#an immense loneliness that cannot be addressed by the living & the dead in their absence cant address it either

[handweavers]

i was accepted to do this beautiful textile artist residency in oaxaca mexico on a mutual exchange like where i go to local indigenous weavers and natural dyers who will share some of their knowledge with me and i will share my knowledge of southeast asian natural dyeing with them and explore each other's dyeing practices together like back in september but i need to apply for funding before i can secure any dates for it and i can't even find the will to do that. i haven't touched my dyes or a loom since august and the thought of doing any of that right now or filling out the funding apps or anything just feels overwhelming. and they will let me come to do this whenever it's not time sensitive but it feels very strange to be so sad that i don't even care about this (one of my life's greatest passions) right now or much of anything else, i'm going through the motions. i just want to sleep