#and I’m sick of the libs trying to shove it down our throats

[marinetti-dinner-party]

Red-brown alliance alert: I don’t think William Luther Pierce would have liked ‘brat summer,’ and I don’t care for it either

[xiaomomowrites]

Audience [Oneshot]

Attack on Titan | Words: 3k |  slight Eremika, Eruri

Summary: "Something like that. I'll wrap it around you as many times as you need to." his fists were balled at his sides as he looked at her over his shoulder, "I'll do it again and again...wait what was my line again?" he interrupted himself and dropped his stance to look back at his lines. Blooper reel, some behind-the-scenes fun. 

Find this story here on Fanfiction.net | {mikasa-heichou}

--

“Isabel, can you scoot up a little? Perfect. A little more light on Levi since Erwin is blocking the shot a little with his height- there we go. Okay, second take guys let’s get it done. And, action!”

“My name is Erwin Smith. What’s yours?” The blond easily towered over Levi’s kneeling figure. The shorter man scowled at him.

“Levi.” he bit out.

“Levi,” Erwin began, “why don’t we make a deal?”

“A deal?” he raised a brow in scepticism.

“I will let your crimes go unpunished. In return, lend me your strength. Join the Survey Corps.” Erwin offered, watching closely as Levi’s face contorted to consideration.

“And if I refuse?” Levi challenged.

“Then your ass is on the line missy!” Erwin yelled, and Levi bit his cheek to prevent himself from smiling, but to no avail. “And so is mine. So I’m gonna ask you again. Will you join the survey corps?”

Levi tries to shake his head, and tries to keep in his laugh because God he wants to stop getting his face shoved into the dirt. Still, Erwin’s completely stoic face had his self-restraint flying out the window. A poorly muzzled laugh escapes him and the raven haired man looks to the side; breaking eye contact with him helped very little. Erwin refused to betray his character, yet it was leading Levi to do so.

“Something funny?” Erwin threatened, “Cause you know what? Millions of people die every year underground. Especially from drug use.” his face held stoicism but his eyes said otherwise, boring into Levi despite the shorter man looking away. At this point, he was just giving him shit.

“Marijuana leads to crack. Which leads… to crystal meth. Which leads. To death. Which leads to-”  he kept fucking going, and Levi swore he was going to draw blood from how hard he was biting his cheek. He looked up, then away, then down, yet still-

“Cut!”

Finally, Erwin cracked and lost himself in laughter. Levi too found himself roaring with laughter, watching as his coworker stood back up slowly to regain his composure. Beside him, Isabel and Farlan were chuckling.

--

“Action!”

“Levi, don’t make me pre-fire you.” Erwin threatened.

“Do it, pussy, you wouldn’t dare. You need me.”

“You know what? I’m sick of your shitty attitude and your constant insubordination.” he yelled, “You’re pre-fired!”

“You can’t pre-fire me, you’re not even my squad leader!” Levi puffed his chest and tilted his chin up, trying to make himself appear bigger to challenge the obnoxiously tall man before him.

“Oh yeah?” Erwin continued, “well you’re already pre-fired. And when I get ranked up to commander, you’ll be full-fired!” he pointed an accusing finger down Levi’s way.

“If you get ranked up to commander.” Levi took a step closer to him, bumping their chests threateningly, “And if you haven’t fallen in love with me by then.”

An awkward pause formed between the two, yet Levi’s firm gaze still held.

“What-”

Both men cracked at his line and broke apart, laughing at each other idiocy. The smile at Hanji’s lips was nearing painful at the sight of them acting so poorly today.

“God dammit,” Isayama let out a sigh that grabbed her attention. “This is why I kill characters off. I’m not even gonna include this scene anymore, fuck it.”

--

“Action!”

“Oh, bullshit Jean. You really think there’s an etiquette when it comes to hunting?” Sasha looked at him smugly behind her potato, a challenging glint in her amber eyes.

“Don’t lay some logic on me, Potato Girl!”

“Potato Girl?!” Sasha screamed, standing up, “I thought everyone had forgotten about that! Don’t call me names!” Next to her, Connie stood up, ready to defend Sasha. An angry look passed his usual joking face.

“Yeah! Apologize to her, fucker!” he spit out the insult ad lib.

Sasha nearly dropped the lukewarm potato in her hand when she coughed out an obnoxious laugh. “Connie, oh my god.” She covered her mouth with a hand to muffle her cackle. Jean’s eyes widened as he looked into the camera with disbelief and pointed to the bald man in the shot.

“That’s right!” Connie continued through his laughs, “Keep her name out of your horse-shit mouth!” Jean found himself looking up into the sky with his hands on his hips as he laughed, having to walk in circles to regain his composure.

--

“Take four- Action!”

“For starters, that whole area was in our zone.” Reiner spoke from the sidelines, acting as a buffer state between the two hostile bodies.

“Yeah, exactly!” Connie backed up the blond, “You know, you’re acting kinda weird today, shouting out of the blue like that. Are you itching to see mommyyy?” his mouth turned upwards and an eyebrow arched, his face contorting in such a way that had Jean’s blood boiling.

“Is that it?” Sasha asked in disbelief.

“As if!” Jean yelled, stepping closer and raising a hand. Sasha and Connie reacted quickly. She raised a knee and lifted her arms above her head, potato still in hand. Connie dropped into a stance where one arm was above his head and one was pushed out, creating distance between him and Jean. It took every twitching muscle in Sasha’s body to prevent herself from guffawing at the spontaneous position she had chosen.

“Stop it you- oh fuck it.” Reiner saw that the two were about to crack and he gave up on the pair. He rested his hands on his knees and shook his head.

Mikasa and Eren stood off to the side where they awaited their cue following their petty bicker. Boxes weighed in their arms and Mikasa had to adjust her grip when she let herself giggle at the sight of the two before her. She dropped her forehead to Eren’s shoulder, who flashed his teeth in a smile.

“What a power couple.”

--

“Action!”

“On your feet, Daz. Stop bawling.” Jean scolded the man while he walked away from his argument with Eren.

“Eren.” Mikasa spoke, grabbing his attention, “If things take a turn for the worse, I want you to come find me, alright?” concern laced her voice and she looked at him with worry, the same look that sent a hit to Eren’s pride.

“What? We’re in completely different squads!” he raised his voice.

“Look. This is going to get ugly, and when it does, the plan goes out the window. Come and find me so I can protect you.”

“Who the hell do you think you are?!”

“Hey, we both know your dumbass will die out there without me!” Mikasa yelled back. She began deviating from the script. Improv, Eren thought. Might as well go along with it. His green eyes glinted with anger as he shoved her back.

“I can fucking handle myself!”

“Ackerman! Come with me-” a voice attempted to break them up.

“Why are you always so mad?!” Mikasa screamed, dramatically ripping her scarf off and throwing it in his face for good measure. Eren applauded himself for not breaking his character and cackling at how ingenious she is.

“Why are you always making me mad?!” he shot back.

“Cut!” Isayama yelled, rubbing his temples at how deviant the two were being today. “Take five. You guys are something else.”

Mikasa shook her shoulders out, smiling when Eren threw the scarf around her neck once more. She adjusted to fabric so it didn’t choke her as he finished tying it.

“Sorry.” she apologizes sheepishly, leaning closer to him.

“No worries, I thought it was funny.” He planted a kiss to her forehead before leading her to the breakroom.

--

“Lighting’s good- a little more fog, guys- Armin can you take one step to the left? Thank you- and, action!”

“Eren is not a foe of humanity! We’re willing to cooperate with military command and we’ll share everything we’ve learned about his powers!” Armin declared, a fierce look in his eyes as he challenged Kitz.

“Your pleas fall on deaf ears! He revealed his true form because of that threat, he cannot leave here alive! If you insist he is not an enemy of ours, show me proof! Otherwise we’ll blast him back to whatever nightmare he crawled out of!”

“You don’t need any proof!” Armin refuted, “The fact of the matter is it doesn’t matter what we perceive him to be!”

“What?!”

“The report says hundreds of soldiers saw him. And those who were there say they saw him fighting other titans! And that means they saw him get swarmed by titans as well. To put it plainly, the titans recognized him the same way they see every human being- as their gay! I mean prey- Fuck!”

Armin threw his hands down in frustration and he laughed at his slip-up. Kitz broke character, a jolly laugh rumbling in his chest as he watched the blond below him shake himself out.

“Where did that even come from?!” Jean hollered.

Armin sent a sheepish look towards Isayama and accepted a water bottle given to him by the staff. He coughed a couple times, testing his voice.

“Damn, my voice is shot.” he cleared his throat and set his water off the scene again. Pointing a finger up, he signaled he was ready to go again.

--

“Armin is your voice okay? Good, okay good. More smoke from the right- Eren move to the left, we can see you there. Alright, ready, action!”

Kitz hardened his gaze towards Armin. His opinion didn’t so much as falter at the valid points the cadet was making.

“Prepare to attack! Do not let yourself be swayed by his cunning lies! The titan’s behavior has always been beyond our comprehension. I wouldn’t put it past them to assume human form. He’s speaking our language in an attempt to deceive us! I refuse to let them continue this behavior unchecked!”

He looked down at the kids below him, waiting a second too long for him to deliver his lines. The older man lifted his chin towards him in hopes to signal him to speak. Armin held the salute over his heart, but no words left his lips. He even inhaled sharply as to begin.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, what were my lines again?” He dropped the salute, walking back towards Isayama to review them properly. A groan was heard from the rest of the set.

“It’s 'I am a soldier!’” the tired director reminded him.

“I’m a goddamn soldier. Okay, okay.” Armin recollected himself and ran a hand through his hair, “Let's do this.”

--

“Take two- action!”

Armin threw a firm salute to his chest and squeezed his eyes shut. He became hypersensitive to the hairs sticking to his face and the heat from the smoke machine around him. He opened his mouth to deliver his lines.

“I am a soldier! And I have dedicated my heart to the restoration of humanity, sir! Nothing could make me prouder than dying for such a noble ca-cause!”

His voice shot up three octaves higher before swooping back down to the normal pitch. The blond’s eyes shot open in shock and he coughed a few times. His hand flew to his throat in disbelief at the borderline inhuman noise he made. Kitz doubled over in laughter, the obnoxious wheezing becoming the most prominent noise in the room as he slow-clapped.

“Nice voice crack!” he teased.

“Fuck off!” Armin laughed, clearing his throat again. Mikasa rose from her spot behind the fake Titan’s ribs to hand him his water again, rubbing his back as she drank. She couldn’t help the giggles slipping past her lips.

“Ugh, that was such a good take, too. Sorry guys.” he muttered and nodded a thanks to Mikasa.

“Someone get this child a cough drop.” Levi retorted satirically from his high chair.

--

“Alright, here we go. Mikasa, let’s get the tears going. First take- and, action!”

Mikasa leaned in, a smile adorning her pink, full lips. Her eyes brimmed with tears as she looked at Eren. He stared back at her with shock, his bright green eyes filled with wonder and panic and anxiety and love, all at the same time.

“Eren, thank you.” she began delivering her lines flawlessly, reaching for the scarf wrapped around her neck, “Thank you for teaching me how to live; for wrapping this scarf around me. Thank you for being by my side.”

And as she brought her face closer, eyes bright and full of life, her lips cracked into another smile when Eren’s breath was hot on her cheeks. Her focus suddenly shifted to his face that read a hundred different emotions at once, and Mikasa found herself fighting to stay in character at how ridiculous he looked.

Then suddenly, she was reeling back, waving her hand in apology to the directors sniggering behind the camera as well. Eren broke away and looked down at his lap, his shoulders shook with laughter at Mikasa’s wheezing.

“S- sorry!” she giggled, “I don’t- I can’t-” she could barely speak.

“Mikasa!” he threw his bloodied hands up, “What the hell was that?” he shoved her playfully.

The raven haired girl wiped at her eyes, careful not to move her makeup any more than it already has. “Sorry! I broke character because- because you looked so damn scared and I-” she doubled over again as her lungs struggled for air, “I fucking lost it!”

“I’m trying to stay in character!” Eren defended, looking up at Isayama in shock as he gestured towards his coworker in disbelief, though his actions held no anger whatsoever. “Great, now I don’t know what to do with my hands.”

--

“Mikasa scoot a little closer to him- and action!”

She leaned in again, her eyes flickering down to his lips as she was about to close the distance-

Eren scoffed and moved away. He stood up to face the titan before them. The satanic smile on the monster props before him no longer struck fear in his heart; instead, he was filled with the need to protect her.

“Something like that. I’ll wrap it around you as many times as you need to.” his fists were balled at his sides as he looked at her over his shoulder, “I’ll do it again and again...wait what was my line again?” he interrupted himself and dropped his stance to look back at his lines.

Mikasa sighed at his poor memory and fell back on her butt.

“Sorry, sorry...is it ‘I’ll do it forever’ or ‘We’ll keep being together’?” Eren grabbed his packet to reread it.

“Just say what comes to mind,” Isayama shifted in his seat, cutting the tapes short, “whatever feels right. Viewers want the scene to be authentic.”

Eren nodded enthusiastically and set his papers down again. He kneeled beside her once more and smiled at Mikasa. “Got it. Alright, let’s do this.”

--

“Take three- action!”

“Thank you for being together with me… for teaching me how to live. Thank you, Eren.” Mikasa smiled and leaned in again, a tear actually slipping down her cheek this time. She began to close the distance when Eren stood up abruptly. His fists balled by his sides.

“Something like that.” He looked down at her from over his shoulder, and then catapulted himself off the script. “I’ll wrap that thing around you as many times as you want; as long as we keep being together because you’re my best friend. Plus a little more. Also I love you.”

“Cut!” Isayama sighed, “Too much!”

--

“Take four, action!”

“Thank you for being together with me, for teaching me how to live. Thank you, Eren.” Mikasa leaned in just as before, except this time she gave the brunet no time to stand up before she closed the distance. She launched herself at the man and pressed her lips against his.

“Mmf-!” Eren muffled a sound of shock as her arms found their way around his neck.

Mikasa ignored him, smiling against him when she nearly crawled in his lap. An uproar was heard from the rest of the cast and Isayama was heard screaming, “Cut! Cut, cut!”

Instead of pushing her off, Eren pushed back against her and snaked an arm around her waist. He angled his head to deepen the kiss, earning sounds of shock from his coworkers. Mikasa broke away for a split second to trail her mouth down his neck, her hands fumbling with the hem of his shirt before tugging.

“Oh my god!” Armin yelled in shock, moving hastily to break the two up, but not quickly enough. Mikasa pulled away and smiled cheekily at the third musketeer. Her face was red and flushed, her lips slightly swollen and Eren was left in a daze. She giggled, burying her face into her scarf and repositioning herself for the proper delivery of the scene.

“Jesus Christ,” Levi watched from the side, “That child needs a cold shower.”

--

“And, action!”

Hanji moved forward with Connie by her side. She knocked twice on the large oak door.

“Danchou!” she spoke out, waiting a millisecond before swinging the door open. Her eyes met the blond figure in bed where he was found gripping Levi’s wrist and leaning his head away from his hand. The arm decorated in white dots to later be cut out in the CGI shooed Levi away.

They seemed to have been messing around too much to miss the cue Isayama called out. Both of them froze. Erwin looked between Levi and Hanji, then the camera.

“Uhh, hi.” Erwin smiled. “I’m not in character yet.”

Levi tore his hand away from his grip and shook his head smiling, then sat back down in the chair where he was supposed to be and covering his face with his hand.

“Fucking amazing.” Levi let a laugh spill past his lips as Hanji shuffled back to her spot behind the door with Connie, disappointed but not surprised. “Did you even say action?” the raven looked up in embarrassment.

“Yes, we did!”

--

They all sat in the break room, deciding to take a twenty minute lunch before going back out there. Levi was stretched out across the couch after a cup of tea and mindlessly scrolled through his phone- his legs barely even reached the full length of the couch. Erwin sat on the spinning chair adjacent to the couch and spun in circles as he ran through his lines his head. Hanji stood behind Mikasa’s sitting figure, fingers trailing through her hair as she continued braiding the silky black locks while the younger woman played games on her phone.

Jackets were discarded along the four corners of the room. Mikasa’s scarf was folded neatly on top of her cloak and a couple buttons were popped to expose some of her neck. Eren had his earphones plugged into his ears as he jammed out to his favorite song, Armin eyeing him weirdly from the side above his cup of coffee.

“Guys,” Sasha poked her head into the room, “we’re back out there in ten.”

“I thought we were done filming for today?” Mikasa asked.

“We are!” Sasha confirmed with a smile, “We’re going over season three, though. We have a table read Thursday morning.”

“Ooh, that’s exciting.” Eren commented as he pulled an earphone out. “When do you think it’ll come out?”

A/N: I wheezed my through this story; I love making myself laugh. Honestly I’m thinking of making a sequel of this or possibly maybe even a series, let me know! Some of the scenes were inspired by The Office bloopers but majority of these scenes are how I cope with myself. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did! Leave me some love in the reviews~