#and I even like the result so 😌 happy Friday to me

[straightupsickfics]

something sweet and full of care

ed/stede - ~4k - modern college au

i managed to finish something i started in january... who IS SHE?

college au stede is suffering and missing his boyfriend very much and really not having a good time at all <3 too bad ed's school is soo far away :(

****

Stede Bonnet is… well, he’s not doing very well, honestly. The spring semester is just getting started in earnest, which means he’s got about a million assignments to complete and studying to get done. He's also coming down with the cold he always gets this time of year, and to top it all off, he’s missing Edward more than ever. It’s always ten times harder getting used to being apart again after being together through the entire three-week winter break, and Stede feels his absence so acutely he wants to cry. 

Now, Stede is back on campus, back in his single room that feels like both a blessing (not sharing with strangers) and a curse (not having anyone to study and commiserate with), and missing Ed so much he thinks he might just let himself wallow in it for a bit. Crying sounds both necessary and entirely unavoidable at this point, what with the way his head is throbbing, his stomach is growling, and his laptop seems to glare at him with a particularly threatening energy. 

Stede: I miss you :( 

Ed: I miss you already is that pathetic 

Ed: Okay, that was weird <3 i love you 

Stede: Somehow this makes me miss you MORE 

They would text each other the same thing at the same time, Stede thinks, sighing heavily and sinking onto his bed. He’s made the best of the small bed, covered it in the highest thread-count sheets he could find and covered it in an admittedly absurd amount of soft blankets and pillows, trying to make up for the absence of Ed, the softest thing he’ll ever find in his bed, really. His small creature comforts help for a minute, but as soon as he lays down, Stede knows he’s made a mistake. He’ll never get back up now, he’s too tired, his head pounding too hard for him to be of any use this evening. He stretches and groans, blinking up at his phone as another message from Ed comes through. 

Ed: Me too, I have so much work to do I’m about to say fuck it and go to sleep 

Stede: Ha. I’m in bed having the same thought. I wish you were here, though

Ed: Let’s see then

Stede: [img]

Ed: I always ask thinking it’ll help but it also makes it worse?? How is this possible? You look fucking exhausted, sweetheart 

Stede’s eyes prick at the easy endearment, and he squeezes them shut to push away the tears he knows are coming. No one is even around to see him, there’s no reason he should feel so… ashamed about crying in his own room, but, well.

Stede: think I picked something up, a cold or something. My head’s killing me and my throat’s all scratchy :/ 

Ed: Poor Stede. Though I guess it’s that time of year… I could set my watch to it 

Stede: Could not

Ed: Totally could. How do you know I haven’t?

Stede: Did you actually?? 

Ed: No 💜 I just know you 

Ed seems set on inadvertently making Stede cry tonight. 

Stede: That you do :( 

Ed: Aw, hey, I miss you, I love you, I wish I could come cuddle you better. You should take tonight to relax and see how you feel in the morning. Don’t force yourself to stay up and study!! 

Stede: 😇

Ed: You already said you’re in bed! Order takeout and stay there… doctor’s orders 

Stede: Twist my arm 

*

Takeout consists of hot and sour soup that tastes delicious but makes Stede’s nose run, fried rice he only pokes at, and a chicken thing he ordered by accident that Ed usually eats. 

Stede dabs at his nose and takes a picture of his dinner and sends it to Ed, explains about the chicken, and manages a smile when Ed sends back a running emoji. 

By the time he’s finished and the leftovers are stashed in his fridge, Stede feels marginally better. At least he’s eaten, which means he can take some cold medicine and hopefully knock himself out for the night.

Tomorrow’s another day. 

Ed: goodnight 💜

Stede: goodnight 💙 I love you 

Ed: love you more, no arguments 😇

*

When Stede wakes up the next morning, he knows immediately that today isn’t going to be any better than yesterday. In fact, if the immediate rush of sneezes is anything to go by, today is going to be infinitely worse. 

“hhIH… hIHh’NDGt! hiH!…’NGDshH! Hh!” Stede manages to stifle two ticklish, insistent sneezes against the sleeve of the sweater as soon as he tugs it over his head, grimacing with the knowledge that this will hardly be the last time he does that today. At least it’s Friday, and there’s a long weekend, so he can sequester himself to his room if he has to. 

He knows, deep down, that he’ll end up doing exactly that once he gets through the three classes he has today. 

Ed: Good morning, love of my life 

Stede: Bet you say that to everyone &lt;3

Ed: Caught me, you’re one in a long, long list, Bonnet

Stede: Okay, I know it was my joke, but I regret it immediately 

Ed: I love you the most. How are you feeling this morning? 

Stede can’t text and make tea and walk to class and keep his nose in check all at once, so he pops his headphones in and calls Ed while he finishes getting ready. He’s downing a dose of liquid cold medicine when Ed picks up, and Stede’s heart swells a little when he hears the smile in his boyfriend’s voice. 

“Good morning, darling,” Ed says in greeting. 

Stede would love to return the sentiment, he really would, but his nose gets the better of him at the exact wrong moment, so what Ed actually gets in return is a flurry of damp sneezes, an entire fit of them all in a row. 

“Hih! Iiiidshh! Heh’ushhh’ue! MmptshhH!” Stede has to set his phone down to blow his nose a few times, and is a little breathless by the time he picks it back up again. 

“God, so sorry, that was gross,” Stede says immediately, but Ed is already making sympathetic sounds into the phone. 

“God bless you! You’re not feeling any better, I take it,” Ed says. It’s not a question, and Stede just sighs again. 

“N’dot quite,” he sniffles. “It’s going to be a…heh! Snf!  long day.” 

“Bless you?” 

“Hdt’UdshhH! IIshhiiew!”

God, Stede really has to get a grip before class. His cheeks heat at even the idea of sniffling and sneezing through the lectures he has this morning, all back to back with hardly enough time to grab tea in between. He'd thought it was smart, when he’d registered, getting all of his end of the week classes out of the way at once, but now that he feels like this he’s having his doubts.

“Why don’t you just skip and email your professors? Not like you’ll use absences to skip class,” Ed says, voice gentle but teasing. “Too smart to slack off like the rest of us heathens.” 

Stede smiles. That much is true, he rarely (fine, never) skipped class, but that’s more to do with the fact that he doesn’t have many people to skip class with than some outstanding academic record. Still, though, his Oceanography paper is due soon, and they were doing a peer review today that he didn’t want to miss. His paper is solid so far, but he could really use the feedback, though Stede already feels bad for the poor person assigned to swap with him. 

He explains the situation to Ed, and notes that his throat already hurts, and he’d only been talking for a few minutes. He really is in for the longest day ever. Stede listens to Ed talk about his own busy day (class starting at noon, followed by a few hours of tutoring, and a warning that Stede might not hear from him for most of the day, but to please call or text him if he starts feeling really bad).

Stede makes himself a travel mug of tea while he listens, his throat feeling heavy and tight with emotion right along with the sore throat. Ed really is sweet. 

“Still there?” Ed asks as Stede locks his door and sets off down the stairs and towards his first class of the day. 

“Mm, yes, sorry! Just thinking…”

“Uh oh,” Ed smiles. 

Stede laughs, then winces, because that hurts his throat, too, as it happens. “Maybe once things calm down and I don’t feel like I’m going to infect everyone in my path… I could come visit? I have some money saved, and…”

Ed’s quiet on the other end of the line. “That would be amazing,” he agrees after a beat. “But let’s cross that bridge when we get there, yeah? You focus on getting through today and feeling better for now, alright?” 

Stede wants to cry. Deep down, of course he knows Ed wants to see him as badly as Stede does, knows that he’s just being protective, but still, that nagging voice at the back of his head, the one that never leaves him alone and hates to see Stede happy, pokes at him. What if Ed doesn’t want him around? His friends are more fun, cooler than Stede, and what if Ed doesn’t want Stede around them again?

No. Stede forces the thoughts from his mind as he huddles into the soft fabric of his coat, tugging his sleeves down over his gloved hands. Ed’s right. One thing at a time. Focus, Bonnet.

Stede repeats that to himself until he gets to his first class, sniffling as he takes his usual seat and sipping his travel mug of breakfast blend tea to keep himself from falling asleep in his chair. 

*

Oceanography goes well enough, though his partner Lucius makes almost no effort to hide his grimaces every time Stede has to turn away to cough to sniffle or blow his nose. As if Stede himself prefers it this way, he thinks, miffed. 

He gets the feedback he wanted, though, and despite his dazed, stuffy head, Stede manages to provide Lucius with some helpful direction, too, he hopes. 

“Here, you look like you need these more than I do,” Lucius says at the end of class, holding a travel packet of tissues out with the tips of his fingers, as if even a brush of their fingers will ensure transfer of Stede’s cold. 

God, maybe it would, Stede really does feel bad. 

“Thanks, Lucius. Sorry about all this,” he says again. 

Lucius has the decency to look sympathetic, even momentarily. “No problem,” he chirps. “Feel better. And maybe don’t leave the house this weekend. See you!” 

With Lucius gone, Stede lets himself outside and proceeds to fall into the coughing fit he’d put off for the duration of his class. Best to get it out now before the next one starts. That’s the goal, anyway, though he knows, deep down that it will be impossible to keep all of his cold symptoms in check for another four hours. 

Four hours. The idea of it is enough to make him want to turn right around and head back to his room. It feels like a marathon. He really can afford to miss the classes… but… 

But he’s stubborn. Stede can almost hear Ed telling him as much over the phone, and smiles a little to himself as he makes his way to his Earth Science class. Maybe he is stubborn, but it’s also the busiest time of the semester, and besides, Stede likes his classes. He loves to learn and always has, and finally having the ability to study exactly what he wants hasn’t worn off just yet. 

So, Stede blows his nose a final time, thankful for the backup tissues from Lucius, as he’s sure he’ll be running through his own in no time, and trudges across campus to his next class. 

He can do this. 

*

By the time the day ends and Stede finds himself back in his room his head is throbbing with congestion and he can hardly think straight. Fever, he thinks dimly, but he doesn’t have a thermometer that he can find, so he settles for a lukewarm shower that leaves him shivering, a glass of water, and a dose of cold medicine. He’d been hoping to make it through some of the reading he needs to get done, but anything more than a glance at his laptop sends his eyes swimming with tired, irritated tears. 

He’s pressing his face into yet another handful of tissues, his eyes and nose seemingly in some kind of contest for which can run the most, when his phone lights up with a text from Ed. 

Ed: How’re you feeling now? Make it back to your room okay?

It’s the first Stede’s heard from him in hours, he realizes sullenly. Ed mentioned his busy day this morning, and Stede had completely forgotten. He knows it’s silly to think that he’s the only one of the two of them trying to slog through the rush of the semester, but he feels just bad enough that he lets himself get away with it. 

Stede: Pretty bad :( I’m back, yes, probably just going to end up falling asleep and hoping for the best. How was your day?

Ed: Good :) busy

Stede frowns down at his phone; nothing to smile about as far as he can see. 

Stede: Good 

Ed: ;)

Stede: What

Ed: Nothing, you get comfy and maybe we can FaceTime in a bit. Don’t fall asleep without me!

Stede’s heart gives a little squeeze. He wishes he could fall asleep with Ed here. He feels a little better about the doubts he’d been having earlier, too. Ed misses him, too, of course he does. 

Stede: Wouldn’t dream of it 

Ed: <;3 

Stede does drift off, though. Almost immediately, in fact. He’d sprawled onto his bed after his shower, wanting nothing more than to get warm as he texted back and forth with Ed, but surrounded by his blankets and the beloved stuffed animals Ed had bought for him over the years, well, he didn’t stand a chance. 

It’s his phone that wakes him up. Shit. He was supposed to FaceTime with Ed. Stede coughs into his shoulder, catches his breath, and rubs at his face before he picks up the call. It’s unlikely to do any good, but it’s worth a shot. 

“Edward!” Stede says when he answers. 

“Stede?” Ed’s somewhere dimly lit, his face pressed in close to his phone. 

“Where are you?” Stede asks, yawning. His eyes feel so heavy. His whole head feels heavy, really, thanks to this monster cold. He hadn’t even taken NyQuil, but he might as well have for how overwhelmingly tired he feels.

“Mm? Nowhere,” Ed says quickly. “You fell asleep,” he smiles. It’s not even a question, and the fond tone of his voice makes Stede smile right back. He can’t help it, not when Ed looks like that, warm and smiling and happy, no matter how shitty Stede himself might be feeling. 

“Maybe?” Stede says, rummaging around on his bed for the box of tissues he had beside him before he fell asleep. “H-hh! Hang on’d…Snf! Snf!” Sniffling helps for a minute, if that, but Stede finds the tissue box just in time to grab two tissues out of it before he sneezes. “hDT’SSHH! Ii’eishh’uh!” 

“Bless you,” Ed says, his voice sympathetic and a little tired-sounding. 

“Snf! Thanks,” Stede says. “And sorry,” he adds. “All our conversations today have involved mbe sndeezing at you…”

Ed laughs and Stede wishes he could bottle up the sound of it, let it out whenever he’s feeling bad or missing him. “You’re sick,” Ed reminds him gently. “Don’t need to be sorry for that.” 

Right, well. The thing about that is Stede’s still getting used to it, even after two years. Not being an annoyance when he’s sick… having someone to remind him to take medicine and give himself a bit of a break… It's a lot. Stede’s tired and sick enough that his eyes and throat burn with the threat of tears at Ed’s words, and he forces himself to swallow them away. 

“Think this cold’s gettin’g worse somehow. I really do miss you,” Stede says. It sounds pitiful and he knows it, but at this moment, he can’t bring himself to care. Ed’s seen it all by now, and nothing’s managed to scare him away so far. 

“Mm, yeah, about that,” Ed says, smiling widely now. “I missed you too. And I know how you feel about being alone when you’re sick. So you have to promise not to get mad at me for doing something crazy, yeah?” 

Stede sits up, suddenly wide awake as he tries to make sense of Ed’s words. “What do you mean?” 

There’s a knock at his door and Stede’s heart leaps as his stomach swoops because of course. 

“You’re… no! No way. Ed?? What did you do,” Stede’s sputtering, caught in a tangle of blankets on his narrow bed, and Ed’s laughing as he tumbles out of bed in a surprised little scurry. 

“Let me in, you lunatic.” 

Stede throws his phone onto his bed and moves as fast as his over-tired, cold-ridden brain will allow him, and then the door’s open and Ed’s here right where Stede’s wanted him every moment of this neverending day. Ed wraps himself around Stede without a second thought, pressing himself in as tight and close as he can manage, Stede’s face tucked into the warm skin of Ed’s neck, breathing each other in for one long, endless moment. 

“You’re here,” Stede says without pulling away. 

Ed laughs, the sound as warm and familiar as always, except now Stede can feel it vibrating right through him, and even this is enough to make him want to cry all over again. Everything about Ed feels so warm and safe he wants to sink right into him. 

“I’m here,” Ed repeats. “Some of us don’t mind skipping the occasional class,” he teases. “D’you know the panic you sent me into this morning, talking about visiting soon when I was literally on my way to you?” He brushes his nose against Stede’s, then smiles when Stede has to sniffle a few times as the contact. “Thought you were about to come to me and we’d be in one of those movie situations where I’m here and you’re there.”

“Don’t think I could’ve managed a drive like that feeling like this, to be honest. And.. I thought you didn’t want me there,” Stede admits, a little ashamed. 

Ed looks at him, brushing his thumb gently beneath Stede’s eye and then turning Stede’s face in his hand until Stede’s looking at him. 

“Stede Montague Bonnet,” Ed says, and Stede is already smiling and feeling silly for all of it. “I always want you there! Anyone who didn’t want you around before didn’t know what they were missing. Fuck ‘em.” 

Ed’s right, Stede knows. None of it matters now, not when Ed’s here in his small single room, wrapped around him and kissing him everywhere he can reach. 

Stede does his best to make Ed at home, tucking his bag away and fussing until Ed pushes him gently onto the bed, insisting he can manage two cups of tea while Stede “rebuilds his sick person nest.” 

“S’not a nest, really… more of a fort,” Stede huffs, gesturing to the warm white Christmas lights he still has strung from the ceiling. They give the whole place a more cozy vibe, and he keeps them up year round. 

“Yeah, yeah, budge over, let me into the Stede Bonnet Fortress of Germs,” Ed says, making his way over to the bed with two steaming mugs of tea. 

Stede shifts, rolling over towards the wall and letting Ed settle in against him until they’re pressed in warm and close, wrangling the blankets over themselves. It’s a small bed, but they make it work — Stede tends to sprawl out over Ed anyway, and this time is no different. He’s not inclined to leave even an inch of space between them when he’s spent the last few weeks dreaming of exactly this. 

“Koala mode,” Ed murmurs, one hand stroking softly through Stede’s hair, the other drawing patterns over his back. 

“You’re going to put me to sleep if you keep that up!”

“That’s the point, darling,” Ed tells him. 

Stede shakes his head. “Want to enjoy having you here, not sleep through it.” Stede’s eyes feel heavy though, the events of the day catching up with him all at once. Everything melts away with Ed holding him like this. And, for a rare moment, Stede realizes can breathe through both of his nostrils at the same time, making sleep actually possible.

“We have all weekend, and you’re sick,” Ed reminds him, as if he can possibly forget. “It’s late. You’d be asleep already if it wasn’t for me.” 

“You did try to warn me,” Stede smiles, leaning up just enough to brush their lips together. 

“So I did. Didn’t want to be locked out, banging away at your door like a jilted lover.” 

“Never jilted,” Stede says with a yawn. 

“Mm, hope not. Drove a fucking long way; you’re stuck with me.”

Stede can’t imagine ever feeling stuck when it came to Ed, but that was an argument for another day. He lets Ed take charge of the remote, putting on a Planet Earth episode they’ve watched together before but both enjoy, and it really is no time at all before they’re both asleep, lulled by the company, the warmth, and the soothing voice of the TV. 

Tomorrow’s another day, after all. 

[yeonjuins]

Oh that’s really understandable, I get like that too when it rains but I hope you’re mood and motivation gets better overtime ♡︎

And I have been well ♡︎ just preparing myself for my exams,, I know I said I’m not as anxious for them but my history exam is cumulative and like even though I take notes and stuff,, the material just doesn’t click for me and I am worried (but not too worried to the point where I’m going to shut down like I usually do KAKSKS I’m just going to have to wing it <3)

But my professor said she’ll post anything that will be of help for the exam so I will take advantage of the that (small rant: I really hate when exams are cumulative because 1) why put all those questions on an exam 2) I hate having to go that far back into the class material because my memory is like yikes and 3) the studying- but then I’m like I shouldn’t be complaining because this is my only cumulative exam but !! it irks a nerve)

And IT WILL!! I will manifest it 😌 I’m going to be so annoying when my family checks the mail SKSKS “is there anything for me? Did I get something?” and Okay!! So about that, I keep forgetting to go by there (I’m sorryy ♡︎) but !!! I’ll be doing some errands on Friday so I’ll write down to go by there when I’m out ♡︎ ( I feel like I worded that wrong LMAO but i set a reminder for Friday to go by there)

Ahaaa yes 🤝 but I haven’t because I tend to be indecisive BUT I’m leaning more towards just using my summer break as a break and just going to school afterwards but then I feel like I just see how I feel once the school year rolls around but mostly likely I’ll just go back to school after summer break KAKSKS (witnessing my indecisiveness firsthand it’s like it gets worse and worse as I grow up) and thank you ♡︎ ♡ I really appreciate you ♡︎

Hmm hm understandable well then I hope the rest of the year is good to you ♡︎

ohh understandable to feel that way. I’m not that familiar with web development,, but hmm… maybe you can try to improve your work before your internship is up or once you go to a new company, the work may be to up to your standards,,, it’s only an internship so that might not show all of what’s it’s going to be like once you move forward in that field. Maybe once you have more experience, the job experience will be better for you (?) ♡︎

Ooh yeah that’s good (Ikr? It should really be illegal to start school that early SJSJDK) but yeah that was the plus side when I did online learning,, my classes didn’t start until 12pm or so lol and yeah exactly and I feel like I learn better with in person but at this point I’m not sure

aww of course ♡︎♡︎♡︎ always happy to help :)

(lengthy response!)

WHAHHAHA its raining here again ;; so as a result, my mood is gloomy ):< seriously i think living on the northern side for so long has made me so !?!?? i want to know what it's like living near heat !! continuous heat that is !!! i watch this youtuber (she's like... my biggest inspiration really- inspired me to go into ux/ui design) called nameishana and she lived in toronto but will be moxing to texas and im so !!! jealous !! rainy weather go away !!!!!!!!! ):<

whaaa preparing for exams... this is going to sound so hard but i wish i had something to study...? this is all going to kick me in the ass when i enter uni since i'll be flooded with exams and constant studying then but i literally... have not studied for a test or written out proper notes in a year and a half now...? and even then- i don't recall me really putting my heart into it... i think in 9th grade i was super diligent and studied SO so so hard (wrote out notes and everything)... i think overall i'm missing some sort of routine since mines currently seems lacklustre )":

i hope u did well on the exam/feel more confident about the content now ): i know what it's like being wary about the final results but i really do think hard work pays off in the end... you're building resilience after all, right? (": u have every right to complain my love ;; exams overall are super nerve wrecking and it's really tedious to have to go far back into the course content to review minuscule details that may not even be important on the actual exam ):< overall, i hope all is well and that it'll all work out in the future <3

no pressure to buy stamps my love ! if you don't have time either, you can always respond to me through dms <3 (i've emphasized this like 5000 times but just wanted to make sure ur aware that this shouldn't be an obligation ! just a lil fun tid bit for us but if not, it's all good <3)

definitely just going with the flow sounds nice after a long arduous school year </3 do whatever feels right for you my love

i find that whenever i talk to my employer more frequently and have a closer communication about our plans/projects, i end up enjoying my internship a lot more (that happened today, after yesterday i felt a bit in defeat from another lacklustre day). i also did talk to a friend about it, and she reassured me that as i get more into the field itself i'll have plenty of other opportunities to build my personal style and that i'm just ahead of the game rn which is reassuring to hear (":

oddly enough, despite being 'ahead of the game' i still feel... behind? but this could just be dumb brain trying to pick at something that doesn't really matter anyways ;; my friend recently got a summer job in which she gets paid above minimum wage which i'm super happy about for her ! it's a really good field (one that i'm also slightly interested in) but of course, i can't help but feel slightly jealous as well? i had to take less shifts at my current job in order to work at my internship and since it's highschool internship... i don't get paid (":

lately it just feels as though i've been doing continuous work for nothing beneficial? and so hearing that made me feel like i was just being left behind? (being paranoid, i also did the math and calculated that she will make my years worth of savings within the three months she will be at this internship). overall, i just feel at a stalemate with life right now and i have no clue where everything is going ! i want to get out of highschool ! i want to ! have a transition ! and make good money ! ):< anyways i'm sorry for rambling

regardless, i hope ur day has been going well love and that you're taking breaks while studying/your exams are going well <3