#an impressively crunk game for an impressively crunk person(?)

[shitty-mobile-game-reviews]

super slime slimeinator

sorry, super slime simulator. (literally my attitude for the whole game lmao)

yeah, it's a slime game.

it has "slime touching" graphics.

it makes disgusting "slime" noises.

i've terrorized my friends with it.

i love this game, no matter how janky-2004-DS game it is.

the game opens with the worst sound to ever exist,

followed by teaching u how to make a slime, which is pretty simple. u just kinda... make a slime.

...like u choose what type u want to make (u start out with a couple of types, ex. "classic" slime which i personally believe is a government fallacy but u do u) and then u circle ur finger around a dish to make it. then, u choose a colour and mix it in. then u choose 1 or 2 types of decorations and their colours (if they have that option. some don't- lookin at you, "jelly cubes")

some exciting exhilarating gameplay (ignore the ads at the bottom idk why they're there they aint even personalized smh):

then u finish, name it an play with it if you're a psychopath. i prefer the elite route of making slimes and never fuckin touching them bc they're nasty as hell.

there's also a chest thing which is ridiculously easy to unlock and will give you new slime... things:

and for some reason, this game seemingly with no story to it, has SIDE QUESTS. Where we meet, for the second time since the tutorial, the "mascot" for this game: Lulu.

She is just a fuckin person. She's a human mascot who somehow got her little godfearing name on things like "lulu's slime quest" and other equally icky things like that. She also somehow has her own collection of slimes, with ones worse than anything my pathetic little hands could even fathom making.

Note: I have no idea who Noggi is.

and she forces you to make her slimes for her. exactly the way she wants it. or you lose.

there's also some weird games like Slime My Image where u glunk up one of ur photos (I glunked up miku teehee):

And also Slime Painter, where you can colour on a "slime" at will:

And additionally, the real man's gambling, the aptly named Guessing Game:

(i guessed correctly btw)

However, if u have had enough of those games, check out the tons of premade slimes that u can play with.

That is, if ur the kind of person who downloaded this game to...

erm...

to play with slimes.

o_O cringe if thats u

anyway, if u enjoy that, they made a fuckton of disgusting slimes that are strangely reminiscent of something i once knew and desperately want to forget all there for u to......... play with.

Either way, if ur the type of gamer who needs regular validation, there's a series of incredibly rigorous daily quests to complete, which will truly test ur grit and determination as a Super Slime Simulator Pro Gamer™

The quests will demand various things, but most prominently, the grindworthy adventures of:

opening the game (im shakin in my boots)

making a slime (consider my timbers positively shivered upon)

playing with said slime (ew)

playing a single level of Lulu's Slime Quest (crying shaking screaming)

and other such harrowing tasks.

Now that I've briefed u on the game, let's get into some fun little details!

u can't turn the sfx off.

there is no option to turn the sfx off

the sfx make me want to McPerish™

i wanted to listen to music while playing this game but you can't turn the sfx off

there are some "fun and interesting" slime types that nobody's ever made before and nobody ever wants to make! I won't spoil them for u, but u definitely will spoil!

the colour names are fun, flirty and sometimes Pukeworthy! (there's a colour called carmine! how wonderfully fucking disgusting!)

there's one colour that i'm not so sure about!

Also, if you want to SHARE a slime with someone, you can "gift" it to them (gee, thanks) and they recive a fun little gift box all customized by you. mery cihsmast.

SO NOW THAT YOU'RE REALLY HAVING FUN, WANNA HEAR ABOUT OUR OTHER GAMES?

REALLY?

NO?

YOU SURE?

HOW 'BOUT I GIVE YOU ADS EVERY 20 SECONDS, BUT ALL OF THE ADS ARE FOR DIFFERENT BUT NOT UNSIMILAR GAMES MADE BY OUR COMPANHY?

NOT INTERESTED?

GET SQUISHY MAGICked FUCK YOU

anyway, it's a fun game. 7/10 would squelch again.

That's all for Super Slime Simulator! It's not that bad but certainly quite jank. Loves ya :P

[jaybug-jabbers]

My Favorite ACNH Villagers by Species

Hey all. I recently was gifted the new Animal Crossing game and have been playing it like mad. I decided to judge all the characters in the game and choose my favorites.

This list is extremely opinion-based, reflecting only my personal tastes. Also, I’m very picky. You’ve been warned.

As a final note, the list may be subject to change as I play the game and meet villagers and experience new stuff. Thus, this is a snapshot of my current impressions.

Alligator: Drago

Standing out among all the other gators, Drago’s appearance as a mythical beast plus a laid-back attitude wins my affection.

Anteater: Anabelle

Anteaters are cool creatures, but pangolins, which Anabelle is based off of, are even COOLER. Her cheerful peppy personality is also a plus.

Bear: Klaus

The designs for all the bears, for some odd reason, seem to universally repel me, except for Klaus, who somewhat intrigues me. I’d never have him in my village, but I appreciate the distinctive design.

Bird: Piper

Finding a Bird that I like is surprisingly difficult. Sparro’s design is nice, but he’s a Jock, which is kind of a killjoy for me. Piper just seems like a nice standard bird.

Bull: Rodeo

While the bright-blue Bull Stu is also a very pleasing design, Rodeo has to be the winner here. His terrifying appearance is at odds with his relaxed personality.

Cat: Raymond

Yes, he’s the super-popular among the popular; the truth is, I love him too. He’s a very striking character.

Chicken: Ken

While Becky and Egbert are also nice-looking chickens, Ken must win for his beautiful dark coloration and the fact he’s a ninja chicken.

Cub: Maple

Judy is immensely popular, due to her beautiful gradient coat and her intensely sparkling eyes, but I’m not sure she’s won me over. I think I prefer the plain, ordinary-colored, cute little Maple. Stitches is another popular Cub, but the stitch-eyes unnerve me terribly.

Deer: Erik

There are so many Deer characters I love! Erik, however, is the sweetest for me.

Dog: Shep

Most of the Dog characters don’t do much for me, just being rather ordinary dog designs. I’m not much of a dog person, anyway. Shep has that cool sheepdog fringe, though, and seems like a pretty cool dude.

Duck: Molly

I’m repelled by all the Duck designs except for Molly. They really went a little nuts with the weird faces for the duck characters, y’know? The popular Ketchup was not selected because I don’t usually like food-based creatures.

Eagle: Amelia

There are a ton of cool Eagle characters! I basically love them all, but I need to pick Amelia because she’s based on the fabulous Caracara.

Elephant: Cyd

Tia is a very popular Elephant, for her adorable design based on a teapot. I admit she’s very cute. But Cyd is … I’m not sure what Cyd is. He’s really weird. I can’t help but be drawn to him. LOOKIT THOSE EYES MAN.

Frog: Jeremiah

The frogs look kind of bad to me, overall. Their gigantic bulbous heads unnerve me. I know the art is a chibi-style, of course, but the heads of the frogs seem oversized even for chibi. Maybe I’m crazy. I dunno, I just don’t care for them much. Ribbot is a popular frog, and I kinda dig the uniqueness of the robot concept, but he’s a Jock, so ehhh, pass. I chose Jeremiah simply for his appealing colors and his name.

Goat: Kidd

I love goats in real life, and I thought I’d like more AC goats, but I don’t really. Sherb is a very popular goat right now, and while he’s cute and all, Kidd seems the coolest to me. He’s purple with nice hair and a well-contrasting horn color.

Gorilla: Boone

I do not like monkey and ape characters. I never have. So I’m very biased here. Boone seems the best of the Gorilla bunch, though, with his bright, eye-catching baboon markings and almost dignified presense. I wouldn’t have him on my island, but he’s the most tolerable.

Hamster: NOPE

There’s something about all the hamsters that troubles me greatly. I could never have any on my island.

Hippo: Bertha

I think it’s hard to make a stylized Hippo character that isn’t at least kinda ugly. They have oddly-shaped honkin’ faces, and it’s awkward. But Bertha is a pretty sweet hippo gal.

Horse: Victoria

There are a lot of horses in the game, including a Zebra, a sparkling Unicorn, a creepy dark horse, and a princely Colton; but I’m choosing Victoria soley for the racehorse motif. This may change over time, but for now I find it charming.

Kangaroo: Walt

While they experimented with a number of eye-catching designs for the Kangaroos, Walt’s understated slate blues and intense face wins me over. Also, he has a cool scar and is a cranky boy.

Koala: Yuka

The enormous noses and widely-spaced eyes of the Koala characters make it difficult to make them cute, but Yuka seems pretty sweet.

Lion: Leopold

I definitely do not care for any of the Lion characters except for Leopold. Leo is a magnificent, regal-looking fellow I would want to have a cup of tea with.

Monkey: Don’t like any of ‘em

I mentioned previously my bias against ape and monkey characters. I can’t possibly choose a favorite from them.

Mouse: Chadder

As with the Hamster characters, I also do not like the Mouse characters. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with the body design, but … hm. Most of the faces for them are unpleasant. Chadder’s face is actually quite neat, though, and I like his little suit. The cheese motif is kinda cute, too.

Octopus: Marina

I love the idea of having an Octopus villager. Octopi are awesome. It will take me time to adjust to the mouth they went with here, though. I think I would have preferred a beak, which is what actual octopi have.

Ostrich: Flora & Julia

I adore almost all of the Ostrich characters. I would be thrilled with any of them. (Except for Queenie. Yuck.)

Penguin: Hopper

Penguins are sweet birds, adored by many, and rightfully so. Hopper is definitely king of the bunch, though–based off the crested penguin, the eye-catching, cranky little fellow will waddle his way into your heart.

Pig: Boris

I’m not normally a fan of pig characters. But there’s something about Boris! What presense he has! What magnificent fangs! What lovely colors and impressive attitude!

Rabbit: NOPE

They sure went all-out on trying out a wide variety of wild faces on these rabbits. I honestly hate ‘em all. Mira comes closest to being OK, but no.

Rhino: Merengue

I previously noted I don’t really care for food-based characters. So I feel quite mixed about Merengue. Animals that are also food disturb me. But her design is admittedly well-done and very cute. She won’t be on my island, but I understand why people like her so much. She’s certainly the most interesting Rhino character.

Sheep: Dom

OK. I know I said how much I dislike Jock personalities. (The reason is simply because it gets tiring to hear them talk about nothing else but working out.) But Dom gets a pass. He’s the only one I will tolerate a Jock personality for. His character design is screamingly adorable and pleasant to look at, and the contrast between a tiny, fluffy cute little sheep wanting to get crunk is hilarious.

Squirrel: Marshal

There are several cute Squirrel characters, including the very lovely Poppy and the skunklike Tasha, but the highly-popular Marshal is popular for a reason. His sweet little grumpy face and simple but effective colors are wonderful.

Tiger: Rolf

There’s something rather dull in the Tiger designs. I don’t know what it is, exactly. Rolf seems to have some attitude and toughness about him, so I chose him, and white tigers are pretty. But overall, the Tigers underwhelm me. This is surprising since I am a big cat fan. I dunno … I think it’s the snout in the big cat design I don’t like. It looks weird.

Wolf: Skye & Kyle

The wolves look really nice in AC, and I like a surprising number of them. I could not settle on a single one, so I chose both Skye for her gorgeous coloration and cute eyes and Kyle for his pretty Wild Dog colors.

[talkingwithburritospodcast]

Baby Ducks In The FP - TWB70

The FP is like Breaking: Electric Boogaloo set in a dystopian society of young twenty somethings who don’t know any better about the real world.

Frazier Park and the 248

Frazier Park, a subdivision somewhere in the greater state of California where wars aren’t fought over color or race but by county lines and dance. Not the Samba, not ballet, no crunk, but video game dance battles. Beat Beat Revolution, similar but exactly equal to the popular ninities arcade Dance Dance Revolution encourages battlers to pop, lock, and step in the name of where you from for points earned and undeniable street cred. Hit your mark and you live to fight dance another day. Too bad for BTRO, leader of the 248. Good guy living in a bad town. He danced till he couldn’t dance anymore. Poor fella's heart gave out in a dance battle against the penultimate villain next door, L Dubba E, who is just as annoying as his name sounds. Sure BTRO could’ve been roofied or maybe lugging about in a huge pair knee high ultra space boots wasn’t the best choice of footwear when playing a game where you must step on small lily pad sized shapes in an effort to score big. Not knocking his style but those boots weren't made for walking, it's not just what they do. One of this days those boots are going to dance all over you. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="1280"] Soul Man, 1986.[/caption]

Hero is In The DNA

JTRO, brother to BTRO and witness to his fall from grace, leaves the 248 in great hero fashion to grieve for a period of time unknown to everyone but the screenwriter of this film. There was a montage, so we must assume it’s been, like, fitty years since he's been gone. Okay, more like two at the most. Dude didn’t even grow a beard by the time KCDC trekked across the small stretch of highway in a beat up ol’ Honda in search of the forgotten 248 heir to the throne. JTRO, self exiled 248 member, made good with his time getting swole carry wood and chopping logs. When KCDC finds him, and pleads for the hero to return home, JTRO refuses. The 248 ain’t his life no mo. "I’d rather bust these logs and dream of my dead brother and question why he wore those damn boots anyway. He knew they were too big!” Frustration aside, JTRO understood what he must do: he most return to the FP.

A fallen tree in a forest doesn’t make a sound. However, revenge screams like a mutha effing donkey on steroids. FP Homecoming

Home isn’t like it use to be. With the 249 in charge it’s like 1940’s prohibition up in the 248. L Dubba E, heir to the one liquor store in town has stopped service the 248 disrupting life as we knew little of it; we can only assume that shit is bad on a dystopian level. No drink means the bums are dry and if the bums are dry, then the baby ducks don’t get fed. The baby ducks don’t get fed. Not my words. All credit goes to KCDC for that, which is the best line of the entire film and there are some doozies.

TRO Hearts Stacey In The Fp

Fathers, be good to your daughters Daughters will love like you do But without the drink, fathers becomes assholes and beat up on their daughters. No heroes journey is complete without a damsel in distress and as harsh and real as John Mayer sung that beautifully crafted song, Stacey is a complete mess. We don’t even know why JTRO would even bother, but we do know that he didn’t take a shot in high school. As she was blowing through guys, JTRO respected the and like the girl enough as not to be just another bike ride. He’s dizzy without even have slept with the girl and among other horrible attributes, she’s hanging withL Dubba E who we can only assume has herpes of the everything. But a hero has chilvery etched into his DNA, and JTRO can’t fight that feeling of wanting to save his Winnie Cooper. Maybe she is cute, in that Betty on crack next door type of way or maybe it’s because he only sees out of one eye. Did I mention JTRO wears an eye patch?

The Redeemer

No redemption song is complete without it’s maestro, BLT, to lead the redeemer to salvation. Through training and excessive hard work, JTRO will work his way to the supreme status of sleeping within the trainers quarters. Scrubs sleep outside. To be the best and covet a comfortable mattress, JTRO will have to be the best, but unfortunately his vision is cloudy — he lacks focus. That girl got him dizzy! No heroes journey goes without a training montage! (Jamaican Horns Here)

Running

Weights

Running with weights, DC, piggyback

Dragging a tire

Beat Beat Revolution Waffles sandwiches

And electrified tennis racquets - now lasts some low grade Rocky shit

NIGGA

N: Never I: Ignorant G: Getting G: Goals A: Accomplished Didn’t really bother me. Well, it did before this stupid ass validation as to why they allowed KCDC used it so freely when I saw no black people in this film. Middle class youngster during the nineties and up till now, still find it okay to use the word nigga when there isn't a black person around to correct them. Some of them just don't care because they're hip, listen to rap music, and have a couple of black friends. Words of wisdom: you will still get your ass whipped. Just saying.

Stripper Shame

I was more upset over the tire stripper pool. Okay, this is the moment in the heroes journey when he’s tested before the final face off with L Double E . JTRO, his trainer BLT, and KCDC invade a party hosted in the 138, a ramshackle Russian Trailerhenge park where dreams go to die. This is where we not only find the girl, Stacey, but our boys happen upon a tire stripper pole based in a pool of water. Now that’s trashy. Isn’t stripping for those idiots in that town insulting enough? You have this poor dunk girl —because alcohol how she eases the pain — swaying to in fro on a pole mounted in a tire surrounded by water in a kiddie pool? Now, that’s offensive. To test his training, JTRO has to entertain the musing of another loud mouth idiot who resembles a smaller and lest cool Gary Oldman from True Romance. It’s in this scene we learn what truly broke his brother BTRO, however, the characters never elude to the fact that BTRO was drugged before his death match with Double L, and the life hack to never send anyone to get you a drink. Date rape rule #1: Order your own drink and watch the bartender make it yourself, ladies.

BTRO Avenged!

The best two moments from this Beat Beat Revolution dance off is the bystander cuffing a woman’s breast for no apparent reason than to show a man holding one beast of a nonchalant woman and the fact that the death match was enclosed inside a ratty mesh cage. Yes, a cage match, people! If you’ve ever played DDR, you should understand how ridiculous this is as you literally jump, hop, and step in place to play this game. A cage ain’t gonna do nothing for you but give somebody tetanus in this instance. After the hero avenges his brother’s death, a fight breaks out and somebody pulls a gun. This was by far the best directed sequence in the movie. The effects were well done and the action scenes were quite impressive for a film on a limited budget. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5QtZs09_0Y

The FP Does Not Get Made Without Overwhelming Support

As ridiculous a film this is; The FP does not get made if not for the support of family, friends, and the entire 248. Someone had to read this script and question whether the Trost Bros. had lost their collective minds. It’s in this support from I assume the place he’s from that this film shows its true heart. Listed in the credits: * Trost Bros. - Written and Directed * Ron Trost - Ex Producer/ Effects Coordinator * Sarah Trost - Costume * Brandon Trust - Directory of Photography * Jason Trost - Story By No matter how bad the film might be, it takes a lot of effort to pull together the resources to complete such an endeavor. Kudos to all involved in the production of this film. They were successful in their efforts to get a sequel made to The FP, and are currently in post-production. So, if this podcast episode encourages anyone to watch this movie, then maybe that’ll encourage you to support the sequel whenever it releases.

The Scoop Dujour

Links:

The squeal to The FP in the works. BEATS OF RAGE: THE FP PART II Almost Black - Indian student accepted into medical school as an African American [embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kp7eSUU9oy8[/embed] Dedicated to my wife.

Flava Text of the Week:

Never Ignorant Gettin' Goals Accomplished

The plate full but we're always open for suggestions

Leave us a voicemail or email about the podcast episode, ask a question, or share what entertains you. Phone 520-775-1690 Email feedback@talkingwithburritos.com Follow links: Twitter, Facebook, Google+, etc. Subscribe links: iTunes, RSS, email newsletter, etc.  

Talking With Burritos Presents A New Episode!

[vintagerosegold-blog1]

His and hers happy anniversary texts, can’t believe how much can change in 4 months.

HERS

Happy 1 year anniversary ❤🙌🏻

One of my favorite memories and the moment I knew that you’d change my life forever was the first time we kissed. Walking away back to my car, I can remember the feeling of pure happiness and a something I had never felt before. Even to this day, it still gives me that butterfly in my stomach type feeling. I felt an emotional connection to you in that moment and it’s never gone away.

I know that things haven’t been easy, but I didn’t get married just so it would be. I’m also not going to lie to myself and say everything is perfect. I hope that these coming years, we learn about each other more and have better communication. We’re both badasses and with our powers combined, we can tackle everything. We are two different people, from different backgrounds, and just about everything about us is different. But I fell in love with YOU and who you are and I’ve never stopped. I am constantly learning things about you, and my infatuation with you grows even more.

Reasons why I love you*💕:

- You’re sexy/handsome 🔥 - Super intelligent - You are comfortable with who you are - You’re determined - You take care of me - You smell amazing - You never give up on me (even when I’m crazy) - You always give me hugs and never turn me down when I ask for them - The way you smile and laugh - Our deep conversations - Our Nickelodeon binge watching sessions - You make me want to be a better person - You make me think and see things from a different point of view - You’re honest with me, even when it’s not easy *in no particular order

I promise to relax more this year and to be kinder to you. All I want (more than anything) is for you to be happy. I can’t wait for our new adventure and the experiences we will have. I’m happy to be your wife.

Xoxo 😘

HIS

I can’t believe it’s already been one year Soon with the turn of the new year, comes the turn of a new chapter We have so much left to do in life, and we should do it together We have both made progress and come along far in this past year as individuals, and as an item. You impress me so much with not only what you know, but how much you have grown as a person

You never seem truly stumped by anything and you learn quickly. You always look so pretty when you doll yourself up (not saying you don’t all the time, it’s like me I’m normally handsome but when I get ready I’m beautiful) Everyone has their flaws including myself, and we are still in ways getting used to each other, but we got through a lot in the span of a year and it didn’t break us

Here’s to many more 🍾 (Emoji game too crunk)