#and I'd like to bring it up to where I'm at

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

These are great ideas! I'd love to reflect/expand on them a bit.

It's not particularly glamorous work but I think a lot about my various community clean up programs over the years. It started as a prison abolition and community-sanitation project. See, where I grew up, "cleaning up trash outside" was a conviction sentence. In CA, a huge deal of essential services are performed by un-/under-paid detained people with no rights or safety protections. This meant that you would drive down the highway on the school field trip bus and see literal chain gangs being overseen by prison staff. It was upsetting to say the least.

Several people in the community decided to branch out in their more specific advocacy for prison abolition and seek to disrupt the ability of the state to force detainees to provide these services. There were a lot of ways they did this, depending on the service, but for this, they went the route of "at least we can make this a "prison job" with nothing to actually do". The hope was it would discourage continued reliance on these people in more dangerous clean up locations like highway on ramps so at least they could be less likely to be injured. I was young, as were the organizers, and i'm really not sure how meaningful we actually were in that, but nonetheless the clean ups were a HUGE success.

Something we noticed is that when the environment is more welcoming and comfortable, people are more likely to spend time in it TOGETHER in community with each other. This ALONE would have been worth it to us because it helped us recruit and empower new volunteers for future clean ups, it helped us direct people to aid resources and orgs we worked with, and it eased interpersonal tensions in the community for everyone to be in regular contact with each other. So ever since, my goals for community work have been as follows:

1) physically bring people together in shared space for An Activity

For me, this is usually a community clean up project, a meal, managing a community garden, or kids' programming. I find that when people are sharing space with purpose it can make it easier for everyone to give each other that unconditional regard that's essential to sharing space with love and respect

2) always be the first one to get your hands in the work

If you organized it, then you better be the first one getting your hands dirty before a single one of your guests. Facilitation is all about smoothing over barriers that may prevent others from acting on their own power. You are not there to teach, to do on behalf of, or to lead. You are simply there to perform the work, and in order to facilitate that performance, you have arranged and ensured the presence of others willing to do the same. If you boss people around, they will get annoyed and stop coming. If people feel overly confused and uncertain, the work won't get done and folks will stop coming. So do the work. Talk to others about why you're doing what you're doing as its happening so they can learn if they want, and be willing to answer questions or offer suggestions without pressing the issue.

3) always make sure people feel that you are excited to have them there, even if they only come for the photo ops, if they only come once a year, or if they only come to hang with their friends, the work is the point but the work goes beyond the tasks being performed. Never alienate a potential ally for their current level of readiness to act because this readiness is inherently changeable based on timing and circumstance.

Some of my gardest working volunteers over the years have been people who basically just showed up, ate the food, and listened to us talk for YEARS before actually doing anything.

But they LISTENED. If I had made them feel unwelcome because they weren't participating in the ways I wanted at the pace I wanted, they would never have spent the time with us to hear what we had to say. Facilitation means that the door never closes, no matter how long someone drags their feet about getting started, because you have to assume that they wouldn't still be gearing up if they weren't eventually going to get around to it.

So what am I doing right now?

The land we live on uses trees as plot markers. We've been starting up conversations with our neighbors to the tune of "hey, could we add some fruit trees to the line? You would of course be welcome to the fryit same as us!"

I'm using my garden as a pilot test bed for neighborhood hurricane resilience landscaping. We live in wetlands and flood horribly during hurricanes, which historically has devastated the neighborhood. We've been introducing storm gardens and restoring the creek with the goal of reducing the severity of storm and flood damage. Ideally as more neighbors agree to work with us, we'll be able to reduce the risk of the neighborhood pretty substantially!

Food fridges are a huge benefit to communities, especially those whose food pantries choose to or are required to means test their applicants. Food fridges are hugely effective at reducing childhood food insecurity, and at reducing the medical risks of food instability in a region. The nearest food fridge program to us is a 4hr round trip drive though. Longterm, we hope to have a community garden and multiple locations willing to host a "fridge" with food from that garden, but for now we're on the scale of a neighborhood.

I'm starting a mending and tailoring business! I've got some lovely little business cards with a website and QR code, and they're gonna go up all over town in the new year. People can call and ask for help repairing favorite or essential clothing items, and can make full new purchases from recycled fabric garments, etc. I used to do a stitch and bitch in person and for a hot minute I tried to do one virtually, but I think I might do something similar again here! Give people a Q&A space to come learn about sewing or mending or other aspects of the work while I deal with my orders.

The neighborhood trashcan is a classic. I've had one plenty of times and its always worth it. People are usually happy to throw trash where it goes! Assuming it HAS anywhere to go. So I buy those enclosed park bins from restaurant supply places online and park them on the sidewalk with a little sign that says to use it. Practically overnight the area gets prettier and cleaner.

I've stopped using pesticides, and while I can't control what my neighbors do, I can talk to them about what I'm doing and why. As my garden establishes and really comes together, I expect to get people asking after it. That's always an opening for me to share HOW my results are so good - functional planting blueprints based on forest layering, reducing the introduction of harmful materials and chemicals, increasing local bio-diversity through intentional planting and cultivation of volunteer seedlings, supporting the plants via inter-species and intra-genus environmental function planning, etc. I have a lovely, healthy looking "lawn" in the dead of winter while theirs are drowning in fozen mud sludge because I worked WITH my environment instead of against it, and if they like my results, well I would be delighted to show them how I did it. Historically, this has been pretty effective for me in getting people on board.

My local craigslist free section is a glorious place. I can find people giving away decades old stores of craft supplies, recycled wooden shipping pallets and fire wood, chickens for the flock or for butchering, furniture or clothes, practically anything you like as long as you can come haul it. Right now, I just make a day of things, rent a little uhaul truck, and snag what I want, but eventually I want to have my own little pull behind hauling trailer so I don't even have to do that.

Did you know that you can buy clothes from the thrift store, alter and repair them, and then give them BACK to the thrift store? Now, granted, your work DOES need to actually be able to sell back to gen.pop., so depending on skill and what you're doing, this may not be a good plan lol. But I like being able to give a lot of plus size clothes to the thrift shop since I know they cycle faster, and it's pretty easy to take damaged or slightly marred straight size clothes and upsize them. Once when I was in high school I briefly had a deal with the local thrift shop that any donation clothes they received that could not be put on the shelves, I could have as long as I turned at least some of them into new garments they COULD sell. Got me a steady supply of recycled fabric I didn't have to pay for, got them an atypical garment supply source they could use to round out their stock. Another option for this is finding someone who sells fabric scrap by weight. There's a few shops I use that will send you 10lbs of fabric scrap for the cost of shipping, and that's a great way of getting inexpensive fabric stores for whatever I like.

Anyway, best of luck to anyone figuring out what they have room to do or room to facilitate in their lives. I believe in yall

How to begin a sustainable way of life

This is a draft of something I've been writing for a couple months. It is mainly focused on the culture of the USA. Feel free to repost or otherwise share, with or without credit.

Do not tell people what to do—help them do it! 

Give the gift of relief from being forced to engage in society’s unsustainable ways of life. 

“People need to eat more plant-based foods.” ->Talk about your favorite recipes, give others recipes, cook for them, and grow vegetables and plants in your garden and give them away as gifts. 

“People need to repair their clothes.” -> Offer to repair others’ clothes, and teach people how to repair their clothes. 

“People need to buy less clothes.” -> Give them old clothes that you don’t want, help them repair their clothes

“People need to buy less plastic stuff.” -> Learn to make things that can serve the same purpose, such as baskets, and give them as gifts. Let people borrow things you own so they don’t have to buy their own. 

“People need to stop using leafblowers and other gas-guzzling machinery.” -> Offer to rake the leaves. You can use them as compost in your own garden. 

“People need to be more educated about nature.”-> Learn about nature yourself. Tell people about nature. Be open about your love of creatures such as snakes, spiders, and frogs. Do not show awareness that this could be strange. You are not obligated to quiet down your enthusiasm for creepy crawlies to demonstrate awareness that it is weird. Point out at every opportunity how these animals are beneficial. 

“People need to use cars less.” -> Offer rides to others whenever you must go somewhere. Whenever you are about to go to the store, ask your neighbor or your friend who lives along the way, “Is there anything you need from the store?” 

You cannot control others’ behaviors, but you can free them from being controlled. 

If you think to yourself, “But this would be so difficult to do!” ask yourself WHY? Why does your society coerce you into less sustainable ways of living, forcing you to consume excessively? After thinking about this, consider that it is less simple and easy than you thought to make more sustainable choices, so why would you judge others for not doing it? 

Do not act alone—act with others! 

Environmentally friendly behaviors that can be done alone, without collaborating with or consulting another person, are the least powerful of all. Whenever an “environmentally friendly” behavior is suggested, figure out “How can I give this as a gift?” or “How can I make this possible on the level of a whole community?” 

“Personal choices” do not work because every single person has to make them individually. If you are focused on making your own personal choice, you are not focused on others. If you are not focused on others, you are not helping them. If nobody is helping each other, most people won’t be able to make the “personal choice.”

You inherently share an ecosystem with your neighbors  

            Start with your neighbors, the people physically close to you. You live on the same patch of land, containing roots from the same plants and trees. You can speak to them face to face without traveling, which means you can easily bring them physical things without using resources to travel. 

            Always talk to your neighbors and be friendly with them. Offer them favors unprompted and tell them about how your garden is doing. Do not be afraid to be annoying—a slightly annoying neighbor who is helpful, kind, and can be relied upon for a variety of favors or in times of need is a necessary and inevitable part of a good community. If you make the effort to be present in somebody’s life, they will have to put up with you on some occasions, but that is just life. We cannot rely on each other if we do not put up with each other. 

Simply spending time with someone influences them for good 

Every hour you spend outside with your neighbor is an hour your neighbor doesn’t spend watching Fox News. Every hour you spend talking with someone and interacting with them in the real world, eating real food and enjoying your real surroundings, is an hour you don’t spend only hearing a curated picture of what reality is like from social media. 

            Isolation makes it easy for people to become indoctrinated into extremist beliefs. When someone spends more time alone, watching TV, Youtube, or scrolling social media, than they do with others, their concept of what other people are like and what the world is like comes more from social media than real life. TV and online media are meant to influence you in a specific way. Simply restricting the access these influences have to yourself and others is helpful. 

A garden is the source of many gifts 

If you grow a garden, you can give your neighbors and friends the gift of food, plants, and crafted objects. This is one of the foundational ways to form community. When you give food, you provide support to others. When you give plants, you are encouraging and teaching about gardening. It is even better when you give recipes cooked from things you grew, or items crafted from things you grew. You can also give the gift of knowledge of how to grow these plants, cook these recipes, or craft these objects. 

More on gift-giving

            Some people are uncomfortable with receiving items or services as gifts. They want to feel like they are giving something back, instead of having obligation to return the favor hanging over them. 

            It can help to ask a simple favor that can be easily fulfilled. People generally like the feeling of helping someone else. 

When you give someone a gift, it can help to say something like “Oh, I have too many of this thing to take care of/store/eat myself! Do you think you could take some?” This makes your neighbor feel like they are helping you. 

When allowing others to borrow items, you might not get them back. Don’t worry about that. It just means the item found a place where it was needed the most. You can ask about the item if you think it might have been forgotten, and this can create an opportunity for a second meeting. But don’t press. 

If the person you give to insists upon some form of payment, this is a good opportunity to negotiate a trade. 

Ask to be given compostable or recyclable things 

Ask your neighbor to save compostable scraps, biodegradable cardboard and paper products, and any other items that might be put to use. Use them in your own compost pile. Or, start a compost pile at the edge of the yard where you both can add to it. Remember that “wet” compost like vegetable and fruit bits needs to be mixed with twice as much of “dry” and “woody” compost like cardboard, leaves, small twigs, paper and wood bits. 

Use the front yard for gardening

Overcome the cultural norm that the front yard is only decorative. Use the front yard for gardening so you can be seen by others enjoying your garden, and others can witness the demonstration of the possibilities of land. In the front yard, anything you do intentionally with your land can be witnessed. It also makes you a visible presence in your community. 

Grow staple foods 

Don’t just grow vegetables that cannot be the core component of a meal themselves. Grow potatoes, dry beans, black eyed peas and other nourishing, calorie-dense foods. Grow the ingredients of meals. You could even build a garden around a recipe.

Invite neighbors and friends over to eat food made from things you grew 

Be sure to send them home with leftovers.  

Grow plants for baskets 

Containers are one of the fundamental human needs. If we had more containers, we wouldn’t need plastic so much. You can learn to make baskets, and to grow plants that provide the raw materials for baskets. 

If someone rakes their leaves, ask to have the leaves  

If you see someone putting leaves in bags, don’t be afraid to ask if you can have the leaves. More likely than not they will be happy to agree. 

Collaborate with neighbors to plant things in the no-man’s-land of the property line 

In the border land between your neighbor’s yard and your yard, it is almost always just mowed grass because no one can plant anything without it affecting their neighbor. But these border lands add up to a lot of space. It would be much better if you talked to your neighbor about what would be nice to plant there, and together created a plan for that space. 

Give others the freedom to wander 

Make it clear that you will not get mad if the neighbor’s kids play in your yard or run across it. Invite the neighbors onto your land as much as possible. Tell them they are allowed to spend time in a favored spot whenever they would like.  

The power of the hand-made sign 

If there is a yard sale, you always know about it because of the hand-drawn signs placed around. Therefore, a cookout or unwanted item exchange can be announced the same way. In rural areas I have seen hand-made signs that say: FIREWOOD or WE BUY GOATS or EGGS. This is one of the few technologies of community that remain in the USA. If someone who looks to buy and sell can put up a hand-made sign, why shouldn’t you?  

Religious people or people with strong political opinions like to put signs everywhere. If they have the confidence and courage to do so, why shouldn’t you? 

So if there is a message you would like everyone to see, use the simple power of the hand-made sign. Proclaim “BEE FRIENDLY ZONE!” above your pollinator garden with all the confidence of a religious fundamentalist billboard. Announce to the world, “VEGETABLES FREE TO ALL—JUST ASK!” “WE TAKE LEAVES—NO PESTICIDES.” Instead of YARD SALE, or perhaps in conjunction with YARD SALE, you can write, PLANT EXCHANGE or SEED SWAP or CLOTHING SWAP. Who can stop you? 

Someone has to do it for society to change  

Some of these ideas might be eccentric, strange, or even socially unacceptable, but there is no way to change what is normal except to move against it. Someone has to be weird. It might as well be you. 

[eupheme]

— the season for second third fourth chances

[part v of sugar, sugar] | [masterlist]

wolverine/logan howlett x neighbor!f!reader

rated e - 4.5k

tags: holiday fluff, reader references/celebrates christmas, misunderstandings, light angst, references to canon-typical anxiety, violence, wade's cancer diagnosis, and death, references plot events in DP 1 & 2, sexual innuendos/implied smut, feelings

With the holidays on the horizon, your afternoons are filled with preparations for Wade’s annual holiday party. With baking and cookie decorating, finishing up wrapping presents - and maybe even a little Christmas miracle, when you find yourself running into a familiar face.

"What?"

It slips from you, as your eyebrows shoot up - glancing down at the piece of cardstock. Before you're adding -

"Why?"

Wade huffs, his finger tapping against the text that loops across the top.

"Don't give me that, Sugar. I spent ages picking out the right font, I know the contrast is enough for you to read it clearly."

And he's right. You can definitely read it, even without the coarse coat of glitter making the headline sparkle.

‘Spread Some Christmas Cheer’

The letters arching above a photo of Wade. His suit on, of course, as he lounges across the lap of what appears to be a mall Santa. Dread in the man’s once-twinkling blue eyes, as one of Wade’s legs drapes across the velvet red suit, the other kicked high against the back of the padded red chair.

‘With Wade Wilson's Winter Wonderland’ in script beneath - with dates and time for his party listed below.

"I can definitely read it," You acknowledge, "I was just asking what, as in what made you take this, and maybe even where, because-"

"Oh," He chuckles, "Yeah, I'm absolutely banned from JCPenney, but worth it, right? This is my best-looking card yet."

You can't help the smile, "It's definitely something."

He grins, "So, you'll come? I heard there might be a certain someone there."

"Is that right?" Your tongue pokes against your cheek.

"Mhmm. Pretty sure he sees you when you're sleeping. Definitely know if you've been naughty or nice, and I know for a fact I've seen you in his lap-"

There's a sound of disgust, as your nose wrinkles, "Okay, can you not talk about Logan that way? I don't need a Santa comparison in my head."

"Just thought I'd spice some things up for you. It's nothing to be ashamed of, we've all had a crush on the big man."

"On who?" There's a rough voice behind you - Logan hand fisted around the fleece jacket tugged from the back of the armchair.

"He knows what I'm talking about," Wade points, "I'm just saying, if Santa needs help handling that sack of his, I'm so fucking down."

"Jesus fucking Christ." An arm curls around you, as Logan glances at the invite, "Wait, this is this weekend?"

"Yes, this weekend," Wade sniffs, "We talked about it yesterday."

"Wasn't home yesterday." Logan's eyebrow cocks, "Or the day before."

"Well, I talked about it with somebody." Wade shrugs - another tapped finger at the bottom of the card, "Anyways, blah, blah, blah. It’s all here, proper name, place name, backstory stuff... just be there, because I know where you live-"

"We'll be there." You interrupt, biting back your smile, "Want me to bring anything?"

Wade's look turns pleased, and then thoughtful, "Well, I was going to get some cookies from Yeastie Boys Bakery..."

The words trailing off, as you groan - already so over the new bakery in town, their stupid jingle and 'viral' cupcakes that taste like shit.

"Don't even talk to me about them."

You can feel the way Logan's hands brace on your shoulder. The low, "he's kidding sweetheart-" rumbled in your ear.

"Guilty." Wade's hands spread wide, "Was just trying to rile you up into offering some of your own splendid wares. Al still talks about the ones you brought over last year. If it’s not too much work…"

The sentence trails off, as he bats his brown, pleading, puppy-dog eyes at you.

"Lead with that next time, asshole." Logan sighs.

"It's not." You answer automatically, though you're already mentally running through your schedule.

The presents you still have to wrap. The loose ends of Wade's gift that you still have to weave in. Another trip to the grocery store, for certain - you'll have to bake at home, since it's a favor.

There's a kiss pressed to your temple, as Logan moves around you.

"I know that look. Don't push too hard, honey." He finishes shrugging on his jacket, "I’ll see if Laura and I can help you out tomorrow."

Wade's voice chiming in, “And let it be known I am formally offering to help, but-”

You huff, “Thank you, but you’re still banned from my kitchen, Wade.”

Still not over the surprise of your gingerbread appearing with piped anatomically correct additions, after you had left him unsupervised last year.

The kiss goodbye you share with Logan lingers, a grateful press of your mouth against his. Wondering what you did to deserve such a man, still ready to pinch yourself every day.

A look in his eyes that matches yours, as he steps around Wade, who still lingers.

"Thanks, Sugar." He grins, "And remember - you better be good for goodness sake-"

You groan, as you shove him out the door. Logan's fingers curling around the collar of Wade’s jacket, the other tugging at the handle.

Unable to help adding your usual farewell, “Be careful out there, okay? Come back safe.”

Not that they need it, not with their powers. But it still feels like a charm, tucked carefully into their pockets as they head out together again - off on a new mission.

"I’ll take care of your Sugar Bear.” It's sung out, muffled behind the closed door. “Love you byeee!"

A sigh, as you shake your head.

Guess you have some work to do.

Your pen marks another item off your list, as you inch your cart through the too-busy grocery store.

It’s already half-filled with other last-minute items. Another couple gifts, now that official date of the party looms on the horizon - you can’t leave Peter, Ellie, and Yukio out, after all.

A new decorative Christmas plate for the cookies - you had lost yours in the impromptu disc golf match that Wade hosted at the apartment last year.

Last you heard, it was still on the roof next door.

Molasses, brown sugar, and spices for gingerbread. A fresh box of food coloring, for the sugar cookies - you were out of red, from last year as well.

A pack of powdered sugar drops down into your cart. Reaching for a second, just as another hand bumps against yours.

Twin apologies chime, as your eyes flick to the side.

Instantly recognizing the woman next to you - the sheepish look on your face cooling.

“Oh.” Her eyes widen in recognition, “Hey.”

“Hi, Vanessa.” You offer a half-smile - the last dregs of your annoyance with Wade vanishing, as you rest the second bag on top of the other.

A beat, before you manage, “How are you?”

“Good. Office party,” She wiggles her own bag, before it slips into the basket at her elbow, “You?”

“Um, I’m good, too.” You shrug, “And no, uh… friend’s party.”

Wade seemed mostly over the disaster that happened close to two months ago. More prone to forgiving and forgetting - gracious, in a way that you could be, when you wanted. That you were, most of the time.

After all, it was easier, to let something slide off your back when it came to a personal grudge. You could be an adult and move on, then.

But it was still hard to forget how crushed Wade had been. How you knew that she knew he had been cooking for her the night she stood him up- a drunken confession that he had seen the notification that she had watched the stories he had snapped for his social media stories.

And even if he was over it, you weren’t sure you were.

“Wade’s party?” She guesses, and it makes you blink.

Wondering when and how she had been invited. As far as you knew, her name hadn’t passed his lips in weeks.

“Yeah.” Your eyes search hers - the tightness in them, how she bites the inside of her cheek, “Are… you?”

“Undecided,” Her lips lift. A breath, before she’s asking, “How’s he been lately? Is he…”

You can’t help the small frown, a mark deepening between your brows, “He’s good.”

A half-truth, before you tack a little more on, “Sure he’s appreciating the extra space. Fixed Al up with a Murphy bed, and Logan’s been staying with me a lot lately.”

“Oh. I thought-” Vanessa’s sentence trails off.

She looks lost for a moment. A glance downward, picking at the manicured edge of a nail.

You haven’t seen her like this before. Too used to her confidence, those sharp edges that you lack.

Pity flickers through you.

“I really have to go. If I don’t start these soon, I’ll be up all night.”

It comes out apologetic - and you realize, you actually mean it, “But why don’t you swing by my apartment in a bit? I’m gonna be baking all afternoon, but I make a mean boozy hot chocolate.”

The look she gives you is tinged with relief.

It’s enough to make you wonder what you’re missing.

“Wait, what?” You yelp - for the second time, in forty-eight hours.

There’s a smudge of flour on your sweater. Holiday music pouring through the speaker on your counter. Vanessa carefully inching the gingerbread cutouts an inch apart.

A shoulder lifting, as she repeats herself, “I said I thought he moved on. With you.”

Not knowing, with the way she had come late to the party where you had met Logan. Left early, with her new corporate schedule.

You almost over-pour the ground cinnamon into the second batch. Tipping it back into the jar, as you let the spoon clatter against the counter. Her head tilts, at your expression.

“You haven’t thought about it? I know you’re both close.”

In another world, perhaps.

Another life - one where you hadn’t met Logan when you did. Hadn’t spent months cheering Wade on, those once barely-there flickers of interest fading to something solidly platonic some time ago.

Your head shakes, the words coming slowly, “It’s always been you, Vanessa. Everyone knows that.”

The corner of her lips lift. Fingernails tapping against the aluminum pan.

“I thought so, too.”

You frown, “Is that why didn’t you show? When he asked you over for dinner?”

Vanessa laughs then, rueful.

“The dinner.” Her eyes flick away, going back to a memory - a beat, before the snap to yours, “Yeah. I wanted to go. I uh, just split with Dermot. From work.”

You nod, remembering - overhearing the conversation at Wade’s birthday.

“He wanted me to move in. Said he saw a future with me, but when it came down to taking that step…” Her lips press together, the lift of a shoulder, “I’ve never seen myself with anyone else. Only him.”

Only Wade.

“But… then I saw you with him. The stories he posted. The two of you cooking, dressed up like a date.” It comes in a rush, “I thought, incorrectly, apparently-”

“He was cooking for you.” There’s a furrow in your brow, trying to piece together the way she saw it.

The sundress you wore for Logan. The captions that tipped towards lewd that you had tried to get him to delete - jokes about “getting lucky”, or the chicken not the only thing “being stuffed tonight”.

She nods, “I’m getting that now.”

“I think you still should have gone.” It’s starting to make sense, but you can’t help the reproach in your tone, ”He was devastated.”

The look she shoots you is defensive. Vanessa had always carried an intensity you lacked, and you take the full brunt of it now. Your fingers curl into fists for strength, not letting your gaze drop first. A beat, before she nods.

“I guess it’s just become easier to run.” Vanessa admits, “Defense mechanism. Get out first. Ironic, I know.”

You frown, not knowing, “Has that… has that happened before?”

“Which time?” Her laugh is close to a scoff, as she sighs.

Your eyes drop now, as you go back to your work. Back to measuring, tipping the spices into your mixer. The words coming slowly.

”He hasn’t told me a lot. Just a bit about last time. About…” You search for the words, feeling guilty. “About him not doing enough. That you wanted him to do something meaningful, and then the stuff with the Avengers, and…”

The words die, when you see her face.

Sorrow and anger, with the sharp shake of her head, “I never gave a damn about the Avengers. That was all Wade.”

A sigh, as she collects herself.

“I just wanted him to find his passion again. He changed… a few years ago. Something happened, a really close call. He fixed it, but he wasn’t the same after.”

A breath, before she adding, “He took it hard. Guilt, I think. All I really wanted was for him to talk to me. To let me help him, but he never let me in because he didn’t want me getting hurt again. He shut down, and stopped talking to me.”

The mixer hums. A beep of your timer, as the minutes tick down.

“You know Wade. Always has a joke ready. Never wants to get serious if he can help it. It’s stupid, but we... drifted.” Vanessa’s throat bobs as she swallows, “I was dealing with my own shit, and when he pushed me away, it reminded me of last time.”

She catches your expression again, as the dough tips out of the bowl. The furrow of your brow, as you swap it for a chilled portion in your fridge.

“It’s been a recurring theme,” It comes out blunt.

Her look turning considering, then, when the frown doesn't waver.

“Do you love Logan?”

The rolling pin slips in your grip. Pressing too hard, denting dough.

“I-,” You breathe. The question unexpected, leaving you wholly unprepared, even as your heart beats out the answer.

Her expression softens, “You care about him.”

You nod mutely.

“What would you do, if Logan just - disappeared? No trace of him, just gone in the night?”

Her question hangs. A physical ache in your chest at the mere thought, one that leaves you unable to breathe. Pieces starting to click together - little bits of what you know, forming some sort of photo.

“Is that what Wade did?”

She nods, “It was right after his cancer diagnosis. He was going through a lot, and just - left. For years. I thought… I thought he had died. I mourned him. It crushed me.”

You can’t help but reach across the table - hesitant, in the way you squeeze her arm.

She lets you, a look shot your way. Defending him, unable to help it.

“I get it, though. I get that it was a lot. I’ve forgiven him. But…” Her teeth pinch at her cheek, that guilt coming back, “When he started pulling away, I thought it was happening again. I couldn’t live through that again.”

You finish for her, “So you left first.”

She nods.

Silence lingers. Nails tapping on the countertop, fiddling with the silver rings on her fingers. The heat of the oven curling across your arms, as you swap one tray for another. Setting it aside to cool.

“You should go talk to him.” Your voice cracks through the quiet, when you turn - hands bracing against the counter.

Her eyebrows raise, “And say what?”

”Tell him what you told me. That you were just scared.” Your voice softens, “He invited you to his party because he still *wants* you in his life.”

She blinks, silent.

“I’ll help you,” You coax, “Logan’s already coming over tonight.”

Your eyes flick down to your phone, checking, ”Uh, really soon, actually. I’ll go next door with you, and bring Althea back with me. Give you two some time to catch up.”

Vanessa’s fingers cards through her hair - pushing back the long strands, the words coming slowly, “I don’t know…”

“Wade is crazy about you.” It comes out bluntly, and it’s this that pulls her attention.

You’re already swiping a container off the counter. Filling the bottom with sugar cookies baked this morning - cut into trees and mittens, decorated with buttercream and sprinkles.

The lid snaps on, as you hold it out to her.

“Trust me?”

Her eyes meet yours, and you can see the swirl of emotions across her face.

You smile and finally - she nods.

She follows a step behind, as you leave the apartment. The hallway chilly, the entrance bringing in a dusting of snow across the carpet, with the revolving holiday traffic.

The closing front door downstairs echoes with your own, as you head the next apartment over. Knuckles rapping against the wood, fingers mentally crossed.

A voice ringing out, muffled, “If you’re part of Rudolph and the Red-Hot Reindeers, you’re a day early-”

Opening to reveal Wade, dressed down in a shirt and sweatpants with his Deadpool logo patterned across them.

“Oh, hey Sugar.” He smiles, “What’s up?”

“Well,” You stall for a second, trying to figure out what exactly to say, “Is Althea home? Was wondering if she could help me with something.”

Wade chuckles.

“Fat fucking chance, she’s two episodes into the Golden Bachelor right now and she’s sure as hell not moving-” The words die out as Vanessa moves into view, the container in hand.

He goes silent, for the first time you can remember.

“I have the same streaming apps as you, I’m sure I can convince her.” Your shift - a hand touching at her shoulder, urging her forward, “And maybe you could do me a favor, too. Taste test these for tomorrow?”

For a moment, you think he doesn’t hear you. His eyes lingering on Vanessa, his face bleeding from surprise to confusion to hope, as he takes her in.

“Yeah.” He manages after a long moment - clearing his throat.

“Yeah. I’d love to.”

It doesn’t take much convincing, not with the way Al enjoys a cup of piping hot tea as much as you do - along with the promise she can watch her beloved show in peace. Almost giddy in the way she makes for the door, cane in hand and Dogpool tucked in the crook of her other arm.

The door just shutting behind you before she’s hissing, “What in God’s name was that?”

You shush her, eyes flicking back towards the apartment. Almost jumping out of your skin when it’s followed by another voice, this one pitched low.

“Seconded. Busy afternoon?”

Logan leans against the wall, Laura expression clear with the pull of her brows. Thirded.

“Something like that.” You herd them inside your apartment, before they can be overheard - not that Wade was listening, you’re sure.

The door is barely shut, before they’re rounding on you. Your own hands on your hips - a nod directing them towards the kitchen table, laden with bare gingerbread cookies.

Al tucked in the armchair, spun around the face the bustle of the kitchen, her show long forgotten.

“You’re stalling.” Laura points out bluntly, as you hand her the bag of icing.

Your tongue tucked against your teeth, as you shoot Logan a look. His eyebrows raised in response, eyes sliding over to the brick wall that separates your apartment from Wade.

“I’m not,” The word strings out, “It’s just, like, it’s not a big deal, right?”

She scoffs.

Althea’s cane taps the ground, “Something happened, and you’d better spill.”

“Alright,” Your fingers spread in front of you, “I ran into Vanessa at the store today. And we got to talking, and I invited her back here. I think she regrets what happened between them.”

There’s a snort of derision, and you can feel yourself starting to bristle.

“We all have our opinions, myself included-” You allow, as another noise interrupts you - lower and more gruff this time. You spin, shooting Logan another look.

“But I think she was genuine. I’ve certainly had my fair share of… miscommunications,” His expressions softens at your words, the corner of his lips curling as you shift to face Al.

“And I got some really good advice once from someone. Something about ‘talking about it’, and that’s what I encouraged her to do.”

“Hope you’re right,” Al sighs- but there’s a smile there, hidden in the way her lips press together, “That boy is more sensitive than my left tit in a snowstorm.”

“Jesus.” It’s muttered, at your shoulder. Logan’s head shaking as he joins Laura, the hint of a smirk as she works on piping a set of angry eyebrows.

Your eyes roll, “I am.”

Spinning back to face the table, as you grab your own bag of frosting.

“After all, it’s Christmas,” You can’t help but throw her way, from over your shoulder.

“And isn’t that the best time for a miracle?”

Logan’s arms wrap around you later, as you snap the last lid in place. Finally done with your last-minute idea - decorating each of the gingerbread to look like your friends.

Laura slipping out a few minutes ago, intent on staying until the end. Just as determined as Logan to see things through, even though you tried to get her to leave a few times - worried about the weather, the long drive back to the mansion.

The slight smile as her eyes rolled - with your affection towards her, you forget how impervious she is.

Althea long asleep in the couch, the quilt Logan’s borrowed so many nights before tucked around her. Ambient holiday music still pouring through the speaker, your attempt to drown out the enthusiastic reunion taking place next door.

Can’t bring yourself to mind. More relieved than anything.

And you deserve it, you suppose.

“You did a good thing.” It’s murmured into your hair, as you finally relax into him.

Arms curling beneath his, wrapping around his broad back to embrace him. You hum with contentment as his lips brush your temple.

“Don’t know if I can manage a miracle,” His lips curve when you lean back, eyes flicking up to meet his, “But if there anything else you might want for Christmas?”

Your teeth sink into your lip, as you grin.

The answer is easy, as your face tips towards his.

“Just want more time with you.”

Logan huffs, as his hand dips down. Cupping soft flesh, kneading - as he tugs you the rest of the way. A grin, just before his mouth presses against yours.

“Mm. Hope you don’t mind celebrating a little early, then.”

Red and green have exploded in the apartment next door - the flamingo lights that spill from the kitchen replaced with blinking bulbs. A tree that you’re truly unsure how it fit through the door, much less the narrow hallway, tucked in the corner.

You and Logan had helped decorate it earlier in the month - Wade directing from the couch, as the two of you and Althea arranged the ornaments. A ninja star zip-tied to the top, but with the lights turned low, and the swirl of snow coming down outside - it’s cozy.

It’s familiar - faces you’ve come to know well, known to love, fill the space. The cookies are a hit, sweet exclamations as they find the ones that represent them. Woolen and knitted sweaters, bodies tucked together on a hodgepodge of surfaces.

And perhaps, you do end up on Logan’s lap. His thighs spread wide in an armchair Wade found on the curb, out of place against the brick walls and industrial windows with its floral pattern.

Your eyes meeting Wade’s from across the living room, anticipating the tease.

But he only smiles back.

Something soft - an arm slung around Vanessa’s shoulder. The ‘white elephant in the room’, as he had cheekily alluded to it, addressed with a carefully placed piece of mistletoe.

Side-eyes and stunned silence easing into smiles, when you all saw the way they looked at each other.

And when he corners you to tell you thank you, you know the bone-crushing hug is not just for the handmade red-and-black beanie and scarf that you had gotten up early to finish for him.

The rest of your gifts don’t quite reach the same level, but you’re pleased all the same. Laura’s smile shy as she tries on the Docs you caught her eyeing, ankle twisting as her eyes dip down.

Logan’s arm tightening around your waist when you hand him the wrapped package. His eyes lingering on yours until the paper is loosened, a pleased hum when he sees the lined leather jacket you picked out for him.

“Your first winter with us in New York,” You smile, “Can’t have you catching cold.”

Something to keep in warm, when he tinkers on the bike stashed in the basement. To protect him, when he’s not in his suit. Better than that the faded fleece he’s lifted from Wade’s closet.

And even though you’d been fairly certain he’d given you your gift last night - and again this morning - there’s still a pretty card tucked into your palm. A piece of paper folded inside, next to sentiments that made heat rise to your cheeks.

A photo printed out - a cozy little cabin, the roof lined with snow. Framed with a thick ring of woods and surrounded by wilderness. The reservation dates and details marked out in the text below.

“A vacation?” You can’t remember the last time you’ve been away. Excitement surging at the thought of spending a week tucked away with your boyfriend, “For us?”

“Yeah, sweetheart.” Logan husks, “Found a nice little place up north. Just you and me.”

His fingers flex against your waist, his face tipping up to yours, “Would you like that?”

“I’d love that.” You smile.

You love him.

You’re certain of that - a name for that warm weight in your chest that’s been there for weeks. Since the beginning really, coming to a full flourish with the conversation the day before.

Maybe with the turn of the new year, you’ll pluck up enough courage to tell him.

For now, you beam at him. Pressing yourself close - entwining fingers that squeeze. Hoping he can read the soft look you give him, the words murmured out, in the little bubble you’ve found yourselves in.

“Merry Christmas, Logan.”

His thumb brushes your cheek, before he tugs you down to meet him.

“Merry Christmas, Sugar.”

after part iii, i could not leave our bff wade with a sad ending!!! 💖 for a little bit early on i toyed with the idea of making this series a poly one (before come on and show me) hence a couple little references throughout (and the reason to keep the breakup in the first place) (which I still have beef with in the movie, BUT I did my best). thank you for checking out this series, it might be one of my favorite things I’ve had the pleasure to work on and seeing the love on it has been so amazing 💕

[boughclan-clangen]

moon 0, page 7

>air thick with dread.

PREVIOUS || NEXT FIRST

[mspopstar]

What would happen if you were to lock Meta Knight, Dedede, Magolor and Marx all in the same room?

Content warning: Graphic Content.

DDD: "Wha- What the?! What is this place? Meta Knight?! Meta Knight where are we?"

MK: "Sire, I've not a clue. We're in some...cage"

M: "Cage? Cages has bars, this is more of a cube!"

MK: "This is no reason to be pedantic, we are trapped and that is the issue at hand."

M: "Hm...."

THIRTY MINUTES LATER.

DDD: "Meta Knight, do you see anythin' up there"

MK: "Sire, there is not even a seam of which the ceiling meets the wall. It... The material... It is not concrete, it is not wood, it is not even metal. It neither scratches or warps like plastic too. It feels like glass, but it isn't transparent otherwise... Well, we would see something, no?"

M: "Well... There's the possibility that it is transparent and the white we're seeing is what's outside of this cube... Like we're all trapped in a glass cube in a white void in... somewhere."

MK: "Quiet you. If that were the case, there'd be a reflection wouldn't there?"

M: "Mm... Well, not always! After all, you don't get a reflection from plastic, right? We could be in a plastic cube!"

MK: "Did you not hear me, if it were plastic then I'd already free us! It doesn't scratch, it does not warp."

M: "Maybe it's translucent rather than transparent. Hm? There's clearly a light source coming from something."

DDD "No bickering you two. Crap. I don't even feel some form of air comin' through either. This room has no circulation of any kind... As ya' said. no seams so the walls and floor are all one solid material. No way this is hand-made then if there's a interior... Not to mention... It's solid, no sense of hollowness on the other side of these walls. Magic maybe? Well, if it were magic I'd have a sense of it."

M: "Heh. Well, I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me one one you two have figured out anything."

FOUR HOURS LATER.

M: "Bets?"

DDD: "On what?"

MK: "....What?"

M: "Bets on how long it takes for Kirby to come save us."

DDD: "Optimistically... Three days?"

MK: "That is if Kirby has a idea of where we are..."

DDD: "You bring up a good point chrome dome. Usually when we go missing there's a huge event. I just remember taking a nap an' then I'm in this crazy place."

MK: "In my circumstances, I had just finished looking through some electronic order forms from a merchant on Planet Mecheye whom my operations does business with and for. I wanted to re-check the product code for a new set of energy valves meant for a future upgrade. So I decided to leave the communications room to and head to Captain Vul's office so that we coul-.

M: "Gahaha! Geez! Who cares about that? Cut to the point."

MK: "..."

DDD: "I'll have to agree with my jester over 'ere Meta Knight. We might have all time in the world but we don't need a play-by-play of your day."

MK: "Right, sire. Well, I did not wish to wait for the lift so I decided to teleport... Then, well, I am here."

M: "For me, I just blinked."

DDD: "What?"

M: "Yes. It was very weird. I got something in my eye, blinked a couple of times and when I re-opened my eyes on the... third blink I opened my eyes to this white room."

MK: "Hm... That rules out a few theories I have."

DDD: "Does it now?"

MK: "Aye. Clearly, our imprisonment is not of the result of magic, a physical kidnapper, or, in my case, a faulty re-route of my teleportation. It... It is the result of something or someone beyond that. There's no correlation between us and how we arrived here. It is anomalous and random."

M: "Ahah... We're totally in it now."

MK: "Why are you chuckling, tell me, is this but a game for you? What is it in this case?"

M: "Relax. Meta Knight, was it? You can't teleport out of here with that cape of yours. Dedede couldn't break a dent in the walls with his hammer and your sword couldn't scratch. It in this case is the worst possible scenario."

DDD: "Don't say that."

MK: "Yes. We needn't the excessive negativity."

M: "Hmph. If that is how you wish to be, who am I to stop you."

DDD: "For now, let's just rest. Sleep a little. Clear our heads and come up with a plan."

24 HOURS LATER.

MK: "We do have some provisions. Three MREs, a chocolate bar, two lolipops, an Invincibility Candy, and finally a full canteen of water."

DDD: "Is this really all we have?"

M: "Gosh! You're right. If I had known we'd be trapped in a cosmic prison. I'd bring some snacks!"

MK: "We do have a single Invincibility Candy, I suppose we can take advantage of its properties."

M: "How?"

DDD: "You never had one, have you?"

M: "No, I can't say I have."

MK: "It is simple. The Invincibility Candy replenishes all. One bite, and you're instantly satiated, all wounds heal, and so on. I suppose I can break it down into as many small chunks as possible and we can ration it out once the normal provisions run out."

M: "Ahaha, I see now!"

MK: "For our normal provisions... I suppose it is best we conserve what we can, using only the absolute minimum. However... Well, I suppose I do not need to eat or drink..."

M: "...Oh? And why is that?"

MK: "Being what I am... Whatever that may be. I do not need to consume food or drink. After all, my species is long lived, hardy, and nigh immortal. Consumables are not exactly necessary."

M: "Hm. ...Well, I suppose more for..."

M: "..."

M: "Well, I suppose that's more for me and his highness then, right? Thank you, Meta Knight!"

DDD: "Hold on jus' a second. I don't want you to starve Meta."

MK: "It is of no concern to you. I will be fine. I would rather fast if it means keeping those who can't alive."

DDD: "If you say so..."

MK: "With our food situation squared away... Well, I suppose we can sleep?"

THREE DAYS LATER

DDD: "Wait a second..."

M: "...?"

MK: "What is it...?"

DDD: "I... I don't think help is coming."

MK: "..."

DDD: "Meta Knight, there is somethin' very strange and very wrong about this prison place here."

MK: "Calm yourself. What is the issue?"

DDD: "You can't teleport out of here, and that is a dimensional cape, right?"

MK: "No, unfortunately, I cannot."

DDD: "Is there anything, anything at all that could stop you from using it to teleport? Maybe that can be a clue to where we are You can already pull stuff from it, so it's not completely broken, right?"

MK: "Yes, and no. The problem is, my Dimensional Cape works as more of a hammer-space, similar to Kirby's mouth. Teleporting is, for lack of a better explanation, opening a door within that hammer space to traverse to a different location that is contingent on dimensions. No matter what I've tried, I couldn't open that door so to speak. So, the only thing that would stop me from accessing it's properties for teleporting... would be... if there wasn't a dimension to tap into in the first place."

DDD: "Crap. If that's the case.... You can't use your cape so... So we're stuck not just physically, but outside of physics itself?"

MK: "Er...Yes?"

M: "I don't understand what that means. What exactly is the problem?"

DDD: "If what I'm theorizing is correct, we are outside the existence of our 'dimensions' itself. In other words, it is like we're outside of existing within a physical or chronological instance... Whatever this place is... It's in a sort of null-dimension outside of what could be considered a "physical" dimension of sorts."

MK: "..."

M: "...Huh. Is it even possible to... Traverse that? Magolor could come find us, right? He's a dimensional traveller."

DDD: "I don't know... I don't know if Magolor could even make it... Can you even traverse a dimension that isn't even... How should I say, how d'you go to a place that was never present from your own perspective?"

MK: "..."

M: "..."

TEN DAYS LATER

*Clang*

*Clang*

*Clang*

M: "Will you give it a rest? You've been at that wall for hours. That sword of yours isn't gonna break it. You haven't even left a scratch!"

MK: "I have... *huff*... I have to try something. We can't just be... Stuck."

M: "Hah... Do you know of the definition of insanity?"

MK "..."

DDD: "..."

M: "So, what now?"

MK: "We continue waiting...."

M: "Right, but what then. Do we continue waiting and waiting? Heh. Is that it? We do nothing and wait for the inveitabl-"

MK: "Silence. Do not even speak such thoughts."

M: "Right, right. Of course, you would say that. Right, Sir Meta Knight?"

MK: "Kh-?! What are you implying, anyways you devil?"

M: "You're going to outlive us both, aren't you? You already know that."

MK: "...That... That is true. What are you trying to get at? Why are you saying this."

M: "What then, Meta Knight? What then after that? Are you prepared for that?"

MK: "...So be it. If... If that will be my fate I have... methods to..."

M: "Take care of yourself, perhaps?"

MK: "..."

TWO WEEKS LATER

M: "We're out of food. All of the water is gone. ...We have only two small pieces left of Invincibility Candy."

MK "...I see. Aye. Go ahead, take one and pass the other to his highness."

DDD: "Wait, are we really out of..."

MK: "Yes, Sire. I'm sorry."

M: "Tch. Two weeks. Not a single change. NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING!"

DDD: "..."

MK: "SILENCE! Do you think I do not know? We've been in the same forsaken box for two weeks! Do you think I already don't know we're TRAPPED?!"

M: "Without food or water... Well, Dedede here is now biding time, huh?"

MK: "Bah! You are in just as much danger, no?"

M: "...Oh, right... Yes, you're right."

MK: "That hesitation, what for? Hm?"

M: "...Hmph, it doesn't matter now. Okay? I lied."

DDD: "What...."

MK: "So you did know a way out? Another one of your sick pranks?"

M: "Kyahahah! No, no, no. Trust me, I do not care for being stuck here as much as you two do. I admit. A soul? Don't have one. Thank Kirby for that one. I lack a soul, ergo, I had no necessary need to eat or drink. Sorry about that, I really am. However, if I am to die here I refuse to die on a empty stomach."

MK: "You vile selfish beast!"

DDD: "...Meta Knight, calm down. .... It ain't...It's not worth it. Is it now? What's done is done. Haah... Let's just... Let's just sleep. You two are exhausting... I don't have the energy to deal with it."

M: "..."

MK: "...My apologies."

Three Weeks Later

M: "I...I don't think Kirby's coming for us. Hah... Meta Knight? Why... Why am I scared?"

MK: "... I... Kirby will come for us."

M: "Wouldn't he have, already? Why hasn't he?! There's so much he could've done by now. He could've wished for our safe return through NOVA by now."

MK: "That's... Kirby... Stop. Kirby is going to come for us or we're going to figure out a way out..."

M: "Why hasn't he?!"

MK: "I do not know! I don't know why Kirby hasn't shown up..."

M: "..."

MK: "...? Sire, are you okay?"

DDD: "...Meta Knight. I'm scared. I want to go home. I don't want to die like this. Anythin' but this... "

MK: "I know. Eventually, we'll get out of here. For now... Go to sleep, Sire. Conserve your strength."

DDD: "...Alright."

M: "..."

MK "...I will. I will fix this. I will get us out of here. I have to, any means necessary."

M: "Pah, good luck with that..."

MK: "..."

SEVEN WEEKS AND THREE DAYS LATER

MK: "Sire, I'm sorry."

M: "Huh why do you...?"

DDD: "Mmngh?...Wha...What're yo-"

*Ssslraash--!!!*

M: "W-WHY?!"

MK: "I had to. It's the only way to escape."

M: "Escape?! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!!!"

MK: "He was in pain. He could barely sit up. He was shivering. It was an act of mercy. A quick death is far more appealing than a long, drawn out one of anguish."

M: "Hahaha?! Have you lost your mind or something?!"

MK: "Perhaps. We aren't escaping from here. I realize that. There are times where you can only give up. That is okay. I have made peace with that."

M: "...Wait. I don't... Meta Knight?! Meta Knight! ...What are you doing?"

MK: "Worry not. I will make this quick."

M: "I... Hold on, wait. I don't... I don't... I don't want to-!"

EIGHT WEEKS LATER

MK: "....I'm sorry, I'm so sorry....Sire... Uuhg... I'm sorry... Sire... I can't do it... I can't do it.... I'm sorry... I'm sorry.....Kirby... Agh..."

ELEVEN WEEKS LATER

MK: "....It is time. Deep breaths... Allign the blade....and..."

MK: "Nn...!?!!!-"

TWELVE WEEKS LATER

TWENTY WEEKS LATER

FOURTY WEEKS LATER

THREE YEARS LATER

"My, my, what an interesting scenario! I can't say I am too surprised of the outcome. Well, thank you again for using HWC's Virtual Problem and Scenario Observer, VPASO!"

-Executive Secretary Susana Haltmann

[theprettylightsinger]

And on that note I'd like bring up another question.

What was so morally wrong about Nesta going there just to get the rent?

I have seen SOO many people bash her for this very thing, even the narrative paints it to be something shameful. I disagree.

We all know that she isn't in the right mental space to get a job (PSTD, depression anxiety etc), we have no idea where all the wealth they had in the human realm went and Nesta has no money to her name Considering she was given a bit fat nothing after the war. I would hope there might be some reward, literally anything to help stabilize the life of a literal war hero who's utterly traumatized. But I suppose that's too much to ask for from SJM.

But anyways the point is that Nesta has nothing. She does however have a sister who's filthy rich (no I'm not going to say her husband is filthy rich, considering the narrative likes to paint Rhys as the "feminist king" I'm going to assume his wealth belongs to his wife too) and considering this sister is partly responsible for all sht Nesta went through, not to mention she has mantions and palaces, Paying Nesta's rent is LEAST she can do, I don't see anybody complaining about elain's living expenses and yet she doesn't have a job either (and no I will not let you question Nesta's choice to live in a separate apartment either, what's so wrong with wanting your own space and wanting to stay away from the man who can't stop threatening your life at every turn?). Infact I'll go Even further and question feyre's disgusting choice to blackmail Nesta with rent (a basic f ucking necessity she needs in order to survive), forcing her to attend a party with people who make their dislike, disgust and judgement very clear. I wouldn't want to be in a room full of such people either. You know what would have been a better, more effective choice? HAVE A PRIVATE FUCKING DINNER WITH JUST THE SISTERS!

If all feyre wanted was to spend time with her "beloved" sister than this would've been a far better alternative, this way they would've been able to actually interact with each other and Nesta would no longer have been isolated from her "family" (the IC is feyre's family NOT Nesta's)

You want to know what the actual problem is here? It's the fact that feyre is a dictator and hypocrite. Everything needs to go her way, if she likes the IC and considers them family than EVERYONE has to like them and if they don't...... VILLAIN! If velaris is her home than EVERYONE has to consider it home, if they don't...... VILLAIN!

She did the same thing to Lucien.

reread the solstice scene from acofas and was surprised at how pleasant nesta was the entire time. from the way people talk about it, and from Cassian's reaction after she leaves, you'd think she was hissing and insulting everyone in the room. but no.

nesta wishes feyre happy birthday, she thanks elain for her gifts, and sits quietly, allowing them to continue with their presents. meanwhile mor gives cassian silk boxers that match the lingerie set he got her. nesta even kisses elain on the head before she leaves. she is 100% polite.

the next chapter is Cassian's pov and it starts with "he'd had enough. enough of the coldness, the sharpness. enough of the sword-straight spine and razor-sharp stare that had only honed itself these months"

BRO SHE WAS JUST SITTING THERE

[genderqueerdykes]

I know I sound like an exclusionist or whatever but it feels like the term lesbian has just been straight up appropriated by non-binary folks. They're not women. And they're not men either. That's the point. And switching around a preexisting definition to fit those who already have their own terms (trixic, anyone?) at the expense of having a term for women who love strictly other women just is... No?? And making the definition (non-men loving non-men) centered around men has always felt like subtle misogyny. I'm not attracted to men. I'm not attracted to non-binary people even if they're fem-presenting. And the only term for that no longer belongs to me as the term itself implies some extent of bisexuality. And it's just... Frustrating. I feel like my desire to have a safe space specifically for people like me is overshadowed by accusations of hatefulness. Labels DO matter to people, they wouldn't be used otherwise. And I feel like in an effort to become inclusive, we've just horseshoe-theoried our way back into being... Exclusive? I guess?? I don't know, I'm rambling, trying to keep and open mind here, but it's difficult. Thoughts?

nah, that's not appropriative of nonbinary people to do. nonbinary lesbians are lesbians. i'm a genderqueer lesbian who is also a woman and a man- i'm not just a "woman loving woman" either. my lesbian attraction doesn't apply to just women- it applies to anyone who identifies as a dyke, lesbian or sapphic. the lesbian community/label has always included people other that women. lesbian does not mean woman loving woman in every case. it means that for some lesbians, but not all. just because you're not attracted to non binary people doesn't mean that other lesbians are not!

"I feel like my desire to have a safe space specifically for people like me is overshadowed by accusations of hatefulness."

that is because you are presently being hateful, yes. nonbinary people are not a threat to you- i don't understand exactly why it's difficult for you to see why this is hateful, as you are very much excluding people who belong from joining the community they belong to. this is identity policing. it is hateful.

how would allowing nonbinary people into the lesbian community make you unsafe? i see people use this argument a lot, that the lesbian community needs to weed everyone out but women in order to "keep women safe". how are other genders inherently unsafe for you to be around? the lesbian community isn't a "safe space for women". it's the lesbian community, that's it. keep in mind, the lesbian community isn't about you, it's about all of us. does the thought of someone who isn't a man being in a gay community threaten you as much, or is this because you view women as inherently defenseless/weak/in need of protecting from other genders? there's a lot of internalized misogyny at play in this mindset.

women can abuse you. women are not inherently safe to be around. the sooner you internalize that, the easier life will become for you. you can't view woman as a "safe" gender and everyone else as a threat. the lesbian community isn't where you go to hide from other genders. i'd like to remind you that lesbians are more than welcome to bring family members and friends who are not lesbians or women to lesbian spaces. a lesbian space does not mean "women ONLY". it means people who identify as lesbians, questioning being lesbians, and everyone who supports them is welcome.

the lesbian community thrives off of the diversity it contains. trying to water down lesbian to "woman attracted to women ONLY" goes against the very reason the lesbian community exists in the first place. the reason you are being called hateful is because you are being hateful, presently, but it's more than possible to change. your idea of lesbianism aligns with rad feminism. it's best to open your mind as soon as possible, lest you find yourself identifying as one of them, some day. and that is a recipe for a lifetime of misery

if you want a "women's only safe space" it might be worth looking into women's groups. like groups made specifically for women and only women to attend. you're not looking for a part of the queer community, it sounds like you're looking for a support group of some kind. like, if you want a women's only safe space, you can find exactly that! they're out there, i'm sure your local area has at least one. this honestly would be more productive than expecting the entire lesbian community to conform to what your specific belief on what a lesbian is.

nobody is excluding you. nobody is challenging that you're a lesbian. you're the one challenging others, which makes you the one being exclusive, not everyone else. i hope these talking points gave you something to chew on for a it. i need you to ask yourself why it is that you want to identify lesbianism this way for everyone. it's fine that that's your definition of lesbian that applies to you and you only, but you are not the protagonist of the lesbian community, and not everyone has to define it the same way as you. hope that helps somewhat

you may want to research the life of Leslie Feinberg. Leslie identified as a polygender & male lesbian for a lot longer than i and probably you have been born. here's some more info on hir:

[yeoldenews]

Can you shed any light on how Santa came to give naughty children coal, when coal used to be a reasonably useful present?? I tried googling it but nothing that came up seemed researched better than folk wisdom, or modern-day people trying to make it make sense.

Considering that the holiday has come to dominate upwards of 1/12 of the cultural calendar every year in much of the world - there has been shockingly little academic research done on the history of Christmas and Christmas traditions. So unfortunately folk wisdom is kind of all we have on this subject.

Coal has long been associated with various cultural figures who fall under the "winter gift-bringer" archetype. The Italian witch-like figure Befana brings coal or ashes to bad children, and the Basque Olentzero was traditionally a charcoal burner by profession. However, as most folk-lore consists mainly of unwritten cultural tradition, it is very difficult to determine exactly when and how these figures developed, and what, if any, influence they had on one another.

(For the duration of this I'm going to dub any item brought by Santa as a punishment as an 'anti-gift' for a lack of a better term. Also, the following information is specific to the continental US, as that's the area I most focus on.)

To begin with - coal, in the anti-gift sense, does not necessarily refer to valuable high-grade anthracite. It could just as easily refer to low-grade industrial coal or even charcoal. It was also given in such small quantities (small enough to fit in a child's sock, as that's what stockings were originally) as to be worth almost nothing, no matter the quality.

I actually tend to agree with what most modern articles written on this subject theorize - which is that coal was just a conveniently located item that every household had. Stockings were traditionally hung on the mantle or around the stove, so the coal scuttle was right there for any disgruntled parents looking to punish their child's misbehavior.

This theory seems to be supported by other anti-gifts I've come across in Dear Santa letters which appear to be overwhelmingly fireplace related - ashes, sticks, sand (commonly used in fire buckets) and once even buffalo chips.

Ashes in particular were a very common anti-gift in much of the US in the late 19th/early 20th century. Though often the belief was that Santa would throw ashes in your eyes if you peek at him, rather than leave them in your stocking for bad behavior.

By far the most common non-fireplace-related anti-gift I come across in Dear Santa letters is switches (as in branches/rods used for corporal punishment). I've only done the scantest of formal documentation on the subject but, just given my general observations, - I'd say that switches were just as common of an anti-gift as coal, if not more so, up until the mid-20th century when corporal punishment/spanking began becoming less culturally acceptable. I have also noted that switches were noticeably more common in the Southern US, where it is not uncommon to see them mentioned in Dear Santa letters well into the 21st century (though my attempts to document any very recent data on this has been somewhat complicated by the introduction of the Nintendo Switch.)

Coal being a relatively useful and valuable item seems to have been a joke for as long as it has been a tradition, and it is not at all uncommon to see adults pointing out that fact - especially during strikes and shortages.

Even in times of scarcity, I suspect most stocking coal ended up right back in the coal bucket, as I can't imagine most children were interesting in keeping it - thus costing the parents (or Santa) absolutely nothing.

Was coal the traditional anti-gift where any of you grew up, or was it something else?

[shiggyscumrag]

Studying can't wait, and neither can he

Synopsis: Boyfriend Bokuto comes over to your dorm when you’re in the middle of studying for finals. He sees that you’re visibly stressed and decides to help you under your desk while you study.

Authors Notes: I recently reblogged a bokuto smut where bokuto finds out you're wearing strawberry shortcake panties and eats you out to filth, but you're just buddy ol pals and I love that- so I was inspired~

There are two words that every college student dreads. Finals Week. You are in fact one of those college students that is absolutely dreading the hellish week. You know you need to study, but you really don't want too. You've been pushing it off for the last week and the deadlines are drawing near. In an effort to be responsible, you stop procrastinating and decide to study.

You shout to your roommates that you're studying and to not bother you. They agree and wish you luck. You smile say thanks and get to work. Popping in your headphones you tune out any distractions. That is until your boyfriend decides to make an unsolicited visit. No texts. No calls. Just shows up out of nowhere.

Startled would be the nicest way to put it when your boyfriend busted open your door shouting your name and giving you a hug. You did scream. You can tell your roommates tried to stop him by them standing in shock in the doorway. They looked at eachother and back at you. Seeing your sully expression they spoke first.

"Uh...we'll let you guys talk this one out!" One of your roommates spoke up while pushing the other towards their room out of sight.

Bokuto looks and closes the door before turning to you.. He had jumped at your yelp and immediately apologizes. "Y/n! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!" He goes in for a hug that keeps you seated in your chair as you let out a long sigh. Swiveling around you give him a stern look.

"It's okay, I know you didn’t mean to scare me. You didn't give me a warning though! You just busted in here out of nowhere while I was trying to study!" He stood before you with a sickly cute frown and puppy dog eyes. You felt bad about scolding him for just trying to be a loving boyfriend. You stood from your chair and put your hands on either side of his face holding him close. "Look, I'm not mad. Just remember to send a text next time okay?"

He nodded profusely while holding your hips bringing you in for another hug. You squeeze him tightly for a few seconds before pulling away.

"I have an exam tomorrow and I really need to study. You have two options." He looks down at you as you hold up two fingers. "One. You can sit on my bed and wait patiently for me to get done then we can cuddle and watch a movie when I'm finished." He immediately nodded. "Option number two is that you can go back to your dorm and I'll text you when I'm done."

"No, no I'd rather sit here with you and wait. I like your company even if you aren't saying anything." Dear god he is so precious.

"Okay. Here's some headphones you can use and feel free to also use my blanket. It's a little chilly." You said pointing to the blanket rolled up on top of your mattress.

"Okay!!" He said planting a kiss on your cheek and practically hurling himself onto your bed. The screams of the springs make you cringe but you can't help but smile at his pretty face.

Turning around you get back to work and start to shuffle through your notes trying to find that specific paragraph that has the answers to your last topic for the exam. You've been looking for this stupid section for at least 10 minutes, flipping and flipping pages without any luck. It should be here. You remember writing it down, so where is it? You can feel yourself tensing up but you can't stop growing more furious by the minute. Letting out many sighs and groans of distress you shouldn't be surprised when your boyfriend comes down and gives you a hug from behind and plants kisses on your cheek.

"Not the time Bo." You cut him short of his affection. You're in the zone and plan to stay there until you find that god damn paragraph.

"You seem upset. It's not good to study when you're upset. You won't remember anything other than being mad." Your heart swells at the way he says it. You can feel the hurt laced in his voice, the concern.

"Bo, I have to. If I don't find this part there's a good chance I'll fail this exam tomorrow." You shake your head turning to him. "I know you're worried about me being stressed but I'd be more stressed if I wasn't studying. I just need to find this section and I promise I'll give you attention and take a break." You try to turn around but he holds you in place, his and your face nose to nose.

"What if you took a little break? It'll help you calm down enough to help you study after. Maybe even help find that paragraph cause your head will be clear." He looks like a kicked puppy with the pout on his face.

"Fine, but only five minutes. You wanna cuddle?" You ask looking up at him.

"No. I wanna eat you out." How crass. He states that as if it was obvious! His hands make their way towards your pajama pants.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what?" You say startled grabbing his hands. "What's all this about? I thought you just wanted to cuddle and watch a movie?" Looking down at his face you can see a little sparkle in his big bright eyes.

"No, you said we could cuddle and watch a movie. Which I'd love to do, but I'd also love to eat you out." He said hands massaging your hips. The feel of his tight grip has a shiver running up your spine, or was it the cold air from the fan? Either way, his handsome face was pretty convincing.

"Okay, but like you said only five minutes. And you better make me cum." You say teasingly, a small smirk on your face as you lift your legs over his shoulders.

"When have I not sweetheart?" A smirk spread across his cheeks as he starts peeling off your shorts. He flings them over his shoulders when he finally gets them off making you chuckle as he takes in the fact that you weren’t wearing any panties. “Naughty naughty girl.”

Before you could retort back he dove down and all you could do is let out a squeal. Tongue flicking up and down on your clit as his middle finger circles your hole. You gasp as his middle and pointer finger sink into your pussy. Pumping slow and steady at the same pace of his tongue sucking on your clit. You check your timer and it’s down to 3 minutes 26 seconds.

“Three minutes bo.” Your voice gives out on you in this moment, your statement coming out in between pants. Your hand finds his hair digging into his scalp a little harder than anticipated. Bokuto can’t help the groan he let out, you sounded so pathetic. You looked so strung out from his tongue and two fingers alone. He always loved watching you take his cock. He groaned against your pussy again as his cock throbbed hard against his other palm.

Your head rolls back as his fingers begin to curl delicately, desperately against your walls. You clench around his fingers hard. It feels so damn delicious.

“Don’t fucking stop!” You beg beginning to grind against his face. He closes his eyes trying his best not to cream his pants. Sucking a little faster and pumping the same steady rhythm, going opposite of your hips. You see white as you feel your walls spasm against his fingers. Fuck.

“Bo I’m cumming!” You whimper out. He doesn’t stop. He keeps going until you shudder under his touch a little sensitive but mainly horny. You pull his face out of your pussy and he finally looks you in the eyes. He’s love drunk.

“What are you doing? The five minutes isn’t up!” He stammers coming up from between your legs and kisses you hard.

“You could masterbate over my pussy?” You stop leaning over to check the timer.

“A minute fifty five left.” You say almost like a question. He can’t resist when you flutter your pretty lashes up at him.

He finds himself standing up and pulling his dick out in less than a millisecond. He’s stroking himself over your pretty swollen pussy running against your red clit. You let out a tiny moan, not wanting your roommates to hear these antics. You both find each other’s eyes, list filled tension filled the gap between you. Even with the cold fan pointed right on you both, you were both hot to the touch. Right as the timer goes off he moans slightly to loud and busts all over your clit. You moan quieter than him and grab his throat pulling him into a deep kiss. You fumble for your phone to turn off the alarm and separate from the kiss.

[higuchisora]

"Mom says it's MY turn with the hallucinations!"

Lmao on one hand, plenty of illnesses (physical and mental) are genetic, including various psychosis-related/adjacent illnesses. On the other, they didn't have to take Jinx's so Vi could have some. They can share symptoms! They arguably already do, since some scenes (seeing baby Powder when she was bleeding from the stab, Vander encouraging her in the fight with Sevika, etc.) could be interpreted as being hallucinations of their own. If anything, it'd be interesting to consider how Vi would handle showing similar symptoms to Jinx, and how her view of the (unidentified) mental illness, Jinx, and herself would all be affected by this connection.

But I also think it would've been just as if not MORE interesting for her to have her own entirely different symptoms of mental illness, because even if two people from the same family suffer all of the same exact traumas (not possible but hypothetically), they'd still be impacted differently and react differently, so it would be more realistic if these things manifested in their own unique way in Vi. I'd also have loved to see how (depending on what these trauma and mental illness symptoms are) Vi and the people around her handle them. She comes across as the "suppress and don't acknowledge it" kinda gal, but if they were the kinds of symptoms you couldn't just "put in a box to deal with never" (like PTSD flasbacks/physically reacting on instinct, intrusive thoughts, etc.), and ESPECIALLY if others noticed and were constantly bringing it up/putting pressure on her to face these issues, I'd be curious to see the outcome of that. Obviously there'd be a lot of self-blame in there regardless, maybe even some internalized ableism (calling herself weak or pathetic, etc). But I'm mainly curious about how this could affect her coping mechanisms, as well as her POV on the situations and people around her, and vice versa.

Would she think herself too "broken" to be of help, of use to others? Would she push them away, would she become distrustful of them, or would she become MORE fixated on the ones she loves, perhaps turning them into makeshift anchors for her mental stability? Would she become similar to or more different from Jinx, and would that help or hinder their understanding of each other? Perhaps where Jinx indulges in and embraces violence, Vi would begin to shy away? Where Jinx staples her wounds and tries to murder-suicide her and her childhood friend, would Vi turn to substance abuse, chasing things that promise to make her feel good- or even feel nothing at all? Where Jinx pushes to become stronger, louder, more dangerous, further and further away from the version of herself she viewed as weak and easy to leave behind- would Vi instead stop pushing at all? Would her skin be unable to bear the sensation of her bandages scratching against her? Would she try to become smaller, harder to see, easier to ignore, to leave behind, as she believes she deserves? Could her hands continue to form fists without trembling? Could she continue to stomach the sight of blood, the sound of bones breaking under her touch?

I'm doing too much but now I can't stop thinking about it. Regardless of how "obvious" her traumas and mental illness(es) are, it's obvious she's got them, but considering the absolute refusal by Overton and Linke to acknowledge this and do anything with it, it's as if she has no problems at all and just walked out of season 1 completely fine. So I'm left to do nothing but speculate and imagine and wish upon stars.

"Hallucinating her loved ones screaming at her"

Jinx handing her psychosis over to Vi like:

[imsobadatnicknames2]

To my great surprise, one of my friends expressed interest in DnD, bringing the total people interested including myself to a whopping THREE! Now, I've only played DnD a few times at a game shop and literally no other TTRPGs, but I'd be open in checking out other stuff (and can hopefully persuade my friends)! Would you happen to have any recs for maybe a bit more of an intro/beginners game that one could run with three players total? (If you happen to know any that maximizes a player feeling badass, that'd be neat & appreciated, as I think that's the main draw for them lol). Anyways, thanks for your time :3

Hiiii thanks for your question! So have in mind that I haven't played any of these firsthand because I'm mostly into games that mechanically emphasize disempowerment (the games i run tend to go less for the Found Family of Heroic Misfits Go on an Epic Quest approach and more for the Gang of Amoral Treasure Hunters Get Themselves Killed While Looking For Treasure in a Dark Scary Hole one), so I'm going off mainly from the play experience implied by reading the rules themselves and by what I've heard other people say about them.

First of all Is Quest RPG

I've seen it recommended a couple times by @thydungeongal and after reading a bit of it I have to agree with her assessment that this is the game that most D&D players seem to ACTUALLY want to play when they start invoking Rule 0 and the Rule of Cool and playing fast and loose with mechanics. It's a game where the explicit design intention seems to be natively supporting the style of gameplay that most popular D&D Actual Play shows feature, without any of the negatives of trying to fit 5e's square peg into that particular round hole. It's also available for free, which is pretty nice.

I would also recommend Brighthammer: Rules Light High Fantasy (which is a hack of Sledgehammer: Rules Light Dark Fantasy)

It's a simple system with a d100 resolution mechanic which fits into two eight-page mini-zines, one for the players and one for the GM.

It leans into the heroic fantasy angle specifically by letting players continually accumulate advantage to rolls during combat encounters by performing heroic actions, such as defending an ally or an innocent bystander. This one is also free and it's a pretty quick read so you don't lose anything by checking it out.

Next up is The Basic Hack

This one is a slightly streamlined version of The Black Hack, which itself is a massively streamlined version of early editions of D&D. Just like The Black Hack, it uses D&D's classic six-attribute array and a lot of other mechanical elements that make it pretty easily compatible with a lot of D&D materials while still being a very distinct system of its own, but where it differs from TBH is that it simplifies a lot of its mechanics and overall has a less gritty and more heroic tone.

Lastly there is Break!!, which is the only game in this list that is going to cost you any non-zero amount of money

Break!! has some old-school sensibilities here and there (seems to take some inspiration specifically from games like Cairn and ITO) but aesthetically and tonally it takes most of its cues from fantasy anime and JRPGs. It has a pretty cool-looking setting, and some interesting twists on classic fantasy TTRPG races and classes. You get everything from "basically a D&D fighter with a different name" to "paladin meets magical girl" to "literally an isekai protagonist". Anyway one way in which it leans into making the players feel pwoerful and badass is that its initiative system rewards being proactive in fights: whatever side starts the fight gets to act first, with no checks or rolls required. Also, it handles health depletion on a per-encounter basis. Health regenerates fully imbetween fights, essentially ensures that players always start fights at full strength and gets rid of long-term resource depletion. Which, you know, i like long-term resource depletion for my games, but if what you want to do is feel like badass heroes this is definitely the way to go, and it still has some interesting long-term consequences for running out of health in a fight.

[synkqngel]

#resolutions.

pairing: non!idol winter x f!reader.

desc: 2 hours until midnight, 2 hours until you welcome the new year and 2 hours until minjeong’s 24th birthday.

wc: 1.6k

tags: slight angst if u squint; not proofread, minjeong seems like a red flag at first 💔

warnings: none really, maybe a SLIGHT implication of sexual encounters (not really but yk)

it had been aeri’s idea to throw a new year's party against your better judgement — after all, you're her flatmate, which also means you have a say on what gatherings can happen in this apartment specifically. “come on, yn, it'll only be a small gathering,” the pink haired girl had told you.

by ‘small gathering’, she meant her six of her colleagues, old friends from your high school, and her whole friend group. by no means was this considered large, but you worry about how everyone would fit in a 200sqm apartment. her friend group (which was coincidentally also your *only* friend group), consisted of jimin, yizhuo, and minjeong. you didn't hate minjeong, it's not like you weren't close or anything— you were, maybe just a little too much. unbeknownst to the other three, you had been stuck in a constant cycle of ‘will they won't they’, a cruel reminder of the nights you’ve spent in the blonde’s twin sized bed only to wake up without her.

kim minjeong is confusing.

you don't know where you stand with her. multiple times she has whispered you, ���i love you’ underneath the covers; multiple times where she had almost slipped up and introduced you as her girlfriend in front of people she meets, only to act like she doesn't even *know* you later. confusion and hurt: the two words you would use to describe your relationship (or lack thereof), and intoxicating: the word you would use to describe kim minjeong— or maybe hesitant. countless of times you have fallen into this game of push and pull.

and it would take the heavens to keep you from doing so.

~

aeri snaps her fingers in front of your face, bringing you out of your daydream. “hellooo? aeri to n/n,”

you whip your head over to look in her direction, blinking a few times. “sorry, what’re you talking about?”

“you've been like this all day,” she continues, furrowing her eyebrows. “is something up? c’mon, spill it— im your best friend.”

a few seconds of silence follow, before you finally snap out of it for a second time. “nothing, i'm just tired, we've been cleaning the damn apartment all day long, aeri.”

the pink-haired girl began to laugh, seemingly relieved her best friend, the one she knew and loved was back. “there you are! you've been strangely quiet, i was getting worried.”

“i hate cleaning, you know that, gi,”

meaningless conversation followed, something the two of you had grown to love ever since you moved in together, before the sound of your doorbell ringing caught your attention. patting you on the back, aeri stood up, making her way to the door to see who it was. checking the front door camera, the familiar heads of wine red and black hair appeared at the door, you heard aeri animatedly greeting the two before the door shut behind them.

you stood up, moving to hug jimin and yizhuo with a grin plastered across your face. thank the lord the previous conversation with aeri distracted you from the thoughts of minjeong. “jimin, ning, thanks for coming,” you smiled, exclaiming into the material of jimin’s sweater.

the tallest laughed, fixing your top as she pulled away. “of course, if it's you guys, i'd come in a heartbeat.”

you'd always considered jimin to be the most motherly out of everyone, taking care of each and every one of you and your friends. turning to yizhuo, you find she’s already sat down at the kitchen island, pouring herself a drink as she gossips with aeri.

~

coats pile up on the rack as the night falls and the party stretches on, with more familiar faces and some unfamiliar ones, which you assume are aeri’s colleagues. however, when the doorbell rings again only to find minjeong at the door with a small present, all your emotions begin to flood your mind, the buzz of the party unable to distract your thoughts when you're faced with the root of your distress.

a beat passes.

“i didn't think you'd come. i thought you were in busan.” a mumble. you avoid her neutral gaze in fear of breaking down.

“i came back early,” she replies in a much softer tone. the short haired girl extends the gift box out to you. “merry late christmas, don't tell the others i didn't get anything for them,”

you let her in, watching as she goes through the process of hugging and greeting each one of her friends before walking off to talk to some other people. pocketing the small gift box, you slump down on the couch, watching the sky outside for a while.

“hey,” a voice beside you says. someone approaches you, glass in hand, and you recognise her from one of your classes. you turn to face her, sitting up offering a small smile. “yn, right? i'm natty.”

“oh, yeah, ive seen you around but we've never had the chance to talk before,” she smiles at your words, taking a sip of her drink. “nice to meet you.”

you return the smile; she's sociable, easy to talk to even. “nice to meet you, too.”

the minutes pass, and you fail to notice minjeong’s eyes boring into the back of your head from where she's sat on a stool. ryujin stops herself mid sentence, her eyes following the blonde’s trail of sight. “jealous, huh?“

the other whips her head around to face her. “huh? what do you mean?”

“never mind,” she smiles before changing the subject.

minjeong watches your conversation intently— just why was her face getting hot? her expression is a mix of frustration, bitterness, and confusion. just why was she feeling this way? she runs her hand through her short blonde hair, turning to ryujin. “i'll be back, i'm going to the bathroom.” the other gives her a nod as she basically dashes to lock herself in the bathroom. as minjeong stares at her reflection in the mirror; she grips the edge of the counter, her face red and eyes glossy. “fuck, i'm losing it,” she mumbles.

kim minjeong has never felt this way.

now that she has; she doesn't know how to handle it— and it's killing both you and her at the same time: two birds with one stone.

switching the faucet on, she splashes her face with the chilling water in an attempt to snap herself out of it; to collect and compose herself. minjeong looks back at her reflection in the mirror, face now dripping with water— her reflection scares her. “get it together, kim minjeong. jesus christ, what are you doing?!” she whispers before drying her wet face with a paper towel and making her way back to the party.

the time on her phone displays 11:53. 7 minutes until midnight.

after searching almost desperately for another three minutes, she finds you alone on the balcony, silently watching you as you stared at the skyline, the cold winter air blowing at your face and messing up your hair.

her breath hitches at the sight.

you turn your whole body around, leaning against the glass railing. “what?”

“we need to talk,” minjeong states, stepping closer.

“about what?” your eyebrows furrow and you look to the side briefly.

“our relationship.”

those two words hit you like a fucking punch to the gut. you freeze in place, looking her square in the eyes. your eyes widen and the words you're trying so desperately to say become trapped in your dry throat.

“you don't get to say that, kim minjeong.”

minjeong is taken aback. she furrows her eyebrows, her lips forming a slight frown. “what?”

“you heard me. you don't get to show up and tell me we need to talk about ‘our relationship.’” you scoff, stepping closer to the other. “because, let's be real, what fucking relationship even is there? we're friends, but you sometimes want to pretend we're dating for your own benefit— what's it going to be, minjeong, what am i?!”

a beat follows as neither of you talk, too afraid to continue.

those minutes feel an awfully lot like hours before she speaks again.

11:58.

“look, n/n,” she begins. “fuck, i never meant to make you feel that way, i'm- i'm just confused, and—”

“confused?“

“let me speak. now that i've gotten too close, i pushed you away in confusion— i don't know how the fuck to deal with shit like this,” minjeong continues, extending her arm to grab your hand— its cold against hers. “i'm so, so sorry, and i know you're hurt and pissed and you don't have to forgive me, but—”

the commotion from inside the party breaks the bubble surrounding the both of you, pulling you back to reality.

ten.

breathe in; breathe out. minjeong's breaths are shallow as she takes in your slightly confused expression.

nine.

minjeong swallows, looking you in the eyes before continuing.

eight.

“i'm so sorry,”

seven.

she closes her eyes for a half-second. “i really, really,”

six.

confused, you speak up. “minjeong, what the hells going—”

five.

“shush.” the blonde huffs. “let me continue.”

four.

“i really like you,”

three.

she tracks her words again, realising what she had just said. “no, i'm in love with you.”

two.

minjeong takes a deep breath, making eye contact.

one.

“i'm really, really in love with you,” she whispers, as if no one but you and her were to know it, as if it were a secret.

twelve midnight.

“minjeong, what—” you begin, only to be interrupted and caught off guard by the sensation of minjeong’s pink lips against yours. soft and gentle, she grabs the side of your face, pulling you in as you finally kiss her back, and it's all she's ever wanted. it's all *youve* ever wanted.

all the nights you've spent dreaming of this, dreaming of minjeong: dreaming of being hers, weren't in vain. no, not at all.

when she finally pulls away, she stares into your eyes, the city lights reflecting off of your irises. “happy new year.”

a few seconds of comfortable silence pass before you speak again, your voice quiet.

“and happy birthday, minjeong,”

~

a/n: HAPPY NEW YEAR AND HAPPY WJNTER DAYY (in my timezone atleast) i literally wrote this in like an hour while waiting for the fireworks so i'm sorry if it's trash 😭😭

[nicoleanell]

Still on my kick of meta-ing about IWTV season 2 a few months too late. LOUMAND FIGHT TIME. I gotta be sad about something real quick.

There's definitely a thing in the Armand-apologist side of fandom (the street where I live) where it's often brought up that nothing Armand says in that argument is quite as vile and monstrous as the "groomed me into a little bitch" line. My obligatory disclaimer IN FAIRNESS TO LOUIS: (a) it's certainly not a one-sided fight and they do both get some very ugly hits in, (b) Armand was the sober one (I don't actually think that's much of an excuse but worth pointing out he immediately forgot what happened and apologized even BEFORE any mind-meddling), and (c) holy shit the rest of the episode exists and nothing that preceded Louis' suicide attempt was a justification for the way Armand reacted after it. Cool? Cool.

But still - yeah. That line is gross and extremely Not funny to me. It crosses such a huge line so fast there's almost nothing either of them could say to de-escalate from that. (In fact I'd argue it crosses a line FOR THE AUDIENCE more than it even registers as that bad to Armand, which in itself is kinda sad. Like… his instinct in that moment is laughing and throwing trauma insults back in a stupid Southern accent. He was - I cannot stress this enough - more upset by being called boring.)

I think there's something interesting about the fact that in universe the way Armand responds by mocking Louis' brother's suicide is just as horrible - because Paul's death is meant to be something that was formatively traumatic and life-changing for Louis - but I'm not sure that it fully hits the audience as viscerally terrible on the same level as making fun of Armand being raped by his daddy-vampire and others as. a. child.

But anyway, with the understanding no one came out taking the high road there... the thing that actually kills me about that exchange is we KNOW in that moment, watching them hurl these horrible horrible words at each other: these are things they opened up to each other about in the past. These are things they told each other. They've been together for decades already. This isn't a "digging into your head and pulling stuff out" kind of thing, like some fuckin' Daniel or whatever. This isn't common knowledge of their backstories just because the audience knows it already. They're both acting like "this is a thing you whine about all the time" when they've whined about it to vanishingly few people in the world, actually!!

Armand brings up Paul and Grace because Louis has talked about them, and he listened. Louis has told him about watching Paul step off the roof, about Grace at the cemetary. And Armand told Louis everything about Marius, and Louis filed that away in his brain with some extra words that Armand didn't use. At one point or another, they both unpacked the heaviest shit that ever happened to them and said "have this, I think it's why I am the way I am", they shared these things with each other in moments of intimacy and vulnerability and said "don't hurt me with this, obviously, okay?" And now they're here, unloading it all back onto each other as mockery. Yeah, I've heard you say all that stuff about your damage, and it's fucking pathetic and hilarious actually. It's not just like "I'm trying to hurt you by bringing this up", it's also "you've always sounded ridiculous to me when you talked about this stuff, you know that, right? I pretended to feel bad for you and I truly could not care less."

Like one of the reasons I think that scene is so jaw-dropping is there's so much intimacy and familiarity with each other implied and also shattered by it. And man how DO you ever get back from that. I would start the memory-erasing from that moment forward for sure.

[lavmana]

So because I love tables I made some tables! I'll link the full thing at the end but here's the (semi-readable) table of ships! (I did have to guess some of the names)

(I apologise for how small it is this is the best I can do in this case)

However probably more interesting is looking at the numbers between various relationship types! So going in order we have the Exes:

With an average of 2.111 repeating, Twilight and Trixie are doing some HEAVY lifting here. Without them the average would be 1.75 so congratulations to them for being the most... something. Regardless it's also quite funny to me that the main difference between a '3' ex and a '1' ex is basically if it is het or not. (This is not a judgement, I'd do the exact same). The main exception being Trixie and Rarity who are the only 2 here which I think puts them firmly in the "not my thing but I support it" category.

Otherwise this mostly makes sense! You'd either put exes down as "canon relationships that I do NOT want" or "They'd totally be a fling but regret it" which only really lends itself to the lower side of numbers!

Also lol fluttercord L + ratio + Tree Hugger wins + the 0 stands for 0 bitches. I swear I'm a nice person in real life please don't take this seriously.

Okay next Queer Platonic relationships or QPs as I'm calling them cause it sounds like "cuties":

Welcome to the realm of averages. To address the exceptions I need to admit I have no idea what the... tissue(?) cutie mark is that's attached to cheese sandwich, so I'll just hope it's an OC that I don't know and support it! Otherwise Trixie and Sunburst get a 1 I assume because they had to be connected to complete the platonic square going on between Trixie, Starlight, Sunburst, and Thorax(?). On that note the main QPs occur between the mane 6 (especially Pinkie Pie my platonic queen), and that square. This is also Bubbles main spot so take a moment to appreciate her then keep reading.

With an average of 2.231 this does make sense given most of what makes up these links are filling in polycules which are supported but not a main ship.

Next the era of Romance:

"Gee Twilight how come you get 6 girlfriends, 3 exes, 2 QPs, and a wife?" Respect to my girl for pursuing ONLY romantic relationships with her besties. However the real star is secretly Rainbow Dash who has no links going below 3 (within the mane 6) awarding her the prize of most shippable pony! Congrats Rainbow! Twilight does still win the most links with 12.

This is by far the most popular category for a link to fall into. The Mane 6 really do shine here with Twilight Rarity and RD all having plenty of spots here. We also enter the higher numbers with hilariously the only 5s being Mordecai and Rigby (good for her) and AJ and rarity which is a real range.

There's probably too much here to comment on anything properly but definitely the most fun to look through, especially with all the 4s.

And now... mawiage!

omg did I actually write person instead of pony? I cannot believe myself right now, this is my greatest shame.

Anyway with an average of 4 (4.375 without Mudbriar) we have achieved our highest rated category! Of course this makes sense, if you think two ponies have high enough chemistry to be married, you probably also think they have good shipping potential you enjoy. This gives us most of the 5s and RD getting TWO wives.

Maud Pie really brings things down here with her husband, apologies to my ace king but you have been voted off the island. In the mean time we can basically spot the top tier ships in here with Twipie, appledash, flutterdash, and trixie x starlight! So if you wanna get on Zigo's (I'm assuming this is your legal name) good side depict these ships!

Weird Al is also in here. He got a 3 so good for him.

As for my own thoughts I actually am a big fan of this chart! Beyond like a few numbers slightly up or down 1 rank I basically agree with it! It's cool to see where the differences lie but I've talked way too much to keep yapping so bye!

And that mostly summarizes some thoughts from this graph! I very much enjoyed making these tables so if anyone ever makes something like this again I will keep putting them into LibreOffice and comparing the data I find! You can see the full tables here:

It's a .ods file because that's what libreoffice uses.

headcanon relationship chart for the mane 6. for some undefined amount of time after the show

i am not trying to lend undue legitimacy to the institution of marriage. or devalue queer platonic relationships. these are just different types of relationships. obviously.

[irl-batsignal]

The Bee Movie.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Coming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive City graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick our job today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! -

That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Can anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Check it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can't just decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it.

Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Couple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Come on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Congratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening.

See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick.

That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Cool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Could be daisies. Don't we need those? Copy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Chemical-y. Careful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Candy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Coming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny!

What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Can't fly in rain. Can't fly in rain. Can't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Come on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. 

That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Can I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Coffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Come on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Can I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out your job and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating.

You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Cinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Cute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. -

You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Crazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Carl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads!

Pinhead. –Check out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Chung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Chung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Classy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Columbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here.

Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Case number 4475, Superior Court of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry?

They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Cloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Call your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the right job. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - 

What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Chapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins!

I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Could you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - 

What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Congratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Can't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Cannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Carl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's not just flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.

That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. – That just kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Could you ask him to slow down? Could you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, California. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - 

Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Can you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Captain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Can I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Captain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out!

Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Come on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Can you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Come on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Come on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - 

Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, or just Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Can I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Can I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Can we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

[scrapyardboyfriends]

I'm glad Emmerdale are finally getting rid of some of these characters. Nate and Will and Wendy and such have been on my axe list for years and characters like Ella never worked anyway. But I do share others concern that they're axing mostly non Dingle characters other than Nate and the show desperately needs to expand beyond the Dingles if it wants to survive. I was even thinking about the teens and I feel like half of them are related to each other so the dating pool just gets smaller and smaller, which is an issue.

I feel like if they want to get rid of Dingles, Sam and Lydia would be where I would start honestly, and Belle. Of course I'd feel bad for the actors but from a story potential perspective, Belle has really been exhausted over the years and especially with this latest story. I'd honestly send her off with a nice job opportunity exit and let her go live a happier life off screen.

Sam and Lydia have just become extremely irrelevant. Other than maybe Lydia's friendship with Kim, which doesn't get the amount of focus it used to anyway, they really have nothing to do. Samson is in prison, Amelia and Esther are gone. Zak and Lisa are gone. They could easily follow Belle or go to Scotland or anywhere. Follow Amelia to be closer to Esther.

Then I'd probably just move Mandy and Paddy up to Wishing Well so Liam can have his damn house back.

I'd axe Bear because I've never understood his purpose. I'd also axe Ryan because honestly what's the point.

And then I'd let Charity and Chas and eventually Cain rest as characters for a bit. Let Chas and Charity just be behind the bar for their episode counts but not have massive stories. Let Cain just be support to Moira and work at the garage for a bit.

I'd pull Noah into Joe's orbit and let him embrace his Tate side a bit. I'd let Joe get a true foothold into Home Farm so he and Kim have to actually work together up there. I'd bring in Jean Tate to make them more of a proper family up there. Maybe let them remember that Caleb is half Tate as well.

I'd kill the HOP and put in a better more functional business up there. One that can actually visibly employ people.

Honestly, at this point I'd probably axe Dawn and Billy as well. I want to like them and I do like Billy but they just don't know what to do with them and with Will gone, they either need to make them functional village characters with jobs or they need to go. I'd move Gabby back into the Home Farm sphere with Jean and Joe and Noah.

As for other new characters, I'd still bring in a whole new family with teens and then actually use those teens to allow the current teens to start having real stories and not just troubled teen stories. But not all issue stories either. Let them just date and work part time jobs and have visible friendships and react to their parent's stories and stuff in addition to have bigger stories of their own. Let them be real characters with real personalities.

I was also thinking about bringing back/recasting a character like Scarlet King. She could be good to give Jimmy more family again but you know...not make her a psycho. She could come in with a family or not. But she could give characters like Vic and Amy and Matty someone new to interact with.

I'd also probably axe Charles and Claudette and as much as I do like Manpreet, she has nothing to do either. Bring in a new vicar with a family.

And none of these new families would be connected to anyone in the village, especially not the Dingles.

I'd also probably axe Suzy and just let Vanity get back together and free Mack. Let Mack move in with Aaron and John until John just fucking leaves.

I'd still do whatever I possibly could to convince Ryan to return obviously.

I'd also probably axe Kerry at this point.

I'd let Vic and Matty/Amy buy into the B&B because Nicola and Jimmy are stretched too thin. Let Vic expand the B&B restaurant and be a functional character that has a life and purpose and doesn't exist just to annoy people or be their plot friend.

One of the new families would definitely have an older mother or aunt come with them that could date Mary.

Mary and Kim's friendship would also get to flourish again, especially if I axe Lydia.

I'm also just desperate for them to return to having some village stories that bring in the comedy and positivity. Things that aren't so serious.

Anyway...call me ITV, I have ideas.

[aishangotome]

Azel Radwan: Chapter 14

Chapter 13 His Side Story

Thank you @passthechloroform for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

(...What is this...?)

The moans of people bring a raw vividness to the temple, a dwelling for the mysteries of life.

In the outer plaza, likely once a gathering place for people, many injured were being treated by a man in white.

The man, presumably a doctor, wore a sand-shielding garment fastened with a pin shaped like a unicorn.

Basil was also bustling about nearby, but he straightened up the moment he saw Azel.

Azel: Basil, Sinan. I'll be stepping out for a bit. Can I leave things here to you?

Basil: Leave it to me!

Sinan: It's nothing too serious, you don't have to worry.

Exchanging only the most necessary words, Azel quickly heads towards the desert.

The injured people offer prayers, but the Living God shows no sign of concern.

(It seems like this isn't our destination.)

I hurry my steps, and as usual, run to keep pace beside him.

Emma: What happened?

Azel: If I had to say...

Azel: The beginning of the end... I suppose?

-

Entering the city as if to avoid attention, Azel steps into the Tourist Board building through the back door.

There is no sign of anyone around, as if it had been prearranged...

He finally stops when we reach the upper floor.

Azel: This is a good spot, isn't it? It's a special place where you can look down on the city without being seen.

Azel, with a compassionate smile, gestures towards the window.

I had already noticed something was amiss before even looking.

The city of Tanzanite is always enveloped in hustle and bustle, but even now, the sounds that reach us are rough.

(Angry shouts, cries, screams, praying voices...)

I cautiously peek out the window – and there, spread out before me, is a scene exactly as I had imagined from the sounds alone.

Azel: It's like a war, isn't it?

In the middle of the main street leading to the castle, a multitude of people are engaged in a brawl.

It's not a war with weapons, but the sight of them hitting and cursing each other is grotesque.

Tanzanite soldiers are already trying to intervene, but they are too few in number to handle it.

Emma: Prince Azel, we have to stop them!

Azel: Why?

Emma: Why...?

Azel: If a God intervenes in human actions, it becomes domination, not mediation.

Azel: But I have no intention of dominating. It's too much trouble.

Eyes, mystical and holding the starry sky within, coldly and cruelly look down on the "small battlefield" where dust is rising.

The sight of him with his lips curled up sends a shiver down my spine.

(He has no intention of stopping it.)

(If that's the case – ...)

As I turn on my heel, I'm roughly grabbed by the back of my collar.

Azel: What can you do even if you go?

Emma: I can provide first aid.

Azel: ...Tch, that's right.

Emma: Then–

Azel: Wait, wait, wait. I won't let you go.

Azel: – ...It's dangerous.

(... ? I thought I heard something, but I couldn't make it out clearly with all the commotion.)

Azel clears his throat as if to regain his composure and opens his mouth again.

Azel: I'd like to say do as you please, but I didn't bring you here to mediate.

Azel kept his hand on my collar and cast his gaze outside once more.

His profile, with only a beautiful smile gracing it, was devastatingly handsome and held an unfathomable sacredness.

(What is this...? The atmosphere around him is different from usual.)

(He's always had a bad personality, but he's completely different from the ultimately good-natured God I know....)

Azel: Why do you think people fight?

Emma: ...Does it have something to do with the fake diviners?

Azel: That was just the trigger.

Azel: What's happening before your eyes now is a public lynching of heretics...

Azel: Or, to put it simply, a conflict between those who believe in God and those who harbor distrust.

(That's...)

*flashback*

Luke: At first, people might think it's just the diviner's fault.

Luke: But, if the same thing starts happening to every diviner...

Luke: They'll start to think the problem lies elsewhere.

*flashback over*

(This means that the concerns Clavis and Luke had have become a reality.)

If the foundation of faith is shaken, a country built on the mysteries of God cannot remain unscathed.

Azel: As the number of fake diviners increases, people's faith wavers.

Azel: I am a God, but my appearance is no different from a human's.

Azel: The only difference is that I can foresee the future of people.

Azel: An infallible, miracle-working diviner is revered as a God solely because of that one point.

Azel: But if that mystery disappears, I'm nothing more than a human.

Azel: Does God's protection truly exist? Once one person starts to doubt, it spreads like an infectious disease.

I can't sense any emotion from Azel, who speaks dispassionately, to an unnatural degree.

Rather than the figure who envelops everything with a compassionate smile, he now, with an unreadable smile, seems more like an "inhuman God."

Azel: Naturally, there are also forces that want to stop this.

Azel: The conflict between the two sides gradually surfaced, and finally, it has come to this.

Azel: Don't you find it comical?

Azel: Just a slight fraying of faith in God, and the country collapses into such chaos.

Azel: I find it incredibly amusing.

(Who is this before me?)

A chill creeps up from my feet at his unusual cruelty.

Whether the figure I've seen until now was an illusion, or whether the Azel here now is an illusion – either way, I feel like I'm having a terrible dream.

Emma: ...Many people are getting hurt right before your eyes.

Azel: So what? I told you before, didn't I? I'm tired of humans.

Azel: If you want to say that God is a merciful being, don't make me laugh.

Azel: I don't care what happens to mortals.

(What's an illusion, and what's real...?)

(If both versions of Azel are real, it's a contradiction.)

(If the outline of the God I thought I grasped was all a mirage... then what remains after the illusion disappears?)

Azel: More importantly, look closer.

Azel: You... no, Rhodolite, wanted to know the mystery of the Triple Alliance, right?

Azel: The answer is right before your eyes, are you going to miss it?

(Within this commotion...? )

Looking down at the city again, the situation had changed slightly.

The High Priest stood before the people, appeasing them in place of God.

Even though a riot was occurring, it seemed that faith had not been completely eradicated, and both believers and non-believers were gradually regaining their composure.

(The alliance with Ruby and Acroite, which includes military elements, and this commotion...)

(They seem completely unrelated.)

Azel: ...That rotten geezer's intervention was quicker than I expected. I think it would have been fine to let them suffer a little more.

Emma: ......

Azel: Don't look at me like that. Haven't you ever touched a hot pot as a child?

Azel: Adults know that a pot on the fire is hot. So they never try to touch it.

Azel: But children don't understand that. They only realize it's hot and dangerous after getting burned.

Emma: ...So this incident is also about "learning" only after getting hurt?

Azel: Exactly. It would be best if both sides learned.

Azel: That there's no problem that can be solved by hitting and cursing each other.

(I sort of understand what you're saying, but........)

Emma: ...Why did you show me this scene, Prince Azel?

(I don't understand the reason.)

(It can't be to give me a hint about the Triple Alliance...)

Azel sighed as if exasperated and grabbed my head firmly.

Azel: Don't ask me everything, use that tiny head of yours to think a little.

(Huh, he's back to his usual self...?)

Perhaps thanks to the commotion outside settling down, the cruel God returned to being a mean God, shaking my head left and right.

Emma: Stop shaking me!

Azel: My apologies. I wanted to know how much brain is actually packed into your head.

Emma: It might not be as full as yours, Prince Azel.

Emma: But...

I grab the hand placed on my head and forcefully pull it away.

Emma: I'm certainly not stupid.

The hand I grasped was trembling slightly.

(A riot with bloodshed is the kind of thing Azel hates the most.)

(Even with that cruel look on his face, I know he never wished for this to happen.)

Azel shakes off my hand and glares at me with disgust.

Compared to his previous cold gaze, this one seemed more human and not scary – but his sudden laughter makes me wonder if something is going on.

Azel: Is it your sharp wild intuition, or Silvio's advice...? It must be the latter, without a doubt.

(...!)

Footsteps other than ours gradually grew louder, and Luke appeared from around the corner of the hallway.

Azel raising both his hands and Luke drawing his sword and pointing its tip happened almost simultaneously.

Emma: Luke, what are you doing!?

Luke: Get away from Emma.

Azel: How frightening. It's as if I've become an evil God.

Azel: But, is this really alright? This will surely become a diplomatic issue.

Luke: ...Answer me, evil God.

Luke: Did you orchestrate this uproar?

Emma: He absolutely did not!

Azel: Yes, that's impossible... why are you the one insisting so strongly?

When I stepped between Azel and Luke, the tip of the sword was finally withdrawn.

(Honestly, my mind is in chaos.)

(I can tell Luke is angry, but I have no idea why.)

Luke: He's dangerous, Emma.

Emma: You're the one who's dangerous, Luke.

Azel: How strange. Your ally isn't me, it's Luke, isn't it?

Azel: He's caught a whiff of some "truth" and is pointing his sword at me.

Azel: On the other hand, it doesn't make sense for you to be defending me.

Emma: ...Am I not allowed to defend you?

Emma: Whether you're an evil God or a fraud, I've never wanted you to get hurt.

Azel: ...

Clavis: Haha, Luke, that's enough. If you take off the God's head, ours will go flying too, you know?

Clavis, who appeared late, put a hand on Luke's shoulder and pulled him back as if to make him stand down.

It seemed Luke wasn't truly serious after all, as he obediently sheathed his sword.

Azel: It's already too late, you know?

Clavis: My apologies, please forgive him. It seems Luke is a little shaken by your country's unique culture.

Clavis takes a pouch from his pocket and tosses it to Azel.

From the sound, it seemed to be filled with coins.

Clavis: Is that not enough?

Azel: No, I appreciate you being so straightforward.

(...He's forgiving him with money.)

Azel: You have business with Emma, right?

Azel: I'll be heading back first. I'm not interested anymore.

True to his word, Azel passes by Luke with no lingering attachment and leaves.

He didn't even glance at me.

Luke: For now, let's change locations.

-

Silvio: So why are ya coming to my room?

Clavis: Out of all of us, you're the one who knows Prince Azel the best, right?

Clavis, who entered Silvio's room as if he owned the place, placed the local alcohol he bought at the market on the table.

Clavis: Look, I even brought souvenirs!

Silvio: This alone will only cover the information fee from earlier.

Clavis: Haha, I'll thank you for that matter. You knew well that the Tourist Board was one of the God's bases?

Silvio: I often have business discussions with the God there, too.

Silvio, seemingly having no intention of driving away his sudden guests, sits down on the long sofa by the window.

Silvio: If you're goin' to thank me, give me a more interesting story.

Silvio: For example, the truth behind the explosion that happened the other day?

Emma: There was an explosion at the castle?

Clavis: Why are you looking at me so readily?

Emma: Because you have a prior record.

(But even Clavis wouldn't go so far as to bomb another country's castle –)

Luke: You're right, Emma.

Emma: I didn't want to be right!

Clavis: Haha, well, there were unavoidable circumstances.

Clavis: But if it's known that I was the culprit, it will become a diplomatic issue. This stays between us, alright?

Clavis put his index finger to his lips, and Silvio and Luke sighed in unison.

Emma: Where did you bomb?

Clavis: The place where the High Priest gives his esteemed sermons.

Emma: You bombed such a place!?

Clavis: I did, indeed.

(Unbelievable.)

Luke: There was no time to stop him.

Clavis: You mean there was no intention to stop me, right?

Silvio: ...Your diplomatic skills are somethin' else.

Clavis: Haha, don't praise me, don't praise me. I'll get embarrassed.

Silvio: That's sarcasm, you idiot.

Silvio: Was it such an unbearable sermon?

Clavis: Hmm... well, the content of the talk itself was quite interesting.

Clavis: I didn't know there was something called the "Prophecy of the End" from the first Living God.

(The End...)

*flashback*

Emma: ...Before I lost consciousness, the man was saying...

Emma: "Has God abandoned us?"

Emma: "The day of reckoning is near..."

*flashback over*

(I didn't expect to hear that word again in a place like this.)

Clavis: The main point of the gathering was that people had to unite to escape this "End."

Clavis: But that's not the issue.

Clavis takes a small bottle from his pocket.

I unconsciously braced myself, but it wasn't an explosive bottle. It contained something like a dried piece of wood.

Clavis: Do you know what this is?

Silvio: It's fragrant wood, right?

Clavis: Yes. This fragrant wood itself isn't harmful, but it has a drug coated on its surface.

Clavis: When burned in an incense burner, it induces a mild state of intoxication.

Emma: Isn't that dangerous?

Clavis: Haha, well, it's probably not enough to be banned.

Clavis: But what do you think happens when people are told how wonderful God is while their thinking isn't normal?

With those words, a terrifying thought suddenly runs through my mind.

(...It reminds me of that person.)

(Controlling people with fear, paralyzing their thoughts, and then forcing them to accept his demands.)

(That genius of domination who has ravaged many countries...)

*She's referring to Gilbert

Silvio: So, it's a kind of mind control.

Silvio's words fall into the room, and no one denies it.

Clavis: The gatherings that the High Priest holds regularly... when you open the lid, it's a workshop for producing fanatics.

Clavis: Today's riot was probably also caused by some of those fanatics.

Clavis: And Emma, this is something that concerns you too –

-

Azel: Did those overprotective fellows actually allow you to come back?

When I stopped, Azel was looking down at me from the top of the stairs.

His eyes were terribly cold... but their expression quickly changed.

Azel: Are you... crying?

.

.

.

Chapter 14 Premium Story

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