#and I'm so grateful for it and for everything i have

[copper-16]

Remind Me That There’s A Room To Grow Part 3

Broken, rueful, and mended as it should have been.

(a/n: Part 3, here we come! Thank you to everyone who has been reading and commenting on these, I'm so grateful! Reminder for anyone who likes a musical touch that you can find the Spotify playlist here, if you would like. Please enjoy this part, and I would love to hear your feedback about the note at the end!)

Alexia sat on that damn park bench for God knows how long. 

She didn’t care if she got no sleep or looked absolutely insane sitting there for hours on end. The things you had told her rattled around in her brain disconcertedly, unending every single thought that attempted to interrupt. The brunette had gone from feeling like she was the most stable and vindicated person on the planet to a feeling as though she were a shell of herself. 

This whole time, there had been so much more to the story than she ever could have imagined. And though she knew it really wasn’t their fault, resentment flared within her at how quick Eli and Alba were to blame you for everything. 

Everything in Alexia felt anguished. Just thinking about looking at your face made the Catalan feel nauseous, stuck on how distraught you had been. It wasn’t as though she could blame you either, not when she had been so irate. 

She had allowed herself to be influenced by every single person around her instead of trusting you, as she always had. She should have trusted herself, should have trusted the fact that she knew something was wrong. The last nine years had been spent giving you the benefit of the doubt, but when it came to it, she had treated you with such animosity. 

Never in a million years had she expected the reasoning behind all of this. 

Cancer. It seemed impossible for someone who was only eighteen years old, but it wasn’t as though stranger things hadn’t occurred. Now all Alexia managed to think of was how scared and alone you must have felt. She had lost you, but she did so when she was chasing her dreams. You had to watch her leave you behind because of a situation entirely out of your hands. 

All this time where she had felt abandoned, and in reality it was the other way around. 

What an absolutely fucked up situation. 

When the footballer finally stood, a chill wrapped around her and caused her to shiver violently. She didn’t remember it getting cold, but it wasn’t as though she cared about the temperature when her mind was a ruction of emotions. 

She booked it back to her car, driving herself toward her Mami’s house in what would have been considered a fury. The brunette knew that her sister was there as well, so she could kill two birds with one stone.  

When she arrived, the brunette barged through the door with no care at all for the hinges, her inner turmoil gathering and growing with each and every step she took. She found her family in the kitchen, enjoying some dessert with a glass of wine in each of their hands. 

“You were wrong,” Alexia seethed, almost heady with the amount of wrath she felt within her. Eli and Alba both turned to her in an instant, instantly confused at the animosity in her tone. It was so rare to hear the brunette truly upset in the way she was right now, and they glanced at each other for a second before they turned to Alexia fully. 

“What happened?” Alba asked, very confused as to what her sister was talking about. They had no idea that the pair of you had talked, but Alexia didn’t care to give them context. 

“You both blamed her for leaving me behind, you made her out to be the villain and she never was! This was all of your fault, how could you do this to me? How could you twist my mind in such a way?” Alexia snapped, her whole body tense with rage. 

“Alexia, what the hell are you talking about?” Alba demanded, understanding dawning on the subject her sister spoke about but still confused as to the circumstances. 

“She was fucking sick, you two. She let me go alone because she had cancer, and she didn’t want me to have to live through it when I was moving away. She broke up with me so I could go chase my dreams and build my career without being bogged down. She gave up her own happiness so that I could have my own,” the brunette spat, her face red with exertion. Whether it was to keep her anger inwards or to stop the tears that burned in the back of her eyes, the Catalan was unsure.   

“She did it to protect me, and I gave her the benefit of the doubt for her decision for a decade before you two got so defensive and twisted my mind. She was never the selfish person you made her out to be, she was always the most selfless, empathetic, compassionate of all of us!” Alexia argued, and she seemed only to be growing more and more in her anger. 

“Alexia–” Eli tried to interrupt, but she was quickly cut off. 

“No! I don’t even want to hear you two attempt to explain yourselves. I don’t want to hear it. I loved her, I love her now, and I’ve fucked it all up with your words in my mouth! She left the conversation in tears, she told me to leave her alone. If you two hadn’t been so horrible about the whole thing, I never would have been so skeptical in the first place!” Alexia was ready to burst at the seams, and she couldn’t handle it. 

“Now Ale, we only did that because we wanted to protect y–” Alba attempted to interject, failing just as her mother had. 

“I don’t even want to hear it! I am so angry at the two of you, especially considering that you hardly let me get a word in edgewise about her character. She grew up with us, she loves us, and she trusted you with her heart just as much as you trusted her with mine. So don’t sit there and say anything, but maybe think about your own actions!” Alexia finally demanded, her words fervent in manner. 

When her mother and sister said nothing but looked at her in shock, the brunette shook her head and chuckled austerely, not a trace of humor in her tone. 

“God, and now you don’t even have anything to say for yourselves,” she looked around at her mother’s kitchen as she bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. The midfielder was aware she was only redirecting her anger onto two people whose blame was minimal, but the affliction in her heart needed somewhere to go. 

“I have to go, I will talk to you two later,” Alexia said after a second, defeat heavy in her expression as the anger began to drain out of her. It was replaced by an excruciating misery that weighed on her shoulders exactingly, as though it knew that she was really the one to blame in all of this. 

She felt as though she had lead in her shoes as she walked out to her car. The drive back to her apartment was done in complete silence, the Catalan unable to deal with anything other than the chaos in her mind. 

She barely made it one step in the door before the first sob bubbled up her throat. She finally allowed herself to succumb to it, sobbing so hard that her ribs ached and her eyes swelled, and she had nobody to blame for everything except for herself. 

—

Every single person on the team could immediately tell something was wrong with Alexia when she showed up at training the next day. 

Alexia had always been the most dedicated of them all, relentless in her pursuit to be better. She was endlessly pushing herself and those around her to be their best selves, and it paid off. The team worked hard, and they looked better than ever. The Catalan had helped to lift them from relative obscurity into a team that people feared to play, and as much as Vicky was their fearless leader, every single player would tell you that the Catalan was their beating heart. 

But today? Well, today the brunette looked about two steps away from death as she walked into the changing room.  

Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot. Her hair was mildly unkempt, her skin sullen, the bags under her eyes endlessly listless. She kept her head down, and changed as though she wished she could curl up into a ball and never be seen again. The midfielder was usually a quiet person, but today she seemed…unobservant. 

Somehow, that made all of it seem worse. 

Jenni and Mariona were instantly alarmed because they knew what had happened, while the other girls were both confused and in a state of shock. Nobody had ever seen Alexia this clearly upset, considering the fact that she typically kept things close to her chest. 

To be this outwardly downtrodden was incomprehensible, to the point where the rest of the team wasn’t sure how to act toward her. They all seemed to avoid her as though she was radioactive, and she made no attempt to engage with any of them. 

Jenni, Mariona, and Vicky, however, had no problem marching over to the Catalan as they created a concerned cocoon around her. 

“What happened Alexia?” Vicky questioned gently, only to receive nothing short of the death glare back from Jenni and Mariona in response. 

“How did it go?” Mariona amended quietly, hopeful that they might have been able to draw out some sort of reaction from the midfielder. It was clear the conversation had not gone well, but they did not know why. 

And sure enough, Alexia’s entire face flashed into something nearly venomous, and she shook her head with what looked to be a clearly concerted effort to remain in control. 

“Nothing. I would appreciate it if everyone left me alone and we could conduct training as normal, like we are supposed to be doing,” she managed to grit out pointedly, her voice bolstered with hostility and malice. The three women looked around at each other, none of them in the least bit convinced, but the mutually agreed upon decision seemed to be that they clearly weren’t going to get anything out of the brunette right now. 

The midfielder was a monster at training that day, and not in a good way. 

Every single ball was launched with a lethal ferocity. Every single pass was too hard, every single first touch sloppy and heavy.  

None of the movements were reminiscent of the Alexia that everyone had come to know. It wasn’t great football, it wasn’t even good football. The midfielder was clearly angry at something, and the longer practice went on, the worse it got. The Catalan was frustrated with herself, bitter and enraged at how she seemed unable to play with any ounce of grace. 

It felt ironically similar to how she seemed unable to converse with you without accusation, a thought she was ruefully reminded of. 

It was when she sent a ball flying angled toward Caro’s head that Vicky and Marta finally pulled the midfielder aside brashly. The captain of the team had taken one look at their manager, whose expression agreed with her own, to know what needed to be done. 

“You’re done for the day,” Vicky stated without an ounce of discussion left in the conversation. Alexia certainly wasn’t in the mood to be ordered around as she decisively brushed them off. 

“I’m fine, we still have another half hou–” The brunette was cut off without even managing to finish her sentence. 

“No. You are done, you’re going to go back to the changing room and take a long shower. You’re going to get dressed and go home and process whatever you’re trying to avoid right now by almost murdering your teammates,” the Barcelona captain dictated with even greater finality, her eyebrow raised as though she dared the younger woman to argue with her. 

Alexia looked posed to respond, but when she caught Marta looking back at the Norwegian with worried eyes, she felt the fight drain out of her. The older Spaniard had always had a sweet spot for the nervous Wolfsburg transfer, and seeing it right in front of her eyes made her deflate like a balloon. 

She knew that look. 

She had lived that look before, when she hadn’t fucked all of this up seven ways to Sunday. 

With a reluctant, apologetic glance at Marta, the midfielder nodded her head. She turned on her heels, much to the surprise of her co-captains, who were honestly expecting more of a pushback. 

As they watched the midfielder walk off the pitch, they stared at the way her body seemed to curl in on herself, almost as though the brunette couldn’t bear to stand up straight as she stared down at her feet. 

“What the hell happened?” Marta asked Vicky as she looked over at her captain. But the Barcelona captain was unable to tear her eyes away from Alexia’s retreating form until it disappeared into the building. It was only then that she looked over at Jenni, who hovered a short distance away from them with a look of unease on her face. 

Vicky shook her head before she turned back to the pitch. 

“I honestly have no idea,” she replied curtly as she made direct eye contact with Jenni, who seemed to understand the silent request of her captain as she turned back toward practice. 

When the team filed in after training was done, Alexia and all of her stuff were gone, nowhere to be seen. 

—

Nine years. 

You had lived with the grief of losing her for nine years. You would never change your mind on the decision, but God did it feel as though you were sucking the blood out of your body. Even all of these years later, it still stung to think about how much you had lost in that moment. 

Alexia took every ounce of happiness and peace with her when she left. While you still had other friends, you were by no means alone, it was never the same without her there. You hardly had to speak a single word for the brunette to understand where your mind was at. There was a closeness to the two of you that was impossible to replace. It hadn’t been the same after she had left, no longer having a confidant who held space for you. 

Your father, while a lovely man, was never terribly involved in your life. He loved you, but having children was never his dream, and with how much he worked, you rarely saw him. It was a loss that you didn’t feel rather acutely, especially not when Jaume had swept you into his orbit through your friendship with Alexia. He had loved you like a daughter, and you cherished him for it in a way you had never managed with your own father. 

Your two younger brothers, Leo and Adan, had struggled when you had gotten sick. They always looked up to you as their protector and ring leader. Seeing you unable to help, organize, and work as you usually did was strange for them, especially considering the fact that they were only fifteen and fourteen at the time. And while you spent much of your childhood watching over them with a loving gaze, it was your mother who stepped up to take care of them more. 

Your mother Paula was a lovely, exuberant woman, if not a touch frazzled. She was a better entertainer than she was a mother, but there was no question she loved the three of you. The two of you had been a team in helping to raise the boys, because while your mother had wisdom you were steadfast in your ability to calm. You had been a significant help in raising the two boys, and your mother had come to rely on you as a result. It had all gotten thrown out of place when you had gotten sick. Your mother tried to pick up the slack, bless her, but she struggled. She did as best as she could until you were declared cancer free, and able to help pick up some of the slack that had been created. It helped that your brothers were compassionate and kind, never one to try and cause too much trouble. 

Your mother passed away just a few years ago because of a brain aneurysm, much to the devastation of your father. While you missed her terribly, you never needed her for stability and strength. That was found on your own. 

Chemo treatments were mostly done on your own, a book and a sick bag in hand. It was a tough three months, but you made it through with as big of a smile as you could muster. A friend would accompany you occasionally, but they never quite knew what to do when they were there with you. Not that you faulted them for it, but it only made you more exhausted having to entertain on top of feeling ill. 

After a grueling few months, the tumor had shrunk enough to be surgically removed, and a few rounds of radiation killed off the last of it. It had been less than a year to get rid of everything, though in your mind it had felt much longer. 

Overall, the treatment had gone well from a medical perspective. You had responded well and were declared to be in remission swiftly. You were young and otherwise healthy, making you the perfect candidate to respond to treatment. 

That didn’t seem to account for the ache that persisted deep in your chest, but it wasn’t as a result of your sickness. The sense of loss that pervaded your mind for years afterward was impossible to banish. You had not made a mistake, and yet your mind and body betrayed you with a wanton amount of unearned yearning.

There was a restlessness that existed within you, a restlessness that needed to be solved and yet had nowhere to go.  

You had begun university toward the end of your treatments and sped through a track in finance, turning heads each and every way you went. There was always a level of intelligence to you that you were aware of, but investment analysis and management came naturally to you it seemed. 

Though you had the opportunity to go earlier, you waited dutifully for your brothers to finish school and go off to university before you left your hometown. Leo ended up in Valencia for school, and a year later Adan made the decision to stay in Madrid for his degree. 

Once you were certain your brothers were settled, you began to dig for opportunities in your own career. The work you had put in paid off, and you had offers not only in Spain but France, Italy, the United States as well. 

You didn’t care about any of that, though. You took the one job that put you directly in Barcelona and decided to figure it out from there. 

There was a safety and security to being in the same city as Alexia, even if she had no clue you were there. You were thankful for the move, honestly, thankful for the opportunity to meet new friends and build your own life. The sun forever shined and the city was exciting and vibrant, devoid of the reminders that face you everywhere in Madrid. 

Both of your brothers ended up staying in or returning to Madrid, living near your mother until her death and trying to stay vaguely connected to your father. He had struggled immensely in the wake of her passing, but both Leo and Adan never seemed to mind stepping in to keep him on the right path. 

By all logical standards, you had a wonderful life. An amazing group of friends, a job you really enjoyed, hobbies you found interesting. It felt like the whole package of what someone would want in their life. 

But you found in the morning after your talk with Alexia, there was nothing you wanted to do with this life. You simply wanted to be left alone to rot, and you found that you didn’t care who disagreed. The longing in your heart threatened to swallow you whole, your hatred for your decisions every single day of the last nine years. 

You had finally been honest with Alexia, you had told her the truth…but was it worth it? 

Based on the feeling inside of you right now, it wasn’t worth it. 

You would have taken anger over devastation on her face any day. 

You loved her too much to care about your own peace of mind. 

And yet…

—

Alexia nearly jumped out of her skin when she unlocked the door of her apartment, only to find that Jenni was sitting on her couch with a glass of lemonade and a raised brow. The midfielder did a complete double take, confounded when she reminded herself that the door had in fact been locked before she came in here.  

“How the hell did you get in here?” The Catalan asked with confusion as her heart rate struggled to return to an acceptable level. She looked around her apartment with a perplexed glint to her expression, as though she expected to find the answer laying in front of her in the form of a crowbar or something. 

“Oh please, we’ve been friends for many years. We are both allowed to have our little secrets, no?” Jenni diverted, and Alexia shook her head instantly, looking toward the striker with a lost expression. 

“What – no?! That doesn’t mean you get to break into my apartment! How did you even get in her–” 

“This is not the point of this conversation, Alexia,” Jenni cut her friend off easily, ignoring how bewildered the brunette was as a result of her surprise appearance. The striker settled, a concerned look flashing across her features. “You fucked up that conversation, didn’t you?” 

“You’re not allowed to just barge in here whenever you want!” Alexia spat, a sudden rush of anger coursing through her at Jenni’s words. Defensiveness coursed through her veins with a fury, and nobody had managed to pin her down for long enough to have a real conversation with her. 

Until now, apparently. 

When the raven-haired woman leveled her with a disbelieving stare, the Catalan’s shoulders collapsed just slightly. When Jenni wanted something, she was like a dog with a bone. She would stop at absolutely nothing to get it, and the midfielder knew there was no way of getting out of this conversation with anger or deflections. She sighed forcefully, settling her keys down on her kitchen counter and pressing her head into her hands. 

“I did,” she conceded after a moment, her voice shaky and impossibly quiet. When she finally looked up, the torment inside her entire body seemed to reflect in her expression. Jenni felt horrible, seeing how torn up her friend was. 

“I fucked everything up Jenni, everything. I came into it with so much aggression and fear, and made all these accusations I don’t even really think I meant,” she admitted with a humorless chuckle, an echo of agony in her words. 

Silence cascaded around them, the air thick with regret and despondency. 

“She was sick,” Alexia revealed after a moment. She glanced up at Jenni, struggling to control herself. “She was sick, and so she broke things off because she couldn’t leave, but she wanted me to. She saved my career, made a sacrifice for my own happiness, and in return I screamed horrible things at her. What kind of person does that make me?” Alexia pleaded, her voice cracking over the last sentence. 

Jenni thought about the question for a moment before she shook her head and looked back at Alexia. There was a compassion in her expression, and the Catalan forced herself to look away in the face of it. She didn’t deserve it. 

“It makes you human, Alexia,” the raven-haired woman countered, her words soft and sympathetic, almost saccharine in their amount of sweetness. 

“No it doesn’t,” Alexia grumbled under her breath, but Jenni was quick to continue. 

“Yes it does. You did not have all the information at the time. And okay, you said some things you regret? Go apologize for them then! You made a mistake, and you feel remorse, Alexia. That in and of itself means that there is love and compassion in your heart.” 

“And if she doesn’t accept that apology?” Alexia shot back, fighting to be kind as she was gripped with fear. She looked over at Jenni with a flame in her eyes, anything to hide how upset she truly was. It was easier to mask it than it was to face it, after all. 

“Then she doesn’t accept the apology, and life moves on. But you won’t know if you don’t even bother to try,” Jenni offered as she walked over and placed a hand on her friend's shoulder comfortingly. 

“Forgive yourself enough to give her the opportunity to forgive you. If she was in your spot, you would do the same. If she cares as much about you as you say she does, I think you have a fighting chance,” the striker suggested, her voice gentle. The brunette remained deep in thought, thinking hard about Jenni’s words. The raven-haired woman let herself out before Alexia could even formulate a response. 

And while there were a lot of thoughts swirling around in Alexia’s mind, perhaps the top of the list was that she really, really needed to get a locksmith to her apartment. 

—

It was a thought that often consumed the brunette as her career began to take off. It had been a question, something that weighed on her mind in the dark of night when she lay alone. 

Was it worth it? 

The duty to herself, to her career pulled at her endlessly. Everyone around her was dedicated to their career, putting it above their family at nearly all cost. And she understood, she wanted to be the best. The pull to change the sport, to leave a legacy behind that made women’s football better than where she had started. 

But what was the cost? 

How many family dinners had she missed? How many birthdays? How many celebrations? 

How many moments had she missed, even just the mundane, small things in life. How many inside jokes and how much late night laughter had evaded her because of this choice? 

And she knew that her family loved her, and that they understood how important her career was to her. But it never took away from the fact that she was gone often. That unlike her teammates and peers, she spent the least amount of time with her family as the years had passed. Whereas many of her friends grew more committed to their families, getting married and even having children, football had become her sole focus in life.  

Other than you, she had never been in a committed relationship with anyone. Her friendships were from football, everything in her life had revolved around football. Protecting her image, embracing the game, doing whatever she could to advance the team and herself to perfection. 

It wasn’t until you had stumbled back into her life that suddenly she remembered what it had been like to live a life. And sure, she knew that her career was different now, much more intense. But the Catalan also knew that you never would have allowed her to become so overwhelmingly immersed into her career. 

It was less the time commitment and more the mindset she approached her career with that had changed in your absence. Alexia had always assumed that in order to be the best, she had to be so devoted to football in every aspect of her entire life. That there was no room outside of it for distractions. 

Her friends hadn’t become worse because they had loved ones, because they took a step back. They were still dedicated, but also well rested and prepared. 

The two of you had been together for so many years, and then football had been the thing to divide you. It was Alexia’s career that had been prioritized above you, a decision that you had made and believed in. 

Had you really ever thought you were more important than football? 

Had she done that? Had she felt that you were more important than football? 

All she could think of was how you were sick and alone, a burden to bear alone when you should have been loved and supported. 

Alexia was not angry that you hadn’t told her, not by a long shot. But she was furious with the circumstances, with her own choices, with everything else in the situation besides you. 

You had meant so much to her, and she had let you go without any recourse. She never even considered that there was so much depth to the decision you had made. 

And now here she stood, trying to pick up the pieces of something that had gone from broken to shattered entirely. 

Alexia knew that she loved you. 

That she still loves you, even after all this time. There were parts of a person that never changed, and she saw it in your expression. 

Even after all this time. 

Her career came first in every aspect of her life, but maybe just this once it didn’t have to. Maybe some personal happiness was deserved, maybe it could be her choice to try and fix this. 

Maybe she deserved a break, or some peace, or to undo all of the mistakes she had made in the last decade. Maybe the choice she made here would make her better, and not worse. 

The brunette had no idea if you still loved her anymore, not after the appalling things she had said, but she couldn’t let it go without at least trying to get you back. 

She had lost you once, and she wasn’t prepared to let it happen again without a fight. 

—

Alexia can’t bring herself to pick up the phone and dial, so she took the coward's way out and texted you to ask for your address. 

Much to her surprise, you answered her. It’s nothing more than the address rattled off, but it’s there. The brunette felt her heart constrict for a moment at the thought that it wasn’t really your address, that you had sent her a fake location. 

But at the same time, even if that were the case, a part of her would understand. For all the years that she had been hurt and alone and yearning desperately for you, it had been the same for you. 

The choice you had made was impossible, indescribable even, and Alexia knows in her heart that her career wouldn’t be where it was without your sacrifice. You had sacrificed your own dream so that she could live hers, and when it all came back to the two of you all these years later, she had completely desecrated that sacrifice without a second thought. 

She continued to be appalled with herself over that entire conversation. It was all she saw every time she closed her eyes, the words she had said rattling around in her brain all night long. 

The look on your face as she dug herself into a deeper hole, filled with disregard for how much care you had tried to give the situation. It was never going to be perfect, but you had tried to be perfect. And in that moment, she had acted as though it wasn’t enough. 

It was. 

You had always been more than enough for her, regardless of whether you two were together or not. 

Every single time she had laid in bed since, memories both good and bad of the two of you had pooled in her eyes, rolling down her cheek and escaping onto the pillow beneath her. 

She had lost her curiosity inside the ferocity of her own judgement, and she regretted it with every molecule inside of her. She regretted it so much that it made her feel physically ill, to the point where she no longer cared about being appropriate or saving face. 

It was late in the evening when she drove over to your apartment. She had a plan to go on Sunday morning, but it was Friday night and her self restraint had ground away until it no longer existed. 

The Catalan took the steps two at a time up to the third floor, knowing that each moment likely brought her closer to you. She hoped it did, at least. It was highly possible that you were out with friends or doing something fun, as you should be. 

But still hope gripped her with a strength she was unaware she ever had. Loving you was never the detractor she had spent the last decade convincing herself it was, but was where she got her strength. 

Loving you had breathed life into her and she was silly to have ever thought differently. 

She knocked on the door to your apartment before she could stop herself from overthinking every single one of her life choices. Her knuckles struck against the wooden door exactly three times, each one more forceful than the lost. 

The brunette waited with everything in her for the sound of anything in the wake of knocking. Any movement, any sign of life, anything. The seconds felt like hours and years as her heart rammed its way into her throat. 

And then she heard it, the softness of your voice as you called out that you were coming. 

Alexia was known for being a stoic person, never one to overly show emotion. She kept everything close to her chest, and rarely did she express how she was feeling. It took hours of knowing her, and even then she was still hesitant to show weakness. 

But the tears were pooling in her eyes even before you opened the door. 

And there you were. 

Standing in your pajamas, a book in your hand and an expression of mild surprise at the sight of Alexia nearly in tears at your door. It certainly wasn’t what you were expecting, though you knew the footballer had your address.  

“Ale?” You questioned softly, your voice barely there. The brunette swallowed thickly, trying and failing to conjure an apologetic smile. 

“I am sorry…I meant to come later but I couldn’t…wait,” she finished lamely, rather breathless as she fought to keep the pressure in her throat from turning into full blown sobs. You stared at her for a second, at how tense she was, at the anxiety written across her face. After you had tucked some of the hair away from your face, you stepped back into your apartment and widened the opening of the door. 

“Would you like to come in?” You proposed, and the footballer took your offer up with a shaky nod of her head. 

The brunette trailed after you further into the apartment. It was a large apartment, but it felt cozy and lived in. Half-burned candles and ear-marked books were strewn around the space, and a throw blanket could be found on every surface. 

She remembered that you had always run cold. When the two of you were young and in love, she would whisper to you about the warmth Barcelona would offer, even as she provided you plenty of her own body heat as she laid curled around you. 

“Alexia?” You probed lightly, and she shook her head as she glanced up, realizing that she had let her mind wander. Concern and compassion stared right back at her. 

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” she replied harshly, trying and failing to be discreet as she wiped at her eyes. 

“You don’t have to be,” you said delicately, gesturing toward the couch. “Why don’t we sit down?” 

You couldn’t help but realize that right now with just one look at Alexia, you already forgave her. Every line etched into her skin was written with devastation and contrition. Somewhere deep within you knew how she felt, and knew that she did not mean the things she had said. 

There was so much information to process, so much confusion and chaos, that you had both lost yourselves. 

Maybe there was an opportunity to be found again. 

You weren’t going to let the weakness of one moment detract from the opportunity that lay in front of you. 

You led her over to the couch, and the pair of you settled down across from one another. You sat with your back against one arm of the couch, while Alexia was across from you, her hands on her knees. Her knuckles were nearly white, and you wished in that moment to reach out and soothe the ache in her heart, even if you knew that you couldn’t. When the midfielder turned toward you, all you found facing you was suppliance. 

“I cannot explain to you how sorry I am,” she whispered, her voice choked with emotion. “I had no idea the sacrifice you had made for me, I had no idea that there was so much more behind all of this. I was foolish to believe that you broke up with me over something selfish or petty.” 

She seemed to bite her words back, as though her self-loathing was simply too great of a burden to contain for a moment. When she settled, the Catalan continued. 

“I never should have spoken to you that way. The truth is that I’ve spent the last nine years missing you, thinking about you, unable to get myself over the years we spent together. It feels as though you’ve been out of my life as long as you were in it, and I hate that. I hate that I haven’t been able to grow with you. I hate that when I lay awake at night I miss you with an ache I cannot even begin to describe to you. I hate that I wasn’t able to be there for you when you needed me. I hate that your sacrifice probably saved my career, even though I wish with everything in me that I was there for you when you needed me,” Alexia finally admitted, deciding to be nothing but brutally honest. 

“And I won’t lie to you and say there haven’t been other women in the years without you, but God it never compared to you. I didn’t give a shit about any of them, and I never really expected to. You’re intertwined within my soul in a way I don’t even fully understand, and living without you feels like walking around missing a limb. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over you, and I tried to force football down my throat because if it was the reason I lost you, it had to be worth it.” 

“I miss your smile and your laugh. I miss the way you roll your eyes at me when I do something ridiculous, or how patient you are with me when I get frustrated. I still find myself looking for you in every crowd, at every family gathering, everywhere. When I finally did see you again, it felt like a fever dream. The one thing I’ve wanted for the last nine years was granted to me, and there you were.” 

“You were standing there so perfectly and in one piece, and inexplicably, you seem to care about me still. I never could have imagined that happening, even if I dreamt about it every single night of my life that you haven’t been in,” Alexia continued, allowing herself to take a deep breath and center herself. Frustration passed over her face for a moment, entirely  

“I fucked this up royally, I know. I let the fear in my heart and the fear that those around me held get in the way of seeing the truth, and I need you to know how sorry I am. I never should have treated you that way. I never should have acted toward you with such hostility. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I need you to know that everything I said, I don’t believe. You are brave and wonderful and empathetic, and so, so, extraordinary. Please do not let anyone else ever say that you are not,” Alexia urged, looking at you with such clear intent you couldn’t tear your eyes away. 

“I still love you, Flori. I think that I always will. My heart knows what it means to love and be loved by you, and nothing will ever compare to that feeling. My heart was always yours to break, and I don’t care if you do it once or twice or a million times. All I know is that even if you don’t feel the same way, I need you to know that I love you,” Alexia said with finality, barely able to see against the blur of tears that swarmed in her eyes. 

You stood up from your end of the couch slowly while her eyes tracked every single one of your movements. You walked closer to her, settling down next to her as closely as you could while you reached over to place your shaking hands against the frame of her face. 

“You big, blithering idiot, of course I still love you,” you whispered fiercely, your face scrunched up somewhere between disbelief and teasing. Alexia let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was even holding, the entire upper half of her body collapsing into you. 

It was easy for you to catch the brunette, cradling her against you as she sobbed without restraint against you. It was easy to rock her back and forth softly, while you whispered sweet nothings into her ears. And it was just as easy to pull her away from you and utter the words she never thought she would hear. 

“I forgive you, and of course I still love you Ale. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and you still are. I’m right here, and I don’t plan on going anywhere, if you’ll have me. We might have lost our chance when we were young, but maybe we can have another one?” You proposed hopefully, almost with disbelief. Neither of you ever expected for this to be anywhere near possible, but here you both were. 

The Catalan’s expression broke entirely, silent tears rolling down her cheeks in defiance as she placed a hand on your arm and held it tightly. 

“I’m here,” was all she could manage, but it was enough. 

You leaned into her slowly as you glanced down at her lips, giving her time to pull away. It was a concern you needn't be worried about when she met you halfway, the feeling one of muscle memory even after all this time. You could taste the salt from her tears and yours as you kissed her. 

“Please stay,” you murmured through the ball in your throat as you pulled away just a touch, and Alexia gripped you impossibly tighter as she pulled you into a hug. 

For the first time in nine years, you fell asleep that night with the footballer’s body curled around your own, the feel of her chest breathing steadily against your back as she held you in her arms with content. 

It was the first time in a long while that you had felt warm enough when going to sleep, and hope ballooned inside you fervently. 

(a/n: So…anyone up for parts 4-10?)

[woso-story]

Always By Your Side

Alexia Putellas x Reader

You had always known that this day would come. Your dog Charlie was getting older—his fur a little whiter than before, his movements a little slower. But nothing could have prepared you for the moment when his body gave up before your heart was ready to let him go.

It started as just another night, curled up on the couch, watching Alexia play. The way she moved on the pitch always amazed you—graceful yet powerful, completely in control. Even through the screen, you could see the fire in her eyes, her determination as she fought for every ball. You cheered for her, smiling at how effortless she made everything look.

Charlie lay beside you, warm and comfortable, his tiny frame tucked under your arm as you absentmindedly ran your fingers through his soft fur. He had always been there—through every stage of your life, through every heartbreak and triumph. Fifteen years of unconditional love, of being your shadow, your best friend.

But then, out of nowhere, something changed.

A strange noise, almost a whimper. You looked down, heart immediately pounding as you realized something was wrong. His breathing was uneven, his little body trembling slightly.

“Charlie?” Your voice shook as you sat up. His eyes met yours, but they were clouded with something you couldn’t quite place—pain, maybe, or fear.

Panic set in. The game on the TV no longer mattered. You scooped him up, careful but urgent, grabbing your keys and rushing out the door. The drive to the emergency vet felt endless, your hands shaking on the wheel as you whispered reassurances to him, even though you weren’t sure he could hear you.

---

By the time you arrived, your stomach was twisted in knots. The waiting room was sterile, too bright, too cold. The vet took Charlie from your arms gently, but you already knew. The moment she looked at him, you saw it in her face.

“I’m so sorry,” she said softly. “His body is shutting down. There’s nothing we can do.”

The world seemed to tilt.

She explained it all—how his little heart was failing, how the best they could do was give him medicine to ease the pain for another week, maybe less. But prolonging it wouldn’t change the outcome.

Your voice was barely above a whisper. “I don’t want him to suffer.”

Tears blurred your vision as you held Charlie one last time, whispering every single thing you needed him to know. How much you loved him, how much he had saved you in ways he would never understand. How grateful you were for every moment, every wag of his tail, every night he curled up beside you when you felt like the world was too much.

And then, he was gone.

A sob tore through your chest, and you didn’t try to hold it in. The vet placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, offering words of comfort that barely registered. Your body shook, your heart breaking into pieces as you clung to the empty space where Charlie had been.

Through the blur of pain, you managed to grab your phone and send a message to Alexia.

"I'm at the vet. Charlie is gone."

It was all you could get out before your hands failed you, before grief swallowed you whole.

---

Miles away in Madrid, Alexia had just stepped off the pitch when her phone buzzed. She grabbed a water bottle from the bench, glancing down at the screen, expecting a text about the game.

The moment she read your message, her stomach dropped.

She tried calling immediately, but it went straight to voicemail. Her heartbeat was in her throat as she tried again. Nothing.

She didn’t hesitate.

Within minutes, she had booked the next flight back to Barcelona, ignoring the confused looks from her teammates. She barely registered the hurried drive to the airport, the late-night flight, the exhaustion pulling at her muscles after ninety minutes on the pitch. None of it mattered. The only thing that mattered was getting to you.

By the time she arrived at your apartment, it was past 3 AM. The city was quiet, the streets nearly empty. Using the spare key you had given her, she let herself in.

The apartment felt… hollow.

She walked through the darkened space, noticing Charlie’s empty bed by the couch, the leash still hanging by the door. It hit her all at once—what this must have done to you. She knew how much Charlie meant to you. She had seen the way your face lit up every time he trotted over to you, how he had been your constant through so many years.

The bedroom door was slightly open. She stepped inside quietly, her chest tightening at the sight of you curled up in bed, clutching one of Charlie’s toys to your chest. Your face was streaked with dried tears, your body curled in on itself like you were trying to hold yourself together.

Alexia swallowed against the lump in her throat.

She placed a glass of water on your nightstand before slipping into bed behind you. She didn’t say anything—just wrapped her arms around you, pulling you close. The warmth of her body startled you awake, and for a moment, you were disoriented. Then you saw her.

Fresh tears welled up in your eyes as you turned and buried your face in her chest. Your body trembled with silent sobs, and she held you tighter, pressing a kiss to your hair.

“I’m here,” she whispered. “I’m right here. Let it out, mi amor.”

And you did.

You cried until your body gave out, until the weight of grief became too much and sleep pulled you under once more.

---

The next morning, you woke up still wrapped in Alexia’s arms. The first thing you noticed was how sore your body felt—like you had been carrying something far too heavy for far too long.

She stirred beside you, brushing a few strands of hair from your face. “Drink some water,” she murmured, handing you the glass.

You took a few sips before setting it down, resting your head against her chest again. Neither of you spoke for a while, the silence filled only by the soft rise and fall of her breathing.

Finally, you whispered, “I don’t know how to do this without him.”

Alexia tightened her hold on you. “You don’t have to do it alone.”

You closed your eyes, tears slipping down your cheeks again. “How did you get here so fast?”

She pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I took the next flight after your text. Nothing was more important than being here with you.”

Your heart ached, but this time, it wasn’t just from grief. It was from love.

You looked up at her, voice barely above a whisper. “Thank you.”

She cupped your cheek gently, her thumb brushing away a stray tear. “Always.”

You knew the pain wouldn’t disappear overnight. Losing Charlie left a hole in your heart that nothing could truly fill. But as Alexia held you, grounding you, reminding you that you weren’t alone, you realized something.

You would get through this.

Because with Alexia by your side, you could get through anything.

[euphoria-looney]

Who Said Money Can't Buy You Happiness?

Yan!Crown Prince!Connor x Princess!Reader

m.list|V!special

"Where are you? - Where are you?- I'm at home. - I'm in a taxi. - Are you almost home? - Oh... I'm sorry. - For what? - Just, everything. - Go home. - I left my wallet there. - Ahh. - You know - Nevermind. - Just say it. - This doesn't feel like love anymore..." Can't Love You Anymore by IU ft. OHHYUK.

Divider Creds: @selysie and @anitalenia

This plot was inspired by @niwaart and @mimiiiiiiiiisstuff

Prince Connor hadn’t felt alive since the moment he was born, forced into a role that made everyone around you pretend to like you.

Of course, he’s grateful, but there are times he can’t help wondering, when will anything change?

Then he got the change he wanted, Tim, nothing romantic or anything, but Tim was smart and cool and another Prince for a different kingdom. Besides, he made a great partner to spare against and just talk to.

That wasn't the only change that Tim had brought upon him as he met [name]. Don’t get him wrong, she’s a sweet girl… but isn’t she trying too hard for his attention like all the only ladies of the court? She clung hard to him, though. He couldn’t shove her off, but sometimes, and only sometimes, he would be getting pushed above the bar.

It irked him how she kept following him around, and when that marriage proposal came around, he was borderline pissed but accepted it with a smile and a nod as it had pleased his father, pleased both the relations to the kingdoms, but it certainly did not please him and how Tim knew it each time during a sparring lesson he’d let Tim know that fact.

He knew he shouldn’t be this worked up on it; maybe he wouldn’t have been if it wasn’t for the constant bothering, every day, non-stop, it would be cookies, flowers, maybe a woven handkerchief. He’d throw them away without a second thought. 

Call him childish, but she just wasn’t the one.

He’s still ashamed of the one time he’d finally been caught throwing away her fresh batch of cookies that she had just given him.

“... [name], I’m sorry that you had to find out this way I just don’t like what you give me.” He thought she’d get the memo, but instead, she started making other things like croissants, macaroons, donuts, candy, and salty snacks. All discarded in a trash somewhere.

Then came a ball like any other, and like every other time, he’d make an excuse to leave his fiance alone, he knew it always caused a stir in society, but it hadn’t impacted him much, and then he stumbled upon his salvation. 

The moonlight glistened on her pale skin, illuminating her gorgeous ocean blue eyes, pure, innocent, and caring eyes. The way her hair flowed through the night sky like the world was made for her, waving on like tides in the wind. Her cheeks were rosy from the cold air but left no goosebumps on her soft skin, as that was just her natural appearance. But that’s not the only thing attracting him. 

No, it had to be the way she admired the mundane things in life like the flowers, the snapdragons that are always there, yet someone had taken the time to appreciate them, or the way animals surrounded her, feeling safe and curled up near her. She had dimples on each side of her cheeks when she was small, the melodic sound of her laugh, and naivety when she finally noticed him stumbling to stand up straight, giving a very clumsy curtsy.

That had made him chuckle, he extended his hand and let her palm lay on top of his before giving her hand a fleeting kiss, as she soon had to go back to her family. He felt disappointed when she left but noticed she went back to the Wayne Imperial family. 

He couldn’t get her out of his mind, so he finally asked Tim.

“Hey, Tim, my man.” 

“I’m unable to cancel the engagement between you and [name], Kon… Unless you somehow get her to agree or my father and your father while you’re at it.” He unsheathed his sword, and I followed his actions.

“No, nothing like that.” For now… he had thought to himself.

“Who was that blondie with you guys last night? The with those blue eyes.” I grunted as I blocked his slash, and he retracted before going to hit another blow.

“Ah, Serena, she’s my new sister and, between you and me, my favorite sibling.”

“Already?” 

“Indeed, it shocked me too, though I hated them all equally, but unlike us, she isn’t corrupt and stuck up. So, you can’t help but like her.” Connor couldn’t disagree with that and went for another blow, running to close the gap between them and jumping before giving an angled slash. That resulted in both their swords to go flying.

Making them go take a quick break, and came a [name] with a new snack it was caramel-drizzled brownies. He only gave her a little bit of acknowledgment, making her understand the sign, and left without a hitch; you could see her small smile that seemed a bit disappointed but went away nonetheless.

Tim took one before eating it, for the first time, something had changed Tim tried her cooking before Connor could throw it away.

“Damn, this is good, didn’t you say you liked brownies?” He wiped off crumbs from his mouth, but Connor couldn’t help but feel nothing towards the pastries, imagining Serena, now, if she was the one that made the brownies, why this would be a whole different story.

Eventually, they went back to normal conversations.

“Listen, Connor, Serena’s native, she’s not one to judge anyone, no matter how dangerous they are to her. Recently, [name]’s been doing stuff to her, for now, nothing too extreme, but that’s not the point whenever my family can’t be at any event, do protect her for us.” Connor felt an opportunity opened up for him.

Then he started seeing Serena more than talking, more than admiring her more, and he just couldn’t do it anymore.

He’s in love with her. 

Then, a banquet was hosted, and we finally decided to cancel the engagement. 

I walked up to [name]. She seemed different, but he hadn’t cared before, so this new attitude wouldn’t change how he felt now.

“[name], I have something to confess…” he had continued the princess took the words away from him.

“You’re breaking off the engagement.

He nodded. “... I’m breaking- wait, what?” He froze. That’s not what was supposed to happen, well,l not in the way he thought it would go, at least.

Somehow, while Connor was still in a frozen state, they settled on 500,000 gold coins as their way of finalizing their canceled contract.

He kept getting bothered by many ladies during that ball, which reminded him why that engagement was important to him somewhat, and finally getting ready for bed, he couldn’t help but toss and turn.

Why though?

Isn’t this what he wanted?

Yes, yes, of course, he had wanted this. But why? Why was Princess [name] so calm about this?

Then, a few days passed, and no cookies, flowers, or handkerchiefs. That’s fine he didn’t like them anyway, he always threw them away. He then glanced at the last thing [name] had cooked for him.

Cookies.

Just like the first time she had brought something for him.

He grabbed one before bitting off a bit, then another, before picking up another cookie and repeating the process before finishing it off. 

Then, somehow, he managed to be in her office and approached her.

“Is there something you need from me, you Highness.”

For an odd reason, he kept silent, but it seemed as if he said something as she only rubbed her head out of agitation and used her pen to scratch something off her paper before standing up, and he couldn’t help but hold onto her wrist before she scrunched her face at him pulling away holding her arm out to Aldira the butler that has been the talk after the ceremony for the twins. He gave her some hand sanitizer, and she motioned him away he headed somewhere.

She sighed before saying, “If that’s all, I’ll be excused.”

He tried reaching out again, and then, all of a sudden, he was in a whole other universe.

Met with… [name]?

[name] has adjusted fine into her position with all the businessy stuff and the singing, playing instruments, ballet, and ice skating. She wanted to die but felt like that would be wrong as the og![name] probably wouldn’t like that, at least, that’s what she assumes.

Then, as she suddenly had a clear thought in her head to go to her office, she looked at herself in the mirror, normally, what was not normal was Connor Kent dressed up in a royal suit… That brought back memories.

“[name]?” He spoke out.

“How are you here, Your Highness?” [name] trembled.

He went over to her, bringing her into an embrace before being promptly shoved off.

“... [name], I know that I’ve made a mistake, but please.”

“Please, just leave me alone. You’ve made your bed; now you have to lay in it.”

“What are you saying..?”

“I’m saying I’m done being pathetic; I’m done loving you.”

“That can’t be true- [name].” Connor tried to reach out, but suddenly, everything went dark for the both of them.

Shooting up [name] heavily breathed.

Blinking his eyes open, his hand for some reason, reaching out.

“That was all a dream…” 

Btw guy this is not canon ❤.

Sorry for not updating the main story, I'm feeling a little (a lot) lazy and have a brief moment of pausing when I try to write for either of my stories.

I am slowly able to make progress on my SMM story, but I can't say the same for this one.

Enjoy this one. Hopefully, if I'm too bored at school and don't short-circuit, I can publish another chapter or something IDK.

Anyway, Happy Late Valentine's Day! -

ILoveeeMoney

Taglist (?) I hope I added everyone and hopefully, none of them are wrong.

@kittzu @charlenexoxo1 @bat1212 @silverklaus @sillysealsies @roseytheteacup @iliveinyourwallsrat @cozmie @tomoyaki @cynniee @jsprien213 @kore-of-the-underworld @anonymoushehehehe @ninihrtss @devia @fanficloverlol @masterradd-28 @aigenarated @welpthisisboring @h-ib @diemdurantia @alishii @random4137 @totired0-0 @00hellohello00 @sh4rk-k1d @shadowytravelerlover @r-u-s-s-i-a-h @paperhermits @ocean-mochi @simpingpandas @crazycaoticsimp @candlejuice @twismare @itsberrydreemurstuff @delias-stuff @shycreatorreview @randomlyappearingartist @not-aya @c4xcocoa @midnightgrimoire @time-shardz

Me tagging people who probably came for pt.2:

[sometimes-dinosaurs-are-gay]

Ya, like. Ya.

And another thing; it's so much harder to be sad now. I was upset the other day about something out of my control, doesn't matter what it was. And I was feeling self conscious and angry and even started to hate myself a little like I used to. And I was crying with my girlfriend about it. And hours later, after the tears were done, after I had calmed down and was going to bed, I was thinking that I had never felt so hopeless before that crying session. Even when dad died. And the situation was *not that deep* lol. My gf checked on me before she came to bed. She said, "hey, are you gonna be ok if I stay up a little longer? Are you safe to be alone tonight?" God I love her. But, ya I was fine. In the past that would have been a dangerous night. But right then, it just sucked. I realized it sucked so much more because I had not thought of suicide once before she checked on me. It hadn't crossed my mind.

I don't have my out anymore. Now, when things suck, *I have to fix it.* I can't just wait to get brave enough to end everything. Now that that's not an option, I have to live. It's a lot of responsibility that I've never felt the weight of before.

In that way, I'm kinda grateful for my suicidality. I think it was a way of coping with a life situation that I had no control over and could not change. It does not serve me anymore, and I'm ok with that.

I've never been happier or more stable in my life, so I guess I don't need to die anymore.

Also Bupropion. It's good shit.

Being like. Post-suicidal is so strange. Like hiiiii everybody im new I spent a good chunk of my life languishing and have like 3 or 4 lived experiences. But now I'm ready to fuck and party or whatever. Can we be friends. Im so happy to be here. Can we be friends

[totalswag]

!unexpected surprise! ☆ drew starkey ☆ chapter one

authors note first chapter of my series omg!

summary in which you're cautious when Drew Starkey sneaks into your DMs following a casual encounter at a party. he is well-known for his role in a popular tv show and movies—has millions of fans. the two of you start communicating quietly, slipping minutes between his hectic schedule and your social media responsibilities. the secrecy adds to the excitement, but as the media learns about your link, it becomes increasingly difficult to hide.

series taglist

You are well-known in the social media world. You've been given the opportunity to build close relationships with your supporters—to develop a family and be yourself. Features everything from trip vlogs to fashion hauls, insightful conversations, and humorous content. Your work has built up a big following, with which businesses compete to cooperate. However, you value privacy and provide just the most basic information to your supporters.

Eight o'clock rolls around. Stella gets to your apartment dressed and ready for the night. Before heading out, you both walked to the kitchen to get your pre-game drinks made. Music playing from your speaker sitting on the table in the living room⎯keeping the energy high. 

Tonight you are wearing a jeans with a black tank top with a red heart in the middle along with a cute jacket. Hair and makeup was a little different for the night. Of course, you needed your earrings and twi necklaces. You felt good about yourself.

"No joke, I've been rummaging through my closet for a good outfit," you say as you place the cups down. "I'm not sure why I'm having this strange feeling, but," pause, "who knows what it is about," shaking your head.

"Maybe you'll find your future lover?" she exclaimed dramatically, twisting the cap of the tequila bottle. She put the shots into two tiny glasses. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" she mocked, offering you a shot.

"How can I refuse" you say, smirking and clinking your glasses together.

Stella has been your best friend for seven years, and you are forever grateful to her. She's the type of friend that would drop everything in a moment to be with you and ensure you have a nice time. Her quirky characteristics will make you giggle until your abs hurt.

The drive to the party took twenty minutes. By the time Stella and you get to the neighborhood gate and are let inside, she has taken a few turns and there are several cars parked on the side. Fortunately, Stella found the right spot near the house.

The house was already alive with energy⎯music blared through the air, and groups of people huddled around in conversation, drinks in hand. Stella and you strolled through the crowd of people, her enthusiasm clear. "There they are!" She waved to a small gathering near the kitchen.

One of the girls in the group, carrying a drink, looked over her shoulder, her face lighting up with a smile as she noticed you both going over. "Oh my gosh, so glad you could make it!" Her voice was full of enthusiasm, “I’m Leah and this is Jake.”

"Nice to meet you both, I'm Y/N, and thank you for inviting us," you say politely, shaking each of their hands in a soft gesture. 

As the night continued on, you and Stella stayed by each other. Got the chance to introduce yourselves to new faces around the party and strike conversations. Saw a few familiar faces you’ve worked with before too. Leah and Jake were extremely amazing, keeping you laughing non-stop with their jokes.

And then he walked in.

Drew Starkey.

You spotted him right away⎯tall, effortlessly calm, and commanding without trying. He was deep in conversation with a few people before making his way to where you stood, drink in hand. You weren’t expecting him to actually walk up to you either. 

Before you could blink, he’s standing in front of you, “hey, I don’t think we’ve ever met before, I’m Drew” putting his hand out, smiling softly.

Drew Starkey is talking to me? You think to yourself.

“Y/N,” you carefully say, maintaining eye contact.

Conversation begins between you two. It felt so usual for you, and you didn't feel nervous at all⎯you felt serene, as you put it. The way he focused his attention on you and not anybody else made your tummy flutter⎯as if you two were the only ones in the room. Drew was easy to talk to.

Something about the way his eyes lingered suggested he was intrigued. The conversation between you two was comfortable and natural—even when people walked around the party, he remained, inquiring about what you did and why you came here.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do?” he carefully asks⎯it was obvious he didn’t want to go overboard.

Chuckling softly, running your hands through your hair, “I guess you could say I’m in the entertainment industry” you playfully hint, grinning. 

Raising his eyebrows in amusement, tilting his head back, “looks like I’m gonna have to find out another time then?” he asks with confidence⎯you like it.

Before he left your side, he pulled out his phone. “What’s your Instagram?”

You told him, watching as he followed you without hesitation. “Guess I have some catching up to do.”

Later that night, when you got back to your apartment, your phone buzzed with a notification. Stella's eyes nearly fell out their sockets when she glanced at your screen.

drewstarkey followed you.

drewstarkey sent you a message.

This was going to be interesting.

"Shut the fuck up" you both gasped.

series taglist

@akobx @ethanthequeefqueen

[rcklessheavn]

𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐫 ── ★ ˙🏎️ ̟ !!

f1 driver!matt x influencer!reader au

summary: after influencer!reader is invited to give interviews at the grand prix event, she meets matt and everything changes for both of them.

pt. 1

warning: none

disclaimer: english is NOT my first language

Yy/n.y/l posted

liked by nicolassturniolo, tarayummy, samgolbach, & 110.8k others

2,345 comments

y/n.y/l i am already in love with you, monaco <3

nicolassturniolo i'm so excited to finally meet you!!

y/n.y/l same king sameee💗💗

tarayummy yessss queen!!! i´m so excited for you!!!

y/n.y/l thx bff!! ily <3

vinniehacker see u soon sis!!

y/n.y/l i still can't believe youre coming... they let anyone in these days🤩

vinniehacker ok rudeeeeee😔😔

y/nfan.user OMG IM SO PROUD OF YOUUUU!!

y/n.y/l couldnt have done it without you guys!!!💐

y/n.sturniolos22 WAIT WHAT IF SHE MEETS MATT!!!!

y/nlovesferrari OH GIRL I JUST KNOW THE VLOG WILL EATTT‼️‼️

sturniolos_fan OMG FINALLY!! SHE MADE IT!!! CANT WAIT FOR THE CONTENT!!!!!

Back to the beginning...

It all started one morning when you were filming a ‘day in the life’ vlog, an audience favorite. Everyone loved seeing how monotone—or exciting—your day could be, depending on your schedule that day. Your specialty was vlogging, mainly showcasing how far from perfect your life actually was, while still expressing how grateful and blessed you felt. And everyone loved you for it.

That filming day, you were being productive: cleaning your apartment, running errands, and answering emails by midday. As you scrolled through your inbox, a red, very familiar logo caught your eye. It had just landed in your inbox. The bright F1 logo made you freeze in your tracks. 

Your whole life, you’d been a fan of Formula 1—blame Cars the movie, and your dad and older brother for waking up early to watch races when it was still strawberry shortcake and breakfast time. You grew up alongside race cars and Formula 1, and more specifically, Ferrari. They were your team since you could remember. So when you quickly scrolled down, eager to verify if the email was real, you saw both the Formula 1 and Ferrari logos. You thought you might faint.

You composed yourself and started reading:

YOU’RE INVITED TO THE MONACO GRAND PRIX

Dear Y/N L/N,

We are huge fans of your content and find it extremely engaging. We’ve heard of your love and admiration for both Formula 1 and our Ferrari family. We are inspired by your adventurous spirit and would like to support you through a partnership and experience that could benefit both you and us.

Our Ferrari family would like to present you with a proposal to experience our Grand Prix in Monaco! We will cover all your travel expenses, including air tickets and hotel stays. We would also love for you to interview our drivers and create content for our social media.

We look forward to hearing back from you.

Sincerely,  

The Ferrari and Formula 1 Family.

You couldn’t believe what you were reading. This was your dream, something you’d always imagined, and now it was actually happening. You grabbed your camera, focused it on yourself, and began recording.

“Guys! I just got the most exciting and unbelievable email ever! Without revealing too much, I just want to say how thankful and blessed I am to have you all with me! I’m about to fulfill a lifetime dream, and I couldn’t have done it without you! This vlog is going to be so exciting, so stay tuned!” With a bright smile, you stopped the camera, and the realization of what was happening hit you.

You quickly grabbed your phone and called your agent, Hailey, just to confirm it was real and that everything was going to happen. The phone rang twice before Hailey picked up.

“DID YOU SEE THE F1 EMAIL?!” you blurted out.

Hailey chuckled. “YOU FINALLY SAW IT! I’ve been reading it for over 15 minutes waiting for your call!” she said, and you laughed.

“Well, I just saw it! Please tell me I can do it and that I’m free to go!” you begged.

She sighed dramatically. “I’d rather jump out of my third-floor window right now than tell you no. Did you really think you wouldn’t go? Your dad would kill me, your brother would kill me, your mom would kill me, and YOU most of all would kill me. And listen, even if we had something scheduled for those dates, I’d call in every favor just to move it. Oh, girl, we are going to Monaco!”

Hailey’s excitement made you grin. “UGH, Hails, you're the best!” you said.

“Yeah, I know. That’s why I’m employed,” she teased.

You both laughed, and then she became all business again. “Okay, I’ll email them back. You focus on looking for hotels, and we’ll regroup tomorrow to have a nice meeting and schedule everything. Sound good?”

“Absolutely perfect! I’ll call you tomorrow!” You both said your goodbyes and hung up. Everything felt like a dream, and you couldn’t wait for this adventure to begin.

The next few weeks were a blur of planning, scheduling, and packing for your dream trip. You vlogged every moment without revealing exactly where you were going, leaving your audience hanging. Your excitement was almost overwhelming, but you couldn’t deny the nerves creeping in. The idea of being surrounded by people you admired, the ones you’d seen on screens for years, was crazy to you.

The one thing you were most excited about? The interviews. You had no idea who would actually be willing to sit down with an influencer, but you didn’t care. What made your heart race was the thought of interviewing a certain driver—Matt Sturniolo. 

He was an American, a triplet, and a rising star in Formula 1. Was he your celebrity crush? Not really. But, you weren’t blind. He had an amazing presence, both on and off the track. Funny enough, his brother Nick was a mutual friend on Instagram, and you’d talked a few times about hanging out at the Grand Prix, neither of you knowing who’d be there. Nick was an influencer with his own lip balm brand, Space Camp, which you loved—it was genuinely good stuff. 

Chris, the other brother, was a loud, lovable figure in the social media world, owning his own clothing brand, Fresh Love, which was wildly successful. As for Matt, he was the quieter one in the triplet group, but still had a natural charisma that came through, especially in his brothers' videos. His passion for racing started at a young age, eventually leading him to Ferrari—the team he’d always dreamed of driving for. 

You were definitely looking forward to interviewing him. You hoped you’d get to see beyond his public persona and uncover a little more of who he was—at least on the surface.

Present Day...

You’d landed in Monaco 12 hours ago, and so far, jet lag hadn’t been an issue. You’d managed to sleep through the entire flight. Arriving in the morning gave you the chance to explore the city and even see the track with a few others who had arrived early. 

That night, you had nothing planned, so you decided to treat yourself to room service and relax. Tomorrow marked the official start of the event and all the activities you had lined up. You couldn't contain your excitement, so you made a small post on Instagram, revealing where you were. You scrolled through a few stories, liked some posts, and finally went to bed.

Tomorrow was going to be unreal.

a story by rcklessheavn

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ series link

⋆˙⟡ tag list

⤷ authors note: AHHHH!!!! i cant believe i'm finally starting this!! i had so much fun doing this, i hope you guys enjoy this first one :))

@courta13 @matthewsroses @mattswifeyy @sturniolomatthewb @nessabarretswhore @nickmillersn1gf @mattslefttoenail @thecrawlys @tuttifruttixx @obsessedwiththesturniolos @period-queen1 @pair-of-pantaloons @b4by-hon3y @idkwhatthisis2009 @malsmind @matts-247

[ssentimentals]

Hello! Happy Valentine's Day, Sunshine! I hope you're having the best day! I wanted to know if I could request the secret relationship prompt with Reader x Joshua for your drabble contest? Thank you! :)

awww happy belated valentine's day, dear! hope you're having the best day too <3 of course you can, thank you so much for requesting! 💜

prompt secret relationship

that's not what he had in mind. joshua grimaces at the sight of you walking through the back door. his hand misses your warmth instantly and not for the first time since he started dating you, he curses his fame. he's grateful, of course. he is infinitely thankful for all the love and support and opportunity to do what he loves, but this world is not a perfect place and he pays his price for all this spotlight fully. not being able to hold your hand, show you around, kiss you in front of everyone - that's part of the price he pays.

'josh? your turn!'

he goes on stage with a practiced smile which is not fake because he is sincerely happy to be here. but when he comes out of it, when he sees you climbing into the van with a cap and a mask on, surrounded by two body guards, he kind of hates everything. joshua waves to everyone and makes sure to thakn every single member of staff before getting into the car and sliding door shut.

'you were amazing out there, dear!' your support is always the sweetest. it's sincere, it vanishes his tiredness and lights up his heart. you take off your mask and reach out to him, smiling. 'i'm so proud of you, josh.'

at moments like that joshua wants to cry. the guilt sits heavy in his soul because god he is also so proud of you and the only thing he wants is for an opportunity to show it to everyone. you deserve attention, you deserve that kind of attention as well - the one where all cameras are pointed at your figure, when people are screaming your name. it angers him that he can't provide it to you; when his arms wrap around your body, bringing you close, he sighs loudly. 'i love you so much,' joshua whispers into your hair, adjusting you so you sit right on his lap the driver be damned. 'wish you were with me.'

you huff, kiss his cheek and lean back, cradling his face in your hands. 'i was there with you, baby.' you counter, smiling.

joshua shakes his head. 'you were at the backstage hidden from everyone. that's not fair.'

you pause, looking at him intently. it never occured to you that joshua is that bothered by the whole 'secret relationship' thing - you both knew clauses in his contract, both agreed to still give it a try being very careful. it surely is not your ideal scenario but you know it's only for a year and then you two are free to announce your status for the whole world. it seemed reasonable back then and while this is not your ideal scenario, you got used to it. and maybe that's what is clawing at joshua's heart the most - how you just got used to it.

'everyone thinks you're my close friend,' he rolls his eyes, sounding incredibly bitter. 'fuck, i'm so- i'm so tired of it. just want to always hold you like this,' he hugs you tighter.

'time will come, babe.' you assure him although your voice cracks at the end. god, you want all of him too, not just the bits behind the scenes. 'you shouldn't worry about it.'

it breaks joshua's heart how sincere you are. he leans his head to your shoulder and sighs. 'i do not deserve you,' he whispers, kissing your skin tenderly. 'i do not deserve you at all.'

'stop this nonsense.' you try to sound stern but at the sight of joshua's sad eyes, you melt. 'baby, please. it's- well, it's not okay but i promise i can wait few months more.'

'i will do the hardest of all hard launches in the history with you,' he promises, making you giggle. 'i will get on the roof of my apartment, my fans will gather underneath and i will just scream that you're my girlfriend. i then will-'

'dramatic much?' you ask, laughing. 'josh-'

'you deserve the world,' he mutters hotly, bringing you so close until it's hard to tell where you end and he begins. 'i will make sure you'll get it. i promise, angel.'

you smile gently, leaning in to kiss him. secret relationship is not your ideal scenario but joshua makes it so, so worth it.

a/n: i literally saw this in a dream aldfhksdjs, hopefully you'll like it! - nini

request your own here

my other seventeen works are here

[blxxmingrose]

“have a little faith in our little arthur,” hans said encouragingly, the little patch of soil that their son had tried tending to set aside for now, but hans knew he’d be back later to give it a little more inspection. “you know he gets excited by learning something new, but scooter is always a tempting playmate.” 

scooter had been wonderful when arthur arrived, his watchful eyes always looking on as the little infant grew to become a curious one. he had even played around with arthur’s antics, just as he was playing along with julia’s now. 

jinx was a more laid-back companion for the kids, but she was there too, nuzzling beside them when they napped. and when there were tears, all of them were quick to do whatever they did best to turn frowns into smiles. hans was especially grateful for those moments that made june’s calming presence shine through. he always held hans’ hand securely, but he held their children even more, assuring them that they were loved and cherished. 

hans reached out to june but was met with a smaller hand whose fingers wrapped around his finger so tightly, a gummy smile melting his heart as he looked at her fondly. “are you enjoying your time watching your brother make a mess, julia?” he asked gently before his eyes shifted to june, hearing his words about how this kind of happiness was so surreal, and now they had it. they’re living it. 

he looked at the front door and the simple shoe rack beside it where there used to be two pairs of boots. now there were four. there were colorful umbrellas on a stand, and toys that had escaped this morning’s roundup. hans chuckled at the fact that now, there was always undeniable evidence that their life had grown. their love had grown. it had grown into two tiny humans they would lay their life for if it was ever needed. 

two tiny humans whose smiles served as a soothing salve for the roughest days. “i don’t think i would have believed it either, but now here we are.” hans scanned the garden for the giggles of their son running after scooter, who has grown even bigger now too. “i did not know this kind of happiness existed. i'm glad we get to experience it.” 

as their son’s laughter echoed around them, hans couldn’t help but say a silent prayer of thanks for everything they now had with them. it was not an extravagant life, but it had everything they could ever need to be happy. “the sun is about to set,” hans noted as he looked up at the sky, the colors changing into golden hues. “shall we go take a walk on the beach before dinner?”

it was another habit they had started as a family, showing the children that there was joy to be had in something free—in being free. and as hans called on arthur to wait up, he stood up slowly and motioned to take julia in his arms. “let me carry her, you need a break,” he said fondly, pressing a quick kiss to june’s cheek. they had always been good at teamwork, at taking care of each other, and supporting each other. it was what their vows spoke of, and they were living it every day.

june hadn’t known what came after a love like theirs, either.

he had spent so much of his life believing in temporary things, in fleeting moments that would never last. even after meeting hans, even after falling into the kind of love he never thought was meant for him, there had always been that quiet fear lingering in the back of his mind — what happens when the dream ends?

but it hadn’t ended. it had only ever grown.

june shifted slightly, adjusting the weight of their daughter in his arms as she babbled softly, her toy gripped tightly in one hand as her other rested against his chest. she was warm, safe, small fingers curling against the fabric of his shirt as he rocked her gently, watching the scene unfold before them.

hans and their son in the garden, a sight so tender and so full of love that it made june’s breath catch. hans had always been gentle, always careful, and the way he guided their son’s hands over the soil, the way he had dressed him in a tiny apron and sunhat to protect him, made june’s heart ache with something deep and immeasurable.

this was their happily ever after. and it wasn’t an ending. it was the start of something endless.

june returned hans’s wave with a small smile, tilting his head as their daughter let out a delighted squeal at the sight of her father. she adored hans — both of their children did. how could they not, when hans had the kindest hands, the warmest voice, a love so vast and unwavering that it wrapped around them all like a shield?

scooter came bounding in with a stick, and just like that, their son’s attention shifted, his little hands grasping for it as he threw it with all his strength. june chuckled softly, pressing a kiss to their daughter’s head as hans made his way toward him, his expression full of pride as he took his seat beside him.

june huffed a quiet laugh, his free hand finding hans’s without a second thought, fingers sliding together as naturally as breathing. “that’s longer than i expected,” he murmured, eyes flicking to their son, who was now fully immersed in a game of fetch with scooter. “i’d call that a win.”

jinx wasted no time curling up in hans’s lap, and for a moment, june just sat there, taking it all in. the warm weight of their daughter against his chest, the feeling of hans’s hand in his own, the soft afternoon breeze rustling through the trees. this was their home, their life, their family.

he had never imagined this for himself. never thought he’d have something this whole, this complete. and yet, here it was.

june let out a slow breath, his grip on hans’s hand tightening slightly. “if someone had told me years ago that this was what happiness looked like,” he admitted, his voice quiet, thoughtful, “i don’t think i would’ve believed them.”

his gaze drifted over their home, he thought about the garden hans had cultivated with such care, the patio they had built together, the little hands that had reached for them in the middle of the night, needing comfort, needing love. “but it’s ours,” he said, tilting his head to look at hans, at the man he had chosen to spend forever with. “and i wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

the sun had started to dip lower in the sky, painting the world in soft gold, and june knew — he knew — that no matter what came next, no matter how many new chapters were written, their love would be woven into all of it.

[wintrsfell]

You've still got it, I'm just keeping an eye

Headlock masterlist

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Synopsis: After five years away from Winterfell, the reader returns to serve on Cregan's council. Old rivalries and new feelings arise.

Pairings: Cregan Stark & AFAB!Hornwood!Reader

Word count: 2713

Warnings: mentions of the death of a parent, reader is described as 'a woman' and 'a girl' (gender roles are a part of the story), like truly childish at times inner monologue from the reader (we support women's rights and wrongs on this blog)

Notes: getting into it a bit more with a few flashback- type scenes and some of the background as to why Cregan and the reader do not get along. While not written in first person, the fic is mainly for the reader's perspective, and her insecurities make her a bit of an unreliable narrator when it comes to Cregan (she is full on annoying in this, idk what to tell you). I kind of hate the pov but i'm committed now. Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! Thank you so much for reading the first part, reblogging and commenting<3 (ily). This isn't edited, I've been hungover for like three days and I'm starting to think it's just the flu

The low winter sun starts creeping over the mountains in the East, coming through the window of her chambers and slowly coaxing her from slumber. The light is blinding, making her eyes burn as she blearily blinks them open. Sleep clouds her mind, and for a moment, she does not know where she is. Then, it all comes creeping in. The soft furs against her skin, the familiar crackling of the fire just feet away, the distinct smell of pine and woodsmoke. Her chambers at Winterfell. The very ones she had occupied from ages eight through her late teens. She has not slept so well in years.

The morning routine she follows is familiar. The never-ending struggle with her corset, the braiding of her hair, and the stillness of Winterfell’s thick stone walls all lend themselves to the sense of peace that settles over her. The Lord of the Castle may be an ever-present irritation, but the keep itself feels like a warm hug—like coming home after a long journey.

The castle is quiet as she makes her way down to the smaller hall beside the great hall, where meals are most often taken. The sound of her boots hitting the floor echoes between the stone walls, too loud in the silence. It grates on her ears. Perhaps time is playing a trick on her mind, but she never remembered Winterfell as being this quiet. In her childhood, idealized as it may have become by the years that have passed, the keep was always bustling with life. She remembers running through the halls with Cley and Cregan; days spent exploring the Wolfswood during that one particularly long summer they had gotten when they were ten, remembers Lord Rickon always allowing them to stay at the feasts for just a bit longer than children were usually allowed to. Everything had seemed so alive then, so bright and full of life.

Now, the stillness was almost eerie. 

Stepping into the hall, her gaze flits across the room. One long trestle table sits in the center, and servants are already moving about quietly to set up the morning meal. A fire crackles steadily in the heart on the far wall, casting a warm glow in the otherwise cold hall. For a moment, she stands completely still, resisting the urge to squeeze her eyes shut against the onslaught of memories.

A shuddering breath is taken as she steels herself, small steps carrying her toward a chair near the end of the table. After pouring a cup of tea, she cradles the hot ceramic in her hands, letting it warm her frozen fingers. No one else seems to be awake at this hour, and the moment of peace is somewhere between welcome and unsettling.

Heavy steps against the flagstones draw her gaze to the tall wooden doors leading into the hall. Cregan walks with measured movements, everything about him practiced and precise. His eyes flit across the room, much like hers had done earlier, and narrow slightly as they land on her seated form. There is something intense in his gaze, something almost assessing.

She breaks eye contact first, and somehow, it feels like a loss. We are not playing a game, she reminds herself sternly, there are no winners or losers. Taking another bite of her porridge, she straightens up in her seat. He will not see her be thrown off balance by his presence.

Cregan averts his eyes, and the absence of that intimidating stare makes her let out a quiet breath of relief. It is far too early to bicker with him. Taking a seat on the other end of the table, he starts filling his plate with food, still not looking at her. She eats hers quicker, but cannot help herself from studying him discretely out of the corner of her eye.

His face is a mask of stone, stern and impassive. He looks every inch the formidable northern lord, the sharp angles of his face highlighted clearly in the early morning light. 

She remembers when he had started looking different, when the rounder face of his youth had started turning into the serious face of a man. How she had mentally kicked herself every time her eyes had lingered a little too long on his newly broadened shoulders. It had only been driven by proximity, by the changes of growing from a girl into a woman, but it had been persistent nonetheless.

At times, he had caught her staring. The first time, his brows had drawn together as if confused, a barely perceptible reaction on his otherwise unreadable expression. Then, the ghost of a smirk had tugged at the corner of his lips, eyebrow raising ever so slightly. She had looked away quickly, mentally preparing herself for some annoying remark from him, but it never came. Instead, he had lingered in the library for a moment too long, before making sure his shoulder brushed against hers as he walked past her and out of the room. Only to unsettle her, she was sure. She had avoided him for a week after that, hoping time would make him forget about the encounter, make him forget to tease her about it.

The older Cregan seemed more subdued, less likely to throw out remarks made only to irritate her. Yet there was something in the way he looked at her sometimes, something that made her feel like he remembered their childhood quarrels just as well as she did. 

She pushes her plate away, smoothing out the skirts of her dress on habit as she rises from the table. The steps carrying her towards the door are a tad too quick, and she cringes when she feels Cregan’s intense stare burning into the back of her head. Just as she is about to step through the doors, there is a deep call of her name. Her name, not her title.

She turns, schooling her expression into something neutral as she meets Cregan’s grey eyes. Stormy, as usual. “Aye?”

His eyes move across her features for just a moment before saying, “The council meeting is at noon.”

She blinks at him, her mind struggling to process the fact that he is telling her something actually helpful. Of course, she already knew when the council meeting was. She had asked Cley about it yesterday and written it down. Twice.

Realizing that she is staring at him, quite foolishly, she quickly straightens up, trying to school her features into something resembling a politely neutral expression. She fears it is more of a grimace. “Right. Thank you.” She hesitates for another moment, before adding. “Cregan.”

She ignores how odd his name sounds on her lips after all these years as she turns to walk out of the hall. She forces herself to take slower steps this time.

Cregan Stark has gotten more handsome in the intervening years, she notes with ire, as he lists off the topics of the day’s council meeting. He sits at the head of the table, back straight yet still looking perfectly at ease. She had always envied him that, the ease with which he seemed to move through life. More annoying still, is that he is not even cocky about it. In their youth he could be incessant in his need to prove himself, certainly- but something changes the year after Lord Rickon died. 

He had grown more somber, every word and decision weighed carefully. Where she and Clay could still dissolve into fits of laughter, the most he gave was the ghost of a smile upon the stern set of his mouth. The only times he seemed truly entertained were in the few instances when he still took the time to bother her.

The year they turned six-and-ten, he started outright teasing her. Not in the friendly, casual way that Cley did, but in a nearly condescending tone of voice. She had hated how it always made her face heat. Up until then, he had rarely managed to throw her off balance, but it was as if a switch had been flicked. As if he’d suddenly solved the puzzle of robbing her of any clever remarks.

They had been in the library tower that first time, and upon later reflection, she decided that perhaps that particular part of the keep was cursed. Most of her embarrassing moments with the young Lord of Winterfell had happened there.

She and Cley had been arguing about something or other that she cannot recall now. The year in which some king had died, likely, and Cregan had corrected her in a lazy drawl that made anger bubble up within her chest. She had huffed, glaring daggers at him, and nearly exploded when he only looked up at her, slightly bemused.

She had stood from the table abruptly, moving to put her book back on its shelf, only to realize that the shelf was too high up. She could not reach it. The stupid, bloody keep was built for giants. It was the final straw, and she turned to glare at him again, biting out, “Gods, Cregan, must you always be so insufferable?”

Cley had laughed, but Cregan had only stood, coming to stand behind her in two long strides. He took the book from her hands, nearly making her jump as his fingers brushed hers, and put it back in its place. How did he even remember which shelf it was supposed to be on? Once again, he had to be annoyingly good at everything. Or had he been watching her? The motion made his chest brush against her back, and at the same time he nearly coos, “Aww, that’s not nice, my lady.”

His proximity, mixed with the uncharacteristically soft tone of his deep, accented voice, had made her face feel like it was on fire. Her mouth opened and shut at the same time as he stepped back, looking insufferably pleased with himself. 

She had scrambled out of the library so quickly that she left her cloak behind.

Looking at him now, she couldn’t imagine him doing such a thing. He seemed so serious, so grown, in comparison to her. Most days, she still felt like she was barely keeping her head above water. The incessant need to prove herself that both she and Cregan had felt in their youths, that had made them clash so frequently- now seems to have left him entirely.

She still feels its itch clawing beneath her skin, as she sits at a table surrounded by men. Cregan and Cley were her age, but she feels little kinship with the man Cregan has turned into. His quiet capability, the infuriatingly subtle self-assuredness, the way he spoke so little yet with so much weight, all stood in stark contrast to the way she wanted to speak up just to prove that she belonged there. To prove that while she was not a man, she was just as clever. Perhaps just to prove that she has something to say.

It had plagued her in their youths, and perhaps it is also why Cregan’s need to be right had been so frustrating to her. Cley never seemed to mind, only rolling his eyes in a good-natured manner whenever Cregan was too obvious about it. But to her, it had been like a confirmation that she would never measure up, this need to correct her. These two boys, who were growing up alongside her, got the same education as she did- would get to use it for something. They would be lords, ruling over castles, making decisions, making a difference. She would only be somebody’s wife. The thought of them not thinking of her as clever had made her feel physically ill at times.

Still, she bites her tongue as Winterfell’s steward gives them an update about the state of the harvest. She was trying to learn the art of not speaking unless she had something important to say, of resisting the urge to point out the obvious. It was a childish thing, one that had no place in councils such as this.

The meeting goes on, and for a long time, it is mostly just Cregan and the steward updating them about the state of affairs in the North. Part of her wonders if it is for her benefit, for she can feel Cregan watching her intently from across the table. As if he needs to make sure she is grasping the facts that are being laid out. It makes her sit up straighter, and her mouth pressing into a thin line. Does he truly believe that she cannot comprehend even simple council matters?

The overview is helpful, even if she loathes to admit it. She could have figured it out on her own, she insists quietly to no one but herself. She could have asked Maester Kennet. In fact, she had been planning to. 

Still, perhaps it is nice that she won’t have to.

She can feel Cregan’s eyes boring into her as her quill scratches quick words across the parchment. Maester Kennet is the only other person in the council meeting who is taking notes, and the elderly man has barely written down ten. She has written down hundreds, her wrist aching from writing so furiously, straining to get every word down on paper. She liked taking notes, liked feeling prepared, but it also proved to be an excellent excuse to avoid Cregan’s penetrating gaze. 

The meeting came to an end. She did not know if she was proud of herself for managing to keep her mouth shut, or regretful that she had not contributed anything useful. No one else had spoken either, but this was her first time in the council. She felt she had something to prove, the itch of it clawing at her like something stuck under her skin, trying to get out.

She feels ill at ease as she gathers up her notes into a neat stack, ignoring Cley’s amused expression at her childhood habit still lingering. The other lords file out of the room slowly, leaving behind only her and Cregan. Clutching the stack of notes to her chest, she moves to step out of the room, only to once again have to turn back around at a call of her name.

She turns to face the Lord of Winterfell, wondering if his gaze has left her at all for the past two hours. His features seem to be stuck in a perpetual frown, dark eyebrows drawn together slightly as his eyes meet hers. She resists the urge to look away from his penetrating stare.

“You take a lot of notes,” His deep voice rumbles, eyes flitting down to the parchments clutched at her chest before moving back up to lock onto hers.

Her brows draw together slightly as she hesitates on how to respond. It was a statement, not a question. “I- aye. I do.”

“Why?” Cregan’s tone is surprisingly light, or as light as such a deep voice can be. He sounds almost- genuinely curious. Surely he remembers her doing it since their childhoods. He was always watching, even then.

Because I don’t fancy spending a three-hour long council meeting having a staring competition with you. She manages to bite back that reply, just barely. Instead, she shrugs, her tone matching his. “Makes it easier to remember things.”

To her surprise, he huffs out something that sounds suspiciously like a laugh. His head tilts slightly to the side, and he breaks eye contact for the first time since their conversation began, only briefly, before meeting her eyes again. “You never had an issue remembering things, my lady.” His tone is dry, which she expected. But there is something else there, something nearly warm. Nostalgia, perhaps. Respect, if she is being optimistic.

“Because of the notes,” She insists wryly, brows drawing together briefly at his amusement. At his almost-compliment.

“Right,” Cregan nods, still sounding amused. He does not seem bothered by the slightly awkward, stilted nature of their conversation. If anything, he seems perfectly at ease.

“Right,” She echoes, holding his gaze for a long moment before stepping back with a nod. She turns to leave the room and swears that she sees the ghost of a smile lingering upon his features.

[impish-baby]

Aaahshsn hii.,. Kinda nervous sendin in an ask for the first time, but do ya think you could write somethin with yandere younger sibling(s) & a shy/nervous older sibling reader? (Agere) I dunno if you've done anythin like this before so I'm sorry if ya have.,, I love your writin a lot though and I would be real grateful if ya even just read this 🫶

I read this as older sib being shy/embarrassed about regressing.. apologies if you wanted something else!

The last thing you wanted to see after coming home from school was that your little brother had gone through your room, least of all what he got his grubby little mitts on.

Neatly laid out on your bed is all the gear you had hidden away in the bottom of your dresser, including your pacifier.

Mortified doesn't even begin to describe how you feel.

"How was class?" Carter swivels nonchalantly in your desk chair, a smug look on his face. "That professor an ass like usual?"

You can't even scold the younger boy for his language, too focused on thinking about how you're going to explain yourself in a way that's believable.

"Are you done gaping like a fish?" He gets up, waving a hand in front of your face with a pout. "You know, I should really tell mom you've been lying, I'm willing to hear you out first though."

Lying?

"You haven't been honest with any of us," Carter crosses his arms over his chest, sulking. "A lie by ommission is still a lie, that's bad, you know? But I'm such a kind little brother that I haven't tattled yet, you have a chance to tell the truth."

The explanation you try to give is clumsy, babbling on that the items actually belong to a friend, that you're just holding onto them-

"Yeah, right." The boy scoffs, rolling his eyes. "I'm not stupid, you don't even have that many friends to begin with." Always a brat, huh? "Come on, why won't you just admit it? I'm not making fun of you, I just want to know what's going on with my big sibling."

It's embarrassing, humiliating. You wouldn't have come home if you knew that you'd be confronted like this, a nice ditch would look pretty comfortable right now.

You eventually get the words out, your cheeks sweltering as you tell him that it's just a dumb thing you do sometimes to help with stress.

"Oh, I know what it is." He hums, a smirk settling on his lips. "I just wanted to hear you say it." Carter grasps your hand, pulling you over to sit with him on the bed. "Why are your things so boring though? Our baby stuff was always cute.."

Strangling him isn't out of the question yet, or you could smother him in his sleep with a pillow.

"Dad will buy you whatever you want, I don't get why you're so cagey-" Carter grunts when you snatch the paci he had picked up out of his hands, looking highly offended. "Rude, I'm just saying you're making this into a bigger deal than it is. Nothing should be worth lying to us over."

You sigh, leaning back against the pillows, which is apparently an invitation to cuddle. He curls up against your side, arms wrapping around you like a vice. "I'm serious.. no one is gonna judge, we just want to make sure you're taken care of."

There's something weird in his voice when he says that, but like everything else apparently you must be overthinking it.

"Please, bubs? I love you, I want to spend time together even if you're little. I can be a good big bro, I'll prove it!"

[habibisagi]

late valentines day present delivery!! >u<

(sorry idk if this is how you would characterize shoujo protag isagi but i thought it'd be cute for him to be super blushy LKDJFSLKFG)

bitti??????????????? BITTI??????????? USER RABBBITSEASON????

crashing out about this peak piece of art under the read more ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ❤︎

BITTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIUDHFKJFHJKHUJKSHKJHGJKSHFJKHSDJFGHJKSHFGKJHGKUJAJKGFDJKHSJKFDHJKDFGHJK !!!!!!!!!!!!!O8UREGJKHFGLJKSFDHUILJKUILHREGUIJDFG BITTI BITTI BITTI BITTIIIIIII OHHHHHH MY GODDD BITTIIIIIIII. bitti. BITTI!!!!!!! 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭😭

okay. let me take a breath. i need to relax. I'M SORRY IN ADVANCE THIS IS LIKE AN ESSAY BUT I AM JUST SO SO GRATEFUL FOR THIS LIKE I HAVE TO YELL ABOUT IT 1 MILLION TIMES

i literally sat here for 40 minutes trying to type a proper response. because i genuinely am losing my mind. i am so serious like actively as i type this there are actual tears in my eyes and i'm literally shaking and sobbing. i am a very pathetic wet soggy cat rn over this ask. this is me right now

i need you to know that i was on call playing ow with my friend when i refreshed my notifications and saw this in my inbox. and i literally screamed on call and literally had to leave the call to scream more. and crash out. i literally started crying and shaking and hyperventilating. BITTI I LOST MY MIND. I AM LOSING MY MIND. and i am still crying as we speak.

i need you to understand this is genuinely the SWEETEST most incredible most amazing and thoughtful thing anyone's ever done for me in my entire life and i am LITERALLY SO ????? SOOOO BEYOND HONORED YOU DREW THIS FOR ME. 🥹🥹🥹🥹❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎ AND SOOOOO SOOOOOO FULL OF HAPPINESS GRATEFULNESS AND LOVE. SO MUCH LOVE IN MY HEART OVER THIS. LIKE MY CHEST!!!!!!!! IS GOING TO EXPLODE!!!!!!!!! I AM SO SO OVERWHELMED /POS AND HAPPY RIGHT NOW I LITERALLY CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF YOUR DAY TO DRAW ME SOMETHING SO AMAZING?????? SO BEAUTIFUL?????? SO THOUGHTFUL?????? SO PERFECT AND GORJUS IN EVERY WAY????? I'M LITERALLY 🥹🥹🥹😭😭🥹🥹😭😭🥹🥹🥹

LIKE. EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT THIS IS MAKING ME LOSE MY MIND. THE FACT IT'S IN PINK. ❤︎❤︎❤︎ THE FACT HE'S BLUSHING. ❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎ THE FACT YOU CAN SEE MY NAME ON THE BOX (like OH MY GOD?!?!?!?). ❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎ HIS HAIR DRAWN SO BEAUTIFULLY. ❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎ AND THE SPROUT. ❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎ THE WAY HE'S DRESSED IN HIS SCHOOL UNIFORM. ❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎ THE TIE THE VALENTINE'S BOX ❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎ THE WAY HE HAS HIS HAND OVER HIS MOUTH BECAUSE HE'S BLUSHING SO HARD ❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎ THE LITTLE HEARTS NEXT TO HIM AND HIS BLUSH ❤︎❤︎❤︎ AND.... THE WAY MY MIND IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF SHOUJO ISAGI AND CRASHED OUT BUT THEN........

THEN YOU LITERALLY SPECIFIED AND SAID THIS IS SHOUJO ISAGI??????????? AND IT'S LIKE. LIKE OH MY GOD.??????? OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!! MY BRAIN AND HEART EXPLODED THAT YOU THOUGHT OF THAT. THAT YOU NOTICED I TALK ABOUT HIM AND I'M JUST SO 😭❤︎🥹😭❤︎🥹😭❤︎🥹😭❤︎🥹 KSJFHGGHJKFJKHF I AM SO ❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS!!!!! EXACTLY!!!!!! EXACTLY HOW I IMAGINE HIM BITTIIIIIIII 🥹😭🥹😭❤︎🥹😭❤︎🥹😭🥹❤︎😭 THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I IMAGINE HIM BITTI HE IS THE MOST SWEET SHY LOVERBOY BF IN THE WORLD HE BLUSHES A LOT OVER YOU OVER EVERYTHING BECAUSE HE IS SOOO FULL OF LOVE FOR YOU 🥹❤︎ IM SOBBING LIKE ITS LITERALLY HIM THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I PICTURE HIM AND WRITE HIM HESDDFJGKHHGJ THIS IS SO PERFECT LIKE SO PERFECT

bitti this art genuinely means the world to me. i need you to know that from the bottom of my heart i cannot stress it enough BITTI I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND FOREVER BTW. ❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎ THANK YOU FOR DRAWING THIS FOR ME I AM KEEPING IT SO CLOSE TO MY HEART. 🥹😭❤︎ i don't know what i did to deserve this incredible piece BUT I AM. HOLDING IT TO MY CHEST AND SO FULL OF LOVE RIGHT NOW YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. I'M LITERALLY SHOWING THIS TO EVERYONE I KNOW. AND I AM NOT JOKING I'M SHOWING THIS TO MY MOM TOO 🥹😭❤︎🥹😭❤︎ THANK YOU SOOOOO SOOO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH

(heads up I WILL BE REBLOGGING THIS LIKE. EVERY DAY LOL. I NEED THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE IT. i will also put this in my navi i am genuinely so obsessed with it i am never shutting the fuck up!! ^>_<^ ❤︎❤︎❤︎)

if only i could draw....... i would have drawn you an equivalent of this with blade and rin T_T ❤︎❤︎❤︎

ILYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY ILYSM HAPPY LATE VALENTINES DAY!!!! THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY ENTIRE YEAR, NOT JUST MY VALENTINE'S DAY, WITH THIS I AM SO HAPPY. SOO SO HAPPY. 🥹😭❤︎❤︎❤︎ MWAH MWAH MWAH

[xtoariadnesdarklightx]

What did I do to deserve you? I am so grateful to life that we found each other again. Living my life and knowing you by my side every day..I am so grateful and happy about it. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for being my support. Thank you for always listening to me, even when you have a bad day, but above all, thank you for the fact that we are not just friends, but have become sisters over the years who always say everything honestly to each other's faces. If you're happy, I'm happy. When you're sad, I'm sad. I will always bear your burdens with you and I will celebrate your joys with you. Siamo delle donne, mamme e guerriere così meravigliose e uniche! @grace-winter grazie per tutto quello che sei e fai ogni giorno. 🩷

Mona Awad, from her novel titled "Bunny," originally published in 2019

[kuromipuzzles2000]

February is almost to come to an end and with it almost ending my 200 followers special, it will do the grand finale when the art contest comes to it's end!

for now. . .let's go with some messages to the special people i meet here, starting with. . my idols! like idk how to animate (i'm a loser) i did a drawing just for them they're not much but i really appreciate them be chibied and holded by me!

i am not a mutual so i can't say much of you all but I'll try dedicate words from my own experience

@grinnames

is my most recent idol i follow (hahaha shyness) but had been following her content since a month ago, i love horror content and i love, LOVE your god box au! i really wish could do a version of god box of my sona but she's total a robot with no soul to kill so she just is a empty shell with a advanced motherboard lol you're awesome and really surprised me when you liked one of my posts for first time and see how kind you are to me such a horrid artist (i like insult myself leave me alone/silly) i hope you keep up the good work!

@bluestrawberrybunny

you really are a sweet and kind person, i love your content, i love how you draw marware, i love apprenticeship au! i still grateful and appreciate you for step up and tell your opinion to haters about my Swap Puzzl3 ship problem, never expected someone i admire would comment about my problem with Puzzl3, i wish i could draw more of your aus, i had in mind make some of my puzzles meeting apprenticeship au puzzles U-U but shyness got me again, i saw your recent posts and i really pray everything goes fine for you, I'll wait for your return if you ever think think and if not, I'll hold dearly the memory and support your content as long as your blog isn't deleted lol, hope you get better soon

@its-a-me-mango

you! points at you you mango! i need thank you for had inspire me and push me to join fully to this meme fandom (SMG4 fandom) everything started with the drawing your sona on Mr. Puzzles outfit trend you created, and your words and art inspired me to start my journey, and now i am on this way of 200 followers with 5 Mr. Puzzles Aus! too you had inspired me to create Strawberry, and i am glad you loved him, you're a big inspiration and idol for me, i hope you appreciate these words! I'll follow you till the end and consume your content till the end! you'll no get free from me easy/silly, you're too a fun person to be around it seems, but i rather keep being a fan because i am shy for talk more often with you, thanks you for these quality drawings you make and i hope you continue and enjoy your art dreams!

@libbytwq

lore u-u i found your blog since a while (since i saw Mango talk about u lol) and not much ago i followed you (again because i'm shy) but i really love see your content, i love SMGL:E she looks so rad and was the first Peach Meme Guardian i saw, i loved the concept and i still do, no for nothing you inspired me to do SMGS "Shadow" what i had consume of your sona lore the most i get more into it, i am waiting patiently for it, meanwhile I'll wait till you have time to continue with your awesome drawings, but i just wanted make you know you too are a inspiration and idol for me, take your time, and good luck with the real life stuff, i wish you the best ^^

tysm to you guys, again i really appreciate you and i hope you guys keep going with the awesome job you all do, and if you retire, to let you know I'll always remember you and remember you guys pushed me through my comfort zone and now i am here, at 200 followers thanks to see you guys

take care ^^

[robotfuckerconfessions]

I think I just had an awakening and I have no one to tell, so here I am.

I've had this gaming laptop since before high school (I'm well past college now), and it went through minimal hardware maintenance during those years because I was a kid and wasn't really sure what I was doing. Mind you, I do software maintenance for it daily.

Well, I ran my laptop extremely hard during my youth between school and 24/7 gaming on software that pushed the GPU to its limit. I noticed this week that it was drastically slowing down, glitching, and just acting like old yeller before the end. I was terrified.

For the first time last night, I decided to try my hand at opening up the laptop and checking for hardware damage (like a bloated battery.) It was pretty dusty, no bad battery, but I didn't have any compressed air, so I just blew on everything, used a light dusting cloth, and hoped for the best.

I noticed during the cleaning, with the motherboard laid out bare, I felt like I was looking inside a childhood best friend, and that moment felt... just incredibly intimate.

I learned last night that it had a blue motherboard. He was gorgeous.

Anyway, I turned my computer on after putting him back together, and IT'S WORKING LIKE BRAND NEW?! I feel so shocked; what I did was so minimal, yet the impact was huge. He's running games at a solid 60 FPS when they used to run at 25. He's loading things so snappy, and, in complete seriousness, the file corruption problem is just suddenly fixed. I have no idea how that happened.

I'm flooded with emotion; it makes me nervous thinking I might have an emotional attachment to my computer, but I feel like some of his quirks are on purpose, man. It's strange. I think it's his way of telling me he is grateful.

[jesterbiscuits]

Helloo sorry for being gone again I was out sick so I didn't have time to post everything at all even when I want to since I was just taking care of myself when I was out sick so now I'm back and feel better now :3

Also tysm for 10 followers I'm very grateful for that!!!!!💥

Anyways this is Lion'star and his former mate Wildflower'thistle they are Mud'star and his brother Tiger'hiss and his sister Chirp'whistle parents. Along with Lion'star also being the father of Pod'light and her brothers Golden'robin and Billow'mask and her sister Dove'spark that he had with his 2nd mate Blossom'quiver before Lion'star was murdered by his own son Mud'star from his first mate Wildflower'thistle and Wildflower'thistle being a mother of 3 unnamed kits that she had with Grouse'stripe.

I have mention them before in one of my older post and Oat'whisker and his mate design and Lion'star brother Bark'twist(star) design so I will send both links to it

LINKS TO IT:

As you can tell you yes Lion'star lied to brackenclan med cat Bog'water about a 'omen' about "An Cat that looks like a lion leaving a den bundled of leafs where the lion moves into another den full of small brackens where the lion managed to grow the small brackens into a large bundle of brackens with the help of the lion protecting them"(sorry if this doesn't make sense I'm not good with omens, signs and prophecy) when he was a warrior in hopes he join brackenclan to be with Wildflower'thistle as they were both in loved with each other but didn't know how would their relationship would work out with them being in different clan as Lion'star was in leafclan before leaving his clan because of the 'omen' he faked about when he was a warrior at the time and Wildflower'thistle being in brackenclan with her mother Bog'water being overprotective of her because she was her only kit and Bog'water is unable to have more kits after having Wildflower'thistle.

Which the 'omen' Lion'star lied about worked and Bog'water told the leader Scorch'star about this and even mentioned it at the gathering where Scorch'star say that Lion'star will move into the clan before the next gathering and where Lion'star brother Bark'twist(star) was suspicious about this until after the gathering where everyone was asleep Bark'star(star) caught his OWN brother being with Wildflower'thistle across the border of brackenclan and heard his brother saying to Wildflower'thistle that the omen he lied about worked and now that he will move into the clan before the next gathering they can finally be together and be able to work their relationship out together now which it made Lion'star brother Bark'twist(star) mad about this and since Lion'star and Wildflower'thistle didn't noticed him being there and overheard all of this he snap out and when they both noticed him there Wildflower'thistle try to protest but fail as Bark'twist(star) yell at her to leave as he wants to talk to Lion'star alone when she did yada they have an argument about this before Bark'twist(star) give Lion'star the scar he has on his face in his design and called him a traitor before returning back to camp.

and yadada time skip to where drama happens where Wildflower'thistle was expecting Lion'star kits but was really pissed off when Lion'star hardly spent time with her after he became leader to brackenclan and he was busy with the clan more often then spending time with her and so she would talk rude behind his back whenever she can and gossip other cats business during that too and 1 moon before she had her kits she would began to have feelings for brackenclan mediator Grouse'stripe(Drowny'claw brother) and flirt with him and shit until Grouse'stripe receive feelings as well too unaware that Wildflower'thistle already have a mate and was expecting his kits until Wildflower'thistle had Lion'star kits and when her med cat mom Bog'water order her app Lavender'paw(flight) to bring Bog'water daughter prey and some water for Wildflower'thistle to have before Lion'star come to the nursery and see her and their kits and when Lavender'paw(flight) was bringing her a thrush from the fresh kill pile and right when she ether the nursery she saw Grouse'stripe being in the nursery and she was confused why until she heard him say that the kits are beautiful before Wildflower'thistle corrected him saying that these are his kits when in reality she was lying to him and Lavender'paw(flight) was about to leave the nursery and tell Lion'star who is the REAL father of Wildflower'thistle kits he was already behind her

Right when she turns around with the thrush in her jaw she wanted to tell him about this but was too late when he said to let him pass by and see his kits and when she did Lion'star saw Grouse'stripe and Wildflower'thistle talking the same way both Lion'star and Wildflower'thistle talk before he became leader and moons before Wildflower'thistle became pregnant to have Lion'star kits and when he realized what was going on he snap and yelled both at Wildflower'thistle and Grouse'stripe waking the other nursery mother's that had their kits with them wake up in confused about what was going on and Lion'star order Grouse'stripe to leave and when he did Lion'star have an argument with Wildflower'thistle before he told her that if this is how their relationship is end up looking like and letting her side like nothing happens then Wildflower'thistle is no longer his mate and no longer the queen to rule side with him before leaving the nursery

Yadada now moving onto Wildflower'thistle, I already explained half of her when explaining about Lion'star, but Wildflower'thistle is a bullshit mother to Mud'star when he was a kit because Wildflower'thistle would often abuse him in front of Mud'star siblings Tiger'hiss and Chirp'whistle and also in front of the nursery mother's and their kits, and she didn't care at all if any other kits were picking on him because Wildflower'thistle automatically disown him and says rude things about him and she also gets mad at Grouse'stripe whenever he try to spend time with Mud'star because she wanted him to spend time with Tiger'hiss and Chirp'whistle instead of Mud'star and by the time they were app she was only proud of Tiger'hiss because she fav him the most out of her 2 other kits which ofc it end up Mud'star having mommy issues because of this and the abuse he was getting by her which unknown to him and his siblings they didn't know Lion'star was their father because they thought Grouse'stripe was their father but Grouse'stripe is their adopted dad to them and everyone in the clan knew about the incident about it but never want to tell Mud'star and his littermates at all until he find out when he was arguing with his mentor Oat'whisker that Oat'whisker was talking rude about him to Grouse'stripe at the lake(fun fact the lake they were at was the same spot Oat'whisker was murder at)

And during the argument Oat'whisker accidentally reveal the truth about Grouse'stripe not being the father of them and when Mud'star heard him say that he was in shock and wanted answer from all of this and yada they explain him about the incident that had happen before he and his littermates were born and a moon later when Mallow'quiver was becoming an app on a rainy day Mud'star was staring at his mom to argument with her about the truth and after Mallow'quiver app ceremony he would aim at her and yell at her about why they didn't told him about all of this and yada they argue a lot AND WHY IM JUST EXPLAINING MUD'STAR LORE OMG I NEED TO STOP EVERYTIME I EXPLAIN ONE OF MY WC OC

Yadada time skip where Mud'star became leader Wildflower'thistle didn't support him at all because she was still favoritism Tiger'hiss instead and when he had kits with Mallow'quiver she was so happy about it and wish it was Mud'star that was prisoner instead of Tiger'hiss so that way he would be able to see his kits, untillllll Mud'star mentor Hornet'rook and Plum'willow kits Sneeze'fur and the day where Mud'star saved Sneeze'fur from almost being dead Wildflower'thistle slowly began to fav him over Tiger'hiss instead yadada until soon Wildflower'thistle saw how Sneeze'fur wanted to be close with Mud'star after Sneeze'fur and Bristle'heart became warriors and Wildflower'thistle would often scold him whenever he rejected Sneeze'fur to spend time with her because Wildflower'thistle would end up yelling at Mud'star for this but he ignored her or remind her what she did towards him when Mud'star was a kit at the time because he was hurt by her from what she did to him when he was a kit

Yadda moons later after Wildflower'thistle died after the great war she was welcomed by Lion'star her former mate and offered her saying that she can join starclan but by doing tasks and before Lion'star gets the chance to explain the tasks Wildflower'thistle yell at him saying that she wants nothing to do with him at all so instead Lion'star would end up chase her out of starclan to the dark forest where she happens to end up at now.

Anyways hopefully y'all like this sorry if I wrote too much about Lion'star and Wildflower'thistle

Also Im not a big fan of how Wildflower'thistle look like because of the line art since I was testing out brushes and I hated it by the time I was finish with her design and I'm already too late to redraw it because it took me hours on it but I'm gonna go back my old art style I like the most

[ihopesocomic]

It's 2025 and it's been years since the last episode/update: can we as a species please move on from shit like MP? Every time I read about some new defense that MP fans are coming up with just so they can watch it guilt-free, I can only sit and think why? Even if the show was written decently: the creator is transphobic, she slapped multiple people (including a trans VA) with false allegations because her fweelings got hurt and she bailed rather than face criticism. Stop supporting her already.

I think the saddest part of all of this is Tribble doesn't even like her fans. So many creators in and out of the industry keep in contact with their fans because obviously without them, they wouldn't be where they're at. There's an innate gratefulness there. Tribble can't even be bothered to tell her fans that Season 2 is never happening, she's never making a comic, or whatever crumbs everyone is groveling for. I'm sure she'll be back if she needs some money from Makeship or whatever, with continuous months of no news. Is that someone who respects you? Is that someone who's worth your undying fealty?

I know a lot of her remaining fans are young teenagers who would rather watch a cartoon than read, but no one's forcing her to do a cartoon or nothing with her own content. She's already offered to write it as a book (like she also offered to do with COTW) but then she says she's only willing to do it if people subscribe to a Patreon, therefore getting fans' hopes up for no good reason. Whatever her reasons are, she certainly has enough drive to test the waters and see how far she can get by doing the least amount of work possible. Proof is in her community tab for the doubters who insist we're wrong.

Tribble always intended to leave because people were already openly criticizing her and seeing her for the person she truly was for nearly a year before we said or did anything. Because she's a thin-skinned coward and because MP wasn't raking in the opportunities she thought it would (who could've predicted this?). Her fans just don't want to accept this because 1) the mental gymnastics of blaming us for "driving her away" are too great to resist and 2) they don't actually care about what she did and actively play things down as opposed to us saying that her show isn't that great. God forbid.

You'd think that RJ having followed her work for years and us having years' worth of conversations with people who have worked for her on top of everything else out in the open would be sufficient evidence that we're not just making shit up. (Ironically, making up reasons to like/hate something is what these people excel at.)

Some have come to terms that Tribble just used them so she can get paid and bounce, but too many still have a vice grip on this embarrassing slop that only exists because Tribble has Warrior Cats views on Youtube. And since people confuse YT popularity with quality, well, we all know the ending to that sad story. Because of that mentality we get more slop like HH/HB.

The majority of these people have to make something up in their head to "defend" MP's writing, like quite literally all the "explanations" for characters' actions are 100% fabricated and was more effort than Tribble put into her own show, so how exactly do your headcanons cancel out anything that's there in front of your face? And these are the same people who have the temerity to say shows like Big Mouth and Velma are bad but MP and HH/HB are good, when MP and HH/HB are also offensive shoddily written dreck made by privileged individuals who don't care about you until they want more money from you.

And then people want to turn around and say IHS sucks because it's "not realistic" (even though we've never said we're trying to be realistic) or "just like Warrior Cats or TLK". Pick a real reason to not like our comic, I'm begging. If our comic was "just like Warrior Cats", hell they'd probably like it because it would have no gays and enough ableism to last them a quarter of a century, ha. But I'm clearly not interested in pandering to these smooth-brained goons whose highest standard for xenofiction is "no gays", if they can even get as far as opening so much as a Kindle or Audible app.

And I don't feel bad for saying this. Even other once-fans of MP can concur that current day MP stans are some of the most homophobic, transphobic, sexist, ableist, victim-blamey trash we've ever had the misfortune of giving the benefit of the doubt. (It's no wonder why they like the show so much because the characters - like Hover - enable this kind of atrocious behavior.) Quite a few of these testimonies are on our review alone. And I'm over it. The shit that's going on in the world has driven me to be exponentially less tolerant.

We now live in a point in time where being LGBT+ is considered a legit federal offense and we're just done. Some of you can piss and moan all you want when we say "no" and block you when 90% of your complaints about our comic concern it being LGBT+ and the other 10% is made-up or incorrect nonsensical bullshit that isn't worth writing on toilet paper. Why should we listen to you exactly? Why should we take everything out of this comic that - whether you like it or not - provides solace to people just to satisfy your bigotry that you try and hide behind a veil of pretentiousness? Get fucked. lol

And I am beyond tired having to keep explaining this to people who appear to not be used to the idea that maybe the thing they like has a ton of problems that far outweigh anything good about it. But then they go ahead and take it personally, because people are so chronically online, their identity is welded to "entertainment". Bot behavior, truly.

Even the existence of I Hope So is tainted, simply because MP was so indefensibly awful about queer/disabled representation. IHS shouldn't need to exist, but because of people like this it has to. Some people just want to read something that has animals, queer rep, and no ableism. But to some of these people, we may as well have killed their dog in front of them. We have seen people who have all but made it their life's mission to purposely misconstrue the whole comic, ourselves, and people we know. They should thank whatever space fairy they pray to that they're a bunch of nobodies whose only value is being a lolcow.

The best thing I can hope for these people is them moving the fuck on to literally anything else. They'd be happier for it, or less miserable at the very least. There has been so many good comics and cartoons to come out over the last 4 years. Maybe if people removed their head from their ass for two seconds, they'd manage to see some of it. - Cat