#and also I'm pretty sure i make everyone uncomfortable and irritated if im around but that one isnt logic thats just feelings so im trying
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#beeep#i know it is the sleepiness and I'm going to bed but#BIGGEST SIGH I WANT TO BE SPECIAL.#ive Accepted my role as generally pleasant but kind of boring but. sighs. idk :( im#just like. Here. yknow. thats what leo has to offer. Is There.#okay sleeping not enough hours and then baizhu is going to fix me. i can be#not just accepted of but also okay with being background character coded once i have Baizhu about it#also very related but im hoping my doctor is gonna let me have the antidepressants again soon#and also I'm pretty sure i make everyone uncomfortable and irritated if im around but that one isnt logic thats just feelings so im trying#to ignore it. but. hrggrh.#sar//azanma//i voice i want to connect but i am so scared of everything forever and also like. bad at it#u may notice that the feelings are incongruent with the first bit well that is because! the first bit is me being sad about reality#and not me inventing things that scare me to be sad about#unless the inventions are real but . i cant tell. ahahah#goodnight im going to be normal at ummmm some point :D
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The Sound Of Love (Tsukishima x Reader)
A/N: Um I don't like this one as much as the others but I did my best. It honestly took forever cause I didn't want to write it and I had no idea what song to use but I eventually decided so here we are.
WARNINGS: angst
Date: Saturday November 7th, 2020
Details: 5.3 pages 2,000 words
Theme: Musicalia- The victim will hear a song constantly playing in their head until it drives them insane. The person of affection will only hear the music when they are around the victim.
Angst Masterlist
Clair De Lune
A simple, beautiful piano melody that had been repeating in my head for weeks. There was never a reprieve from the beautifully haunting melody. My mind followed the sound like a moth to a flame and deteriorated the closer it got to the music.
No amount of holding my hands over my ears stopped it. It had become a part of me like the backround music in a video game or movie. However this wasn't a video game or a movie this was real. Every day was the same never a rest I couldn't even sleep some nights.
This was my last week at Karasuno before I was put in the hospital. My mind was too far gone to stay out I couldn't really hear anything anymore to distracted by the music and of course I hummed it on occasion. Everyone in my classes knew I had it...Musicalia but they didn't know who caused it.
Monday
I walked to class with a sigh Yamaguchi was following and as we walked I heard a gentle piano melody that got louder. I spotted a familiar H/c haired girl fast walking past me like she'd done since I pushed her away. Yamaguchi followed my eyesight and the music faded the further away she got "you should apologize you know. This week is her last at Karasuno," I blinked 'her last week?' I thought "Shut up Yamaguchi," I said keeping my emotions off my face "Sorry Tsukki," I continued watching the S/c skinned female rush off down the hall.
Tuesday
I was walking up to the roof ready to reject another girl. Why they felt the need to confess to me of all people id never understand. As I rounded the corner someone ran into me and with a short shriek they fell. I was about to say something when I noticed who it was...Y/n she looked paler than I remembered and eye bags were prevalent on her face. I heard the piano again it was louder than ever.
"Do you need to listen to music that loud?" I asked though it was harsher than intended. Her eyes widened and I held back a frown as I saw she was afraid. "S-sorry," she stood up quickly and ran off down the hall the music fading the further she got and I watched 'why was she afraid of me?' My eyes caught something on the floor which I turned to. Picking it up I realized it was a simple gold bracelet with a dinosaur charm on it.
"This is...," It was the bracelet id given her three years ago on her birthday. It was still in perfect condition looking like it did on the day I'd given it to her and it caused a small smile to pull at my lips as I pocketed the familiar bracelet.
Wednesday
Everytime I spotted the e/c eyed female in the hallway and approached her she would turn and run the music following her. Nobody ever seemed bothered by the piano it was almost like they didn't hear it and Y/n was never wearing headphones when it was playing. "Does she ever stop listening to that song?" I mumbled to myself as she ran away yet again.
"What song?" Yamaguchi asked next to me I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked at him. "What do you mean what song? That damn piano music she's always listening to it's annoying," I said and Yamaguchi’s eyes widened "Tsukki...She's not listening to any music...," He stated.
I blinked as I processed what that meant "No ive heard it-," Yamaguchi cut me off before I could continue he had a sad look in his eyes and as he spoke I realized why. "She's got Musicalia Tsukki...," He whispered as he looked at me. "She...She what?" I asked. "She's got Musicalia and if you can hear it that means...," my own eyes widened as I realized what he was implying. "Oh...,"
Thursday
Cornering someone who was avoiding you was much more difficult than you'd think. Everytime I ended up even in the same room as her she ran before I could even get near her. "Yamaguchi," I stated causing him to jump. "Yeah?" He nervously asked. "Can you convince Y/n to meet you on the roof?" I asked. He didn't ask any questions he just nodded mumbling a quiet yeah as the teacher walked in the room.
I stood on the roof looking out towards the gym. I heard footsteps come around the corner and stop before they slowly started backing away. "Can you stop running? I need to talk to you," I said. The footsteps stopped and I turned around. Y/n stood a few feet away nervously shuffling on her feet.
"When were you gonna tell me?" I asked and she sighed "Preferably never," She answered and I furrowed my eyebrows. "Never? This could kill you!" I took a step toward her while she took one back "So what?" She spit bitterly rasing her head up to glare. "So what? So everything!" I shouted.
"So everything? You dont even fucking like me! You made that pretty clear last year!" She yelled back. She was referencing an argument that I barely remembered and that she hadn't forgotten. "Do you even know what its like to have your heart crushed in seconds!?" She screamed. "You still should have told me you have Musicalia!" I glared back.
She just gave me a bitter smile "I suppose my dear this was how it was meant to be," she stretched her arms out as she spoke and tears dripped down her face at a slow pace. "You dying isn't how it's supposed to be!" She only shook her head in response. I stuck my hand in my pocket and pulled out the bracelet. "Here...just take this back," I said holding it out. She walked forward and I heard that gentle and haunting music get louder.
She stopped closing my hand around the bracelet and leaning up to press a kiss against my cheek. "Keep it I won't have a use for it much longer," she mumbled before turning and walking off. "Y/n!" She stopped but didn't turn around and I continued speaking. "I love you," she sighed and turned her head. The sunset cast her in an ethereal glow and sparkled off the remaining tears on her face.
She gave a sad, watery smile in response. "No you don't Tsukki. If you did...You would have come back to me a lot sooner," she turned and left I knew she was right but god it hurt to hear her say that. My hand was still tightly closed around the bracelet the metal uncomfortably warm against my skin as she walked away from me.
Friday
She avoided me even more. I never saw her but I heard the music following around on occasion. After yesterday I had looked for the melody finally hearing it long enough to search for it. The results had told me the song was Clair De Lune I should have known. It was Y/n's favorite song though I doubted she liked it now.
I had tried to find her when I heard the music but even if I followed it I never found her. I was walking toward my locker keeping an ear out for that melody. As I opened the locker a f/c envelope fell out as I picked it up I noticed it was sealed with a gold wax stamp. Flipping it over my name was written on the front in flowing cursive. I put it away in my bag before heading to practice.
I flipped the envelope around in my hand staring at it before sighing. I pulled open the envelope and slipped the contents out. The first was a photo of me, Y/n, and Yamaguchi we were standing in the park in the photo. Y/n and Yamaguchi had their arms over eachothers shoulders while I stood in the background glaring towards the camera.
The other thing was a letter that I was hesitant to flip open. I knew the letter was from Y/n but I for the first time felt afraid on what she had to say. Sighing I opened the letter ready to read it.
Dear Kei,
It's been awhile hasn't it? Though That's what happens after fights. You give each other time to calm down and then you come back. Only this time...There is no coming back. You already know I have Musicalia and I'm sure you know I love you. It's weird to write that to someone you know doesn't love you.
Don't lie either. You don't love me the way I love you. You may think you do but if you had we would have been friends again by now. But you were perfectly content with not having me in your life so I know you'll be fine when I'm actually gone.
That's the issue isn't it? I'll be gone soon really, truly...gone. I'm not afraid knowing my death is approaching im...content and at peace with it. My death won't be glorious. I'm not going out with a bang. Or any final inspirational words. I'll go quietly in my sleep hopefully. Sleep however is hard when there's music constantly playing on loop in your head.
When I'm gone Kei...Will you visit me? Tell me about your day or the volleyball team! Yamaguchi told me about the team you should go easier on them. You should also learn from them you know? Anyways if you ever can't make it to me...Play Clair De Lune and I'll go to you! I'll listen to you talk at your place instead of you coming to mine!
I'm sure you know by now that this is my goodbye letter. Don't act so suprised of course I want to say goodbye to you. You're important to me you should know that. I've written this for awhile but I wanted it to be a good final goodbye since its immortalized forever in a letter. If you share this with anyone I'll kill you by the way. Even in death I still have a reputation. Anyway...
Goodbye Kei
I love you
—Y/n L/n
A month had passed since she said goodbye I moved forward even though it hurt to not see her around school. It almost felt like she moved but that imagine was ruined whenever I visited her grave. "Hey Tsukki I didn't know you liked dinosaurs!" I sighed in irritation my eyes flicking towards Kuroo who was pointing at my wrist.
"Wow that's cool!" Bokuto joined in and my eyes drifted to the golden bracelet around my wrist. "It's not mine," I stated drinking my water. "Whos is it?" Akaashi asked and I sighed again. "My friend Y/n’s...She's gone now and I'd rather not talk about it," I said standing up and heading back to the net. None of them said anything more about it and I was grateful for that.
Later that night I closed my eyes and played the song that I had grown very familiar with. It was quiet except for the soft melody playing through my headphones. While my eyes were closed I felt the familiar pressure on my body like someone was laying on my chest. If I listened through my headphones close enough I could almost hear her soft voice humming the song.
I knew in my brain it was impossible but for now I let my heart believe that it was her. I talked quietly about anything and everything that came to mind. The team was sleeping so I knew I could talk freely most of them slept like they were in a coma. I sighed as I reached the end of my story before I spoke once more.
"I miss you Y/n,"
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TAGLIST: @wonhomarshmallow
#haikyu#haikyu x reader#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu!!#whosaskingangst#tsukishima x reader#tsukishima kei#haikyuu tsukishima#tsukishima angst
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rules: ship yourself with your favorite character and give headcanons on how your relationship would go
→ tagged by: @bnha-homeroom
→ tagging: @wesparklebitch @bakutae @cellotonin @bnhcs @jojosmilktea
look it's asking for only one character. and it's not specifically asking for a bnha character. you can't expect me to choose one and not feel bad because the others deserve love too gjsbf so i chose two i wanted to do all of them but that's too greedy of me tksbd im sorry :'<
warnings: this will be long. that's it.
TODOROKI SHOUTO
quiet duo™
it I met someone like shouto I wouldn't even like him at all
but there comes my considerate and civil treatment to all even with my resting bitch face
i watch everyone from the back so id notice if this man is having a hard time with socializing
me too boi we can be both antisocial
but tbh it'd be a quiet relationship with an occasional me screaming from emotions because that's how I am
we're both going to be uncomfortable with pda at first because tbh i only do that when I'm sleepy but it's ok we gotta take baby steps sometimes
but that doesn't mean I won't mother him and we all know this baby is touch starved so yes im going to give u all of the love u deserve
"get some rest pls you've been training for hours"
"i made your favorite soba, take a break bitch"
istg I'm a mother not a girlfriend
"let's both annoy enji and use his credit card until he's broke"
I CANNOT GUARANTEE THE SAFETY OF YOUR SHIRTS AND HOODIES BECAUSE THEY'RE MINE NOW
like damn id be giddy if he ever looks at me with those cute confused eyes for help with simple things or if he looks at me and ask if he's doing it right
mother mode level 1038104729
also damn id give him every food I can make like I don't need to stress bake to bake him some sweets or whatever
he'd probably do the same for me since I tend to overwork myself when I'm into things
but,, honey,, I don't want you to burn the kitchen
like yes pls pull me away from my textbook because I really don't understand a thing and even if I don't I'm sure my brain will still make me go read it over and over again
im never good with listening to others comforting me
like yes thank you very much but words are never a big impact to me after hearing it so much from people who don't even care anymore
so I'd appreciate his silence when I'm sad and he'd just hug me for comfort
he understands that all I need is someone to keep me on the ground, not force their words upon me
tbh I'd be more sleepy when I'm around him
he's the right amount of warm and cool, he's perfect dkfks let me just rest on his left side for warmth or his right side for some cooling off and boom. sleep.
there wouldn't be much of a fight tbh
I'm an open minded person and even if I don't agree with someone's opinion I wouldn't give a fuck
it's probably going to take the both of us long before we both open up to each other because we're both secretive but it'll probably be me who'd give in first
he'll probably catch me in my sulking mood and ask
I may be a mom but I'm also a dad
I'd fight bitches who think bad of shouto I WON'T HESITATE BITCH
he has to stop me physically from attacking a mutt because these claws are ready for some scratching
we're so similar yet so different at the same time lmao
that's all :D
LERO-RO
have you heard of this man's voice??? have you heard of this man's voice??
because what the fuck
i will not be able to not be in awe whenever he speaks and im sure my stupid self wouldn't be able to stop staring
like please talk to me more
speak with your morning voice pls
bless my ears
bless my fucking soul
idk man how did i end up with him?? im stupid and he's smart and im clumsy and he can kill a bitch for just two seconds??!
pray for me because this man is going to tease me for being 5"0 and he's a fucking tower pun intended
he's probably going to end up teaching me how to use a shinsu because— and I quote— "you're going to end up dying without me" but it'll be a bad idea because there's no guarantee that I won't use it to prank him or mess with people who irritate me :D
he's stressed™
"nO. you can't beat up another admin"
"i swear to fucking god if u do that— oh fuck u"
"please do"
like how did you end up with a quiet evil little bitch like me? go get yourself an angel because you're an angel yourself, we don't fit man
but he's also a sweet mf uwu he'd end up mothering me instead of me mothering him
but it's gonna be nice to be pampered y'all can't understand the pain of being a mother to everyone
and yes we're bam and khun's parents now
excuse me while I climb this 6 ft tree
he probably loves cuddling me from behind and placing his chin on my head
"I'm not a furniture go get your chair"
he's an test admin, he's gonna be stressed and tired of taking care of a bunch of children so it'll be my turn to smother him in love uwu here's your favorite food, a massage, a tea, some cuddles, and a warm bath for u and only u
I can sleep on him so watch me ask for a piggy back ride just to sleep
and he can't deny me of that ride because I'd look sluggish and tired and sleepy and no one can say no to my face
ill kith his two moles uwu
honestly, we'd probably have petty arguments sometimes because of my idgaf attitude while he's more of a respectful + polite + appropriate person
let me have my freedom pls I don't like being uptight :((
and there goes my insecure ass because no, this man is too good for me, and im just stupid for giving it a try
and masking my emotions wouldn't work with him
he's gonna see it from miles away and he's going to confront me about what im upset about and he's going to blame himself for it because that's just how it is
but it's ok, it takes two for a relationship to work
we'd reassure each other from our insecurities and we'll be ok
he's probably going to treat me. like I'm some cat or something which I am
I'm pretty sure he'd be weirded out by my weird habits like yes I can sleep everywhere unless it's noisy and yes I stress bake and yes I drink coffee but still fall asleep and yes I love food give me food
he's an observant man, he's going to notice how I say no to thing even tho I want to say yes because I don't prioritize myself and he's going to scold me for it
we probably have a "us time" every so often because we both need to rest and just enjoy each other's presence
in other words, shouto and leroro deserve someone better than me :'D
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