#and I tried meds that I got errrrrrr in a way I shouldn’t | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rowanhoney · 2 years

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so there I am looking into certain circumstances. Like if I were suddenly in a position to get a private assessment for my adhd. I’m entirely sure I would get a diagnosis because it’s astoundingly clear. And if I were to be put on medication it would cost me so so much. And you’d think oh but this is okay because then the private healthcare can share the diagnosis and treatment plan with the public healthcare and then I can get the public treatment my taxes pay for. Turns out this is not the case and gps can reject it under the pretence it “burdens” the surgery to provide you with the necessary care

#I’m fuming I’m really very crazy very mad #one of my friends is saying the same thing cos he has a diagnosis and was medicated for 7 years but in another country #and despite the diagnosis being valid internationally the nhs is like nope we don’t consider it necessary to help you #like. straight up. ableism #truly #like I CANNOT function day to day and it ruins my life #and I tried meds that I got errrrrrr in a way I shouldn’t #and won’t continue to have access to #but while using them I’ve been so sooooo productive like if I could regularly function like this it would be life changing!!!#there’s reports of people using what I took and saying they feel like they were functioning at 110%#and I’m ngl I feel like I’m more at 70%#like I’m simply managing to do a few of the things I need to do #but considering I feel like I usually max out at 15% and probs am 5% the majority of the time #70% is insane #like I actually??? made food?? I ate an actual meal?? I read a book? fucking madness #I think yes I’m going to do that thing. and that is the thing on my mind until I do it #and the activation barrier to do it is not in the way #like . fucking madness #I genuinely feel like. as an adult. with my usual level of functioning. I may very well destroy my life #but knowing what a day is like medicated makes me feel like I could be a regular member of society #I’m thinking abt the spoons analogy #like . I can go to work. and I don’t do everything I need to but I do a good job overall. and that’s it. outside of work I can’t do anything #I can’t cook or shower or socialise or anything cos 5 hours is 15 mins and my days off just disappear and I’m so insanely fatigued.#I’m desperate to function and I’m sooooo so angry this just. isn’t an option for me

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