#and Lord staying anyway because they managed to sneak out to see this menace to society so might as well stay

[littledragonkana]

Damn Johan went from snarky stray cat to golden retriever.

Please I need to see more of that! That was so good!

[writeyouin]

u-uhm ma'am or sir..? I would like to congratulate you on all of your work!! please do more when you can.. If you could.. link me the blitzwing fanfic if you don't have one.. Please start one :D

Blitzwing X Reader - Opposing Factions

A/N - Here you go pet, hope you enjoy ^_^

Warnings - None.

Rating - T

You glared vehemently at the canary-like cage Megatron had put you in. Earlier, the Decepticons Blitzwing and Lugnut were getting their cans kicked by the Autobots but before their retreat Blitzwing managed to capture you as a consolation prize and had since taken you to Megatron. Megatron was pleased with the capture of one of the Autobots pet humans, hoping that you would divulge information on their weaknesses. In truth, Megatron was right, the information you had could help the Decepticons win the war but that was redundant; you were determined not to tell them anything.

“What is your purpose with the autobots, human?” Megatron demanded, rattling the cage.

“I’ll tell you what, one question for another, I’ll answer yours if you’ll answer mine,” You responded cheekily. 

“You don’t seem to realise the danger you’re in. Do you really think you can negotiate?”

“Why not? I can’t leave so whatever you tell me is useless and I’m volunteering to give you information, which is better than wasting your time torturing me, thus leaving me too exhausted to answer anyway.”

Icy, Blitzwing’s more logical personality observed with interest before switching to Hothead and interrupting, “MAYBE WE LIKE THE TORTURE!”

“Ya,” Random took dominance, “We vant to see you dance the cha cha of secrets.” He laughed hysterically.

“SILENCE!” Megatron hollered, making Blitzwing cower. “Very well human, we have an agreement. Answer the question.”

“You took Professor Sumdac, in light of that, I became the carer for Sari, his daughter. Before that, I was a liaison to the bots,” You answered obediently. “My turn now, is Professor Sumdac here, alive and well?”

“Indeed he is, working for the Deceptacon cause. How do I gain access to the key this ‘Sari’ wields?”

“Oh come on! I’m here to answer questions, not come up with strategies for your incompetent ass.”

“Answer the question human.”

“I’ll answer it, if you surrender Professor Sumdac back to the Autobots.”

“You still don’t realise who you’re dealing with. I was willing to play along with your little game for a while; you are starting to bore me however. Blitzwing,” Icy stood to attention, “Guard the human, don’t let it out of your sight. Human, you’ll have a lot of time to think without any food or water; that should be sufficient for you to come up with a strategy for me.”

Megatron left the room which, upon further inspection, you realised was part of a cave with a door added. 

You examined your captor, Blitzwing, already bored with the scenario. “So… Do you work for him because of loyalty or fear?” You asked.

Icy glanced at you coolly, saying nothing. 

“Fear it is.”

Hothead appeared, slapping your cage, “I do not fear Megatron!”

You fought to stay upright, “Yes you do, somebody loyal would have said so. By saying nothing, you’re admitting a whole lot.”

“WHY YOU- I OUGHT TO CRUSH YOU HERE AND NOW.”

You smiled, covering your mouth to stifle a giggle.

“WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?”

“I’ve never seen you this close before.”

“SO?”

“Your tooth gap’s cute.”

Blitzwing covered his mouth, embarrassed, “It’s not cute, it’s menacing. Ah, why am I even talking to you? Be quiet filth.”

“If you don’t vant to talk I vill,” Random jumped in, laughing. “What makes a boom and kills humans? My tank alt.”

You inspected him curiously. “Hmm, how can you have two alt modes? I haven’t seen anyone else do that.”

“Thank the itsy bitsy spider, she’s even crazier zhan me.”

“…Right. Well, it’s cool at least. I really like your jet mode by the way.”

Icy appeared again, “Why are you being nice to me? It gains you nothing.”

“Neither does being mean. At least this way I get some civil conversation; if I’m going to starve to death, I at least don’t want to be bored doing it.”

With that, all three of Blitzwing’s personalities conversed with you, ignoring any topics that could cause argument such as the war or either faction within it. Over the coming days, the two of you grew rather fond of one another, forming a shaky bridge of trust. You no longer worried yourself with fears of starvation or dehydration because Blitzwing made sure to sneak in just enough food and water to keep you going without making it obvious to Megatron what was happening. He wished he could serve his master as ordered but in his lifetime of dual personalities, nobody had ever tried to understand him or seek out his company; you however did both.

After a month or so of your capture, Blitzwing realised, to his dismay, that he was falling in love with you; an emotion he hadn’t believed himself capable of. Unable to watch you wilting in captivity, Blitzwing did the one thing he could think of and staged your escape. 

He gave you a piece of scrap metal and unlocked the cage door. “Leave the metal in the cage,” Icy told you.

“Blitzwing, what are you doing?” You asked in a hushed tone.

“ I’m doing nothing, you are simply escaping after picking the lock.”

Random returned to add, “It’s good, ya?”

“Why are you doing this?” You whispered.

“WHY ARE YOU QUESTIONING IT?!” Hothead erupted.

“Ignore him,” Icy came back. “You’re going to hide in the hanger through the big door and wait till I come to pick you up in my jet form, okay?”

You nodded thankfully, not looking a gift horse in the mouth and let Blitzwing help you out of the cage.

Once you were out of the door and sufficiently hidden, he set off the alarm, Random appearing to say, “The human has escaped, what an ALARMING situation.”

Lugnut charged in furiously, “WHERE IS THE VERMIN?” 

“HOW SHOULD I KNOW? THAT’S WHY I SAID IT ESCAPED,” Hothead yelled.

“FIND IT BEFORE OUR PRESTIGIOUS LORD MEGATRON FINDS OUT!”

“Vhatever you say. Weeeeeeee!” Random ran put of the room giggling.

Upon spotting you, Icy called back to Lugnut, “I’ll take to the air for an aerial view.”

He transformed into a jet, opening the door to you and taking off once you were inside.

“Get down,” he whispered. “You can’t be seen.”

You ducked within the cockpit, hating that you couldn’t look out, if only to find out where they were keeping Professor Sumdac. It wasn’t a long flight before Blitzwing dropped you onto the beach of the city. He was about to take off without a word when you called for him to wait.

He paused.

“Will you get punished for this?”

“Probably,” he answered calmly.

“Then come with me, the Autobots will help you, please.”

Random took over again, “Ha, the Autobots are short a few lug nuts or just one.”

He took off, leaving you on the beach to make your way back to the Autobot base. When Optimus questioned you on your escape from the Deceptacons, you found you couldn’t tell the truth; instead, you made up a story about breaking out after a power shortage and passing out on a raft on the way back. Nobody questioned your story, leaving you free to go and rest in your room.

You attempted to sneak out of the base but Prowl stood at the door. It had been several months since your release from the Deceptacons and he’d noticed you sneaking out every Tuesday night after that. 

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” He asked almost accusingly.

“I’m an adult Prowl, I don’t have to sleep as much as Sari, okay? So, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to go out now.”

“Go out where?”

You heaved a fake sigh, “ Alright, look, I didn’t want to tell you all because I didn’t want to worry anybody but I sneak out so I can take a breather you know? Sometimes, I worry about Professor Sumdac and Sari. It just builds up and I need to escape from it. I’ve been taking nightly drives to calm down. Sometimes I drive in the city, other times the woods; it’s relaxing.”

“I see. My apologies for questioning you.”

“It’s alright, I know you mean well, your spark’s in the right place. Mind of I go now?”

“Not at all, have a nice drive (Y/N).”

You nodded and got into your car outside, heading straight to the beach where Blitzwing had initially freed you.

It wasn’t long before he showed up, landing gently beside you.

“Hey, sweetspark,” You greeted.

Icy picked you up, “Hello (Y/N).”

You pecked his cheek.

“Wowza!” Random’s head spun. “You have me all turned around,” he laughed.Icy returned and laid down on the sand, resting you on top of him to gaze at the stars.

“Do you think we’re crazy for doing this?” You murmured.

“I think we’re two people who fell in love at the wrong place and the wrong time.”

You held onto him tightly, “What does that mean?”

“It means we’ll have to find a way to make it work.”

You settled slightly, “…Yeah, okay.”

[chocolatemillkk]

Kid Brother

Part 1 with more to come!!! I know it’s a little dry but I was trying to set up this fic. Feedback is helpful but I hope you guys enjoy this anyway!!!! 💛

————–

You had never seen him as anything other than your best friend’s kid brother. He was only about two years younger than you but two years was tripled when you and your best friend were mature 13 year olds gossipping about your latest crushes and he was a tiny 11 year old menace trying to find an excuse to ruin your night. But I guess some things never changed because here he was, trying to ruin your girls’ night once again.

“Could you maybe stay upstairs so you don’t interfere with the night?” I ask, exasperated because this was the fourth time Joe tried to sneak downstairs for the food we had made earlier. The girls were trying to decide on what to watch and I had popped into the kitchen to grab the rest of the cookies out of the oven.

“It’s not my fault whatever you girls baked smells so bloody good!”

I roll my eyes as he reaches for the cookies cooling on the counter. “Okay just take one because you’ve already eaten half-!” I try to compromise as I jump back from his outstretched hand. “I swear Joeseph I feel like we’re back in primary school.”

He gets a goofy grin on his face, the same one he’s always given-especially when he was trying to get out of trouble. It was charming, at times, but right now I wanted to wipe it off his face with my dishcloth as he reaches for the plate I’ve filled.

“Stop it!” I try to shield the cookies with my body and place them behind me on the counter top but I was a fool to think this would stop him. He reaches around me until his arms encircle my waist as he grabs another. I turn in his embrace and find myself inches away from his face which suddenly grows serious as he swallows. My face heats up as the blood rushes to my face and I try to say something to lighten the serious mood but my mind is frozen and all I can think about is how intoxicating the cologne Joe’s wearing is and that if I leaned in slightly-

“You’ve got a birthmark on your hairline,” He suddenly interrupts and my hands fly to where the stupid mark lies. I used to be self conscious about the thing as kids made fun of me but then I got bangs and then I would cover it with makeup and I hadn’t given it a second thought until now. I pull my hair forward to cover it instinctively as my face blushes thirty shades of pink.

“Sod off,” I push Joe’s hands away from me and grab the plate to make my way back to where Pretty Woman was starting.

“What took so long?” Zoe asks as she reaches for a cookie.

“Your brother was trying to eat them all,” I say as I roll my eyes, flopping down beside Anna and grabbing my glass of wine. I stare at the screen but Julia Roberts is far away as my heart still beats like jello. It was nothing, I try to tell myself, I was just caught off guard and ew! That’s Zoe’s kid brother who shot Nerf guns at us when he was 10 and who cried to us after his first girlfriend (age 9) dumped him and who threw up all over me after we sneaked him his first drink. I’ve just been single for too long and I was getting my signals mixed up.

“Ugh I just love her hair,” Naomi sighs as Julia Roberts wakes up on screen. “It’s kinda like yours Y/N!” She exclaims.

“Yeah but Y/N’s is brown and it’s not as big,” Poppy comments from her seat.

“You have to see her hair when we tease it then!” Zoe laughs and looks over at me but I miss the joke and just give her a smile. She looks at me funny, “You alright?”

“Yeah, sorry.” I flash her a smile and hold up my wine. “Already a little tipsy and just-” I throw my hands in the hair which makes everyone giggle.

“Better switch to coffee then Y/N.” Zoe reminds me because we promised no hangovers tomorrow. We were all gonna be up bright and early to watch the sun rise. “I’ll put on a pot.” Zoe goes to get up but I jump up. “You’re sweet but I know where it is! Don’t bother pausing!” I say as Anna reaches for the remote.

I rush out of there and the first thing I do is splash my face with water. I fill a glass with water and down it first before I realise I had downed too many liquids too fast. Just as I reach the bathroom door, Joe steps out.

“Might not want to go in there,” he jokes.

“That’s disgusting!” I step away from the door and look at Joe in disgust. This was more like it, I try to think. He was a disgusting boy who I would never ever even consider for a second to be in to!

“Hey?” Joe calls as I turn to find another toilet. I turn back around and raise my eyebrow. “I didn’t mean anything by the birthmark comment, I just forgot you had one there.”

My hand reaches up again and I laugh it off, “Yeah, whatever Sugg!” I take the stairs two at a time to get upstairs. I didn’t wanna stay anywhere near him tonight, especially if he planned on being sweet.

But of course with the way the night was going, just as I finish up upstairs I pass Zoe’s guest room where Joe is laying with his back slumped against the headboard, probably editing his newest video. I watch him for a few seconds but he catches me lingering.

“Hey come in here,” he motions me forward laughing. “Look at this clip. I was going for a scare prank on Oli right,” he trails off explaining what he planned on doing and how Oli’s reaction just made the whole prank “golden.” I smile at his enthusiasm and the way his smile brings out his laugh lines but by the time I watch the clip, I’m in stitches myself.

“That’s funny as shit but poor Oli!” I say between tears. “He’s too sweet and cute to mess with!”

Joe’s laughter dies down as he raises his eyebrow, “He’d be over the moon if he knew you called him cute.”

“Then you should let him know,” I tease but this makes Joe’s expression completely blank. “Yeah, I guess. Then you two can go out on a date although I’m sure after an hour with him-”

“Oi what’re you two doing up here?” A voice calls out from the doorway. I jump up guiltly, wiping away the tears that had left streaks on my face.

“Hey Zoe look at this,” Joe calls his sister over, our tense conversation over. “It’s the prank footage I was telling you about.” He starts laughing all over again streaming but Zoe waves her hand. “Lord I’m trying to have a Girl’s Night Joe, leave my friends alone! Y/N I’m grabbing some face masks I’ll see you downstairs?” She wiggles her eyebrows and then dissappears from the doorway. I stare at her retreating figure in confusion. What was that supposed to mean?

“I won’t keep you,” Joe says to my back so I turn around to face him.

“It’s nothing,” I say.

“Nah go on I’m just gonna finish editing this. I heard there’s a stripper downstairs anyway.” He teases.

“Oh you’re so clever,” I stick my tongue out at him as I back out but he throws a pillow at me which I manage to just catch before it hits my face.

“Thank you!” I hold it up as I exit the room.

“No wait!” Joe yells. “That was the fluffy pillow!”

I laugh as I skip downstairs and I use the pillow to cushion my head on the sofa. But as I nod off an hour into the movie, I catch the faint whisper of Joe’s cologne and groan internally. This could not possible be happening.

[sarcasmnymph-blog]

Beowulf: The Original Gary Sue

Beowulf. Ah isn’t he just the best! He is so great in fact that he single-handedly (sort of) inspired the most amazing parts of The Lord of the Rings and Skyrim. However, despite its legacy and the fact that it is the oldest “English” text in existence, Beowulf is a very simple story. Or at least simple by epic poetry standards, just look at The Odyssey. And that is because a lot of its text is just ramblings of the Kings, lineages, politics and just exposition dump. (I guess in that sense it really is a high fantasy story) However, once you get rid of all of the fluff, it is a story about how a guy defeated three monsters, becomes a King on the way and had the most rad funeral ever. However, despite how great the exposition is, I will be skipping most of that dump mainly for this summary because well… it adds nothing to the actual story. I will add details where necessary. Let’s begin!

Quest #1 Grendel the Giant

So our story starts with King Hrothgar of Denmark, the son of King Shield Sheafson. The King enjoys an excellent long successful reign. So successful in fact that he decides to build a great mead-hall called the Heorot where his warriors can come and party it up, get gifts, drink. You know basic Nordic stuff. Now the Heorot being the ultimate party place is not very nice to live next to. Especially not for a grumpy giant like our friend Grendel. Since there was no police at the time to shut your noisy neighbors up, Grendel comes up with the only logical solution to this conundrum: Murder! Grendel comes every night to kill the people in Heorot to send them a message. However, again these are Norsemen we are talking about, so they continue partying it up and decide to try and fight the giant to stop him. However, after many nights of murder and party and murder and again partying our hero eventually enters the story.

Our hero Beowulf hears the plight of the people of Denmark and inspired by the challenge of fighting a Giant and decides to ride there with some men and defeat the Giant. King Hrothgar who had connections with Beowulf’s father accepts Beowulf’s help and holds a feast for Beowulf’s honor. Cause partying before killing a Giant that is killing you for partying too much is the best plan of action. On top of this fabulous party plan, Beowulf has an even better plan. You see, giants aren’t warriors and don’t use weapons so it stands to reason that Beowulf shouldn’t use any armor or weapons either. This fantastic plan makes everyone in the party even more excited for this future sparring match. However, a man named Unferth has doubts about Beowulf’s capabilities. Inconceivable! You see, sometime in the past Beowulf lost a swimming match with Breca and Unferth has a hard time believing that a loser like Beowulf could defeat the Giant. And Beowulf accepts that despite going through the water for five days and five nights in armor he couldn’t beat Breca as Beowulf got distracted by the eight sea monsters he defeated. What a shame!

At last, after getting sick of all the drinking and cheering Grendel decides to enter for the showdown. The two have a fist match until Beowulf proves himself the stronger fighter. Beowulf with his own bare arms tears of Grendel’s entire arm from his body. Grendel mortally wounded, walks back to his swamp to die alone as his arm gets hung from the top of the mead-hall as a trophy. What an honorable victory! Everyone cheers for their new hero. Unferth admits that he made a mistake by doubting Beowulf and gives Beowulf a cool power-up sword called Hrunting, a sword that has never failed in a battle. (Spoiler Alert: The sword fails in battle)

Quest #2 Grendel’s mother

I guess Grendel didn’t die all alone after all Since a fantasy story without a revenge subplot can’t exist and Grendel’s mother decides to get some age-old retribution against the Danes. Grendel’s mom (from here on out “Lady Giant”) enters the Heorot and kills Aeschere, one of Hrothgar’s trusted advisers. She also steals the trophy arm and returns home. I am sure that how no one heard the Giant sneak in, kill a man and also take a famous trophy is subject to much scholarly debate. However, that is not our concern as King Heorot once again summons Beowulf and his men to go and have some vengeance against the Lady Giant for taking revenge against them.

As our brave heroes ride following the tracks of their enemy they come across and cliff and find Aeschere’s head lying on the ground. Below the cliff is your generic RPG monster swamp. Time for Beowulf to grind some EXP as he jumps into the swamp with no fear of death and defeats all the monsters with a bow and arrow and sinks deeper into the swamp. Now you would think that this would lead to Beowulf drowning and dying of suffocation, but if so you apparently haven’t been paying attention. A little swamp in the lungs only slowly bores Beowulf who simply slowly sinks down to the bottom, probably checks twitter a few times. As he reaches the bottom, the Lady Giant ambushes him and drag him into her cave.

Beowulf, enters another epic showdown, this time with the Lady Giant. He tries to use the sword Hrunting against her but fails. Even the legendary sword is no match for the Giantess. So much for a sword that has never failed in battle. Beowulf decides to resort to the bare arm ripping trick but fails that too as the Lady Giant matches his every blow. However, since this is a hero story, Beowulf finds a conveniently placed sword, made conveniently by Giants. He uses the conveniently massive sword and swings it at the Giantess and kills her. It turns out both Grendel and his mother were incapable of being harmed by human weapons, so a sword made by Giants was the only way to kill her. Oh, and the sword was also conveniently one-time use only and after slicing the Giantess’ head, it melts leaving just the hilt. Beowulf grabs the handle and the Grendel’s face which was in the Lady Giant’s cave and swims back up.

Our heroes return to the mead-hall in triumph and the Danes party it up one last time. King Heorot who has practically adopted Beowulf as his son by this point gives a mighty speech about how great Beowulf will be and how to be a good King and warrior. King Heorot tells his subjects that the only way to greatness is to pursue spiritual over the earthly things. He tells everyone how eternal rewards are much more fruitful than materialistic rewards and then gives Beowulf some gold and materialistic treasures as a reward. Yay! Beowulf is thoroughly satisfied and done with all the partying returns to Geatland when he reunites with his King Hygelac and tells the King of his adventures in Denmark. Beowulf presents his King with most of the treasures he earned in his Giant killing Quests. In time the King Hygelac dies in a battle against the Shylfings, and the kingdom falls to Beowulf because King Hygelac’s widow thinks that Beowulf is just the best. Since Beowulf is just the best, he decides only to be the protector of the actual heir. But the heir dies anyway, and Beowulf becomes the King. Such is Destiny.

Quest #3 Dragon Slaying

King Beowulf being the amazing King he rules the Geats for fifty years wisely and righteously. King Beowulf even manages to stop the war with the Swedes by avenging King Hygelac. However, we still need Beowulf to finish one more Quest. Hence, a thief manages to find his way into the hoarding place of a Dragon and makes the smart decision of stealing a shiny gem studded goblet from let me remind you a Dragon! When the Dragon realizes that he is missing one cup from his gigantic heaps of gold, the Dragon gets furious and comes once again at the only logical conclusion: Murder! The Dragon decides rain fire on everything in his path until he finds the thief and his precious cup. Perfectly Rational. Hmm… I wonder why does this look familiar? *cough* The Hobbit *cough*

Eventually, the fire-breathing dragon starts tormenting, you guessed it, King Beowulf’s Kingdom. Beowulf takes twelve good men and starts investigating and finds the thief that caused this entire menace. Our set of heroes ask the thief to take them to the Dragon’s burrow. Now you would think that the smart way out is to give the dragon the thief and the goblet and make peace. Well, then you haven’t been paying attention, because of course not. The right thing to do is fight the Dragon. However, even Beowulf realizes that unlike the giants Beowulf can’t just wrestle the dragon and hence takes his armor and a shiny sword named Naegling with him to the burrow and challenges the Dragon.

Beowulf fights bravely even at his old age while his companions run for the hills after watching the fire-breathing dragon cause apparently they didn’t read the Quest description. The only man who stays is a young chap named Wiglaf. While fighting the dragon, Beowulf’s sword shatters cause swords are basically tissue paper in this universe. Wiglaf runs to aid Beowulf who is mildly inconvenienced by the Dragon’s fire. However, as soon as Wiglaf rushes in Beowulf get’s bit by the dragon on his neck. Now you would think that a gaping neck wound would make Beowulf succumb and die. Well of course not! As the fight rages on Wiglaf stabs the Dragon in his belly, the only place with no dragon scales. Beowulf finishes the battle by stabbing the dragon with a Deus ex machina knife and our two heroes triumph.

Now you would think that all the blood loss would kill Beowulf. Are you kidding me? Obviously no. Dragon venom, on the other hand, does start killing Beowulf. Now Beowulf being the benevolent, non-materialistic king that he is, asks Wiglaf to bring a piece of the treasure he just won as his last wish. Beowulf looks at the shiny gold he just won and makes Wiglaf the King since Beowulf in his fifty years of being an excellent King didn’t manage to get laid, somehow. Then he asks that they make him the most bad-ass funeral by making him a burrow and then our hero dies. The Geats then host a huge funeral pyre and bury the new found treasure with his body in the burrow.

The End

As you can see at the heart of it, Beowulf is a rather simple story about a man and some monster slaying. However, despite its simplicity it has inspires many stories. Hell, a character is named after Beowulf in even Frank Herbert’s Dune Cycle, the most sci-fi of the sci-fi novels of its time. Tolkien has very openly admitted his inspiration from the classic, and hence every story that followed Tolkien’s footsteps has been inspired by Beowulf to an extent. Say what you want about the character of Beowulf or the story, but you can’t deny that it inspired a legacy of work including most of the high fantasy we see today. Without its influences, Fantasy literature wouldn’t be what it is today, and for that, we have only one person to thank. The amazing Beowulf himself!