#and Majima lives off of fast food and forgets to buy vinegar

[draayder]

I saw this incredibly cute comic on Twitter about which yakuza characters could make the best onigiri and I wanted to know who you think would be the best at making perfectly triangular lil rice balls

I'm doing the 5 best and the 5 worst, and we'll start with the worst of the worst and work our way up

10. Nishitani

Look. He might actually make them nice and triangular. They might look great. But do not eat anything this man has put his hands on. Who knows where those hands have been

9. Dojima Sohei

Do you think this man has ever prepared any food for himself in his entire life? Actually made something from scratch? This is the kind of guy who doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom, do not eat his onigiri

8. Akiyama

Same as Dojima in terms of never making any food from scratch, but his hands have better odds of being clean

7. Han Joon-gi

Now it seems like this kind of high precision, high dedication guy should be great at this, but please remember: he has not managed to make a decent cup of coffee for Seong-hui in years and years of attempts, barring one moment of desperation where he used instant coffee

He just can't make good onigiri, and the one time he passes off a store-bought onigiri as his own sets the bar too high for him to ever clear again

6. Kiryu

Kiryu's onigiri are...... subpar. They come out lumpy and he puts weird ingredients in them sometimes but he's really putting his heart into it so you gotta cut him some slack. He improves over time, largely due to the biting critique of a bunch of children, and he probably thinks up some fighting technique about punching a dude's head like he's shaping onigiri

5. Ryuji

Ryuji's got a knack for food service (see Dead Souls and RGGO) but no particular training in onigiri, so you get very solid but not particularly amazing onigiri out of him. Maybe if they make a, I don't know, musou spin-off about an alien invasion he'll show up as a onigiri chef and shoot up to number one on this list

4. Rikiya

Rikiya has absolutely no natural talent for making riceballs, but he's determined to make amends with all the children he scared by threatening to steal their house, so he has put in long hours meticulously learning how to assemble them perfectly

he even makes the animal themed ones

3. Haruka

She's more than ready to pick up the slack here for Kiryu. It's straight forward to make, it's cheap, and she's practiced a lot to get them perfectly triangular (she'll conquer perfectly round takoyaki next)

2. Lee

He's a little rusty, but with Makoto around he's right back at it, reliving all those happy moments with his daughter. You get a literal taste of the God Hand this way too

1. Saejima

What can I say. He's good with his hands. You've seen him carving shit. He had a little sister to take care of and not a lot of money, so onigiri is something worth getting good at. Saejima brings a bunch of these to a Tojo Clan HQ gathering and everyone loses their fucking minds