#an absolute ride as Michelle from Derry Girls would say

[dreamofstarlight]

[mel-is-sanonymous1994]

Kisses Taste Like Candy

Part 1

Part 2

-Orla McCool x Michelle Mallon

-Didn’t proof read it so I’m sure it’s not the greatest

-I have never lived in Ireland or even pretended to so I’m not so good at the slang part

Summary: Jenny Joyce is Evil and it doesn’t get better during summer home from university. What’s the worst that could happen during spin the bottle.

“You can’t be serious!” I said.

“Come on Michelle it’s just a wee peck you don’t even have to do anything.” Claire whispered. Since college she has grown a bit of a spine it seems must be the college girls.

“It’s Orla for christs sake!” I said glancing at the girl in question she was focused on something else entirely already bored with the game they had just started playing. Whoever said spin the bottle would be fun lied.

“Is it because she’s a girl?” Claire asked me with a flash of hurt in her eyes.

“No, I’ve been to college parties Claire I’ve probably kissed more girls than you’ve even looked at.” I said.

“But you both went to an all girls catholic school.” James pointed out.

“A rides a ride James.” I said blushing a bit.

“So then what’s the problem?” Erin asked.

“Is someone backing down?” Jenny Joyce taunted. She had already came out on top in this game not only avoiding all of the girls but managing to get to make out with the hottest man to ever step foot in Derry.

“I’m not backing down I just don’t think it’s fair to Orla is all.” I explained. Jenny smirked her wicked smirk and looked to Orla who was busy taking the ends of her hair and individually separating the section strand by strand almost as if she was counting them.

“She gets a pass doesn’t she?” James asked.

“Yeah, she does.” Erin smiled.

“It’s not a pass though.” Claire said remembering the rules.

“That’s correct Claire, Michelle can pass but she would have to take whoever it lands on next and the person who goes after her has to take Orla.” Aisling said with a sad look on her face. She had only gotten nicer being away from Jenny and her influence but she was still the loyal puppet to the superior girl. I looked next to me as Orla tuned back into the game.

“Oi I’ve got no problem with making out with her, she’s a ride.” The male to my left said. I shot glare at James who earlier had decided to make me sit next to the absolute dickhead who was currently staring at Orla in a way that would make even the brightest girls feel uncomfortable.

“Sorry what did I miss?” Orla asked as she looked at everyone staring at her. She turned red from the attention. I had to admit the dance classes she had been taking were paying off, she chose to stay in Derry and work at the local animal shelter after school.

“You were picked for spin the bottle and Michelle passed on you.” Jenny said harshly. Orla didn’t understand though.

“I thought we were playing tag.” She frowned.

“Tonsil tag.” Jenny Joyce said with a snicker.

“I don’t have my tonsils anymore Jenny, your da took em.” Orla scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. The ballbag next to me stood up and walked over to Orla grabbing her arm hoisting her up.

“Hey! Wait!” I said as I saw Orlas look of confusion once she stood facing him. He had already put his hand on her face.

“You already passed.” The guy said holding Orla possessively.

“I didn’t officially, I just hesitated.” I said nervously standing up quickly to take his place. Typically we didnt have to stand for this stupid game but the fucker had to make it a big deal.

“Go on then Michelle.” Jenny said. I glared at her as the asshole petted Orla’s head and then winked at me and sat back down. I stood in front of the taller girl.

“You alright Michelle?” She smiled at me as she looked less uncomfortable with a familiar face in front of her.

“I’m alright Orla.” I said.

“Enough of the small talk.” Jenny said with her arms crossed.

“I’m gonna kiss you now Orla is that ok?” I asked silently hoping she’d say no.

“Alright Michelle.” She said. I leaned in and placed my hand on her cheek looking carefully in her eyes for any sign that she changed her mind. She closed her eyes as my lips were mere millimeters from hers. I rolled my eyes and just went for it connecting our closed lips in a very innocent kiss. She had lip gloss on. I could smell the little alcohol she had drank mixing with the cotton candy flavored lip smacker she insisted on applying anytime she could, the smell was intoxicating. Her lips were soft and warm. I felt her jaw open slightly and on instinct deepened the kiss a bit quickly going from a quick peck to full snog. I could taste the lip gloss now mixing with the lingering taste of Tequila on my own tongue. I was addicted. I came back into my brain for a minute when I realized that Orla wasn’t participating as much as I was. I pulled away quickly and breathed heavy as if I just ran a marathon. Orla’s brown eyes were staring back at me. I put my hand to my lips covering the evidence as best I could. Orla’s face was flushed. I began to panic, how could I have done that with one of my best friends, the sweetest and most innocent of us all. I felt the sharp sting of tears in my eyes as I ran out of the room. I heard James calling after me but I kept running until I couldn’t breathe anymore and noticed I had ran all the way to finnoulas. I bent over and clutched my sides as I fought to get air to stay in my lungs.

“Stupid Michelle! How could you do that! She’s never gonna speak to you again!” I yelled at myself. I tried to dissect every second of the kiss. The smell the taste the feelings, everything. I panicked more when I realized that I actually really liked kissing Orla and I found myself wishing I could do it again. I almost started running again but a small voice stopped me.

“Michelle, are you alright?” Orla asked as I stood up straight still struggling to breathe properly.

“I’m sorry Orla. I shouldn’t have agreed to kiss you, that wasn’t fair to you. I should’ve just said we should leave.” I apologized.

“Michelle.” She started but I cut her off.

“And I’m sorry I stuck my tongue in your mouth, that was uncalled for and I totally understand if you never want to speak to me ever again.” I said with tears in my eyes now. She opened her mouth to speak but I couldn’t stop.

“You are one of my best friends Orla and I’ve gone and messed that up just because Jenny Joyce is an evil cunt.” I said with tears blurring my eyes until Orla was just a smudge in front of me. Before she could say anything I heard more footsteps approaching quickly. I saw it was the other girls and James.

“Is everything alright?” James asked noticing I was crying. He knew I wasn’t one to cry over just anything. I shook my head. I didn’t dare look at Orla who was still trying to get a word in while Erin, Claire, and James fussed over me.

“I’m gonna take her home.” I heard James say as he put his arm around me and walked us towards our house which wasn’t too far away.

“Wait..” I heard Orla say but Erin had pulled her in the other direction.

[eurotastic]

Eurovision Reviews: Semi final 2 2022

1: Finland: The Rasmus - Jezebel

Sending The Rasmus is the most finnish thing Finland could possibly do - after getting fantastic results last year with an imitation of 2002 rock music, now they're sending the real thing. I love how dedicated Finland is to rock music, this song slaps, and I really hope they get good results.

8/10

2: Israel: Michael Ben David - I.M

He's the gayest man in Tel Aviv and I love him for it. The lyrics are just a mishmash of Rupaul's drag race catchphrases, except for that one line about middle east sex appeal, that one's new. I know this isn't strong enough for the competition but I think it's so much fun.

6/10

3: Serbia: Konstrakta - In Corpore Sano

I have to be honest, at first, I really disliked the Meghan Markle namedrop at the very beginning of the song. Sure, it grabs your attention, but the reference feels instantly dated, in a way that works against the rest of the song, which feels timeless yet undeniably modern. Despite this one problem, I have come to really love this song, it's truly unique, both in sound and lyrical content. Konstrakta comes across as less of a singer and more as a genius performance artist.

8/10

4: Azerbaijan: Nadir Rustamli - Fade To Black

It's Azerbaijan going back to their usual schtick - A competent song sung by a competent singer, with competent staging, there's probably a couple of competent Swedish songwriters in there somewhere. It's fine, I don't hate it but it's so hard to get excited about it. It goes into one ear and out of the other. Cute staging though.

5/10

5: Georgia: Circus Mircus - Lock Me In

I love it when Georgia gets weird. I heard a rumor that they are going to have an actual puppet show on stage, and if that's true, I'm going to lose my mind, this entire band is a weird acid trip. Also, I'm really glad to see Nika Kocharov in Eurovision again, he represented Georgia in 2016 with, Midnight Gold, which is probably the most underrated Eurovision song in recent memory as well as one of my personal favorites.

8/10

6: Malta: Emma Muscat - I Am What I Am

Who is this for? No, really, who is going to feel inspired by this? It sounds like pop music for really religious kids who aren't allowed to listen to real pop music.

2/10

7: San Marino: Achille Lauro - Stripper

There's a gay Italian cowboy stripper riding a mechanical bull surrounded by nuclear grade pyrotechnic explosions, who cares about the song? Jokes aside, this song was in my top 10 even before I saw the staging - It's a fun rock song that doesn't take itself too seriously, and sometimes that's all you need.

10/10

8: Australia: Sheldon Riley - Not the Same

I'm not a big fan of self-empowerment songs that sound sad and tragic, and I can't find a single positive emotion in this song, it's all misery and desperation. His voice is incredible, his stage costume is absolutely beautiful, but I don't know how I'm supposed to feel listening to the song. I should probably be moved to tears, but I have no idea if it's supposed to be happy or sad tears, so it ends up being neither.

5/10

9: Cyprus: Andromache - Ela

The Greek language is so beautiful to me - I have really missed hearing it in Eurovision over the past few years. The song sounds the way being on a Mediterranean island vacation feels.

7/10

10: Ireland: Brooke Scullion - That's Rich

It's like if Michelle from Derry Girls tried to be a popstar, so that's fun. It's pretty ironic that a song called "That's rich" sounds so cheap.

6/10

11: North Macedonia: Andrea - Circles

This song is just nothing. It goes on and on and on for what feels like three hours, and absolutely nothing happens.

2/10

12: Estonia: Stefan - Hope

It's Avicii's cowboy era with some added Morricone inspiration - the production sounds flawless. I can't understand a word he's saying though, I think he's slurring his words to sound more like a cowboy.

Also, I'm sad that we won't get to see the intended staging for this - the desert landscape would have been exactly what this song needed, but I guess we're getting a black hole instead.

7/10

13: Romania: WRS - Llámame

It feels like something from Eurovision 2009, even though the song is pretty modern. I really like it, it's pure eurovision camp, but it's a little bit mediocre.

6/10

14: Poland: Ochman - River

He has the best vocals of the year, hands down. They have definitely taken some inspiration from Gjon's Tears - I get it, he won last year's jury vote so it's probably a smart move. It's really modern and beautifully produced, but the songwriting is just good, not great. His vocals are making the song sound a lot bigger than it actually is.

8/10

15: Montenegro: Vladana - Breathe

I wish it wasn't in English, because I wish I could unhear these lyrics. It tries so hard to be important and dramatic, but it just falls flat.

2/10

16: Belgium: Jérémie Makiese - Miss You

I like how we're getting this one song that feels like American rnb - there is room for that in Eurovision! With that said, it's pretty forgettable, and I'm worried about his live vocals.

5/10

17: Sweden: Cornelia Jakobs - Hold Me Closer

I think this is Sweden's best song since Euphoria, and it's the most genuinely emotional song Sweden has sent in my lifetime. There's zero artifice, but it's still an expertly written pop song. I love the perfectly imperfect vocals, they're not for everyone, but it feels great to get something potentially polarizing from Sweden, just this one time. It's the authentic Swedish indie pop that fans have been asking for for years, and it deserves all the hype it gets. It's the right song at the right time, pun intended.

10/10

18: Czech Republic: We Are Domi - Lights Off

This song is doing everything right - the production is great, the staging is exciting, the song is catchy - but I keep forgetting that it exists. I can remember how it goes, but I can't remember that it's in the competition. I like it, don't get me wrong, but I can't call it a favorite.

6/10

[aweecrush]

“How is it my fault?!”

“Well, for starters, none of this would have happened if you didn’t start riding the crazy bitch as soon as she stepped foot in the fucking school.”

“I didn’t want to ride her - forgive me for wanting to expand our social group!”

“Like fuck I’ll forgive you, Clare - Mammy’s gonna have my head! All for that fucking Jenny, at that. I swear to God - ”

As expected, Michelle’s rant had started the moment they got off the stage, covered from head to toe with tomato juice, Jenny and Ashleen whining about being attacked for no reason to sister Michael as Mae took off running, leaving a gaping Clare in her wake. Her Granda and Orla had just stood there, enjoying the whole thing while chewing on some pop corn before going back to their dance, leaving the four of them to head back alone.

Alone, and, again, covered from head to toe with tomato juice.

Jesus, what a night.

Next to her, James chuckles, and Erin looks over to see his amused smirk as he shakes his head. Their eyes meet, and she can’t help her own smile.

“Deirdre really is going to kill her when she finds out about the card. I mean, it’s gonna be even worse than that time we used their phone to do pranks all night,” and he laughs.

“Yeah, I heard about that - it’s always in the top 3 when my aunt gets mad and starts listing Michelle’s greatest accumplishments to her.”

In front of them, Michelle starts chasing a distressed Clare, a handful of sauce threateningly straightened out in front of her. Erin’s not sure whether she should be amused or feel pity for the poor girl.

“Do you think she realizes that if she gets it on the dress she bought Clare too, she’ll be in even more trouble?”

“Absolutely - I just think she’s panicking over her upcoming year of grounding, and desperately needs to take it out on someone in good old Michelle fashion,” James deadpans, and it’s her turn to laugh.

They really are the biggest group of eejits in town.

“Well, at least one dress will definitely get a refund. Not that this will change much for aunt Deirdre, but still.”

Erin snorts. ”Well, every cloud, as they say.” With the thought of that stupid dress comes the humiliation she’s felt for that hour and a half she’s waited, and something in her chest tightens.

She should have known, really. Guys like John Paul didn't go for girls like her - they went for models, pretty girls, and he probably went back to his the minute they left the coffee shop. She didn't know what she expected. Not then, not ever, whether it was with him, or David Donnelly, or any of the million of lads she'd fancied.

Truth was, she wasn't anything special. Not pretty, not that smart, or that class - not even a good writer, despite what she kept telling herself. Why should any of them be interested, really ?

She definitely is the biggest eejit in all of Derry.

“I think you were right, you know,” James says, startling her back to reality. If he notices the unshed tears in her eyes, he’s kind enough not to say anything. Of course he is.

He smiles, and it’s as soft as his voice. “Changing clothes, I mean,” he adds, gesturing to her Easter, once yellow dress. Then, panicks. “Not that the other one didn’t suit you, it did, but just - “

He seems to hesitate for a second, looking away for just a beat before sighing - at himself, she thinks. “You looked really good tonight, Erin.”

He’s looking right at her, and just like that, there’s that feeling again. The one she had when he showed up at her door tonight. The one she has sometimes when he says something sweet or funny to her, or smiles, or when she looks at him and just -

She’s not exactly sure what it is. Probably nothing, of course. Definitely nothing, in fact - it’s just a James feeling. He’s one of her best friends, after all, it's normal that he feels special.

It feels warm in her stomach, a bit funny. She smiles, and when he responds in kind, it grows even warmer, funnier.

He eyes the sauce dripping from her arms, then, and smirks. “I mean, the sauce even adds a little something, really.” Erin rolls her eyes despite the laugh threatening to escape, and bumps him away with her shoulder.

“Well, you clean up well yourself - bad pun intended.”

His dorky smile matches his dorky scarf, and suit, and general self. “I’m really sorry for making you miss your Doctor Who night, though.”

She really is - it did feel important to him.

“You didn’t make me miss anything - I chose to." This time, something flutters in her belly. “There’ll be others, it’s fine.”

It’s subtle, but the slight worry in his voice when he continues makes her look away from her friends and at him again. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to with John Paul.”

Erin simply shrugs. “It’s fine - I’m really glad we went together instead, anyway.”

The moonlight reflects in his eyes a certain way, and for a second, it feels like they’re shining.

“Yeah?”

She nods, because well - truth is, she really is.

"Yeah - thanks, James."

He smiles back. "My pleasure."

In front of them, Michelle lets out another loud, colourful string of words, making them both look up. Rolling her eyes at her friend, Erin brings her attention back to James.

“So - watching Doctor Who with you stepdad, eh?”

“Religiously.”

“Tell me about him - your stepdad, I mean,” she adds at his confused expression. It turns fond, and she’s glad she asked.

For the rest of the way home, he does.

[capseycartwright]

the derry catholic gays club

claire hadn't exactly planned on becoming all of her best friends fairy gay-mother.

or, the one where literally nobody is straight.

ao3 link

james

Claire wasn’t one to be bigging herself up - no, she was raised better than that, she was - but she was allowed to know she was brave for coming out when she did. Being sixteen was a bit shit, no matter where you were in the world, but coming out as a lesbian when you were sixteen, living in Derry, and you went to an all-girls (bar James) Catholic school? That, Claire knew, was brave.

She’d sort of done it on a whim, really. Claire had always known she was gay, and she knew that was cliche to say, but it was true. When they’d gotten older, and Michelle had started spouting off about wanting to ride every fella within a ten mile radius, and when Erin had gotten all gooey about David Donnelly, and even when Orla got absolutely obsessed with the youngest of the Murray lads, the ones who’d grown up down the street from Claire, she just - well, she hadn’t understood.

For a while she’d assumed she was just coming up a bit slow behind the girls, because that’s how life had sort of always been for her, trailing behind the confidence and bluster of Michelle, and Erin in her own way, Orla’s big personality not leaving so much room for a tiny wee lesbian who was afraid to open her mouth for fear of spilling her secret.

It wasn’t that Claire had been behind, it was that she’d looked at Saoirse O'Connell from her Geography class the same way Erin had drooled over David Donnelly, it had just taken her a while to come to terms with it.

Even then, she hadn’t be so sure she’d come out. For god's sake, this was Northern Ireland, after all, it was hardly - it was hardly the sort of place where you could march down the street with a banner and be proud.

(Not of being gay, at least - they did love a good banner for other reasons.)

She’d wondered if this would be it, if she’d keep a little part of her hidden away until she inevitably left, away to London, probably, to where there was jobs and opportunity and things they wouldn’t get to have in Derry, not yet, at least.

But then she’d written that essay, and it had been freeing, in a way she hadn’t expected it to be. It had been her motivation to own up, in the end, craving that feeling of freedom she’d felt for the first time as she’d put pen to paper, claiming her identity for the first time.

It hadn’t been easy.