#american teenager gracie's cover i love you so so so so much i do it for daddy and i do it for dale i am doing what i want DAMN i am doing

[chappellrroan]

it's almost like if i dont let the whole world know about my new hyperfixtation i will burst into flames

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you have pets? If so, what kind? If not, why not? Yep. I have a 1 year old German Shepherd/Lab mix named Princess Leia. She takes the princess part very seriously. haha.

Who do you live with? My parents, younger brother, and the Princess herself.

Are there any family members you never get along with? It’s not that we don’t get along, but we do bicker and butt heads sometimes.

What is the saddest thing that has happened to you? What about the happiest? I’d have to say the incident that made me a paraplegic at just 7 months old would be the saddest, but I’ve had a lot of other things happen as well throughout my life with health stuff and obstacles along with that, loss of loved ones, heartbreak, etc.  As for the happiest... I have a harder time pinpointing something. I’ve had happy times, like my childhood was great despite some obstacles. I look back on my childhood very fondly. Many happy memories with family like vacations, holidays, and just times together. Getting my dogs, Brandie and Princess Leia. Graduating. Getting accepted into the college of my choice. Stuff like that is what comes to mind.

How many years has it been since you graduated high school? It’s been 10 years. D:

What was the last new drink you discovered that was delicious? Hmm. I haven’t had a new drink in a long time, so I don’t recall.

What are five things you are good at? 1. Taking surveys. 2. drinking coffee. 3. Pushing people away. 4. Putting myself down and being my own toughest critic and enemy. 5. Overthinking everything.

What are five things you are bad at? 1. Doing some things that would really be beneficial for me. 2. Being a functional adult. 3. Not pushing people away. 4. Masking my emotions. 5. Math.

Do you have a YouTube channel? Yes. I don’t upload videos, although I actually did upload a few years ago. Those videos will never see the light of day again, though. lol.

Do you have trouble letting things go? Yes.

What was the easiest subject for you in school? English.

Do you decorate for holidays? Yep. I especially love to decorate for Christmas.

Do you dress up for holidays? I used to sometimes, but nah not anymore.

Did your high school have a strict dress code? I don’t think it was different than most high school’s dress codes.

Were you happy as a teenager? I struggled with low self-esteem and depression, but not like how I do now.

What do you do for your mom on Mother’s Day? I take her to breakfast or lunch and buy her some gifts.

Do you know anyone who follows a raw vegan diet and lifestyle? No.

Have you killed a bug this week? No.

What was the first food you learned how to cook? Top Ramen.

Do you have a Bachelor’s degree? If so, what in? Yes, in psychology.

Can you go see a doctor alone or do you like to take someone with you? I always go with my mom.

How long is your average shower? 30-45 minutes.

What color is your soap? Like a peachy color.

What is the most awful thing about the world today? There’s a lot.

Have you ever been arrested? If so, what for? No.

Have you ever been in court? If so, in which role? No.

Could you go a day without talking to the last person you kissed? We’ve gone like 3 years now.

Would you die for someone you love? Yes, but my favorite counter question to that, which I think says even more in my case is, “would you live for someone you love?” The way things are going right now in my life with health stuff and me not taking care of myself like I should be, plus the fact that I’ve let my health consume and take over... I’m not really living. I’m letting my life pass me by as I just waste away I feel like. My family worries a lot about me and they’re stressed out and also frustrated. They don’t want to see me this way. They of course want more for me than this.

Would you have sex with someone of the same gender as you? No.

What do you identify as? Like my name or gender? I’m a female named Stephanie.

Have you ever been addicted to something? Yes.

Have you ever gotten drunk? Yes, a few times.

Have you ever dealt with an eating disorder? I feel like I have something of an eating disorder, but I don’t know. It’s not anorexia or bulimia, but something is going on with me and food.

Have you ever stolen a street sign? No. I don’t get why people do that.

Have you ever eaten a piece (even just a small bit) of paper? No.

Introvert or extrovert? Introvert to the core.

Trump or Hillary? Blah.

Have you ever stepped in something disgusting with bare feet? No, but I’ve ran over cat and dog poop on accident *BARF* SO disgusting.

Have you ever had a concussion? No.

How many dresses do you own? Like 5.

When was the last time someone scared you? Yesterday. My mom came running out of the bathroom towards me with a Scream mask on and I screamed bloody murder lol. It was too real cause the way she came rushing out was just like how it’s does it in the movie slkjskdlfjlds.

Have you ever thought someone died when they didn’t? Yes! Such a weird thing. I had a dream and I wasn’t sure if I really did dream it or if it was real, so I ended up looking this person up on Facebook. They were very much alive, thankfully. It was just random, too, because it’s not even someone I’m friends with. It was someone from elementary and high school that I haven’t seen or talked to sine then.

Can you crack anything besides your knuckles? I sometimes crack my neck by just moving my head side to side. I don’t like do the whole, grab my chin and twist my head as far as I can. That freaks me out. I also stretch out my arm sometimes if I feel like it needs it and it cracks.

Do you know anyone who has a pet gecko? No.

Would you ever go bear hunting? No.

When was the last time you sang along with a song? Which one was it? It was recently, but I forget what song it was at the moment.

Do you prefer drawing or painting? Any particular reason why? I only color and that works for me.

Name something you thought was cool when you were younger but don’t now: Hmm.

What was the last book you read? I’m reading, “The Lonely Girl” by Gracie Wilson.

Do you like raisins? Chocolate covered ones are better.

Do you have a printer? Yeah.

Did you like the movie Antz? I’ve never seen it.

Is it okay to have crushes while in a relationship with someone else? I wouldn’t be okay with that. I mean, unless it was like a celebrity crush.

What do you think of sexism and double-standards? Do you believe in double-standards or do you think we should stop doing stuff like that? (ex. women can wear skirts and pants, but guys can only wear pants or they’ll get made fun of if they wore skirts): Uh, I think that they suck.

What’s your age range when it comes to dating? I think I’d go a year younger, but I’d really prefer them to be my age or older up to like 5 years.

If you had kids, would you want them to look like you? I’m not having kids.

Were you born with hair on your head? Yeah.

Would you rather have a home birth or hospital birth? Hospital.

If you could go back to your senior prom, what would you do differently? My prom went fine.

Do you currently live in the house you grew up in? No.

Do you remember your locker combinations from high school? I didn’t have one.

Who were your best friends in high school? Derek, Gabby, Gage, and Amanda.

Would you rather sleep on the top bunk or bottom bunk? It’d have to be the bottom bunk for me.

Are you close with your cousins? I used to be with a few, but not anymore. :(

Are you close to any aunts or uncles? One of my aunts and I are pretty close.

Are you close to your grandparents? I was very close to my maternal grandparents, especially my grandmother. I have a good relationship with my paternal grandparents as well, but again especially to my Nana. It’s not the same how it was with my maternal grandma, though.

Who betrayed your trust? Meh.

Who was your first best friend (apart from a sibling)? These 2 girls, Crystal and Starr, in preschool.

What’s the name of the gas station you last stopped at? *shrug*

Is there a topic that gets you really heated when it’s brought up? I avoid ones that would.

Do you forget to flip the page of your calendar at the start of each month? No, I’m pretty good about that.

Would you ever agree to an open relationship with someone? No.

Who is your least favorite actor? I don’t know if I really have a particular least favorite.

When is the last time you had a cigarette? Never.

Was babysitting your first job? It’s been my only one, if you want to count it since I only ever babysat my younger brother and a couple of my cousins. I need get money for it sometimes, though.

Do people always say you’re too thin? Yes, I hear that a lot from family and my doctors. I’m very well aware of it.

Is there something that you could never give up? Coffee, it would seem. ha.

Do you prefer piano music or violin music? Piano.

Would you ever get a tattoo on your collarbone? No. Have you ever showered with someone? No.

Are you racist to any race? No.

Have you ever intentionally hurt an animal? No.

Do you like being hot or cold better? Cold. I like cozying up under a blanket, wearing a hoodie or sweatshirt,  enjoying a nice hot beverage, and/or sitting near the fireplace. Being hot is just absolutely miserable to me and there’s nothing enjoyable about it.

What’s the best thing about school? I liked the learning part and some of the assignments/projects for the most part, but I could have done without all the stressed. I got so overwhelmed and burnt out so easily.

Do you watch independent movies? Have a favorite? Not usually.

In relationships, are you obsessive? No.

Have you ever auditioned for American Idol? Ha, no. I can’t sing at all. I mean, I can, technically, but I can’t sing well.

What’s your favorite Dr. Suess book? Hmm. Not sure I really have a particular favorite.

Do you dot your “i"s will little hearts? No.

Do you own any autographed memorabilia? No.

Have you ever dated a twin? No.

Do you own any expensive designer purses? No.

Do you look like a boring person? Probably. They’d be right to think that.

Oreos or Chips Ahoy? Oreos.

Do you have a better body or a better face? Neither.

Is it hard for you to admit when you’re hurt? No.

Have you ever considered being a cop? Nope.

Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): Life is Strange. ha.

Do you like sitting in the front, back, or middle of the classroom? I had to sit in the front.

Do you know anyone who has been struck by lightning before? No.

What’s your favorite superhero movie? The Avengers films, Deadpool 1& 2, Guardians of the Galaxy volume 1 & 2.

Do you struggle with acne? Not really. I get a little now and then. I did when I was a teenager and through my early 20s, though.

Have you ever fostered an animal? No.

Do you have a back pack in a shape of an animal? Yeah, I have a giraffe backpack.

[deadlydollies13]

The Potion Master’s Grace ch. 14

Draco dropped Grace off at Snape Manor, walked her to the front door, and kissed her goodnight. The act still made her heart race, but it was becoming much easier.    She had expected to find Severus either waiting by the door like an over-protective father or occupying his mind in his potions lab. Instead, she found him with Luna in the living room playing Wizard Chess. They were so engulfed in their game, they hadn’t even noticed she had come home.

   “Hey, I’m home and not dead~!” she called out from the archway leading into the living room.    Luna gasped, moved her piece, “Checkmate!” and ran to Grace, grabbing her and nearly knocking her over.    “Oh geez!” Grace said catching herself.    Luna began flooding her with questions, “So how was it? Where’d you go? Was he a gentleman? Did you have fun? Are you dating now? Did he kiss you? I want every detail!”    “Relax! Let me breathe for a second. It was amazing; we went to this fancy-ass restaurant I can’t even pronounce the name of; yes, Draco was a perfect gentleman; yes, we are dating now; and yes, he kissed me.”    That’s when Luna absolutely lost it, “He kissed you? Like, what kind of kiss? Was there tongue?”    “I’m not going to kiss and tell, Luna! That’s scandalous,” but Severus looked at her questioningly and she knew that if she didn’t spill— just a little— he’d get it out of her somehow. “It was just a simple kiss. That’s it. Lasted maybe two seconds. Now, I’m going to bed.”

-

   Luna slept with Grace in her room that night. They’d always done it when they had sleepovers, but it was a girl thing because they didn’t think Draco and Rolf shared a bed, let alone covers, when they had sleepovers.    It was a good thing, too, that Luna was next to Grace when her lungs flared up again, and she started wheezing and thrashing in her sleep. It was Luna who woke her up and calmed her down, who adjusted Grace’s oxygen tank so her breathing would regulate itself, and who waited until the next morning to tell Severus what had happened. Of course, Severus ordered Grace bedrest, or at least she was allowed to go from her room to the couch if she so chose to. Severus called Grace’s doctor, and she said that something like this was normal, and to have Grace do close to nothing for the rest of the remaining recovery period. And Severus took it all too seriously.    Afraid she was getting sick, he sanitized everything in the house. He had Missy bring her meals to her on the couch on a tray so she wouldn’t have to get up. Luna didn’t discourage him, either, for she played nurse for Grace and only made it seem like Grace was made of glass even more.    So there Grace sat, on the couch, in her pajamas wrapped in a blanket (it was rather chilly for a summer day), with her laptop on the coffee table playing Gilmore Girls, her phone in hand, and munching on a ham and cheese sandwich. Compared to the previous night, it was the most bored she’s ever been. Even the sandwich tasted boring, and there was a vile of green liquid on the tray that she knew was a potion, but still didn’t want anything to do with it.    “I want coffee,” Grace grumbled out, geared towards no one, in particular, just the Universe.    “No coffee,” Severus replied from behind her.    Grace jumped, grabbing her chest and over-dramatizing the fact that she was startled, “Don’t do that! Are you sure you’re not a vampire because you seriously came from nowhere!”    “Oh, please. Has Draco Owled to yet today?”    “Okay, 1. it’s called a text message, and I’m, seriously getting you a phone as soon as I get off this couch. 2. no he hasn’t because like a normal teenager, he’ll probably sleep at least until ten unlike me, whose father has kept her up since seven.”    “I don’t need a phone, Grace.”    “Uh, yes you do. In case of emergencies! It’s 2016, dad. You need a phone.”    “Not going to argue with you. Drink that potion.”    “No, I don’t like how they make my lungs feel. It always feels like I’m taking in too much air and they’re gonna pop and-“ her phone dinged and Draco’s name, now with about five heart emojis, popped up on her phone screen. Grace couldn’t have scrambled for her phone faster.

   Severus rolled his eyes, “Teenagers,” and walked away towards his potions lab.    “Hey, you didn’t get stuck with me, you chose me!” Grace called after him.    “Yes, but I somehow got Luna along with you.”    Just as he walked out of the room, Luna walked past him with a smirk on her face, “Draco?”    “Mhm,” Grace wasn’t really paying attention anymore, she was directing her focus to Draco.

Draco: Hey, Little Red. Grace: Hey. :) Draco: And how are you, this crappy London day? Grace: Lungs flared up again last night. :/ Confined to the couch. Grace: You? Draco: Just woke up. And everything okay? You need anything? Grace: I’m fine, not dying. Grace: A chocolate milkshake sounds amazing at the moment, though. >.< Draco: Uncle Sev has you downing some crappy potion with healthy food? Grace: A bland ham and cheese sandwich and some mysterious vile of green liquid I refuse to take. Draco: I think it’s the only way the man knows how to deal with illness. Draco: He doesn’t deal well with it, his mom was very sick and I think he kinda blames it on himself. Where is he now? Grace: Lab. I’m sure trying to find a cure for asthma. XD Grace: Where are you? Draco: Headed to my car to get you a chocolate milkshake. Grace: OMG I was only kinda half joking! Draco: Too late! Draco: I’m getting my sick girlfriend whatever her heart desires! <3 Draco: Gtg, driving. Grace: Yeah, be safe. And thank you so much. You’re seriously the best. <3

   “What did Draco say?” Luna asked. She was browsing through Cosmopolitan Magazine.    “He was just asking if I needed anything. I accidentally got him to go get me a chocolate milkshake, though,” she shrugged.    “You’ve got him whipped already. You should basically get married now and give up on life and-“    “You done?” Grace cut her off.    “Mhm,” she smirked into her magazine. Luna had always had a love for fashion. Her aunt, the sister of her mother, lived in New York City and worked at Ilvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, so she was Luna’s hookup for the latest fashion trends in the states. Though, Grace had never met Luna’s American aunt. She knew she lived here in Britain until Luna’s mother died, and maybe the grief was too much to stay with the family. Luna didn't even have photos of her aunt.    “Your dad went down to his lab?”    “Yeah, I guess so. He’s all worried about me, but then occupies himself in the lab.”    Luna was silent for a moment, “I think it’s really hard for Severus to see you like this. He’s new to the parenting thing, remember that. And to see you sick like this and not be able to do anything about it must be killing him.”    Grace nodded, she had never thought about that. She remembered reading in The Fault in Our Stars how Hazel Grace’s cancer affected her parents, how having a kid bite it from cancer was almost as worse from having cancer yourself. She also remembered that for the past four years, it had been Luna who took care of Grace when this sort of stuff happened. She had been a nurturer and a nurse to Grace when she needed it because the Nobles’ really didn’t want anything to do with her. She was there for Grace when she had no one else.

-

   Draco showed up with Grace’s milkshake and even got her a few bag of crisps.    “Oh my god, you’re the best, Dray,” she acted as if he had just given her a million galleons.    “Yeah, yeah, Little Red. How are you feeling?”    “Besides loved?” she batted her eyelashes. “Better than before. I feel fine, but dad wants me to stay on the couch.”    “Sucks. My poor Gracie,” Draco said in a babyish tone.    “You guys are already gross and gushy it’s been a day!” Luna stuck her tongue out.    “Oh shush. Have you talked to Rolf, Luna?” Luna’s cheeks turned red and she threw a crisp at him, mumbling something that sounded like, “maybe.”    Draco couldn’t stay long, so he kissed Grace goodbye and waved to Luna as she made fake gagging noises.    They sat and ate crisps and watched Netflix until the bags were empty. Severus checked on Grace a few times, but she told him nothing really changed in her condition. She was still wheezing, but she wasn’t in pain at least.    “Have you ever gone up into the attic?” Luna asked, looking towards the stairs.    “I didn’t know there was an attic,” Grace said as she licked the salt and vinegar flavoring off her fingers.    “Of course there’s an attic! It’s an old, creepy manor.”    “Ah, yes. I’m sure the attic is very haunted and full of possessed objects,” she replied sarcastically.    “Let’s go see it!”    “Dad said I have to stay here!”    “Your dad’s making a potion! Now c’mon!” Luna grabbed Grace’s hand and pulled her up. Grace pulled her oxygen tank behind her as she followed Luna upstairs, down the hall to the old door that's paint was chipping off and was locked tight.    Luna took her wand out of her boot and pointed at the door knob, “Alohomora.”    The door creaked open to a narrow and steep winding staircase.    “You go first,” Luna said to Grace. “I’ll be right behind you in case you get winded and faint.”    Grace nodded, slinging her tank on her shoulder and beginning her ascendance to the attic. The attic was very dark, stale, and dusty. Both girls covered their mouths and noses with their shirt collars to filter the air a bit and cast the Lumos charm. With some light shed, the attic wasn't so scary. It was filled with what looked like furniture and paintings covered in white sheets. There were trunks stacked on top of each other, some looked like they were from centuries ago, along with books that had inches of dust on top of them. How upsetting it was to see such fine books forgotten in a dusty attic.    On one side of the room were cardboard boxes, each labeled with a black permanent marker. Labels like, “Mother’s Things,” “School Books,” and most intriguing of all, “Do Not Open,” written in all capital letters and underlined three times. Well, of course, that meant the girls had to open it.    The girls sat on the floor and opened the box. Inside were vinyl records, cassette tapes and a walkman player, old photographs, a few books, and some letters. On closer inspection, they realized the items belonged to Severus, but a much younger Severus.    They were about to start rummaging the box when, “Girls!” Severus was standing at the top of the spiral staircase with the Lumos charm cast on his wand.    Both girls jumped and yelped; Luna dropped her wand, and out of instinct, Grace aimed her wand and yelled, “Expelliarmus!” but with no light, she misaimed at the ceiling and only some dust fell.    Severus, exasperated, sighed, “Downstairs. Now.”    Grace once again slung her tank over her shoulder and Luna picked up the box and made their way carefully down the stairs.    “Look at you both!” They were covered in dust and coughing to get it out of their lungs. “Grace, I told you to stay put! Of all things, what made you think to go into a dusty attic was a good idea?”    Grace hung her head in shame, “I’m sorry, dad.” Severus wasn’t yelling at her, but he also had never spoken to her that way. And with a flick of a switch, hearing her say “dad” and looking so much smaller than she was, he wasn’t annoyed anymore.    He dusted the dust out of her red hair, “And we obviously need to work on your dueling skills, because that was a pathetic display of the Expelliarmus charm, and no daughter of mine is going to be known as the witch who can’t even fight in the dark.” That put a smile on her face. “You too, Luna. You didn’t even try, in fact, you dropped your wand. And you know, that box says ‘Do Not Open’ for a reason.”    “If you wanted no one to open it you should’ve written, ‘Please Open and Release Venomous Snakes,’” she replied.    Severus finally gave up. They went downstairs; the girls sat on the floor in front of the couch with the box between them, Severus sitting in his chair.    “Once we open this box, everything we know about your dad could change forever,” Luna said, staring at the layer of dust on the flaps of the box.    Grace narrowed her eyes, “I highly doubt it,” and she threw open the flaps, sending dust particles into the air only to settle back down inside the box.    “Oh dear Merlin,” Severus propped his head up on his fist.    “If you didn’t want anyone to find anything, you should’ve burned it,” Luna said.    “Never thought I’d have two girls raiding my attic.”    Grace started with the many vinyl records and cassette tapes, “Can’t believe you had good taste in music.”    “What is that supposed to mean?”    “Means that you seem like a fun-sucking prude,” that earned Luna a couch pillow to the head, which she returned in laughter.    “Oh. My. God,” Grace didn’t use that phrase unless it was the of the utmost seriousness, and this was certainly serious. She held up the ABBA Greatest Hits cassette tape, “Please tell me this is someone else’s!”    Severus actually flushed and said nothing.    “Dad!” Luna was now rolling on the floor laughing loudly, holding her side.    “It’s not a mine!”    “That’s something you say when your parents catch you with a baggie of pot, dad! Not ABBA!”    “I’m serious! It was a girl’s!” Severus regretted his words as soon as they came out. He just couldn’t win. Would they never shut up about the tape she gave him or the girl that gave it to him?    Luna’s laughter subsided and the tone was now sober.    Grace’s voice was low and careful, “Was it Li-“    Severus held up his hand and stopped her. He couldn’t hear her name, not from the girl who looked too much like her. And she wasn’t even the girl who he was speaking about.    Again, the mood changed back to light when Luna picked up a photograph, “Woah, Mr. S!”    “What?” Grace peeked over Luna’s shoulder and gasped.    “Oh, what now?” Severus groaned.    “You look like a teenager!” the girls said in unison.    “Wow, amazing how I went through Hogwarts too once.”    The photo was black and white, and Severus was sitting on a couch in what Grace assumed was the Slytherin Common Room, smiling with a cigarette between his teeth. His hair was the same length as now, and it must’ve been the weekend because he was wearing jeans and a black leather jacket.    “Ew, you smoked?” Grace asked.    “I can’t believe you wore a leather jacket,” Luna remarked.    “It’s Draco’s now,” Severus replied.    Grace snorted, “I really like that jacket. Ooh! Is this the people in your year in Slytherin?” She held up another photograph.    “Yes, that’s Lucius and Narcissa next to me. And… everyone else I hated.”    Draco’s parents looked like they did now, just much more youthful. They were a beautiful couple. “How come they look so much alike?”    “Pureblood families are all related in some way or another.”    “Yeah,” Luna added. “Draco and I are distant cousins or something.”    Grace punched Luna’s arm, “Well thanks for telling me!” That would explain the same hair color, though.    “Ow! It’s not like Draco knows, his parents would be ashamed to be related to my father.”    There was one photograph that caught Grace’s attention; it was of Severus and a girl. They were both dressed up, probably going to the Yule Ball. They weren’t facing the camera, instead, they were looking into each other’s eyes and laughing, and it looked like Severus was holding her hand but hiding it behind the skirt of her gown.    Luna followed Grace’s line of interest, she did a double-take, and then grabbed the photo and held it close to inspect it, “No way! That’s my Aunt Phoebe!”    “Alright, that’s enough, you two!” Severus reached to snatch the photo out of Luna’s hand, but she tossed it back to Grace, who got up and started towards the other side of the room. Now that she looked closer, she could see how the girl looked like Luna. It was in black and white, but she could tell she had Luna’s pale blonde hair and big eyes matter what color they were. She even had Luna’s heart-shaped smile, which must mean it was a trait on Luna’s mother’s side.    “Dad, why are you with Luna’s aunt?”    “Grace, I said that’s enough.”    “You two seem awfully close. Is she the one you were talking about?”    “Grace!”
    “Hey! I told you about my past, now it’s time you start opening up about yours! This is the only photograph I’ve seen of you, one that you look really happy in!”    Severus sighed, “I just went to the Yule Ball with her, okay? She was a Slytherin a year behind me, and she was kind to me, so we went as friends.” Doesn’t look like you’re just friends, Grace thought. “But once I graduated, I never really spoke to her again.” That wasn’t the truth, it was only the half-truth, but Severus hoped it would subside the girls for a while until they forgot about it.    Grace nodded, she knew damn well there was something more behind the story, but she also knew she wasn’t going to get much out of her father. “Okay, well night, dad!” She and Luna quickly made their way up the stairs with Severus’ box of memories. If Severus wasn’t going to spill, they’d have to go to a different source, and Grace wasn’t too happy about it.

-

   “So, why do you need to ask my mother something?” Draco asked, his face on Grace’s laptop screen as they Facetime’d him in bed.    “It’s just really important, okay? Please?”    Draco shrugged and called for his mother, who walked in looking like she was red carpet ready even so late at night.    “Draco, darling, what is it?” she asked, not noticing the girls on the other side of the screen yet.    “Grace and Luna have a question for you,” he pointed to them.    Narcissa leaned down to look at the screen, narrowing her eyes in confusion. The girls just waved, trying to be as kind and polite as they could be to get her to comply with them. “Ah, hello, girls. Draco, what on Earth is this thing? Oh, whatever. What can I help you with?”    Grace held up the photo of Severus and Phoebe, “What can you tell us about this picture, Mrs. Malfoy?”    Narcissa froze like she had never expected that photograph to ever see the light of day again, “Where did you find that?”    “The attic,” they replied.    “And what did Severus say about it?”    “Not much. But since you were in Severus’ year, we were hoping you could help us?”    Narcissa sighed, telling Draco to move over and took a seat next to him, “Phoebe was a year behind us. While her sister and Xenophilius were in Ravenclaw, she was sorted into Slytherin and felt very out of place there, so I sort of took her under my wing. She was… a lot like Luna, but not as… eccentric as her sister. Phoebe also took a liking to Severus and followed him like a lost puppy wherever she went. Since the Muggle Lily was starting to distance herself from Severus, naturally he grew closer to Phoebe. It was our seventh year, Lily had broken her friendship with Severus our fifth year and he was starting to dabble deeper into the Dark Arts. He took the Lily thing pretty hard, they’d been friends since they were children. So, Severus and Phoebe went to the Yule Ball together, and I thought for sure that Severus had finally found his someone like I found Lucius and that he’d turn his life around, but unfortunately, life isn’t a movie, and as the year came to a close, he caught off ties with her too. I heard she was pretty heartbroken about it, but Severus never really spoke about her anyway. That’s all I have, girls. I wish I could help you more. but until Severus decides to open up about it himself, there’s only what was on the surface. Goodnight,” and she left the room.

-

   They laid in bed, Luna half asleep, Grace still staring at the photograph, thinking. All she wanted was her dad to be happy, and she just couldn’t get over the way he looked at Phoebe. Even if it was so many years ago, Grace didn’t think Severus really ever stopped having feelings for her. Phoebe being in America just made it easier.    “Luna,” Grace whispered, testing to see if she was awake.    “Wha?” Luna groaned.    “Are you up?”    “I am now,” she rolled over to face Grace. “What’ya want?”    “We need to get my dad and your aunt back together.”    Even though her eyes were closed, Luna’s face still twisted up in confusion,” What? How? She hasn’t been home in years, even refuses to. She won’t come back unless I’m in danger.”    Grace got an idea, “So that’s what you’ll tell her. Write to her and pretend you’re in complete danger, and she’ll come rushing here, only to find that you’re safe and sound and also see Severus again!”    “Grace, smart as you are, you’re completely daft sometimes. Sounds like Severus had no interest in my aunt. Otherwise, he would still be with her.”    “No, I think there’s still more. Like he didn’t want to distance himself from her, maybe he was forced to, or was afraid to get close to someone again after whatever happened with Lily. Please, Luna, I just know as soon as they see each other again, they’ll realize how much they still like each other! It’s fate that made his daughter and her niece best friends. You can't deny the universe what it wants!”    Luna tried to cover her head with the pillow, but Grace’s non-stop begging finally got her out of bed and over to the desk. She pulled out a piece of paper, quickly jotted something down, and clipped it onto her owl named Tulip that she kept here since she practically lived here, and crawled back into bed as the bird flew off to America.    Grace smirked in triumph, “Thank you.”    “Mh. Now go back to sleep!”

[relationshipadviser-blog]

Esther Perel: 'Fix the sex and your relationship will transform'

New Post has been published on https://relationshipqia.com/must-see/esther-perel-fix-the-sex-and-your-relationship-will-transform/

Esther Perel: 'Fix the sex and your relationship will transform'

Esther Perels breathtakingly frank therapy podcasts Where should we begin not only make for juicy listening, theyve revitalised the stale private lives of millions. Miranda Sawyer listens to the psychotherapist

Passion has always existed, says Esther Perel. People have known love forever, but it never existed in the context of the same relationship where you have to have a family and obligations. And reconciling security and adventure, or love and desire, or connection and separateness, is not something you solve with Victorias Secret. And there is no Victors Secret. This is a more complicated existential dilemma. Reconciling the erotic and the domestic is not a problem that you solve. It is a paradox that you manage.

Ooh, Perel is a great lunch date. All psychotherapists are, in my experience, but shes particularly interesting. Sex, relationships, children; she covers them all in the two hours we spend together. But also collective trauma, migration, otherness, freedom all the good stuff.

Perel is a practising couples and family therapist who lives in New York. Aside from her clinical work she counsels around 12 couples or individuals each week she has two best-selling books: one about maintaining desire in long-term relationships (Mating in Captivity), the other about infidelity (The State of Affairs). She has released two fascinating podcast series, called Where Should We Begin?, where listeners get to listen in on real-life couples having therapy with her. The podcast is where I first came across her its won a British Podcast Award, a Gracie Award in the States and was named as the Number One podcast by GQ.

On top of all this, she hosts workshops and lectures as well as the inevitable TED talks, one of which has been watched more than 5m times. I went to one of her London appearances earlier this year. Alain de Botton was the host and he introduced Perel with quite some hyperbole, calling her one of the greatest people alive on Earth right now. (Perel dismissed this afterwards, though she likes de Botton: He put me on such a platter.)

Esther Perel sometimes sings to her clients; she tells them off quite a lot, especially if they think sex should come naturally. Photograph: Jean Goldsmith for the Observer

The reason for Perels popularity is her clear eye on modern relationships. She says, rightly, that we expect much more from our marriages and long-term relationships than we used to. For centuries, marriage was framed within duty, rather than love. But now, love is the bedrock. We have a service model of relationships, she says to me. Its the quality of the experience that matters. She has a great turn of phrase: The survival of the family depends on the happiness of the couple. Divorce happens now not because we are unhappy, but because we could be happier. We will have many relationships over the course of our lives. Some of us will have them with the same person.

For a while, Perel wasnt taken particularly seriously by the therapist community: she tells me that when Mating in Captivity came out in 2006, it was only the sexologists that thought it was great. This is because her thinking went against long-established relationship wisdom, namely that if you fix the relationship through talking therapy, then the sex will fix itself. Perel does not agree. She says that, yes, this might work, but I worked with so many couples that improved dramatically in the kitchen, and it did nothing for the bedroom. But if you fix the sex, the relationship transforms.

We meet in a boutique hotel in Amsterdam, where Perel orders her food in fluent Dutch. She has a light Belgian accent (she says boat for both), and she wears some delicate gold jewellery, a bit like the Indian hath panja, on her right hand. (Both of these seem to excite American journalists, along with Perels good looks. A relationship therapist who you might fancy, shocker!)

We begin talking about her podcast series. Its an astonishing listen, partly because you get to earwig other peoples problems (always great) and partly because Esthers methods are so flexible: in the first series she got one young woman to wear a blindfold while her partner inhabited a more assertive sexual character, which he did by speaking in French. She sometimes sings to her clients; she tells them off quite a lot, especially if they think sex should come naturally: Who the hell told you that BS?

Series three, released next month, is slightly different to the last two. This time round Perel very deliberately chooses couples at different stages, because she wants to show an arc of a relationship, all the way to its end. Also, she says, I wanted to bring in the way that relationships exist in a larger, social, cultural, context. That context often gives a script about how one should think about suicide, about gender, about divorce and so forth. So we hear from a young couple coping with enforced distance in their relationship: one is US-born and the other is Mexican, without a US visa. Another is a mother and her child, who does not identify as either gender. Another couple, with a young child, have divorced, but seem to get along much better now: why?

Perel finds her podcast therapees via her Facebook page: they apply in their thousands. Her podcast producers sift through, using guidelines that Perel suggests them: this time round she knew she wanted to cover infertility and also suicide. Then theres a lengthy pre-recording interview process where its explained to the couples that, yes, this really is going on air and, yes, they might be recognised (from their voices; theyre anonymous otherwise). Are you OK in understanding that your story will become a collective story? You will be giving so much to others, as well. Its not just for you, actually. And then they have a one-off session with Perel for three to four hours, edited down to around 45 minutes for the podcast.

She loves the format. The intimacy of it, the private listening of it, the fact that you dont see them, thus you see yourself. You hear them but you see you. It reflects you in the mirror. But also, surely, its quite exposing for you? Oh yes. People can come and hear me give a talk, but theyve never seen me do the work and you cant talk about what you do. But when you write a book, that is the first part of exposure. Then comes TED and the podcast. If you ask, What does Perel do? My colleagues know how I do.

Perel is 60 now; I wondered how she found being a relationship therapist when she was younger, in her 20s. Werent clients put off by her youth? Actually, Ive always found that the age of the clients goes up with me, she says. It mirrors. I dont know why. She doesnt think lived experience is necessary, though sometimes she wonders how she had the chutzpah to counsel parents before she became one herself (now she has two grown-up sons; shes still married to their dad, Jack Saul, who is a professor and an expert in psychosocial trauma). But then I have worked a lot with addiction, and Im not an addict.

Interestingly, she came to therapy via drama. Drama and collective trauma. She was the second child of Polish Jews who came to Belgium as Holocaust survivors (Perels first passport was a stateless passport of the UN). In Belgium, they became part of a community of 15,000 Jewish refugees.

Loss, trauma, dismantlement of the community, immigration, refugees All these themes that I observe in the world today, were basically mothers milk to me, she says. Everybody had an accent, a good number of people had the number on their arms. There were no grandparents around, there were no uncles. Its all I knew. Its different than if it was just your parents. Its every home I went to. One of Perels earliest memories is of card games where her parents would talk of a friend, and someone would say, casually, Ah, he was gassed, he didnt make it.

Perels parents had her older brother in 1946, then she came along 12 years later. This was not uncommon. When people came out of the camps, the first thing they did to prove that they were still human was to have a child. They waited to get their periods back, and then they had a child. But then there was a gap of 8, 10, 12 years before they had another. Perel thinks this was because the parents needed to establish themselves in society. Hers ran a clothes shop in Antwerp. The family lived above the shop. They spoke five languages: Polish, Yiddish, German, French and Flemish. Every evening they watched the news in German, French and Flemish, to get a good all-round view.

Divorce happens now not because we are unhappy, but because we could be happier: Esther Perel. Photograph: Jean Goldsmith for the Observer

As a teenager, she was interested in psychology, mostly because she hated the strictness of school. She read Summerhill: A Radical Approach to Child-Rearing, about a British school run like a democracy, and from there she moved to Freud. I was interested in understanding myself better and in people around me. People dynamics. I was quite melancholic and I was often wondering, How does one live better? How do you talk to your mother so she understands you better? Id say the primary ingredient I had was curiosity. I was a massively curious person I still am. She was also a good listener a confidante for her friends. I tell her she would have made a great journalist, and she agrees: That would have been my other career.

After school she went to study in Jerusalem, a university course that combined French linguistics and literature. More importantly, she developed her interest in theatre, which had begun in early adolescence. I assumed she was an actor, but shes talking of improv and street theatre, with puppets, of all things. Big ones, you hold them on two long high sticks, or I did hand puppets. She liked the immediate contact with people and gradually, she found herself merging these skills with her studies, doing theatre with gangs,with street girls,with Druze,with foreign students. At one point she went to Paris to study under Augusto Boal, who created the Theatre of the Oppressed. He would stage fake crises in everyday situations: actors pretending to have a physical row on the Metro, for instance. Perel found it interesting to see which passers-by would get involved and which would turn away.

She moved to New York to do her Masters. She specialised in identity and immigration How is the experience of the migrant different if it is voluntary migration or forced migration? and in how minority communities relate to each other. She led workshops for what were then called mixed couples: interracial, intercultural, interreligious. I knew the cultural issues. I knew how to run a group. I dont think I knew much about couples dynamics.

Around that time her husband, who is a few years older than her, suggested she might enjoy systemic family therapy. I ask what this is. For a long time when people looked at a problem, they thought the problem is located within the person, says Perel. But systemic family therapy thinks that a family, or a relationship, is made up of interdependent parts. What is the interactive dynamic that preserves this thing, that makes this child not go to bed? That makes this man never get a job? That makes this son be such a nincompoop? How is the family system organised around it? You need two to create a pattern, or three or four or five.

Its interesting how therapy has trends, I say, and how those trends manifest themselves in actual life. Couples therapy goes in parallel to the cultural changes and the expectations in a culture, says Perel. During the 1980s her married clients didnt come to her because their sex life was bad, they came because of domestic violence or alcoholism, not because we dont talk any more. Back then, the shame was to get divorced at all, even if one half cheated; now its not to get divorced if one half cheats. She saw clients having problems with infertility, the changing role of women and daughters, the Aids crisis. In the 90s, single mothers, blended families, gay couples with kids. Todays problems, she says, are often centred around people marrying later, after a sexually nomadic youth. Also, modern fatherhood dads wanting to be more involved in childcare and monogamy versus polyamory. Straight couples are becoming more gay, gay couples more straight.

The obvious question, of course, which she has been asked many times, is how Perels own relationship works. She doesnt like to give too many details, but what she does say is that she and Saul give each other a lot of freedom If youve had an interesting life, you have more to bring back, something that energises the couple and that they renegotiate their relationship as it changes. At the moment her husband is entering what she calls a third stage, and he wants to paint more. This means he will be away from New York a lot, while she is usually in New York or travelling herself. We need to, once again, come up with a new rhythm of how we create separateness and togetherness. Its a fundamental task.

She wants others not to copy her own relationship, but to use her work as a way to better their own relationship for themselves. And plenty do. Just the other week a young woman came up to her and asked for a selfie. She said, My boyfriend listens to you all the time, and he comes home and he says, Have you listened to this episode, we need to talk? The podcast is a transitional object, a bridge for conversation. Like a teddy bear that you hold and you say: Its OK, dont be worried.

Like when couples talk through their dog, I say.

Yes, she says. There is such disarray and such hunger about getting help on how we manage our relationships today, on navigating the challenges For the first time we have the freedom of being able to design our relationships in a way that we were never capable of doing before, or allowed to do before. So, I dont give the details of my relationship. Instead I will give you the tools to come up with your own thing.

Season 3 of Esther Perels Where Should We Begin is available exclusively on Audible from 5 October

Try this at home

Three ways to change the way you think about your partner at home

Pay attention to what is important to the other What happens in a couple is that we often give to the other what we want them to give to us. If somebody is upset, you dont talk to them, because when you are upset you like to be left alone. It isnt necessarily what they need.

Roles are often patterns rather than habits If you really want the other person to take out the rubbish, you have to be able to spend two weeks not doing it. You dont say anything. You just wait until the other person finally notices it. When youre not there, the other person sorts the bin. They can do it. Its just that when youre there theyd prefer not to.

Women are not less interested in sex than men, theyre less interested in the sex they can have What makes women lose that interest? Domesticity. Motherhood. The mother thinks about others the whole time. The mother is not busy focusing on herself. In order to be turned on you have to be focused on yourself in the most basic way. The same woman whos numb in the house gets turned on when she leaves. She doesnt need hormones. Change the story.

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us