#and about a bunch of 1. it isn't a joke. i'm literally cursed.

[reichenbachfalle]

our circle of Hidden in Plain Sight from a few candela obscura one shots!! from left to right: knyazhich Veles Romanoff (occultist), Erin Wood (criminal), professor Erika Loveheart (....professor), Nadia Kshatri (explorer)

(veles) "and then, miss wood, I tell him..." (miss wood) "shall we tell him..?" (nadia) "nah"

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary51

11/1-2/2023

wednesday - thursday

today sucked but that's okayyy.

not really but whatever. it's not because errands themselves were stressful. but first i should list off positives of the day, i made a guitar sound just now, it's crazy feedback freakshit, really cool to me, kind of really gets the pv stuff down too, which is mental. i recorded vocals and re-wrote lyrics for that song, and i'm sure i'll need to go back in, but it's huge to have that idea down and stuff.

anyways, today sucked because my gf's mom decided, while she and my gf were out together separate from me, me in the laundromat, laying into her about basically random bullshit, from me not having a job (i try! no one wants to hire me, there's huge gaps in my employment history, i can't act right in interviews or something i guess, sometimes i accidentally put "would prefer not to answer" for questions of gender on the questionnaire things, and it's apparently not something you're meant to do) and then getting into how we behaved on the trip, she believes for some reason that i think there is no war in israel when what i said to her, days ago in arizona, was that world war 3 is not going to start and china is not looking to invade america or use a nuclear weapon on us because one why would they start mutually assured destruction, unless they destroy america totally and just america (and what would they get?? no land, no resources, they are extracting all the capital they could want because they have beaten us at manufacturing and basically everything (we still have to see if they will achieve communism tho (i hope they do))), and two like i just said, they have beaten us industrially, america wants to stoke hate for china to start something because one: america is racist and evil and two: humiliated about not being number 1 (and all boomers are too thus the china is evil fantasy). i was also pro palestine and said that israel is obviously to blame here in every way, because they hold their people hostage essentially feeding these deaths to justify greater and greater strides towards genocide. in the car, she was agreeing with me, but she just does that. she also kept talking about how she had family who were in the military, and a husband too, and like wow who cares, the first place they test all the propaganda, where all the red scare cold war bullshit hit first, panic over those paper tigers that are kept to just destroy the world if we wanna. stupid. she also brought up multiple times that i am uneducated because i didn't get my degree because i could not justify going to school during covid virtually because i would be so bad at it and stuff, so she thinks i am like a stupid uneducated hick, something she loves to use against all kinds of people!!!!! she's so classist it honestly makes me sick.

she also brought up bill maher, and how disrespectful we were, and how she was so upset hearing us make jokes, and my gf asked if she thought i liked hearing him make bathroom gender jokes, and her mom was like "well he's just a man. it's a choice. he isn't one of them right." and a bunch of other shit, so my gf came in to tell me all this, she sees her telling me, and then she just calls my gf to say that if she's going to have a conversation then at least include her, and then she literally abandons us in the fucking laundromat for a while until my gf calls her, and during the call she begins ranting about bill maher again, and how he's making jokes for a different generation and how we don't understand, and also how i need to "pick a side, he's either transgender or not." and more stupid nonsense, but she at least comes to get us again. the whole rest of the day she acts like nothing happened, and that she isn't an abusive/manipulative bitch. my gf cursed her out during the first go around, and she was so pathetic, she acted like she was being abused and had to get away from her evil daughter defending her partner and getting upset her mother is literally a stupid and bad person who can't get over gentle banter over fucking bill maher. i can't believe he's developed into this great a problem in my life. he is a demon that looms in my existence now until i die, or he dies. not that i am wishing for his death (sincere, it feels awful to wish for people to die unless they are intensely rich demons like bezos who have so much funding behind them they are literally impervious to wishing (i think my superstitious sectors of my brain are over active in unfun ways that can rule my life sometimes but whatever (just washing my hands of intent and telling everyone my intent is perfect and good and i would never hurt anybody i am just nice and happy and not evil)))

it's so whatever, literally too stupid for earth.

this isn't even all the news of the day though, my gf's brother had a party last night, and he had a friend over who was on acid, coke, weed, and booze, and he had an ego death moment, obsessed over his own death a while, shit himself, ripped his clothes off, screamed, slammed his head into their mirror and broke the thing into one million pieces or whatever, climbed on the countertop of their kitchen totally naked, screamed about dying more, and ran out of the house to beat a cop up and steal his car and drive it 5 miles out into a car with 2 people in it. there is a video.

needless to say he is traumatized, his friend is in the trauma unit, the people he crashed into are in the trauma unit, no one is going to come out of this even half okay.

hearing that, and the thing with her mom insulting me behind my back (not new but it sucks and this is the worst it's ever gotten), today is kind of a stupid nightmare. but i feel okay basically. i was more pissed earlier and my gf left a drink in the laundromat, she mentioned it in the car ride to the grocery store, and i said "another one of today's disappointments" and her mom said something and we just said it had nothing to do with her, the statement. maybe that sucked of me. whatever, kind of. i don't like being mean but how else is she supposed to take the hint that she is being not a good or even likeable person when she acts like this, and is only being delusional when she believes she's in the right.

and i totally am grateful she drives us around to help us run our errands, she doesn't have to but, like, she does it because she thinks she's going to get payment from it some day, and she also does this because literally, i hate to bring it to him again, but she has fantasies of her daughter going on bill maher or cnn, and hoping her daughter would agree with anything she says in her head, she'd get to finally have her genius thoughts spat out in the most meaningless information streams the general public are exposed to, hoping her daughter will be an 'expert' that can be used by the media to bludgeon people with basically because they are wrong and she would, being her daughter and hopefully (but in actuality she disagrees with her entirely) agree with her, and prove that she, ******a, is right about everything. she would like to reduce her daughter that she has beaten, manipulated, called an accident, into a mouth piece and robs her of herself totally in her daydreams. a miserable excuse for a parent. i am grateful though. i try to like her. sometimes she is a very kind woman, or she makes the effort which counts i guess, but my gf is beyond ever being convinced that she really is nice, rightfully so, i'm just on my way there, i am going to lay down in a sea on the other end of some mountains and let the sea take me away, the wash whispering oh well a million times over.

some people only have ressentiment. that's how her mother is. the wasted life. she hates that i don't work because hard work is all that matters, she doesn't see the ways i work hard but all her hard work has given her is arthritis and misanthropy.

i should put some images here about this vague malaise.

yanase masamu - a length of capitalist's drool.

combatwoundedveteran - this is not an erect all-red neon body

mark mccoy - wound

hans bellmer - la poupee

ilona jurgiel (idk if she called this anything, striking though)

jean cocteau (tragically i do not know where this is from, making me feel stupid, but it strikes me right now as meaningful).

i don't know if these images connect at all really for anyone else but they are pretty things to adorn myself with, little resonant chimes that harmonize with right now distantly, or maybe in detuned 5ths, some kind of gamelan tonal array.

i always feel like anything where someone has their guts out though, re: mark mccoy + the cwv album cover.

anwayssssssssss ughhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhh:

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[arikad0]

As a Castlevania fan, the Netflix series makes me absolutely feral.

I thought season 1 was good, but very slow. Season 2 started out promising, but by the end I hated it and had no interest for seasons 3 and 4, which I have never seen (I've been told I'm not missing much). Season 2 was full of empty dialogue concerning Drac's plans and introduced a bunch of characters and subplots that went nowhere, like they're trying to set up an MCU-style shared universe, instead of just trying to be a good adaptation of Dracula's Curse. It didn't even have Grant! The finale was the last straw for me, because it was full of incredibly baffling creative decisions. The heroes were so completely useless against Drac that the only reason they win is because Drac pulls the most OOC move ever and kills himself so they don't have to. Like... what? What's going to happen the next time he comes back? Is the next Belmont just going to bring up Alucard until Drac just starts sobbing and offs himself again?

Also, the next series is apparently going to skip to Rondo of Blood, which my cynicism says is just Warren Ellis trying to get to Alucard again as quickly as possible by inserting him into Rondo and then doing SotN. Because Warren doesn't seem to actually care about the Belmonts at all. Seriously, Trevor is the first Belmont to kill Dracula in the games, but here Warren couldn't even give him that.

OH ANON IT'S SO MUCH WORSE THAN YOU THINK

Dracula and Lisa are alive now for absolutely no reason. and Dracula is suddenly a good guy and Lisa didn't even acknowledge the fact that he committed genocide DESPITE THE FACT THAT SHE LITERALLY BEGGED HIM NOT TO AS SHE WAS DYING

and Grant is kinda in the show?? but he's a girl named Greta. that whole thing is an issue on it's own because Greta was introduced to give Alucard a love interest (which by itself was handled poorly considering she jokes about his sexual assault but whatever) but also like. why make Alucard's love interest a genderbent Grant instead of Grant himself when he's bisexual in the show? I think you know the reason :) coughHOMOPHOBIAcough. and one of the directors insists Greta isn't meant to be Grant but it's so easy to tell that's bullshit when you take their names into account (Grant Danasty = Greta Danesti)

and I completely agree with your stance on Dracula's death. like I get it, they wanted to Alucard to have some big emotional moment with his father but it's so dumb that they had Dracula give up and let Alucard kill him when Trevor is the main character and is remembered in the game timeline for being the first Belmont to kill Dracula.

and even if you ignore how badly the characters and story were adapted (like they aren't even the same characters and story at this point), most of the show is people just standing around and talking instead of. y'know. fighting monsters. which is what Castlevania is about. over half of the show is just talking and filler I swear

also, just so you know, Warren actually isn't involved with the Richter season! he got fired for sexually assaulting over 60 women in the work place and the Richter season has a brand new writer. I'm still not hopeful for it due to how Trevor's arc ended (I have absolutely no idea what they're gonna do now that Dracula is good apparently) but at least that disgusting creep is gone

I could go on and on with my issues with the show as a whole, but my answer to this ask is getting kinda long lol. maybe one day I'll make a post fully explaining why Netflixvania's writing so bad, who knows?

[blarrghe]

22, 30, 51 for OTP asks? For Taren and Dorian because I love them.

You know it you know itttt. Going to answer predominantly for the Matchsies-verse because I am back In It right now :3

22. What reminds each of their partner?

Taren: He's started associating him with all his favourite things and places. Libraries, good coffee, cooking spices and incense and magic, especially the flashier things; silver and crystals and those kind of bougie shops that sell that sort of paraphanalia. Also the colour black, and bad weather, because he can her him complaining about it in his head.

Dorian: he's new to the city, and even though Taren's only been in Denerim a few years, he seems to just fit right in. So everything, literally everything. Busy streets and dogs and graffiti and the grey foggy coastline and the train bridges and the public art installations and the nicer galleries too. Every single tattoo shop and record store and grungy looking club and eclectic looking coffee shop. Parks. Trees. Grass. Birdsong. Kids playing. Anyone speaking Elvhen in passing and definitely if they curse in it.

30. Your OTP gets to pick out each other's outfits; what is each wearing? Was literally joking about this earlier but. Dorian gets him to finally dress up. Much as he's tempted to do something sexy and risque he just can't help himself, he'd go for the works. Taren never dresses up, he never wears anything particularly form-fitting, hell, he barely ever even wears black. So there's silk and textures and jewelry and it's all snappy and clean and super dapper and nice.

Taren has him get naked. "What? I like it when you're naked," he says with an annyoingly satisfied smirk. Dorian can't complain.

51. What’s a non verbal way they say I love you? Copying you here because crying crying crying etc. Also ch. 2 of Matchsies 2 electric boogaloo (aka A Complicated Match) is like. 90% nonverbal "I love you" but I digress. You'll see. But for now, drabbles: Dorian texts, "take your break between 1:00 and 2:00 if you can, so I can call you on mine." He does this, Taren knows, because he's trying to trick him into taking his full hour. So he does, leaves the schedule block empty despite three pleading phone calls to fit in a butterfly and a quote and a pawprint today, and tells Sera he'll be in the back. At 1:15, he's on the phone when the bell chimes over the door, and Sera hollers back to get his attention. "Hold on," he says. "Tell her your on your lunch," Dorian complains back. "I will, I will." Out front, Sera is laughing at the desk, gesturing dangerously as she talks with a full cup of frothy-frozen-wipped-topping-and-vaguely-coffee-tinted beverage in her hand.

There's another, plainer, cup of coffee sitting on the desk with his name on it, and Dorian winks at him as he hangs up. -- "It's bloody ridiculous!" Dorian repeats for the fifteenth time, pacing in his wide kitchen. "I'm not changing it. I'm not changing it again." Taren nods solemnly.

"There isn't enough time in a bloody semester to cover both the Drakus methods and the Galitean principles in full, and why in the Void would I teach Galitean to a bunch of first-years! Half of them are never going to use it again in their lives, and the other half will stop using it as soon as they've understood Drakon!" Taren nods again. "It's ridiculous," he agrees. "The only reason anyone would use Galitaen these days is too write proofs as to why --" he pauses, mid stride. "Actually." Taren looks up at him, smirking as Dorian's expression goes distant and thoughtful. "That wouldn't make a terrible assignment." "And it would cover the new curriculum mandates." "While showing how very ridiculous they are." Now, there's a spark in his eye, inspired. "I need a pen." Taren passes him the one he has tucked behind his ear. -- For the past two weeks, time seemed to have stopped. Every hour a century, every minute milenia, et cetera. The longing has ceased being melodramatic or romantic, and has become simply mindnumbing. The airport is bright and unfriendly and the air feels clammy. Dorian checks his phone again, writes to Taren that he's minutes away from being through customs and calling a car and that he's desperate, aching, to be back in his arms.

Taren replies, "good," and "that was too fucking long a trip, vhenan." He closes his eyes a moment and tries his utmost to hear it in his voice. He retrieves his bag after too many minutes of watching bags that aren't his go round and around the carousel, and pulls it along through the last gate. He's too busy looking past the small crowd at first to see him, too busy peering ahead through an automated glass door to where the taxis wait on the street. So it makes him jump when he hears it. "Dorian!" He's grinning. He's holding a full dozen roses. Dorian is taking them from his hands before he realises his feet have even moved. He says stupid things, things that are miles and miles away from the only words he'd dreamed of saying and hearing and saying again, all flight. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?" "No." "Why - why roses?" "It's romantic." "You're a bloody --" and he's crushing the flowers against his back, Taren is crushing his ribs with this embrace. "Bastard," he whispers.