-so-great stuff happen in my past. Trying to be positive... it can be hard." Oh, Jack, sweetie. They gaze into each other's eyes and it looks like they're going to kiss. Jack's phone buzzes with a text from Dean that says CALL ME NOW.

Jack? Do you believe in love at first sight?

Do you... (music swells)... mind if I use the bathroom?

Ha!

Jack hides in the bathroom to call Dean. He tells him Harper isn't a monster, and he thinks she's in love with him. Although Dean's sure that's not the case, Jack says "but if she is, I need to know everything about sex. Go." Ha again! Dean tells him about Miles's death, which makes Jack wonder if she's cursed. Dean says it's more like all the guys around her are cursed. "Like me," Jack ponders, just before we get another monster POV shot and a strangled shout from Dean. The phone goes dead.

Jack comes back into the living room and Harper asks if he's okay and if he wants to go for coffee. Then the door bursts open and Dean comes in, and I wonder why she's freaking out until I remember that Dean is Bad FBI Guy to her. He quickly blocks the door and tell her they're here to save her from... whatever it is that's suddenly growling and banging on her door. "At first I thought it was a ghost," he says, "but then it punched me in the face." She's freaked out about a ghost, but Jack reassuringly (NOT!) tells her that he's saying it's NOT a ghost. Dean recognizes a photo and it turns out the monster is her old boyfriend Vance, who she didn't even realize was dead.

For some reason Dean isn't carrying a lot of weapons, but he has a silver knife and finds a silver letter opener on Harper's desk. Silver will slow it down, he tells them, but there's only one way to kill the undead boyfriend. Vance breaks the door down before we learn what that is. Dean starts fighting with the silver knife and tells Jack to get Harper out of there.

Stakeout. It's nighttime now. A lone man sits at the bus stop as Sam tries to convince Charlie that she can't drop out of society. She needs people, and also, it's hard to walk away from being a hunter. "I tried. Our Charlie tried." You know, for someone who did want out of hunting, and did try to get out of it, Sam spends a lot of time convincing others to do it, or at least enabling them. I mean, Dean was all "Patience, if you can live a normal life, do it," and Sam was all "well, Claire, if you're gonna hunt, I guess I should show you how to hack." Although that (and teaching Ghoul!Adam to shoot) was more about protecting someone determined/forced to be a hunter than recruiting. So maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. Anyway, if anyone recognized the futility of getting out of the life, it would be him.

Jeff Goldblum shows up again and sits by his next victim. Charlie wants to go for the kill, but Sam thinks they should wait for him to make his move, in case he's just into weird fashion. Look, Sam, if a guy likes wearing a black beekeeper's bonnet and sidling up to random strangers at bus stops, he deserves to be hunted, whether or not he's actually part bee. When the bus shows up, it blocks their view of the duo. When it leaves, the bench is empty. Which could mean they just got on the bus, but we see something disappearing behind the stop. Sam decides it's a go after all.

Let's stick with this story, rather than cutting back and forth between them like the show did.

Sam and Charlie find a door with a bunch of goo on the handle. Sam says Charlie found something in the books that theorized a brass nail dripped in sugar water would kill a musca. Because yes, of course sugar water, WHICH FLIES EAT, would kill a fly man. (Rolls my eyes at this otherwise delightful episode.) Charlie reminds him they have neither of those things. "So we get creative," Sam says. I'm expecting some kind of MacGuyvering involving a can of Coke, or Sam's sugary coffee. (Spoiler alert: I'm wrong.)

{Sidebar: Why are all the methods of killing monsters so weirdly specific? Chopping off the head should kill ANYTHING.}

They go through the door, which surprisingly leads them into an abandoned warehouse. It's full of flies (normal ones, not half-man flies) and smells like pine cleaner and rotting meat. Yum. Eventually Sam finds the briefcase, which is full of what looks like candy wrappers and also has a white cloth, which he sniffs to discover chloroform. Dude. Don't sniff the chloroform rag. Charlie finds the most recent victim, still alive, by a pile of bodies. Something grabs Charlie's hand. She pulls loose, but falls off a low platform (seriously, it's like two feet high) and... loses consciousness? Okay. Maybe he chloroformed her and I missed it. I'm old and decrepit and this would have barely bruised me. He must have chloroformed her.

Sam tries to wake her up, but is interrupted by the WORST MONSTER COSTUME EVER. Oh god, you guys, this fly man head is so bad. SO BAD.

{Sidebar: Did you know that you don't see much of the shark in Jaws because the model was so bad, Steven Spielberg decided he wanted to shoot it as little as possible? And it actually made the movie better because the unseen monster was so much scarier? Just saying, Speight.}

(Um, have you watched any movies that were made before 1980?)

Well, that was uncalled for.

Jeff Goldblum attacks Sam and gets goo on him, and if this were really a fly, wouldn't that goo be digesting him? Isn't that how flies eat? (Why yes, it is.) Charlie regains consciousness and stabs it with something, which gets it off Sam long enough for him to shoot it in the head. Creativity in action! So, I guess I got my wish. Interesting that, just like last week, the guys figured out that there are actions that will kill anything.

Aftermath! Charlie and Sam are driving, and Sam says he feels bad for the Musca, which could have been happy if it had stayed home with its people. Subtle, Sam. Charlie's all, yeah, okay, I'm like the bug, except not so much. As we see the Musca family coming to retrieve their brother's body, Sam asks Charlie not to leave. "If we help people, then maybe they'll help people, and all that, and that's worth it. Even with all the tears and death, it's worth it." Oh, Sammy. {sniff} She says she'll think about it.

Back to Jack and Harper. It was broad daylight when they got to her apartment, so I don't know why it's nighttime now. How long did he spend in the bathroom? No wonder she asked if he was okay. Cut to Dean gleefully fighting the zombie, who suddenly stops fighting and runs off.

Jack and Harper run to the library, where she struggles with the keys until Jack remembers she left without locking the door. They scurry inside and he locks it. As they hide behind the counter, they see Zombie Vance run by. Jack tells her not to worry, because he locked the door, and she asks if he flipped the switch under the lock? Obviously he didn't, and she goes to do it herself. As she stands, looking out the door, Vance shows up. She unlocks the door, which Jack obviously DID lock, and opens it. He hands her the history book - I guess Jack dropped it - and they kiss.

Um. whoops. Vance is actually still Harper's boyfriend. And he has to eat human flesh. Like, Jack's, for example. Vance lunges for Jack, who hides in the stacks as Harper gives him the villain dialogue over the library's PA system. She likes Jack, but he's obviously a hunter, and she comes from a long line of necromancers, so it would never work out between them. She killed Vance to keep him from leaving after high school, and killing every other guy in her sights is just a fun little romantic roleplay for them. We get a little scare when a hand appears on Jack's shoulder (been a lot of that going around lately), but it's Dean. He tells Jack they have to get Vance back into his grave and then drive a stake into his heart to keep him there. And they're going to convince him using another romance novel method.

Jack tells her he wants to do things Vance can't do - walk her down the aisle, raise a family. This draws Vance out, who lunges at him but finds himself facing Dean. Vance gets Dean against a wall, and Harper calls out to him. Dean thinks she's going to call him off, but she says "Baby, kill him!" and Dean's "huh" look is precious to me. Instead, Dean slaps a handcuff on his arm and cuffs him to a pole or something. Jack cuffs his other arm to a library cart, I think, which is mobile and therefore defeats the purpose of cuffing, but good try, Jack. The cuffs burn Vance, so they're silver or enchanted or something. Seems like a successful hunt, but when the guys look up, the door is open and Harper is gone.

Later we see Harper and her suitcase at a cafe, writing a letter to Jack. So she had time to go home and pack a suitcase, and Dean and Jack didn't go to her apartment and look for her? Guys. Come on. She's sorry she's going to have to kill Jack, but it means she can bring him back to life and they'll be together forever. See you soon, she writes, sealing the envelope addressed to Jack Smith, c/o the Lebanon, Kansas post office. I TOLD YOU NOT TO LET HER KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, JACK. Is Harper going to be a Big Bad this season? Or maybe a Little Bad? I wouldn't mind seeing her again. She's a charming little villain.

Finally, Jack's drinking coffee again, probably with a lot of sugar, in the bunker. This scene, with them facing each other, is a nice callback to the beginning of the episode. Dean tells Jack he did good, and Jack pushes for more hunts, because he was right. It's not about being right, Dean tells him, it's about what you do after you're wrong, after you've made a mistake. And about not beating yourself up, Jack points out. Dean tells him he's pretty smart, and Jack smiles and coughs and Dean promises to talk about getting him on more hunts when Sam gets back (BECAUSE SAM IS THE ONE TO ASK, YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT) and Jack lies about being fine and then coughs some more and shows Dean his bloody palm and collapses on the floor with blood oozing from his mouth and nose and WELL. THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY.

And the episode ends, without Sam and Dean sharing a single scene. Has that happened before? It's unsettling. I like the ep, though. I liked the relationship focus - Sam bonding with New Charlie, Dean bonding with Jack. I liked the humor. I liked that Sam wasn't ignored, even though the brothers had separate storylines. I liked the continuation of things that have been happening this season, the gentle reminder (but not constant siren) of Dean's guilty feelings and Sam's leadership and Jack's issues. And, of course, CHRISTO!

And there was one weird thing I noticed on first watch, but it didn't jump out at me on rewatch so I don't remember when it happened... Dean said "Son of a B." This is the second episode where they said something weird instead of bitch. What's going on there? Is Dean never going to say "son of a bitch" again? Because that's not good.

What did you guys think? And please help me stay unspoiled; thanks!

[xcourtneymxo]

Life's A Bitch

It's valentines day 2022, I had... yes had, a valentine who is the love of my life plain and simple really but it isn't so simple. We argued yesterday and I gave in and told him I was done. We have been on and off since I was 14 and he was 15, we have lived together, planned our entire future together, and always go back to each other no matter what.

I don't think I can love anyone more than I love him and if I am being honest I fucking hate myself for it, wish I never met that stupid 6ft brown-haired button nosed boy with eyes like earth (green/blue) but I did and who knows where I would be right now if I didn't meet him. Probably at the bottom of some vodka bottle with random girls I didn't really know because that's where I was heading.

When I think about it he actually saved me but also made me want to unalive, to be fair I've always found reasons to unalive since I was about 12, my parents not loving me, my dead papas' cat getting hit by a car after I let him out but best ones got to be being called fat every day in school.

What I am trying to say is maybe it wasn't his fault I have always been and probably always will be mentally ill, but I did warn him when we first met I had BPD (i was 14 shut up, it wasn't even trending on TikTok yet an online quiz told me I had it so I thought I did) and he did amazing while I, on the other hand, was an evil psychotic bitch for about 6 months.

This is where it gets confusing for me because I don't know what went on in his mind when he switched up and I'll probably never know, I blame my weight gain of course because this was during the first covid lockdown back in 2020. He started breaking up with me for about 2-5 days at a time no contact and it was killing me inside because obviously when someone treats you like they adore you and could never be without you then boom they can't stand you it does make you wonder.

This was when I started digging through his e-mails, social media, texts, calls, and probably more can't remember but I found what I was searching for, or what I thought I was searching for but obviously you don't want to see this between the boy you love and girls that are well known as sluts. Just realized I didn't say what I found but it's obvious really he was messaging other girls on fake accounts so I wouldn't see (not going into detail because gross).

What I gathered from this is that I had been getting cheated on from the very start because we got together on 26 of December 2019 and he decided to have a new years party only 1 other girl came and I wasn't the jealous type at this point anyway. I left early wasn't allowed to stay till 12, he blacked out and had a mental breakdown and that's all I got told about that night.

Fast forward 2 whole weeks later one of his best friends I'm sure not even him himself told me this but this bitch at the party tried to get with him and he hid it from me, a red flag already I know I was 14 be quiet. I confronted him pulled him up and said if he continued to be friends with her I was breaking up with him because you know self-worth and he was fine with it.

He invited her to his house with me there a week later, yes I know I probably should have left at this point because this was before I was toxic, I'm not making excuses for my actions but this boy deserved a slap at this moment in time.

Anyway, so fast forward to me going through his Snapchat about 7 months later and what do I find... saved messages of him asking to meet her at the bottom of her flat to have a fag, sounds innocent actually maybe I was just being crazy Courtney.

I wish I was just being crazy there was a bunch of kisses and need to mention my favorite part, oh yes the part saying don't tell anyone about this and her asking "why xxxx" and his reply literally saying something like my burd don't worry about it. Keep in mind this girl is a well-known slut who tried to sleep with him knowing he had a girlfriend who was all over him an hour before and he is wanting to meet in private and hide it from me and I found this out 7 months later and also found out other girls he was talking to.

I have just sat and written 5 paragraphs on that, oh well it shows it fucked me up inside and it still does but I think he has really changed I don't want to keep talking about this aspect of the relationship because it's making me feel really uneasy and upset because there is more, a lot more in fact that I don't even want to start thinking about.

Obviously, it's not all bad I think I just had to get that off my chest.

We loved cooking and baking together just your traditional mac and cheese, spaghetti bolognese, and the cake mix boxes because we couldn't do it right from scratch, our pancakes and maple syrup was an exception though because they were yummy.

When it was just food you stuck in the oven he would cook, that's probably why I gained all the weight but at that point in time I didn't care it was lockdown I wasn't leaving the house it was just me and him (well other people as well but that's a whole other story so they do not exist in this one) against the world.

He made me feel like a woman rather than a fat blob and when he started leaving that is all I felt like 15, fat and alone not really something you want to tell the grandkids about your childhood is it. Now I feel 17, chubby, and lonely since I'm losing weight and getting out there, being in college.

I am trying my hardest to get better for myself not to be selfish but it's something I need to do on my own, I can't depend on a boy to fix my problems because this isn't lockdown anymore it's real-life where you need to leave the house, you need to be well mentally and physically and the relationships past does not help my wellbeing when in the back of my mind constantly is I am going to put on weight and it is just going to happen all over.

I never want to feel like 2020/2021 ever again.

Jamie Mclaughlin if you are reading this I love you but we can't take back the past of us, it's too late. I hope life treats you well if we ever lose contact, we both did things we aren't proud of but I will never cut you off. You are my best friend always and forever never forget that. You know things that I would never tell anyone else and you have never gone behind my back and told my secrets (that I know of...). I could've never predicted the past few years when I first saw you from outside Mcdonalds'.

I said at the start of this I wish I had never met him, writing this has made me realize that's not the case I wish I met him later on in life maybe now, maybe on my college course, maybe on a walk, or even at that same Mcdonalds. Just not back then.

Right Person, Wrong Time :(