#and I know anders says he can't have a conversation with justice

[tenojan-in-tevinter]

I think if Anders didn't talk about Justice like he's some crazed animal, a friend he once knew and never will again that turned evil, if he didn't discount Justice as still a person, if there was some kind of direct dialogue between them... Justice would be far more reasonable in the heat of the moment, and he would probably go Murder Mode less often and he and Anders would have co-control of their body instead of fighting each other for the wheel constantly. I think Hawke (in a romance with them) should help them figure this out. Especially a mage Hawke. Justice isn't just going to go away, Anders needs to accept that vengeance has always been a part of Justice, and there's never a time when it won't be. Like he himself says "Justice is righteous. Justice is hard."

[sky-fire-forever]

happy friday and welcome to dadwc!! how about some Hawke/Anders this week, if you're feeling them :3

-inquisimer

Thank you for the prompt! Content warning for Anders being in a depressive episode and some suicidality that comes with that.

My Hawke for this one is Scorpius, who uses they/them pronouns.

It's one of Anders’ bad days.

Scorpius knows it from the moment they wake up to find Anders’ spot in the bed empty. There's a vague imprint of where he'd been laying and the sheets are still warm, but he's gone.

At first, Scorpius thinks it might have just been another nightmare or maybe Anders just grew restless in the night and had to work on something. He gets like that sometimes, on his high energy days. 

But then Scorpius makes out the shape of Anders sitting by the window and they just know. They can see it in the hunch of his shoulders and how his face is turned towards the night sky.

It's a bad day, which means it'll probably be a bad week, at least. It can be hard to tell how long the bad days will last. 

Scorpius slips out of bed — doing their best not to wake Fenris — and they carefully step behind Anders, wrapping their arms around his shoulders.

“Can't sleep?” They ask like they don't know the answer. 

Anders merely shrugs. 

Scorpius doesn't push him for more information or a proper answer. Instead, they look up at the stars Anders stares at so desperately. 

The stars shine brightly tonight and Scorpius can make out a few of the constellations. Bethany had always been interested in the constellations, knowing each one and their position in the sky by heart. Scorpius had paid her little mind, but they still always smile when they see Draconis, which had become their self-appointed favorite whenever Bethany asked for their preference. 

Watching the stars makes them miss Bethany. She'd have loved the view out here, even as secluded as they have to be. 

“Stars are pretty tonight,” Scorpius says, unable to allow the silence to linger. “You can see Equinor.” They point out the stars that shape the horse constellation. 

Anders hums shortly. 

“Do you have a favorite constellation?” they ask. “Mine was always Draconis.”

There's a long moment of silence in which Scorpius doesn't think Anders is going to answer. 

“Solium,” Anders says quietly. “Justice likes Judex.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yes.”

Silence settles over them again. Scorpius drums their fingers on the back of Anders’ chair. 

“Is he loud right now?” Scorpius asks softly. “Justice?”

Anders shakes his head. “He's quiet.”

That can be a good or a bad thing. Based on the way Anders says it, Scorpius leans towards it being a negative. 

“Quiet how?” They rub their hand over one of Anders’ shoulders. 

Anders tilts his head like he's listening for something. “He doesn't know how to react when I'm… like this.”

At least he's admitting something is wrong. Sometimes Anders will insist that everything's fine even as he spirals further and further and things get worse and worse.

“How are you feeling?” Scorpius knows it's dangerous ground to walk when Anders is having one of his bad days, but they'd rather know than not. “What thoughts are you having?”

Anders shrugs and is silent for a long moment. 

“I killed a lot of people,” he says eventually. 

Scorpius’ heart drops. “Yeah,” they agree quietly. “But you could have killed a lot more.”

“I lied to you.”

“You thought you had to.”

“That doesn't excuse it.”

Scorpius sighs. “It doesn't.” They move to stand in front of Anders, ensuring that he looks at them instead of the sky. “But I forgive you.”

“How?” Anders’ eyes are brimming with tears. “After all I've done… you were never supposed to forgive me.”

This is a conversation they've had before. 

“I would never have killed you,” Scorpius says. “I never could.”

“You were supposed to.” Scorpius hates the disappointment in his voice. 

“I know. But I didn't.”

Anders sighs, his hands pressing against his eyes like he can physically push the tears back. “Do you ever regret it?” he asks. 

“Not for one moment.” And Scorpius means it. 

“But I–”

“Not for one moment,” they repeat, kneeling in front of him. “I'd never be able to live with myself if anything happened to you.” They take his hands in their own. 

Anders refuses to meet their gaze, the tears slowly hitting his cheeks. “Sebastian wants me dead. A lot of people want me dead.”

“I don't.” Scorpius pushes all he can into those words. 

“I deserve it.”

“Don't care.” Scorpius’ grip on Anders’ hands tightens. “I love you. I want you safe.”

Anders finally looks directly at them and his expression breaks Scorpius’ heart. His eyes are filled with uncertainty and regret, an expression Scorpius has seen before, but only on Anders’ bad days. 

“They'll find me eventually,” he says quietly. “And they'll take you down with me. Fenris too.”

Scorpius shakes their head. “We're in this together,” they say, giving Anders’ hand a squeeze. “Remember?”

Anders swallows and looks away. “I wish you'd killed me. Or left me to do this alone. I can't believe I dragged you into this.” He pulls his hands free of Scorpius’ grasp. 

Scorpius feels the absence of Anders’ warmth like a missing tooth. “Hey, listen to me.” They cup Anders’ cheek and make him look back at them. “I am thankful every single day that you're here with me. That I get to wake up with you beside me.”

Anders searches their face and opens his mouth to respond. 

Scorpius cuts him off, “You're my family, Anders. You and Fenris are the people I want to spend the rest of my life with, no matter if it's in a cozy cabin somewhere or in a huge mansion or on the run forever. Fugitives together, alright?”

Anders closes his eyes. “I wish that was as comforting as you want it to be.”

Scorpius smiles weakly. “Me too. But as long as you stick around, we can deal with the rest.”

Anders wipes his tears and nods. “We can deal with the rest,” he agrees. “Together.” 

He leans in to press a kiss to Scorpius’ lips and Scorpius wraps their arms around him. They hold on as tight as they can and don't let go. 

[awellboiledicicle]

In the au Gale's going to have two built in reasons to not follow Mystra's command to blow himself to hell, plus a friendly neighborhood Justice going "That would be unwise."

Which is good, because he canonically only needs one.

The fun part is going to be him processing Mystra telling him the path to redemption is death. By which i mean Hawke rolls up his sleeves and goes "here we go again" while Anders just waits for Hawke to be done. Because if there's one thing Hawke's been doing since Kirkwall its been convincing Anders that he doesn't need to die to make up for doing what he thought was the right thing.

Is starting a riot to force a revolution comparable to trying to measure up to impossible standards set by a literal goddess when you're grasping for a way to stay relevant? No, in no way really.

But the fact remains they are both repentant about the aftermath, if nothing else. And they both convinced themselves they didn't deserve to live and that death would somehow fix things.

This all manifests in the three of them sitting somewhere and talking about how maybe she fucked him up a bit. Maybe having a literal goddess go from your childhood mentor to sleeping with you might screw with your head a bit.

Because Gale's problem is he's still in the 'hurt but has not contextualized what happened to him' stage. Like he got the break up thing, he got that part. But he hasn't conceptualized the similarity to say, a powerful elven mage having done a similar trajectory would be obviously fucked up. Exploiting his love and enjoyment of magic itself to apply it to herself, and bestowing the title of chosen on him to really cement the hold she has. Exploiting the learned childhood pattern of wanting to please her and get her approval. Holding the fact she IS the weave over him as an unacknowledged threat if he ever displeased her. He hasn't processed that he was groomed from a young age to be hers, to be used by her. Hes not putting his own actions into context in that way, because he doesn't even seem to have reached the moment of going "huh that was fucked up" yet. All he's running on is how everything effects Mystra, because she was his whole life for so long.

So sitting and talking about it very much is going to feel raw and upsetting for Gale. He very much views himself as the villain and the idea that--while he absolutely did fuck up with the book/orb--Mystra fucked up bigger and worse. And worse still, she did it on purpose. Because she absolutely did not NEED to sleep with him to make him a chosen or teach him magic. That was all her. Which means he'll need to admit that he was a victim and Mystra was an aggressor. Which would be a 'very good thing the orb is stabilized because he is about to be very emotionally distraught' conversation. Even if he didn't eventually agree with their assessment, the fact he'd have to concede is that killing himself wouldn't solve anything. Sure, lets say it destroys the main powerbase of the Absolute-- there's still infected people out there. What happens to them? There's still uninfected cultists you now can't track down because all clues you COULD have gotten out of the stronghold are now smithereens. And the world would be one Gale shorter, which is bad. And probably the whole party, because there'd be no way in the hells he gets in there on his own and they manage to get clear at the same time. He doesn't even know the range of it; for all they know it could level the coast and everyone's fucked regardless.

I can see Gale most definitely leaving the conversation convinced that the other two were misreading the situation with Mystra, as much as he's bolstered by their care for him. And then the night comes and he's alone with his thoughts about it. And things start popping to the surface of his memory that--were it anyone but Mystra doing them--would seem suspect. Which is going to be rough. Gale's going to be going through it for like a solid day before starting to come to terms. Largely that fast because there's not a lot of time between wandering the shadowcursed lands and resting after shades kick their asses. The final scene with the starry sky probably happens as they near the towers and he realizes that--complicated feelings about Mystra aside for now--they're right. He wants to live and if they say he deserves to, then he just might at that.

I just. nnn emotions.

[wootensmith]

So this is probably all covid brain delirium, but since I can't sleep anyway, thought I'd write it down (plus it's a good distraction from the absolute existential dread of the past few days helping my kids and now my husband through this all while feeling awful myself). Anyway...

Is the Inquisitor actually... the person they seem to be? Like, are we sure they aren't something like Cole and just don't know it? So here's why I wonder:

They are a blank slate at the start. In Origins you had-- well, an origin. You had a life before you joined the Gray Wardens, a family you could interact with, people who knew you. A history. In 2 you also had a family and lots of backstory. It didn't just start that way either. Your family history kept coming up throughout the game. In Inquisition, you just-- don't. I mean, sure, you have letters from your family and friends but they never come to check on you even when they think you might have been kidnapped by the Chantry. You don't even have memories before you fell out of the Fade-- you have to witness them in the Nightmare section. It's been a while since I played Cadash or Trevelyan but I don't think you ever talk about your own family really with your companions. You're just-- there. And maybe that's just because of game budget stuff, or maybe there's another reason.

2. We know there are several examples in the series of spirits either inhabiting bodies (Justice and Cole) or semi-interfering or helping in someone's life (Wynne, Anders, Cassandra to an extent) or maybe just impersonating someone (the spirit that appears as Justinia in the Fade is never clearly established as actually her or something impersonating her-- I tend to think the latter based on the context), maybe the Cadash, Trevelyan, Lavellan or Adaar who arrived at the conclave didn't survive the Breach. Maybe something used the Breach to come through and try to stop it using their body. I know the theory is that the Anchor let the Inquisitor survive, but maybe it didn't. Maybe something else took their place.

3. The Spirit of Command in Crestwood specifically speaks to the Inquisitor (even rejecting your companions' interjections) and says they felt your coming and wonders if there is something alike between themselves and the Inquisitor. And the spirit that seems to be Justinia says that: "After Haven, I hid here. I watched quietly, learned what I could, and searched for a way to help. And then you came." At first I thought "And then you came" meant when the Inquisitor arrives in the Nightmare. But the Inquisitor says, "I don't know what that means" which makes me think that what Justinia really means is different. Maybe she means she (a spirit) was trying to find a way to help when whatever would become the Inquisitor arrived and became the way to help. Later in the conversation, if asked about what she truly is, she responds: "Our world is never that simple. What if the answer is none of those things? Or all of them? I am what the Maker made me. The question is: are you what the Maker made you, Inquisitor?" and if you respond confidently, she'll continue: "You believe in your purpose, and that is good. That is your power." We've been told that spirits embody purposes, both good and bad, and they only lose themselves by losing that purpose or being forced to go against those purposes (for example Wisdom being forced to fight)

4. What Cole says if asked about the Inquisitor always struck me as slightly odd. It bothered me that I couldn't figure it out. He has definitive things to say about all of the companions, but for the Inquisitor he starts with: "You're too bright. Like counting birds against the sun. The mark makes you more." and I can never tell if he is saying he can't tell WHAT you are or if he is trying to tell you exactly that you aren't like the others.

5. The dream of Haven with Solas happens even with a dwarf and qunari inquisitor and there is no real commentary that this is unusual though we know that both dwarves and qunari claim that they don't enter the Fade (though how true this is I don't think is very well established based on the past games), is this because the scene needed to happen that way for gameplay or because the Inquisitor is not entirely as they appear?

6. Two times in Solas's romance (yeah, you knew I'd end up on that one, I know) we get hints that Lavellan may not entirely be what she seems. And credit for these ones goes to a few tumblr posts I saw last month about this possibility, I apologize I can't seem to find them to attribute them correctly (covid brain, sorry. If anyone knows what I'm talking about please let me know and I'll put them in) First his balcony scene where he says  "You show a wisdom I've not seen since my deepest journeys into the ancient memories of the Fade" which I know there have been all kinds of theories about but what if he really is trying to tell her that she's akin to or IS a spirit? And the second, during the breakup scene where he says they might have worked in another world. I always took it to mean "if circumstances had been different" but maybe he literally means "if we were in the Fade instead of here" I'm sure there are more I am forgetting (probably in Trespasser) and when my brain is a bit better, maybe I'll add some more.

For now, anyway, I just wanted to write it down.

[skalecsz]

I just have to know why you chose to romance anders in DA2. Alistair I can understand, he's very sweet (although I went for Zevran), but Fenris is right there man. I also romanced Cullen in Inquisition though. Should have gone for Iron Bull or Dorian I feel, or Solas just for the extra plot (I don't like Solas, right from the start)

I will come out and say that I don't enjoy any of the da2 romance options lmao

In regards to Anders, I played the Awakening DLC for Dragon Age Origins and loved Anders. He was quippy, liked to poke fun at templars, and seemed to always wanna raise group spirits. When I found out that he was a companion in DA2 I was so excited...and then immediately disappointed lol.

Some parts of his romance are interesting but overall I think they ruined his character and made him super whiny and angsty which is not what drew me to him in the first place.

In regards to Fenris...idk I never really enjoyed his contempt for all mages. Theres never actually a meaningful conversation between him and any other mage companion, despite the fact that what Fenris went through can be compared to what mages are forced to go through, and tranquility is never brought up.

I think Fenris is cute and I might give his romance a try when I replay da2 again but overall the writing for most characters outside of Hawke and Varric is meh. (I tried romancing Isabella and didn't enjoy it either)

I didn't kill Anders at the end since I thought if he wanted change so bad he couldn't die as a martyr, I just wish he had more autonomy over his character and wasn't instantly changed just because of the Justice possession ://

I think Cullen's romance is great, but Iron Bull and Dorian are also fantastic characters and if I ever touch Inquisition again (it's unfortunately my least favorite) I'll check them out.

I hate Solas and I can't wait to make scrambled eggs with his brain.

[teknicianwrites]

Was tagged by @for-the-ninth for WIP Wednesday, and edit: y'all, I just realized work has been so crazy I don't know what day it is. Apparently it is in fact Wednesday now.

Anyway, anyone who wants to, please join in!

Part of a DADWC prompt in progress that keeps fighting me on the ending. It'll get finished... soon? I hope? But here, have some Justhanders.

Another warmth through his chest seemed to engage in its own mock-battle against Anders' anxiety when he thought about the reason for Hawke's exercises. A firm but gentle reassurance followed, and Anders could almost hear Justice whisper, He can handle himself. He is with us.

I know, Justice, Anders thought. That was not in doubt.

It had been, once, when Anders and Justice were still new at being Anders-and-Justice, and they had taken a risk in asking a scruffy refugee apostate for help in freeing Karl. After so many years in the Circle surrounded by mages who accepted their crimeless imprisonment as the natural will of the Maker, Anders had been surprised when Hawke agreed without hesitation. He'd been even more surprised when Hawke had actually shown up, the same cheerful dwarf and grumbling little brother from their first meeting in tow.

But Jonah had stood against templars with him that night, and then stood with a warm hand on his shoulder as Anders cradled Karl's body, despite the crackling blue that still broke through his skin. Jonah's hand had trembled then, but when Anders finally looked up there was no fear in his eyes. There was only rage at the atrocity that had been enacted on Karl, the same atrocity that might have been enacted on Anders if he had stepped into that chantry alone.

"Why aren't you afraid of me?" he asked later, in his clinic, after Varric had left with a thanks for the maps and Carver had stomped out muttering about having enough trouble already without adding an abomination to the mix.

"Should I be?" Rich brown eyes studied him for a long moment, wary perhaps, but not frightened.

"Well, I mean… Abomination?" He gestured at himself, as though somehow Hawke had forgotten the last ten minutes of conversation. There was no change to Hawke's expression. "You saw what happened back there. I lost control. The Chantry doesn't call us that for no reason."

That got a reaction, though not one Anders expected. Hawke scoffed. "The Chantry lies," he said disdainfully. "Your spirit is Justice. I saw you avenging your friend. Seemed straightforward to me."

Anxiety tangled from two sources in his chest. Anders looked away. "That's not Justice. That's Vengeance."

"You think the two can't go hand in hand?" Hawke stepped closer. "Especially after what they did to your friend? They made a Harrowed mage Tranquil as bait for another. He passed their fucking test and they still did that to him." Hawke broke off, scratching at his stubble as he took a breath. "They deserved worse."

The maelstrom of fear and hope that roiled through their heart at Hawke's words threatened to overwhelm him. It was too much, too confused and complicated to work through with a near-stranger. Anders began tidying the clinic for something else to focus on. "You know a lot for a lifelong apostate. The Harrowings are supposed to be secret."

If Hawke was bothered by the topic change, he didn't show it. "My father was Harrowed. At the Gallows, actually. He escaped to be with my mother, and taught me and Beth how to handle the Harrowing… Just in case." Hawke grimaced, and Anders looked up at him, struck nearly breathless at the thought of a mage raising and teaching his own children. "There was always the chance the templars would find us, and he didn't want us unprepared." He toyed with a beaded bracelet at his wrist, worrying at the frayed edges of string holding it together. "Anyway, if you say you're dangerous, you'd know better than me. But you shouldn't believe it just because the Chantry says it."

Anders didn't know how to respond to that, under Hawke's steady gaze still free of fear.

Hawke nodded and made to leave, and Anders called out, "Hawke… thank you. For tonight. If you need me, look for the lantern. I move a lot."

Hawke gave a soft chuckle. "If you need me, head to Lowtown. Uncle's home is the one that smells more of piss and stale drinks than the rest." Hawke flashed him a wry grin. "Or you can try the Hanged Man. It's where Varric stays. The smell is similar, but there's also a sign. Might be easier to find."

[inquisitoracorn]

Aahh I want to ask about all your WIPs XD How about I have many dragon age feels atm and This is pain???? 👀👀

You’re so nice, thank you so much for the ask!! 😭💗

I have many dragon age feels atm

This one was started right after I finished playing DA2 with my rogue Hawke who romanced Anders (I played the games in reverse) and I thought but what if they met Dorian and the Inquisitor!! What if the man who started the mage rebellion met the man who ended it?? And there’s also Dorian and his efforts to reform Tevinter and that’s so many conversations already and my brain kinda exploded :))) The Champion and the Inquisitor and the Revolutionary and the Reformer. Oh my heart. 

Also Trevelyan gets the idea to ask for help from the Avvar to potentially separate Anders from Justice since they seem to be good at that sort of thing, but I don’t know where I’m going with that yet :))

This is pain - CW: mentions of major character death

So far I got three asks about this one, what is it with people in this fandom and pain honestly :)))

This WIP explores what would happen if Dorian got assassinated during his efforts to reform Tevinter, because my mind goes there sometimes. I’ve started a series I’ll be posting on AO3 with basically only moody thoughts about how the Inquisitor would deal with the grief of losing Dorian. Spoiler alert, not well at all. He becomes cold and harsh and much less measured in his judgements. I’ll give a snippet for this one (under the cut because of all the sad):

"I know you'd like to know how he's doing, and you'll be pleased to know he's at it again." Maevaris was talking to lifeless stone, she knew, yet she found it calming. The Inquisitor had his sending crystal, and she had this. Even if it would not answer, she found comfort in thinking her messages weren’t going unheard.

The tomb felt cold beneath her palm, so she conjured some flame to light up the torches and the brazier. The gesture brought Dorian's memory closer, in her mind.

"He's tirelessly working with me to change Tevinter. A bit too tirelessly at times. I worry, though not only for him."

She traced the stone carvings in the shape of a snake adorning the tomb, and felt them slither around under the magic in her fingers.

"He is only doing it because of you, you know? He has no love for our homeland, and I can't say I blame him," her smile tasted like ash. "He helps me save our country because that's what you wanted, and if not for that, I know he'd just as eagerly tear it all to pieces and burn it to the ground." A different sort of rebirth.

So yeah. Is this what you all want?? :))))

[dalishious]

Hey, Anders anon here again. Sorry for not precising my previous ask. When I said about Anders manipulating Hawke I meant the conversation before you go talk to Elthina so he can plant a bomb or whatever. I love the boy but I hate how you can't really talk to him after that and be mad at him while still wanting to continue what you have. Anyway, what do you think about it?

So I went back and played this bit, as I pretty much never argue with him about it. Hawke’s dialogue is pretty reasonable, but Anders immediately goes on the defensive, saying that if Hawke doesn’t accept he can’t tell them, then they must not really care about mages or him. I don’t know why Hawke calls this blackmail, though? It’s not blackmail; he’s not threatening to turn Hawke over to the city guards or anything, he’s manipulating them. Which obviously isn’t a good thing either! I’m just saying it should be called what it is. 

Anyway, what I think about it is also an answer to another ask:

do you think that by the and of act 3 anders was more justice than... anders? many peoole think that he is becoming a bigger and bigger part of him with every act

The answer is yes, in as far as you can define a separation between them. When Hawke says “being a friend doesn't mean I have to agree with your every decision,” Anders responds with “you cannot care for me and despise what I stand for. I am the cause of mages. There is nothing else inside me.”Hawke doesn’t say anything about despising him, but that’s the conclusion Anders jumps to, and I think that is a large sign of Justice’s ‘100% with or 100% against’ understanding. And you don’t get much clearer than him saying there is nothing inside of him than the cause of mages. That’s some straight up spirit talk, referring to yourself as being nothing but a specific thing, not a person.

Another thing is that Anders’ Act 3 codex entry says that he’s been experiencing more frequent swings of “deep melancholy and manic determination.” I think it’s fair to question if at least part of this is Anders going through a manic episode, when asking why.

[merrilldidnothingwrong]

Also on the topic of Vivienne and Anders, I think it's also overlooked how well Viv plays the game. She doesn't always say what she feels. And she would NOT want to start rumors that she's sympathetic to Anders, who the laws that gave her power and influence have deemed a terrorist. So maybe she does know, or can guess, what he and Kirkwall have been through and disagrees but sympathizes. But she can't say that bc its political suicide and she has to focus on the future not past

yeah thats true. i think the only issue she would have at heart, maybe, as you said shes been playing the game since shes a circle mage, is justice. but she would be curious. she is smart though, not like wynne who didnt know she was in the fade, and morrigan knew right away. i think vivienne would know (not necessarily be intrigued by it by any means) but after a conversation with anders would see justice as a being not to necessarily be scared of. being that he comes out only when the conversation is about the injustices of mages, which is completely understandable.

[awellboiledicicle]

So i was talking to some plural friends about Anders and Justice in my au and we realized that like... Anders says they can't have a conversation, yeah.

Well, how would he know?

Because he is, as a mage and more over as a spirit healer, trained to ignore any voices in his head that aren't explicitly his. Even if the call is coming from inside the house, so to speak.

Add in being in Kirkwall, thin veil capital of Thedas, and this man's probably been dodging mental spam calls like every few seconds. Even if Justice had decided to try to communicate more directly than feelings and urges, he gets filtered out.

Now put him in, say, Faerun where there is literally nothing else coming across the wire and he's probably going to be able to pick out Justice even if headmate communication sounds a little different than speaking to him directly. They could, in theory, have a headspace form that lets them communicate when there's downtime and go from there.

It was also brought up that they're reacting like first time headmates often do-- not really remembering switches and emotional fragments making things uncomfortable.

Now, obviously it's not the same thing or a 1:1 comparison, but it makes things a lot more clear on how Anders and Justice could come to find a healthy coexistence instead of Anders' fear leading to Justice always expecting a fight when he takes control. It would also lead to way less stress on Justice, because he's not getting the backlog of Anders being convinced he's been corrupted in their joining. And corrupted to Justice = becoming a demon and he is Not, which just feedback loops to Anders as displeasure, which makes him worry, so on.

Basically through the power of friendship i have learned things and will use them, naturally, for a silly au.

[awellboiledicicle]

I feel like i've been writing Anders as kinda muted in the handers gate au so far and like. part of it is me being rusty at writing him, yeah.

but also he's back to trekking around with a group of randos held together by 1 charismatic leader, most of whom are probably going to die horribly if something isn't done. He's basically having two layer flashbacks to Amaranthine, because Justice watching the wardens wander around while doomed to die from the taint is basically what he's doing rn.

Only now its him AND Justice watching the group of probably condemned people wander around doing shit. They're helping, sure, but it's not long into the adventure before he and Hawke get to have the fun discussion of what he's going to do when Hawke turns into a monster. And Hawke will insist on considering it a when, not an if, because if they consider it an if, he won't be as willing to do what has to be done.

Which is not true. Anders might hate it, hate himself for it later, but he'd put Hawke out of his misery once the transformation hits. They're just hoping to put a stop on it before that. The real discussion is what Anders is going to do after and how many times Hawke can make him swear to the Maker and Andraste not to just kill himself once Hawke is gone. Because that would be the concern-- him hopping into a fade rift to come find him was basically dying with extra steps and they both know that.

Honestly the first night after they've gotten their bearings a little would be a "Ok, now excuse us a moment" and then the companions just hear a very badly hushed argument from Hawke's tent because what the fuck Anders. You could have died! And What the fuck Hawke, you basically tried to sacrifice yourself, what else was i supposed to do! Just back and forth and then Anders getting angry Justice takes Hawke's side bc it was an objectively stupid thing to try, but it wouldn't be the first impulsive action Anders took in a fit of despair. Justice also is kinda pissed at Hawke for swearing to return, only to have essentially have lied to them. But justice absolutely already laid into Hawke about it as they were escaping the nautaloid, because he can fight AND talk at the same time. That parts passed.

What the real sticking point is is that between the Chantry boom and leaving to research things, Hawke had done his damndest to convince Anders to live and continue because he still deserved to live. He deserved all the freedoms he was fighting for, whether he liked it or not. And they were in love and were going to grow old together. They promised that to one another when they exchanged rings before the end and wished they could have a normal wedding. Hawke had made him promise to live to see the day they could get a normal wedding, like he'd wanted. But then Hawke left and did some stupid heroic thing that even Varric thought had killed him. And Anders decided to either follow him or die trying, though the two of them know which outcome he actually expected.

Which is to say the argument ends in Hawke pulling him into a crushing hug and there's an unspoken acknowledgement that the tadpole is going to tear them apart if they can't find a cure. The actual convo about putting Hawke down and what to do after comes once they kill their way to Halsin and he can't help them. After the party, though. Hawke isn't going to sully possibly the last good party they'll ever go to with doom talk. That's a morning after topic of conversation.

[sky-fire-forever]

hello and welcome to dadwc! :') i'd be intrigued seeing your take on queerplatonic justice/anders, maybeee smth to do with being in the deep roads or traveling?

Thank you for the prompt! I'm not quite happy with the way this one turned out, but I gave it my best go!

This also features some Handers, so be aware of that going in!

Anders hates the Deep Roads. They're cramped and dark and infested with all sorts of foul creatures — mainly darkspawn. If Anders never had to venture into those tunnels again, he'd think it was too soon.

But of course bad luck always catches up to him and he finds himself back in those disgusting corridors again. 

He'd done it because Hawke asked him to. Because they'd told him they needed him and Anders couldn't say no to Hawke. It's becoming a problem actually: how easy it is to give Hawke whatever they desire.

“They are a distraction,” Justice says from inside of Anders’ mind. “They make you weak and foolish.”

To an extent, Justice is right. Hawke does make Anders behave foolishly, like agreeing to venture into the blighted Deep Roads just because they batted their eyelashes at him.

Maybe Anders needs more of a backbone. 

“You need focus,” Justice says. 

Or maybe those are just Anders’ own thoughts, his own doubt. It can be so hard to tell sometimes. 

“You are not alone.” 

That, at least, Anders understands as coming from Justice. He's still there, inside of him, and sometimes they can reach out and connect to one another's thoughts or even have a conversation. 

When Hawke asked about that, Anders had lied. What would they say about a man who can commune with the twisted spirit who lives inside of him? And it's true that often enough, Anders doesn't know where he ends and Justice begins.

What he does know is that Justice is there and that he cares for him in his own way, that he wants to ensure Anders always knows he isn't alone. Especially during times like these. 

“You must breathe,” Justice instructs. “You are safe.”

Anders looks around the cramped corridor where they've set up camp and feels anything but safe. He hugs his knees to his chest and tries to focus on not sensing the darkspawn creeping in adjacent tunnels. Try as he might, he can't block them out, can feel them in his very blood. 

And he knows they can feel him too. 

“Focus,” Justice says and Anders is certain that the voice in his head comes from the spirit this time. “You are safe. Your Hawke will not allow harm to come to us.”

That thought startles Anders out of his panic. “They're not my Hawke,” he mutters aloud to himself and to Justice. 

“You want them to be.”

Anders feels his face heat up. “They're my friend.”

“Yet you want more.”

Anders runs his fingers through his hair as he tries to sort through his feelings about Hawke. It's true that he finds Hawke to be attractive and charming and that his heart flutters every time they smile at him. But that doesn't mean pursuing anything further than friendship would be a good idea. Anders is dangerous, an abomination and a man who destroys all good things that come his way. 

“We are not an abomination,” Justice says firmly. 

“Not exactly the point.” 

“We are still dangerous, yes. But they are a dangerous person as well.”

“I thought you disapproved of my feelings for them,” Anders shoots back. “Why the sudden change of attitude?”

There's a moment where Anders hears nothing but his own thoughts. 

“When you think of them, you no longer think of the darkspawn. They make you feel safe. That is what I approve of.” 

Anders realizes that Justice is right, that he hasn't thought about the darkspawn since the conversation diverted to being about Hawke. 

“Oh.” Anders doesn't know what else to say about that. 

Then, Anders feels something else. A note of an emotion he doesn't expect and takes him a moment to place: jealousy.

“Justice?” He whispers aloud into the cold dark of the tent. “Are you… alright?” 

“Of course.” But Anders knows when Justice is lying. 

“Justice. You're jealous.” But of what?

The answer comes without permission from Justice: Hawke.

Anders almost laughs aloud. “You're jealous of Hawke? Why?”

Justice is hesitant to answer.

“I promise I won't judge you.”

“They make you feel safe. Safer than I ever have.” 

Anders is startled by the admission. He'd never thought of Justice as the jealous type, especially not about something like this. 

“Justice, you saved me.” 

“And yet you are no safer than when we were apart.”

“That isn't true.” Does Justice truly believe that? 

“Isn't it?”

“You protect me when it matters most. You protected me from Rolan and from the templars.”

“I could not protect Karl despite your care for him.”

“Neither could Hawke.” The pain of losing Karl still feels fresh, like a wound that hasn't properly healed. It hurts to prod at it, to touch. 

“But they could comfort you afterwards.”

That's true. Hawke had offered their condolences for Karl's death while Anders had still been hiding the full extent of his grief. That one gesture might have been the first moment when Anders began to fall for them. 

But there has been more grief than could be healed by a single conversation. 

Anders sends memories of the nightmares he woke up from — nightmares about Karl — and how Justice comforted him in his way after each one. How Justice gave him purpose on days when Anders wanted to give up entirely now that Karl was gone. 

“You do bring me comfort,” he says quietly. “Hawke can't replace that. They can't replace you.”

Justice is quiet, but Anders can feel his gratitude and relief. His hope.

Justice feels so much more than he used to. Because of Anders. He feels with Anders, being a part of him has allowed him to grow far beyond what a spirit was capable of. Justice has learned so many emotions and feelings.

Including jealousy and loneliness, things Anders doesn't expect from Justice. 

“No one can replace you,” Anders assures. “Never.”

“I am incapable of being replaced within us, yes,” Justice agrees. 

“More than that,” Anders insists. “You're not Hawke. Hawke isn't you. It's not possible for anyone to replace what you are to me.” He presses a hand over his heart to feel its beating. “You're mine and I am yours.”

Relief blooms within Anders’ heart from Justice. “Thank you, Anders,” the spirit's gratitude floats through as well, along with something that feels akin to a blush. 

Anders smiles in the dark of the tent. “You've even managed to get me to stop thinking about darkspawn.”

“Then you must rest. We will be safe to rest.”

Anders lays down in his bedroll and curls into a ball. “Goodnight, Justice.”

“Goodnight, Anders.”