#and Toji opens wide his eyes and loses his serious stance and feels his heart panic before the “Oh.”

[le-panda-chocovore]

I told you guys I was going to write it

"No, you don't."

Toji's voice echoed on the walls and in Shiu's ears like an ineluctable truth. He stood still, arm crossed on his chest, staring at the middleman with an unimpressed look on his face.

"What ?"

"I said you don't," he repeated but it still didn't make sense to the Korean man. "You don't love me."

Shiu blinked and stayed silent. What was he even supposed to say to that ? What kind of rejection was that ? He expected many things from Toji, he honestly didn't think the man would accept his feelings easily, but this was more violent and weird than any scenario he had played in his head before confessing. He was so ready to handle Toji being on the defensive, claiming that he's not interested in men (despite them fucking every now and then, often after a job), that now he didn't know how to react to the man saying that he -Shiu- didn't actually love him. As if he was wrong about his own feelings.

It could be worse, Shiu thought. Toji could have laughed at him or called him a slur. That wouldn't be too surprising. Actually, that would be more realistic than Toji's actual reaction.

"What makes you say that ?" And, because the other man didn't answer the question, Toji felt the need to elaborate. "What makes you think that you have feelings for me ?"

"Huh," Shiu hesitated, because this was a weird thing to ask someone who just confessed.

It was embarrassing enough to fall in love with Toji Fushiguro -the infamous Sorcerer Killer- and it had been hard to gather the courage to tell him, and now he was supposed to justify his feelings ? Was this a prank or what ? Did he anger a god or something ? How did he even end up in this painfully ridiculous situation ?

"Well," he started and immediately looked away. Toji's insensitive stare was uncomfortable. "Hum, I guess I... I feel happy when you're around ? I mean, sure you're annoying, you're a sick bastard, but you still manage to make me feel better just by standing near me. I can't stop myself from looking at you whenever we're in the same room, I want to touch you and kiss you and talk to you. So... Yeah, things, like that, you know ?"

Toji hummed lightly. He hadn't moved an inch, eyes entirely focused on the man who apparently was insane enough to fall in love with him. Or to believe so.

Shiu was uncomfortable. He wanted to go home. He knew he'd regret confessing, he regretted having feelings even before talking about them. He had no idea what was on Toji's mind or what he wanted him to say, so he kept going, hoping that the man would finally stop staring holes through his soul like that.

"And, uh, when you smile... Fuck that's embarrassing- Hum, alright. When you smile or laugh it does something to my heart, I can't really explain it, but it feels good."

"That's it ?" Toji asked with a raised eyebrow. He didn't look convinced at all. "That's not love Shiu, you just find me good-looking, you don't have actual feelings."

Shiu frowned. He was getting frustrated and annoyed by that shithead's attitude. He didn't go through all stages of grief when he realized he was in love for that bastard to tell him he doesn't know what Love is. That was bullshit. He had spent a while wondering about his feelings, trying to hide them or deny them before finally accepting them. He wasn't an inexperienced teenager who didn't know the difference between finding someone handsome and being actually in love.

"You want more proofs ? Alright, let's go through this. I already started so I might as well tell you everything."

Shiu sighed and silently prayed to not blush while declaring all the cheesy thoughts he had about that motherfucker.

"I learned your favorite dish, and your favorite drink, and your favorite TV show too. I even learned how to cook it so you can eat it when you're staying at my place. I hesitated to buy something for your birthday, but you don't like celebrating it so I didn't do it. I also bought XXL clothes so you have something to wear when you come here unannounced and decide to stay a few nights. I actually want you to stay every night, and every day. I want to take you on a date, hold your hand when we're outside, share some food in a shitty restaurant because why not, go watch a movie and fall asleep against your shoulder cause the movie would be boring. I want to kiss you even when we're not fucking. I can't get enough of your lips, I want to taste them every hour of each day and to call you with a stupid petname because you're adorable and I fucking love you. And this is stupid, I don't even know why I'm talking so much, but you're doing this to me and I'm not going to pretend these fucking feelings don't exist."

He took a deep breath after blurting out all of this and tried not to think about how much he wanted to bury himself in the ground. He couldn't look at Toji, but he could feel that the killer was still staring at him.

"That doesn't mean anything," Toji retorted dubiously. "I feel that too and I'm not in love with you."

Shiu blinked.

"What ?" He turned his eyes toward the man. "What the fuck do you mean, you feel the same ???"

Toji sighed as if it was a stupid question. Shiu wanted to punch him because he was clearly not the one being stupid right now.

"Well, what you just said," he waved vaguely at Shiu. "That's what I feel when I'm with you. The heart thing with your cute smile and wanting to touch you 'cause you're warm. And your place is nice, there's good food and hot water, I wanna stay too. But since I don't have feelings, it means you mixed up love with something else."

Shiu stared with his eyes wide open. He opened his mouth, closed it, breathed deeply, and opened it again. Toji chuckled quietly, he thought he looked like a very confused fish.

Shiu was indeed confused. Confused about how the hell did that grown ass man not realize that he was madly in love too. He just said he felt the exact same thing, and he dared to claim he didn't love him back ? That better be a prank.

"...You find me cute ?"

Toji shrugged.

"Yeah, sometimes." He said that as if it was normal. Shiu wanted to kiss him. And punch him too, but perhaps after making love passionately with that huge dumbass.

"And you'd like to stay at my place ?"

"You cook well, and your bed is comfortable. Better than mine."

"What about holding hands and kissing ?" Shiu tried, confused but hopeful.

"Yeah yeah, I told you, it's all the same ! Well, maybe not the clothes things cause I don't have money to spend on it, but sometimes I take your stuff home cause it has your smell and I like that."

"..."

He didn't even have the words to explain to him how not normal what Toji just said was. He stared. The bastard stared back.

The problem was pretty clear to Toji, and it wasn't really a problem since he managed to solve it in two minutes. There was nothing to worry about. They didn't need to stop their little coworker with benefits arrangement and Toji was quite happy with that. He also found it kinda funny that Shiu really believed he caught feelings. The middleman liked to pretend he was the mature and smart one but sometimes he was really dumb.

Toji understood how Shiu felt toward him, like he said it was exactly the same on his side. If it was like Shiu said, that'd mean that Toji had feelings too, which was completely ridiculous. Toji wasn't a romantic man, but as far as he knew, love was more like . . .

Since they felt the same thing then-

And Toji knew he wasn't-

Which meant-

...Oh.

Well, fuck.

Maybe Shiu did love him after all.