#and 100% to deal with everything he hasn't dealt with yet

[youkidding-me]

my angst-lover ass: dorym one-shot fanfic orym pov of dorian organising cyrus's funeral RIGHT NOW

[seyaryminamoto]

Happy Valentine’s Day! I just read chapter 282, and you definitely are a master at pulling at the heartstrings. It was beautifully executed and I cannot wait till the real deal! Ursa was a big surprise but I am so excited! Glad you are not sticking to the comics with her, (I was not a fan of her story.) what her thoughts are on Sokka & Azulas relationship. What kind of role will she play in the near future for them? What does she know about the fate of her children? Fantastic work as always!

Happy belated Valentine's day for you too, Anon! Thank you very much for letting me know I brought on the feels like I meant to with 282, haha xD

Yeah, I've thought to drop another author's note in the next chapter to remind everyone, for the millionth time, that her backstory in Gladiator is 100% different from what the comics did. I don't even think it's all that necessary to say it anymore, but I feel like I should clarify it at least one more time, haha xD

As for those questions... answers will arrive relatively soon inside the story. But if you really must know... :'D

Well, first off, her thoughts on their relationship are somewhat complicated to explain as things are riiiight now. As you may recall, Ursa's current status is... a little bit chaotic. She's got some severe trauma she hasn't dealt with in any positive way, and her mind is not as clear as it could be. Therefore, as she is right now in 282, Ursa continues to be in denial of everything that suggests time has passed, that her children have grown up, and that she hasn't been part of their lives at all, just as she was in 207. Therefore, anything that implies her daughter has had a life she has missed out on is basically something she shuts the door on, harshly, because she refuses to accept this is possible...

... but that won't be her state forevermore :'D

Once Ursa comes around and accepts reality, which is big progress for her, she'll have a very long and thorough conversation with Sokka. It's a veeeery important, complicated and difficult conversation for them both. Part of why she wants it to happen, though, is the fact that Sokka is a wholly new person she has never really had a connection with before. Unlike how it is with Zuko or Azula, where she's in conflict and denial of who they are now as she clings to the past... it's easier to talk to Sokka and understand what's going on with him because he's someone new. Naturally, learning about Sokka and Azula's bond wasn't the easiest thing for her (though technically she, uh, doesn't learn about it from Sokka...), but the main thing she will concern herself with is...

... Azula's happiness! :'D

She wants to be sure that Sokka loved her and cared about her, first of all, and once she grows to believe that, she actually becomes a major supporter of their relationship. It's very much something that Sokka doesn't expect to happen... but this woman's full of surprises :'D she has changed a lot, really, and she even will acknowledge that, if she hadn't wound up where she is in life, if she had stayed with Ozai all along, she really might have been the nightmare mother Azula thought she'd be, shutting her down and refusing to accept that Azula could love someone so inappropriate for one of her station... but that's not the person Ursa is anymore. She has had some veeeery rude awakenings in life, and that means she grows to value Sokka very very quickly, for she can tell how much he cares about Azula and that their relationship was something wonderful for her daughter, even if Ursa can't quite confirm that with Azula just yet...

How much does she know about her kids... well, she knows more than she lets on, but like I said, she's mostly in denial about it all. So, in part, she kinda knows everything that's public knowledge, but in order to cope with reality she just loses herself in the past and refuses to acknowledge what's going on. So she's not reeeeally lost about everything, but it's only after she accepts reality properly that she can acknowledge her... knowledge? :'D

Her role going forward will be... mysterious (?) Okay, she's going to be a very big help for the group, and she'll be a major supporter of their cause going forward. She'll come and go sometimes, because unfortunately she's not really someone who should be involved in a lot of the dangerous stuff Sokka and his friends will get up to :'D in my sort-of-defense, I've tried to keep her around as often as possible x'D but yeah, can't really excuse it in some situations, so we won't have her around all the time. But one of her roles will also be... to serve us some flashbacks like Ozai does :'D we'll get a few flashbacks from her point of view, the first of which will be in the final chapter of the arc that begins this week. And yeah, when I said she'd be mysterious, I also mean because I'll keep a few things about her in the dark because... I really don't want to reveal EVERYTHING about Ursa to the readers until Azula is ready to learn about the core of it too :'D and as you may imagine... that's going to take A WHILE. So. Yeah.

Ursa isn't going to be a problem going forward, though, she's not going to have an antagonistic role towards our main characters... she's a complicated person who's gone through some reeeeally rough times, who starts trying to do better and be better in order to do right by her children, but who deep down is terribly scarred by the things she's been through (... and the things she's done), to the point where it sometimes paralyzes her and even throws her into downwards spirals. We won't see a lot of those... but we will certainly see that her flashbacks mean something very different than Ozai's do, for in her case, she's basically spent years living in her own memories and trying to build herself a safe place within her mind through those memories, out of fear and rejection of everything that changes around her...

Welp! There goes that explanation :'D I won't lie, I'm eternally shocked by how much I've grown to appreciate her character by writing her... she's always been one of the inclusions of Part 3 that I most looked forward to working with, and I'm really happy to feel that her presence in the story feels so powerful whenever I write her. I hope you guys will be thrilled to see more of her too! Like I said... she's complicated, but that makes her insanely compelling for me to explore as a character xD may it be fun for you guys to see those explorations, once we get there!

[deuce-duce]

Back Story

So if you have been following along then I have previously mentioned my stint in jail for a dui and what was going on... let me add i was on the medication the entire time while in custody that the doctors prescribed to keep me from essentially dealing with what we all know i deal with... not anything I seek out on my own accord but literally something I deal with.. i had an inpatient stay before turning myself in. Once again giving everyone a clean slate! While there i met a woman that i fooled around with that was married. When she left we exchanged info.

when i got out of jail i stayed in an air bnb and since i was concerned about not dealing with what I had dealt with in jail i got addicted to meth for about 2 weeks. I got the meth from the woman and her husband that I met in the psych hospital. They had expressed to me that they liked having threesomes primarily with other men. Her husband expressed how much he like to give head so on and so fourth. I explained to them my situation and how I needed to experience a either bi or gay experience in a conscious state. Since the wife told her husband about our behavior in the psych ward a bi experience it was going to be. One night after getting high I experimented... unnerving to say the least I was asked if the husband could give me head... i agreed but at no point did I ever get hard. The whole time I was getting felatio I was knee deep in trying to get his wife involved but she just wasn't into it. After about an hour the husband said all the times i have done this I have never gotten anyone to cum... so i started fingering and eating out his wife while he blew away. About ten minutes later I finally came. Still never got hard but that doesn't necessarily mean that constant stimulation won't make you cum, especially when. You neck deep in some vagina! After that i stopped doing meth and nothing happened for a while.

This didnt stop the constant surveillance... and the Truman show ensued. it wasnt until i met a woman on pof and asked her if she knew who I was because everyone lies to me about it that she said yes it made me livid! Ill post the the screens hot at the bottom. And i started flipping shit about wanting anonymity and a clean slate like I had given to everyone so many times before... this caused for everything to start all over again... but 10 times worse at this point. Which is why i went on a bail Mary of a mission to get the fuck out! I'm sorry but I really dont know what I did to be everybodys form of entertainment. im glad you enjoy yourselves carry on...

Today I asked for some help... it will probably end up being something I regret, just like it's always been but like my momma always said... life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what gon get!!

I dont know if i have mentioned this before but it occurred to me today while presenting a condensed version of my story. When I consider whats occurred and the usual reason people bulky others... its usually because the bullying party is jealous of the individual that they are bullying... what is it that makes you jealous of who I am...? I mean cmon...! From your point of view I fucking suck and I'm stupid so whats the deal!! But on a previous stint in jail when I got in trouble for my fight or flight night i explained to you previously, i received a letter for my brother saying oh i miss you so much blah di blah blah! But one thing that still is concrete in my mind is his reference to how everything literally everything has been taken from me and it still hasn't changed who I was!! Idk what you think but if what im telling you is true remember that essentially is up to you... but that mother fucker is amazing!

When i mention the basis of jealousy i had never heard from my brothers mouth such words until one specific occasion. I was being careless one night. My brother was a painter and had paint buckets around the house. When i was walking into my room one night I tipped one over and spilled exterior house paint all over the carpet. I knew I was in it at that point. Immediately I was like oh shit! Bro I'm sorry man what should I do?? He was like WTF! Im sorry bro what should I do?? He's like idk its in the fucking carpet!! I was like shit your right... i thought for a second, then was like do you have a shop vac??!! Yea...?? He said!? Ok one sec, go grab it, I said. He went to grab the vacuum. And i went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of 💧. When we both got back to the spill he was like what are you going to do...?? I took the water, poured it over the paint and then vacuumed it up. After a few pours and a couple vroom vrooms the paint was gone! As my brother walked away he said quietly, thats why I'm jealous of you...

although i understood what he meant, it really disappointed me. I dont want anyone to be jealous of me! It fucking sucks! I cant help it that what I have been through has shaped my mind the way it has and geared my thought process differently. What kills me the most is that he's the one thats caused my different mindset, yet causes people to resent me... do you know how messed up that is??!! Although I had been told by my mom on countless occasions that my brother did what he did to only because he was jealous of me. It wasnt until that moment that I had heard it from his lips. I hate that people feel the need to implement destruction and chaos into my life simply because they are jealous of who and what i am... is it sad...?? Yes do i understand the answer is also yes.. it just fucking sucks! Why can't there be some kind of middle ground where brilliant minds from both sides work together to make the world a better place!?

Another controversial subject is whether or not a human is born innately good or innately evil...?! I really couldnt tell you all I can say is that I have been told since I was young that I was special. My grandma would tell my mom along with others I was always the head of my class and social group until I moved away from my hometown. When I think back knowing what I know now about different personality types and peoples mental capacities that they are born with one be sociopaths. Id have to say people born that way definitely aren't heading down a path of philanthropy if you catch my drift... now no matter what someones mental condition is, that doesn't stop them from being extremely intelligent! Now my parents had four kids two daughters one from each of their previous relationships but when my parents met eachother they had two boys 18 months apart. Both with an unexplainable grasp of life and an inconceivable amount of intelligence. Now although during my years as a teenager and into my twenties I didnt really do much with said intelligence other then try to be something I wasn't (drug dealing thug...), i knew there was an insurmountable amount of intelligence a lurking! One song i really shouldn't share with you because it speaks to me and my situation by 100%. I dont like sharing my favorite songs because they are part of my fabric and dont want them used against me. But one you should ✔ out, is Rose Golden, by Kid Cudi. With that ill end the evening have a good night.