#and i've always teetered back and forth between the ideas

[girlfox]

ah the eternal battle of appreciating riot's world building & lore surrounding ahri, or yoinking her straight out and writing a general fantasy main verse for her . . .

[vaexna]

hello everyone . i've been wanting to draw so so so bad but the end of the semester is next week for me and as the dumb college student i am, i decided to cram everything into my brain last minute... so here we are.

but!!! instead, here something i've written !! it's very much about zane and religion because uhhhhhh yeah :D

disclaimer: i didn't proofread. i'm too busy lazy to. thank u for coming to my ted talk <3 if it sounds dumb it's because i'm dumb . it's 1am, and i had the very aggressive urge to write about this dude so here we are, and uhhh my bad LOL

— under the cut ☆ (mwahaha I FIGURED OUT HOW TO DO THIS!!)

If there's one thing he could stand by, without doubt or fleeting conviction, it's the fact that he's seen it all. Pyres and caskets, offerings and tombstones. He's been to small churches in the back of tight-knit towns, made of wood and the faith of believers. And he's been to massive cathedrals in the heart of vast kingdoms, intricately made of limestone and the blood of overworked architects that'll die without an ounce of recognition.

He's seen homes fall and villages rise. He's seen sinners look to him for help, or for the idea that they'll be saved if they begged hard enough. He's seen believers wearing their hearts on their sleeves, a bigger evil looming over their shoulders, their hopeful smiles bright as they greet him.

Sinners disguised as saints. Saints broken down by sinners. People who claim to be neutral, others who don't hold faith in their hearts anymore, some who couldn't find faith no matter how hard they tried or wanted to.

As the High Priest of O'khasis, he's seen just about everything. And after so many years of the light shining in his favor, the line between good and evil blurred in his eyes. Some days, he'll find himself teetering back and forth, trying to figure out if there's meaning to being such a high-standing man in a world where bloodshed is just another means to get by.

Love and hate, sin and faith, matrons and destroyers, what good is any of it when death is not an 'if' but 'when'? He knew life and death like he knew the back of his hand, it surrounded him in all of its glorious forms. He's seen it in his brothers, along with his mother's anguish. In the baptisms and weddings he's been invited to perform, with the death of the past and the birth of better days.

Oh, he's seen it all.

So on rainy days like this, it always came back to the question: Was it worth it? Was it worth the grievances and the anger? The sacrifices and the pain? He's made it this far, something ought to come out of this. Not even his brothers, Irene bless their souls, could reach the heights he's towered over.

Yes, of course, there had to be something at the end of this. It just wasn't time yet— No, the better days he was promised since the dawn of time, since the blessings of his birth, it'll all come soon. Or, one day at least.

It couldn't all be in vain. The lives he reaped couldn't be in vain, the paths he destroyed could not have all been in vain. His name would be remembered forever, a mark in history, he had to be something more. Regret and guilt were things he could overlook for the sake of the man he'll be in the future.

He knew relying on hope wasn't a Ro'meave custom, though. That's why he did what he did — his father taught him that if he wanted something, he had to get it himself. And if someone were to ask, "Zane, what do you want?"

His answer would've been long and descriptive at first. Something that of world peace, or blessings given by Irene herself. But these days, he preferred something much more simple.

"Power."

He's lived and learned.

When the light that shone through carefully colored mosaics kissed his skin, he was sure there had to be a God out there to gift the world such beauty. But when whispers passed around of a greater power lurked in the dimension of a long gone warrior, the idea of being a Godlike man himself tasted sweeter than whatever else he was promised in this lifetime.

The line between good and evil was nonexistent to him—he took advantage of both just to get what he desired. What he deserved. He was a self-proclaimed epiphany, and amongst normal men, Zane Ro'meave was both life and death.

Was it worth it?

After all of this effort, he made sure it was.

— ★

ps. would u guys be interested in both art & writing of mine,,,, i do snippets like these in my free time (when i procrastinate) so like i'd be down to show 'em off if u guys are cool with it...

also one of the paragraphs is like weird in here idk it kept getting deleted so i kept having to rewrite it bc it was too good to scrap and i. just gave up. the text is different for that singular paragraph.

ok thanks for reading this im going to bed goodbye goodnight

[alifeasvivid]

hi! i re-read your EngSey ficlets recently when I was reminded of them out of the blue. they’re always a fun read. have you gotten new text/ideas for the story? ps. although he is not the focus, i like how you’ve characterized alfred in it!

ahhhhhhh! thank you! I love that concept so much, but it does tend to fall by the wayside. T_T I don't really have any new writing, but I have some vague ideas

under a cut cuz it's long

-it's funny that you mention Alfred because >.> I'm definitely leaning toward putting Francis in his role instead... it makes much more sense for a lot of reasons, but also I really like him here. Alfred as this charming, handsome social outcast because he just fucks too much (and because he's American and therefore, nouveau riche), but everyone in society sort of lowkey agrees to keep him around either because he's charming and handsome or because they enjoy the way he fucks, is very appealing to me XD -Though, Alfred never sleeps with unmarried ladies because he knows what the consequences would be so, he's still got a good heart. -I go back and forth about whether his relationship with Arthur is strictly platonic friendship or if they sometimes(rarely) do sex cuz boredom and loneliness on both their parts. I lean toward the former but the latter is always a possibility. This idea quickly escalates into an ot3 situation because... >.> I'm me. -Arthur's leg pain is very real and some of it is actually physical, but a lot of it is psychosomatic. It's a physical manifestation of his loneliness and troubled mind and the more he lets Ana in, the more it seems to heal. -more dancing!~ LOL -I've sorta lost the idea because it was in a conversation with historihet, but there's a moment where Arthur is ranting to Alfred about the state of young English men these days and how stupid and unworthy they are and Alfred's like "fine, I'll marry her. You know I wouldn't hurt her and it would be beneficial for both of us. I am rich enough to take care of her and a marriage would greatly improve my reputation." and Arthur is like "WHAT!? No! Absolutely not!!! You cad! How dare you suggest such a thing?!?!?" And Alfred, who was only suggesting it to elicit that exact reaction goes, "Okay, so then you should marry her." and Arthur laments that he's "old" (so dramatic, he's like 40) and then Angelique deserves better. There was more to it but it's gone and I don't remember much else. -Ana mostly remains very indifferent, but very polite toward her suitors, unless they're mean to her--which some of them are. Once she realizes her feelings for Arthur, she doesn't even really care what they think of her, but acting upset is a good way to get Arthur to comfort her... (oh my! such scheming XD) -She goes to Alfred (or Francis) for advice on any means of getting over, under, or through all the walls Arthur has built up and hijinks ensue. -The very self-indulgent, less "historical" romance/more bodice-ripper romance version that lives in my head has Arthur and Ana very precariously teetering right on the edge of unresolved sexual tension and resolved sexual tension >.> Ana's obviously pretty forward and Arthur has a very strong will, but he is only human after all. ThingsTM Happen between them and the only thing that ever stops it is Arthur remembering that Ana's reputation will be completely ruined if she's not a virgin. -Ana is frustrated as hell by all of this. -omg what if he forgot to remember?!?!? >.> -Ana's father totally intended for Arthur to marry her if he wanted to and Arthur is kind of a dum-dum for being in denial about this.