#and I can't wrap my mind around it. like. Crowley won't hurt Aziraphale. not in that way.

[tenok]

.

[mrghostrat]

OK IM ANSWERING ASKS!! open for some delightful streamer au headcanons

Anonymous asked:

ohh y'all mentioned how crowley / aziraphale would react to edits and ... oh god the chaos of a media share stream crowley would ABSOLUTELY be swarmed with simping clips, no matter how good he thinks he is at copyright striking oh and song requests after singing reveal oh ANDDD things in French that are just. vile (complementary) he would probably not do media shares for a looooooong while after that lmao

this has such chat jukebox energy oh my god. i love media streams, they're insanity, which makes them perfect for crowley.

and poor sod, when he finally thinks he's escaped the last of the simp clips, chat starts sending him seemingly "innocuous" songs to play. good old fashioned lover boy. pale blue eyes. a nightingale sang. HMMM there seems to be a theme here........

@genderlessjacky asked:

okay okay "How Long Can We Protect Aziraphale From Dying game" is amazing , love it , no criticisms at all . but what if we go the other way Aziraphale is a GOD at COD or Halo or whatnot lets just say before he became a cozy streamer , he used to play like a crapton of shooter games when he was younger or when they came out and played them for YEARS in his younger ages until he got bored and started baking and reading and stuff , discovered it was his passion and continues doing it , streams it ectect and when this happens everyone expects like "Omg he is gonna get killed in the first 5 seconds but ends up carrying the entire team to victory and everyone is like "WHAT." so confused that this innocent , plump old angelic man who cooks and reads and barates anyone who swears , got 20 kills in a row in COD?? while not swearing and barating anyone in chat who does?? is my life a lie???????? Bonus : Crowley , Anathama and Newton had no knowledge of this. at all. like he just assumed that they already knew he was really good at this and when they ask him ab it he goes like "hm? i thought you already knew?" and the others going "WELL CLEARLY NOT."

aziraphale is a man of many talents 😂 i personally can't picture him enjoying games that revolve around killing and hurting people, but i love when he can constantly surprise everyone and crowley with out of pocket talents and hobbies ehehehe

Anonymous asked:

I would like to suggest the Western Hognose as a most patient and cuddly snake to be delivered during snake delivery, they are funky little tubes with no neck and cute upturned snoots

UGH THEY'RE SO CUTE I WANNA KISS EM. i drew crowley's snake as a big black python but now i can't stop imagining him with a little guy that hides up his sleeve while he games and is small enough that people might not notice it immediately......... aziraphale's hand reaching into frame with a guy wrapped around it, and they just kind of sit there half holding hands while they wait for the snake to slither from one wrist to another.

Anonymous asked:

Your art inspires a hc…. Someone (Crowley, probably) gets Aziraphale a pair of purple round glasses and when the do streams together they match

omg aziraphale with blue light glasses that look like his little reading glasses from the show 🥺

@samsteacup asked:

So Streamer AU won't leave my mind. So I gotta share this. I understand if you don't put it into your ff, it's your story but your followers might enjoy it. :D 1. Aziraphale collaborates in Crowley's stream where they wanna play a game. (some shooter) and they set up Aziraphale character together but Aziraphale spends way too long to perfect him. Crowley is all patient and all and then when they start playing Aziraphale just can't handle the controls for the love of god. So Crowley helps him and it's a fucking disaster, he's furiously protecting Aziraphale in game while simultaneously trying to explain to him what to do. But Crowley is incredibly patient, even when they lose because Aziraphale accidentally shoots someone from their own team. The chat loses it because he usually is so short tempered in streams. Aziraphale is still a bit overwhelmed and frustrated that he completely ignores the chat. Which is good because people are shipping them to death and writing the wildest (naughtiest) theories of what already happened to make Crowley so gentle and patient. So Crowley just bans them all. 2. Another collaboration but this time on Aziraphale's channel. They are baking Christmas cookies together while talking about the holidays, gift buying, songs and other cute traditions/Christmas memories. While preparing the dough Crowley is a bit too aggressive while kneeding the wet with the dry ingredients and he gets a cloud of flour into his face. Aziraphale chuckles and cleans his face with some wash cloth. They continue baking and having a great time. Though Crowley constantly steals the leftover dough from Aziraphale, after he punches out the forms with the cutter. While waiting for the cookies to bake and cool, they start making the icing and drink wine. Crowley kinda overdoes it with the wine and gets a bit tipsy. So at some point he just dips his finger in icing and holds it to Aziraphale's face, who gets all flustered but eventually eats the icing of Crowley's finger. (Which will definitely not end up a GIF that forever haunts both of them in their streams) When they finally start icing the cookies, Crowley is not just tipsy anymore but properly drunk. So half of the Santa cookies get penises or boobs or both. And Aziraphale just rolls his eyes, says "You're being silly" (yes, exactly in that voice!) and takes away the wine from Crowley.

what the fuck im so FED

crowley switching on his patience to help aziraphale in a new situation like 😭 "i won't leave you on your own"

IT SOUNDS LIKE CROWLEY JUST STRAIGHT UP FORGETS THEY'RE LIVE and gets caught up just havin a fun time oh my lord!! 😭😭😭

@squirrellegion26 asked:

hiiiiii hi hi SIR IM ADDRESSING UR STREAMER AU. im in love with itttttt buttt what if what if what if crowley’s head pops up in one of azi’s streams like a frickin cat over the counter and chat is like “ohhh myyy goodness he’s adorable!!!” and azi’s like “oh, hello, my dear” and then crowley’s like “see ya peace” and then slinks back to whatever dark hole he slithered out of anyway SO MUCH LOVE TO UR AU I LOVE IT I CANT WAIT UNTIL UR FIC COMES OUT I LOVE U OKAY BYR

thpfht it's giving

Anonymous asked:

I just found your good omens streamer au and I'm instantly obsessed, I love the concept and ideas so much. This scenario instantly came into my head aswell and I wanted to share!! Like Crowley just did a really long stream and wants to go sleep and doesn't end up fully stopping the stream by accident, so the viewers see him after he thinks he ended stream and he just calls out "Angel, I need hugs now" and just walks off without knowing the stream is still going. And everyone in chat goes crazy trying to let anyone know the stream is still going but also with the fact they saw Crowley switch to his soft side so quickly!! And either Anathema calls Crowley to tell him it's still going and he runs back cursing to turn it off... OR...Aziraphale goes into the room to maybe collect the mug of coffee he made for Crowley and finds the stream still going and the chat going MAD over it trying to get his attention but also freaking out that it's Aziraphale.

oh lord have mercy on m for all this second hand anxiety but

you GOT ME with the mask switching from streamer mode to soft tired angel hugs mode, i'm punching myself in the face

i imagine that footage of aziraphale walking onto crowley's room for mug collection is like cryptid footage that occasionally circulates the gossip subreddits even after crowley has deleted the vod

Anonymous asked:

i literally just found your streamer AU and i have read EVERY MORSEL YOU HAVE ABOUT IT. i am so excited to read the fic when you’re finished with it! all i can think about is Aziraphale sliding things under Crowleys door if its locked while he’s streaming. and its the most random things every time, and of course it gets turned into a compilation posted somewhere. i just think that idea is silly. AGAIN I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS AND EVERYTHING YOU SHARE ABOUT IT!! 💕

hthfph THANK YOU FOR SHARING HEADCANONS i mean it, it's so fun and silly and i love that everyone is getting into this together ✨

[alysmarylin]

The fic you've been waiting for

Crowley avenging his beloved angel - Sandalphon got what he deserved (don't thank me, reblog instead)!!!!!!!!

Crowley and Aziraphale were unpacking the stuff they bought on a big shopping Sunday, and to this very day Crowley can't remember why and how they ended up talking about Aziraphale's, well... Ex-kin.

"I kinda enjoyed Michael", Crowley laughed. "Rather good-looking. Uriel, on the other hand..."

"Don't get me started on Uriel and Sandalphon", Aziraphale rolled his eyes. "I hate their guts"

"Sandalphon was a tough prick, I remember. And uglier than Belzebub", Crowley sneered.

"You don't say. He works in my place now, homophobic son of a... They couldn't have picked a worse candidate", Aziraphale said in a somewhat hurt voice. 

"Don't worry, angel. Soon enough, he will receive some beating from locals, I tell you"

"Yeah, I should've definitely punched that bastard back", Aziraphale muttered under his nose quietly, angrily. 

" Yeah, you bet...", Crowley laughed and then stopped abruptly. "W-w-wait, wait-wait-wait. Back? What do you mean, back?". Crowley stood up from the floor and stepped up to Aziraphale. 

" Nothing, really"

"No, not nothing". Crowley's eyes were widened in shock. " Do you mean, that, that piece of shit HIT you?!"

Aziraphale lowered his eyes. It looked like the memory wasn't pleasant. Crowley was gasping.

"When? When did it happen? How come I didn't know?", Crowley was not yet angry but more frightened. " Angel, look at me. Talk to me. Someone battered you and I know nothing of it?!"

"No one battered me. I was walking back to my bookshop and Michael, Uriel and... And he approached me, I was questioned..."

"Where the Hell was I?" - Crowley asked, astonished.

"You drove home", Aziraphale said quietly and sadly.

Crowley tilted his head backward and sighed with despair. "I should've known... ". He lowered his head and looked at Aziraphale with sadness and pain. Aziraphale looked confused and lost.

" What did he do? Tell me, angel", Crowley stepped closer, putting his hand on Aziraphale's arm, leaning closer. "Tell me. He's dead"

"Don't you dare, Crowley, we got away and I won't..."

"What did he do to you? What? Why didn't you tell me? I was up there, I saw him, I could've..."

"Because I didn't want you to", Aziraphale answered bitterly. " I needed you to be concentrated and cool-headed. You freed me from them, same as I did for you. That's all that matters"

"No, it's not. You look sad, you look hurt", Crowley said, cupping Aziraphale's cheek. " Otherwise you would've forgotten".

"He punched me in the stomach, alright?", Aziraphale said with a lump in his throat. His lower lip trmbled a bit. "It wasn't as painful physically as it was humiliating".

Crowley looked down on his angel's belly - soft, beautiful, beloved and precious - and everything before his eyes suddenly became red as blood.

"I told you because I trust you, but if you dare approach him or pull out something stupid like that, I will leave you, Crowley", he heard Aziraphale's voice from some distance.

"Do you hear me? Answer me, Crowley"

Crowley felt his head filling with lead from within.

"I will not approach him. I swear it"

"Good", he hears Aziraphale say. " I'll finish unpacking"

Crowley stopped Aziraphale, holding him by the arm. He embraced him from behind, wrapping one of his arms around his chest and putting his hand gently on the angel's belly. He buried his nose in his soft blonde curls and muttered: "I love you".

"I love you too", Aziraphale answered softly, "Now let me finish".

Crowley looked at him, picking up paper bags and arranging the stuff around the room, looking small and soft and lovely. Somehow it made his silent rage all the more burning and red became crimson in his eyes. He swore he wouldn't approach that sick fuck who laid his dirty hands - no, he couldn't bear to think of it - on Aziraphale

... But he said nothing of his friends.

***

Crowley pulled his hood further on his forehead

"Pleasure to see you, Jay. You look like a heroin addict in that hoody", said Phil. 

"I have to hide my hair somehow. Rare color"

Crowley was nervous and feeling restless.

"Yep. You're drop-dead gorgeous lad, we get it. To what I owe the pleasure?"

"I need to track someone down. Name's Saldanphon but he changes his IDs every now and then. You'll have to check for anything similar. Don't have a picture, but I draw him", Crowley laid a piece of paper on a table. The drawing looked fairly accurate. " Looks middle-aged, a bit fat, bald, ugly, has a golden tooth. A homophobe might be hanging around gay bars and the likes to preach or intimidate or whatever he does. That's all I have as of now".

"Well", Phil sighed " It's doable. But it will take a while. Any family?"

"No, none at all"

"I see. The golden tooth is indeed something". Phil looked at Crowley's hand. "You got married?"

"Ugh, yeah", Crowley answered looking around. " You know how to, ehm, tell me of the progress?"

"I've been around longer than you", Phil said wearily, and Crowley had to keep his mouth shut on that remark, " You'll know when I find something. Just one more thing. This, ehm, funny-named morality apostle. What exactly are you planning? He's gonna go?"

"No, not go", Crowley said with sheer disappointment "Plainly be taught a lesson. He put his shitty hands where he shouldn't have".

"Are you gonna call our mutual friend?", Phil raised his eyebrows. " If you want to make it clean, it's the best way. They'll never track his men down. Just food for thought, Jay. A piece of advice from the old man"

"That sounds reasonable", Crowley nodded, as if he had had any idea what to do next when he came to Phil, " I'll think about it. Thank you. Wanna count?". He put a book - a fake book, of course - on a table.

"Here? Oh, please. Trust me, if I don't find what I intend to find here, you'll know", Phil put a book in his bag and stood up. " Have a nice day, kid. Next time, wear something else"

Crowley waited for ten more minutes before leaving the diner. It was only when he was in a crowdy underground station when he put the hood off. He had to be cautious. For everyone's sake.

 

***

 

"Do you really think it's a good place, Jay?", said a tall and broad bald man in a leather jacket, trying to sit comfortably on a bench by a pond.

"The best one, in terms of privacy", said Crowley, looking grimly from his hood. " So. You said you owe me a favor all the way back from 1999. I didn't need anything for a long time, but now..."

"How do you manage to look so young, you sick bastard?", the man asked, chuckling, trying to look at Crowley's face. " You look just like my son, and that sad excuse of an heir is 27 now, not something you could tell by the way he speaks, though, I'd give him 10  in that department, still... How old are you, anyway?"

"I use a strong sunscreen. And I have good genes. Good, hardworking Irish people, my entire family. Will you listen or not, Patsy?"

A bald man stopped laughing and sighed.

"Of course. What seems to be the problem?"

"Our mutual buddy, Phil, tracked down a guy I need you to deal with. Here's what I've got on him", Crowley took a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to a man without so much as looking at his side. " I want your people to teach him a lesson. He's gotta stay alive. I can't be seen. But I need to watch it from a distance. I know you're ready to do this, but still" - Crowley took out something that looked like a book and put it on Patsy's lap still without looking at him - "this is some additional motivation for you, or a token of a good will, if you wish to call it that way".

Patsy put down an apparently-book-thing in his suitcase and opened a piece of paper. He looked at Crowley, frowning.

" What kind of a lesson do you want him to be taught, exactly?"

"If your boys will do it properly, he'll need new teeth", Crowley said, finally turning his head to his counterpart, looking him in the eyes from beneath his shaded. "The whole damn package. And the old ones, I want to have them. Every single one. Especially the golden one. No internal bleeding, no injuries to any organs. You can break a couple of ribs, but carefully. As you wish. But I need his teeth"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Jay", the Patsy man said, looking flabbergasted. " What did this son of a bitch did to you so you became such a butcher"

"He laid his shitty hands where he shouldn't have", Crowley hissed, grinding his teeth. His hands clenched in fists.

" You didn't tell me you were married. Was this your wife?", Patsy asked warily.

"I have no wife, but I am indeed married", Crowley answered. " I know you're one of the few people of your occupation who don't look down on things like that. I love him. But I swore I won't touch this bastard myself. I don't have much choice, Pat"

"I'm sorry it happened to your, well, spouse", Patsy said carefully. " But the guys that I have in my crew are not as open-minded as I wish they were. You know it yourself. Ours is not the most prestigious job. I'll do this favor, but when you're sitting in a car with them, better keep the personal personal". 

They shook hands.

"I'll be waiting for your call. You know which number to call, and which not to", Crowley said, standing up. "I'm looking forward to seeing your team at work".

 

***

 

Crowley was staring into the field glasses, trying looking at two tall men in leather jackets dragging a bald man resembling Sandalphon, gagged and tied up, to a torch on the abandoned parking lot. The jeep where Crowley and his associates were sitting was right in its darkest corner.

It was Christmas Eve, the 24th of December. The snow was falling gloriously, but the place was too grim and damp for the fairy-tale-like spirit.

“You see them, Cap?”, a young driver, sitting by Crowley’s side asked.

“It looks like him, but I need insurance. I remember his voice. Call them”

One of the guys on the backseat dialed a number and one of the bouncers took the phone.

“Our cap wants so be sure it’s the guy. Let him speak”

He turned on the speakerphone. Soon enough Crowley heard Sandalphon screaming something like:

“I’ll give you anything you want, please, untie me, I need my hands, I…”, before Crowley nodded and Sandalphon became silent again. The phone was turned off and Sandalphon was dragged to a small staircase, and Crowley had to pay very close attention, looking into field glasses again, to recognize what was going on.

“Are you sure your people can do ALL the teeth in one go?”, he asked a bit unsurely.

“You insult us, Mr. Jay. It is our signature. One strike, all teeth. Leaves a strong message”, murmured a young man behind him.

“Well, then…”, Crowley started, but then he saw something rather outstanding, that made him make a certain sound: “Oi, woah… That was surprising… Alright, gentlemen, pardon me for my previous skepticism. I take that back. On second thought, I even refuse to take, the, ehm, the evidence”

He then heard his phone ring. It had to be Aziraphale. He had to answer. He quickly took the phone and blurted:

“Angel, honey, I can’t talk, I’m very busy, buying you a surprise, I’ll call you back in ten, love you”, without letting him even say a word. He figured out it would be more secure.

“Wife?”, asked a second young man, with a smile.

“Yeah. Sort of. Listen, I think I’d rather be going, are they done with the teeth? At the end of the day, I’ll think I’m more than happy without them. I don’t wanna take ‘em. I saw what you did, it was amazing. Drop me at the underground station, please… Else my, ehm, spouse, will be suspecting something, which I don’t fancy, like, at all”.

 

Crowley was very relieved when they drove away.

 

***

 

Crowley thought he had never had such a lovely Christmas morning. Angel was by his side, in his lovely tartan pajamas, they were tucked under the blanket, sipping tea and lazily switching the channels on telly.

“I thought I hated Christmas”, Crowley said quietly, as he lowered his head to Aziraphale’s, planting a soft kiss on his temple. “Now you made me love it. What next, angel?”

“You’ll stop wearing all black?”, Aziraphale answered, with a sarcastic smile.

“Naah, not in this life and not in the next”, Crowley said leisurely, switching the channels. Then he saw the news.

“… The victim of this horrific Christmas assault is alive, but severely traumatized – his teeth were…”

That was something Crowley didn’t account for – the bloody news.

“Ugh, what is it with these people”, he said with a trembling voice, trying desperately to sound casual, turning the telly off. “It’s only violence on this television, I’ll better put on some music. And make you some tea”, Crowley said, standing up.

“Dear boy”, Aziraphale said softly. “I’d like some tangerines. Would you be so kind as to bring your husband a plateful of those?”, he smiled. Crowley looked like he was melting from the inside.

“Every time you say the h-word I can’t say no to anything, angel. I’ll be in 15, a’right”

Crowley sighed with relief as he stepped into the kitchen. He was off the hook now, but some time from now, the angel might still learn about what happened. Will he be able to understand?

“All I did, I did for you”, Crowley thought in pain. “I love you so much I couldn’t stop it. He had to pay, my love, he had to”. Crowley felt tears fill his eyes, as he was putting tangerines in a bowl, but he was able to will them away. “I’d kill for you, I’d die for you, Aziraphale”, he thought with anguish. “I hope you know that whatever comes. I hope you will forgive me for what I had to do”.

 ***

 

With Crowley gone, Aziraphale was finally able to read the newspaper.

 

“Broken teeth, that’s a good take”, he thought smugly, as he read the weekly crime report. “See, Sandalphon. What goes around, comes around, next time you want to apply brutal force to your… arguments, better remember this, no? Though I doubt there will be the next time”

Aziraphale smirked. What his husband lacked in logic and cautiousness, he made up in loyalty and protectiveness. Blind loyalty and fierce protectiveness.

“You’re such an idiot, Crowley”, Aziraphale thought tenderly. “Really, A-J? To think I wouldn’t know? Me, famous Mr. Fell of Soho?”

That very evening, when he received a phone call from Phil and heard of some “heroin junkie looking” guy calling himself “Tony Jay” or “A J”, or, God have mercy, “Jay”, of all things, he knew it has to be Crowley.

“Wearing a black hoodie on top of his shades, really. It’s a miracle he didn’t get busted for drug possession”. Maybe it was indeed a miracle.

Truth be told, he wasn’t angry. He couldn’t approve openly, but there was a certain warmness in knowing that a homophobic golden-toothed prick who assaulted him now got what was coming for him.

“But I can’t encourage this sort of behavior in Crowley”, he thought, hiding his smile. “Now, dear boy, you need to control your impulses. At least, most of the time”.

Still, Aziraphale knew that he was one of the luckiest men – well, not really men, but… - alive, for his partner would stop at nothing to protect him.

“If only he would’ve acted a bit cleverer… Well, I suppose you can’t have it all. He’s beautiful, caring, kind, sweet, fiercely loyal and sexy as Hell, in the most literal sense of this word. It’s only natural he has to be a complete idiot to not let me forget myself. Oh, he brought me the cannoli the other day… This boy watched The Godfather too many times”.

 

“Angel!”, Crowley said, entering the room with a bowl full of tangerines. “What are you smiling at?”

“I’m thinking about how lucky I am to have you, dear boy”, Aziraphale answered with a loving smile.