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itsclydebitches · 2 years ago

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I honestly have no idea how they intend to greenlight volume 10 if it's not been greenlit already. They've announced the final season of Red vs Blue and a lot of early day fans are in agreement that the end of RvB is the signaling of the end of RT in general. It's their second biggest money maker next to RWBY. After this new season, it's over. What do they do next? Do RT really believe that RWBY is popular enough to coast on for another decade? It'll be a miracle if it lasts even one more year.

Their viewership has been on a decline since Volume 6, they've abused so much of their animation department that there's almost no one left, most of their VA talent for RWBY's popular characters aren't coming back due to all the controversies, any spinoffs or soft reboots or whatever keep going back to the Beacon era and don't really do much to help with the overall problems that are down to the roots of the company.

They even made their biggest ship that kept what few fans are left canon and put out half assed merch that sold out in minutes, and somehow they still haven't managed to find enough money to greenlight another volume?

If they somehow miraculously get Volume 10 made, it's probably going to be the last.

The last few years of RWBY have really highlighted for me how challenging it is to define "popularity" and "success" nowadays. Granted, a good chunk of that is simply my own ignorance about how the production side of things are run, but it nevertheless feels like there's this intense level of ambiguity that wasn't there in the past (or at least wasn't as obvious). Fandom itself has always been an unreliable source because depending on the corner of the internet you're in, you can get a wildly skewed perspective without engaging with everything that contradicts how "good" or "bad" you think things are going. As you say, merch sells out in minutes, yet neither the finances nor the implied security of that seems to be enough to land another Volume. There are questions about whether this could be a marketing scheme, wherein Volume 10's future is simply being kept under wraps to drum up interest. There's the question of whether popularity matters at all when we've got companies cancelling and pulling undoubtedly successful shows, all according to their own, long-term algorithms. On the one hand the information surrounding RT is all about the abuse of their workers, another scandal, how this might all tie into the strikes... and yet most of this is nothing new and RWBY has still secured movies, a soft reboot, comics, and books. I agree completely with your list above of all the ways in which the series is struggling (massively) and yet RWBY has been "dying" for half its run-time. So is this the final nail in the coffin—the inevitable ending that's been a long time coming—or just another year where the fandom unintentionally cries wolf?

I'm not so naive as to believe that things were actually simple 'back in the day'—that's the nostalgia talking—but it still seems like things were simpler in comparison to what we've got now. TV and its media equivalents used to be—or at least felt like—a fairly straightforward journey of airing, ratings, syndication, cancellation, renewal, and then (eventually) the viewer securing a copy for themselves via VHS and DVDs. Now it's like, "What do I do with the newbie webseries eventually bought up by a major corporation and moved from a free watch, to a company-specific streaming watch, to a different, more expensive streaming watch, all of which has led to a decade of success with various spinoffs, but apparently this webseries still isn't making enough money to continue? Regardless, it and everything else I love to watch is inching more and more towards digital-only copies, a status that is inherently nerve-wracking, which means that if it does suddenly crash and burn (given that this is one of two series keeping the original company afloat) circulating this story and maintaining the fandom will be that much harder."

I find that depressing and I'm someone who thinks RWBY is pretty awful right now. I can't imagine what that ambiguity and the state of streaming media in 2023 feels like to fans still in love with the show.

So yeah. Idk how they intend to greenlight Volume 10 either.

#rwde #rwby #mymetas

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freyasmoments · 3 years ago

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Freya's Random Traits

I recently wrote a post in Freya's Moments that covered how this blog came to be and how the little pieces of ourselves are our essence. I sat down last night, attempting to jot down the parts of me that make me who I am, and I ended up with a list of the most random traits I've ever glanced upon. In truth, I don't know how these all come together to make one cohesive person, but maybe I'm just not as cohesive as I thought I was. I present to this brand new blog some of the things that I like that make me, well, me.

The Arts

Where do I start? I'm a writer, so the arts have always been a significant part of my life. I love the written word, classical books, poetry, lyrical masterpieces. I enjoy classical music, attending plays, and it's a real treat to catch an orchestral symphony. Music in general is a muse for me.

Entertainment

It took me years, years to admit that I am a movie junky. Absolutely adore period dramas, dramas in general. I'll watch an action movie, if it's well made. I feel like storyline and plot goes a long way, and explosions for the hell of it just aren't enough. I struggle with comedies, as I tend to have a morbid and wild sense of humor, and most comedic pieces just don't fit that bill.

Television series are also a guilty pleasure of mine, they can be consuming at times. Some of my favorite have been Peaky Blinders, Mar de Plastico, GOT (still very upset about the ending, but that's a soap box for another day). I enjoy period dramas here as well, including a Russian version of Catherine the Great. Vampire shows are also a fav.

Comics

I like comics. I was really into the X-Men, and Marvel in general when I was a kid, my favorite hero being Captain America. There was just something about his inherent goodness that righted all the wrongs I saw in the world, affirming that I was not the crazy one for thinking the world was a messed up place even then.

I'm more of a Marvel person, but I have space in my heart for DC, mainly Batman. I remember in the early 2000s searching for a particular Batman comic at Midtown Comics in NYC and other shops, which was out of stock everywhere. My mind remembers it as part of the Battle for the Cowl series, which I won't spoil for anyone who hasn't read it. But I never found it, and I was pretty bummed out about it. I went back every week, enduring the stares from the register guys gawking at the only girl in the shop, which is apparently, a rarity to see.

I remember dragging a date there one night, and finding out from him that it was, indeed, a rarity. With my first choice nowhere in sight, I bought a copy of Civil War, and we spent the rest of that date reading it. I was as equally shocked as he to discover that he was as into comics as I was, as apparently, according to both of our erroneous standards, we didn't look the "type."

Movies & TV

Absolutely adore period dramas, dramas in general. I'll watch an action movie, if it's well made. I feel like storyline and plot goes a long way, and explosions for the hell of it just aren't enough. I struggle with comedies, as I tend to have a morbid and wild sense of humor, and most comedic pieces just don't fit that bill.

Television series are also a guilty pleasure of mine, they can be consuming at times. Some favorites being Peaky Blinders, GOT (still very upset about the ending, but that's a soap box for another day), and a plethora of Vampire shows. I enjoy period dramas here as well, including a Russian version of Catherine the Great. From a young age I enjoyed Masterpiece Classics, back when it was known as Masterpiece Theatre, and its predecessors.

One of my absolute favorite shows I never tire of watching is "Keeping up Appearances" (Mrs. Bucket and Richard). I found Mr. Bean clinically hysterical, the kind of laughter that leaves you weak and breathless. Especially the episode with the tartare. I think I've come to terms with the fact that really stupid things make me laugh beyond what is reasonable for a normal person.

Video Games

Yes, I play and have played everything from the original Nintendo to the modern Xbox console. I never thought I'd make that switch, being a PlayStation player most of my younger life, but when 360 was released, and I was still toiling away on a PS2, I had to bite. By the time PS released a new console, I was already taken by another. I still believe, wholeheartedly, that the PS2 was one of the greatest consoles for its time.

Some of my favorite games have included COD, Shadow of the Colossus (which I never finished), The Sims, RDR 1 and 2, the latter wins the award for the best video game ever produced in my opinion. I've dabbled in every GTA, though, I've never finished any of them. Tons of others. I cannot for the life of me understand the Nintendo Switch, I swear, it must be because I've reached the age of exclusion; I'm no longer young enough to understand it. That's my excuse.

Activities

I like hiking, though I prefer crisper weather for nature walks and hiking. There is a serenity in the outdoors that washes away the social expectations of real life. Just breath, walk, and take in the scenery that doesn't talk back, thank goodness.

I am horrible at board games because I forget the rules almost as soon as I learn them. Same for card games.

I read a ton. I own 3 different Kindles even though I really prefer physical books, and I like to collect leatherbounds. I truly, deeply, love classics. Anna Karenina, the way Tolstoy dribbles extensive dialogue over the pages is immersive.

Well, that's enough for now. These little pieces are parts of what make me, me. What about you?

#personality traits #personality test #this is me #freya's moments #what i like #who i am #who am i

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thomasrybackimusic · 3 years ago

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Masterful Musical Layering: The amazing soundtrack of the Simpsons Game

The Simpsons Game (2007) has a plot in which The Simpsons discover they re in a video game in which they have superpowers which they use to resolve several situations. Eventually, they must save their 8-bit predecessors from game designer Will Wright and Simpsons creator Matt Groening. The Simpson family travel to four scenarios which parody other games in order to collect key cards to access creator Matt Groening's mansion to save their predecessors. Then they have to contact God himself to call off an alien invasion (which their powers, even with "cheats" weren't enough to defeat), culminating in a final dance contest.

The Simpsons Game has wide a variety of composers. It was a little bit tricky trying to figure out who composed and arranged what although [1] seems like a pretty reliable source. Within that being said, I couldn't find anything about Sid Cuttles other than his apparent involvement in the 8-bit arrangement of the main music for the level Lisa The Tree Hugger and his alleged involvement in the Ratatouille videogame 2007 soundtrack (according to [2] which I don't believe this to be an entirely reliable source). However on the subject of Ratatouille, it is interesting to note that Michael Giacchino composed the music for the Medal of Homer Level, which like Ratatouille is set in France. Also "Medal of Homer" is a parody of the Medal of Honor games which were originally scored by Michael Giacchino, which is probably why he was called on for the music of this level.

Although it is now quite old, the game has exceptional use of adaptive music which holds up well. Listening to the individual layers of this soundtrack gives a terrific insight into the craft and dramatic sense involved in creating rich and interesting orchestrations and productions. This playlist uploaded by RingsOfGenesis has everything:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWro-eJGphs&list=PLO4jlmGoc6uBwKnc08wjGde1UoY4pheLL&index=1 [THE SIMPSONS GAME FULL SOUNDTRACK]

There are certain tracks which have a very The Simpsons feeling ie. using and referencing the opening theme tune, using similar harmonic language and orchestration etc.

These include Sunrise in Springfield (composed by Tim Wynn) which seems to have become a stock track (I noticed it playing on at least one episode of The Apprentice (UK), and some TV shows a few years back).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9hCMYhC7Gg [SUNRISE IN SPRINGFIELD]

The harmonic language which gives it such a "Simpsons vibe" is the major chords moving to major flat 5s: Firstly outlining a G major triad and flattening the 5th to Db, then doing so again for Bb major, a minor third up; a slightly "remote" movement but pretty common in blues music (which this track is not). The downwards chromatic descent at 0:31 before the repeat of the harmonic structure has a capers kind of feel that also belongs very much in the world of Simpsons music (at least Danny Elfman's original intro).

The fully orchestrated version of the track has a quasi gypsy feel with the accordion and violin runs near the end. The major chord to major chord a tritone away remote-jump at 0:51 is very cinematic but still Simpson-esque and its somewhat dark quality serves to remind the listener that we are still, in fact, in the middle of an alien invasion (in the game). The music for alien themed levels like Invasion of the Yokel Snatchers such as Kodos Attacks (composed by Tim Wynn) use this remote chord movement more prominently, using a theremin for an old school alien feel in a manner reminiscent of Bernard Herrmann's score for The Day the Earth Stood Still.

The music for Bartman Begins by Chris Lennertz is cleverly rearranged in more synthy way for Five Characters in Search of an Author. It is interesting to note that both of these are Homer and Bart levels in very spacious indoor settings: Bartman Begins chronicles Bart and Homer protecting the Springfield Natural History Museum from thieves and Five Characters in Search of an Author chronicles the father-son duo tracking down Matt Groening in his mansion. The Bartman Begins cue is in a very 60s Spy Jazz kind of style with twangy rock guitar, jazzy brass and sweeping melodic gestures; in a manner very reminiscent of John Barry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meUCZO5M1kM&list=PLGBDjaXNGzlSvXA96m4d7AuDGdDenGMOr&index=4 [Bartman Begins]

Five Characters in Search of An Author re-orchestrates parts of Bartman Begins with synths that modernise the track in a manner suited for the game world within the game world (Groening's mansion is depicted as being in a place in the game known as the Videogame Engine). The EDM-style drum tracks add a sense of urgency fitting the increased difficulty of the game at this later level.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xtSNS1NNgE&list=PLGBDjaXNGzlSvXA96m4d7AuDGdDenGMOr&index=20 [Five Characters in Search of an Author]

I'd like to break down a track I find very interesting from the eating contest level "Around the World in Eighty Bites". I have never heard anything quite like it. This track plays in Scotland. I think it has a Scottish sound in a way which is quite hard to explain. It may be the folk quality mixed with nature sounds. The track in full sounds like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkZHrUg_hQw&list=PLO4jlmGoc6uBwKnc08wjGde1UoY4pheLL&index=75 [Around the World in Eighty Bites 3]

There's a lot going on clearly! Let's take a look at the layers and how they fit together:

Layers:

1.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwoeU5i80lg&list=PLO4jlmGoc6uBwKnc08wjGde1UoY4pheLL&index=76 [Around the World in Eighty Bites 3 Layer 1]

This layer features pitched Timpani and various soft percussion with some subtle panning effects at points for extra interest or find more space in the busy mix. There are also some of the harp phrases but not all; these are auxiliary ones. A drippy synth with quick but gentle attacks tinkles around throughout. This synth simultaneously enforces and ambiguities the harmony. It is quite similar in character to an ice cream van and slightly offbeat. Some glass like sounds are also present giving a shining quality

2.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qi_jIU6kmgo&list=PLO4jlmGoc6uBwKnc08wjGde1UoY4pheLL&index=77 [Around the World in Eighty Bites 3 Layer 2]

This layer has punctuating muted trumpets, big "showtime" drums (as are present in various tracks in this leve as a recurring idea) glockenspiel, another watery trickling synth further enriching the background texture and a couple of bird-like Synth sounds giving an artificial outdoors-in-nature quality. Some soft organ sounds are also present. The main harp phrases are in this layer; these enforce the harmony and add a counter-melody through arpeggiated phrases.

3.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yU5LUVMvQD0&list=PLO4jlmGoc6uBwKnc08wjGde1UoY4pheLL&index=78 [Around the World in Eighty Bites 3 Layer 3]

This layer features "doof" drums and the main brass section consisting of trombones, unmuted trumpets, saxophones and tuba. The brass instruments play a syncopated melody and are keep in time very well, the mix of the full track is very busy so good rhythmic sensibility from the constituent sections are integral to holding it together. The percussion and muted trumpets in other layers also help tremendously.

Sources:

1] https://vgmdb.net/album/7143

2]https://menostinta.blogspot.com/2020/02/download-ost-game-music-mp3.html

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whimsically-ominously-auspice · 5 years ago

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This COVID

Unfortunately, the nurses and doctors are the ultimate victims and the worst part of the disease is their PTSD.

They, like most military, police, firefighters and EMT, sign up to risk their lives to HELP and SAVE others.

And they can't. This disease isn't intended to but is a by-product or side effect to cause them their own destruction of self, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

We have a website set up for them for their mental health -- it wasn't active.. Tree just activated it for y'all.

I apologize for that. So many people are calling them heroes and trying to lift their spirits and it is hard for them.

Like y'all...

Picture this...

Standing in a mass grave, trying to find a body still alive you can save... Help.. A mass grave... So I'm talking hundreds of dead bodies and then y'all be all parade and smile and have fun.

They're too busy trying to find a way to help. Trying to find that one breath from a body in that mass of bodies piled knee high.

They look up "oh them jets..." Same time that happens more bodies are being thrown down in that mass grave So they waist high...

By then them Jets have left just a cloud of memory

It doesn't help... Then they chest high with dead bodies... And they're getting buried alive trying to find a way to help.

Do you see what I'm saying? Can you feel that?!

Then they like man I gotta get outta here before I die myself, being buried alive....

Then who can help them? Is there someone strong enough to pull them out, to SEE THEM before the bodies are piled over their heads??

Doctors and nurses have committed suicide. Because they can't handle it.

Because what has happened... Is this is like a reverse WWII... Hospitals are now Nazi Concentration Camps. And the nurses and doctors are the Nazi just watching every one die.

(Note this is an EXAMPLE for the mind to grasp understanding -- i am not stating the doctor nor nurse ARE Nazi. I am merely making a reference to WWII and gas chambers and so on so people can get the visual understanding of the power of COVID and the pain of people that are opposed to Nazi. When she said "This is Real" it is where my mind went -- to the Holocaust which i know a lot about. I studied it on my own many times in my life. To understand how one person could take over the world. I did. In high school, my Oklahoma History teacher even took away my books because i would ask way too many questions about killing of Native Americans and i would say "but how--" and she said that i had a problem with focusing on the wrong thing and i said "but its happening in our world today!! Politicians and Governments!!" She took away the stack of books i had checked out on WWII and took them to the library and i followed her like pulling her jacket and shirt to stop her. She told the librarian I wasn't allowed to check out anymore books like that because I was a teenager and had unhealthy worries in the world. I burst into tears. "Obviously i have to save the world Because of people like you who won't take it seriously!! You're a Hitler yourself!! And you! I'll talk to you tomorrow!!" I spat to the teacher then librarian. And took off to my last class of the day. The Librarian know who i was and how i had spent hours in the library everyday during lunch and had told her how i said i wanted to compare WWII to the way Native American were treated in Oklahoma. And she printed a list of all the different kinds of books i checked out. Including kindergarten picture books for my own enjoyment. And the teacher apologized. She asked if i wanted to apologize to her for calling her Hitler. I said "not yet" eventually I did. In front of the entire class with an entire one and one eighth of a page of written materials comparing and contrasting her to Hitler and people we read about. I said "in conclusion, she may been an Army woman helping people make long disateraous of what they call walks. Of what i call pilgrimages, across many of what we now know are states, but not to be in charge but to be a comforting vessel during maritime war. A war that was unnecessary on water as it was on land and that is my meaning of using water words instead of land Because indeed i think she is a person we can trust but she may also be one of those people to set off a cannon to a far away ship until she finds out the truth of who is in it. But she certainly isn't a Hitler or someone that would order Native Americans to do the undeeded... She would be one of those to walk aside all Native Americans, help pass out blankets and medication. And so as she has apologized to me for firing up that cannon while I was away at sea to do ky research of course, i shall apologize to her for being upset she did and calling her the worst name possible. Which wasn't bitch. Nor ass hole." 10th grade, y'all.)

It is the worst possible place for a nurse or Doctor that signed up to be a comfort and to SAVE lives to be. The worst possible place.

And i can't help them... There is on the now activated website -- there is a place where they can request military services to come in and relief our nurses and others on the front lines, including police.

You just merely request how many and of what capabilities you need. So if you need just CNA (our hugest amount) or RN or PA or DR or so on and so forth.

They have their own pay scale thus allowing the people being substituted for to receive a special type of paid leave. The military can stay in one place at one time up to 9 weeks.

So also a rotation of 9 weeks on. 9 weeks off.

I apologize i thought it was already set up and available for all. But apparently things wanted to be done differently to try it and see how it works.

Now first is HOSPITALS. Basically if your name has the word Hospital in it. Then you're available. BUT you must have an EMERGENCY ROOM (ER) to qualify.

Now systems... Like Lovelace in Albuquerque has like 4 or 5 ER departments. So they go to the MAIN hospital first Then two weeks after rotate in at say the Heart Hospital then after two weeks the Woman's Hospital then a smaller so on and so forth.

Presbyterian, would begin at MAIN then go to Kirkland then so on and so forth.

This way if someone doesn't want to be treated by military. They have options of seeing regular doctors at the main stem branches.

Also it doesn't have to be a 100% but it can be a 25% so 25% of people take off for 9 weeks. Then another 25% take off for 9 weeks. And so on... So you'd have use of the military for 36 weeks.

It is a charity service.

I recommend that y'all cut hours. So a 40 hour nurse goes go 20 hours -- but stays at full time pay and benefits.

As part of our program, the healthcare and other workers MUST remain fully paid while taking time off. Otherwise we cannot assist.

It is for their hearts, their souls and their tears that we supply such a charity. Thus we cannot create more tears, more heartache nor more stress for these people.

So when making plans, hospital executives, please do keep that in mind.

Also for hospitals that refuse to relieve their workers, we have a system set up so that a nurse/doctor/etc can find a suitable replacement of higher quality according to paper. Similar but more advanced to the system that is used to place substitute teachers to teach hundreds school children per one jr high or high school day. And if the hospital rejects the substitute, then we have a system set up to sue the hospital on behalf of the staff. This system is only provided when a main hotspot refuses help.

Such as NYC. However NY has accepted thousands of National Guard already and Idk what exactly is occurring there but we have many side hospitals set up there.

So this is Never Before Seen shit since the Native American's Massacres (that's why i kept getting in trouble in Oklahoma History... The word Massacre.. Dude... I wasn't gonna pretend it didn't happen, Land O´ Lakes, where's our Indian Lady? The farmers didn't kill her, you did. -.-) and definitely not seen while we had this great amount of technology available to all.

So never before seen shit is gonna occur. I'm like yeah this is what will work professionally. And if they can't come up with something better and reject me, then I'll sue and ill win because they don't care and we got documented workers all over social media crying their eyes out.

She is the first African American I've posted but I've posted at least 4. Crying nurses. And i skip over a lot. I keep scrolling past a lot. I scroll past more than Y'all know that i Don't mention.

But her... She made me want to cry just like all the others. And Just like the others, i had dry eyes. Because we worked and worked and worked till we were all bawling our eyes out, taking heart medicine, whether like mine or just for heart burn. Even the little kids. I can't cry anymore. We made the solution for what and when the emergency pandemic would occur.

Hospitals have lost people due to suicide.

It is now time for me to step in. Or we will not have a doctor or nurse that is both alive and recognizable, they will be destroyed -- inside out -- starting with their hearts of mind.

I have had PTSD due to death of a stranger. I was only 18. And i hated myself for over 10 years.

So im gonna break out one day and call you all stupid for attempting to heal evil.

Because that was what I needed. And no one ever told me. And i got back lash. And i know that every single nurse and doctor that was working as hard as they could -- they needed to vent and hate. And i could be that person.

I smiled. I checked in. "Do they still hate me?" Yes "Good"

I know it helps a heart be healthy to have a place to throw hate. And i knew i would be safe from harm. While hate was thrown at me.

Then i took away me as that object of hate. And still healthcare workers are suffering and they're killing themselves. (They'll get to heaven if they deserve. A nice little break for them. Then they will come back when our other dead does. If they are deserving, if Earth is where they Belong. Otherwise they went directly where they Belong for Eternity)

So a quick fix band aid isn't it. It is as far as we predicted - a reverse WWII.

the sick going in... And causing innocent pain.

Instead of the innocent going in and dying by the professional purposely killing them.

This is the complete opposite.

Jack told me "quit hating on these nurses and doctors!"

Because i would scroll past and say "these fucking nurses. Dam it"

I'm not hating them. I'm hating their situation. I'm hating their inability to cope. Their inability to cope is because their inability to cope is due to their deep humanity... It is a character flaw. It is a curse and a blessing. It is the deepest and most difficult of work to breech that muddy waters, dig deep and find a bridge to drag up and build, there is one there in their souls.. But it is buried deep under much chocolate and flowers and all things good...

Unfortunately while being buried under dead bodies its nearly impossible to fix that bridge. Find that way to overcome the desperation, the HORROR their job has become

Even taking a break can sometimes not help... Sometimes it doesn't. But we include self care and encouraging messages from our military teams that substitute while the people take their time off.

Military are far more apt to be able to deal with dead. Military teams sign up knowing they must kill at certain times. They have a different view of death. They accept it and understand it.

A nurse or Doctor they fight it, that is their job. That is their souls and every hope they have in the world is to save lives.

Military, their job, is to make the world better.

Right now, military is just a better fit.

It's different types of brains. It is just different.

And I am sorry. And unfortunately I do know. I have killed a lot of people by hand, kidnappers caught in the act. I killed Pablo Escobar. Then I got amnesia. And I loaned my friend $500 to bail her boyfriend out of jail. It ended up in a suicide of someone he ratted on. I never got over that. It took a very long time. He was a criminal, yes. But I just never got over that loss of life. If I had never bailed him out... That one guy would still be alive.

So I am very sensitive and very understanding of these healthcare crying and not handling their jobs and killing themselves.

I fully understand it. So yes I will sue on behalf of staff that cannot get relief. I will fight and punch until those hospital executives come up black and blue saying "ok im sorry im sorry we can have substitutes and pay full prices for our staff to stay home and rest"

I may have forgot myself... Prior to age 15... But I remember since then. I know how I have suffered and why.

So I am extremely complex to know and understand.

It doesn't matter if you understand or trust me.

You must care and take a leap of FAITH and not one of suicidal consequences, hospital executives.

Because I understand being buried under dead bodies that I feel responsible for. Hating myself. For something that was never my fault and something I did to be nice. Naïve. I fully understand.

And its revolting, now looking back all I put myself through.

And I swore one day... I swore and I swore. I promised myself. One day im gonna use this all for good. That I can forgive myself.

I already did. I realized I'm not the one that needed to be forgiven. And I'm okay. I'm doing great.

But I remember and I will never forget those sleepless nights... The intense fear I had of myself and of doing anything for any reason. I was terrified. What if I go to the store and I effect someone?

What if I get in a car wreck and hurt some one?

I was terrified. Had I not healed thanks to JJFU. Some one I knew and trusted making guns and I said to him everyday for weeks "how can you make guns knowing someone could be hurt? Don't you think you will feel responsible if someone wrote to you and said a kid was killed with one of your guns? An innocent child playing by accident?"

He said "let me get back to you"

And one day he simply said "i can't control what other people do. If they don't lock up their guns or weapons and ammunition seperate. I can't control what a kid does. I hope no one ever gets hurt wrongly and unjustifiable with a gun i produce and make by hand. But, Sabrina, i can not control what other people do. And it isn't my fault what happens after the guns leave my hands and enter another's"

And this air i had been holding in since I was 18 years old just went out of my chest. And i started crying. And crying and i cried for days.

And he said "why are you keep crying? Who are you crying for?"

And I said "i am crying for ME"

"But why?! What did you do to someone so bad?!"

"Cause I hated myself for something I couldn't control.I hated ME. I refused to Love Me. I refused to Trust ME. And now I can cry for me because of what I Lost because I was an ignorant fool, to care too much beyond my control."

3 years later my friend was murdered. I could had prevented that, too. But I didn't get PTSD. Instead i chose to love him and be proud of him. And love us both for doing what was best for us.

I have both the obituary of David Galloway and Justin hanging in my kitchen. One gave me PTSD. One could have. I look at them both. And I say "I love me. But I can love you two and you can love me because I never wanted either one of you to be hurt"

Or I'll walk by "I can imagine you two are fine where you are today. Sorry I'm busy. But I hope you're happy and okay"

One is Zulululu and one is Human. The Zulululu, I got PTSD. He was a selfish drug addict that killed himself leaving behind two kids and a wife just because he didn't want to go to jail. The other was murdered and the last time I saw him, he asked to live with me. The latter should caused my PTSD. HE DESERVED MY PTSD.

But I didn't.

So military is better equipped to handle what is occurring in hospitals. Nurses do need time off even if the military does just set up new temporary hospital

Healthcare workers NEED treatment for what they have seen and gone through.

And I will fight for every single one to get the help they deserve and the time off they need.

Because I know they deserve it. I know they need It. I know how dangerous it is to overlook a simple day in the life of what they have had in the last few weeks.

Throwing them parties. Its kind, and it's sweet.

But it doesn't help anything, it doesn't help anything when the anguish and the PTSD has already set in. Sometimes it makes it worse..

So yeah I get pissed off they're not being helped and it comes out wrong.

So now its time to do it right.

This nurse asks y'all to stay home.

So y'all tell her you will if you will, tell her you can't because you got to go to work and you tell her where (like Gas Station, not the whole address) and y'all be responsible for you and your actions..

We can't control the world. But we can work together to make it better.... Right...?

I think so.

Or we're all gonna die trying.

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