#and I think I’ll be off tumblr for a few more days…maybe weeks

[luderailing]

chicken doodle soup

[garoujo]

saetoru is talking abt you on her private blog (@/clorindes) yuckkkkk

CW BULLYING, LITERALLY IMMATURE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA, SUB POSTING.

hi nonnie, thank you for letting me know! since i’m leaving this blog & this platform for the foreseeable future i figured i might aswell get a few things off of my chest before i go. i apologise in advance for the vibes this post will probably bring, the discourse & the posts that will ofcourse follow, but i honestly i am not the first person to be targeted by this creator and i’m sure i won’t be the last considering the amount of creators that have been bullied off of this app by them.

first off i’ve had multiple blogs that would be considered bigger blogs such as @/hvnlydmn, @/atsymu + now this blog which is the biggest of all 3. i think there’s a sort of unspoken responsibility that comes with being a bigger blog which i know is no fun but it’s also because it can be super harmful on a site like this, when people weaponise their following.

on that note i’ll start this post by saying that i’ve known tee for probably around 3/4 years, maybe? we were mutuals on hvnlydmn & atsymu and we continued to talk on discord even when i was off of tumblr. i will honestly admit to this day i have never had a negative interaction with tee to my face and she was genuinely supportive of me during any discourse i was involved in. i am not some angel, i’ve had my fair share of crap on this app (of my own doing) but this post is not meant to come across like “oh she doesn’t like me so i’m calling her out” no. im sorry if this doesn’t line up with my brand and my ‘victim complex’ but i’m not gonna lie down and let someone on a power trip on a hobby app drag me through the mud.

first off i had began to get some off vibes from tee when i had started writing on garoujo, notably when i’d just hit my first milestone which was probably around 1k. during this i had decided to move my instagram theme from my main blog to my writing blog.

i’d noticed tee subposting (on main and on her personal blog which i followed at the time) about someone basically using the same theme as her, which after then clicking onto her blog i realised was an instagram theme. i didn’t think much of it, again me & tee were friends and she hadn’t came to me directly so ignored it. i was still a new blog and trying to solidly an aesthetic (before the beige lol) so i changed my theme / masterlists / layouts a lot.

a few more sub posts later i decided to message tee about it because with every thing i’d change / post on my blog, there always seemed to be another post. so i messaged her and got this response in: (i’ve blurred out my irl name btw) open up pics for convo!

so i let it slide, kept posting & that was that. probably a few days / a week later, tee had soft blocked me which then eventually led to me being hard blocked. i was upset ofcourse because i genuinely considered tee a good friend but i’ve always been a big advocate in controlling your space.

this was when, one of our mutuals in common (the first of many may i add) approached me on discord to say that just like now, i was being ripped to shreds on tee’s personal blog:

again i was notably upset about this because i was being accused of not only copying her theme but also her writing & masterlists, we did have a lot of mutuals in common so it was also upsetting knowing they would all be seeing these posts aswell. i allowed myself one sub post about “creating a narrative” because i was particularly frustrated but tee then also subposted about this, even though she had me blocked?

i would also like to say regarding our mutuals in common that this was not the first or last mutual to approach me regarding tee. i’ve had multiple people tell me that “they’re only mutuals with her because it would be more damaging not to be” “it’s easier to be on her side”. also i am not saying this is okay but i’ve had multiple of her current mutuals send me not only her posts, but screenshots of her private, personal instagram & also tell me about how all of them and their friends had a running joke / theory that tee made up her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) for attention.

regarding the accusations from tee i’d like to first comment on the instagram themes, again i had done an instagram theme on my main blog but it seemed to only be an issue when it was on my writing blog that was gaining traction. if the timing was off and it seemed like i copied her, i genuinely have nothing to say except it’s not the case— it’s instagram (which tee already admits she doesn’t own above) also the hanma writing? i’m still not 100% sure which drabbles she was referring to but i can only assume that 1. is when i posted a drabble about hanma fucking you outside of his subordinates house — this was a almost completely word by word rewrite of a suna drabble i done on my old blog @/atsymu i literally just changed the concept to fit tokyo revengers themes. i can post screenshots of this suna drabble also from my google docs dated February when i deactivated. the other one may have been some basic concept about him fucking you against the window.

she also mentions in the very first recent screenshot at the beginning of this post that i have apparently stolen concepts of fics / posts from her mutuals. what i want to say regarding this is, do you believe that i would have made it this far on stolen work? i don’t know any of the mutuals she’s referring to apart from 1 which i’ll get into. but every single accusation i’ve ever received has always come from someone associated or in contact with tee, she has always been at the root of it all but i have yet to receive a single anon or ask about me copying or taking inspiration from anyone’s work.

i know there was apparently a blog and an ex mutual of mine, who i had a lot of respect & time for who was under the impression i’d stolen their concept for this gojo fic. the whole premise of this fic is honestly not uncommon considering how many times people losing control of their techniques / powers / quirks during orgasm has been done in fanfiction. this concept was completely my own, i had originally posted shitposts about him losing control of his technique & also him putting you into a mating press / breeding before i’d decided to smoosh them together into a fic. we all read from the same workbook, we all have the same material to work off of — two people in a fanbase of THOUSANDS having a similar idea is not unheard of.

now onto the masterlist banners. the screenshot on the far left are the comparison photos that tee made herself— i’m sure you’ll be able to see them in better quality when she makes her own post about it; because obviously that’s going to come. first off i will say, i will admit i took inspiration from her official art masterlist banners — i thought hers looked good and i needed a masterlist so i used official art. fair game there although i only kept them for a few days before i changed again.

but onto the grey masterlist banners, i can honestly say i did not even know tee had this masterlist, also the only comparison i myself see is the colour. the only reason i chose grey was because i had started to use a grey / white overlay on my manga panels for my layout (as you can see far right), and as you know— i’ve always kept my colour scheme pretty consistent. on that note, regarding the actual layout of the masterlists— i’ve added screenshots from atsymu (that i could find due to it being deactivated) that shows the layout of my old masterlists, which was what i took inspiration from for my current. although the title font for each heading like headcanons is different, i had used the sort of old style, basic font that everyone uses before i had deactivated so it would match my fic headers i just don’t have photos obviously.

anyway on the back of this there was then discourse over me apparently copying tee’s kinktober masterlist, which again was not the case. but again due to tee’s following i had received multiple death threats into my asks the morning after i posted mine. as far as i was aware, the only similarities were the fact we both used gifs in our headers & the layout listing thirsts, hcs & fics (which is very common during kinktober but i admitted below i could see that similarity). unfortunately during all of this discourse was when ffflowers, my hate blog also came into the mix which then lead to tee reaching out to me in dm’s from her old blog.

the interaction between me & tee was pretty good, again she was nothing but nice to me directly despite the way she obviously spoke about me in private above. but as you can see below, tee herself told me that basically most of the similarities all made above were brushed off as basic. we spoke about the ig themes & i apologised, saying i could understand where she was coming from and that was that. i unblocked her & she unblocked me so i could reblog her post, it’s been that way since.

it is not my place to comment on other people’s experiences on this app but i would need more than 2 hands to list the amount of people that i’m sure have had similar if not worse experiences with tee. i know i have had multiple mutuals who have been bullied off of this platform & had their safe space ripped from them for little things such as: liking a character that this group selfship with, tee and her friends not liking their characterisation. they’ve even went as far as to go through other larger creators notes to check for minors so they can make excuses as to why they’re thriving.

i also know of a blog who was ‘blacklisted’ from tee & her mutuals as they self shipped with arataki itto at the time, one of tee’s friends also did, so they blacklisted this creator and had all of their mutuals block them for this which then in turn drove this creator off the app. there has been other notably bitchy things that i’ve heard but i have no receipts for therefore i don’t see any relevance in starting rumours.

i would also like to say i know plagiarism is a horrible thing, we have all been through it— myself included but it’s got to the point where being accused of copying tee has become a canon event. notably, bigger platforms have been ruined and driven off of this app for little things such as mdni dividers, similar colours schemes etc. and it’s the reason i’m also leaving.

i will say i have met some amazing people through my discourse with tee, notably people who have been in similar situations and i also apologise to any mutuals who we still have in common who are now sort of stuck inbetween. no hard feelings. although to tee: id be careful of the people you trust because it seems the loyalties they have to you are not as sincere as you may believe. you can also go to her personal & read the other things she was saying about me like how she was always so ? at how many people seemed to like me.

so that’s all i have to say, i’m sure dash will get a few responses from this but i’ll be logging out & turning off asks because honestly? couldnt care less. the only thing i’d change about my experience on this app would be i wish i’d blocked tee sooner.

i’d say have a nice day, but instead, have the day you deserve.

— emmie :)

[jolynesmom]

aging yourself up or down in your dr (+ dating)

I actually refrained from talking on this topic on my tiktok since I knew I was going to get chased off the app and didn’t see a point in talking about it on tumblr since everybody here seems to be more open minded and mind their own business, until I saw multiple posts a few days ago here, where the op were shaming people for changing their age or changing the ages of people in their dr

those people definitely came from tiktok and I honestly hope this post reaches them as I didn’t want to directly interact with them

I think one of the posts was about how adults age ‘minors’ in their dr to date them is problematic, which made me laugh, because how is it problematic if they’re both the same age in their dr?

and the sad thing about that post is that the op said that they’re aware how shifting works and all that, but still finds it problematic and hopes people that do that never shift which is just… girly I hope YOU never shift because you don’t deserve it for shaming people trying to live their lives

I’m not going to go into details about the og posts, but they still have the outdated idea that if you shift for a character that is much younger than you here it’s ‘problematic’. once again: how is it problematic if you’re the same age in your dr?

and then they hit you with another outdated take ‘it’s problematic because you find them attractive here’ which is ridiculous because of so many reasons

1.many characters (especially anime characters) don’t act or look their age. if your perceived a character as an adult initially then found out they’re a minor, I simply don’t care. ages in fiction never matter, if your mind perceived x as a certain age then they’re that age idc; 99.99% people are attracted to a character for who they are, not their age

2.many people had crushes on characters when they were younger or the same age with that character and still like them. let’s boo them that their crush on the character didn’t die and their fav character didn’t age, acting like you’re not going to be in their place in a few years

‘not true I’ll stop liking my favorite character when I’m of age 😡’

okay sweetie keep telling yourself that, because I keep seeing people on tiktok that had this mentality: they liked an underage character when they were minors and wanted to shift for them, now they’re adults, haven’t shifted yet but STILL like that character and regret having said they’re gonna stop liking that character when they’re adults because it didn’t happen lol

3.people don’t always script that an underage person here will be their s/o, it just might happen. I’m actually going to use myself as an example for this: so here I’m an adult and I’m also aroace which I dislike because I always dreamed of a fantasy novel like romantic relationship, so I’m straight or bi in most of my drs so I can date. in my jujutsu kaisen dr, all the people in jujutsu tech are adults because I don’t like teens or kids and don’t wanna hangout with them. in my 30+ drs I only have 3 scripted s/os which are all adults here. I didn’t script an s/o for my jjk dr, because I want to focus more on friendships and training there (but secretly hoped choso would pick me, a girl can dream ok); a few weeks ago I channeled multiple people from my dr (yuuji, megumi, nobara, gojo, nanami and geto) and I received normal messages from all of them. I expected all of their answers, except yuuji’s answers which had romantic aspects to them. that made me realize that he might have a crush on me and maybe we’ll even date in my dr or something? who knows, I didn’t think too much about it so idk

so now if a character that’s underage here likes me in my dr, am I supposed to refuse them or shift out? lmao you’re delusional if you think I’m doing that

4.people that have never experienced adolescence love here. a lot of people dreamed of having that sweet experience of teenage romance that disney and an insane amount of shows and movies love to push, but instead their teen years were filled with abuse and hate. why shouldn’t they shift to experience what was taken from them here?

ALSO let’s switch this around: why is okay for minors to date adults in their dr, but not the other way around?

‘it’s not as bad 🤓☝🏻’

imma be the devil’s advocate and say it’s just as bad

do you genuinely think it’s okay to be a minor here and date an adult in your dr? like do you really think your s/o would feel comfortable being sexualized by a minor and dating a person that’s a minor in another reality? you lowkey forced your partner to become a pedo if you think about it 🙁 /jk

and also if you shift to a reality where you’re a minor and become of age there, you’re officially an adult and shouldn’t date minors anymore, even in your ‘original reality’ where you’re still a minor. please keep the same standards for yourself

[castiwls]

unexplained cases

Paring; dean x reader

Requested; @walkinthefairygarden

Synopsis; working as an FBI agent means you were more than used to the unusual but even some things drew the line as to strange for you. Little did you know two brothers were also on the case, and this would lead you down a whole new rabbit hole.

Notes; this is the longest thing I've written for tumblr holy. this idea is lowkey so fun tho!! requests are open!

Masterlist

You were used to strange. You’d spent the last few years of your life dealing with any and all cases which were deemed slightly too abnormal for a normal investigation. You’d seen things most of your colleagues could never imagine, hell even you couldn't have imagined some of the things you’d seen. 

Your time working with the FBI had taught you one thing. People were cruel. Sometimes the worst monsters weren't the ones who lived in the pages of an old Brothers Grimm story, sometimes they were your neighbour or sometimes they were your own family.

It wasn’t abnormal for you to be placed on a case which involved situations where people would go out, have fun, get slightly too drunk and disappear off into the night just to be found the next day in an alleyway by an innocent passerby. More often than not if you found yourself receiving the call that the body that had been found was most likely mutilated in a way that would give most people lifelong trauma.

More often than not after looking around for a little and doing some research into past disappearances you would find a pattern in the victims. They were all young blondes or they were all young men between the ages of 19 and 23. That usually led you to the door of the town's new resident killer who got some sick kick out of killing innocent people and mutilating them to ‘leave their mark’.

But in this case. This was different. It had started out normal enough. Victims in alleyways after nights out. They were all mutilated in some way which led you to the belief that yet again, you had a small-town killer trying to make a name for themselves. 

Yet when the bodies began to be autopsided that was when you began to grow confused and…slightly concerned. Nearly all the victims after death had been drained of more the half of their blood and they all had small hole marks on their necks. 

The corner had laughed joking. “Seem’s we have a town vampire.” And you laughed along while staring confused down at the marks. They were nothing you’d seen before. Maybe you simply had a killer with a creative streak but the killings still left an uneasy feeling in your stomach.

✧.*

“Another one?” You let a sigh fall from your lips as you mindlessly chewed on your nail. “That's the fifth one this week.” You frowned slightly sitting back further into your seat. The police chief continued to fill you in on the latest victim as you stared down at your laptop. None of this made any sense. 

You had a killer. You were sure. But who the hell was draining their victims of more the half of their blood? And where the hell was this blood going? “I’ll be there in an hour.” You nodded to yourself before ending the call and pocketing your phone.

Luckily it didn’t take you long to get down to the bar where the victims all seemed to disappear from. The police chief waved you down as you approached, he passed you a file which detailed the latest victim. “I didn’t know you had a partner agent?” He crossed his arms as spoke.

Your eyes paused on the page as you registered his words. “I don’t,” You said looking up from the file. You started at him confused for a moment. “I’m the only one on this case.” The chief stared back at you his eyes narrowing. “Two other agents came around just before you got here. They said they’d been put on the case after the most recent killing.” He waved a hand at you. “They knew who you were…well claiming to.”

“What were their names?” You racked your mind for a minute trying to think of anyone who could have been placed on this case alongside you but your mind came up empty. Plus if anyone was assigned to help you with this you would have been informed.

“Osburne and Butler.” You looked back down to the file in your hand nodding slowly. You’d never heard of agents with those names before. “Are they still here?” You looked around for a moment before looking back to the chief who nodded before pointing to a black car parked a little down the road. 

Thanking him you began to make your way over to the car. Clearing your throat you came to a stop just before the car. The two men quickly turned, clearly shocked by your appearance. Tilting your head you narrowed your eyes. You’d never seen these men in your life. “Osburne and Butler I take it.” 

They both exchanged a quick look before the taller of the two nodded. “Uh. Yes. Is-is everything okay?” His tone was masked as concern but you could sense his slight nervousness from the way he shifted. “Yes everything is fine,” You crossed your arms over your chest. “I’m just wondering why you two think it's funny to pose as FBI agents and walk right onto a crime scene.” You hardened your gaze, watching in slight amusement as the one who had just spoken swallowed looking at his friend for help.

The other man scoffed rolling his eyes at you. “Listen here sweetheart, I don’t know who you think you are but we're not faking anything.” He gestured between him and his friend. “We got put on this case today, you can call our supervisor if you're so bothered.”

You frowned turning your attention to him. “You can’t have been put on this case.” You reached into your pocket pulling out your ID. “Because it’s my case. And in all my time working with the FBI I have never heard of any agents called Osbourne and Butler,” You placed your ID back in your pocket. “And last time I checked they were both pretty old.” 

You watched as the smaller man’s eyes widened at your words. You knew Black Sabbath? 

They both stared at you for a moment before the taller one smiled grabbing onto his partner's arm. “Excuse us for a minute.” You nodded, a quiet huff falling from your lips.

This was the last thing you needed right now. You watched unimpressed as the two seemed to go back and forth for a minute before the taller one turned back to you. He sent you another smile as he came to stand before you. “We’ll talk to our supervisor and find out what happened.” You nodded, looking back at the other man who was currently leaning back against the car. “Alright,” You nodded. 

You bid the two goodbye before walking back towards the bar where you could see the forensic officers beginning to move the body. You frowned to yourself as you looked back down at the file. 

Something about the two ‘agents’ seemed off to you. There was no way you wouldn’t have been informed. You watched as the body was taken away no doubt to the morgue which would be your next stop, though your mind was still stuck on the two men you’d just met.

You were 90% sure they were not agents, but before you acted on your suspicions you had to be sure. There was a low chance they maybe were who they claimed to be and somehow another division had caught wind of the cases and had decided to butt their head in but still never in your career had you seen that happen.

Pulling your phone from your pocket you quickly checked the time. You had more than enough time left to go check the morgue before doing some digging.

✧.*

Your fist banged against the door again for what felt like the hundredth time. It hadn’t taken you long to figure out that there had never been any agents with the names Osbourne and Butler. It also hadn’t taken you long to find a case from a few years ago that involved another strange span of killings which had ended with the killer supposedly dead. 

Just as you raised your fist again the door suddenly swung open. The man’s eyes widened slightly as he stared at you. He opened his mouth but you quickly cut him off raising a finger. “Dean Winchester. Right?” You smiled sweetly at the man who simply gapped at you for a moment.

He stared at you for a moment before shaking his head. “No. Like we said yesterday, we got put on this case just like you did alright? Now I’d appreciate it if you didn’t show up unannounced.” He sent you a small smirk. “If you really have an issue take it up with your supervisor.” 

You pursed your lips nodding. “Really?” You held up a file watching his face drop slightly. “Because this says, different Dean.” 

You pushed the file you’d been holding into his hands, crossing your arms over your chest. “According to this, you died a few years back. Yet. You look pretty alive to me.” 

Dean looked down at the file before looking back up at you. “This.” He waved the file. “Was a misunderstanding.” He glanced down the hallway seemingly relieved seeing that you were alone. “How did you find us.” He asked crossing his arms over his chest.

You could tell by his body language that he didn’t trust you. The way he glared at you was enough to tell you that he was less than friendly. Though you couldn’t deny the slight pull you felt towards him. 

You’d noticed him back at the bar but had kept a professional facade knowing that you had bigger problems. Though now being closer to him you finally were able to get a good look at the man and it only confirmed your thoughts from before. He was very attractive.

“That doesn’t matter. I’m more concerned about why you and your brother are pretending to work for the FBI.” You tilted your head as you questioned him. Dean rolled his eyes moving to lean against the doorway. “Well. Like you sweetheart, we were also doing our job.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. You narrowed your eyes thinking for a moment. “Your job?” 

He nodded a small smirk growing on his lips. “What job could you possibly have which would require breaking the law.” Just as he opened his mouth to respond the trill of a phone ringing. Reaching into your pocket you pulled out your phone a small sigh leaving your lips as you noticed the caller's ID. “Again.” You mumbled exasperated before sliding your finger across the screen. 

Taking a step back from the doorway you watched as Dean’s gaze softened slightly. He stepped to the side before gesturing for you to come into the room. Furrowing your brows you stood for a moment, listening as the police chief began talking about yet another kill. 

Deciding he seemed relatively harmless you took his offer. When you’d first come you’d been under the opinion that Dean Winchester may have been your killer, and his hostile attitude upon seeing you had only furthered that belief. Yet getting another phone call while he was standing before you made you begin to rethink your original suspicions. 

Taking a seat on one of the beds you sighed. “Two victims,” Dean closed the door before moving to stand a few feet from you. “Alright. I’ll be there in an hour.” You ended the call before groaning. Two victims completely threw your pattern off. 

You looked around the room for a moment as you spoke before a thought hit you. Dean hadn’t been alone yesterday and you’d read on his file that he had a brother. “Where’s your brother?” You looked back over to the man who was watching you from his spot.

“He’s getting food.” Dean shrugged. “So two more victims huh.” He pushed. You nodded. “Yea. Why do you care anyway? What are you some kind of true crime fanatic.” He laughed quietly shaking his head.

“Oh no. It’s a bit more complicated.” He came to sit beside you, passing the file back. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention the whole me not being dead to your boss.” You pursed your lips. “Why would I do that?” 

Dean Winchester being alive was very strange to you, but it wasn’t your issue. “Because we can help each other.” 

Dean gestured between you both. You stared at him confused for a moment. You needed to solve this case, and soon. Too many people were dying and you still had little to no leads on who it could possibly be that was committing these crimes. You thought it over for a moment. You were breaking so many rules even being here. You should have reported this to your supervisor straight away but you’d been curious. 

“Me and my brother, we deal with stuff like this all the time. We can help but I need you to promise not to try and shoot me if I tell you what we actually do for a living, alright?” 

✧.*

Working with the Winchesters was… interesting. 

You really hadn’t thought your life could get any stranger, yet here you were staring down at the bodies of three men. Turns out Sam and Dean Winchester had actually not been FBI agents and instead they spent their time traversing around the country killing ‘monsters.’

You initially laughed in Dean’s face calling him crazy before attempting to leave but he’d been quick to stop you. He’d then sat you down and pretty much showed you every piece of evidence they had to suggest that these killings were far from normal.

“A vampire?” You stared at him astounded as he simply nodded. “Yes. And most likely a werewolf. The killings line up.”

You’d not want to believe him but part of you after looking at the evidence knew he had a point. And so that had sent you down a spiral over the last week where you’d learnt of things that you’d only ever known about in your nightmares.

After that, the three of you quickly began comparing notes on the case. In doing this you’d quickly come to find at least three possible culprits. Each of the men had been seen in the club the night of the killings and they were always seen leaving with someone.

You’d surprisingly found yourself beginning to enjoy the company of the two. You normally worked alone during your cases and had always found that you’d worked better alone but during the last few days, you’d found that you actually enjoyed working with others.

Over the last two days, you’d always found yourself steadily growing closer and closer to the older of the two men. Dean Winchester was someone who you’d originally planned to keep at an arm's distance, but that plan quickly fell away.

You’d found yourself spending most of your time interviewing witnesses with him while Sam had stayed back going over your notes.

“Thank you, we’ll be in touch.” You smiled at the older woman as she said her own goodbyes before closing the door. Dean let out a breath as you walked down the porch steps towards his car. 

“You still think it could be her son?” You stopped beside the car to face him. Dean crossed his arms nodding slowly. “Yeah. Vamps don’t have to be born. The guy could have been bitten she’d be none the wiser.” 

You nodded pulling your lip between your teeth. “Okay. We got our guy.” A wave of relief ran through you as you stood there. For the first time in the case, it seemed like you finally had a strong lead who you were all sure was the killer.

Everything lined up. Now all you had to do was catch the guy. Dean reached into his pocket pulling his keys out. “We should go get Sam before heading to the bar. If he follows his pattern our guy should be there.” 

✧.*

“So. Case closed I guess.” You mumbled looking down at the body. Sam nodded from his spot opposite you. “Yeah.” You reached into your pocket pulling out your phone. You looked between the two.

“I’m gonna need to call this in, you two should probably disappear before the cops get here.” You smiled at the two. Sam nodded before looking over to his brother who was still looking down at the body. “How are you gonna explain this?” He asked pushing a hand into his pocket. 

“Suicide.” You gestured to the body. “Guy went mad, killed people and then couldn’t live with himself.” You shrugged. “It's more common than you’d think.” 

“Thank you. I don’t think I would have been able to do this without your help.” You rubbed a hand behind your neck before turning to Dean. “I’ll make sure your file disappears, just try and not get framed for another murder.” You teased slightly making the two men chuckle.

“I’ll try.” Dean grinned, his gaze settling on you. Over the last few days, you’d noticed the way he looked at you had changed. At first, he’d been hesitant, he’d always looked at you with a sceptical eye as if he was ready for you to flip on them at any moment but over time he’d realised that maybe you actually did want their help.

Maybe you really weren't going to lead him into a trap. And with that realisation, the way he looked at you had softened. He’d let himself become more comfortable in your presence. The way he looked at you now was different again. There was no lie that you felt something towards him. 

You’d resigned yourself to the fact that he was just another one of your passing crushes. You’d finish the case and he’d move on. Yet looking at him now you could swear he looked slightly disappointed.

“I’m gonna go wait in the car. I’ll see you there.” Sam nodded at his brother before sending you another smile and walking away. You both watched him go for a moment before you turned to Dean.

Dean didn’t say anything as he turned back to face you. He swallowed before raising a hand. “I guess I better let you call this in before someone sees us.” He rubbed a hand against the back of his neck before he turned and began walking away.

You stood for a moment before beginning to follow him “Dean. Wait.” At your voice, he paused turning to face you. You stopped a few feet from him before taking a breath. You slowly stepped closer until your chests were practically touching. 

You heard his breath hitch as he stared down at you, his lips parting slightly. Pushing yourself up you connected your lips with his. His hand wrapped around your waist as your own went to his head. 

His thumb rubbed circles against your waist as he slowly pulled back. A slight blush covered your cheeks as you panted softly. “Hey. Why don’t you come with us?” Dean whispered moving a hand to brush against your cheek.

“What?” You gasped, furrowing your brows as you looked at him. His eyes had lit up slightly at the idea and he smiled resting his forehead against yours. “Think about it alright. We’ll stick around for two more days and if you decide you wanna come with…you know where we’ll be.” He pressed his lips against yours again for a moment before pulling back. 

You frowned slightly watching him disappear around the corner before your attention turned back to the body. Pulling out your phone you found the chief's number before pressing call. As it rang you found yourself nervously chewing on your nail.

You felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. Stay here and continue working for the FBI and leave behind a man who you were very much falling in love with or take his offer and discover a whole new world.

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-twelve

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: All I will say is enjoy my loves.

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake @bngurngheart

NOAH

“You wanna take, take, take. You wanna break, break, break my heart,” I rambled while pacing my room.

Fuck, do I need to add break that many times?

I rambled the sentence a few more times to see how it tasted on my tongue.

Fuck it, I shrugged. It’s good.

My fingers drummed a beat against thigh as I continued to pace the room, anything to keep my mind off of my fucking phone. “But now I know my place.”

Hi.

Who the hell says hi?

It’s been 4 minutes and 35 seconds. No-wait-4 minutes and 53 since I texted Y/N. She’ll probably leave me on read. Especially after how I was acting the last few weeks. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that one of the guys told her how I’d been drinking. Why would she want another Trey? There’s no way she’d respond. Maybe this friendship is over, even despite our feelings. Despite everything maybe it was a lost cause.

“Fuck, I need to get the verse down,” I tossed my phone onto my bed and sang the verse once again.

“You couldn’t wait, wait, wait. For the day, day, day I lost. It’s such a shame, shame, shame you couldn’t change, look what it cost.”

Why the hell did I add day that many times? You know what? I think it works but I’ll ask Jolly what he thinks. As I stood from bed, I scratched at my stomach, my shirt riding up just the slightest and I couldn’t help but think of the reason Y/N gave me my nickname.

“Because you’re the sweetest and your stomach is soft.”

“Idiot,” I grumbled while clipping my hair back away from my face.

I could use a trim.

With a sigh, I took two steps, ready to leave my phone behind on my bed, until his rang loudly and I whipped my head back so fast. My hands shook at my sides, not reaching for it yet, afraid that I might have misheard the notification. But when my phone went off another time, I nearly jumped onto my bed to grab it.

Your Amazon package is out for delivery!

Just as I was about to chuck my phone across the wall, something told me to check the message thread with Y/N one more time.

My message was the last one sent but my heart fell slightly when I saw three bubbles appear.

“Oh shit,” I muttered almost dropping my phone but kept the grip on it firm.

The bubbles disappeared only to appear a few seconds later just to disappear for a few moments too long.

The entire time, I sat on the edge of my bed as my knee bounced in a rapid pace, just as my heart did while I waited to see if she would respond.

Angel 🪽: Hi mochi.

I jumped to my feet, a loud thud echoing from how hard the force was, and I bounced on my heels trying to think of what to say.

Hey, how are you?

Nice, something short and simple. Don’t want to push her too far.

I wasn’t sure what to say, not really. I just knew I wanted her back in my life regardless of how things went. It killed me not to have even the slightest of contact. The first step is this.

Angel 🪽: can we FaceTime? only if you’re comfortable with that. There are some things I need to say and it would be better to face to face than texting.

“Fuck,” I began pacing the length of my bedroom once again, panic setting in low in my stomach. Texting her was one thing but to see her face again made my skin itch and skin tingle in the best way.

But she hurt you.

I sighed at the voice in my mind, knowing it was true, but right now it didn’t matter. We were ready to move past what happened.

Sure.

Seconds later, my phone rang, the trill of it a constant buzzing and I hesitated to answer. But I knew I had too. I was the one that set out the end of the olive branch and she was reaching for it, begging me to pull her back.

Giving myself a quick once over in the mirror of my closets, I smoothed down my hair and wiped at the imaginary dirt on my face before I clicked the green button and soon her face appeared on my screen.

Fuck, she looked ragged. The sunken eyes, the bruised smile but shit, she still looked so beautiful. With the true state I’d been in, I knew I probably didn’t look better.

“Hi,” her voice was rough but angelic.

I noticed my door was open so once that was shut, I sat down at my computer chair, leaning back slightly.

“Hey.”

“How have you been?”

My chair rocked back and forth. “Good, how about you?”

There was a long beat of silence, and I used that time to look at her surroundings. There was a large window behind her with the setting sun casting an orange glow around her.

A true fucking angel.

“Good,” she said after a long breath. “You know what, lets cut the bullshit.”

I blinked, perplexed where this conversation was headed now.

“Angel-,” I began.

But her stern eyes stared back at me when she shook her head. “No, mochi, I need to say this. Please let me say this.”

I took a deep breath, ignoring the way my heart skipped a beat when she said my nickname, and urged her on with a nod.

Her mouth moved like a fish out of water, trying to gather her words. “I hurt you. I hurt you and I’m so fucking sorry, Noah.”

I stared at her and to be honest; I wasn’t expecting that. I wasn't sure who would apologize first then I remembered I didn’t need to apologize. I wasn’t the one who left.

“It’s-.”

“No,” she cut me off. “Let me finish. I’m truly sorry. I had no right to just up and leave with no explanation.”

She abruptly stood and walked across her room before sitting on her bed now, a furry animal curled up on the pillow next to her.

Salem.

“There are so many things haunting me, Noah. As I’m sure there are things haunting you and I’m just-I’m sorry.”

I wanted to say something, anything, but I sat frozen holding the phone in front of my face while I perched my other arm behind my head. There were so many thoughts weighing heavy on my mind until finally I started small.

“I-I appreciate your apology.”

I wanted to deep deeper into this; I wanted to continue to dig and dig and dig under her skin and brain because I wanted to know more but she was holding back.

She brought Salem into her lap then set up her phone that I could see her entire body and the cat on her lap. Y/N looked beautiful in a simple hoodie and sweatpants, her hair in a disarrayed bun, strands falling into her face but didn’t care enough to brush away.

Noise outside my door took my attention away from my phone for a few seconds as I sat up straighter in my chair, eyes narrowing towards the door.

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

My eyes snapped back to my phone at that word; friendship.

We already established there's nothing more than being friends. It doesn’t make much sense with what we’d been through but right now, I’d take what I can get.

“I don’t want to, either,” I admitted with a sigh. “These last few weeks have been pretty rough for me and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss you, angel.”

The corner of her mouth lifted. “I missed you too, mochi. So we can both agree, fresh start?”

“I’d like that,” I smiled. “Salem?”

She beamed while holding up the cat so he could extended his body straight like a stick. “Yep. He’s settled into the move right away. You should see Malcolm with him. At first, Malcolm wouldn’t even be in the same room together but now, I catch him stealing Salem from my room so he could cuddle him.”

I chuckled at the vision of large Malcolm snuggling with a small cat on the couch.

“What about you? How are you enjoying living in Los Angeles?”

“I haven’t got out much because of the pandemic but now that the ban is lifted, I want to find an art studio or a gym. Something to get my ass out of the house.”

“You should come with me to my gym,” the words rushed out before I could stop myself. “I’ve been trying to get one of the guys to come with but they won’t.”

She raised a hesitant brow. “Are you sure? I don’t want to interject myself in something thats yours.”

“Angel, I promise you its fine.” I assured her.

“Alright, fuck it. I’m in,” she smiled. “I want to learn some taekwondo.”

I hummed. “Lucky for you, the place I go offers some great classes on Tuesdays and Fridays, we can go this week?”

It was already Wednesday so it would be a few days before we rushed into this.

“I’d like that, Noah. Thank you.”

“Y/N, the pharmacy called me because you didn’t answer. Your meds are ready for pickup.”

Chase appeared behind Y/N in the screen and when he saw me, he cursed. “Fuck, I didn’t know you were on the phone. Sup, Noah.”

I nodded. “Hey man.”

Y/N waved Chase off. “It’s fine. We can pick them up after dinner.”

“Meds? Everything alright?” I asked with slight worry.

I fully expected her to brush me off or change the subject.

“Remember when I told you that night that I deal with something every month and it’s a lot?”

I tried not to remember the aftermath of us having sex.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Well, I have to take different meds to help with it. It’s a lot to go into right now but I promise, one day.”

“Whenever you’re ready, angel,” I said with a smile, not wanting to feel like she needed to be forced to tell me what was wrong with her.

“What the fuck? I’m starving and you two are chit chatting like teenage girls who just found out the schools hot gossip.”

Malcolm appeared on screen behind Y/N and threw up the two fingered peace sign. “Sorry, Noah. We’re taking her away from you.”

I chuckled. “All good. We can talk tomorrow? I can call around 2:30?”

Y/N smiled that bright smile that pulled at the strings of my heart; the one that connected us. “I’d like that, mochi.”

With one final goodbye, I hit the red button, ending the call with a sigh. It was only a few minute long conversation but enough to ease the worry if everything would be alright.

“Shit.”

“Get your foot off of my knee, you dumbass.”

“Did they hang up? I can’t hear anything?”

What the fuck?

JOLLY

“We shouldn’t eavesdrop. It’s not our place,” I said with my hands deep in my pockets.

“Dude, were not listening to him fuck her. They’re talking since they fucked,” Orie pointed to Noah’s closed door.

“Real classy, dickhead,” Jesse smacked the back of Orie’s head.

“I’m just saying,” he raised his hands in defense. “I want to hear! Now move.”

Jesse kneeled in front of Noah’s door with Orie leaning over him, and Michale standing behind Orie.

“Why are they talking about taekwando?” Jesse wondered.

“Shut the fuck up, Jesse I can’t hear,” Michael slapped his arm.

I shook my head before temptation gave in and I kneeled next to Jesse so I could get a better listen. This was the first time Y/N and Noah would talk since that night and since there wasn’t any raised voices, I could only hope it was a civil conversation.

“Move your hair it’s in my face,” Jesse tried to push me away.

“Not my fault you’re a dwarf, man,” I shrugged then hushed him.

“I’d like that, Noah. Thank you.”

The small glimmer of hope that things would be okay intensified when I heard the softness of Y/N’s voice. I could almost imagine that eye crinkling smile she would do; the one Noah loved.

“If Noah knows we’re listening, he won’t turn the heat on for a week,” Michael reminded us.

“Shit,” Jesse cursed.

Orie pushed Michale away. “Get your foot off of my knee, you dumbass.”

“Did they hang up? I can’t hear anything?”

Suddenly, the door opened behind us but I was the only saved from falling to the floor at Noah’s feet that was covered with his favorite pair of Naurato socks; Jesse, Orie, and Michael all falling on top of each other in a heap.

“What the fuck?” Noah cursed with hands on his hips. “Were you guys listening to my conversation?”

The three of them scrambled to their feet before running down the stairs, their laughter echoing through our shared home. I watched with a small smile and shook my head before Noah glared over to me.

“Fuck you, you know what? No heat. I’m serious! Kiss my ass.” He called out after them. “It’s going to be 65 degrees all week!”

“Wasn’t my idea,” I defended with my hands held up.

Groans carried upstairs as soon as Noah turned off the heat. “Oh, come on, Noah!”

“What the fuck, man!” 

A sly smirk played at his lips. “We got stock in Bad Omens hoodies; fucking wear one and don’t listen to my phone calls.”

Once Noah retreated into his room, I stared at the closed door with a proud smile. It was a drastic change in attitude from how he was just last week. Talking to Y/N brought out the playful, joking side of Noah that we all love and missed.

Maybe things were going to be alright.

“So who’s going up there to ask how it went,” Orie’s voice called out from downstairs.

NOAH

The soft, delicate, knock against my bedroom door made me take off my headphones, setting them down on my desk. Exiting out of my game and making sure TWITCH was closed out, I rose from my seat and ran a hand through my hair before I opened the door, heart falling into my stomach at the sight in front of me.

Y/N was wringing her nervous hands together, her bottom lip caught between her teeth.

“Angel? What are you doing here?” I questioned while leaning an arm against the door.

“Uh, Jesse let me in. I-I needed to see you,” she hugged the jacket closer to her chest, something clearly bothering her.

My brows scrunched together, still shocked that she was standing in front of me. Just a few hours ago, we were talking on FaceTime about our gym meet up tomorrow and she said she needed to hang up because Chase and her had plans to go hiking.

“Everything alright?”

She hesitated eyes darting to my bedroom. “I need your help, Noah.”

My heart jumped into my throat as I stood straighter, unsure if I heard her correctly. “With what? Is something broken?”

“No, Noah,” Y/N’s voice dropped low before taking a step towards me, hands trailing down my chest. “I need you.”

Oh, fuck.

The passionate, high energy, tension that we feared was lost came flooding back into our veins as I yanked Y/N into the room, kicking the door shut behind her. I wrapped my hand behind her head and sparks shot through my entire existence when I pressed my lips against Y/N’s in a soul shattering, earth ending kiss. My tongue pushed past her lips almost instantly, finding hers in a fight for dominance. It explored every inch of her mouth and she moaned, nails scratching at the fabric of my shirt. With one hand wrapped around the back of her neck, the other slipped underneath her shit to graze over the soft skin of her stomach.

“Noah,” she breathed against my lips.

“Fuck, I missed you angel,” I walked her backwards towards my bed.

Her lips were swollen, lipstick smeared from the force of our kiss, and I felt all the heat rush straight to my cock when I thought of those lips stretched around me, drool leaking out of the corners of her mouth and trickling down her chin as she struggled to take all of me in.

My dick ached in pain, needing some sends of release; soon.

I helped her out of her clothes; her doing the same to me, as our lips met again. My teeth bitting down on her bottom one as she tried to pull away.

She hissed while dabbing a finger to her face. “Did-did you just bite me?”

I took in the sight of her standing in front of me in a simple black matching bra and panties set.

“Fuck, you’re going to kill me,” I hooked a finger into the strap of her bra, sliding it down over her shoulder.

The tattoo’s that littered her skin almost glowed from the neon lights in my room. Kaonashi on her arm, the large array if flowers and veins on the other arm, the one of all the Greek Gods on Mt. Olympus on her thigh, and the small design of Totoro on her ankle, the ones we got on her birthday. Aogaeru from Spirited Away on my ankle.

Turning her towards my bed, I trailed my fingers down her back to unhook her bra, letting it fall down to the floor at our feet. My lips littered soft kisses along the large snake and flower tattoo on her back as I dropped to my knees, slipping off her panties to her ankles.

“Fucking beautiful,” I praised while looking up at her.

Y/N peered down at me over her shoulder. “I could get used to you being on your knees for me.”

I turned her back to face me and left my hands on her hips. “I’ll pray to this body every night if that means you stay with me, angel.”

Her hand raked through the long locks of my hair and I let myself relax into her touch as I stared at her warm core right in front of me. The phantom taste from the last time I tasted her still lingered on my tongue.

“Noah?”

I hummed while peering up through my lashes at her.

“Stand up.”

Doing what she said, I stood to my feet and now towered over her by atleast a foot. Her nails scratched down my bare chest and I hissed in pure ecstasy. The pain making me realize this was real. She was in front of me.

I attacked her lips once again as her fingers trailed down over my stomach to the waistband of my briefs, helping me step out of them. Y/N’s eyes flashed down to my hard cock as it sprang free, beads of pre-cum spilling from the slit. I rubbed my thumb over it and groaned at how sensitive I was.

“I missed you,” Y/N pressed a kiss to the pulse point of my throat; the apple.

My head titled back to give her more access, and I gripped her hips tighter.

“Sit down,” she nodded to the edge of my bed.

Once seated, Y/N kneeled down on the floor between my legs and I shivered under her touch again as her nails raked up and down my thighs. I watched her actions from the mirror behind her, eyes drinking in the sight of her large back tattoo and the perkiness of her round ass. My cock twitched in front of her face as she gazed up at me, taking her bottom lip between her teeth.

“I’ve dreamed of the way you tasted, Noah.”

My fingers grazed over her chin, up her jaw, to the back of her head and tangled within the waves of her hair. My other hand gripped my cock as I guided the tip towards her lips.

“Open those pretty lips for me, angel.”

A guteral groan sounded from the back of my throat and I titled my head up towards the ceiling, my long hair cascading down my back. I gripped Y/N’s head with a vise grip and guided her up and down; slowly at first until I reached the resistance of the back of her throat and buried my cock deep in there.

“Shit,” I breathed when she choked on me. “Feels so good.”

I kept her there for a few more seconds before letting the grip on her head ease enough that she could start moving once again. She flattened her tongue to press underneath my shaft and when her fingers cupped my tight balls; I knew I was nearing the edge of bliss. The bottom of my spine tingled with a burning that only she could bring but not yet; I didn’t want this to be over yet.

She pulled off of my cock with a loud pop as I lifted her from the ground to kneel on my bed. I pressed my large hand over her bed so I could push her upper half down on the bed while keeping her ass up in the air. I positioned us so we could face the mirror and I trailed a finger down her spine.

“Spread your legs for me,” I ordered before laying a firm smack to her ass.

Y/N writhed with a moan but did as I asked. I guided the head of my throbbing cock up and down the wetness of her folds.

“Noah,” she whined. “Please.”

“You like that, angel?” I asked.

She moans her response, but I didn’t like that answer. With my cock poised at her entrance, I leaned over her back so my warm breath fanned over the crook of her neck.

“Use your words.”

“Yes, I like it,” she answered breathlessly.

“Good girl,” I praised before slipping into her tightness; finally.

We shared a long moan, the feeling of being connected once again being almost too much for me to take, my cock pulsating inside of her. The warmth spread over every inch of pricked skin, the sensation clawing at my insides; in the best way possible. It felt like how it did that night only better because she wasn’t going anywhere. I’d make sure she’d stay tonight.

“I’m so tense, Noah,” she writhed underneath me.

I lazily kissed her back as my hips rutted up against her. “You came back.”

I pushed her face into the mattress because of my weight on her back so she could only speak.

“Always.”

My hair spread over her back when I pressed my forehead in-between her shoulders, the sweat from her skin tasting bittersweet on my tongue. I sunk my teeth deep into her, marking her as my own and pulled my cock almost all the way out, just leaving the tip.

“Mine?”

Her answer was a mess of curses when my fingers pressed into her clit, drawing fast circles. His pussy clenched over my cock as she came undone, her arousal spreading down my thighs. I hooked my fingers in her mouth to hold her up so she could watch us in the mirror now.

“Watch as I fuck your pretty pussy,” I ordered, long hair covering my face.

Y/N did the best she could to nod with my hooks in her mouth and my pace became relentless, slamming into her so hard and fast, the noises echoed throughout my room. The burning felt warm at the base of my spine as my heart pounding widly in my chest, my own orgasm so fucking close to destroying me. She looked fucking angelic from her reflection in the mirror. Her skin soaked in the neon glows of the lights of my bedroom and I wondered if anyone could hear us through the white noise of our moans and skin slapping.

My name sounded muffled from her throat since I still had my fingers hooked inside her mouth.

“What?” I unhooked my fingers.

Y/N swallowed thickly. “I want you to fuck me against the mirror.”

Anything for you, angel.

With an arm around her stomach, I lifted her off of the bed and walked over to my mirror closet, pressing her back to it. I hooked her leg over my hip then slid deep within her walls once again, my head falling to her chest with this new angle.

“Fuck,” my teeth graze over the perky buds of her nipples, swirling my tongue over them.

“Harder,” she begged, running her hands through my hair.

She gathered it at the ends and pulled my head back to crash her lips to mine and with a few hard slams of my cock into her, Y/N came apart once again for me, screaming her release into my mouth. My back tensed as my stomach muscles contracted, and with the force of my thrusts, the closet doors shook, one of them breaking off the rolling hinge and shattering the glass directly in the middle.

“Shit,” Y/N giggled.

I paid no mind to the broken glass as I buried myself deep within her, orgasm so close to cresting over me in waves.

“Cum for me, Noah,” she nipped and sucked at the tattoo across my neck again.

Her name fell from my lips repeatedly, cock thrusting into her with every utter of it.

“I love you, Noah.”

“Noah.”

“Noah, wake-.”

“NOAH! Wake up!”

My eyes bolted open as my chest heaved with every deep breath, heart pulsating to an uneven rhythm. Sweat covered every inch of my skin as I peered down at my body, dick standing straight up underneath the sheer fabric of my blanket.

It was a dream?

Fuck, I sighed while running a hand over my face before staring directly into the eyes of the person who wasn’t in my dreams two seconds ago.

Jesse took a bite out of an apple and nodded down towards me. “I hate to ruin whatever you have going on, but it’s time to get up.”

I rubbed my eyes in exhaustion and continued to heave, trying to ease my racing heart. Fick, that felt so real I was sure I was going cum.

“Must have been some dream, you were really enjoying that,” he chuckled before taking another large bite out of his apple.

I chucked my pillow at him. “I fucking hate you.”

“No, you don’t. Now hurry the fuck up, your oatmeal is getting cold.” He chuckled. “Although, maybe you need a cool down. Take a cold shower first.”

“Fuck off,” I tossed another pillow at him.

Thirty minutes and a very ice-cold shower later, I trekked down the stairs into the kitchen where three smug smiles stared at me.

“Oh, you’re finally awake!” Orie gave me a teasing smirk.

“Yeah, he was a little occupied,” Jesse laughs.

I knocked the apple out of his hands; it clattering to the kitchen counter.

“With what now?” Jolly questioned with a mock curiosity.

“Noah had a wet dream,” Jesse informed everyone.

“Shut the fuck up,” I said through gritted teeth. “Why are you guys always in my business?”

They all share a laugh before Jolly’s calming voice brought a sense of sincerity to the conversation. “It’s not a big deal, Noah. Was it- was it about Y/N?”

I did my best to hide the way my face reddened by sticking my head in the fridge to grab the milk.

“Oh, fuck. Angel. So good.” Jesse mocked in a voice that sounded nothing like me.

“Laugh it up,” I grumbled while slamming the fridge shut, suddenly not hungry anymore.

“It’s not a big deal, Noah, considering you see her today. Are you feeling okay?” Jolly wondered.

I shrugged while stuffing my hands into my gym shorts. “Yeah why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, just becau-.”

“Look I appreciate you guys, really. And I love you for helping me. I just-I want to try to atleast get back to being friends with her. I want to move past this awkward bullshit and have her in my life again. I can’t care about the details right now.”

“We know,” Orie nodded. “We want to make sure you two are going slow this time.”

“I know, I know. We’re meeting at the gym today, be nice to just hang out and do something-healthy. Talk.” I smiled with excitement and nerves.

Jolly smile while standing to his feet. “Good, I’m glad you two are talking again. Still want to write tonight?

I nodded. “Yeah, I’ve got another track we can start.”

NOAH

Inside the gym, two minutes before our meet time, I waited by sitting in a chair my leg bounced up and down, up and down- I paced that gym floor, burnt rubber almost gave the room a scent. I was finally seeing her again, since that night. Not on the phone, not waiting for a text. Physical and beautiful form. She had come back into my life like a sudden flame, blazing and streaming into my heart. I stayed up all night contemplating the certain agony I knew would be mine if I were to lose her twice.

Movement out of the corner of my eye made me turn towards the direction of the door, her angelic form stepping into my line of sight. Immediately, thoughts of my dream earlier came flooding back, and I shifted on my feet, hoping my cock would get the memo not to get hard.

Not right now.

All the breath got knocked out of me when her bright eyes landed on me and I gave her a small, awkward wave. When I saw her last on FaceTime yesterday, her skin still looked sunken in and pale, but now she looked like all the life had been breathed back into her.

“Hi,” she smiled.

“Hey.”

“Sorry I’m late. Chase dropped me off so I only have an hour before he picks me up. Something about him and Malcolm having tickets to a movie tonight.”

I waved her off. “You’re fine, angel. I could always give you a ride back home if you need.”

She thought about it, I could tell the way her pupils dilated.

“That’s sweet of you, Noah. But Chase promised he’d buy me Greek for dinner tonight before dropping me off to my art class,” she shrugged playfully.

I wasn’t sure if that was the truth or just an excuse not to spend more alone time together. Even if our conversation was flowing, there was still that awkward tension because of the elephant in the room; the one neither of us wanted to discuss. We wanted to move past what happened, start fresh.

“Art class?”

“Yeah,” she beamed. “I’m taking some painting lessons. Just another thing I started post pandemic.”

“That’s great, angel. I’d love to see what you create,” I said.

We were silents for a few long beats, just gazing at each other, and feeling the sudden thick tension, I motioned towards the equipment behind me.

“Is there something specific you want to get started on?”

“I usually like to warm up on the treadmill,” Y/N said while adjusting the strap of her gym bag.

We walked over to a more quiet area of the gym, neither of us wanting to be noticed, and as I set my things down on an open bench, I tossed off my sweater, being left in a cut off t-shirt and black shorts, and when I noticed Y/N was still wearing her heavy sweater, I raised a brow.

“Aren’t you going to get hot in that?”

She shrugged while playing with the zipper. “I’ll be fine.”

“Angel,” I took a step towards her. “Take it off. It’s hot in here already. Don’t feel like you have to hide yourself, especially from me. Remember that?”

Considering I’ve seen it all already.

Ignoring the voice in my head, I watched as Y/N eventually nodded and shed off the extra layer, now standing in front of me in tight leggings that hugged her ass perfectly and a sports bra, showing off the toned stomach I wanted to graze my tongue over.

Focus, Noah.

For the next hour, we spent time on our own choices of machines but still within range of sight. Since we were here later on in the evening, the gym wasn't that crowded. Every so often, our gazes would find each other from across the area we were working out in; me on the weight machine, her at the treadmills. It was that invisible string that tethered our hearts together, always wanting to make sure that we never strayed to far from each other.

Now, we stood packing up our things and Y/N hissed as she tried to rub out a sore spot in her back, one she couldn’t reach.

“Mochi, do you mind helping stretching me out?”

Fuck. Me.

The nickname did wonders on my already racing heart.

“Uh, yea. Sure.”

My fingers gripped her hips as she twisted and turned, before bending over to touch her toes while one hand began rubbing out the tense knots in her back.

“Oh, thank you, Noah. I’ve been so tense back there lately.”

“I’m so tense, Noah,” she writhed underneath me.

Images of her underneath me, cock slamming into her, made my cock twitch with the need to be touched. And with how close Y/N was to me as she stood straight, I knew if she took the slightest step back, my cock would brush against her ass.

Fuck, this wasn’t going to be easy.

NOAH

I all but busted through the front door, gripping my gym bag so tight my knuckles had gone white. Shortly after helping stretch out Y/N, Chase arrived to pick her up. We decided we would meet every Friday around 1o am for the taekwando classes. Ever since my dream this morning and now what happened at the gym, my cock was throbbing almost in pain, begging for release.

“How did your workout go?”

“Went great,” I tossed towards Jesse who sat with Harper in his lap on the couch.

“Just great? I mean that’s it?”

With a sigh, I stopped halfway up the stairs. “Yeah we talked, we- we’re good. I’m gonna take a shower and I’ll be down soon.”

Finally in the solitude of the bathroom, I stared at myself in the mirror. Sweat covered every inch of me again and I tensed, my whole face red and contorted. Y/N in that outfit haunted my mind since the second I saw her. I see the way she moved during her workout, her panting, the sweat dripping off her skin.

Then thoughts of our night together overtook me and I gripped the bathroom counter to steady myself. It was impossibly hard to forget.

“Fuck,” I groaned feeling the blood rushing to every organ in my body.

I turned the shower on, letting the steam gather and levitate around the room.

Hades doesn't have shit on me.

The steam almost makes me glow as I continued to stand there, staring at myself in the mirror for a few more seconds before stripping out of my gym clothes, leaving them in a heap on the floor.

My body was wet, soaked from the steam and sweat alone, as my chest heaved with every deep breath I took. Flashes of Y/N still overtaking my mind. Once finally under the spray of the water, I couldn’t take it anymore; my cock couldn't take it anymore. It was thick, red, and angry from the prolonged release and I brushed my thumb over the head, smearing the pre-cum from tip to base. With one hand on the wall and the other wrapped tightly around my cock, I stroked myself fast, not wanting to drag this out any longer.

“I miss the way you say my name, angel,” I panted.

I hear her say my name over and over. Memories flash from the beginning, her smile, her body, the way she was mounted on top of me. Oh gods, I see it and her mouth in an O shape as she came undone on my cock; in the dream and real life.

My head tilted back towards the water and I had to open my mouth, letting the water deep throat me, to muffle my sounds. The noises, the voice that was her in my head. It was so hard to just pretend what it’s like when I tasted the real thing before.

“God, I want to fuck you again. So bad.”

My deep, guttural groan echoed through the confines of the bathroom as my hips stilled, my release finally spilling into my hand.

NOAH

I sat on the edge of my bed, towel wrapped loosely around my hips, and the pen scratching widely on the paper in my lap. My head snapped up to the mirror in front of me, hair soaked with the water from my shower as droplets fell onto the pages in my lap and smearing some of the ink. But I didn’t care; I would always remember these words.

The perfect mirror. The one that didn’t have a crack running along it; reminding me that earlier today was a dream. I laughed a breathy laugh, grinning ear to ear while shaking my head. I fell into deep thought. Maybe I was in delirium, could have been the orgasm, could have been seeing Y/N again. Most likely both.

“Loves the death of peace of mind,” I muttered and proceeded writing the chorus of what I knew was true.

“You’re in the walls that I made with crosses and frames hanging upside down. For granted, in vain, I took everything I ever cared about.”

Shit, this was good.

Quickly standing to my feet, I threw on some clothes but before I left the room; I snapped a few selfies, then snatched the pad of paper to run down the stairs.

“Where’s the fire?” Nicholas chuckled.

Thankfully, everyone I needed was already in the living room; Jolly, Nicholas, and Folio.

I tossed the pad of paper on the table in front of them. “New song.”

The three shared a look before they leaned forward to read what I wrote.

“The way you fuck, the way you taste? For fuck's sake, Noah. I don’t want to know that shit,” Nicholas rolled his eyes.

I shrugged while bouncing on the soles of my feet with excitement. “Then plug your ears, man. Doesn't matter to me.”

Jolly was the one who spoke next. “The way you bend? The way you break? Fuck, what the hell happened in that hotel room?”

I smile the smallest of smiles. “All I’ll say is I was Mount Olympus.”

The three of them share yet another look before Folio shakes his head. “Didn’t need the image, bro.”

[purpurussy]

what is all of this like for post-hiatus phannies?

I've been trying to figure out how to phrase this for a minute. The most obvious comparison would be that it's like starting a TV show 10 seasons in, but that doesn't come remotely close to the amount of required reading necessary to understand even 5% of the references. This has not been a problem for me, as I love nothing more than a good all-consuming hyperfixation rabbit hole, but something I'm realizing is that you really just had to be there to fully Understand.

I got into d&p properly in December of 2023, when gamingmas appealed to my emotionally curious nature and then gave me some kind of irreversible brain damage which I'm still trying to process. Since then I've been consuming their back catalogue as though it's laced with cocaine, and obsessively lurking on phannie tumblr until I finally made this blog a few weeks ago.

-

I actually watched Dan's videos for a little while back in roughly 2013/2014, but something about his content back then just wasn't working for me like it does now (I have such a clear memory of watching Reasons Why Dan’s A Fail and thinking "aw man why does this cute little twink hate himself so much 😔" and then going back to watching Jenna Marbles lmao. Funnily enough it did make me change my negative self-talk a little bit). I was very much a brief casual viewer who went off them pretty much after watching a few videos, and after that I was sort of vaguely aware of them as the cultural icons of the 2010s that they were, but I wasn't keeping up with them at all. 

I don't even remember BIG coming out, which is insane because I've always been extremely chronically online and it definitely broke containment as a cultural moment (although I think I was trying to minimize my social media use at that point in my life, so maybe that's why it went over my head). I feel like I must have heard something about it at the time, though, because I knew they were gay when I started watching them last year. What's really strange is that a lot of this stuff is kinda timeless to me. I don't remember it happening 5, 10 or 15 years ago - I just witnessed it very recently. For a lot of you guys, BIG happened 5 years ago, but I just watched it for the first time a few months ago. At the same time, in my mind they've just always been gay, since I wasn't in the trenches of the unhinged online culture surrounding them in the early/mid 2010s. It's so confusing to balance my weird temporal perception of these events with the impressions that I get from you guys. Oftentimes I have to judge roughly when something would have happened based on their appearances - it's not actually a *memory* for me, like it is for you. I absolutely love the dynamic and branding they have now, and the deep dives into their past are more of a curious exploration of how they got here, rather than actually nostalgic (or, I suppose, mildly traumatic) for me. It’s still very interesting and compelling to me, but because I love the current iteration of Dan and Phil, not because I’m emotionally invested in who they used to be. 

Sometimes I’ll be aware that an event happened, but I won’t realize how monumental it was until I see people talking about it (I hate to say it but I genuinely don't fully understand why the BONCAs thing was so earth-shattering, but like I said, I've always lived in a post-BIG universe, and I think you just had to be there). There are also plenty of references to stuff that's just been lost to time, which I have to piece together with context clues, as well as the more unhinged demonic stuff that I just don't have any interest in exploring whatsoever (I think I might have watched the v-day video if I'd been there when it leaked and I was a stupid teenager, but at this point, I don't even feel any kind of morbid curiosity for it. I just feel really bad for them that it got leaked. Plus, unfortunately, I think I've learned all I need to know about it through internet osmosis here). I feel like a lot of these events have a real emotional meaning for you guys, when to me, they're just interesting/funny/insane anecdotes which give some context to everything. Some of the shit that you guys lived through back then is absolutely wild, and I love and appreciate all of you for meticulously archiving and documenting everything and for being so willing to answer the same questions over and over again! Otherwise I feel like I wouldn't be able to really be part of this community, and posting my silly little memes on this blog is so fucking fun. So thank you all for that.

It seems like this is one of the most ride-or-die fanbases I've ever seen. The fact that they could invent the concept of YouTubers doing world tours, successfully execute that multiple times, branch out into several other ventures, come out as gay not fully knowing how that would affect their careers, disappear for several years and then come back knowing that there would be a solid audience waiting for them even after their virality had died down, drop merch every 3 seconds - I don't know who else can really get away with that, for almost 15 years, in the extremely "live fast die young" culture of internet fame. And I think it's in no small part because you all have chronic "unconditionally supporting dan and phil" disease. (While we’re on the topic, I feel very lucky to have missed the hiatus era. There's kind of a compression in the timeline for me between the gaming channel going dark and Dan starting his WAD tour, where it's like that time just doesn't exist in the Dan and Phil cinematic universe for me. It took me a while to realize how insane it must have been when they came back in full force, I can't even imagine how that must have felt.)

Of course, there's a caveat in that I'm saying this only really knowing about the tip of the demon iceberg. I’m aware of people engaging in behaviours such as doxxing them, outing them and stalking their families, which is horrifying in and of itself, but I don’t know how long it went on for or how many people were involved. I think people are generally pretty well-behaved at this point, and most of the drama seems to be between different schools of thought within the fanbase itself. I assume a big part of the reason for that is people's varying degrees of involvement in (and remaining notion of guilt for) the boundary-crossing behaviour from the old days. Living with the spectre of this insanity is kind of strange - it makes me feel nervous sometimes that I’m gonna accidentally say something that hits a nerve, or cross a line I didn’t know existed, because there’s all this history that I don’t fully understand, beyond just the normal unwritten rules for interacting with fan spaces online. 

-

The topic that got me writing this in the first place was the orange heart incident, and everyone’s subsequent meltdown. For me, the excitement in them soft/hard/semi launching is more about me just getting excited about any open, proud expression of queer joy - it heals something inside me every time I hear a man referring to his husband or a woman referring to her wife (excuse the gendered terms, ykwim. gay shit). It's just that sentiment, combined with the fact that I'm parasocially invested in them: I'd love to see that energy from my fave little guys who live inside my computer. I am basically rooting for them to become more comfortable with just talking about gay stuff more openly and candidly, and I guess that would require a bit of a hard launch, although I can understand that they don't want to potentially open the door to excessive questioning regarding their relationship. I feel like it ✨hits different✨ for people who watched them for years before they came out. Like, you guys are rooting for people who you watched in real time struggling with their identities and internalized homophobia for years and years, while to me, they’re just some guys who I’m a fan of. Sometimes I get caught up in the emotional frenzy of their hard-launch breadcrumbs even though I don’t feel quite as insane about it as you guys (I said in some tags a few days ago that it’s like the base instinct to turn around and start running if you see a crowd of people running towards you and screaming in terror, even if you have no idea what’s going on). Anyway, I would love to see them being more gooey with each other, and I am gobbling up the breadcrumbs they're feeding us atm, because I love seeing gay people expressing gay love with no shame 🧡 

I think my perception of them as a couple, or of their sexualities independently, is just kind of an extension of everything Dan said in BIG. I really have no doubt that they're a couple, and I don't feel any kind of weird Catholic guilt in saying that, since I neither witnessed nor participated in the insanity back then. I interpreted (I'm paraphrasing) "obviously we were more than friends, but it was more than just romantic, we're like, actual soulmates" followed by "as for the situation now? we're private people and we'd like to keep that part of our lives private" as him essentially saying that obviously they're a couple, but that their relationship is not part of the Dan And Phil™ Brand. The brand is 2 guys who have great chemistry doing comedy together (5 feet apart even though clearly they are gay and in love). And I think that's a completely healthy decision to make, even irrespective of their history. I think a hard launch would be subtle, and it wouldn’t realistically change the nature of their content that much. 

With that being said, to me, it seems slightly wild for people to adamantly insist they're not a couple, or that it’s “invasive” to assume that they are one (not that that really applies to anyone here, but elsewhere on the internet). If they were a straight man and a straight woman, and there wasn't a huge chunk of people on the internet struggling with this oddly conditioned aversion to seeing them as a couple, then nobody on earth would be insisting that it's weird to assume they're together. Dan confirmed that they became romantically involved around the time they met, and building a forever home with your ex is crazy, that's all there is to it.

-

This is kind of a messy stream of thoughts (it ended up sort of becoming 2 essays for the price of 1) and I don't really know where I was going with it. In conclusion I think that day 1 phannies are braver than any US marine and you have all suffered more than Jesus on the cross, and I'm extremely thankful that I get to reap the rewards of your labour now without having lived through the dark ages myself. I also think some of you are holding onto a bit of unnecessary guilt for dumb shit you said on the internet when you were a kid. And Dan and Phil are gay and I love them and I reeeeaaaallllyyy want them to do a podcast so bad because this is all conjecture and I would parasocially love to hear their actual thoughts on it

[eleonoraalbright]

I need some Peter Maximoff fluff😭🤚

Peter Maximoff x Asexual!reader that’s scared Peter will leave them over it

Pairing: Peter Maximoff x Asexual!Reader

Excerpt: Peter laid a hand on your shoulder to comfort you, but you shied away from his touch. Withdrawing his hand, he had to strain his ears to hear your next words. “Peter…” You gulped and seemed to be steeling yourself. “I’m asexual.”

A/N: I did some research and on Tumblr, one user said that asexuality is a spectrum; some asexuals are sex-repulsed and some love it. The reader in this fic is a sex-repulsed asexual.

Peter Maximoff wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but even he could tell something was troubling you. It started a week ago in his mom's basement on a peaceful Sunday afternoon. You were both relaxing by watching a movie that was playing on the TV. 

Technically you were watching the flick while he was racing in and out of the house and around the city, but he popped in often enough to keep up with the movie and show off his new knick-knacks to you. He had just come back from collecting an original Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots free of charge when he saw you rushing up the stairs in a hurry. 

He asked, “Hey, where’re you going?”

You froze as if you had been caught doing something wrong. “I—um—forgot I had some other plans today and I don’t wanna flake on them. Sorry, Peter, I’ll see you later.” You brushed past him without another glance and left. 

In the end, Peter shrugged it off. The excuse was pretty vague, but maybe you had a lot on your mind at the moment and just wanted a bit of time alone. Oh well, he’ll see you tomorrow anyway. He ran to his room and unboxed his game before rushing off again to find more cool loot.

Turns out Peter didn’t see you the following day, or at least he saw less of you than he would’ve liked. He showed up at your door to see if you wanted to hit the arcade and the comic shops. To his disappointment, you refused. You explained that there were extra chores that needed to be done and that they would take all day. He offered to help, but you declined. 

On Tuesday, you couldn’t go out with him because relatives were coming to visit and your family wanted you to stay. On Wednesday, Peter began to grow suspicious. When he popped over to your place, you said that you had been grounded for the next month. Peter didn’t believe you. Being grounded had never stopped you from hanging out with him before, so why should it now?

The obvious answer was that you didn’t want to see him. But why was that? Each time you had seen him since Sunday you avoided his gaze and kept him at arm's length. What had happened that could have caused this change in you? Peter mulled over the possibilities in his mind as he played ping pong with himself.

He recounted the things he talked about, but couldn’t think of an instance where he was careless with his words. Unless the playful argument about whether The Addams Family or The Munsters was the better show had not been as playful as Peter thought it had. Nah, that couldn’t be it. Peter stopped dead in his tracks. 

Had he forgotten yours and his anniversary? He checked the calendar nailed to the wall where you had written down important dates he should remember. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw it was in three months. Phew, so it couldn’t have been that. But then what was it! The mystery was driving Peter up the wall. 

All he wanted to do was see you! After a few minutes, he decided what course of action to take. He zipped to the flower shop and got a colorful bouquet. He dropped by the candy shop and procured a careful selection of all your favorite sweets and won a little stuffed orangutan from a claw machine. With this assortment of gifts, he raced over to your house and into your bedroom. 

You were sitting on your bed, thumbing through a magazine, and jumped when he made his presence known by pushing the flowers, the candies, and the stuffie onto your lap. He said, “I’m sorry for whatever I did. I can’t figure it out, but I’m really sorry. Can we talk again? What’s wrong?”

Setting his presents aside, you brought your knees up to your chest and hugged them. You replied in a quiet voice, “You shouldn’t be here, Peter.”

“C’mon, what’s the matter?” He crouched down next to the bed, a lop-sided grin on his face. “Did aliens abduct you?” He joked, hoping humor would help you open up. 

Tears gathered in the corners of your eyes and you began to rock back and forth. You covered your face with your hands and whispered, “I think we should break up.” Peter was shocked, nothing could have prepared him for that statement. You continued speaking, “I-I haven’t been entirely honest with you.” Tears streamed down your cheeks and a sob escaped your lips. “I didn't think it’d be a big deal, but things are getting serious and I can’t hold it in any longer.”

Peter laid a hand on your shoulder to comfort you, but you shied away from his touch. Withdrawing his hand, he had to strain his ears to hear your next words. “Peter…” You gulped and seemed to be steeling yourself. “I’m asexual.”

Peter’s brow furrowed. He had heard that term before. Using his powers, he ran to the library and retrieved a biology textbook. He read page after page until he finally found his answer. He returned to your bedroom and read aloud, “You have the capability to reproduce without exchanging genetic information with another organism through sex? Are you a mu–”

“No, no! Not that type of asexual!” You closed your eyes and shook your head. “It means that I don’t experience sexual attraction. My brain isn’t hardwired that way—I don’t have those sexual desires or feelings that most people have—it’s not a part of who I am. I just don’t wanna have sex.”

Still confused, Peter processed this information. “Okay, but what does this have to do with us breaking up?”

You stared slack jawed at him, dumbfounded at his question. “You mean y-you don’t care. You don’t want to break up?”

“No, of course not! Why would I?” Peter’s confusion grew when you burst into tears. You started crying and buried your face into your pillow. Peter rubbed your back and tried his best to provide support. “Babe?”

You sat up and threw your arms around him and hugged him as tightly as you were able. You gasped between sobs, “I was s-so scared you’d leave me over it! I didn’t wanna lose you. I was gonna break it off to save you the trouble.” 

Peter hugged you with equal fervor and stroked your hair. He felt terrible. It must’ve been a horrible week for you, convinced that he’d wouldn’t want to be with you anymore. He pressed a kiss to your temple and cupped your chin as he locked eyes with you. “I’d never leave you. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” 

He didn’t know how long you two remained in that embrace and didn’t care. He would sit here all night if it made you feel better. You wiped away your tears, saying, “Wanna go get some pizza to celebrate?”

“And what are we celebrating exactly?”

“Not breaking up and the fact I got that confession off my chest. I feel a million times lighter now.”

“I like the way you think, babe.” With the problem settled, he sped you and himself to the nearest pizza parlor to have a delicious dinner and revel in each other’s company.

[fanofstuff01]

Part 2 of Adam being stuck with Valentino AU is here. Sooner than I expected I would release, but I’m not complaining. No one is obsessed with this AU more than me >:]

Read the first part and then read this if you’d like, but this starts as more about how Adam sold his soul to Valentino. Maybe this would work better as a first chapter, idk

16+ like Hazbin, also Valentino and his behavior in general

Tags: @woah-why-i-am-here @rius-cave @talesfromawannabejournalist @candyhoiic (hope you don’t mind) @puparella @fightinsoda

Tagging everyone I saw wanting a fic about this again @i--metamorphic--i @helena-hyena

Again Tumblr, I warn people from the start. Please.

Zoe presents and wishes you an awesome day/night!

“So, let me clear the air.” Adam said, scratching the base of his horns. He was sitting on a chair at the porn producer’s office. “You offer me to play on your fuck-movies, and in return, you’ll pay me?”

“Of course! And a place to stay if you need.” Valentino said and smoked his cigarette. “You don’t have to show your face if you don’t want, pretty sure my partner can design something for you.”

The first man bit his lip as he thought about it. It didn't sound too bad. Sex was his old job anyway, why wouldn't he just let it be again? This time he would even get paid in return. He needed a well-paying job. If he didn't pay him 8,500 within a month, that red mafia prick would hang his head permanently on his wall like a fucking painting. And no one else in this goddamn place wanted to hire him. On the other hand, this guy wanted him to fuck anyone he wanted. Including guys. On camera.

“I don’t think it’s..” Valentino looked at the first man. He knew he needed to play big to get him. But he couldn’t let him slip away from his hands. He could make him rich!

“You should go if you aren’t interested. I guess I had a wrong impression about you.”

“Wait-“

“I’m deeply sorry. I thought,” He dramatically said, smoking his cigarette “The first man wouldn’t have problems with sex. I guess your tool is not that great at all.”

“Hey!” Adam said, his tool had nothing to do with that! Not to mention it was the greatest!

“No wonder both Lilith AND Eve left you. I guess Lucifer WAS better.“

“Do you DARE to question how good I’m on bed? I had a ton of fucking kids!” He growled.

“Mmhm. Sure.” Valentino grinned. He was sure that if he used the first man's old insecurities against him, he would volume down the voice of his brain’s rational part. His rage was bubbling and leading him to make the choice he wanted. He could read it all over his face. Who would’ve thought Voxxie’s cameras would actually work on important shit? He thought to himself.

“Fine. I’ll work for you. But for the record, I want on paper that I will not work without the mask.”

“Deal!” Valentino said happily, summoned a pink glowy contract out of thin air and hand it out to the sinner with a pen. Adam read it quickly, it seemed normal. A few days off a week, paying him %58 of their earnings from the movies and monthly enough amount of money and other shit. He signed his name under it and felt something inside him change. Like there was something moving. He wanted to puke, but he held back.

“Excellent!” Valentino said with a wide grin. Why was he was so fucking happy? Because he gained a new whore? He didn’t knew nor care.

“We usually start on 1 pm, but i wanna see you on 11 am here tomorrow. Don’t be late~” He purred, carresing Adam’s hair. It made him uncomfortable. Maybe this was a bad idea. Shit, it definitely was.

“Okay.” He said and walked away to the door, glad that he wasn’t near that creep anymore.

— Five months later —

“Hey Adam. Can we talk? On your room?” Valentino called for him as he entered the studio.

“What’s the matter, Val?” He spoke and he entered his dressing room with him. Their director was also there, smiling as if he knew something Adam didn’t. He hoped this wasn’t that kind of ‘talk’.

“You became quite popular in the media y’know, everyone wants to watch your films. I guess the fallen angel concept was something everyone didn’t knew they needed. Your movies almost outsell Angel Dust's.” Valentino smugly said.

“Angel Dust?” He said, surprised as he remembered the spider demon he used to wa- ahem, see on the streets of hell when he was still an angel himself. Then one day, Lucifer’s brat showed him as a proof for her stupid “redemption” idea. It didn’t seem too stupid now though, if someone could fall, maybe someone could rise too. He had a vague memory of him fighting against his army. He didn’t had a personal hatred against him, but he was hating him as equal as he hated the rest of that hotel. Maybe a little less but still.

“Yes, my dear. Angel Dust. Travis!” He called to his director. “Bring him here!”

“Okay sir!” He rushed, still grinning.

“Why did you ask him to bring him? Why is HE doing that anyway? He asked.

“Ah, there you are.” Valentino spoke softly as Travis came inside with a curious -and slightly scared- Angel Dust, ignoring him.

“Val? Why did you-“ His eyes went wide as he saw the first man standing next to his boss. He did heard about Adam working here, he was left in pure shock when he saw one of his posters. He’d never expect to see that guy as a pornstar and just hoped that he won’t stumble to him. But there he was. His surprised state became anger in a short amount of time and he bared his teeth at the other demon. Adam did the same as he gave him the finger.

“Angel, amorcito! I’m assuming you know our newest bestselling actor!“ Valentino said and he looked at their faces. “Isn’t he such a cutie?”

“What do you want me to do, Val?” Angel asked, trying to keep his calm.

“Hmm, goin straight to the point I see. Okay. Since you are the top-selling sluts I have, I want you two to make a movie together.”

“WHAT?!” They both yelled.

“I’m sorry, but I am not fucking this! I have my standarts!” Adam angrily said, pointing at Angel.

“As if I am so curious about you, dickbag!” Angel crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

“Suck your own dick!”

“Eat a horse ass!”

“Are you two done? We have a job.” Travis said, though he seemed to enjoy this. Maybe that was why he was grinning later.

“Valentino, I can’t work with him!”

“Me neither!”

“Well that’s a shame, because I want you to do so. Now get ready, my whores.” He smiled to them, although it was clear that his temper was rising. “Get out, Travis. Prepare the stage.”

“But-“

“I wo-“

“DO WHAT I SAY!” The moth demon snapped, summoned both of their chains and yanked them to himself, almost causing them to fell down. “I asked you to do, and you will! I don’t want to hear any complaints!” He turned to Adam and threw him to the wall, scaring the shit out of him. “You, are going to fuck him harder than you ever did to anyone, either until your penis hurt or I decide it’s good enough. Got it?”

“Y-yes.” He shook his head violently, panting. He didn’t want Valentino to hit him like he did last week. Or him to lock him in his room for five days and give him water out of a dog bowl just so he wouldn’t die of thirst.

“And you,” He kept the chain on Adam’s neck, dragging him but he turned to Angel. “You are going to be under him for the next hour, or even for the following one if I think you aren’t moaning enough. Or you want me to make you do so?”

“Okay, Val.” Angel too looked panicked.

“Glad that we came to an agreement.” He chuckled and let go of them both. “Now collect yourselves! We have a looong shot to make!” He left Adam’s room as if he did nothing to them.

Adam looked at the spider demon. He couldn't help but feel sad towards him. No, it was more than just feeling sad. It was empathy.

He shook his head and tried to keep his old self.

“Get up, cunt. Let’s get this over with.”

—Continuing where we left off on the last chapter—

“Ungh..” Adam blinked slowly and held his head. There were stars dancing in front of his eyes. This was the last one right? He thought so. He hoped so.

“We’re done for today!” He heard someone shout behind him and a title on his mask. “LOCK: OPEN”. Good. Now he could go to his room and get dressed and get the thing on his fucking head off. He thought to himself. He took a few steps before he almost fell down, but a blurry pink figure hold him by his waist.

“Woah woah woah, you good there?” Angel said, looking concerned.

“Everything hurts…” He mumbled as he struggled to open the lock of his mask.

“Come here.” He helped him to get to his own room and sat him down. Luckily there wasn’t any Valentinos on sight.

“Can you..?” He dazedly pointed the lock of his mask.

“Sure.” He pressed the Voxtech button on the left to close the mask permanently, opened the buttons on the behind of it and took it off. There was Adam’s super tired face. There were bags under his eyes and his hair was messed up. How the fuck was his little beard was tangled?

“Mhhhh..” He groaned and looked around. “Where are we?”

“My room. Want me to get you somethin?”

“You’re the best Angel.”

Angel get up and went to his own bar of alcohol. There was only one. Of course, he was tired as fuck too, but he guessed today did serious damage to his friend. He had mentioned Val ordered him to film two different movies that included the fair use of his wings and he knew how much he hated people to touch them. “They are pretty banging, I know. But they are too fucking sensitive.” He felt anger as he thought of what he said. Oh, just what would he do to that motherfucker if he had the chance.

He turned back to Adam with the booze bottle on his hand. The demon’s head was in his hands.

“Here, I have this. Do you think you can walk?”

“Yeah yeah, I’m good.” He took the bottle and drank it down. Almost in one shot. He wiped his mouth, then flapped his wings lightly in order to bring them some comfort. “How ‘bout you? I bet he made you get fucked by three guys at once.”

“Three? Don’t be ridiculous. It was five.”

“Do you think this will ever come to an end?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Me neither. Lets go.”

“We’re still in our robes.”

“Right. I forgot.” He stretched. “Meet on the outside?”

“Yup.”

“See ya.” He walked away to his room to get dressed. When he was done, he got up and walked to the entrance. Good thing world decided not to spin anymore.

ITS HERE!

Would you believe if I said I worked on this for hours? And still not had enough?

Also, I know Adam definitely bottoms men, but Val just markets him as a ‘top bad boy’ and makes his and Angel’s movies a stereotypical gay porn in order to answer the pleadings of horny middle aged women

It’ll continue. Seriously, you would not believe me if I told you how much shit I have for this AU.

[wolfjackle-creates]

Something Next to Normal Chapter 2

Chapter 1 on Tumblr

Summary:

Tim's having a regular day at school when a classmate ropes him into helping with the school play as the light technician. Tim agrees to one rehearsal, but his responsibilities as Robin keep him so busy. He knows he'll have to turn down the position. Then he learns what Next to Normal is about. A dead son, a mother who can't cope, a father struggling to keep everything together, and a forgotten daughter. Tim absolutely cannot do this. --- Alfred is proud of Tim for taking on an extracurricular. The boy spends so much time alone. Having an excuse to spend time with other students his age can only be good for him. He wants to go see the show, but Tim counsels against it. After looking it up, Alfred spends a night in sleepless grief. But when day comes and he's face-to-face with Tim, he realizes the living boy in front of him needs him and something has to change.

Chapter 2 word count: 4.9k

Content warnings: continuation of chapter 1. Discussions around loss and grief with an undercurrent of Bruce being a bad mentor to Tim.

We switch to Alfred's POV for this one which is another first for me. Hope you enjoy!

-----

“I am glad you decided to join the play, Master Tim.”

Alfred watched out of the corner of his eye as Tim shrugged and looked out the window of the car. “Yeah.”

Alfred sighed internally and wondered how else to get through to the boy. He was so much more reserved than either Dick or Jason had ever been. Tim kept quiet and made himself unobtrusive.

He was more similar to Bruce, but even Bruce had been opinionated and passionate as a child. He never held back his opinion, scathing though it may be.

“Perhaps Master Bruce and I could see one of the performances,” tried Alfred. “I believe you said they begin next month? What dates?”

Oddly, Tim seemed to tense at the question. “Oh, um. I don’t think that’s a good idea?”

Decorum, and the fact that he was driving, kept Alfred from furrowing his brow and examining Tim more fully. “I assure you, I’d be very interested in seeing your work. I enjoy musicals, whether put on professionally or not.”

“It’s not that…” started Tim before trailing off.

“Then why do you not wish for us to go?”

“I just. We’re doing a show called Next to Normal. Do you know it?”

Alfred hummed as he thought back. The name sounded somewhat familiar, but he’d certainly never seen it or listened to the soundtrack. “I’m afraid I do not.”

“It’s about… Just. Look up the summary. You don’t want to see it. And Bruce absolutely should not see it. It’s fine. But we perform the weekend before Thanksgiving, so I’m going to need Friday and Saturday off patrol that week. And maybe some evenings the week before depending on how long rehearsals run.”

“I’ll make sure to mark it in the calendar. How was the rest of your school day?”

Tim shrugged. “Fine.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” Alfred let them fall into silence as he continued the drive to the manor. After a few minutes, Tim put in his headphones and tapped along to whatever he’d put on.

---

That night, after their patrol had ended and Tim had returned to his own house while Bruce climbed into bed, Alfred opened his computer and searched for the musical Tim had mentioned.

And realized instantly why Tim had said he and Bruce shouldn’t go. The musical was about a family struggling with the death of their son. The mother, especially, could not let the boy go.

Jason’s face danced behind his eyes as he read through the plot synopsis. “Master Jason,” he whispered. “Did you know what your death would do to this family?”

Alfred closed the page without listening to any of the songs and realized he agreed with Tim. He did not wish to see such a play. And it would be best if he did not mention anything about it to Bruce.

Besides, surely the boy’s parents would be back in town by then. It was just days before Thanksgiving after all, and they’d want to see what their son had been up to.

Mind made up, Alfred changed for bed and laid down for another restless night. One of many he’d had since Jason had been taken from them.

---

“Good night, Alfred!” called Tim as he prepared to leave the cave.

Alfred smiled at him and wished he could convince both Tim and Bruce that the boy should spend the night sometimes after patrol. He hated sending him away into the night alone. Even if he was just going next door. “Good night, Master Tim. Will your parents be worried about your late return?”

“Nah, they’re not home tonight.”

Alfred frowned. “Will they be returning tomorrow, then?”

Tim cocked his head. “I don’t think so, why?”

“To see your work for the school musical. Are they not interested in seeing what you’ve been working so diligently on this past month?”

Tim shrugged. “I mean, they are”—Alfred’s stomach sunk as he realized the boy was lying—“But work is keeping them busy. Can’t leave a dig site just to see some high school play.”

“I see.” Alfred did not see. Master Jason had been in one play, a small role as he had still been a sophomore, and Bruce had gone to all three performances the school put on. Everything else—Wayne Enterprises, the Justice League, even Batman—had been pushed to the side.

Tim, of course, didn’t know the direction of Alfred’s thoughts, and waved before leaving. Heading back to his empty house.

Once again, Alfred imagined leading him upstairs. Giving Tim a bedroom of his own and keeping him close and safe.

But then he looked over at Bruce.

Bruce was still in uniform, sitting before the bat computer. He hadn’t even looked up as Tim had left, let alone done something as cordial as say his own goodbyes.

“You could at least tell the boy ‘goodbye’ or ‘good night’ when he leaves,” scolded Alfred.

“He shouldn’t even be here. And the sooner he learns that, the better.”

“If you were more in control of yourself, perhaps he wouldn’t be here,” retorted Alfred. And the thought shot straight to his heart. Tim might not have been around long, but he’d wormed his way into their family just the same. His quiet presence in the dining room doing homework or researching cases was a balm on Alfred’s wounded heart.

Already, Alfred could not imagine life without his newest charge in it. But Tim was right, too. Bruce would not appreciate it if he spent the night.

Bruce barely wanted a Robin, he definitely wasn’t ready for another boy in the house. The odd night after Tim had received an injury on patrol was fine. But anything more permanent?

Still, Alfred couldn’t help but imagine himself bringing breakfast to a sleepy Tim who’d just come downstairs from his own bedroom. One day, perhaps, he’d be able to treat his newest charge the way he deserved.

The way his parents so clearly refused to.

Bruce had turned back to the computer screens, not interested in discussing Tim any more.

Alfred bit back a retort and retreated to his own rooms. Once more, he looked up the musical Tim’s school was putting on.

---

For the entirety of the next day, Alfred debated with himself. When he informed Bruce that he would not be making dinner that night and got in his car to drive to the school, he still wasn’t sure he’d actually make it inside the theater.

He sat as a stop light, mind still in turmoil, when the sign of a florist’s shop caught his eye. His blinker was on before he’d even finished reading the sign.

Due to Bruce’s issues, Tim hadn’t spent much time at the manor, but Alfred had gotten him to stick around a few times. Especially just before and after his European training tour. He’d come over to report to Bruce then stay for an afternoon with Alfred. The two had spent many a lovely hour in Alfred’s gardens.

Alfred pulled into the parking lot and entered the store. The attendant greeted him and asked if he required any assistance, but Alfred waved her off as he examined the premade bouquets.

The roses were proudly displayed front and center in every color. Tim had spent some time in Martha’s rose garden, but they’d never truly captured his attention the way they had Alfred’s.

In fact, one of the first questions Tim had asked had been which flowers were native and which were imported. Alfred had been almost ashamed to admit he’d planted flowers he’d loved as a child so most were of English and European descent.

Tim hadn’t said anything critical, but the hum he’d let out was as damning as any of Bruce’s.

The very next day, Alfred had asked if Tim would like to help him plan a new garden for the manor consisting solely of native plants. The boy’s eyes had lit up and he’d begun researching flower breeds on his phone immediately.

So when Alfred saw the small selection of bouquets featuring Black-Eyed Susans against a side wall, he didn’t hesitate to walk in that direction.

Only one bouquet combined the yellow of the susans with the red of coral honeysuckle and columbines. Enough greenery was mixed in with the flowers to fill it out very nicely—all native flowers in Robin’s colors.

Alfred didn’t even look at the price tag before taking it to the checkout counter.

“Oh, good choice!” said the cashier. “They’re all native flowers, you know.”

“I know,” said Alfred. “The person I’m getting them for has an appreciation for native plants over foreign ones.”

“So does Laura, the owner. She’s big into conservation and is so disappointed that people don’t tend to buy the native flowers as much.”

Alfred hummed and glanced down at his bouquet again. “Tell her she should consider labeling this the Robin Bouquet. Native flowers for a native hero, might entice more people to buy it.”

The girl’s eyes lit up. “Oh, that’s brilliant. I’ll absolutely let Laura know. Thanks!”

With a quick goodbye, Alfred resumed his trip to the school. Though he made a mental note to return to the florist in the future.

The closer he got to the school, the harder his heart beat. Would be actually be able to make it inside the building? When he pulled into a parking spot at the school, he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. Then he forced himself to let go of the steering wheel. A glance at the clock showed it was six forty-five. Fifteen minutes before the play would start. As he stared at the clock, a minute passed. Before he knew it, it was six fifty.

And so, not even ten minutes before curtain, Alfred strode into the school, bouquet clutched in his hand. Most everyone had already purchased their tickets so no one was still in line when he approached the table for one. He thanked the woman who gave it to him, but avoided interacting with anyone else.

When he entered the auditorium, he slipped into the back row. No one sat near him, to his relief.

Three minutes before seven, the lights dimmed and brightened and Alfred couldn’t help the fond smile. Tim really did take this seriously.

Then the play started.

Alfred cried. He knew he would. Dan’s song about struggling to help his wife cut deep.

But it was Natalie’s song that cut the deepest. It highlighted all his own failures in defending the newest addition to their family. Tim shouldn’t be forced to deal with Bruce’s moods, to manage him and keep him from killing himself.

When her mother told Natalie she loved her “as much as she can,” Alfred buried his face in his hands. Had they done anything to make Tim feel like anything other than a placeholder?

Alfred vowed, then and there, to take better care of the boy.

The musical continued, though. Natalie’s grief fading into Gabe’s ghost singing about how he was still alive. And Alfred couldn’t help but think of a closed door and a room that hadn’t been touched in months. Except for the times he caught Bruce sleeping in it.

Of the way Bruce’s eyes sometimes lit up if he saw Tim in the kitchen from his back, only to fall when he remembered Jason was dead. Alfred had only allowed it to happen twice before he started encouraging Tim to work anywhere but the kitchen.

By the time the musical had finished, Alfred’s handkerchief was wet with his tears. He kept his seat as the auditorium emptied around him before grabbing the flowers again and looking around for where the lighting office might be.

Which is when he saw a door only a few rows away open and Tim stepped out.

“Master Tim,” he called.

Tim stilled before turning to him slowly. “Alfred? What are you doing here?”

Alfred approached him and held out the flowers. “Because you have spent a month learning a new skill, and I wished to see you exhibit it. Excellent job, my boy. You did very well.”

Hesitantly, Tim reached out to take the flowers. “These are for me?”

“Of course. Flowers are traditional after a performance, are they not? And I remember you enjoyed these from our discussions this past summer.”

Tim seemed to notice what the flowers were for the first time. “Wait, these are black-eyed susans. And coral honeysuckle.”

“And columbines. All native flowers. And I thought the colors apropos.”

“Apro— what? What does that word mean?”

“It means fitting. That they are suitable to the current situation or conversation in some way.”

Tim nodded, but still didn’t look up from the flowers.

“Are you hungry? I know of an excellent diner nearby if you’d like to grab something with me. I must admit, I did not have dinner before leaving this evening.”

“Don’t you have to get back to the manor?”

Alfred sniffed. “I do believe Master Bruce can handle himself for one night. Tonight is about your achievements and I would like to celebrate them.”

Tim finally looked up at him, but the poor boy looked so confused. “I wasn’t on the stage. I really didn’t do that much.”

“My boy, without your work, we would not have been able to see anything that was done on that stage. Your contributions were vital to the experience.”

Alfred bit back a smile at the way Tim blushed and kicked the floor in embarrassment. “Thanks, Alfred.”

“Of course, Master Tim. Now, will you allow me to treat you to a late night dinner?”

“I— Okay. Yeah. That sounds nice. I just need to say bye to Mrs. V and return the key for the lighting room.”

“Very well. Take as long as you need; the diner is open twenty-four hours.”

Tim had Alfred wait with the flowers at the entrance to a hallway that led deeper into the school while he ran off to take care of everything he had to.

As soon has he returned, he shyly took the flowers back from Alfred. “Thanks again. You didn’t have to come. I hope the show wasn’t too awful for you.”

Alfred clicked his tongue and waved a hand dismissively. “Indeed not. I will admit it was a difficult show to watch at times, but I do believe it helped me realize a few things I had been neglecting. What was it Diana sang in the last song? I don’t have to be happy to be happy I came.”

Tim examined him for a moment, perhaps trying to see if he was lying. But after a moment, he nodded. “Okay. If you’re sure?”

Alfred wrapped an arm around Tim’s shoulders. “Indeed I am. Now come, let us get dinner.”

They sat in a corner booth, the diner nearly empty at this time of night. Tim was avidly reading every entry in the menu, biting his lip in concentration as he considered.

“Order whatever you like, Master Tim,” said Alfred, afraid Tim was trying to make a decision based on what would please Alfred rather than himself. “After all, tonight we are celebrating your achievements.”

“Oh?” broke in the voice of their waitress as she set two waters down on the table. “What are we celebrating tonight?”

Alfred smiled proudly at Tim. “This young man managed to learn how to operate the lighting equipment in his school’s auditorium in just one month so they could actually perform the musical. The previous student had to transfer suddenly, so he only had a week of training at that. And, as someone who has seen a number of professional performances, he did a wonderful job.”

“In just a month? You must be a very bright boy,” commented the waitress.

Alfred bit back a smile at how red Tim had turned as he mumbled his thanks and buried his face further into his menu.

“Well, I’ll give you boys a bit more time with the menus. But if you’re celebrating, I’ll let you know we’ve got some fantastic pancakes. Or, if you’re not interested in breakfast foods this late at night, our fried chicken sandwich is always a favorite.”

“Thank you, Ma’am,” replied Alfred. “We will certainly take your recommendations under advisement.”

Tim waited until she’d left before asking, “What should I order?”

Alfred frowned. “Why, whatever you want, Master Tim.”

“But my diet? To keep up with, you know.”

Alfred clicked his tongue. “My boy, celebrations are chances to break any diet. You may order whatever you like, however much sugar or fat it may contain. I will happily pay for anything on this menu.”

Tim raised an eyebrow at him. “Even if I only order dessert?” he challenged.

“Even if you only order dessert,” agreed Alfred.

Tim hummed and looked over his menu again. “All right.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes until the waitress returned to take their oder. Alfred ordered the chicken parmesan. He bit back a smile when Tim ended up going for the pancakes, covered in fruit and whipped cream and chocolate sauce.

When they were alone, Alfred asked, “Master Tim, I must ask, what is your favorite song from the show?”

Tim froze. “Oh, um. I don’t know. Why do you ask?”

“Because I am curious. For myself, I don’t know if I have a favorite song, however, Dan’s song after Diana’s suicide attempt touched me deeply.”

“That one’s called ‘I’ve Been.’ Did you really like it?”

“Indeed. The young man who played Dan did a wonderful job of conveying his character’s devastation to the audience.” Though Alfred thought even if the boy hadn’t been a talented actor, he still would have failed to make it through the song without more tears.

Alfred could truly empathize with a person who continually pushed aside their own needs to help someone who was hurting more openly and destructively.

Tim grabbed his drink and took a long sip. “I… It was ‘Superboy and the Invisible Girl’ for me.”

Alfred’s stomach sank and he resisted the impulse to close his eyes in regret. Of course Tim related so strongly to Natalie. He’d seen the parallels himself while watching. They’d truly been ignoring Tim in favor of Bruce for the entire time the boy had been in their lives. “We truly do not deserve you, Master Tim.”

“What are you talking about, Alfred? You’ve been great.” He grinned, excitement clear, even if there was an undercurrent of confusion still lingering. “I still can’t believe you came tonight. I’ve never had someone come to my events before!”

And Alfred had to smile even as he felt his heart breaking. He vowed then and there that he would make more of an effort for Tim. “I wish I could have brought Master Bruce.”

But Tim just waved him off. “Oh, God no. That would’ve been a disaster! He’s been almost calm this past week. Only two hospitalizations. Seeing Next to Normal would’ve sent him spiraling again.”

Alfred wished he could refute the claim, but Tim was correct in his assessment. “And Master Bruce should be able to put his grief aside to support you the way you deserve. I am glad I was able to be there for you.”

Tim’s brows furrowed again. “I’m not his kid, though. He’s supposed to supervise my training, but that doesn’t include going to silly school plays or anything.”

“After everything you have done for him, both in and out of the suit, he should be doing the bare minimum to express an interest in your life. Has he even asked you a single question about the show?”

Tim shrugged and looked down. “He asked to know when and how rehearsals and performances would affect my nighttime availability.”

Alfred pinched the bridge of his nose. “Of course he did. Well, let me offer my sincerest apologies on his behalf.”

“But why does it matter? I would’ve lied if he’d asked. Not like I’d actually tell him anything about the musical.”

“Be that as it may, he owed it to you to at least ask. And I shall be having words with him.”

“No! You can’t!” protested Tim, eyes wide with panic. “He’ll hate that.”

A creeping fear made it’s way up Alfred’s spine. “And what do you believe the consequences will be?”

Tim shrugged and didn’t say anything.

“Master— Chum. Please. What do you think Bruce will do should I speak to him?”

“He’s not going to do anything,” said Tim. Alfred couldn’t help but fear he was lying. “He’ll just start paying more attention and be harder on patrol. And things are going well right now.”

“How will he be harder on patrol?”

Tim shrugged again. “He won’t slow down so I can keep up. Then he’ll be mad I fell behind. He’ll keep a much closer eye on me and notice more of my mistakes. And I’m trying. But I know I’m not as good as J— as his previous protégés. So I keep not measuring up.”

The pit in Alfred’s stomach grew. How had he failed another boy so badly? Tim should not be worried about measuring up to Jason or Dick. He wasn’t them. And he was twice the detective either of them were, far more patient on stake-outs and he picked up on details both of them would have missed. “Listen to me, chum. If Master Bruce ever acts like that again, I want you to tell me. Immediately. Understood?”

Tim looked up in surprise. “What? Why?”

Alfred took a steadying breath. He did not want his anger to come out at all. Tim would likely not understand it wasn’t directed towards him. “Because Master Bruce should know better. You are doing a phenomenal job and I can only offer my most sincere apologies for not ensuring you knew that sooner.”

Before Tim could reply, their waitress returned with their food. “Anything else I can help you boys with?”

Alfred smiled at her. “I believe we are both quite satisfied, thank you. Everything looks positively delightful.”

She nodded and left.

“Why— why are you bringing this up now?” asked Tim after he’d taken a few bites.

“Because, my boy, I have been remiss in my duties.”

Tim shook his head vehemently. “No! You’ve been perfect.”

“Indeed I have not been. I love you, Tim. And I have done a rather poor job of showing you that.”

Tim’s fork fell from his hand and he stared at Alfred in open shock. “You— What?”

Alfred got out of his seat and knelt on the floor next to Tim’s side of the booth. He took Tim’s hand in his and smiled sadly up at the boy. “You came to me during my darkest hour and were a ray of light I could cling to. Tonight, I was confronted with my failures. I cannot change the past, but I swear to you, I will do better going forward. I love you, chum. No ‘as much as I can.’ Just, I love you. End of.”

For a moment, there was stillness between them as Tim stared at Alfred wide-eyed. But then his boy was barreling forward and sobbing into his chest. Alfred wrapped his arms tightly around Tim and held him close.

“Shh, my boy. It’s all right.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Alfred noticed the waitress approach. She mouthed, “Is he okay?” at Alfred.

Tim wasn’t, of course. None of them were okay, but he smiled wanly and mouthed back, “He will be.”

She nodded and silently backed away, leaving the two of them on the floor in the corner of the diner.

Alfred didn’t know what else to say to Tim. He’d never been skilled at comforting grieving boys, no matter how much practice he’d gotten over his long life. After a few moments, though, he became aware that mixed in Tim’s sobs were choked off apologies.

Alfred brushed a hand through Tim’s hair. “There is no occasion to apologize, my boy. Take as long as you need; I won’t leave you.”

Despite Alfred’s assurances, it wasn’t long before Tim stopped crying and was pulling away. He rubbed his eyes against his sleeve and stared at the ground. “Sorry to ruin dinner.”

Alfred clicked his tongue. “The food is still here. Mine even appears to still be warm. You have ruined nothing, my boy.”

Tim shrugged and climbed back into his side of their booth. Alfred bit back a sigh as he took his own seat.

They’d both sat in silence for a minute when the waitress bustled back over with a pitcher of water to top off their glasses. “Anything else I can get you both?”

Alfred declined. Tim looked down, though, and said, “I’m sorry for causing a scene, Ma’am.”

She tutted at him. “None of that now. You’re hardly the first person to cry in this diner, won’t be the last. Why, just the other week, I had a woman cry on me about her ex there at the counter.”

Tim stared at his hands and nodded, but didn’t say anything.

Their waitress hummed. “You know, though, we do have one rule.”

Tim’s eyes were wide as he looked up at her in alarm. Hesitantly, he asked, “What’s that?”

“If you cry, you get a free milkshake. So, what’s your poison, kiddo?”

Tim blinked in surprise. “What?”

Alfred smiled at the waitress gratefully, then nudged Tim’s foot under the table. “Looks like you’re getting even more sugar tonight. What milkshake do you want? I believe they have quite the selection.”

“Sure do. Obviously we have the three standard: chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. But there’s also mint, butterscotch, rocky road, black cherry. Or you can mix and match. My son loves chocolate mint.”

“Um, could I mix chocolate and strawberry, please?” asked Tim.

“Course, kiddo. Be right back.”

“Now, Master Tim,” said Alfred. He waited to continue until Tim was looking at him. “I believe you said your parents will not be back yet tonight.”

Tim shook his head. “No. They’re coming back Tuesday.”

Well, at least Tuesday was before Thanksgiving rather than after. “In that case, I must insist you come back to the manor with me tonight. I should much prefer to have you close.”

Tim’s eyes widened, and he vehemently shook his head. “I couldn’t! Bruce would be so mad.”

Alfred didn’t let his anger as his charge show. “I understand you concern. However, I did not mean that I would bring you to a room down the hall from Master Bruce where he should see you should you need to use the lavatory in the middle of the night or some such.”

“What?”

“I have a suite of rooms reserved for my own use. Master Bruce does not enter without permission and I am permitted to bring anyone I wish or do anything I wish to them. I have a second bedroom in my suite. If you will take it, it is yours.”

“Bruce really doesn’t go there?”

“Not once in his life has he come by without my express permission.”

Before Tim could answer, the waitress returned with his milkshake. “Everyone feeling better now?”

Tim smiled at her as he took it, his face picture-perfect in a way that must have been trained into him. “I am. Thank you for your concern.”

She laughed. “Such a serious boy! You just take care now, okay?” Then she turned to Alfred. “And you look out for him.”

“I intend to, Ma’am.”

“Very good. Then I’ll leave you boys to it.”

Tim took a sip of his milkshake as the waitress left. Once they were alone again, Tim asked, “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want you there, chum. I really will feel much better if I know you have a place in the manor you feel comfortable. And if you cannot feel that way with Bruce, I want you to feel that way with me.”

Tim stared at him a long moment, likely trying to detect any deceit in Alfred’s face. Whatever he saw must’ve satisfied him, because eventually Tim nodded. “Okay. I’d be happy to go home with you.”

Alfred couldn’t have stopped his smile if he’d tried. “Excellent! Currently, the furnishings are rather utilitarian. However, perhaps next weekend you and I can go out and purchase some things so that you might feel more comfortable.”

And back was that heartbreaking, wide-eyed stare. “You don’t have to go to any trouble for me, Alfred. I’m sure it’s just fine.”

“Nonsense. I want you to stay which means you must be comfortable. At the very least, you’ll want bedding that does not look like it was chosen by an old man. And I’m sure there’s some movie or band who’s poster you’d like to hang on your wall.”

It took all of Alfred’s skills, but he did get Tim to confirm his favorite colors at the very least. And he spent the rest of their meal discussing furniture options with his boy.

When they’d finished eating, down to the last sip of Tim’s milkshake, Alfred stood and held out his hand. “Let’s go home.”

And Tim grinned shyly up at him and took his hand.

-----

When I asked my friend @greensword101 to beta for me, he messaged me after reading that I did such a good job with the meaning behind the bouquet. I was surprised because I literally picked the flowers out based of their colors from a list of native Jersey flowers that @flipwizardstarlight (edit: fixed your username. Originally copied over your AO3 name by mistake) found. But, uh, he was right.

Black-Eyed Susans: In Native American folklore, the flower is regarded as a symbol of justice and truth. It is believed that the bright yellow and black petals of the flower represent the sun and the judgment of truth. Additionally, this flower is also considered a symbol of protection and can help ward off negative energy [source]. From another site: these flowers are considered a symbol of encouragement to stay strong and persevere during difficult times. They represent the idea of resilience and the ability to overcome obstacles [source].

And how perfect is that for Robin and Tim's Robin specifically? Totally unintentional.

The line from the musical that Alfred paraphrases actually goes, "And you find out you don't have to be happy at all,/ To be happy you're alive."

Which, just. Ouch.

Let me know what you think in the comments!

[2nd2ndalto]

You Can Lose Sight of It All

Nico turns his face into Will's shoulder. "I don't want you to come," he wants to say. But even as the words form in his mouth, he realizes they're not true.

“I want you to come. And I hate that I want you to come,” he whispers.

___

Nico has a bit of a crisis about Will coming along to Tartarus, pre-TSATS. Re-posting here because I don't think I shared to Tumblr when I wrote this.

____

Will walks Nico back to his cabin that night the same as always, leaning in to kiss him at the foot of the stairs.

“Did you want me to… I can stay, if you want?” Will asks shyly.

They've been doing this more often than not lately, the two of them curled together in Nico’s bed, slowly falling into sleep together, waking hand in hand, or with Nico’s head pillowed on Will’s chest. Warm. Safe. And it’s good. It’s the best Nico can ever remember sleeping, but…

“Um. Maybe not tonight. I’m really tired,” Nico says, trying to keep his voice as gentle as possible, not wanting the other boy to feel rejected. He's painfully aware that he’s given a similar excuse several times this week.

He’s never been quite so close to someone else or someone else’s feelings before, never had to weigh his actions so carefully, worry about their impact. But that’s good, too. He feels close, connected. Cared for.

Will smiles. “Okay.”

Will’s just as careful, Nico knows, trying not to make Nico feel bad for needing a little space now and then. Trying not to push too hard. Will squeezes Nico’s hand. He leans back in to press his lips to Nico’s forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Nico watches the other boy until he arrives at the Apollo cabin. Will turns and waves before closing the door behind him.

Nico enters his own cabin, toeing off his shoes and dropping to his bed immediately. He is tired. But in the sudden absence of Will’s sunny energy, the other feelings seep in too, washing over him like a wave now that he’s alone. He feels guilty. Heavy. Will’s words to Apollo keep coming back, even louder in this quiet space.

We’ll go together.

And it felt good hearing them. He loves that Will wants to be with him, marvels at the way Will automatically assumes each of Nico’s battles belongs to the two of them now. He craves Will’s company and his energy and his warmth. But how can he, in good conscience, let Will come with him? Or more importantly, how is he going to convince him not to?

Nico gazes into the darkness of his cabin. He thinks of Will, strong and sunny and whole. Who could blame Nico for wanting him to stay that way?

He thinks of himself: sharp edges, broken, cobbled together. He feels more whole now than he has in years, but it seems precarious, especially lately. As if he could crumble to pieces at any moment, maybe even worse than before, now that he’s begun to let his guard down.

It’s been three nights now since Will’s slept over. And Nico doesn’t want the distance, doesn’t want to wake up alone and uncuddled… he doesn’t really want those things ever again, if he’s being completely honest. But it feels more and more dangerous lately, allowing himself Will’s comfort. Will’s become his anchor, his rock. But shouldn’t he be able to manage on his own?

The memories of his mother, Bianca... Jason. Everyone he’s lost, everything he might have done to keep from losing them, every way it might be his fault… it’s all come back with a vengeance the last few weeks, torturing him in dreams and stubbornly lingering throughout the day, dragging him down, sapping his strength. And more recently the dreams are of Will, too. Will, pale and lifeless. Will, ripped away from him, lost in the void.

Nico’s been keeping these nightmares to himself, hoping the memories will fade into the background again, but it's been making him short-tempered and irritable. Fragile. As much as he’s been trying, he thinks he's probably not doing a great job of hiding it.

Twenty minutes later Nico’s still exhausted, but now he’s twitchy and antsy and still so heavy. He pulls his shoes back on, carefully checking for onlookers as he opens his door and walks out into the cool night.

___

The walking keeps the voices away, but hours later, Nico’s beyond exhausted, not to mention cold and mosquito-bitten. He drags himself back to his cabin just as a faint light touches the horizon, hoping that at least in his weariness he’ll be able to keep his sleep to himself.

It works for a while. Will and Kayla arrive to wake him only a few hours later. Nico pretends not to notice their matching looks of concern when he arrives at his cabin door, likely looking more tired than he did when he went to bed last night. He manages to wave them off for the time being, telling them he needs to shower and he’ll meet them at breakfast.

And now, in the daylight, he allows himself to think - maybe it will be okay. Maybe they can do this. He’s been through Tartarus before, after all. He was younger then, and completely unprepared. He’s stronger now, smarter. Will is too. Why couldn’t they do this together? After all, Percy and Annabeth managed it.

But the spark of hope dims too soon. There’s Will across the dining pavilion, looking so bright and alive, the sun catching the gold in his hair, and Nico’s back to square one.

He can’t allow Will to do this. There’s just no way. He’s gotten too comfortable over the last year, allowing others in - especially Will, but so many others at camp too. He suddenly realizes it’s a trap. He feels a painful twist of nausea.

“Hey sunshine,” Will grins, bumping their shoulders together as Nico sits down. Will can’t help the way his gaze darts to Nico’s plate, the way his face falls, just a little. Will quickly pretends he didn’t look, and Nico pretends not to notice.

Normally Nico doesn't mind the gentle chiding to eat more, to take better care of himself. It's helped, honestly. He's managed to get his weight up to a number that Will deems acceptable (he'd informed Nico, with a brilliant, fond smile). Nico has more energy. He finds, to his surprise, that he can recover more quickly when he's tired or injured.

But he's also been a wreck lately, his stomach in knots, and he's snapped at Will twice this week in response to Will teasingly adding more food to his plate. The last year has brought Nico so much further towards being happier, healthier, more settled. Now he feels as if it's slipping away to nothing.

Will drops a reassuring arm around Nico’s shoulders, leaning in for a quick kiss. Nico’s stomach lurches, pleasantly this time. Always, even after months of such kisses and touches. Will tastes like maple syrup and sunshine and he’s so warm where they’re pressed together. Surely they don’t have to talk about Tartarus right now, anyway.

They don’t. There’s a game of capture the flag happening later, and the Apollo kids are deep in discussion about tactics. Nico lets himself be lulled by the familiar voices discussing familiar, smaller problems. He doesn’t contribute much, instead making an attempt to eat some of his meal - as much as Will’s pretending not to pay attention, Nico thinks he might be one of the least stealthy people Nico’s ever met. He'd tease Will about it if he had the energy. Nico leans into the other boy and lets Will’s warmth wash over him. Will pulls him in tighter.

Peace, at least for a moment. ___

Nico’s been perched in the branches of a sturdy oak with Harley for the better part of an hour, and it’s starting to wear on him. They’re supposed to be spying on the other team - quietly - but this kid cannot seem to shut up. Normally Nico can find it in himself to be patient with the younger boy, but today the constant chatter is grating on Nico’s nerves, and that makes him feel like shit too. He just can’t seem to get a handle on his mood.

“Shh,” Nico says suddenly, grabbing Harley’s arm.

There’s a scrambling in the underbrush below and sure enough, several of the other campers are trying to breach their defenses. It’s exactly what Nico’s been waiting for, and he closes his eyes, concentrating on extending his mind into the earth below them, running down the roots of the tree they’re sitting in, deeper, deeper.

It works. Half a dozen skeleton warriors emerge from the ground just as the Demeter and Athena campers emerge from the trees.

It’s over in an instant, and soon Nico and Harley are dropping back to the ground and trading high-fives with the Apollo campers. And for a moment Nico spirits lift and he appreciates how nice it is to be doing something normal. No voices, no visions, just dumb camp stuff. But then -

“Hey, where’s Will?” Austin asks. He turns to Nico. “I thought he was with you.”

It’s nothing, Nico knows it’s probably nothing, but it’s like a stone drops into the pit of his stomach.

“No,” he shakes his head. “He wasn’t with us.”

He can already feel his pulse pounding in his throat.

Will. Your fault.

No.

Get it together, di Angelo.

Nico presses the feeling down, trying to keep his voice steady. “He was with Jake. Last I saw them, they were heading east towards the oak grove.”

No one panics, but the mood shifts tangibly to less celebratory and more urgent as the group makes their way through the forest. Nico has to force himself not to sprint.

“Jake! Will!” Kayla yells, over and over as they make their way through the trees. Her volume sometimes grates on Nico, but he’s grateful for it in this moment, and he follows close behind her, heart in his throat.

“Over here!” a voice calls in response, finally, and the group turns in unison. Sure enough, there’s a flash of bright orange in amongst the greens and browns of the forest, just barely visible in the faded colours of twilight.

Austin gets there first, and Nico hears him curse. His blood runs cold. He and the rest of the group come upon the clearing a second later.

“Shit,” Nico breathes.

“Harpies,” Jake says, sounding out of breath. “I’m fine - I think Will is too. But he hit his head.”

Jake’s got a scrape across his face and a couple of deeper ones on his arm, blood dripping down his wrist. And then there’s Will on the ground, unconscious and looking deathly pale. Nico’s stomach twists. There’s blood, too. Nico can’t bear to look closely enough to see where it’s coming from. His chest feels too tight.

Coward.

And Nico should do something, right? But he’s frozen, useless. The best he can do is try to swallow down the bile rising in his throat and move out of the way so the other Apollo campers can crowd closer to help.

Nico finds himself standing next to Jake, who’s being expertly bandaged by Austin while Kayla assesses Will’s condition.

“He’s okay, Nico,” Jake murmurs, maybe taking in Nico’s expression. “The cuts aren’t that deep. But when we were running back to base he tripped over some roots. That’s when he knocked himself out.”

Nico nods mutely, watching. Sure enough, it’s only a moment before Will’s eyes flutter open. He tries to sit up, but Kayla presses him back down.

“Just hold still until I get you bandaged up, you klutz,” she mutters.

Nico should go to him. Everyone will expect him to go, right? Will will expect him to go. But he just can't breathe, and instead he finds himself taking a shaky step backwards, then another, finally turning and running into the woods, into the shadows.

___

Will jogs up the steps of the Hades cabin feeling anxious. He tries to shake it off. Sure, Nico's been stressed out lately, but they're still fine, right? It's going to be fine. Hearing random voices would put anyone on edge. Will tries, yet again, to convince himself that it doesn’t mean anything, that Nico disappeared after capture the flag last night. That it’s fine that he didn’t stop by the infirmary while Will was recovering. That it's not a big deal that Nico missed breakfast this morning.

He knocks on Nico’s door, trying for a positive, upbeat demeanor.

The door opens, and Nico returns his gaze for barely a second. Will’s heart sinks.

Nico doesn’t say a word, merely leaving the door open and crossing the room to collapse onto his bed. Will can't see his boyfriend's face now, but from the brief glimpse he had in the dim light of the cabin, Nico looked awful. Tired and drawn. Nico’s worked so hard - with Will’s insistence and encouragement - to get his weight up over the last year, and Will's terrified the other boy's losing every hard-earned pound of it now. But that seems to be just one more thing he’s not allowed to mention.

"Um. Can I come in?" Will hovers uncertainly in the doorway, finally entering and closing the door behind him when Nico doesn't respond. It's really dark in here with the door closed and all the blinds drawn, especially as Will’s eyes try to adjust from the bright light outside.

“You, um." Will clears his throat. "No one knew where you were last night. After capture the flag,” he says into the quiet of the cabin. “Kayla said you were there when everyone found Jake and me, but…" he trails off, uncertain.

Will doesn’t say that he spent all evening compulsively glancing up every time he heard anyone come near his room in the infirmary. That he walked up to the door of the Hades cabin before returning to his own cabin last night, but that he was too scared to knock.

There’s a long pause. “Yeah. I was just… walking,” Nico says.

"Oh." Will crosses to the bed, hesitantly sitting down. “So… what are you up to?”

“Reading,” Nico says flatly, though that’s clearly not the case.

Will’s never felt so unwelcome here before, and it’s making his stomach ache. He reaches out for Nico’s hand, squeezes it. Nico lets him, but gives him only the smallest squeeze in response.

Will swallows. He’s not going to participate in this, he decides suddenly. He’s not going to let Nico shut him out, and he’s not going to tiptoe around this. He squeezes Nico’s hand again.

“So, obviously you’re not okay,” Will tells the other boy. His voice sounds weird, too loud, breaking the silence of the cabin. He clears his throat.

“Nico.” Will shifts so he can see Nico’s face better, his eyes slowly adjusting to the dark. “You’re clamming up,” he says firmly. “I thought we weren’t doing that anymore.”

He realizes, even as the words leave his mouth, that this is the wrong thing to say - or at least the wrong way to say it. But it’s too late. Nico turns towards him, his gaze intense and incredulous in a way that Will barely recognizes.

“Really? We aren’t doing that anymore?”

Will shakes his head, “I’m sorry, that came out wrong -”

Nico sits up, snatching his hand away. “No. I don’t think it did.”

“Nico -”

“No. Stop it, Will.” Nico’s voice is tight with anger. “I know exactly what you meant. We don’t clam up anymore. We clean our plates at every meal. We sleep eight hours a night.”

“No, Nico, please, I -”

“I’ve had enough, Solace. Maybe this is just who I am. Maybe it’s you who needs to finally realize that you don’t want that.”

Nico’s on his feet now, and Will thinks he probably should be too, but he feels paralyzed.

“What? No! Nico, you know that’s not true!” Will reaches out a hand, but Nico takes a step back. It’s like a punch to the gut.

Will can see the other boy is fighting tears, and all he wants to do is to hold him, make this all better, but -

“You and Mr. D. keep trying to tell me that I don’t know what’s real,” Nico croaks. “Maybe that’s not my problem after all. Maybe it’s yours.” Nico turns, reaching for his sword and then bending to pull on his shoes.

“Where - where are you going?” Will finally manages to get to his feet, unthinkingly reaching out to the other boy again before dropping his hand.

“I don’t know.”

“Nico. Please.” It surprises Will, how broken his own voice sounds, and Nico must notice too, because he turns and his face softens, marginally.

“I just need some time, okay? I’m - I think I’m gonna go see Hazel.”

And then he’s gone, enveloped into the shadows of his cabin. It’s been months since they’ve parted without a kiss or an embrace, and Will can feel the cold sinking into his heart as he sinks to the cabin floor. ___

Once he’s shadow-travelled to the Berkeley Hills, Nico can’t quite force himself to go any further. He knows in his heart that he’s screwed up, again, and surely Hazel will tell him the same. After a restless night and several hours the next morning spent wandering and wallowing in guilt and regret, it’s finally hunger, frustratingly, that compels Nico to journey further.

It’s still early, and when he knocks on the door of Hazel’s room in the barracks, she answers immediately.

“Nico! What on earth are you doing here?” Hazel wraps him in a hug and then steps back, her brow furrowed.

“I - I’m not sure,” Nico says, suddenly feeling even more lost. Now that he’s arrived, he realizes he doesn’t know why he came. Except that he told Will this was where he’d be, and that, at least, means something.

Hazel frowns, inspecting Nico’s face a little too closely. He looks away, feeling exposed.

“Come in,” she says, more softly.

Nico’s not sure who designed Hazel's living quarters, but it certainly wasn’t whomever was given free rein with the Hades cabin. The space is small - it’s just Hazel, after all - but the walls are light and the space is sparsely decorated with bright jewel-tones. Hazel’s already made her bed and tidied, and it makes Nico feel even more disheveled. He’s sweaty, tired and wearing the same clothes he’s been in for several days.

Hazel closes the door and turns to her brother. “So, it’s wonderful to see you, of course. But… what’s going on?”

Nico swallows, staring down at the wood-plank flooring. “Um. I told Will I was coming to see you, but… I think I’m leaving camp for good.”

It’s the idea he’s been turning over in his mind ever since the evening of capture the flag, and it’s pressing against his skull, swelling until there aren’t any other options that make sense.

To her credit, Hazel doesn’t shout or scold. She just sighs. “You better sit down.”

Nico does, collapsing onto Hazel’s desk chair and dropping his head into his hands.

“You look kind of awful,” Hazel says after a long moment.

“Yeah,” Nico says. “I haven’t been sleeping. Or eating, really. The - the voices I’ve been hearing… they haven’t gotten any better. They’re louder, if anything.”

“Oh, Nico,” Hazel says softly, and great, that’s just what he needs. The chronic lack of sleep combined with the stress of the last few weeks has tears rolling down his cheeks before Nico has any chance of fighting against it. Hazel’s there in a moment, though, bending over him awkwardly to embrace him, her hair ticking his face.

“Sorry,” Nico whispers, trying to catch his breath. “I swear I didn’t come here to cry all over you.”

Hazel laughs. “It’s okay, big brother. That’s what I’m here for. Now tell me everything.”

So he does. It helps, somehow, that Hazel’s a bit more removed from everything else that’s been going on. Everyone back at camp, worrying about him. Especially Will. He tells Hazel how he feels as if he’s losing himself again. He tells her about capture the flag, how Will’s injury sent each and every alarm in him blaring. He tells her about the nightmares. The voices.

“You think the voices are real, then,” Hazel says. She’s sunk to the floor now, seated cross-legged at Nico’s feet.

Nico swallows. “I - yes. I know they are. And there’s the prophecy, Hazel.” He repeats the lines again. It should get easier with each retelling, but it aches every time.

“Something of equal value,” Hazel muses, staring into the middle distance.

Nico nods tightly. “I think… I think that’s what’s worrying me most.”

“You think it’s Will.”

He shrugs, tears pricking at his eyes again. “How can I not? Hazel, I’m so scared,” his voice comes out in a whisper, throat tight as he finally allows himself to say the word out loud. “He says he’s coming with me, like it’s not even up for discussion. How am I supposed to live with myself if I let Will come, and he - he…” Unable to voice the rest of the thought, Nico buries his head in his hands again.

Hazel’s quiet for a long moment. “You know you can’t ever take these prophecies at face value,” she says finally.

“Yeah, of course I know that," Nico mumbles. "But what else am I supposed to do? I just… I can’t let Will come. It’s not safe.”

She shrugs. “Probably not. Is it safe for you, though?”

Nico gazes at the purple curtains, fluttering gently in the breeze from the open window. The air smells like life, and light.

“I guess it doesn’t matter. I need to go.”

“I think what you need to do is talk to Will,” Hazel says after a long moment.

Nico sighs. “I don’t even know if he'll want to talk to me. He - he caught me at a bad moment. Yesterday. Not that it's his fault, but... I - I was so worried. And so tired. And I was just a complete dick. I should have just been straight with him, but instead I lashed out about really stupid things, and then I left.” He groans. “I’m so bad at this, Hazel."

It’s weighing on him more and more the longer he’s away. He hates that he left things the way he did, hates knowing that Will’s hurting, worrying. Because of him.

"You're not as bad as you think you are, Nico."

Nico huffs out a laugh.

“Will cares a lot about you. I've seen the way he looks at you, Nico. I know it's hard, but don't shut him out now.”

Nico nods. His throat feels tight.

"If the situation was reversed," Hazel says gently, "how would you react to Will telling you he was going on a quest like this by himself?"

Nico frowns. "Well, obviously I - I wouldn't let him. That wouldn't be right. I'd do anything I could to help."

"Mmm,” Hazel agrees. “You'd probably find a way to go with him even if he insisted you stay behind."

Nico frowns. "I know what you're doing, okay? And I didn't come all this way for you to side with Will," he says, trying to summon a little indignation.

Hazel reaches for his hand. "Sorry," she laughs. "But just think about it, okay?"

Nico sighs, closing his eyes. Hazel’s hand is warm in his. He can already feel his mind beginning to settle towards sleep. He’s just so tired. He opens his eyes, leans back, blinking.

"Do you really want to leave camp?" Hazel asks.

Nico shakes his head. “No, of course I don’t. I just - I don’t know. It seemed to make the most sense.”

“Okay. Well, I need you to know that it doesn’t.” Hazel watches him carefully and Nico nods.

“You can’t make any big decisions in this state anyway, okay? You’re going to come with me and have something to eat, and then I’m putting you to bed,” Hazel says firmly, and Nico is reminded so violently of Will that his heart aches. Gods, he misses the other boy so much already. ___

Nico’s still not sure what to do next, but he and Hazel agree that Camp Jupiter will make a fine refuge for the day.

It’s nice, actually. He eats breakfast with Hazel and then she tucks him into her bed. Nico naps the morning away, mostly peacefully, his dreams muted and less troubled than they have been. He trains with Hazel and Frank in the afternoon and stays for dinner.

And then, because he’s an idiot and a coward, he lingers until after nightfall, trying to tell himself it’ll just be easier if he doesn't have to shadow-travel in the daytime.

Nico arrives back at Camp Half-Blood once it’s well and truly dark, and he hesitates at the border of the woods, irresolute. Should he head straight back to his cabin? Find Will? His stomach is still in knots, but at least now he’s moving forward. Whatever that might mean.

In the end, the decision is made for him.

“Nico.” Will’s voice is hard and determined, and it startles Nico a little, the sight of the other boy striding towards him. At the ferocity in Will’s gaze, he almost takes a step back.

Will stops a foot away, suddenly looking less sure of himself, and Nico feels his heart constrict. He suddenly realizes he can’t remember the last time they greeted each other without some show of affection. It’s crushing to see Will uncertain whether it’s allowed.

Nico tries to swallow down his nerves. “Hi,” he says softly. “Um. Can I…” Hesitantly, he reaches out his arms, and Will’s there the next second, crushing Nico to his chest.

“I didn’t know if you were coming back,” Will whispers, and Nico can hear the tears in his voice.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he mumbles into Will’s shirt. “I’m an idiot. I’m an idiot and I love you so much and I don't want to lose you -” his own voice breaks and Will squeezes him a bit tighter, turning his head to press his face into Nico’s hair. "I love you too," he whispers.

“I’m sorry,” Nico mutters again when they finally part, his head down.

“It’s okay,” Will says. "I think we should talk, though."

Nico nods. “Yeah. Okay.”

They gaze at each other for a long moment. “Um. My cabin?” Nico asks hesitantly.

They cross the green together. Nico aches to take the other boy’s hand, but something holds him back. Things aren’t quite right with them, and it’s his fault. It’s his fault he can’t sleep, his fault he can’t eat. And now this.

They’re silent as they enter the cabin. Nico crosses to his bed, turning on the lamp and sinking down gratefully. The past two days feel as if they've lasted several months. Will takes a seat on the bed across the room. The space between them is like an endless gulf, and Nico feels himself automatically leaning forward, as if that will bridge the gap.

“I need to apologize,” Will says, twisting his hands in his lap.

Nico glances up, surprised. “What? Why?”

“Before you left - I pushed you to talk to me when you didn’t want to. I should have given you space. That was... I wasn't respecting your boundaries, and -”

“Will, no.” Nico’s across the room before he’s even registered that he’s moving, coming to a stop in front of Will to wrap his arms around the other boy’s shoulders.

“It's my fault. This is all my fault. I was an asshole.” Nico mumbles into Will's hair. “I’m just so scared Will,” he says, his voice breaking. It’s a bit easier to talk this way, without those kind blue eyes gazing into his, that beloved freckled face etched with concern.

Will tries to pull back, but Nico doesn’t let him, and after a moment he winds his arms tighter around Nico’s waist.

“I don’t understand. What are you scared of? You mean the voices?” Will asks, his voice muffled against Nico's chest.

Nico swallows. “I can’t lose you.” And gods just saying the words makes him feel as though he’s going to crumble to pieces. He can’t do this again. Not with Will. He couldn’t save his mother. He couldn’t save Bianca, or Jason. But maybe he can save Will.

“Nico.” Will goes to pull away again, and this time Nico relents. Will yanks him down so Nico’s sitting in his lap.

“You are not going to lose me,” Will says fiercely. “You couldn’t lose me if you wanted to. Is that what this is about? I thought you were mad at me for… you know. Being overbearing, and pushy, and…”

Nico half-shrugs. “I mean, you are,” he says weakly, and Will rolls his eyes and finally, finally smiles.

“Yeah, I know. And I’m really sorry about that. I’m trying to tone it down, and I’m going to keep trying. I’m probably still going to screw up sometimes, but please don’t ever think that I want you to be anything other than what you are, okay?”

“Are you sure?” Nico asks, his throat tight.

“Yes. I want you. And if you don’t want to eat or sleep or - or talk… I’ll still love you just the same.”

“I do want to eat and sleep. And talk,” Nico says, his voice wobbly. "It’s just been really hard lately. I don't - I don't usually mind when you bug me about those things. I know it’s because you care. It's just… the last week or so… my nightmares have been… really bad -” his voice breaks again and this time he can’t pull himself back fast enough and the next thing he’s aware of he’s sobbing, hard enough that he can’t catch his breath. Will doesn’t flinch, though. He gathers Nico in, holds tight. Nico’s not sure how long they stay that way, but Will keeps holding on after the tears have eased, his face pressed into Nico’s shoulder, like if he holds on tight enough, he can will all of Nico’s broken pieces back together. Nico wants him to.

“I wish you’d told me,” Will whispers, and then he pulls back, his eyes searching Nico’s. “Not that - not that you have to tell me everything if you don’t want to. Just - I’ve been worried about you and I wasn’t sure what was going on. I thought it was probably something I’d done.”

Nico shakes his head immediately. “No, it’s not your fault. I’m just the worst.”

Will frowns. “You’re definitely not.”

“I’m sorry you thought it was your fault,” Nico whispers. “And I’m really sorry for losing my temper. And for leaving.”

Will offers him a half-smile. “It’s possible we could do a better job of communicating with each other.”

Nico huffs out a laugh. “Maybe.” He leans his forehead against Will’s. They stay that way for a long moment, Nico following the rise and fall of Will’s breath until he feels himself start to settle. Gods, he could sleep right now. But there are things that need to be said first.

“Okay.” Nico takes a deep breath, pulling back. “You ready for some communication?”

Will grins. “Lay it on me.”

Nico laughs. He loves being in Will’s lap, he’s learned over the past few months. It feels vulnerable, but in a way that’s warm and safe. A way he can’t remember feeling before. But at the moment he finds he needs a little space to collect his thoughts, and he gently extracts himself, moving to sit next to the other boy, their thighs pressed together.

“I’ve been having a lot of dreams, lately, about um… people I’ve lost,” Nico begins, and Will makes a soft sound of understanding.

“My mom, and Bianca. And Jason,” Nico says softly. “And then… I’ve started dreaming about losing you, too.” His voice is rough, and he’s not sure how much of this he’s going to be able to get out before breaking down again. Will reaches for his hand, lacing their fingers together. And yeah, that helps.

“When you got hurt the other night, at capture the flag…” Nico finds he needs to take a moment to master his breathing again and Will, bless him, waits patiently, holding tight to Nico’s hand.

“It really threw me,” Nico says finally. “I saw you lying there, and you were bleeding, and you…” Nico shakes his head, trying to get rid of the image in his mind. “I couldn’t handle it. I just ran. I’m sorry I didn’t stay, and that I didn’t come to see you in the infirmary.”

“It’s okay, I get it,” Will says softly.

“Anyway.” Nico clears his throat. “The nightmares got even worse. After that. It’s been really hard to get them out of my head, even when I’m awake. And I’m actually really freaking out, Will. About Tartarus. And the prophecy,” he finishes, finally glancing at the other boy.

Will nods slowly. “I’ve kind of been freaking out too.”

Nico blinks. “Really? But you’ve - you’ve been so cool about it.”

Will's lips quirk up. “That’s just because I’m cool,” he says, bumping his shoulder against Nico’s.

Nico rolls his eyes.

“And also I didn’t want you to worry, or like… think that I wasn’t tough enough,” Will adds more quietly.

Nico shakes his head. “Will, it’s not that I don't think you're tough, or brave. It’s about… I just can’t lose you. Especially if it’s my fault,” he finishes in a whisper, watching their joined hands instead of Will’s face. There’s a long silence.

“How do you think I’d feel,” Will says quietly, “if you went down there alone, and you… you didn’t come back? If something happened to you, because I wasn’t there to help?”

“Um. Bad?” Nico says weakly, and Will snorts.

"You can’t control everything Nico." Will's voice is gentle, but firm. "People are going to make their own decisions. Sometimes they'll make those decisions because they love you. And you still can’t control that. And the consequences of those decisions are not your fault. We're going to do this together, and we're going to be fine. I'm not going to sacrifice myself to fulfill some stupid prophecy. But I am coming with you."

Nico turns his face into Will's shoulder. “I don’t want you to come,” he wants to say, but even as the words form in his mouth he realizes they’re not true.

“I want you to come. And I hate that I want you to come,” he whispers.

Will leans his head against Nico's. "I'm really glad that you want me with you. But ultimately, it's not your choice. It's mine," he says simply.

Nico pulls back to look the other boy in the eyes. "But what if it's a bad choice?" he asks, a little desperately.

Will shrugs. "Then I make a bad choice. But I'm not planning on dying, and I'm not planning on you dying. My plan is for us to have many, many years of bad choices. Together." He bumps his forehead gently against Nico's.

Nico can feel his eyes welling again. "Really?"

"Yes," Will says, firm. "Well," he amends, "mostly good choices."

Nico laughs wetly and Will gives him that bright, beautiful smile, the one that's just for him, before pulling Nico into his arms. After a moment Nico wiggles himself back into Will's lap and Will hums happily.

Nico sighs, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend, losing himself in Will's warmth and Will's breath. He’s finally, finally, starting to feel the tension in his body begin to ease. Will’s hand rubs soothingly against his back and he just wants to forget everything else. He almost manages it.

"But what if..." Nico begins hesitantly after a moment.

Will sighs. "I know," he says, and then he's quiet. His hand stills on Nico’s back and he takes a deep breath.

"So, this is maybe... kind of dark, but... also not. I don't know." Will pulls back to look at Nico. "I'm gonna tell you what I tell myself, anyway. After Lee died, and Michael... other people too. It's hard not to dwell on that, right? But we're in this... we're in this life where that shit happens. The way I've made sense of it for myself is... if I only get a year with you, then I'm going to love you as hard as I can for the time I have you." Will's voice breaks, and he takes a second to collect himself. "And if a year is all we get, I'm going to cherish that time we had for the rest of my life. I hope we get a lot more time, but if that's all we have, I'm going to be grateful for that. But I don't want to imagine a life where I didn't get to know you and love you," he finishes, his voice rough.

Nico raises a hand to brush the tears from Will's cheek. "That's really beautiful," he whispers.

Will's lips quirk up. "No, you are."

Nico rolls his eyes. "So cheesy."

Will beams, and Nico leans in to kiss him, tears and all. He tries to pour everything he hasn’t yet said into the kiss - his bone-deep gratitude for this boy and the stubborn, steadfast way he loves Nico. The unwavering way he lifts Nico up and holds him together. His comfort and his strength.

"It's been a few days since I've stayed over," Will murmurs when they finally part. "Not - not that I have to stay. I was just um... making an observation."

Nico smiles. "I'd like you to stay. It's just - like I said before... the nightmares have been bad." He makes a face. "I didn't wanna subject you to that."

"I don't mind," Will assures him.

"What if I wake up screaming?"

"It wouldn't be the first time, right? I'll rub your back until you fall asleep again. Or we can talk about it. Or we could make out some more," Will shrugs, going pink.

Nico lets out a giggle.

"I'm just throwing out suggestions," Will says, not quite making eye contact. “I mean. It always makes me feel better.”

Nico laughs, wrapping his arms around the other boy. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Will giggles. He leans forward, taking advantage of the fact that Nico is already in his lap to scoop him up, carrying him across the cabin and depositing him gently onto his own bed.

Nico can't quite keep the stupid smile from his face as Will pulls off Nico's shoes, then his own, climbing into the bed and covering them both.

Will snuggles against him, draping an arm over Nico’s waist and nuzzling into his neck. And for the first time in weeks, Nico realizes he can imagine a time past this. Past the prophecy and Tartarus and the knot of worry in his stomach. He turns his head against Will’s and sighs.

“After Tartarus,” he says, “do you wanna like… go to Disney World?”

He can feel Will’s soft laugh against his skin, can hear the smile in his voice, “Definitely.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Will agrees.

"I should really change. And brush my teeth. And shower," Nico says reluctantly as Will snuggles even closer. Gods, he's so warm.

"Mm mm," Will disagrees sleepily. "Stay with me."

Nico presses a kiss to the mess of blonde hair next to him. "Okay. I will."

___

Title is from True Colors by Cyndi Lauper. Thanks for reading! :)

[cowgurrrl]

OKAY WAIT

late night talks with college!joel - how reader and him came to date. they were studying they got distracted talking about something and stayed up all night taking. now joel can get her off his mind. 😉

thank you harry styles <3

I’ll kiss you on the mouth dude I love this idea

UPDATE: I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO END IT AND IF IT WASNT FOR MY MELATONIN KICKING IN I WOULDVE CONTINUED IT

She’s got a book for every situation

Pairing: college!joel x fem!reader

Summary: this ask

Author’s note: typed in tumblr and not proofread so god speed slayers 🫡

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, Joel being The Biggest Flirt, June your BA in English is showing, I think that’s it??

Working at the writing center on campus has its perks. You get unlimited printing, editing experience, and free coffee. Granted, it’s from a pot that had been simmering for several days but it’s free nevertheless. You’ve even managed to get in good with a few professors who would recommend their students come to you if they need help. Normally, they don’t take the advice until finals week and they all scramble into your office all at once. So, when a tall guy with curly dark hair walks into your desolate lobby, you’re a little surprised. He looks lost with a stack of papers piled in his hands and visibly relaxes when he sees you peek your head out.

“Hey there. Can I help you?” You ask, approaching him.

“Maybe. ‘M from Dr. Phillips class and she said to come to the writing center and ask for…” He trails off as he glances down at his paper before saying your name. “Said she might be able to help me with my paper.”

“Yeah, I think she can help you with your paper.” You say and hold out your hand to grab the red inked paper. It’s a paper on Kerouac who’s never been your favorite. In fact, you wrote an entire paper about how pretentious and privileged Jack Kerouac actually was but that’s neither here nor there. The bottom line is that you know how to write a paper professors are looking for. You feel his eyes scanning your face as you read his thesis and try to ignore the blush creeping over your cheeks.

“I take it you’re the brilliant writer Dr. Phillips likes so much.” He says. You smile but don’t take your eyes off his words so you don’t get distracted by his presence.

“Dr. Phillips doesn’t like anyone.”

“She seemed to like you. Told me all about how smart you are,” he says. “Never mentioned the pretty part, though.” Finally, you look up and meet his gaze.

“Technically Dr. Phillips isn’t allowed to recommend one student editor over another. It’s against our policy and makes things a little fairer for everyone. So, can we keep this little secret between us…” you let your sentence end, realizing you never asked his name, and he holds out his free hand.

“Joel.” He says and you shake his hand.

“Well, Joel, I’ll tell you what. I’ll agree to help you get your paper in order if you agree to not get me fired. Fair deal?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He says politely.

You spend the rest of the day walking Joel through essay structures, grammar mistakes, and thesis issues. His argument is strong but it needs to be more concise and punchier. When you try to explain it to him in those terms, he looks at you like you’re from Mars. Eventually, after a little too much flirty small talk, he tells you about his dad’s construction company and you learn to put flowery, over dramatic writing advice into clean, neat boxes that he understands completely. Unfortunately, you don’t end up finishing the actual essay before the center closes.

“You’re free to come back tomorrow morning so we can finish this.” You say as you gather your things and stuff them in your backpack. Joel stretches in his chair, his shirt riding up just enough to reveal a gorgeous sliver of tan skin and you have to force your eyes away from the sight.

“D’you live far from here?” He asks, standing and throwing his own backpack over one shoulder. You waffle for a moment, unsure if you want to tell this almost perfect stranger where you live.

“Maybe a ten minute walk. It’s not bad for Austin.”

“Can I walk you home? Since I kept you so late,” he asks. Once again, you hesitate. Joel doesn’t seem like the typical frat guy you’ve come to fear since your time at school. He actually seems gentle and genuine. You turn the thought over a few more times before he throws his hands up. “‘S just an offer to make sure you get home safe. I’ll even carry your backpack for you if you want.” He offers and you smile. You take another second before handing him your heavy backpack. He slings it over his free shoulder and walks to the door to open it for you, keys jingling in your hand as you lock up the writing center for the night. The humid Texas night suffocates you the second you step out into the fading daylight.

“You always carry girls’ backpacks home?” You ask as you start walking in the direction of your apartment. Campus is mostly empty this time of night, everyone crawling home after class to pregame or cry or both. Squirrels patrol the sidewalks for any students who may want to hand them a piece from their bagel or sandwich. Someone honks their horn in distant standstill Austin traffic, and the sun slowly slides behind the Capitol. It’s peaceful.

“Only when I make ‘em read my shitty writing.” He says and you laugh.

“Your writing’s not bad, Joel. It’s actually very good. Essays are just the worst to write.”

“You like ‘em enough to work at the writing center.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean it’s what I actually care about,” you shrug. “At this point, I’m a warm body with a clicky pen.”

“Woah there, Kafka. I think you’re a little more than that,” Joel laughs and you have to laugh too. Not only for the perfectly on brand joke but for the tone in his voice. The playful lilt makes your head feel fuzzy. “Alright then, if you don’t like essays and you don’t like Kerouac, what do you like? What do you wanna write?” He asks and you take a deep breath. It’s a question you’ve fielded more than enough times in your college career to know that not many people like your answer.

“I’m not sure yet. I like a little bit of everything.”

“Have you written anythin’ I would’ve read?”

“No,” you laugh. “Probably not.”

“Why’s that funny?” He asks and you shake your head.

“Because nobody wants to publish my work. It’s too… rough.”

“Rough?” He raises his eyebrows at you.

“Yeah. Publishers either want the next Great American Novel or nothing at all, and I am not next Great American Novel material.”

“How do you know?”

“Because nobody’s publishing me.”

“Maybe, you’re not lookin’ in the right places,” he says. “‘M just sayin’ someone as smart as you has to have somethin’ someone will wanna take.”

“Yeah, well, don’t go holdin’ your breath on me, cowboy.”

“Why do you do that?” He asks suddenly and you stop to look at him.

“Do what?” You ask.

“Try and play it off whenever someone compliments you.” He says with glaring honesty. It sets you back in your heels but you quickly recover.

“You’ve only known me for a few hours. How do you know I’m not just incredibly humble?”

“I guess I don’t,” he says. “Could I buy you a drink and figure it out?” It could be the way he, somehow, sees right through you already or the way his brown eyes look in the sunlight but you can’t stop the butterflies in your stomach. You purse your lips together and dare a step closer to him.

“Tell you what, if you get an A on this paper, I’ll let you buy me a drink.” You say.

“And if I fail?” He asks and you shake your head.

“You won’t fail.”

“But what if I do?”

“If you do, you have to…” you search your brain. “Carry my backpack home for me for a week.”

“You drive a hard bargain, ma’am.”

“But I take it Joel Miller’s a bettin’ man.”

“See, smarter than you think.” He quips and you roll your eyes.

“One thing at a time, lover boy.”

Joel ends up getting the highest grade on his essay out of anyone in his class. Dr. Phillips commends his dedication to bettering his first draft and tells him to keep up the good work. “Whatever you did to change this, keep it up.” She says when she places his graded essay on his desk. When he presents the A to you at the writing center, all you can do is applaud him and smile.

“I told you you’d pass.” You say, poking at his firm chest.

“Yeah, yeah,” he rolls his eyes. “Maybe I just needed a little motivation.”

“Oh, yeah? What was that?”

“I think I was promised a date.” He says cheekily and you nod.

“You were, and my mama raised me to be a woman of my word,” you smile. “Jenny, do you mind closing up for me tonight?” You ask the receptionist and she shakes her head.

“Not at all, darlin’. Have a good night.” She winks at you when Joel turns his back and you stick your tongue out at her.

Say what you will about the writing center but you think a date with a broad, tall, handsome cowboy is the best thing that could’ve come out of that hell hole.

[renlyslittlerose]

Last week was the one year anniversary of me posting my first obikin fic, and over the last year being a part of the fandom has brought me so much joy and happiness and enthusiasm once again. Some of you knew me before 2019 and were aware that I was working on my Masters in the Classics, which included a massive thesis. While working on the thesis I was also working part-time at the museum, as well as battling a few chronic illnesses - some of which still affect me today - all of which drained me physically and emotionally. When I had finished my thesis and graduated from the program I was well and truly burnt out. 

 2020 was rough for everyone, and I was contented to just exist without doing much of anything that could be seen as creatively productive. But then 2020 came and passed and I thought maybe I should get back on the saddle, and started working on my own original story. I fell off of social media, didn’t interact in fandom, and tried to grind out a story that wasn’t working like I had hoped it would. 2021 and I still wasn’t ‘feeling it’; I had gone from writing about 1-2k words a day to 500 words a week - if I was lucky. A part of me wondered if I was tapped out for good, that I didn’t have it in me anymore, and that my thesis was my last creative outlet - my last hooray.  I know it sounds a bit dramatic, but when you go from creating almost every day since you were sixteen years old, to suddenly believe that the well has run dry is terrifying. Maybe I was done for good - maybe I wouldn’t create something I was proud of.

And then Kenobi came out. I was a massive prequels fan since I was nine years old and the Phantom Menace came out, and an even bigger Darth Vader fan, but I had never interacted with the fandom in any meaningful way. I was contented to just watch the films and the shows and leave it at that. But as I was watching I had the epiphany that Obi-Wan and Anakin were actually ~roommates all along. I started reading obikin fic, came back on tumblr to see what sort of fandom there was, and suddenly found myself with ideas again, and a desire to create something. 

So I wrote my first fic ‘Sacred to the Gods’ based off of a thesis I wrote during my undergrad about the psychology of a Greek demigod. It took me about a week to write, but in that time I had a lot of fun - the words started to come more easily, the vibes were there, and the passion was slowly but surely returning. One fic turned into another, and then another, and suddenly I had written two multi-chaptered long-form fics, some shorter multi-chaptered ones, and a bunch of oneshots, all about our favourite duo. 

And in the that span of time, not only was I able to rediscover my passion for writing and feel inspired again, but I met so many amazing, incredible, kind, passionate, creative people who welcomed me with open arms. I was used to fandom being sort of a gate-keepy thing, where if you were the new kid in town it would take you a while to work your way into any circles. But it didn’t happen with this fandom. I went up to a few people, held out my macaroni art, and was overjoyed to see them take it and immediately put it up on their fridge.

There are a lot of people I want to thank, and I should thank, from those who read my stuff, those who send me asks on tumblr, those who bookmark and kudos and comment, and those who followed me, but there isn’t any space to do all that. So I hope that a general ‘THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU’ will suffice. Thank you for giving me my passion back, thank you for supporting me, thank you for being an awesome community that has it’s issues, but still cares deeply about the art they’re creating, and who care about fostering a community. 

However, there are a few people I would specifically like to address, because I don’t think this post would be complete without you. I’ll put it behind a cut because this post is already cumbersome:

@bi-wan || My beloved! You were the first person to follow me on tumblr after reading one of my fanfictions, and the first to reach out to me to be my friend. Thank you for reaching your hand out to me and dragging me into the fold. Because of you I’ve made so many good friends who I treasure dearly - including you. 🥰

@ragnarlothcat || I feel like you and Cam are a packaged deal, and so I thank you for being curious about me and checking out my work, and for allowing me to occupy both you and Cam’s comfy little raccoon haven. You’re so supportive, and your work was some of the first I read in the fandom which truly secured my desire to be a part of it. Thank you 💖

@intermundia || I’ve told you this before, but you were the first person I approached in the fandom when I decided I wanted to dip my toes into the experience, and your warmth and welcoming nature secured my desires to be a part of this group. The fact that you support my stories and are so passionate about it really fuels my desires to keep creating (as well as feeding my ego). Thank you for being such a good presence in the fandom.👑

@theseptemberist || I have a feeling that Will told you about me, and I am so glad that he did because we’ve struck up such a friendship that I can’t see myself without. Our chats on discord over the past few months have been wonderful in so many ways that are too innumerous to say here. Thank you for sharing your heart, and for being so kind and empathetic. And thank you for sharing your encyclopedic knowledge of fandom tea ☕

@unspuncreature || Just like Rag and Cam come as a team, you and Cal (and Wren, even though I’ve never spoken to her but feel like I know her) are the trio that delight and entertain. Thank you for your brilliant art and creativity, thank you for letting me bounce all my ideas off of you, and thank you for collaborating with me. You’re brilliant 💗

@kyberkenobi || Beyond the fact that your filthy brain inspires me and delights me, and the fact that you’re willing to goed me on when I come up with something that’s delightfully nasty, your maturity when it comes to fandom is refreshing. At the threat of sounding like a proud grandma, you’re still so young and yet you’ve got a lot of shit figured out - most importantly, that fandom is supposed to be for fun and write what you want to write. Can’t wait for us to finally collaborate one of these days 💕

@dininginspace || What can I say? You’re a delight, you’re incredibly funny, you’re kind and understanding, and you’re the best cheerleader a loser like me could ask for. The fact that you jumped on the Buffy bandwagon when I drove by on it secures you as one of my favourite people. Thank you so much for your early and continued support 🧛‍♂️

@nuandia || Thank you for chatting with me all the time; keep up your writing, it’s brilliant and worth it, even if you doubt it sometimes. 💖

@grapenehifics || I had just finished watching MASH when you commented on Moonlight Serenade. The noise I made when I saw your username, followed by the continued joy I get whenever I see you on my dash or in my inbox, or when I see you’ve posted something new for the world to enjoy. 🧡

@palfriendpatine66 || You’re a delight. You’ve got things figured out, and how you can write so much with the life you’ve got is incredible. Keep going - you’re a gem. 💎

@binaryeclipse || Love chatting with you on discord, and being able to throw out random things about Canada into the chat that doesn’t need explaining - you just get it. Especially when it comes to Alberta politics. It doesn’t always feel like a safe space out there when you’re an Albertan who loves her province but also hates so many things about it, but you make me feel as if I can be a contradictory mess and still feel as if I belong in Canada. Your muse will come back soon, I trust in this ✨

@treescape || Your work is sublime and an inspiration. I read your fics first when I went hunting for things to read, and was immediately captivated. When you followed me back and weren’t at all weirded out by me bounding over to you like an excitable golden retriever, I was very grateful - I am very grateful. Can’t wait to see what you create next. 💛

@starsdies || Thank you for listening to me; thank you for being so inspiring; thank you for helping with community events and exchanges. And thank you for streaming The Last of Us for me because I’m too cheap to buy HBO Max. 🙏

@tessiete || You fact-checked the details I put into Moonlight and all I can say is THANK YOU. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting too lost in the details, but its people like you who google that shit that makes me feel good about my obsessions. 🌸

[robinbuckleyistheloml]

"You changed my life"

Pairing: Robin Buckley X Nancy Wheeler

Summary: After avoiding Robin for longer than she should have, Nancy finally confronts her feelings.

Warnings: A sprinkle of angst at the beginning, Confessing feelings, Struggling with sexuality, Fluff fluff fluff, my shitty writing skills.

A/N: Here's an old blurb I wrote for a different tumblr account that I never actually posted lol. Hope you guys enjoy

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Neither of them knew how they got into this position. Weeks after the final fight against Vecna, Nancy and Robin were practically strangers again. Not by choice by one of them. Robin was utterly confused on why Nancy had suddenly disappeared from her life. Robin being the anxious person she is, jumped to the worst conclusions she could come up with, which Steve tried to talk her out of which didn’t do much. “Robin, she’s probably just busy. Have you ever thought about that?” He said to her one day during their shift at Family Video. She scoffed as she placed more tapes back on their respective shelves. “Steve, every time I try to talk to her, she runs away from me. Runs, like I’m gonna kill her or something. I thought she and I were friends. But, clearly I was wrong.” Robin continued on, pacing up and down the aisle of the small store. Steve was exasperated at this point, having heard a similar tangent every day for the past three weeks. Before he could try talking her out of the panic attack that she was on the verge of, the bell above the door signaled that a customer had come in. “Hey, how can I-Nance?” Steve said, greeting a very hesitant Nancy Wheeler. “Uh, hey. Is Robin here?” Just then, Robin walked out from one aisle. She stood for a moment, frozen in front of Nancy.

She couldn’t find words to say. “H-hi.” She muttered out, her eyes wandering everywhere except the girl in front of her. “I’m just going to uh…take care of some boxes in the back.” Steve said as he walked towards the back room, leaving the two girls alone. Nancy walked towards Robin, now only a few feet in front of her. “Um, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight?” Robin had a look of confusion, after the three weeks of barely anything, Nancy wanted to hang out. Alone? “Uh, I-I um, I’d love to. I mean, yeah, sure.” Robin was internally facepalming at herself. Why was she so awkward? “Okay, cool. I’ll see you later.” Nancy said, standing there a moment longer. “Uh, yeah. See you later.” Robin said awkwardly, her hand coming up to rub the back of her neck. Nancy gave the girl a small wave and smile-and what Robin thought was a slight blush- before walking out the door. Robin stared off into the parking lot as Nancy got in her car and drove off. She was pulled from her gaze at the sound of Steve clearing his throat.

“So, it looks like she isn’t ignoring you anymore?” Robin rolled her eyes, then turned around to face him. “Shut up, Dingus. Maybe she’s going to tell me all the reasons she hates me.” She walked over to the counter, jumping up to sit on it. “Stop thinking of worst-case scenarios. You’re gonna freak yourself out about something that you don’t even know for sure.” He walked over to stand opposite of her. She scoffed. “I’m being realistic Steve. I’ve been through this before. The whole getting close to someone, thinking they’re going to stay, and then getting my heart ripped out of my chest. I’m just mentally preparing myself for how badly this one is going to hurt.”

“Why is it going to hurt so much if you lose Nancy as a friend? Last summer you called her a priss, remember?” Steve had a shit-eating grin on his face, he knew exactly why it would suck for Robin. He just wanted her to actually admit it. “I-it’s going to hurt because-oh screw you.” Steve let out a laugh as Robin placed her head in her hands, letting out a grunt of frustration. “Oh, come on, Rob. DId you really think I wouldn’t catch on? You abruptly stopped talking about VIckie the second you and Nancy officially became friends. It’s not exactly rocket science.” Robin picked her head up, shooting a glare to Steve. “Yeah, well she;s your ex. Did you really expect me to just say ‘Oh, yeah, by the way, your ex is hot and I’d really like to kiss her’?” Steve tilted his head, a look that says ‘you know what I meant’. “No, but you could’ve been honest with me about having feelings for her. I’m over her, so it’s okay, seriously.” Robin let out a sigh as Steve leaned against the counter. “Thank you. But, I don’t even know if she….or what she’s even going to say to me tonight.” Steve gave Robin a small reassuring smile, opening his mouth to speak but getting interrupted by the door opening once again.

As Steve pulled to a stop in front of Nancy’s house, he turned to look at a very anxious Robin. “Breathe. It’s Nancy, she doesn’t bite.” Robin gave him a small glare, a huff leaving her mouth. “Yeah yeah, bye.” Robin said, reaching behind her seat to grab her bag. As she got out of the car, Steve yelled out after her. “You know, a thank you would be nice for being your personal chauffeur!” Robin turned around, giving a small smile. “Thank you, Stevie!” She said with a laugh. “I thought we were done with that nickname!?” He yelled, Robin gave him a small wave, turning back to walk the rest of the way to the front door. Steve drove off just as Robin rang the doorbell. What was only a few seconds, was the longest wait of Robin’s life. Before she could change her mind and just walk away, Nancy opened the door. It was obvious with the giant smile on her face the moment she saw the tall girl standing on her doorstep, she was extremely happy to see Robin. “Hey. We can go up to my room.” Nancy said, gesturing for Robin to come in. As she crossed the threshold of the doorway, smelling the familiar scent of Nancy’s perfume, she had a wave of relief wash over her.

The two girls made their way up the stairs, into the familiar bedroom that was Nancy’s. Nancy sat on the edge of her bed, Robin stood by the doorway, putting her bag down. She stood awkwardly for a moment before Nancy gestured to the spot next to her. “You know you can sit down, right?” Nancy gives a soft smile as Robin slowly walks over to sit down. The two girls sit in silence for a moment, neither one knowing what to say. Nancy finally speaks. “I know I’ve sort of been avoiding you for the past few weeks. And I’m sorry about that. I just….I needed time to think about some things.” Robin looks up at Nancy, seeing a few tears threatening to fall. “That’s fine. I get that. It just….it felt like I did something wrong. Did I do something wrong?” Robin now had tears welling in her eyes. Nancy couldn’t speak. She didn’t even know how Robin would take it. “Tell me what I did wrong, Nance. Please.” She was pleading, small tears falling down her cheeks. Nancy shook her head gently. “You didn’t do anything wrong, I promise. It was the opposite of that actually. You did something that caught me so off guard, that after everything, I needed time to process it.” Robin tilted her head in confusion. Nacy brought her hand up to wipe the tears off Robin’s cheek. The touch made Robin gasp lightly.

Nancy gave a gentle smile, her eyes softening at the girl sitting in front of her. “You trusted me when I didn’t even trust myself. That’s something that I never got, ever. But, you did it blindly, when you barely knew me. And that made me realize some things about myself. It scared me and being around you was just making me lose my mind. But, now I think I finally understand it.” Her hand was brought down to hold Robin’s, gently running her thumb over the other girl’s knuckles. Robin’s eyes were drawn to their hands, hoping this meant what she thought. “What do you mean by that exactly?” Nancy turned her body towards Robin, letting out a soft sigh. “I mean, I realized that my feelings for Jonathan didn’t exist anymore. That they were replaced by feelings for you, a million times stronger than what I ever felt for him or Steve.” Robin sat there, frozen.

Her face painted a different story for Nancy, as she then frantically tried to take back what she said. “Oh god. You hate me now, don’t you? Oh, this was so stupid. You know what, forget I said anything I can’t believe I-.” Nancy’s frantic rambles were cut off by Robin’s lips colliding into hers. After a moment of realization, Nancy kissed back, relaxing fully into it. Her hands made their way into Robin’s hair, as Robin’s arms wrapped around the girl. After a few minutes they both pulled away to catch their breath. Then it hit Robin. “Wait, what about Jon-.”

“He and I broke up two weeks ago.” Robin's head tilted, more questions circulating in her head. “Because of me?” Nancy shook her head. “No. I had….he and I grew apart. It was bound to happen. Me realizing how I felt about you just sped the process up a little.” Robin’s eyes fell to the ground, avoiding Nancy’s gaze. “Are you okay?” Nancy asked, placing a gentle hand on Robin’s leg. “Uh, yeah. Just….this is not what I was expecting to happen tonight.” She followed it with a small laugh, getting a senile look from Nancy. “You really are full of surprises, Wheeler.” Nancy gives a little shrug. “Eh, I try to keep things interesting.” She lets out a small laugh before leaning in to kiss Robin again, just a quick peck this time.

“What was that for?” Nancy shrugged again, she then scooted to the top of the bed, going under the covers. “Because I wanted to kiss you, Dingus.” She gives a smirk, followed by Robin crawling her way to lay down next to Nancy. As they snuggle into each other, the warmth of each other engulfing them, they both let out a content sigh.

Nancy places her head in Robin’s chest, moving her body closer to the tall girl. Robin’s hand inadvertently moves up to run through Nancy’s hair. Barely five minutes later, they were both asleep. This was what they have both waited for their entire lives. Robin, someone who would listen to her never ending rambles, doesn’t love her despite them, but because of them. And Nancy, someone who would believe in her even if she didn’t quite believe in herself. They had each other now, and they weren’t going to let go anytime soon.

[nerdieforpedro]

WIP Wednesday and Thursday

So…my brain has gone horny and then too many WIP ideas (when isn’t it?!) and then starting more bullet points. This is Nerdie and her WIPs. This is their story: (Dun Dun! If you know, you know. 😆)

I was tagged by @604to647 and @secretelephanttattoo Wednesday, ran into Thursday. They touched and agreed that this is totally fine. 😀

Preview One: From my Marc Spector fic I’m writing slowly 👀

“Oh, you’re awake. Hold on, I’ll grab your glasses, carino (sweetheart).” The same velvet voice she’d heard earlier spoke to her and soon appeared above her face and slipping on her glasses. “Hey, how do you feel, Stelle? Can you move at all?” A calloused hand touches her cheek and she leans into it, sighing from relief. Happy to be touched and that Marc could still have this effect on her after not seeing him for years, Estelle shuts her eyes and tries to calm herself through her deep breaths. Marc watches her, it's transparent. Did she always react like this to him? He doesn’t remember touching her much during their service but he’s never seen her like this. She can’t think he’s her husband. Marc had found that during his search as well, about his death. This is why Khonshu was worried, how could that old bird have known?

I’ll put it on Tumblr one day. lol

Preview Two: I had a thot where an OFC is a client of Oberyn Martell as a sex worker. 🤔 For reasons.

“I’m here to give to you my queen. You have to accept it. Don’t worry about time. We have all we need. I’ll not have you leave me unsatisfied. The provocative cloth will be the last barrier between us. We should let your most cherished hole get some air, no?” Pushing Selene’s legs forward, Martell pulled her panties off and they were thrown with the other clothes. He was greeted by her glistening cunt leaking into the sheets of the mattress. “Such a vision, the temptation to drive right in is great, but I am a man of my word. Fingers first, then I’ll taste you.”

I feel like he would talk like this, I’ve only written Oberyn once and it wasn’t modern. So…here we are.

Preview Three: I blame this on a flurry of ideas that @angelofsmalldeath-codeine and I messaged about a few months ago, one stuck and now we’re here.

“Because I love you I want to put a baby in you. Maybe two or three, we’ll see how the first one goes. You know I’d take care you and our kid right? Aisha you’re one of the few good things I have besides my Kit Kats, sobriety and my robe.” He turns to lay on his side and kisses her breast then forehead. “Now if you want me to continue, that nightgown is coming off, you’re keeping your legs open wide and I’m kissing both sets of lips.” Bringing the two fingers he had inside of her, Dieter licked them slowly as she removed her nightgown and tossed it on the floor. Wordlessly, Aisha slipped a leg under Dee’s side and put her other one on his hip to flip him from his lateral laying position to on top of her.

Yeah…the smut was strong with Nerdie this week 💀💀💀

Preview Four (because this week is going hard - all puns intended): In a galaxy long, long ago @alltheglitterandtheroar asked me about a Din who was a little rough. Well…I dunno how inspiration came for this, but it can stay. It’s bullet points and dialogue- not really written out. How my notes normally look 🤣🤣🤣

Sola begins to remove her dress, but Din brandishes a knife from his boot and pulls at the neck of it, cutting down to her hip.

The dress falls to her feet and she’s exposed with her bra and thong. A shudder from the air chills her body and he sets a hand on his, staying his knife.

“I can remove the rest Mando. Will I see your body as well?”

“Not this first time. Sit.” Has her sit in the large armchair with her legs spread on each arm of the chair.

Slices her panties off. “Such a soaked cunt of the people. Were you like this after your late meeting today? Dripping at the thought of me arriving in your home?”

‘Cuz again horny reasons. Just horny hours and reasons.

Preview Five (if you’ve read this far, I love you and I give you the head pats 💖): I promised myself I was gonna be nice to Frankie, next time just give him something nice. I guess. 🤗

His baseball cap shook along with his head, “It’s fine miss. Should I put your box inside?” Hazel nodded again and showed him the counter to which he set the box down. “My name’s Frankie. I live three doors down. I was coming out to see which old man was winning chess when your scarf caught me in the face.” He snuck his hands in his pockets, contemplating asking but the worst she could say is no. “Did you want to meet some of your neighbors? If you need some rest, that’s fine too. They’re out in the common grounds most days. Only if you feel up to it.” He added that last line so she won’t feel pressured. She already has some man she doesn’t know in her apartment.

I swear nice to Frankie (I sometimes have written his PTSD) 😭😭

Last preview- Seven? No Six. I lost count 😭😭 Javi G and Sadie meet at Star Wars in Orlando. Aboard a certain vessel: also bullet points. Bad Star Wars puns are imminent!

Sadie begins flipping buttons saying it’s what she’s seen Han and Rey do in the movies. Javi tried to make a Chewbacca noise and it sounds way too much like a growl. 👀 Sadie grips one of the levers very hard and has her mouth slightly open.

“My name is Javi, what’s yours hermosa (beautiful)?” He knows that look, he was going to try and entice her after they got off the ship but The Force is with him today.

“I-It’s Sadie. Nice to meet you Javi. Is that short for Javier?” She needs to distract herself. Sexy eyes should not be made in a Millennium Falcon, even in a fake one. But he also smells like sandalwood, sweat and hints of jasmine and rose. He has no business looking good and smelling good. He’s gotta be a con artist or swindler or just a bad dude right? Those are the men she finds.

“Sí. When this ride is over? Did you want to go on another one with me?” Sadie blinks and Javi grins, “Maybe in the DeathStar. To see that one critically weak spot it has.” Her friends may dumb choices and hooks ups all the time. Hell, she couldn’t sleep in her own bed last night. He could be an axe murderer. But they smell bad and they’re bald. He’s got a full head of hair and smells like a dream so maybe not?

So silly and ridiculous 😆😆😆 I cackled when writing it.

So finally at the end, if you made it here, I’ll love you a long time, take a nap and get back at it 😘😘😘

NPT: @megamindsecretlair @soft-persephone @soft-girl-musings @inept-the-magnificent @mysterious-moonstruck-musings

@connectioneverywhere @lotusbxtch @avastrasposts @maggiemayhemnj @magpiepills

@westside-rot @rosecentaur1916 @djarinmuse @pedroshotwifey @tinytinymenace

@chaithetics @goodwithcheese @msjarvis @joelmillerisapunk @fhatbhabiee

@frenchiereading

[d4isywhims]

hello friends! 🤍✨

lots of words. click at your own risk!!

i’m back from my trip/short hiatus!! i didn’t go on tumblr that much during my trip because i was having too much fun hehe so i was basically MIA 😵‍💫 andddddd i JUST realised that my cas challenge posts didn’t go up because my dumbdumb ass saved it as draft instead of queue 😭😭😭😭😭😭 omg i’m so sorry to everyone who looked forward to seeing those posts ;_; they’ll be up all throughout next week tho!! ✨ alsoooo i wanna talk about a few things 👀

1. youtube

as some of you might know, i started a youtube channel and am about to post my first ever vid!! so excited!! 🤩 i’m also thinking of moving one of my tumblr gameplays to youtube but i’m kinda stumped on which one :/ i’m already on gen 2 of my family dynamics challenge and i feel like it would be kind of awkward to start filming from there lol so this leaves me with my globetrotter household and tjol legacy household. or maybe start a brand new lp!! i would greatly appreciate your opinion on this matter if you have any :D

2. 1000 followers!!!!!

guys. guys guys guys. GUYSss. had to block a HANDFUL of 🌽bots but YOU GUYSSSSSS

i am truly speechless 😭 i made a promise to myself that if i reached 1k followers on tumblr i would start a youtube channel and here we are!! i love you guys so much and thanks for sticking around 😭♥️ absolutely no words can describe how much i appreciate everyone on here :’) i’ve made SO many talented friends on tumblr and i hope to make even more! i have no idea what my follower gift would be this time (i haven’t even started with my 900 followers gift 😵‍💫) so please if you have ANY suggestions, feel free to comment below or send me a message! :DD probably gonna come up with a poll sooner or later hehe

aaahhh it feels so good to be back on simblr!! i’ll spend the rest of my night responding to tagged games, asks/messages i’ve gotten while on my hiatus and just catching up with the community :)) i’ll go back to posting gameplay pics on monday! :D starting off strong with family dynamics!!

thanks sm friends!! ✨ have a great day/night ahead!

- gem 🤍

[alexanderlightweight]

It is now Wednesday where I’m at so I plan to send you some things. Some are ideas that I’ve been playing around with and I’m curious to see if any inspire you and what your take on them might be. (Also if you got this message more than once I apologize. Tumblr app knocked me off a few times while I was in the middle of typing.)

So my first idea is Alec becoming a True Nephilim. You know, that giant form of heavenly fire. What I found says that Nephilim lost the ability to become True Nephilim when giant demons stopped coming to Earth. They just didn’t need it anymore. And that’s why parabatai falling in love is forbidden, because it triggers the transformation.

Maybe there’s a demon army. Maybe a giant sized demon comes through and starts wrecking the place like a damn Kaiju. However it happens, Magnus is injured and Alec is furious and terrified. Maybe he thinks Magnus is dead for a moment. But his love for Magnus triggers the transformation.

The wiki says True Nephilim are mindless in their destruction and have been known to kill even their own family. And if they don’t turn back, they die. Alec is better than that and only kills the demons and then Magnus is there, coaxing him back. And even though he is made of heavenly fire, it doesn’t burn Magnus because no matter his form Alec refuses to hurt him.

(Sorry that’s a long one.)

this was fun! this is in the created for death where nephilim can be 70/30 sometimes. i hope you enjoy this take on it!

*canon level violence and eldritch horror stuff

<3 lumine

-

Magnus stares at Azazel and spits out a mouthful of blood, mocking the greater demon with a smirk.

“You think yourself strong enough to stand against me, truly you are a spoiled child. Your father cannot always protect you.” Azazel tells him, smug and undaunted and nearly spotless.

Of course he is.

He waited until Magnus has been fighting rift upon rift for weeks straight now. Days of his magic constantly being drained in offensive, defensive and emergency healing magic as well.

Then he arrived, stole the magic from a handful of downworlders and now he mocks Magnus, as if Azazel didn’t do all of this because he was wary.

“My father has never protected me.” Magnus reminds Azazel with a hoarse laugh, “for protecting me would risk weakening me. You avoid attacking me because you know his revenge would be swift, but you know he will not step in until after the end.”

Azazel laughs, something cruel and mocking to his tone as he shakes his head.

“You’re smart, I’ll give you that.” And then he summons the sands of Dudael and Magnus swallows down blood and bile and salt from his own sweat and reaches for the flames of Edom.

—

One moment Magnus is fighting, magnificent, glorious and the next Alec is using every bit of his speed and strength rune to get there in time to catch him, to brace him from the blow he’s been struck.

“Azazel.” Magnus manages to murmur up at him and Alec feels terror grip his heart, crushing it.

There is blood on Magnus’ mouth and his eyes are tired, stubborn and determined but so very tired. Magnus has been fighting endlessly and while the sex rituals they do every morning help, it’s not enough and Alec knows it.

Something licks up Alec’s spine and he turns, seeing the slowly approaching, smirking greater demon. Azazel kicks a hand out of his way with an almost vicious glee as he walks, hate in the greedy gaze he has only for Magnus.

Something cracks.

Some deep, internal glacier shudders with the wake of an emotional earthquake. An avalanche of visceral hate, love and determination nearly overwhelm Alec and then he’s gone.

There is one thing and one thing only on his mind.

Azazel must die, to protect Magnus.

—

Magnus barely notices at first and then he can’t do anything but notice. Alexander is touching him when the transformation starts and cold fire sears its way through Magnus’ veins, leaving a hungry, cold energy in it’s wake.

It’s like being dunked in a river of ice and Magnus gasps, breathless with the energy being forcefully given.

“Alexander—” he begs because this isn’t anything he understands but he fears, more than he ever thought he could and then Alexander begins to shake. His back seizing in a grotesque pattern of shapes and Magnus can’t help but snap away his clothes, just in time for Alexander to hunch over and his back to split open.

Skin cracks and muscles tear and Alexander stays silent as the world screams for him. Nephilim fall like around them, terror in their voices as the squelch of ripping blood and sinew echoes across the battlefield.

Viscera drips down grotesquely gorgeous feathers and Magnus shudders under the gaze of a thousand eyes as Alexander opens all of his.

Magnus is watched for a moment with a terrifyingly alien longing and love and then Alexander is gone.

Azazel goes not down, but up. Higher and higher as all six of Alexander’s wings take them up and up and the world around them screams at how wrong the sudden silence feels.