#and I'm also so glad this poll is over lmao

[morethanwonderful]

The Winner of the Which MXTX Character do You Most Want to Study Like a Little Bug Tournament Bracket:

Winning by 4.2% after an incredibly tense and uncertain race, Shen (Yuan) Qingqiu has officially beaten Nie Huaisang and been crowned the MXTX character that the fandom would most like to study like a little bug!!!

It is truly a marvel that just some millenial keyboard warrior managed to win out over so many uber-tragic xianxia characters in the fascinating weirdness race. Congratulations Sqq for your bafflingly unhinged brain and gay denial.

I hope you all enjoy putting him in your bug jars, and thank you once again to everyone who voted! This poll was a blast to run, and y'all have brought me much joy with your tags and replies this week.

[levil0vesyou]

Having a post get popular enough to be independently reblogged by someone you follow but aren't mutuals with is. Wild

[maxwell-grant]

SF6 announced it's second slate of DLC and there's precisely 1 non-controversial character in it

Yeah and precisely 1 character in there I give a shit about lmao

Yeah, sure, I mean come on they were always going to bring Bison back, he was like the number two most requested in a recent poll and they've been prepping the groundwork for a while. I'm not gonna say I wanted Bison back, but he's the most iconic fighting game villain, we all saw it coming. Either way, everybody who's come back for Street Fighter 6 has come back as the coolest and greatest they've ever been, and I already like Bison a lot so, I'm sure they'll make it worthwhile. I definitely think he looks very interesting at least, really want to know what's up with his new design.

I'm not a fan of two slots going to guest characters? Feels like way too much, I didn't even want guest characters to begin with, but okay. See, there are very few returning SF characters I would trade over a brand new SF6 character, the batting average for the newcomers has been the best it's ever been, but if they are deciding to pull back on adding new characters, and instead rework existing characters or add inconsequential guest crowd-pleasers, okay. I'd rather them not add a new character unless they're putting something really good forwards.

Terry, yeah, Terry's great! You guys know I love him. Of course he gets the honor of being the first non-Capcom guest character in Street Fighter, they have a whole connection. I'd be more impressed if Terry didn't also show up in Smash and Fighting Layer and those mobile collabs and everything, but yeah, Terry!

Really couldn't give less of a fuck about Mai though. Yeah yeah, she's popular, if you get to add SNK guys of course you go with her, Capcom knows what the audience wants, whatever, mostly I find it ridiculous that people treat her like she's some kind of peer to Chun-Li. But like I said, I'd rather have a guest character that doesn't mean anything, than a half-baked new character.

See for a while there I was actually scared that Capcom would stop putting Elena in stuff, considering the HUGE backlash to her USFIV self and how that led to a lot of people vocally disliking the character. I'm glad they aren't cowards because OH MY GOD SHE LOOKS AMAZING

I was dead sure they were going to add Ibuki or Makoto before her, and hell I'm still holding out for Makoto! Out of all the SF3 characters I expected them to add, Elena was very far from the top and I'm very glad to be proven wrong.

They're finally giving her clothes! I don't know who at Capcom keeps pushing them to finally put pants on the women and I hope they never stop. Already the best she's ever looked.

I'm not one of those people that only likes Elena because she has a funny interaction with Akuma in her ending, she was actually always one of my favorites, but I'd be lying if I said I'm not curious how and if they're gonna pick on that thread given the wonderful job they've done characterizing Akuma.

And oh my god how are they gonna animate her, she was always such a distinct character in the way she moves compared to everyone else. How are they gonna update her to the current standards, or make sure she still stands out? They've done such mind-blowing stuff with Rashid, god I can't wait.

[trophywifetroybarnes]

heyyyy!! LOVED ur fic and was wondering if uve got any new ones in the works?

i answered one ask and then told myself i deserved a treat, hence the delayed response im sorry, thats my bad

that being said, first of all, thank you so much???? you dont know how much that means to me! i'm so glad you enjoyed it.

and, regarding any prospective works, yes actually! i have a longer fic that im currently working on (its the reason for all the over the garden wall posting, the swan posting, and the shirley endgame poll) and honestly its a struggle because ive never quite written something like this before, and considering the pov character is Elijah, its definitely something new for me. but, without going too much into it, its an elijah & ben + elijah & shirley fic first, and a trobed + jeffshirley fic second, even though the original premise i had for it started off as a trobed fic lmao

i do have a smaller oneshot im working on as well. it was based off this post, but i can just explain it here too! so, if you've ever watched Bluey, there's this episode called fairytale. bandit, bluey's father, is telling his kids a "real life fairytale" as a bedtime story, and it involves what he claims is the first ever meeting (short as it is!) he has with chili (their mom) from when they were kids during a vacation at a camp site. however, chili doesnt remember this meeting at all although she does say that her family vacationed there often and so timelines do match up, even if she has no recollection of it. in the end its left open-ended. popular fan theory suggests that the girl bandit met--he didnt get her name, it was a few seconds meeting where she returns his hat to him--was actually brandy, chili's older sister. but regardless, the idea of a small incidental meeting, is just so cute.

and, i also have an annie fic, but thats mostly bc i had like, this need for FBI agent Annie getting with a down on her luck former-conwoman from London. i was watching cw's nancy drew as well as some white collar and i guess the though of it just wouldn't leave me alone.

[mustlovesteve]

Thanks to those who voted in the poll! I'm really glad that there's interest in this S3 St/eddie AU because...it has thoroughly consumed me already. I've got about 50% of it outlined so far, but I need to rewatch S3 yet again before I can work out the logistics for the rest.

Expanded summary of this S3 AU idea:

Focusing on keeping most if not all canon platonic St/obin scenes intact while a slowburn Ste/ddie romance happens. For example, the bathroom scene will be largely unchanged, focused on Robin coming out to Steve, and talking about Robin's crush, and Steve and Robin admitting how much they like each other (Platonically!), with minimal references to Eddie. Eddie will be an annoying customer, not a coworker, and not directly involved in the Russia plot until after the bathroom scene. It WILL involve Steve acquiring a weird not-dog again (yes, I have found a way, and I am very excited about it). Triggers: Aside from S3 canon triggers, this will also include Steve being on heavy-duty painkillers at some point (but no references to any addiction issues). Length: Long but I could not tell you how long. I tend to get carried away, whoops.

@theheadlessphilosopher will be betaing again, this time from the very beginning! <3

I'm also looking for betas to specifically help with canon fact-checking! I've rewatched this series about 6 times now, but I still forget things all the time, and I don't find the wiki pages that helpful (lots of comic stuff thrown in there without being specified as such and certain events skipped over or misinterpreted). I'll be trying to follow canon as closely as possible outside of the changes I'm deliberately making, so I'm trying to minimize any continuity errors. This would be as much of a "commitment" as you want it to be, with no specific deadlines or pressure.

Even if that's not your specialty, the more help (or even just cheerleading lmao) the merrier! <3 If you're interested, please DM me with your Discord username so we can start chatting!

[angelhummel]

not to be a hater i was just thinking about this recently. the biphobia in Glee is so inconsistent with how its addressed.

like i’m pretty sure the ONLY person who ever gets called out for saying anything remotely biphobic is Kurt (which like im glad bc it was a shitty thing to say. tho i think kurt antis use it to frequently paint this rhetoric that kurt is a bad person bc of one (1) shitty thing he said)

meanwhile santana can say shitty things about bisexuality bc shes mad that brittany is dating sam and thats apparently fine???? she really has the idea that brittany is betraying her for penis which is bizarre. also i feel like she enabled dani’s biphobia as well.

i love santana, but i feel like this issue is heavily glossed over by fans while kurt’s comment is apparently bad enough to crucify him :/

I know we've talked about it before but I also just thought of it again recently. Bc there was a poll with Here Comes The Sun and someone in the tags was like "I'll vote for anything over Dani's biphobic ass" and it's like well baby girl Santana's biphobic ass is literally standing right next to her. And people sure don't have a problem voting for Santana's songs despite how blatantly biphobic she also is

And also transphobic, we can throw that in there, bc it's always about Penis and Boys hand in hand like there's no other option. Never mind Unique has been on the show for over a season, let's keep equating dick with gross boys and pussy with beautiful lesbian 100% pure sapphic goddesses 😍😍 Bleh it's like they tried to cram in every last shred of offensive sexual language they could think of into one two minute scene

BUT it's not like I'm judging that specific tagger, or anyone else who dislikes Dani. Bc at least Santana is a character with a million other things going for her besides the worst things she's said (exactly like Kurt hi) whereas Dani had like ten lines in her time on the show and half of them were "sapphic goddess" and "i love lady parts" barf

"She enabled Dani's biphobia as well" yeah literally. She could've just said "I was dating a girl and it didn't work out and we broke up" but she specifically threw "and she was bi" into the middle of it like that's part of the reason they broke up lmao. Santana, who tells Brittany that it's okay for her to date someone new, boy or girl, just to throw a fit when Brittany ends up dating Sam and makes it into some weird thing about her need for dick and how she's Less Than bc she's bi. And telling that to a potential new partner so she can reinforce her shitty stereotypes by also being gross about bi people (: Amazing

And anyway bringing it back to Kurt and double standards but like. That's pretty much the only offensive thing Kurt ever said lmao. Like yeah he said some dumb or thoughtless things here and there but if you take out that one glaring fuck up, you're not really left with anything that bad. Whereas if you extract Santana's biphobia from the equation, you're still left with six seasons of racism, homophobia, transphobia, antisemitism, fatphobia...

So yeah :) Double standards, anon, double standards x

[teddybeartoji]

BAHAHAH FOR THE MICKY X READER POLL

NOT THE WAY UR FOLLOWERS ARE ALL INTO THE SAME THING!! I LOVE HOW SIMILAR MINDED WE ARE

i mean so far we're only abt 30 votes in but still!! also it's rlly funny cuz just from the poll alone anyone can tell it's kinda like. you're perceived as rlly extroverted and confident (which makes sense cuz of the safe space you created) and the readers are shy but freaky as well

i mean that's my take on it but!! might be wrong we'll see

ngl i am rlly looking forward to the fic now, i predict two reactions i could have

one i'll take it to heart and might just fall in love with you

two i'll have one of the biggest laughs i've ever had cuz i wont take it seriously

anyways i'm finally in vacations, my exams went kinda averagely?? ngl it's good considering i didnt study all year 🧍 need to fix that, but highschool's finally over!! i hope my vacations will be productive, i kinda wanna get into writing..

i hope life is treating you right and don't forget to take breaks and take care of yourself !!

~ ☀️

HEHEHEHEHEHE i believe the lap thing was in the first place when u sent this in right??? i think it's very cute that it was in the lead lmao ii think i'm gonna take it as seriously as i can bc i really do think the whole concept is so fucking funny!!!!!! so we'll see we'll see that'll actually end up winning hehehe

OMGGG!!!!!!!! YOU'RE FREE NOWW!!!!!!!!!! i'm glad you'll be getting your well-deserved rest now my love!!!!! i hope ur summer goes soso amazingly<33333333 and eeeeee writing!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love writing so fucking much, it genuinely has changed my life for the better lmao i'm so happy i got into it!!!!!!!!!!! i can't wait to hear more of your thoughts hehehe

[arcplaysgames]

PICTURED: Reverie moments before burning down Futaba's uncle's house.

I love how this game has flipped me from "i'm not cool with killing Kamoshida" to "i'm gonna slash tires of everyone who even looks at Sojiro funny"

AND THAT IS A PRACTICAL LESSON IN WHY PERSONAL JUSTICE IS FLAWED, TIP YOUR WAITERS

Morgana has a dream/nightmare/vision of his Shadow Self, who is also cat-shaped. Which, one, Morgana popping a Shadow right now would make so much sense tbh given his issues.

Two, he is so fucking distressed about this.

THIS IS SO FUCKING SAD. Morgana, I am on your side, bruh, this sucks so much. Morgana is trying to keep cool but is asking probing questions about if Reverie would still accept him if he was some kind of creature and just.

I feel for Morgana so much, idgaf, come at me.

/breathes out slowly

almost done with Moon. almost done. one more level up and we're DONE with Mishima.

OH. BEE TEE DUBS.

Mishima adds a feature to the Phansite where people can nominate victims for the Thieves. And yeah I said victims, because this is absolutely fucked eight ways to sunday, this is so beyond the pale, why are you SUCH an idiot, Mishima?!

if the Thieves end up hitting someone purely bc their won a popularity poll on the fucking site i s2g

MY PATIENCE FOR RYUJI

IS LITERALLY

AT ZERO.

I cannot fucking deal with how much I want to kick him out of the group, I am screaming inside. If there was a summary of "bad reasons to be a vigilante" he's using it as a fucking checklist.

it is only the process of Reverie being adopted by the Sakuras that is getting me through the darkness right now. Sojiro, I formally apologize for making fun of you at the start of this liveblog, you and Yusuke are the only people I can rely on right now. Please yes I would like some sushi, can I have a tekka don.

THAT IS MY LITTLE SISTER FOLKS

playing this fucking game is like being beaten with a whiffle ball bat and then being handed one (1) treat, over and over

Futaba did such a good job at the beach that she.... does what all people with weird brain stuff do, and we take one victory and immediately overexert ourselves and fuck up the next thing. Like, FOR REAL, relatable, I have BEEN THERE, i was there in the past TWO WEEKS baby.

So Futaba needs back-up in her journey to relearn how to exist int he world, and Reverie is raring to go.

I love her.

lmao the cut to Sae like "HM REPORTS CLAIM THAT YOU ACQUIRED A OLDER BROTHER-LY DEMEANOR BEGINNING IN THE MONTH OF AUGUST. CARE TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF???? BITCH?"

yeah obvsly

back in My Favorite Confidant Link, Kawakami actually calls Reverie in to tell him the exciting news, that she stood up for herself and told the Takases' she wasn't going to pay them anymore and was going to quite her side job to return to her passion for teaching.

Which: thrilling. So happy for her.

AND THEN THE TAKASES SHOW UP.

yanno. it's interesting that the game flat out says "sex worker" I was not anticipating that level of clarity about Kawakami. and given even modern standards and attitudes towards SWers, I'm relieved to see that the Villains of this story are the ones trying to use her status as a sex worker to ruin her life. Because, yeah, that's villainous behavior, Persona! I'm glad we agree on this.

Yeah fuck subtlety tbh, let's wreck these fools. They'll be lucky if Reverie only steals their hearts.

ALSO:

I THINK SHE KNOWS

i also think sojiro knows but that's neither here nor there. Sojiro has proven he can be extremely subtle.

oh the Big Bads are gonna kill the principal aren't they

they're gonna do the mental shutdown on him for being a failure, that's why he's so scared huh

bye bye i guess??????

[spicysix]

ok so inspired by @roykentt i decided to make a poll so i can focus on one of my WIPs because i really need to get my shit together lskdsakd. this is acey's original poll btw

i should've done this earlier but i had so much work i couldn't. but here's the deal:

i'll start working on whatever fic is winning tomorrow whenever i wake up

i think when that happens the winner will be well set, but if by any chance by the end of the poll the winner has changed, i'll also try to write for the new winner

i want to try to focus on the wip until it's finished. if it's one of the multichapters, i'll write until i finish the chapter i'm currently working on

so bc of the previous rule, there's no actual word goal to reach, it's whenever i finish the wip! if i don't, well, fuck me ig

i'll probably do this poll weekly bc i liked the idea of it sdkkdçkskd

if i finish the wip or chapter before the next poll, i'll then focus on the second place. if i also finish the second place (very unlikely), i'll focus on the third place and so on and so forth

you can reblog and help me get more votes!

more about each WIP under the cut

it feels like i'm going home

eddie X reader • roadtrip!AU • fluff • multi-chaptered longfic this is already being posted and you can check the first two chapters here i have around half of the 7th chapter written, so if this one wins i'll finish that!

your sweater (up over your head)

steve X jonathan • alternative meeting!AU • angst • multi-chaptered longfic this is already being posted and you can check the first two chapters here i have around 1/3 of the 3rd chapter written, so if this one wins i'll finish that!

jargyle summer challenge

argyle X jonathan • probably something akin to a roadtrip!AU • fluff • oneshot written for lex's spicy six summer challenge, for the dialogue prompt "I'm really glad we did this" and based on Tove Lo's song "anywhere u go" post-canon, after the world ends and goes back to normal, where will jonathan and argyle head to? not very outlined yet, so if it wins i'll also do the whole planning for it!

edancy summer challenge

eddie X nancy • modern!AU, with a pinch of social media • fluff • oneshot also written for lex's challenge, for the word prompt "rooftops" and based on The Aces' song "girls make me wanna die". i wanna honor and stick with the fact that this is a sapphic band and this is a song about sapphic love, so eddie will either be genderbended or trans (mtf). if i go with the trans route, i wanna do it well and so it'll require research of my part since i've never written a trans character and have no real life experience to rely on it's also not very outlined yet, so if it wins i'll do the whole outline, research if it requires it and try to start writing it

soulmate!AU

eddie X reader • college!AU • fluff • oneshot classic "first words tattooed on your wrist" soulmate trope, reader and eddie are both studying music, both dislike their soulmarks around half of it already written

5 + 1 nicknames

robin X reader • college!AU • fluff • oneshot '5 times you gave Robin a nickname she hated, and 1 time you gave her a nickname she loved' - the ones she hates will all be bird names and she thinks reader is teasing her! i'm not sure what will be the one she loves the fic had a name but i'm hating it and will change it lskdlaskd i have exactly one sentence of this written LMAO

[beaxmice]

love the girl with the pink/blue hair and funky shades. i'm afraid guitar girl's guitar strap is over the wrong shoulder there..... but maybe she just prefers the weight of it on her right shoulder?? TELL ME ALL THEIR FACTS O GREAT ONE

WAIT IS THE STRAP WRONG I DIDNT REALIZE KSJDKSDS maybe i should've used more references..... just maybe 😭😭😭 and im glad u liked mari !!

im just gonna list like. 1 or 2 facts from each because there's still a lot abt them that i need to work on I've realized lmao

ellie - they learned how to play piano n other instruments because of their dad!! he's the one who taught her :) also she's really clumsy while cooking the kitchen is her archenemy (hence why they just only cooks more complicated stuff with eric around)

mari - the scar on her left eye also damaged her vision a bit, so she has poor eyesight on that eye. she got it from an accident when she was younger (that's the idea at least..... i need to think abt it a little more) plus shes the youngest of 3 siblings!

alex - on his old design, he used to wear a yellow cardigan, and altho hes obv not using it anymore, ive decided to make his favorite color yellow in honor of it :) plus theres a guy he likes later who literally breathes the color yellow so take that as you will

eric - he used to have a big ol interest in dinosaurs as a kid, and even had a plushie! he gave it away when he got older tho (thinking of ellie giving one to him, since he's the one who gave them the froggy plushie)

[throwaway-yandere]

Arlecchino looking over at you not saving for her and going ":) you're skipping me?" (/j)

(also I have some very unhinged thoughts of one of the yans for hydro eidolon darling but I don't wanna spill them out without making it to some silly ass drabble HELPPP)

(anyways hi Kopi/Ansy I'm going to lose it lmao send help I'm delirious and I'm recovering from being sick ahahaha God help me)

(also I have some very unhinged thoughts of one of the yans for hydro eidolon darling but I don't wanna spill them out without making it to some silly ass drabble HELPPP)

Looking at the current poll rn, you better be glad you're in Mt Sumeru and not whether tf they're cooking in the court /j. I was initially saving for only one yandere in @ask-court-genshin but eh. Ehhhhhh. █████ isn't enough. Just. Just one more and maybe I'll satisfy my thirst for yans.

Waiting for the poll to finish so I know which guy is the secone unhinged Love Interest.

Unrelated but huge shoutout to our boy, court jester!Lyney, for waiting on that porch like a patient dog since no one still 𝙫𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙨 the opera house lmfaooooo. Sorry 'Ney, the other eidolon are busy getting strangled by prince Zhongli, rizzing Lumine, dying out of nervousness with Wriothesley, and just straight up hiking up a mountain to avoid the court (≡^∇^≡)

ALSO: SHUSH. KOPICCHINO IS GOING STROMG 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 I REFUSE TO BACK DOW—

[best-fnaf-song-competition]

i forgot The polls are up For a week and When i voted, already dead was Losing and i Was terrified :sob:

honestly me And my gc all agreed: these were TOUGH CHOICES. DAMN. you got us fist fighting Over the best songs already LMAO

-cherry anon (desktop And its lack of emojis..)

YIPPEE!!!! THAT MEANS THE BRACKETS ARE GOOD!!!!

I hope Already Dead sweeps as much as it can <3

Also! Fun fact! The way the brackets were initially arranged was from least to most popular by YouTube views + a bonus for every nomination it got, then manually reshuffled to keep things fair if it didn't seem like they were! I did my best and I'm honestly SO glad so many of these ended up being difficult. Even for me! Because it means I'm putting together good songs!

I also think it's really funny when people get mad at brackets cause like. "This is a finale-level matchup" if they can beat each other in the finale they can sweep this whole thing why are you worried. But also THEYRE ALL SUCH GOOD SONGS. I CANT NOT PIT TWO BAD BITCHES AGAINST EACH OTHER

I got off track. Hope you and the group chat are having an excellent time!!!

[gayest-persona-character]

Since i only really have experience with P4 i really gotta wait for the propaganda to vote, very fun poll so far

Glad you're liking it! I have also been having a lot of fun running it, much more than I thought I was going to. This tournament has honestly gotten a bit bigger than I was expecting (I figured only 60 or so people were going to take part, I'm now at just over 200 followers!!) and some of these polls are getting over 300 votes! I'm trying my best to post the propaganda while the polls still have a few days left just in case people such as you (or maybe even someone who hasn't interacted with the persona fandom at all lmao) are voting. I'm well aware that not everyone has had experiences with every persona game. Hell, I'm not even at that point! Hope everyone continues to enjoy the tournament! It brings me joy every day :)

[expensivemistake]

I’m not trying to sound rude or entitled but how come yours and others amazing Klaine/Kurt/Blaine sets do poorly in terms of notes but others gifsets of Brittany or Santana or both do better when I thought Klaine was more popular? It’s sad to see you not get recognized, even if notes don’t matter much I still think you guys deserve more.

Ooh, this is definitely an interesting question. Thank you so much for being sweet about it!! I'm defo not the best gifmaker on here lol. Sometimes I think I get no notes just because my sets are ugly after a few weeks. But I'm really glad you enjoy them!!!

I wanna start by saying that, y'know, notes really don't matter. Especially making Glee content lmao. You can really get yourself tied up in knots about that stuff. Hell, I still do.

But I've definitely thought about this a lot, and I think there's two groups to consider here: dedicated gleeks and general tumblr users.

So, first up, dedicated gleeks.

Now, considering recent polls and stuff, it's clear Kurt and Blaine are the most popular within the dedicated group of people who put time and effort into Glee on here. But I can't help but feel like there's a bit of a divide in terms of Klaine fandom. I'm 21, and obviously didn't watch Glee when it was on, and I feel like sometimes my sets don't make it into the group of Klaine shippers over 30. No hate to those people, by the way! I think a lot of them don't really know we're here, or keep to their groups. But there's definitely a different level of engagement from those people, just because they experience fandom a little differently to how I do.

And the second group, general tumblr users.

Opposed to that, I think there's more general goodwill towards Brittana right now, probably because since Naya died, a lot of people have rediscovered and are really connecting to Santana again. Even if those people aren't actively contributing to the glee bubble, they seem pretty willing to share Santana/Brittana stuff. I've spoken to some other people sometimes about the concept of a gifset "breaking containment", and it definitely feels more likely for Brittana sets to do that. I can't help but think a lot of people who look back at Glee/their Glee days as cringe view Klaine/Kurt/Blaine as a big part of that. There's also a few ideas I have about how generally, people don't understand Kurt in particular and misread him as being a homophobic stereotype of a character.

But those are my thoughts. Obviously they work in conjunction. There's also the general gifmaking problems that plague us all, and that's the unfortunate fact that artistic gifsets never seem to do as well as sets that are literally just scenes (which are obviously beautiful and take time too).

And obviously, I'm preaching to the choir a bit here, but please, if you see a set you like - share it, like it, reblog it, compliment it! Hell, even just send it to me if I've not seen it yet. That's the joy of fandom on here!

[yanderelovlies]

✨Galaxy Anon ✨ here!

I’m doing good. Sorry I didn’t respond for a day. I was really busy that day and hardly had energy to respond! Are you well?

We all need some Joseph in our lives. Also did you see the new designs for the sunny day Jack characters? What’s your opinion and also what’s your favorite artsyle for the characters? I like the second phase the best. They look the best in that.

Yes like I actually forgot what a noun and a verb is and I feel so stupid. Have faith dude you have great work!

At least you stood your ground and that must’ve been awkward I would’ve said no and try to escape as fast as I can.

Thanks I really hope so too. Honestly I know this isn’t the worst situation at least my other co workers leave me alone and don’t antagonize me or anything

Nice. Though I will see if I could do it since my mom is home when I am and she doesn’t know about all of this and definitely would not approve. Also because I usually don’t share my discord since it’s very private to me. I mean only one person I know has my information there and I also suck at discord since I don’t know what the hell I’m doing so I have to think about to share my discord with you. No offense just it’s very private to me. She must’ve seen some shit because people come with weird injuries sometimes or even brutal ones. Oh yeah cuts are scary sometimes especially since I never seen it but one I heard a kid had a cut so bad that you could see the bone and apparently he didn’t even cry. Fucking nightmare fuel there.

That had to be a bitch honestly. Since you had to be a parent in a young age you had less time for school and even less for personal time which everyone needs. That’s actually concerning since lots would get suspicious at this point. Then again if they intervened they mostly wouldn’t care why just the fact you kissed school and think you’re a trouble kid or something. Yeah it adds up since doing both really can put a burden and a heavy load on someone. Wish I could’ve done that because kids are mean as hell but man that must’ve been a lot of days. It’s no problem at all, you deserve to have a listening ear and be able to get that weight off your chest. Thanks viví I will when I’m ready since not to mention I will delete my current account but no worries it’s just to make a new one to start fresh honestly.

Guess we have the fic to thank for this poll and now we getting more smutty works~ Hey I think it’s good, one of the best I’ve seen in this fandom.

It's okay galaxy take the time you need. Life can get busy I'm just glad you are okay 💕 um today wasn't my best day, but I'm sure it will be better tomorrow.

I did! Personally I think they are all so nicely done, and it's so amazing how they've improved over time. I won't lie I really love the current style. It's so pretty and eye-catching.

I've done that before it was so fucking embarrassing lmao. Also thank you dear 💕

It was at first and I felt bad, but I was having a hard time there and I couldn't stay longer then what I had to.

That's true. I hope it stays that way.

That's no problem at all! If you don't feel comfortable with giving discord I totally get it. It was really just a silly suggestion 💕. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Yeah she has seen some shit, and she isn't afraid to share stories. Even when she talks about them I cringe and she just laughs at me lol.

It did take a tole more long-term honestly. Let's just say I'm socially awkward in person and get terrible anxiety in public. I've gotten better thanks to the effort, but I still have a hard time making friends. So when I lost my group recently it's been hard. It's no problem galaxy take all the time you need. I'll be here 💕💕

I'm excited to share them when they are ready tbh.

[stellamancer]

I'm going to preface this by saying that 90% of the time when I read a fic I write my comments as I go, however there are usually points when I get too engrossed in the fic that I don't have anything to say and this was one of those fics.

I also don't know really anything about Aventurine so maybe the comment brain power was being routed to building an image of him in my head. Though! I did take some screen shots of. Passages I wanted to talk about!

—

Okay so. I actually really liked the last line here, following this paragraph: it was a brief moment of humor before..... All that LMAOO.

—

This was such a punch to the gut, but the real kicker was what MC said literally right after this. I was floored like omg.

—

THIS. Like. I do not often think of metaphor in fic, but like the use of language to represent Aventurine's duality is. So... So much LMAO. Actually now that I bring it up I'm fearing bringing up stuff you mentioned in the afterword. ;;

—

A FEELING HE HAS TO KILL. I weep.... And then representing that by having him respond in standard... and... AUGHHHHH. I'll come back to this later actually LMAO.

—

Okay. This bit had me crying. I thought I could escape the tears and yet!!! You got me good maomi!!!

—

aND THEN THIS.... the honesty of his dreams was just!!! bitingy phone.

Okay. So. A little aside before I start to ramble about the fic more. In Nier, there are these things called weapon stories that are these four part blurbs where the last blurb turns the story on its head. This fic did the same thing to me, because I forgot about your poll regarding MC. SO LIKE, those times when MC was being kind and sweet and then crying and everything my brain had played it all back and was like "WAIT WAS THAT JUST THEM MANIPILATING HIM????" Like I was just floored, speechless and in awe.

Honestly, I'm glad I forgot because remembering would have lessened the impact of the reveal LMAO.

Okay, okay, so, I'm such a slut for thematic repetition and so the repeating sections, like the opening section, the way Avgin sounds to Aventurine were just. 10/10 bits for me. I'll slurp up anything that has thematic repetition (and then utilizing it for the reveal + switching it to MC's perspective + revealing that despite Aventurine's lies and attempts MC knows how he actually feels).

Additionally, the feeling of loss and disconnect that you weaved through the narrative was just. I'm banging my head against the wall. LMAO.

This fic, maomi, was just about absolute showcase of your skill as a writer, not in just the actual writing but crafting a story based around a particular theme that resonates with the feelings of your audience. I'm not getting over how MC out manipulated the guy who loves to control them like.... Who is really the one in control here??? The two of them are not normal and definitely need help but god what an interesting dynamic. I bet it's fun to write. LMAOOOO.

translation

Aventurine doesn't like being understood, but he does like understanding other people. It is essential for manipulation, for scheming, for control. And he likes controlling you especially—for keeping you close but your heart a comfortable distance away, for opening your legs when he wants the pleasure of your body, for playing your emotions however he needs. And the day will come when that skill will be invaluable—the day when he must die without shattering you. (Or: You are the only person in the universe who understands Aventurine in his mother tongue. He often regrets teaching it to you.)

5k words. gender neutral reader, established relationship, angst, non-graphic sex (reader bottoms, anatomy neutral), themes of cultural loss, references to slavery, aventurine’s canonically implied desire to die. MDNI.

Aventurine cannot lie in Avgin.

Deception does not come easily to him in his mother tongue. His command of it is too weak—and too kind. The universe was a different place in the days when his life was coloured by the warble of Avgin dialect. It felt simpler, partly because he was a child and partly because Sigonia was yet untouched by outsiders. There were no corporations, no casinos, no commodity codes. His entire world was sand, desert, mother, sister, father (or more often—ghost), goddess, tent, wagon, luck, sin, rain, blessing, Avgin.

Katican.

Aventurine is sure that he knew more than just those words. He was fluent as a child. He had conversations with his sister that were complex enough to make his heart hurt, though perhaps his heart was just constantly aching anyway. But the rest of his early words escapes him. He could maybe dredge them up if he thinks long enough, but he also isn't sure if his tongue and lips could form the shape of them anymore. Sometimes he still counts in Avgin, memorises phone numbers in it, but he doesn’t remember the last time he actually strung together a full sentence in the language.

When Aventurine was first stolen into slavery (a word that he had not known as a child, and still doesn't know in Avgin), he wasn’t given a Synesthesia Beacon. He had to rely on his ears and his wits, deciphering the harsh edges of the Katican dialect and then the strange garble of Interastral Standard Language. By the time he had a Beacon installed, it was already translating all speech into Standard—his dominant language.

Sometimes he feels a little aggrieved by it, but at least it wasn't Katican. He'd have blown out his brains if it were.

But it is easy to console himself: Avgin is not a useful language anyway. Dead languages have no value, and the Avgin dialect was killed along with its people. You can’t perform commerce in a dead language, can't negotiate contracts, can't enter a gambling den and use your silver tongue to rob people blind. You can't use a dead language to fell governments and extract resources; you can't use a dead language to bring an entire planet to its knees. You can’t use a dead language to gamble your life; you can't use it to save yourself from the gallows.

You cannot deceive people in a language that is defined by sand, sister, goddess, ghost.

Aventurine cannot lie in Avgin. His command of it is too weak, and there is no one left to which he can lie, anyway.

When you ask Aventurine to teach you his first language, he gives you an amused look.

“Why Avgin?” he asks. “No one speaks it anymore. I can teach you Common Sigonian if you’d like. Or we could learn Xianzhounese together. Maybe Intellitron code? I know a little.”

“You speak Avgin,” you argue.

“Not often,” he says. “And badly when I do.”

“But it's still your language. And I want to understand you.”

Aventurine has to stop himself from laughing. Understand him? He hates being understood. When people understand him, it makes him predictable. And unlikeable. Hardly a position from which he can manipulate people in.

You understand him well enough to know that.

“You'll have to give me a better reason than that,” he says neatly. “Make it worth my while. Reward me.”

You look at him as you ponder, your eyes lingering on his. Perhaps trying to read him, though he prefers to think you're just enjoying the sight of them.

“I’ll teach you my language as well?”

“You mean—you'll reward my hard labour with more work?” he says, lighthearted.

You frown at him despite the joke. “You don't want to understand me better than what a Synesthesia Beacon would allow?” He blinks, pausing. “It’ll be convenient too. We can talk shit about other people in public and no one will understand us.”

Aventurine considers you. He doesn't like being understood, but he does like understanding other people. It is essential for manipulation, for scheming, for control. And he likes controlling you especially—for keeping you close but your heart a comfortable distance away, for opening your legs when he wants the pleasure of your body, for playing your emotions however he needs. And the day will come when that skill will be invaluable—the day when he must die without shattering you.

He also likes the idea of talking shit in public.

“I'm listening,” he says, voice lilting. You lean in, smiling. Sweet. It makes his heart feel something he isn't used to. Something addictive. Something disgusting. He scrambles to cover it with one of the usual tools: humour or distraction or maybe just plain old lying—his most reliable weapon.

“I'll throw in a kiss?” you try.

He hums. “Just one?”

“One per day.”

“Three.”

“You drive a hard bargain.”

“Well, I am a businessman.”

You snort, but he knows you're endeared. You have very noticeable tells when you’re flustered.

“Okay,” you say. “Three kisses on days you teach me.”

“Deal.”

Aventurine remembers more Avgin than he thought he would.

It comes to him slowly, painstakingly. You aren't interested in structured lessons, and he wouldn't be able to provide them anyway. He has a nonexistent grasp of grammar aside from this sounds right and that sounds strange, and Avgin dialect is both so niche and so dead that no textbooks are available. The scholars have abandoned the language as much as the politicians abandoned its people. Aventurine only has you, his fragmented memory, and whatever questions come to mind as you live out your days with him.

Mostly, you ask him about basic vocabulary. Sometimes you ask him to repeat sentences from your conversations in Avgin, like he’s some kind of multilingual parrot. Each prompt forces him to wade through the fog in his mind, the one that’s been shrouding his childhood memories until now. He's startled at how naturally the old words roll off his tongue: One, two, three, four. Good morning. Good evening. Good night. Sweet dreams. Five, six, seven, eight. You're lying to me. Why do you always lie to me? I don't know what you're talking about. Nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Welcome home. Have you eaten? Have some bread. I made you stew. Twenty, thirty, forty, fifty. That was dangerous. I thought you wouldn't make it back to me. Sometimes I think you want to die. One hundred, one thousand, one million, one billion. I'm sorry. Come here. Let me kiss you. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

When you say, How do I ask you to let me hold you, he answers easily. He'd heard the words so often as a child: Let me hold you, Kakavasha. Let Mama hold you. His mouth forms the sounds without conscious thought.

He regrets it almost immediately.

When Aventurine hears it from you—stilted, halting, but no less gentle—he stops breathing. Let me hold you. You say it all the time in Standard, but it feels different in Avgin. More painful. A strange sense of panic closes in on him when he's wrapped up in you, thinking in Avgin, thinking sand, sister, goddess, ghost. He holds you tightly, like the rags cut from his father’s shirt, or his mother’s locket won back from the shell-slashers, or a bag of poker chips beneath a card table, clutched within his trembling grip.

“Aventurine, is something wrong?” you ask in Avgin, and he replies in Standard with his usual smile.

“Hm? No. What could be wrong if I have you here?”

Lying is one of his greatest tools. Sex is another one. So he says, “I think I'd like my reward now,” and he runs his lips along your jaw, your pulse, the spot over your heart (there's a word for that in Avgin but not Standard, he tells you), until you're laughing. I thought you wanted three kisses, you tease, and he replies, Who said I wanted to kiss you on the mouth?

But he coaxes open your thighs, and once he's inside you, he collects his payment properly. He kisses you, and kisses you, and kisses you—and you swallow his lies whole.

There are some things that Aventurine doesn't teach you. Mostly, they’re things that he can’t teach you.

There are countless gaps in his Avgin. His speech is painfully childish—probably more childish than it was when he actually stopped speaking it. He doesn't know how to swear (something that disappoints you) and he doesn't know how to flirt (something that devastates you). He doesn’t know any words that would be useful for work either: commercialization, governance, stakes, winnings, profit. When you ask him what his job title is in Avgin (“Was senior management even a thing in Avgin society?”), he laughs and gives you the word for gambler.

Then there are the words that he remembers—has remembered his whole life—but never says. Not to you, and not to himself. He doesn't teach you any prayers. He doesn't teach you any blessings. He doesn't teach you about Mama Fenge, or the Kakava Festival, or how the rain fell when he was born. When you ask him, What holidays did you celebrate when you were little? he shrugs and says, We didn't have any. Sigonia’s too bleak to do any partying.

Then you ask him one day, while your bodies are spent in the afterglow of sex, sticky with sweat and sweetness, how to say I love you. And he goes quiet.

Love is a cheap word in Interastral Standard. In the language of globalisation and trade, love has been commercialised, commodified, capitalised for power. You say it to him in many contexts: I love this, I love that, I love you. He hardly ever reacts, and he's never said it back. It would feel unnecessary and also cruel if he did: Aventurine has only ever said the words himself as either a joke or a manipulation.

But love feels different in Avgin than in Interastral Standard, doesn't sound like a thing that can be traded or bought. Kakavasha only ever said the word love to his mother, to his sister, to his father's grave. Love in his mother tongue feels priceless.

When Aventurine thinks about you saying it—I love you, Kakavasha, in clumsy, earnest Avgin—something so painful swells in his throat that he can hardly breathe.

“There is no word for love in my language,” he tells you.

You blink. “Okay, then what's an idiom for it?”

“There is none. There’s no word or phrase expressing love.”

You raise a brow. “That’s hard to believe.”

“Is it?” He smiles. “There’s no Avgin in the known universe who cares about love. Only scheming, thieving, and treachery—and you can't do those things when love is involved.”

You look at him in alarm. “Why are you saying that?” You're practically squirming in your discomfort. “I don't know why you think I'd believe such a racist stereotype.”

“It’s not a stereotype,” he says. “I'm not talking about the Avgin culture. I'm talking about myself.”

After all, he is the only Avgin left.

It is an unfair thing to say. A cruel thing to say. After all the laughing and kissing and crying and fucking, after all the tender eyes and gentle words from you—it is probably the worst pain imaginable: I don't give a shit about you. He waits for you to cry.

But you only stare at him calmly, studying him. You brush the hair out of his eyes, seeing them clearly.

“If you lie to me all the time,” you say in Avgin, “eventually I'll stop believing anything you say.”

Aventurine is speechless. His heart does that addictive, disgusting thing again. He thinks about leaving, but then you say, Let me hold you, and he can't do anything other than obey.

Avgin dialect was once included in the Synesthesia Beacon list of functions. The Intelligentsia Guild added it before the Second Katica-Avgin Extinction Event, when the IPC was trying to get a political foothold on Sigonia via the Avgin people. The language was alive then, with enough value to be included into the Synesthesia LLM by the linguists.

But since the Extinction Event—since Kakavasha ran away from home—the Synesthesia data on Avgin has been stagnant, a fossil. Aventurine knows because he's subscribed to software updates for certain languages (Avgin Sigonian, Common Sigonian, Interastral Standard, and now your mother tongue). He gets pinged every time there's a new addition for slang, for neologisms—but there hasn't been a ping for the Avgin dialect since he had the Beacon installed. The live translation function hasn't even been available since the previous Amber Era. When he checks its page on his Synesthesia app, it's very clear why—

SIGONIAN, AVGIN DIALECT SPEAKERS: 0 STATUS: Extinct END OF SERVICE: 2156 AE

The complete death of the language has led to an irritating dilemma for you and Aventurine. You keep running into words that he doesn't know—this time not because of his childlike speech, but because they never existed in his language to begin with. Ocean, tropical, rainforest. Starskiff, accelerator, space fleet. Stock market, shortselling, mutual funds. Black hole, event horizon, spaghettification. All things that never came up for Kakavasha, but now come up for Aventurine, and the language has not evolved to include it.

He always wants to switch to Standard to discuss these things, but you're insistent on speaking in Avgin as much as possible. He doesn't know why, but he doesn't mind humouring you—partly because he likes to indulge you, and partly because he’s grown used to hearing the honeyed timbre of Avgin dialect in your household. The place would feel strange without it.

So you start filling the gaps with other languages, filtering them through the lyricism of Avgin. Loanwords, he thinks they’re called. You take ocean, tropical, rainforest from Amazian; starskiff, accelerator, space fleet from Xianzhounese; stock market, shortselling, mutual funds from Interastral Standard. For the astrophysics terms, you try directly translating them—with limited success.

“Can't I literally just say ‘black hole’?” you ask in Avgin, and he nearly spits out his coffee.

“Please don't. That's a dirty word.” He can't bring himself to say what it means, but from the way you’re laughing, you can clearly guess.

“I thought you said you didn't know how to swear.”

“You've just reminded me how.”

“You're welcome.” You look on the verge of cackling. Aventurine finishes his coffee and wonders when you're going to surprise him with your newfound vulgarity.

“Let's just do the space terms based on Standard,” he says. Begs.

“No, that's so boring.”

“Then let's do your language.”

You open your mouth. Close it. Give him a blank look.

“You don't know how to say those words in your mother tongue either, do you,” he intuits.

“Well, ‘spaghettification’ doesn't really come up in everyday conversation, does it?”

“Then maybe we don't need it.” He smiles, senses an opportunity. Smells blood. “How about ‘love’? I'd much rather know how you say that. I bet it sounds beautiful.”

You give him a long look. Your eyes are vulnerable when you share it: Love. I love you. He’s fascinated by the sound of it. Your voice is never that fragile when you say it in Standard. It's never so earnest. He repeats it, staring at you, and your gaze falls to the ground. His mouth curls.

“I like it,” he says. “Let's use that. It'll sound nice in Avgin.”

You try to recover. “Sure. That works. But back to ‘black hole’—”

And the two of you continue like that for days, weeks, months. It feels like a complete bastardization of his mother tongue on some days, in some conversations. Almost unrecognisable. But it doesn't feel bad. It’s all he has, it's all you have, and when he walks into your home, he starts speaking it without thinking: your bastard, patchwork language. The Avgin dialect that exists only in your house. A tongue that can only be understood by a liar.

And then, one lazy Sunday morning, he gets a familiar ping. He expects it to be Interastral Standard, as usual. The language balloons with each planet that the IPC colonises.

But instead, he opens his screen and freezes.

SIGONIAN, AVGIN DIALECT SPEAKERS: 2 STATUS: Endangered. SERVICE RESUMED: 2157 AE NEW UPDATES: 103 loanwords and 5 neologisms added.

He can't stop looking at the status. Endangered. Endangered, which means dying, but alive. The Avgin dialect is alive again. The Intelligentsia Guild determined it, so it must be true. But Aventurine can't agree: there are no Avgin speakers in the known universe other than the two of you, and what you speak isn't real Avgin. The Avgin spoken by his mother and father and sister is dead; the Avgin spoken by Kakavasha is dead. The festivals are gone; the deserts have been terraformed. There are no wagons; there are no dances; there are no prayers. There are no blessings, and he has no home—

As long as you are alive, the blood of the Avgin will never run dry.

His throat locks up.

“Aventurine?” you ask. Your voice is drowsy, but concerned. “Is something wrong?”

He looks at you from his phone, a polished smile on his face.

“No.” His syllables are plain and efficient in the noise of Interastral Standard: “Just looking at details for a new assignment. It’ll be a long one.”

“Oh.” You frown. “Will you be away from home for a long time, then?”

He stops himself from swallowing. “Yes, I'll be away from the house. For several months, probably.”

“Okay.” Your voice is small. “Take care of yourself, okay? I'll miss you.”

Each word you speak resonates with heartbreak. It always does in these conversations, even in Standard—but the sorrow is amplified in Avgin. His mother tongue has an inherently sad quality to it, he's noticed. His people have lost so much over their history—their language is one of loss. It's his language of loss. Kakavasha did all his grieving in Avgin; Aventurine has never felt sorrow in Standard. When the language died, so did Kakavasha—and all his regrets with it.

“You'll come home to me, right?” you ask. It's a beautiful sentence in Avgin. A heartrending one. He feels something that he hasn't known since he was a child.

It's a feeling he has to kill.

“Yes,” he says in Standard. “Of course I'll come back.”

This is not the first time that Aventurine has been mistaken for dead, but this is the longest time.

The latest world to join the IPC network was a tough acquisition. It had been ruled by a despot who wreaked havoc on both the people and the planet, and who was too stupid and reckless to resolve conflicts with his trade partners. He probably would have blown up the whole star system had he been left to his own devices. Aventurine had no qualms about bringing him to ruin, nor did he have qualms about nearly dying in the process.

If things had gone his way, he'd either be dead or missing. This would have been the perfect opportunity to do the latter, actually—to be freed from the IPC. Free to drift alone, speaking with strangers in strange, unfamiliar tongues. No connection to his past, to the cruel history of his luck, to his commodity code. No tether to his inherently unjust destiny. But instead he's back in your house, pockets heavy with his borrowed wealth, speaking to you in his bastardised, childish Avgin. I'm sorry. Come here. Let me kiss you. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

Your Avgin is—shockingly fluent. He doesn't know how. He can't think about it right now. All he can process is the wounded animal noise of your speech as you yell at him, as you cry. Like an injured songbird, or a weeping child. Why did you leave, why did you lie, why do you always lie to me, why don't you give a shit about me, you spit. Why do you want to die, why do you want to die, why do you want to die, you keep saying. Sand, sister, goddess, ghost, he keeps hearing. Sand, sister, goddess, ghost. Don't leave me, big sister. People will die. Why do you have to go?

“I’m sorry,” he tries again, this time in your language. “I'm so sorry. Come here. Let me hold you.”

You collapse into your mother tongue. Aventurine is both relieved and horrified. Relieved that he doesn't need to hear the language of his grief—horrified that he needs to hear yours. He's never heard you cry like this. He's never heard you break like this. These must have been the words you used when the soldiers found you hiding in your closet, when they dragged you out of your home. You were just a child.

Aventurine doesn't know the words you are using—you've never taught them—but he still understands them.

You're very malleable when you’re sad; even more so when you're hysterical. Aventurine understands this about you, and he understands how to calm you—this time in your native tongue—and he understands how to kiss you. He understands that you need to feel close to him. He understands that there are ways to accomplish this other than sex. A normal person would talk it out, have an honest conversation, come to a mutual understanding, and maybe even stop trying to kill himself. They wouldn't fuck you into the mattress while your face is still wet with tears.

But Aventurine is not a normal person. He doesn't know how to have an honest conversation, and he doesn't want to be understood. Lying is his greatest weapon, and sex is a close second. So he kisses you until you’re too breathless to cry, fucks you until you can't think, and makes you come so hard that you’re in too much bliss to grieve. And maybe it's horrible of him, but he enjoys it. He enjoys the way your body takes him in so easily, the way your nails dig into his back, the way you tighten around him when you climax, so wet and needy for him. The way you beg for him in your language for liars as he spends himself inside you: I love you, Aventurine, I love you, I love you, I love you—

Only because it feels good. This is all only because he enjoys fucking you. This is all only because you enjoy fucking him. This is all it'll ever be, and it'll be this way until he gets to meet his end.

(Some months ago, Aventurine started dreaming in Avgin.

It surprised him when he first noticed it. The last time he remembers having a dream in his native tongue, he was twelve years old and still in chains. And even then, it had become a sporadic, strange thing. Awful to wake up from. One minute he was with his mother and sister on a cool, rainy day, speaking fluently in Avgin as he laughed and played—and the next minute, he was being shaken awake in his cage, hearing the cruel lash of Katican.

But ever since he's started speaking Avgin with you, he's been dreaming in it. Vividly. Sometimes he's a child in these dreams, and sometimes he's grown. He's always back in the Sigonian desert, among the tents and the campfires and his family wagons. His mother and sister are alive. Sometimes his father is too. The skies roar with thunder and the stellar winds are always harsh, but they always keep him cocooned up in their arms. He's always warm.

Sometimes Aventurine dreams of nicer days. Clear skies, warm sun, cool breeze—all blessings from the Mother Goddess. On these days, he tends to be an adult, and you tend to be there with him. Your Avgin is fluent but strange, filled with funny loanwords and peculiar slang. His father likes the neologisms and starts using them—but only in wrong ways. His sister finds it embarrassing and keeps apologising to you.

His mother loves you. She loves you so much it hurts. This is how I know you're blessed, Kakavasha, she says, glowing. You’re so lucky to have found such a kind person.

Kakavasha knows this. He knows he's lucky, and in his dreams, that isn't a bad thing. In his dreams, his luck means that his home is not violently excised from his heart: his father never dies; his mother never dies; his sister never dies. The tents are not burned; the wagons are not destroyed. He is never forced to forget his people's dishes, their songs, their language, their joy. And in his dreams, his luck means that he meets you anyway, without all the loss and the chains and the lying.

In his dreams, he is able to bring you to the desert. He is able to teach you the Avgin he spoke as a child, to cook all the meals his mother used to make, to share with you their coffee and their tea. He teaches you prayers. He teaches you blessings. He tells you about Mama Fenge, about how the rain fell when he was born. He takes you to the Kakava Festival, shows you how to dance, sings to you all the Avgin songs until you're singing back. He presses his palm to yours in prayer; he kisses you in devotion, not avoidance.

Sometimes the two of you still fight, the same fights that you have in real life, but he handles them with honesty. He listens to you. He apologises to you. He tells you that he’ll change, and he means it—because this world is a kind one, and he has no need to be so cruel to you.

In this kind world, when you lay in bed with his arms tight around you, you smile at him and say, I love you, Kakavasha. You say it in Avgin—real Avgin, not the dialect born from genocide and deceit—and when he responds, there's not even a little bit of insincerity in his voice. Because Kakavasha never became Aventurine in these dreams, so he has no Interastral Standard in which he can lie to you, no silver tongue with which he can manipulate you, no commodity code that inspires his fear of being controlled by you. Kakavasha only knows Avgin, and he only has his sand, his family, his goddess, his home.

And he has you. Finally, he has you.

He kisses you, and kisses you, and kisses you—and then he tells you the truth.)

.

.

.

Aventurine cannot lie in Avgin.

You noticed this very early on: whenever he lies to you, he always switches to Interastral Standard. Probably he wouldn't be able to do it in his mother tongue. His command of it is too weak, and the words he knows are all too kind. He speaks with the innocence of a child, and children cannot deceive people in the way that adults can. Children cannot perform commerce or negotiate contracts. They cannot use a silver tongue to rob people blind. They cannot save themselves from the gallows.

So Aventurine’s Avgin is defenceless. Vulnerable. So vulnerable it hurts. You are not so vulnerable in your first language because your captors spoke it on occasion, and you learned to lie in it to gain their pity. You told Aventurine that knowing it would help him understand you, but this was a deception. Aventurine’s mother tongue was a language of trust, but yours is a dialect of abuse.

The Avgin language died before Aventurine could be gutted by it; this is why it disarms him so completely. This is why he’s so indulgent and so warm when you use it with him, why he yields to all your requests. Not requests for money or gifts—you’re certain those are meaningless to him—but for affection. Let me hold you. Let me touch you. Let me kiss you. He can never say no.

This is also why he loves hearing you speak his mother tongue, you think—it makes him feel at home, it makes him feel safe. Maybe it even makes him feel loved. He never seems so at peace speaking any other language, so you try to use Avgin as much as possible. You like seeing him happy. You like it even if it means you need to teach him your own native language in exchange, even when it means you need to hear him say all the things your captors used to say. You don't mind it if it's him. You never mind the harm he inflicts on you, especially not when it brings you closer to him.

It is convenient that he cannot lie in Avgin. You only wanted to learn it in the first place because he talks in his sleep—mostly in Standard, but sometimes in his native tongue. And now that you know he cannot lie in Avgin, you also know he's always being honest in his dreams. Honest when he throws his arms around you in his sleep. Honest when he grabs you so tightly that you bruise. Honest when he buries his face into your neck and whispers prayers into your skin.

Most of the words he says are common ones, the earliest vocabulary that he taught you. But there are some things he's withheld from you—and to learn those things, you had to track down linguists from the Intelligentsia Guild, bribe them with your dirty money, have them give you all their deprecated, extinct data. It felt two-faced, and it was violating, but it was the only way. You already know that Aventurine would rather die than translate his feelings for you, would never want this part of himself understood.

I'm sorry for always leaving you.

I'm sorry for making you cry.

I can't bear the thought of losing you.

Freedom would be too lonely without you.

I don't want to hurt you anymore.

I don't want to lie to you anymore.

I missed you.

I want you.

I need you.

I love you.

end

afterword