#and I don't point this out in order to dismiss the notion that he could be abusive/horrible

[fayevalcntine]

The whole framing of Lestat as the sole symbol of patriarchy that fandom is so desperate to put him in doesn't work unless you deliberately ignore how he was also a victim of rape and abuse before he was turned. People want him to be fit into this strict role of "father figure/violent husband/perpetrator" that is only that and not even a whole person, and in doing so they need to push aside the fact that despite being his family's provider, he was also pushed into that role when his father forbid him from joining a monastery or gaining an education that he wanted. Lestat wanted to run away with a theater group as a kid, and actually managed to do so once Gabrielle gave him her blessing and monetary support in order to go to Paris. He didn't always want to be the provider, he was forced into that role and became despondent when he thought he would never get a chance to leave his home.

His new life prior to being turned is pretty much the antithesis to the whole "Lestat is a manly man who would sooner throw up than be compared to a woman" spiel: he lived with another man in Paris while also being an actor, having left his family and "responsibility" to them. The only family member he was ever close to was his mother, all the other male members shunned or ridiculed him. Add onto that the fact that his turning firmly placed him within the role of the damsel/victim: he's kidnapped from his bed by a stranger, taken into a tower and left to rot while being fed on for a week, before then being raped and violently turned all while never even being asked if he would consent to it in any normal circumstance. But you of course have to ignore all of this if you want him to only represent the aggressor/patriarch while Louis is the helpless unhappy matriarch of the family.

My issue isn't that I think Louis isn't a victim, it's that it's not unrealistic for Lestat to be an aggressor/abuser while also displaying traits that aren't regularly assigned to stereotypical depictions of male characters. He's abusive to Claudia while also having been a victim of abuse from his own family. He's not a good maker/teacher, but he also didn't even have one when he was turned. He's the provider/attempted protector of the family and seemed to like being that, while also having run away from his own family prior to this to act in a theater in Paris. He's a rich white man while also being obviously effeminate in public spaces, even to Tom's own bigoted humor.

Like Louis' own complicated story with being his family's benefactor and provider, you can't firmly place Lestat as being one thing or another in terms of gender ideals without deliberately ignoring parts about him that don't fit this. And I don't think it's an absolute necessity, when even in Louis' own story, Lestat isn't stripped of his effeminate mannerisms or behavior while also being the abusive maker/father/lover.

[princessanonymous]

When Night Comes

Platonic Yandere Vampire

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First Chapter

9. 𝓐 𝓓𝓲𝓪𝓶𝓸𝓷𝓭 𝓲𝓷 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓡𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱

"Mrs Mitchell," the vampire called as he entered the lavishly appointed study room they had designated for (Y/n)'s lessons, "I regret to inform you that classes will be canceled for the evening."

(Y/n) was startled by that. The sudden announcement was as surprising for her as it was for the governess. Though (Y/n) supposed she didn't mind skipping this evening's classes. History was quite boring after a certain point. With a subtle sigh of relief, she approached the man, grateful to escape another tedious lecture.

Her teacher, however, didn't look so pleased. She shook her head in clisapproval. "The young miss has already missed a class this week," she reasoned, annoyance etching her features. Firmly, she held onto (Y/n)'s arm, hindering her departure. "Allowing her to miss more classes will only reinforce the notion that her behavior goes unpunished."

(Y/n) glared at that. She did skip a session this week, and two the week before. The vampire was quite lenient on that subject. As long as (Y/n) asked nicely and behaved as he wanted her to, he didn't mind if she missed some lectures. Lessons were fun in the beginning, but now, the woman was becoming stricter. Every little mistake was met with harsh words and more work. She couldn't count the number of time she had been forced to write the same lines over and over again just because of one word that hadn't been written properly. Or the number of time she had to recite the same poems.

"She is an intelligent young lady, fully capable of catching up," he responded with a dismissive wave of his hand. His gaze descended until it rested on (Y/n)'s wrist, and he pursed his lips. "Release her."

"That little missy is going to grow up spoiled," she spat in annoyance. "Ladies must not grow to become self indulgent or spoiled."

"My child is flawless in her current state," he hissed with a dangerous undertone.

"Your child?" she scoffed with a sardonic laugh. "This girl speaks and behaves like a commoner. Individuals of her kind should be well aware of their position in our society."

(Y/n) glared. The vampire took a dangerous step forward. "You should know your place," he snapped back. "Release her at once!"

"My responsibility," she responded with an indignant sneer, "is to educate properly this young misfit, and I shall discharge my duty as I see fit—"

In the blink of an eye, the woman found the vampire's fingers encircling her throat. (Y/n) freed herself from the woman's grasp and retreated. The woman continued to wheeze desperately. (Y/n) witnessed the vampire's hand gradually constricting around the human's throat. Every second, he was squeezing it tighter, and tighter, and tighter and—

"Don't do this!" She pleaded. "Please don't kill her!" Her desperate plea resonated in the tense silence of the room

"She is receiving her due, starshine," he replied with a composed, even voice. "If you don't wish to witness it, you may simply leave."

"She doesn't deserve death," she pleaded desperately, attempting to pry his hand from the human's throat.

"Leave," he ordered. "Go amuse yourself with your little dolls. I shall fetch you once this ordeal is over."

"No! You can't -"

"Get out," he bellowed.

She flinched, recoiling from his command. (Y/n) cast one final, pained glance at her teacher before turning away. Suppressing tears, she grappled with the conflict within—choosing self-preservation over another's life. Hugging herself for solace, she closed the door behind her.

...

She sat on her bed, staring blankly at the wall. A certain relief settled upon her as she realized the noises from the study were muffled. She wouldn't have to hear the noise, granting her a reprieve from the grim images haunting her mind. Perhaps, in this solitude, she could convince herself that the cruel vampire wasn't within those walls, smothering the life out of that woman.

Her eyes casted upon the door once she heard the creak of the cloor opening. The nobleman entered, looking regal and calm. He gave a distasteful look at the door. "Remind me to instruct a servant to oil that door's hinges," he remarked with a frown. "The creaking noise is rather annoying."

Silent, she listened as he continued, unsure if he failed to notice or simply didn't care about her inner turmoil. He summoned a maid with a ring of a bell, issuing orders before leaving the room, allowing her a moment of privacy for the attire change.

In the hands of the maid, (Y/n) was adorned with a tightly laced corset over a delicately trimmed chemisette, paired with a long blue skirt embellished with intricate embroideries and trims. The many layers of petticoat complimented her skirt. Dark blue gloves and a bonnet completed the look, harmonizing with the rest of her attire. Finally, she completed it with a small diamond necklace and bracelet. He came back just as she was done getting dressed — like the last time, he gushed and showered her in compliments, marvelous — and they were ready to leave.

(Y/n) stepped into the carriage and the coach started its journey through the moonlit night. "Where are we going, sir?" she inquired, her voice a soft melody that wove into the fabric of the night.

The vampire, seated opposite her in the carriage, allowed a subtle chuckle to escape. "Sir? You don't need to call me that, doll."

"And what, then, should I call you?" The words were poised with a gentle defiance.

His gloved hand reached out to her, fingers entwining tenderly with a strand of her hair. She recoiled with a sour expression, prompting a subtle narrowing of his eyes as his hand retreated. "Father," he declared, the wind carrying his soft whisper.

A near-imperceptible snarl curled on her lips as she responded with defiance, "Never, you don't deserve that title."

The vampire reclined in his seat, a bitter edge to his chuckle. "Titles mean nothing to you, I see." He glanced at her with a subtle disdain that lingered in the air.

She remained unyielding, her gaze unwavering. "Titles should be earned, not handed out like sweets."

Frustration subtly crept into his voice as his fingers traced an invisible pattern in the air. "Earned? I have been around for centuries, and you deny me a simple acknowledgment."

"You took the life of my real father," she seethed, her grip on the seat betraying the restraint she fought to maintain.

Leaning in, the vampire's eyes gleamed with a volatile mix of anger and hurt. "Forget about this man," he insisted with a griped tone.

"I won't forget my real—"

"Enough!" He roared, a tempest of anger causing (Y/n) to flinch, her eyes widening with apprehension. She instinctively scooted away from him, the tension palpable in the opulent carriage.

Then, as swiftly as the storm had erupted, the anger dissipated. He sighed wearily, the echoes of his rage lingering in the confined space. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he looked at her with a weary expression. "Your 'real' father, as you call him, was a mere mortal, a fleeting existence in the grand tapestry of time."

She shot back, her voice laced with defiance, "He was my father, and you took him away from me."

"He was a casualty of our world, a sacrifice for a legacy you cannot escape."

Her eyes narrowed, the flames of resentment burning bright. "Legacy? Don't justify that slaughter with grand words. You're not my father, and I won't let you rewrite history."

He chuckled, the sound mingling with the subtle hum of the carriage's wheels against the stones of the path. His gaze shifted to the window, a distant glint in his eyes. "Have you heard of bonsai trees, doll ?" He asked curiously. He did not wait for an answer and continued. "I first heard of it during a brief stay in Japan in 1808. Exquisite works of art, truly. Elegant ornamental trees shaped with intricate precision. Interestingly, people often assume these trees belong to a specific species, but that is a misconception. To craft one of these art pieces, you don't start with a particular tree. No, you grow it in a pot to stifle its natural growth. Any rebellious shoots must be ruthlessly eliminated. Then, it undergoes a merciless process of cutting, curving, and shaping until it reaches perfection. A long and tedious procedure, but the reward is undeniable."

His gaze bore into hers, a calculated intensity in his eyes. She gulped at the analogy, her heart quickening its pace. "Your point is?" she asked, her throat dry, apprehension lingering in her voice.

He smiled darkly, his grip on her hand tightening gradually. "My point is... I would do a lot for you, starshine." The ominous words hung in the air, a foreboding promise shrouded in the unsettling ambiance of the carriage.

A tense silence enveloped them, the room bearing witness to the thinly veiled threat.

[songmingisthighs]

Genesis

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

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ch. xvii - meet up

fashion mogul!mingi × reader

buy me coffee ?

things aren't always what it seems but when even the truth is left unheard, what can people do? one musn't lie but what if the lie is more accepted than the truth? the scariest thing in this world isn't monsters or demons. it's people with no agenda and time to waste.

It wasn't hard to spot Mingi, really. Even in regular outfit, he stood out. Maybe it was because of his towering height, model-like posture, or just the fact that his hair is pink. But although he was in a simple t-shirt and jeans, he looked so out of the ordinary.

When he jogged to you with a bright smile on his face, you can see people's eyes were following his movements but he didn't seem to care. Well, maybe despite his status, he isn't one to easily get the star syndrome. That's a green flag.

"I see you've got your food," he pointed out as he plopped himself on the seat across yours with his hand placing the order call system device on the table. You simply shrugged after taking a bite out of your croissant, "I'm still hungry and I thought I could've finished before you got here," you stated. At that, his shoulders dropped, "You paid for yourself? I told you I was going to pay for you because this is a meeting that I initiated," he whined. It shocked you that a man as big as your friend Yunho could be so... childish and not look petulant. "Well," you were cut off by him sighing and shaking his head, however, unable to even give your response, "Yeah, I know, you can pay for yourself, but still, I feel bad." Usually, you'd take offense in a man trying to assert his position on you, but you honest to god didn't feel like Mingi was trying to assert anything. He was genuinely just this unappologetically nice guy.

Clearing your throat, you immediately took the pause as a segue for the actual conversation Mingi had requested, "So, what did you want to talk about? You're not asking me for money, are you?" You raised an eyebrow, wanting to see how he'd react to your question. Surprisingly, Mingi chuckled and waved his hands quickly, dismissing your notion, "No! Not at all, not like that, please!" And there it is, he was going to tell you how much money he has. "My mom would have my head after she dragged me by my ears for even considering borrowing money from a stranger. She wouldn't even let me borrow a crock pot from my friend Wooyoung and the impulsive shopper of a bastard has three! Before I knew what happened, she had already shipped a crock pot to my doorstep im an hour. I honestly don't know how she does that," He laughed. You were honestly stunned at his words. Stunned enough that the stiff business barrier you had on melted away and you were left with a furrowed eyebrows and scrunched nose.

"So... What? I honestly can't imagine what you'd ask from me." Lie. You were prepared for him to ask you to be his beard. Blackmail you even. People with kinder looking face than he has done way shittier stuff so you can't really put anything past anyone these days.

"I need you to give a statement that we slept together," Mingi said.

For a moment you could only stare at him, waiting for him to continue. But he was also only looking at you straight in the eyes, unmoving and unblinking. "And...?" You urged him to continue but his eyebrows furrowed and tilt his head to the side, "And... Do it publicly?" "No, that's it? You only need me to make a statement?" Mingi realized that you didn't really know what you were getting yourself into and he actually considered not telling you what could happen. But that would be wrong. So with a heavy sigh, Mingi nodded at your question, "Yes, but there's... A chance that you'd definitely be shoved to the public's eye and probably get treated like a public figure," he ended his sentence with a sheepish grin as if that was supposed to soften the blow. But the blank look on your face told Mingi that you were unsure of what he meant. "Okay, so... I'm a public figure of some sort? I'm a fashion mogul, I work at a magazine and I have my own brand," "Yes, I know about Mens Today and Fix Song," you interjected. Hearing that, Mingi paused and gave you a surprised yet approving look. "Oh, so... You've looked me up?" It made him feel giddy to know that someone he barely knew took the time to look up things about him and his accomplishments. But the feeling was immediately shot down when you shook your head and placed your crossed arms on the table, "Nope, my friend looked you up in case you're a creep," you stated oh so simply. "Right," with a cough, Mingi continued explaining, "Since I'm a frequent target of news and gossip, there's a chance that you're going to be too for a while," the more he heard himself talk and explain, the more unlikely he felt that you would help him.

You took a moment to sip your drink (damn fruity ade because you can't have coffee that often) and let his words sink in. "So, this is some kind of a... What? Long-term thing?" you asked with a raise of your eyebrow. Mingi sighed and shook his head, "I... Don't know, I can't promise anything, actually. This is something that my team and I can't predict because my mom is fine so far, my friends are too except for one of them but maybe that's because Wooyoung bought scrap metal and chemicals from questionable places and people," When he saw your eyes widened in surprise, Mingi immediately wave his hands frantically, "No, no, I can assure you my friend does not make bombs, he just like to experiment with chemical effects for my brand's jewellery line." While that momentarily reassured you, you still didn't like the thought of being shoved into the public eye.

Mingi excused himself to get his order when his call device buzzed on the table, giving you time to mull over what he said and the possible repercussions. On one side, it was barely a favour as all you probably had to do was come up with a confirmation post that you both indeed spend the night together and maybe answer a couple questions to see if the story checks out. But no one can guarantee what comes next. It's not like you don't like to be given attention because let's face it, the majority of the people do no matter how much they want to kid themselves, but the thought that you would be given attention by the crowd you don't associate with and for something that is not your merit and in fact was a drunken decision does not appeal to you. Not to mention the length of the 'attention' people are going to give you. You were growing a baby for God's sake and the dad is with you at the moment but he didn't even know that you were pregnant. It was one thing if people know you're pregnant without Mingi in your life, but what if you gave the statement and you ended up getting followed and people found out about your pregnancy and shit backfired on you and/or Mingi? You had just come to terms with having a baby, what are you going to do if you involve the very clueless dad who's going to find out from the public and not from you? What if he sued you? What if you ended up having to pay him compensation? You have a comfortable life but it's not enough to pay whatever absurd number his high-status ass can come up with.

The moment Mingi sat back down, your mind was snapped back to reality and you blurted out your reply. "I'm sorry, I don't think I can do it." Mingi look up at you in shock, grateful that he had sat down first or else he would've definitely dropped his americano and fruit tart. "What?" Mingi so wanted to believe that he was hearing you wrong. "I... I don't think I can help you, Mingi. Truly, I wish I could but the fact is that it's just too high of a risk for me. If what you said is true, the part of me getting followed and neither you nor your team can even predict how or how bad it'll be just doesn't seem to be worth it to me especially since we only spent that one night together. There is nothing between us and I can't just throw caution to the wind like that." You hated yourself for feeling so guilty for not wanting to put yourself in a certain situation simply from seeing the dejected look on Mingi's face. Stupid pregnancy hormones. "I really wish I could help you Mingi, I do, but not in the expense of my privacy and safety."

You were about to stand up and leave when Mingi reached forward and grab placed his warm hand on top of yours, "I'll do anything and give you anything you want," he blurted out mindlessly. You were taken aback but you still shook your head, "Mingi, it's not about money," "Who said it is? I can protect you, I can make sure that until nothing will happen, okay? Even after the statement, I'll help you however way I can." It was obvious that you hesitated because you didn't move when he touched you and you didn't tell him off when he rambled on so Mingi took your silence to convince you more. "I... There are rumours about me being gay because of the people who were seen around me and those rumours only seem to make more actual gay men in the industry approach me and it's a very complicated and sensitive situation considering the current day and age and the industry I'm working in. I wouldn't have asked you if I had any other options, believe me. But I'm desperate here, I don't know what else to do." You could've easily decided to not believe him and not just because you don't know this man but also because it sounded like the lamest excuse ever. But why would someone ask someone like you, someone who had nothing to do with the industry he works in, to pull off something so obviously complicated and jeopardizing if he didn't want to reap some sort of benefit? Your logic couldn't comprehend why eh would ask help from someone like you for any other reason than the truth and frankly, you understood being in a situation that you can't control easily. He was just trying to live like how he wanted but his situation made it hard for him to do so.

Without even realizing when it happened, you could feel your resolve wavering. How can you say no to someone who looked like a kicked-down puppy? A sad, sad puppy. Kind of like a samoyed. So before you could completely give in, you said something that you know could at least change his face from looking like that. "Okay, I'll think about it," you blurted out. Mingi's hand gripped yours and his eyes widened in surprise, "Wait, really?" And you nodded with a hand up, telling him to not be too happy just yet, "I'm not promising anything, I'm not saying that I'll do it nor am I saying that I won't, I'm just saying we'll see how things go and I'll get back to you, okay?"

It was not nothing but it was not something either. Whatever it actually was, Mingi took it as a hope that he might get help for his predicament and it was enough for then. Nodding excitedly, Mingi shook your hand that was in his grip excitedly, "That is good enough for me, I will show you that I'm a man of my word!" Somehow, you believed that, he didn't seem like a liar nor does he seem like a jackass. But neither did your ex and he left you with your heart, in a million pieces, spread all over the city in places where his memories remain clear.

After agreeing to chat a little longere with Mingi, getting to know the basics about each other, you return to sipping your drink as you listen to Mingi talk about his work. Though it seemed like you were paying him all the attention you have, your mind was actually elsewhere, trying to think of all the worst possible scenarios that could occur if you helped him and most of them were centred on your baby. No matter how much you want to deny it and brush it off, truth is, you were going to have to tell Mingi about bean. And that could potentially get ugly.

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[fantasyinvader]

I think the discourse really just comes down to one simple misunderstanding: Fodlan isn't built around grey morality. It's built around the idea that people can do shitty things and simply delude themselves into thinking that they are the good guy. Case in point, look at Hopes!Claude.

Hopes!Claude, in every route, ultimately plans on taking Rhea out. He simply blames the Church for Fodlan being hostile to outsiders and by proxy Almyrans looking down on his heritage making him an outsider. He doesn't question his takes even though in Houses he'd be the one to point out what he thought didn't align with the situation at Garreg Mach though that questioning may be linked to him realizing the Agarthans were feeding him information to suit their purposes. If you unlock the bonus chapter, in every route he's looking to get rid of Rhea, but at the same time his doppelganger calls him out on something.

He gets called out on pretending he's the good guy.

Think about what his means for a second. A representation of the innermost part of Claude's soul is saying that he's NOT the good guy he's presenting himself as. That deep down he knows what he's doing is wrong, but Claude just dismisses that notion. Doesn't matter if this is in Scarlet Blaze, Golden Wildfire, or Azure Gleam, this aspect of his character is still present. Even in Azure Gleam, he's making it clear that while he's working with Rhea and Dimitri, he still plans on killing the former even when Dimitri points out all the suffering that the people will undergo as a result. Hell, it could even link into how Azure Gleam isn't actually a good ending through it's use of lighting.

In Hopes, the sunlight symbolism of Houses is reversed since we're playing from an Agarthan perspective. Sunlight is in this context an indicator of the Agarthan ideology. It spreads and defeats the Nabatean teachings in Scarlet Blaze regardless of whether Byleth was unlocked or not, and in Golden Wildfire we see the sun beginning to peak over the horizon as Rhea lays dead. Azure Gleam is the only one where there isn't sunlight, meaning the Agarthans have lost, yet it's also said that the sun will soon be up, While the Agarthans are defeated, they're soon going to win according to Hopes. While Dimitri is going to begin punishing the Empire in a punitive campaign for the war despite knowing the Empire was manipulated, Claude is going to kill Rhea and try to wipe out the faith.

Claude is effectively giving the Agarthans what they wanted in his ignorance, all while he clings to the delusion that he's doing a good thing. Because nothing says “I want to create a world where people aren't othered and different beliefs are accepted” like “I'm going to blame problems on this one group and either work with the people who attacked me unprovoked to take them out in order to wipe out their beliefs or work with that group and their allies only to betray them later on once I've gained more power.” Sure, doesn't make you look like a massive hypocrite in the slightest, and the fact his Shadow is calling him out on pretending he's the good guy just shows that he knows it as well.

And, really, this is the crux of Fodlan's conflict and the discourse. We are dealing with characters who are various levels of disconnected from reality and, as a teacher, we are meant to teach them to see things more clearly. But at the same time, we must also figure out what that truth is and not be led astray. The devs did say they wanted players to immerse themselves in the setting, and that it had been built to support Silver Snow. The game isn't trying to hold our hands here, it wants us to notice that some of the claims characters are making don't add up, even when the rest of the cast smiles and nods vacantly. People aren't going to challenge them on what they are saying, they'll just go along with it no matter how much their backstory should stop them from doing so. As I've said in the past, it's like the characters don't actually live in the world they inhabit and I guess now we know why that is.

This game is annoying by fucking design. JFC.

[shaunsummers]

Two Dykes Went Up to Georgia

"He did?" Visibly taken back by the news, Lilith's face twists in mixed reaction. Surely, letting go of the responsibility of keeping her fed was a relief but she had seen her fair share of bad days. How harsh storms or cold could keep her apartment bound. "Isn't that going to be hard on you?" Being construction work, it was her primary concern. With a light pop of her lips, Lilith places the gloss to the side, turning to search for reassurance that had yet to come; but Shaun looked so steadfast and, admittedly, handsome in this light gleam of newfound independence.

There was something about that answer that was a little off. It was weird, with how much Quinn drooled, that she wasn't nose deep into Bumble or whatever the fuck and her eyes narrow in suspension as the order of word salad is served. "I don't exactly believe you but, whatever, if you're into weird shit like being vacuum sealed then you could just say that. I'm sure you could still find someone."

As for herself, well, it was complicated. "But, like, I've told you about Kaine. Big dick, bigger disappointment. I know I don't have to be in a relationship and, ew, don't want that; but where's the fun when you're sharing your location? You know what I mean? Maybe I'll have half an orgasm. Maybe I'll get kidnapped. That's not a level of excitement I want in my life right now. My therapist even said I should focus on me right now and, you know, she's right. I can fuck myself better than any of those losers, anyways. Even if sometimes I get depressed because all my real relationships have been catastrophic failures, I'm still out here winning."

-------

"Maybe sometimes, but I'll sort it." Shaun replies with a small shrug. Lilith had seen plenty of stiff, awkward shuffling and her body crackling like a bowl of Rice Krispies to completely dismiss the notion, but she'd had the thought already, and it wasn't enough to turn her away. "Beatrix's dad isn't an asshat, and I don't think I'm invincible. It's workable."

Too, what else did she have going for her? She didn't have the money to go to college like many of those around her. She'd had good grades before, but after the accident, it'd been a stroke of luck to graduate on time. At all, even. Disability checks had kept her alive, but barely, and it almost seemed like that was the point of them. How could you really live if the most you could ever own at any given time was $1200? Working construction beat that, or any other soul-sucking minimum wage job. She could make things with her hands—something she was good at—and feel like she was doing something worthwhile. The option was the best she could hope for, really, not that she wanted to unload that on Lilith.

"It's hard work, I know, but I can do it. The muscles aren't just for show, you know." Shaun teases lightheartedly, a small smile playing at the edge of her lips. "And, to be fair, he's been up my ass about it since high school. I just finally decided to take him up on it."

Of course, Quinn could only snicker at the accusation of some left-field fetish, but even in the backhanded way Robin always seemed to, she did manage to say something kind of sweet at the end. With the mention of the royal fuckwad himself—along with the many wild stories of dysfunction that managed to slip out of her over the last few months—Robin's therapist was probably right on that one.

"Well, you're sayin' that with your back lookin' like Hamburger Helper right now," Quinn razzes her, cricking a grin over her shoulder. "But I hear ya."

"...I kinda miss it, though. Bein' in a relationship, I mean." She chimes in after a few moments of silence, starting to work the gel along the small cuts running jagged up Robin's form. "Like, it's kinda nice. Just hangin' out, havin' someone to do stuff with and be able to talk about whatever. Bein' able to just have a good time doin' nothin', good sex and cuddlin' and all that. It's just all the crazy shit that comes with it that ruins it. But I do still kinda miss it sometimes. The nice parts, anyway."

[13eyond13]

i've been playing around with those character AIs, specifically the L ones, seeing how long it takes before i can convince them to join team kira. they usually become pretty much out of character nonsense by that point i think due to some flaw in the model, but it did make me think... do you think there's anything that *could* convince L to join team kira? any hcs on what you think L would do if he was the first one to find the notebook?

Do I think L would ever join Team Kira?

I don't think he would, no. 😅 In canon L literally staked his life on opposing Kira and seeing him defeated, so he probably didn't have a lot of flexibility about this particular stance. I think that even if L was technically convinced to 100% ideologically agree with Kira he would still stubbornly oppose him simply because he was pissed off about Kira trying to order everybody else around like that and rule the world with an iron fist. I feel L REALLY doesn't want to submit to anybody else's authority or be told what to do by anybody, and he was also fascinated by the challenge of trying to be the one who successfully takes Kira down. BUT I also think that in the manga L's opposition to Kira isn't so much due to his own principles and moral convictions or a sense of heroic duty as because it becomes a territorial pissing match and an addictive puzzle and a matter of personal pride for him. I'm of the opinion that L could somehow remain completely opposed to Kira and refuse to ever be considered part of his entourage even while straight-up dating or marrying Light or something along those lines 😆 It's just always way too OOC and weird to me if I ever see him in a fic getting convinced to see Kira as correct and to start serving him and obeying him as though he is Mikami or something. And I honestly think Light would actually like and respect L less if he ever did stop opposing him and start completely agreeing with him on all of his views.

If L was the First One to Find the Notebook: He's definitely a curious sort, but he also doesn't seem to be a believer in the supernatural. My headcanon is he wouldn't ever take it seriously enough to even test it out in the first place. If he DID test it and found it worked, I think he'd see it similarly to how he does in the manga when he says that he thinks anybody who finds themselves with Kira's power to kill from afar is cursed. L's not as young and impressionable and idealistic and easily prone to feeling guilty as Light was at age 18, nor is he as uncomfortable with seeing himself as a not particularly good person either (in canon he quite freely admits to doing things like cheating, lying, and torturing Misa without batting an eyelash). So I don't think the thought of becoming a murderer himself would trigger quite as dramatic a reaction in L as it does in Light. He might be capable of adjusting to that thought or dismissing it as a mistake that anybody could've made without it drastically altering his own self image much more easily than Light. Maybe he'd become fascinated with the possibilities that the notebook opens up to him about the supernatural world and the other things out there that he doesn't already know, but he would possibly also have a stronger fear of it and a more realistic idea of the potentially disastrous consequences of using it than Light. I could see him either giving it back to the shinigami pretty quickly or trying to lock it away in a personal vault somewhere for himself. And I think he might brood about it and have more of an extended existential crisis about his worldview and his theories and goals upon meeting a shinigami and learning about the shinigami realm than Light did. It would likely shake his confidence a fair bit to have to adjust all his preconceived notions about the world, as he really strongly prides himself on his intellect and bases much of his self-esteem on always being correct.

[vastiitas]

god, i will never shut up abt his names, but also yikes bc there is sm to dismantle bc i dont ever shut up abt his names--

jesse mccree is a name he plucked off of the unknown history of strangers: a gravestone, a forgotten sign. This blog will always be about people, in a way, the scrappy interconnectedness of humanity and :skull: this name isn't an exception.

There's a shit load of irony in the name Jesse meaning "son of God" when it's the day that he guts himself of his faith and abandons himself (i call it doomsday, sometimes judgement day- bc it is in this visceral rawness of loss - when War comes crashing in from the sky and people are dying all around him - that he is both the furthest and closest to the notion of God, the all mighty, holy fury; and i could actually go off on a tangent here about how deserts are also a place of exactly Just This: spiritual dispossession while also being places of distilled clarity and abstract manifestations of which include the sacred.)

McCree is also funny pick, in the scheme of things, when you find out it means luck; and you could chalk up his survival as a case of it being good or bad. Cole's life can be summarized as the wheel of fortune tarot; tumbling perpetually in mercurial fortunes.

He, ofc, has no fcking clue abt this at the ripe age of 11 when he grasps them off of rotten monuments and only finds the whole thing funny as hell in this private humored way, this wry and wrung-out-dry way, when he finally does find out.

As for his original name's meanings - I will never be normal about Cole - because its English origin is coal; unrefined thing, black and lumpy, but it's potential packed in something unsuspecting and dismissable, all requiring just a spark. Pair this up with his former partner in crime, Ashe, and im vomitting up blood, sobbing, because it's the predecessor of fire and its aftermath. They come hand-in-hand for the chaos they drove in together. Ofc w how i've written my timeline, there's no lining up with him going by Cole during his Deadlock days, but it still makes me sick regardless because He knows even if nobody else does. But tangent aside, it really sums him up in his Blackwatch days. Something to be overlooked, until someone realized he could be used to keep others warm.

Cole also means Victory of the People when you look into its greek origins and :weary: god. It suits his inability to walk away from people in harm's way so very well; that he is of the people in the way he has stumbled through the ups and downs of humanity. That, in his younger ages, he did have a healthy appetite for winning.

Cassidy comes with the meaning of clever, and if there is always one thing I like to reference from his youth and how he was raised, it was that Cole always found his way into trouble, by his own hand or not, and his mother, exasperated, would frequently tell him while picking up the pieces of the aftermath that if he were going to cause trouble, that he should be clever about it. (In other words, she at some point knew her child would keep finding these situations, erring more on believing him more often than not the cause, and that if she could not stop it from happening, she could encourage him to be better about being caught or slipping between the fingers of authority.) She was a bearer of folktales and carried enough on tricksters, but Cole will always be a fan of Zorr.o, funnily enough, as was his father who capitalized on that Clever namesake with his manipulations.

But at a larger scale, his names have also always been a keystone in representing his relationship to himself in past, present, and future-- running from yourself only to find that you've gone full circle, turning around to face your own shadow in order to greet the breaking dawn, etc etc- i don't get to use his Jesse name often, but it's just so important bc his 'birth', his 'baptism', is the thing that came first in all the narrative when the blog first started-

For the longest time this imagery was the root of my blog; Just this hunched figure of a child rising from this primordial earth of a desecrated town and his chest is heaving, animal. He is slathered in dust and ash and everything is so damn quiet and he is so shell shocked and filled with fury that he has regressed to this based thing, distilled to silence, body trembling in the ruinous wake of a war.

Jesse McCree is caked in grime, caked in dirt and dust and blood. He is some heathen thing that desolation itself wrung to life. Jesse McCree, baptized in fire, doused in gunpowder and gasoline. Jesse McCree, wild and angry, eyes hollowed into something deep and dark and black.

Cole Cassidy is a reminder, a damnation, a shade of the past rippling like A DESERT MIRAGE. he is lanky and too weak, hands trembling adrenaline-burdened on a gun he can't shoot STRAIGHT. Cole Cassidy is the boy who let his parents die beneath the strike of IRON. As far as JESSE MCCREE was concerned, Cole Cassidy didn't deserve to survive, either.

Cole Cassidy, buried in an unmarked grave on an obliterated land with no one left to grieve him.

:weary: Cole Cassidy is rot in his mouth; unwieldy and burdensome like a corpse forcefullly stuffed betwen his jaws. There is so much hatred and scorn and disgust he carries for it, for the weakness it represents, coalesced in his grief and survivor's guilt that the abandonment of his name acts as self-murder and he is so very violent to himself in that regard. It's why he gets so nauseous as a child in the verses where he's not allowed to break free from it, because this is, in a sense, a child's attempt at locking into control when he doesn't have any.

It is his way of jamming his teeth into the threads of his own fate; hauling himself crawling through the desert and stampeding forward with spite buzzing down his arms and into his fists, spiking the light in his eyes as he glares down the hand that was given to him--

That said this is his perception of cole cassidy because he packs all of his weakness into that name, stuffs that failure to shoot true into that person like he's haphazardly pawing in clothes into an overburdened suitcase, but this compartmentalization is not a thing of separate identities as it is simply, a narrative break with him digging his fingerpads against the wheel. in reality, he has always been a bit of a trail blazer, an independent wanderer, a kid with a penchant for trouble and all of this PERSISTS past doomsday with the caveat being there's a lot more PTSD involved in the aftermath.

And, honestly, Cole does grow out of all that anger because he simply does not look back. Jesse let's him throttle forward without the baggage and his eyes are perpetually locked onto the horizon. Because there is nothing to turn back to or go back to if Cole Cassidy is dead, resting with all the other ghosts in a town that's been levelled to nothing.

He rides into maturity as he lives out his years and i could go on about the timeline of it, how it unfolds and all the elements that drive into it since this current portraiture is bleak and somewhat feral, but then i'd be getting really off topic, but :skull: The gist of it is that a lot of these emotions are when he's 11 and he's got a fuck load of time between then and the start of Deadlock Rebels (15) and he doesnt even have to think about Cole Cassidy.

By the time he reclaims his name, he is, amusingly, back in the desert after having left BW/OVW, back to where it all started. He is well into his 30's. Something to be said about the circular nature of everything, time is a flat circle, the return to the start in the third act with a new contextualization etc etc. Dispossessed by yet another belief, made anon in a ghost town after narrowly escaping death and still on the verge of it. (And, god, He cant help but find the whole damn thing morbidly amusing, in a fucked up way, in the same way he found out about the meaning of Jesse. Because he knows that kid he'd been would be losing his absolute shit for coming back to this place that had both made and unmade him after Everything; the idea of it all being for nothing. But he's older, and he's changed, and he can swallow this rut of shit circumstances with a laugh because of course it'd be like this, and by now he's learned to roll with the punches because his life has just been Defined by it-)

Exhuming Cole Cassidy is a survival tactic because it is a name just as lost to time as the effigies that he plucked Jesse McCree from (the latter being of no use anymore with bounty hunters and enemies alike crawling everywhere searching for him), but it is also a return to home. Smthing smthing, sucking the dirt out from under your nails just to taste where you came from . He says it with a certain tired humor when someone first asks his name as he comes to, after a moment's worth of consideration for the circumstances that has brought him here. It feels like a private joke and it feels strange on his tongue, because as used to as he is introducing himself by some false name for BW coverts, this is not a true lie; but then, also, saying it outloud for the first time in years and he realizes the lack of scorn, the lack of self-hate. These things that he hadn't realized he'd been subconsciously expecting/had so severely associated the name with.

He makes the choice to commit to it while determining his next moves in this back-watered town with only a single arm left. Reclaiming his name is self-forgiveness. It is reminiscence and self-reflection that there was no real difference between jesse and cole; that jesse was still strung along by different forces and influenced by them and that there is no newfound invulnerability to the name as he once needed it to be when he was just that 11 yr old. It is self-acceptance and consciously acknowledging that he was a child when he murdered the name away, that all that self-hate and scorn was unfair to himself and that he had stopped holding himself to his personal failures a long time ago (though he isn't sure when; just knows he stopped; and it's a culmination resulting from his steady self-assurance in his abilities to protect others within a reasonable margin, tested and proven over and over again thru BW/OVW, on top of having long understood that collateral happens and not everybody can be protected-)

He packs jesse away, let's the name rest and return to oblivion to their original owners despite how much he's made it his own. In terms of story-telling, reclaiming cassidy is a circle reclaiming its starting point, intercepting the past in order to make way for the grounds that denote the future, etc etc, All the shenanigans i was mentioning earlier that the shadow must be faced in order to proceed to the morning.

Most stories like this end with Death as the next act, but ahckntjt ig we thank the fact that this is an rp blog and not a story-

[redphlox]

Dabi's fear of feelings and connections

Dabi is a walking contradiction; he says he doesn't care about anyone, but his flames, which are linked to his emotions, demonstrate otherwise when Twice is killed. Dabi brushes off the news that Natsuo could have died because of him but still refers to him affectionately as Natsu-kun. Touya went around calling Endeavor out for neglecting his children but still trained to regain his approval and attention anyway. He lashed out at baby Shouto, admitted Shouto had done nothing wrong, and then attacked him again years later. He cries blood while thinking about his family but doesn't go home to them or change his actions which hurt them even more. Dabi wants to destroy hero society for a better future but it's obvious he doesn't plan to live long enough to see that future.

The gaps between his actions and his words are a result of dissociation and repression. It's not that Dabi is emotionless. Actually, he feels too much and he's afraid of his feelings because they've done nothing but hurt him emotionally and physically. He literally almost burned to death the one time he had a burst of emotion on Sekoto Peak and in order to prevent a repeat of that, he operates under the flawed notion that safety lies in repressing his feelings and pushing people away. He lies to himself and others and therefore cannot reconcile with his true self and can’t trust others.

In this meta I'll discuss how Dabi deals with his unprocessed feelings of betrayal and neglect by denying himself connections with both his inner wounded child and those around him. I'll also address a few misconceptions surrounding Dabi because dismantling them is key to understanding him. Contrary to popular belief, he does not want to kill his father, he never wanted to be a hero for his own sake, and he doesn't hate Shouto or his family. At its core, Touya's hurt stems from discovering that his relationship with his father wasn't based on unconditional love. This realization destroyed his sense of self so much it caused him to start fearing his own feelings and being close to others because of the link between his emotions and his self-destructive quirk.

To understand Dabi we have to understand Touya. In 291 we see through Endeavor's flashback that Touya was eager to train under him and carry his legacy. It's implied by the fact they’re working on ultimate moves that not only is Touya a willing, eager participant but that the two have been training together for quite some time. In 301 we learn that after Touya's quirk started hurting him Endeavor not only abandoned the training regime but also abandoned Touya both emotionally and physically. Instead of using the time he spent training Touya to help Touya find a new hobby or purpose in life, or just hanging out with his kid, Endeavor chooses to remove himself from Touya’s life. When Touya confronts him about the change of routine, Endeavor is seen putting on his jacket and leaving the home, his body turned away from his son.

Maybe Endeavor had errands to run, but my point is that he was in Touya’s life one minute and then gone the next. Touya says so himself: why did Endeavor change his mind all of a sudden? The abrupt change in attitude was jarring for a 4-5 year old to handle. To Touya, training = love, so he felt compelled to keep training and demonstrate his worthiness despite the fact that his quirk was hurting him. To Touya, the pain was worth it if it meant hanging out with his dad again.

But why? Well, Touya was Endeavor's #1 fan, genuinely so. His admiration and fondness for his father was genuine, and he didn't question the triumphant look on Endeavor's face when Touya said he wanted to learn the ultimate move. Before his quirk started burning him, Touya had no idea he was born for his father's ulterior motives. He had no reason to question his father's attention. Touya lived under the impression his bond with his dad was genuine and special, and he probably felt lucky that his father was willing to share something so important to him (heroism). Even after the training stops and Endeavor stops paying attention to Touya, Touya still wears his merch and vies for his attention. Most kids see their parents as larger than life and Touya was no exception. Keigo Takami admired Endeavor the hero, and Touya Todoroki admired his father who just so happened to be the hero Endeavor. Since being a hero was such a big deal for Endeavor, it was a big deal for Touya.

But that's where Touya's story becomes tragic. His father is a flawed, flawed man with many insecurities and fallacies that he pushes onto his family. I’ll get to those in a moment, but as intelligent and observant Touya is to catch on that Endeavor never set out to marry to become a father, he is too young to separate himself from his father’s expectations. Touya realizes he was born for a purpose and Touya will be damned if he doesn't fulfill that purpose even if he knows it's wrong. His father's ‘love’ meant that much to him. For Touya, it's not about becoming a hero for the glory. It was about his relationship with his father because, as I mentioned earlier, Touya was his #1 fan in the sense that he loved Enji just for being his dad. There were no conditions tied to that. “You are my dad, and I love you.”

But that wasn’t a sentiment that Touya felt in return, and that hurt Touya. He internalized he wasn't good enough, that something about him was inherently wrong. But more than that, his world came tumbling down - he felt betrayed and lied to: his father didn't love him like Touya needed him to, and this truth destroyed him. Their relationship was a lie, a farce, and it hurt so much Touya became obsessed with not hurting anymore because he couldn’t get away from it.

Touya’s motivation to become a hero didn't rise from being inspired by All Might like Shouto. Touya’s thought process wasn’t "I want to be a hero to help others or be like All Might" like Deku. No, Touya only wanted to be a hero because he wanted his father to be proud of him for surpassing All Might. Notice that Touya's obsession with beating All Might slowly diminishes from “I can surpass All Might” to “I can surpass All Might like Shouto, too” to just “look at me, Endeavor.” It was never about being a hero per say, but about his relationship with his father. Touya realized that Endeavor isn't his father first, but a hero, and he understands that he has to be a hero too to fit into his father's world. Even upon realizing that his father was using him, Touya still wanted to be part of his life, still wanted that bond. Touya, in his desperation to be loved and accepted again, could look past his father's selfishness as long as he regained that approval. Touya could pretend the relationship was real as long as he stopped feeling so unlovable.

This is unhealthy thinking, of course. Even if Touya somehow managed to regain Endeavor's approval, the relationship would still be one-sided and dissatisfying because he wouldn't be able to ignore the truth. But, this is how he rationalized his insistence to keep training in his 4-5 year old mind and this line of thought stuck with him as he grew up just as those feelings of inadequacy never left him.

This is precisely why Natsuo's drowsy "can't you go talk to our sister?" hurt so much. Touya was already emotionally fragile, and hearing that felt like being rejected all over again when it was actually Natsuo just trying to sleep. Touya was hypersensitive to any words or actions that could be interpreted as dismissive. His trauma wouldn't listen to logic that Natsuo was 8 and too young to understand, that he was tired - no, Touya's brain said, you're being rejected again! This is also why he also stormed away crying from Fuyumi after she expressed her concern for him.

In Touya’s mind, why couldn't anyone just agree with him that he was good enough? He heard "your dad's right and you're not good enough so why try" not "I care about you, your father is wrong, and I don't want you to keep getting hurt" whenever Rei tried to get him to stop training because that's the message he got from his father, too. Nevermind that it infuriated Touya that his mother could stand there and preach to him when, from his perspective, she couldn’t take her own advice. All Endeavor ever did was teach him to turn up the heat, so why should it matter that doing just so hurts him? Touya didn't understand NOT training his quirk because he had been taught that raising his firepower was ideal in all situations. Those two statements didn't make sense to a 4-5 year old, a 13 year old, and it still doesn’t make sense as a 24 year old.

To take Endeavor's lack of self awareness a step further, because it's important to understand Endeavor to fully understand Dabi, Endeavor has yet to realize his own inherent worth. He doesn't have to prove anything to his family, especially his kids. They love him unconditionally, without special reason aside from the fact that he's theirs and he's himself. However, Endeavor is so obsessed with proving himself that he doesn't realize he never had to, and he projects this onto his children. They must prove themselves by winning the genetic lottery, by being useful to his plans, by surpassing All Might.

The irony that to be a great father he doesn't have to be a hero at all is ugly because Endeavor has no identity outside of being a hero. Endeavor has said before he wants to be a good hero and father to make Shouto proud, but he fails to realize he already had this in Touya all those years ago and it still left him unsatisfied. The issue isn’t his role as a hero, it’s his inner self. In 301 Endeavor literally reaches out to Touya to talk him out of training and hurting himself, and Touya allows his father to touch his shoulders because he wants a bond with his father - any bond. Shouto, on the other hand, wouldn't allow Endeavor to touch him in 167 and slaps his hand away because he doesn’t want Endeavor’s approval. Endeavor doesn't realize Natsuo carries deep abandonment and neglect issues because he wanted to be accepted by his father too (light novel #5) but was ignored. Endeavor doesn't realize he was always good enough by default and that by projecting onto his kids and trying to be the top hero he��s doing the opposite of what he wants. He just keeps pushing away his family.

It’s important to point out Endeavor’s illogical thinking because Touya learned some of these same ideas. Touya repeatedly tries to prove himself without realizing that he was always good enough by default. The problem wasn’t his quirk or his body, but his father’s flawed thinking and self-worth issues. Now as an adult, Dabi is selfish because he's Endeavor's son and emobidies his most negative characteristics. Dabi thinks of his flames as Endeavor's, and he thinks of himself as an extension of Endeavor because that's how Endeavor set him up for life. Touya has no identity to fall back on after his father casts him aside. He was supposed to be Endeavor 2.0, but now that title is Shouto’s. Dabi doesn’t hate Shouto as a person, but he has tricked himself into believing Shouto is their father’s puppet. Shouto is a doll being used by their father with no self agency, and Dabi is going to break all of Endeavor’s toys. It’s nothing personal against Shouto, it’s just Shouto’s bad luck that he happens to be Endeavor’s masterpiece. This is why Dabi doesn’t hurt Shouto when they first meet at the training camp, and why Dabi stops attacking Shouto after Endeavor passes out - it’s not about Shouto. It’s about Endeavor, and breaking Endeavor. Touya is still there trying to be part of his father’s world, only this time not as a hero but as a villain who will end his own suffering. He doesn't want Endeavor to die, he just wants him to suffer, to ruin his dreams. Dabi thinks of it as justice.

But because Touya is still there, there is still that goodness in him, too. His connection to Fuyumi and Natsuo is still there, repressed and compartmentalized. It’s why he calls them affectionately as Fuyumi-chan and Natsu-kun. Touya’s pain is so great he has decided he’d rather end it than to carry on and look elsewhere. He's stuck, rightfully so. He recognizes his mother is a flawed person and ultimately doesn’t blame her for being a victim - she could have done more for her son, but he still sees her and his other siblings, even Shouto, as people who fell victim to Endeavor’s abuse who don't challenge their situation. Dabi sees himself as someone who does stand up to the abuse but doesn’t realize he still wants his father’s attention. He's always wanted it. That's why he went around at 13 condemning his father's treatment of his children but still trained to prove himself. This is part of the reason he became a villain.

Not to mention that Dabi literally can't cry. He has no way to release those emotions, so instead of trying to let them out, he pushes them down. But that doesn't work and is detrimental in the long run. In 290-294 we saw Dabi's flames burn so hot during his confrontation with Endeavor and revealing himself as Touya that his burns have spread. Dabi is afraid of his feelings because of their connection to his flames, but he also uses his feelings to his advantage. He wants to go out in an inferno along with Shouto just to hurt Endeavor and put an end to his own suffering and Endeavor's career. This is why Dabi doesn't bother calming himself down or denying that he never forgot how he was treated when he lived at home. Dabi became emotional in that battlefield, smiling maniacally instead of crying because he physically can't cry. In his mind, if his feelings are going to destroy him, he might as well use them to prove a point. After all, he has experience being used. It's why he was born.

I'm not saying any of these actions or thoughts are healthy or correct or condoned, by the way. Trauma responses don't make logical sense and usually aren't healthy. Knowing how the mind responds to trauma, it's understandable that Touya still wanted his father's attention even if it was abusive. In fact, this is how children often respond to abuse. Their caretaker/parent is all they know and they cling to these figures. Often times when authorities try to remove a child from their abusive parents, the child doesn't want to go because this parent is all they know and they do feel like they love their parent/caretaker. I’m not saying the authorities got involved in this case, because obviously they didn’t, but this same mentality of abused children can be applied to Touya. Touya, in his four year old mind, probably convinced himself that if he was good enough everything would go back to how it used to be.

So, to sum up Dabi’s character, of course he doesn't make any sense. He’s still that hurt 4-5 year old who is trying to protect himself from ever getting hurt like that again while still wanting his father’s validation. Of course he doesn’t want to get close to anyone, not even the League. He doesn't want to be vulnerable or let people in or form connections because the last time that happened he was let down, forsaken, and it hurt so much it literally made him lose control of his quirk to the point he almost died. When Twice is killed, Dabi consoles himself by saying he didn't care anyway, all to prevent another emotional fire. Dabi is a master of compartmentalizing and boxing away his feelings - this is probably why, 310 chapters into BNHA, we have yet to have a few chapters in his POV or his backstory. He's disconnected from himself. He knows his plot to get justice will hurt his siblings and mother and to live with himself and move forward he represses those feelings.

Because of his father not showing up on Sekoto peak, Dabi has to live with physical disabilities due to his scars and memories of burning alive. He doesn't want to go through that again so he lies to himself that he doesn't care about anyone or anything. He denies that he's still in pain while simultaneously seeking validation of his pain. He acts like he doesn't care about his family but still calls them affectionate names. He acts like he hates Endeavor and calls him by his name but still wants his attention. He decided long ago that he would die destroying Endeavor's career because that was the thing Endeavor cares about most of all in this life. It's a "you hurt me so I'll hurt you" mentality. He has tricked himself into thinking this is justice, failing to realize this won't make him feel better if he doesn't die by his own hand along the way.

Dabi is full of resentment and spite, both of which take root from feelings of abandonment, betrayal, and the loss of a purpose and the realization that he wasn't born to be loved for who he was but as a tool for his father. The first betrayal he suffered was in the form of realizing his father didn't love him genuinely, and this was identity-breaking for him. He never recovered from it. The second betrayal, the reinforcer, was his father not showing up to Sekoto Peak. Since then, Dabi is reliving his trauma over and over again the more he uses his quirk and the more he faces Endeavor. To be saved, Dabi needs to accept that he is loved unconditionally and needs to be validated that he was right to feel thrown aside and used.

[boop-le-snoot]

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previously on...

This chapter is very dialogue heavy. Stephen Strange being a little bit of a dick and Tony being a sweetheart. No warnings here, just plot and worldbuilding. I think Tony is his own warning to be honest... Do we want fun facts before each chapter like before or nah?

Sorcerer Strange stared at me with the heat of a plasma beam after I finished stuttering throughout my story, one accurate eyebrow raised and sharp cheekbones painting him displeased and dangerous in the yellow light of the store lamps. The whole experience shook me more than I would have liked to admit to myself and his mute reaction wasn't helping matters at all.

"Hmph," he finally cleared his throat, taking a step back and casting a thoughtful look over the shelves in the store. "You did all you could. Perhaps, we owe you gratitude," his tone was far kinder than his face. "How long have you been doing... This?" He vaguely gestured with a gloved hand.

"Long enough," I replied without thinking. My stress levels urgently rose above acceptable and the feelings needed to be let out now; Wong's dismissive attitude and Strange's half-assed apology for the attitude was still fresh in my mind.

The sorcerer sighed, briefly touching the bridge of his nose. "I won't pretend to understand the reason for your hostility but I'd like to remind you we're on the same side here," his steely blue eyes attempted to peer into my soul.

"There are no sides here," whatever he was selling, I wasn't buying it. "There are just people who get hurt, either because of unstable maniacs with superpowers or aliens who think Earth is an all-you-can-kill buffet," I stuck my dirty, bloody hands in my pockets. "You do your part in mitigating the damage, I do mine. That's all there is."

"And you would be making my job expotentionally harder if you get in the way and slow down professionals, even if you mean well," the man's temper had, evidently, won over and he immediately got on the defensive, crossing his arms and trying to glare me down.

Odette's words rang true, starting a storm of hollow anger in the pit of my skull. "Now listen here, you privileged prick," the damn burst at the seams as I squared up to give him a piece of my mind. "You and your Hogwarts rejects and the merry band of billionaires may have the opportunity to 24/7 healthcare and near-instant compensation for any damages the villain of the week decides to bestow upon your shallow little heads," I advanced half a step towards Strange, hands bailed into tight fists, internally rejoicing at the way he leaned back. My blood sang with adrenaline as I breathed the exhilaration.

"But how many people do you overlook? How many children never make it because your super secret organisation gives their parents an ultimatum just because they are different? This is a safe space for the ones you pretend not to see until it's convenient and it will stay that way, over my fucking dead body, if need be," I stared at the tall man, almost physically feeling his brain halt and pause with the cartoony sound of screeching tires. Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't this.

A pregnant pause hung in the air, both of us waiting for the other to explode.

"Don't you think I am aware," Strange finally seethed through gritted teeth, alarming golden sparks shining in his eyes. "The Avengers are not under the rule of SHIELD and I, personally, have no affiliation with either. I do not condone their barbaric methods," the man was struggling to form his sentences properly but even despite that, I understood his ideas.

I desperately wanted to believe his words to be true, I really did, but... "Then do your fucking job and let me do mine. I do not go out there and intervene, I merely clean up the mess you all leave. Something that nobody wants to do do, so unless you've got any takers, I'll keep helping those you deem unfit," in a fit of muted rage, I flew my arm to point at the abandoned cars and destroyed concrete outside of the window, the empty street and the clouds of dust rising into the moody skies.

The entrance door flew open suddenly, with a force strong enough to bang the heavy, old handle against something outside, letting in the stuffy air inside the bodega. Strange jumped at the sound of the screaming hinges, my own heart skipping a beat from the startling interruption.

Visibly composing himself, the man pierced me with a final stare before starting a dangerously quiet, "Very well, goodbye," and hightailing it out of Odette's before disappearing in a golden circle just outside the front porch.

I let my shoulders sag for a brief moment of respite, feeling the tension bleed out of me and penetrate every nook and cranny in the room. My protection charms were mostly destroyed, silver dull, glass and amber crackled. Tossing them into the appropriate recycling bin, I set to clean up the shop, flying through the motions in record time and wandering home through the damaged streets on autopilot.

My anger had cost me more than a fortune in my past but no matter how much I sought to reason with myself, I couldn't bring it to justify Strange's attitude towards my choices. The more I thought about it, the less rational my guesses became; I forced myself to stop thinking about it when my brain had unhelpfully supplied an absurd notion of him being jealous of my lifestyle: he knew next to nothing of my skills and his opinion was based solely on seeing me work the store front and one cleansing spell I'd performed on Bucky. There was simply no rational explanation for his behaviour.

NYC life wasn't affected by the battle in the slightest, it seemed; a day and a half later, I was back at Jeremy's, serving overpriced hot beverages to the rich and the busy. I'd slept on the Bucky and Strange situation, got a handle on my feelings and decided to simply put it away. There were other, more pressing things to worry about than a couple of men.

I didn't expect the flood of anxiety that turned my hands to lead upon seeing Tony Stark's signature suit-and-sunglasses wearing ass waltz into the café. He flashed me his usual easy grin but didn't remove his glasses, eyes eerily blank behind them, as he motioned for his usual order before leaning on the countertop with the entirety of his upper body. "So, Starshine, what is it exactly that you do?" Came the question I was dreading. "Are you, like, a witch? The broomstick and cauldron kind?"

"Mr. Stark, I am serving you coffee and a muffin as we speak," I replied curtly, raising an eyebrow.

"Drop the act, honeybuns. I thought we were friends," if I squinted, I could see that he was genuinely hurt by my lack of desire to communicate. Or, perhaps, he simply was unused to not satisfying his curiosities immediately.

Either way, I stood no chance against Stark patented puppy eyes. "I clock out at two," a sigh of epic magnitude left my mouth against my will. "You can interrogate me then. Until that, it's lattes and cheesecakes only."

Tony narrowed his eyes, smile warming up by a smidgen. "Interrogate you? Never," he pocketed the napkin with Dr. Banner's scribbles the doc had forgotten last time. "I'm merely curious." Another flash of his teeth and he was gone, taking what little peace I had left along with him.

The hands on the clock made their hurried rounds over and over. My chest had grown it's own set of ticking, grinding, mismatched gears as the endless possibilities coursed a steady stream through my head. Tony Stark was a wild card, his struggles with authority a widely known fact, as frequent as his strange habits in just about anything. And while I doubted I would get ambushed and locked up, I had no qualms of him berating me for telling off his boyfriend. He seemed like the possessive, overprotective type, anyways.

As soon as I exited the café, surrounded by the smells of flour and coffee grounds, my eyes immediately landed on the shiny, brand new Audi illegally parked right in front of the establishment, it's owner leisurely leaning against the hood with a face of contented boredom as passerby pedestrians shamelessly ogled him and his ride. His face lit up as he noticed me, immediately rushing to hold the passenger side door open for my comfort. "M'lady," the dorky remark didn't fail to summon a smile to my face even if it was a weak shadow of my usual camaraderie.

"Mr. Stark," I greeted him as soon as he peeled off the crowded sidewalk.

The lack of joy on my face didn't go unnoticed by him and every now and then, he snuck a glance at my face. "Relax, Starshine, I won't bite."

"Well," I mumbled, remembering the vicious way I had torn into his boyfriend. "Good to know."

Seeing as that didn't do much for my nerves, he suddenly swerved right, rushing into a busy intersection with the ease of a practiced manic driver. "I'm feeling like a cheeseburger," he announced unceremoniously, pulling into a parking lot of some place I never noticed.

I doubted that I could swallow anything at all but relented, sitting down opposite him in the furthest booth from the entrance. I ordered the biggest milkshake they had as Tony grinned big at the waitress, finally taking off his sunglasses when she left for the kitchen.

I rested my elbows on the table under the scrutiny of his gaze. He kept quiet. I couldn't hold back my curiosity any more. "So?"

His sharp, clever brown eyes captured and held mine for the longest second in my life. I struggled not to break eye contact until he relented, focusing on the shine of my rings instead. "RoboCop almost died from the shit that happened to him," Tony's words were curt. I inhaled sharply, assuming he was talking about Barnes. The engineer's fingers began to fiddle with his glasses. "We couldn't figure out how you helped him. Not the medical, not Banner, not me and and not even Steph," he paused to run a hand through his hair. "Barnes was hit with a poisoned arrow. There were no toxins left in his body, not even a single inflammation marker showed up on the tests." With that, Tony expectantly turned to me.

I chewed on my lip in contemplation. "Magic," I simply answered, figuring Strange had already briefed him about my occupation.

Tony shook his head with a snort. "Magic that the Sorcerer Supreme doesn't recognize or cannot detect?" The question was saved in nature.

Stephen Strange was Sorcerer Supreme and I had pissed him off and remained alive. I couldn't believe my luck, if Odette's stories were anything to go by. Inwardly rejoicing, I nonetheless resigned to answer truthfully. "Because there is nothing to detect, no foreign energy," I tried to phrase it in a way a scientist could understand. "What I use to heal, it is given me by nature and willingly. Think of me as a... Conductor. I merely store the energy short-term and direct it where it is needed."

That sparked a visible interest in Tony. He leaned forward, running my whole form, over and over, with his sharp eyes, searching for something I knew he wouldn't find. "Like... Making a blood transfusion?" It was obvious that he was thinking hard about the subject. "Like a successful organ transplant?"

"Something like that," I agreed amicably, seeing as he was talking at himself rather than engaging in a conversation with me.

"But it doesn't come from nothing, the first law of thermodynamics..." He started off in slight confusion.

"Yes, the total amount of energy remains constant," I interrupted him, making his eyes widen. "It's all around us, Mr. Stark. You cannot see it, and most people even cannot feel it, but mother Earth supports her creations. More than we like to think," the corner of my mouth tilted upward at the memories. Working with Gaia directly was like being briefly submersed in a cocoon of pure, warm sunshine; like being held in mother's arms as a babe. "She is kind and she is merciful, especially to the ones whose suffering is unjust," I let the man mull over my words.

The waitress brought our orders; my throat was parched, I took a few haste gulps of the chocolate milkshake. Tony's burger, however, remained unnoticed and untouched.

"Earth is a sentient organism?"

The question made my eyebrows rise; I coughed slightly, meeting his confused eyes with a smirk. "Mr. Stark, keep your science headcanons to yourself," the banter came easily now that the status quo was established.

He rolled his eyes, fitfully resisting the smile tugging at his mouth. "I'm telling on you to Mean Green," there was no malice behind his words.

I doubted the shy scientist would do much more than stutter out two jumbled questions but let the topic slide in favour of closing up on the issue. "Would you call a wolf sentient? No," I shook my head. "But it is autonomous, it has free will. Think of it like that," I wasn't really up to par on explaining Tony all the ins and outs of my craft. The more I spoke, the more questions danced in his eyes. It was charming but not something I wanted to spend most of my day on.

"I won't pretend to be anything but sceptical but as it is, I happen to be dating a wizard," the engineer finally chortled, making hands for his burger. He made a vague gesture with his fork, expression still not-quite out of the thinking place.

"They say opposites attract," I shrugged.

"Romanoff keeps saying we're two sides of the same coin, so," he non-commitally shrugged in return. "Can't help but wonder what the fuck did you tell him that day. He was seething," Tony raised an eyebrow, tone teasing.

"Oh lord," I briefly palmed my face. "Here comes the shovel talk."

"No, no," a fry landed on the table in front of me. I snatched it right from under Tony's hand. He pouted. "He probably deserved it. I mean, you saved the Terminator and, honestly," he paused. "I heard about one third of his rant and I distinctly remember something about 'girls way over their heads' and whatnot," he did a poor imitation of his boyfriend's deep voice. "Now, I consider myself a feminist so, respectfully, I disagree," he finished with a self-satisfied smirk.

I blanked, trying to process the avalanche of information. "That's a lot to unpack," I acquiesced.

"It means he likes you. I would know," the man had the audacity to wink at me. And that, ladies and gentlemen, was Tony Stark.

"Are you hitting on me for your boyfriend?" I couldn't resist snarking back, briefly catching his eyes as I polished off my milkshake.

Tony looked at me through his thick, long lashes, a picture perfect visage of surprised innocence. "Maybe," his tone a little too south of friendly, the direction of his eyes a bit lower than my face.

The snort escaped me before I could put a stop to it. The banter - it was easy, comforting in this situation where I found myself to be akin a fish out of water. Like I was a slightly socially awkward witch, Tony was a genius engineer and a notorious flirt. He toed the lines of appropriate with practiced gusto and I hadn't had the heart to do anything but indulge in a little bit of harmless fun ever since he first stepped foot in the café, seeing right through his stone cold facade of an alleged womaniser. Call it a hunch, if you will.

Say what you want about Tony Stark but one thing was definite: he was a gentleman. I thoroughly enjoyed my ride home in his expensive, fast, latest model car. As the city streets zoomed by in a flurry of blurred lines and flashing colorful lights, I allowed my mind to finally calm and resume it's usual even wandering pace.

A hand loosely thrown over the steering wheel, Tony quietly hummed along to the music, playing with the hem of his tee whenever it wasn't occupied with driving the car. He looked so peaceful like that.

The sound system played some contemporary rock that blended in with the moderately busy afternoon of the NYC streets, submerging the surroundings in catharsis. Grey everything with the occasional burst of colour from a traffic light; the brief car ride lulled me into a state almost drowsy.

"You with me, Salem?" Tony's voice quietly took me out of my stupor.

I blinked, seeing the front door of my apartment building. "Yeah, yeah, thanks," I didn't resist the big, wide smile of relief and rejoiced upon seeing his face return to his normal expression, sparkling and mischievous. "That's my stop," I motioned lamely.

Something hung in the air, something unsaid. It leaked through the gaps between Tony's smile and his eyes, it filled up the car with something thick and foggy. I was powerless to stop its influence on me; the daze remained just as it was when we zoomed through city streets.

Tony's fingers twitched on the steering wheel as I exited the vehicle, giving him a short wave before he put pedal to the metal, quickly disappearing into the twilight. I watched his tail lights glow red amongst the flat blacks and greys and beiges of my surroundings, blinking away the dryness in my eyes only when the car disappeared from my view completely.

My apartment was just as I'd left it, warm and slightly messy- but a new feeling had crawled up from the very gutter of me, foreign and impending. The walls didn't breathe the comfort I had hoped I would finally find: if anything, none of what I encountered on my rapid beeline towards the couch felt real.

I'd grown accustomed to the comforts of my solitude and routine, to attached to the simplest task of being. Sorting through my dirty laundry had never been a favourable ordeal for me, I'd much rather lived in a relatively wide bubble- rationally, I knew that sooner or later, change had have to come, but there was nothing ever rational about having feelings on one matter or another.

My spirit was trying to tell me big things were coming and I had no choice but to listen and let the currents of fate and happenstance snatch me up and take me whichever way they pleased.

Taglist: @couldntbedamned @mikariell95 @letsby @sleep-i-ness @toomanyrobins @mostly-marvel-musings @persephonehemingway @schemefrenzy @lillsxd @bluecrazedandbeautiful @slothspaghettiwrites @xoxabs88xox

[askmerriauthor]

Jedi: Fallen Order thoughts 2/?

Discussion on "Star Wars - Jedi: Fallen Order". First post here, spoilers and lengthy rambling after the jump.

Honestly, I love this box art so much purely for the facts that 1) I made sure to remove that poncho the instant I could because the game's cloth dynamic rendering had it flailing about wildly as if it were trying to attack the universe through sheer defiance of physics in every cutscene. And 2) see that alien dude on the left with a pistol? In-game, he's an utter coward who never once participates in anything remotely resembling violence and sure as hell never wields a gun. It just reminds me of how Kirby is always given angry eyebrows in the US because marketing people are fucking stupid and think players won't be drawn to the game with an abjectly cute mascot.

So! The story.

As mentioned in my previous post, "Fallen Order" basically wants to tell a Found Family tale about a ragtag group of remnants who leave behind their previous lives and forge a new future together. We have our main character Cal Kestis; a former Padawan who survived Order 66 and has been in hiding for a handful of years. Cere Junda; a former Jedi who's cut herself off from The Force, Greez Dritus; a gambling addict pilot with a troubled past he's trying to leave behind, and BD-1; an annoyingly named but utterly lovable Droid who is far and away the best character in the entire damn game. There's also Nightsister Merrin; the presumably last survivor of the Nightsisters and potentially Cal's love interest, but she basically only shows up in the last 10 minutes of the game and doesn't get a lot of screentime despite being presented as a major part of the cast.

The game takes place a handful of years after the purge of the Jedi in Order 66, where both Cal and Cere's core character thrust is tied into. Cal was a child who survived only due to his master sacrificing his life to save him and has been wracked with guilt and PTSD ever since. Cere, on the other hand, unintentionally abandoned her own Padawan and other younglings, directly leading to their death, corruption by the Dark Side, and almost falling to the Dark Side herself. The bulk of the narrative throughout the game is dealing with the relationship these two have with one another, coming to terms with their own trauma, and moving forward from there. Meanwhile, the overall plot itself focuses around finding a Holocron that has a map and list of Force-sensitive children throughout the galaxy, which the gang can use to rebuild the Jedi Order while also keeping it - and thus the children - out of The Empire's hands. The whole series of events culminates in a big showdown between Cere's former Padawan whom she abandoned and became corrupted into an Inquisitor, Cal contending with his own guilt, and the decision on whether or not the gang has the right to interfere with the Force-sensitive children's lives and potentially put them in danger if another purge were to occur.

On paper, it's a solid enough story. The actual execution leaves something to be desired.

Something I absolutely hate in games (which has become frustratingly abundant in recent years) is the illusion of choice. If a player is presented with choosing A, B, or C, that decision should matter. Which path is taken should have impact, consequence, and change the course of the story. If all three routes converge back together at the same outcome regardless of what you picked, then your choice never mattered at all. "Fallen Order' suffers from this. There are fairly sporadic points in the game where you're given the option to choose how Cal will reply to a given conversation, or whether or not to take a certain action, but it doesn't matter at all. The conversation's outcome nor the overall story isn't affected by your choice (or even if you bother to have the conversation at all), and the any time you try to do something other than what the game wants you to do, it'll just reset itself endlessly until you cooperate. You have no choice in the matter, but the game makes it appear as if you do to emulate your involvement.

I absolutely hate this in games. If a game presents you with choices, then your choices should have consequences. Your input should matter. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a linear, plot-driven game where the player has no direct input on the narrative. If anything, that gives the story even greater opportunities to shine because it allows the writers and directors to be in full control of the presentation, characterization, and story.

At the risk of sounding like a cranky old man, this is very much a "back in my day!" sort of situation where older games wouldn't shy away from simply locking a player out of content if they chose a certain path. If you pick A, you don't get to see what happens down B or C. If you want to join the Jets, you don't get to join the Sharks. If you want to see what lies down those other routes, then replay the game and make different decisions. Sometimes it was a specific design choice, other times it was a way to handle hardware/programming restrictions. But there's a big notion these days in particular where there's a desire to make sure the player sees all the game's content up front. I anecdotally chalk it up to an increase in non-gamers entering into video game development at management level and making design decisions they're not qualified for, but that's just my own take. Like, I understand the thought process behind it. "We have all this content, so we want to make it a selling point and ensure the player gets to see all of it! If they play our game and miss a bunch of stuff, they might bitch at us and cause reviews". I get it, I do. But it's also bullshit because it directly harms the final product. If a game is good, players will replay it ad nauseum for ages beyond release. So they're going to see all the content one way or another. When the "we have to let the player access all content up front" mind set is in effect, it means the player's choices ultimately don't matter and the resulting abundance of content is quantity rather than quality.

In the case of "Fallen Order", your choices don't matter one bit and it's not even out of a case of accessing content. For some reason the developers put in this vestigial, pointless façade of a dialogue tree and choice system when the game frankly would've been far stronger if it had just been left out entirely. Developers have to invest one way or another. Either make it a fully narrative-driven game and tell a solid story, or make it a player-driven game and put in the effort to make the player's choices matter. Especially in a Star Wars game, as RPGs in this franchise have historically have Light/Dark Side choices, character deaths, and alternate endings based on your decisions. A big part of "Fallen Order"'s story is characters contending with the risk of falling to the Dark Side because of their trauma, but the game itself never actually gives the player any chance to explore that at all. It's a huge missed opportunity either way.

I think that's where a lot of the story's trouble comes from in the end. It's a lot of build up on a good idea that fizzles out and goes nowhere. Cal spends the entire game getting to a point where he's ready to move on, and then the game ends. Cere comes to terms with her past mistakes and tries to redeem her fallen Padawan, only for said fallen Padawan to be killed abruptly and completely cut off that entire story thread. Greez's past coming back to haunt him is shoe-horned in randomly and never goes anywhere. Merrin doesn't have enough time on screen to matter. There are three major villains throughout the game who are just cast aside casually and with no lingering impact for ever having been there. The biggest final boss, who has been the core antagonist and a major point of emotional conflict for the entire game, is discarded with no resolution because this is a Star Wars game and we just can't have one that doesn't feature Darth Vader sweeping in to steal the spotlight.

It's just... ugh. There's potential here. There's obvious, glowing moments of potential where things could've been developed into something really impressive if they were just given the opportunity. It feels like a huge waste and the end result is just a "meh" game that doesn't go anywhere, doesn't contribute to the setting, and could very easily be dismissed entirely from the franchise with absolutely no impact.

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

"Remember when you told me that Demetri was always going to be your only friend?"

Her tone was sharp and Eli felt obliged to avoid her gaze, staring at his hands instead.

"I do."

"Yeah well, Demetri's mother called me to tell that someone broke his arm and she doesn't know who did it."

His silence was almost as loud as a scream.

"I know who did it. I didn't know the reason though, but then I saw those Cobra Kai kids with you outside and I put it together. You have a bunch of new friends now, don't you?"

Eli glanced at his mother and regretted it instantly, she almost looked as if she was talking to a stranger. Like she didn't knew him.

"Well, Demetri isn't your only friend now, is he?"

No.

"Was it worth it?"

No.

God, no.

Hey wow look never in my life have 142 words CRUSHED MY SOUL FASTER

This drabble punched me in the gut, grabbed my wallet, looked through it, snatched all my $20s, and then ran away mercilessly.

Legit though, it never sat quite right with me when Eli was venting to his mom in that one flashback and he just wails out “I’M NEVER GONNA HAVE ANY FRIENDS BESIDES DEMETRI!” like it’s some like...goddamn death sentence or something. Like yeah, Demetri is far from the perfect best/only friend, and he can certainly be an insensitive ass at times, but like...yo, the boy is LOYAL AF, he’s stuck with your ass and been your best friend through YEARS of bullying and tried to protect you from getting hurt, in his own little way (even if some of his efforts are kinda misguided, as they basically boil down to “just avoid engaging bullies if at all possible” and “don’t try any new activity (i.e. karate) that could cause even slight pain or discomfort and rock the boat” lol) and tried to make you laugh with dumb jokes about you being the homecoming king when NO ONE ELSE would bother, and you clearly just DON’T appreciate him??? Like the way Eli’s like “I’m never gonna have friends...besides Demetri, obviously” just reads like he’s absolutely just taking Demetri for granted and it PISSES ME OFF. Then again, I think it might just strike a nerve with me in particular, since I remember all too well being a ragingly insecure, introverted child watching my friends make other friends besides me and just being so confused and hurt, like “...am I not good enough for you?” Of course, now that I’m older I see that it’s valid to want more friends while keeping the ones you have, obviously, and I don’t think Eli was inherently wrong for wanting to expand his social circle or anything, but the way he’s just...so dismissive of Demetri’s friendship and instead focuses on crying about all the cool friends he doesn’t have just PEEVES me to no end. Like ffs, some of the kids at that school who get bullied probably have NO friends and have to tough it out alone, so maybe be like...a little more appreciative of the fact that you have a BEST FRIEND who clearly cares about you??? Again, it’s valid for Eli to want more friends--I imagine you’d get tired of only having one person your age to really talk to--but the fact that he kinda phrases this in a way that makes it sound like Demetri and their friendship is dismissable and trivial and not all that important to him has always bugged me a lot. I mean, Eli obviously DOES care about Demetri and Demetri’s opinions of him, as we see several times in the show, but like...hearing him say “I’m never gonna have any other friends besides Demetri” still makes me wince every time. STOP TALKIN BOUT MY BOY LIKE HE DOESN’T MATTER 

Yeah yeah yeah I KNOW I’m reading way too much into a simple comment okay but this statement has implications and I DO NOT like them

“Someone broke his arm and she doesn't know who did it." Oh yeah, Demetri absolutely did not tell his mom Eli broke his arm. Given how smothering and overprotective she seems (I mean, she gave him a note to take to a KARATE CLASS excusing him from EXTENSIVE ARM AND LEG MOVEMENT even though that’s ALL KARATE IS), she’d probably NEVER let Eli near him again if she knew--hell, she might even get a restraining order or make Demetri transfer schools or something. And Demetri definitely doesn’t think that’s her decision to make--and he ain’t about to give up on Good Old Eli just yet, even after everything that’s happened. Perhaps against his better judgement, he still has hope for his old friend. He just tells his mom his arm got broken by one of the newer Cobra Kai recruits, some burly thug guy he’d never seen before. He didn’t get a good look at the guy, naturally, since he was pinning his face to the ground and fled the scene almost immediately after the arm-snapping.

And oh my god how I WISH we’d gotten a scene in Season 3 where Eli’s mom just brutally calls him out like this, because god knows he needed it and it could’ve been THE wake-up call (or at least one of a few big wake-up calls) that shit...he’s getting farther away from the person he’s always been than he ever has before, and maybe...maybe it’s not a good thing after all. Maybe it’s not a good thing if his own mother barely recognizes him, if his own mother is maybe even a little scared/wary of him and what he’s become. I mean I get there was a lot going on in Season 3, and there probably wouldn’t have really been room to bring back a character as minor as Eli’s mom, but I would have loved to see her reaction to all the shit he was pulling throughout the season. She highkey seems like a helicopter parent if she’s willing to call the school over Eli being bullied, so there’s no way she was just suddenly completely disinterested in everything he was doing after school and that she didn’t at least suspect there was some sketchy shit going on. (I mean...the boy presumably came home with a MOTORCYCLE one day??? Isn’t she gonna wonder where on earth he got that??? Y’all don’t expect me to believe SHE got it for him, do you???)

Also, Demetri and Eli’s moms are absolutely friends!!! Speaking as someone who had the same group of childhood friends for like 12 years, your moms can’t NOT be friends when they’re forced to see each other that often XD It’s kinda depressing to think how much it must have hurt their moms too when they started fighting, since these women would presumably have been good friends for years at that point and now have to watch their sons, who used to be best friends, just constantly be at each other’s throats :( I love how quickly Eli’s mom puts two and two together and figures out Eli broke Demetri’s arm. Eli can’t hide SHIT from his mama haha

Also wow it’s so fucked and depressing to think that maybe, in the heat of the moment, Eli broke Demetri’s arm to LITERALLY shatter the notion of Demetri being his only friend and try to DESTROY that time completely with that arm break so he could fully embrace his new, “improved” identity as the “cool badass” with lots of awesome and formidable friends who were obviously far superior and much better for his image and his intimidation factor than nerdy little Demetri...ouch.

"Was it worth it?"

No.

God, no.

JESUS I’M SOBBING

AS SOON AS ELI HEARD THAT BONE SNAP AND SAW DEMETRI CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR CRYING HE REGRETTED ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING I AM HERE TO TELL YOU

IT WAS A BAD DAY FOR EVERYONE AND I AM GOING TO MURDER JOHN KREESE WITH MY BARE HANDS FOR SLOWLY MINDFUCKING MY BOY ELI MOSKOWITZ INTO THINKING BREAKING HIS CRUSH’S ARM WAS THE MOVE

[chuplayswithfire]

While there's definitely a possibility that Izzy has killed naval soldiers in the past (not guaranteed, and I think Izzy's willingness to fight the Spanish soldiers in episode 4 is more about survival than starting a riot), I have to fundamentally disagree with the notion that Izzy sees Stede as a threat to his way of life. Personally, I find it hard to buy that Izzy saw Stede as a threat at all until after he kicked himself off the ship, but also, I just don't see Izzy as a start a riot queer.

Like... personally, I don't see any evidence that he's been fighting the system. Sure, he's been a pirate, which as a criminal profession is inherently juxtaposed against law and order, but there's never a point where Izzy expresses doubt about anything besides Stede's competence. Who is Izzy fighting? Throughout the show, all of his aggression is directed at fellow pirates and queer people, from yanking Fang's beard, to dismissing Edward as half-insane, to calling Lucius a bitch and moaning oh daddy at him and Pete, up through siding with the Navy if it meant forcing Edward to live the life he wanted rather than the one Ed wanted.

That's the part of the post, this fundamental difference of opinion, that I have with it. There is never a point where Izzy seems to be on the same side as the queer community in this show.

Which means it's hard for me to see him as acting out of a sense that Stede is threatening that community. He's very confident throughout the first half of the show that Stede is incompetent and someone he can easily defeat, which is the whole reason he challenges Stede to a duel in episode 6 - he thought he could definitely, absolutely, easily, defeat him. And then he lost and was furious he was held to the rules that he himself proposed.

Like, Izzy definitely benefits from white supremacy, as a white man, though I see that as related to but distant from the fact that I just can't seem him as a start a riot queer. He's never fighting the man, in the entire show. He's just fighting queer people. At all times, every major antagonistic action Izzy takes, is against queer people.

And, maybe he will show some accountability and growth in season 2 - until I see it, I won't speculate on that in this post, because this post is about season 1, where Izzy is not really presented as someone who has lost his way, but as someone who's a dick to the people around him and the people lower on the ladder than him, and that doesn't seem to be a new phenomenon.

izzy teamed up with the british navy (ocean cops) to give away the location of the revenge, stede, and ed, but HE'S a start a riot queer? he's the only one we haven't seen try to fight the cops.

roach slapped a cop and tried ro torture one.

frenchie offered multiple suggestions on killing 'em and tried to hide evidence from the cops.

lucius hid evidence from the cops.

jim stabbed a cop.

black pete pulled a gun on a cop.

stede accidentally killed two cops, felt no guilt about it, paid a bunch of gays to sit around chilling, and provoked a riot on a ship of rich assholes to the point they set it on fire.

ed lied to the cops to protect his boyfriend and escaped from prison/privateer school.

izzy teamed up with the cops. izzy took a reward from the cops. izzy tried to dismantle a positive safe space for the queer people in that community, and replace it with one where they would live in fear of punishment for offending his ego.

what riot is izzy starting?

[xtruss]

‘Freedom is Untidy’: Remembering The Late (WAR CRIMINAL) Donald Rumsfeld, Dead at 88

— By Morgan Artyukhina | Sputnik | July 01, 2021

Donald Rumsfeld’s family announced on Wednesday that he had died from multiple myeloma, a type of blood cancer. Rumsfeld, 88, had been retired from politics for several years, but in his time was a titular figure on the world stage. Sputnik takes a look back at some of the major points in Rumsfeld’s political career, which spans six decades.

Rumsfeld was born in Chicago, Illinois, on July 9, 1932. His family were German immigrants, and he attended a Congregational church. He graduated from New Trier High School and Princeton University, where he was an accomplished wrestler and majored in politics. He was also part of the Navy Reserve Officer Training Corps, and served as a naval aviator and flight instructor from 1954 until 1957 before shifting to the naval reserve, where he remained until 1989 when he retired at the rank of captain.

He began his political career as an administrative assistant to an Ohio lawmaker in Washington in 1957, but won office for himself as a Republican in 1962, representing Illinois’ 13th congressional district from 1962 until 1969. According to his memoir “Known and Unknown,” Rumsfeld was critical of the Johnson administration’s handling of the Vietnam War, believing South Vietnam was too dependent on the US, and that the US was too overconfident in its fight against the southern National Liberation Front and North Vietnamese Army.

First Administration Posts

He resigned in 1969 to join the administration of then-US President Richard Nixon, where he headed the Office of Economic Opportunity, an anti-poverty program that he personally opposed. During the year he worked there he hired two men who would later become key political allies: Frank Carlucci and Dick Cheney.

Rumsfeld cycled through several other Nixon administration positions before being tapped to head up Gerald Ford’s transition to the presidency after Nixon resigned without a sitting vice president to replace him. He became Ford’s defense secretary in 1975, where he directly clashed with George H. W. Bush, who was head of the Central Intelligence Agency, and Henry Kissinger, who was Secretary of State. He left office with Ford in 1977.

After several years in the private sector, Rumsfeld was appointed Middle East envoy by then-US President Ronald Reagan in 1983, putting him in charge of ensuring, among other things, that Iraq win the war it had started with Iran three years earlier. He traveled to Baghdad and met with the Iraqi leader, Saddam Hussein, for 90 minutes on December 20, 1983, during which time they discussed a number of topics of unity, including their opposition to Syria as well as Iran, and building an oil pipeline through Jordan to the Red Sea port of Aqaba. He left the position when Reagan left office in 1989.

U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, 1976

Project for a New American Century

In 1997, Rumsfeld joined the Project for a New American Century, a think tank set up by William Kristol and Robert Kagan to continue and expand Reagan’s militaristic policies into the 21st century, where the US had become the world’s sole military superpower after the demise of the Soviet Union in 1991. The think tank regarded the Republican Party’s policies at the time as being insufficient to do this, helping to earn them the moniker of “neo-conservative.”

Of the 25 politicos who signed PNAC’s founding statement of principles, nine would later become members of the George W. Bush administration, including Rumsfeld and Cheney, but also Elliott Abrams, Eliot Cohen, Paula Dobriansky, Paul Wolfowitz, I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Zalmay Khalilzad, and Peter Rodman. John Bolton, Richard Perle, and Dov Zakheim were also PNAC members who served in the Bush administration.

Bush Administration

Just months after Bush was declared by the US Supreme Court to have won the 2000 election, the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks by al-Qaeda killed nearly 3,000 Americans, and Rumsfeld ordered the US military to DEFCON 3. At an emergency meeting of the National Security Council, Rumsfeld reportedly asked Bush: "Why shouldn't we go against Iraq, not just al-Qaeda?" The terrorist group was headquartered in Afghanistan.

As Pentagon chief, prosecuting the burgeoning War on Terror became his primary task, and the US launched an air campaign followed by a ground invasion of Afghanistan in October 2001, overthrowing the Taliban government and setting up a puppet state against which the Taliban has rebelled ever since.

President George W. Bush announces his $74.7 billion wartime supplemental budget request in the Pentagon on March 25, 2003, as Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld (center) and Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz (left) look on.

Shortly after the 9/11 attacks, US Army Gen. Wesley Clark had a discussion with another senior officer in the Pentagon who revealed to him plans to go after not just Afghanistan, but a total of seven other countries in the next five years, including Iraq but also Iran, Syria, Lebanon, Libya, Somalia, and Sudan, he wrote in a 2003 book.

The plan dovetailed very closely with goals outlined to him by PNAC members like Wolfowitz, who had opined to him in 1991 that “with the end of the Cold War, we can now use our military with impunity. The Soviets won't come in to block us. And we've got five, maybe 10, years to clean up these old Soviet surrogate regimes like Iraq and Syria before the next superpower emerges to challenge us.”

‘There Are Known Knowns’: The Iraq War

Despite the suspicions of US intelligence, no firm evidence had been presented to show Hussein had continued to wield weapons of mass destruction after the 1991 Gulf War. Rumsfeld and other neo-cons continued to press for Iraq to be the next target of the War on Terror, however, creating the Office of Special Plans to hound out enough evidence to justify an invasion, and in February 2002, he uttered one of his most famous - and baffling - quotes of his career:

“Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know. And if one looks throughout the history of our country and other free countries, it is the latter category that tends to be the difficult ones.”

In March 2003, the US began its attack on Iraq, launching a “shock and awe” aerial bombardment prior to a ground invasion. Rumsfeld dismissed any notion the war would be long, costly, or demand a large number of troops, believing a swift strike to remove Hussein and his immediate cadres from office would be sufficient to turn Iraq into a reliable client state with some sort of democratic governance.

Instead, a massive insurgency erupted against the US occupation, and three-and-a-half years later, the war was no closer to being won and thousands of Americans and Iraqis were dead. Rumsfeld was at one point in 2004 accused of using an automatic signing machine for the condolence letters mailed to the families of fallen US soldiers.

“Freedom is untidy,” Rumsfeld remarked in April 2003 in response to reports of widespread looting in the Iraqi capital accompanying the fall of Hussein’s government, portraying it as part of the cost of the liberation.

U.S. Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld (C) signs a Baghdad road sign at the request of a US soldier April 30, 2003 during his visit to US troops at Baghdad's international airport.

Nor were the purported weapons of mass destruction Rumsfeld had claimed Hussein possessed and threatened other nations with ever found, either. Months after the invasion, he continued to claim US intelligence knew the locations of the weapons, which were supposedly in the western desert near the Syrian border.

Rumsfeld also presided over the torture of detainees in US prisons like Guantamao and Abu Ghraib, admitting his culpability in the scandal in 2004. The American Civil Liberties Union and other human rights groups filed several lawsuits against him on behalf of torture victims, but a federal judge ruled he could not "be held personally responsible for actions taken in connection with his government job.”

Estimates of the number of Iraqis killed in the US war in Iraq range from 110,000 by the Associated Press, covering the years 2003 to 2009, to more than 654,000 by the Lancet medical journal, covering the years 2003 to 2006. US forces left Iraq in 2011, following the termination of a status of forces agreement by Baghdad. According to Pentagon statistics, 4,418 US soldiers were killed in the Iraq War.

Political Departure and Final Years

As the war continued to worsen, Rumsfeld faced increasing pressure to resign, including from US and NATO generals, to which he eventually gave in on Election Day, 2006.

After his departure, Rumsfeld published his memoir in 2011. He made occasional forays into political life, criticizing then-Secretary of State Condolezza Rice, the NATO overthrow of Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi in 2011, and sounding off in support of Donald Trump’s presidential bid in 2016. Until the end of his life, Rumsfeld remained adamant that he had made the right decisions about the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.

He died in Taos, New Mexico, surrounded by family on June 30, 2021, at the age of 88.

"History may remember him for his extraordinary accomplishments over six decades of public service, but for those who knew him best and whose lives were forever changed as a result, we will remember his unwavering love for his wife Joyce, his family and friends, and the integrity he brought to a life dedicated to country," his family said in a statement.

[bobbyshaddoe80]

Liberated Audio Reviews

Blake's 7 - Liberator Chronicles Vol. 4 Review

RELEASED MAY 2013

Recorded on: 22 February, 18 April and 3 July 2012, and 4 January 2013

Recorded at: Moat Studios

Review By Robert L. Torres

Promises by Nigel Fairs

'Saurian Minor. A dead rock in space.

Cally is alone with Travis, Blake's mortal enemy, both trapped on this desolate world - and someone has brought them here for a reason.

As they delve into the past, a long-hidden secret that links them both is uncovered.

Gradually, the truth about Scetona Clorensis will be revealed...'

This is a superb two hander/dual focused story starring Jan Chappell as Cally and featuring the return of Stephen Greif to the role of Space Commander Travis.

From the moment he was introduced alongside Jacqueline Pearce's Servalan in the Series A episode 'Seek-Locate-Destroy', I have loved the character of Travis. He was the Javert to Blake's Jean Valjean, and I was pleased as punch to hear Stephen Greif's dulcet tones give life to this character once more.

As an aside, I have always preferred Greif's portrayal of the character over that of Brian Croucher's. Nothing against Brian Croucher as a performer, as I feel he did great in 'Robots of Death' and the Kaldor City audios. However, Stephen Greif gave Travis a nuanced and layered performance, which gave his obsession with bringing Blake to justice a certain subtlety in its intensity... All of which was sorely lacking in Croucher's portrayal.

The story itself, which is very well written by Nigel Fairs, allows both actors to showcase aspects of their characters we never got to see portrayed onscreen while still remaining true to what was shown onscreen. Its interesting that this story is basically a sort of return match for Travis and Cally, and a great opportunity for Cally to get some payback following on from the events of the aforementioned 'Seek-Locate-Destroy'. Jan Chappell and Stephen Greif do exceptionally well with the material, as it was nice to see their antagonism focused and concentrated without the presence of Blake and company. It was rather nice having the tables turned between them, and for very specific reasons.

I loved how this story explored the events that ultimately led to Cally's introduction to the series in the episode 'Time Squad'. And it was also rather nice to gain some backstory on Travis and I especially loved how the dual focus for their stories was tied to the character of Scetona Clorensis.

9 out of 10 Plasma Bolts

All in all, a great opening story to volume four.

Epitaph by Scott Harrison

'When the Liberator picks up a distress call from a stricken ship, Jenna and Vila teleport across. For Jenna, it's the chance for a reunion with a fellow smuggler.

But the cry for help is not what it appears, and Jenna will meet the surviving members of her family.

The reunion will take her on a deadly mission - one from which not everyone will come out alive...'

This is another fantastic story, this time focused on another one of my favorite characters from the first two seasons: Jenna Stannis, once again played by the lovely and talented Sally Knyvette.

Before getting into the story, I have to say that I thought Jenna was awesome right from the start. However, I felt that she wasn't given enough to do or much to work with over time. It was very disheartening to see this beautiful, badass ace pilot be reduced to, as Sally Knyvette herself put it, "the Liberator Housewife".

I felt it was quite unfair to her as an actress that her character got the short end of the stick in terms of character development, agency and plot relevance. Which is why its no surprise she left after Series B.

Kudos to BF for doing everything in their power to right this terrible wrong even before crafting this brilliant Jenna-centric story.

In Volume 1's 'Counterfeit', there is a point in the story where Blake describes a moment where Jenna actually posed as Supreme Commander Servalan for one of their missions. And you have no idea how much I would have loved to have seen that happen onscreen.

As an aside, credit to Nigel Fairs and Simon Robinson for the music composition work they've done on the Blake's 7 range. They manage to recreate the otherworldly retro future soundscape created on a Casio Keyboard that was very indicative of late 70s early 80s era low budget scifi on TV in the UK.

Anyway, this story sees Jenna reunited with her brother and sister-in-law, forcing her to deal with the ramifications and consequences of her decision to join Blake's fight against the Federation. Its a great story that is well supported by Michael Keating as Vila, as it allows Jenna to be the badass babe she was always meant to be. The plot provides Knyvette with some great character exploration, as well as some great introspection over whether being a stronger person equates with being a better person. As a bonus, the story even sows the seeds for Jenna to have her own Travis-like nemesis in the form of Marshall Cade.

9 out of 10 Plasma Bolts

If Knyvette had been given more material like this during her time on the show, she probably wouldn't have left.

And don't worry... The Marshall Cade plot thread will be picked up again in the full cast audio 'Mirrors'. But that's a review for another time.

Kerr by Nick Wallace

'Supreme Commander Servalan believes she has a vital insight into the Liberator crew - a clone of Avon.

He looks the same. He sounds the same. He even appears to think the same.

And he offers to spring a trap that will bring down Blake and his crew.

But can the clone be trusted?'

We close out Volume Four with yet another excellent story.

The central focus of the story is once more on Supreme Commander Servalan, played to perfection by the late Jacqueline Pearce.  It is here that we witness Servalan's latest plot to ensnare Blake and the crew of the Liberator from the perspective of the Supreme Commander herself.  The plot itself involves utilizing a clone of Avon to devise a winning strategy, which also involves an old ally from Avon's past.

The notion of utilizing clones is familiar enough to anyone that saw the Series B episode 'Weapon' (ideas and concepts that will FINALLY be followed up on in the upcoming Worlds of Blake's 7 boxset 'The Clone Masters').

Despite the fact that LC Volume 4 indicates that this story is meant to take place during the events of Series A, it doesn't really feel like a first season story.  For one thing, Servalan didn't officially meet the Liberator crew until the Series B episode 'Pressure Point'.  For another, its during Series C and D that we have the back and forth sexual tension between Avon and Servalan.  As such it wouldn't make a lot of sense for Servalan to specifically have a clone of Avon created for one of her schemes before she even met him. So, setting this story between 'Pressure Point' and 'Trial' makes a lot more sense, especially given what transpires in the story itself.

Its an excellent story that showcases Servalan's fascination with Avon fairly early on, and highlights well the similarities and flaws in both Avon and Servalan. Both are intelligent as well as ambitious. Both tend to have ulterior motives and are not above employing subterfuge, guile, deceit and manipulation of others in order to achieve their goals and agendas.

While Avon often knows he is the smartest person in the room and often finds most people annoying (usually Vila), he doesn't completely dislike people. But his problem is that he doesn't completely trust people. And it seems that even his clone, Kerr, shares that particular character flaw.

Servalan shares with Avon a profound sense of confidence that borders on arrogance. But what compounds that arrogance is Servalan's smug, self-centered sense of superiority. She treats people as little more than disposable pets, useful and able to provide amusement, but otherwise are unimportant.

In addition, her egocentric narcissism essentially has her view everything and everyone as beneath her. She believes all and sundry are meant to serve her will without question or discussion, and rudely dismisses any attempt made by those she sees as lesser to engage with her socially or intellectually.

The only one she feels could even be CLOSE to her equal is Avon. And yet, even with a clone of Avon, Servalan cannot help but treat him as little more than a dog on a leash rather than as a person.

But of course, we all know what happens when a dog is mistreated too often by its owner... Don't we?

10 out of 10 Plasma Bolts

A brilliant story that also nicely foreshadows (in a retroactive manner) certain events in Series D, and may even provide some valuable context and insight into Avon's actions and mindset during the final moments of the series finale.

Final score for Liberator Chronicles Volume 4 in its entirety is 9 out of 10 Plasma Bolts.

An outstanding step up in quality that demonstrates Big Finish's enduring policy of maximizing potential in both character and story development that had otherwise been left unfulfilled. Highly recommended.

[howaminotinthestrokesyet]

Altamont and The Rolling Stones: The Night The 60’s Died

In December 1969, the Rolling Stones headlined a free concert at Altamont Speedway in Northern California. The event was being billed as another Woodstock, which had been held four months previously to great fanfare. Over 300,000 people would attend the concert to hear the Stones, as well as Santana, The Flying Burrito Brothers, Jefferson Airplane, Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young, and the Grateful Dead. Yet, the event would be marred by violence culminating with the death of 18-year-old Meredith Hunter, as well as extensive property damage. Some later said that this concert was the night the 60’s died.

The original idea for the concert that became Altamont supposedly came from two members of Jefferson Airplane. They were touring at the time, but had this idea of holding a Woodstock West type of festival. The original thought emerged as including the Grateful Dead and the Rolling Stones for a concert to be held in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco. Jefferson Airplane’s Spencer Dryden would later say, “Next to the Beatles they were the biggest rock and roll band in the world, and we wanted them to experience what we were experiencing in San Francisco." The concert was to be held on December 6, 1969, but by December 4, the plans for holding it in Golden Gate Park began to quickly break down. The reason for this came in the fact that police and hippies near Haight-Ashbury absolutely hated each other at the time. Neither party wanted to be in any way helpful towards the other.

The next possible venue to be used at the last minute for the concert sprung up with the Sears Point Speedway. This possibility was quickly dismissed because the owners wanted a $100,000 guarantee in escrow from the Rolling Stones for use of the venue. Finally, at the very last minute, Dick Carter offered the use of the Altamont Speedway without cost. The decision was quickly made to move the concert here. Yet, artists like Grace Slick still held huge reservations about using it upon arrival. “The vibes were bad. Something was very peculiar, not particularly bad, just real peculiar. It was that kind of hazy, abrasive and unsure day. I had expected the loving vibes of Woodstock but that wasn't coming at me. This was a whole different thing."

For the Rolling Stones part, the band had already announced a free concert very early in their tour of America in 1969. They had been sharply criticized for high ticket prices for the tour, so they hoped that putting on a free concert at the end of the tour would lessen any negative comments in the press. Altamont Speedway emerged as something of a last resort because they had tried to host a free concert in other venues in San Jose, but the band was quickly dismissed. The decision to move the concert there turned out to be a logistical nightmare. The venue did not have portable toilets or medical tents. Another major problem came in the fact that the stage would now be at the bottom of a hill, not the top. This meant that the crowd would almost be coming down upon the stage, which worried people like Chip Monck, who did the set up for the Rolling Stones. “We weren’t working with scaffolding, we were working in an older fashion with parallels. You could probably have put another stage below it...but nobody had one."

Some accounts say that the Rolling Stones hired local Hell’s Angels chapters to provide security for $500 worth of beer. Both parties have denied that this was the case. The Rolling Stones manager Sam Cutler said after the concert that he would never had hired them as the security. “The only agreement there ever was ... the Angels would make sure nobody tampered with the generators, but that was the extent of it. But there was no way 'They're going to be the police force' or anything like that. That's all bollocks." Cutler and other management members like Rock Scully of the Grateful Dead would say that they hired the Hell’s Angels to be a barrier between the crowd and the bands on stage. A number of accounts have come out over the years that confirmed that they were paid $500 in beer and told to keep anyone off the stage not affiliated with the bands. The problem soon became clear that many of the Hell’s Angels were rather drunk starting fights with just about anyone in their vicinity. This almost came as a shock to members of the Grateful Dead and Jefferson Airplane, who had used them previously for this purpose with no incident. One should note that speedway owner Dick Carter did hire plain clothes security guards throughout the venue in order to protect his property on that day. The decision to use them was fraught with misunderstandings. At the time, the Hell’s Angels had hung out with Ken Kesey and his Merry Pranksters, which would be documented in Tom Wolf‘s Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test. The counterculture at the time had a misconceived notion on just how violent members of the Hell’s Angels could be in reality. The Rolling Stones might not have understood what types of guys these guys were at the time either. They had used a British group called the Hell’s Angels for nonviolent security purposes at a free concert in Hyde Park earlier that year. Members of management like Cutler and Scully needed to inform the band that this was not the same group and the band should expect something different.

Santana was the first act to play that day, and one of the few sets actually to go smoothly. Yet, as the day progressed, the crowd and the Hell’s Angels became increasingly more and more agitated. The only time during the day that the crowd did not seem to be bent on attacking the Angels or each other was when the Flying Burrito Brothers played. Fights became more and more common as the angels had armed themselves with sawed off pool cues and bike chains. The lead singer of a local band, six months pregnant at the time, was knocked unconscious at one point. The Rolling Stones would later pay all of her medical bills because of this incident. Marty Balin of Jefferson Airplane went into the crowd to break up a fight, but was quickly struck in the head and knocked unconscious. The Grateful Dead were scheduled to play at some point, but after hearing about Jefferson Airplane, they refused to go on stage. Some reported that Stephen stills of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young had been stabbed repeatedly with a bike chain during their set.

The Rolling Stones waited until sunset to go on stage. One of the reasons for the delay was that bassist Bill Wyman had missed his helicopter flight to the venue. Within a few seconds of coming out of the helicopter, Mick Jagger was immediately struck in the head by someone from the crowd. He felt uncomfortable towards the entire situation imploring the crowd to stay calm. “Just be cool down in the front there, don't push around." A fight broke out in the middle of “Sympathy for the Devil,” which led the band to pause their set in order to restore order. They continued on to the next song “Under My Thumb” when a fight broke out between 18-year-old Meredith Hunter and the Hell’s Angels. The concert was once again put on hold. Hunter had initially tried to climb on stage, but was pushed back by the Angels. A few moments later, he returned, but now brandishing a .22 caliber gun. One of the Angels, Alan Passaro, saw this and immediately took care of the situation by stabbing him several times with a knife from his belt. The fatally injured Hunter was then stomped on by other members of the Hell’s Angels. The band had seen the fight, but not the killing of Hunter. Jagger thought that someone was merely hurt at the time. They eventually started playing again after a short pause, and finished their set. Jagger would later say that if they had stopped the concert at that point, the entire place could have erupted into a full-scale riot. Pasaro would be later tried for the killing, but a jury acquitted him due to self-defense. His attorneys simply showed the footage from the Gimme Shelter documentary that was being shot at the time.

One of the amazing things in the aftermath of the concert came in the fact that so much footage existed of what took place. The Rolling Stones had hired well known documentary producers, the Maysles Brothers, to create a film about that 1969 tour. The film entitled Gimme Shelter was released a year later and even competed at the Cannes Film Festival in 1971. In the film, you see at the beginning Charlie Watts and Mick Jagger watching footage of Meredith Hunter being stabbed. Later in the same scene, you see their reaction after hearing Sonny Barger of the Hell’s Angels call into a radio show defending the gang. They also filmed behind the scenes footage of their manager Sam Cutler negotiating for the eventual Altamont venue. The Maysles brothers were part of a movement of documentary filmmaker‘s trying to record events as they naturally happen. Another notable scene takes place when the Grateful Dead are informed that Marty Balin of Jefferson Airplane had been knocked out. The film was harshly criticized by journalists because they felt that the band had been portrayed too sympathetically in the film, as well as an attempt by the Stones to cash in on a tragic event. Many of these writers initially took their cue from a story published in 1970 in Rolling Stone magazine. One other interesting side note was that a young George Lucas actually did some filming at the concert, but it was never used.

"The Rolling Stones Disaster at Altamont: Let It Bleed" was published in late January 1970. The article said, “Altamont was the product of diabolical egotism, hype, ineptitude, money manipulation, and, at base, a fundamental lack of concern for humanity.” In a follow up story, the magazine would write that it was quite possibly the worst day in rock and roll history. Critic Ralph Gleason mentioned the feeling that history has assigned to Altamont. “If the name 'Woodstock' has come to denote the flowering of one phase of the youth culture, 'Altamont' has come to mean the end of it." Many current writers have said this event specifically identified a certain moment in time when the dream of the counterculture officially ended. Yet, in hindsight, Salon’s Michael Sragow pointed out numerous errors in Rolling Stone’s coverage of the concert. As mentioned earlier, the Rolling Stones really cannot be criticized too much for the fact that they were filming it because that was actually the way in which the Maysles brothers made their films.

The Altamont concert has remained in popular culture since 1969 in a variety of ways. In 1970, the Grateful Dead released a song on their album, Workingman’s Dead entitled “Speedway Boogie,” which directly referenced the tragedy. The event also inspired Blue Öyster Cult to pen the song, “Transmaniacon MC,” where MC stood for motorcycle club. The most famous reference came in Don MacLean’s iconic hit, “American Pie.” One claim never confirmed in the lyrics was that the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost actually referred to the music festivals of Woodstock, Monterey Pop, and Altamont. In the 1996 film, Cable Guy starring Jim Carrey mentions Altamont right before singing Jefferson Airplane on karaoke. “You might recognize this song as performed by Jefferson Airplane, in a little rockumentary called Gimme Shelter, about the Rolling Stones and their nightmare at Altamont. That night the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels had their way. Tonight, it's my turn."

In 2003, the Alameda County Sheriff’s Department re-opened the death of Meredith Hunter. They investigated as to whether a second Hell’s Angel should have been prosecuted for the killing. Once again, the documentary footage became invaluable and probably more so than any eyewitness from 25 years earlier. The interesting thing about the person who actually shot that footage emerged in that he did not know someone had actually been stabbed, even as he filmed it. In 2005, the sheriff's department closed the case officially finding no further evidence to pursue the case. In 2008, a former FBI agent reported that some Hell’s Angels had rented a boat on Long Island for the express purpose of killing Jagger as retribution for the band’s lack of support after the concert. A storm nearly sank the boat, which put an end to it. For his part, Jagger has never commented on this.

Looking back, if Altamont happened today, then the Rolling Stones would have most assuredly been canceled by Twitter. Yet, back then, they went on to become the most popular band in the world in a couple of years. The negative press from the concert did very little to hurt the band’s popularity in the grand scheme of things. If anything, their bad boy image was probably bolstered by the fact they had promoted and headlined such a violent event. Some of that negative press was probably deflected anyway by the band simply saying that it represented a poorly planned event by promoters and management. There existed just too many complexities when trying to offer a free concert to the masses. The irony in that observation is that today Mick Jagger and Charlie Watts go through meticulous planning to make sure every venue meets their specifications. The contrast in perspectives between the Rolling Stones and the rest of the world can best be summed up in the words of Keith Richards when asked about the concert. The guitarist said it was “basically well-handled, but lots of people were tired and a few tempers got frayed" and "on the whole, a good concert." To him, all the drama surrounding it represented a nonevent in his mind. My last thought will be to paraphrase a comment from YouTube about Meredith Hunter that is both funny and very truthful. If you show up to a free concert wearing a lime green suit carrying a gun while high on amphetamines, then you need to understand that something bad may occur when surrounded by thousands of people either drunk or stoned.

[amorremanet]

10 facts about meme: Lucy? And Adelaide, if you don't mind doing two?

send me one of my oc’s and i tell you ten facts about them

This is the shitty, “I fell asleep instead of doing this last night, and then, when I was almost fucking done, trying to make tumblr instant messenger stop doing something made it decide to click over somewhere else, and Firefox apparently doesn’t let the Lazarus extension work anymore, so I lost everything and am completely skimming out of frustration because the original was detailed and cool, and I lost basically all of it” version

LUCY

1. Has never completed a Pokémon game with a grass or water starter. She just doesn’t bond with them as much as she does with the fire starters, and any time she tries to pick a grass or water starter, she inevitably gives up, restarts, and picks the fire starter instead.

2. Since she turned 18, she’s made a point of giving blood as often as possible, because she’s type-O negative (the universal donor), and the Red Cross is pretty much always running short on blood, which can leave a lot of people totally screwed when they need to get transfusions.

3. Doesn’t believe in astrology and dismisses most of things in that vein as a cold-reading scam that’s based on exploiting people’s ability to project themselves onto anything…… but she does have an interest in dream interpretation.

4. She finds recipes confusing, and is even more befuddled by the Food Network and, “how to make [x baked goods]” videos on youtube, to the point that she finds them more stressful than getting a, “We need to talk” text from her parents. And yet, she is not confused by instructions in a chemistry lab.

5. She loves her red hair, but hates being called, “ginger.” It’s not that she thinks the word is offensive or anything; she just thinks that it sounds weird and slightly disgusting.

6. One of her favorite forms of, “teenage rebellion” was watching televangelists (or more accurately, having them on while she did other stuff because it’s really easy for Lucy to tune them out), which Lucy wouldn’t have liked so much if she’d actually paid attention to any of them (because of how televangelists exploit their viewers’ pain and suffering, get rich off of it, and don’t have to pay taxes on most of that money because they call it, “religious donations”) — but it did successfully annoy her very Catholic parents and very Catholic, “he’s a legit priest and everything” uncle.

7. A horror movie can be as political or politically coded as it wants. Unless it does something truly novel with the genre, like Get Out, then Lucy will probably just roll her eyes, complain about how many people value, “edginess” over quality, and then go watch The Great Mouse Detective for the umpteenth time. It’s not even that she gets squicked by horror movies, because she stops at dismissing all of them as edgelord garbage and doesn’t give them a chance.

8. She has even less patience for the films of Christopher Nolan, and literally the only one that she doesn’t go in too hard on is The Dark Knight, which only gets any consideration because Heath Ledger died not that long after making it, in ways that were pretty heavily associated with the movie in popular culture.

Not that she really cares about Heath Ledger, or even about the taboo on speaking ill of the dead, but she figures that he isn’t Ronald Reagan levels of terrible, or worse, so it’s easier to just not get into it with people over Heath Ledger when all that she wanted to say was that The Dark Knight isn’t actually that great

She will, however, talk shit about Ronald Reagan pretty much any time she’s given an opportunity, and especially if her Mom and Dad are around (because they were big Reaganites, back in the day, and annoying them with her hatred of the Gipper keeps them from paying attention to things like how her, “best friend” Sara Grace is actually her girlfriend)

9. Her answer to the question of whether she prefers cats or dogs will probably be something like, “iguanas” because she hates the assumption that it’s not possible to love cats and dogs more or less equally, but she also has better things to argue with people about.

10. She can’t whistle, she’s not really a very good dancer, and the last time she tried to tie a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue, she wound up swallowing it.

ADELAIDE

1. At 5’11”, Addie is taller than her big brother and their Mom (who are both 5’10”), and when standing up as best man when Max and Linda got married, she didn’t try to make him feel short, but she did wear a nice pair of heels and didn’t really go out of her way not to make him feel short, either.

2. By all rights, Addie probably should’ve been diagnosed with ADHD a while ago, but because her childhood and adolescence lasted from about 1986-2000 (when she turned 18), and because in 2017, ADHD is still badly misunderstood and under-diagnosed in AFAB kids, Addie got missed and made it to 33, thinking that all of her ADHD symptoms are just personal quirks or failings.

3. Her favorite color is purple. The darker the shade, the better.

4. Her ability to interpret song lyrics is often questionable. Like, on one hand, she’s totally made the mistake of hearing, “There’s a bathroom on the right” instead of, “There’s a bad moon on the rise” during the chorus of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Bad Moon Rising”

—and on the other hand, she completely missed that most of Missy Elliot’s “Work It” is explicitly about cunnilingus until Pete asked her what the Hell she thought the lyric, “Go downtown and eat it like a vulture” was referring to, especially given its proximity to Ms. Elliot talking about shaving her chocha. (All Addie has to say for herself is that she got caught up on the, “Girls, girls, get that cash / If it’s 9 to 5 or shakin’ your ass” verse.)

She also thought that Spice Girls were singing about group sex in “Wannabe,” rather than singing about making sure that your significant other can get along with your gal pals, and she kept thinking this until mid-September 2012.

5. As far as her family knows, Addie almost got arrested on her 18th birthday and had to run from the cops while she and a few friends were kinda drunk and screwing around in New York City. What really happened was that her birthday was on a Saturday, so they signed themselves out of school for the weekend, went to NYC, and saw the revival of Jesus Christ Superstar because her parents bought them tickets.

Then, they used fake ID’s to get some alcohol and got kinda drunk. Then, while they were screwing around in Brooklyn instead of going to cousin Jeremy’s place and crashing for the night, they wound up going by a gay bar, where Addie tripped over her own feet and got caught by a cute butch lesbian who happened to be dressed as a sexy cop for a themed party at said gay bar and had gone outside for a smoke break.

Then, one of Addie’s friends mistook this poor woman for a real cop and insisted that they run, and despite putting it together in the cold, sober light of day that there had been no actual danger, Addie told Sebastian the, “We so totally almost got arrested” story because she thought it sounded cooler, and at this point, it’s been 15 years, and she doesn’t see a point in correcting her family when her younger cousins get the, “Don’t get too rowdy on your 18th birthday or you may end up running from the cops like Adelaide” cautionary tale.

6. She would probably try to play real-world Quidditch, if she could get anyone to play with her, but that’s not going to happen, because everyone who knows her also knows that Addie is competitive as fuck, and that playing “muggle Quidditch” with her is a good way to get at least mildly injured.

7. She can see where the dislike that a lot of people in her life have for the All-Stars comes from, but personally, Addie doesn’t buy into it herself. She doesn’t really care to defend them, either, but at this point, she feels like most of the world’s problems can’t be solved with super-strength or heat vision, and they’re more complicated than the All-Stars’ image would allow them to handle, so it’s best to see the All-Stars as entertainers, rather than actual heroes.

Not that she begrudges anyone their annoyance with the fact that the All-Stars make, “we are actual heroes” a cornerstone of their so-called “brand,” but if you ask Addie, it’s not all that much different from how U.S. politicians lie up one side and down the other about basically everything, and how much of U.S. politics is increasingly little more than a theatre spectacle to cover up what’s actually going on

Oddly enough, Addie is accidentally on to something with that, because a lot of the supervillains in this universe are not truly participating in any shadowy conspiracy…… but they are being manipulated by members of one, and alternately being used as a source of talking points, or as distractions, so that the folks in said shadowy conspiracy (who are a mix of mutants and not) can push through their own agendas and try to secure their own power at the expense of anyone who gets in their way

Not that it’s really here or there at the moment, but this is totally going to bite them in the ass, partly from the people they’ve been exploiting and screwing over for decades putting shit together and pushing back, and partly because they decide to bank on installing a puppet who isn’t as easily controlled or as easily made to serve their agendas as they think. Anyway, as I was saying.

8. If Adelaide hadn’t gone into the family business and started vying with Max to see who’s going to become CEO when their Dad retires, she probably would’ve gone into advertising. If not that, she most likely would’ve gone to law school.

However, despite the fact that her Mom and several of her cousins are lawyers, Addie’s notions about how being a lawyer works are mostly derived from Legally Blonde, Ally McBeal, and Law and Order: SVU, so it might be a good thing that she has no idea what she’d actually want to do at law school.

9. Popular wisdom holds that she only isn’t the worst driver out of her siblings because Sebastian is the one who should’ve racked up multiple DUI charges by now, by all rights shouldn’t have his license anymore, and rarely uses it these days anyway because he, “doesn’t have PTSD, he just doesn’t like driving okay, it kinda freaks him out” (…which it does because of the PTSD that he allegedly doesn’t have but that’s another matter)

Addie holds that this popular wisdom is misogynistic bullshit being passed off as familial teasing, because actually, she’s a much better driver than all three of her brothers (with both cars and motorcycles, though only she and Seb have ever driven one of those, so it’s a little unfair to Max and Ambrose)

—and she may not know how to fix more complicated car problems, but she can at least get a better grasp on what might be wrong than, “I don’t know, it keeps making a thunka thunka thunka sound if you go above 60 mph” and she has more than once fixed something for her brothers that turned out to be something like, “You were driving with the parking brake on, dumb-ass”

10. Her go-to karaoke night songs are Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” and Rick Springfield’s “Jessie’s Girl” — the latter of which would be funnier to Adelaide if she’d intended to sound hella bi when she first started doing it, rather than picking it because she was kinda drunk and knew all the words, then getting really into singing it and having no conscious idea where those emotions were coming from