#and I feel like there's something here to dig out

[fastandcarlos]

Wedding Nerves : ̗̀➛ Lando Norris

summary: it's the night before your wedding and lando can't bare to spend it all alone

Your head shook as another knock at the door came, knowing exactly who was on the other side. You tried your best to ignore it as you unpacked your suitcase, but they were ever so persistent, knocking once again. 

“Lando, you shouldn’t be here,” you called out, walking over to the door. “You can stand there all night long but I’m not opening the door. The boys will all be wondering where you are.” 

“I don’t care abou them,” Lando replied, leaning against the other side of the door. “I just want to see you one last time before tomorrow, just a couple of minutes, that’s all that I’m asking for.” 

Your eyes closed as you leant on the door, hearing Lando sigh. His voice was desperate as he tapped on the door once again, letting you know that he was still there. You could only smile at how determined Lando was, refusing to go without seeing you. 

“You’ll get to see me forever after tomorrow,” you tried to assure him, “it’s only one night away from each other, we’ve done it hundreds of times before.” 

Lando’s head shook, “this time it’s different, it’s our wedding morning tomorrow.” 

“Why are you here Lando?” You groaned, beginning to think that there was more to things than he was letting on. “Something’s not gone wrong, has it?” 

His head shook, remembering that you couldn’t see him. “I spoke to George and he said Carmen told him that you were feeling nervous. I wanted to come and see you and make sure that you were alright, I don’t want you to be nervous, you should be excited.” 

“I am excited,” you responded, dropping down to the floor, “tomorrow is just such a big deal, and there’s so many people going to be there. I hate having all that attention on me, that’s all.” 

Lando remained where he was, only wanting to see you more now that he knew how you felt, keen to settle your nerves and reassure you not to worry. 

“Let me see you and just give you a hug,” Lando requested, tapping the door once again. “We’re fine to see each other, tradition is only tomorrow morning, not that either of us really care about that anyway.” 

The sound of the lock turning made Lando jump up, watching as you opened the door slightly. It was wide enough for Lando to see you, but not open enough for him to be able to reach in and hold onto you. 

“Lando, I promise you that I’m absolutely fine. Go and enjoy your evening.” 

“I can’t see well enough to be sure,” he grinned, refusing to give up quite that easily, trying to push the door to fit his hand through it. “What’s the point of just letting me see a bit of you, why not just open the door all the way?” 

“Because once you’re here I know you won’t go away,” you chuckled. 

Lando’s eyes widened at your assumption, shaking his head in reply to you. The smile on his face told you otherwise though, you knew exactly what he was up to, and once he was in, there was no way that he was going to be walking back out again. 

You tried your best to keep the door shut, but Lando was far stronger than you were, digging his heels into the ground and pushing the door open, stumbling over his feet and falling straight into your hotel room. 

“Serves you right,” you grinned, offering your hand to help him up.  

Lando stood himself up and straightened his clothes before heading in your direction. His arms wrapped around your frame as he tightly held you against his chest, pressing several kisses against the top of your head, refusing to let go now that he had a hold of you. 

Lando kicked the door to your hotel room shut, keeping you in his hold as he walked you both over to your bed, dropping down in the middle of it with you by his side, making himself comfortable like he was there for the night. 

After a few moments, Lando’s hand trailed along your back. “There’s no need to worry about tomorrow you know, it’s going to be perfect, I’m sure of it.” 

With all the efforts you and Lando had put in, you knew there was no reason to worry, there was no chance of anything going wrong. You had the perfect place, perfect theme, and everyone who you wanted to attend was doing so, there was nothing more you could ask for. 

“Maybe if you are nervous, it might be a good idea for me to stay here,” Lando added, catching your eyes roll. “I mean we both know how much it helps when you sleep next to me when you’re worrying, so it makes perfect sense, right?” 

“I’m not going to let you stay,” you said, quickly shutting Lando down. 

Lando hummed in reply to you, “we both know how this is going to work, I’m going to wear you down until you say yes, you know that, don’t you?” 

“Nope,” you laughed, “I refuse to cave tonight, you’ll be gone soon.” 

“You’ll have to get rid of me,” Lando told you, “and judging by your hand against my chest, I’d say that you’re pretty happy for me to stay a while still yet.” 

You quickly moved your hand off of Lando’s chest, shuffling across the bed to create some distance between you both. Lando looked at you in surprise, trying to move back towards you again, only for you to move back too. 

“It’s going to be a pretty rubbish stag do if you’re not there,” you reminded him, standing up from the bed. “Plus, you only said that you wanted a couple of minutes of my time.” 

“I don’t need a stupid stag do, not when I could spend my night with you instead,” Lando sighed, sitting up in the middle of the bed. “Do you really actually want me to go?” 

You tried to ignore the little voice in your head telling Lando to stay, nodding your head. You didn’t want him to miss out on his stag do, the party that he had been looking forward to for so long. 

“I should probably go,” Lando pouted, sliding off of the bed. His shoulders hung low, his feet dragging along the floor dejectedly. “But all you have to do is give me a call and I’ll forget all about the boys tonight and rush straight over here to be with you instead.” 

“Go on,” you grinned, opening up the door. “I’ll be alright without you for one night.” 

Lando stood in the doorway, turning back to face you one final time, letting you see just how disappointed he was that you were making him leave. 

“In five years, I think this is the first time you’ve declined to spend the night with me,” Lando mused, “and the night before my wedding too.” 

“I’m not declining to spend the night with you,” you protested, “this is what we agreed on, you’re going to be stuck with me for the rest of your life after tomorrow anyway.” 

“I can’t believe it,” Lando smiled, “the rest of our lives together.” 

“Only if you go,” you teased, pushing Lando out of the door. “Go and enjoy your evening, I’ll see you tomorrow Lando.” 

“I can’t wait to marry you sweetheart.” 

“I know, me too Lan.” 

˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗

[daphwritesworld]

#21 K. Walsh— BeFoUr. [part one]

(ft: #6 L. Williamson)

content: Top!Keira, Bottom!Reader, Top!Leah, impact play (R receiving), Brat Tamer!Keira, fingering (R receiving), orgasm denial, breath play, Keira bending reader like a pretzel with manhandling, oral (r receiving)

warnings: dom/sub relationship, choking, a few clit and ass spanks, not even semi-public sex they straight up some nasty horn dogs in this club, being heard going to pound town, 3sum, mentions of strap-ons but no penetration (YET AYYYE)

synopsis: You've always been a perfect submissive for your girlfriend…but what happens when you decide to break that good girl persona she's grown so accustomed to? And what happens when you enroll her best friend to help you? Lord help you, girl.

word count: 4.5k

!! 18+ MINORS DNI !!

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“You better get your girl, Kei!” A very drunk Alexia laughs out, “Before your best friend does.” 

Keira’s eyebrows draw together in confusion, her eyes searching out to where her captain’s sights are set. And oh what a sight she is met with— you, her sweet angel, pressed up against Leah on the dance floor. You’re still high off the win, and even more elated from seeing your old English teammates celebrating with you. It’d been quite a day at the UEFA, both of your groups collecting a victory in your matches. 

Now here you are, three shots deep and your adrenaline making you act out a lot more than you normally would. You’re usually such a good girl for Keira. An absolute picture perfect sub— admired by all who saw the two of you interact. She loves the way you heed her every word, never arguing or disagreeing when she tells you to do something. So it’s a surprise to her when you just smile at her, and grind your ass back against Leah when she motions for you to come towards her. 

Keira feels her jaw clench as her fingers tighten around the glass in her hand, and she makes the continuous decision to set it down before she ends the night early getting stitches. She starts making her way through the crowd, her eyes never leaving yours as she does. Leah’s whispering something in your ear, and you bite your lips at whatever it is. A blush crossing your cheeks as you finally break the intense gaze of your girlfriend. Leah’s hands are circling around your middle now, her palms resting low on your abdomen as she presses you against her front even tighter. 

You can hear your heart thumping in your ears now. A pit deepens in your stomach as Keira rapidly approaches you, her hand instantly wrapping around your wrist as she yanks you into her body. You stumble at first, your free hand coming up to balance yourself against her chest. You feel like your blood is molten lava under your skin, and you aren’t sure if it’s the alcohol or your actions that’s causing the burning sensation to pump through your veins. 

Maybe it’s the good girl deep inside of you burning alive from the guilt of acting out…but the sexy look on your girlfriend’s face quickly sweeps that notion from your mind. I mean how could you feel guilty when your pussy is throbbing from the way her nails angrily dig into your skin…you should right? You should feel guilty about how much it turns you on to see her jealous and hot headed with anger, but it doesn’t. It only makes you smile up at her as your hands go behind you to find her best mate, and pull her back against your body. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Her hands move down to your waist as she tightens her grip there, knocking Leah’s away in the process. 

“Well, I wasn't just gonna sit on your lap all night because you didn’t wanna dance with me,” you make sure to roll your eyes as you say it— playing up on the brattiness to test her boundaries in front of company. It feels so much safer to do it with so many eyes on you. Because in your mind, what can she really do to you in a room full of hundreds of people? 

So it inflates your confidence, your ego, and your desire for her to break you back down into a pliable little sub. It’s like you have a sugar rush from all the praise and sweetness she’s always shown you, but you’re finally coming down from the high…and boy are you crashing HARD. You’re craving to see the rougher side of your sickly sweet girlfriend has been growing steadily for weeks now. At least, ever since she let it slip that she’s a brat tamer during a drunk truth or dare last month.

-

You had called her out with a big hearty laugh, “Oh Kei, come on! You’re like the total opposite of that. You’ve never even raised your voice at me, let alone spank me back into my place!”

“Yeah, because you already know that it’s underneath me. Brats are like wild animals, and you’re more like a house cat, babe. No need to tame a kitten when you’re used to dealing with lions.”

It was like a light went off in your head after that— a deep seated need to be broken then put back together by her. A kitten? Oh, you’ll show her a god damn kitten.

-

Your feet must’ve gone into auto pilot, because your brain is just now playing catch up. You hadn’t even realized you’re being dragged through the crowd. At least, not until you hear a chorus of teasing shouts from the mix of your former and current teammates behind you. The door to the bathroom flies open just as Mariona makes sure to yell out for you both to “Usa protección, chicas!”

Keira doesn’t even check to see if all the stalls are empty. She just pushes you into the first one she sees. You go to speak, but you’re cut off by her hand coming up and locking around your throat. “Spread your fucking legs.” 

Your eyes widen at her statement, hesitation clear as you make no move to follow her demands. “B-but we’re in pub—“ you’re cut off by a growl coming out of the older girl in front of you, “And I don’t give a damn, y/n. If you wanna act like a slut, then i’ll treat you like one…” She pushes you up against the stall door, her chest vibrating against yours as she lightly laughs. 

“And sluts don’t get fucked on nice comfy beds, do they?” Her eyes flicker up to yours before she leans down to press a couple kisses up your neck. A few more condescending giggles come out of her too, slightly tickling your skin in her wake. When she pulls away it’s like you can see the switch flip behind her eyes, because suddenly her voice is back to being as stern as the look on her face. “They get finger fucked in dirty bathroom stalls with their panties hanging around their ankles.”

You can’t help the moan that slips out from your lips at her words. You’ve never seen or heard this side of her before. It's exhilarating and makes your head spin with every second that passes. So you finally start listening and slowly begin to pry your legs apart. It must be too slow though, because next thing you know Keira is spreading them for you. As she pushes your short little dress up to bunch up around your waist, it’s her turn to let a moan slip from her mouth. You went out in an dress this short without panties on, and let someone else touch you? Oh dear lord in heaven— Keira is battling demons. She lets her hand around your throat come down and pull one of your legs up onto her shoulder. It burns a little from the stretch, but she knows how flexible you are. She’s seen you bend yourself like a pretzel just for fun– so she knows you can handle this. 

“You let her touch my pussy?” It’s asked in a scarily calm tone. One that has a shiver running down your spine as you sink further into her intense gaze. 

You can’t even react right away, brain too fuzzy from the newfound domination radiating off your girlfriend. Your mouth moves before the words can start forming, stuttering out fragments your brain can’t seem to currently process. You get snapped out of it when you feel a spank land onto your throbbing clit. It makes you jolt in her hold, and a cracked whine to rip out of your throat. It’s a sensation you’ve never felt before, dancing right on the edge of pleasure and pain.

“I asked you a question, y/n.” She’s giving you another opportunity to be good for her, and you bite your lip as you weigh your options. You could listen now, but would that really get you what you want? “Answer me or I swear to god I won’t touch you for a month,” well never fucking mind we got Miss party pooper over here. Your eyes snap up to hers as the pout on your lips starts to form. 

“No,” you cross your arms over your chest. “...but I might if you don’t hurry up and fuck me alre–” you get cut off by the another yelp leaving your lips. She’s landing another slap to your clit, this time with a little more force. There are tears gathering in your waterline now, and it makes Keira ruin her underwear a little more than she’d like to admit.

Is she upset? Yes. Is she more turned on than ever? Also yes. She’s prided herself on the fact she’s never had to punish you. Always bragging about you and your streak of being an unmatched good girl. So it’s hurting her ego a little bit to see you act this way. Has she been too sweet on you? Spoiled you to the point of being rotten? Well, now she has to correct those mistakes, and she will do it wherever she sees fit. You wanna be a brat in front of all your friends and a bunch of drunk strangers? That’s fine. You can all learn together what a lesson from Keira entails. 

There’s something so intoxicating about you being bad, though. It’s filling her body with this tingling feeling, like all her nerves are vibrating from the adrenaline rushing to her head. It’s like an extinguished fire that’s been buried in her chest, and you’ve just reignited it by tenfold. Something low in her gut started to twist when she saw you pressed up against Leah. Not jealousy per se, something more carnal. 

The blonde defender has always been a trouble maker, and Keira can’t help but get turned on when she thinks of her best friend corrupting you. Leah is the only person in the world to know your girlfriend better than you. They have years of built up trust, memories, and experiences together. Leah knows every single way to push her buttons…and she knew when Keira saw her whispering naughty little encouragements into her sweet girlfriend’s ear, that it’d set her over the edge. 

“I’m getting real sick of your smart ass mouth, y/n,” Keira’s words are spoken so low and deep you think you might pass out right here. You could drown in her velvety smooth voice, getting lost in the way her tone drops as her patience wears thin. 

“Then why don’t you do something about it—”

She cuts you off by plunging two of her fingers into your mouth. You gag at first, surprised by the intrusion as you try to calm your throat around her digits. Keira uses her other hand to grab the back of your head to keep you in place, and with that she starts fucking your mouth. She’s so close to your face that you can feel her breath dusting across your cheeks. She keeps her eyes locked onto your mouth, enchanted by the sight before her. She can hear the squelching of your spit coating her fingers, and it only adds to the erotic scene playing out between the two of you. She thrusts into your mouth for a few minutes, making sure you get them wet enough. 

When she's satisfied she pulls them out, tapping your lips before she runs them down your body. She lets her nails scratch you as they move down your abdomen, leaving goosebumps to wise behind in their path. She skips over your pussy, letting her nails run along your inner thigh. A shiver takes over your body at the feeling, a new sense of arousal flooding in through your body. You try to cock your head down to watch her hand, but you're stopped by the one still holding your head in place. "Please, Kei! I need you, baby!" You don't care how loud or desperate you sound— this is torture. 

"Oh so now you need me, huh? What happened to that big bad attitude you had earlier? All gone now that your pussy isn't getting stuffed?" This time you cower from the laugh she lets out after she speaks. It's dark and menacing; a side of her you didn't even know existed. 

You manage the best pout you can muster up, eyes all wide and innocent as you lightly reach for her arm. "I always need you, Kiera." 

"That's not true, now is it? You looked more than satisfied out there with Leah," Keira watches as your face heats up, holding back the grin that's pulling at her lips. "Was it me or her who made you this wet, baby? Maybe I should go get her and let her clean this mess up—" 

It's you cutting her off this time, "N-No! I only get this wet for you— I swear! Just please touch me, okay? Please, I'll do anything!" 

A wicked grin breaks out across her face, "Anything?" 

You think you might smash your skull into the stall door behind you if she doesn't stop teasing you. Does she know how absolutely fucking sexy she is right now? And does she know how torturous it is to not be touched when you've craved this version of her? "Yes, fuck— anything! Please, baby…" You choke the last couple words out, a cry clogging your throat as your frustration builds. 

She must take some pity on you, because she listens to you. She starts by rubbing through your folds, collecting your wetness. A small string of your arousal connects to her finger tips as she moves to rub your clit. It makes a moan pour out of your lips, back arching into her touch as it lights your body aflame. "Thank you, baby!" 

Keira's hand on your head moves to your front, ripping the top of your dress down so she has access to your chest. She knew you hadn't worn a bra tonight, and honestly she's proud she's lasted this long before tearing it off. Her mouth goes straight to your tits, lips enclosing around your nipple as her free hand comes up to pinch at the other one. She lets two of her fingers slide into your pussy; not giving you a second to adjust before she's jack hammering into them. Her palm hits your clit perfectly, sending jolts of electricity from your core up to your spine with every thrust. You somehow arch your back even deeper, pushing your boobs further into your girlfriend's mouth. 

"Feels s-so fucking g-goood!" You're slurring your words already, brain fogging up from the pleasure she's giving you. 

You feel her laugh against your chest, the vibrations of it moving from your nipple down to your core. She pulls her face back after the pretty noise you let out from the action, a bodeful look overtaking her features. "Admit you liked Leah's hands on you," It makes your pussy gush into her hand. "I-I didn't!" You feel the heat rise back to your cheeks, and the tips of your ears turning bright red. That's how Keira always knows when you're lying, because of the cherry tomato tint that covers them. It always gives you away. 

Her fingers curl up into your g-spot just as the bathroom door opens, and your hand flies up to cover your mouth...but Keira stops you. Her one hand captures both of your wrists, and she pins them above your head. That leaves you to bite down onto your bottom lip, trying with all your might to stay quiet. Keira rolls her eyes at that, slipping a third finger into your dripping cunt before increasing the speed and force behind her thrusts. The burn of the stretch is what breaks you, a pitiful moan echoing out across the tiled room. You don't even notice how hard you'd bit your lip until Keira's bending down to suck the blood off of it. 

It's so dirty and taboo…so nasty. You genuinely had no idea how much of a fucking freak your girlfriend is….and you definitely didn't' know how much you'd enjoy it. She's ruining you with every second that passes, and ingraining a need for this kind of treatment, at least weekly. Keira doesn't know it yet, but she is destroying the good girl she once created. 

"M'Gonna cum!" You slur it out as your eyes cross, legs shaking as Keira keeps you held up with her weight. Your eyesight is blurring out as you feel yourself start to tip over the edge…then it's gone. Just as fast as your high came about, it vanishes along with her fingers.  She takes your leg on her shoulder off, softly setting it back down on the ground as you groan out from the discomfort. You feel tears gather in your eyes at the empty feeling left in your pussy. You go to open your mouth to complain, but Keira's wet hand comes up to pinch your cheeks together, effectively silencing you. "Not until you stop lying to me. Good girls don't lie," her grip tightens on your face, "and bad girls don't get to cum." 

The tears in your waterline finally fall down your face. "I'm not lying.."

"Yes, you are. Now tell me the truth or we're going home, and I won't let you cum for a week if you lie to me again, y/n. Maybe if I punish you then you'll learn, hmm?"

"O-okay, fine!" It's your turn to be the one to roll your eyes now. A blush settling across your skin as you look anywhere, but at Keira. "…I liked it when she was touching me.."

She can't hold back her grin this time, "Who? Gotta be specific, baby." 

You whine out as you struggle against her hand still keeping your wrists bound. The embarrassment of being caught is becoming too much for you to handle…and not in the way you'd expect. It's humiliating you, yet somehow you're getting wet from it. There are so many new feelings you're experiencing right now, and so fucking thankful it's Keira you're exploring them with. You take a deep breath before looking her in the eyes, "Leah! I liked it when Leah touched me, okay? Now please, baby!"

Your blood runs cold at the ominous laugh that burrows out of Keira's chest. You don't have time to think about it much, because then she's pulling you away from the door and unlocking it. Yanking it open as you scramble to pull your top back up. "You hear that, Le?" 

Your head snaps up at that, eyes widening as you see the blonde standing directly in front of the open stall. "Oh I definitely heard that, Kei." She has a smirk sitting pretty on her lips as her eyes rack up and down your body, finally meeting your gaze as she flashes you a predatory smile.

You swear you must've of went into a trance after that. Because the next thing you remember is being in the back of a taxi, Keira and you making out as Leah's lips danced across your neck. Eventually your girlfriend pulled away and led your mouth to her best friend's, and took the spot of leaving love bites on your neck. They'd corned you in the elevator of the hotel, one on each side as they felt up on your body. Pulling sweet sounds from your mouth as you melted into their touch. 

That leads us back to now. The two English footballers towering over you as you sit on the edge of the king size bed. "You sure you want to do this, love? You say the word and we can end this right now. There's no pressure on you, okay?" Keira's hand comes up to your cheek, her thumb rubbing soft circles into your skin. A concerned look etches itself onto her face as she addresses you. You smile at her, letting your own hand come up to smooth the furrow in her brow. "I 100% want to do this. I know this is all new for me—  for us together…but I want this," you take her hand into yours as you slide it up your thigh. She groans out when she feels the wetness leaking out all over them, 'I really fucking want this." 

You don't get a verbal response from her, just a push to your shoulders that sends you flying back onto the duvet. A giggle escapes you as you bounce against the mattress, waiting for one of them to finally make you cum. Keira and Leah share a look as they switch positions. The blonde defender makes a place for herself between your legs, her hands going to your calves before she pushes them up against your chest. "I've been waiting years to get a taste of this sweet cunt. You should hear the way Keira describes it— says it's just like honey." 

You flush as you go to look at your girlfriend, a playful smile on her face. "Y-you talk about me?" 

"Of course I do, love. How could I not when you've got the best fucking pussy I've ever had?" She strips her clothes off as she climbs up on the bed. After pulling your dress off she settles down above your head, her cunt presented to you for your viewing pleasure. Before you get a chance to ask her to sit on your face, Leah is thursting her tongue into your hole. Her nose rubs up into your clit as she stays buried to the hilt, moans flying out of your mouth as you get lost in the pleasure of hers. You're still so wound up, like a live wire ready to blow. So it's no surprise when you come tumbling towards the edge again, hands scrambling to reach out to Keira above you. 

"Please don't stop! Please, baby!' But she just laughs at you as she lets you cling to her arm, wrestling one away from your tantalizing grip. 

"I'm not the one you should be begging right now." She grabs your chin as she moves your head down, and your eyes lock with Leah's. "Please don't stop! Please, Le. I wanna cum for you..want you to taste me on your tongue." She moans into your cunt from your words, and it sends vibrations through your most sensitive nerves. It feels like a firework went off inside your gut, leaving you to be overwhelmed with the waves of pleasure rolling through your body. A cry falls from your lips as your thighs attempt to close around her head...but it's Keira who spreads them back open. She leans over your body as she gets onto her knees, and her lips find their way to your chest once again. She licks, sucks, bites…just about everything to your nipples. She knows how sensitive they are— hell she's even made you cum from just her mouth on your tits before. So she can't even imagine how good you feel right now. "I can't h-hold it, baby! Can I please c-cum?" 

Keira knows it's directed at her this time. If the pet name wasn't enough, everyone knows only she owns your orgasms. Leah might be the one between your legs right now, but make no mistake...Keira is the one to decide if, how, and when you get to cum. You're lucky she's feeling so generous tonight, because with one breath she's detaching from your tits. "Go ahead and show her why I brag about you so much. Cum all over her tongue for me, baby." 

Your nails dig into your girlfriend's arms as your back arches off of the bed. Keira's hands hold your hips down for her best friend as she pulls away from your hickey covered tits, groaning out at the sight in front of her. Leah's eyes are rolling into the back of her head as her jaw works overtime. Keira can see the wet muscle thrusting into your pussy, a coat of white cream spilling all into the blonde's mouth. Leah lets one of her hands come up to rub at your clit as she starts moving her head, sucking up every ounce of your essence that leaks out. It's like goddamn nectar and Leah can't get enough of it. 

She only pulls away once Keira's hand is pushing her head to give you a break. You are absolutely boneless under the two women, eyes barley open as you try and catch your breath. Keira crawls back as they go to examine your condition after a round like that. Leah's the first to break the silence, "I think we bloody killed her, mate."

"Oh trust me, she's fine. Plus we haven't even showed her our surprise yet—"

"Surprise? What surprise?!" 

"Oh and suddenly you're just fully awake, huh?" Leah laughs out, shaking her head as she gives Keira a look.

"I told you she was fine, just needed a little encouragement. Ain't that right, baby?"

"Mhm…sooo about this surprise?" 

"Well someone's a little impatient," Leah says as she shakes her head, "Close your eyes first, darling."

You dramatically sigh before following her instructions. 

"Again, just trust me. She always is when it comes to surprises," the two of them keep talking like you aren't even there. Walking over to two bags you still haven't noticed magically appeared in your room. You hear some rustling around, but mostly silence. It lets your mind drift for the first time tonight, and a sinking feeling fills your gut as you realize something. 

"WAIT!" Your eyes snap open, "H-how do you two have a surprise for me?" You feel the hairs on the back of your neck stand up at the revelation. "And how'd those bags get in here?"

They just share a crimson smile as they turn back towards you, and you gasp at what you're met with. Both of them approaching you with a strap on attached to their hips. Leah is the once again the one to speak, "Oh don't worry, darling. I told Kei allll about your little plan. You didn't really think a little kitten like you was calling the shots, did you?" 

A whole new feeling of arousal seeps into your bloodstream…because now you realize just how calculated this whole night has been. She knew every step of your plan and then used it against you…and you played right into her hand. Now you're at the complete disposal of not one, but two very…very worked up athletes. It terrifies and excites you at the same time. They start climbing onto the bed as they skewer you between them, man handling you onto your hands and knees. A silicone cock rests against your cheek and the other on your ass, grinding into everywhere but where you need them most. You look up to see who’s at your front end, the tall blonde’s abs are the first thing you’re greeted with. Her voice drops a few octaves as her eyes grow darker.

"We're just getting started, darling." 

[revelboo]

sometimes i think this is how some of the bots think about humans

lowkey don't know how to feel about that myself, i actually put myself in some of the human's shoes and wow it's no easy task to deal with their situation and having to keep themselves calm

That’s probably how a lot of them unconsciously view humans because of the size difference.

A Lifeless Ordinary Pt 4

Scavengers x Reader

• By virtue of Swindle’s reputation as a crook, Misfire voted Crankcase to use the language file and everyone else agreed. Most likely the con wouldn’t intentionally off a customer he can scam again, but still. Now Crankcase leans over where the human is sitting on a crate, little legs dangling and heels thumping against the side, and he spouts gibberish at you. Your head comes up, eyes widening as you say something back and get to your feet. “Do you understand it?” Krok demands, right as your little shoulders slump, hands gesturing.

• When the one with the chunk out of his head starts talking and you recognize human language, you lunge to your feet. Asking if he knew your language, because while the sounds are familiar, it’s still nonsense to you. And he’s just staring back at you in incomprehension. It’s the wrong language and you’re not sure whether to laugh or cry. Or scream. You’re still stuck at square one playing charades with giant, alien robots.

• “Still gibberish,” Crankcase growls, leaning back as the human goes on a rant, little hands flapping about and gesturing before you flop back down in frustration. Reaching out he nudges your shoulder with a servo and you immediately swat him. Those eyes glowering when he uses that same servo to tip your chin up. Because he gets it, to be so small and trapped somewhere? Unable to communicate? You must be terrified even if you hide it well. And that’s something he understands. What happened to him left more scars than just the chunk missing from his head. Sometimes the other Scavengers come up on his bad side and he almost swears it’s Thunderwing looming up behind him, that old nightmare digging it’s claws in.

• “Of course it is,” Krok sighs, slumping back on the bench in the cargo hold. Doesn’t even realize when he starts clicking the device in his hand because it’s become a nervous habit by this point. Whenever something goes sideways, he plays with it and now you look up at the noise and meet his optics. As he watches, you hold up your fist, thumb moving to mime him until he stops. “Signal that crook.”

• “I told you,” Misfire growls, wings flaring as he watches you stop copying Krok and look up at him. Unable to understand, but trying. Those intelligent eyes alert. As he watches, Spinister finds that stuffed animal as big as you are and pushes it firmly at you, knocking you flat on your back as you wrap your arms around it in self defense just to get him to stop. “I mean, his name is Swindle,” he mutters as he stalks off.

• Arm looped around the stuffed bear, you crane your neck to watch the one with wings stalk off. They’re obviously all unhappy and it hurts to get your hopes up only to have them crushed again. If you can’t communicate, you can’t ask to go home. You’ve tried mimicking some of the sounds they make, but they always just look at you funny. Expressions giving away that they can’t even tell you’re trying so hard. That your attempts are just nonsense to them. Anxiety lifting through you, you’re aware of the biggest one, the one that had found you and ran you down, still staring at you. He’d scared you nearly to death then, but if he hadn’t spotted you that day? You’d have probably starved on that barren world, scared and alone. He saved you whether or not he realizes it.

• “Think they really were a pet taken after the war?” Fulcrum asks as you chatter at Spinister, trying to get back up only for him to keep pushing you back over with a servo. He’d stop him, but you’re laughing instead of angry. “Why abandon them out here?” Because you haven’t been that much trouble except for the handful of times they’d accidentally poisoned you trying to keep you alive. Swindle’s food at least had been legitimate, though whatever those black and white discs are, you’d tried to devour the entire package as soon as they weren’t paying attention to you. And he’s almost positive you had been swearing at him when he had to take the package away to ration them out slowly. Like now as you manage to get away from Spinister and move as close to him as you can get, big eyes imploring as you hold out a hand. Aware of the others watching as he produces the little package and holds it out, holding up a servo of the other hand in warning. And huffing at him, you take only one instead of trying to snatch them all, reaching out as soon as you pop it in your mouth to pat his servo and mumble nonsense at him.

Previous

[stxrslut]

PRACTISE MAKES PERFECT ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

pairing; bestfriend!sarah x innocent!reader

summary;  it’s no secret to you that sarah has a lot of experience with sex, boys and girls alike. you do not, so when you find out that you are possibly going to need to suck a dick, she takes the liberty of giving you your first ever bit of practise

content;  strap, oral (technically? idk), strap 

authors note; i kind of hate this actually, feels pretty rushed. requested by anon but i put my own twist on it.

“I got it!” she calls out from the front door when she returns from her little errand. you’re not actually sure what she ran out so urgently to get. you’d just got done telling her a rather personal thing actually, you were a little appalled when she abandoned you so quickly.

she comes into the room carrying a small paper bag which, to your astonishment, is branded with the emblem of the local sex shop. she throws it down on the bed before going to her dresser to retrieve something while she speaks ever so casually.

“jj maybank saw me buying that,” she chuckles, “so embarrassing.” she’s digging through her bottom drawer, throwing clothes left and right as she tries to find a specific unnamed item. 

“saw you buying what?” you ask perplexedly, brows furrowed. “you kinda ran out on me.” you don’t mean to put a passive aggressive tone in your voice but it is there.

“something to help you.” she looks back, “and I’m sorry about leaving so quickly, just that the shop was gonna close.” 

you tilt your head. help you? surely not to help with the dilemma you presented to her before she ran off, that would be absurd. “to help me with what?” 

she laughs at you like it’s obvious, “with your problem of course.” she shakes her head, “told me that you wanna suck this guy's dick, and that’s definitely something you don’t wanna go into with no experience.” 

you raise an eyebrow “well then how did you do it?” 

she waves you off, “that’s different— anyway, I thought since I helped you out before with the touching yourself thing, this wouldn’t be so different.” she shrugs and turns around after finally pulling out a bright pink dildo. 

“you’re gonna— I’m gonna suck on that?” you don’t even know what to say. “wait…” she hums and nods, waiting for the question, “if you already had that here.. what did you need to buy from the sex shop?” 

once again, she acts like it’s obvious, “the strap of course. can’t exactly learn the ins and outs of oral sex if the dick isn’t attached to a body.” she scoffs. bear in mind, you had never once asked her to show you the ins and outs.

“so youre gonna put the strap on.. and I'm going to suck it?” you question.

“yes, exactly.”

                                         *

this is so weird, you think as you kneel down in between sarah’s open legs where she's perched on the bed, bright pink toy sticking up like a sore thumb. or dick, if you want to be more literal. your lips are parted as you do your best to prepare yourself. “So I just…”

“suck, yeah,” she nods, smiling down at you, expression joyous, she seems to really enjoy teaching you things. “just start with the tip of it, you'll throw up if you go too fast.” she tells you. you frown.

“that can happen?” you ask, slightly astonished as you stop leaning forward to look up and listen to what she has to say. she nods and chuckles once again.

“oh yeah, that can happen.” she smiles, “but it won’t happen to you, because i’m gonna teach you how to do it right.” she strokes the hair on the back of your head affectionately and you take it as your sign to start.

at first you only take enough in your mouth to cover the front of your tongue, it doesn't even touch your gag reflex. It seems pretty easy. you follow sarah's directions to swirl your tongue and where to swirl it. as it continues, you find yourself subconsciously taking more of it.

the fake veins imprinted on the sparkly toy create texture to stimulate your tongue, you do your best to imagine it a little more coarse, like skin, maybe imagine the skin moving a little, sarah had told you that happens with dicks. 

suddenly, it jerks upwards slightly and you pull back in little shock to see sarah holding the base, controlling its movement. “what did you do that for!?” you exclaim.

she giggles, “yeah, they do that sometimes.” she strokes your hair again, “just twitch outta nowhere, you gotta be ready for it babe, i'm just doing whatever a good best friend would.” you have to fight making a snarky remark, sure that this is not what normal best friends do.

you go back down with a little more confidence, you manage to get about half of the toy in your mouth which sarah tells you is amazing for your first time. sure you gag a couple of times but you persevere and by the end you could probably consider yourself a seasoned pro.

you stop when sarah begins to imitate what she says is a boy having an orgasm, “ugh.. oh yeah,” she grunts in an over exaggerated deep voice, “so good babe, im like literally cumming right now.” 

you giggle, “i'm sure they don't sound that stupid.” but sarah shakes her head, looking down at you with matter of factly raised eyebrows.

“oh baby, you have so much to learn.” she scruffs your hair affectionately. “but for now,” she gestures down to the little wet spot that she can see in your panties due to your skirt riding up, “why don't I show you a different way to help with that.”

[maybanksbaby]

summary: the unbelievable has happened, the pogues had rafe powerless and locked down. and some take advantage of it more than others....

warnings: season 4, part 2 spoilers! nothing more i think

⋆౨ৎ ˚⟡˖ ࣪

The cold, dimly lit storage room on the ship was a prison, its walls closing in on Rafe with each rocking motion as the waves tossed the boat. Bound and bruised on the hard metal floor, he couldn’t move beyond a few inches at a time, and each shift sent sharp pain through his wrists, where the rope bit into his skin. His left eye throbbed with a deep bruise, courtesy of JJ’s punch, making it almost painful to see straight. He was seething, helpless and furious, but his anger was the only thing keeping him steady as the floor swayed under him.

Then, suddenly, the door creaked open. Rafe’s gaze snapped up, his scowl fierce and unyielding—until his eyes landed on you. You slipped inside with a plate of food balanced in your hand, the outline of your figure backlit by the light outside, casting a shadow that made his pulse quicken. There was something in your expression—a dangerous, amused glint—that told him you weren’t here for a quiet little peace offering. You were here to enjoy every second of his predicament.

You didn’t say anything at first. You just closed the door behind you and leaned casually against the wall, letting him feel the intensity of your gaze on him. Rafe hated it. Hated the way you were looking down at him, barely hiding the smirk tugging at the corner of your lips. It made him feel…vulnerable. Weak. And the fact that he couldn’t just shove you away or do anything about it gnawed at him like a raw wound.

“Rafe,” you said finally, your voice low and almost syrupy with that taunting sweetness he’d come to know all too well. “How’s the floor? Comfortable enough?”

“Go to hell,” he growled, his voice rough, cutting through the stale air. His bound hands flexed against the rope, the fibers digging into his wrists as he fought against his own helplessness. The last thing he wanted was to be seen like this—especially by you.

You tilted your head, seemingly unaffected by his anger. Instead, you just walked further in, placing the plate on a crate, just out of his reach. He could smell the food—warm bread, some kind of seafood. His stomach twisted, betraying him with a growl. A knowing smile flickered across your face as you heard it, and Rafe’s jaw tightened.

“Oh, I thought you might be hungry,” you said innocently, your voice dripping with mock sincerity. “But I wasn’t sure if you’d earned this meal yet. After all…you haven’t exactly been on your best behavior.”

Rafe glared at you, his blue eyes smoldering with frustration as you leaned against the crate, studying him. He hated this—hated being tied up and forced to look up at you, unable to do a damn thing to stop the smug look on your face. His jaw clenched tighter, his muscles taut with anger, but the ropes binding him were unforgiving, and every slight movement only reminded him of how powerless he was.

“Do you get some sort of sick pleasure out of this?” he muttered, his voice filled with venom, though the anger in his words was tinged with something else. Something darker and more desperate.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say it’s sick pleasure,” you replied, taking a slow step closer to him. “But it is nice seeing you…like this.”

Your words lingered in the air, taunting him, filling the silence between you with a tension that felt almost unbearable. You were so close now that he could see every detail of your expression, from the slight curve of your lips to the glint of mischief in your eyes. And as much as he wanted to look away, he couldn’t. Your presence was suffocating, maddening—and he was starting to feel something he hadn’t expected. Something he couldn’t quite define.

Rafe tried to shift away, but the ropes held him firmly in place, and every movement only served to deepen the ache in his bruised face. “You think this is funny?” he bit out, his voice shaking with barely restrained rage. “You think this makes you…better than me?”

“Oh, I know it does,” you said, your voice smooth as silk, unruffled by his anger. You leaned down, your face drawing closer to his, until he could feel the warmth of your breath brushing against his skin. “I think you’re cute when you’re all tied up and frustrated. You really don’t like being in this position, do you?”

His breath hitched, and he cursed himself for the slip. He knew you could see the frustration in his eyes, the raw, unfiltered rage simmering just beneath the surface, mixed with something he was fighting hard to keep at bay. You were enjoying every second of this, and he could tell that you knew exactly how much it was getting to him.

Your fingers lifted to his cheek, tracing lightly over the bruise that was forming around his eye. He flinched, the pain sharp and immediate, but he refused to let himself show weakness. Not to you. He held his glare, but his heart was pounding now, a steady, relentless beat that matched the rhythm of the ship’s swaying.

“What’s wrong, Rafe?” you whispered, your voice soft but laced with mocking. “Does it hurt?”

He wanted to tell you to go to hell, to spit some cutting retort that would put you back in your place. But as you leaned in, closer than before, he found himself frozen. His lips parted, as if to say something, but no words came out. You were too close, your presence too overwhelming, and suddenly, he was acutely aware of how trapped he really was.

Without warning, you closed the distance, pressing your lips against his in a slow, deliberate kiss that was nothing like he expected. It wasn’t soft or gentle; it was firm, taunting, filled with a confidence that left him reeling. Rafe’s body tensed, every muscle taut as you kissed him, the ropes binding his hands the only thing keeping him from reaching up to pull you closer—or push you away. He wasn’t sure which he wanted more.

The kiss deepened, your lips moving against his with a sensual intensity that sent a shiver down his spine. He tried to lean in, desperate for more, but the ropes held him in place, the tension in his body building to a fever pitch. His chest heaved with each ragged breath, his heart pounding harder with every second that passed.

Just as he started to lose himself in the kiss, just as he was beginning to forget his frustration, you pulled back. His eyes shot open, and he stared at you, his gaze filled with a mixture of anger, desperation, and something he couldn’t quite name. His lips parted, as if to say something, but you only smiled, a slow, wicked smile that told him you knew exactly what you were doing.

“What?” he muttered, his voice low, rough, as he struggled to regain his composure. “You’re just going to…leave?”

Your smile widened, and you leaned in close, your lips brushing against his ear. “Maybe next time, Rafe, you’ll remember that you’re not the one in control here,” you whispered, your voice a soft, dangerous murmur. “And until then…try not to miss me too much.”

With that, you straightened, stepping back and moving toward the door. Rafe’s eyes followed you, a dark intensity in his gaze as he watched you reach for the handle. His whole body was tense, every muscle coiled with frustration and unfulfilled desire, and he wanted nothing more than to tear through those ropes, to demand that you finish what you’d started.

But you didn’t give him the satisfaction. You just looked over your shoulder one last time, your smile full of mischief. “Enjoy the food, Rafe,” you said, your tone light, almost sweet. “I’m sure you’ll figure out how to eat it. Eventually.”

And then you were gone, the door clicking shut behind you, leaving him alone in the silence, the taste of your kiss lingering on his lips and the ache in his chest sharper than any pain the ropes could cause. He sat there, breathing hard, his hands still bound, his mind racing as he tried to process what had just happened.

The anger was still there, simmering beneath the surface, but there was something else now—something dark and undeniable, something that only made the frustration burn hotter. He didn’t know how long he’d be stuck here, but one thing was certain: when he got out, he would find you.

[peppermintquartz]

Buck inhales sharply at the admission. Confession.

What he would have given to hear this before all the hurt and all the pain.

His thigh pumps against the hardness pressed against him, and he has the distinct and vindictive pleasure of seeing Tommy tremble, his mouth falling open on a pleading gasp. That's me. I did that. I did that so easily.

Possessiveness uncurls like a snake, ready to sink its fangs. Keeping his eyes fixed on the chiseled face currently flushed with need, Buck trails a finger around the shell of Tommy's ear, a feather-light touch, and down the wanton arch of his neck, over the darkening bruise of his bite, dipping into the hollow of his clavicles. Then he spreads his hand over the column of Tommy's throat, his Adam's apple resting just above the web between Buck's thumb and index finger.

Tommy bites his lower lip before gasping, his lashes fluttering as he tries to keep his eyes open.

"Look at me," Buck orders. His voice is low and rough.

He waits, counting in his head. It takes five seconds before Tommy turns to look at him.

It's clear who is in control here; Tommy's eyes are so dark that all that remains of his irises is the narrowest band of storm blue around blown pupils. There's no fight at all in his muscled frame. He rides Buck's leg almost mindlessly, rutting against a thick thigh.

He's breathtakingly beautiful in his surrender. Buck wants to bathe in it. But first things first.

"Where's your phone?" he demands.

Tommy gulps. Buck feels the muscles of the throat move under his hand. "Bedroom."

Buck slides the hand around to the back of Tommy's neck and drags him in for a punishing kiss, tasting blood from Tommy's lower lip, and straightens. "Go."

They stumble to the bedroom. Every few steps, Buck feels an overwhelming need to grab Tommy and reel him in, kiss him again or suck on the bruise or grope him through his sweatpants, snarling in pleasure when he feels the wet spot growing. Tommy whimpers when Buck latches onto the bruised spot, testing his teeth once more.

"You think you deserve this?" Buck whispers, skimming his lips up to Tommy's ear. "You think you deserve to be marked by me?"

Tommy huffs. "I already am."

Buck pushes Tommy ahead of him until Tommy's lying on top of his rumpled sheets and Buck is straddling him. The room reeks; Buck remembers with a start what spurred him to drive here and go a little mad mauling his ex.

"Phone," he demands.

Tommy's breathing hard under him, eyes wide and jaw slack. He licks his lips, hesitant, before his left hand slides up towards the pillow.

Buck sees the half-hidden device and snatches it up. He keys in the passcode and unlocks it. The wallpaper is one of them both, from their date at the aquarium, making goofy fish faces into the camera.

It makes something hurt hot and sweet in his heart, but that's not what Buck is looking for. He goes to the chat and finds the voicemail.

"I don't remember sending this," Buck says, then sets the phone down next to Tommy's right ear. He stares into Tommy's eyes. "Let's find out what I said to get you all worked up. Maybe this time I can find out what I should do to keep you mine."

He presses play.

"Daddy." Drunk Buck whispers into the quiet between them. Drunk Buck sounds needy.

Sober Buck presses pause. His ass is grinding slow circles on top of Tommy's hips, and he smiles down on Tommy like a shark about to feast. "Daddy," he repeats, adding a breathy little whine.

"Tell me Daddy, how many times?"

"Yes, Daddy," Buck repeats, almost scornful, even as heat crawls up his spine and over his cheeks. "Give me a number."

"How many times... Am I supposed. Supposed to sleep with someone else... Before. Before I'm good enough f'r you?"

The words sting. Buck rips off his hoodie and grabs Tommy's hands, planting them on his waist. It's gratifying when Tommy's fingers immediately try to dig into him.

"Ri' now is just me. I'm just... Just me. Missing you, Daddy. Miss the way... you'd touch me."

Drunk Buck is too fucking honest. Sober Buck pauses the clip, bends down to kiss Tommy ravenously and uses the chance to wiggle out of the rest of his clothes. Tommy jolts when he realizes what Buck is doing. Buck chuckles darkly. They're already listening to how pathetic he is, he might as well work Tommy up and get a good fuck out of him. He presses play again, sliding down Tommy's body, pulling his sweatpants and briefs down low enough to free his cock.

"Right here, kissing up along my thigh... Your scruff."

Buck gives a demo, watching Tommy twitch and shudder beneath his lips and his cheek and his teeth, watching precome beading from the slit of his erect cock and rolling down his shaft. His mouth closes around the shiny head, the tip of his tongue probing and drawing out more and more of the familiar flavors; the taste makes his whole body shiver. His body remembers. It's waiting to be claimed, again.

His gaze slides up to Tommy's stunned face just as Drunk Buck moans "...you'd look at me, like I meant everything to you."

Tommy is still looking at him like that. A burst of helpless anger floods Buck and he surges up to kiss Tommy again; anything to not see the expression on Tommy's face. Drunk Buck is begging now; Tommy clutches Buck close while he kicks off his sweats and briefs.

"You taught me how to... How to make you happy. Please."

Sober Buck pulls away from Tommy just far away enough to murmur, exactly as broken and desperate, "Please, Tommy."

Oh we are putting Tommy through it with the voicemail and the photos 😆😆😆

Tommy should get drunk and leave a voicemail for Buck next. Quid pro fucking quo and all

I mean...I'm down if you are!

What's the saying, team work makes the two sad blorbos fuck or something? 🤣🤣🤣

[julieverne]

The first time Jane's not drunk enough to pass it off as a mistake. It's early into their friendship; Maura still asks for Jane's sweats instead of digging them out of a drawer. She's wearing them, her hair still wet from the shower. It's been a rough day, a gross day, one that requires multiple showers. Maura looks sad so Jane hugs her the way she'd hug anyone who'd had stomach liquid land in their hair.

Maura holds her close. Maura is awkward to hug; she stiffens but doesn't pull away. She waits to make sure Jane's not making some sort of mistake, and then she pushes forward too hard, her breath all raggedy like she's trying not to cry, her hands holding Jane too hard, as though Jane will push her away if she lets go too soon, like she's scared it's not real - like she's scared Jane's not real.

And that night, the first time, Maura's wet hair against Jane's chin, her hands finally learning how to relax on Jane's body so she doesn't leave her bruised, Jane feels Maura's pelvis press against her. It's not on purpose, but Jane's breath catches and she pushes back and Maura's breath comes all thin and thready, the warmth of her against Jane's thigh promising worlds Jane can't even imagine and then they're dry humping up against Jane's ancient refrigerator that came with her apartment and Jane comes with Maura with an irritated hum from the overworked appliance, gasping for breath.

Jane has only had two beers. She glances at them wistfully, looking for an excuse, then looks down to Maura's flushed, embarassed face.

Maura's her best friend. Maura's the best friend she's ever had.

"It's okay," Jane says when she can talk, and she feels Maura relax against her. They're still hugging. "It's been a long day. We're probably just frustrated."

They haven't kissed. That would make it something it's not.

+++

The next time Jane is too drunk. Maura finds her between her pain meds and a bottle of whiskey. Jane growls at her when she takes both bottles. Maura sits and pulls Jane against her, holding her. There is a bucket discreetly placed on the floor next to the couch.

"You're poisoning yourself."

"I put you in danger," Jane finally confesses. It's been weighing on her so long.

"You saved my life. Mine and Frankie's too."

"I should have known he was dirty. He should have never gotten near you." Jane's voice is low and raspy and she feels Maura's stomach clench as she speaks. She pulls away to look down at Maura. "I failed you."

Maura's crying. Jane touches her cheek and licks at the moisture on her fingers. She's dehydrated, and she lets Maura hold water to her mouth, lets Maura wipe her lips clear.

"You have never failed me."

Jane wants to kiss her, but they're not like that. She pushes herself on top of Maura and grinds down against her, gasping when Maura's pelvis rises to meet her, watching Maura's face beneath her. She brushes hair and tears away from Maura's face, with her fingers, with her lips.

Maura comes first, gloriously hard against Jane, arching up into her, a stifled little moan that sounds like Jane's name. It's enough to push Jane over the precipice she's been hovering over too long, and she joins Maura in pleasure, noting she's pushed Maura's dress up, her scarred palms brushing over Maura's bare thighs.

Jane collapses atop Maura, too tired and content to move.

"You have never failed me," Maura says again, and Jane feels those soft, strong fingers brushing through her messy hair, feels them on her back as Maura holds her tight enough that Jane wonders if Maura will ever let her go.

+++

The next time they're not drunk. They're at Maura's, and Jane doesn't know why she's not more freaked out about this. It's not technically sex, but it's close enough that she should be questioning herself, trying to figure out if she likes women.

Instead her hand is sliding up the hem of Maura's dress in her spare bedroom; they've avoided bedrooms so far, but here they are. Maura's hands are in Jane's shirt and she whimpers as Jane's fingers make contact with her satin underpants.

They're still not kissing because that would make it something else. Something like commitment, like Jane's heart doesn't break every time Maura has a date. This is new; Jane's never touched a woman like this before, but Maura's hips tilt and Jane can't withhold anything Maura needs. She can figure out the landmarks from here and she uses less pressure than she would for herself because she figures Maura's precious and delicate and whatever and she's right because she feels the pulse as it happens, Maura's hands holding her so tight that it's an effort to breathe, and then Maura's hand is on her, and she's never been so wet; she's almost embarrassed until Maura's eyes meet hers in awe and it's all Jane can do to keep from kissing her for being so sweet and understanding and so, so good at making Jane come.

Maura's hand cups her until she's sure Jane is done. "Sweet dreams," Maura says, and extracts herself. Jane collapses on the bed and wonders if she wants more or less from whatever they're doing.

+++

The next time they're in a shower. Jane fell into a river and Maura went in after her. They got hosed down at the precinct, but there is pond weed and an ickiness that remains. They shower together because they both need a shower and Jane's place is small. Maura touches the bullet wound on Jane's stomach and then gives Jane a knowing look as she slides her fingers lower, where the wet heat of Jane has been waiting for her touch. Jane's legs shake and she has to lean against the shower wall for balance, pulling Maura close and returning the favour. She's so wet - not from the shower, from touching Jane, and that's when Jane starts to wonder what they're doing. She's happy enough to be having mind-blowing sex with the most attractive person she's ever met, but she's not ready to talk about it. Not even with Maura.

She watches with satisfaction as Maura thrusts down against her fingers, grunts with pleasure as Maura bites down on her shoulder to muffle the noise she makes when she comes.

+++

And then Dean is in town. It's so, so awkward. Ma is pushing her. Maura is pushing her. Everyone wants her to be straight. Jane badly wants to be straight and Dean is there.

Jane doesn't even come. Doesn't even come close. She fakes it so he'll stop touching her so wrong. He falls asleep and Jane thinks of Maura's soft, gentle fingers, her fierce determination. The way she looks so pretty when Jane's inside her. Jane cries the way she should have when she put a bullet in herself to buy the woman she loved enough time to save her.

Jane cries because Maura doesn't love her, and Jane's just realised she does.

+++

Maura's mad at her. She throws Dean in her face. They bicker, but when Jane finally gets home, Maura is there.

"Your parents are in the hospital," Jane snipes, but there's no real ire left in her.

"I'm not... I'm not.... not mad. And I don't forgive you. I might never."

"Then why are you here?"

Jane knows; she can almost smell her from here. The air is thick and filled with everything left unsaid.

Maura crosses the room and shuts the door behind Jane, then slams her against it, sliding the deadbolt.

"How many?"

"What?"

"How many orgasms did he give you, Jane? What did he give you that I couldn't?"

"You told me... you chose the dress..."

"And you came when I called." Maura's anger leaves her and she slumps.

"I'll always come for you," Jane admits.

"You've never let me down," Maura agrees.

"You can shoot my dad if you want. It'll make us even."

Maura laughs bitterly and Jane wants to fix this. She takes Maura's chin in her palm and lifts Maura's face to hers. She lets her fingers stroke Maura's soft cheek as she looks into those deeply hurt hazel eyes, glittering gold with tears. She lowers her head so slowly that Maura has plenty of time to move away.

She doesn't. She meets Maura in the middle. They kiss, finally, after three years of not getting around to it. After three years of the most tender, loving sex Jane has ever had.

Maura's lips are so soft that Jane finds herself moaning into Maura's mouth. Maura grasps her like she used to; scared Jane isn't real, scared Jane doesn't mean it. Her tongue should be illegal because Jane's knees buckle when it brushes her own.

Then Maura's sharp teeth are dugging into her bottom lip and Maura pulls away, her eyes flashing angrily.

"On your knees," Maura says, and her lips are swollen from Jane kissing them and Jane drops like a rock at the order, her hands already pushing the dress up out of the way, already pulling down what remains between them. She devours Maura utterly; she's drenched and running down Jane's chin, over her lips and tongue. It's better than anything she did with Dean; Jane hasn't been touched and she is throbbing and soaked.

Maura's fingers curl in her hair and she thrusts shallowly against Jane's open mouth. Jane licks her clean, waiting patiently. Maura just retrieves her underwear and leaves without another word. Jane makes herself come quickly once the door closes, tears down her cheeks and Maura on her lips. She slumps and leans against the closed door, holding herself since nobody else will.

+++

Maura forgives Jane. She kind of has to; Jane saved her life and her leg. And Maura saved them both with the coordinates. They forgive each other but what lies between them remains fractured. They make sure they're not alone. They seek out other company.

And then Jane gets a new mattress and Maura is the only person in her life helping her.

"Can I come?" Maura asks, when Jane talks about her dream wedding. Jane rolls onto her side and looks at her. It's okay, being alone with her now. It doesn't hurt like it used to. She knows now she broke them up, knows now there's nothing she can say that will fix things.

"You always do," Jane says without thinking. Maura put her drink down and looks Jane over with a hunger Jane recognises.

"I left you hanging. I owe you one."

"It's okay," Jane says, even though it's not, even though she'd cried on the floor for well over an hour, hoping to hear Maura's footsteps outside, hoping she'd changed her mind. "I always let you down."

"You have never," Maura says, rolling onto her side to face Jane, "and I mean never let me down."

"Never even run around and hurt you."

Maura doesn't recognise the lyrics. Jane has never been able to RickRoll her because Maura never knows when she's being RickRolled.

"I was mad about Dean. But we weren't exclusive, and I was seeing people too. We never talked about it, did we?"

Jane's hands are shaking. She nods slowly, looking over at Maura. Her voice is low and sexy, and Jane loves when she speaks foreign languages. It's so hot. Maura is so hot, but she's at her hottest when she's underneath Jane.

Jane rolls on top of her so easily that Maura's already thrusting up at her. But this time Jane is leaning down and kissing her. Jane is holding her tenderly. Jane is pulling off her tank top and sliding Maura's buttons undone, she is pressing her bare skin against Maura like she's one of those animals that breathe through their skin and Maura is oxygen to her. Jane checks in with her as her hand crawls down Maura's strong abdomen.

"You know I love you?" Jane says, then shakes her head. "I mean, I do. I love you. I've missed you. I'm really, really into you."

"Not quite," Maura says, and tilts herself up against Jane's questing fingers until they slide home, Maura as always wet enough to take as much of Jane as she can. Jane's palm rubs the little circles that drive Maura wild and her fingertips brush slowly against the wet warmth of her, against the softness that makes Maura sob as she comes in Jane's arms, Jane kissing her gently, brushing her tears away holding her as she moves against Jane until she stills and pulls Jane closer. "I owe you two."

"You owe me a new mattress; we've ruined this one."

Maura chuckles, and Jane knows everything is going to be okay.

[pissafterdark]

Would love to hear more of your thoughts on Starscream

I have so many. Here’s a bulleted list for your convenience:

Sub. Almost always a sub. He gets cranky if he doesn’t get to cum.

Absolutely microscopic cable. It’s basically a t-dick. It’s tiny.

Despite being a fixed-wing aircraft, his (and all other planes’) wings flap, twitch, and otherwise move around in correspondence with physical touch and his feelings. They are also sensitive to changes in humidity, barometric pressure, temperature, wind, and other atmospheric conditions. This helps a plane to fly better and more efficiently adapt to their environment. This applies to most if not all aircraft in general.

He is rather intimate with the Decepticon Air Force. They’re his flock. They’re like geese or ducks or something. Just look at that V formation… cmon now.

He loves to be complimented on the basis of his alt mode. He’s very proud of being a plane and it’s a very important part of his identity. He just adores being told that’s he’s fast and pretty and an excellent flier.

He does NOT like his turbines being touched. He breathes out of those. Sure, technically he doesn’t need oxygen, but it still makes him cough and that’s not very comfortable.

He really hates having his back squished up against the wall or the floor or even a soft surface like a mattress. Being pinned down makes him feel trapped, and it’s very uncomfortable for his wings.

He just LOVES getting sucked off. He’ll curl his whole body around whoever’s doing it and dig his fingers into the back of their head.

Sometimes he cries a little when he cums. And he always shrieks.

He has many fantasies about doing it in the air.

Frequent masturbator. It’s very easy to catch him in the act.

His wings shake and his alarms and chimes go off when he cums. Some of his lights come on too.

[hxney-lemcn]

How Was Your Day? — Cater Diamond x gn! reader

summery: you help Cater open up to you a bit more.

tw: hurt/comfort.

wc: 1.1k

Master List

It was so silly. You felt like you were living the most cliche scenario in the world. You had a crush on your best friend. Could you really be blamed? Not only was Cater drop dead gorgeous, but he always made you feel included and seen. There was just one thing that itched at you. You wished he would open up to you a bit more. No matter what, there felt like a barrier between you both, something that kept you from getting any closer to seeing the full painting that was Cater Diamond. You could only really see the surface, the pretty colors and beautiful framing, hiding the gritty reality that laid beneath.

You wanted to dig deeper, to truly dissect the meaning behind Cater. He was your friend, and you felt foolish that you fell for the glitz and the glamor instead of his true self. Or that’s how you felt at least. You had managed to catch glimpses of his softer moments, moments where you were feeling down. Where he’d dim down his outgoing personality and try to make you laugh with either memes he found or acting silly. And if that didn’t work? He’d listen to your complaints, only giving advice if you ask.

It was only a glimpse, though, as those moments seemed far and few in between. Putting on his cheery smile and flash of the camera. Maybe you were being selfish, but it almost hurt, knowing that Cater didn’t seem to trust you enough to show you all of himself when he’s seen you at your worst. That he can see you cry and complain, but thinks you’d mind if he did the same. You only wanted to be there for him like he was for you, to show him that he wasn’t a problem, even if he wasn’t super bubbly or outgoing. 

It seemed like you were going to get what you wished sooner than you expected. 

You hadn’t meant to stumble upon him in such a vulnerable moment. You just wanted to spend some time with your bestie/crush, knocking on his door before entering. You paused midstep, noticing a lump under the blankets on Cater’s bed, ginger hair barely peeking out. 

“Cater?” You called out cautiously, clicking the door closed behind you. He only shuffled further into his cocoon, not acknowledging your presence. Gosh, as much as you wanted him to open up, you were unsure of how to proceed, but one thing was for sure. You were not just going to let him stew alone. 

So as gracefully as you could (quite awkwardly in all honesty), you took a seat next to where he laid, hand hesitantly reaching out to pat his form. No words were said as you stroked Cater’s back, trying to think of what to say or ask.

”Do you want to talk about it?” You settled on asking.

”I’m sorry,” Cater mumbled, you could barely hear it through the thick fabric that covered him. 

“What are you sorry for?” You asked softly, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

It was silent for a few seconds before Cater mumbled brokenly, “I’m sorry you have to see me like this.”

You felt your heart break, a heavy pit filling your stomach. Cater shouldn’t hold his feelings in like this, especially when he has people willing to lend a shoulder…like you. 

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” You replied without hesitation. “I care about you, Cater. If you’re ever feeling down you can always come to me, I’ll always be here for you.”

Cater was hesitant to peek his head out of the safety of his blankets, but the sweetness of your words had his chest aching, a bittersweet feeling spreading through him. On one hand, you were saying things he had longed to hear for so long, but on the other it felt completely wrong for you to see him as anything else but happy and cheerful. 

His emerald eyes peaked at you, the lower half of his face still covered, red locks of hair falling in his face, “I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You are not a burden,” You scolded gently. “Am I a burden when I’m not feeling good?”

”Of course not,” Cater frowned from beneath the blanket. 

“So what makes you the exception?” You asked, raising an eyebrow.

Cater opened his mouth, reflexively ready to insult himself…but he couldn’t actually think of a proper rebuttal. You had actually managed to stump him. He looked so disheartened and hopeful at the same time.

“Even if I don’t actually like all the things I say I do? Even though I lie to you all about who I am?” 

“Even then,” You agreed, scrounging any confidence you had left in you, you raised a shaky hand to run it through his hair. It seemed like that was the right thing to do as Cater’s eyes shut in a look of bliss, unconsciously leaning his head into your hand. 

“Y’know you don’t have to lie about all that stuff, right?” You asked softly, scratching his scalp gently. “Who cares if you like spicy over sweet, it won’t change how much I love you.”

“Thank you,” Cater murmured with a content sigh, nuzzling his head into your thigh, soaking in your affection. 

“Of course,” You murmured back, admiring the way his hair framed his face so prettily…only to be surprised when his perfectly manicured hand reached out from beneath the blankets and wrapped around your torso, dragging you to lay down beside him. You felt your face flush from being so close, his faint freckles more visible from this distance. 

“I…” Cater spoke out, tongue thick with emotion. Those three words you said so easily felt like a ton of bricks that he just couldn’t cough up, but he wanted to oh so desperately at that moment. You watched on in concern as Cater’s face contorted into what looked semi-painful, like he was struggling with a thought.

”I love you too,” Cater managed to push out, eyeing you with anxiety and vulnerability. Your eyes widened, before it clicked that you had said those words mere minutes ago, you hadn’t even realized those words slipped past your lips, but you had meant them wholeheartedly. 

You relaxed in his hold, resting your head on his shoulder, “Hmmm, well too bad I love you more.” 

Cater let out a short giggle, nuzzling into your hair, the both of you drowning in butterflies. It was a rainy moment turned sunny, the two of you basking in the glow of the other's love. Sure, the problem wasn’t solved and Cater would still have to work on opening up to you, but it was a start, and you’d be by his side supporting him through all his ups and downs.

[millysastroblog]

SHAKING MY HEAD ASTRO NOTES PT.6_ MEN Edition 🙋🏽‍♂️

🙋🏽‍♂️Pisces placements men make for cheaters, lyiers and professional love bombers that’s why everybody hates them because they will make you feel like you are their dream women until you find out he told the same thing to your cousin 😓

🙋🏽‍♂️Taurus placement males like to impress the girl their dating with material possessions or with saying things like “they are a provider”, some of them are cheap and stingy while others try to create a comfortable space for you it’s either hit or miss

🙋🏽‍♂️Venus in Gemini men love you, your sister, and aunt EVERYBODY 🫣 (he belongs to the streets not you girl)

🙋🏽‍♂️Moon in Capricorn guys be giving 🤖 (like sir why are you so stiff)

🙋🏽‍♂️Mercury - Pluto guys be suspicious of everything and very defense if you voice an honest statement

🙋🏽‍♂️Run from Sun square Neptune, Mars square Neptune guys the will tell you any every thing but the truth these are the guys who will have a whole family behinds your back and pretend like its nothing, because they are deeply insecure within their masculine energy. they like to portray to their victims a picture perfect image when in reality they have a lot if unknown secrets behind the closet (and no it don’t mean it in a gay way , thread lightly)

🙋🏽‍♂️Sun conjunct Chiron guys are also very insecure and come of to the opposite gender as shy, weak and timid

🙋🏽‍♂️Sun in Scorpio , Moon in Virgo guys give literally JOE , like these guys become so obsessive and weird once they like someone. They have this weird disturbing energy where they try to dig for every little secret you have. They probably want to be the center of your universe. And they never forget anything you said to them worst case they will use the information they have gathered against you. 💀

🙋🏽‍♂️Venus Square Mars in Males can be an indicator of them being fruity

🙋🏽‍♂️Venus conjunct Mercury know how to talk someone’s ears of, have nice voices especially in Taurus omg 😳

🙋🏽‍♂️Virgo males are just annoying and will question you on everything (like why didn’t you wear your make up today or something, like stfu i just felt like it )

(Not me having Scorpio in the 7th and only attracting Scorpio or Pluto dominat males HELPPP 😫)

🙋🏽‍♂️Libra Men placements men are ……..ummh 💅🏽

🙋🏽‍♂️Sagittarius guys are actual fun guys until they will make fun of you 🤡

🙋🏽‍♂️Mars in Aquarius guys = the cool guy

🙋🏽‍♂️Venus in Capricorn are the definition of gentleman (positive)

🙋🏽‍♂️Moon /Venus conjunct Lilith , Moon/Venus aspect Pluto males love bad bitches like they actual don’t mind a little bit of mystery, mind games and coldness they prefer it to be honest because once you become soft or nice they will feel disgust 🥲

🙋🏽‍♂️Aries men come and go

🙋🏽‍♂️Sun, Mars conjunct/square/opposite Pluto guys offffff… these guys exude definitely a lot of dark sexual energy 🔥

🙋🏽‍♂️Aquarius guys have an tendency to be emotional unavaliable in relationships (they just want companionship)

🙋🏽‍♂️Venus conjunct Chiro guys : the cheated on, used one , rejected one, ugly duckly one, unrequited love one but with a big heart ❤️

⚠️MEN TO BE CAUTIOS OF⚠️:

⛔️1. Pisces Men Placements (especially Mercury, Venus)

⛔️2. Plutonic guys (Big 6 - Pluto) they need drama and transformation at your cost

⛔️3. Aquarius ,Gemini, Sagittarius Placements male (lose interest very easily, on to the next, here for a fun time not a long one)

⛔️4. Venus - Moon, Venus - Neptune (confused don’t know what they want)

⛔️5. Virgo, Libra placements (princesses)

⛔️6. Chiron guys (lovable but carry to much pain from previous connection, healing and awareness is needed)

~•Milly•~

SHAKING MY HEAD NOTES PT.5

[nonerrata-myarchives]

HEYYYYYY

can i req a lyrason fanfic?

pretty pleaseeeeeeee

Grayson and Lyra. ♡ One Shot.

Bedfic. Ummm. 1173 words.. shit.

The room was bathed softly in the early morning light, streaks of pale gold and sovereign blue spilling through the half-drawn lavish curtains. Outside, the world stirred awake, a faint hum of life whispering through the silence, but inside, it was warm and still. The sheets were tangled, the duvet half-kicked away, evidence of a restless night. Lyra Catalina Kane blinked herself awake, the weight of exhaustion settling into her already tired bones.

Grayson lay beside her, his face pale except for the feverish flush high on his cheeks. Even in sickness, he carried an air of unshakable perfection though the deep blooming plum beneath his eyes told a different story. She reached out instinctively, her hand brushing his damp forehead. Still hot. Way too fucking hot. He still hadn’t shaken the fever that had gripped him yesterday, and now it was spilling into today like a deep brooding thunder refusing to go.

She sighed, quietly, carefully, and shifted to slide out of bed. There was too much to do.

The world didn’t stop for anything, not even for Grayson Davenport Hawthorne. But the moment she moved, his arm tightened around her waist like a vice. Unwilling and utterly unyielding.

“Grayson,” she murmured softly, her voice still rough with sleep. She twisted to glance back at him, but his eyes were shut, his brow furrowed as if even in his fevered haze, he was waging some internal war. His lips moved, words too faint to catch, but even so he buried his face in her neck, his breath warm and uneven against her skin.

“Don’t sweetheart,” he rasped, the word dragging out of him like it cost more than it should. His voice was hoarse, cracked, stripped of its usual authority, and hearing it made something sharp twist in Lyra’s chest.

“Grayson,” she tried again, gently, this time reaching for his hand where it clung to her hip. But he didn’t let go. If anything, he held her tighter, his rough fingers digging into the soft fabric of her shirt like a drowning man clutching at the only thing keeping him afloat.

“Don’t go,” he mumbled into her neck. His voice was low, desperate, and foreign in its vulnerability. Grayson Hawthorne never asked. He commanded, he directed, he ensured things happened exactly as they were meant to. But this wasn’t that man.

Her heart cracked open, a slow ache spreading through her chest. “Gray,” she whispered, turning fully to face him now, her body shifting under his unrelenting hold. His eyes flickered open, heavy-lidded and glassy, the stormy gray of them dulled but still searching, still fixed entirely on her.

“Stay,” he said, barely audible. His voice cracked at the end, and the sound of it nearly broke her. “Just please just stay.”

Lyra exhaled, her resistance crumbling in an instant. “I’m not going far,” she promised, her hand coming up to cup his cheek. His skin was still so damn warm. but he leaned into her touch as though it was the only thing tethering him to reality.

“You’ll leave,” he murmured, his breath catching on the last word. His arm tightened again, pulling her somewhat impossibly closer, until she was pressed against him completely, her legs tangled with his. “You’ll leave, and I—” He broke off, his face pressing into the crook of her neck like he couldn't nor wanted to finish that sentence. As if it would break him.

She had never seen him like this. In the thee years she had known the asshole she had never seen him so fucking desperate.

Lyra let out a slow breath, her hand slipping into his damp hair, fingers threading through the thick mess. “I’m here,” she said softly, the words barely more than a whisper. “I’m not going anywhere, Gray.”

For a long moment, neither of them moved. She could feel the rapid beat of his heart against her. He had held her so tight she couldn't move. Grayson Davenport Hawthorne, the arrogant asshole was undone. Though right now he was just Gray, her Gray, and he needed her. And she wouldn't leave

“Lyra,” he breathed, her name a soft exhale against her neck. His voice was weaker now, but there was a reverence in the way he said it, a quiet plea wrapped in too much emotion. “I can’t—” He stopped again, the words choking off.

“You don’t have to,” she said, her hand sliding down to his back, holding him as close as he held her. “You don’t have to say anything.” She kissed the top of his head, her lips brushing against the damp strands of his hair. It smelled like foreign berries “I’m here.”

He shuddered, a shaky exhale escaping him as he buried himself deeper against her. For all his strength, all his unrelenting willpower, he melted into her like he couldn’t stand to be anywhere else. His fingers splayed against her side, anchoring him to her, and she felt the faintest tremor in his grip.

“Fuck being busy,” he muttered, the words muffled but laced with a quiet, fevered determination. His hand slid up to her back, his fingertips pressing into her as though to make sure she was real, that she wasn’t going to slip away the moment he loosened his hold. “Just stay, sweetheart. Please.”

“I’ll stay,” she whispered, her voice thick with the weight of her own emotions. “I’m not going anywhere, Gray. I promise.”

His breath hitched, and for a moment, she thought he might cry, but he just held her tighter, his face pressed against her neck. “Good,” he murmured, his voice cracking again. A different type of crack though.. one that meant something.

Minutes stretched into eternity as they lay there, tangled together in the warmth of their bed. The world outside could wait. The demands, the responsibilities, the endless push and pull of their lives—it could all wait. He needed her.

She stroked his hair more her fingers moving in slow, delicate patterns, and felt the tension in his body gradually ease. His breathing evened out, though it was still slightly labored, and she pressed another kiss to his head, murmuring soft reassurances into the quiet.

“I love you,” she said, the words soft but steady. She didn’t expect him to answer—he was too far gone, too fever-drunk and exhausted—but his arm tightened around her once more, and she felt his lips brush faintly against her collarbone.

“Love you,” he mumbled, the words slurred but heartfelt, and Lyra’s heart thumbed, the ache in her chest giving way to something warmer, something brighter. Something so exquisite she couldn't put words on it.

-----------------------------------------------

Not proof read. I'll edit just now.. I'm sorry it's shit y'all.

[arabella0001]

Tóji Fushiguro: Forbidden from the Start (Toji Fushiguro x Reader OneShot)

Pairing: Tóji Fushiguro x Reader

Anime: Jujutsu Kaisen

Synopsis: when you move next to Tóji Fushiguro, one conversation is all it takes to blur the lines.

new to smut, pls be gentle (eng not my first language)

Warnings: praise kink, teasing, rough doggy, all characters are of age/aged up, dirty talk, rough missionary, breeding king

it was an ordinary autumn day, you recently moved into the apartment next door and now you were carrying your things through the shared balcony, Toji come out of his apartment onto the shared balcony to smoke and he just stared at you with an unreadable expression. after watching you for a moment, he turned his gaze back to the city skyline, seemingly lost in thought as he pondered about life and its many mysteries. the silence between you two stretched on, broken only by the distant sounds of the bustling metropolis below. finally, Toji spoke up, his deep voice carrying across the short distance separating you.

"new place, huh? hope it treats you better than the last one." his tone was casual.

you chucke while lighting a cigarette, looking him up and down "yeah, seems fine. you? moved long ago? "

he takes another drag of his cigarette, eyeing you with a mix of amusement and skepticism "nah, I've been here for a while now. this building's got character, even if the neighbors can be a handful sometimes. "he glances around the shared balcony, taking in the worn concrete and rusted railings "but that's a part of the charm, right? "turning his attention back to you, Toji leans against the railing, crossing his arms over his broad chest."so, what brings a pretty thing like you to this neck of the woods? looking for excitement or just trying to escape something? "his green eyes gleam with mischief as he waits for your response, the scar on his lip twitching slightly.

his compliment makes you want him already more than before "well, not enterily, just wanted some peace of mind, isolated from others. but i don’t say no to something exciting who catchs my eyes"you smirk to him

a low chuckle rumbles in his chest at your flirtatious remark, his eyes narrowing slightly as he assesses you with renewed interest. "isolated, huh? sounds like we might have more in common than i thought. " he takes a final puff of his cigarette before flicking it over the balcony, watching it burn out in the street below. stepping closer, Toji crowds you against the railing, his towering frame looming over yours. his warm breath ghosts across your skin as he leans in, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. "well, I'm always up for a bit of excitement… especially when it comes in such a tempting package. "one calloused hand finds your hip, pulling you flush against him as he claims your mouth in a searing kiss.

"wait, what’s your name first? " you pull back for a asecond, a hint of surprise flashing in his emerald eyes at your sudden withdrawal. a small, amused smile plays on his lips as he regards you with a newfound respect. "Toji Fushiguro, you?” and you told him faster because the pressure already building "now, where were we? "

the bulge in his pants presses insistently against your stomach, evidence of his growing arousal. breathless from the intensity of the kiss, Toji's other hand slides down to cup your ass, giving it a firm squeeze "let's take this inside, shall we? I've got a few ideas for how to make you feel really…welcome in your new home. "with a wicked grin, he starts leading you towards your apartment door, his large hand firmly gripping your ass as he guides you.

you lead him to your room, feeling so aroused and wanting him so bad "so what are these ideas you talk about big boy?"once inside your room, Toji kicks the door shut behind him and pins you against it, his body caging you in. his hands roam over your curves, fingers digging into your flesh possessively as he claims your mouth again in a bruising kiss.

"these ideas involve showing you just how good a real man can make you feel, "he murmurs against your lips, his voice thick with lust. " i'm going to fuck you so hard, you won't remember your own name. and when I'm done with you, you're going to be begging for more. " with that promise, Toji starts tearing at your clothes, his impatience evident in the way he rips fabric without care. buttons fly everywhere as he exposes your breasts to his hungry gaze, his thumbs circling your nipples until they pebble under his touch.Toji's eyes darken with primal desire at your moan, his breathing ragged as he continues to strip you bare. Once you're naked, he steps back to admire the view, his gaze roving over your curves appreciatively.

"beautiful, "he praises, his voice low and husky. "now let's see how well you can scream my name. "

without further preamble, Toji yanks his own shirt off and tosses it aside, revealing his chiseled torso and the impressive bulge straining against his jeans. ge unfastens them quickly, freeing his thick cock which juts out proudly, already leaking precum.

"get on the bed, "he commands, his green eyes blazing with intensity. "on your knees, facing away from me. I want to watch that tight little ass of yours while I prepare to split you open. "

Toji moves behind you, his hands gripping your hips as he positions himself. the head of his cock nudges against your entrance, applying pressure in slow, deliberate thrusts.

"gonna give you exactly what you need, "he groans, his grip tightening as he lines himself up. "take it all, baby girl. every inch. " and you moan into his mouth.with a powerful snap of his hips, Toji drives into you, burying his length deep within your heat. a guttural moan escapes him at the feeling of your walls clenching around his shaft. "fuck, you're so tight… "he sets a brutal pace, pounding into you with reckless abandon, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room. his balls slap against your clit with each thrust, adding to your pleasure and his hands slide up to wrap around your throat, applying just enough pressure to heighten your pleasure while keeping you grounded.

"that’s it, scream for me, "he demands, his voice strained with exertion. "let everyone know who's fucking you senseless. " he pistons in and out of you with ruthless efficiency, his cock hitting that sweet spot inside you with every thrust. the bed creaks beneath you, the headboard slamming against the wall as he fucks you with wild abandon.

with a sudden movement, Toji flips you over onto your back, pinning your wrists above your head with one large hand. his other hand grips your thigh, spreading your legs wider to accommodate his powerful thrusts.

"look at me", he commands, his green eyes burning into yours as he begins to move once more. " want to see the pleasure on your face as I claim this pussy. " he pounds into you relentlessly, his cock stretching you to the limit with each stroke. The force of his thrusts causes your breasts to bounce enticingly, drawing his attention. "such perfect tits… " he leans down to capture a nipple between his teeth, biting gently before soothing the sting with his tongue.Toji releases your nipple with a pop, a string of saliva connecting it to his lips for a moment before breaking. he watches your reactions intently, his expression a mix of lust and dark satisfaction.

"you like that, don't you?"he purrs, his voice dripping with confidence. "like having your pretty tits played with while I ruin your tight cunt? "he resumes his relentless rhythm, the head of his cock hitting that magical spot inside you with every thrust. his free hand travels down to rub circles over your clit, providing extra stimulation to push you closer to the edge. "come for me, Y/N, "he urges, his breath hot against your ear. "show me how much you crave this dick."

"fuck Toji…you are so big…you fill me up so good" a triumphant smirk spreads across Toji's face at your words, his chest puffing out with pride.

"that’s right, baby, I'm a big man in every way, "he boasts, punctuating his statement with a particularly deep thrust that makes you gasp. "and you were made to take it, weren't you? "his hand on your clit speeds up, rubbing in firm circles. "your greedy little pussy was just waiting for a real cock to stretch it out and make it sing. "

he leans down to capture your mouth in a searing kiss, swallowing your cries of pleasure as he fucks you harder, driving you closer to the brink of orgasm. "come on, Y/N, let go, "he growls against your lips. "milk my cock dry with that sweet cunt of yours."

"holy shit, Toji" you were screaming, gasping for air while your vision turned white, squeezing his cock until making you both cum at the same time. Toji collapses on top of you, his weight pressing you into the mattress as he catches his breath. after a moment, he lifts his head to look at you, a smug grin still playing on his lips despite the exhaustion etched on his features.

"holy shit indeed, "he chuckles, his voice low and satisfied. "that was one hell of a ride. you took my cock like a champ, baby. " he rolls off you and lies beside you, pulling you into his arms. his hand lazily trails up and down your side as he nuzzles your neck. "so, what did you think of your first time with a real man? ready to ditch those toys for some quality dick whenever you need a release? "

"mhmmm…i might think about it" Toji's eyes light up with amusement at your noncommittal response, a knowing glint in their emerald depths. "oh, I think you will, "he teases, giving your hip a playful squeeze. "once you've had a taste of what a skilled man can do, there's no going back. " he pulls you closer and a amischievous smile plays on his lips.

[strnilolover]

NNN - matt sturniolo - family issues

!Warming! : this writing may contain sensitive topics for some people, including family fighting and burn out. please read with caution if family arguments or arguments in general easily trigger you.

You had slammed the cabinet door shut harder than you expected to. Your mothers words cutting your skin like a knife, your patience snapping like a taut rubber band that had been stretched too far. “I can’t believe you just said that.” you gritted, turning to her.

Your mom stood across the kitchen, arms crossed, her eyes narrowed in irritation. “I said what I said. You’re always lounging around, doing nothing, while I’m the one keeping this house together.” she spat out.

“Are you kidding me?” Your voice rose as you turned to face her, incredulous. “I vacuumed the whole house this morning, cleaned the bathroom, and scrubbed the kitchen. I’ve been running around all day trying to keep this place livable while you’ve been sitting on the couch!” your voice raised more — you were irritated and upset.

why can’t she just see how hard you work?

“And yet, the laundry is still sitting in the basket, isn’t it?” she shot back, her tone sharp and cutting. “You can’t even finish one thing properly!” her own hands slammed against the counter as her words left her lips.

Your hands balled into fists at your sides, shaking. “I can’t do everything! I’m one person! You don’t even notice the things I do unless there’s something left undone.” you could feel the tears brimming in your eyes — but you couldn’t let her see she was affecting you, you had to be strong.

“Oh, poor you,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Life is so hard for you, isn’t it? You act like you’re doing me some huge favor by cleaning, but you live here too. It’s your responsibility.”

You stared at her, your chest heaving. “Do you even hear yourself? I am doing my part, and then some! You’re the one who doesn’t lift a finger but still complains that nothing’s good enough.” you choked out.

Her face twisted in anger. “Don’t you dare talk to me like that. You have no idea what I deal with every day, keeping this house running and keeping you in it!” she screamed, coming around the counter and getting closer to you,

“Keeping me in it? Are you serious right now?” you echoed, your voice trembling more with disbelief and hurt. “You act like I’m some freeloader who doesn’t contribute. I’m breaking my back trying to help you, and all you do is tear me down!” Your said. “And on top of everything, I worked a full shift this morning. What more do you want from me?”

you were trying, you really were. Did she not see that?

Her scoff was sharp, cutting through the room. “Oh, sure. You do barely the minimum and expect a medal. Maybe if you spent less time pretending to help and more time actually contributing, I wouldn’t have to ask you for money all the time!” she was almost in your face now, you could feel her breath fanning you.

You stared at her, your hands trembling with frustration as you leaned back a little. “Are you seriously throwing that in my face? Every time you ask me for money, I give it to you. Every single time. Do you even know how hard it is to keep my job and still manage everything at home?”

She shook her head. “Don’t act like you’re some kind of saint,” she snapped. “You live here. It’s your responsibility to pitch in. Or do you think you’re entitled to a free ride?”

“I do pitch in! I’m doing everything! I pay bills when you’re short, I clean up after everyone, and I still go to work to make sure I can cover my own expenses. What do you even do besides sit there and criticize me?” you snapped back, leaning forward from your leaned back position — though that might not have been the best idea.

Her nostrils flared as her eyes turned dark, and she jabbed a finger at your chest — the force digging into your skin making you wince slightly. “Don’t you dare take that tone with me. I’ve sacrificed everything for this family, and all I ask is for you to pull your weight.”

“Pull my weight?” you repeated, your body beginning to tremble more from your overwhelmed emotions. “I’ve been carrying this house on my back, and you know it! But sure, let’s pretend I’m the problem. It’s easier for you, isn’t it?” you sniffled slightly, the words barely making it past your lips and you tried to keep it together.

“You know what?” she snapped, throwing her hands up. “If you hate it here so much, then maybe you shouldn’t come back. Go find somewhere else to stay if you think you’ve got it so bad.”

Her words stung, piercing deeper than you expected. “Fine,” you said, your voice cold and steady despite the tears beginning to spill over your waterline. “I will.”

Grabbing your keys and slipping on your shoes, you muttered under your breath, “Maybe you’ll finally notice how much I actually do when I’m not here to do it anymore.”

“Don’t come crying to me when you realize how easy you have it,” she called out as you slammed the door behind you.

The cold night air hit your face, mingling with the tears that spilled over as you made your way to your car. Your hands were shaking so badly that it took three tries to get the keys into the ignition.

You barely registered the drive to Matt’s house, your mind replaying the fight over and over like a broken record. By the time you reached his front door, your tears were coming harder, the lump in your throat so heavy it hurt to swallow.

You hadn’t even raised your hand to knock when the door opened. Matt stood there in sweatpants and a hoodie, his hair tousled like he’d been lying down, but his entire demeanor shifted the moment he saw you. His brows furrowed in concern as his eyes scanned your tear-streaked face.

“Baby,” he said softly, stepping aside to let you in. “What’s wrong?”

As soon as his arms opened, you crumbled into him. The second you felt his warmth and smelled the familiar scent of his cologne — something woodsy and comforting — you broke down completely. Your hands clutched at his hoodie as your sobs wracked your body.

“Hey, hey,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around you tightly. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. Just let it out.”

He gently guided you into the living room, keeping you close as he sat down on the couch and pulled you into his lap. His large hands rubbed soothing circles on your back while his other hand cradled the back of your head.

“I-I can’t do it anymore, Matt,” you finally managed to choke out between sobs. “She doesn’t see anything I do. She doesn’t care. She just — she just keeps tearing me down.”

“Who?” he asked softly, leaning back just enough to look at you. His hand moved to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing away a stray tear. “Who’s tearing you down?”

“My mom,” you whispered, your voice breaking. “She said I don’t do anything, but I do everything. I worked this morning, cleaned the whole house, and then she asked me for money again — like she always does — and still told me I don’t pull my weight. It’s like… no matter how hard I try, it’s never enough for her.”

Matt’s jaw tightened, his eyes darkening with anger. “That’s not fair. You work so hard, and she has no right to treat you like that. I’ve seen how much you do, how much you give. You’re amazing, and if she can’t see that, then that’s on her — not you.” he said, holding you tighter to him.

You sniffled, wiping at your cheeks. “It just hurts, you know? I’ve been trying so hard to keep everything together, and she acts like I’m nothing but a burden.”

“You are not a burden,” he said firmly, tilting your chin up so you had no choice but to meet his gaze. “Do you hear me? You are not a burden. You’re one of the strongest, most selfless people I know. She doesn’t deserve you.” he stated, making sure you knew his words were true.

“But she’s my mom,” you said softly, your voice trembling. “I want to make her proud. I want her to see that I’m trying.” Matt’s expression softened, and he leaned in to rest his forehead against yours. “I know you do. But you don’t have to destroy yourself to earn someone else’s approval, especially hers. You’re enough just as you are, okay? You’re more than enough.”

You let out a shaky breath, fresh tears spilling over, but this time they weren’t just from sadness. There was something in his words, in the way he held you, that eased the tightness in your chest.

“Thank you,” you whispered. He shook his head, “You don’t have to thank me,” he said gently. “That’s what I’m here for.”

He adjusted you in his lap, tucking the blanket tighter around your shoulders before pressing a soft kiss to your temple. “Listen, you’re staying here tonight. No arguments. I’m not letting you go back there like this.” he muttered against your temple.

“I don’t want to go back,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “Then you won’t,” he said firmly. “This is your home tonight, and for as long as you need it to be.”

You rested your head against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. His hand rubbed slow, soothing circles on your back, and his voice was soft when he spoke again.

“You know you’re not alone, right? You’ve got me. Always.”

You sniffled once more. “I know,” you whispered. “I just… I feel so unappreciated sometimes. Like nothing I do matters.” you could feel the self doubt settling into you now — from your mothers words earlier. Were you really not doing a good enough job?

“It matters to me,” he said, his voice steady and sure. “Everything you do matters to me. I see you, and I’m so proud of you. You’re doing more than anyone should ever have to, and you’re doing it so well.”

You looked up at him, your heart clenching at the sincerity in his eyes. “You really mean that?”

He hummed, “Of course I do,” he said, a small smile tugging at his lips. “I’ll tell you as many times as you need to hear it until you believe me. You’re incredible, and anyone who can’t see that is blind.” And a soft laugh escaped you, he grinned, his thumb brushing your cheek. “There she is. There’s my girl.”

You felt your cheeks flush at the nickname, and for the first time all day, the tightness in your chest began to ease. “Do you want to talk more about it, or do you just want to relax?” he asked gently. “Relax,” you said after a moment. “I’m too tired to think anymore.”

“Good call,” he said with a smile, grabbing the remote from the coffee table. “How about something stupidly funny? Or do you want me to cook something for you first? I can make you those pancakes you like.” You shook your head, leaning into him. “Just stay with me.”

“Always,” he murmured, pulling you closer.

He put on some random comedy show, and you both sat in comfortable silence for a while. His hand never stopped tracing lazy patterns on your back, and every now and then, he’d drop a kiss to the top of your head. By the time you started to drift off, your body nestled against his, you felt a little lighter than you had in days.

© strnilolover

a/n : am i self projecting? maybe. but i’m not in that situation anymore and haven’t been for over a year. but please, if any of you are in this kind of situation, know that there is always a way out. don’t be afraid to ask for help. (i also wrote this on the bus without my glasses so i’m so sorry if some parts may not make sense)

[saveyourblood]

Pretty Boy - Ch 4 (Buddie x Reader)

Summary: You can feel Buck staring. When your eyes meet his, you realize he’s staring at your hand, which is still on Eddie’s knee. You slowly retreat, which makes Buck turn his attention to your face. You smile softly. He just looks out the window. The one where you’re an advanced paramedic, Buck and Eddie are firefighters, and you think you might be in love with both of them.

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3

A/N: You know what would be cool? If you left a comment :) Word Count: 3.9k Warnings: mentions of trauma/injury

“Alright, speed-round: if you weren’t doing this, what would you be doing?” Bobby asks as he cooks breakfast.

You’re sitting at the kitchen island, nursing your second cup of coffee. Everyone’s shift started two and a half hours ago, right at 5 am. There hasn’t been a call for the 118 yet, so Bobby’s taking advantage of the opportunity.

“Fighter pilot: Topgun. Call sign: shogun,” Chim answers as he digs into his omelet.

Hen laughs.

“What about you, Hen?” You smile.

“Editorial cartoonist, The New Yorker. I have a lot to say,” she says as she sits down.

You raise your eyebrows as the men share a look.

“You draw?” Bobby asks, surprised.

“No, it's a dream. It's not supposed to be attainable,” Hen argues. She looks at you. “What would you be?”

“You know, ever since I was a kid, I loved helicopters,” you remark. “During paramedic training, I learned about flight nursing and thought that was super cool. I guess I would be a flight nurse.”

You go back to drinking your coffee, but everyone stays silent. You look up to find them staring at you.

You chuckle in confusion. “What?”

“Girl, you could go do that now if you wanted to,” Hen says.

“I can’t just decide to be a nurse,” you argue.

“You could go be a flight paramedic if you wanted to,” Bobby says. “And since you’re an advanced paramedic, you can become a nurse in like, half the normal time.”

You frown. “Seriously?”

He nods. “There are a lot of paramedic-to-RN bridge programs out there. California prefers nurses with bachelor’s degrees, but you could get your associate’s degree and go from there. You might need some hospital experience to beef up your resume, but otherwise, you’d be a shoo-in.”

Chim looks at Bobby in disbelief. “Why would you tell her all of that?”

He laughs. “What?”

“You’re gonna make her leave!” Hen exclaims. She sets her head on your shoulder. “We don’t want her to leave—we love her.”

You smile and pat Hen’s shoulder. “I’m not leaving. I love what I do right now, and I love the people I do it with. That’s why it’s just a dream.”

It’s true: you love what you do… most of the time. When you don’t love it, you really fucking hate it. But that’s anywhere. You should just count your blessings, cut your losses, or whatever the expression is.

Buck joins you all, grabbing an apple from the bowl between you and Hen.

“Buckaroo, If you were not a member of the LAFD, what would you be doing?” Chim asks.

“Uh, I don’t know,” Buck frowns as he sits beside you. “I’m not getting fired, am I?”

Bobby gives him a look of contemplation that makes you snort.

Chim casually takes another bite. “That’s inevitable.”

“He’d be a golden retriever,” Hen chimes in.

“No, a bartender,” Chim says. “No, no, a bouncer at a bar.”

“A bouncer at a strip club,” you correct him.

Chim and Hen high-five each other, then you. You turn to your side. Buck has a small smile on his face, but you can tell something is eating at him.

“What’s going on, Pretty Boy?” you ask. When he meets your gaze, you offer (what you hope is) an encouraging smile.

“Traffic sucks in this town unless you're driving ten tons of engine with sirens,” Buck says. “It took me almost two hours to get from my place to the call center downtown, then back over here. I told Maddie she needs to start Ubering.”

You frown at the mention of ‘Maddie,’ a name you haven’t heard before. Does Buck have a girlfriend? And they’re already living together? Something about that doesn’t sit right with you. It feels like a piece of lead took residence in your stomach, and the space between your lungs and ribs got slightly smaller.

“Maddie?” You ask, trying to sound neutral.

“My sister,” Buck clarifies.

The lead in your stomach evaporates. “Oh. I didn’t know you had a sister. She’s living with you?”

“For now, until she finds a place of her own,” Buck nods.

You nod as well. “How are things going?”

“Well, she’s a Buckley, so she’s practically running the place,” Buck says.

Bobby offers him a plate, which he accepts. He stands up to go to the table, and on his way over, he pats your shoulder twice. When he’s out of sight, Hen cocks her head and raises an eyebrow.

“What?” You ask her, deadpan.

“‘Maddie’?” she repeats, mocking how you said her name.

“It was a question.”

“You sounded like a jealous girlfriend,” Hen laughs.

“I’m not jealous, and I’m definitely not his girlfriend.”

“Doesn’t mean you couldn’t be,” Hen says in a sing-song voice as she stands.

“Yeah, you better run,” you threaten playfully as she approaches the table.

She flips you the bird, and you laugh loudly.

The first call of the shift is to a building affected by an earthquake. It sounds like the scene already has plenty of paramedics, so for the first time in a long time, you’re in firefighter gear and will be helping pull victims from the site. It’s not your favorite thing to do all the time—that’s what the rescue team is for. Every once in a while isn’t bad, though. It gets your blood pumping like paramedicine does; you only tend to use your muscles more than your brain. It’s also fun to sit in an engine instead of the rig for a change.

Eddie is next to you, and since getting on, he hasn’t looked up from his phone. His brow is furrowed, and his forehead is already shining with sweat.

You lean over, knowing you’ll still have to yell for him to hear you over the engine and sirens. “Everything okay?”

He looks at you, then back at his phone. “Yeah, no service. Texts won’t even get through.”

He’s pissed, and you have no clue why.

“Okay,” you say slowly. “Who are you trying to get a hold of?”

Eddie stares at you momentarily, then looks around the engine at the other passengers.

“My son,” he eventually explains. “I’m trying to reach my son.”

“Woah, you got a kid?!” Buck exclaims.

“Christopher,” Eddie says, pulling up a picture on his phone. He shows you, then Buck. “He’s seven.”

“He looks like a sweet kid,” you say.

“Yeah, he’s super adorable,” Buck agrees. “I uh, I love kids.”

“I love this one,” Eddie says quietly. “I’m all he’s got. His mother’s not in the picture.”

“He’s at school right now?” You ask, tilting your head.

Eddie nods.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” you say, patting his knee reassuringly.

Eddie glances from your hand to your face. He nods slightly and gives you a closed-mouth smile. He wants to believe you, but his parental instincts tell him not to. You get it. No one but Chris can quell that anxiety.

You can feel Buck staring. When your eyes meet his, you realize he’s staring at your hand, which is still on Eddie’s knee. You slowly retreat, which makes Buck turn his attention to your face. You smile softly. He just looks out the window.

The damaged building is one of the craziest things you’ve seen in a long time. It’s on the corner, leaning out over the street below. All of the buildings around it look fine on the outside. It truly looks like something from an apocalyptic movie.

“You guys ever deal with anything like this before?” Eddie asks once you’re all standing on the sidewalk.

Bobby shakes his head, still staring up at the building. “Nope.”

A cop is escorting a couple down the sidewalk. They’re fighting her to go back.

“You have to let me back in there, my baby is in there!” The woman screams.

“Please, our daughter is still inside!” The man protests as an officer pushes him back. “She’s eight years old! Her name is Kat!”

Your stomach is in knots. This is why you don’t like working rescue. As a paramedic, you don’t know what you’re walking into. When you work search and rescue, you know what you’ll find; you just might not like it.

You follow your team as Bobby looks for the Incident Commander. You begin walking through a makeshift medical bay, and you can see that they’ve already implemented disaster protocol triage. Each patient is wearing a tag with their assigned triage color. Green means stable, yellow means a serious injury but not an emergency, red means an immediate threat to life, and black indicates death or injuries incompatible with life. You mostly see green and yellow, which is a good sign.

You overhear some of what Chief Williams, the Incident Commander, and Bobby are discussing. Essentially, the building is on a fault line, and the only thing keeping it upright is some steel, so one aftershock and the whole thing could come down.

Bobby faces you all. “Okay, listen up: Here's how you make it to the end of the day. You don't worry about the things that you can't do anything about. Focus on one task at a time. I can't order you guys to go inside that building, and I'm not gonna judge you if you decide not to.”

“Where do you want us?” Is the first thing Eddie asks.

Bobby is pulled to help with triage, while Chim and Hen see a woman on the 11th floor needing rescue. This left you with Eddie and Buck by default, who are tasked with sweeping the ground floor in search of any survivors or rescue teams that may need additional assistance.

You find some bodies that you leave black tags on and spray paint an ‘x’ on a landmark near them. You aren’t entirely sure you believe in god, but just in case, you also send a prayer.

“How does it feel to be in on the action for once?” Buck asks with a grin. “Ya know, instead of standing outside waiting like you normally do.”

“So far? I’m not loving it,” you retort, ducking under a massive piece of concrete.

A firefighter from a different crew approaches you, a victim in tow.

“Need any help?” Eddie asks.

“All good,” The firefighter replies. “There’s a kid maybe 50 feet back, he needs EMTs. Bad.”

“Is it a little girl?” you ask, thinking of Kat. Honestly, you aren’t sure what you want the answer to be.

“No, an African American teenager,” he clarifies.

“Fire and Rescue, hello?!” Buck shouts.

“Right here!” A voice shouts back. “Thank god, man, he’s stuck!”

The three of you have to crawl across a beam to get to him. You’re the last one to make it across, and Buck hands you your bag once you do. You give him a single nod, which he returns.

“What’s your name, kiddo?” You ask with a smile as you approach the victim.

A man is holding one of his hands, and the other is cradling his head. He doesn’t appear to be his father, but you can tell they know each other somehow. You can see why: his injury is brutal. His left leg is trapped under a massive concrete support beam, one that normally goes from the ceiling to the floor.

“Jeff,” he answers shakily.

“You already try and move some debris, see if you can pull him free?” Eddie asks as he gets a set of vitals.

“The second we touched the beam, everything above started shifting,” the man responds.

Buck stares up. “Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of. It looks like this debris is holding up this section of the ceiling. If we try to pull it out of the way, this whole area could cave in.”

“My friend Eddie and I are gonna stablize your neck, okay Jeff?” You say as you get the c-collar out of your pack.

Eddie holds C-spine as you slide the collar around Jeff’s neck.

“I-I can’t move it, coach,” Jeff says. “How bad is it?”

“Hey, bones heal, alright?” His coach replies.

“Sir, this firefighter is gonna lead you out of here,” Buck interrupts.

“No, screw that, I’m staying, alright? This kid is a son to me.”

“Okay, we need to focus all of our attention on Jeff right now. We can't be worried about your safety, too,” Buck insists. “Now go.”

A sense of pride swells in your heart. Buck is taking charge of the situation, similar to how Bobby would. Sometimes, you can hardly believe this is the same guy who got fired for not respecting the job.

Buck approaches you. “What’ve we got?”

“Crushed tibia and fibula,” you answer. “Looks like it missed any major arteries.”

“Alright, Pretty Boy, what do you think?”

Both Buck and Eddie begin talking. They frown and glance at each other, then at you.

Your cheeks burn a little. “Um, Buck is Pretty Boy.”

Buck gives a little shit-eating grin.

“Huh, sounds like there’s a story there,” Eddie notes.

The three of you are standing in a small circle, out of earshot from Jeff. You’re trying to decide what the next step is, and the boys have considered every option… except yours.

“What if we try chipping away at the debris, try to make headway,” Eddie suggests.

“Are you crazy? The entire goddamn building could come crashing down us,” you argue. “I don’t know why we’re even discussing this. There’s one option: we get a trauma surgeon in here, and Jeff loses his leg instead of his life.”

“Basketball is his life,” Buck says. His arms are folded across his chest, and he sways back and forth a little as he thinks.

“Yeah, Well, it isn’t just his life at stake,” you retort. “We’re here too, and call me selfish, but I don’t want to die so a kid can play with a ball. That’s also assuming, by the way, that his leg is even salvageable when all is said and done. And it might not be.”

“You don’t know that it isn’t,” Eddie shrugged. “We have to at least try, right?”

“Okay, I know you boys are super into the whole ‘badass, lifesaving, run-into-danger’ firefighter thing, but we have to be realistic. This isn’t just Jeff we’re talking about. Hell, this isn’t just about the four of us. It’s about everyone above us, too: Hen, Chim, and god knows how many other firefighters and survivors. Risking all of their lives for one person isn’t heroic—it’s stupid.”

“What about an airbag?” Buck says to Eddie. “We shore up this pocket we're in. get an air bag to lift up the beam that’s pinning him down.”

Eddie nods thoughtfully. “Yeah, that could work.”

You tap your mouth like it’s a microphone. “Is this thing on?”

Buck sighs. “Look, we can’t just—”

“I can hear you, you know,” Jeff interrupts your conversation. “Shouldn’t I get a vote?”

You look at Jeff, then back at your coworkers. Without saying anything, you all move back over to Jeff, surrounding him in a formation similar to before.

“Jeff, what do you want to to do?” You ask, gently taking his hand.

He squeezes your hand. “I may be able to live without my leg, but I don’t know if I can live knowing I could have saved it, but didn’t.”

You smile and nod. You look to Buck and Eddie. “Then we try the airbags.”

“Alright, Jeff, you ready?” Buck asks.

Buck is at Jeff’s shoulders, Eddie is at his hip, and you’re crouched at his feet. Buck and Eddie will move Jeff once the airbag deploys, and it’s your job to make sure he’s clear.

Jeff nods. “Yeah, but if things go wrong, leave me and save yourselves. This is my choice to try this.”

“Eh, I kind of like you, so now you’re stuck with me,” you joke. You get at least a chuckle out of everyone. “All four of us are getting out of here.”

“That’s right,” Eddie agrees, “with all 8 legs.”

Buck leans in a little closer to Jeff. “Now, Jeff, she gave you some morphine, but once we move you, it’s gonna hurt like hell. You ready?”

Jeff agrees, quietly at first but then loudly. “Yeah. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah, come on, we’re the champs.”

You smile and can almost taste how bittersweet the expression is. Buck and Eddie quickly catch on and begin agreeing.

“Yeah, we’re the champions!” Buck shouts.

“We got this! Yeah, we got this!” Eddie yells.

Eventually, the three of them just yell in similar octaves. They sound like a bunch of little boys excited to play a game. You have to blink a few times, holding back tears.

Buck counts down, then turns a nozzle to deploy the airbag. You can hear some cracking sounds but feel no slack on Jeff’s leg.

“Anything?!” Buck shouts.

“A little more!” Eddie shouts back.

Debris begins to fall on your shoulders, and you can feel the surface below you shaking.

“Come, come on, come on—”

Jeff’s leg is suddenly free enough, and you and Eddie pull him to the side.

In seconds, the three of you have him on the backboard, splinted, and ready for transport. Each of you is singing your praises to Jeff, encouraging him, and assuring him he did a good job. The boys get him onto the platform your team crawled in on. The boys are doing the heavy lifting, so you let them go first.

As you start to slide across the beam, you catch something in the corner of your eye. It’s a pink and purple sneaker, likely a child’s.

“Kat?” you shout, digging for your flashlight. “Kat?!”

After getting Jeff out, you confirm that Kat was wearing pink and purple shoes, which means she’s stuck somewhere in the building. The three of you return to the building with additional firefighters, all calling out Kat’s name.

An aftershock begins. Everything around you begins shaking, and you can feel the ground start to give. It makes your stomach do a few backflips. There’s a massive shift below you, and before you even realize it’s happening, you’re falling between two segments. For a moment, you hear Eddie and Buck call your name. Then, all you can hear is the world falling on top of you.

Eventually, everything becomes still. You reach for your radio, trying to get unpinned from whatever came crashing down on you. “Buck?! Eddie?!”

You can’t explain it, but you can feel you’re in a different spot. The air didn’t just get colder; it’s like the actual pressure of the atmosphere shifted.

You find there’s some slack above your legs, so you begin kicking. “Is anyone down here?!”

“Hey,” a gravely voice calls out.

You grunt a few times as you pry and pull yourself from the rubble. When you break free, you see a trapped firefighter a few feet away. His legs are completely obstructed, and he’s pressed flat on his back.

“Hey, 221, right?” you say, opening your medi bag. “We ran into some of your boys earlier. I’m 118.”

“Russ, 221,” he confirms.

“Russ, where’s your radio?” You ask as you look around. “Mine’s toast.”

“I don’t have one,” he rasps out, “all radios were issued out. It’s not my shift?”

You feel a pull on your heartstrings. “ Oh my god, you came in on your day off, Russ?”

“Eh, I had nothing better to do,” He jokes with a weak laugh.

You begin looking around and think of various ways to free Russ. You first try pushing the debris away, which proves unsuccessful. You then try pulling Russ out, and when that doesn’t work, you try using your fire axe as a jack.

“There’s gotta be an actual jack in one of these cars,” you say, swinging your head around as you try to locate the nearest vehicle.

“Don’t waste your strength or your time,” Russ protests.

“Enough of that, Russ,” you gently scold. “We’re both getting out of here, okay?”

“I’m not. Fractured pelvis, flail chest... Even I couldn't save me, and... you don't know me, but I'm good.”

“Yeah? Well maybe I’m better,” You argue, finding a nearby car door. You open it. “Hang in there.”

“I’m not gonna make it,” Russ coughs. You rush to his side, and it looks like he’s spitting up blood. “Help's not coming. Not in time, anyway. So, please, my kit. The morphine. Give me a bolus.” He coughs and moans a little. “Oh, make it three.”

“I'll give you one, just to keep you comfortable, but we're not giving up, okay?” You say as you begin rifling through your bag.

“Are you married?” Russ asks.

You shake your head. “Haven’t gotten around to it.”

“Well, I was,” Russ explains. “She was always worrying that I wouldn't... make it back home to see her. Decided maybe it's better if I just stopped coming home altogether. I think maybe she was... onto something.”

You’re drawing up the last little bit of morphine when Russ goes quiet. You drop the syringe and shake his shoulders. “Russ?! Russ!”

You put your fingers to his neck, but you know you aren’t going to find a pulse. His eyes are already glazed over, his face totally relaxed.

You throw the syringe of morphine as hard as you can, curling up into a ball. “Dammit.”

You stay like that for a while, probably longer than you should. A few silent tears stream down your face. You eventually wipe away your tears, close Russ’s eyes, and continue forward.

You go for as long as you can, but the air gets so thin that it becomes hard to breathe. At some point, you stumble to your feet, leaning back against some rubble behind you. You take in a few deep breaths, and you exhale them as sobs.

Wiping at your eyes again, you reach for your phone. It’s something you never wanted to do, but it feels like the right decision. When you find your phone, you click into the voice memo app.

“Hey, Bobby,” you say, letting out a cough. “I’m sorry you have to hear them this way, but you deserve some last words from me, so here I go: working with you has been the greatest pleasure of my life.”

You record one for each of your co-workers, your family members.

“Chim, I always thought of you as a mentor…”

“Hen, your friendship has meant the absolute world to me…”

“Eddie, I haven’t known you for long, but I’m glad I got to meet you…”

“Pretty Boy,” you laugh, then cough again. “Evan Buckley… where do I even start with you? I’m not gonna lie: I really didn’t like you when we first met. And that’s funny, because now, you’re probably one of the most important people in my life. You definitely proved me wrong, man: you were good. You are good. And you have to keep being good, okay? I might not be there to see it anymore, but you should still do it. Do it for the both of us, will ya?”

A few tears fall from your face as you end the recording. You take a few deep breaths before marching onward.

[aquaticmercy]

Bloodthirst

Part 5 of Dark Necessities

Series Summary : You drink Bucky’s blood out of necessity and accidentally form a primal bond that has the ability to unlock an ancient ritual magic.

Chapter Summary : As Bucky’s obsession with the bond grows, you meet a stranger who claims he can help.

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x half-vampire!reader (she/her)

Warnings/tags : Blood. Death. Cursing.Violence. Pleasure from a vampire bite (?). The reader is a dhampir/half-vampire/daywalker like Blade, and Blade is a mentor figure in this. Established relationship. Not a really an au, set in the MCU so semi-canon compliant except for the fact that blade is here lol.

Word Count : 2.7k

Note : hey y’all! I haven’t updated this in over a week, but as it stands, I am going to upload a chapter 2-3 times a week. Let me know if I missed anyone in the tag list. Enjoy!

Bucky’s obsession with Joanna’s journal crept in quietly, at first. He kept it tucked under his arm, bringing it with him even to the smallest corners of his life. Before long, he felt like he was compelled to carry a piece of her story.

In the low light of the bedside table, he’d lose hours tracing her words with a respect that bordered on devotion. Each night, you’d find him hunched over the journal, eyes fixed on the paper as if every letter were sacred. His breaths would grow shallow, his body still, save for the fingers that turned the pages. You’d watch him from across the room, feeling a knot tightening in your chest because it did in his.

You knew you should probably take a peek, but the idea of reading it yourself filled your head with a uneasy dread. 

You didn’t want to know what was written inside—didn’t want to see the horrors the bond you shared with Bucky reflected in the pages. There was a fear you couldn’t shake off— that the journal held a blueprint of what your future with him might become, and it terrified you more than you could admit.

One night, after you fed on him and showered, you heard him turn the page and exhale, almost a sigh. You knew it couldn’t be anything good.

I can feel Celine’s heartbeat even when she’s not near. When she leaves, I feel like a ship wandering the seas without a destination. Her soul burns with mine like a flame, and I am afraid of how much I crave it.

How strange to feel so full, yet so empty without her… I wonder if this hunger is love or something else entirely. I cannot tell. But I do not care to know the difference.

As Bucky read, his grip on the journal tightened, knuckles turning white. His storm-blue had that faraway look again, as if Joanna’s writing had taken the words right out of his mouth. 

He didn’t notice how his breaths grew shallow the way you did— and how his shallow intakes of air made it harder for you to breathe. 

You bit down on the inside of your cheek instinctively. In that moment, he felt his cheeks ache, too. Warily, he looked up to you. 

He shut the book and smiled as if nothing was wrong. But he couldn’t hide these things from you anymore— you felt the dread he did, the spiral of obsession slowly digging deeper and deeper into his skull, taking root in his brain.

And still, you didn’t open the journal. You haven’t read a single sentence. 

It felt like the last line of defense, a boundary between what you could bear to know and what would destroy you if you did.

—

Today, you went on another mission— Elsa Bloodstone had tipped you off. 

The sunlight was blinding, slicing through the vein-like branches of the forest like a blade, yet the trees were so thick that there were pockets of darkness underneath.  

You and Bucky moved in near-silence through the edge of the woods, stalking the faerie that had left two vampires dead in the last three days. The forest seemed to sway with purpose, the earth beneath your boots uncharacteristically still. 

Every snap of a twig, every rustle of leaves set your senses on fire as you stayed close to Bucky’s side. The faerie had been maddeningly elusive. 

But you both knew it was near— you had caught a glimpse of their feet and followed it here. 

Bucky’s grip on his rifle was tight, his keen eyes flicking to every shadow that might move. He had specifically prepared silver-tipped bullets in his weapon, hoping he wouldn’t need it. Between you, the bond buzzed softly, a shared endless rise and falls of energy. His adrenaline felt like it had mixed with yours, creating a heady cocktail that made you hyper-aware, feeling the beat of his heart as if it was your own.

The daylight gave you an advantage—Bucky had insisted on that. The faeries had killed vampires— they would expect a vampire to avenge them. They would not expect a daywalker. 

This was your best chance. 

And yet, this seemed too easy.

As you stepped into a small clearing, the forest fell silent. Not the natural quiet of nature— it was like noise had been sucked out of the air in a vacuum. 

It was the kind of stillness that promised violence. 

You halted, your hand instinctively resting on the hilt of your dagger. The faint scent of blood drifted to you, sharp and metallic, and your eyes followed it to a figure slumped against the thick trunk of a tree.

A young vampire. Recently turned, by the smell of it.

The fledgling’s throat had been violently slashed, a grotesque smile carved into his pale flesh. His wide, empty eyes stared up at the canopy above. He likely was sheltering out the sun under the shade of the ancient tree.  A dark red streak ran down his neck, a brutal sight against his alabaster skin.

“This isn’t right,” you whispered, your voice barely audible as you began to back away. Your instincts screamed at you to run. “They’re leaving victims for us to find.”

He stiffened beside you, his head jerking up as he scanned the perimeter. His mouth opened to respond, but the forest answered first. 

Figures seemed to spill from the edges of your vision, flickering like flames. They moved with impossible grace, as if they were one with air itself. 

Faeries. 

Their pale, luminous skin glowed like winter’s first frost beneath sunrise. They wore flowing garments in shades of moonlight, their faces achingly beautiful but marred by a cruel childlike glee. They danced in and out of sight, their laughter piercing your ears, sharp as broken glass. 

You knew, now, that this was a trap. 

The bond between you and Bucky flared, his pulse thundering in your head. He moved closer, his back pressed against yours as the faeries closed in. Their movements were so fluid, so deliberate. One stepped forward, its lips curling into a smile that sent a chill down your spine.

“The blood-bonded lovers,” she said, her tone dripping with genuine wonder. “How rare. How precious.”

A shiver ran through your veins. 

These weren’t just faeries. Your eyes flicked to the brands on their necks— intricate, thorny roses etched into their pale skin. 

A marker of devotion.

“A cult,” you breathed, the realization hitting you like a blow. “A faerie cult.”

The stories came rushing back to you, dark whispers of faerie cults who performed ancient rituals to bend the natural forces to their will. The tales always mentioned daywalkers, their connection said to hold unspeakable power.

Perhaps they wanted to test their rituals on a blood bonded daywalker now.

One of the faeries began to hum, the melody soft and haunting. The sound wormed its way into your chest, vibrating in your bones, fraying your nerves. 

“To bring back the dead requires a blood sacrifice so rare,” the faerie purred, their eyes gleaming with hunger. “A blood sacrifice so potent.”

Bucky’s body tensed beside you, the bond crackling with his thoughts— anger, fear, and above all, a determination that burned like fire. You felt an unspoken promise ripple through the connection: he would not let them take you. But you knew he could feel your thoughts as well, that you were going to protect him just the same. 

The first faerie lunged, and you both moved as one. Bucky’s shot first, the silver-tipped bullet slicing through the air and slicing into the faerie’s shoulder. It staggered back with a shriek, its blood sparkling like liquid starlight. Another darted toward you, your dagger in hand, slicing into its flesh. The faerie hissed, otherworldly beauty twisting into monstrousityz

But then— 

A sharp sting bit into your neck. And another.

You slapped at the source, but it was too late. A cold numbness spread through your veins. 

You heard Bucky say your name, his voice quiet and distant. The world tilted, the sunlight fading, the trees dissolving into darkness. 

You both hit the ground.

And then there was nothing.

—

When you woke up, the first thing you noticed was the moon, bright and full, hanging high in the sky above you. 

How long had it been? 

You were in a hole in the ground, vines wrapped around your wrists. The air was damp, the faint scent of moss clinging to your senses as you groggily tried to sit up. 

“You’re finally awake,” came Bucky’s low, steady voice. He was crouched beside you, his metal hand working at the knots that held you captive. 

“How did you untie yourself?” you croaked, your voice still groggy, the lingering effects of the poison lingering.

Bucky shrugged, a faint smirk tugging at his lips. “They didn’t factor in the whole blood-bonded supersoldier thing. Woke up, snapped the vines. Easy.”

You blinked at him, still drowsy. “How are you, like… fully awake already?” 

He held up a dart casing he’d pulled from his arm. The faintly glowing residue inside it shimmered faintly under the moonlight. “Silverleaf poison,” he said, toying with it between his fingers. “Hits vampires harder than humans. Guess they were banking on me being out longer.” 

You couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped you even now. He’s been reading up on your kind. 

It took another minute or two, but he finally freed you from the vines. He helped you to your feet, steadying you with a hand on your waist. The bond between you buzzed faintly, a steady pulse of his calm sensibility grounding you. 

“They caught us off guard once,” you muttered, shaking off the last vestiges of grogginess. You looked up to the opening above you. You grabbed a root that had snaked down and started to climb out. “Not again.”

Bucky nodded, stretching his metal arm. He felt naked without his weapon, but this’ll do.

As you climbed out of the hole, the forest greeted you with an eerie silence. No whispers. No laughter. Nothing. 

Yet again, you got the creeping feeling that said the silence must mean something was wrong. 

Together, you moved cautiously into the clearing, every step feline. The smell hit you first—sharp, metallic, unmistakable. Blood. 

Then you saw them. 

The faeries. 

Their once luminous, otherworldly bodies lay sprawled across the ground like discarded old marionettes. Their glowing skin was smeared with their silvery blood, their flowing garments torn and stained. Some had wide, glassy eyes staring lifelessly at the canopy above; others had their faces frozen in terror. Their bodies were twisted at unnatural angles, limbs discarded as they had been ripped apart.

“Holy fuck…” Bucky trailed off, scanning the scene with wide eyes. He stepped forward, nudging one of the corpses with the toe of his boot. 

It didn’t stir.

You knelt beside another body, your hand hovering over the intricate thorny brand on its neck. The symbol seemed to flicker faintly, the glow fading as though whatever power had coursed through it was finally snuffed out. 

Then, you saw the figure standing at the center of the carnage.

You couldn’t take your eyes off him. 

Tall and refined, he seemed utterly untouched by the chaos around him. His coat, deep purple with intricate gold trim, swirled faintly in the breeze. A lavish feather boa was draped over his shoulders, absurdly elegant. His dark eyes stayed on you and Bucky. 

The vampire from Dead Club City.

He was renewed with energy— almost glowing.

His fangs glinted of silvery blood.

Oh, he’d kept a couple of the faeries alive enough to feed.

Faerie blood was an acquired taste— and it was intoxicating. A recreational hallucinogenic drug for the vampire community at times, though not without danger— you have heard of multiple overdose cases. 

Yet here he was, unchanged by the blood he had drank— as if he had a resistance to it. As if he had built up tolerance to it.

His smirk deepened. It was not friendly. Not warm. 

“Ah, the hunters,” he said, his voice smooth and sweet. “Or shall I say, the hunted?”

Your stomach twisted. You could feel the hum of the bond with Bucky at your side, his tensed breathing a steady pull in your chest. He shifted, moving half a step in front of you, his stance protective.

His grip on your arm stayed firm—a reassurance that you weren’t alone. Still, unease prickled along your skin. This man—this vampire—was dangerous in ways you couldn’t yet define.

He had done this. Effortlessly. 

And now his attention was on you.

“Eric Veer,” He introduced as he approached, his boots crunching softly against the ground, not caring if he stepped on some faerie remains on his way.

There was nothing kind in this man’s face, only an ancient hunger, hidden beneath a thin layer of civility. 

Bucky, however, didn’t move. His hand tightened on your arm—not in alarm, but in caution. His thoughts, muted but present through the bond, was conflicted. But mostly, it was curiosity. 

It made you want to shake him, want to shout at him. How could Bucky not feel the danger emanating from this man? How could he not see the predator that lingered beneath the elegant facade?

Eric’s gaze shifted to Bucky, and then to you, lingering for a second too long. His eyes dropped to where Bucky’s hand gripped your arm. 

“Fascinating,” he murmured. “The connection between you… so raw. So untested.”

You wanted to step back, to put distance between yourself and him, but Bucky’s grip held you in place. The bond pulsed with his determination, and it felt infuriating. 

“What do you want from us?” You asked.

Veer shrugged. “I want to help. I have been studying blood bonds for centuries.”

You didn’t trust him. Not for a second.

Bucky, though, seemed to be listening, his thoughts guarded but intrigued. You felt the flicker of his hesitation through the bond, a reflection of your worry. 

Eric reached into his coat and withdrew a folded piece of paper. He held it out, his eyes gleaming with an unsettling mixture of amusement and excitement. 

You didn’t take it. 

Bucky, however, stepped forward, plucking the paper from Eric’s hand without any hesitation. You felt the shift in him, the way his curiosity bloomed, the subtle intrigue that bled through the bond. It frustrated you. 

How could he trust this man—this vampire who stood amidst a field of corpses like a god laying waste to his domain?

The address scrawled on the paper was written in cursive. Bucky said nothing as he studied it. Eric’s gaze returned to you, as if knowing he still needed to win you over. 

“I offer knowledge,” Eric said, his voice low, “What you do with it is up to you.”

He turned then, his coat billowing behind him as he began to walk away. You should have felt relief as he left, but the unease only grew, wrapping tighter around you like a noose. “Be careful with that bond of yours. A faerie cult is the least of your worries.”

And just like that, he was gone, swallowed by the shadows of the forest. 

The clearing was silent once more, save for the faint rustle of leaves in the wind. You stared at the spot where Eric had disappeared, your thoughts a blend of mistrust, and unease. 

Bucky, however, was still holding the paper, his expression unreadable. Through the bond, you felt his determination, his mind already turning with plans, strategies— a willingness to follow the thread Eric had offered. 

The paper held an address: 10 Wintermeyer Lane

“We shouldn’t go,” you said finally, your voice wound tight. “We can’t trust him.”

Bucky’s hand relaxed on your arm, but he didn’t look at you. “Maybe,” he said quietly, his tone carefully neutral. “But if he knows something about this bond… we can’t just ignore it.”

The connection flared again, a clash of emotions—your mistrust against his curiosity. You didn’t reply, but the fear in your chest refused to subside. 

As Bucky tucked the paper into his pocket, you couldn’t shake the feeling that stepping onto the path Eric had laid would lead to another trap— one that Bucky wholeheartedly trusted.

-To be continued…

Taglist :  @mystictf @chimchoom @crdgn @a-crying-fandom-lover @otterlycanadian 

@sebastians-love @intelligenceofapineapple @put-trash-here @hzdhrtss

@murnsondock

[itsfrenchfornothankyou]

okay so you said genuine question and im not from around here but i do have an answer! so you've unlocked an unskippable cutscene!

this is a much bigger topic than it appears on the surface, and i might be able to answer your question succinctly and briefly, but it would miss out on a lot of the stuff happening behind the scenes which is actually very important!

since this is going to be quite long (I did a rough notes on my thoughts and what i might say and it was almost 1k. so.) i am going to put the rest under a readmore

but now that you've clicked the button and commited, let's break this into parts for both our sakes.

part 1: moral purity and the loss of 'squick'

so there's been a fun phenomenon happening lately online, and it's the idea that you can assign morals by the type of things that someone likes. that the act of enjoying something or disliking something is an inherently moral act.

this in itself has a lot of reasons behind it, and digging through that history would be an essay in its own right, so im going to glaze over it. but the current state of affairs is that your own personal taste, be it in media, in people, or yes, sexual thoughts (even ones without actions) are in themselves, moral.

no matter the cause of these feelings, the outcome is this: if you find yourself liking or disliking something, there must be some reason behind it. if you find yourself grossed out by something, there is a moral and justifyable reason behind it.

this is, to me, related to the loss of the idea of a 'squick'; something that just grossed you out. 'squicks' didnt have to be triggers, they didnt have to be evil or harming you, they were a preference about something you just personally did not like.

now however, along with other terms, we have lost the idea of a 'squick' and so if you don't like something there must be a reason this thing is evil.

so now you have people seeing things like animal packers, and they are for some reason uncomfortable with them. where we might have once said 'oh well, not for me', we must now have a reason for why we are uncomfortable with this idea.

1.5: the perpetrator and the victim

in any given situation, to prevent discourse from becoming muddied or hard to answer, there must always be a person who is definitively in the right, and a person who is in the wrong.

this is a really normal reaction, it's hard to accept something as not having a clear answer, and so it's easy to find ourselves doubling down on something so we dont have to confess to the worst thing of all 'i dont know'.

Coming from disability advocacy, it's important to recognise that there are going to be situations which are not clear cut, in which nobody has done anything wrong, but people have ended up hurt or upset. sometimes needs and people are simply incompatible, and there's nothing wrong or evil there.

but that is difficult and scary, so instead it's much easier to talk about the victim and the villain. if someone is being hurt (i am looking at something that grosses me out) then someone must be intentionally hurting them (evil gross kinksters)

In this understanding of things, the discomfort itself must be harm done, and if harm is being done, then someone must be at fault. it becomes a matter of who is the perpetrator and who is the victim. So in order for them to be uncomfortable and not be evil themselves, the thing that is making them uncomfortable must be evil itself.

now that we've established these things we can actually get around to answering the actual question you asked:

Part 2: why zoophillia?

if this person has deemed the act that these people have done to be evil or bad, why not just call the act itself (which i am given to understand is hyper-realistic animal packers?) evil?

well what you surely understand, and somehwere in the back of their brain they understand, is that that's incredibly fucking stupid.

if you walk up to the average person and say hey, this person is doing this evil thing, and explain that, theyre going to think you're insane. so how are they supposed to tell the average person that this person is evil? they escelate it to most awful acusation they can think of in the moment.

in most communities, the terrible thing that they will accuse someone of is pedophillia, but in the therian circles, they dont need to escelate it to that point, because there is already a hot button topic they can point to instead.

Zoophillia, as i am given to understand, is one of the most hot button topics in the therian community. it is the group which is regularly aligning themselves with therians, that many if not most therians want nothing to do with.

it's also a group that is often conflated with therians, meaning that many therians have an immediate 'no fuck off that's not us' reaction to it, as a form of self preservation. because as soon as people have made a claim that you may be a zoophile, and you fail to respond in the appropriate way, you will be cast out of your own therian in group.

so the use of using zoophillia as an acusation is two-fold. for one, it makes people take the accusation seriously, and for two, it prevents people from doing their own research and looking into it.

because if you are told this person is evil, and if you support them you are also evil, at that point any questioning on your part is seen as complicity in evil acts. as apologism. this person is evil and if you ask my why, you must also be evil.

so lets circle back a little bit here, earlier i mentioned that the typical claim is pedophillia, which everything i said previously about evil acts is still true of, but you might not fully believe me about people escelating to the nearest most terrible thing they can think of, but the thing is that i have seen this before.

Part 2.5: tired asexual

hello again, youve probably never heard of me before, so let me tell you that I'm Asexual. more importantly, I'm an asexual person who has been on tumblr for a solid decade.

if you werent around in the mid to late 10s, you might not know just how bod aphobia on tumblr got, but i was there for it. and you know what the most common accusation of why asexuals, and anyone trying to discuss asexuality were evil?

because discussing asexuality was pedophillia.

yeah, asexuals. the well known 'lack of sexual attraction' community.

Now I can go into the series of claims that led to this, hell I could probably go diving on my old blog and find screenshots of these actual accusations, but that’s kind of besides the point. The point here is that the actual reasons people give for it being ‘insert evil thing’ are unimportant.

yeah, when i say it to you, a person who i am assuming knows a little something about asexuality, that that was the claim, your first thought is that that's an insane thing to say.

but for a lot of people the first time they heard about asexuality was in this discourse. so their brain is now primed to make the connection of 'oh, okay, asexuality is evil.' and now, when they see people defending asexuality, they're already defensive. they assume youre trying to trick them, or make them complicit.

asexuality is not the only place this tactic has been used though, you see it all the time. it's at its most common in things like homophobic legestation, anti-trans bills, or drag bans.

These people cannot justify the initial action as evil, so they jump to something you are more likely to agree with, and try to argue it is the same thing. this is what we call equivocation.

equivication is an incredibly effective tactic in fear-mongering, splitting up groups of people, and getting something innocuous labeled as morally wrong

'Think of the children' is a good example of this. No it’s not that im transphobic, it’s that I’m concerned about children. Therefore, if you’re arguing against me it must be because you yourself hate children and want harm to come to them.  

but not everyone is as obvious as to say 'think of the children' or some other line we've heard a bunch before. they find new ways to say it, and because the current safety tactics are to watch for certain phrases and words, people dont know how to look for underlying beliefs and sentiments, leaving people more vulnerable than ever to this kind of manipulation.

so now i've hopefully answered your initial question of 'why zoophillia', i want to take this a litte bit further and ask, 'what is the end goal?'

part 3: what next?

okay so would you believe me, if i said that until now ive actually been taking an incredibly good faith reading of the discourse so far?

currently I have been presenting this as a misdirection of discomfort, but not necessarily actively malicious. now however, i want to go back to the ace discourse.

bigots on tumblr weren't actually starting shit with the ace community because they really had a bone to pick with asexuals, they were doing it because they were transphobes. Surprise!

this isnt speculation on my part, transphobes have since openly discussed that they used aphobia as a kind of 'gateway' to 'gatekeeping'

if they come out of the gates talking about how 'transexuals are evil' and should be 'kicked out of the lgbt community', then they would be immediately revealed as transphobes and most of the queer community won't listen to them. these transphobic talking points have been around long enough to be identifiable and more easily discussed.

asexuality however was, particularly at the time, very under-discussed. it also wasnt a part of the 'standard' LGBT acronym, which made it easier for them to make the argument that asexual people should not be allowed to be considered part of the community.

aphobia at the time was considered less divisive, you could be more easily convinced that this community you have never heard of is evil, dont question it. theyre pedophiles and groomers, if that isnt enough to convince you theyre evil it must be because you're also an evil person, so don't question it or do your own research. then we might come for you.

This was wildly successful! And now that that campaign has gone so well, they can now openly admit that they were secretly transphobes all along! And wow, you already aligned with us, so you need to double down on hating trans people because the rest of the queer community doesn’t want you back after that bullshit!

now maybe you consider this to be a particularly poor faith reading of the current discourse. maybe i had you in the first half, but all of this stuff about secret transphobes and conservatives playing along in ways that are more acceptable seems a little far fetched and conspiratorial to you. a bit of equivication here and there isnt inherently a sign of deeper sinister intentions. isnt all of this a bit of a stretch?

and maybe youre right, maybe im just someone who has seen something similar play out before, and im jumping to defence at something that wont become the same issue.

but isn't it interesting that the people being most vitriolistically upset about all of this, and attacking the creator of these things and accusing them of zoophillia are also misgendering him?

[Tw: Zoophilia mention]

Genuine question: WHY do so many people in this community jump on everything they find weird and immediate label it as zoophilia?!

Like- animal packers, fantasy toys, yiff art, pet play, kink gear, LITERALLY ANYTHING.

Seriously, relieving dysphoria, having "dirty" urges related to your identity, even straight up liking some freaky shit does NOT mean someone is attracted to animals. And it definitely does not mean they are actively harming/thinking of harming real animals.

People really take whatever is too weird for them and try to accuse it of war crime. Be better y'all.