#and I can say that I don't like it too btw SO I'LL SAY IT
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kpopflowerfield · 1 day ago
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Run | njm
ღ pairing: college fem! reader x classmate! jaemin
ღ word count: 6k
ღ genre: nsfw, mdni
ღ warnings: making out, soft sex, fwb, fingering, tit sucking, soft dom! jaemin, oral sex (f receiving), protected sex,
ღ rating: angst/fluff
ღ networks: @k-vanity @k-library
ღ author’s note: ty to @lovetaroandtaemin for beta reading!!
ღ summary: You and Jaemin were a fling once upon a time but reader decided to date someone else, leaving jaemin heartbroken, becoming distant from their friendship as he didn’t want to face his feelings
↠ check out the rest of the tracklist here! ↞
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You stared at the board in utter confusion about what your professor was writing. Nothing was lining up from the notes you took in your previous class with Mr. Oh. You sighed and heard a chuckle from the boy who sat next to you. "What's so funny?" You whispered as he looked at the notes you had spread out on your laptop and the books in front of you. "If you're lost, I can help," He smiled at you. You smiled to yourself at the way his eyes formed little smiles of their own.
"If you're willing to help me out, I wouldn't say no…" you trailed off. He snickered at you. "Just give me your number," he pushed over a pad of sticky notes to you. You took the pad, wrote your number down, and handed it back to him. He looked at your neat handwriting as he peeled off the note with your information and put it in his pocket.
"I'll text you after class. You don't have to let me know what you're lost on. I can send you my notes." You sighed in relief at his offer. "I just met you, but you're my savior." He laughed quietly at you as your professor wrapped up. You stood up with him and walked out. "Good luck with the rest of your day!" he called out as you walked your separate ways. "You too!" You smiled as you walked into your booked study room.
Unknown number: Hey! It's Jaemin from statistics!
Y/N: Hey! Thank you again for being so willing to help me out! I owe you big time! ㅠ_ㅠ
Jaemin: It's seriously no problem!
Jaemin: [7 images]
Jaemin: These are all the notes I took! Text me whenever if you're confused!
Y/N: Seriously, Jaemin. You are my savior.
He laughed at your text as you smiled. Your friend was watching you, but you were too focused on texting Jaemin, which you didn't even notice.
Y/N: What's your major, btw?
Jaemin: comp sci
Y/N: so you're brilliant:,)
Jaemin: What about you, pretty?
Your cheeks flushed at the compliment that Jaemin gave you out of nowhere. You did find him ridiculously attractive, and he made it hard for you to focus sometimes. He always sat somewhere near you. Even if you didn't look up to see who was sitting next to you, you knew it was him from the citrusy cologne he always wore.
Y/N: Political science :) I'm going to start law after! I'm looking into some classes abroad once I'm done with the semester.
You had a grin on your face as you texted him; your friends were still watching, waiting for you to look up from your phone. Areum nudged you with her elbow, and you took your eyes off your phone for a moment to look at her. "Who are you texting for you to smile like that?" You blushed lightly at her, calling you out. "Just some guy from one of my lectures," you shrugged it off as she nodded a bit. "'Some guy,'" she mocked you, and you whined at her teasing.
A few days passed by, and you were still glued to your phone. Messaging Jaemin every thought you could tell him, and he did the same. You both had so much in common that you were surprised. "How's your boyfriend?" Areum teased. She became relentless when she mentioned him. She was always acting as if you've never talked to a guy on campus before him. It wouldn't be too far-fetched. You did try to talk with some other guy in your anthropology class last semester, but he wasn't into talking to you at all, and after him, you didn't really want to get involved with someone else.
"Yeah, yeah. You know he's not my boyfriend," You stretched your arms out as you put your phone down and started to focus on your classwork. "I mean, you guys are texting non-stop; you've been running off as soon as our reservation is over, too. It's not too outlandish for me to think you're dating,"
It was hard to argue; everything she was saying was true, but you just had so much fun with Jaemin that it was hard not to want to spend time with him. Jaemin was going through similar conversations with his roommate, Jisung. You were over their place so much that he started to tease you about starting to pay rent.
His place just felt so comforting, plus for two twenty-something-year-olds, their place was nice. The place was always clean, except maybe a clutter of shoes near the doorway and study materials on a dining table that they had never used.
Minnie: Come over when you're done with classes. I want to see your face.
Y/N: I'm almost out of this lecture. I'll come running over.
He laughed to himself at your message, knowing you were dead serious about running to him once you were done, and that's what you did. You ran up the steps and knocked. The door opened after a moment as Jisung stood there, his oversized shirt swallowing his body. "Jaemin! Your girlfriend is here," He called out as he let you in. Jaemin walked out of his room and smiled at the sight of you.
"How was your class today?" He smiled, embracing you in a hug. "It was good," You wrapped your arms around him as he kissed the top of your head. "Alright, love birds. I'm going to class and have a study room reserved." Jisung announced. "Have fun!" Jaemin didn't even look in his direction as he led you to his room.
He turned on the TV as he laid down on the comfy duvet. You lay down next to him, cuddling up to him as he turned on some stupid reality show that you would barely focus on. You looked up at him from his side. He smiled down at you, cupping the side of your face. "You're so beautiful," He cooed as your cheeks flushed. The way he was looking at you as he leaned down was setting off fireworks in your mind, and once his lips met yours, it felt as if the finale was starting. His lips were gentle against yours.
He moved on top of you carefully, balancing on his arms beside you. He bit your bottom lip gently, pulling gently as a soft moan slipped out from your mouth. Your body was heating up as he kissed you deeper.
Your lips melted against his as his arm slipped behind your back, pulling your torso closer to his. His tongue danced with yours as he held you closer.
You've made out with other people plenty of times, but it felt so natural with Jaemin. He held you tight, not wanting to let you go as his kiss grew deeper. "You're so perfect," He mumbled against your lips.
You could feel his growing member against your thigh, and your cheeks flushed. You should maybe slow down. It wouldn't be good to have sex just a few days after meeting... right?
You couldn't help yourself as you held onto Jaemin. His lips traveled from your lips to your chin. Leaving light and gentle kisses until he reached your neck.
His lips pressed against your soft skin, focusing on that sweet spot that made you let out a soft whimper. He loved the sounds leaving your lips as he bit down lightly. Leaving light marks down your neck.
He followed the same path as before as he kissed your lips, pulling your lip down and sliding his tongue in your mouth. He couldn't get enough of you.
His lips separated from yours, putting his forehead on yours. "We should slow down, shouldn't we?" He wasn't sure how you felt and didn't want you to feel pressured into making the heated make-out session into something much more.
You nodded hesitantly. You wanted to feel him deep inside of you. To feel his tongue so much more than just inside of your mouth. Both of you wanted much more but didn't want to rush into it just yet.
He moved over, so he wasn't on top of you. He pulled you closer to him so you could cuddle. He changed the TV to a movie for the two of you to watch. You looked up at him, seeing the way he was entranced in the movie that was playing.
"Hey, Jaemin?" You looked up at him as his eyes shifted from the screen to you. "Yeah?" He smiled softly. You looked into his eyes; god, they were beautiful. Everything about him was beautiful. "I like you a lot, Jaemin." You watched his expression.
He laughed and smiled. You tried to hide your disappointment in his reaction. People were already making assumptions that you were a couple, but you couldn't even take that seriously when all he did was look at you and smile.
No actual response to your confession. It did really hurt that he didn't even say anything back. Just a laugh and nothing else. You focused on something else as he still had his arm wrapped around you.
You both continued with what you usually did. The time together never changed. Going out to dinners, buying each other gifts just because, even the occasional intimate moments that you had. Thank god there was no awkwardness from the confession.
You looked at him, standing in his door frame as Jisung had already left for the day and went to class. His body came closer to yours. The way you were looking at him made his heartbeat speed up.
He walked over to you, cupping your face. "You're so beautiful." His voice was barely a whisper as he looked at you. Your cheek was nuzzling into his touch. He leaned down, his lips meeting yours as you held onto him. Your hands placed on his waist as he held your hips, picking you up. His hands shifted to your ass as he kissed you.
Your tongues moved in sync as he carried you to his room. Soft moans escaped your lips as he nibbled down your neck. Each sound encouraged him more, eager to please you. He carefully laid you on his bed, hovering himself above you. "I want to go further," He studied your expression, searching in your eyes for what you wanted. "I do, too," Your eyes filled with the excitement of finally feeling him.
He moved off of you, taking off his shirt and tossing it across his room as you followed what he did. Taking your bra off as he bit his lip, staring at your tits. "God, you're perfect," He exhaled, getting on top of you.
His lips were ghosting down the side of your neck and around your nipple. You gasped lightly at the feeling of his tongue flicking on your nipple. His teeth lightly pulled at the pebbled flesh. "Jaemin," you moaned quietly.
Those sweet sounds escaping your lips just encouraged him more as his tongue continued to circle. Your core was heating up with his touch. His hand moved down slowly, taking in every inch of your skin. He reached for your pants and pulled them down. Goosebumps spread as you felt his hand massage your thighs lightly. He could feel heat radiating from your body. His gentle kisses traveled down the center of your stomach. Your body tensing underneath him.
He pulled your underwear down and looked up at you, his eyes looking for permission. You quickly nodded as he spread your legs, moving so he could lay in between your legs. "If it gets uncomfortable with me here, just put your legs on top of me." He coached as you nodded; words could barely form as you were too excited to feel him on a different level.
He slid your underwear down, tossing it off to join the rest of your clothing. His finger teased your slit as you squirmed. He stared up at you, watching your expression as he parted your folds. "You have such a pretty pussy," He mumbled before gliding his tongue around your clit.
Your fingers wrapping themselves in his hair from the pleasure. Your back arched as he lightly sucked on your clit, moaning from the taste of you. The pleasure came over you in waves. He slipped his finger in as you moaned out. His finger moved slowly, making you jerk your hips, wanting more and more from his touch.
His drool dripped down your thighs as your breathing was heavy. His finger pushes in up to his knuckle before adding a second. "F-fuck, Jaemin.." You whimpered. He looked so smug, seeing how much pleasure you were in from just his touch. "Yes, baby?" You could only moan in response. His fingers sped up, touching your walls in ways you haven't felt as they clenched around his fingers. "God," You swallowed. "P-please just fuck me," You pleaded. His fingers stopped as he slipped them out of your dripping wet heat.
He took his pants off and walked over to his nightstand, grabbed a condom, and slipped it on. "How do you want to do this?" His voice was gentle. "I just want you in me. I want to feel every inch of you deep inside."
The neediness you spoke with made his hunger for you grow. He grabbed pillows and put them under your back, making it more comfortable for you. Your legs lifted for him as he placed one of your legs on his shoulder. His eyes looked at you once more for permission as his tip was pressing on your opening.
You bit your lip and looked at him. “Please fuck me,” You pleaded. That was all he needed to hear before his cock slowly was wrapped in your warmth.
"Oh fuck, Y/N," he groaned, keeping his pace slow. He wanted to savor every part of you. "Y-you feel so good, Jaemin," You mewled out as his hips rolled into you. He moved your legs off of his chest. You quickly wrapped them around his hips, still wanting to have more of your body on his
The feeling of his length pumping in and out of you making you moan out. His pace picked up as he leaned down, kissing your lips. "You feel so fucking good," His voice was so husky as you hummed in response against his lips.
His hips struck yours as you moaned out, his pace picking up as he was driving you closer and closer to your orgasms. His lips indulging in every part of your skin he could. You moaned out as your walls convulsed around him.
He picked up his pace but kept his thrusts gentle. "I love how you feel wrapped around me," He grunted as you felt his cock twitch. "Don't stop," you purred. His cock was introducing you to new pleasures. Your eyes shut halfway as they rolled back. His hips stuttered against yours as he groaned. "Fuck, Y/N," He didn't have to say much more for you to know he was right on the edge. Your walls spasmed against his cock. "I'm gonna fucking cum," You whined as he held your hips tightly.
Your legs wrapped around his waist tightly. "Jaemin," You cried out as that knot in your stomach unraveled, your legs quivering as your grip on him loosened. His thrusts halted, his body shuddering over yours as you felt his cock twitching inside of you.
He looked down at you, moving carefully to leave a long kiss on your lips. He panted as he placed his forehead on yours. "You felt so good," He smiled at you, his lips meeting yours again. Your lips melted against his. "You're amazing, Jaemin," You watched him as he pulled out carefully. You moved your legs, removing them from his hips that they were on. He got off the bed and walked to his bathroom to discard the condom.
He walked over, pulling the covers back so you both could get under. His arms wrapped around you as his thumb brushed on your shoulder. "Hey, Y/N?" He looked down at you, seeing you wrapped in the sheet as you lay on his side. "Yes, Minnie?" You smiled up at him. "I really like you. You're so perfect," you both liked each other more than you could put into words. It was hard to react to his confession. Just a few weeks ago, you confessed, and it was laughed off and pushed behind you. You nodded against his bare chest. His thumb is still brushing against your shoulder. He didn't say anything else about the confession.
An awkwardness filled the room that night. Neither of you would admit to it, but things were changing between you. You both were just trying to play it off as if nothing was wrong. You still texted one another and hung out, but jokes from Areum and Jisung disappeared. It felt weird getting asked if you were dating now. Nobody's asked in a few weeks, so maybe people were accepting you were just friends with Jaemin.
That was until you were approached by a couple of girls that you didn't even know. "It's Y/N, right?" You nodded as they stood across from the table you were working at.
"You and Jaemin are a couple, right?" Your brows furrowed at the sudden question. Strangers were now asking out of the blue. They were staring at you, waiting to hear your answer.
You bit the inside of your lip, not knowing what to say. "We're just friends, that's all," You panicked as two girls you've never met before looked at you in shock, expecting you to say that you were a couple.
"So I can shoot my shot, and you'll be okay with it?" She stared at you, waiting to hear every damn response you had. "Yeah, go ahead." You shrugged as she walked off with her friend.
You shook your body like you were trying to get rid of the vibes from that conversation. Everything felt off the rest of the day. Your phone buzzed suddenly. You weren't expecting to hear from Jaemin anytime soon as he had a lecture that took up most of his days.
Minnie: Damn, I've had like four girls dm me today. Do you know anything about that?
Y/N: I'm sorry. I panicked when people asked me what we were. I said we're just really close friends.
Y/N: I mean
Y/N: that is what we are?
Y/N: right?
You panicked with each text. Maybe you shouldn't have just dismissed the girls by saying you were friends and nothing more. That was your opportunity to claim him as yours and maybe solidify your relationship. Regrets started to seep in as you waited for his response.
As you waited to hear from him, you packed up your belongings and walked home. You were getting worried that maybe you fucked up. Maybe you should've told those girls not to talk to him. It was too late now for you to take back your words.
You sighed as you walked into your apartment. Setting your study materials on the dining table. You were supposed to focus on your work, yet you were tapping your home screen every few minutes. The screen lit up to a photo of you and Jaemin as you searched through notifications, seeing that he texted you about five minutes ago.
Minnie: Yeah
You stared at that four-letter word. He always had more to say than just one quick word. Even with the confessions from both sides, nothing happened, so why did he seem so upset this time around? For the first time, actual awkwardness seeped in between both of you. It wasn't one of those quick ones that got pushed behind you. It felt much more severe.
Conversations were shorter, and you didn't think much at first. Maybe he started talking to one of the girls that hit him up. You kept telling yourself everything would work out. Conversations were just shorter since finals were around, and Jaemin wanted to study for them seriously. It wouldn't surprise you as he always held himself to high standards.
You'd be happy for him if he did; you started talking to another guy you ran into on campus. You could only wish Jaemin was doing the same. The connection that started to form between you and Jeno was becoming similar to the one you had with Jaemin. Your only issue was telling if this would stay as a platonic friendship and not a relationship. That was always your downfall when talking to someone.
Jaemin was a prime example. God, he was perfect. He knew everything about you, every place you loved to be touched, the pace that would drive you straight to an orgasm every time without fail. He also knew what made you smile after a rough day of class or if you ran into trouble with anything. He just knew you.
You couldn't lie when you say you regret how things were beginning to separate from you and Jaemin; it would've been much easier for you just to commit and try again with confessing.
Jaemin could say the same about you. That's why he was worried about the distance that started to form. It wasn't intentional, but he was hurt that you didn't try again with him. Instead, you just let him go without talking to each other.
Minnie: Hey love, I was wondering if you'd like to come over? I miss you, and I want to talk with you :(
You stared at the text and looked over at Jeno. He was watching your movements as you held your phone. "I'm so sorry to do this. Do you mind if we study another night? You have my number, so just text me." You collected your belongings.
He gave you a quick goodbye as you made your way over to Jaemin's. Your heart suddenly started to beat faster as you got closer and closer. It has been a while since you've seen him, and you were just hoping he didn't have a grudge against you.
The door opened after a quick and gentle knock. "Y/N," He grinned and wrapped you in a hug. "I wasn't expecting you to come. You didn't say anything after I asked." You stood there in his embrace for a moment. Holding onto him like your life depended on it.
"Are you upset at me?" you blurted out, your head on his chest. Your heart rate decreased as you heard him sigh. "No, silly." He let you into his apartment, not wanting to keep holding you in his door frame. "Are you mad at me?" He fired the same question at you as you shook your head quickly. "Absolutely not. But I am curious about something," You had a mischievous smirk on your face as he raised an eyebrow, wondering what you could've possibly been talking about.
"And where is the curiosity coming from?" He sat down on the couch. "What girls hit you up?" You took your place on the couch next to him as he laughed a bit. "Let's see," He pulled his phone out of his pocket.
"We have…" He opened Instagram and clicked on his messages. "Jinsoul from my databases class, Hayun from the linguistics lecture we had. Sua from my algorithm lecture and Sohye from calculus." He laughed a bit and closed out of them.
You couldn't help but notice that he hasn't responded to any of them. "Okay, Mr. Popular," You teased him as he shook his head. "How about you?" He nodded towards your phone in hand. You laughed. "Only one person,"
"Really?" He was trying his best to hide his jealousy. "Yeah, Lee Jeno. He was in my psych class last year, and he randomly decided to message me. We've been hanging out. We have the same major, so we study it once a week."
He nodded, biting the inside of his lip. "I'm glad you found someone willing to help within your major. That's always helpful," He smiled at you, placing his hand on your lower thigh. "Yeah, but I still like your help," You grinned at him.
He wanted to ask you a million questions about Jeno but didn't want to press you. He figured it wasn't worth the questioning. He was jealous, though. He loved having study dates with you. He loved being able to watch you finally understand something difficult that he put into terms you understood.
He ignored his feelings for this random Jeno guy. It didn't matter. That's what he told himself. You and him were all that mattered when you came over.
It changed over time for him. What you once had wasn't happening anymore. Every time you came over, all you could do was talk about Jeno. What did Jeno help you with that week in your classes, and what were Jeno's favorite things to talk about?
It was all too much for Jaemin. He should've known it would end up as a fling for the two of you, but he figured you would be able to make it work at some point. He knew after this year you were going abroad, but he was hoping you would be with just him until the time you were going to leave.
He wasn't sure how to say these words to you. You meant the world to him, and he was losing you to some stupid guy in your major. He wanted to spend time with you and just have silly text messages in between you, but everything stopped. He eventually stopped asking if you wanted to come over because you would always be busy with classwork or with Jeno. He stared at his phone, debating if it was worth texting you, but he couldn't help himself, so he sent you a text. He wasn't too outlandish for wanting to see your face again.
Minnie: Come over :( I miss seeing your face. I know I haven't asked in a while.
You stared at the text as Jeno looked over your shoulder. "Hey, just stay with me," He smiled at you. You laughed lightly. "I want to, but he's also my best friend. I can't just keep saying no." You watched as Jeno crawled on top of you. His naked body is hovering over you in his sheets.
"Come on, Y/N," He kissed your neck as you sighed out, loving the feeling of his soft lips on your neck. "See, I know you want to stay." He smirked against your neck. You bit your lip, hesitation setting in. "Jeno, I'd love to stay, but maybe later. Okay? I just want to stop by his place for an hour. Two, tops." You stared up at those gorgeous eyes he had.
"Alright, love. Text me when you get there. I want to make sure you get there safe." He moved back to your side. You got out of his bed and dressed yourself. "I will," You smiled, watching as he leaned closer to you. You bent down and let a kiss land on his lips as he smiled at you. "Have fun," He watched as you walked out. Your heart was still pumping from your 'workout' with Jeno as you made the walk to Jaemin's.
You knocked on the door, and Jaemin opened it. Smiling at you, he didn't say anything, but he noticed that you didn't fix your hair after leaving Jeno's and the bite mark on the side of your neck. He just let you in without saying anything for a moment. He cleared his throat. "I was thinking we could get some food and watch one of those stupid reality shows." He looked at you as you quickly nodded. "Absolutely, I love those stupid shows." He let out a heartfelt chuckle. "I know you do."
He started to feel stupid; he didn't want to say it out loud, but he knew there wasn't much he could do on his own to make everything the way it used to be.
"So, what have you been up to since I last saw you?" You plopped down on his couch. He thought for a moment, trying to remember what he's done in the past three weeks. "Studying, I really want to do good on my final." He nodded, biting his lip as he thought a bit more. "I've watched a few anime's I wanted to get to. That's about it," He nodded.
He really didn't want to hear about Jeno, but he also didn't want to be rude and not ask how you were doing. He cleared his throat and sat next to you. "What about you?" He watched as you started to fix your hair. "I've been studying too. Going out with Jeno, too. He's amazing, Jaemin. We connect over everything, and it just feels so natural whenever we're together," You sighed happily.
A sour taste grew more potent in his mouth as he nodded. He couldn't help but think of what you said about him. "I'm glad." He was short and to the point, not wanting to hear about him again for the rest of the night. "What do you want to eat?" He was trying to hide the jealousy in his voice, as you thought. "Pizza? Or maybe some chicken," You spaced out, thinking hard about what you wanted.
Jaemin laughed. "How about both? I see the steam coming out of your ears," He teased you, making you whine at him. He smiled and ordered your food. He didn't want to pry but couldn't help himself. "So…what are you and Jeno?" He watched your reaction, the way your cheeks flushed at the mention of his name. A bitter taste in his mouth spread as he couldn’t get rid of it.
"We're together," You nodded, hearing a knock on the door. He stood up without a word and took the food, placing it on the table in front of you two. He tried to keep the mood light even though he was hurt hearing you admit your relationship with Jeno. He still believed that maybe there was a chance for the two of you—more than just a semester. But every time your mouth opened and Jeno's name left your lips, his heart broke some more.
He still desperately wanted to hang out with you, even though it became different in the past. The few times that you've had to catch up, he doesn't even say a word that you react to. All you could do was utter your boyfriend's name, and it started to make his hatred for this random guy grow. He created distance, slowly but enough for you to rarely talk. You started to notice after it's been a month and a half since you've talked.
Y/N: Minnie, is everything okay? We haven't talked in a while :( Are you upset about anything?
Minnie: I'm okay, Y/N. I'm just not trying to get in the way of you and your boyfriend.
Y/N: oh, shush. You're my friend! I always have time for you. I just have been worried since you haven't reached out.
Minnie: No. I'm okay; I'm free tomorrow night if you want to come over, and we could talk some more. I just want to get my classwork done now.
You blinked at the way he suddenly shut down the conversation. It was weird, even for him. It wasn't like him, he's been upset before, but he's always talked to you. You brushed it off for the night as Jeno's touch kept your mind off of how weird Jaemin was being.
You checked the time as you stretched out. You picked up your phone and saw Jaemin's text.
Minnie: Come over whenever.
Y/N: Alright, I'll leave soon :)
You stood up, throwing on some sweats and Jeno's hoodie. You texted him that you were walking up and saw him opening his door from the steps. "Hey," You smiled at him. "Hey," He held the door open for you as you walked.
You made your way to the kitchen, grabbing a water bottle from his fridge. "So, what did you want to talk about?" You took a sip of your water. "I know you thought something was off." He cleared his throat. "And there kind of is," You watched as he ran his fingers through his hair. Your heart sped up hearing him admit that. Silence filled the room at that moment.
"What's wrong?" You questioned, your heart beating out of your chest. "I know I told you it was no problem that you told people we weren't together. I just wish you asked me first. I feel like we never sat down to talk about it. Just weird confessions out of nowhere, and that was all." You shook your head at him, not believing what he had to say.
"Jaemin…" You sighed deeply. "I confessed to you, and you laughed it off. After that, I thought it was pretty straightforward that we were seeing it as just a fling. I didn't think it was something serious after that." You became upset that he was trying to blame you.
"I know, that's why it took me a bit, but then when I confessed, you did the same thing." He sat on the edge of his couch, staring at you. "Is this about Jeno?!" You scoffed as he held his head.
"Do you have to bring him to everything?!" He didn't raise his voice, but you could see he was getting annoyed. "Listen, Y/N. You went off and told everyone that I'm single. I got a few messages from girls who just want to sleep around. Not have a connection. While you got a whole relationship, I am upset, but I think I have every right to feel this way."
You listened as he rambled. Starting to get frustrated with how he was speaking. "You didn't make it clear to me, Jaemin. Please don't assume that it's my fault that we're not dating. There was clearly something about each other that neither of us wanted. I'm not taking the blame, and I'm not placing it on you. But you are being ridiculous."
His jaw dropped slightly upon hearing your words. "Clearly, something isn’t working. I thought we were both pretty honest with each other, but I was wrong. I can't just stand by and be here for you when you never want to see me because you're too busy with your boyfriend. I can't hang out and listen to you bring him up with every mention of something I say." He took a deep breath. "I'm happy for you. I'm glad you have someone, even though I wish it were me. I just think we should go separate ways."
You stared at him in disbelief. "What do you mean?" You watched as he crossed his arms over his body. "I found something else for me to do. A better program for my major abroad. I'd rather follow that than stand here every day, debating whether even to text you because you don't even respond anymore." He shrugged as you nodded slowly.
"Where are you going?" You looked at him, seeing the way his body relaxed completely. "Singapore, there's a good college over there, so hopefully that'll help me out to find a good job." His voice seemed so dry as if he was talking about something he really didn't want to do.
"And you really want to go?" You couldn't help but question him as he nodded. It was a slight nod, but it was enough for an answer. "I'm going to miss you," You walked closer to him. "I'm always a text away, don't forget that." You spoke gently. Reaching your arms out for a hug, he held you close. "I'm going to miss you, Jaemin," You sighed and held onto him.
He reluctantly hugged you, worried about getting himself hurt if he said much more. He cleared his throat as you let go. "Are you really going?" Your voice was small, and tears were forming in your eyes as he nodded. "Yeah, I hope you have a good time when you go abroad too. We can text whenever," He shrugged as you nodded. You were in disbelief that he was leaving, but there was nothing that you could say to make him stay.
He did want to stay, but now that he's really seen how you feel for someone else, he's just decided it was better for him to run.
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eldrichfuck666 · 1 year ago
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me posting my cannibals & cannibalism edits on here and having no idea the fuck is this whole aesthetic discourse is actually kinda funny LMAO I came here for occults horror mass murders and cannibalism acts and that kinda says it all
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kaiserouo · 2 months ago
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he's the only melee frame i use and i love him
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teddybeartoji · 16 days ago
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thank you everybody who crossed their fingers and toes bc aventurine AND acheron are now both safely at home:3333333333
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#the amount of tickets i went through?#let's not talk abt that#i also got six sampo's#and like eight (??) pela's#(i was about to fucking kill somebody i don'T EVEN USE HERRRR LEAVE ME ALONEEEEEEEEEEEEE LITTLE LADY)#and then tingyun and hanya and yukong (2x)#and gepard#who is cute but at the moment i was not that happy bc he was standing between me and my wife😠😠😠😠#i feel like i'm forgetting someone lmao#anyway#acheron was playing hard to get i do feel just a bit sad bc i am so low on tickets now and i kinda wanted her lc too#and idk whether i should still try to get it or not............................#my brother pulled her for me btw😭😭😭#i was losing hope but then he came into my room to talk abt his day and i was like okok . i need you to just push this button for me#AND IT ONLY TOOK TWOOOOO PULLS#😭😭😭😭😭😭#everybody say thank you mickey's little brother we love you mickey's little brother#i can't even use her rn though bc i can't get a good relic set for her lmao#I CAN USE AVENTURINE THOUUUGHHH AND HE'S SOO SOO GOOD EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I LOVE ITTTT#mmmm i should probably level up tingyun too right i've heard that she's good#i'm facing another very difficult decision now though bc................. i love jy...........................#but how many lightning charas do i need...................... if firefly is really getting a rerun at the same time........................#i might....................................... prioritize her.....................................#I HATE ITTTTT:(((((((((((((((#BUT I WANT JY TOOOO:(((((((((((((((((((#genuinely feels like i'm betraying him wahhhhhhhhh#anyway i'm in (what i hope) are my period feelings so hhhhhhhhhh#dying over and over again but dw i'll be back on my regular bs soon:333333#mayor of loserville
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13eyond13 · 10 months ago
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love it when a character that's hard to read intuitively for you has like a dedicated fandom interpreter who can just glance at their blank face in a panel and then give you a 3k word essay on their innermost thoughts & desires & fears and neatly tie it back into the themes & whatnot as if it's the most obvious thing in the world
#im talking about griffith btw#guts i feel i get intuitively - maybe because i have some personality traits in common with him#and we get more about his life concretely told to us in canon. so he is a bit easier to pin down as a character and feel attached to for me#but whenever i was reading the manga i just kept wanting more insight about griffith's actions and feelings#like ok yeah its fun to have mysterious antagonists and suspense /tension etc but its also fun to feel like you deeply understand them too#and i felt like that was a bit missing from him for me in canon#so reading about him in analysis and fics is the most fun for me rn#he always felt kinda half unreal to me- which maybe was the point of him - but i wanted a bit more about his childhood or something?#and wished we had more stuff explicitly from his pov in the story to read or explanation about his transformation or wtv#and now he's so much more closed off to me even than he was in the golden age. i keep waiting for him to explain stuff and he does not#ANYWAYS all this rambling to say some people out there are very good at interpreting him and making his like. insecurities#more obvious to me bc i didnt really get that side of him from canon intuitively well#also im really enjoying reading the first few berserk fics ive read#there may not be a ton of them out there but there is def writing talent in the fandom#i'll share some recs once i'm done sifting through most of what's out there to read#also (not to tie everything back to death note but it IS my home fandom after all)#i feel griffith is obvs the more light-like character here and L maybe a bit guts-like? but unlike berserk in death note#light is the one you get to know best and L is the mysterious / unreal one you don't get a lot of concrete insight into#and in the DN fandom I can read the more mysterious character intuitively but had to warm up to the less mysterious one instead#and the mystery of L makes sense to me and doesnt bug me as much due to like - he HAS to hide a lot about himself or else he will die lol#so some similarities there but also some opposite feels as well#berserk spoilers#p
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necrotic-nephilim · 2 months ago
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How do you think bruce would react to a Robin pile situation?
oooh this is a fun thought. i think it depends *entirely* if you're working with a morally stable Bruce or a Bruce who's a little fucked up and dead dove-ish. somehow, i think it's actually more fun if it's a completely stable Bruce bc that adds so much more drama and issues if Bruce is deeply unsettled by the idea. if it was maybe just Jason and Dick or Jason and Tim dating that's sort of understandable. Bruce knows that while he may see them all as his sons (except Steph bc do know Robin pile will *always* include Steph for me and tbh Cass too as an honorary member. they're all going in the pile.) but he understands that doesn't mean they see each other as brothers. he respects the nuanced and complicated relationships scattered across all of the Batfam.
but if all of them are *dating*? or at the very least sleeping together? that raises a lot of logistical red flags. the most obvious one is the age gap of it all- at the biggest gap you have Damian and Dick who are an easy fifteen years apart, meeting when Damian is a kid. not to mention how many of them have tried to kill each other at some point. it shouldn't work and Bruce doesn't like that it does. Bruce has a history of wanting to control the relationships of the Batkids when he disapproves. and so he'd absolutely try to break them up. at first, he paints it purely as a logistical issue. saying it's smartest not to bring feelings into work and that this is dangerous. i think it's especially fun if this happens at a time when Bruce doesn't approve of Steph or Jason so that *also* plays into it, he doesn't want either of them near the ones he currently considers to be his family. he says he wants to protect them and wants to keep them safe. he tries to appeal to who he thinks would be more logical and listen to him the most. first Dick, and then when that doesn't work, Tim. and when neither of them listen, i *do* think Bruce would stoop to the low of trying to break them up by fabricating internal conflict between them, hoping to divide and conquer the weird polycule it's become.
while i don't think Bruce would be jealous in the sense he wants to be included, i *do* think he's wildly dislike the Robins having this close bond that makes them trust each other implicitly more than they trust Bruce. they will defer to each other before him and clearly keep things from him. he'd despise that. it's an inner circle he's not let in on and it makes him lose aspects of control over some of them, especially Damian who's the youngest and his son, who Bruce deserves the most control over. he would drive himself mad about it. at first for genuine reasons over the perceived fucked up nature of the relationship (even when each of them have confirmed that it is entirely consensual and they're happy) and to protect them. but he becomes so bitter over being ignored. they openly prioritize each other over him when the truth comes out because they see no point in hiding it. and i could definitely see Jason gloating about how he's back in the family whether Bruce likes it or not. Bruce would be beyond pissed about it. he's just never recovering. trying to stop them gets nowhere, even if he manages to cause some internal conflict.
eventually, Bruce would be forced to accept it for fear he would lose all of them. but he's *not* going to be happy about it and he keeps making side comments, hoping to get through to one of them eventually. it doesn't work, but he's definitely not going to stop trying. i also think on some level it would just disgust him a little bit in a visceral way, since they're his kids to him and he doesn't like to picture them in that way. esp when Jason or Steph lean heavily into PDA just to fuck with him. ass grabs, cuddling, sloppy kisses, the whole nine yards. Bruce will not have a moment of peace.
#necrotic answerings#robin pile#robincest#batcest#i do think fucked up bruce is also fun#but that answer wuold be more straight forward and expected#just. he creeps on them and tries to join and probably succeeds. the end <3#it's fun but i find it more fun if he's just. grossed out by it#like he's trying so hard to break them up#and he can pretend all he wants but it's purely personal reasons and disliking that he's not in the inner circle#i'm so seirous about including steph in robin pile btw#AND DUKE#let them in on it.#i'd say maps too but i'll be honest i don't know enough about her to. care honestly i'm so sorry#and i dislike helena wayne as a robin (new-52 when i catch your ass) so i don't include her#and i love carrie but i think she should be kept to her own world and not forced into the main one#i dislike seeing “incorrect quotes” that include carrie bc like. why is she there. take her back to her world free her from these shackles.#but gods i adore robin pile#i usually include cass just bc it feels weird not to#it's the same energy as “cass isn't here bc she's in hong kong :) doing hong kong things :)”#like sure technically cass was in hong kong for a lot of the comcis but we all know why.#and cass wasn't a robin but she (and steph) aren't included in a lot of batcest and we all know why.#so i include her. i just think she deserves in on it.#let her fuck her brothers stupid <3#i love the emotional conplexities of robin pile a lot#the smut is good. but so are the feelings of all of these characters are so chained together by this mantle#they just can't escape each other.#it's good shit.
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darkacademiaarchivist · 8 days ago
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i hate to say this caro. but i agree with mieke lebkuchen should be a year round food
deep sigh.... Geht das schon wieder los?? (Is this starting AGAIN??)
(traitor)
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another-clive-blog · 11 months ago
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Thinking about the Clive and Bill parallels again...
Both started with pretty average goals (gaining money / getting closure). Both became obsessed with said goals to the point of going through with their plans no matter the cost. Both became consumed by the desire to pursue a goal that isn't actually achievable (You can get more money but it will never feel like it's enough. You can lash out in anger but it won't make the anger go away). Both ended up killing innocents.
And yet.
Bill getting rid of his humanity in the hopes of getting money. Clive getting rid of his money in the hopes of getting his humanity back. Bill claiming he despises people like Clive when he has himself killed innocents for his own selfish plans. Clive claiming he hates politicians and scientists but still using science to build a mecha and politics to justify its use. Bill hiding everything, hiding from Claire that the machine isn't ready, hiding his crime from everyone. Clive exposing everything, exposing his secret base to Layton, exposing Bill and Dimitri's crime by his staging. Bill covering up the incident while Clive broadcasted his crime inside the fortress.
I don't know where I was going with this. Maybe that prime minister Bill looks like a honest citizen, just your regular Londoner really, while Clive is so obviously violent and destructive : and yet, Clive is the dove and Bill the hawk. Funny.
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disposal-blueeee · 5 months ago
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keeps-ache · 5 months ago
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in a cafe rn. this place is nice :>
#just me hi#they have a lot of random old stuff in here it's fun :D#tons of books too; though most of them seem to be romance and unfortunately i've come to terms w/ the fact i'm a hater gfhsfh </3#oh and not that the old stuff is random in a new place; it's an old-looking place with a lot of old stuff that doesn't match anything else#lol ! there are some spots that are Almost uhh- the word is not coherent but it's something like it hfhvs#i've had a bisquit sanmich and a lemonade which was pretty fine. i liked the sandwich though it was a bit greasy bfsh :>#idk i'm just comfortable here. the guy running the counter might be gay and there's a bathroom sign that jokes abt gender n creatures for#them lol - it's relatively quiet too n i have a chair that's pressed against the wall w/ no windows so i don't feel like i can be snuck up#on ghfhsv. i like it here so far :D#//anywho i think i'm gonna get on my ar.ft attacks now hfhsvh#i didn't bother posting my first one this year but i'll get to that rn!! :3#i have 1 + 1/2 i gotta do - i say a half because it doesn't Technically count as an attack due to the System but ehe :33#//btw this place has a thing going on where it's Nearly symmetrical#every table is missing at least 1 chair that would make it so and if there Is an even amount of chairs they aren't the same kind#though they Are matching in colour if they aren't the same type! i like that. dunno why hfbvs#also i like how oddly everything has been placed. tables placed in a diamond form compared to the room and then others are situated like#regular tables ; i just think it's interesting lol :33#//oh and i've finished another chapter of my book ; it's taking me forever because i actually came to like it a lot n i don't want it to en#a common habit of mine hfhfsh <3#though ik it's hard to tell from the outside if i'm not doing it cuz i hate it or cuz i love it. fun for Me though hfhbshvs#//yea anyway. i like this place lol :>#gonna wander around prolly. n work on stuff hopefully :>>#i have a ~+~root beer~+~ so here i go !! toodles :D
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lycorisicecream · 5 months ago
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Silly little guy
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tankgotstuckinthecircusgate · 7 months ago
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i could draw anything but i decided to draw this. carlo and rocco in 1932 aka my headache
#^ this isnt real ofc but its what happening inside their heads (well in carlo's at least)#mfs when their old friend doesn't break under manipulation#“Lift up the receiver I'll make you a believer” punching the wall with fist#rocco was the underboss not eddie can u hear me!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!!!!!! (capo henry situation in terms of complexity)#no m2 did smth to my brain and now im incapable of writing normal relationship between people#anyway. things that makes sense only to me rn unfortunately:#“AND YET ALAS I WELCOME YOU KNOWING ABOUT YOU” its carlo @ rocco but works both ways i think. RAHHHHHHHHH#YET YOU THINK WE'RE THE SAME RAHHHHHHHHH#youre not who u are to anyone these days im not who i am to anyone no not me at all these days not at all RAHHHHHHHHH#carlo who was afraid of rocco (for a reason) when he started to run the family rahhhhhhhhh#“That son of a bitch!.. I fuckin’ knew it!” <-watch me put a lot more meaning into a phrase that shouldn't make so much sense#2kczech need to pay me for developing rocco's character btw if u even care . and for writing this fucking falcone family backstory#“Холодный и острый осколок гранита; Смерть Голиафа в руке Давида”#<- “A cold and sharp shard of granite; Goliath's death in David's hand”#i've listened to this song too much it became certifed rocco song to me#let's say rocco helped carlo a lot w preparing moretti family for a new don. just bc i don't think it was this simple#“your capo killed your don lets all pretend that its cool and normal and it doesn't matter that he ran the family for 23 years😋😘”#avart#m2#i wont tag this w fandom tags dear god this shit is so delusional#dear god rocco been a gap and a blank spot in this story for so long but now i genuinely like him#tho i'm still not done with his character yet but there's enough for me to like him#sorry. not normal bout them. not at all .#rocco & carlo
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adhdtsukasa · 9 days ago
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all this wandasho content drop today made me so happy despite what i think about it though... i did not realize how much i missed my children but looking at literally anything wxs related today is making me tear up from happiness i almost can't function because my chest is being squeezed with this weirdly happy feeling. i don't think it's Normal or Healthy but like whatever. wandashooooo😭😭
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daz4i · 11 months ago
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started looking for apartments like as a haha goofy thing to pass the time (and bc i wanna move out soon so may as well) and Hm. found one that seems almost too perfect for its price. like the only downside for me is that it's not in a neighborhood i wanna live in but it's still considered a good area, and it's the neighborhood i grew up in so i know the area well (like literally, 2 minutes walk from my old house) which is a bonus. one of the sites i found it on said the owner also signed some guarantee thing? which is a good thing apparently ig idk real estate terms. i kinda wanna go look bc i'm scared someone else will take it lol but i. am too scared to take any step there. Sad!
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faebriel · 1 year ago
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hgs brainrot has returned due to tbosas .. speaking of hgs here’s an ask abt the hgs au: if things were totally different, and Wilbur were to be a 12 victor, what do you think a possible mentor-tribute dynamic would look like between him & Niki? I feel like it would be similar to Snow & Lucy in the way that he’s just going out of his way to cheat n help her
anon u have in fact struck jackpot because this is a concept i was spinning some thoughts abt before bee mentioned avoxes and we went OOOOH at that!!! so yes i have considered rainduo as a mentor-tribute dynamic and would love to talk about that concept too :]
so for this concept i think wilbur and niki would be close friends throughout childhood from 12, and then in their teens wilbur is reaped and, well, no one has particularly high hopes (he's a writer and a musician at heart, not a fighter) but through sheer trickery and dumb luck, he makes it to the end of the games. wilbur pulled some pretty fucked up tricks to win - when you can't use brute force, you have to use your brain - and partly due to the trauma of the games, partly due to his shame and survivor's guilt, he sinks into the capitol and relishes a new life there as a socialite. to him, the old wilbur died in the games and the new one has taken his place - to niki, and to his other friends in 12, whatever the games did to him made him into every vapid heartless capitol victor there is.
or. niki has her doubts. they all saw how horrible the games were, but surely there is some part of him left, some part that's hurting, even if it's buried deep?
anyway.
like og spin of the au, niki is reaped and this sucks - this time she does expect wilbur as her mentor on the train, and she expects some kind of warm welcome (maybe even an apology for leaving them so suddenly and silently? an explanation?) but she gets jack shit. wilbur is jaded and cruel and unrecognisable and niki entirely hates it. this is the part where i REALLY WISH we got some time of those two beefing with each other directly in canon (or at least interactions while niki was So Mad at him) but it's okay we fly blind. niki feels abandoned, lonely, thrown off of her kilter - she expected an ally in this place, but she doesn't recognise the person wilbur has become. she doesn't recognise his shallowness (...much), his ruthless advice for the arena, the way he doesn't seem to care for anything. she's scared and now she's lonely and it pisses her off - their mentorship is fraught. here are some thoughts from discord on that:
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i tend to think of niki as a bit naïve before l'manberg or even doomsday - i think this is an au where this streak would come out real strong, and niki is stubborn that she can get through the games without losing herself. stubborn that she can stop things, that she can protect people. i don't think wilbur is cold enough (or, really, can bear to say aloud) to say that her odds in the arena are slim enough as it is, but he definitely tells her that she's making enemies and that her odds of survival dwindle with the more trouble she causes.
beyond that... hm. niki's trust in wilbur is almost unshakeable until nov 16, even when she outright says she doesn't recognise him anymore. i think she'd reluctantly listen re: don't burn down any buildings, but she would grow bolder each day she had to stay in the capitol. she gets more honest in front of the cameras. she makes more friends in training, and not the ones wilbur recommends. she throws barbs at him every time he makes one of those callous, cold-hearted comments about other tributes and rankings and odds. and besides, she's going in the arena this time, not him. she needs to practice her bravery.
it's like... she hasn't given up on him. she thinks the old wilbur is in there somewhere. (she is wrong. that is not how trauma works.) but she won't hold her tongue just because she
for extra angst points could definitely play up the whole 'feeling abandoned' angle between them as niki goes into the arena - probably due to how fraught their friendship gets leading up to the games. niki wants to focus on them and their friendship, wilbur has stringently cut off (almost) everything from 12 and refuses to let her in; he tells her to behave for the cameras, she tells him she never will. i think the last point in that screenshot would also make for a super tasty argument where niki feels wilbur has gone astray, that he's abandoned 12, and that he'll probably do nothing but sit on his ass and watch her die and he can't even bring himself to care about her anymore, can he? just more fodder for the arena. and honestly, i think wilbur would passively agree with most of that - he values niki's opinion, after all, even now, and if she says he's rapidly descending into a lost cause then she must be right. and it's niki, so she will be fine, and he goes to his bedroom that night and tries to pretend he is sleeping perfectly fine instead of feeling paralysed with fear.
okay now onto the games - YES HE SO WOULD. or at least i think he would go out of his way to help. as for cheating - he's a recent victor for 12 and i think he would value tommy (no doubt a link to him... i think they'd be in touch in this au also) too much to risk the punishment falling onto him as well. i get the vibes this is a games closer to 74th than 10th, so there are far fewer opportunities to cheat and the consequences of getting caught are higher. but schmoozing up sponsors? making stupid ass radio interviews or whatever to talk up niki's odds? sharing anecdotes from their childhood - some real, some entirely fabricated - across capitol airwaves to stoke their sympathy? 100%. with less to lose in this au, i think niki would be far less inclined to play nice for the cameras - i hope you starve, she spits at one of them, and wilbur appears on a talkshow two days later as she scrambles for survival in the arena to talk up how she always saved loaves from the bakery for the poorest mothers and children in 12. he borrows and begs and swindles to the point where it feels like cheating. but hey, this new wilbur is capitol-branded. he knows how to play the game.
if anything he probably sinks into the game a little too much. self-preservation is not his forte. probably wracks up a few heavy debts and favours to owe, but those are not priority until niki is out of the arena, alive. as long as she wins, and as long as the family he has isn't in danger, he will manage. wow it would suck if at some point those two goals became impossible to co-achieve. anyway
i kind of see niki's victory in the arena being similar to the one in the main au - if only because planning out an entire games is hard for meee >-< . she walks in bolder and braver for sure, and with a less strategic pick of allies, but they all get picked off and she spends a few weeks so terrified she can barely sleep and then she ruptures some fuel line and sets the arena alight with a fire that burns brighter and more ravenously than it should. but she wins, and she's airlifted out of a filthy, muddy creek she had resigned herself to die in, and wilbur barges his way through as many peacekeepers so that he can actually see her with her burnt skin and hair and unfocused eyes and trust that what was on the screens wasn't a fluke, and that they made it. and then it's just a matter of surviving the after.
i'm sure there are some other random quirks or tidbits i can think of re: this take on a c!rainduo hunger games au but these are my base thoughts!!
#can i just say whatever the hell lucy grey n snow had going on in part 1 made me so berko btw. like congrats ur my means to an end youre my#symbol youre my buddy? should we kiss? i'll get you out of here / don't make me leave these people behind#BRIDGING OFF OF THE TBOSAS DISCUSSION. i think the thing with crainduo (or at least how i like to depict them) is that they care about each#other extremely deeply and value each other... without being each others number one priority at all times.#i don't think niki plays priority with people she cares for like that; see her relationships with like wilbur and eret in lmanberg#even her friendship with and offering ponk a place to stay in her city after manberg even tho manberg hurt her#as for wilbur: his priority is tommy. like always. if it was just him on the line he'd do anything to get niki thru but it's not#asks#hunger games au#they would truly be such a nightmare in this au like. wilbur's self loathing is SO HIGH due to survivors guilt and trauma and mental illnes#he thinks that niki is So Good and Has It Together meanwhile he is So Bad#and is a mess that she cannot possibly rely on him. she can't possibly need him. she can't possibly want him around#<- and this shit is INGRAINED like. it's not even an active thought pattern anymore it is carved into his brain like a groove#and so shes like. do you even care whether i live or die??#of course he does. but this is the capitol. he cant be vulnerable in a way that matters#and that alienates niki further and this rage and heartbreak is building in her with nowhere to go. and in the arena she thinks it erupts#nah uh. i think its AFTER the area when she has to face wilbur again that she would go full screaming meltdown#ANYWAY !! i really like aus where they have this friction esp because i think like.. idk i think sometimes our views of rainduo are too ros#wilbur kind of forgets about niki sometimes because his self hatred is that bad. niki doesnt get wilburs mental illness and takes it both a#a burden/blame AND a direct rejection of her and her friendship#and they hover just outside of each others spaces anxious and angry and almost self flagellating. GOOD FOR THEM !#anyway Yes this did unlock something within me. thanks anon feel free to add on if u had more thoughts esp re: tbosas and such bc i had suc#a good time watching that movie
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hopefulqueer · 5 months ago
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I'm starting to think the reason I'm not as good of a writer as I want to be is because I like writing more than I like reading.
#which isnt to say i dont like to read#but i find it so difficult to get interested in new fiction#why would i bother reading stories other people wrote when i could just write mine?#i don't have this issue reading nonfiction ive been so into nonfiction#and i feel like THAT has helped me write better just by teaching me about more things so i can make worlds make more sense#but one time i told somebody i was writing a story that's kind of a zombie apocalypse but for plants and they said#'oh that's exactly like this other book' (i forget the name) 'you should read that one!'#and it made me unreasonably angry#i don't care abt someone else's story with a vaguely similar concept. i care abt mine.#and i know this makes me seem like an asshole and i probably am for this specific thing#but i read every book i could get my hands on as a child#and then as soon as i was able to write my own stories that stopped being the case#like all that reading was just training me to do what i can do now#and i think if i could just get over my disinterest in other ppl's fiction books and start practicing deconstructing what makes a good stor#i would start improving my writing more#and short stories! fuck. i hate reading other ppl's short stories unless they're written by friends#but as im starting to submit my short stories to publishing magazines n stuff#im realizing i'll have a better chance of getting published if i read the other stuff those mags have posted before#and write what they want to have submitted. but then it's not necessarily what *i* want to write. u know?#i don't know how to fix this fundamental problem of me preferring writing over reading#(and this applies to fanfic too btw. i hardly ever seek out fic to read unless a friend sends it to me. and often i like it when they do!#but not as much as i like writing or reading my own writing.)#just why would i READ when i could be WRITING and writing is so much more FUN
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