#and a lot of rambling but what else is new for me

[akanemnon]

By this point we know pretty much anything can damage Kris, where nails faild bad diet is nothing, but... They're still groong and even an extremely weird teenager needs some greens apart from moss. So, you know what, I'm sending them some healthy food! And to Frisk as well the baby child needs to be fed (and not only with rocks and instant noodles). Not all healthy food is yucky, after all, I'm shure there's something for these two!

And to you I am sending my gratitude and admiration! Your writing, your art style and your dedication to this project inspire me so much! I am trying continue one of my works and a friend of mine wants us to start together another one, while I'm still sitting in a burn out hole. I'm afraid I'm just not the one to finish things. But your work gives me hope!

Sorry, no snacks can be sent to the kids. I found out they kinda just end up going nowhere... I'm actually little concerned about that.

Either way, if it's any consolation to you, I was also not someone who finished things. I keep telling you guys, Twin Runes is my longest running project. Any other project either didn't make it past the concept phase or died as soon as I started it.

There is no shame in not finishing something. Because more often than not there IS a reason why an artist takes a break, or discontinues a project. A lot of people harp on unfinished projects, but they don't really think about the artist behind it. I'd rather have an artist cancel a project and start something new, if that means they're much happier doing it. But that is the perspective I have, since I'm also an artist. I totally get the sadness reading a comic that you really like and find out it was discontinued. All I can say is, at least there is still the comfort and joy the series has given you up to that point. No one can take that away from you.

For anyone else reading this, please be nice to the people who make the things that you like. I'm not just talking about me here. I've seen this happen with MANY other artists and creators in general. Don't push them to make something they don't want to do. That just makes them want to do it even less.

But I'm rambling at this point. Sorry about that. The most important thing is that YOU, the artist, has fun with what you're doing. Because when it becomes a chore, it's not only bad for the story, but also bad for you.

Keep on trucking at your own pace! You got this!

[the-effect-of-chaos]

So I have been reading "My Loneliness is Killin Me (Baby)" and it has been stirring up my desire to write an Omegaverse cannon Divergence Steddie fic like gasoline thrown on a already lit bonfire.

So OF COURSE that means I have to brainstorm this fucker somewhere so I am taking you along for the ride.

We are making Omegaverse weird again and going back to the foundations of the genre. Slick butts. I love the new (I know not really new but still) take on Omegas and Alphas being intersex, and I certainly enjoy reading them but I have a craving that will not be denied so back to slick butts and butt babies we go. I have my reasons for this and it also relates to female alphas not having a Knot but a Lock (this comes from a conversation with my dearest friend Fishie a good few years ago about a series of books that use this concept that has never left my head)

Steve is a late bloomer, he has been unpresented through nearly all of high school and while he was with Nancy. Everyone is adamant his body is just biding its time before flooring him with a presentation rut the size of America because they are so certain he will be an Alpha.

Cue them all being wrong.

Post Season 2's week from hell for Steve, between his heart getting shattered, meeting and bonding the Party (his puppies), dealing with the Demodogs, followed by the plate to the head concussion and protecting the pups in their hairbrained plans for the tunnels. It should come as no surprise when he is thrown into the most painful presentation heat of the fucking century.

Following a second week from hell for Steve that was his heat, once he is lucid enough to breathe, think, and not just be trapped in heat and dreams (nightmares so many goddamn nightmares) his goes hunting for a solution to the nightmares.

Obviously that is going to inevitably lead him to Eddie. Eddie who is parked up after school off road in the woods on the trail towards Skull Rock and Lovers Lake.

I feel what is most natural to happen is something akin to Hidden in the Woods by @thepossummoldypasta EXCEPT as fairytale and incredibly cute as that fic is and you should absolutely go read the fuck out of it!!! my take will be different but the scenario similar.

Cue Eddie unintentionally getted dragged into Steve Harrington's life and the aftermath of UD shenanigans well before Spring 86.

I am considering the following possibilities as well for shits and giggles (I say considering like the liar I am all of the below will be appear):

Accidental temporary bonding (likely through being scent mates and getting scent drunk on a newly presented Omega/ the first Alpha scented post presentation heat)

The revelation of Steve's no good very bad never around Parents. And a whole lot of their treatment leading Steve to have issues with following his instincts. Because he was never taught, he never learned and now he is the complete opposite designation everyone and their dog seemed to be manifesting for him. Despite that he loves being Omega solely for the knowledge he can now have and build that family he's always dreamed of and he doesn't actually need anyone else to make it happen if need be (he will have pups with or without a mate social expectations be fucking damned, he was raised to be an Alpha so is very much aware of all he needs to protect himself and any puppies he has and not to mention raise any alphan pups on his own).

Since this is pre Robin the equally as heartbreaking revelation that Steve Harrington has no Pack besides the 3 puppies he adopted on sight during his first week from hell in 84. (Don't worry the other 3 puppies come later they are not safe from adoption).

Non-sterotypical A/B/O actions from Steve as an Omega*. I personally headcannon that Omegas are prone to going absolutely feral in the protection of their loved ones or pups. Like put an Omega’s pups into danger and they will rip, tear, scratch, spit and bite. They will fight as dirty and as scrappily as they need to in the defence of those they consider their own. * Additionally I like to hc that Omega’s obviously do not always come as the more petite or fragile even if that may be what is considered the most conventionally attractive socially. So let your omegas be built heavier, they are the capable of carrying pups after all, so they can have wider hips and thicker thighs but also broader shoulders for being able to physically carry the pups too. Let them be strong and capable.

Now with the above that means I also am considering to have bumbling over the top mother henning Steve while he gets used to his more over powering instincts. This means none of the pups are safe from forced grooming sessions and constant scenting and sometimes when required cuddle piling. Stevie boy is going to be completely succumbed to feeding and providing for all the kids much to the amusement of most of their parents (Ted Wheeler can go jump).

Dustin is going to cop it the worst, enter Claudia Henderson who takes one look at Steve and just force adopts him. They have a guest room that sits vacant and is more a storage space then anything, she starts cleaning it out the minute he leaves her place for the first time since she met him. Dustin both loves this idea and hates it because his mom is just as bad as Steve is without the instinctual driving force, so the idea of them all living together is both incredibly warm and cosy but also startlingly smothering (don't worry Dustin, Steve will get better once his new instincts and hormones settle down.)

Upside down fam wise I am adding Claudia and Wayne to the mix of genuine adults in the know. FIRSTLY In this fic-to-be Claudia is a former ER Doctor turned ObGyn, turned NICU nurse because the stress of the job got to her especially with all of Dustin's health scares as a kid. Therefore my reasoning is the UD fam need an on call medic who actually knows what the fuck they are doing. SECONDLY Wayne is potentially a Korean (will have to check dates and do some age calculations) AND Vietnam War Vet, he knows his fucking shit about war, about fighting in unfamiliar territory etc. Also I just want more adults who care about Steve in the know and able to support him. Don't get me wrong I Fucking ADORE Hop as Steve's Dad and I may have plans to include that too, but my boy needs all the adults love and guidance he can get.

And because I am an absolute WHORE for angst with a happy ending and hurt/comfort there will be plenty of emotional turmoil, physical Steve whump (he looks soo pretty covered in blood), mental and emotional torture followed by so much love - platonic, romantic, familial you name it.

It will probably be mid to slow burn Steddie if I am honest even with the accidental bonding. That is just going to force them into constant close proximity. They will dance around each others feelings for a while all whole procrastinating breaking the bond because if they are honest neither of them wants to. But I am too impatient to drag that shit out to season 4 events, so Eddie will likely lose his shit while Starcourt is happening and when he finds Steve probably while they are throwing fucking fireworks at the Mind Flayer, is going to stop the dancing real fucking quick when they are outside with the EMTs.

E:"I almost lost you tonight"

S: "I mean yeah but I'm fine?"

E: "Like hell you're fine Princess! You were fucking trapped and tortured by Russians and I would never have known what happened."

S "is this about the bond nearly breaking?"

E: "Yes this is about the bond nearly breaking sugar!"

S: "Sorry, I know they said it would hurt a bit but I figured it would be worth it for the freedom it would give-"

E: "and what if I don't want that hmm? What if I am happy with the way things are going?

[Cue Eddie's rambling fired up angry flustered confession that leaves Steve winded but warm. He never thought Eddie could ever really want him as a proper bondmate after they accidentally trapped themselves into a scent induced bonding. There will be confessions on both sides of long distance interest, yearning and pining since like they were puppies themselves because I can't help myself so I shall indulge myself decadently with all my favourite headcanons and tropes.]

And to finish off this 2 hour fucking ramble in the early hours of the morning, it will be titled Red Strings.

Because I am a romantic and live for soulmate content so I will be absolutely indulging in that too.

And if they end up with little red tattoo like marks that are two halves of a whole that appear when they accidentally bond well that's for me to know and you to find out.

UNTIL THEN I NEED FUCKING SLEEP!

[shirecorn]

I don’t have the money right now to buy them, but I want you to know that one of your cat magnets, Kiwi, looks SO much like my sweet childhood Tabico that passed last year. Her name was Keke, which is pronounced very similarly to Kiwi (alternative spelling of the name is also Kiki, just one letter off!). She would have turned 20 this April.

I hope the ramble is okay. It just brought me a lot of joy to see one so close to her!

If you ever want ideas for new colors/patterns for designs, I’d recommend looking into ‘Salmiak’ aka ‘The Finnish Mutation’! It’s only been found in one population of very inbred cats in Finland, but it makes an interesting gingham-esque crosshatched pattern.‘Salmiak’ actually comes from Finland’s signature salty licorice candy, Salmiakki! It’s a very acquired taste and when I’ve had it, it tastes a lot like how cat pee smells. I still wouldn’t say that it’s wholly bad.

I would make a salmiak if someone promised to order one! I do love those weirdos, and all weirdos.

I'm glad kiwi brings you joy. I worked in a cat shelter for 2 years, and my favorite duties (which I usually donated) was taking profile photos and writing descriptions of them. So most of the beans are based on shelter cats I knew, named, and adopted to their forever homes.

Because I have experience with several hundred cats, I know what colors are common and how to make something generic enough to fit a bunch of cats within that color scheme. Kiwi is a dilute tortie with white, aka a dilute calico, but i leaned more toward tortie with the color mixing.

As for cost, they aren't all that expensive. A sticker is only a dollar! And shipping is 1-3 dollars even for international.

While I like making money, I'm poor myself, so I always add low-cost options so everyone can benefit.

By the way, did you know you can turn any sticker into a magnet? You can get a bendable magnet at a craft store, or repurpose one from the thrift store. They're really easy to cut with scissors and then you have it!

You can do this with any sticker from anywhere!

And flexible magnets are easy to come across. You can go to a craft store or even a hardware store. Some are printable, some are glueable, some come with their own adhesive for double the stick.

And some aren't meant to be used for crafts, but for vents!

I cut mine out with my cutting machine, but if you're just doing a few you can cut them with scissors.

Be a bit wary when buying magnets online or in packages where you can't feel them. Magnet thickness is measured in mils (thousandths of an inch) and anything below 20 mil sucks. The paper thin stuff can't even hold up its own weight, much less a shopping list. Most craft magnets don't have the mils listed, but they're usually 12 mil and suck.

A ramble gets a ramble in return! Now you know how to make your own magnets and can order stickers from me or anyone else in the world and get fridgable items. Magnet hack!

[sunrisecaminus]

*stares at you with my big ol’ tired autistic eyes*

Dear caminus could you grace us with a part two of the starscream and pilot reader where starscream is fighting the urge to become closer to reader out of fascination for finding someone who has similar sufferings like him, while also deny the wanting to be pampered like the reader’s fighter jet, but would he ever admit that?, no, but will he sulk and act pissy and a prick about it for not realizing it ourselves earlier? Absolutely

I love the concept of starscream fighting his huge ego as it gets in the way of of what he wants especially how he wants to be comforted after almost being dismantled by Megatron, while reader who had the worst day at work since their superior put then in a lower rank

“Which one of us is supposed to comfort the other?!”

-a very confused reader exclaimed as they were welding the energon seeping wounds of starscream

Message - This was a really cute fic so of course I grace you with a part two!

Starscream x Pilot Reader Part Two

Here is part one to catch up.

Summary - Starscream doesn't understand what he is feeling and has to learn. He is broken, and his human tries to help put him back together.

Warnings - Hints of abuse

One of the worse things he as ever done to himself was bring you back on the ship. You have been nothing, but kind and useful to the cause…making him wish he had just left you in those woods. The more you give the Decepticons…the more they will want from you. Megatron would drain you of your morality if he had to, not giving you any room to breath. Starscream use to be someone, he use to have power. Yes he is the second in command of an army, but he use to have real power and respect to his name. Now, because of Megatron, he is a clown. Even soldiers tease him like Starscream can't just blast them. He is nothing, but a joke here. He doesn't want this title to end up be yours.

He just was coming back from a mission, landing on the ship and grabbed his reports for the day. Wondering what might've happened when he was gone, Starscream walks through the halls to find you and Knockout together. You were helping him figure something out about plane wings and finding the right measurements on a blueprint. He didn't really care, all Starscream wanted to do now was chill out. "My beautiful self, has arrived!" He smiles and puts down some data pads. You looked over with a smile and wave the jet over, in your other hand was some human drink in a glass. "Hey bud! Just trying out some new ideas. How did it go?" Knockout rolled his eyes as you motion Starscream over. The red car could never understand how a human could like someone as egotistical as Starscream, and even Knockout knows his limits on when to stop being cocky. Starscream walks over, looking over the work you have been doing and narrows his eyes. "What is this?" He observes that the blueprint states that the plane in the picture is an F15 model, but the wings and bottom parts look a lot different then a normal model. You chuckle and take a sip of your cup, pointing out the features while you spoke. "Look, I was just thinking about how cool you guys are. Knockout told me about how you can upgrade and redesign frames so I got to sketch a cool idea. Your wings and lower legs are already nice, but something tells me you are in dire need of something fun! I made the wings a bit sharper so when you go low to the ground, if you hit any trees they won't slow you down and instead be sliced. Than I thought of-" You kept talking and rambling about your nerdy calculations and how pretty Starscream looked. The mech just stared at you with a bit of surprise.

Why were you so, caring. You took the entire day to sketch out good upgrades for him, and he hasn't even done anything to deserve it. Starscream has been nothing, but a tease. He laughs when something bad happens to you, he gets excited when you have something else to do and not follow him around, and he gets PISSED EVERYTIME YOU COMPLIMENT HIM! Starscream usually does like compliments, he doesn't get them often…but why does he feel the need to yell and curse at you every time you praise him for doing good on missions and coming back safe. His mind was clouded by not just annoyance, but fear of his own emotions. Starscream has never been so angry of someone other than Shockwave, and you haven't done anything to deserve such violence. He holds it in, all of it. Starscream knows you were just some human who has no idea what this war made him into, but Primus does he want to just grab you and shake all the nice out of you.

You were done talking and was waiting for his response. Knockout could tell Starscream was processing things and leans back into his chair. Starscream hearing the quiet squeaking noises of the furniture made him snap out of it in time and smirks. "Well this design could do me ~wonders~. The edges would look lovely on me. I didn't know a pet could be so useful." The laugh you gave him was…sincere. Your small e/c (eye color) eyes look up at his optics. "Thanks, well still needs a bit of tweaks here and there, but Knockout said it would be physically possible to make this. Of course you don't have to; It has just been a while since I was able to draw my ideas. My commander never really lets us do anything outside our rank, so it's nice to finally be able to put this on paper." Starscream's wing twitches a bit and he narrows his eyes. Oh ho ho! Don't you look familiar to him right now.

…

It has been a few hours after seeing Knockout, and it was about one in the morning. You haven't been able to sleep yet, knowing that Starscream wasn't in his birth room for some reason. Since you were sleeping in a small room attached to his birth room, you usually could hear when he walked in to go to bed. Grabbing a big baggy shirt to cover your body, you grab a flashlight before heading out to find him. After sometime of looking around, you found him up on top of the ship, leaning on some railing and looking out into the cloudy night sky.

Starscream was having some bad visions right now and his wings were drooped to the floor. He couldn't stop thinking about the times that Megatron first started his rain of terror, something he promised to never forget if he thought Megatron could be a better person. He clenched his wrist with his servo and watched the moonless sky, showing nothing but a black void. "Can't sleep?" Your voice made his wings perk right back up as he turned around to see your tiny body. He remembered getting you that giant shirt, it was the first time he learned that all humans had different size clothes. It was funny how you kept it as pjs though. it was basically a small dress on you. Starscream scoffs and looked back where he was originally looking. "Not really…" His free servo clawed the metal railing and scowled without you knowing. Dammit, why did you have to be here at such a horrible time? You walked up to his side and looked up at where he was looking. "Want to talk about it?" He takes a moment to think about what to say and looked at you finally. "Well, a friend of mind seems to be having trouble with someone. He is from a different ship and called me about it. Some relationship stuff, I don't think you want to hear about it." Starscream looked down at his wrists and back at you. Humming in understanding, you climb up on an electric box so Starscream didn't have to look down at the floor to look at you. Sitting on the box made your body come up to Starscream's lower chassis. "I have time, tell me."

He takes a moment to think what to say next and opens his mouth. "Well, he is getting pretty annoyed by a friend he made. Anytime his friend is really nice to him, he gets angry about it. My friend is not really use to compliments and stuff…so I think maybe he regrets being buddies in the first place." You pay attention to every word he says and looks away. "Well, your friend seems to have had a bad past of negligence. If they get so irritated of this, it is probably because they aren't use to people being gentle with them. I think he needs to look into himself and accept his past and try to find people who can support him." Everything that you just said made Starscream think deeply. He didn't like remembering the past, it would make him feel the pain. "Well, what if he can't accept it?" You sit cress cross and fold your arms. "Well than the only thing he will really be use to is the past terrors. People can get use to their terrible things and only really know how to function in that type of environment. The way he is going, seems like he might end up in another one of those horrible situations. It isn't rare for people, most don't like to accept that this is how they came to be in the present, they just have to realize that they aren't alone and try to get help. Humans have these things too."

Starscream's wings droop again. He never wanted to be in Megatron's claws again…he doesn't even know how to respond to that. The jet lets out a shaky sigh and keeps asking questions. "Well, the mech doesn't really even understand why he feels the way he feels towards them specifically. They are kind of a mean aft to their friend…but doesn't seem to know why." He seems you now giving a warm smile, which made Starscream raise a confused eyebrow. "Well lets see, a mech who hates that the person is nice to them and wants to make them hate him, so he tries his best to be an asshole and doesn't want them to get close as a relationship. Seems to me your friend really cares about the friend and really wants to be there for them, but is afraid of hurting them so he tries to push them away before they can feel any sort of likeness. It's basically trying to save them from being hurt in the future, so he hurts them now so it could never go that far." Starscream takes this opportunity to look back at his servos, feeling himself rub against his own digits to maybe comfort himself in such a deep conversation. He has never really self-reflected before…it was making him feel guilty and stupid. Starscream didn't think of it like that, but…it does sound like something that is going on.

A few more minutes go by in silence, peaceful silence. He was thinking of what to say, but nothing could come out. He feels a pat on his pedes and realize that you climbed down the electric box to pat him for support. "I'm going back to bed, it's almost 2. We should get some rest for the morning." You slide your hand off him and walk out to go back inside the ship. You don't see this, but Starscream watched you leaving. He had a deep feeling in his chassis; Something warm, something fuzzy. He put a servo on his cheek and realized he was blushing a bit. He growls in annoyance and whisp back to the sky, realizing the clouds have disappeared and he could finally see the starts brightly glistening at him. "…ugh…pathetic."

[ancientnapdragon]

Continuation of This Post! Food Peak SY au yippee!

I'm still a lil like hmmmmm on names for stuff like... The actual Food Peak, SY's Shizun, and a few other things! If you have any suggestions feel free to slap 'em at me!!!

I have SO MANY tiny little scenes I wanna write or yap about for this au... i have this very vivid image of SY and SJ, like, hanging out somewhere in the bamboo forest of QJP. sitting on their asses, foot to foot, like making a 'cage' between their legs as they talk and roll a little wooden container back and forth to each other. then SY, all excited, grabs the container and gets all close to SJ and his eyes are all sparkly cause he's SO excited for SJ to try this new recipe he's been working on! and SJ, stunned by Sudden Teenage Feelings allows SY to feed him some of the shimmery, bright yellow stuff from the container. (It's modern ice cream! strawberry flavored! except it's actually made with some weird monster stuff to get the flavor right....) AH. it will be SO CUTE

ANYWAY. continuation of my ACTUAL timeline/rambling under the cut!

So, where we left off, SJ has a sword to SY's neck and is demanding answers like the paranoid mess he is. SY has no idea what this guy's problem is and is like ??? and tries to explain that he wanted him to have food? And SJ is just like ??? cause that is just bullshit? WHY would you just want to feed someone? For free? SJ knows that SY is just UP to something and he better tell him WHAT. And that blade looks VERY SHARP and also SY is pretty sure that this is the guy with the MURDER rumors. From how SJ is looking at him, he's not sure how he's not already dead tbh. the truth just seems to piss SJ more and more off so eventually SY just LIES and says he was testing his food on SJ. SJ seems really smug about getting the 'truth' out of SY but then demands to know WHAT about the food was tainted. so SY pulls out his ass that he's working on adjusting some of his Peak's recipes and needed someone else to try them. and he guesses that since SJ only took a little that all his stuff must be bad still! SJ kind of looks at him and then is like. 'well. you can keep 'testing' your food on me. but if it hurts me, i'll kill you.' and SY is like FINE FINE JUST TAKE THE SWORD AWAY FROM MY NECK PLEASE!!!

and so starts the most awkward 'friendship'. it's very tense at first but they eventually get a half system figured out. SY will make stuff and meet up with SJ and pass it over. then SJ will eat it and tell SY how shit it is and they both leave. SY even manages to keep up this routine, for the most part, when the old chef comes back. (I have this whole aside that Food Peak people usually aren't poked by each Peak's defense arrays since they tend to move around a lot between the Peaks. But more on that in some other post) It's very stilted and tense at first. SJ always glares at him while he eats. and he always eats every bite even if he talks about how it tastes bad. But SY also starts to notice things about SJ, too. Like how he only looks like he actually bathes maybe once a week, is usually roughed or bruised up, and always looks super tired. When going to meet up in Their Spot one evening, SY sees a group of like three guys who have cornered SJ and SJ looks SO mad. his sword is on the ground and he's being held so the other two can beat him up. SY is like TF and uses some of that Food Peak physical cultivation to punch the hell out of one of the guys and helps SJ run them off. So, SJ is like, Super Bullied. On top of all the rumors (which SY still doesn't realize are maybe... not the full truth), he usually sleeps in the woodshed, gets his shit kicked in by some of the older people on QJP, hardly ever eats aside from what SY brings him because they won't LET him eat or chase him away, ect ect ect. Like, just think of all the bad shit that LBH had happen to him in the OG. The cyclical nature of abuse and all that shit. Except SJ ALSO has to deal with the scorn of people from other Peaks because of all the rumors and the suspicious way he was even accepted into the Sect to start with. (SY learns this all over time but we're speeding up here some. This story wouldn't even until, like, after the events of the the OG story anyway when everyone are really complicated adults so I gotta SQUISH if i ever wanna actually get anywhere) This moment, though, is sorta what spurns a way for them to become ACTUAL friends. On top of the conflict of SJ just being bullied to fuck and back, there is also a lot of conflict between the other Future Peak Lords and SJ/SY's friendship with SJ. If Fate were kind, it could lead to an SJ with a lot less issues as an adult! Sadly for the story, I am a cruel god and will only allow him happiness after he suffers again. That moment with the Ice Cream details before the read more would be, i think, the moment that SJ like really LOOKED at SY and was like 'hm i have Romantic Interest. time to pine about it.' But it's planned to be a 'SJ fell first, SY fell harder' type deal. I imagine they'd be like maybe 17 or 18 around that point? So a few years to grow close! By that point, SJ will tell SY about how QJPL is planning on making SJ the new Head Disciple. but also he was going to change his name to 'Shen Jiu'. SY feels alarmed because of the 'Shen', but there isn't THAT much of a chance that they would be the Disciples to deal with the Ascension anyway and become Peak Lords in their own right. (SY would also be his Peak's HD by this point). Plus, SJ would NEVER be like the straight up evil guy he keeps finding more info about?? So he's super excited for SJ!!! But the only problem is that SJ's cultivation was really stunted and poor so he's not sure that his Shizun will actually give it to him. It goes on for a bit longer with SY fucking around, 'inventing' recipes and stuff, but his main goal is now shifted. He's gunna do everything in his power as a Food Cultivator to power boost SJ and help heal his Spirit Veins so he can be the new HD for QJP! During all this, the System gets a SUPER flash of inspiration (it was still there! Just more in the background!). It's the perfect way to add depth to SQQ as well as keep the plot of PIDW on track. While SY is planning on what he can make for SJ he gets a quest pop up called 'Master of the Fridge'.... >:)

OKAY all i got time for right now! reach out if you got any specific questions! i'd love to chat if you're down! :D

[ineffably-human]

So here's my problem.

And it's not about Nandermo, not exactly anyway. Because I didn't expect Nandermo to become textual until the very end, if at all. The show kept making it clear that they liked their ambiguity to keep the relationship on the razor's edge, and Paul Simms made it clearer and clearer that for some reason (put a pin in this) he just couldn't see their connection as a sexual one.

But I frankly don't care about that, because if anything is canon in this show it's that the vampires will eventually fuck everything, and Nandor canonically fucks his other friends. More importantly, their connection was always the emotional core of both characters. And Paul always did say he saw their relationship as a romance, if a strange and non-sexual one.

So I figured we'd maybe get Nandor confessing that Guillermo meant a lot to him (and immediately walking it back a little), or Guillermo confessing how lost he feels without his vampire dream and Nandor offering him a place. Maybe an ambiguous, could-just-be-queerplatonic-partners 'I love you'. Maybe just the hug they kept teasing for three or four seasons and never got. We got like...half of two of those, in episode 10, so I guess that's a wobbly semi-fulfilled thing by my definition of it.

But it's not the Nandermo of it all. It's the Guillermo of it all. And how this final episode seemed to almost mock Guillermo's place at the emotional core of the show.

And the Guillermo of it all is why we never got the Nandermo of it all.

Shadows has vampires doing absurd-ass things, but every character also has things they want and feel, and there are various amounts of emotional ink spilled about it. The show has found space, sometimes very poignant space, to take that seriously in between the piss and sex jokes. The vampires change very slowly and in spirals, they repeat a lot of their old issues that stem back even to their mortal lives. But they always try.

And things do change in the vampire house; that is not the same household from the first season. Every single character, right down to the Baron and the Guide and Derek, are in different and better places than they were before the show began. They've made progress in their individual desires, and a lot of that is due to the improved connections they have with each other, connections we've watched them foster. A lot of the time it's because they're talked about as a found family, something Guillermo started and Guillermo believed before any of the rest of them did.

---

So where is Guillermo this season? Our human point of view, our dynamic character, the character who has a dream and wants something more than any of the others? Whose dream drives the storyline of the entire show?

Guillermo has chosen to be human, and he thinks he can't be part of the household if he's not a vampire. We watch Guillermo try to throw himself back into the human world trying to make up for lost time - to the point that he forgets the person he called his best friend, the people he called his family, in a way I think we never fully resolve. He thinks he's thriving, and he doesn't even seem upset about leaving the others behind.

We watch him revert (and that's fine, people revert sometimes) to the same waiting lapdog he was when we started the series. We watch him realize that and he says no. Nandor stands up for him, and feels better and more fulfilled in doing so, and that's a great capstone for Nandor and Nandor's own tendency for selfishness. And that's excellent. Episode 10 was a great start for all the ground they had to cover.

Nandor offers for Guillermo to be his partner in crime. His sidekick, but Guillermo expressed that desire back in season one so it's not an insult inherently. But here's the problem. Here's the part of Guillermo that has frankly always been a problem, because I thought it's something the show was eventually going to cover respectfully, and instead it was always part of the joke.

---

Guillermo is someone who made a decision sixteen years ago as part of a very young man's desire, to be respected and have cool powers, to live forever, to see the world. (He somehow thought being a vampire, and only a vampire, could get him those things but that's a rant for another time.)

That young man has grown up. He's in his mid-thirties, he has a body count. We've watched him at various times be empathetic, clever, cunning, and brave. Also extremely sexy in bodyguard gear. (And for some reason, the show keeps wanting us to forget that for a season he was extremely competent and badass and sexy pretty much all the time, and he seemed thrilled to be in that role, and he didn't even care about being a vampire if he could protect Nandor in that way and be regarded as 'part of the team'.)

Then Nandor dresses him in a stupid cowboy costume, and gives him a sidekick name ending in 'Kid', which he seems less than thrilled about. They all still talk about him the entire episode as if he's a disobedient child. The vampires speculate if Guillermo is having a fling with the crew, but no - Guillermo's had one boyfriend, who we saw him hug once and nothing more. Despite living in a house for fifteen years that is openly raunchy and shameless, he seems like a character designed to be both desexed and humiliated, and they never expand on the reason why.

(And if Guillermo were ace it'd be amazing, hell it's my headcanon at this point, but I don't think that's what they're going for. I think the show just desexualizes Guilermo. As a matter of praxis. For some reason.)

And the show has done this more and more to Guillermo in the later seasons. Nandor says he could steal original!Freddie easily from Guillermo if he wanted to. The vampires laugh at the thought of him being a vampire - "a little bat pooping everywhere," and Guillermo's time as a vampire has him basically feeling no different in his sexuality or, after a very brief moment, his confidence. Even Nandor's big climactic moment in Episode 10 has him saying that just because Guillermo isn't as cool or hot or interesting or strong as Jordan (or Nandor) doesn't mean Guillermo deserves to be treated poorly.

Look, I don't know if it's because Harvey Guillen is babyfaced, or because he's fat, or because he carries a different energy to his masculinity. Or because it's great to talk about gay sex and being horny, but writing a gay relationship is just too hard. Or some fun combination of all those things.

But I keep thinking about everyone freaking out when Nandor swooped into the collapsed floorboards to save Guillermo in season 4, and everyone freaked out and swooned. And Paul Simms expressed that as "[Nandor] has to save his little buddy."

Guillermo is a grown-ass man, with a desire to feel powerful and special and accepted, who Nandor sees as his little buddy. (Who everyone in the house sees as their little buddy, and it's nice he's part of the family, but...) After every emotional beat that makes them seem like equals with a special connection, he reverts to the less-cool sidekick who makes Nandor feel special and important. And Guillermo's prior devotion to Nandor - not to vampirism, not to a job or promotion, to Nandor - changes to other things, but Nandor never figures out why that hurts him so much. And for some reason the deepest bond of the series just isn't sexual, the showrunner just can't see it that way, in a house where everyone's fucking but not you Guillermo.

We're at the end of the story, and that's our punchline.

---

And we don't end on one of the points where Guillermo is asserting himself as someone who deserves to be taken seriously, and given the things he wants - and the show has had plenty of those moments, all of which seem to be building and evolving his relationships over the years.

We end on Guillermo being told that suddenly, the documentary is packing up without any fanfare or clarity on what they were looking for in the first place. We get Guillermo stumbling for clarity on what it all meant, what the point was for him and what his life is going to be now. We're told over and over again the documentary (and Guillermo, and the viewers) needs a satisfying capstone, needs emotional closure.

And the vampires tell him to shut up. And they tell him this has all happened before, and none of it is special to them. ("No human is special," Nandor said several episodes ago, and never went back on it.) And they tell him to do a little dance for their amusement, and Colin recites some pithy lines. And every attempt to take a moment to care about Guillermo's journey, or the core of his character and what he needs, is turned into a joke for him and for us.

Guillermo's looking for a point to it all, for some kind of fulfillment, and there wasn't one. And everyone is satisfied in that but him. And even if there were times Guillermo got the chance to be respected, to have cool powers (which he kept, but the vampires keep forgetting them), to live forever (he will die and leave Nandor someday!), to see the world - none of these things are going to come to him now.

It would make absolute, complete, and devastating sense for Guillermo to feel he's outgrown them and to leave. Nandor doesn't even seem upset enough to try and stop him. We never really get a clear reason about why he decides to stay.

I mean, it's for friendship or something, with a line about how they can still be close but he needs 'his own thing'. But in six seasons, over and over and over, we've been driven back to the idea that the most emotional part of this story is Guillermo's desire to become accepted in this family, and the effect he has on Nandor. That Guillermo needs this home and he consistently makes Nandor softer, kinder, less selfish and more fulfilled when they're together.

But those parts of their relationship, the love story parts, don't matter. Guillermo is going to find 'his own thing' when it's been clear how entrenched in this world he is (right down to his DNA), but Nandor will drag him back into shenanigans anyway, probably keeping Guillermo from whatever 'his own thing' is.

And Guillermo will always be Nandor's sidekick, his little buddy, never to be taken seriously. And one day, Guillermo will die, and he'll be someone they all forget. And for some reason, he'll be just fine with that, because he belongs with them but will never really be in a better position.

And he'll be satisfied with that. For some reason. But I won't.

[grapejuicegay]

Sometimes I just start thinking about this moment - paired with Maddie's "I just think that maybe you're not sure of your own feelings yet. And if there's something that you need to tell Eddie, you will. Just, in your own time" - and then don't stop thinking about it.

Maybe I'm just reading into it but the way this moment moves. Eddie steps forward, Tommy steps up to exactly where Eddie was, Buck turns to look where Eddie was, doesn't find what he was looking for but still finds something good. It's not just ep 4 and 5 where the focus on Eddie blows me away, it's also this.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

That comic is humor perfected! The beats are so well timed!

Also we all know some of Erik’s things are still scattered around the mansion. He never truly moves out.(and no matter how bad the fight, Charles keeps it all)

Thank you so much !!!! It might be a weird concern to have, but im always worried i pace/time things in my comics weird/inefficiently, so its a big compliment to hear everythin hit well with the last one :]] !!!!

[retros-artandstuff]

vriska + a transmasc dave doodle

[queenlucythevaliant]

Here's what I'll say regarding choice of worship music (and I'm not 100% sure where I'm going with this, so bear with me): I think it's very easy to get burned out on specific kinds of worship, no matter what they are. And that kind of burn-out is hard.

I grew up at a church that did 95% CCM for worship, and after a while it either (a) exhausted me emotionally or (b) bored me. By the time I hit high school, I really really struggled with corporate worship because it felt as though I wasn't responding as I was supposed to. Getting to sing mostly hymns at the church I attended at college was a huge breath of fresh air, and it helped me immensely in terms of re-orienting my heart towards Christ-centered worship (as opposed to me-centered worship.) For the first time in my life, I found myself listening to Christian music on my own time during the week.

I watched the recent Jesus Revolution movie with mom over the summer. Her family started attending Calvary Chapel (then-nascent hippy church in Orange County) midway through her childhood, and she got really excited talking about the difference between the hymns she remembered from early elementary school ("we sang the whole hymnal rather than selecting for the really good ones like they do at your church") and the much more dynamic music that came out of Maranatha and other early "contemporary" Christian groups. She actually played me a whole bunch of the songs she grew up with the next morning. They sounded horrifically cheesy to me, but she got real joy out of it and even ended up texting a few songs to my aunt.

And yet, my mom has remarked a whole bunch of times to me that she really can't stand current CCM; that she desperately misses singing the old hymns. I look at myself and my own experience and I can totally see myself coming back to some of the CCM songs I grew up with and encountering Christ through them all new again. As recently as last month, I had a really beautiful experience driving back from a concert crazy late at night with my sister and listening to some of the old Chris Tomlin and Hillsong stuff that I hadn't heard in a while. It brought me back to a sense of incredible comfort and safety nestled up against God like a baby chick. Do I want to worship with that sort of music every week right now? No, definitely not. But it has its place.

Obviously worship transcends something as incidental as music genre. It's an expression of why we were created: glorifying God and enjoying him forever --- and yet, because of the fall, it's really easy to get burned out on specific expressions of worship. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing so much as just a symptom of the fall. I also think that people who are really burned out on a particular kind of worship can be really, really obnoxious about it. I know I was for a while, and I still definitely have my hangups with CCM.

But like- I don't think it's so much about judgement or superiority towards the kind of worship music that you're burnt out on as it is just the overwhelming sense that that kind of worship music felt exhausting and this kind of music actually feels like I'm able to worship again. I know when I started singing hymns at church, it just felt like I'd found the Rosetta Stone. I was suddenly so much less in my own head on Sunday mornings and oh my goodness singing to God was a joy again and I can't remember but I don't think it's ever been a joy like this before has it?? It was almost like my head was spinning with some great new revelation and when I was obnoxious about it it was mostly a manifestation of my being like Why didn't anyone ever tell me it could be like this? Why isn't everyone singing hymns? It's just so much better this way!

Mostly, it just feels like saying "don't be overly critical of how other Christians like to worship" kind of. Misses the trees for the forest, if that makes sense? Like, it's accurate to the big picture, it's absolutely a true and worthwhile thing to say. But at the same time it kind of rankles for me because it misses how it feels to be truly and deeply alienated by the kind of worship you're exposed to.

For better and for worse, worship is (I think) the spiritual discipline that engages the emotions most directly. The feeling of being in a group of people all worshipping together, and your heart just isn't responding right no matter how you try to re-focus and orient it? It's one of the loneliest feelings I know.

[nabaath-areng]

I'm really stressed about my sleep right now because I don't currently seem to follow a particular pattern. Usually it's somewhat easy to trace because of the whole N24 issue, but now it's jumped back and forth between day and night time without warning. On one hand I've had better quality sleep the last week or so (which I haven't had in years) so I'm hoping this is temporary and that it will return to being something more predictable again. I have also noticed that I've been more scatterbrained with replying even when I see notifs, so apologies for being slow

[hide-your-bugs-away]

*Pretends that Eric is singing directly to Alan within some of his "Eric Burdon and the Animals" songs* Boy, I sure do love being delusional!

[cobalt-mutterings]

Hey are you doing alright? We don’t talk much but I saw your post and I wanna say I Get It. I’m here if you need anything, always.

Hi Wisteria. Having a rough few nights. Work's been Getting to me lately a lot the past couple days, plus the General World Situation is just constantly getting worse and scarier. Hard not to feel a little trapped in everything

[silverselfshippingchaos]

YAAAY I finally unlocked the boxing gym!

"had nothing to do with boxing until now" is really funny for some reason sjdjajs

[lettucedloophole]

spoilers for the latest dungeon meshi ep but oh my GODDD i love marcille my pobrecita.. i think ryoko kui wrote sexism's effects on marcille really well, i think it's neat how she's a silly little guy and other people kind of underestimate her and it seems she is often down on herself about her failures or, "burdening" others in a way that feels very authentic to how it feels to be a woman and have that extra pressure of perfection to dispell suspicions of your inferiority. it's just very much the feeling i gather from it which makes marcille so relatable. and then to put another layer on it when it came out that she did black magic, she's literally A Bad Ass she is LITERALLY a Badass which makes her doubt of herself even more starkly inappropriate, and in this new episode despite the Fact that she is A Bad Ass when everyone's being a BIG MEANIE to her she's like a sad puppy when people don't let her help with revivals and like idk if i missed something but she doesn't even push back against them saying they're going to turn her in in like, a threatening way, she is just... scared. which hurt me i just wanted everyone stop being so MEAN TO HERRR my POBRECITAAAA. MY TINY LITTLE BABYY

i also laughed a lot and freaked out catching up on the two latest episodes today. DEVASTATING miscalculation on chilchuck's part to protect senshi when laois has No sense of Social cue. really happy to see laois and kabru meet, they're really funny together and i see why people like them so much as a ship now!! i am ECSTATIC that shuro is out of the game in terms of ehem. courting falin. bro COULDN'T HACK IT gEDDEM marcille. get that red dragon lady.. and omg it made me SOOOO MAD that they tried to blame marcille for that like how could that even b her fault!!! >:((( its obv the mad mage's doing. i dont get it they r just big meanies!!! stop shitting on my girl!!!

i like how kabru is like laios if he had more social awareness and was a litle Conniving... and omfg i thought it was so funny and sweet how shuro and laios just fucking beat each other up 😭 shuro said i hate autistic ppl fr. no but im glad he showed up for laios & co. in the end.. sometimes you just gotta talk ur feelings out over a fistfight lol

it was soo so fun seeing everyone interact .. all these fun characters... i cant wait to see what happens next!!! i love this show literally one of my fav animes EVER now definitely its so good its SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD!! im terrified not knowing when its gonna end and how im gonna cope when the season ends 🗿 methinks i will have to read the manga instantly after or i will go insane from dungeon meshi withdrawal..

[itspileofgoodthings]

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