#and also 'your personal self and identity is personally dangerous is me as a marginilised person' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wild-at-mind · 1 year ago

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I remember how I used to read tumblr and the more angry and disillusioned someone seemed with society and life, the more valid I thought their point of view was. This is now mostly no longer the case, but when I'm depressed I think I still go there.

#i think there was a lot of 'you personally must do something to fix this vast societal problem!!!'#and also 'your personal self and identity is personally dangerous is me as a marginilised person'#'your words are violence and your presence itself is violence'- these messages i really loved as a kind of emotional self harm #i wasn't used to having my own identity because my abuser never let me have one so the idea of me having one being somehow oppressive #and therefore the idea of me not having one must be good and was helping somehow #and that's why i was closeted for so long- well that and living in my parents' house till my mid-20s i guess #now i realise that the idea i had that my shit feelings helped marginlised people somehow came from my church growing up #suffering is good...but actually me suffering is neutral and feeling like shit is neutral to the world at large #me feeling bad doesn't help others. i liked to pretend it did because i had to justify my existence to myself #as a privileged person but now i realise i also have to live my life because that's all we get! Just the one!#and there's only one way out of doing it and the fact that i was even contemplating that showed how extreme this was all getting #i HAVE to live and i have to understand myself and keep going #and not give up and say 'everything is so shit and as a privileged person i only make things worse so what's the point of doing anything?'#i think a lot of social justice at one point had unintentionally gotten across the idea of 'if you try you will only make things worse #so don't even try'.#i think a lot of people writing back then were having really difficult times and had genuinely difficult lives and i hugely sympathise #i hope all of them are doing really well in 2024 and are living securely and have happiness and joy

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