#and Shironeki is good at English!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[shewhoeatssand]

A kaneki headcanon for you that I am metaphorically pushing under your door

Kaneki was a literary purist when he was younger, he’d refuse to buy any translated version of a book he wants to read and instead struggled his way through with a combination of the internet and a dictionary.

This was made even worse during his American lit phase because of how much cultural context is needed to understand the masterpieces. The only one he really connected with was The Grapes of Wrath, because of his upbringing and losing his mom because she was working to feed him.

Kaneki read American Psycho late into highschool and it brought down his Gpa by a decent amount. He had multiple notebooks just keeping track of everything going on in an attempt to understand what was going on. He’d spend nights up late theorizing about the book and was planning to submit his analysis on it for his PhD before he got ghouled.

Shironeki definitely speaks much better English and upon rereading it, he fell in love with fear and loathing in last Vegas, connecting it to his experiences in the ghoul world.

American psycho also was one of the things that connected Kaneki and Hide as they drifted apart as they got older, hide being a big fan of the movie saved their friendship.

OH GOD I’M SORRY FOR LEAVING THIS TO ROT FOR SO LONG, I just loved this one so much I didn’t know how to respond ❤️❤️❤️ I’m reading Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas RIGHT NOW ACTUALLY because of this ask!!!!!!!!! This whole thing is so accurate I don’t know what to add, I love it so much, I remember listening to American Psycho in the car while I was moving house and it turned my whole world upside down. And this ask also made me realise how much Kaneki would have liked this book too!!!! Aaaaaah I’d kill to have gotten to see his PhD analysis on it :((( too bad he was ghoulified. Thank you so much for this it is literally the basis for all my thoughts on Kaneki speaking/reading English or other languages

[dreamofcentipedes]

Just curious of an opinion of yours in terms of your "to look through the red eye" theory I was curious what you thought of in loving the things you fear line where Kaneki speaks about how everyone he leaves seems to hurt him in some way. Do you think it could be further related to the fascination of the shadow, the violence he always wanted to push away and avoid is what connects him further to the ones he loves. Perhaps it's why Mutsuki is enamored with him? An appeal to violence suits them.

Link to the mentioned meta for those who haven’t read it!

Do you mean this panel? Yeah, I think not just for Kaneki, but in the series as a whole, love is very much entwined with fear. It’s the Freudian concept of Eros and Thanatos, wherein the two driving forces for all human actions are love/sex and death. TG largely interprets Eros as the former but the latter often appears as the culmination of that love - 125 is the best example, but when it appears twisted with Thanatos you can find it in Torso and Mutsuki. 

We can see how his mother’s abuse fused the concepts for Kaneki from an early age. His love for people is always defined by his fear of losing them, which motivates him to kill to defend them. He throws himself into what he fears for the sake of what he loves, both in bringing the fight to his enemies and in accepting the ghoul within. It’s a fusion present in the first chapter, when Rize turns a date into a slaughter. We see it with Reaper, who does away with outer pretences and explicitly focuses on seeking love and death. And it reaches its ultimate culmination with Dragon, who slaughters children and innocents for the sake of love, thereby becoming his greatest fear.

In 159, he confronts his Shadow, the part of himself he could not bear to see. Naturally the one making him see this is the person who introduced the concept of Eros and Thanatos into the story in the first place.

The ocean full of bodies is an innovative take on Freud’s iceberg theory, wherein the observable consciousness is compared to the part of the iceberg that peeks above the water, and the subconsciousness to the vast majority of it that lies underneath. Kaneki seeing the bodies beneath the water in this dream state (how Freud believed the subconscious is revealed to us) is a visual representation of how Dragon has forced him to become aware of that dark part of his subconsciousness. The glistening ocean in the above image is a symbol of Kaneki’s hypocrisy, only content to look at the water’s surface, not the reality that lies beneath. Yet Dragon does not only serve this purpose of enlightenment to inner darkness for Kaneki, but for all the characters:

The function of Dragon is to force people to see what they’ve been trying not to. It looms large in the backgrounds of panels like this, it has engulfed Tokyo, and it is impossible to ignore. The Washuu’s great secret, their own Shadow, will come to light because of it: their Ghoulism, a symbol of the Shadow itself. Likewise the CCG have been forced to acknowledge that the people they have been slaughtering are as human as they are thanks to the Dragon crisis. And, as Kimi points out:

It has broken the boundary between humans and ghouls in the eyes of the general public, forcing them to see humanity’s own Shadow - Ghoulism, the violent nature of man that thrives through the slaughter of others - as part of their nature as well, and something to be accepted, not spurned. Thus all conflict arises from the denial of the Shadow, and peace can be found through its acceptance.

When Kaneki realises that all this came about by his desire to be needed - another form of love - the bodies are no longer hidden beneath the ocean, but fall directly into his view - from the sky, and the top of the iceberg.

Now that his Shadow has entered his consciousness, he has the courage to face what his subconsciousness holds.

He can now accept the Thanatos with the Eros; he can accept that his golden future could not possibly exist without death along the way, that his longing to be loved and needed is inseparably coupled with the wreaking of death and destruction.

And this is the way it has always been in the past: Kuroneki tried to be loved by suffering in the place of others, allowing the tormentors to continue in their depravity. Shironeki turned into a cannibal sadist in his attempts to protect his loved ones, and ultimately even put them at risk like with Hide. Haise’s desire to stay with his “family” meant he continued to slaughter ghouls despite feeling it was wrong. Reaper committed terrible acts to land him in the position that would allow him to save Hinami and be loved before initiating his own destruction. And much as the King tried to avoid his Shadow by not getting his hands dirty, his quest for love took him there in the end. So Rize has a point when she says:

But Kaneki is not cursed. The reason people keep dying when he does things is because he always has that ulterior motive for love in mind which in this universe is so intermixed with death. When Kaneki leaves the temple, he leaves with the words “I’ll see if I can bear [my sins]”. He is not desperately trying to run back like in 157; he is moving forward with responsible determination. Suffice it to say, he is not being driven by the desire for love but by the fulfilment of duty. So, when he wakes up in 162 surrounded by family and friends, he is surprised.

He comes to understand how he doesn’t need to strive to be loved anymore, because he has already achieved it. So when we next get to see what drives Kaneki…

He doesn’t speak out of selfishness, but the desire to atone. He has expressed his frustration at not being able to do anything over and over again throughout the course of the series, but this is the first time that he’s said it with the mindset to follow it through. When he was fighting selfishly, there was no way he could solve the wider problem as the Thanatos mixed with his Eros would inevitably bring tragedy. Recognising their entwined nature, he leaves Eros out of his heroics entirely, and fights stoicly and selflessly. This is not to say he does not love - his rescue of Urie and Saiko prove directly contrary - but rather he no longer fights for the sake of being loved.

His demand to see Hide’s face is an example of this growth - he no longer tries to look away from his sins (like Haise’s memory wipe and Reaper’s attempt to escape through death) but faces them head on. He even tells him “You always hid the things I didn’t want to see”. Indeed Hide always did; he didn’t tell him he knew he was a ghoul so he wouldn’t worry about his safety and he didn’t tell him about the dangerous activities he was getting involved in for his sake. In a very apt co-incidence, Hide’s habit of hiding things is in an English reading of his name. And this is a behaviour Kaneki returned in kind too, cutting himself off from both Hide and Touka as Shironeki so they wouldn’t get involved in the ghoul world. But none of it ended well. Lying so others can’t see their own Shadows only obstructs growth and breeds tragedy. As the narration states, Kaneki finds this determination “Because [he] finally saw what [he] couldn’t for so long” - his own inner darkness, his own Shadow. I wonder if 164′s chapter title, “The White One”, is meant to allude to Kaneki’s newfound sense of duty as represented by his white hair, an emblem of Giri.

In the past I’ve argued this to be The World arc, but after thinking through this Shadow reading I do concede the arc leading up to Dragon to have been The Moon, associated with deception, and the arc of rescuing Kaneki from Dragon to be The Sun, associated with illumination. Hide did return in that arc after all, and he is linked to sunflowers.

Kaneki has come to accept the Thanatos within his Eros, but likewise there is Eros within Thanatos. Because of this chain of events, he has come to accept the terrifying, violent existence he once openly despised as the necessary path to love.

But, what about the other side of this conversation - what about Rize?

Rize has no faith in Kaneki’s ability to bear his sins. She mocks him for being unable to acknowledge his Shadow and the connection between his Eros and Thanatos, suggesting she recognises her own - but she does not attempt to escape and does not believe it possible. She stays in the temple, and from the pure sadism of that last remark we can tell she has no intention of disconnecting from her Thanatos any time soon. Rize continues to live for herself, and I doubt she has good intentions for the future.

As for Mutsuki, we know that the reason she fell in love with Haise is because he is a liar like her. Seeing him validate her lies while knowing the truth encouraged Mutsuki’s wilful ignorance of her Thanatos even while it bubbled to the surface with her growing Eros for him. The reason Haise did this was because he was very much in the same position - shutting away the Shadow of his true identity so he could continue living happily in the Chateau. It is only when Mutsuki’s Thanatos comes into conflict with her Eros, when she has to harm Urie and Saiko to get to Kaneki, that she realises her Eros isn’t worth its vicious twin.

Sorry for the delay - I hope the additional chapters released since this ask has bolstered my response!

[cornus27florida]

The second day of Touken week and I feel awful to did deadliners habit (I fail to draw Forget-me-not flowers, the ribbon and  beads are awful.. and Kaneki.. :””) I hope at least the general idea of my fic could be expressed with my drawing today, Shironeki gives oshibana bookmark as birthday gift for Touka. Please enjoys my contribution, and have fun at the second day of Toukenweek! :D

Prompt: Change

Summary: A minific with steps & tips.

Like an oshibana, you need to add pressure for it to change. And once changed, it will never return. Kaneki and Hinami collaborate to make a surprise birhday gift for Touka

Words: 1009 (I’ll make an edited version later in AO3 if I have time. The library that I use it’s internet connection is ready to kicks me out in short time)

Note: Writer block is so bad. There’s fog that scream to me how bad my english and other flaws. I don’t know how to stop the dizyness. I want to be focus, have clear head. I just want to enjoys this ship week peacefully ;”

This Preserved Change is the Reminders of My Favorite Memories with You

           Today is just a peacefull one. No planning, no killing. Just a chill day that those group need after a big action. A quite morning in Kaneki’s safehouse. Banjou and his friends just went to buy necessities that running low in house. Tsukiyama went to his house and claim to have routine makeover et cetera – God knows what rich do as a routine. There’s just two people in the safehouse right now. Our little Hinami that still slumbers in her sleep and Kaneki. Kaneki looks busy with several posies of small flowers. There’s Osmanthus, Freesias, Forget-me-not (Wasurenagusa) waft their sweet smell. Those flowers are gifts from Tsukiyama that he keeps not be thown up like what he usually did. Kaneki thinks those could be usefull for craft he tries to make, Oshibana. Oshibana is a Japannesse skill from to press up flowers and use up as decorations for any handcraft.

There’s sound of water running. And little steps down the stairs. Hinami already wakes up. Kaneki’s calm demeanor shatters. He shouldn’t surprised with an interuption. But this morning is too silent, even a small noise disrupt him. A cutter, two scissors, and several papers that needed by Kaneki to make  scatters in every side of table. He takes a long breath, and release it slowly – a simple act that help ease mind. A calm mind is vital. Kaneki thinks that it would be more easy if he let Hinami join him make Oshibana.

            “Onii-chan, what are you doing?” asks Hinami cheerfully. Kaneki let her eyeing his craft. He just picks up flowers branch that looks good enough to use up. He replies Hinami question “I just prepare to make Oshibana, Hinami-chan.’

“Onee-chan made something similar like this but bigger! She like put magic to her school project. That pink flower turns to be purple in a week!” exclaim Hinami.

“I remember her school project. She made a herbarium. And what I made isn’t a herbarium, it’s oshibana” explain Kaneki

“What difference between Oshibana and Herbarium then, Onii-chan?” chatter her.

“First, the plants that being used. Herbarium could use any kinds of plants actually. You could press Algaes and Moss even.

While Oshibana prefer to use plants that have minimum moist and water content. These flowers could be use as Oshibana if we did the right steps. I feel these flowers is perfect. The moisture could dry up quickly, and” Said Kaneki while point up  flowers in the table.

In herbarium you need to preserve all bodies of plants if possible. The minimal is you have three healthly organs that looks representative enough.

Oshibana just need several parts of flowers. Leaves and branch is fine if there’s a feel to use it

their small size is so flexible to be used as anything

The good herbarium is need to make sure all moisture is gone, and the one sign of it is that preserved plant turn completely brown.

“The techniques to make Herbarium is much more simple. Just set plant as schematics as possible on old newspaper. Sprays some preserving alcohol evenly then press it up with something that wide and quite heavy. Keep

“Onee-chan birthday is drawing near. I want to make that craft. I like to give her something. She’s really care me back then..” saids Hinami dreamly.

“I will explain how to make Oshibana, Hinami-chan. It’s actually quite simple but please follows me if you didn’t want to lose steps” smiles Kaneki.

“First let’s prepare our plant drying necessities, Hinami-chan. We need some newspapers to absorbs water moisture. This foam is needed to make sure water absorbtion are gradate. Oil papers is essential to keep natural humidity not gone immediately. And this zip-lock

Like an oshibana, you need to add pressure for it to change. An once changed, it will never return.

After that bridge incident Touka feels horrible. She just blast away her chance to had Kaneki back to Anteiku, as a person she knows in the past. The kind guy that smile a lot, did kindness a lot is long gone. Those pressure from Ghoul world really change him. All tortures in his days at Aogiri, that bastard Yamori sick mind do to Kaneki. A black hair that turn up completely be a full white.

“Touka, there’s still a gift left for you” calls Manager while holds an envelope. Touka realize she keeps stunning then she slowly approach Manager and thanks him. She still shocked after knowing that Kaneki of all people gives her a gift. A rabbit keychain for her birthday that she wonders how he knows. And there’s one gift. Touka opens the envelop and found a bookmark inside. There’s a simple letter with Hinami handwriting tell that she collaborate with Kaneki, made a bookmark with decoration that called oshibana as her thanks for Touka’s care.

In the back of the bookmark are shoudou style text with a pray charm for exam luckiness. That bookmark is somewhat simple yet pretty with a grey ribbon that adorned it. In each tip of ribbon are blue beads with the shape like a heart and a star. There’s little blue flowers decorate the front side. A stalk with a leaf is placed curvely in the slim bookmark. A flower it being cut in half and looks like butterflies gives ease vibrant it flies happily around. She mutters knowing these flowers. Myosotis.

She did a little research about these flowers at the school library so she knows the genus. She remembers those flowers as seed plants that Kaneki gives to everyone long time ago. Forget-me-not flowers that Manager spread grows nicely. A wave of blues that will happily accept it giver to his old workplace. But he choose not return yet he use these for his craft. The flowers of memories, Wasurenagusa.

This craft must need pressure to change fresh plants to be thin and dry. The pressure make sure plants be changed. But the change is irrevisible. The dry will never return back to fresh one. Is it his way of saying that he never return?