#amorphous Blob that makes you want to kill yourself for no reason

[gibbearish]

also the thing of trying to boil it down to like "he was a hero whos mental state was made of titanium" or "he was an unstable mentally ill weirdo who killed himself and pretended it was for a reason" seems. counterproductive at the very least

[leelem0n]

Weight Loss Q&A

Someone asked some questions about weight loss so I thought it might be helpful to some other people. 

1. Do your nipples get smaller as your boobs get smaller? I worry mine won’t shrink and it’ll look strange. No, they stayed the same.

2. Does your FUPA (relating directly to your vagina, not your lower stomach as some associate with your FUPA) get smaller over time as well? Yes, but if you're very obese then you may need skin surgery.

3. Will a buffalo hump decrease? If it is caused by obesity, yes. If it's caused by poor posture or other skeletal defect, no.

4. What do you do in the in-between phase where you’re not fitting your old clothes anymore but don’t want to buy a new wardrobe just to have to do it all again when you’re at your target weight? Great question. I usually wore my big shirts and then bought some leggings. You may need to buy some things for work depending on the uniform, and in that case I would recommend a second-hand shop so you don't spend a bunch.

5. Is the in-between phase as hard to get through as I think it is? I’m sure some people feel that it’s a motivation to keep working hard, but I feel like it could be a huge struggle in the moment to see your body becoming disproportionate and awkward looking until you reach your target weight. Was that a struggle for you and how did you hype yourself up during? Your body wasn't disproportionate and awkward as you gained, it won't be as you lose. It's not like you only lose weight in one section as a time. You keep your same proportions but just reduce overall size. To keep myself motivated, I just told myself that quitting won't get me anywhere good.

6. Do people treat you differently during and after? I myself am guilty of being negatively jealous of people around me losing weight because I wish it were me instead, but have never said anything about it. Do you have people in your life that aren’t afraid to say those things to you, and how do you cope? Yes and no. For the most part, people treated me differently because I saw myself differently. Being really obese, I had absolutely no confidence and, like you, I was mad at everyone else for being slimmer than I was. Once I lost weight, I didn't magically gain confidence but I did stop being jealous of everyone else's body because I felt I started looking like everyone else. Me not being bitter changed my whole demeanor and made it easier for people to approach me and be friendly with me. I was a fat bitch. I hated myself and hated everyone. When I lost the weight, I also lost a lot of that anger/bitchiness, so I was much friendlier and more relaxed, meaning it was easier to make friends and talk to people. No one wants to talk to some angry person scowling in the corner, after all.

7. Relating to 6, are you treated better as a smaller person? Do you feel that after losing weight you’ve received more positive attention from strangers? Yes, and while part of it is related to 6, part of it isn't. At first, that really bothered me. I was the same person, right? So why are they kinder to me NOW? I realized that being as fat as I was, not only did I look miserable (because I was miserable), but I also realized I just looked...sick. Unhappy. Bothered. I was happier to eat snacks than I was to interact with others, and it's because I had a problem. Just as you wouldn't want to approach someone shooting heroin or lying in a gutter drunk, you don't want to approach someone slowly killing themselves with food. A slow spiral to the grave is just not something humans tend to want to be around.

8. Do you have any advice for overcoming or coping with body dysmorphia and realizing that you aren’t as big as you used to be? If you have body dysmorphia, you have body dysmorphia. It is a mental illness and will not go away just because you lose weight. I still have body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). I've had it no matter what size I've been. It sucks. What can help is to measure yourself periodically with a measuring tape to prove to yourself that you are the size that you really are. Another thing that helps me is to crop out or cover my face in photos. It makes it easier to "see" my progress in my photos if I remove/hide my face. This "trick" also helps a friend of mine who also has BDD. But, you know, as bad as BDD is, you kind of get sick of it. And there are days when I've started saying, "Yeah my legs are disgusting blobs of amorphous goop but, fuck it, it's fucking hot so I'm gonna wear shorts. Fuck BDD."

9. How do you hold yourself accountable and stick to the diet and exercise changes? My biggest struggle is getting started and staying on track, any advice is welcome. Two ways. First, it must be sustainable. If you, say, go on the Cabbage Soup Diet, yeah you're not going to be able to keep that up. If you find a rigid diet plan that has foods you don't normally eat while also cutting out foods you culturally enjoy, no, you won't stick to it. You need a sustainable meal plan that has enough variety and wiggle room to accommodate a normal life. Second, it's just logic. I can't use "motivational images" or videos. I just tell myself, "If I quit now, I won't make the progress I want." It's simple but it works. Another thing is, "Yeah, the pizza would taste good but that's a lot of running to get rid of it. Am I ready to do that?" If so, then yeah, have the pizza. But once you start seeing foods as "This will help me reach my healthy goals" vs "This will slow my progress", the choice becomes much easier.

10. Does your sex life change, negative or positive? Does your partner or hookup care about any loose skin? Most people don't really give a shit as long as they get to have sex haha It sounds kind of crude, but that's the truth of it. If you have a lot of loose skin, it might be a good idea to forewarn them so they don't jump back out of surprise (not disgust), but that's about it.

11. Is it possible for the tightness or elasticity of your vagina to change when you lose weight? Or your ability to get wet and finish? So this is an interesting one. I noticed that I had to do more kegels because there wasn't as much fat "pushing" on the vaginal walls, if that makes sense? As for wetness and orgasm, no, it's the same.

12. What do you do if you reach your target weight and don’t like the way you look? What if you preferred your larger self to your smaller self? I will never, ever, ever, ever prefer my larger self. Ever. I can't imagine you would, either, especially with BDD. So, yeah, I got BDD, I'm gonna hate how I look no matter what, right? But the feeling is very, very different. Even if I hate how I look because of BDD, here are all the reasons I prefer being smaller:

I eat less food, so I save money. If I eat out, I can be satisfied with half the meal and then I have the other half later...two meals for the price of one.

I can move around!! I don't have to LURCH off the sofa to get up. I'm not struggling for breath after walking up three stairs. I can easily walk around when I'm on vacation...and walk all day...and not be aching and drained of all energy

It's way, way easier to buy clothes, even buying online is easier. Cheaper, too! Plus, there are way more styles to choose from.

My feet aren't always aching. My back isn't killing me constantly. I don't have that 24/7 low-grade headache+nausea combo. I have medical issues unrelated to previous obesity, and it's way worse if I'm heavier

I can breathe more easily in any position. I don't have to stop breathing to tie my shoes!

I'm at a lower risk of heart disease, stroke, cancer, etc...which is important to me since I'm already at a higher risk of stroke and cancer (for unrelated reasons).

If I suddenly have a medical emergency (hit by a car, suddenly collapse for some reason), I don't have to worry that bystanders can't move me. When I was at my heaviest, it would have taken at least two VERY strong people to try to lift and move me, but more likely four average people (or more) to try to move me. Now, I can be easily moved if in an emergency

So I hope you can see that even if you still hate your appearance, it's way better having lost the weight.

13. How does extreme weight loss affect tattoos? do they shrink or become distorted at all? It depends on where they're at. Mine were on my arms mostly, and I'm pear-shaped so even with skin surgery it never affected my arms. Sorry, I can't answer this from experience.

14. Is it easier to shave as the surface area decreases? 1000000000% easier to shave and wash. Not only is there less area, but you don't have to dig under your folds.

15. This one is very specific, but do your ankles become smaller? I feel like my ankles are big but the bone and tendon seem to be the same size, so I worry that my ankles will stay big as my legs get smaller and then it will look weird. Your bones don't change in size, so if your ankle bones are big then it's likely you're "big boned" in general and will look proportional. But, even if you just happen to have, like, super big ankle bones, I guarantee that you'll prefer being slimmer with big ankles than your current self. I did this, too, I tried talking myself out of weight loss because "What if I don't like how I look after?" and no no no do not talk yourself out of it.

16. Do you have any areas of your body that seemed to not change or lose weight? Where, and does it bother you/seem disproportionate? I'll bring up my arms again. Granted, I do a lot of weight lifting and my arms are more muscular than average, but they do look disproportionately larger, which would be okay if they had more definition. BUT, I also have BDD and other people have told me that my opinion of my arms is all in my head. Again, it doesn't bother me enough to say, "Oh, damn, I should just regain allllll that lost weight so my arms look smaller by comparison."

17. For those who have had their excess skin removed, are you satisfied with the surgery outcome? I’ve been finding that most surgeries make the body look very boxy and shapeless, which has scared me away from it. Do you think it depends on the surgeon, or is that just the way it comes out regardless? This is a great question. The fact of the matter is we fucked up. We stretched out the skin. It'll never, ever look "normal" again. Ever. And we have to accept that. I didn't realize that, so when I got skin surgery I was really disappointed that my legs looked the same-but-smaller. But I had to realize it was my fault, not the fault of the surgeon. You will almost certainly never look "normal", but you won't look, like, freakish if that's what you're afraid of. The only reason you worry about this is because you're fixated on the body (same as me), but for the average person they honestly can't even tell.

18. Does extreme weight loss have any effect on your hair, positive or negative? Body hair, positive or negative? I wouldn't say it's the weight loss that affects hair but more your dietary change that causes weight loss can also affect your hair. If you're just cutting calories and eating poorly, you'll lose a lot of hair luster and it may fall out. But if you're cutting calories and eating healthy foods, you should notice an improvement in your hair quality.

19. Do you feel colder more often? Does it become harder for you to warm up? Do you sweat less often? I feel colder more often because I'm not covered in a layer of blubber anymore...so I feel colder like any other person would feel cold. It's not harder to warm up, and I sweat less often but I'm still a sweaty person. I just don't sweat aaaaalllll dayyyy lonnnggg like I did when I was obese.

20. What tips did you learn along the way that made it easier that you wish you would have known from the beginning, if any? I think it's mostly a perspective thing: weight loss won't get rid of BDD, eating to lose weight is more important than exercise (but you should exercise for physical fitness), and skin surgery removes excess skin but won't return my body to pre-obesity appearance. Other than that, keeping track and being honest with myself...if I'm eating something, I have to be accountable. I can't say, "It's just a little bit" or "It's not that many calories". I became obese by blindly consuming food, so I can't lose weight by turning a blind eye to some foods I eat.

If this has prompted any of you to ask another question, feel free to do so!