#and I'm gonna get to bed early tonight or die trying

[brown-little-robin]

It's 12:03 on the 2nd day of spring break I've spent the morning talking to friends and going on unhinged reblogging sprees (you'll see 'em later they all went straight to drafts) while rotating my blorbos in my mind at incredible speeds. we are off to an AMAZING start to break!!

[flor4de4amor]

biting on abby muscles ESPECIALLY her thigh muscles I'm drooling

i also got super ahead of myself w this one... woopsies guys!

click for palestine | boycot tlou!! | read b4 engaging w me

warnings: smut, reader fingers abby, the two of you are friends w benefits (which i feel like is a trigger in itself so i'm being considerate in forewarning)

you get like this whenever you’re ovulating. abby thinks it’s cute. you’ve got an itch only she can scratch. her needy little girl, who cries her name when her thick fingers stretch out your cunt. who bounces on her plastic cock, like you’ll die if you stop and squirts all over her torso. who laps at her pussy like it’s fucking ambrosia. she loves it. she could never deny you. especially, you call her late into the night, while she’s supposed to be sleeping.

you’re a night owl and she’s an early bird. your relationship was doomed to fail, amongst other reasons. but it’s just sloppy sex every once and a while, so who cares? definitely not abby, and definitely not you. which is why whenever you call, she comes running. she’s never been dissatisfied by your acts of service. 

but now, you’re teasing her, and abby is growing both restless and agitated. she didn’t drag herself out of bed half asleep to be teased. she came over to, well, cum. your tongue licking over every exposed surface of her body, except where she wants needs you. her clit is throbbing with urgency. “baby,” she grimaces using the name, as you run your fingers over her toned stomach and kiss up her muscular thighs.

“hm?” you question with a hum looking up her without stopping your movements.

“you gonna fuck me tonight or what?” abby asks hastily with a scoff.

you smile against her salvia-coated quad. “are you gonna be mean to me?”

she sucks her teeth, which you see, despite your room only being illuminated by a low lamp. “maybe,” she replies.

you bite into the tender flesh of her meaty thigh in response. you moan while doing so, “i bet you taste so good,” you say aloud. she grunts at your action.

“i do,” abby says with a hint of desperation in her voice.

you hook both your index fingers into the waistband of her underwear, pulling them down to her ankles, and throw it to the other side of your room. your ring and middle finger, group to her slit and collect her slick. you lick your fingers, “you’re sweet alright.” you repeat the action of collection, before offering your fingers to the pale girl. “wanna try?” you don’t give her much choice as you gently prod her mouth open. her tongue circling around your digits with a moan. “do you think you’re sweet baby?” you ask before sucking on her thigh once more, adding another layer of bruises to her legs. marks for her to show off with those teasing biker shorts she always wears to the gym.

“uhuh,” she tells you while bucking her hips upward, in need of some contact. you place your forearm atop her lower torso. though the force doesn’t halt her, she lowers her hips in a forfeit.

“you want me to eat this pretty pussy abby?” the use of her name only makes her more needy. she nods her head eagerly. “she’s crying for me,” you mumble into the crease of her legs, nibbling once more. she huffs. the more you dig your canines into her, the more desperate she gets. you’re playing dirty. it’s no fair. that’s usually her job.

without warning, you thrust your fingers into her weeping cunt. she gasps at the motion. you giggle, as she squelches and squeezes around your fingers. “more,” she commands.

“i don’t negotiate with terrorists,” you grunt while increasing the speed of your fingers, as cream collects around them. you press a faint kiss to her clit. pressing your flat tongue to the bundle of nerves. she thrust upwards again, and you pull back. “you ruin it for yourself baby.” you look at her hooded eyes. she’s so sexy when she’s desperate. 

she slurs, “i’m sorry,” her toes clenching. her pretty freckled face all flushed out.

“you’re needier than i am,” you tease her, pressing your tongue on her clit once more. she moans your name while clenching around you. you suck on her soft clit, gently and carefully using your teeth. you know just how to make abby a mess.

“i’m close,” she tells you while wrapping her hands around your messy hair. those thick thighs you love so much, wrapping around your head, trapping you into the mound you cherish. you grunt into her soft cunt and grind against your bed sheets, sure for there to be proof of your desperation when you’re done. abby cums loudly, her head tossed back and eyes shut. you watch her intensely. while slightly overstimulating her as you still finger her relentlessly, but latch your mouth to her slick and sweaty thighs once more.

her hands wipe the sweat off your forehead with as much care as casual fucking will allow. “was it good?” you ask her, looking up at her with big wide eyes searching for approval.

“you’re a fucking succubus baby,” she gently slaps your face. you groan with pleasure, “was more than good.” she uses her rough hands in your hair to pull your face off her legs, “why don’t you come up here on my face so i can return the favor?” you grin, climbing up the sexy trunk of abby, ready to receive from her greedily.

[chrissv4mp]

i'll love you 'til the day that i die! MATT S.

summary: you and matt have been frenemies since the 8th grade. when you both go to homecoming, you get picked for homecoming queen, and chris is your king. matt can't help but storm outside of the school angrily.

pairing: matt sturniolo × fem!reader

warnings/topics: arguments, vulgar language, fluff, sorta angst, confessions, highschool au, etc.

a/n: LOVE THIS SONG SMSMSMS also this probably makes no sense towards the end cause i was purely running on 2 bottles of water😖

"matt," you exclaimed, running into his room without any warning.

he jumped a little, eyes snapping toward the direction of his bedroom door.

you took a seat at his desk, pushing yourself toward his bed with your feet before spinning around to face him.

"why do you have so much energy this early in the morning?" he groaned, rubbing his eyes as he had just woken up a few minutes ago.

"cause, i just got big news? and, sorry for being so happy to see you?" you joked, rolling your eyes and leaning back in the chair.

matt hummed in curiosity, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to make it look better, "and what's the news?"

you almost couldn't stay still, changing the way you were sitting every moment or so.

"i got nominated for homecoming queen!" you all but yelled, making matt flinch slightly at the loud noise.

his smile was small, but very smug as if he was gonna say something to bring you down.

he could never shut his mouth whenever you brought up something good that happened to you, he always had to one-up you.

"cool, cool, but i've gotten nominated for homecoming king like years in a row. it's nothing big to be nominated once," he shrugged, keeping direct eye contact with you and watching as your face contorted into a subtle look of sadness.

your frown was small, and if matt hadn't been the one to trigger it, then he probably wouldn't have noticed.

he always did this, and you should've been used to it by now. but, god, did matt know how to push your buttons.

"yeah, well, i didn't see your name on there this time. you're not someone special, y'know?" you laughed, trying to hide your frustration.

matt's grin only widened at your words, "huh. well, it'll be there by tonight. those girls can't resist my charm, not even you, y/n."

"shut up. nobody wants a homecoming king that's an asshole to every girl he meets." you groaned, crossing your arms over each other.

"maybe, but you're the only girl i dislike at the school." matt bit back, leaning against his headboard as he stared you down.

you let out a quiet huff, looking around his room and letting your eyes land on the corkboard he had on the wall opposite his closet.

there were letters, pictures, and polaroids of all of his friends. and in one corner, there was a polaroid of you and him at the beach.

there was writing below it, 'i want u to stay 'till i'm in the grave<3' it was in dark blue sharpie.

your lips upturned into a small smile. he didn't hate you. he never really could, even if he tried.

"doesn't seem like you dislike me," you broke the silence, pointing over at the board.

matt's smile dropped, and his face flushed a soft pink color as he sat up straight. "just get out, would you!"

you giggled to yourself as you got off his chair, not forgetting to give him the middle finger before closing his door and walking back down the hall.

nick looked up from the sink as he heard your footsteps walking past the kitchen, turning around to look at you.

"bye, y/n," he smiled softly, waving over at you and accidently splashing water on the kitchen counter.

"see you later, nick," you smiled, waving back before resuming your walk down the stairs and out of the house.

"birds of a feather," chris said, breaking the silence between the four of you.

nick raised an eyebrow, looking to the side to see if chris was talking to him.

the younger boy was pointing over at you and matt, at the opposite end of the booth you all were sitting at.

"what?" matt laughed over the loud chatter of the cafeteria, crossing his arms before looking over at you.

you were confused just as he was, staring over at chris with an unsure look on your face, "right... and what are you yapping on about this time?"

chris looked dumbfounded, staring at the three of you in disbelief as he scoffed, "you guys seriously don't know that saying? i thought you were older than me."

"by, like, 2 seconds?" nick said, leaning on the table as he picked at the cafeteria food with a plastic fork.

chris punched his brother softly, rolling his eyes before explaining, "birds of a feather flock together, it basically means you guys are alike in one way or another."

matt laughed, looking over at you before giving his attention back to chris, "we are nothing alike, trust me. she's horrible at communicating, and i'm amazing at it. i'm popular. she's not."

"yeah, he's stupid, and i'm smart. remind me how we're alike, again?" matt looked away at your remark, silently mocking you.

"look at your outfits right now, if i didn't know any better i would think you guys are matching." chris pointed out, nodding his head in your direction.

nick nodded, "he's right, you guys look like a couple."

both yours and matts face flushed bright pink, and you looked seperate ways, embarrassment washing over the two of you.

"yeah, more like a couple of friends." you forced out, looking back up at nick and chris.

nick raised his eyebrows, looking away.

"and not to mention the many times you both have said the same phrase. like, tell me you hang out too much without telling me you hang out too much?" chris joked, laughing at himself.

nick chuckled quietly, nodding his head in agreement with his brothers.

"that's a coincidence." you mumbled, sitting up straight.

"it's happened more than i can count, i don't think it's a coincidence of any sort." nick said, looking over at matt, who just dragged his hands down his face.

"well, whatever. not like it's gonna last forever," matt said, and before anyone could reply, he stood up and left to his next class.

the bell rang a few seconds after, and you, nick, and chris gave each other confused looks.

"sorry, y/n. he's probably just had a rough day, i promise you he doesn't mean it." nick reassured you, reaching over the table to hold your hand.

he left a few moments later, and chris stayed with you.

"don't take it to heart, 'kay?" chris muttered softly, smiling at you.

you nodded, and chris began to add on, "i've seen him cry over you. he tells me he doesn't know why. all he says is that he doesn't think he could love you more than he already does."

nodding, smiling softly before watching chris get up and leave. now it was just you and your thoughts at the table alone.

huh. who would've thought matthew sturniolo, one of the most popular guys at school, would be crying over you, quiet, kept to herself, y/n l/n?

you couldn't tease him about it, you did the same thing for him. you always cried over matt, not even knowing why because he had never really hurt you.

you always just sobbed to nick about how you would love him 'til the day that he dies. and after those words registered in your head, you only cried more at the thought of matt dying.

but those nights, you were usually drunk or super high. nick always knew how to calm you down, though, he was always there for you whenever you needed.

matt had also occasionally been there for you in your lowest times, never hesitating to break the speed limit getting to your house.

he always confronted the boys that had stood you up, never let anyone talk bad about you or even give you dirty looks. even if he didn't consider you a friend, you thought of him as one.

"i just don't understand," matt whispered shakily as he looked up at the night sky, stars scattered all around and lighting the place around in just the slightest.

you sat next to him, fingers playing with the blanket the both of you were on, "what don't you understand?"

he shrugged, "i don't understand how anyone could love me."

your neck snapped in his direction, eyes widening a little as a million thoughts came to your mind.

you wanted him to see how he looked in your eyes. he was the funniest, most handsome, kind boy you have ever met (even if he did occasionally tick you off).

you wanted him to know how many subtle compliments you gave him that he never noticed, but still took.

but then again, you wanted to just tell him how he was so full of shit. he knew that anyone and everyone was capable of loving him.

he knew that he could get anyone wrapped around his finger in less than a week. hell, he sure got you wrapped around his finger in just a matter of 2 days.

"i just don't get what people see in me. sometimes i just want to quit everything i do at the thought of it." matt added, finally turning his head to look at you.

your gaze softened as he looked you in the eyes, a subtle look of concern plastered on your face as you reached out to pat his shoulder.

"don't be stupid, matthew. i think that if anyone even glanced in your direction, they would instantly fall in love. you're all any girl would want."

matt smiled, and you reached over to move his hair to see his face better. he was truly beautiful. you couldn't ever get tired of the sight of him.

"you really think that?" matt asked, and there was just the tiniest hint of smugness in his voice.

you nodded, tilting your head to see matt better in the pale moonlight.

"i do," you whispered, and before matt could speak, you cut him off, "and don't ruin this moment with one of your stupid remarks, matthew."

matt's lips parted, but he chose to stay silent. he was grateful for moments like this with you, when it was just you two alone and nobody else.

he loved being alone with you, especially late at night when you guys would have these deep talks. no words spoken here would ever leave, neither of you would bring those topics up.

it was a nice feeling, one that made him feel safe and secure in your presence.

as the months passed by and new memories with you were made, matt felt like you were slowly creeping into his heart, invading all of his senses.

all he could think about was you now, and he couldn't ever get you out of his head. not even when he was in boston, more than 2,000 miles away from you.

it came so fast, and you almost couldn't believe that you were standing outside of your high-school with your best friends, all dressed formally.

you were wearing a satin dark blue dress that went down to your knees, while matt and chris were wearing suits and ties.

matt's suit was navy blue, his dress pants being white to match with chris, who was wearing a white suit and navy blue dress pants.

nick wore an all blue suit, his tie being the only white thing on his outfit besides from his collared shirt he wore underneath the suit.

"holy shit, you're stunning, y/n!" nick exclaimed, stretching his arms out before you hugged him tightly.

he smiled into your hair, patting your back before pulling away from your embrace.

"talk about stunning, look at yourself, nicolas! you look amazing, blue looks beautiful on you." you complimented, smiling up at him before walking to stand beside him.

he interlocked your arms, and you finally got the chance to look over matt and chris' suits.

"we look better than you guys ever could," matt said, swinging his arm over chris' shoulder and pulling him closer.

chris smiled, nodding in agreement as he wrapped his arm around matt's waist.

"i don't know, y/n's dress might beat us." the younger boy shrugged, to which matt rolled his eyes at.

"you tell yourselves whatever you want, we're gonna go inside to get the night started," nick stated, pushing past chris and matt and purposely shoving matt playfully.

the two brunette boys weren't slow to follow you and nick, chris rushing in front of you to hold the door open.

when the four of you got intonthe gym, it immediately felt like you guys were gonna have the best night ever.

the lighting was a darker blue, illuminating all the bodies beneath it and capturing every small movement the kids made.

"wow," you whispered, and nick echoed you.

"hello, and welcome, los angeles lions to our 34th annual homecoming dance!" madi exclaimed into the microphone, her eyes scanning the paper she was holding.

the school cheered in excitement, and chris screamed out an encouragement for madi.

she smiled at all the familiar faces before leaning into the microphone to read from the paper again, "these past few weeks have been a little chaotic with all of the new nominees for both homecoming queen, and homecoming king, and tonight won't be any less chaotic."

"now, i'm honored to welcome up on stage the nominees for homecoming queen," madi spoke before flipping the paper over to the other side.

she read over the names, and a big smile came to her face when her eyes landed on the first one.

"please welcome up to the stage y/n l/n," she said, her smile frowing impossibly wider.

chris and nick shoved you around playfully before you finally came to your senses and ran up to the stage. it was an unreal experience, being one of the nominees, you felt like you couldn't compare to any of the other girls.

"alahna estrella," madi said, reading a few more names over the loud cheering of the students before she moved onto the boys.

the gym went silent once madi announced that she would be calling up the boys for homecoming king, now.

"now, i'm very happy to call up to the stage one of the very popular sturniolo triplets..."

matt got ready to walk up to the stage, but when the name fell from madi's mouth, he froze in shock.

"christopher sturniolo!" she said happily, clapping along with the other students.

your eyes widened at the sound of chris' name being called, and you clapped for him.

nick watched as chris made his way up the stairs onto the stage, yelling out his name and clapping for his brother.

matt clapped slowly, the realization that he wouldn't get to be the homecoming king washing over him. whatever, it didn't matter anyway because he already had 3 crowns from past years.

more names were called, and even nate was invited up to the stage as a nominee for homecoming king.

when the crowd settled down, madi had began to speak again, "now, the announcement that we've all been waiting for... this year's homecoming king is.."

madi's eye widened in surprise before she smiled big and read off his name, "christopher sturniolo!"

matt sighed, clapping for his brother. he was happy sure, but then again he was jealous. things always went his way, and he just wasn't ready for this happen.

was he being selfish?

after chris was crowned homecoming king, he stood beside madi up on the stage, smiling big at all the students of his high-school.

"and, for your homecoming queen. this year's homecoming queen is y/n l/n!" madi said, clapping proudly at you as she watched you get crowned.

you couldn't believe it. it felt surreal, like you were in a dream you couldn't wake up from. as you walked over to chris, he pulled you into a huge hug, muttering a quiet, "congratulations." into your ear.

madi took yours and chris' hand as she walked back up to the mic, bringing all of your hands into the air as she yelled out into the microphone.

"please give big love to our new homecoming king and queen, y/n and chris!"

the students cheered, some jumping up and down out of excitement as they screamed their hearts out.

matt huffed angrily, jumping out of his seat before pushing his way past multiple people to get to the exit.

he didn't go unnoticed by you, your eyes following him as he stormed out of the gymnasium.

you were surprised the door hadn't made a sound, it looked like he slammed into the door without even flinching.

"shit," you whispered, worry flashing over your features.

as soon as you got off stage, you ran out of the gym, ignoring all of the people who tried to congratulate you on your way down.

you ran outside of the school, turning every way to try and spot matt. when you did, his eyes locked with yours.

he was sat on the sidewalk, a streetlight illuminating his face as the spotlights had done inside.

you ran over to him, taking a seat next to him and scooting close to him.

it was silent for a few minutes. the two of you just absorbed in all of your thoughts about what just happened.

"congratulations on homecoming queen, i'm happy for you." matt said, looking over into your eyes.

you smiled, "thanks."

"sorry you weren't nominated, i thought you would have been considering you have been every other year." you apologized, and matt shook his head softly.

it wasn't just that, it was the fact that his brother was your homecoming king. it was the knowledge that matt would never get to be your king.

it was the fact that he would never get to be yours.

"i'm sorry, i just can't do this anymore, y/n." matt stood up from his spot, and you looked up at him.

you raised an eyebrow, worry still lingering in your head from matt's earlier outburst, "what? you can't do what?"

you stood up next, now face to face with the boy you both hated and loved the most.

"i just don't understand what we are, what i mean to you and what you even think of me. you keep giving me these fucking mixed signals and i don't know how to interpret them!" matt held his head in his hands, rubbing his temples in an effort to calm himself down.

you swore you felt your heart shatter at his words. maybe this wasn't gonna be the best night you've ever had.

"what- mixed signals? i.. matt, what are you talking about?" you thought you knew what he was getting at, but as the words came out of your mouth, the thoughts fled from your mind.

matt muttered inaudible words before he finally spoke clearly, "you keep pushing me away and then pulling me back again, and i don't know what to do, y/n."

"do you want me, or am i just some guy you're toying with to get popularity? one minute you're nice and you have my back, and the next you're so fucking cold it's like i'm not even there, like you don't even care about me."

your eyebrows furrowed, he was explaining exactly how he made you feel.

"don't be a hypocrite, matt. i don't even act that way, you're explaining exactly what you make me think. i have all these thoughts and ideas i want to share with you, but when i do, you come over and push them down. why would i even want popularity? i don't give a shit about it, matt!"

"why do you do this to me, seriously?" your voice cracked, and only then did matt realize you were crying.

he groaned, taking small paces back and forth as he breathed heavily.

when he stopped, he was right in front of you, gaze soft as he stared into your e/c eyes.

"because i love you," he finally spilled it, and he didn't regret it. not at all.

the look on your face was not at all what he was expecting. he thought you might he disgusted or even angry.

"don't act so surprised, y/n." he said quietly, cupping your face with his hands.

they were cold, but you still leaned into his touch as he wiped away your tears.

he pulled you closer to him, and you ended up in his arms as you began to calm down. "god, i hate you, matt."

"yeah? well i'll love you 'till the day that i die." he muttered softly.

you laughed quietly, punching him playfully before pulling away.

he stayed silent, a soft smile on his face. as he continued to stare at you, he started to realize more and more things.

one thing he realized was that he never wanted to say goodbye.

maybe chris was right. maybe you two were birds of a feather.

. . . . . . . . .

tags: @cindylcuwho

[munivrse]

11:32pm

Jake couldn't help but admire how pretty you looked while talking up his friends. Tonight you both were sat in a booth on the terrace of a wine bar, the party as whole more tipsy than anyone would like to admit.

Jake takes the time to admire your pretty little outfit. He thinks the color dress you chose matches your skin tone so well that he cant help but feel his cheeks heat up. He wants you. right now. he takes one hand and presses it to your thigh, the other coming up to tuck your hair behind your ear as you continue conversing with his friends.

you take a bit of a break, looking back to see jake flashing his million dollar smile. you give him a quick kiss and turn back around to continue doing the conversating as it was clear that Jake was going to be of no use.

Jake licks his lips. he needed to figure out how to get you the fuck out of this bar and on to his bed. he scoots closer to you, the hand on your thigh inching up, breath fanning at the back of your neck. he looks around, scanning the crowd to make sure there were no peaking eyes. as soon as he confirms safely, he presses a kiss on the juncture between your neck and shoulder.

"Y/n..."

the scratchiness of his voice makes your thighs rub together. you muster up the courage to respond,

"yes jaeyun?"

"lemme take you home," jakes hand begins to shimmy its way in between your thighs.

"stop playing, we are out with your friends."

jake scoffs and continues to move his fingers deftly up your thighs, now reaching the outline of your panties,

"I'd fuck you in front of them too but i figured you'd be more comfortable in our bedroom."

You turn around, scandalized. cheeks red and jaw just about on the floor. jake sees this and giggles, reaching to close your mouth,

"careful baby, you'll catch flies."

"Jake I'm serious. let me socialize in peace."

jake pretends to think about it and then sits back with a sigh, hand now moving up and down your thigh.

he ponders more on how to get you into his bed. at this point he's nearly salivating. you have a pretty vivienne westwood choker on and it's making him dizzy. he sits up again to whisper in your ear,

"c'mon baby, let me take care of you, hmm?" jake softly kisses your earlobe.

you sigh in contentment, letting jake continue his ministrations,

"don't you want me to make you feel good? stretch you out? make you cum?"

jake is now leaving kisses behind your ear and down your neck. it's a miracle nobody's noticed.

you sigh again, a slow nod forcing its way out. jake jumps up and announces that you guys are gonna have an early night in. after some swift goodbyes, you are walking out of the bar, jake bouncing as he walks.

he walks behind you with his hands pressed against your stomach, whole body pressing against you to hide how hard he is,

"Y/n i swear to god i'm gonna let you ride my face for hours."

you giggle in return, swatting at his hands. secretly you hoped he meant it.

And mean it he did.

you'd gotten home an hour ago, stripping clothes starting at the door, heavy petting through the kitchen, fucking the first round out in the hallway, the second round on the edge of the bed, and now you're hovering over jake's face.

Jake kisses where he can reach on your thighs trying to coax you into relaxing.

"Y/n, baby, I know you're nervous but if i die i promise i'll die a happy and content man."

"you're so fucking unserious sim."

you begin to climb off when jakes hand grabs you by the thigh,

"you tryna take this pretty pussy away from me?"

his hands move up to your hips, guiding you back over his mouth.

"sit y/n."

your legs shake out of nerves. you'd never sat on a mans face before out of fear of suffocating them and your previous partners we're never great at giving and would much rather be on the receiving end. Jake, however, was a giver. Jake loved to give. jake would eat your pussy all day long if you'd let him.

"Please baby, sit on my face."

Jake looks up at you with puppy eyes and you cant help but give in. As you lower yourself down jake whimpers out, mouth in search of your cunt before you are fully situated.

After 15 minutes, jake has made you cum twice, refusing to let you up until hes covered in you.

"jake- please baby"

jake hums and continues moving his tongue in and out of you, thumb circling your clit.

"I'm too sensitive."

you try and push his head away. jake grunts,

"one more baby. please give me one more."

"jaeyun..."

Jake looks up at you, pupils blown wide, cheeks red and lips glossy.

"I need it angel, just one more for me."

You think on it for a second. your legs are sore and you can hear your heartbeat in your ears.

"My thighs hurt."

jakes eyebrows raise in concern,

"You wanna stop?"

you quickly shake your head no- as sore as you were there was nothing quite as hot as pussy drunk jake. your first two orgasms he mightve been moaning more than you.

jake begins to kiss at your thighs, massaging them.

"tell me you want to keep going. I'll flip you over and bury my head between your thighs so that you won't have to lift a finger, but i need you to tell me you want it."

your stomach swirls delightfully,

"I want it."

jake gives you a boyish grin,

"'Atta girl."

[eyesthatroll]

..rice pudding? | jake seresin

pairing: jake "hangman" seresin x fem!reader

warnings: pretty much just fluff, lowercase intended not really edited.

word count: 0.8k

summary: the next morning after you spent the night at jake's apartment for the first time

"i didn't know you could cook?" you say, the smell of pancakes and bacon invading your senses as you padded into the kitchen, still clad in your night clothes.

jake is shirtless, a pair of black nike sweats hanging dangerously low on his hips, the waistband of his calvin klein boxers just barely in view.

he turns to you, the sunlight shining through the window above the kitchen sink, reflecting beautifully against his sleepy eyes and tousled hair.

memories from last night of you tugging on those dirty blonde locks flash through your mind, and you feel your cheeks warm.

"there's a lot you don't know about me, darlin'" he teases, sending a playful wink your way before turning back to the stove.

you take a seat on the middle barstool at the granite island.

it was your first time spending the night at jake's apartment, and to be honest, you had expected to wake up before him and slip out the door, just to avoid any potential awkwardness. of course, you'd shoot him a text saying that you had a great night, and create a fake excuse of why you had to leave so soon. you really did like jake, and you weren't a total asshole to leave without a word.

but to your surprise, you woke up to an empty bed. an empty bed, and the sound of jake singing along to 'so caught up' by the tuskey brothers, downstairs. you’d stayed in bed for a few minutes before getting up, just enjoying the feeling of being enveloped by the intoxicating smell of jake.

though, in hindsight, you should have accounted for the fact that jake is a navy man, and that he probably wakes up early, if not earlier than you, on a regular basis.

the clink of a plate being sat in front of you brings you out of your head.

"what'cha thinkin' about?"

"you." you answer truthfully.

his ears tinge pink, and he lets out a chuckle before speaking. "let's see if there's somethin' on that plate you like."

you look down at the full plate of food. pancakes, eggs, bacon, and.. some sort of rice pudding?

you pick up your fork and warily dip it in the rice whatever it is.

jake laughs. "you've never had grits?"

"no, what is that?"

"you are such a city girl." he teases, shaking his head. "grits are like.. i don't know how to explain it.. like.. corn porridge."

your browns furrowed in confusion.

"what does it taste like?"

"just take a bite and try it, you weirdo."

slowly, you move the fork to your mouth.

the texture is strange at first, but it surprisingly taste good. very good.

jake looks at you with anticipation. "well?"

your lips lift into a grin. "that's really fucking good, jake."

"yeah?"

you go in for another bite. "when i die, bury me in this stuff."

jake laughs, absolutely enamored by your reaction to trying grits for the first time.

"i'm serious, i want this in my casket."

"if i'm still around, i'll do my best to make sure it happens."

the two of you spend the next half hour laughing, eating, feeding off of each others energy.

despite the big ego and slight superiority complex, jake is actually really great, and you could feel yourself falling in love with him in the future.

you had offered to do this dishes, you felt it was only right since jake did the cooking, but he insisted that he would get to them later.

which made you happy, because while you would've done them without complaining, you hated doing the dishes.

"what're your plans for the day?" he asks, opening the front door for you.

"uh, i don't think i have any, maybe some laundry and cleaning?"

jake nods. "well, if you're bored later tonight, a few co-workers and i are gonna go to the bar. you should come, i'd like for you to come-if you want?"

you fought the urge to squeal like a little girl. "yeah, that sounds fun. message me the details?"

"i will."

you go in for a hug, but jake wraps his arms around you and pulls you in for a kiss.

his lips are warm and soft, almost silken against your own, and unlike last night, the kiss is slow, passionate, allowing you to live in the moment and appreciate him and the way he feels.

jake's light stubble tickles against your chin, and you smile into the kiss, breaking apart for a gasp of air. "see you later, jake."

-

a/n;

i like this for now, but i'm sure if i re-read it in the next few days i'll hate it. anyways, any constructive criticism or advice is always welcome, i'm pretty new to writing so any tips you have are greatly appreciated. thanks:)

[ghoastixx]

I saw requests were open and that you were asking for Supernatural requests, so what about dad Sam with a kid who is determined to stay up as long as they can to test their limits?

Lovely! Love prompts like this.

Father!Sam Winchester w/ gn! child reader

notes: Wasn't sure if you wanted a specific Sam era or hunter Sam so this is just set during one of the times where Dean died and Sam was "coping" aka taking a break from the hunting scene. I imagine the kid to be early teens

warning: cringe ass ghostfacers mention

Synopsis above

My inbox is always open :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

8:00

Sam was sitting on the couch with you. It was a shitty little apartment, but it was home. They were watching some scary movie on the television. You were scared but amused at how your dad didn't seem scared at all. Unmoved. Your dad was never afraid. He was the bravest guy you knew, ever since he took you in.

Sam yawned and stretched his arms over his head, sitting up a bit. "Kiddo, I'm gonna head to the sack." You nodded, "gonna stay up a little longer?"

"Yeah, not long." You hummed. He put his hand on your head before standing up, ruffling your hair.

"night kid,"

"Night."

8:30

The movie ended, you looked at the clock.. it wasn't.. too awfully late. and there had been this one ghost show you had been really wanting to watch that you knew your dad would practically die over he thought it was so stupid. He hated it for some reason. So, you went to the catalogue and clicked the title "Ghostfacers." It was fun, you thought it was like a low quality ghost busters or something.

9:00

You could hear your dad getting up from the other room, hear the door open and his soft footsteps coming out. He stopped in trail as he was headed to the kitchen, glancing at the T.V.

"Ghostfacers? Why are you watching that crap?" He sounded tired. You shrug,

"I dunno, just bored."

"Alright, just make sure you get some sleep tonight kiddo."

10:00

You heard your dad flush the toilet, he peeked out the door at you.

"y/n." He spoke a bit stern,

"Yeah, bed. I know, one more episode."

"Fine, but get to bed," He closed the door.

The next episode came and went, you didn't get up.

11:00

The T.V. shut off. You look over your shoulder to see your dad looking quite peeved off and tired.

"Y/n Winchester, bedtime. now." You smiled a bit and looked up to your dad,

"but-"

"now," he growled you. With a sigh you stand up, he follows you to your room.

You crawled into bed as he leaned on the doorframe.

"You still got that Sigil carved underneath your bed?"

"Yeah," you nodded in confirmation.

"Alright, kiddo. Get some sleep, goodnight." He turned to leave,

"Dad," he turned around, "Why do we set sigils and salts and stuff?"

he smiled a bit, maybe it was because he was tired, but you could've sworn he looked a bit worried.

"I'll tell you when you're older kiddo. Sleep. Now,"

11:30

You were asleep, Sam had checked on your two times already. He was worried, couldn't sleep. He was trying his best to keep you out of the hunting life, he wanted you to be a normal kid for just as long as you could. But he was worried. He really didn't want you to turn out like Dean.

His phone rang, a call from Bobby.

He ignored it.

[mar3ggiata]

professional help, c7. Beware of the dog.

simon riley x original character.

trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault, mentions of rape, trauma, sexual themes, swearing, use of alcohol and drugs, EDs and death.

song to listen to when reading this: Dark red, Steve Lacy.

abstract: Simon. I don't fucking know what to say about this chapter, I was moving in autopilot. and I'm just being a decent fucking human being, what do you expect me to say really? just start reading already.

She took a look around. The men in the room were looking at her like she was gonna spontaneously combust and explode. Some of them had their lips pressed in a thin line. I'm sorry Jude, this is the part fo the movie where you die! Simon on her right was frowning, his eyebrows slightly peering through his mask. She started imagining if she just left right now. Took her dog, got to the airport and moved to Spain. The Maldives, maybe. She started a new life as a new person once at 18, she could do it again now seven years later. Or maybe she just needed to go home, smoke every little bit of weed she had left, curl up in bed and die. She started laughing. She had always thought her laugh was the most awful sound in the word. She started laughing, she looked psychotic. She hid her smile with her right hand through her head back. Her voice was the only sound in the room, ripping apart the air. It was a terrifying sight. Fuck me sideways. How could she be so stupid to get back to that job in the first place, after what happened in 2021. 'Oh God…' she sighed when she regained a little bit of control over her laughter which still lingered in the air like a distorted melody. She was still smiling. The first time he saw her smile, laugh even. It sounded real, she sounded genuinely delighted.

Simon decided he wanted nothing to do with her right in that moment. She scared him to death, who knew a woman could be this attractive and scary at the same time. Price seemed to think showing her the calendar wasn't a good idea after all and quickly took the piece of paper and pushed it to the side. 'Look Jude, we're gonna escort you home, it's gonna be fine, we're going to continue to look for him until we have to leave.' He was trying to calm her down and, frankly, she looked perfectly fine. She looked like she was at a dinner party with her favourite friends, a glass of Champaign in her hand, her eyes shining with little tears of joy from laughing too much. Except, she laughed because she was scared. 'I've seen this film before, captain', she said, her words sounded venomous. Her eyes were dark, filled with sorrow and regret. Something like this happened before, and the captain knew.

'No, I'm telling you, it will be fine.' Price was trying to convince her. 'Gentlemen, we have an early flight tomorrow, we're going to keep looking for Arash until we find something and we'll brief again at nine, tonight. If they know we're coming, things might get ugly.' Jude was no where to be found. Well, she was still in the room, but her smile left space to an expression of defeat, like she had accepted her fate. Her eyes didn't look as bright, she kept wiping the palm of her hands on her thighs. Simon had noticed. His eyes locked with the captain's and they understood each other. Take her away, this was the sign. He quickly turned towards her, slouching downwards to speak closer to her. 'Let's go Jude', he instructed. She didn't look up at him, keeping her eyes low, but made her way to the door. He was walking beside her matching her speed. 'Take your car, I'll follow you' he said, and she still didn't answer.

'Jude' he called and finally she looked at him 'What!?' She raised her voice. She was mad again. Like the first time he saw her, fists curled with rage, on the verge of tears. He tried to keep his voice as gentle as he could. 'It's alright, everything's going to be fine', he tried to talk to her like he would do in an hostage rescue situation. 'I'll get you home. I know how to do my job', he reassured. He thought knowing he knew what to do might make her feel better. She nodded and quickly walked to her car. He followed her car all the way to the city, trying not to lose her in traffic. She parked in a busy residential street and he quickly followed. When she got out she looked for him, and waited for him to get out of the truck. She trusted him. Not because he was someone special, but from what she'd gathered he was someone Price trusted, he was probably good at his job. And he seemed kind.

'This way' she said, making her way to her apartment. She gave him her keys, he made his way to the door and got his gun out of the holster. He then noticed the little sign on the side of the door. 'Beware of the dog'. 'You scared of dogs?' she asked quietly, appearing on his side like the angel on his shoulder. Under his shoulder, let's say. Now, was he afraid of dogs, no. Did he have the best relationship ever with animals? Focus, you have a job to do, kill the dragon, save the princess. 'Stay back'. He opened the door and peered through with his gun drawn. The only sound that came from inside was a loud bark and paws on the floor. The puppy greeted him by sniffing his feet, his tail was wiggling. Not much of a guard dog, was it a German Shepard? The lights were out in the apartment, Jude made her way inside and flicked them on. She looked around and everything seemed as she left it. 'Ciao, si ciao' she spoke to the dog, who was clearly excited to see her, whining and stomping his paws. Simon tried to remember the words she said, so he could guess her native language. Spanish?

He looked around her living room and kitchen. Her house resembled her personality. There were books scattered on the coffee table, at least 5 of them, an empty mug as well. Books and papers on the sofa as well, maybe she was studying something? Black big reading glasses, with huge lenses. There were posters on the walls, art he didn't recognise. Nothing much on the shelves, minimal decor. A tall lamp in the corner of the room. He noticed a polaroid picture with someone with short hair. So you do have a boyfriend… Her kitchen was clean. It was a nice kitchen, she didn't have a table but two stools under a kitchen isle which probably served as a counter too. It was connected to the wall. Again, folders and scattered papers, maybe work. The dog bed on the floor. A lot of plants, he didn't think they were fake. An ashtray next to the window. Smoker? 'Can I check the other rooms?' he asked. To be respectful, you know. She nodded and he made his way to her bedroom. The door was closed. He glanced around the room, he checked the toilet as well. The bed wasn't made. She had light blue bedding. The room smelled like her, like lavender. She had a stuffed animal on the bed, a sheep. She had fuzzy slippers, probably a size 5. On the wall, more posters. He noticed a painting of a scary dog's fangs. Books on the nightstand, books on the wooden window sill. He saw a bra hanging from a chair and that was his cue to leave. In the toilet, one single toothbrush. So… no boyfriend?

'All clear'. She was standing beside the door, her dog at her feet was licking her hand while she petted him lazily. 'Thanks' she offered him a smile, a tiny one. She looked more relaxed. They stood looking at each other for a few seconds. Until he couldn't hold it in any longer. 'What happened last year?' He saw her expression darken, her shoulders tense. Who do you think you are to ask like that? She straightened her back and let go of the dog. He remained at her feet, wanting attention. 'You should learn to mind your business.' She made her way to the kitchen. She passed by him and didn't make eye contact. 'You should have some respect when you talk to people’ he answered. He didn't have time for this. He was fucking stupid to think he could speak with her, actually acting like a 10 year old. The dog came closer to him and sniffed his shoes. 'You know where the door is.' She turned around and faced the sink. He could feel a switch in her voice, in her attitude. It was Jude and then Her, her real self, whoever she was. It was two different people. The girl saw kindly smiling at Gaz in the car wasn't the same girl that barged in their briefing room demanding they listen to her. Or maybe it was, maybe that was Jude, and the scared, damaged little thing that he took home a year prior was Her. He didn't know who. Jude was Ghost and She was Simon. Something very bad had happened back then. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be, he wasn't meant to know, no matter how much he tried. She raised a wall in between them. She made the weather right outside the apartment turn to when it's about to rain. Thunderstorms and lighting kind of rain. And it was probably better this way. He turned around without saying a word, only careful not to let the dog out.

She started breathing again when he left. Her mouth was dry, she was sweating. She called the dog and gave him food. She lit a cigarette and sat by the window. She called in the dance school, saying she had a fever. This way, she could stay inside all weekend. It took her forty minuted to stop shaking. Images from that day replayed in her mind at least once every three days now. She had gotten better, but that thingh wasn't really something you recover from. She sometimes woke up in the middle of the night sweating and crying, feeling the blade of the knife on her skin. She had dreams she had died. She wished she never woke up for a long time. She had dreams about the way he touched her. The first five months after it happened she would bite her nails till the cuticles bled and not shower for days. Her own hands on her skin felt like his. The first time she talked to another human being was when she visited Salvo in San Francisco. She looked like a corpse. He was speechless and hated her for letting herself go like this. It wasn't just the eating and over exercise, which he knew were her preferred coping mechanisms. She had lost interest in living, in speaking, in watching movies, reading. Her career… He held her every night, they slept intertwined in his room, he was the first man that actually showed her respect. He was the first man she touched after that day, she hugged him and rested her head on his chest while he reminded her she was loved, she was important to him, she was alive. He would caress her hair when she woke up sweating and was patient with her when she wouldn't eat. This time was different, she was going to be fine. Even if Salvo wasn't there. Arash would not find her, the memories from last year would leave her alone. She would make it once again.

notes. translation: 'Ciao, si, ciao.' means 'hi, yes, hi.'

notes: Salvatore, i want a friend like you, KING. I am back, I'm sorry for the delay I got surgery done to my teeth??? Anyways, enjoy!!!

taglist:

@ummmmmwat @ghostlythots @sweetfemmefatal @natxpat @chavarriakeren647 @ravenmoore14 @farther-than-pleiades @internallyscreamings @hwromi @atoxicrat @cuti3maddi3 @deafeningkittenblaze @its-celeste @serene-hills @lexidoll12 @poohkie90 @lunatiquess

@warmedbythebody @katzykat @iristhemuse @azkza @keiraslayz @abbyandermine @jennyjencakes @dest-nai @corset-briefs @nutze-kekse @ilytsukiw @b3anspr0ut

@pondsblog @missyouzoe @fallenkitten @bigauthorrascalturkey @bethtay @angelynn-nicole @starluv @stargirlisworld @giyuuslittleslut @impossiblecupcakelight

@rkrivees-blog @ghosts-hoe @kam1snotverysmart @gauky76 @freyjaaasstuff @spicyspicyliving @scottpilgrimvsmyfists @courtney0-0 @shinchanboi @darling006 @my-therapist-hates-me

[katyawriteswhump]

Bed of Roses (steddie love month, day 17)

For @steddielovemonth, Day 17 prompt: Love is about a hand reaching out to you so you don't get lost (@yournowheregirl ) Thank you <3

Rating: M. CW: prostitution, unwanted kink/abuse/pet-names (NOT between Steddie) alcoholism, substance abuse. Tags: rockstar Eddie, rent-boy Steve, make-up fic, angst, shameless perversion of Bon Jovi lyrics. WC: 2,000.

...

“'Cause a bottle of vodka's still lodged in my head…”

In his dressing room, pre-show, Eddie grasped his second bottle of vodka in an unsteady hand.

“…and some blonde gave me nightmares; I think that she’s still in my bed.”

This was NOT GOOD. Eddie had gotten sap-fest Bon Jovi lyrics slithering around his brain. He couldn’t for the life of him remember his own lyrics.

“Hey, Amigo,” he announced to the vodka. “I got a venue of ten thousand to entertain, and you’re literally my Obi-Wan—my only hope.” He caressed the bottle’s label. “80% proof, huh, Baby?” 

I’m serious, Eddie, you’ve had enough. You WANT to follow Kurt Cobain into the 27-Club?

Riiiight. That was not a Bon Jovi lyric. That sounded more like Steve Harrington, in sensible-parent mode, hands planted on his slender hips.

The tears struck fast. Eddie clonked the bottle onto the dressing table then followed it, pressing his heavy head to the glass.

He seriously didn’t want to die. However, he was so through with this life. Of any life, without Steve. The cavity where his heart once lay veered between grating emptiness and an unbearable pain. 

His fingers twitched toward the bottle. Screw it, the show must go on, and he’d lost his only light in the darkness…

“… as I dream about movies, they won't make of me when I'm dead.” 

That still wasn’t one of his own darn lyrics. In fact, he couldn’t remember a single goddamn word of any of Corroded Coffin’s songs.

A sharp knock on the dressing-room door had him squealing like a little piggy. An old guy poked his head in.

“Who the hell are you?”

“You hired me, Mr Munson. Dirk Gordon—Private Dick?” 

“Ah… Yeah, so I did.” Eddie’s rotten heart hammered way too fast. “Have you..?"

“Yes, Mr Munson. I believe I’ve found him.”

…

“What do you mean, you're not gonna pay me?” Steve wrapped his arms tight around himself. The only heating in his boss’s rundown office came from the guy’s endless chain of cigarettes. “I spent the whole evening simpering at that old dragon. You told me she liked music—I talked music endlessly.”

“You yammered on about some death-metal garbage. She likes Wagner.”

Steve wrinkled his nose. “What’s Wagner? That crusty old film-star?”

“Oh, Steve, Steve, Steve. What am I gonna do with you?” His boss sauntered around the desk and hooked an arm around him.

Jesus, you stink.

“You’re good-looking, kid, you’re charming, but you simply can’t cut it with that kind of high-end client.”

“She seemed happy.” Steve shrugged his shoulders, failing to shake the guy off him. “She paid you, right?”

“Not the full whack, and you got a fancy meal out of the bitch. Look, I’ll give you your cut, if you do better tonight.”

He squeezed the back of Steve’s neck. Steve tried not to shudder. When his boss produced a piece of paper and wedged it down the back of Steve’s skin-tight jeans, he stopped trying to hide his revulsion.

“Details are all there. He’s a banking exec, early forties—no more dinners and dances with Doris, you’re spending the night at his house.”

A dry lump clogged Steve’s throat. “Is he gonna want..?”

“Sex? Christ on a bike, what trade do you think you’re in?” He squeezed Steve’s butt.

“Jesus fu—” Steve bit his lip, fixed on his damp sneakers. 

“Believe me, Steve, your hair ain’t your best asset. You’re gonna have to sell that plump lil’ ass for real, sooner or later.”

Steve flinched, then schooled his features as blankly as he could. 

“This guy’s got a few kinks, but as Johns go, he’s a pussycat.” He lifted Steve’s drooping chin with his knuckles. “Show him what ya got, Sport.”

Steve couldn’t get out into the drab morning fast enough. He retrieved the paper from his underwear, shoved it in a pocket unread, then stumbled, zombie-like, into a diner. “Black coffee, please? It’s an emergency.” 

The waitress smiled. “You want breakfast, Steve?”

He shook his head, though his stomach grumbled.

He ended up slumped on the table, his face pillowed in his arms. Christ, ‘male escort’ had never seemed like a great idea, but he’d figured the pay would beat waiting tables. So how come he was still behind on his rent, and that he still couldn’t afford to eat some days, let alone buy his pain meds?

He muffled a miserable laugh in his elbow. He genuinely wished he could afford to get smashed, get high, because nothing could fill that gaping black hole of pain. Even worse, one of his fave Bon Jovi songs was playing on the radio, and SO not helping:

“Tonight I won't be alone, but you know that don't mean I'm not lonely.” Shit! He was fighting back dumbass tears already. “I got nothing to prove, for it’s you I’d die to defend.”

Why the hell did he run away? He can’t recall any reason that mattered anymore. “I’m sorry, Eddie,” he mumbled. “I miss you so much.”

Somebody touched his elbow, and he jolted up. “Sorry, hon,’” said the waitress, “we need this table for dine-in customers.”

“Right.” Steve swiped any tell-tale moisture from his cheekbones.  “I’ll clear outta your way.”

...

“Ready for playtime, Bunny Rabbit?”

Steve’s skin crawled, and his face burned. He’d gotten his head in the client’s lap, and the guy was playing with his hair. It would be tolerable, he guessed, if he’d not so often laid in Eddie’s lap like this, and… Christ, Eddie! Steve shut out the unwanted touching and began to drift. He was so beyond tired. And that song from the diner crept back:

“Now as you close your eyes, know I'll be thinking about you. While my mistress—she calls me to stand in her spotlight again…”

The pinch on his cheek startled Steve back to the present. “You kipping there, Bunny Rabbit?”

“Uh… er, sorry, Daddy.” Uuuuuuurgh! “Whatever you want, Daddy.” He dared sit up. “I’ll grab a condom and, uh… stuff.”

“Hey, hey, hey.” When Steve went to rise, his arm was grabbed, and he was held in place. “I don’t like rubbers, Cutie.”

“You heard of this thing called AIDS?” Dipshit!

Steve wrenched his arm free. The guy raised his hand and slapped him. Which wasn’t exactly out-of-the-blue, because face-slapping had been listed among this repellent son-of-a-bitch’s kinks.

“I’m paying top whack for you.” He leaned over Steve, suddenly kinda huge and scary, not least because Steve now saw double. “Your pimp said you were clean, so I’m gonna have you any way I like.”

“I… uh…” Steve kicked the bastard’s shin and shoved him hard. “Go to hell, asshole.” 

He fled out into the night, still dizzy from the blow. He pulled his mesh vest back on over his head. The icy wind bit, and he realised he’d left his only jacket behind.

“Jesus Christ! JESUS CHRIST!” He kicked a lamppost, holding back on venting the true force of his feelings. Still hurt.

He limped off up the street, fast as he could. The ache in his toes at least distracted him from the ringing in his ears. An hour later, he stumbled around the corner of his block, thinking only of throwing himself into his bed, while he still had one.

He was so close, when the hairs on the back of his neck stood suddenly on end. Through the haze of his exhaustion, he realised a car crawled up the gutter behind him.

Had Mr Happy-Slappy-Sleazebag come after him? Then again, Steve’s pursuer could be anybody. After all, he was walking through a red-light district, shivering his ass off.  Dressed like the whore I am. Hahaha!

The car pulled up right beside him. A blacked-out window rolled down.

Steve ran, turning sharp up a dark alley, then… Shit, shit, SHIT AGAIN! He was only a hundred yards from his digs, and yet he was so messed-up that he’d sprinted up a dead-end.

He nearly kicked the bricks. Instead, he punched them, as if that would blast through the solid wall. He turned about, bit his grazed fist, and sank slowly onto his haunches. 

Two figures approached up the alley, silhouetted against the lights of the street behind. Get up, Harrington! GET UP! His legs wouldn’t obey, and his breaths came only as rapid gasps. Nothing felt real anymore. Am I gonna die..? I’m gonna die!

A hand stretched out of the gloom.

Steve stared at it—at the familiar chunky silver rings, which couldn’t be real. He glanced up, and… wtf? It was Eddie, apart from it wasn’t Eddie. This dude looked more like Eddie’s ghost. Steve’s eyes fluttered closed.

Maybe I scored some Benzos after all, and totally ODd.

“Stevie?”

No mistaking that voice. If this was a trip, it was a good one. Steve pried an eye open, and Eddie’s hand was still there. Steve took it, let it help him to his feet, because… Why not? Suddenly, they were in each other’s arms, clasping each other tightly. This is real. You’re real!  Eddie reeked of booze, and also of something devastatingly comforting and familiar. Somebody’s wretched sobs shook through them both.

“I’m s-sorry.” Steve sounded broken. “I-I honestly don't know why I left anymore. I was such an idiot.”

“No. I was the idiot. I’m sorry, too. So very fucking sorry.” Eddie sniffed hard, lifted his tear stained cheek from Steve’s shoulder. “I’ve not been doing so good without you.”

Steve blinked the moisture from his vision. He wondered if he looked as wrecked as Eddie—red-eyed and waxy pale, under the distant glimmer of the streetlamps. Probably. If he hadn't leaned against Eddie, his legs would’ve given out again.

He laughed, without knowing why. Eddie laughed too, and it warmed Steve’s soul. “Gonna be honest, Eddie—not been doing so good without you, either.”

…

When Eddie got out of rehab, Steve waited on the steps of the clinic, hand stretched out to take his. He pulled Eddie close, and then into a sweet, lingering kiss that renewed Eddie more thoroughly than even a lengthy booze-free sleep.

“I’m never going through that again,” said Eddie, his lips still brushing against Steve’s.

Not least because I never ever want to be parted from you again, even for a fortnight.

“Yeah, but you’re dry, Eddie, and you’re alive. I’d say that’s goddamn metal of you.”

They started back to the car, hands still clasped tightly. “Not gonna take credit, Stevie. You’re what got me through.”

“You might’ve got me out of a fix, so we’re even.” Steve’s sigh rode on a wistful sadness. “I mean, I was so lost. Thinking of you was all that kept me… I dunno, alive, I guess. You know, I kept on thinking about that Bon Jovi song.”

“Uh, you know how I feel about Bon J—"

Too late. Steve burst into song: “Well, I'm so far away, each step that I take is on my way home. A king's ransom in dimes I'd give each night to see through this pay-phone—”

Eddie pressed fingers to his boyfriend’s parted lips. “As much as I hate cutting you off in your prime—two teensy-weensy issues. Firstly, I had no idea where you were, and you never called! Second, what’s wrong with my blood-and-death drenched lyrics?”

Steve took Eddie’s fingers and kissed them: “Hurt too much to think about them.”

“You know what, Sweetheart? Hurt too much to sing them, without you around. Even though none of them are actually love songs.” Eddie raised his gaze to the heavens, and looped his arms around Steve. “Go figure.”

“You sure they’re not love songs? C’mon—they’re all secretly about me, right? Only coded or something. I’ll crack it one day.”

Steve’s gently mocking smile destroyed him, in the best possible way. They tumbled into a French kiss, and he resigned himself willingly to the only thing that mattered: 

“And the truth is… Baby, you’re all that I need.”

...

Thanks for reading <3 Likes, comments and reblogs always much appreciated :)

(also part of my steve whump fic series on ao3).

[kathysturniolo]

Understand you.

description: a teenage girl, February Martin, struggling with mental health and addiction who hates talking about her feelings. she likes the fact that nobody notices. however, her best friend, Matt, starts to realize more and more that she's losing herself.

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"Feb.."

"Feb, wake up."

"February.."

"Feb! "

   My eyes flickered open. I heard Sarah's voice. I looked at her. The light burned into my pupils.

"Ms. Tilson just asked you a question."

"I-I'm sorr- what? " I lifted myself up. My arms were numb.

"I asked you to identify this triangle. February. "

My eyes fixated on the board. It was blurry. I looked around and everyone's eyes were plastered to me.

"I- um- I don't know." My nails dug into my arm. I heard whispers and people were giving me looks, almost like they wanted to yell 'boo' at me.

"Miss Martin, you've been sleeping in my class almost this entire semester. "She sighed.

I didn't say anything. I wanted to. I just stared at my legs. She pinched the bridge of her nose and picked up a marker.

"Does anybody else want to try to identify the triangle? "

Hands rose like fucking springs. You idiot.

After that class, I left early. Like, 'asking to go to bathroom and then walking out of the door' early. I'm surprised I've never been caught before, after doing it at least 20 times this year. I found a gas station and sat outside on a piece of side walk and pulled out my my phone.

feb:

heyy

matt:

dude did u leave class again?

feb:

yeah lol sorry

matt:

yk your gonna get caught one day for just leaving.

feb:

it hasn't happened yet so 🤷‍♀️

matt:

ok lol. where are you?

feb:

Dan's gas station

matt:

come by my house after i get out, k?

I sighed and sat down my phone. i was going to go to a bar tonight. Get 'today' off my mind.

feb:

alright

I headed home after sitting down for about 15 minutes. If I was being honest, I didn't want to explain to my dad why I was home early, but I just wanted to go home for a little bit.

I opened the door. The creak made my body twitch. I hated this damn door.

"Dad, " I shook him.

Yep, he was knocked out.

Thank God.

His beer can spilled a little on the floor, leading me to accidently stepping in the puddle of liquid.

"Shit."

Well, that was another reason why my day sucked. I took off my now soaked converses and threw them over in the living room, rushing to my room.

My room was a mess. I didn't remember leaving it like this. I just threw myself on my bed, opening the sandwhich bag of meth I had in the corner of my bed, hidden under some covers. When Matt finds out I didn't stop using he'll be so pissed at me. His voice rang inside my head.

6:51

matt:

u still coming over?

My phone buzzes beside me. I woke up as my body was leaned off the bed.

I was definitely high. .

feb:

ya

I cut my phone off and tried to get up. My head got dizzy and my vision went black.

It's okay, maybe he won't notice.

I put on a dark blue sweatshirt, put on a pair of sneakers, and walked out of my room, down the stairs.

Dad was still fast asleep. Part of me didn't really care and wanted to let him sleep but the other part of me wanted to wake him up and make sure he didn't die in his sleep. I was almost out the door when I sighed and turned back around and made my way to my dad and put my finger under his nose to make sure he was breathing.

He was, thank God.

I walked back to the door and walked out. I forgot to lock it but, it's a small neighborhood, I think it'll be okay.

I must've not been too high, I could still function. I was kinda dizzy still. Hopefully, I don't get hit by a car as I'm walking to Matt's.

feb:

im on my way

I slid my phone in the pocket of my sweats. and speed-walked down the street and curved a couple corners until I made it to his house. He had a better house then me, it was bigger and cleaner. He loves to clean, so that makes sense.

feb:

here

A couple seconds later, Matt's blue eye met mine. He greets me with a big smile.

"Hey, kid," He said, poking out his hand, gesturing to do our handshake.

I smiled and grabbed his hand, "Bro I said stop calling me kid, you're literally younger then me," I laughed.

"By what? 4 months?" He said furrowing his eyebrows and smiling.

We both laughed and I walked into his house fully.

"Parents are at work, so we're definitely using the kitchen." He said, chuckling.

"Aww, mann, but Marylou and Jimmy are the only reason I even come here," I teased.

He laughed and we walked up the stairs to him room. He had an awesome room. His LED lights were always on green, he had a huge bed, and a big blue bean bag chair. He had a huge gaming set up, and a walk in closet with band posters stuck to it from top to bottom.

I plopped on his bed and kicked off my shoes. He climbed beside me.

"Dude, I saw this movie on TikTok, it's about some psyco killer clown. It seems pretty badass. "

I was zoned out, my head in the clouds, I almost didn't hear what Matt said.

"Alright, " I said with an unconvincing laugh.

I could tell he was confused on my lack of excitement because I saw him look at me from the corner of my eye.

He cut of the tv, and put it to the movie. My head was killing me. I clenched my eyes shut and winced a little. He tapped on my shoulder.

"Are you good bro?' He said, with a little bit of a laugh.

"Yeah, duh" I said sarcastically.

The movie played for at least 10 minutes before my vision went black again and I got dizzy. I started to lean back a little bit.

"Feb." He said, seriously. So seriously, it kind of scared me.

"What?" I said innocently, as I looked him.

He looked at me, squinting his eyes a bit. He parted his lips and frowned at me.

'You're using again. " he sighed.

"What? Matt. I'm not. I'm no- not."

I looked at him. I could see his eyes start to water.

"Feb, you promised me you'd stop. You promised me." He looked at me, with glossy eyes.

"Matt, I- I'm n-" My voice cracked. My eyes swelled with tears. "I can't, Matt."

Matt wiped his hand over his mouth. I could see a tear, screaming to come out of his eye.

I covered my mouth with my hand. I tried not to cry. I closed my eyes to try to keep the tears in.

He leaned over me, putting his hands on my arms. He looked at me, he didn't say anything. It was almost like he was waiting for the whole world to disappear and it just be us.

"February," He spoke, "It's okay."

He took his thumb and wiped his thumb across my face.

"You're my best friend Feb. You told me you were getting better. You told me that you stopped."

"Matt, I- I'm sorry." I sighed.

"What's going on? You first started using when your grandma died. That was your worst breaking point. That was 3 years ago. What's going on now? " He whispered.

"Nothing, Matt. Nothing, I promise."

"February, talk to me."

"You won't understand."

"You're my best friend, I understand you, Kid"

"My dad." I whispered.

"Your dad? What's wrong with your dad?" Matt asked concerned.

"He misses Mom, Matt. Last month was her birthday. He's been isolating since." My voice cracked.

Fuck, don't cry again February.

Matt pulled me into a hug. I put my face into the crook of his neck, trying not to cry.

"I'm so sorry. " He whispered as he rested his chin on my head. "Can you stay tonight? I just want to make sure you're okay."

I breathed out and wiped the tears off my eyes and nodded."

"I'm here for you, February. For fucking ever."

I chuckled, and we laid back and continued watching the movie.

[itstheheebiejeebies]

last line tags

thank you @reallylilyreally for the tag

So this is from the tentative sequel to What Happens on Leave which I'm still in very early development with

Ev was doing his best, he was doing everything he’d been trained to do and everything he’d learned on his own since he started flying missions to try and keep their girl flying steady. He was losing the battle, she was fighting him at every opportunity.

What if he couldn’t do it, what if he couldn’t bring her home, what if he failed his boys?

His boys. He wanted so badly to touch the mark Jamie had left on him before their mission, wanted that reassurance they were in this together in a way that went beyond the walls of their plane, that they trusted him with everything they had. But he couldn’t, he couldn’t risk taking a hand off for even a split second.

This is from my Flak House sequel to You Can't Be Dead, I Won't Allow It

“I can’t sleep, you mind if I?”

“Yeah, of course,” Bubbles moved to the side to let Harry into the room.

Harry sat on the edge of the bed, he wanted to just climb in and sleep but he was already imposing on Joey’s sleep, he didn’t want to assume he was welcome to do so even if they’d sat up with each other a dozen times before since the loops.

And this is from Healing Hands, my upcoming Roe fic

Eugene dropped onto one of the benches they’d pulled together to have a place to rest and ripped his helmet off, letting it clatter to the ground as he flung it down. He scrubbed his hand through his hair and over his face. Ralph brought his hand to his friend’s shoulder. He didn’t say anything, he knew there was nothing to say, not yet anyway. He’d let Gene take the lead here, he’d comfort him however he needed but not until he’d been made aware of how he was needed.

“He never had a chance. I told him he’d live. I knew it was a lie, and I said it anyway.”

“Sometimes that’s the only good you can do. You gotta keep the faith, or at least pretend you do, so that they keep fighting.”

“Still don’t feel right,” he muttered head hanging heavy in his hands.

Spina squeezed Gene’s shoulder, “If he never had a chance then he was best served by you. You’re the only medic I’ve ever met who could get a guy in real rough shape to calm. You got a gift, Gene. You might not like it, you might not see it, but you do. He was gonna die, but you made it as decent a death as he could have just by being there.”

“Babe was there, he was on the patrol.”

Suddenly concerned by the non sequitur, Ralph asks “He okay?”

“Yeah, sorry, he’s… he’s fine. Not hurt. But he seemed rattled by it all. He’ll probably come lookin’ later.”

“Shit, you scared me with that Gene,” he shook the other medic gently, “you really gotta learn not to do that. Made me think I was the last guy from Philly left around here.”

“Sorry,” he meant it, he didn’t like worrying Spina, “I just wanted you to know to keep an eye out.”

“What if you keep the eye out, I can finish up your shift here. You can go sack out, or at least not worry about getting called again for the night.”

“I dunno, I’m not here for that much longer. And the patrol’s over. It’ll probably be quiet.”

“All the more reason. You won’t be needed, so you can trust I’ve got it. Just take a break Gene. You never do. Let me take it over tonight.”

He nodded his agreement and headed out to where they’re billeted.

Tag you're it: @ktredshoes @impalachick @oatflatwhite @deanology101

[garbagefarm]

Garbage Farm #51

2024-04-25, session #51 of Garbage farm! Spanning Winter 26 of Year 4 to Spring 3 of Year 5!

cast:

me ( @mothmute )

E.B. ( @blueherin )

Kimi ( @2kimi2furious )

Highlights include, but are not limited to the following:

Year 4:

Winter 26:

We're starting late, 'cause we always start late!

Kimi has acquired additional purple shorts

E.B. dies in the mines.

I barely escape the mines with my life, putrid ghosts are the worst

E.B. dies a second time! (Harvey's nightmare came true!)

Then E.B. doesn't make it to bed and dies a third time in one day!

Winter 27:

Kimi's turn to die in the mines

E.B. meets Grandpa Jr. for the first time

I go and crack open some geodes and artifact troves

Kimi dies again!!

Grandpa Jr. visits Kimi to console her

Winter 28:

It's New Year's Eve!

Elliott gives me a bottle of wine. Not grape wine, just wine wine.

(Harvey and Alex didn't get E.B. and Kimi anything...)

Possum gives me a perch :')

trading some jade in the desert!

EB reports that the guys're all watching gridball at the saloon, and that George skipped church for this. (The seahawks are losing.)

It's keg day!!

Kimi dies, but the quest is completed!!

HAPPY GARBAGE YEAR! Kimi called it an early night, but E.B. hands me some chocolate cake to celebrate

#blessed

Year 5:

New year resolutions for the garbage crew:

I wanna befriend Leo

Kimi want more purple shorts

E.B. wants to complete all her skills

Spring 1:

Elliott's resolution is to write, write, and write!

Mr. Qi wants a prismatic grange, incredibly annoyingly.

Planting strawberries!!

(I acquire farming mastery late in the night...)

Kimi dies halfway into bed

Spring 2:

Lewis sends me 500g. Is this a bribe? Is he trying to get me to rat Kimi out?

The ducks have been released, but they're still completely useless

HORSENAPPING (nah it's fine, take care of Frucko for me)

I'm still trying to find Cave Jelly...

Spring 3:

OH RIGHT, I had wine in the casks! We're gonna make big wine bucks tonight!

Kimi gets a magical makeover!

Hitting the point of the session where I dunno what to do with my time

Kimi has to step away for IRL reasons, doesn't make it to bed

EB doesn't make it to bed for regular reasons

Wiggly money!! (best quality: his wiggles)

Spring 4?:

end of session, gotta call it early

for those who haven't been keeping track: that's 9 deaths tonight! E.B. with 4, Kimi with 5, and I miraculously managed to survive.

Kimi demands "SPLODE ME", but I don't have any bombs on hand

(by the way, Kimi's house is amazing)

-

TO-DO:

we need to process a ton of gold and iridium so I can finish the crystalarium shed

I wanna reorganize the storage a little bit; there's some good bones, but I think we can do better!

We've still gotta fill out those masteries!

Gotta find Cave Jelly, River Jelly, and Sea Jelly so we can smoke a fish and give it to a raccoon!

(I've still got such a long shopping list......)

Good garbage, everybody!

[milkviolets]

𝐏𝐈𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐕𝐄𝐈𝐋 / 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 - part 1.

i met these guys when i was maybe sixteen or seventeen back when i did street teaming and volunteer work for some record labels. it was a wild time in my life, and i have to say, these were definitely the kindest musicians/celebrities i've ever met. so sweet, and so humble, and i definitely fucked up this cd with how much i've listened to it. Anyways, I won't bore you-- enjoy !

𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒 ( 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐄 𝟐𝟏 𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟎 )

‘  You know the only real way to cure pain is to add a little more  ’

‘  Someone up there's telling me you'd better not get back up!  ’

‘  I'd better pick it back up, it might ruin your night  ’

‘  Baby, leave the water by the bed for later  ’

‘  I'm tired of holding up your backup plans  ’

‘  True love comes from more than just the heart  ’

‘  Throw your dress up and your heart away  ’

‘  Yeah, I heard what you said  ’

‘  And if that doesn't turn you on, I'll keep talking 'till something does.  ’

‘  I'll steal you flowers from the cemetery  ’

‘  Cause you called me crying  ’

‘  So don't expect me to understand  ’

‘  Sometimes the bedroom walls become my only friends  ’

‘  You know I've never held a gun in my life  ’

‘  Oh, I hate what it tastes like !  ’

‘  Please keep chasing me  ’

‘  It's cold but you pretend that you are warm with me  ’

‘  Before I get you home you're nearly frozen  ’

‘  Before I get you home you're nearly frozen, but I'll never let you freeze without me.  ’

‘  It's time to take you home  ’

‘  It feels so early but I promised I would bring you to your door  ’

‘  That kiss tastes like summer  ’

‘  I'll be the brightest you'll see  ’

‘  Don't rain on my parade  ’

‘  Don't ruin a perfect thing  ’

‘  And I ask myself, why do I still pray  ’

‘  When will it end  ’

‘  And who fucking cares  ’

‘  I swear to God I did what I could  ’

‘  I practically begged you  ’

‘  I pretended everything was fine  ’

‘  I'd rather be dead  ’

‘  You barely started drinking but your beauty never stopped you  ’

‘  I guess I never should have loved you  ’

‘  If you were gonna leave this world how could it be without me  ’

‘  Cause without you there is no me  ’

‘  Sometimes love dies  ’

‘  So why don't we just let this one take care of itself?  ’

‘  There ain't a thing that you can do that's gonna ruin my night  ’

‘  You've decided there is so much more than me  ’

‘  Hold my heart it's beating for you anyway  ’

‘  What if I can't forget you?  ’

‘  What's so good about picking up the pieces?  ’

‘  Don't mind me, I'm just reaching for your necklace  ’

‘  You know I can't afford the medicine that feeds what I need  ’

‘  You can't just throw me away!  ’

‘  I was saving myself for you  ’

‘  I waited my whole life for you  ’

‘  Tonight we'll be throwing a party  ’

‘  A little faster now  ’

‘  Because without you nothing ever mattered  ’

‘  So melodramatic, but it turns me on  ’

‘  I'm convinced that we don't make sense, but I'd kill anyone who gets close.  ’

‘  Don't you know I'd die for you  ’

‘  Drag my hand behind you like a chain behind a truck  ’

‘  Somebody's supposed to fall in love  ’

‘  You'll be excited just to see me someday  ’

‘  Darling look at the sparks”  ’

‘  You hold my attention without even trying  ’

‘  But never means forever  ’

‘  And if I ever catch the ones who hurt you, I'm hoping that God looks away this time.  ’

‘  Why would I let you go?  ’

⠀༌༙ ⁎ ཾཾ ུ⁎

[theenbythatwrites]

Booktober

I'm gonna try to post 31 short horror stories before the month is out but no promises.

Here's the first one.

-----------------------------------------------------

I walk down the hallway as I hear odd sounds coming from the kitchen below. Taking a deep breath I make my way down the stairs into the living room. Clutching a small knife in one hand and my phone in the other I enter the kitchen.

     The room is completely normal other than the strange noises. I couldn't figure out where the sounds were coming from. Not the fridge, the oven, nor the sink. I check all the windows and they're all firmly closed and locked. The door leading to the garage is also locked.

    "Well? What's going on?" My neighbor and best friend, Darcy Roberts, calls from the other end of the phone.

     "No... the room is empty and nothing is broken..." my voice is a bit shaky as I lift the phone to my ear. "I don't know what to do..."

     "I'm walking over right now I'll see you in five seconds. Just meet me outside."

     "Okay, I'm coming." I quickly put on my shoes and grab my keys. Locking the door behind me I walk through my yard to meet Darcy.

     "You're going to stay the night with me and we'll call someone out to look at everything tomorrow." Darcy speaks softly and links her arm with mine as we walk.

     "Thank you so much Darc. I don't know what I'd do without you." I smile softly and gently squeeze her hand.

     "Probably crash and burn." She shrugs, chuckling softly.

     When we finally reach her door I hold it open and we walk inside. Darcy offers to make some hot chocolate and I prepare some snacks. We need a distraction from the events of the night and a movie might just work.

         -time skip during the movie-

     A loud thud coming from the other room jerks our attention from the movie. "What the hell?" Darcy exclaims as she stands up.

     "What's going on tonight?" I ask confused as we slowly walk toward the dining room.

     The same noise that was in my kitchen at home suddenly becomes very loud in her dining room. The sound brings us to an immediate stop and we look at each other in horror. Darcy had heard the sound over the phone and now it was in her house.

     I continue to step toward the dining room, the sound growing louder with each movement. Darcy follows a few steps behind me, her hands beginning to shake. As we reach the room the lights begin to flicker and the stove begins beeping rapidly. A dark figure looks in the corner of the room. The figure has no face and looks like a shadow.

     "What are you!?" I yell, my voice shaking with fear. I could hear Darcy frantically trying to call the cops behind me.

     The shadow doesn't move an inch but the sounds become so unbearably loud my ears start ringing. Falling to my knees I hold my hands to my ears. "Leave us alone!" I scream as best as I can.

     My lungs begin to burn with each breath until I could barely gasp for air. The shadow figure just stood in the corner, saying nothing, not moving. Darcy's phone fell to the floor as her body collapsed.

     I tried my best to at least hold her hand to let her know it'll be okay but my body was too weak. My vision became blurry and my mind became foggy. The world around me dissolved into a bright light as my lungs failed.

     I sit up gasping for air, my hands grasping at my body. "What the hell..." I had died. I felt what it was to die, and it was because of whatever that figure was. But... it was a dream?

     I was sitting in my bed and there was no strange sounds only the birds outside and the music I had put on last night. "Darcy..." I quickly get dressed and slide on some shoes, running next door and knocking on the door rapidly.

     "Hey, what're you doing up this early?" Darcy chuckles as she opens the door. I smile brightly at her and pull her into a tight hug.

     "Sorry I had the weirdest dream." I laugh a bit as I pull back.

     "No worries, come on in I just made breakfast."

     We walk into Darcy's kitchen and make ourselves a plate of food. Sitting down in the dining room we dig in to the food and I tell Darcy about my dream.

     As we talk about a bunch of random things I smile. I was glad that was all just a dream. I couldn't imagine losing Darcy like that.

     I chuckle and take a drink of my coffee, letting the warm liquid soothe my thoughts. I set the cup down and I hear a faint sound come from the kitchen. The same sound from the dream. No... it can't be... I think to myself.

     Looking over at Darcy I realize she hasn't heard the sound. Maybe it's just my imagination. Of course that's it. But, if it's all in my head... Why is the shadow figure behind Darcy?

The End.

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Word count: 902

I hope you liked the story, feedback is always appreciated.

Also posted to my wattpad ConstantDownfall.

[dravid-writes]

"Hey, I'm back."

My roommate gives a grunt of acknowledgment, not looking up from his phone.

"And I've got some exciting news! Remember that witch I was looking for?"

"No."

"I finally know where to find her! Oh, but you do NOT want to know where. You'd die of cringe just hearing about it."

"You're going to a comic con?"

"Hey, Comic Con is based! Anyway, I'm leaving later tonight, so make sure you lock up when you go to bed."

"Actually," my roommate stands up, "I'm leaving right now, so YOU make sure to lock up."

"Really? You were just sitting on your butt scrolling through twitter a second ago."

"Yeah, but now you're here, so I think I'll leave early."

"Where are you even going?"

"A furry convention."

"Haha, okay, have fun at whatever-it-is then."

Later that night, I've finally arrived at the cringiest place in the city: Kitty Corner. It's hidden away in a part of the city that was abandoned like a decade ago. Something about high levels of ambient magic causing problems. Sketchy as hell, though; there's no one here, and apparently the entrance is down this dark alley? Makes me think it's all an elaborate setup for a mugging.

I walk down the alley, and at the end of it is a curtain with a cutsey sign above labeled "Kitty Corner <3" with pawprints and pastel colors. At least I'm in the right place. This is gonna be so awkward. I take a deep breath, gather my courage, and pull away the curtain to peek though at... another curtain. I pull that one away, and there's yet another curtain. I walk forward, pushing through the layers of curtains, until in the darkness I feel the curtains end. I push through the last one-

And I stumble forward on unfamiliar legs, falling down. Blinking away the sudden brightness, I look down at myself, and I find exactly what I feared: I've been turned into a cat.

"Hey, are you okay?" someone asks.

I look around and find myself in a brightly-lit street, with lots of cats around. LED lights color the town, and little cardboard and wooden stands and structures are where most of the cats are gathered. Instinctively, I look around for who spoke, before realizing it was the cat right in front of me. "U-uh, yeah-" Oh jeez my voice is all high-pitched now. "I'm okay."

"Oh, good." The cat's worried face turns to a friendly smile. "So, meow's it going, stranger?" Oh god I've been here for 10 seconds and I'm already taking psychic damage. "Are you new here? You seem a bit wobbly on your paws."

As I try to stand, I find that yes, I am in fact quite wobbly. I hope I can get back to my human legs ASAP. "I-I'm just here to meet someone, I won't be staying long."

"Ah, just dipping your paws into the water then. Where are you meeting this cat? I'm quite expurrienced here, so I can lend you a helping paw if you'd like!"

Why does he have to talk in cat puns?! Or is that a girl? I'm so out of my element, and I'd REALLY like to not have anyone seeing me like this. "Uh, I don't actually know where she is. I'll just look around on my own." I start to walk away on my wobbly cat legs, but then my stomach growls loud. I forgot to get dinner before I left...

"... Do you at least want me to show you to the food stalls?"

I'm about to say 'no, I'll find them myself', but then I notice a few cats at a stall eating kibble out of a bowl, and I am immediately afraid of where I might wander without guidance. "... Are there any stalls that serve normal food?"

"Of course! Tail me."

"What?"

"You know, tail, as in follow."

"Oh god you're reaching so far for these puns..."

"You mean these PAWns~?"

I groan and follow them to the food stalls, where there's actually a lot of options for normal, human food. I pick out a place that looks like a cat-themed McDonald's, and we wait in line for some fast food. Looking around, everything is cat-sized, and some stuff looks custom-made to account for the different anatomy and lack of opposable thumbs. It's actually pretty impressive. I wonder how this all got built. Like did they build it in here, as cats, or did they bring it from outside..?

It's our turn to order, and I start scanning the menu. I'm about to ask for a cheeseburger, until I see that the cheeseburger is called the 'I Can Has Cheezburger?' "I'll have a hamburger."

"I'll have some meowzzarella sticks and a paw-psi with ice. Oh, and a purrito to go."

We sit down at a cat-sized table and wait for our food. "... So, um, I don't think I ever got your name?"

"Whitesocks," the cat grins.

Ah, right, forgot about the whole anonymity thing. "But your feet aren't even white?"

"Haha, yeah, it's a funny story. Your cat appearance doesn't stay the same every time you leave and come back, so the name I picked on my first visit is pretty silly now. Even if I knew, I was planning on picking a different name every time, so no one would recognize me. I wasn't even sure if I'd come back. But now I have friends here! This is such a fun place. It's purrfect..."

I shake my head. "Cringe as hell is what it is."

The cat- Sorry, 'Whitesocks' frowns. "... You're not allowed to say that here."

"What? Come on, this place can't be so childish that swearing isn't allowed."

"What? No, you can swear as much as you damn well please. But you aren't allowed to insult people for what they enjoy."

"... Wait, you mean I can't say cringe?"

"Right. This is a place where you can't be judged for acting like a silly kitty! It's a place where you don't have to feel ashamed or embarrassed. You don't have to keep up appearances, or act the way you're supposed to. You're free to just... play. To smile and laugh and be as silly as you want! So basically, never say that again or I'm calling security on you."

"Whoa. You're pretty serious about being silly around here."

"We sure are!"

Right on time, our food arrives. I'm eager to dig in, but try as I might, my useless cat paws can't pick up the burger properly. I try my best to get a grip on it, but my paws always slip and I end up just holding the top bun. How am I supposed to eat?!

"Um... It's a lot easier to eat if you just... You know..." Whitesocks leans down and bites a mozzarella stick off their plate.

"... Really?"

"Yeah."

I stare down at the burger on my plate, and sigh; I really have no choice do I? I lean down and just... bite into the burger. Like an animal.

It's pretty good.

I use my paws to hold it in place, and keep biting. Just really ripping it apart with my teeth. I feel like a predator tearing into my prey, except my prey comes with ketchup, lettuce, and tomato. For being made by a cat, this is a really good burger. Be a lot better if it were a cheeseburger though. If only they didn't give it such a stupid name... No, if only I hadn't be scared of the stupid name! I could've just ordered the damn cheeseburger, but no, I was too scared. Meanwhile Whitesocks ordered a whole Cringe Meal without even flinching! Why can't I be brave like them?

Too soon, my burger is gone. But at least my stomach isn't growling at me anymore. Whitesocks and I leave, walking down the streets. "... Hey uh, Whitesocks? I'm sorry for what I said earlier. This place is actually really cool. Weird, but cool. I can tell it's got a lot of heart put into it. So, sorry for making fun of it."

"Aw, it's fine, no purries!"

"I take it back, I take it all back."

Whitesocks giggles. "Don't worry, if groaning at puns was banned then no one would stick around long enough to get used to them. But fur real, apology accepted. I wasn't sure about this place either when I first came here. It's definitely weird, and that takes some getting used to."

"Yeah. It's honestly amazing how you all can do this. Takes more courage than I have, that's for sure."

"Thanks. But being silly here is easy. It's the people who can fight their embarrassment out in the real world that are really brave... Oh yeah, who were you looking for again? I might be able to help you find them!"

"Oh, well, I don't know her name, but I'm looking for a witch?"

Whitesocks blinks. "Oh. Uh. I see."

"What? Do you know her?"

"No, no, I just. I didn't know there were any witches here."

"... Is that... against the rules, or-"

"No, never mind, forget it, I. Good luck, I'll be at the climbing tower if you need me." And with that, Whitesocks walks away.

Well, that was weirder than usual.

I rub my eyes as I walk down the hall. Last night had mixed results: I found the witch, but stayed up WAY too late in the process. I stumble into the kitchen, where my roommate is eating a burrito. "g'mornin," I mumble.

"Morning."

I fish around in the fridge for something to eat...

"So, meow'd it go?"

I spin around to stare at my roommate. "What?!"

He doesn't look up from his burrito. "With the witch. How'd it go?"

"... Good..."

[depressoexpresso-anon]

Love and Tubs

Your comfort character x reader

-----------------------------------------

I've not been feeling good recently. I've been having dark thoughts again and I just needed to write something to vent.

In my version, I used YV Alphonse as my comfort character but, I wanted it to be an ambiguous male character so you can imagine your comfort character. Cause we all have different ways and people we use for comfort.

I want this to be for anyone going through a hard time right now. So maybe this can help someone who needs it.

I'm also gonna be doing a female version of this to so it can appeal to other people as well.

I also kinda used a few of my struggles and my dark thoughts to help tell this one-shot.

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️

THIS STORY HAS THEMES OF SUICIDE, CUTTING, BLOOD, DARK INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, AND MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION AND MENTAL ILLNESS.

ALSO NOT PROOFREAD

⚠️ VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED ⚠️

-----------------------------------------

You felt tired, more than usual. You knew why you tired, you just would never admit it to yourself. You had to keep smiling, you had to keep going because if not he would know.

Depression wasn't a seasonal thing for you, it was almost constant. It's like a sickness. And today is one of those days. You didn't want to talk because you'll be too bothersome. You didn't want to eat because you'll feel bad afterward. You felt like you never deserved the peace that you earned or the love you were given.

You just wanted to sleep, you want to die.

You hated nights like tonight or early mornings. Because you would just lay awake while he slept next to you. Your mind would go back and think about all of your regrets and flaws and the comments of your life.

Throughout your life, you felt invisible and mute. Like if you were in a room full of people you would phase into the wall. No one would know you were gone. If they did would they care?

As you lay in bed, your back facing your lover, you try to hold in the silent sobs and screams that begged to be ripped from your throat.

You gave a slight flinch when you felt a heavy arm wrap around your waist and a large warm body snuggle up against your spine. Your brain stopped when you felt his warm breath fanned the back of your ear and neck.

His embrace and his warmth stopped your brain from running and your tears from flowing, you can finally take a breath and soak in the present. You were loved and you are seen. His love melted away the chains of your guilt and shame and made flowers of life and love bloom in your chest.

The sudden comfort made you drift off to sleep.

But not all good things last though.

You woke up again to find that you had wrapped your arms around him as he slept, back against your front. Tried to back to sleep but all you can do is just toss and turn as the thoughts returned.

Like a parasite, they slivered into your mind and spoke to you.

'You're nothing!'

'You're trash!'

'Look at you!'

'You're so annoying!'

'This is why the people you love leave!'

'You're a disgusting pig!'

'The world would be better without you!'

'Stop breathing!'

'Why are you here!'

'You deserve to die!'

These words that are constantly screaming in your head caused you to jump out of bed and stride to your bathroom.

But without meaning to you woke up your lover. He gripped the sleeve of your baggie shirt and with a groggy voice said "Where are you going sweets?"

You froze your mind panicking on what to say. "Oh, I-I'm just going to the bathroom." His grip loosened and let go, rolling over to a more comfortable position. "Hurry up and get back, ok?" That was all he said before tumbling down the rabbit hole of sleep once more as you hurry to the bathroom.

It was cold. Not the welcoming cold that one would enjoy but, a sinister cold. A cold that would run down one's spine leaving clattery bones in its wake.

You made your way to your tub and sat down it in. Personally, it was a better choice than a toilet.

The tub was cold and a little wet because of your shower earlier yesterday. You try to get comfortable while you cradled your head in your hands as you start to think again.

Your breathing was ragged. Your hands were shaking violently. Tears were rolling fastly down your face leaving your shirt wetter than before.

You hated how you couldn't control yourself, as much as you hated your mind. You begin to hold back sobs and screams in fear of waking your dear lover up.

As you cower into a ball and try to gain back control, the voices came back screaming in your head.

'YOU'RE WEAK!'

'YOU'RE PATHETIC!'

'YOU'RE SO FUCKING STUPID!'

'NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU!'

'YOU'RE SO FUCKING ANNOYING!'

'PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU BECAUSE THEY WANT YOU FOR SOMETHING!'

'YOU DESERVED YOUR ABUSE!'

' HE ONLY WANTS TO FUCK YOU!'

'YOU'RE JUST A STAIN!'

'YOU'RE JUST AN ACCIDENT!'

'YOU'LL BE BETTER OFF ALONE AND DEAD!'

'DIE!'

'DIE!'

'DIE!'

'DIE!'

'DIE!'

'DIE!'

'DIE!'

With all loudness going inside you there was a sudden silence. The noise stopped. Your breathing calmed. Your hands stopped shaking. But you felt another feeling.

A warm wet feeling was flowing down your leg and burning in your hand. In your sudden rage of sadness, you didn't even notice that you had grabbed your lover's razor from the edge of the tub and used it to cut your leg and your hand along with it.

The cut was deep because a decent size pool of blood started to form by your feet.

Finally, you felt calm. You felt all of the pressure and pain seep out of you. Your breathing steadied. You stopped shaking harshly. You felt the sudden rush of sleepiness wash over your exhausted body, as a thin sheen of sweat coated you.

But calmness was soon erased by the soft knocking on the door. "Hey, are you ok? You've been in there for a bit."

The calmness was soon forgotten when the sudden rush of adrenaline pushed threw your veins.

'Oh no.'

'Why didn't you lock the door?'

'Now he's gonna see your little accident you made!'

'What would he think of you now?'

'He'll probably leave knowing how fucked up your stupid little head is!

It was already too late. He opened the door his eyes widened with the sight of you bloody and broken.

You squeezed your eyes shut, waiting for the harsh yelling was to come to play. But it never came. Instead, a warm weight was placed above your body as you were wrapped up in his arms.

You never experienced this. You always thought he would yell and curse if he ever saw this side of you.

But he wasn't like the others. He was sweet and kind and understanding.

He loved you.

You wrapped your arms around him as you heard the sorrowful cry he gave while hugging you. "Please don't leave. I need you here. I-I love you. I love you so fucking much. Please don't go." He said quietly as you felt the warm drops of his tears fall on your shirt.

How he was acting now made you tear up yourself. He pulled back from his hug and cupped your face in his hands.

"Baby, please look at me." It was hard but you did what he asked. "Why did you do this?" His voice was soft yet firm and never wavered by the tears and emotions rolling down his face.

It was a struggle to speak but it didn't stop you from explaining your side of the story. "I-I-I was not f-feeling great and I didn't w-w-want to be a b-bother so I went in here and I-I-I-I cut mu-myself on a-a-accident. P-p-please doesn't be ma-mad."

You hated on how you sounded you felt broken and weak. "Shh, shh, breathe. It's gonna be ok. You are gonna be ok. Just breathe for me, baby." He said with a calming tone to try to get you to breathe at a normal rate.

"I'm not mad babe. If anything I'm mad at myself. I'm sorry that you had to go through all this alone. I never want you to be alone when you're like this." He said as he pets your hair trying to get you to calm down.

"You know babe your not alone in this fight. People all over the world are probably going through something similar to you. But, you have to know that your past doesn't make you the person you are now. And yeah, sure, you may have done things, saw things, heard things throughout your life and they still haunt you today. But those experiences don't define you and they didn't make you. I'm sorry that people in your past fucked you over and made you feel like a monster. I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you then. But, I'm here now and no one will ever make you feel like how you felt back then, not when I'm still here. Y/N you are enough. You will always be enough, and nothing will ever stop me from loving you. You are beautiful, good, kind, passionate, smart and so much more. You are my star and my heart. If you're ever hurting like this again please come to me. You will never burden me. I love you and I see you."

He said while rubbing your tear-stricken cheek with his thumb. He leaned in and gave your salty swollen lips a soft peck before pulling you into a hug.

-----------------------------------------

Thank you for reading! I hope this helped some People struggling with mental struggles. As well, I just wanted to say that you are loved and cared about. And if you don't believe me, well guess what...

I LOVE YOU

❤🧡💛💚💙💜🖤

[dont-call-me-baby-posts]

Blacking Out and Breaking Hearts - Chapter 8

Blacking Out and Breaking Hearts - Master List

Word Count: 4.4K

Warnings: A bit of the good old fashioned ~*sexual tension*~

Summary: Y/N is a successful musician, trying to navigate the world of stardom along with her complicated feelings for her best friend, Harry.

Alternatively: The one where it all comes out.

A/N: This chapter literally made me so mad, and I'm the one who wrote it 🤭 Let me know what you all think of the series so far! Things are gonna get good, just wait...

Chapter 8

The night went on. Eventually your thoughts cleared, embarrassment threatening to sneak in before you pushed it away with one more drink. You really let yourself get worked up during that game of Truth or Dare. But you all were having fun, harmless fun, and you couldn’t help it. You could normally do your best to silence the dirty thoughts that came into your mind around him, but tonight you had let the floodgates open.

“I have to go to sleep now, or I’m going to die.” Logan groaned. She was right. It was way too late, (or maybe early?), to still be awake. Your own eyes had started growing heavy, so you didn’t mind as you went to one of the many cardboard boxes near the foyer to grab a few blankets. Logan laid down on the couch, asleep before you could even tuck her in. You gave her a small kiss on the head, brushing the hair away from her face. She was going to feel like shit tomorrow for sure.

Layla and Max cuddled up on the other section, Layla having already grabbed them both a large glass of water from the kitchen. This is what you meant when you said she was the smart one. You headed towards the stairs as she forced Max to drink his down to the bottom, her boyfriend mumbling quiet protests all the while.

You threw one more blanket towards Harry, who’s arms weren’t moving quick enough to catch it. He bent down to reach it, wobbling slightly.

“There’s a guest room upstairs, I’ll show you.”

He reached out, grabbing your wrist, probably harder than he meant to. You paused, looking at him quizzically.

“Let me sleep with you.” He asked. He sounded like a child asking to crawl into bed after a nightmare. He pushed out his lower lip, giving his best puppy dog face. He should’ve known at this point you would do anything he said. “Please.”

“Yeah, sure.” You said. A hiccup mixed with a giggle rose from your chest. Harry kept his hand around your arm, leading you up the stairs.

The room was dark, aside from the hints of moonlight leaking in through the cracks in the blinds. You threw yourself onto the bed, accepting it’s embrace. The cool sheets felt nice against your face. Harry laid next to you on his back. You were exhausted, of course, but you somehow felt energized feeling his leg brush yours. You turned to face him. He turned to face you.

“Thanks for inviting me to your sleepover.” He said through a crooked grin. “I haven’t had that much fun in a long time.”

“Thank you for coming.”

“That’s what Hudson said after the fourth one, huh?” Harry quipped. You lifted your pillow, swatting him on the shoulder. You both laughed until your belly hurt.

“You’re not gonna let me live that down, are you?” You asked, covering your face. You felt like you could explode.

“Well it sounds like you won’t soon forget.”

You swatted him again, whining an exaggerated “stop”. His entire body shook with laughter.

“I’m serious!” He yelped, flinching away from your pillow coming towards him. “I could never compete with Hudson.” He mocked Logan’s voice as he mentioned your now infamous ex-boyfriend.

“I’m sure you do just fine, superstar.” You responded quickly, before your mind could wonder what he meant by that. You had to force yourself not to think of all of the ways that you were sure Harry could compete. You couldn’t help but look back on Hudson fondly, though, wondering where he was these days. Did he ever tell anyone about the time he went down on Y/N? His new coworkers, maybe, a barista at a coffee shop? You snickered drunkenly at the thought, imagining it play out. His friends probably told him he was full of shit. Maybe you still had his number… You should text and see how he’s doing….

“We need to go to sleep.” You decided, standing. You were at the point in the night where you were literally contemplating texting ex-boyfriends, albeit without any intentions of hooking up and getting back together. You needed to put yourself to bed before you did some stupid shit Bethany wouldn’t approve of in the morning.

Without thinking, you pulled off your pajama pants, leaving you in just your t-shirt and underwear. You gasped, realizing, before exploding with laughter. “I am soo sorry!”

Harry covered his eyes, yelling out in faux horror. You quickly pulled them back up, barely managing to do so without falling over.

“It’s okay,” he said. “Your house, your rules.”

“And anyway,” he added. “I really don’t mind. Really.”

You decided to be bold, letting the fuzzy fabric fall to the floor again. Harry pretended not to look, but you caught him shifting a sneaky side-eye your way. You jumped into bed, fumbling to cover yourself with the blanket. Harry sat up enough to take his shirt off, wiggling himself beneath the covers next to you.

“There’s another blanket if you want it,” you offered. Your boldness turned out to be temporary, and you suddenly felt as if you were sobering up. You felt exposed, like you wanted to turn into yourself and hide the body that you’d spent so many years hating. You felt that if he got one look at you, a really good look, then he would be able to spot all of the horrible things you always saw in the mirror and hate them, too.

“Do you want me to use that one?” He asked. His eyes met yours with a sudden intensity that your intoxicated brain could barely handle. You swallowed.

“No, it’s fine.”

Harry yawned, telling you again how much fun he’d had. There was a buzz between you, keeping both of you from getting anywhere near sleep.

You talked about how good it was to be in a real bed, away from the bus and the venues and the fans. Harry listened intently, the bags beneath his eyes only making him more irresistable. Any awkwardness there was a few minutes ago had gone, and you both chatted as if you were at lunch, or on a long drive. Harry reached out, taking his hands in yours again. He lifted your knuckles to lips, kissing each finger. His eyes didn’t stray from yours. You ordinarily would have looked away, but the lack of sleep and the alcohol didn’t allow it.

He stopped, keeping your fingers entwined.

“Do you love me?” He asked. Your heart started to pound, not knowing what to say. You’d been over this just a few hours ago. You weren’t sure how many more times you could answer this question without slipping, without saying too much. “Yes. Yes. A million times yes!” you wanted to say, “More than anything or anyone. More than anyone could ever love someone else in a million lifetimes.”

“You know I do.” You said out loud. He smiled.

“Say it.”

“Say what?” You asked stupidly. Your heart was in your throat, and you were surprised any words were able to come out at all.

“Say that you love me.”

“I love you.” You told him. And though you had said it a thousand times before in a hundred different ways, this time felt different. It felt.. real. He smiled, closing his eyes.

“I love you, too.” He said. And he did. He did, he did. And you knew he did. Fuck the voice in your head telling you you’d imagined it all. All the glances, all the hugs, the kisses on the forehead, the late night talks when you both should be sleeping. You knew all along, you always knew. He was the one who didn’t know. He was the one who told everyone you weren’t interested. He was the one who had no idea.

“Do you love Christian?” He asked. He looked serious, the glint in his eyes dimming ever so slightly. You nodded.

“I do. Or I did, I guess.”

“More than me?” He asked. The moonlight painted his skin light blue, and he looked like a painting. Like a masterpiece, like all of the most beautiful works of art in the world combined.

“Never.” You said. He smiled. You told him again, just to see him smile one more time. “Never.”

“I hate to see you cry for him. It kills me.”

You didn’t know what to say. He had told you all of this already. It was as if the conversation from earlier in the night was being replayed, but this time in an entirely different context. He was repeating all of the same things, as if you had missed something important the first time. It was when you rewatched a movie and noticed all of the tiny details you had missed the first time around.

“I thought you were mad at me. I thought you wanted him, and I was in the way.”

Harry continued when you didn’t respond, laying there dumbfounded and lost in thought. Was this really happening right now? All the fantasies you had played out in your head? All the things you vowed to never say, was it finally coming to light? You were getting ahead of yourself, taking a deep but shaky breath.

“No, Harry.” You responded, carefully choosing your words.

Harry paused for a moment, that same crease as always forming between his brows. He frowned. Your answer wasn’t good enough for him.

“Then tell me you don’t want him.”

The thrumming in your chest intensified. You could feel your heartbeat between your legs. Why did that turn you on like this? The way he demanded it from you, the intensity in his voice...

“Please.” It was gentler now, almost sad. His mouth was still downturned, making you want to kiss the sour expression off of his face.

“I don’t want him. I never did. I want…”

You didn’t finish. Harry scooted closer, dropping your hand and bringing his to your waist. He placed his hand just above your hip, swiftly raising your t-shirt so that his skin made contact with yours.

“Who?”

“...Someone else.” You barely whispered. Harry didn’t push you for more, but you wished he would. You wanted to say it, out loud. You wanted him to force it out of you.

“The way he looked at you. I can’t stand it.” He said. He was whispering now too, and his fingertips began moving along your skin slowly. “But I want you to be happy, so if that’s what you want... I won’t ruin it.” 

Harry hated the words coming out of his mouth as he said them, looking more pained with each syllable.

“I don’t want him, Harry.” You tried to sound stern, wanting to put his mind at ease. If you had to hear him suggest that you had feelings for Christian one more time, you just might explode.

Everything was silent. All there was was Harry’s breathing and your heartbeat like a drum in your ears.

“The things I wanted to do to you..” He whispered. His voice was so quiet you weren’t even sure you’d actually heard it. “When we were playing truth or dare. The way it felt to have you under me like that... I wanted to take you, right there.”

Oh my god. Oh my god. This is it.

Your lips were so close, it was unbearable. You pinched your legs closed to ease the building pressure between them.

“And fucking Hudson... Do you know what you were doing to me?”

A shy smile spread across your face.

“Maybe.”

“I knew it.” He said, a devilish grin on his face. “I knew you did.”

“I wanted to put him to shame, you know. You were really testing me.”

“You-“ you started to say, unsure how to finish. You just stared at him, any and all thought vanished from your head. You pondered what he was insinuating, imagining him going down on you the way Hudson had in your story. Putting Hudson to shame. Good god. How would he do it? Would it be slow? Would he take his time, leaving a trail of kisses on the inside of your thighs before finally...

“This whole night… I didn’t think I was gonna make it, Y/N. The way you looked at Christian, I couldn’t stand watching you cry. You’re so beautiful. You’re so beautiful. You’re like a sunflower.”

“And touching you, finally... I can’t take it anymore.”

His hand gripped your side where it had been dancing on your skin. He took a deep breath.

“Tell me again, that you don’t want him.” He asked. In this moment, just as you had since the moment you met him, you belonged to him. You would bend to his every whim. You would do anything, anything, he asked you to. You were in the palm of his hand, and it felt amazing. You imagined the way he must have been quietly seething at Christian for months now, the way he must have felt to see Christian pick you up and spin you around when you had last seen him. It made sense, the way his muscles tensed just at the mention of his name...

“I don’t want him.” You told him again.

“Then who?”

You were silent. Just say it, you thought. You’ve had enough of all the secrecy and the stolen glances. You brought your hand to his face, Harry almost flinching at your touch.

“Say it.” He whispered.

“You.”

You answered him, finally, after months of keeping it barely beneath the surface. It was like you had been holding your breath and had finally made it above water. Harry smiled, inhaling sharply. His hand pressed into your side again, harder than before. 

“Tell me again.”

“I want you.” You said. Your entire body shook next to his.

“You do, don’t you?” He asked, seeming genuinely giddy at your confession. He giggled, and you giggled too.

“You knew that already, though.” You laughed. It felt good, finally being able to tell him everything. No more secrets.

“I really had no idea. I tried so hard on you, Y/N. And I never have to try hard.”

“You’re lying.” You said.

“No, really.” He insisted. “You must have known how much I wanted you. You had to know.”

You shook your head. This all felt like a fever dream, like any second you would be waking up and things would be back to normal. This couldn’t possibly be real life.

“Will you tell me again, one more time.” He asked. The intensity in his voice had turned to sweetness, like sugar on your tongue. “I want to make sure I’m not imagining it again.”

Again? You wondered how long he had felt this way, if he had ever fantasized about you the way that you did about him. What did he do to you, secretly in his mind, when no one was around...

“I want you, Harry.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Let me kiss you.”

Harry looked at you. He was begging, desperate for the one thing you had fantasized about for months now. You wanted nothing more than to have him take you, to break in your new bed and your new house and not even worry who you woke up. 

And yet...

Your stomach twisted suddenly, unsure what to do. The answer was obvious, staring you in the face. But your thoughts were clearing, and sober you won the battle it had been fighting all night. 

“Harry…” you began, unable to believe yourself even as it was happening.

“Please. Please, I'm begging you.”

“Harry, you’re drunk.” You told him. And it was true. Past the shimmer in his eye you could see the redness still, the hint of liquor still in his gaze.

“I’ll die if I don’t.”

“Harry…”

It was silent. Again. You knew suddenly, deep down, that you needed to stop this before it got too far. Or else he would wake up in the morning and you would never see him again once he realized his mistake. He was wasted, and lonely, and tired. He didn’t mean it, not any of it. Or at least he wouldn’t once the sun came up and the alcohol left his blood.

Harry stayed quiet, hurt slowly making its way across his expression.

“Harry, you’re drunk. And I know you won’t mean any of this in the morning. I just- I can’t lose you like this. You’ll wake up tomorrow and-”

“I’ll wake up and feel just the same as I have this entire time.” He pleaded. His voice cracked, sounding defensive, shattering every bone in your body. You could tell now that this wasn’t just about the kiss. It was more than that. He was spilling his heart out to you and you didn’t believe him. And even though you knew you were right, he was still hurt.

“You said you wanted me. You- You said it.” He continued, pleading. He was trying to control his voice, to force all of the emotion out of it before it met your ears, but you heard it. He was in disbelief. He scooted away from you, just a bit, examining your face.

“Harry, I do. More than anything.”

He gazed at you. Waiting for more.

“But I can’t. You’re drunk and you’re going to wake up tomorrow embarrassed, wishing you’d never said anything. You’re… youre Harry Styles. And I’m.. I’m just me. You don’t want me. You don’t.”

He didn’t say anything. He looked devastated. And you were devastated, too, already wanting to take it all back. How could you have fucked this up so badly? How could you have ruined this for yourself, when you were this close?

Because it was too good to be true. That’s why.

He cleared his throat and rubbed the tip of his nose with a finger. He looked around the empty room like he wasn’t sure what to do next, avoiding meeting your eyes. He covered his face with his hands. He had offered you everything you’d ever wanted a more, and you had thrown it back in his face. You hated yourself fiercely for it.

“Okay.” He said finally. He leaned forward, kissing your forehead. You felt a tear escape from your eye, running across the bridge of your nose. He wiped it silently.

“Don’t cry. I can’t take any more crying tonight.” He said, smiling gently. He was too good. Too understanding, too patient. He was everything you wanted and everything you didn’t deserve.

“We should go to sleep.” He said finally. Your heart was breaking into a million pieces, each lodging its way into your throat and making you choke. He was so gentle, brushing the hair from your face. Everything you ever wanted, right here. He leaned forward, kissing you again, this time on the cheek. He lingered there, his lips burning your skin. You wanted to stay like this forever, his lips against your face and his hands on your body.

“Can I hold you? We’ve slept together before, so you don’t have to worry. It’s not- um, it’s not anything else. If you’re okay with it.” He was trying to be sweet, but you couldn’t ignore the way his voice sounded completely shattered, nothing like the way it was supposed to sound. His cheeks were hot with embarrassment. You nodded. He was right, you had slept together before, taking naps in cars or on couches. But this was different. He knew that, and you did too. But if you had just thrown away every chance you had at him, you could at least give yourself this. You tried to tell yourself it was innocent, the same thing you had done a hundred times before, but you knew it wasn’t. And when Harry woke up wrapped around you tomorrow morning, skin shiny with sleep, body tangled in your sheets, at least you would still have this. Nobody could take that away from you.

You turned your body, allowing him to come up behind you and hold you from behind. He pressed his body against you, his legs tangling with yours. You could feel his chest pressed against your back, his breaths deep but uneven. He sniffled quietly. You felt his dick against you where your bodies met, and it took everything in you not to press yourself further back onto him. You wanted to move your hips against him, feeling him harden against you until you both couldn't take it anymore and he pushed himself inside... 

He brushed the hair away from your neck, exposing your skin. He placed kisses below your ears, down your neck to your shoulders. You couldn’t help the tears flowing now, silently but steadily down your cheeks. Somehow, by some grace, you were able to fall asleep. Asleep in the arms you had longed to hold you for as long as you could remember. Everything you wanted, right here. And you’d thrown it away. You knew this moment would be done forever in a few short hours, and it killed you. But you knew you did the right thing. It was too good to be true. It always had been.

///

You woke up the next morning and instantly regretted opening your eyes. The sunlight was burning into you, making your head pound. Your mind was cloudy and confused, a weight across your abdomen holding you down. 

Harry. 

You turned, careful not to wake him, but wanting to appreciate the way his face looked when he was sleeping. So soft and innocent. His mouth was open, just barely, and his breaths were heavy and slow. You brushed a finger across his parted lips, and down his cheek. He was more beautiful today than he had ever been, you thought.

As always, though, the sleepy bliss began wearing off and was replaced by a pit growing in your stomach. What happened last night? It came to you in pieces, the belly button shot, Hudson… Layla and Max...

Oh my god.

The pit morphed itself into full blown panic as you tried your best to reconstruct the end of the night. What had you said to him? Was he even going to remember?

You told him everything, didn’t you?

No, he did.

“The things I wanted to do to you…” he’d said.

“Do you know what you were doing to me?”

“Say you don’t want him.”

Jesus Christ. This wasn’t real. It all was coming back to you, replaying in your mind.

“I’ll die if I don’t.”

No. This wasn’t happening. Not like this.

And then it really hit you. The way you’d turned him down, the way you had him begging for it. And you said no. What the fuck was wrong with you? You must have lost your mind. How many nights had you stayed awake, begging the universe for this exact thing to happen? And you had let it slip away, that easily.

Harry stirred, his eyes beginning to open slowly. He looked at you, you lying there staring at him, taking in his face with a shaking fingertip. You pulled away and sat up. The sudden movement made your head spin and your stomach turn, and you had to steady yourself so you didn’t throw up. You weren’t even sure if it was the hangover or the realization that was making you sick. You stood, grabbing the discarded pajama pants from last night and pulled them hastily up your legs. Harry stayed where he was, taking it all in. The sleep still lingered in his eyes, but a frown had made its way onto his perfect face. Don’t do this, you thought. Please don’t do this.

Once you were dressed, you weren’t sure what to do next. You just stood there, frozen, contemplating the millions of ways that you could make this right. Should you kiss him right now? Tell him you were wrong, so wrong, and ask him to give you another chance? Did he even remember what had happened the night before? Out of all of these options, you decided to do nothing at all. Instead you just stayed there, glued to your spot on the floor, eyes fixed to your feet.

“Last night was crazy.” Harry said finally, breaking the silence. What a fucking understatement, you thought. You weren’t sure how to respond. You eventually nodded.

“Yeah it was. Im, like, super hungover.”

Fuck. You needed to think of something to say, and fast. Something, anything.

“Yeah, I feel like shit.” Harry groaned, rolling over onto his back. He covered his eyes, shielding himself from the light. His voice was deep and raspy with sleep.

“Me too.” You agreed. The covers had slipped down his torso, exposing his bare chest. The rays of sunlight spilling into the room caressed his skin, and you wanted nothing more than to jump back into bed with him and feel him, to kiss every inch of exposed flesh. He sat up.

“D’you have a shirt I can borrow? I don’t really want to put that one back on, it smells like vodka.”

Why was he acting so normal? Like nothing had happened at all? You nodded, digging through one of your many boxes to find something he could borrow. You found a rumpled old One Direction t-shirt in the bottom, holding it up proudly.

“Does this work?” You asked with a laugh. Still, your voice came out pitiful and uncertain. You felt like you were tiptoeing across a tightrope, trying anything you could not to fall off of the edge. Harry laughed. He was doing that thing again, that thing where he made everything seem okay no matter how fucked up it all had gotten. He seemed so calm, so cool, so… normal.

“Actually, do you have that orange one? The one with all the fireworks?” He asked. His hair was disheveled, sticking up at every angle. He looked adorable.

“You mean my homecoming shirt? From highschool?” You asked. You couldn’t help but laugh this time, a real laugh. You must have misunderstood.

“Yeah. I like that one.”

You dug through the box once again, the neon orange fabric standing out amongst the shades of black and gray. You held the soft fabric, allowing yourself a split second to reminisce on that night so many years ago. The night you had danced with Matthew, and then held Logan in the bathroom when she cried because someone had split their fruit punch on her brand new dress from Forever 21. You never could have dreamt that you’d end up here, waking up next o Harry (fucking) Styles. You tossed it to him and he slipped it over his head. He seemed content, stretching his arms and letting out another yawn.

“You can keep it.” You said without even meaning to. “It looks good on you.”

Harry paused, his eyes narrowing for just a moment as he read your face. The pieces were coming together, you could tell. He let out a small “Thanks” before standing up. He walked past you towards the door, and you were half expecting him to at least stop on his way and wrap you in a hug. To tell you good morning and that you looked beautiful despite your smeared makeup and messy hair. But he didn’t.

He opened the door, gesturing for you to follow him, but you couldn’t. Whatever you needed to say, it needed to happen now. In this room. Before whatever spell you both had cast last night was broken.

“Harry, I’m sorry.” You blurted out. Sorry for what, you weren’t sure. For turning him down? For spending the entire night crying? For embarrassing him after he’d poured his heart out to you.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it.” He assured you. He smiled, but the expression didn’t meet his eyes. “Everything’s fine.”

You wanted to disagree, to tell him it wasn’t fine and it would never be fine. At least not until he took you, right here and now, the way he had said he wanted to last night. Not until you had kissed him, really kissed him. He didn’t wait for an answer, leaving you and your jumbled mind alone. Everything that had happened in here, everything you both had said... you could still feel it here. But with every soft step you heard echoing as he wandered down the stairs, you could feel that spark slipping further and further away. Until it had vanished completely.

KEEP READING!!