#and 'perhaps I am truly incapable of caring about others on a basic level'

[goinggoats]

I can't think about relationships too deeply without getting a little fucked up about it.

[rabarbarzcukrem]

Okay I've been meaning to write this post for a while because. Those last few episodes have fucking layers mannnn

So let me start by saying that House and Cuddy's relationship was, sadly, doomed from the very beginning. That's not to say that it didn't have any chance of working out, ever, because they clearly had chemistry and cared about each other. But the circumstances of them getting together, the fact that it was the reason House decided to stay clean makes for an absolutely awful start. It fucks up the dynamic of your relationship - it demands one person to stay for the sake of ensuring the other doesn't relapse, and no one should ever be put under this kind of pressure. Secondly, it was always conditional - which is actually not as bad as it sounds. House is a person who loves pushing boundaries, and Cuddy is a woman who knows her own worth. She, Stacy and even Dominika aren't pushovers - with them, there are lines that House knows he can't cross. Lines that, once crossed, will make them decide it's not worth it and leave him.

And here's where Wilson comes in, because he's exactly this kind of pushover. During one of the therapy sessions House straight up admits that's why he's still his friend - because he can say anything to him and he won't leave. Wilson's affection for him is truly unconditional, and as unhealthy it may be, it's the only kind of relationship that really works for House.

See, he is fundamentally a selfish person. I am not saying that he doesn't have his moments of kindness, but on the most basic level he prioritizes his own needs above everyone else's. He's right when he says he doesn't sacrifice himself. In fact he's incapable of, or perhaps too stubborn to, sacrifice even the smallest amount of his own comfort for the other person, or to simply make the situation easier - a quality that's crucial for, y'know. Existing within society, not to mention maintaining a romantic relationship. He follows his own curiosities with no regard for anything, he will intentionally make his own life harder just to get what he wants, to end up being right. Even in his affection and care for other people he's always centering himself - when Cuddy is hospitalized, he panics. But his fear doesn't motivate him to support her in this trying time, it consumes him to the point he can't even bring himself to visit her. It doesn't matter that she's the one who's sick, or even that her tumor is benign. The only thing that matters is that he is scared.

Someone might say: "well, yeah, but underneath all of this he's actually full of self-hate". And I agree! Except that fact only contributes to his selfishness. You know how anxiety disorders make you worry about what other people think of you to the point you're not actually focusing on them, but only on yourself and your worst qualities? That's exactly what's happening here. In fact, his overall cynicism and pessimism require that of him. If he believes himself a horrible person, and one incapable of change at that, and also believes in the inherent cruelty of the universe and ultimate egoism of all people, of course he ends up unable to connect with anyone. Like when he ends up pushing Stacy away, because he decides it's not even worth it to give them a chance at happiness - making it all about himself again. He thinks he's unlovable, so he acts like a dick. Because he acts like a dick, no one wants to deal with him. This confirms his assumption that he's unlovable, and the cycle continues.

And the reason these last episodes are so gut-wrenching is because all of that gets completely turned on its head. You see, Wilson and his friendship is House's point of reference, the one stable thing in his life, one thing he can be sure of. He's very cautious about depending on anything and anyone else, and yet in Wilson he puts complete trust. During his time in prison, he admits to one of the men there that he's "peepless", because nobody has ever visited him. Yet once he comes back, he's fully ready to fall into the same routine with Wilson, almost as if the possibility of their friendship ending has never crossed his mind. Because he can do unimaginably stupid and cruel things, he can make everyone hate him, but no matter what he does he will not lose Wilson.

Except that when Wilson gets cancer, he has to face the reality that no matter what he does...he will lose him. And the rug is pulled from under his feet.

Once again, we see House repeat the usual pattern of being so scared of losing people that he panics and abandons them at the time they need him the most. He's so terrified of having to not only witness Wilson's death, but keep on living without him, that he gives in to his most self-destructive tendencies. He takes the cowardly way out, because the alternative would require him to get over himself, to get over his fear and insecurities, to endure it for the sake of being there for someone else. He can't bring himself to, he decides it's just not worth the pain.

Except..in those last moments, when he's debating with himself if he should go through with it, he ends up breaking the goddamn pattern. He goes against his self-centeredness, his stagnancy, the features that are the most central to his whole character and opens himself up to change. House! Who has long accepted that people, and especially him, will never change! He sacrifices not only his comfort, not only his core beliefs, but the very thing he lives for - the puzzle, or more specifically, medicine, just to spend these last few months with his best friend. It doesn't matter that it hurts, it doesn't matter that House has lost all hope and doesn't see the point of it all, he will bear it. Because Wilson needs him..and that's enough.

[incorrectbandofbrothersquotes]

I Don’t Think You’re An Angel (Anymore)

A Lewis Nixon x OFC One Shot

Word Count: 3.3k

A/N: Thank you to @basilone​ @softspeirs​ and @mercurygray​ for all your help on this! I am much happier with how it turned out thanks to y’all’s suggestions :)

Warning(s): Some suggestive language, but that’s about it

***

Her father once told her that nursing would make her feel fulfilled. It would get her back on her feet after such tragedy struck. Nothing healed like giving back and healing others, he said. Especially after downing whiskey and kissing strangers didn’t work, she thought. 

It did the trick, to be sure. Nursing school was rigorous, but it taught her a lot about herself. She met some of her greatest friends there, and new connections soothed the ache from the burn of the ones she lost. With a new support system, she wearily clawed her way out of the ashes of her grief, and stood up again. And when the war came, she and thousands like her were able to charge into the fray. 

But the last thing Bonnie wanted now was to be on her feet - in a much more literal sense. The Austrian sun shone outside, calling to her, coaxing her to come out and warm her face and rest her sore feet. But she didn’t have a day off for another two days. And after almost eight hours at the hospital, there were still more patients to check on before she could clock out. She felt that familiar throb in her heels as she headed into the next ward. 

Shit.

There he stood. The man she once knew as Lewis Nixon, but for many years, only referred to as “The Worst Mistake I Ever Made.”

Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit.

He was coming closer, accompanied by a red-headed major she didn’t recognize. To her dismay, they headed for Sergeant Grant’s bed, the very patient she was supposed to check on. He was still recovering from his surgery until he was well enough to be moved to England. 

She decided to grit her teeth and bear it. Years had passed. Why should he bother her now? He probably wouldn’t even recognize her. She knew herself to be an unremarkable part of his life. How else could he have done what he did?

She strode over to the bed and ignored the men standing beside it. She lifted Grant’s chart and scanned it, but she couldn’t absorb anything. She could feel Lewis’s eyes on her. Moments that might have been hours passed as he stared, and she pretended she didn’t notice.

“Bonnie?”

Shit.

Biting back a groan, she looked at him, and met his eyes. Those eyes that once made her legs weak and her heart soft. But now only activated her punching reflex. She glanced at his collar to get his rank.

“Captain,” she said coolly. 

She returned her eyes to the clipboard.

“Okay, I know it doesn’t take that long to read a chart,” he said. 

She snapped it shut and glared at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were a medical professional. Would you like a white coat and stethoscope? Just clock in since you seem to know so much!”

“Still mad, I see,” he said with a grimace.

“Oh, get over yourself,” she shot back. 

“So, you two know each other?” the red-head observed, cutting the tension. 

“It was a long time ago,” she said. “We went to school together.”

“We used to date,” Lewis added. 

“Could not have been more obvious I preferred to keep that private, but I guess we’re in this room now,” she said. 

“Dick, this is Bonnie Butler,” Nix said. “Bonnie, this is Major Dick Winters.”

“How do you do?” she said politely. 

“Nice to meet you,” Dick replied. “Bonnie Butler...like the little girl from Gone With the Wind?”

“If fairness, I had the name first,” she pointed out. “And I haven’t broken my neck falling off a horse, but I avoid them just in case.”

They both chuckled, and she refrained from smirking with satisfaction. Her need to impress him disturbed her. 

“I gotta admit I’m surprised to see you here,” Lewis said. 

“We haven’t spoken in years, Lewis, anything I’m doing should come as a surprise to you,” she returned.

Now that the initial contact was made, she had an easier time going about her job checking on Grant. It was pretty basic, just taking vitals and ensuring he was still stable. Which he was.

“Well, I’ll let you visit now,” she said.

She started to go.

“Kathy’s leaving me,” he blurted out.

She turned to face him, expression level. “Is that supposed to mean something to me, Lewis?”

It should have felt like victory. Like justice. But it only made her sad. None of it meant anything now. Her loving him, him loving Kathy, and Bonnie hating them both for it. The agony she faced because he chose her friend was only worth a few years of marriage. 

Did everything have to fall apart? Was nothing truly built to last? The war showed her that even thousand-year-old buildings would crumble under a bomb. Just as she crumbled when Lewis dropped the truth about him and Kathy. But now they were in ruins as well, so what was the point in any of it?

He shifted his weight between his feet, as he always did when he was anxious. He looked at the ground and then back at her, his eyes revealing how deeply he was stung. 

“Guess not,” he said. “I’ll see you around, Bonnie.”

She didn’t answer for so long he feared she would not at all. But she was still looking at him.

“I should hope not, Lewis,” she finally said. 

With that, she turned on her heel and walked out of the wing. Dick looked at Bonnie and then at his friend. He had never seen Lewis look so guilty. There was a deep remorse there, which indicated a great impact on his life, but Dick could not recall Lewis ever mentioning this woman. 

“What did you do to her?” Dick asked. 

Lewis cleared his throat before he answered. “Did I ever tell you how I met Kathy?”

Dick shook his head. 

“Well, Bonnie and I were dating,” Lewis began. “Kathy was her best friend. And, well...we fell in love. Behind Bonnie’s back. We had an affair for six months before we came clean.”

Dick blinked, taken aback. He knew Lewis was not the most ethical person in the world, but he did not expect his friend to be capable of something like that. He didn’t blame Bonnie at all for the way she spoke to Lewis. That kind of betrayal went deep because it was not just her boyfriend, but the one person she was supposed to be able to rely on when her boyfriend messed up. And then, to add insult to injury, they ended up married. Now, Dick was impressed with how Bonnie handled the news of the divorce. She had every right to laugh in his face. And she didn’t.

“Did you apologize?” Dick asked. 

“Oh, only about a thousand times,” Lewis replied. “And even after some time went by, Kathy and I tried to reach out again, but she wanted nothing to do with us. And we didn’t blame her, of course, but it still hurt.”

A beat passed. Lewis watched the door where Bonnie disappeared and wondered now if his split from Kathy was his punishment for what he did to her. That he and Kathy - because they started as a transgression - were perhaps doomed to fail. 

“C’mon, Nix,” Dick said. “Let’s go get something to eat.”

“Or dink,” Lewis returned. 

They left the hospital, but he found himself wishing he could find her again. Explain some more. But he knew better.

The following morning, Bonnie went to change an IV for a young corporal who had drunkenly jumped from a fourth story window and broken his leg. Many of the injuries she treated these days were caused by the jubilance of VE-Day, and she couldn’t say she blamed them, but she did wish they would be more careful. 

“Thanks, Nurse Butler,” the corporal said. 

“I’m just doing my job,” she replied gently. “This’ll only take a moment.”

She reached for the bag, when she suddenly heard a dreaded voice from behind her. 

“Careful with those, they can get messy,” Lewis said. 

She whipped around. 

“I’m sorry, don’t I first open my eyes and realize it’s a new day?” she asked sarcastically.

“I didn’t -”

“What is this magic bag in front of me?!” she exclaimed, holding the IV bag out with taunting wonder. 

“Look -”

“I’ve done this before,” she said sharply, becoming serious again and facing the patient, who was snickering.

“I know that,” he said.

“Then stop telling me what to do,” she retorted.

“I was joking,” he said calmly. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be,” she shot back, with a bitterness that told him she meant more than just the joke.

He did not speak again until after the IV was replaced. When she finished, she ignored Lewis and began walking away. 

“Bonnie, wait, I think we should talk about things,” he said, trailing behind her. 

“I disagree,” she replied. “Besides, I’m working.”

“When is your shift over?” 

“You know I’m not going to tell you that.”

“Please -”

She halted and whirled around. He skidded to a stop a few feet away. 

“What is it you’re so desperate to tell me?” she demanded. “That you’re sorry? Because I’ve heard that before, Lewis, and I don’t care.”

“You really can’t forgive me?” he asked. “After all this time?”

She wondered that herself often enough. But there was too much. Not only the betrayal, but the effects of it. How could she forgive him for the worthless way she felt? How could she forgive him for her now ingrained lack of trust? How could she forgive him for the nights she spent crying on the kitchen floor, convinced that this was what love felt like? 

His eyes clung to her gaze, and she endured a long moment of weakness where she felt totally incapable of turning away from him. But she knew she could now because she had done it before. 

“No,” she said, surprised by the croak in her voice and the lump in her throat. 

She didn’t wait for him to answer. She walked away, and thankfully, he didn’t follow. 

Another day passed. Lewis did not return to the hospital, and Bonnie was relieved. She worked the rest of her shift in peace. The only disturbance was a violent thunderstorm, which rumbled in the sky and pelted rain down against the roof all day.

When her shift concluded, it was still raining. Unwilling to get drenched, she went to the doctor’s lounge, which nurses frequented as well, for a drink. She had the next day off, so she figured she could afford to get a little tipsy. Her true goal was to get Lewis Nixon off her mind, but as she walked in, she met a dismal sight. There he sat at the bar, nursing a whiskey, looking sadly at a letter. 

She looked at the heavens to address God directly.

“You think you’re so funny, don’t you?”

She waited a moment, but received no reply. So with a sigh, she went over to the bar and took the stool beside Lewis. 

“You know, if you’re not medical personnel, you’re not really supposed to be in here,” she said.

He looked at her. “Are you speaking to me now?”

“I never said we can’t speak in general,” she said. “Just not about our past.”

“I see,” he returned. “Well, to address your earlier statement, this is the only place they have Vat 69 in all of Europe apparently.”

“You’re still drinking that nasty stuff?” she asked, wrinkling her nose.

“You’re not?”

She shook her head. “No, I’ve moved on.”

With that, she ordered a gin and tonic. They waited in silence as the bartender prepared it. The soft clink of ice and pop of the gin bottle might as well have been explosions. There were no other patrons to fill up the space. 

“So, are we gonna catch up?” he wondered. “Like old friends?”

“I don’t think we were ever really friends,” she replied. “If we were, you wouldn’t have done what you did.”

“Ah, ah, ah,” he warned jokingly. “That is forbidden territory.”

“Do you wanna talk or do you wanna fuck around?” she retorted. 

“If we’re not gonna address the elephant in the room, I’d argue that all we’re doing is fucking around,” he said. 

She couldn’t help but chuckle at that. As she relaxed into her chair and took a sip of her drink, memories of them laughing together swam before her. Those tidbits of happiness that she locked away so that they couldn’t hurt her anymore. Back when she thought of him as her whole world. 

“Alright, let’s fuck around,” she said. 

She let him go first. He talked about his son, then about joining the Airborne, about meeting Dick Winters, and he even admitted that he never fired a shot in combat. She told him about nursing school, enlisting, and a bit about her journey through Europe. It was all very surface level and appropriate. But it wasn’t them. 

“Would I be trespassing if I asked about your parents?” he wondered after their third round.

She considered it as she sipped her fourth cocktail. They grew up together, so she supposed it was fair. 

“Fine,” she said. “But it might depress you. Dad passed away, and Mom really hasn’t been the same since.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “They were always nice to me. Even after…”

She nodded, turning her glass on the counter, keeping her watering eyes focused on it. As her mother deteriorated, she kept asking where “that angel Lewis” was. Mrs. Butler doted on Lewis Nixon as if he were her own son. And Bonnie’s was not the only heart broken when everything happened. But now Mrs. Butler was stuck in a time before that, and Bonnie never had the heart to remind her that things were different now. 

“She asks about you,” Bonnie blurted out. “Mom does.”

“And what do you say?” he asked. 

“I tell her you’re coming any day now,” she said. “Of course she doesn’t know the difference. She can’t remember anything.”

He half smiled. “Well, I better go see her so I don’t make a liar out of you.”

She half smiled back. “That’d mean a lot to her.” 

She paused a beat while a doctor and another nurse filed in and took up two stools just a few seats away from her and Lewis. The other two were obviously romantic - their knees touched, their hands lingered close to each other, and they hardly looked at the bartender as they ordered. They were so wrapped up in each other. Bonnie felt the distance between her and Lewis was cavernous in comparison. She took a dink.  

“Um, how are your folks? Feeling alright?” she asked after swallowing.

“Oh, they’re the same as ever,” he said. “A little cold, a little rich. They’re gonna lose it when I tell them about the divorce.”

“You’re a grown man,” she reminded him. “What could they do?”

“You act like growing up means your parents can’t be obnoxious,” he said. “They can and they will.”

She bit her lip with hesitation. “Can I ask you something? It might be crossing a line.”

“Honey, I’m on my fifth whiskey, you can ask me whatever you want,” he assured her, knocking back the last gulp in his glass.

“Why can’t it work between you and Kath - your wife?” she asked. 

She couldn’t bring herself to say the name. Calling her “Kathy” made her who Kathy was. Bonnie’s former best friend who betrayed her in the worst way possible. Calling her “his wife” reduced her to an abstract. She could be anyone in theory. 

“She met someone else,” he answered. “Ironically enough.”

The air around them felt thick again. 

“You can laugh,” he said. “It must feel like poetic justice or something to you.”

She shook her head. “The last thing I feel like doing is laughing. That kind of hurt is not something I would wish on anyone, not even you.”

“It feels like you’re supporting me, but just barely,” he joked. 

She offered a smile. “I’m sorry, Lew. Really, I am.”

“Thanks,” he said. “But how on Earth are you so goddamn understanding?”

Her brow furrowed. “What? I’m not being understanding. I still think you’re rude for what you did.”

He blinked. “Rude?!”

“Yes, rude!” she cried. “You wanna cheat on me? That’s fine! You wanna marry that girl and get her pregnant? Fine! But to make it my best friend? That’s just rude!”

He laughed. An old, buried admiration for his smile crept up into her heart - right along the very cracks he had created and she had forced back together, never fully repairing the damage. She looked away, only to see the other couple was kissing now, and Bonnie had to turn her back to them.

“Well, I apologize for my rudeness,” he said.

“Based on the situation, I’m sure it won’t happen again,” she replied. 

“Ouch,” he said. “But well deserved on my part.”

“I’ll say,” she agreed. “But...can I ask you one more thing?”

“We have already crossed way beyond the line, go ahead,” he said.

“If you two felt that way about each other,” she began. “Why didn’t you just tell me? If you had been honest, I would have told you I’d be fine. I would never have stood in the way of your happiness. The lie hurt me more than the blow to my ego.”

He took a drink of his fresh glass of whiskey and swished it in his mouth briefly before swallowing - a tactic she was familiar with. He was constructing a careful answer.

“First of all, in fairness to us, we had no way of knowing that,” he said. “Second of all, and perhaps worst of all, we...we didn’t want to hurt you.”

“But don’t you see how it’s worse that you -”

“Of course,” he cut across her. “Of course we see how what we did was worse. We were young and stupid and afraid. And look where we are now.”

At that, they both finished their drinks. She bounced her foot a moment as what she was about to say bubbled up. Could she really say it? Did she mean it? She glanced at his face and got her answer. 

“Okay,” she said. “I’m ready.”

“To what?” he asked. “I hope it’s to tell those two to get a room.”

He nodded down the bar at the doctor and nurse. Their drinks remained untouched, but the same could not be said for their legs or their backsides. Bonnie snorted.

“C’mon, give them a break,” she said. “You remember what it was like when it was new.”

“Oh, yeah,” he said fondly. “Remember that time at Joan Watson’s party, when you and I went upstairs and -”

She squeaked to cut him off and her face went beet red. A fleeting memory of his hands on a lot more than her legs made her squirm in her seat. She cleared her throat. 

“As I was saying,” she said firmly. 

“Right, sorry,” he said through a chuckle. “What is it you’re ready for?”

“To forgive you,” she told him. “We’re both different people now, aren’t we?”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, I’d say that’s true.”

He sat up a little straighter, appearing lighter. He pursed his lips too, fighting the grin that was spreading across his face.

“Wanna get out of here?” she suggested. 

“I’m still enjoying my whiskey,” he said. 

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough whiskey for - I dunno - a lifetime?”

“Not my lifetime.”

She rolled her eyes. He met her gaze and smirked. Then, he got to his feet, and offered her his hand. She took it, and they touched for the first time since what they each thought was to be the last time. Who could have imagined they would find each other again in Austria? So far from home and everything they knew together? And yet, through clasped hands, they felt that home was not so far away after all.

He helped her off the stool, they paid, and then walked outside together. The clouds had disappeared and the sun was beating down a fresh, fragrant warmth. The air was clear. The storm had passed. 

[a-gorgeous-george]

Basic Questions

First name? Georgette

Surname? Foxworth

Middle names? Luciana

Nicknames? Gigi (by her     mother)

Date of birth? August     7th

Age? 22

Physical / Appearance

Type of clothes?

Georgette’s style is all about femineity and luxury. She wears a lot of dresses, a lot of skirts, but even her workout clothes are designer. She swears “cheap” clothes give her a rash – and who would want to mar her perfect skin like that.

How do they wear their     clothes? Tight and tailored.

What are their feet     like? (type of shoes, state of shoes, socks, feet, pristine, dirty, worn,     etc)

Georgette is rarely seen without heels on, and thanks to regular pedicures and lack of abuse, her feet are soft and pretty always.

Race / Ethnicity? Spanish     and Indonesian

Are they in good health?     Oh yes, she has a strict workout schedule and diet she sticks to… well,     actually, perhaps not, because alongside that she also lives a life of high     stress and nicotine.

Personality

Are they more optimistic     or pessimistic?

It really depends on the source of power in a situation. If it is something she has control over, she is optimistic, can’t see how something would ever not work out, but if someone else is in control, her view changes considerably and she is usually fairly certain it will fail.

Do they ever put on     airs?

When is she not putting on airs?

What bad habits do they     have? She has a serious nicotine problem.

What makes them laugh     out loud?

She isn’t really a laugh out loud type of person. She might chuckle or smile in amusement, but laughing out loud indicates a level of ease that she just does not feel around people. Also Al.

How do they display     affection?

She is very physically affectionate… I think. She has never been in a position where she felt comfortable being affectionate with a person in that way. Besides that, she shares her wealth in ways that benefit that people she cares about, shares her privilege with them. She is happy to be her friends’ sugar mama.

How do they want to be     seen by others? Beautiful and in control.

How do they see     themselves?

She very much sees herself as a lone wolf. She knows she’s beautiful, smart, capable, hardworking, but she’s alone and absolutely terrified someone will recognize it. She is also very much aware of her inner rage.

·       How are they seen by others?

Because of her past with her family and the lack of ties it provided her, Georgette was left defending herself. Her arrogance and obsessive need to believe in her own importance is directly tied to the lack of importance anyone else gave her.

Strongest character     trait?

For all her bravado and arrogance, Georgette is 100% unafraid of hard work. From her work on her blog and marketing it, her history as a beauty queen, her strict adherence to her diet and exercise routine, every aspect of her life, she has no issue knuckling down and putting in the time and effort to succeed.

Weakest character trait?

She is incapable of asking for help, as if it somehow undermines her own achievements if someone else must assist her.

How competitive are     they?

Extremely. If you want to manipulate Georgette into doing something, make it a contest. She’ll probably even know what you’re doing and still be unable to resist.

Do they make snap     judgements or take time to consider?

Snap judgements all the way, baby!!

How do they react to     praise?

Smug agreement.

How do they react to     criticism?

Strong commitment to your character’s delusion that she is anything other than amazing.

What is their greatest     fear?

Dying without ever achieving anything of substance.

What are their biggest     secrets?

Georgette is crushingly lonely. Her whole life has been spent pushing people away, trying to protect herself and prove herself, full of anger, and it has left her without anyone she can be close to.

What will they stand up     for?

Once her blog is up and running and successful, once the magazine starts to take off, she will have real issues with people saying she’s self-made. She is fully aware that even without her father’s money, her name alone carries a certain currency most people do not have. She is well aware of her own privilege in that area and will stand up against anyone who compares her achievements against someone who didn’t have that head start.

Who do they quote?

She’s a closet book nerd and might not quote directly but will frequently make allusions to literature.

Are they indoorsy or     outdoorsy? Indoorsy.

What is their sinful     little habit? Cigarettes.

What sense do they most     rely on?

Sight – how someone/something looks dictates more of her life than it should.

How do they treat people     better than them?

What people better than them?

How do they treat people     worse than them?

That seems like an unfair question when everyone is worse than them.

What quality do they     most value in a friend? She wouldn’t know.

What do they consider an     overrated virtue? Niceness.

If they could change one     thing about themselves, what would it be?

She would have people who cared about her.

What is their obsession?     Herself?

Friends and Family

Is their family big or     small? Who does it consist of?

Her mother and stepfather, father and stepmother, Jenny and Oliver (Yes, she considers Oliver as part of her family)

What is their perception     of family?

When she was barely cognizant of life, her father had an affair, had a baby, split up her family, quickly destroying the idea in her head. It is an outdated concept made to make people feel like belong to a group, no loyalty or love.

Describe their best     friend.

………. Let me get her just a friend first.

Ideal best friend?

Someone who understands her hustle. Someone she can see the inherent importance in. Someone that can still pull her out of her head and get her to have fun.

Describe their     acquaintances.

She is jealous of the closeness of Dodger’s gang, watching as an outsider and wishing desperately to be a part of it all.

Do they have any pets?

She is a massive dog person! (Get it?) But yes, she has a little doggo, Valentina.

Past and Future

What was your character     like as a baby? As a child?

Awful? Spoiled? She was raised spoiled, but after her father’s betrayal, she sought to teach him a lesson. Even as a child, she would blackmail and torture him, threatening to reveal his dirty secret to the world. She was worse to Jenny even, more easily able to take out her anger over the affair and her birth on the younger girl than the truly guilty adults.

Did they grow up     nurtured or neglected?

Neglected – but that is partly her own fault. She is as much at fault due to her reaction and actively hurting her family and her father. She lashed out and did truly awful things and crushed what bond there might have possibly been.

What is the most     offensive thing they ever said?

Oh, I don’t know… in my head, I feel like she can be a very problematic person. Add that in with her natural meanness, I am sure she has said some awful stuff.

What was their first     kiss like?

It was awful. Some other 7th grader when she was in 7th grade. Too wet. Thought he was trying to drown her.

What is the worst thing     they did to someone they loved?

Repeatedly blackmailing her father for her own benefit.

What are their     ambitions?

She wants to outshine her father, claim their last name as her own and not the sullied version her father left in the wake of his controversy. That is why her blog and future magazine is named after her.

What advice would they     give their younger self? It’s not Jenny’s fault.

What smells remind them     of their childhood? Perfume and peppermints.

What was their childhood     ambition?

Growing up, her mind stayed on the pageant world. Her ambitions usually stayed just one pageant ahead of her.

What is their best     childhood memory?

She doesn’t know if it’s real or not, just this soft memory of her father grinning and spinning around the living room with her, dressed in his coat and tails.

What is their worst     childhood memory?

Listening in from the hall as his father confessed everything to her mother, hearing her mother sobbing as he threw clothes into a suitcase.

When was the last time     they were crushed with disappointment?

The last one? She still hasn’t got over her first one.

Love

Do they believe in love     at first sight?

She only barely believes in love in any form.

·       How do they behave in a relationship?

Georgette really doesn’t do relationships, thanks to that whole “love isn’t real” thing. They usually last a month or so, but she gets bored and has no issue telling him to get lost after that point.

When did you character     last have sex? Perhaps a couple weeks ago.

What sort of sex do they     have?

She is looking for something hot, passionate, and with someone she doesn’t have to worry about calling back.

Conflict

How do they respond to a     threat?

Georgette doesn’t back down from a threat, though her means for fighting usually involves $$$ instead of doing any sort of fighting herself.

Are they most likely to     fight with their fists or their tongue? Tongue.

What is your character’s     kryptonite? Point out her lack of backup.

If your character could     only save one thing from their burning house, what would it be? Say it     with me… diamonds.

How do they perceive     strangers?

Her trust or lack of trust in them is based solely on how they look.

What do they love to     hate? Oh, that is way too long a list to put here.

What are their phobias?     Bugs of any sort.

What is their choice of     weapon? Poison.

What living person do     they most despise? Her father.

Have they ever been     bullied or teased? That would not go well for that person.

Where do they go when     they’re angry? Home, to seethe and plot.

 Work, Education and Hobbies

What is their current     job? Blogger.

What do they think about     their current job?

She has dreams of something bigger, more substantial, but she’s thankful for the success the gossip blog has had and excited to grow it.

What are their hobbies?     Painting, reading, dancing.

Educational background?     Some college.

Intelligence level?

I believe she is fairly smart, but her work ethic covers a lot of distance for her.

Favorites

What is their favorite     animal? Doggies.

What is the most     beautiful thing they’ve ever seen? Her face in the mirror.

What is their favorite     song? Ego by Beyonce

Music, art, reading     preferred? Ooooooh… probably reading

What is their favorite     color? Gold

What is their password?

Honestly it is probably a secure combination of letters put together by a professional.

Favorite food: Lasagna

What is their favorite     work of art? Judith and the Head of Holofornes

Who is their favorite     artist? Gustav Klimt

What is their favorite     day of the week? Saturday

Possessions

What is in their fridge?     A lot of water, veggies, meal prepped chicken

What is on their bedside     table? The current book she is reading, a bouquet of pink and white roses,     a gold lamp, a rose gold silk eye mask

Spirituality

Who or what is your     character’s guardian angel?

If she has a guardian angel, she would really like a word with it.

Do they believe in the     afterlife? I mean, she now knows Hades, so yeah

What are their religious     views?

Once you meet a god, you kinda realize which system of beliefs is the right one

·       How would they like to die? Painless and pretty

What is their zodiac     sign? Leo

Values

What do they think is     the worst thing that can be done to a person? Abandonment

What is their view of     ‘freedom’?

Able to make your way through life on your own two feet without having to rely on anyone else to support you.

When did they last lie?     Probably an hour ago

What’s their view of     lying? It definitely can make things easier.

When did they last make     a promise?

She doesn’t really bother. You either do things or you don’t. The rest is just extra words.

Daily life

What are their eating     habits? Healthy food prepared by a chef.

Describe their home.

Luxurious home in a gated community bought by her father.

Are they minimalist or a     clutter hoarder? Minimalist.

What do they do first     thing on a weekday morning? Drink a glass of cold water.

What do they do on a     Sunday afternoon?

She can be found putting the finishing touches on her blog post for the week.

What do they do on a     Friday night?

She can just as easily be found out dancing as home alone working.

What is the soft drink     of choice? She doesn’t drink soda.

What is their alcoholic     drink of choice? Merlot.

Miscellaneous

What or who would your     character dress up as for Halloween? Anything sexy.

Are they comfortable     with technology? She can do basic things.

If they could save one     person, who would it be? Jenny.

If they could call one     person for help, who would it be? Over her dead body.

What is their greatest     extravagance? Jewelry

What is their perception     of redemption? She hopes it’s real.

What would they do if     they won the lottery? It would change her life 0%.

What is their favourite     fairytale?

She isn’t really big on fairytales, but definitely prefers the darker original versions. So much more realistic than that happily ever after in love bullshit.

Do they believe in happy     endings?

She believes in the ability of a person to make their own damn happy ending.

What is their idea of     perfect happiness?

Surrounded by a family that loves her

If your character could     travel through time, where would they go?

She has it on good authority that life gets more uncivilized the farther back you go, so she’s good, thanks.

If they could have a     superpower, what would they choose?

Full on mind control. She’ll make you do what she wants and feel no guilt.

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

Okay, I’ve been putting it off, but it’s finally here. My KazuMaji playlist, which I have titled “Mad Dragon” because I think that’s a much cooler ship name : | This is informed mainly by whatever I’ve heard lately on FM radio and I’ll probably add to this as I go, but this hit my metric for being complete enough to post ^^;

Mad Dragon Playlist via youtube (I can also probably put this together via spotify if needed) 

“Van Horn” - Saint Motel 

Well, tell me do you me hate me? Or do you wanna date me? It's kinda hard to tell 'cause your eyes are looking crazy So why you coming over? Anything but sober? Looking like it's time tonight For fight or flight in Van Horn

I thought this would nicely start us off at the beginning of Kiwami 1. Like, look at those words and tell me you don’t INSTANTLY think of Kiryu. I sure as fuck did when I heard this song for the first time. This is defs Kiryu’s first impression of Majima and not knowing what in fuck’s name just happened. The eternal “Are we supposed to be fighting or fucking right now?”

“Take Me Home Tonight” - Eddie Money 

Take me home tonight I don't wanna let you go 'til you see the light Take me home tonight Listen, honey, just like Ronnie sang, Be my little baby!

Ah, and with that, we enter what I like to call the Horny section. And nothing more appropriate than an egregiously horny 80s ballad. Really sets the scene I think. And an excellent counterpoint to “Van Horn’s” confusion is the absolute certainty of Majima’s first impression here. His entire goal since meeting Kiryu is, well... to make him take him home ^^; Let’s be real. Absolutely no confusion about what he wants out of this. Horny, but also very sweet, just like our boy ❤

“Faith” - George Michael 

Well, I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body I know not everybody has got a body like you But I gotta think twice before I give my heart away And I know all the games you play because I played them, too

I would be truly remiss to write a queer playlist from the 80s without doing credit to our king, George Michael. So, continuing the Horny theme, but also, as you all might recall, the leaping directly into Kiryu’s lap gambit didn’t quite work out. And this is about that nervousness, that hesitation. And if Kiryu’s not going to put out, so to speak, then Majima’s better off holding back a bit. This is a reaction to Kiryu’s, well, rejection would be a strong word, but at least lack of reciprocation. Majima still wants him, clearly, but he’s reconsidering his strategy. Perhaps an early Kiwami 2 vibe. 

“It Will Come Back” - Hozier 

I know who I am when I'm alone! Something else when I see you, You don't understand, you should never know, How easy you are to need...

Don't let me in with with no intention to keep me! Jesus Christ! Don't be kind to me! Honey, don't feed me, I will come back

And so ends our Horny arc. The longing of this, the pining. As much as Majima knows he shouldn’t, Kiryu’s so... nice. He’s sweet, he’s tender. He’s so unbearably easy to fall for. He’s such a fucking good guy, it’s just... His helpless desire to be a part of that. Mmmm. This is a motif that stretches the whole of their relationship, but is certainly pronounced in 2 and 3. Hell, there’s even howling for fuck’s sake. 

“Dragging Me Down” - Travis Love Benson & Yo! The Moon 

Oh, this feels like a misstep, oh what a mistake! But I’ve fallen in with feelings that I cannot shake, The darkness that pulls me is dragging me down! And I think that I might be willing to drown

Ah, that inevitable horror. You’ve tried to resist, you’ve tried talking yourself down, you’ve spent time away and... yep, no, you’re good and in love. You’re fucked. This is a special kind of feeling, after the resistance, after the pining, the terrible realization that you’d give your life for this and there’s absolutely nothing you can do. Arguably, Majima’s felt like this the whole time as he’s always been afraid of what being in love with Kiryu will mean. But this is ESPECIALLY a game 4 feel. When there’s absolutely nothing you’re getting out of this, less than nothing, but you just can’t break with the feelings. You’re gonna die like this and tehre’s nothing you can do about it. Kiryu spends a bigger portion of his life than he would like to admit fighting against realizing this.

“Running Up That Hill” - Meg Myers 

It doesn't hurt me, Do you want to feel how it feels? Do you want to know? Know that it doesn't hurt me Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making? You, it's you and me

What comes after the terrible realization that you’ll die like this? The dedication. The resignation. If you’re gonna die like this, may as well make it worth something. BIG game 4 energy here. You may as well be playing this over the arrest scene. “Running Up That Hill” is a classic for any love story where some dumbfuck is stupid enough to be self-sacrificing and oh, look at that, we have two of them. “Running Up That Hill” is so gutting though because it doesn’t assume a happy ending. It assumes that if the trade works, this still all ends in tragedy. But it’ll be worth it. Make that big Game 5 energy as well.

“King and Lionheart” - Of Monsters and Men 

Howling ghost they reappear In mountains that are stacked with fear But you're a king and I'm a lion-heart

And in the sea that's painted black Creatures lurk below the deck But you're a king and I'm a lion-heart

And as the world comes to an end I'll be here to hold your hand 'Cause you're my king and I'm your lion-heart 

Another absolute classic. I think it’s illegal anymore to make a shipping playlist without “King and Lionheart.” I certainly have more ships than I can shake a stick at that fit this song. But it’s a classic for a reason. This takes all the dedication we developed in “Running Up That Hill” and argues that it doesn’t have to be tragedy. See, the problem with the previous is the sacrifice is one-sided and unacknowledged. “King and Lionheart” says what if we both knew? What if you let me do this for you? What if these were our roles and we were happy? It doesn’t all have to end in tragedy if we just... know. And that’s the real dream isn’t it? Be my king, let me be your lionheart. *stares helplessly at Kiryu Should Have Been Chairman AU*

“I Want You to Want Me” - Letters to Cleo 

Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying? Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?!   Feeling all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dying! Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying? 

It was hard for me to decide where to put this, but I do feel it belongs on this list. “I Want You to Want Me” on surface level expresses a fairly typical expression of infatuated puppy love. But it’s the above, this part, that really strikes me. Because that isn’t just the adoring desperation of courtship. Didn’t I see you crying, didn’t I see you vulnerable, didn’t I see you broken, and didn’t I love you anyway? Didn’t I see you crying and didn’t it do something to me to see you like that? That isn’t just blind desire. I’m still not sure where this should go and I may find a better spot for it eventually, but this is about the fact that they get each other’s broken pieces. That there’s some deep, vulnerable shit to work through and... seeing it and still wanting to be a part of things, fuck, even still feeling that blind puppy love is... really something. This is certainly part of Kiryu’s love language. He never sees ugliness in people and he has a profound propensity to take care of others. This is a thing he wants to say.

“I Still Ain’t Over You” - Augustana 

Hey, I'm the blood in your veins, I'm the cold when it rains, And I'm your heart when it breaks- Time, no it ain't on our side, I'm the truth to your lies, And I’m your tear, when you cry

This is a different kind of pining. This is that post-break up pining, the know-I-should-get-over-it pining. It’s not the pining you get when your courting. It’s not even the resigned to rejection pining. It’s that important part of getting over a break up where you’re still dealing with what it was you had or wanted and can’t let go of yet. Big Game 3 energy, but also Game 6. Because this also has a little hope for what still might be. There’s longing for what was, but also the possibility of the future. That’s what’s so confusing about it. Not knowing how to let go or what to let go of. I also just really like this song and I’m also just physically incapable of not putting Augustana in my playlists. You can really tell me generation there. 

“With or Without You” - U2

And you give yourself away, and you give yourself away! And you give! And you give! And you give yourself away! With or without you! With or without you, I can’t live... with or without you...

To be honest, this song basically makes no damn sense. Because it’s not asking for anything, like... it has no solution. But it perfectly encapsulates the heartbreak of being in love with something that can never happen. Game 5/Game 6 energy if I ever saw it. Just... the rawness... the desperation. It’s a classic for a reason.

“Needing/Getting” - Ok GO 

So I been sitting around, wasting my time, Wondering what you been doing. Aw, and it ain't real forgiving, it ain't real forgiving, Sitting here picturing someone else living. And I, yeah I still need you, But what good's that gonna do? Needing is one thing, and getting, Getting's another.

So we’ve had the break up. We’ve had the heartbreaking realization that what we wanted can never happen. And now... we’re finally coming to terms with that a little bit. Finally going, y’know what? I may never be over this, but I should probably try to move on with my life anyway. “Needing/Getting” is at least admitting that this is a losing proposition. We may not be all the way to healing and, heaven forbid, getting over it. But we’ve gotten as far as... this is pretty dumb.

“My Love” - Sia

My love, leave yourself behind Beat inside me, leave you blind My love, look what you can do I am mending, I'll be with you

So... after you realize that this isn’t going to get any better and, maybe, you don’t like being heartbroken all the time... sometimes you try to let things go. Big Game 6 energy. There’s a lot to love, there’s a lot to appreciate. And letting go doesn’t mean letting it all go, it doesn’t mean forgetting or regretting. But it can mean... moving on. Taking all you loved and learned with you, but moving on. To not give up on yourself, to keep doing what you promised you’d do, sometimes you gotta. There’s a lot of endings in Yakuza and a lot we may have to accept. “My Love” is about honoring that and keeping that love strong.

“Somewhere Only We Know” - Lily Allen

And if you have a minute, why don't we go Talk about it somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything So why don't we go? So why don't we go?

But, then again, who says we can’t try again? After we’ve accepted our loss, our endings, who says we can’t be close to the people we love when we still love them? This is how I tend to favor post-5 and even post-6 thoughts. Why can’t we just have nice things? I mean... jeez, c’mon. Please. I like to think that after all the pining and regret, we could still come to terms. We could realize how silly we’re being and just... it’s as easy as just asking for a little time. 

[margotverger]

top 5 best hannibal takes and worst hannibal takes. go

okay i’m going to do this generally on what other people’s takes (that i’ve seen or read somewhere) are because none of my hannibal takes are bad. 

top 5 best:

that margot should have been butch in the tv show and that the margot/alana romance could have been developed a little more, i’ll elaborate more on the butch angle in top 5 worst, but i think while i enjoy marlana in s3 (who doesn’t) i do think that there could have been a Little More to it, especially since there was admittedly a lot of gratuitous metaphorical work on a visual or verbal level in early s3 that didn’t... really do much after the first few, and that i think bryan fuller definitely got a bit self-indulgent. while i love s3 i think it was weaker because it got quite ensnared in feeling like it had to explain everyone’s individual recovery (not a bad thing necessarily and the looping narrative definitely had this feeling of “time has been changed, mutilated, adjusted after mizumono”, but on a narrative level it could have probably still been achieved but left more room for things to. Happen) and i think that some of the excess could have been trimmed to allow for more margot-alana development beyond simply talking about taking revenge, i would have loved to see some genuine conversation that only affected both of them that made us realise just why alana would raise the child with her, why they would get marriedーalana having very little dating life and presumably trauma around relationships since her immediate ex tried to murder her and is also a serial killer, and margot having been traumatised repeatedly due to being a lesbian in a very homophobic family, they deserved some space in order to explore why exactly they mean a lot to each other. even a singular scene that didn’t depend on taking vengeance on the men who hurt them would have given us enough i think. 

lara jean chorostecki’s hot take (implied) that freddie would have a wife. groundbreaking. love that. regardless of bryan fuller i am assuming with full confidence that freddie lounds has a wife after the timeskip

autistic will graham. enough said. hugh dancy’s only stupid thing was saying will isn’t autistic. that was a sin. will graham is autistic

lesbian abigail hobbs. lesbian abigail hobbs!

the hot take that hannibal doesn’t do its women characters justice, this isn’t just about deaths (i do agree that for the gothic horror narrative characters are doomed to some extent, and i don’t overly grieve over deaths that came too early, so i’m not too fussed) but on a writing level, bryan fuller definitely tries to portray himself as a very woman-positive author who introduces feminine energy - and he does! but at the same time there is a lack in developing relationships between women, and for a story to truly give space to be a genuinely woman-positive story there needs to be strong relationships between women that don’t depend on men; obviously since hannibal’s presence is insidious and infects everything, as is his luciferian ways, and will’s often the binding agent, this can’t be entirely avoided but regardless of hannibal they can exist, on some small level, individually. we saw that a lot in s1! between abigail and freddie and alana and abigail mostly, plus there was a small glimpse at it in season 3 with bedelia and chiyoh (underrated imo i would love to see further into why bedelia has her views of chiyoh and what that means ... i hope they interact again if hannibal s4 comes to pass!). so it proves there is room for it. it doesn’t need to be every episode or even have a huge arc but seeing hannibal pass the bechdel test more than like. twice a season would be nice!

top 5 worst takes:

that bedannibal is more romantic than hannigram (lol)... i love bedelia and bedannibal a lot but that’s just. hm. incorrect

that hannibal has never loved anybody except will. i’ve wrote about this before but i think that’s a deliberate misunderstanding of the character hannibal. what is unique about hannibal and will’s relationship is not the presence of love but the presence of being changed by that love; transformation is at its core, the openness to being adjusted or altered... recognition, seeing, understanding, and that allowing compassion not only for the other (in hannibal’s case) but for the self (in will’s case). hannibal loves a lot, but his love is not separate from crueltyーi think this is where people misunderstand. just because he is willing to hurt or harm people isn’t, in the narrative (not in real life), because he doesn’t love them. his cruelty is because he loves people enough he wants to bring them to the height of their being, in extremis. he loved alana, which is why he showed her a chance at mercy. he loved bedelia. he loved jack. he loved abigail! he loved bella especially, and he genuinely mourned. these went beyond fascinations; these were genuine expressions of affection, love, whether they be platonic or romantic or familial. hannibal’s flaw is not that he is incapable of love. and personally i think to disrespect his relationships with other characters (who are all women, black or both lol) in order to further isolate the white m/m relationship is... not ideal. not a sign that someone is wholly prejudiced but i think it’s something we should be critical about, especially when hannibal through word of god is confirmed to love other people. 

bryan fuller’s own take that margot being femme is somehow less prejudiced or problematic than if she was butch. i haven’t read the book yet but i already know that margot’s portrayal as a butch lesbian was problematic but thomas harris is . undoubtedly prejudiced in many ways and that’s a fault of him, not a fault of the existence of being butchーbeing butch isn’t just a “stereotype” it’s a genuine mode of existence, it’s an intricate relationship with gender, sexuality and love, and butchness deserves to be represented as something beautiful, desirable and complex... instead of just deciding she should be conventionally feminine because that’s somehow more progressive. but then again he also made her have sex with a man so you know. lol

ANY take that involves over-analysing who is a top or who is a bottom and then rendering the characters into homophobic/fetishistic stereotypes. it’s ugly! it’s weird! keep that shit away from me. also any take involving “dark!will”. again that just does the character of will disrespect lol. the whole point of will is that he is morally complex and perhaps beyond the human scopeーhe is not just an echo of hannibal... i’ve seen one too many fics where will just becomes a savage brutal unfeeling murderer who only cares about hannibal after s3. like please watch the show

that hannibal is a narcissist/sociopath... or any other ableist interpretations. not every villain is a narcissistic (a genuine disorder) sociopath (just another word associated with npd etc) just because they do bad things. they’re very real disorders that people deal with and are infinitely more complex than just a character having a god complex and killing people. the whole point about hannibal is that he exceeds what is considered neurodivergent and while i don’t mind if people with similar disorders relate to him (much like how i relate to will’s autistic traits) i think a lot of bad comes from people throwing the label sociopath around because it becomes dehumanising and leads to further stigma against truly vulnerable people. 

basically any trope that just does a character a disservice or neglects the actual story in further of fetishistic thinking, prejudiced thinking, ableist thinking... will graham can be autistic because of his empathy (i’ve seen it implied that he can’t be because of it when, as a very empathetic autistic person, hyper-empathy is a very common if not universal symptom, it just appears differently) and hannibal is not a sociopath just because he kills and eats people. and we should all have a little sip of critical thinking juice

[senescenceandsensibility]

Useful Tools

Things are good; still amazingly, surprisingly good. I hardly know what to do with that. Given this year and the world and all the relentlessly bad news, I can only be concerned about the inevitable fall from this high. But I am trying to enjoy it while it’s here. My mental health is, relatively speaking, so much better than it was, I’m consistently amazed and grateful, and I just don’t think I could have made this progress had I not traded my LA life for this Bay Area one.

I am not sure you could even reasonably consider me a depressive anymore, so rare are those episodes.

Now, a lot of this is just age and wisdom. Had I not had 30+ years in the workforce under my belt, I might find more fault with things at work. If I hadn’t moved from a rickety, unsafe house, the irritations of my apartment situation might seem bigger than they do. And if I hadn’t spent so much of the last 13 years alone, this isolation-within-isolation might have taken a greater toll. Things are, as always, relative.

But I was reminded forcibly of the not so old days the other night, crying in my car on the way home. It had to do with an exchange I had at work, and the feeling that perhaps (as these things go) I am wrong about everything and it’s all awful.

I work with go-getters. The pay is good, but the pressure is intense and the work demanding. They are good at their jobs but need to perform. And I recognize, even among people I really like, a tendency to roll over anyone and anything to get to their goals. That is at least one way to get things done. It’s not how I work, but because I’m eager to please, I can generally be helpful (and therefore beloved and appreciated) as they barrel toward the finish line. Their goals are also mine. It sucks to be rolled over, I truly hate it, but I can usually avoid that feeling by adopting your goals as my own.

As a (good) support person, I do just that. I provide support. I care about what you need just as much as you do. I treat all requests with the same level of urgency. Most people are paid to care about a narrow set of things. I am paid to care about all of the things you care about, and I take that seriously.

It’s too boring to spell out the exchange. Basically, someone acted like I’d provided only minimal support in the past and downplayed the (enormous amount of) work I’d done for him over the last year. Now, he’s either a poor historian (this is generous) or a gaslighting dickhead (more likely), and obviously I needed to incorporate this knowledge (he’s not to be trusted), but it gave me pause.

I always want information, even if it hurts, but this felt like a particularly painful slap. I tend to think that by providing outstanding service, by doing favors, by stepping in on projects or whatever it is, I am forging relationships. But that’s not the case, not always, and really not ever. That’s not how it works. I’m just begging for your favor.

I was pissed because this guy not only didn’t think highly of me, by his attitude you’d think he never thought of me at all. (Stepping in here to say, again, I have bent over backwards to fulfill his every request.) But he’s not required to. I am just doing my literal job, so he has no reason to even thank me, let alone appreciate it. It’s the minimum I should be doing and I shouldn’t expect anything for it. (Basic courtesy, it could be argued, is the minimum he could provide, but I digress.)

Ingratiating myself is what I do. I felt lied to and hurt, not because he means anything to me, but because I can’t help but worry that he’s not the only one who feels this way. That I’m wrong about it all, that no one sees me as anything but a useful tool. Which is how I know I’m not cured. I mean, honestly.

It’s true that none of these people are really friends. Just friendly coworkers. In truth, only one has become a friend and it is because she made the effort. And maybe it would be different if we weren’t so limited by the pandemic and forced separation. But maybe it would be exactly like this because I’m incapable of feeling like anyone really likes me for me, just because. Being useful is the only currency I trade in.

Seems there’s still work to be done on the happiness front. It is all relative, as I said. Relatively speaking, I’m happier than I’ve been at work, safer at home, more secure financially, and in decent health. That’s more than I lot of people can say and I’m not going to complain. But I will perhaps put some thought into what I can do to make more things good. And I’ll start by attaching less importance to manipulative assholes at work.

[skvaderarts]

Apocrypha Chapter Twenty One: Expedition

Masterlist can be found Here! Thanks!

Chapter Twenty One: Expedition

Notes: Can we talk about how amazing Bury the Light is? Ok, good. Just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. Moving on!

(-~-)

Considering the fact that he’d spent the better part of the night trying to ignore the feeling of tiny toddler toes digging into his back, the darkslayer had slept relatively well.

It had been challenging to him to even tolerate the concept of sharing a bed with another living being at first, more or less due to the fact that he had not done so in over two decades. Add to that the fact that he was still adjusting to the sensation of sleeping in a bed again after spending a lifetime in the underworld, and the fact that he had a difficult time sleeping through the night because he’d trained himself to wake up almost instantaneously at the slightest sound as a defense mechanism to prevent his enemies from being able to easily sneak up on him, and you had a recipe for an unpleasant night’s sleep practically evening. But there wasn’t much that the little boy could to to sway that outcome one way or another. Vergil was going to be cranky come breakfast time regardless of how little or how much he tossed and turned in his sleep.

Practically the second that the sun dared peak over the threshold of the windowsill, Kyle sat up and yawned, repeatedly jabbing Julio in the back with his free hand as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Once the middle child was up, so was his older brother. That was simply the way the children did things. As soon as Julio was roused and somewhat capable of functioning, he jabbed his little brother back, an action that immediately led into a poke fight. Had an adult, especially Vergil, been awake to see it, they would’ve more than likely dissuaded them, but the only “qualified” candidate was trying his level best to just tune out the world around himself and get a few moment’s rest.

Well, that was until Carlo woke up.

As if from nowhere, the little child sat up in the bed next to his grandfather and whimpered in frustration. His tiny child brain was incapable of processing the concept of lethargy, and as such desired nothing more than to turn back over and go to sleep. The main issue with that plan was that he didn’t comprehend this idea, so his only recourse was to become immediately flustered and frustrated. Clearly seeing that they had probably woken their baby brother up by accident, the two older boys shared a glance between one another before Kyle went to his younger sibling’s side and tried to shush him while Julio tentatively attempted to wake Vergil up in a manner that he assumed wouldn’t get him a stern lecture later on. Or worse, simply upset him.

Julio didn’t have the slightest idea why the older man was so… antisocial? Was that the right word for it? Regardless, he wanted to stay on his good side. While he wasn’t scared of him by any means since he assumed he meant them no harm and that Nero wouldn’t have entrusted them to someone who was a danger to them, he still didn’t want to make someone he barely knew upset. Vergil was supremely intimidating, especially to a small child. He didn’t want to be on his bad side, especially since he knew that he would probably tell Nero. The last thing he wanted was his father and his grandfather to be upset with him.

“Um… mr. Vergil? Can we go downstairs? I wanna find our mom.” Julio asked quietly as he gently prodded Vergil’s shoulder. He paused for a moment, waiting for Vergil to turn over and face him or sit up so that he could tell if he’d heard him, but he didn’t move. Still, right as he was considering repeating his request, the child stopped short of raising his hand to repeat his action. Something told him that Vergil was awake and probably just considering his request before delivering a reply. He couldn't be sure, but it just seemed like it to him.

“... Do you have any idea what time it is?” Vergil said in an almost hushed tone, still not moving. Not a single muscle shifted aside from the motion his lips made as his vocal cords moved in the proper manner necessary to assist in the production of the vernacular required to render his request audibly detectable. (Wait… what? Wha?)

The young boy glanced over at the analog clock that sat on the bedside table, unsure as to what the time had to do with anything. He’d overheard someone mention that breakfast went until noon, so he could only imagine that they hadn’t missed it yet. The others wouldn’t leave without them, right?

“Um… It’s nine o’clock, sir.”

Vergil sighed, still not moving. “Is that AM or PM, child?”

Julio furrowed his brow and glanced between Vergil, the window, and the clock, wondering for a moment if simply pointing out the level of light in the room would be an action that could get him into trouble for being rude. It was clearly morning. The sun wouldn’t be out if it wasn’t unless they’d been transported to another planet during the night. And if that was the case, they had an entirely different problem on their hands. After signing under his breath, he shrugged nebulously and decided to respond. After all, what harm could it do?

“That would be nine AM. It’s morning.” He made an earnest attempt to cover up how confused he was by the obvious question he’d just provided an obvious answer to, but Vergil caught the tone of his voice effortlessly. The blue devil slayer didn’t really care one way or another. He simply wanted to see what the child would say to him. He was Nero’s son, after all. Perhaps being around Kyrie or ever the adults at the orphanage they’d adopted him from had taught him some manners. He was inclined to assume the former as opposed to the later. 

From what he understood about public childcare institutions, especially the ones based in remote places like Fortuna, the concept of individual children receiving one on one time with the adults that supervised them was a completely foreign one. They more than likely had no time or interest in making sure that every single child was taught perfect manners, unless it served to expedite their adoption.

Why oh why did he have to meet Nero’s mother in Fortuna?

There were so many places he could conjure up that would've been preferable to that hyper-religious cultist paradise. And yet, there he’d found himself, digging through the archives that the Order of the Sword possessed, more than a little invested in finding out what -if anything- they could tell him about where his beloved father had disappeared to. To this day, Vergil had no idea where Sparda was or what had become of him, and it drove him slightly insane to consider it for any length of time. While it was realistic to assume that he had died and that he simply would never know, Vergil found it incredibly difficult to do so. After all, if the legendary Dark Knight Sparda had been struck down in combat against some unknown advisory, shouldn’t every demon in the underworld know about it? In all the time he’d spent in that accursed place, he’d never once heard such a rumor pass through circulation. The underworld worked on a different time rhythm than the human world did. Their little three day excursion turning into six weeks had been a perfect example of that. What was less than half a century to a seemingly immortal population?

He needed to stop thinking about it. The children needed to be returned to their parents. And he needed to find something to eat before he became even more irritable than he already was. After all, it was far too early to develop such a negative disposition towards the rest of his day. He hadn’t even ran into Dante yet. No, he had to pace himself or this day, like every other day, would get the better of him. There were too many possible undesirable outcomes to contend with to get so befuddled before even parting ways with his bed. He would get the children dressed and ready to meet back up with the rest of their family, and then he would plan accordingly from there. But first, the breakfast bar. He truly did need a snack.

For the sake of the hotel, he hoped they had something with blueberries in it…

(-~-)

Sun pierced the delicate green leaves as a cool breeze blew in from the north. The mountains parted, allowing an ample forest to line its borders. The creek that snakes across the ground in front of them had originated farther up the pass, it’s spawning point basically invisible from where they currently stood. And all the while V couldn’t help but wonder how in the hell he had allowed himself to be talked into this group hiking trip with the girls.

Nero had cited a desire to spend a few hours alone with Kyrie, a request that had garnered a few surprised looks and a teasing whistle from Dante, but they had resolved to head out without him, leaving the young devil hunter to his devices and at the mercy of his lovely domestic partner. Dante had decided to stay behind as well, stating that there was something he wanted to look into. While V was certain that probably had something to do with the fact that the girls hadn’t invited Vergil on this trip due to his lack of presence at the time they had decided to embark on it, he still wasn’t sure why he had decided to come at all. There had never been a time in his entire life that he had aspired to go hiking. Yes, he did enjoy nature in all it’s wild splendor, but he was also woefully clumsy, and clambering up a steep embankment was liable to get him injured in one way or another.

The group had stopped for a moment to catch their breaths when Patty chimed in, more than likely uncomfortable with the silence that had settled over the group. He’d realized that she was the talkative sort practically the moment he’d first seen her, though they had yet to actually introduce themselves to one another. She seemed friendly enough from what he could tell, however, and the others clearly adored her. The young blond woman had been around for quite some time and it showed.

“Ok, so like, I’ve just gotta ask… Does anyone know where we're going?” Patty asked as she gestured to the wide open space around them. She was clearly taken aback by the expanse laid out before her.” Because I like walking around in the woods as much as the next girl, but if I have to get Dante to find us out here or something, it’s going to be super embarrassing and he is never going to let me live it down. You know how he gets.”

“Look, your guess is as good as mine, Blondy. I don’t live here, either. Not even close.” Nico shrugged as she stood up from fixing her shoe. She’d managed to get caught on a fallen branch, and was having a hell of a time picking all the little pieces of debris out of her foot. “What I can tell ya is that V has a magic chicken, and that magic chicken is gonna help us find our way back if we get lost. It’s about the only thing it’s good for besides roasting over a campfire on a stick. A big stick because it’s a big chicken.”

V sighed, already aware that his avian companion wasn’t going to take that comment lying down. He could feel Griffon itching for a fight already, and he was still in his dormant form. The second he manifested, he was probably going to raise hell. For whatever reason, the mouthy bird had a special type of hate reserved for those who referred to him as a chicken. Perhaps he didn’t enjoy the idea of being edible? If so, he was in for a rude awakening if Shadow ever got particularly hungry…

As expected, Griffon suddenly materialized in front of him, clearly riled up and ready for a fight. His beautiful iridescent blue wings sparked it traces of electricity as he flapped furiously in place, shooting Nico an especially angry look. She just stared back at him, he hands on her hips. “You got somethin’ to say, lil chicke? Because you look upset. Better cool off before you roast yourself from the inside out.”

“Why you- now you look here missy, I’m no chicken! I’ll have you know, I was very dangerous in my heyday. You wouldn’t have wanted to mess with me when I was a few hundred sizes bigger!”

Nico shrugged, unthreatened by the mouthy bird. Picking fun at him was one of her favorite pastimes.” Then I would've just needed a bigger net… and a much bigger grill, because it sounds like there would’ve been leftovers! Now unless you're gonna help me fix my boot, go bother Trish or somethin’. I’m a lil busy.”

Griffon mumbled something under his breath about how he’d like to help her, earning him a stern look from V. While the summoner knew he wouldn’t actually do anything to Nico and she wouldn’t do anything to him, he still didn’t need him getting any ideas. Griffon was a crafty sort, and basically everything he did had some sort so wicked streak involved. The last thing he needed was Griffon accidentally igniting some of the dry underbrush and setting the entire forest alight. V had come there to enjoy the splendor and spectacle of nature, not destroy it. Rampant industrialization would do that at some point in the future without any needed input from him. All he needed to do at the moment was not trip over any of the rocks as he made his way to the precipice of the hill. 

Supposedly, there was a lake up ahead. That was the entire reason he’d hauled his beach gear all the way out there. After spending an entire day at the beach, the rest of the team had come to the conclusion that hanging out at the beach for hours at a time with nothing of real substance to entertain themselves with got relatively dull surprisingly quick. And while the pristine waters of the bay area and the shops were fun to look at and good at taking them for every cent that they owned, the forest provided much appreciated things like privacy, shade, and silence. The forest was obscenely quiet compared to the boardwalk, almost uncomfortably so. V almost had to almost physically fight off the urge to smirk as he considered all the quality reading time he might get in during this little expedition. Maybe camping was worth it after all…

“So, I don’t think we’ve talked before! I’m Patty Lowell. And your… um?”

It genuinely took V a minute to register that the young blond woman was talking to him. While they were not particularly far apart in age, he was considerably taller than her, so she just slid below his range of detection without much real effort on his part. That and her talkative nature had earned her a spot on his list of people that he tended to tune out. He had nothing against her, but he just liked to hear the silence inside of his own head every now and then. From what he could tell, she was quite nice, however.

“My apologies, Patty. You can call me V. I intended to introduce myself sooner, but I was… preoccupied.” He said, leaning over slightly to get a better look at her. She looked up at him and smirked, nodding in approval. He didn’t seem to need to elaborate any further as to what had held him up. Still, he was somewhat surprised upon reflection that he had managed to make it through an entire train ride and a dinner with her present without speaking to her even once. He wondered for a moment if she thought he was avoiding her. Hopefully that wasn’t the case.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you! I didn’t think Dante had any family for years before you and Nero showed up. He used to seem so sad sometimes, but now there’s four of you guys! Who would've ever guessed that would happen?” Patty seemed elated as she practically skipped along the path next to him. Despite his towering height compared to her, his commitment to careful foot placement meant that he had to walk considerably slower than he normally did. He didn’t feel like falling on the loose rocks that dotted the river banks they were walking near.” Your his… nephew, right? Like, your Nero’s brother? Older or younger? I bet you're older. I don’t know why, maybe you just seem like you're more mature or something.”

V shrugged slightly and nodded. He wasn’t entirely sure if he’d consider himself more mature than Nero. Perhaps he thought things through a little longer before enacting his plans, but his younger sibling was bright and capable in his own right. Not to mention the responsibility he’d helped take on by helping Kyrie adopt the children. Where were they, by the way? He was willing to bet that little Carlo would enjoy the woods. Maybe they would meet up with them later?

“You’d be correct in that assessment. I am slightly older, although by what margin, I can’t say. We have different mothers.” V said simply, cursing himself internally as the ascended the steepest part of the embankment. The lake was becoming more visible now, though it seemed to be closer to the size of a very large pond than a lake, per say.

Patty made a face as though he’d just told her something absolutely scandalous. He could tell she was being dramatic on purpose, but she’d done so nonetheless and it was honestly somewhat entertaining how animated and excitable she was. To be fair, the idea that Vergil had managed to get multiple members of the opposite sex in bed with him during his youth while Dante had no children of his own was quite interesting in its own right. Maybe she wasn’t too off base after all.

As they reached the top of the hill and approached the pond, V took in the area around him. The scent of fresh water and wet leaves permeated the air as unseen birds chirped and crickets rubbed their legs together to produce their melodious song. Despite the ever present fact that the forest was simply uncomfortable quiet still nagging at the edges of his subconscious, he decided to push his concerns aside for a little while and try to relax. He was determined to make the most out of the situation, especially considering the way yesterday had gone, and it seemed that everyone else was, too.

He could only hope that Nero and Kyrie didn’t make… well, anything else.

Three was enough, as far as he was concerned.

The compact house they called home simply wasn’t big enough for any new editions.

(-~-)

Well, this was fun to write! Only two or three chapters left of the Beach Arc, and then they return… and then the fun really begins. Cue the Phantom of the Opera theme, because things are about to get… dramatic.

[what-you-dont-surrender]

K.E. 2x06 Analysis

The sex scene! I called it! Not going to go too much into this, it was basically what I said to a T so you can read that here. 

I also said the following in a gifset about V watching through the window: 

Okay but, look at her. She’s not crying, she’s observing, she’s calculating. That’s the face she makes when she’s observing and adapting. That slight raise of her head on the last gif, she’s decided her next step. Does it sting? Yeah, probably. And that’s part of her hashing out her feelings for Eve, but she’s also planning. That, to me, is far more important. She did tell him to try it with his wife, it was for a reason. 

The reoccurring theme of "you're not alone" here is perfect. This episode really strives towards letting Eve know that she has Villanelle, they're similar, and only they both understand what the other feels and thinks.

Ew V, brushing your teeth with Eve's toothbrush doesn't count as a kiss, come on. 

V is going out of her comfort zone for Eve! Look at her NOT killing someone, so endearing. And she really does struggle with it. 

V’s apartment:

"Who do you want?" Such a great question to start this episode off on because if there is something V establishes in this episode is who she is. 

She shows Eve all of these people she's been and she can be at will: change her accent, her language, her posture, her demeanor, her life story. But none of them are her and she is all of them. And part of this episode will be about just that, getting Eve to see and understand that V is not one dimensional, she is not just one thing at a time, she is complex and layered; both vulnerable and deadly all at once. 

And then there's the name: Billie - Bill. So is V doing this as her form of an apology or is it a jab? Maybe it's both. 

Eve calls Hugo Kenny, doesn't care for the mistake, is definitely detached from pretty much everyone. 

The Moscow Rules! Apply! To! Their! Dynamic! Too! I love the writing-between-the-lines going on in this episode. 

Villanelle recognizes that Carolyn is also on the spectrum. She can sense Carolyn's detachment from others, her demeanor, and (thought she doesn't know) Carolyn's inability to form lasting relationships. Even claiming she's careful about how much she loves her own son. I wonder if seeing someone like her in a different career, playing a different role, intrigues V. The possibility of a different future perhaps?

Eve are you jealous? You're no longer the "real boss", you're no longer the only one who V knows is like her. Interesting. 

The “us” scene:

Eve chose Niko BECAUSE he is normal; he works as a grounding mechanism. 

She knew when she entered their marriage that he'd never be up to snuff but stayed because she felt the pull of that darker side of her psyche. Eve is now becoming more accepting of it though, she even enjoys it. Hence why she didn't deny V's "us" comment. She's beginning to accept that part of herself. Villanelle, on the other hand, is becoming more insistent and more blunt because she sees Eve's underlying desire to break out of her shell. (Not alone, part 2)

SESSION TIME!

So many layers to this, lets dig in. 

Villanelle using Eve as her background story to spite her is gold, because yes, she uses it to provoke Eve but also because it places Eve as the patient. The counselor's reaction was super telling, expressing that Eve has constantly placed herself as a victim to those who will not comply to her whim. She is far too "up her own arse" per se, to see why Niko wants to leave her. She's focused on getting her way despite of, or even at the cost of, others, choosing to instead play the "blame game". Even better, Eve is forced to hear this herself. She hears a counselor and a group of people who have experienced mental health issues express that she's too focused on her self-pity. And while this angers her it also functions as a catalyst, forcing eve to see more and more how much she has been spiraling and that she is, indeed, part of that "us". 

And what does Eve do when confronted with this? She lashes out. If you ask me, her anger is a bit exaggerated, which tells me she's aware that V is right about her but hates having to face the reality. "...this is over...the first rule is honesty..." These lines feel like they're not about the case at all, but have an underlying meaning for Eve. And it shows given V's reaction: "You asked me to come work for you"/ "How can I be honest...?" She’s just as confused, Eve isn’t making much sense. Until things fall in line: "aren't YOU?" which Eve doesn't answer because, yes she IS, she has been playing a different person her entire life. And then Eve does it, she questions V's abilities and we see the tiniest flinch. I love V's lines here because we see her draw a line in the sand. V has lived her entire life authentically as who she truly is. She embraced her mentality and her darkness from a very early age and was not afraid to relinquish all possibility of a normal life as long as she could be true to who she was. And yet here is Eve, someone who has worked to oppress her own nature, questioning her capacity and her ability to perform something that's such a bit part of her identity. And so V places her boundaries: do not underestimate her, do not forget who she is and what she can do. And that last line. It's a jab of sorts. Eve refuses to accept her own nature, so if she wants to be normal then the only thing left interesting in her life is Villanelle. "We'll try again in the morning," Eve won't shut the door to the possibility of a different life, but she needs time. 

I don’t think Eve misses Niko, sociopathic individuals just don’t fare well with major life changes. He grounds her, she knows that, so she’s scared of what she’ll become now.

Session 2! My! Favorite!

So, once you guys get to read my full meta you'll see the breakdown of how I arrived here but for now just know I've diagnosed Villanelle with antisocial personality disorder. She's also an overt narcissist. With this in mind, let's dive in. 

V admits to an inability to be truthful but most importantly, she doesn't understand the concept of it. The why, the how. Reality, and thus truth, is so boring for her so why would she choose to delve into it more than she already has to? This is also probably why she enjoys her work, she gets to suspend her reality enough and focus on a task, serving as a distraction. She probably doesn't even enjoy her work per se, but finds it’s the only way she can allow herself to be who and how she is, as society has no place for her. 

She finds her life both boring and herself incapable of feeling anything. This lack of emotional response to any form of stimuli is a staple for people who're in the APD spectrum. It has been speculated that some people with APD aren't incapable of feeling but simply feel far too fleetingly and their emotions manifest themselves in very low levels for them to a. sense them or b. recognize them. Villanelle has self-awareness and that's a significant feat in itself. She shows a form of frustration or annoyance/displeasure at her reality. She knows there are things others feel, others experience, that she lacks and this state of not-knowing is something she can’t embrace. So she seeks anything that may arise a semblance of an emotion, however small. Her work, staring at her dying victims eyes, Eve; they're all things she chases seeking a sense of normalcy. 

I want to touch on a few details: while we must remember that V is calculative and thus this entire speech is done with the knowledge of Eve listening in so yes, ulterior motive, it is also based on V's truth. While the tears may be questionable and perhaps mostly there as a form of maintaining her appearance as a normal individual while she's undercover there are a few facial expressions that are classic V. Slight facial twitches here and there and then, what caught my attention the most, her searching eyes. "I wake up and I think 'Again? Really?'" Here her eyes search, moving from side to side, as one does when engaged in conversation. This isn't practiced or rehearsed, to me, this is a glimpse into V's mind, into thoughts she's had about her person. "I have to do this again?" And the steel eyes come in, a sense of frustration, of exhaustion, of mind-numbing boredom, takes over her features. 

Now lets take a look at Eve, she's so in-tuned with what V's saying. For one, it seems she didn't expect V to be candid after their last encounter but most importantly, she seems to recognize the sentiment. She is engrossed listening to all the things V expresses she does hoping to feel something, there is a sense of recognition, of familiarity. And this may very well be why V decided to voice such thoughts, stirring that feeling in Eve. A sort of "see? I feel this and I know you feel it too. Isn't it so dull? Isn't it exhausting?" This move is purposeful but it doesn't necessarily mean it isn't honest. (Not alone, part 3)

And then V kills the bodyguard! 

Because what does V do after she opens up every time? She deflects, she jokes, she redirects the attention to any other facet of her person BUT the tiny crack of humanity she just exhibited. Sure, on one hand it’s her way of dealing with this obstacle, in another its a way of showing Eve that she handles things her own way, and it also tells Eve "I am both. I am that person who just opened up and I am this. Accept me as I am, or not at all." We see how detached she is during the kill, how indifferent, showing how no matter what she does she can’t shake the feeling of nothingness. But let’s take a look at Eve too: there's the initial shock of surprise, the heavy breathing, and then she holds V's stare and she begins to calm. V is observing here, perhaps trying to read Eve, was this too soon? How will she take it? And then when she sees Eve cool and collected, head raised high, determined and daring, she smirks and then returns the gaze. "What if I don't really know how I feel?" Man, the soundtrack nails it. 

Lol Carolyn don't care Eve! She knew V would go rouge sometimes.

The Gemma scene! Pretty obvious its Eve being territorial and her pride being wounded but the most important part of it for me was: "Are you scared?" 

My dear Eve, are you mimicking behavior here? It's a lovely sight. It’s like when a lion cub is learning how to hunt, a bit messy but the intention is there. 

Peel's home 

"If it bored you, you must've studied it, so you can at least detail the argument for it." Interesting choice of words here from Peel, bringing back that idea of boredom. 

We can see V struggling to NOT kill someone and it's so captivating. 

Also, Amber SO loved that smack lol

And here we see Eve as her handler! 

Isn't it lovely? Look at Konstantin directing Eve, telling her to give her space, let her cool off. 

Teaching her how to manage V. 

And then we see the chase scene with the girls. Honestly, I haven't made up my mind about this scene because it feels like it's sort of a transitional scene with the next episode so it's up in the air. V obviously scares them to later show up and get them to lower their guard, allowing them to enter a state of comfort. She has a tendency to do that, manipulate a situation to lull the other person into a sense of safety only to strike or get her way. My guess is she's either going to kill those girls or sleep with them as a way to distract her from the failed mission she just walked out of. 

The previews! I'm gonna hold off on those for a bit. For now, I hope you enjoyed this until I finish the episode-by-episode analysis.

[the-desolated-quill]

Under The Lake - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

After the truly awful opening two parter with Davros, seeing Toby Whithouse’s name show up came as a blessed relief. While not all his stories have been great, he’s by far the most consistently entertaining of New Who’s writers. Even his weaker episodes like The God Complex and A Town Called Mercy had a lot of good things to offer. And now he’s writing a two parter? Even better! 

So what’s Under The Lake like? Well I have to admit I’m very disappointed by the lack of original thinking here. Not only is this yet another base under siege story, it also bears a striking resemblance to another Who story from about 9 years prior. The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit two parter. Yes this base is underwater rather than orbiting a black hole and the crew are being threatened by ghosts rather than the Devil, but it’s basically the same. A military/scientific base that make a mysterious discovery. Writing on a wall that the TARDIS can’t translate. A distinctly ragtag bunch of misfits trying to survive. There’s even a bit where one of the characters gets sucked out of the base and we see their corpse bobbing about outside. The amount of recycling being done here is utterly shameful.

That being said, it’s execution that counts, and while Under The Lake isn’t particularly original or creative, it’s still quite enjoyable to watch. I really like the ghosts. It’s nice to have monsters that actually pose a genuine threat for once. The scene where one of them traps translator guy in an airlock was unbelievably tense. A lot of it is to do with the pacing and the atmosphere. Unlike The Magician’s Apprentice/The Witch’s Familiar, which seemed to keep changing settings and plot points so fast it looked as though Moffat was suffering from some form of ADHD, Under The Lake slows right down and actually explores the setting. There’s a very compelling mystery at the heart the story with the ghosts and the mysterious transmission, and Whithouse really takes his time unveiling it over the course of the episode. It’s legitimately intriguing and keeps you engaged in a way the previous two parter didn’t. Under The Lake may be many things, but it certainly isn’t boring by any stretch of the imagination.

Characters are a bit of a mixed bag. I liked O’Donnell, played by Morven Christie. She seems like a less grating version of Osgood, with her fangasms toward the Doctor being mercifully kept to tolerant levels. Both Whithouse and Christie seem to be putting more effort into actually having her be a likeable and believable character rather than just an obsessive fangirl with a Time Lord fixation (Moffat, perhaps you should take notes). I also liked Cass, played by Sophie Stone. She’s intelligent and level-headed, plus it’s nice to see Doctor Who include a deaf character into one of their stories, specifically a deaf character who isn’t portrayed as an innocent or naive victim. Although, considering this story is set in the early 22nd Century, you’d think deaf people would have better means of support other than relying on another person to translate for them (I mean for Christ sake, the hearing impaired have better tech to help them here in the present day). The other characters however are a bit bland. Cass’ translator has no character other than just being Cass’ translator, Colin MacFarlane’s character gets killed off just minutes into the episode (what a waste of a great actor) followed by the stereotypical Evil Capitalist, and finally you have a Arsher Ali as Bennett who’s just your generic nerdy nice guy who may or may not have a crush on O’Donnell (I don’t know. It’s hard to tell) and doesn’t really have any good material to work with. It’s a two parter so maybe he’ll get more stuff to do in the next episode, so I won’t dismiss him just yet.

Then of course there’s the Doctor and Clara, and I can’t say I’m very happy with what’s happening with them. Clara is once again getting on my nerves, but Moffat and co seem to be trying to spin her behaviour into some kind of character arc. Apparently she’s becoming more and more like the Doctor, yearning for monsters and adventure, presumably as a form of escape from her unhappy home life and to distract herself about Danny. This could be interesting except for a few problems. The most obvious being I don’t care about Clara in the slightest. She’s never really had any real agency of her own, her character almost entirely revolving around the men in her life. Even with Danny dead, her life still utterly revolves around him, and her solution is to become more like another male character in her life; the Doctor. And I’m sure you all know how I feel about Clara becoming more like the Doctor.

Its the smugness I really can’t stand, and I fail to see what the writers are trying to accomplish with this. One bit that really got me was when she and the Doctor come across a room where clearly some kind of fight had taken place, and her first reaction is to press the Doctor for a high five. It just makes her come across like a callous bitch. How about showing a little bit of concern? The crew could be injured or dead for all they know. Flatline had the same problem with Clara being more concerned with how good she was at being the Doctor rather than the lives that she failed to save, which I think any normal person in her position would be more concerned with. I especially don’t like the implication that this is how the Doctor acts because it simply isn’t. I’ve never liked the idea of the Doctor actively looking for trouble because I feel it makes him slightly less endearing. In the classic series, he was just a traveller who would occasionally help people out should they require his aid. I’ve always found New Who’s take of the Doctor being some kind of thrill seeker who craves danger and excitement to be an over-simplification (same with the Doctor’s knee-jerk reaction to guns and the military).

Speaking of the Doctor, I’m glad to see we’ve shifted away from the forced and awkward goofiness in the previous two parter (although sadly the sonic sunglasses are still with us). This is the kind of material Peter Capaldi is good at. This darkly sarcastic humour suits him so much better and I wish they’d stick to it. However, believe it or not, I feel Whithouse may have taken the Doctor slightly too far with it. I’m sorry, I know quite a few people like the gag, but I HATE the whole bit with the cue cards. The Doctor wouldn’t be this clueless about human empathy and it twists this Doctor’s character too far in an unnatural direction. Think back to episodes like Time Heist and Mummy On The Orient Express. Twelve is not incapable of caring or showing empathy. He’s clearly able to. He just doesn’t see it as a priority during moments of peril. You can see on his face brief flashes of concern, but unlike Ten and Eleven, he chooses not to express it so he can focus solely on the task at hand. So the whole idea of him needing cue cards to console someone just doesn’t ring true for me, plus after Series 8 with Twelve constantly seeking Clara’s validation for every little thing, the last thing I want to see is a repeat performance of that.

Under The Lake isn’t a bad episode by any means. Granted it’s not very creative or imaginative, and most of the characterisation is quite weak, but it’s still watchable and at times quite engaging. I was tentatively looking forward to Part 2, but then the episode ended with the Doctor’s ghost showing up as a cliffhanger, which caused me to groan. Not only am I getting so sick to death of the Doctor’s impending doom being teased over and over again like a broken record, it also completely strips the story of any potential threat because we know there’s no way the Doctor is really dead. Either the ghost isn’t real or Clara is going to find some miraculous way of bringing the Doctor back to life, and possibly everyone else too.

Sigh. We’ll just have to wait and see.

[yeahivebeensearchin]

Shortly after that, just as the turmoil with Sculley was beginning to build at Apple in early 1985, Jobs was heading to a meeting when he stopped at the office of a guy who was working with the Apple Foundation, which helped get computers to nonprofit organizations.Sitting in his office was a lithe, very blond woman, her name was Tina Redse. “She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen” Jobs recalled.

He called her the nest day and asked het to dinner. She said no that she was living with her boyfriend.A few days later he took her on a walk to a nearby park and again asked her out, and this time she told her boyfriend that she wanted to go. She was very honest and open. After dinner she started to cry because she knew her life was about to be disrupted. And it was. Within a few months she had moved into the unfurnished mansion in Woodside. “She was the first person I was truly in love with” Jobs later said. “We had a very deep connection. I don’t know that anyone will understand me better than she did”. Redse came from a troubled family, and Jobs shared with her his own pain about being put up for adoption. “We were both wounded from our childhood” Redse recalled. “He said to me that we were misfits, which is why we belonged together.” They were physically passionate and prone to public displays of affection; their make-out sessions in the NeXT lobby are well remembered by employees. So too were their fights, which occurred at movie theaters and in front of visitors to Woodside. Yet he constantly praised her purity and naturalness. As the well grounded Joanna Hoffman pointed our discussing Jobs’s infatuation with the otherworldly Redse, “ Steve had a tendency to look at vulnerabilities and neuroses and turn them into spiritual attributes.’

When he was being eased out at Apple in 1985, Redse traveled with him in Europe, where he was salving his wounds. Stnading on a bridge over the Seine one evening, they bandied about the idea, moreroantic than serious, of just staying in France, maybe settling down,perhaps indefinitely. Redse was eager, but Jobs didn’t want to. He was burned out but still ambitious. “ I am a reflection of what I do,” he told her. She recalled their Paris moment in a poignant email she sent to him twenty-five years later, after they had gone their separate ways but retained their spiritual connection:

“We were on a  bridge in Paris in the summer of 1985. It was overcast.

We leaned against the smooth stone rail and stared at the green water rolling on below. Your world had cleaved and then it paused, waiting to rearrange itself around whatever you chose next. i wanted to run away from what had come before. I tried to convince you to being a new life with me in Paris, to shed our former selves and let something new course through us. I wanted us to crawl through that black chasm of your broken world and emerge, anonymous and new, in simple lives where I could cook you simple dinners and we could be together every day, like children playing a sweet game with no purpose save the game itself. I like to think you considered it before you laughed and said “What could I do? I’ve made myself unemployable.” I like to think that in that moment’s hesitation before our bold futures reclaimed us, we lived that simple life together all the way into our peaceful old ages, with a brood of grandchildren around us on a farm in the south of France, quietly going about our days, warm and complete like loaves of fresh bread, our small world filled with the aroma of patience and familiarity.”

The relationship lurched up and down for five ears. Redse hated living in his sparsely furnished Woodside house. Jobs had hired a hip young couple, who had once worked at Chez Panisse, as housekeepers and vegetarian cooks, and they made her feel like an interloper. She would occasionally move out to an apartment of her own in Palo Alto, specially after one of her torrential arguments with Jobs “Neglect is a form of abuse,” she once scrawled on the wall of the hallway to their bedroom. She was entranced by him, but she was also baffled by how uncaring he could be. She would later recall how incredibly painful it was to be in love with someone so self-centered. Caring deeply about someone who seemed incapable of caring was a particular kind of hell that she wouldn’t wish on anyone, she said.

They were different in so many ways. “On the spectrum of cruel to kind, they are close to the opposite poles,” Hertzfeld later said. Redse’s kindness was manifest in ways large and small; she always gave money to street people, she volunteered to help those who (life her father) were afflicted with mental illness. More than anyone, she helped persuade Jobs to spend more time with Lisa (Steve’s daughter). But she lacked Job’s ambition and drive. The ethereal quality that made her seem spiritual to Jobs also made it hard for them to stay on the same wavelength. “Their relationship was incredibly tempestuous,” said Hertzfeld. “Because of both their characters, they would have lots and lots of fights”

They also had a basic philosophical  differences about whiter aesthetic tastes were fundamentally individual, as Redse believed, or universal and could be taught, Jobs believed. She caused him go being too influenced by the Bauhaus movement. “Steve believed it was our hob to teach people aesthetics, to teach people what they should like,” she recalled. “I don’t share that perspective. I believe when we listen deeply,both within ourselves and to each other, we are able to allow what’s innate and true emerge.”

When they were together for along strength, things did not work out well. But when they were apart, Jobs would pine for her. Finally, in the summer of 1989, he asked he to marry him. She couldn’t do it. It would driver her crazy , she told her friends. She had grown up in a volatile household, and her relationship with Jobs bore too many similarities to that environment. They we’re opposites who attracted, she said, but the combination was too combustible. “I could bot have been a good wife to “Steve Jobs” the icon,” she later explained. “I would have sucked at it on many levels. In our personal interactions, I couldn’t abide his unkindness. I didn’t want to hurt him, yet I didn’t want to stand by and watch him hurt other people either. It was painful and exhausting.”

After they broke up, Redse helped found the OpenMind, a mental health resource network in California. She happened to read in a psychiatric manual about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and decided that Jobs perfectly met the criteria. “It fits so well and explained so much of what we had struggled with , that I realized explicating him to be nicer or less self-centered was like expecting a blind man to see,” she said. “It also explained some of the voices he”d made about his daughter Lisa at the time. i think the issue is empathy- the capacity for empathy is lacking.”

Redse later married , had two children, and then divorced. Every now and then Jobs would openly pine for he, even after he was happily married. And when he began his battle with cancer, she got in touch again to give support. She became very emotional whenever she recalled their relationship. “Though our values clashed and made it impossible for us to have the relationship we hoped for” she told me, “the care and love I felt from him decided ago has continued.” Similarly, Jobs suddenly sorted to cry one afternoon as he sat in his living room reminiscing about her. “She was one of the purest people I’ve ever known,” he said, tears rolling town his cheeks. “There was something spiritual about her and spiritual about the connection we had.” He said he always regretted that they could not make it work, and he knew that she had such regret as well.

One dating adviser agreed that love is risky, and wrote that "There is truly only one real danger that we must concern ourselves with and that is closing our hearts to the possibility that love exists."[55]

[nicemango-feed]

Qasim Rashid's Tasteless Independent Piece about Sex Abuse

I was appalled to see this article on Twitter the other day. I don't even have the words to express how tacky and distasteful this is.  As the far-right rises in the West, I find myself more interested in pushing back against that (since it's more of an urgent issue impacting our day to day existence here).....than constantly criticizing Islam in a climate where Muslims are singled out, generalized and targeted.  Nuanced and legitimate criticisms are lost anyway nowadays, to fear-mongering about Mooz-lums raping their way across the globe to secretly instill Shariah.  But then there comes a situation where you just have to rebut something as stupid and insensitive as the article above...with all you've got. Hopefully, my rebuttal won't get lost with ignorant takes like: "Islam is worse than Nazism" or "90% of Muslims are ticking time-bombs"... ..so here goes:   With all the overuse and false accusations of "Regressive Left" floating around atheist twitter, its hard for an actual left-leaning person to recall a time when this term had meaning and referred to an actual problem. Well, this article is a great reminder on how the left can utterly fail in the way it deals with the topic of Islam. I can't believe such an article was approved and put out by such a well known publication. What were they thinking? Who is making these decisions? I mean...they may come from the perspective that they're doing this to offset the increasing anti-muslim bigotry, to normalize Muslims in a political climate where they become dehumanized more and more each day....but they can't seem to comprehend that defending Muslims can be separated from championing Islam. Before seeing this one, I came across quite a few tasteless takes regarding the awful Weinstein scandal. It seemed everywhere I looked someone was hijacking it to further their own agenda. A few standard "Oh you think Weinstein is bad, but what about Islam...that's way worse!!" type takes from ex-muslims that I've become used to seeing....and cringing at. Oh you think the alt right/white nationalism/nazism is bad? What about ISLAM - it's way worse!!" It seems, that some are incapable of discussing anything other than that one topic (which makes it all the more off-putting for me). There's a time and a place....there's a way to acknowledge multiple problems without minimizing the suffering of Weinstein's victims. This isn't to say, of course that when the conversation is turned towards sexual abuse that we cannot also bring up other forms that people often let slide.... especially when religion gets a pass on everything. I saw some Saudi feminists bring up some important points about how migrant domestic workers are assaulted on an everyday basis in Saudi society by privileged Saudi men...who get away with it. But they didn't do the, "Oh you think Weinstein is bad? Well Saudi men can be WAY worse" thing....where they bring the other topic to light only by minimizing the harm that Weinstein did. That is the difference.....one that many 'but what about Islam' types don't understand. "Yes we have similar problems too which we need to discuss" is a whole lot different from "Oh, Pfft, this? It's nothing compared to the cause *I've* dedicated *my* life to. And you know what, no one's perfect we're all likely to fall into that trap accidentally sometimes... but the ones who have a distinct repeated pattern of constantly being unable to address any issue without the added, "but what about Islam/The left" have become incredibly unhelpful voices. ...Speaking of unhelpful and cringeworthy voices though..I have to say Qasim Rashid, the author of the Independent piece is one of the worst I've encountered on this issue. The 'but what about Islam' takes are bad, but fuck....using a sex scandal to spread religious propaganda, to *proselytize*.... is a whole new level of scummy. Not only is it scummy but he goes about it in the most dishonest way. Yes we should absolutely encourage liberal, progressive interpretations of Islam. I find it incredibly unhelpful when people hold every liberal muslim to an 'ISIS purity test', that basically no one passes...and therefore the only 'real' muslims are the extremists. That is not a good approach. But, when it comes to more progressive interpretations of religion there are those who acknowledge the plurality and plausibility of multiple interpretations. They admit that some verses are just not ok by today's values. People like Qasim however will argue that everyone else has it wrong... they've misinterpreted and HE somehow has the correct interpretation. They cherry pick without acknowledging they are cherry picking, unlike more honest reformists who openly say that cherry picking is the path forward. Like all the Abrahamic religions, obviously...Islam too is full of contradictory crap er...stuff. So naturally you can pick a bunch of things that sound alright, or you can pick a bunch of things that sound barbaric. But if you really want to look at the whole picture you can't ignore either...both anti-muslims and apologists for scripture like to ignore the aspect convenient to their narrative and push the other. "Islam is PURE EVIL" or "Islam is PERFECT and PEACEFUL and FEMINIST" .... there are some pretty vile, murderous, misogynistic, hateful things in there...certainly some of that is 'evil'....but there are some alright bits that are cherry picked by modern progressive muslims, which makes most of them peaceful. 'Perfect', it certainly is not...'feminist'...nope. Be wary of anyone claiming either of those. I mean its absurd on the face of it...morals from centuries ago are simply not going to work today. If you try to claim they are *perfect* for today, then you're endorsing or twisting some pretty awful shit. Anyway.... *Cracks knuckles* Lets get into it....this fuckin' article. What a crock of shit. "My advocacy is informed not just by the law, but by strategies detailed in Islamic teachings and Prophet Muhammad’s example to pre-empt sexual abuse." Almost spit my beverage all over my keyboard...thanks for that Qasim. Would Mo's example pre-empt sexual abuse here?

From Sahih Bukhari

Slavery too....if defined by scripture is permissible in Islam....and slaves were to accept that owners are allowed to sleep with them at will. As stated in Quran 33:50

Obviously this is not a practice any decent Muslim would endorse today, but if you want to go by Mo's example...then it's worth mentioning. It would be one thing to make some excuse about it being a different time....and the example not measuring up by today's values... but if you are going to literally say a sex slave owner's values are what can prevent sexual abuse....I'm going to have a thing or two to say. Yes such slavery predates Islam, and so continued under Islam...I am not a fan of people using archaic texts to define an entire diverse group by today. So no this is not for you far-righters who paint all muslims as pedophilic rapists. What about this strategy detailed in the Quran, 4:34

Does making men in charge, commanding women to be obedient, and giving permission to 'strike them' also pre-empt sexual abuse?

***

I have to say I cringe a little while I'm picking out these verses to debunk this idiotic article, because I'm all too used to seeing how anti-muslims use these to dehumanize and generalize Muslims who may not even be aware of such verses. I know many like myself were taught curated versions of scripture. Religion is full of this kind of nonsense.... slavery, stoning babies, virgins...killing people who disobey...fathers ok-ing rape of their daughters for a few $$. Islam is certainly not alone in this, so think twice before painting Muslims with a broad brush. I cannot say that enough, especially in the Trumpian era.

***

"Let’s start by understanding two facts. First, a woman’s attire, alcohol intake, marital status, and education level do not contribute to sexual abuse – abusive men do. Second, sexual abuse doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Every level of society – social norms, media, and Government – is complicit in promoting the rape culture that perpetuates sexual abuse." "Social norms demonise a woman for speaking out, victim-blaming her by asking what she was wearing, whether she gave signals inviting abuse, or asking why she didn’t speak up sooner." Very good Qasim...I'm glad you pointed out that a woman's attire doesn't matter. But the Quran (24:31) seems to disagree,

Here it tells believing women not to flaunt their assets, and even wrap a portion of their headscarves/outer garments over their chests. Clearly a woman's attire mattered to Allah, and therefore Mo quite a bit. (24:60) only postmenstrual woman are allowed to cast out their 'outer garments' even then being careful not to display any 'adornment':

So Qasim, when you talk about social norms demonizing a woman, victim-blaming her by asking her what she was wearing....perhaps look honestly at the things you yourself recommended to 'pre-empt' sexual abuse. Laughable really. Don't even get me started on the punishments Islam prescribes someone for adultery...so I'm pretty sure marital status matters too. You're right when you say every level of society can be complicit in promoting a culture that perpetuates abuse....but you conveniently miss out religion - old value systems that simply didn't classify abuse in the same way we do now. If you want to be a women's advocate, how about not preaching a misogynistic religion to them while they open up about their painful abuse experiences. "state laws only punish the actor once the act is completed, they don’t prevent the act in the first place. This scenario plays out repeatedly worldwide, whether we’re discussing “revenge porn”, gender based violence, or sexual harassment in the workplace.

This is where Islamic teachings and Prophet Muhammad’s example provide a solution that no state truly can. "

What the fuck, dude. What are you even trying to say here? While you're right that banning cat calling won't work, and that it isn't preventative... what's your solution? Islam and Mohammed? Are you for fucking real right now? Are you saying that being fearful of some god that would burn you for eternity and that following in the footsteps of a prophet who's example isn't known for his fair treatment of women, who owned slaves...and consummated with a child is what will prevent sex abuse better than modern man-made law?!  Right because religious people NEVER sexually abuse anyone....if only they had had access to the teachings if Islam and the example of Mo. It's embarrassing really, to even debunk this.

Read story here

"Yes, Islam implores accountability to the creator, but rather than preach empty dogmatic theories, Islam instead prescribes a proven secular model." What are you even on about? Accountability to the creator? How old are you... how well has that worked to prevent religious people from sexually abusing people or committing any crimes? Secular model? What? "Thus, the Quran 4:2 first establishes men and women as equal beings. Chapter 4:20 then forbids men from forcing a woman to act against her will, thereby ensuring women maintain autonomy and self-determination. " Now, just because theres some contradictory more benign seeming stuff in there... doesn't mean you can ignore the wife beating verse (4:34), where aside from the 'strike them' nastiness...it literally says this: "Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other" Or how about the women are your farmland... plough them however you like (just don't do anal tut tut) verse (2:223)?

I mean, I hate to put on my "let me point out all the awful verses in the Quran/Hadith" hat right now, because I know the alt/far-right loves that stuff and uses it to stir hatred for whole groups which include people like me and my family. But in the face of this tasteless absurdity, I cannot remain silent. I can only hope I put enough "I dislike anti-muslims" caveats in here that it prevents them from latching on to this particular piece. I'm not alone in feeling that my criticism of Islam is sort of stifled at the moment because it's too easily hijacked by bigots, anyone with a shred of decency is feeling that right now.

Anyway, back to this unfckingbelievably ridiculous piece. I honestly can't wrap my head around how awful it is..and what kind of person you'd have to be to write something like this, especially in the midst of a high profile hollywood sex scandal. "Here..... stop fussing about this sex scandal...and listen to all the good things about MY religion, one that has a bad reputation for it's treatment of women" ....Oh ok @ssh*le.  -___- Aaand it gets a whole lot worse than I imagined. Qasim actually links to a previous even more nauseating piece he did about THE WIFE BEATING VERSE FFS, where it's a bunch of the most pathetic and weak twisted apologetics for 4:34, and it's actually titled: "The Islamic Solution to *stop* Domestic Violence" [emphasis mine] I can't....I have to take a break.....I walk away from the computer, pour a drink, take a breath. Alright, I'm back...What was I saying? Oh yeah... His fucking *solution* is the verse that says men are in charge of women and you can strike them. THAT, to him is pre-empting domestic violence.. because by making men in charge it gives them some responsibilities and shit. He's thrilled it doesn't go straight to beating....this is a good thing apparently....An 'anger management strategy' - what the actual fuck is wrong with this guy and how is he allowed to pump this shit out in mainstream liberal publications like Huffpo and Independent?? And I quote, from the Huffpo piece, "Pre-emptive deterrence is the key. And this precisely is the wisdom behind verse 4:34 to decrease and stop violence against women. The verse in its totality describes a process of restraint, anger management and reformation." 'Wisdom' he says...About an infantilizing, abusive verse that clearly doesn't hold women in high regard. Just because it doesn't jump straight to the beating, it's a process of restraint. Fucking hell. "Employed effectively, these two steps help reconcile the vast majority of domestic disputes. Should the first two steps fail, however, the Quran allows — never commands — men to consider the third step, translated as “to chastise them.” Look, it *allows* --- it doesn't *command* you to 'chastise' your wife. (since the beating isn't compulsory...that makes it totally ok) Firstly Qasim, slick replacement of strike with 'chastise'. Secondly, obviously this is only for the rarest of times...for when the first two infantilizing and humiliating methods don't work on her (that totally excuses the fact that u can resort to ..you know... beating her) If the first two steps don't sort out your domestic dispute, it's because you didn't employ these perfect strategies 'effectively'.... Of course then his article delves into semantic bullshit about how the word for strike isn't actually that. Nothing I haven't heard before...but I haven't come across anyone with the audacity to argue they are progressive *and* suggest the wife beating verse as a goddamn *solution* to domestic violence. There are many Muslims who genuinely acknowledge that this verse is not palatable today....Qasim is not one of them. He would rather twist it to say it means the opposite of what it says in mainstream interpretations of the Quran. He'd rather appear dishonest in front of anyone who knows anything about Islam. This doesn't help Muslims, or their reputation...quite the opposite in fact. So I sincerely don't understand why left leaning publications put out stuff like this. All this does is breathe fire into anti-muslim movements. It energizes them, gives them something to rally around.

***

Sorry I went off into a rabbit hole there for a bit, so enough about the horrid Huffpo piece, and back on to the horrid Independent one....where were we... "And when it comes to the Islamic concept of Hijab, it is men who are first commanded to never gawk at women, and instead guard their private parts and chastity, regardless of how women choose to dress – pre-empting sexual abuse." I just love how he selectively points to the male requirements for modesty, saying that it tells men to lower their gaze... but he completely skips over the modesty requirements for women. You know, what hijab is literally KNOWN for? Slut-shaming women into covering head to toe and holding them responsible for provoking lust....no mention of the double standards about what men are required to do vs women. Of course men are commanded first because the whole Quran refers only to men directly (with a couple of exceptions)...when it refers to women it is in third person or via men..."tell your women/wives" type stuff. The Quran isn't some great feminist book, it puts men first because it only talks to *them* directly. "Accordingly, the Prophet Muhammad by example demonstrated that the burden of modesty, respect, and combating abuse of women rests on men. Indeed, men must take the lead in stopping such sexual abuse." Oh COME ON, the guy who married a six year old and had slaves? I really hate to sound like a broken record here... but Qasim is being one, so I need to keep repeating the obvious. "After all, while the Quran obliges women to dress modestly as a covenant with God, Islam prescribes no punishment whatsoever for women who choose to dress otherwise." Oh yeah totally, it's just an afterthought that the Quran obliges women to dress modestly...nothing to do with placing the blame on them for enticing men. Oh and the Quran doesn't describe the details of Salaat/prayer either....so I guess that must not be Islamic either. Here's a verse specifically commanding the wives of the prophet to stay home and not display themselves if they want to be 'purified' (funny thing is, this is one of like 2 or so verses that directly address women, and it's to tell them to not put themselves on display! Imagine that.)

O wives of the Prophet, you are not like anyone among women. If you fear Allah, then do not be soft in speech [to men], lest he in whose heart is disease should covet, but speak with appropriate speech.

And abide in your houses and do not display yourselves as [was] the display of the former times of ignorance. And establish prayer and give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Allah intends only to remove from you the impurity [of sin], O people of the [Prophet's] household, and to purify you with [extensive] purification.

And 33:59 spells it out clearly, women of the believers....cover yourselves so you aren't abused.

Just because the book hasn't specifically prescribed a beating in *this* situation... (I mean... a lot could be covered under 'disobedient wives') - doesn't mean that the general climate of "stay at home, do not put yourselves on display... or else you won't be pure" crap isn't pressuring women with the threat of hellfire.

"women in Islam rise to the rank of legal scholars, warriors, entrepreneurs, and philanthropists while lovingly embracing identities as mothers and housewives.

Weinstein is a symptom of the greater disease of arrogance, unaccountability, societal apathy, and from men who knew of the abuse but did nothing. Islam and Prophet Muhammad provide a practical solution."

Oh ffs, a man who ok-ed wife beating and keeping them at home, married a child and thought women could be owned as slaves does NOT provide a practical solution to sexual abuse. You're an embarrassment Qasim. 

So shameless...

"Together, we can employ a proven Islamic model that will stop this madness, and re-invoke gender equity today in America, and the world."

Who is he preaching to? How did the Independent let this happen, this is like a lecture you'd hear at Islamic Sunday School....does no one understand that this kind of horrific dishonesty, easily debunked....does nothing to help muslims. 

It's a real shame this man gets a platform like this. I'll say again, who approved this and what were they thinking? Who is the audience they hoped to reach with "together lets employ an Islamic model to stop sexual abuse"? This is some bullshit 'religious right' propaganda....get it together Independent. 

I'm all out of facepalms. I think that's all I got for today. 

***

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[zenruption]

10 Methods Successful People Use

By Jerry Mooney

1. Embrace change.

“Screw it, Let’s do it!” Richard Branson

Richard Branson is a great example of how to get what you really want. The billionaire maverick whose Virgin enterprise encompases over 400 companies, explains that you have to take chances,  learn from failure and embrace change. Many of us fear change which prohibits our ability to take chances and apply lessons of failure. Until we realize that failure is part of the process of success, we will remain paralyzed. Change is a constant in life and when we don’t embrace it, we get run over by it.

2. Failure leads to innovation

“If I find 10,000 ways something won’t work, I haven’t failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step.” Thomas Edison

1 and 2 are certainly related, which should emphasize their importance. Allow the process of discovery be one that doesn’t pit perfection against discovery. When we only expect perfect results, we undermine the process that discovers the hidden innovation. Stumble forward. Break things, but learn from what didn’t work. When you do that, there is no failure, just steps towards success.

3. Don’t be afraid to Solve Big Problems!

When I was in college, I wanted to be involved in things that would change the world. Elon Musk

There is opportunity in the problems that most people find too big to solve. Elon Musk took on the space industry and the electric car, not because they were easy, but because they were hard. Where things are challenging is where you won’t be daunted by the crowds trying to accomplish the same thing. Opportunity is often found off the beaten path. Sometimes that means taking on Goliath or carving new ground.

4. Embrace Stability

I almost never get the question: ‘What’s not going to change in the next 10 years?’ And I submit to you that that second question is actually the more important of the two — because you can build a business strategy around the things that are stable in time. Jeff Bezos

This might seem like a contradiction to the above points, but it’s also important to understand what is constant in the world and work with it. Simultaneously, it is important to understand that there is nuance and paradox in life, and we must embrace that and know when to shift gears. Yes there is change, but something will always be needed. If you can fulfill a need you will be in demand.

5. Don’t Expect Life to be Fair!

“Life is not fair — get used to it!” Bill Gates

A consistent hurdle in life derails many of us is the discovery that life isn’t fair. Instead of pining for a fair life, accept that it isn’t and realize that there is still infinite opportunity. By focusing on what is unequal we only succumb to victimization. Success lies in the finding our niche, not fixating on our impairments. Find out your niche and go for it!

6. Find Something you Love. Do that!

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.” Steve Jobs

Most of us work forty-plus hours a week. Between that and sleep, a great deal of our life is occupied. But if we love what we do, we don’t need as much time off or vacation. We spend the bulk of our time doing what we love. Additionally, if you do what you love you will be inspired to work at it and do it at a high level. If you hate your work you will resent doing it and will be incapable of achieving inspired results. Plus you’ll be tired and resentful in the time you have to do what you want.

7. Don’t be Pressured into bad decisions!

The stock market is a no-called-strike game. You don’t have to swing at everything — you can wait for your pitch. Warren Buffett

Sometimes there is the perception that there are once-in-a-lifetime-opportunities. Warren Buffett suggests that opportunities are like trains, there’s always one leaving and one arriving. Choose yours. Have you ever been pressured by a friend or family member to take advantage of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? The very concept implies that opportunities are finite and it plays to our fears. Fear should not motivate us. We should allow that which inspires us to move us. Then we are invested personally in our investments.

8. Don’t Listen to Naysayers!

Most entrepreneurial ideas will sound crazy, stupid and uneconomic, and then they'll turn out to be right. Reed Hastings

Revolutionary innovation is such because most people thought it wasn’t possible. Don’t listen to them. That’s why they didn’t do it. Innovative people have made fools of their critics along their paths to success. An old saying in stock buying is, buy hysteria and sell euphoria. Basically do  the opposite of what the masses do. There is a reason it’s lonely at the top, most people don’t get there.

9. Cut yourself some Slack!

"Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they're finished." Dan Gilbert

Dan Gilbert expresses the sentiment that we are often our own worst enemies. Give yourself a break. You’re not supposed to be perfect. If you are working against yourself, how can you expect others to work for you or with you? Additionally, if you pile on yourself for every misstep along your journey, you will quickly become exhausted. Instead, save your valuable energy and realize that you’re okay. keep going and don’t judge.

10. Visualize!

You’ve got to visualize where you’re headed and be very clear about it. Take a polaroid picture of where you’re going to be in a few years. Sara Blakely

If you don’t care where you want to go, you’re sure to get there. But if you have a goal, then you have something to shoot for. In order to achieve your goals you must be able to visualize them. Visualizing allows you to not only know what you’re trying to create in your life, it helps you keep yourself accountable when you’re off-track or perhaps found something better. When you have no goal, it’s easy to simply circle the drain, aimlessly.

Ultimately, these ten innovators have change the world and if you adhere to these ten principles you will find yourself carving out a successful path.

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