#and I know it’s possible to talk about nutrition without it just being fatphobic

[communistkenobi]

this probably has a lot to do with my mom being one of those diet fanatics and constantly cycling through diets and subjecting me to several of them when I was younger, but nutrition science is one of those things I will have an infinite amount of skepticism on. like I know vegetables are good for you and greasy fast food is probably not that good for you but beyond that whenever I hear someone claim to know What Are The Best Foods For People To Eat I’m literally never going to believe them ever regardless of what their qualifications are

[rowanfalls]

No joke, I think dungeon meshi has seriously impacted my desire to be healthy for the better. A very long and heartfelt (but spoiler free) essay is under the cut.

I have Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. Because of my OCD, some foods are safe and some are not and I would literally rather starve than eat an unsafe food (i know because it happened once on a trip to Switzerland). This means I mostly eat chicken nuggets, buttered noodles, donuts, soda, the like. The only vegetable I can eat is cooked broccoli and the only fruit I can eat is apples (smoothies not withstanding).

I'm also physically disabled in a way that makes it hard for me to exercise or do physical activity, not to mention how my ADHD and Depression fuck with that as well. I'm 'lucky'* in that I have a genetic disposition towards being very thin and probably will stay that way until I'm in my 40s (my dad was exactly the same at my age).

So I eat mostly junk food and I sit at my computer all day every day and for a long time, I've been happy with that. When I tell people about my Eating Disorder, they usually say "oh, is there a way to fix it?" and my answer is always "why would I want to?" Its not like an allergy or a medical dietary restriction. I don't LIKE any of the foods I can't eat. I don't have any reason to want to learn how to eat them.

Besides health reasons of course. I know in my head that not eating any vegetables isn't good for me but I also know that I don't really want to eat them and, for most of my adulthood, I've lived with the mindset that I think a lot of people my age have where they hear so many people say 'just eat well and exercise!' as a solution to every problem and so they tend to hate the idea of doing that. The health industry is full of too many people who are fatphobic assholes or who think a green smoothie can cure your depression for good or who just want your money or whatever and I hate that. And so I've kind of felt above exercise and nutrition.

But then I read Dungeon Meshi.

Even in the beginning, the manga was super inspiring. The way Senshi talks about taking care of your body so you can go on adventures makes it sound like something I might want to do. So much of today's health advice is shame based and, as someone who grew up in and left a high demand control group, I work hard not to tolerate shame in my life. But Dungeon Meshi posits a new view of health and nutrition, one that is centered in love for the self, love for your friends, and love for your food. It resonated with me in a way that I really wasn't expecting it to.

Over the last few years, I've been working really hard to become a compassionate person. This year, my new goal is learning to turn that compassion inward and I've been trying to do that in several different ways. When I finished reading Dungeon Meshi I knew that one of those ways was going to have to be improving my diet and exercise.

I want to be able to go on adventures (as tame and simple as they may be). I want to live as long as possible to spend time with my loved ones. I want to be able to walk around and exist without pain for as much of that time as I can. I want to love my body and act accordingly, making sure it is well fed and cared for. Hell, I've always loved the idea of cooking but haven't had the energy to really learn, especially since I can't eat most foods, but now the idea of taking the time to cultivate a skill like that, one that I can be proud of and that can be used to care for my friends, fills me with a sense of hope and excitement.

So thank you Dungeon Meshi, and thank you Ryoko Kui. If you haven't read the manga, I highly recommend that you do.

*by lucky I mean that my diet hasn't forced me to deal with the stigma that comes with being fat. I have no idea what kinds of problems it's been causing that I just can't see. I am not saying that it would be bad if I were fat, just that not being thin would mean I faced a lot more stigma and discrimination in my life, which is bad.

[daytripperoverlord]

Eating disorders, medication, emeto,positive!

I just realized that it’s been so long since I recall my stomach feeling bloated and awful?? I’ve been nauseous and on the verge of puking my guts out some days from side effects but having had so much time without feeling like binging at all I realise so much about my body and it’s needs. Makes the medication easier to take n keep tracking on

Before, I felt this compulsive pattern of eating just shape my days. People kept telling me it’s a deep seated emotional reaction to trauma but I don’t know, sometimes binging food was like that but more often it was just this. Carnal drive to eat eat eat. And higher calorie foods weren’t just comfort the way I feel about sushi or my mamas borscht, I just felt this intense desire to consume a certain amount of sugar before going to bed like clockwork for YEARS. Most often I’d literally be awarding myself for good control n then literally NOT BE ABLE TO SLEEP without EATING GUMMY WORMS OR SOME SHIT

Looking back my insulin resistance like the fucking disease, and not a moral failure and a lack of accountability, it is was probably the thing driving me on like a hormonal level. I hear that it’s very related to sleep cycles n that stuff too.

When I wasn’t busy binging, my body instead decided to cling to all adipose like a vice which should really have been a major red flag to every medical professional too busy making assumptions about my diet or fiber intake.

I’ve talked extensively about how stimulants fuck with you. Some times on super high doses I’ve considered stopping altogether bc it certainly exacerbates any digestive issues. The fun of starving easily dies out when the pain catches up. Then you realize this isn’t about control. Your body just rejects the notion of food to the point where swallowing makes you GAG even if you take it with water. Breads and carbs especially feel so… dense and hard to get through. As a child with an eating disorder I spent years dreaming about that kind of “”discipline”” that stops you from eating for days. You feel compelled to just drink your nutrition but even with stew-thick smoothies, your body is not going to like it. I know ppl do “”juice cleanses “”” or whatever n I’m not educated enough in its benefits but from personal experience, the pain n then feeling so hungry you’re sick is just. Awful

And YET I was still OVERWEIGHT it made no fuckinh sense I felt like I was going CRAZY!!! A suggested calorie intake began to just drop to the point where I was completing these days of like 700-900 calories and Nothing Was Happening!!!!! When I was a teenager pre meds it was even worse because literally no matter how much I punished that unrelenting appetite by starvation or “control” I received NO REWARD. Like straight up I did not believe it was possible to lose 2lbs in a week lol

I’m not gonna excuse the constant emotional abuse of “you’d be so pretty if you lost x weight” because frankly that fatphobic rhetoric nearly killed me and destroyed my friendship with my stepdad and made my home life this judgy living hell. My inability to crack it at the time made it my biggest insecurity and literally every single abusive force around me use it as ammunition.

Puked till I lost teeth. Adhd pills to the point of fearing a heart attack

It’s probably the biggest reason I’ve pulled my adhd medication dosage way down consistently. The power you get from just being able to put something down, to not constantly be obsessed with imagining what stuff tastes like or want to eat, is unbelievable and I feel like a normal human being. It just makes me want to cry for my young self who was constantly told they were the problem, it was my fault, I was overeating on purpose because I was d̑̈ȃ̈m̑̈ȃ̈g̑̈ȇ̈d̑̈ and constantly put on diets that crushed self esteem n made my issues literally worse.

There’s just a weird liberating feeling from eating what you want and not feeling this weird pull to do it. I’m making such good decisions on a lot of my food when I’m being mindful now