#and I think they don’t suffer from my overthinking because they are short and unedited

[sexynetra]

hi, rachel!! here's a question: what do you think is your best fic, and why? you can pick more than one, and i really want you to compliment yourself!

Oh this ask is so cute what if I cry 🥺 I’m really proud of the work I put into sitcty but honestly, as much as I complain about it because I have lived with the story for way too long, rawnsyf holds a very special place in my heart. Idk if it’s the best written at every point (I didn’t get an editor until like 4 chapters in) but it’s definitely resonated the most with other people and that stands for something I think :)

I’m also really excited about the stuff I’m working on currently!! I was feeling unsure but the people I’ve shown it to seem excited about it so far :) I think there’s some really fun stuff and obviously the more I write the more of a grasp I have on how to make things sound good. I’m excited to start doing more Drabbles and oneshots again once I update all my stories and post the new stuff <3 I miss doing Drabbles tbh I’ve gotten out of practice I’m so bad at keeping my writing short.

Anyways it’s probably because I’m sleepy and on my period but this ask made me so emotional this is so sweet I adore you 🥺 also very unsubtle reminder that I need to write asap since I was supposed to finish the story I was working on last night and I. Did not do that. 🤭

But I do think if people give the next story I upload a chance even if it’s not necessarily their ship of choice, people might really enjoy it 🥺 so keep your eyes peeled for that!!

[avtrbee]

Late Night Therapy

I had the urge to write something really quick soooo...i mean its not the best but enjoy anyway. also english isnt my second language and its unedited so if you spot any grammar mistakes, feel free to correct me

Imagine: You being training Natasha in the Red Room with Bucky and feeling very guilty about what you turned her into.

This fic includes you being a mother figure to Nat and Bucky x Reader if you really squint.

Natasha shot out of bed drenched in sweat, struggling against the deathly grip of her blankets. She scanned the room around her and found it reliving that she saw the familiar room she owned in the Avengers facility in New York. She closed her eyes and forced herself to realize that she was not in the room where 24 other girls were, cramped in a long room with too many bed in. Unconsciously, Natasha rubbed her wrists to feel if a metal handcuff was cuffed to her arm and to the bed post.

Opening her eyes once more, she made herself do one of those breathing exercises Sam taught the team a while back and forced herself to remember what more things he advised them to do if an episode or a nightmare plagues them.

“Find five things you can see…” she remembered him say.

‘I see an empty blue vase on my dresser,’ Natasha mused, looking around. She probably bought it somewhere in a flea market- Nat doesn’t care. ‘I see my bathroom door, and my closet.’ Natasha’s green eyes darted to her left. ‘I see a beanbag,’ Nat remembered the goofy grin in Wanda’s face when she handed her a large box last Christmas. “Your back complaints were getting annoying.” She said sheepishly after Natasha opened it. ‘…and books.’ It was Wanda’s books, technically, but once she realized that she has a soft spot on romantic novels, the younger girl hasn’t stopped dragging her to bookstores and has taken it upon herself to let Natasha read her favorites.

“Four things you can feel,”

Natasha can feel her bed crease around her (“It’s memory foam,” said Tony with a proud smirk. “It remembers you.”) and her comforter. Nat reached under her pillow to feel the familiar rough edges of her gun to add to her list. She looked down to her wrists and quietly rubbed them, once, twice- just to make the familiar feeling of the handcuffs disappear. ‘Bed. Blanket. Gun. Wrists.’

“Three things you can hear,”

Natasha could feel her heart thrumming through her chest. She took several deep breaths- “Inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth.”- as an attempt to calm it down. It her heart several minutes for her heart to slow down, and another minute before Natasha decided to continue.   ‘I can hear the quiet hum of air conditioning,’ she mused to herself. It was a barely audible sound but Natasha can hear it if she listened. She remembered Tony telling her he liked it that way so he made it as quiet as he can. He couldn’t sleep with too much noise, she remembered. ‘I hear my heart thumping and…’ On occasions like this, she had Clint to hug her and put sweaty kisses on her forehead and temple to tell her it’s okay. He would pull her to his chest and then Natasha could hear his heartbeat and she’ll add that to her list too. But Clint wasn’t here. He was somewhere in Southeast Asia for a mission. Natasha closed her eyes and listened closely again. She blocked the quiet hum of air conditioning in her mind to find something else. Then she heard quiet thuds- footsteps probably, prodding behind her door. ‘…and footsteps off…?’

Natasha tried to analyze the footsteps to calm herself down. It was too light and quiet to be both Thor and Steve, she thought. It wasn’t Bruce or Tony either, their quarters were below hers and they wouldn’t be up on her floor anyway. They were most likely in their laboratory doing things they do and pulling the fourth all-nighter in a row. The more Nat thought, the more her head ached so she stopped before she could even suffer from a killer headache. ‘…footsteps. I hear footsteps.’ Nat settled on that before she would make herself overthink again.

 “Two things you smell,”

Nat tried to sniff around the room. She smelled nothing. Clint often told Nat that her room smelled like a hospital as a joke but she never did smell that. She sat on her bed, trying hard so sniff something- anything, because she was too lazy to go to the kitchen and smell some honey or something.

With a sigh, Nat got out of her bed anyway and headed to the kitchen. She could hear Sam say ‘And then you go find something you can eat or taste. Like a cookie.’ She needed to eat something for the next step of the exercise anyway.

As soon as Nat stepped out of the door, she was immdietly greeted by the familiar scent of alcohol lingering somewhere in the air. Tony probably went out of his lab to take a swig of whatever he has then retreated back down to his cave. ‘I can smell alcohol and…’

Nat squinted in disbelief. Did…did she just smell bacon?

As she walked closer to the kitchen, she slowly heard the sizzling boiling. From her position, she could see a figure covering the frying pan. Y/N, Natasha thought. мама

She watched as Y/N shaked the pan slightly. The girl turned off the stove and went to the opposite side of the kitchen to get a plate. Y/N then proceeded to put the bacon on the plate then pulled out orange juice from Tony’s fridge and two glasses and put them on the counter.

��I know you’re there, Natalia.” She said in a raspy voice. “Can’t sleep?”

Natasha stepped out of the shadows. “Neither can you, probably.”

Y/N said nothing and poured Natasha a glass of orange juice.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” Natasha stated, ignoring the glass of juice.

Y/N shrugged and took a short sip of her juice. “Good. You still notice things. I have taught you well.”

“Where’s Bucky?”

Y/N looked anywhere but her. “Sleeping. He hasn’t slept in a while. How selfish of me to burden him with my problems.” Natasha noticed Y/N’s sad eyes. It was different from the eyes she grew up with. It always looked sad, so full of sorrow and guilt for things she couldn’t control.. Sometimes, Natasha thinks that she prefers the cold and calculating E/C eyes that trained her back in the Red Room.

Pregnant silence filled the room.

Finally, Natasha watched as Y/N lower her head, her H/C hair covering her face. She was gripping her almost finished glass of orange juice tightly. Natasha thought she saw cracks in the glass. “I’m so sorry, Natalia.”

Natasha found herself squeezing her eyes and taking deep breaths. “No. Don’t start. Please.”

Y/N lifted her head and stared at her. “You couldn’t sleep because you see their faces can’t you? The people you’ve killed,” Y/N’s voice cracked. “Sometimes, in your dreams you still see them don’t you? The other girls; Lyuda, Misha, Tatiana…I’m sorry.”

“No.” Natasha stood up to leave, fully intending to leave the Winter Soldier alone with her thoughts before she plagues hers. She doesn’t want to remember. She will not. She must not. She-

“I made you this way,” she said softly. “I… I remember. I remember you, sweet little Natalia, eager to survive and to please. I taught you well. I brought you to this life…this, everything, everything is my fault.” Natasha stopped her tracks. Y/N saw this as an opportunity to continue. “You were so young, Natalia. You only reached my elbow and you were so confused. I made you who you are, I taught you how to kill-“

“It wasn’t your fault. We were both held against our will, Y/N.”

“I made you kill children,” Y/N whispered softly. “I don’t even understand how you can stand the sight of me.”

Her eyes softened. She found herself going to the infamous assassin and her hands lifting her face up, wiping the hair off her face. Y/N’s face was eyes were red and puffy and they just look so, so tired. Natasha could only imagine what Y/N has gone through.

She, like almost everyone, has heard stories of the Winter Soldiers. How they never failed a mission, how precise they both were, how they almost never missed a shot. Natasha could see the mountains of bodies both Y/N and Bucky has created because of HYDRA.

Natasha wiped a stray tear that has fallen from Y/N’s eye gently. “It wasn’t you. It never was.”

Y.N was notorious, but right now Nat didn’t see a half of the Winter Soldier. Y/N looked like a child, so traumatized with her past, so exhausted and so scared. She paused and looked around the compound before continuing. “I forgive you, anyway. You claim to have brought me my troubles, but along with it came the happy times too. I would have never found the courage to join SHIELD without you, мама.”

“The last time you called me that, I slapped your face.” Y/N sniffed. “Headmistress-“

“I know,” Natasha cut off. “When Headmistress found out, she reported this to your handler. They probably gave you orders to eliminate any attachments you’ve established.”

Y/N smiled. Natasha pulled her up from her chair and put the forgotten food aside. Placing a soft kiss on her cheek she said, “Go get some sleep. You need it.”

The other assassin weakly nodded and walked silently back to her room.

Y/N may have nurtured Natasha when she was little, but maybe it’s Natasha’s turn to take care of her in return.