#and I'm sick of having to keep from saying stuff for the sake of spoilers

[im-no-jedi]

might say screw it and just make a public summary of all the future plans for MLWTBB just so I don't have to keep them secret anymore lolololol

[sunflowersunite]

I've been meaning to ask this for some time now, since I've realised as we're working on a fic together that you tend to make little headcanons about the characters here and there.

So I would love to hear some about your fic "to live". I tell you it's a masterpiece and it'd be a crime if you DO have hcs or side notes and you've kept them all to yourself

ohh?? Thank you so much for asking me this, swordslinger!! I maybe kind of have a few, actually...

to anyone interested, the fic is to live, an aot villain AU where Levi never left the Underground and Hange followed a different path. Assassin Levi x torturer Hange (she's a torturer for the Military Police). This post will contain spoilers for the fic.

The first person Levi killed when he became an assassin was the pimp who left his sick mother to die without providing her with any healthcare.

when Levi pushed Hange against that wall, (this is what I'm talking about) he was genuinely impatient and wanted to intimidate her. However Hange's feelings were a little... different. Danger has always exhilarated her and I have to admit that she did think about kissing him right then and there. She knew she'd end up with a knife at her throat but oh well, all the better.

Chapter 5:

“Say you’re sorry.” A pause, during which she imagines his lips pursing into a thin line. “What does it matter if I do?” It does, for the sake of their weird, twisted friendship. Because however little kindness he's got left, he spared some for her. “Just say it, midget.” “Tsk. Dumbass shitty-glasses.” “Stuck-up clean freak.”

this was inspired by Six of Crows and it according to the note I'd initially made, it would go like this: (context, Levi is bedridden, injured and they're bickering because Hange wants to go do murder stuff)

"midget" "shitty-glasses" "clean freak" "Hange. Don't go."

4. I found a fanart that reminded me of the fic and kept it in my notes. torture buddies Levihan here!

5. When Levi adopted Mikasa after her parents died, he really had to be a parent to her. She'd wake up by nightmares and he'd have to?? calm her down?? who, Levi Ackerman??

He was better at it than he expected, though. He wanted her to throw that stupid scarf away because he claimed it provided a grip for any attackers, but she refused (because it's Eren's. Mikasa still remembers Eren as the boy who taught her kindness still exists).

6. In an earlier draft, while hazy from some attack (idk which), Hange was supposed tell Levi that she liked it when he called her by her name, because initially he only referred to her by the infamous nicknames.

Later, Levi would find himself in the same predicament (hazy from an attack) and this would happen

She comes closer and he sees her, worried and bloodstained. “Levi? Are you okay?” “I’m okay.” He wraps a tendril of her hair around his finger. Holds it like a lifeline. “Hange.” “What is it?” “Nothing. You like it when I say your name.” That fact might have been a memory or a dream, but he doesn’t bother trying to figure that out. He's tired. “Don’t fall asleep!” she urges him. “If you keep shouting like this, I can’t,” he mutters.

(well, this might make it into the fic eventually. I don't know 😅)

7. Another deleted scene which I liked very much. They've found themselves in some abandoned village and sleep side by side.

Hange inches closer to him, her hands press against his chest. He finds it rough and calloused from holding hammers and buzzsaws, not swords or scalpels. From creating, not destroying. Levi wishes for the first time that he could do something useful for the kids like the one he used to be, frail and weak and alone. Without being sure why, he snakes an arm around her waist and pulls her closer. Her breath fans over his face and he’s only millimetres away from pressing their foreheads together. It’s a tenderness he feels like they’re stealing from another kinder world. This world is cruel, though, and they know that they’ll be each other’s demise or die trying. I’ll kill you, her kind smile says. The inquisitiveness with which her eye roams his face, the way her hands press on his beating heart. I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you. A twisted lullaby. //  She studies his stormy eyes, the smooth bridge of his nose, the line of his mouth. She drinks in every little detail, tries to read his expression. He gives her nothing.

this scene. ohhh I forgot how much I liked it. I got goosebumps. 😄

7. deleted scene #3679 (context: Hange would return to the Scouts here and Levi rode his horse next to her until the camp. It happened a bit differently in the final product)

“Is this goodbye, then?” she asks. “I guess.” She looks like she wants to say something and Levi finds himself once more awaiting her next words with a knot in his stomach. “I never liked goodbyes, you know. Us Scouts never say goodbye, only good luck. So, good luck, Levi. Kick their asses.” The first rays of the morning sun dance around her hair and she looks more like a painting than a person, a painting with soot smudged on her cheeks and a stiff back and an eye the colour of soil and life. Bright and hopeful and alive, that’s what she is. That’s what she deserves to be. Hange’s horse starts to trudge towards the camp, and Levi calls out for her before he can regret it. “Hange!” She stops and looks back. Her name rolls off his tongue as if he’s said it countless times before. It’s familiar, it feels right. And if it takes never saying it again for her to live, maybe it’s okay. “Good luck.”

heyyy I liked this scene too, would you look at that.

8. Levi likes to kiss Hange's neck (I headcanon that for canon as well, but let's mention it here). He's too short to reach her cheek so he just kisses her neck fleetingly when they become canon. Also he likes to cuddle up to her and use her as a pillow.

9. Chapter 3:

The tip of his nose is cute, so mismatched for a murderer like him. That’s what piqued her interest when he pinned her against the wall that first night. Maybe when she kills him, she’ll cut off his nose and preserve it in a jar, it’s too nice to let rot.

fun fact, you have @quillsandblades to thank for that because they were the one who made me not scrap that scene and actually use it somewhere.

10. After Levihan becomes canon and assuming everything works out eventually, Levi becomes the Scouts' scary parent and Mikasa their scary sister. Assassin Levi with Connie and Sasha.

"soo what do you do in your free time?"

"I murder people"

"tight"

11. Kenny ships Levihan. Granted, he did send them after eachother, but chemistry is chemistry and Kenny has eyes.

This turned out to be a compilation of deleted scenes, but it's good that I found an opportunity to share them! If anything else occurs to me I'll let you know 😉

[stupidsketchpad]

hey guys. im here to rant about how 2econd 2ight 2eer (second sight seer) by will wood is secret life bigb's song because god its eerie how similar the song lyrics are to his character. AHEM (also spoilers for secret life)

My grip on my secrets slipping while I'm speaking in tongues

ok. this is a really good start lol. basically bigb's task don't mean much when he does weird shit anyway for fun and, quote from grian, "writes his own tasks"

Screaming at the top of my lungs in the confession booth

he's saying stuff that litterally makes no sense. even after his task is done he wont tell anyone (confession booth is kinda like people asking about your task after it's done. your confessing your task to someone)

Take it with a pillar of salt, H.A.L.T., it's not my fault

i got nothing man

The devil made me do it, but I also kinda wanted to

THIS LINE AHSHDHSHAH. THE SECRET KEEPER GIVES HIM THE TASKS CAUSE HE HAS TO BUT HE WANTS TO DO THEM ANYWAY ANDDDD MAKE THEM AS CONFUSING AS POSSIBLE. SECRET KEEPER COUNTS AS THE DEVIL HERE

I'm cut from a different kind of meat

More than you can chew, hard to swallow me

"what the hell are you doing??" is a common question he gets asked. hard to swallow. y'know

Forget bored stiff, I got rigor mortis, call it morbid curiosity

How I cannot commit to reality, when my third eye's open and I like what I see

he's doing shit for the sake of doing shit.

Baby, I may be crazy but I didn't lose it, no I set it free

AAAAA THIS LINE TOOO!!! ok so he didn't just randomly start lying in secret life. it was weird before that too! i cant speak for double but LIMITED LIFE he was also confusing people about being the boogeyman. basically that one meme with the "guy weird about everything but its drowned out by how weird about everything the other people are"

I can't ignore what's under dance floorboards, the rhythm of my heart a dead-as-disco beat

But I still move my feet

To slip out of this groove, I'm free

dont got much here but i think this is just him having fun, yknow

Now to row, row, row my boat over the falls

And maybe wake up from but a dream, yeah

"but a dream" is the games. there are three rows in the line. lose your lives to get the game over with.

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I didn't lose it babe

There wasn't much to find

once again, this wasnt the first time he was being weird!!!

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I'm only passing through

say weird shit, refuse to elaborate, leave.

Oh, oh, o-o-oh

If you knew what I knew, if you saw what I see

You'd look through illusions, hallucinations, and lucid dream

And I know that meaning can be such a pretty thing to keep

But I got facts and I'm not afraid to use 'em, take the good with the bad, take off the back you make a new front

evo, anyone? anyway this man knows about watchers and doesnt care. he knows! he just doesn't give that any meaning.

Some days I'm glad that I am a madman and I'd rather be that than

An amicable animal, mild-mannered cannibal

red lives and how bigb doesn't have the same bloodlust as they do. this guy doesn't kill much, he's like the most passive on the server. /srs

But I'm more level-headed and clever than ever and I'm getting better one forever at a time

how many people guessed any of bigb's tasks? that's right, zero! (if i remember correctly.) he's getting better at the games (btw the games being referred to as "forevers" is just ahshahdghs)

And if sick is defined by what's different, well then pull the plug out and let me die

not much here

Vice-versa, vice versus virtue

Well who I am I choose through all the things I do

AAAAAAAA HE CHOOSES HOW HE IS PERCEIVED BY THE OTHERS BY SAYING HIS STUFF YA GET WHAT IM SAYING

And if it rhymes, it's true, but I hate poetry

contradicting himself. easy peasy analysis here folks.

Now with my moral compass pointing south, I'm going down

With no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no respect for reality

could say this is going red! but also. "going down?" LIKE A HOLE? HE MADE A HOLE?????

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I didn't lose it babe

There wasn't much to find

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I'm only passing through

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I didn't lose it babe

There wasn't much to find

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

same stuff

A tourist passing through

Well that was fun, goodbye

he died. but hey, he had fun!

anyways thats all thank you for listening to me ramble about songs and minecraft i WILL do this again. sorry if this is incoherent i wrote it at 10:00 pm.

psst... moot... @bigb-enthusiast... would you like this?

[colourprinter]

Probably too personal thoughts, feelings, and ramblings around Our Wonderland

A couple of warnings, this will likely spoil all of Our Wonderland and this will likely get personal on the thoughts and feelings. It's a personal look (and total ramble) at this game more than anything.

If you haven't played or don't know what Our Wonderland is, I don't know how you found this but you can find it for free on this link.

To keep the spoilers hidden and to prevent forcing , I've put everything in the expand below.

I found this game from the Queer Halloween Story Bundle on itch, I was looking around what was in the bundle and enountered this game. I had already played a visual novel from the bundle that didn't gel too well with me so my hopes weren't too high.

I had no idea what this free game in a bundle had in store.

I was casual during the intro, I don't know when it hit but I knew I was locked in when act 2 hit and I saw what the meat of this game really is.

Something in this game sucked me right in, and wouldn't let me go.

I can't say I remember every detail but I was quickly emotionally invested, trying (and almost always failing) to keep Iggy alive and seeing how this friend group had completely gone off the rails, how their wishes twist around them.

Everything gave me the feeling I believe it was meant to, Gidget's advances on Iggy, Orlam, Buck's outright brutality, Genzou trying to get out alive while throwing the worst words at Orlam (I think he's just like that anyway) and Iggy having the worst time of his life.

While that doesn't sound like much, I don't usually get a reaction from a lot, the mix of visual and words hits just right... or wrong given how horrifying some of this is. Well, some things in the game would easily get a reaction...

For a bit of context for the next parts, I am aro/ace, something I truely discovered myself in the middle of a relationship, not that I hate being in a relationship but I think I'm completely incapable of feeling romantic love, there's just... nothing there. With being ace, I kinda resented the way my brain would react, litrally wishing sometimes that I was ace, glad I grew out of that for my own sake.

I also tend to feel awkward enough around sex in video games. I got goaded into the House of Hope scene, the first time the game crashed to save me and the second time I went dead slient and fixed my eyes down, only looking up enough to see the choices... I've now got an agreement to never have that happen again.

So obviously Gitget's sections got a big reaction from me, I thankfully haven't had any expriences close to anything like that, I could understand Iggy's perspective.

But enough about the horrible stuff for the moment, I'm not going to explain that, yes, seeing Orlam's and Buck's scenes were also shockers because eating human flesh and brutally murdering people are kinda bad things as well.

What I want to focus on next is something I currently only have one full perspective of, the romance. I usually verbalise everything to myself in RPGs and VNs, doing silly little voices for everyone (doing 6 children voices at the end hurt) so when I was given the choice of an ending... obviously, I chose the Genzou ending. Usually I'd feel awkward and stilted reading out the words but this time, it felt nice, I haven't done the other endings but I'm sure they're just as good, even if they're not, I got at least one good romance which given that this topples my fav VN romance (Slay the Princess which is pratically a joke romance anyway), I'm more than happy with it.

Niceness is over, I have another list topper, worst thing I've ever encountered in a video game, something so bad that even being foribly censored (I'm not checking if there's a visible version this time), it made me sick to my stomach. The tree and the infant in Her branches. Now I've played though and done some horrible things in video games, including child murder, but the way the body is described, the way everyone reacts to it. I can't call it anything below truely horrible and I'm putting this above freaking turn based RPG murdering children, I thought after that nothing would get me again (I think doing it actually knocked a screw loose because I've suddenly stopped being a goodie two shoes in video games, that's how bad that was). I mean this as a compliment but that is the worst thing I have ever encountered in any media.

And I think because I've felt these strong emotions where I haven't been hit so hard before, I've become completely pulled into it all. The fanwork contest was the first bit of my own art I put online in years and that kick started me getting back into art as a hobby, something I don't think I would have gotten back into if I didn't do that bit of Iggy art to prove to myself that I could do it if I put myself into it.

So... Carrot, thank you so much for this game of romance, fun, death and wishes.

If I land on my feet, I'd like to make a game with multiple acespec PoVs one day, much less horror though.

[thefallenangelsgang]

Hahaha I'm working on a rant about Act 3 and didn't realize this never posted, so without further ado: My 4 am ramblings about the beginning of Act 2

*clears throat*

Don't stay up all night playing through the end of Act 1 and the beginning of Act 2 in Baldur's Gate after having an intensely emotional weekend

...oh god

(break for spoilers)

The worst thing is that I KNEW that Gale and Karlach were both ticking time bombs. I KNEW Mystra literally tasks Gale to die. But I still wasn't ready for it to be said out loud.

So here I am in the stables at the Last Light going full delulu land with Karlach because FUCK IT! If 2 out of 10 of us* are going to fucking blow up if I don't move mountains to keep them from going out with a LITERAL bang, and a bunch of politically motivated gnomes have what is essentially a fantasy nuke, then bye-bye Sword Coast! You're all coming down with me.

For FUCK'S SAKE

My poor character can't catch a break (boy howdy past me it only gets so much worse)

I'm playing as one of my favorite DnD PCs of mine, Wynleth (Avantris Discord peeps may know her a little). And when I say I am playing her I mean I Am Playing Her, down to her stats and skill proficiences.

I also am playing her with her backstory in mind which includes fun stuff like religious trauma, family trauma, and a secret dead husband. So being friends with Shadowheart and courting a man who is dying has been fun :3

So you can understand when Gale keeps bringing up living in the moment and accepting his fate it makes me crazy cause WYNLETH IS REAL SICK OF DOING THIS AGAIN.**

And now Karlach is also going to blow up <3

Wynleth's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad 60+ hours of playtime INDEED

*I play with the party extender mod. Current comp is my Tav Wynleth (paladin), Astarion, Karlach, Gale, Wyll, Lae'zel, Shadowheart, Two Hirelings (bard and a fighter (Lae'zel got benched and replaced early on for being mean but she isn't being too much of a bitch anymore so she got her traveling privileges back)), and I'm counting Halsin even though he isn't traveling with me yet.

**Dead Husband backstory, he died slowly knowing he only had a few months to live, Wynleth is not liking the sped up version (though it definitely has been like 2-3 weeks based on how many long rests I've taken)

[rainfrazier]

I'm a little behind you in my first read-through of Ward (just finished Arc 12). What has been your favorite arc so far? I ask cause arcs 9-12 have been such a great read.

*inhales* okay so

I think arcs 11-12 have been my favorite so far. It took me a while to get used to the feeling that, for a good chunk of the book, Rain is the sleeper protagonist even though we’re experiencing the story through Victoria’s POV (or at least that’s how it felt to me? idk). Wildbow did a great job setting Cradle up to be the primary antagonist in the cluster and his interlude is one of my favorite chapters in the book so far. I could go on and on about WB’s talent for writing truly fucked up people and then giving them an interlude that turns your understanding of their character completely on its head. He had put so much effort into creating this facade of good behavior to the point where he was starting to genuinely internalize it and become a better person! The poster child of “fake it til you make it”! and then A Grasping Self (that motherfucker!!) comes along and sends him all the way back down the rabbit hole. I loved all the glasses symbolism, with the cracking of Cradle’s glasses during his trigger being a permanent shift in the lens through which he views the world.

He’s an excellent foil to Rain. They were both there for the same event on the worst day of their lives, and Rain came out the other side of it wanting to distance himself from who he used to be and become a better person. Cradle came out of it throwing all his constructive change out the window and embracing the worst facets of his personality. Rain accepts full blame and responsibility for his wrongdoings; Cradle claims he had no choice and places all the blame for his own horrific actions onto Rain for causing his trigger in the first place. The dream room exacerbates all this by replaying their memories over and over, forcing them all to focus on Fallen!Rain and preventing them from seeing the genuine positive change that he’s achieved in the year since the event. Likewise, allowing LL, Snag, and Cradle to dwell on past versions of themselves keeps them feeling justified in all the horrific things they’ve done in their quest for revenge. I had a small nagging fear throughout the early part of the story about the possibility of personality bleed within their cluster, that somehow Rain had become a better person by leeching the positive aspects of the others’ personalities and the others had descended into villainy by way of Rain’s past self rubbing off on them. It was so heartening to confirm that Snag and LL’s personality change was due to Cradle’s token fuckery and all of Rain’s character development was truly his own.

And besides all the wonderful and fascinating fodder for character analysis, the Cradle fight in arc 12 was just sick. I loved the undersiders/heartbroken/breakthrough teamup, and specifically getting to see Rachel in action again. I loved getting some Byron spotlight while Tristan had to be kept on the inside, even though I was extremely worried for Tristan’s wellbeing the entire time. The Rain and Chastity interactions. Moose!!! The chapter where Vicky and Rain are flying around outside the building and Vicky is attempting to be stealthy while Rain is in rage mode and a hair’s breadth away from completely losing his marbles. The bit where Vicky snaps and tells everyone to shape up or fuck off. Kenzie saving the day at the end because she’s the powerhouse of the team. Great stuff all around.

I won’t go in detail about later arcs for spoilers’ sake but I’ll say arc 13 was a really fun change in tone that I really enjoyed. Tense in its own way, but it felt like a breath of fresh air after all the hard fighting in arc 12.

[profoundpidgeon]

✨Haikyu Headcanon(s) of the Evening! ✨

Author's Note: These are just lil' roomate headcanons I came up with cause I just wanted some so I decided to make some! Anyways this is a part 1 out of 2 (I think and hopefully) and as always I hope y'all enjoy! 😊 ~Pidge

Miya Atsumu:

• God this chaotic bastard where do I even start

• Well let's just say you were looking for a roomate and stuff and welp he took the opportunity and idk why but you accepted him (I guess he checked all the boxes for you congrats🎉🎉🎉)

• Now actually LIVING with him can either be a pain in the ass or quite enjoyable

• He gets up at a decent time, early for volleyball (maybe 7-8am) but SLEEPS IN when he doesn't have to go. (I believe like 2-3pm at times) one time you thought he was dead and almost called the hospital, he almost smacked you for that 🤣

• I see him as not being the apartment that often cause of volleyball but he'll be in the apartment just to chill or just to annoy ur ass if he's bored.

• HE WOULD LIKE TO HAVE DESINGNATED MOVIE NIGHTS!!! he also might invite ya know bo, hinata and sakusa but there's sometimes where he just wants to chill with u~

• I believe he's not really a good cook and you would have to make most of the meals or at least remind him to have a decent meal once in a while (if your not a good cook welp... y'all will suffer together I guess)

• He'd be snacking CONSTANTLY I👏SWEAR👏 (This is why ya gotta remind him to have decent meals all the time). I mean there will be nothing in your pantry. It's a literal compition that he wins most of the time to who gets the last packet of pocky. Smh 😑

• I feel like his room would be half messy and half not? Like there would be clothes on the floor but he would make sure to make his bed and his dresser would be a bit messy but not too messy. (Ya know? I hope you get it cause I'm not changing it)

• Please give this man the head pats before volleyball practices (he'll find it cute and if you look close enough you might see him ~blushing~)

Bokuto Koutorou:

• YES ITS TIME FOR MY FAVORITE HIMBO!!! god I LOVE him

• Such a caring man AND WITH SO MUCH RESPECT WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE HIMMM

• anyways

• I hope y'all were friends before you decided to move in together PLEASE SAY YOU WERE (well too bad, I'm the writer, you got no choice in the matter)

• He takes afternoon naps... end of headcanons (no but really when u come back from school or work and he's home before you, you can sometimes hear a soft snore from the couch and you just decide to put a blanket on top of himmm)

• On the contrary of Atsumu, I think he'll be a great cook! I think he'll know how to make 3-4 meals very VERY well and present them to you and be so proud of them. He'll puff out his chest and everything (gosh he's making me so proud just writing this)

• He might once in a while ask you politely if his friends can come over and might borrow the apartment for a while (you'll be out till they leave but hopefully you don't mind)

• If he comes home and he's in his emo mode, you either 1. Call Akaashi or 2. Make him soup and build a blanket fort (it will either be chicken noodle or just some comforting soup... anything to get this baby happy again 😊😊😊)

• This may or might catch you off guard (depending on how close y'all get) but he may ask for random hugs. Just for the sake of it and because I believe he's touch starved and craves physical affection.

• Even tho I said before that he might politely kick you out if he wants to have the home/apartment for the bois, at least PLEASE have some games of chaotic Jenga with them like COME ON (I play chaotic Jenga with my friends all the time and hoooo boi)

• Like Atsumu, he deserves the head pats too! I believe there will be a lot of physical touch/affection in your relationship and it's just so sweet! GAH Y'ALL ARE ADORABLE!

• Anyway, Bokuto Koturou would make a great roomate... MOVING ON

EDIT: Damn I forgot to add that he'll probably join in if you decide to paint your nails. Alright now let's continue!

Sakusa Kiyoomi:

• ngl idk how you became roomates with him but congrats 👌👌👌(I guess by pure chance I guess??? ) anyways...

• Y'all would have assigned cleaning chores of course. If you're having a bad day or not feeling good, he wouldn't mind doing your chores for you and taking care of you.

• Ya know I feel like just doing a puzzle with him so y'all might have some puzzle nights and try to challenge yourselfs after each one you complete.

• LOVES TEA. Will recommend tea and different types of tea to you. Will bring different types of authentic teas into ur apartment and y'all can rate teas together! 🍵🍵🍵

• Not that affectionate but will accept words of affirmation. Really does appreciate a 'thank you' and a genuine compliment once in a while.

• Will remind you to wear a mask outside ALWAYS, he doesn't want you to get sick what can I say?

• Even if it might not look like it, Sakusa does care about you. He will give you those gentle reminders to drink water and eat everyday, say lil' thank yous' here and there and genuinely respects as a person.

ANOTHER EDIT CAUSE I CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF APPARENTLY: But ALL of them would in some way sing in the shower:

Atsumu and Bokuto just BELTING without any care or regret (especially bokuto, some of you've seen tiktoks)

And I feel like for Sakusa he would either silently hum or either have a mini conversation with himself (like a lil' podcast or somethin' 😂) ALRIGHT IM DONE IM DONE

Another author's note: This already seems romantic but I meant it in a platonic way. When I make both parts keep in mind the the relationship is platonic! (Don't worry I might make a part where they go from roomates to lovers if I can gather the brain power 😂)

ANOTHER AUTHOR'S NOTE! :

https://profoundpidgeon.tumblr.com/post/642970351801958400/haikyuu-headcannons-of-the-evening

HEY LOOK! I MADE A PART 2! I hope y'all enjoy! 💖💕💖

[drtanner]

So hey, while I'm having me a little sit down off the back of walking the dog, I thought it might be good if I wrote a little bit to explain why the lockdown was (and is!) necessary, even though I agree that it absolutely categorically sucks and has obviously had an impact on the economy. This is all going to be extremely basic, entry-level stuff for the folks who follow me, but remember that this is an explanation for people who don't already know it!

This post is mostly happening because a transphobe reblogged my post about the Police, Crime, Sentencing and Courts Bill and then, as if by some weird magic, it started getting notes from rightwing anti-lockdown conspiracy theorists for some reason. I can't imagine why that could be (spoilers: I can), and as much as I doubt that anyone who leans that way would ever a) find and read this post or b) be swayed by it at all, I like to believe that most people are basically kind and good and don't fall into nasty, dangerous rhetoric like that just because they're stupid, self-interested bastards. If I can help even one or two people understand why this is happening and relieve some of the fear they're undoubtedly feeling, it will have been worth it to me and I'll be glad I spent the time.

This is going to be a long post! So most of it will be going under a cut for convenience's sake, but to summarise briefly and give you a taste of what this is going to be broadly about, I'll explain a little first before I slap down that Read More.

Ultimately, to understand why the UK's lockdowns are still happening and why other countries, like Australia and New Zealand, are pretty much back to normal while we're still having problems, you also need to understand some basic things about the way our society and our economy operate, which is to say, that you need to understand some things about capitalism.

First, you need to understand that our economy, and capitalism in general, are not invisible forces of nature, as unchanging, ineffable and unyielding as physics, as some would have you believe. They are, rather, purely artificial constructs that are the way they are because they were made that way by mortal, human people, and only relatively recently. Capitalism has only been the economic model du jour for a few hundred years at most, and it was explicitly a creation of the wealthy, intended to entrap and exploit the poor.

(You can read about enclosure to learn more about how capitalism first began and why it happened. You'll be fucking livid.)

All of this is to say that capitalism is not mandatory, nor is it utterly impossible to change or adjust. It didn't have to be this way! Other Economic Models Are Available!™

However, lockdown being as terrible and wretched as it has been is very much happening because it is this way currently.

To make a very long story quite short, the UK has been in a near-continuous state of lockdown because unlike in those other countries I mentioned earlier, our government valued the short-term gain of our economy over the long-term necessity of the health of its citizens, and now we're all suffering for it because the virus is well and truly out of control. Australia and New Zealand locked down fast and hard, and they stayed that way until the problem was properly solved. Our lockdown came too slowly and was lifted far too early (who remembers Eat Out To Help Out?), and this is ultimately because if people aren't going to work, wealth isn't flowing upwards into the pockets of the wealthy, and the Tories are the party of the rich. They're always going to act in favour of the wealthy.

BoJo's initial strategy, you will remember, was for Britain to "take it on the chin" and let the virus "run through the population". Better for people to just get sick and for the rest to keep the economy running, right? It'll only be poor people who live and work in crowded places who'll really get hit, and they don't matter all that much, do they?

Well, it didn't really work out like that. COVID turned out to be a lot more serious than our government believed, and if we hadn't locked down, people would have died in their droves and that, too, would have been quite bad for the economy. That's because poor people are the ones who actually do the jobs that make the economy work! If too many of them die, the ones who are left will have considerable bargaining power when they come to sell their labour afterwards, as was the case after the Black Death, because when there's literally no one else left to do the work, you can demand almost whatever you want of your would-be employer. The balance is tipped in your favour.

Currently, however, the balance is tipped very much in the favour of employers and the very wealthy, which is to say, it is tipped in the favour of capital, which is to say, capitalists. Capitalists are people who own private property, which is property that they use exclusively to make money, e.g., someone who owns a factory, or someone who owns a supermarket chain. You, dear reader, are almost certainly not a capitalist yourself, even if you are a person who supports capitalism! You may own personal property, which is your toothbrush and the shirt on your back and maybe, if you're very lucky, your car and your home, but you almost certainly do not own any private property, and that's the difference between you and the capitalist.

The difference between you and the capitalist, the same difference between those wealthy landowners at the inception of enclosure and the farmers they acted to exploit, is that the only thing you have to sell, the only thing you have to make money from, is your labour. You have literally nothing else. The only way you are allowed to exist in this economy is by selling your labour, which is your time, your energy, your body. You sell this to the capitalist in exchange for the money you need to live.

(Incidentally, if you're wondering why we keep getting driven into a recession every decade or so, it's because it also benefits capital to have people queueing up in their thousands to apply for any shitty job they offer. They've got you over a barrel, and that's how they'd like it to remain in perpetuity. The rich love a good recession.)

It is very much in the interests of the wealthy for it to stay this way, because capitalism was, and still is, set up to benefit them. Under capitalism, profit is king, and the best way to make a profit is by cutting costs wherever you can to minimise the amount you have to spend to keep your business running (and thereby maximise the amount that you get to stuff into your already-overflowing pockets at the end of the month). This is why some of the most "successful" (read: profitable) businesses in the world pay their workers poverty wages; one need look no further than the likes of Amazon and Walmart to get the measure of this. Despite the fact that those workers are the only reason the business runs at all, given that they do all of the work that generates the profit, they are paid as little as is legally possible because profit is the goal of the business, over literally everything else.

Businesses are not set up to provide jobs. They're not even set up to provide services. They're there to generate a profit for the people at the top, and that's the way that capitalism works. It's the root cause of a hell of a lot of problems, like the aforementioned poverty wages, as well as the rise of "news" outlets that favour stoking culture wars and starting scandals that generate sales and clicks over actual journalism. They're all chasing profit, at the expense of everything else.

And that brings us back to the problem we currently have, which is our shitty lockdown, because our government, which is run from top to bottom by wealthy capitalists, is also chasing profit at the expense of everything else. Our lockdowns are weak and ineffective because our government is desperate to get people back to work and turning a profit for other wealthy capitalists, and so they keep locking us down as briefly and as lightly as possible and then trying to get people back to work far, far too early. As a result, we never manage to get rid of the virus completely, only to clear out the weakest and least infectious strains and leave the strongest ones. It's exactly the same as the way we wound up with MRSA, for folks who are old enough to remember how that happened, and when that new strain starts spreading when the lockdown ends, we get another spike, more deaths, and eventually, another lockdown.

Repeated lockdowns have seen businesses put forward the cost of reopening only to be told to close again before they're able to make any money. In the case of small businesses, this means that many of them have been forced to close permanently; pubs have been especially hard hit by this, from what I understand. Eat Out To Help Out, an initiative that once again valued short-term profits over long-term health and safety, exacerbated the problem. As long as our government continues to chase profits like this, we're going to be in and out of lockdown like, god, I don't know. There's a dirty joke in there somewhere. I'm tired, you figure it out. It's going to be a lot, is what I'm saying. You should expect more of it if we don't demand systemic change, and it's going to be necessary because a whole lot more people would die otherwise.

Like, I get it. The lockdowns suck and they don't seem to work and you've lost your job and you want to see your dad, I get it. But the lockdowns, unfortunately, are still necessary. The answer is not to stop having lockdowns. The answer is to do lockdown properly, which the government will probably not do while it's still chasing profit like a horrible, frothy terrier chasing after a toddler's meaty little blood-filled ankles. We need to change the way lockdowns are handled and the way our society operates while they're happening. Maybe even after they're over, too. That'd be nice.

As I said at the start of this post, it didn't have to be this way, and it doesn't have to be this way.

Imagine, for a minute, that the billions and billions of dollars that those minimum wage workers at Amazon and Walmart were generating were not, for once, flowing directly into the pockets of CEOs and shareholders. That the billions and billions of pounds that the minimum wage workers at our Amazon warehouses and our Walmart-owned supermarkets and our god-awful newspaper empires generate weren't vanishing into the bottomless, never-full abyss of some already sickeningly wealthy old white man's coffers, never to be seen again because it's literally more money than anyone can ever spend in a fucking lifetime.

Imagine, if you will, that that money went instead into social security measures that would, for example, give people what they needed to live through a proper, effective lockdown, so they wouldn't have to put themselves at risk by continuing to go to work, or watch their independent business die because they couldn't afford to put it on hold for six months. Literally just fucking forget about turning a profit for a while, and focus on doing a proper, effective lockdown that stays in place for long enough to do the fucking job. Forget about trying to open shit up again to "keep the economy afloat" and focus on keeping people, the actual human people who make the economy work by being alive and selling their labour, safe and healthy. One good, effective lockdown is shorter and better than the bullshit that our government keeps trying to do at present. It is not lockdown itself that's ineffective and damaging, but our government's failure to implement lockdown properly because it cares too much for profit.

If your job is on the line because of this lockdown, ask yourself why your livelihood is on the chopping block before your company's CEO will think about paying himself a little less. If furlough pay doesn't cover your expenses and you know you'll struggle to make it through another lockdown, as yourself why the businesses you're forced to buy from are still chasing profit during a fucking global emergency and aren't selling closer to cost to help you and others like you. If you miss your dad because it's been a year since you were last able to see him, ask yourself why our Tory government cared so much more about preserving the income of the wealthy over preserving the safety of its people that it wasn't willing to lock us down quickly enough or for long enough for that first lockdown to be as effective as the lockdowns in Australia and New Zealand.

This economy is man-made. It isn't immune to change, and it didn't have to be like this. You don't have a problem with lockdown. You have a problem with capitalism and a government that chases money at the expense of the people it was put in place to serve.

If you're angry, join a union, write to your MP. Demand that our government starts putting people before profit. And if you're genuinely convinced that the virus is a hoax and that the purpose of lockdown is to strip you of your rights and silence you, consider that your 40+ hour work week is a lot more effective at stripping you of your ability to take action against a corrupt and unfit government than a pandemic ever could be.

[dead-ghouls]

Theres no way that i could ask for a break down of what you see in his ftes in ask format is is there?? I already love korekiyo, but I'm really curious about what you have to say.

I can do that! The only thing is that most of what he says I’ll be quoting from memory, but direct quotes can be found in his FTEs and in-game dialogue on wiki. I’ll do my best to provide as many screenshots as I can, but I doubt I will be able to find all, it’s a very long process and I dont have the whole day.V3 spoilers below, ofc. Also TW various types of abuse, you know the drill if you played the game. Long post!Let’s start from what we know about Korekiyo. What makes him Korekiyo, what makes him stand out, what’s special about him. 

- Unique outfit- Long hair- His deep knowledge of anthropology- His interest in occult/speaking to the dead- His deep relationship with death, grief and how he looks at it- His love for ropes- Being a serial killer

Now let’s break down every trait he has and where it comes from.

Unique outfit

FTE 3, he tells us his sister made it for him to suit her tastes, claiming his school uniform doesnt suit him.

Long hairI don’t remember if it was mentioned in-game, but it was mentioned in V3 manga anthology, that his long hair is a memento to his sister, since she had long hair, so he refuses to cut it. It is stated that events of manga obviously not canon, but I dont think this claim was outside of his canon characterisation. 

His deep knowledge of anthropology

In the same FTE he mentions that Sister was the one who “pushed him to research as much as he could”

His interest in occult/speaking to the dead + his relationship with death and griefI dont think i gotta find proof for that, he mentioned travelling looking to speak to the dead, the whole ch 3 with Caged Child + he mentioned having near-death experience after a seanse (see next bullet point), and that’s how his Sister came to him.He speaks about human mortality and coming to terms with it, but he himself cant do that. 

He doesnt fear death, maybe he even seeks it - to reunite with his Sister [cut to him enduring his execution and seeing his spirit happy and free, ready to meet her] but no way he could properly cope with human mortality and his own grief. That’s where all the occult stuff comes in - him telling how he tried so many things and how nothing worked (?). He says it during ch3 investigation, if you wanna look for a direct quote. Him being into occult, speaking with the dead, being possessed by his Sister - all of it is just his ways of coping with loss. He was very dependant on her (I’ll talk about it more below) and couldnt stand being alone.

His love for ropesOf course it can be a kinky thing but also look closely at this exchange:

This incident with ropes is what actually ended up “reuniting” him with his Sister. Of course he’d hold a special interest to this kind of activity after. 

Being a serial killerWell this one is obvious. Who did he kill? Girls. Why did he do it? To bring friends to his Sister. Simple as that.

Now look back at every bullet point and tell me: do you see a pattern? Yep, every aspect of his life, likes, personality, experiences, even his looks - it all traces back to his Sister. Controlling what he wears, what he does, what he likes; even after her death he is deeply affected and is devoted to doing everything in her name. Now try to recall one single thing about Korekiyo that wasn’t his Sister influence. Something he likes maybe? Something he enjoys on his own free time? Even his official dislike is a reference to a gift you might give in-game, an air refreshener that exorcises ghosts [He believes that he is possesed]. All I can think of is him telling he prefers green tea over black in one of FTEs. Korekiyo that we see and interact with in game isn’t his own person, just a reflection of grief, his Sister wants and needs. His whole existence is just a devotion to his late Sister, and it was the same way when she was alive.

Sister’s personality

From what I mentioned you should already hear the faint bells ringing in your head. “Pushed me to study” “Told me my uniform doesnt suit me” “I will kill people because her spirit told me to”He respected her, depended on her a lot. No shit, Sherlock - he was his Older Sibling. A side note, he never mentioned anyone else from his family, only said that they “had to hide their relationship from others” once. Sadly, I cant remember where it was said. No matter if he had any family present or not (having no family would worsen the case, but with family present its still fucked up) he still depended on her a lot, maybe considered her a parental figure, or at the very least - a role model. Korekiyo’s analysis on youtube brings up a very valid point - anthropology couldve been her passion as well, she just couldnt actually fullfill it because of the sickness. Explains her “pushing” him to research it.Basically we have an older sibling holding power over a younger sibling, presumably, from a younger age. More of her personality and influence can be seen in his trial. “You mustnt lose composure, you mustnt become flustered, you mustnt waver”Im linking this bit, but I strongly recommend rewatching the full version where his Sister appears. She appears to be his guardian, keeping him in check, making him act right. Telling him what to do and how to act. She appears in moments of distress when he needs comfort. He depends on her, he listens, he does everything she tells him to. Im not gonna get into the whole tulpa thing, so if youre not on board with it, I recommend reading into it more, even wiki has a brief explanation. Basically this possession is just his mind, but it does hold her true personality. So Sister is: assertive, calm, plays a role of guardian, has power over Korekiyo due her age, his respect and dependance on her, probably her being his parental figure. 

Now tell me, how this power dynamic could be healthy, consensual and (a very popular opinion in the fandom) this relationship was started from Korekiyo’s advances? How a younger sibling, that was so dependant and devoted could be in a consensual relationship with his older sibling that always tells him what to do?Korekiyo was groomed, he’s a victim. Most people in fandom hate him for being creepy and a sister-banging freak, because he doesn’t fit your cookie-cutter perseption of abuse victims. Everyone thinks that abuse victims only come in “i hate my abuser, i am currently away from them and i am healing” package. Korekiyo was never given a chance to realize it was wrong, he never got a chance to heal. He was groomed, abused, used and forced into relationship. Told that it was secret and sacred, that theyre breaking the boundaries, that’s why he mustnt tell anyone about it. Of course he believed her - its his Sister. She convinced him that his love and dependance on her was romantic/sexual love.

The same analysis brings up a good point of his Sister guilt tripping him because of her illness. Never getting a chance for romantic love, never getting a chance to make friends.

What breaks my heart is that after all of this, after devoting his life to his Sister, studying what she wanted, wearing what she wanted, killing for her sake and even being executed because of her - he says that he wasn’t enough.

TLDR - Their power dynamic is very obvious from his FTEs and the trial, he was clearly groomed and abused, never got to recover from her manipulations. And fandom either fetishisizes their relationship, excusing their nasty kinks by saying it was consensual, or hates him because they never took the time to analyze the content. He was abused, he was manipulated, god knows what else was done to him when she was alive, and he died driven to insanity, full of grief devoted to his Sister and blaming himself for not being enough. As a side-note: it is completely okay being uncomfortable with his character/everything that happened in ch3. You dont owe anyone interacting with the piece of media depicting such topics. Your comfort and safety comes first. Kodaka is a shitty fucking writer. What is not okay is hating a character for being a victim. 

I probably missed a lot, my brain is very disorganized, so feel free to ask more questions/add your own opinion. 

[dreams-of-wings]

Impossible (7/8)

Imagine Billy Hargrove with a Mixed/Biracial SO

Warnings: SEASON 3 SPOILERS, Swearing, mild violence, angst.

The rest of the week flies by, with Billy weaning himself away from hanging out with Tommy and Carol and more to hanging out with you.

Billy actually learned a couple things that just barely helped him scrape by on his tests.

You passed with flying colors of course.

Now y'all are in the "real world"

Billy snags a summer job as a life guard.

You got a job at the hospital as a patient escort (the hours ain't bad, and it pays good).

You visit Billy at the pool sometimes, and you both still hang out on weekends.

Tommy and Carol don't hang around him anymore (because popularity status from high school no longer matters).

You're trying to help Billy move out of his house, but getting a place of your own isn't easy, so you manage to convince your parents to let him move in with you guys.

He has to stay in the guest room and pay rent though, obviously.

Billy still hasn't moved in yet though because he wants to save a bit of money before he has to worry about paying bills.

It's a smart idea and you support him.

For the most part your Summer is just working, hanging out with friends after work, and juggling the kids (Will, Dustin till he goes to summer camp, Mike, Lucas, and Max. You don't worry about Eleven because she isn't really allowed out of her house).

One day when the kids are all hanging out at your place, Billy walks in and treats the place like he lives there.

Just walks in grabs the milk from your fridge and makes himself a bowl of Cereal, before sitting in a stool by your kitchens island.

Thay all just kinda stare at him for a moment in silence.

"What?"

"Nothing!"

Billy just rolls his eyes and finishes his bowl before getting up to go to the bathroom.

"Ah, ah! Put it in the sink!" You just happen to walk past to grab something from your parents room.

He doesn't fuss, throw a fit, or even act remotely annoyed. He just back tracks and put the bowl in the sink, filling it with warm water before continuing on his way.

Once you both are out of ear shot, Lucas mentions how he's glad the two of you are dating, because Billy's gotten a whole lot better. He's still an ass, but old Billy would have tried to scare the shit out of the kids for fun just for staring at him. New Billy was just annoyed.

Max acts like she's disgusted, not at the idea of the two of you being together, but just because Billy is her brother and she's just grossed out by the thought of him with anyone really.

"They are not dating!"

"They totally are, did you not see the way they just interacted!" Mike is whisper yelling.

"Yeah, it was actually kinda..." Lucas shrugged and looked at Mike.

"Domestic," Mike found the word Lucas was looking for.

"Nu-uh! Billy's just moving in, so he should know house rules by now." Max tried to justify what just happened, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms, before sitting back into the couch with a huff.

"That statement really doesn't help your case."

"Trust us, they're dateing."

"Who's dating?" You walk in just then.

"No one!" "Mike and Eleven!" "Max and Lucas!" They all had conflicting answers to your question.

You just raised a brow in confusion at them.

At that moment Billy steps out with his red duffle bag and heads out for work, "Forgot I left my stuff here the other night," he explains as he passes you to the door.

The kids all look at each other, 'The other night?'

"Okay, there's leftovers in the fridge!" You call as he opens the door.

Billy pauses again and backtracks, closing the door, going to the fridge, and opening it. He paused for a moment as if searching, and then he pulls out a Tupperware container with last night's dinner in it, before putting it in his duffle and heading out again, "Thanks," he opens the door, "See you later!"

"See you!" You turn and look back at the kids, "Sorry, what were you saying?"

They kinda just stare at you gobsmacked.

"Nothing."

The kids actually make it there mission for a while to prove to Max that the two of you are together, but all they succeed in doing is getting caught and threatened by Billy to "Fuck off" and "take your sick jokes elsewhere." He doesn't appreciate peeping toms, especially when they're peeping at him.

Still kinda the same old Billy, just much less dramatic.

You notice something's up with Billy though after he gets attacked by the Mind Flyer.

He seems paranoid, tense, and almost bipolar.

You ask him constantly about it when you see him, and at first he tells you its nothing.

You thought his dad found out about him trying to leave because now he doesn't come around your house anymore.

You still see him at the pool, and he'll stop by, but he never stays.

He becomes awkward in conversations, like he's there, but not completely.

You wonder if he's depressed.

Then he starts avoiding you all together after Heather goes missing (of course you didn't know that she'd gone missing).

When you manage to corner him at the pool, Billy seems to revert back to his old High School self.

He's rude and tells you he wants you to stay away from him.

You're honestly really hurt now because you've made so much progress.

He was supposed to be moving in for gods sake.

Little do you know he's just trying to protect you.

You're the last person he wants to hurt.

He's already hurt one of his coworkers.

He almost hurt Mrs. Wheeler.

But you don't know about her.

When the kids try to spy on Billy, your house is the first place they go to.

Max has been sleeping over at Elevens house the past few nights, so she doesn't know he's been actively ghosting you.

"I dont know, he's avoiding me."

They of course thought that was weird, just a few days ago he seemed so comfortable in this house and around you, and suddenly he's giving you the cold shoulder?

"Did you guys get into a fight?" Max is concerned now because she's really hoping Billy is not the host. They're looking for Billy to do very un-Billy things as proof, and this- thus us very un-Billy.

"No, one day he was fine, then the next he acts like he doesn't want to talk to me if he doesn't have to, and now he's avoiding me all together!" You're actually getting very frustrated now.

"Do you guys know something? Did something happen? Is Billy okay?"

"No nothing," You still dont know about what's been going on the past year or so. You weren't there when they caught off the Demigorgon and you weren't there for the fall of the Mind Flyr either. They had to keep it a secret, "Max just noticed he hadn't been around you lately."

"Friends don't lie," Eleven doesn't like that they were hiding Billy's life being in danger. If something happens to him, you would be hurt, and it would partially be their fault for not telling you the truth.

They try to keep Eleven quiet.

Spoiler, it doesn't work.

So they have to tell you everything that's happened since Will disappeared.

You didn't believe them at first of course, but then Eleven shows you her powers and you start to second guess yourself.

It would at least explain Billy's sudden odd behavior, and why Will acted strange after he returned.

Of course you had always blaimed it on PTSD since you didn't know what the kid had truly been through.

Now you see it's much worse than you could have imagined.

So now your in on the madness.

The next place the kids go is the pool.

Shocker, he's there.

"Its too hot outside to be wearing a long sleeve," is your contribution to their debate on whether or not Billy seems like Billy right now.

"True, but light color cloths make it a bit cooler."

Also true.

None of you could see from this distance, that Billy us sweating buckets right now.

But at least the sun isn't hitting him directly, so he skin won't burn and give him another lesion.

The boys are talking about their plan, but your too lost I thought watching Billy to notice them leave you, Max, and Eleven behind.

It was odd to think that this person you were watching wasn't really Billy. He looked like Billy, but he didn't act or think like him.

When the boys come back then fill you in on the plan.

For the most part you're just hiding with Max, but you will come in handy if the real Billy is still in there somewhere.

You show yourself alongside Max.

Billy pauses for a second, like his mind is trying to comprehend that you're a part of this.

"Why?" He actually looks vulnerable and his voice sounds broken, till it slowly contorts into a look of anger and he starts banging o the door.

Your a little unnerved.

And your having flashbacks from back in High School when you and Billy still didn't get along.

He doesn't understand why this is happening to him.

Everything was going great.

He had a job.

He was working on getting out of his father's house.

And he actually felt like he had someone he could trust.

Then you had to go and do this to him.

That's when it occured to him.

He's been treating you like shit these past few days.

And he's done terrible things

Maybe he deserves this.

That's when he screams in frustration, anger, and sadness, before he starts sobbing.

"Its not my fault...."

"Please."

"I'm sorry."

"I didn't mean to."

He's pleading to you and Max with a broken voice and a broken spirit.

For once Billy looks the way he's always felt on the inside.

Desperate, alone, and afraid.

"I'm sorry for the way I treated you."

"It's not my fault, I promise you."

You're the first to approach the door, and Max follows right behind you as she begins to question Billy.

"He made me do it."

When Max questioned him about who "he" was and what "he" made him do, Billy seemed to retreat into himself more.

The sight broke your heart.

After high school, Billy seemed better, and after he started slowly getting away from his father he actually seemed more confident- and not that fake ass peacocking he didn't in school either, like actual confidence.

But now he was fighting something he couldn't get away from.

He slowly lays down on the floor and continues to beg and plead.

He can't even say what he's done.

You almost open the door, till Mike and Eleven stop you.

Your almost on the verge of tears.

"He's my friend....."

"That's not Billy," Mike says sternly.

"He's hurt," you're trying to get them to let you open the door.

But you stop when Will tells you he can feel "him."

Mike backs of first and tells you and Max to get away from the door.

You're confused at first, but you see Billy just as he comes for the window with the piece of tile.

You push yourself away from the door, and take Max with you, saving her from being hurt by the thing posing as her bother.

When Billy manages to get out and starts hurting the kids, you call out to him.

He stops to look at you and you can see the real Billy in his eyes and in his lip that quivers slightly at the edges.

When El starts throwing him around the room all you and Max can do is hold eachother.

Billy had changed, and you all had gotten so close, and now you have to watch someone you have come to love get hurt.

It breaks your heart to see how desperately he wants to fight this thing. He's always tense, like he's trying to hold his body back, and the tear that trails down his face tells you that again, he's so sorry for what he's doing right now.

You're relieved when he runs off because it means that he can't hurt the kids, and they can't hurt him anymore.

Max is glad she at least has you with her.

Sure she has Lucas, but her friends never really liked Billy, so they don't understand why she cares so much.

You go to the hospital with the kids when Nancy and Jonathan take them along.

You pose as Mrs. Driscoll's grandchild as well.

It was terrifying seeing a pile of gore come to life and chase your friends down.

After you all got back to Eleven's house, you can't stop pacing up and down, and you're just making Max more on edge.

I mean who could blame you though.

Those guys at the hospital who turned to mush were under that monsters control, so what was keeping it from doing the same thing to Billy?

What if he dies a horrible painful death? And you can't be there with him?

Max tries to reassure you that everything will be alright.

After all, they've beaten this thing before.

Though it does sound more like she's trying to convince herself more than she is trying to convince you.

You sit down when Max and Mike get into an argument about Eleven. Honestly, after the night you've had, you've just realized how physically, emotionally, and mentally drained you are. You didn't even think you've slept in almost 24 hours - the kids came to your house, you went with them to the pool, you watched Billy till the end of the day when his shift ended, trapt him in the sauna (mind you it was already dark when the Sauna Test went down), craziness happened, went to Eleven's place so she could find Hopper and they could fill him in on what's going on (because apparently the Sharif is in on this madness too), and that's when Nancy and Jonathan arrived with their information on Mrs. Driscoll, and now your here.

Maybe it's been a little more than 24 hours... Perhaps you should lay down...

Meanwhile, Billy is off doing God knows what.

He's trapt in his own mind - completely aware of what's happening but he's unable to do anything about it.

This monster has taken control of him from the inside and the first few days it at least seemed like he had some semblance of control - like he was driving and the monster was sitting in the back seat telling him what to do. Of course at that point he didn't have to listen, but then it started showing him things. It migrated to shotgun and started messing with the steering wheel.

Now it just feels like it's in the driver's seat, but he's bound and gagged in the back passenger seat where he can at least see everything.

It was hard hurting those kids. He had promised Max he would never hurt her friends again, and honestly, because of you he and his little sister had grown closer, and he's actually been relatively happy. He had just been starting to think that maybe, just maybe, Hawkins wasn't so bad and he could stay.

Then shit hit the fan.

He had never seen you so afraid of him in the time he has known you. Not even when you both didn't get along in high school. Back then, you had more of a rebellious fire in your eyes, and no matter what he did to try and snuff it- to make you afraid of him, it only seemed to feed the fire. But back in the sauna...you looked petrified, unsure, on edge, afraid.

Ironic how now that he desperately wants to protect you and Max, you're both can't trust him.

Why is he like this?

Why does he always screw things up?

His mom left him.

His dad hates him.

He was a fuck up all throughout school.

He had shitty friends who, let's be honest, weren't really even his friends.

He hurt- maybe even indirectly killed his coworker.

He almost killed Karen. Oh God, Mrs. Wheeler. He regrets trying to get her to meet him at the hotel. He doesn't even have feelings for her - he just thought she was hot and wanted to get laid, and by an older woman at that. In fact, he had been on his way to meet her when he was attacked.

And now he's probably lost you and Max.

He feels utterly and terribly alone.

When you wake up, it's to the sound of El screaming. She's freaking out because of the vision she just had of talking to Billy.

The conversation about what she just saw was very sobering. You are wide awake now that the possibility of death looms over you, and the sound of screeching from the approaching monster in the distance doesn't help.

It found you.

You all get the house ready - shut the windows, close the blinds, block off possible openings and stand back to back.

You would feel much safer in a basement.

When it comes through the windows, you help Jonathan fight it off to the best of your ability, but you both end up getting thrown around the room.

Thank whatever supernatural being put El on this earth, because you all would have died without her.

Fast forward to you all going to Starcourt Mall

You help Eleven walk because she's injured, and since Steve isn't here, you're mom now.

Apparently everyone was somehow already on to fishy stuff happening? But what do Russians have to do with anything?

You're so worried about El, that bite looks bad. Like, infected bad, but it can't have been more than an hour or two since she got it, so it can't have progressed that quick.

You know something isn't right.

And you are proven correct when you see something wriggling around in the wound.

Props to El, for being so strong when Johnathan tried to remove that nasty thing, and then removing it herself.

They would have had to knock you the fuck out first if that were you- all the nope.

You all know what happens.

Part 8 will hopefully be the end. Idk we'll see, maybe I will get carried away and make it too long and then their will be 9 lol.

Like I did with this imagine. It was only supposed to be one part, but here we are going on 8.

I apologize for this part following season 3 so closely. As you all can tell I like to at least try and make my own content so it doesn't just feel like you're reading the show, and I think my struggles reflect on this part a bit. I have seen season 3 at least 4 times now because I was trying to find a way do this without just basically rewriting the season with the reader patched into it, but it was either this, have the reader just kinda loose contact with Billy and then find out he's "dead" (my denial is showing), or have reader become one of the flayed (let's be honest, not much would probably go on there). Plus this option has the most angst I feel.

Hope y'all are ready for the angst in the next part.