#and Eddie's covered in his blood and tommy is there and hes worried for buck duh but like hes worried for his friend eddie too

[try-set-me-on-fire]

Beating back more fic ideas with a stick

[imfinereallyy]

Shared Kisses

for @steddie-week I’m behind on it but I couldn’t resist day 3, and it’s a little late because I fell asleep while writing it, that's how sleep deprived I am haha. prompt: first kiss

“Okay, okay! It's my turn now. Sir Steven, Lady Birdie, tell me, who was your first kiss?” Eddie giggles from his spot on the carpet. He smells like stale menthols and pine; Steve can’t get enough of it. He has to resist from leaning his head into Eddie and taking a breath of him.

Steve is starting to believe he needs his head checked. Again. Wanting to smell one of his friend's necks isn't normal.

Steve is also starting to realize that maybe that is because he wants to be more than friends. God, he is such a loser sometimes.

“Oh, this is unfair! You know the rules state that we can’t ask it back now. Boooo.” Robin chants from her place on the couch, where she hangs upside down. Steve is for once glad they aren’t playing a drinking game; he is sure Robin would have vomited by now otherwise.

“I still think this a weird game to be playing.” Steve dodges the question and nudges Eddie with his knee.

“C’mon Harrington, questions is an absolute solid getting-to-know-you game.” Eddie nudged his knee back.

“Dude we’ve been friends for six months.”

“Yes but there are so many layers I have yet to peel.”

Robin grunts from her upside-down position, Steve can tell all the blood has finally rushed to her head, and she tumbles onto the ground next to them. “Gotta agree with Metal Man here, Steve-o. I’ve known you even longer, and I still don’t know everything. And we are practically connected.

Steve blows air from his lips, “So this is just a ploy to expose all my secrets.”

Steve can tell that Robin, who might as well share a soul with him at this point, can sense how uncomfortable he is beginning to feel. Her teasing softens for a moment. “What if I went first, yeah?”

Steve pauses, “Yeah okay.”

“You got to promise not to make fun of me.”

“Of course, Robs.”

“I make no such promises.” Eddie interrupts but ultimately cuts the tension in the room. Steve kind of feels like it is on purpose, by the way his eyes skim Steve carefully, and the way Robin lets out a loud snort.

“Wasn’t talking to you doofus. I don’t actually respect your opinion of me.”

“Hey!” Eddie protests, but they all know he isn’t really offended.

Robin chuckles lightly, but continues. “It was in middle school, at one of my first girl-boy parties; gross, right? I hate that we called it those. Anyway. They decide to play spin the bottle, and I feel pressure because my only friend at the time is Barb, and she didn’t come and Colleen Walsh is doing it, and she—well, she’s the prettiest, most popular girl in school at the time and I’d be an idiot not to follow along. So we’re playing Spin the Bottle, right? And rounds go by, and it doesn’t land on me, and I’m grateful but Colleen notices. She goads me on to do it, take a spin since it isn’t fair I haven’t kissed anyone. So, wanting to get over being the center of attention, I reach over and spin it, and it lands on—“

“Wait.” Steve stops Robin, realizing she is about to out herself to Eddie on Steve’s behalf. He doesn’t want her to do that but on anything but her own terms. “Are you sure about this, Robs?”

Robin throws her head back and laughs, “Yea, I’m sure dingus. No need to worry. Anyway, you’ll never believe who it lands on.”

Eddie wiggles his eyebrows, “C’mon buck don’t leave us hanging.”

“Tommy Hagan.”

Eddie and Steve both start choking on air while Steve screams, “What!?!”

Eddie collapses on the ground with a dramatic groan, covering his face with his hands and mumbling, “why cruel world?” Robin giggles at his antics.

“You’re telling me it wasn’t….?” Steve trails off, hoping Robin gets the hint.

“That it wasn’t a girl? No dingus, just because I’m a lesbian doesn’t mean all my experiences are with women. Besides, I was 12; I didn’t realize staring at Colleen’s boobs wasn’t jealousy.”

“Oh, thank god, you know; I thought I was going to have to break the news to you that your gayer than the men’s locker room after a winning game,” Eddie mumbles behind his hands still on the ground.

“Only you would make a sports reference in relation to gayness, Eds. Also, wait, you knew she was lesbian? How did you know? Why are you freaking out then?” Steve rapid fires questions.

Still covered with his hands, “Like seeks like, Harrington. It’s like a sixth sense.”

Steve’s mouth goes dry, “You’re gay?” He says hopefully.

Eddie finally removes his hands from his face but doesn’t sit up. “Yea, Stevie, thought you knew, honestly. Not like it’s a secret, all of Hawkins talks about it.”

“I try not to listen to the rumor mill.”

A soft smile graces Eddie’s face, “One of the many things I love about you sweetheart.”

Steve tries not to blush, but ultimately fails. “Still doesn’t explain why you’re freaking out about Tommy. Sure, he sucks, but like I reacted that way cause I was friends with him at some point. What’s you’re excuse?”

Finally Eddie sits up with a groan. “Okay, promise not to laugh or freak out?”

Robin and Steve both nod and mumble a little “yea of course”.

Eddie rubs a hand down his face, “Okay, I freaked out because even though it’s not my turn to answer and I don’t have to, well—it’s because. Okay, I’m stalling; it’s because Tommy Hagan was also my first kiss. When I was 15, under the bleachers.”

Robin and Steve are both silent, Eddie looks at them expectantly. “Are you guys going to say anything?”

Robin speaks up first, “I think this is the closest we can get to not freaking out.”

“I think I would prefer that over the freaky twin silence.”

Steve still stays quiet while Robin proceeds to react, “Oh my god Munson! This is the funniest and freakiest thing ever. And not in a freak way you like! This is magnificent, oh my god….” Robin continues to cackle and make fun of Eddie, but Steve tunes it out. He can feel all the blood rush to his ears, blocking out all the sound from the room. Tommy. Tommy. He has kissed both of his best friends, one of which he wants to kiss himself. That just seems unfair to Steve. It hurts Steve, and he doesn’t know why. Actually, he knows precisely why.

“My first kiss was when I was 13,” Steve says abruptly, not making eye contact. The both of them stop their bickering and turn to Steve. They stay silent, as if they know Steve needs it to get through it. He is thankful for them both.

“I was 13, and my parents weren’t home. It had become the usual at this point, but I was sad because it was my birthday, and this was the first birthday they didn’t even send a card. And Tommy decided to come over to cheer me up; this was back, I guess, when he still cared too. And we didn’t do much; I didn’t like to make a big fuss about my birthday even then, but it was a nice night out just before the break of summer. So we decided to stargaze on the roof. And I don’t know how it happened, but one second we’re trying to find the Little Dipper, and the next, Tommy is kissing me. It was nice, honestly. To have someone you care about show you affection. And when he pulled away, I smiled at him, but he just stared. And then—“ Steve swallows thickly before looking up at Eddie and Robin, who both look at him with rapt attention.

“Then his face turns angry, and he punches me. He punches me so hard that I almost fall off the roof. He tells me not to be a queer, and if I told anyone, who would tell everyone what I was. And it seemed unfair, right? Because he kissed me, I only smiled. I haven’t kissed a boy since.”

Suddenly there is an arm around his shoulder, “Stevie….” Eddie tucks Steve’s head into the crook of his neck, and Steve begins to sob.

Robin quietly gets up, “I’m going to make us some tea.” Steve knows she can sense that he needs a moment with Eddie. Steve loves her more than life.

“I’m sorry this is stupid. I don’t even know why I’m crying.”

Eddie rubs soft circles on his back, “It’s not stupid, honey. He hurt you in more ways than one, and traumatized you from exploring yourself. You have every right to be upset. Thank you for telling us. You didn’t—you didn’t have to. You could have lied, or told us your first kiss with a girl.—“

“Colleen Walsh.” Steve interrupts into Eddie’s neck.

Eddie barks out a laugh, “Of course it was. Anyway, Steve, thank you for sharing. I’m glad you feel safe with us.”

Steve’s tears are no longer. “I always feel safe with you, Eds.” And the Steve finally does the thing he’s been wanting to do all night. He takes a big sniff of Eddie. Steve doesn’t care if it’s weird because he settles a sort of calm in him.

Eddie grips his waist tight, and puts a finger under Steve’s chin, pulling his face close to his own. “Yea, I do? Does that mean you also trust me?”

Steve can feel Eddie’s breath on his lips. He knows it’s probably not good how quickly his mood has changed, but he can’t find it in himself to care. The air between them is electric, and intense. Steve can feel it make his whole body come alive. “Of course I do.”

Eddie leans even closer, “Good. Because I think it’s a damn shame a pretty boy like you hasn’t kissed another boy since.” Then Eddie presses their lips together.

Steve isn’t sure if someone were to ask what his first kiss with Eddie was like if he would be able to answer. It’s indescribable; it’s perfect. But if he is to try, it would be this, soft, slow, deep, and oh so very good. Steve can feel the heat from Eddie’s lips pulsing into his own. Eddie’s hands' grip Steve’s face, angling him deeper as he slides his tongue into his mouth. Steve pulls him closer by his t-shirt. Going crazy off the taste of salt and chocolate that now swipes his tongue.

They both pull back a little breathlessly, hands still gripping each other. They lean their foreheads together, and Steve smiles. He smiles so big his face hurts. And Eddie does the most thing in return,

He smiles back.

The moment is broken, though, when Robin enters the room again with a bowl of popcorn and a loud “Oh thank god, I was sick of the pining. From both of you.”

Eddie sputters while Steve just laughs at her. “I thought you were making tea Birdie?”

Robin sits down next to them again, “Too much work and I was snacky.”

Steve throws popcorn at her head but isn’t upset at all. He leans his head on Eddie’s shoulder, and Eddie kisses the top of Steve’s head.

Robin smiles fondly at them. Then her face scrunches up in pain, “Wait, all of our first kisses was Tommy Hagan?”

“Yep.”

“Unfortunately so.”

“God I do not want to give that twerp any more credit in life than I have to. Why are we all like this?”

Steve giggles while Eddie shrugs.

Robin can’t keep a straight face anymore and falls into laughter. “Wait, does this mean we are all bounded by this? I completely unrelated, non-upside down experience?”

Eddie speaks up before Steve, “I believe so, Lady Buckley. A trauma outside of other worlds binds us. We have been bound since before the slain of Vecna.”

Robin shrieks, “Awee, guys! We were always meant to meet then.”

Then Robin tackles the both of them to the ground in a bear hug. Steve’s not even mad that she’s in the middle of Eddie and him.

Because this, right here, is all the love he’ll ever need.

***

I'm behind on steddie week, but I want to throw my hat in the ring. Have a written a first kiss thing before? Yes I have. But I can’t resist. Thank for the read, love this community so much.

[atimeofyourlife]

It comes crashing down

day 6 | rated: t | wc: 720 | prompts: NOT REALISING THEY'RE INJURED | Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms | Healed Wrong | "It's not my blood." | cw: car accidents | ao3 Buck and Tommy get in a car accident, the 118 are the unit responding. Buck was too focused on Tommy's injuries to notice his own.

The accident was unavoidable. A drunk driver speeding through an intersection after running a red light. Hitting the passenger side door of the Jeep.

Buck blinked after a moment, the car had barely stopped moving. He quickly took stock of his body, other than slight pain in his neck, nothing felt wrong. He slowly turned his head to the side. And Tommy.

Tommy looked dead. Blood covering him, unconscious, crumpled in on himself, only being held up by his seat belt. There was so little movement of his chest that Buck could have sworn that Tommy wasn't breathing.

"Siri. Call 911." He shouted as he reached out a shaking hand to check Tommy's pulse. He breathed a sigh of relief when he felt the thump-thump-thump under his fingers.

Time passed in a blur, Buck unable to remember anything he told dispatch, only able to focus on keeping Tommy alive. He unclicked his seatbelt, and slipped his jacket off to keep the pressure on the worst of his wounds. Keeping a check on his pulse and breathing, making sure neither stopped. He didn't even register the approaching lights and sirens, too focused on Tommy

-

"Okay, so we have a two car collision. A truck hit a Jeep in the intersection. Caller was the driver of the Jeep, he says he's uninjured but his passenger is in a bad way, needing urgent medical attention. He didn't know the status of the other driver as he was focused on-" Bobby listed off as he got out the engine, only to be cut off by Hen.

"Cap. That's Buck's Jeep." Her tone was pained.

"That means the passenger is Tommy." Chimney added.

"Right. Davis, Rosen, crowd and traffic control. Eddie, Gomez, take the driver of the truck. Chimney, Hen, you're with me on the Jeep." Bobby ordered.

"But-" Eddie cut in, as if he wanted to argue.

"Now, Eddie. I can't have anyone being distracted." Bobby was firm with his order, leaving no room for disagreements.

They went about their assignments, Chimney sliding into the backseat of the Jeep, his hands replacing Buck's too keep the pressure on Tommy's bleeding. "It's okay, Buckaroo. I've got him."

Bobby pulled open the driver's door. "Buck. Lets get you out, kid, so Hen and Chim can help Tommy." He held his hand out to help Buck out.

"We'll take good care of him, Buck. Don't you worry." Hen said, before she climbed into the Jeep to help Tommy.

"Come on, kid. Let me check you over." Bobby said, guiding Buck a little way away from the cars.

"Bobby, I'm fine. It. It's Tommy you need to worry about." Buck replied, seeming to only be holding on by a thread.

"Buck, you're covered in blood." Bobby said softly, prompting Buck to look down at himself for the first time.

"Oh." Tears welled in his eyes. "It's not my blood."

"Tell that to the cut on your forehead." Bobby lightly probed the area

Buck reached up to swipe his wrist across it. "Um. Ow. I didn't even notice it."

"You were too focused on him, which is understandable. He was the one in more danger. Hen and Chimney are with him now, so I can worry about you. You know the drill, head injury assessment, tell me what hurts, and let me see if there's any other cuts for me to dress." Bobby got Buck to sit on the back step of the ambulance. "The one on your forehead doesn't look too bad, but I think you will need stitches."

"I'm worried about him. I-I know Hen and Chimney are the best. But he was so bad." Buck said, his tears spilling over. "I thought he was dead. He was so still. It didn't look like he was breathing."

"Come here, kid." Bobby pulled Buck into a hug once he'd finished checking him over and dressing the wounds. Allowing Buck to sob into his turnout jacket. "He's a fighter. Just like you. They're nearly ready to get him out, and you can ride with him to the hospital. And we're all here for you, for both of you."

"Thanks, Cap." Buck wiped his eyes, and turned to watch as Tommy was extracted from the Jeep. It was going to be hard, but at least they had their family behind them.

Now with a follow up There may be a follow up to this one later in the month

[half-bakedboy]

we both know better (maybe we don't)

Bucktommy| 6k | Teen | written for @911fanworksfestival for @stephmcx

Buck accepted long ago that what he was feeling for Tommy–and has felt ever since–was a disastrously giant crush. Even though Tommy wasn’t looking for someone, well, like Buck, that didn’t stop Buck from deciding Tommy was one of his now. Buck made him promise that no matter what, they’ll know the other did everything they had to to survive. It always had been good enough to keep him hopeful. Eddie once told him that Chris knows by heart, “I’ll always fight to come home to my family.” Buck had always thought that was a given, something that could be left unspoken because it was unquestionably true. He understands now exactly why it bears repeating. -- Buck's figuratively on the other side of the hospital bed after Tommy gets seriously injured during a call. But of course there's nothing that could stop Buck from putting his own life on the line if it means helping the seemingly unrequited love of his life.

read the rest on ao3 or under the cut

All Buck hears over the radio is, “Mayday, firefighter missing. Assemble rescue teams immediately. We’ve got a firefighter lost in the blaze. All teams have been forced to fall back and on defensive attack.”

He flashes back to Eddie lying in a pool of blood, Bobby covered in rubble, himself crushed under the bomb-charred ladder truck and hanging over it with his heart stopped in his chest.

“Bobby? Ask them who it is,” Buck demands.

Bobby changes Buck’s channel. Even when Buck takes off his headphones and leans forward to inquire further, Bobby determinedly holds a finger to Buck’s face and doesn’t say a damn word. Buck feels like he’s burning out of his skin.

Even Hen’s reassuring hand on his shoulder and Eddie’s knees bumping into his from the seat across from him do nothing but cause more worry. They know what it’s like to fear that someone you love is in danger. Eddie’s wife died in front of him, and Hen’s wife collapsed after an explosion, but none of them understand. How could they?

Unless they somehow hear how Buck’s heart jolts with every single call for the 217. He jumps when he hears their name over the radio, his eyes scan the call logs Bobby leaves out and widen when he catches the number, he even goes as far as texting his sister if he doesn’t hear the outcome.

And every single time, he holds his breath and waits. Waits for the single moment of relief when Tommy returns his text or the station calls an all-clear or Buck’s shift ends and he can check on unfolding situations. Not as an off-duty firefighter but as a–a friend. As someone who is terrified of getting a knock at their door in the middle of the night from his captain, informing him of injury or death.

Ever since their friendship began, they’ve been closer than Buck’s ever been with someone he wasn’t in a relationship with. He accepted long ago that what he was feeling–and has felt ever since–was a disastrously giant crush. Even though Tommy wasn’t looking for someone, well, like Buck, that didn’t stop Buck from deciding Tommy was one of his now.

Buck made him promise that no matter what, they’ll know the other did everything they had to to survive. It always had been good enough to keep him hopeful. Eddie once told him that Chris knows by heart, “I’ll always fight to come home to my family.” Buck had always thought that was a given, something that could be left unspoken because it was unquestionably true.

He understands now exactly why it bears repeating.

“C’mon, Tommy…” He stares down at his phone. Even though he knows his multiple texts will go unanswered, he hopes it’ll ping with Tommy’s reply.

When Buck sees the fire raging through the three-story tourist trap, he forces out a breath just so he can refill his lungs and hold it again.

“Don’t be stupid about this,” Bobby commands, “any of you.”

Buck’s out of the firetruck before Bobby can even finish his sentence.

He finds incident command–Tommy’s captain–immediately and there’s a fear in his eyes that Buck refuses to process.

“He ran in before Dad over there could even get the words ‘missing kid’ out of his mouth. We’d already called for everyone to fall back and go on the defensive, but–”

Buck’s going in after him before any other explanation can happen. He hears Bobby shouting after him, Eddie begging for his partner to listen to him, Hen and Chimney screaming for him to stay back.

The words are drowned out quickly by the roar of the flames.

“Tommy!” Buck shouts.

He can barely hear himself, his voice too muffled by his mask. He rips it off and screams for Tommy until his voice is raw with fear. He’s lost in the maze of the front of the building, pushing past burned furniture and melted plastic coverings of maps and slogans reminding tourists not to do anything stupid. He wonders, briefly, what stupid tourist lit a cigarette or brought a flame into a flammable building inside an even more flammable forest.

He’s knocked from his thoughts when he sees a clearing up ahead. He pushes through a windowed door leading into an atrium and covers his face with his arm when smoke licks at his face, pouring down his throat. He can’t bring himself to care. Not when it’s the last place he might be able to find Tommy.

“Firefighter, call out!” Buck cries, and quieter, “C’mon, Tommy, please.”

“Evan!”

He looks up and sees Tommy with a little girl in her arms. She’s wearing his mask that reminds Buck to put his back on as he starts his slowed sprint toward the other side of the atrium. Relief is pounding through his head, even as his heart constricts in his chest and his lungs cry for more air.

Tommy’s smile drops. His eyes widen in a sort of panic that stings Buck through and through. He hears the telltale crack of wood that’s held on long enough through the heat. Buck can’t blame it when it breaks under the pressure of a man and the girl he might’ve saved.

“Buck!” Tommy shouts, and it’s enough to break Buck from his stupor. Tommy calls him Evan. He’s only ever been Evan to Tommy.

But there’s only time for one syllable, and Tommy’s using it to save the little girl.

He’s throwing her over the side of the railing before Buck realizes what he had intended to do. The sudden momentum of the toss is the final splinter that causes the wooden ramps to collapse.

Buck runs to catch the girl, falling backward at the force of her impact. She screamed the entire way down and she’s sobbing into his neck now.

Tommy screamed the entire way down but it’s silent now.

He’s not sure which one is worse.

“Buck!” Another bout of relief claws at his stomach when he hears Eddie’s voice behind him. “You okay?”

“Tommy’s down. Eddie, take her. I have to–”

“You take her, I got him.” Before Buck can argue, Eddie says, “You’re running on fumes, Buck. I’m his best chance. Get out of here before this entire building comes down on an innocent girl!”

It’s a low blow, but low enough that Buck nods and stands, the girl cradled in his arms.

“Both of you better come out of here,” Buck threatens.

“Of course we will. You’re our family,” Eddie reminds him.

Then he’s off, tearing in the direction of the collapsed stairs. Buck’s heart breaks as he runs the other way.

Somehow, the next few minutes feel like an eternity and five seconds all at the same time.

He tumbles out of the building to eyes of both relief and horror and hands the girl–Yelena, he learns quickly–to her father. Hen runs forward to escort them back to triage, eyes darting between Buck and the family. She wants to help him, he knows, but she’s got more important matters.

Chimney runs to him next, holding him up with an arm around his waist that he’s pretty sure is the only thing that keeps standing.

“You’re an idiot, Buckley,” he mutters. Buck nods–not because he agrees, but because he doesn’t have it in him to argue, not when two of the people he loves the most are still in danger. “What’s the status in there?”

“Tommy fell through two flights of stairs. Eddie was–is–gonna get him out of there. He promised.”

He didn’t, but Buck needs to believe that, at least for a few moments longer. Because two of the most important people in his life were in a burning building that was about to topple down and bury them under hot ash and charred wood.

Suddenly he can’t breathe. His lungs are burning, his chest heaving, his eyes graying around the edges until Chimney’s presence beside him is the only thing keeping him upright.

“C’mon, we gotta get you back to the–”

Many things happen at once. Buck hears shouting through the throbbing in his ears. Though his peripheral vision is shot, he’s still able to witness a few firefighters sprinting forward until they’re a blur in front of the openly flaming house. Chimney says a soft prayer and his hand is tightening on Buck’s waist when the shouting begins.

“Help!” “Gurney!” “Oxygen!” “Impalement!” “Blood!” “Compress!” “Pressure!” “Bus!” “Buck!”

It’s his name from Eddie’s lips that finally breaks Buck’s body out of its involuntary reactions.

“Where is he?! Eddie, are you okay?! Is he okay?!” He’s checking Eddie for injury while looking around for Tommy and his eyes start to blur again when Eddie’s hand cements on his shoulder.

“You gotta go with Hen if you want to be with him, okay?” Eddie leans his head down to level their sights, ensuring Buck is listening. Buck’s trying really hard to, but everything in him burns and he feels the telltale fire in his throat from holding back tears.

“You’re okay?” Buck asks once more.

Eddie nods and confirms, “I’m alright, Buck. Go.”

Buck’s hurtling himself back to the ambulance before anyone—read: Chimney–could stop him.

No one else bothers to try.

------

Tommy isn’t a small or still man. He’s bigger in height, width, and weight than Buck and somehow matches his energy at almost every turn–the almost is very important to Buck any other time. But unconscious on a gurney in the back of an ambulance with blood staining the clothes that haven’t been cut or burned off makes him look small. Still. Weak. Dea–

No, Buck won’t allow himself to say it.

“Hen, you gotta tell me where you’re at,” Buck pleads.

He knows better than to interrupt Hen when she’s working, but there’s so much blood and ash and iodine that it’s hard for him to discern what is threatening his life and what is saving it.

“Friend or doctor?” Hen asks, glancing up at Buck like she’s searching for his honest answer.

“Doctor,” Buck decides. He doesn’t want her to think like a friend right now. Not with Tommy’s life at stake.

“Patient has what appears to be a metal rod impaled through his right side abdomen. Unknown internal injuries but possible damage to the-the liver, gallbladder, kidney.”

Buck swallows around ash as he continues his attempt to hold back his fear-filled tears.

“What about the burns?” Buck reaches for Tommy’s hand but hesitates as his fingers connect with gauze. “Can I–?”

“They’re relatively superficial,” Hen says, like that’s somehow good news in all of this. “The burns on his side are the worst. The rod… the metal was hot enough to cauterize the exit wound after a few–”

“Oh my god,” Buck interrupts, his stomach churning. He’s glancing around for something to get sick in but Hen yells his name and it shocks him out of it.

“What you can do is help me get him on his left side and hold him there while I stabilize this rod a little better, okay?”

She sounds like Doctor Wilson and one of his best friends in that request, and he’s grateful for both of their presence.

Buck nods and holds Tommy’s body in place. He’s breathing slowly, like maybe if he does, Tommy will follow, and their heartbeats will match. Tommy’s heartbeat escalates rapidly, but Buck knows enough not to let the sound bother him too much.

That isn’t a worry because there are enough other things to worry about.

Buck’s trying his hardest to stay away from the burns. He shuffles through pages of textbooks in his head about how the most common complication of burns is infection. Buck’s covered in soot and sweat and so much bacteria he probably couldn’t even name so if all he can do right now is hold Tommy steady and not cause infection, that’s what he’s going to do.

That’s all he can do.

He’s never felt so useless in his life.

He says nothing, does only what Hen instructs him to do, and tries his hardest not to blame himself.

When they reach the hospital, he watches the doctors rush away, shouting Tommy’s age, his blood pressure, how many milligrams of medicine Buck only slightly recognizes. It’s all numbers and injuries and…

“Buck, we gotta get you checked out, too,” Hen says. He’s sure she’s speaking at a normal volume, but through the returned thrumming in his ears, he has a hard time understanding her.

He only snaps back into it when her hands–the hands that had kept Tommy alive long enough to get him to the hospital–reach for his.

Then he collapses into her, letting his tears spill into her neck.

------

Buck’s not sure how many minutes pass by this time. He’s sitting in the emergency department waiting room with Hen to his left, Eddie to his right, Chimney pacing back and forth in front of the three of them, and Bobby talking to Tommy’s captain a few feet away.

He doesn’t have it in him to eavesdrop. No doctors have come out, Buck knows that much, so there’s no new information that any of them have that Buck needs to know. He assumes Tommy’s not in pain anymore–at least right at this moment–so he allows himself to feel just for a brief moment.

It’s a moment too long.

Buck breathes in deeply for the first time since he ran into the burning tourist trap and breaks out into a fit of coughs. Two different hands clamp on his shoulder and rub his back as he retches, his arm on his chest the only thing keeping him from toppling face-first into the floor.

“Hen, did he get checked out?” Eddie asks. There’s an accusation in his tone and when Hen goes to answer him–no doubt to blame herself–Buck waves both of them off.

“I can talk for myself, you know.” Buck’s voice croaks and Eddie raises a judgemental eyebrow at him.

“Can you take care of yourself, too?” Eddie asks–though Buck recognizes a sarcastic Eddie question when he hears it.

“This is the first time I’ve coughed since we got here. I’m fine, Eddie.”

“Fine isn’t good enough! Not when–” Eddie cuts himself off, eyeing Bobby suspiciously before leaning in to lower his voice. “Not when I saw your mask off, Buck. What the Hell were you thinking?!”

“I was thinking that Tommy needed to know I was there and the little girl deserved the oxygen more than me.”

“It was reckless, Buck.” Before he can interrupt with an excuse, Eddie holds up his hand. “It was reckless… but I would’ve done the same thing.”

“So would Tommy,” Buck adds. Eddie smiles softly at him, the worry lines on his forehead and between his eyes deepening. “I’m gonna go get some water. I’ll have a nurse check me out while I’m out there, okay?”

The group nods and says a few words of appreciation. Their voices are full of sympathy and anxiety, but they’re trying to hide it for Buck’s sake. He’s not sure when the rest of the team caught onto his feelings for Tommy, but there’s so much unspoken in their gazes. Hen and Chim have known Tommy longer, Eddie arguably has much more in common with him, but they know that what Buck has with Tommy is different–more.

Either way, he’s grateful that he has them and that they haven’t quite given up yet. They wouldn’t give up on Tommy, not until Buck let them. Not until Buck does. And he has no reason to. Tommy is okay. He’s in the operating room with some of the finest surgeons L.A. has to offer and when he’s out, there’ll be a burn specialist that will make sure he recovers from those, too. He’s going to make it through surgery and–

Buck erupts into another coughing fit. He grabs a paper cup and hurriedly fills it up to the top before downing the entire thing like a shot. He’s filling it up a second time when someone taps him on the shoulder.

“Evan?” He turns and immediately recognizes the small nurse behind him.

“Bailey, hey!”

“Your team was right,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest. Buck frowns because she looks at him like she’s disappointed in a way only a mother can. “Go back to bed five and take off your shirt.”

“You know, you should’ve said yes when I asked you out a few years ago cause you missed your chance at all of this–” Her glare stops him in his tracks. “Yes, ma’am. On my way.”

She follows him closely as he wanders like she’s worried he’s going to sprint away like a golden retriever after a tennis ball. She’s not incorrect in her assessment based on his past actions, but what she doesn’t know is that the man he loves is hurt under this roof so he’s not going anywhere.

So he does what he’s told. He sits down on the bed and removes his shirt just enough so that it covers his forearms. She only needs to check his breathing and his throat, so she won’t need access to much else. He’s fine otherwise and he says so almost immediately.

“I’m just coughing, Bailey. I inhaled a little too much smoke and then didn’t have any water for an entire ambulance ride. Everyone is overreacting.”

“It’s almost like it’s my job to make sure of that,” she says with almost double the amount of sarcasm he heard from Eddie. “Now breathe in for three and out for four.”

Buck does as she says and tries his hardest to keep his breaths even and his coughs at bay. She repeats the tests at least twice in some spots, more in others, but overall, he assumes he passes when she moves on. She checks his lymph nodes, his pupils, his ears, and his nose which sends him into a small sneezing fit that forces her to move back. He watches her eyes peer over every inch of him to ensure there are no other injuries.

“All good, doc?” Buck asks, sending her a bright smile that he’s sure she can see right through.

“Drink another cup, then I’m gonna peek at your throat, okay?”

“Then I’m free?”

Bailey pats his arm and rolls her eyes. “Then you can go back to your team which I know you’re going to do even if I prescribe lots of rest in your own bed. Am I right?”

“Firefighters make the worst patients,” Buck says charmingly.

“Only because they know nothing about medicine and pretend they do,” Bailey retorts. “Alright, open up–”

Just as she leans forward, there’s an announcement over the intercom.

“Dr. Sanchez to OR 3, Dr. Richards to OR 3. Dr. Sanchez and Dr. Richards to OR 3 for rapid response.”

Buck recognizes the number and he knows what it means.

Something is wrong, so wrong that two additional doctors are racing to the operating room that Tommy is in. So wrong that they couldn’t page or call. So wrong that Buck needs to be there. He should be there.

He pushes Bailey away and jumps down off of the bed, tossing his shirt back on over his head as quickly as possible.

“Evan, we’re not done–!”

“It’s Tommy, I– I have to go.” He’s running before she can stall him more. He shouts off another, “I’m fine,” and hopes it’s enough to quell her worries while his only rise.

------

Two hours.

It’s been two hours since their last update.

Their last update which had been that Tommy’s heart had stopped and he needed blood and they were trying to salvage his kidney. Their last update which felt like non-information only given because Buck had threatened to go into the OR himself.

Buck has gone through at least four water-logged paper cups but still doesn’t have it in him to eat no matter how much Hen and Maddie nag him about it. His throat hurts and his stomach churns but nothing feels as strong as his fear.

He just needs to be by Tommy’s side. He needs the chance to tell Tommy how he feels, to put himself out there even if nothing comes of it. He needs Tommy to know that Buck’s world wouldn’t be the same without him. It doesn’t feel like too much to ask.

So lost in his own head, Buck doesn’t see the doctor arrive until he clears his throat. Buck jumps up with a gasp, choking on his own spit as he does so which tosses him into another fit of coughs. The doctor eyes Buck sympathetically and waits for him to relax before giving his update.

“He’s out of surgery. We had to remove his gallbladder, reconstruct his kidney, and resect the damaged part of his liver. He won’t need any new organs, so all in all, he’s lucky. His burns are superficial from what we can tell but we’ve started him on antibiotics to prevent any infection. He’ll be out for another hour or so but I’ve been told that one of you will want to stay with him?”

“Me,” Buck says immediately. To his surprise, no one looks like they’re going to argue–not even Tommy’s coworkers and Captain who had joined the team once the fire had been extinguished.

“Evan, then?” Buck nods. “You have some passionate people in your corner, Mr. Buckley. Leah will show you to Mr. Kinard’s room when you’re ready.” The doctor gestures to a younger woman in surgical-looking scrubs who smiles at Buck.

There’s a gentle hand on his shoulder and Buck turns back to see his sister staring worriedly at him.

“Are you going to be okay alone?” Maddie asks. She knows what it’s like to be by the bedside of someone she loves and Buck wishes he could take that experience away from her. “We can stay in the waiting room…” she offers.

Buck shakes his head. “No, I’ll– It’s going to be a while until he can actually wake up enough for others to visit. I’ll let you all know, okay?”

He glances around at his team who hasn’t bothered to leave his side over the last few hours. Hen, Chimney, and Bobby are still in their gear, and Maddie has her dispatch shirt on. He’s grateful to have them looking out for him–looking out for Tommy now, too.

They all say their goodbyes and Buck follows Leah to Tommy’s room. It’s never easy to see someone hooked up to machines but it’s even harder now that it’s the love of his life. There’s only so much of him Buck can see with the amount of bandages covering his right side and the hospital gown and warming blanket covering the rest. He’s just glad Tommy’s not intubated anymore. He’s not sure he’s ready to see Tommy like that.

He gulps down tears that burst to the corners of his eyes and clears his throat when it starts to sting. He doesn’t see any water in the room when he finally pulls his eyes away from Tommy. He makes a mental note to ask the nurse for some for when Tommy wakes up. If his throat hurts half as bad as Buck’s does, he’ll need it.

“Evan?” The voice is croaky and husky but it’s inarguably Tommy’s.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Buck coos, rushing over to the side of Tommy’s bed where his burns won’t be in the way. “I’m here, Tommy. You’re okay. The little girl is okay. Everyone is okay.”

Tommy barely breathes out an, “I love you,” before he’s unconscious once more.

“Tommy, what…?” Buck balks, throwing himself into a fit of coughs that he muffles into his arm. “Tommy,” he repeats. He knows Tommy’s out again and that it might be a while until he wakes up, but he has to be sure he heard correctly.

Buck doesn’t have the strength or the heart to be mad at Tommy for saying it–even if he doesn’t realize how close the phrase has been to bursting from Buck’s lips. He’ll just have to say it back when he wakes up–and hope that Tommy feels the same.

------

Tommy sees the world in flashes from the moment the stairs collapse under him to when he wakes up after surgery. Each time with reassuring touches and voices that lessen any fear he probably should have felt. He remembers Eddie telling him to hang on and Hen apologizing for the pain. He hears Evan’s voice like an echo telling him that he is going to be okay and that everyone else is okay. It’s what he needs to finally relax into sleep.

He loves Evan, and this only solidified it for him.

When he wakes up a little more fully, Evan is asleep by his bedside. He’s breathing shallowly which Tommy assumes is from the awkward position he’s fallen into on the uncomfortable chair, and his hands twitch every few seconds like they're grasping for Tommy’s. He laces their fingers together and squeezes softly in hopes that Evan will wake up, but he must be as exhausted as Tommy feels because he barely moves an inch.

Tommy takes that as permission to fall back into sleep once more–this time with a smile on his face.

The next thing he remembers is searing pain. He thinks it’s his burns or the wound on his stomach or the pounding in his head, but no… When he finally catapults to alertness, the bed around him shaking like California has decided to really test its durability and Tommy’s. Fingernails are digging into his arm and when Tommy’s tired eyes are finally able to track it, he thinks his heart stops beating.

They’re Evan’s fingernails digging into his arm. Evan’s other hand is wrapped around his own throat. It looks like he’s trying to make noise but nothing comes out of his open mouth. His usually bright pink lips are an ashen shade of blue that plummets Tommy’s heart into his stomach.

“Evan? Evan?!” Tommy instinctively leans forward but his body rejects the movement. Searing pain shoots through him like a lightning strike and he screams. “Help! Somebody help!”

“What is–” The nurse doesn’t finish her question, just shouts for what she needs as she runs over to Evan’s side. He’s still conscious but fading, that much is obvious to Tommy. “What happened?”

“I–I don’t know. He was in the fire with me, but he’s been in the hospital for hours. He’s– He had to have been checked out, right?”

“I don���t know. We’ve gotta lay him flat so I need you to let go.”

It’s the hardest thing Tommy has ever had to do, but he does it.

All he can do is watch as the nurse puts Evan on his back and peers down his throat. She shakes her head which Tommy knows can’t be a good sign and shouts for a doctor to help. Someone runs in and trades places with her and the same shake of her head is even more disheartening.

Evan’s unconscious but somehow they still have a pulse. The doctor calls for intubation equipment but it takes only a few seconds for her to decide there’s no room in his swollen throat.

“What do you mean!? Why can’t you help him?!” Tommy commands.

“Does he have any allergies? Any–”

“Uh, naproxen? I think that’s his only allergy. He’s been with me since the ambulance, he should be fine.”

The doctor’s eyes shoot up to him and she asks, “Was he with you? In the fire?”

“Yes, but–”

“Check his chart and check with the pit. Did anyone take a look at him?” She feels down Evan’s throat as she talks, her fingers pressing against the top of his sternum. Tommy knows exactly what that spot means. “I need a surgical tray stat!”

“What’s happening?!” Tommy demands.

“Something damaged his larynx causing his throat to close. We can’t get a tube down so I need you to look away.” It isn’t a request, but Tommy feels anything but cooperative.

“What are you doing?!”

“Mr. Kinard, I have to trach him,” she says. She sprays iodine on his neck while another nurse gets gloves ready for her. “I need to cut his throat open and–”

“I know what a trach is! Just– Just do it! He needs me to be here for him, and I– I can’t lose him!” Tommy begs.

“Alright, everyone, hands off!”

It’s eerily quiet as she works to expertly cut a small slice into Evan’s neck, just over another small scar Tommy’s seen time and time again. He has dreamed of pressing gentle kisses to Evan’s throat right there. He has watched Evan’s heart race just a few centimeters away when he thinks Tommy can’t notice.

The tube slides down his trachea, blood coating the tips of the doctor’s fingers and falling down the side of Evan’s neck. The doctor shouts for a nurse to bag him, and Tommy doesn’t breathe until Evan’s chest rises and falls once more.

“Get him on the bed,” the doctor instructs. Tommy goes to move over, like in some world Evan would be able to share his hospital bed, but he notices another has been rolled in. “Alright, take him to room–”

“Can he stay here?” Tommy asks. He’s never heard his own voice so small, but it matches how he feels. “He’d want to be here,” he adds.

The doctor smiles softly and nods. “We need to go run a few tests to make sure nothing more serious is happening, but I’ll have my team get him set up here.” She heads to the door to rid herself of her gloves but pauses before leaving. “He’s been in here before, you know. Mostly as a patient, but a few times for others. He’s as loyal as they come. He yours?”

“Yeah,” Tommy says instinctively. He somehow blushes through his pain and fear, finally relaxing back into his bed again. “Yeah, he’s mine.”

“I hope I don’t see either of you again.” Her tone is a mixture of teasing with a heavy dose of sternness like a threat. It makes Tommy laugh which causes a fiery pain throughout his body that reminds him why he was in a hospital bed first. “I’ll send someone in to make sure you didn’t pop a stitch or two in a second.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Tommy says sincerely. “I owe you.”

“Next time my house is on fire, I’ll request you.”

------

Somehow, Tommy falls back asleep before Evan returns so when he wakes up later, there’s another bed and another set of machines just beside his. His eyes dart to Evan’s chest and he watches it rise and fall for a few minutes before he finally glances up to Evan’s face. When he does, Evan is smiling at him sheepishly.

“Can you talk?” Tommy asks.

“Hurts…” Evan says hoarsely.

“Good,” Tommy decides.

He’ll apologize for the callousness later.

“I love you. I love you more than I ever thought was possible.” Evan’s eyes widen impossibly large. “I had… given up, I guess, on finding someone that I could love with all of me that might love me back until I found you.” Tommy takes a deep breath, ignoring the fondness that glistens in Evan’s eyes. “I tried to shake you, Evan, I swear I tried. I convinced myself that I was too old and too dry and too boring for someone as special as you. But you found me when I needed you, and you keep doing that. So, I need to tell you I love you before I can’t anymore.”

Evan makes a noise that sounds startling like a squeak, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water like he has something he wants to say. Tommy should be kind and give Evan a chance to respond, but he’s too fumed to allow it.

“With that said, you were reckless. You could’ve died, Evan, all because you were too worried about me?!” Tommy shouts. Evan waves his hand and grabs for his phone with the other. “You put yourself in danger, you put Eddie in danger, because you had to be the big damn hero, and you almost died right there.” Tommy points firmly, clearing his throat of emotion he didn’t expect to swell inside of him. “The person I love almost died in front of me, Evan. Don’t you see how terrifying that is?!”

Evan types into his phone quickly, eyes darting from the screen to Tommy’s frantically before he stops.

When he does, a robotic voice reads, “I got checked out and everything was fine.”

“You shouldn’t have had to get checked out in the first place! And obviously, everything was not fine!” Tommy groans and leans back on his pillow, eyes staring so intensely up at the ceiling, he wonders if it might burst into flames.

There’s a long silence before Tommy feels a gentle swat at his leg. He barely moves until Evan lifts the corner of his bedsheet and slides in beside him. The bed is barely big enough for Tommy, let alone the two of them, but Evan makes himself as small as possible. He lies on his side so he’s facing Tommy, nose brushing the sharp line of Tommy’s jaw. It takes everything in him not to turn and finally mold their lips together.

“Tommy…” Evan whispers.

“I’ve been shot at during war, run into burning buildings, and crashed helicopters, but nothing–and I mean nothing–has ever scared me as much as seeing you breathless on the ground.”

“I’m sorry.” The words come out as a croak that time and Tommy gives in a little at the sound.

“I know you are,” he replies.

“You scared me, too, you know,” Evan retorts, and Tommy can practically hear the pout. “Bobby wouldn’t tell me it was you, but I knew it. I knew–” Evan winces hard enough that Tommy feels it.

He finally turns his head in worry, his nose brushing against Evan’s softly. There’s nothing Tommy wants more than to kiss his sadness away, but he opts for pressing a gentle kiss to Evan’s temple, reveling in the breath of relief Evan lets out.

“We both agreed to do everything we had to to survive, right?” Tommy reminds him.

Evan nods. “Plus, I think two trachs is enough for any man to have to endure,” Evan says, a teasing lilt in his voice that has Tommy pulling back to stare into his eyes to make sure he’s joking.

“Two?!”

“Did I mention that I love you, too?” Evan asks as quickly as his wounded throat will allow.

Tommy groans in worry, in annoyance, in love before taking Evan’s mouth as his. As far as first kisses go, it’s his most painful, but it’s his most perfect. Because he’s alive and Evan’s alive and they have a whole lifetime ahead of them.

When he kisses every inch of Evan’s face he can reach without causing more damage, he memorizes each small imperfection he’s now close enough to see. Evan’s scars are a story that he’ll hear about the person he loves and who loves him back. And while he realizes he’ll be living in fear of Evan’s recklessness for the rest of their lives if the day is any indication, he also doesn’t think there’s anything that could make Tommy walk away.

As far as he’s concerned, any promised future with Evan will be worth it.

[this-is-moony-lovegood]

I’m sitting here thinking about the plane bts and how it’s supposedly Ryan and Kenny shooting in it, and all I can think about is the two of them flying to PA to keep Maddie and Buck from being alone while at their father’s funeral.

Like picture this: Phillip Buckley kicks the bucket, and Margaret calls and summons Maddie and Buck to PA. They take Jee and Chimney is planning on flying up a day or two after them because they have a shift, and when he goes to leave the station for the airport Eddie jumps in his SUV and asks to give him a lift to LAX because he’s going too. Apparently Tommy has a shift that he either can’t get out of (or hasn’t tried hard enough to get out of depending on who you ask) so he’s not coming, and Eddie - who has freshly realized his feeling for Buck - jumps on the opportunity to go in his stead and be there for Buck.

Chimney immediately clocks him on it, asking Eddie why he is going to the funeral of a man he hates (since according to Chimney, Eddie has been very vocal about his distain for the Buckley parents since Buck’s whole “love me anyway” speech). And when Eddie says he’s going for Buck, Chimney calls him out and says, “I guess you finally figured it out, huh? Damn, I was really banking on Buck being the first one, but now that Tommy is in the picture this actually makes so much sense.”

On the flight, Chimney purposefully switches seats to pester Eddie about it, only for the two of them to get interrupted because of a medial emergency that needs both of their attention. However, the biggest thing is going to be keeping the patient awake and alert, so Chimney suggests she weigh in on the whole ‘Buck and Eddie’ thing because Eddie insists he’s the only one that feels this way, and Chimney is adamant this Eddie is an idiot if he really thinks that.

So we get snippets of a convo of Chimney spelling out all the reasons they act like a couple, plus his own theories behind Buck’s feelings and their patient is consistently agreeing with Chimney that they act like a couple, and “Eddie, I’ve never even met the guy but this sounds like he’s kinda obsessed with you.”

Because of the medical emergency, the plan unboards on the tarmac, and Eddie and Chimeny help their patient out. Buck, who along with a bunch of passengers loved ones, was waiting worriedly at the airport because of this emergency situation is let out on the tarmac to reach their loved ones (like Carlos in 911: Lone Star), and immediately runs and crashes into Eddie who is covered in the patients blood. He’s so worried, but Eddie reassures him he’s okay. Chimney is off to the side, mouthing to Eddie behind Buck’s back, “and you think this is one sided?” Then of course Chim breaks up the moment with, “What am I? Chopped liver? I was on the plane too, Buckaroo.” Only for Buck to finally release Eddie with a blush, and hug Chimney, too.

Before the ambulance with their victim in it can leave, Eddie approaches her, and goes to wish he well. She, who saw the interaction, tells Eddie to, “Tell him how you feel. If what I just witnessed was anything, that man is hopelessly in love with you, whether he realizes it yet or not.”

So we get the next episode with Eddie looking for all the clues that Chimney and their patient pointed out in Buck to see if he thinks he’s worth the risk to tell Buck how he feels. So Cue, pining, and hopefully Eddie all at the same time!

[eddiestightywhities]

TEASER TUESDAY

this is from (what has evolved into) my jealous!eddie fic asdfhjkljjjjsksk. it's canon compliant, so far, and i actually shared the first half for snippet sunday but i'm including it here, too, because it's changed quite a bit since then.

WARNING: i personally have no hate for tommy, but eddie is becoming increasingly jealous af over tevan—and is also devastated about chris leaving and sad in general right now bc of it—and therefore kinda digging in on hating on the guy in this particular story.

.

“It'll always be you, Eds.”

Buck beams at him from across the table and Eddie thinks of Texas sunshine in late July and of violet flames and Supernovas.

He feels his best friend's words and that blinding smile in his gut like a constant, gnawing hunger, but Eddie's an old hand at starving himself of his desires and doesn't know how to answer anyway so just winks and smiles back, and it's a dim little effort peeking out from the cover of the shady place Eddie's been cowering in for a while—ever since the brutal incandescence of the lightning strike, since Buck fucking died—while he tries his utmost not to freak out two-fold: 1) at the non-stop panic attack-inducing possibility of something as completely fucked-up as those three minutes and seventeen seconds happening al over again and 2) self-abasing distress over whether or not here is just where Eddie lives, now.

Dwindling in the shadows.

He crosses his arms over his chest (his heart) and breathes in deeply yet silently, and is motionless as possible as he prays his wild-eyed expression isn't giving away his hard-won hiding place.

Buck shouldn't be able to just—say stuff like that to him. It's torture. And while Eddie may very well be a masochist, he does have his limits. Sure, right now his partner is actually only talking about them teaming up for Pictionary and whatever other games the group will undoubtedly end up threatening each other over this evening, but still. Eddie can't help but hear some things in the way he is so desperate to hear them.

Those things he wishes Buck meant for real.

Whether Eddie is capable of openly admitting it or not (maybe he has some kind of weird defect when it comes to this shit?), he now knows inherently that it'll always be Buck for him from here on out

Then Buck is merciless, adding, “You're my Ride or Die, Diaz! It's you and me forever, right?” just to up the torture and consequently murder Eddie in cold blood right here in the middle of Hen and Karen's living room in front of all their friends.

And ¡Dios mio!, Eddie is so totally fucking fucked.

Despite himself, he nods and huffs out a small laugh, confirming, “Ride or Die, Buckley,” while cursing the blood vessels in his neck and cheeks and ears as he flushes a shade of scarlet redder than the sacred Mexican Heart under the scrutiny of the entire gang (bar Bobby and Athena), fists clenching further where they're balled up beneath his armpits.

Chimney raises his beer in the air. “Alright, alright, settle down you bunch of reprobates! All Ride or Die teams have been established, so, everybody buddy up and take your places beside each other now, please. I believe that you all have a drink…” and he looks around the table to check if his estimate is correct before continuing. “Yes, cool, okay, so. It is therefore once again time to find out who this month's Most Powerful Party Gaming Duo will be—” and he turns to Maddie and says, “Don't worry pookie, nobody's taking away our reigning champion title tonight; we got this.”

Maddie smiles at her husband, sweet as sugar cookies, before addressing the rest of the room with a savage, “Get ready to have your asses handed to you, Losers!” 

There is a round of disgusted gasps being gasped and disbelieving heads being shaken and defensive fists being waved in the air, all amid Hen's, “Reigning champions? You won one time. And who the hell made you Gamesmaster Han, anyway? My house, my rules, Howard.” And then Karen's adding, “I think you'll find it's actually our house, my rules, babe,” in her wife's direction, she and everybody else now moving around the table like they're playing musical chairs—Eddie stubbornly stays put because if you ask him, it's more than enough that he's managing to be here, period—as each of them pairs up with their chosen teammates into squads made up of Significant Others.

Husband and wife. Wife and wife. Two sets of Boyfriends and girlfriends. Josh and his date. 

Eddie and Buck. 

Except it isn’t Eddie and Buck, not really. Not at all, actually, at least not in the way Eddie wants it to be—fucking needs it like his blood needs to move oxygen around his body to keep him alive—because Eddie will only ever be Buck’s ‘forever’ whenever Tommy isn’t around.

The Air Operations pilot is on shift tonight, thank fuck. Eddie honestly isn’t sure of what he would have done if Buck’s boyfriend had come over this evening. Bailed on the whole thing, probably. 

He becomes vaguely aware of the half-moon shapes that must be forming in the heels of his palms from where his short fingernails are trying their best to break the skin, and wonders when exactly it was that he started referring to his buddy, Tommy, as ‘The Pilot’. Although Eddie isn't sure of whether the term buddy can really be applied any longer, not since the dynamics between Tommy and Buck changed, and Eddie hasn’t heard from Pilot Boy in weeks. And, okay, so the reason for that is most likely the fact that Eddie kept brushing the guy off like a first class asshole, until Tommy just stopped bothering to call. But honestly, he just can’t bring himself to give a shit about whatever the new buddyship between the pair of them might have bloomed into—not when the sneaky fuck stole his Buck.

If the skin on the palms of Eddie’s hands wasn’t so calloused from work he's pretty sure there'd be blood dripping from them right now. 

“Hey, you okay, man?”

Buck has swapped seats with May and is now bumping Eddie’s shoulder and knee with his own, and Eddie wants to fucking die. 

“What? Oh, sure, peachy. You?” 

“Yeah, I'm good, Eddie. You just—you look a little—” 

“How we feelin’ about our odds tonight then, amigo? Think we can take the title?” Eddie can't change the subject fast enough. 

Steady as ever, Buck just goes with the flow and rolls with Eddie's punches like the seasoned champ he is. 

“I really think tonight could be our night, Eds.” 

Pure. Fucking. Torture.

“Eh, your artistic prowess isn't exactly well documented, Buck.”

Buck scoffs in mock-offence that has a little too much bite for it to be entirely pretend. “I absolutely beg to differ, actually, and so would—”

Christopher.

Their eyes meet for less than a second before Eddie is looking away, yet that's all it takes for him to spot the anguish swirling round his best friend's baby blues. It's like oil in water: Two things that should just never be put together.

“Eds—”

Eddie clears his throat and tries to swallow down the lump that's instantly formed, in an attempt to fill the other gaping hole in his heart; the one that sits right next to the empty space that belongs to Buck.

He can't do this right now. Not here.

“To be fair, I'm not much better, so.” His voice sounds like somebody else's.

Somebody better than him.

Again, Buck pulls on the thread Eddie's left dangling for him, the way he's supposed to. “Well that is bullshit and you know it,” he counters, with a parental look of admonishment that's become polished over the years with the ton of practice that he's had with—

This time Eddie can't keep his deep breathing covert, so he sucks in two big lungs full before exhaling sharply and grabbing at his beer. He takes a long swig to distract himself from his wayward thoughts, and the IPA is nowhere near as bitter as the foul taste already festering away on his tongue.

“You're too hard on yourself, Eddie. You always have been. You need to—you gotta learn to be kinder to yourself, man. Realise that—that some things, such as art,” Buck says pointedly, as if Eddie doesn't know that he's not talking exclusively about Eddie's mediocre willow charcoal skills, “they can just—take a little extra time and patience, is all.” 

God, Eddie loves him so much he aches right down to his fucking bone marrow.

.

tagged by the lovely @inell — thanks, boo! my tags are beneath the cut...

@rosieposiepuddingnpie @sortasirius @angela-feelstoomuch @woodchoc-magnum @veronae-buddie @kitteneddiediaz @buddiebeginz @eddiegettingshot @mazzystar24 and anybody else who wants to do the thing!

[smallandalmosthonest]

teaser tidbit tuesday

tagged by @sibylsleaves and @tiltingheartand

ONCE AGAIN. a snippet from the final chapter of don't just stand there (which will be out either today or tomorrow, depending on the burdens of my real job)

Eddie Diaz was an idiot.  He should have known better than to just assume nothing would change - that he could still scan the parking lot for Buck's Jeep whenever he drove by the loft, that he could pull into the practically-reserved-for-his-truck-specifically guest parking stall on a whim, that he could use his fob to get in the front door and the elevator, that he could unlock the door with the key he'd had for years and call out a greeting, wander into the living room expecting to see Buck playing video games or reading or setting down his free weights. He should have known better than to expect that Buck would just be there, waiting for him to hang out.  Eddie should have expected that Tommy would be there.  But he didn't, because he was an idiot. And he saw Buck's phone and his keys on the island, and his Jeep had been parked, but when Eddie had called out, Buck hadn't answered. Maybe he shouldn't have assumed the worst.  But how was Eddie to have ever expected to make it two steps up the stairs, worry curdling is his gut (what were those muffled sounds, why wasn't Buck answering him) as memories flashed at the back of his mind: Buck coughing up blood on Bobby and Athena's patio, Buck in the hospital with a tube down his throat, Buck bruising his hand as Eddie dragged him from under the ladder truck, Buck hanging from the ladder while thunder roiled - Eddie was so busy with his fear that he had no space left to react to seeing, from his place at the bottom of the stairs, Buck's legs - long, starkly pale, covered in soft-looking strawberry-blonde curls, ankles strapped into a shining steel bar that just whacked against the back of Tommy's head.  Because Tommy's head was between them. The legs. Buck's legs. Buck's legs that were spread on a -  "Tommy? What was that, are you - ?" And Eddie should have known better, but he was an idiot, and Buck wasn't having an aneurism or throwing another blood clot or frozen in stillness reeking of ozone, and he did let out a pained noise and Eddie still hadn't heard him say anything and he took another step before he could stop himself.  Tommy was saying something else, but Eddie's brain didn't get back online until he heard Buck cough out "I'm fine, Eddie, I'm - " and he coughed wetly, but he was talking and Eddie could breathe again. "Just - wait downstairs, please, I'll be right down."

none pressure with left beef tags: @bigfootsmom @usersiren @sthound @devirnis @likegoldintheair also reply to this post if you want me to be tagging you in these sorts of things i'm always like ahhhhhhhhh

[friendly-jester]

genuinely a tv show has never made me feel this crazy before. like it actually encompasses most of my thoughts all day. the shooting scene from s4 can never get out of my head i live there now. what do you mean buck was covered in his blood what do you mean eddie asked if hes hurt while he was actively dying

also it felt so intentional especially since tommy and buck were acting like colleagues and not a couple 😭 like i get no PDA i guess but not even brushing shoulders???? or standing within a foot of each other???? im so scared for the finale (idk where ur at in the episode but the end i yelled so loud my neighbor knocked to check on me 😔)

-ebd anon

it's been ages since a tv show has consumed me like this it's a wild time! that whole episode makes me feel unhinged. and the aftermath!!!! eddie changing his will to make buck chris' caretaker if something happens to him makes me feel feral and i think about it literally all the time asdfghjkl

it really did!!! like they didn't need to be touchy feely but they really felt more like friends then boyfriends in this episode. which i get it was super public event but also 👀👀👀 and then buck being the one to confront eddie about kim also felt very intentional. like yeah that's his best friend but also it could have literally been anyone else and it still would have made sense but having it be buck??? having another emotional moment with buck??? i see you 911 writers 👀

i am also worried about the finale. as soon as i heard the door open when eddie was hugging kim i yelled "OH NO" and when bobby collapsed my mom was SO upset. he's her favorite after athena and was so mad the episode was over 😂